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As I've grown older, I realized 
that the dynamics in my 

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relationships have been shifting
and some of these things have 

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been very difficult to go 
through because especially when 

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you're younger, 21/22/23, you've
kind of made friends or 

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friendships that you would hope 
would last forever. 

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And I don't know, at that age, I
was really, I don't know, siku 

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qua na joaqua touch visuri qua 
tus. 

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And this meant that breakups 
were horrendous for me. 

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I mean, anytime I would be 
breaking up with a friend or I'd

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have to let a relationship go, 
it was something that kept me 

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stuck for so long. 
And one of the differences I've 

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realized, like one of the shifts
in dynamics I realized in my 

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relationships is not just 
romantic relationships, but all 

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sorts of relationships in 
general. 

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I always say, if if you've been 
listening to my podcast for a 

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while, you'll know the history 
of where I've been, what I've 

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been doing. 
So it'll kind of make sense. 

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But if you've not been here long
enough, I could update you in 

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like 2 seconds. 
That I have gone through a 

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series of losses and grief 
throughout the last few years. 

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Things to do with losing, not 
nothing serious like this, but 

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like losing jobs, my mom getting
sick, having to move out from my

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parents home, so many different 
types of losses. 

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And I discuss them and tell you 
guys how I maneuvered and how I 

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actually went and got through 
them. 

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So through these experiences 
I've learned that even in 

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relationships and friendships, 
as they end, it will definitely 

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feel like your world is crashing
sometimes. 

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But as I've grown older, I've 
realized that I don't know if 

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it's becoming a pro or it's 
becoming secure or it's becoming

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sort of avoidant, but you learn 
to handle grief and loss a bit 

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better. 
Not that it's not painful or it 

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doesn't hurt as much. 
Sometimes it could even be worse

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than anything you've ever felt 
before. 

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But you you're able to give 
yourself a bit more grace. 

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As you get older, you're able to
be a bit more understanding. 

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Letting go is a bit easier. 
It's not easy. 

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It's just a bit easier because 
now you're a bit more aware and 

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intentional in the things that 
you do. 

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So when something isn't really 
aligning with the things that 

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you believe in or the things 
that you want to keep in your 

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life, you know that it's easier 
for you to let go of it so that 

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you can attract and keep the 
things that are better for you. 

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So that's one something that's 
something that I've realized. 

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I've realized that as these 
dynamics are shifting, as you 

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grow older, your priorities 
start to change. 

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You become more and more 
protective of your space, of 

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your peace. 
Even things like communication 

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changes because now you're 
busier. 

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Guys are chasing money, like 
currently. 

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Actually, I was supposed to 
record this episode in December 

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because a lot of my friends are 
getting married. 

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I was feeling, I don't know what
I was feeling. 

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I don't know what word would 
describe the feeling, but it 

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started to register in my brain 
that my age mates were actually 

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getting hitched and having 
babies. 

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Very intentionally. 
Sizing to shuttle Castigia. 

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Oops. 
Sizing. 

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The guys are actually doing it 
very intentionally and for some 

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reason my mind has just never 
thought in that direction very 

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seriously. 
I'm consistently thinking about 

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what can I buy for myself? 
How can I improve my family's 

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life? 
I've not really been 

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prioritizing my relationships 
that much. 

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I don't know if it's me 
suffering the trauma or losing 

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so many of my friends and it's 
tongue, but I want to talk about

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the good side of friendship that
I've been experiencing and the 

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side that has been leaving me 
feeling a bit meh about 

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everything. 
So as you grow older, the 

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community starts to change 
because people are different, 

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people are going through 
different things. 

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These people who are losing 
their parents is well, are you 

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losing their businesses? 
These people who their 

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businesses are booming, they're 
travelling more, they just put 

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their fuck their cars, they're 
buying homes, they're making 

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babies, they're having new 
boyfriends. 

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I think the newest thing in my 
life right now is that my cat, 

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her name is Honey. 
Honey is pregnant and she's 

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going to have babies within the 
month. 

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So that's the most. 
Oh, and I'm seeing someone new. 

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Is it seeing dating? 
I don't know. 

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I don't know. 
I will talk about him. 

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Maybe tell you guys a little bit
about how happy this guy has 

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been keeping me. 
Lakini, Vituzina Change. 

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Navituni Mingi no una pataki age
maybe Nico 29 years old una 

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pataki age Not everyone has the 
time to keep updating each other

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on what they're doing. 
And like I said, sometimes you 

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start to feel a bit like 
something that has changed for 

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me this year is I started 
feeling a bit, not a bit very 

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much more protective of my 
privacy, very protective of the 

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things I'm doing for myself in 
my life. 

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Sometimes my mom is my best 
friend, but sometimes I don't 

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even tell her everything because
I feel like telling people 

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things just jinx. 
Is it so, so many things are 

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changing. 
And if you're not In Sync or if 

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you're not being super 
intentional about being friends,

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then friendships are dying a 
natural death. 

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You know, something I was 
thinking about this week is how,

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for example, in heterosexual 
romantic relationships, and I 

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say heterosexual because because
a lot of girls were dating men, 

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they don't know, they don't know
this feeling, but some people 

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who are dating women know this 
feeling. 

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Did you know that when a man 
likes you, he wants to spend 

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time with you and like not once 
a month, he wants to spend time 

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with you all the time. 
And no, not at home in the 

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bedroom fucking or watching 
Netflix. 

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Like he, he actually will plan 
stuff. 

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He will plan stuff. 
He will invite you, he will 

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bring you along. 
It doesn't matter if he saw you 

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yesterday and the day before and
the day before or if all you're 

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going to do is go to the car 
wash and wash the car and then 

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he'll take you back home. 
Or you're going to watch a game,

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a football game that you know 
nothing about. 

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Did you know that he'll actually
listen when you tell him you're 

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feeling some type of way and you
need maybe emotional support and

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he's not just going to ignore 
you? 

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Did you know that that's 
something that have? 

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I say this because as your 
standards go higher and as you 

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improve and you stay intentional
in your relationships, you 

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actually get to experience the 
good things, the good side of 

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relationships. 
When you work on yourself, 

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you're able to notice good 
people and those are the people 

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you're going to choose for 
yourself. 

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So it takes a lot of 
intentionality. 

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I brought that up because not a 
lot of people are in 

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relationships where they they 
feel like they can count even on

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their friends. 
And let me talk a little bit 

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about that. 
The reason I have been very 

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protective of my space and my 
energy and everything about me 

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is that I feel like even now I'm
highly intuitive. 

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By the time I was, I was invited
somewhere and I was seated at a 

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table and I just knew even 
before I said anything, I just 

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knew the people at that table 
have been talking shit about me.

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It's not about they didn't treat
me badly. 

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They didn't say anything mean to
me. 

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They were very nice, very 
welcoming, but there's just an 

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energy where you can tell these 
people don't like me. 

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And something one thing else 
I've noticed is, you know, 

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especially someone like me who's
child free and married, I've not

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come out to say I'm dating 
anyone like I'm in a 

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relationship. 
I've not shown up even in my 

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friendship group with a lover to
say this is you get cheated some

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type of way. 
I don't know if many people feel

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this, but I realized that 
invitations are not as much 

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intention. 
I mean, you can tell. 

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You can tell, but when you're 
the single friend amongst groups

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where everyone is hitched or a 
parent, sometimes maybe it's the

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circle that was in at that time.
But I was able to feel, yeah, I 

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don't fit here because even the 
conversations are different. 

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I have nothing to say about 
kids. 

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I have nothing to say about my 
age, my dreams and my goals are 

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very, very different. 
So most of the time that like a 

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conversation, but I do not 
float. 

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Maybe people are feeling weird 
about inviting me because they 

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can tell that there's a there's 
an energy of not being able to 

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relate with each other anymore. 
Like major life events. 

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Sometimes you feel left out even
if you attend these things. 

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There's just like a difference 
in the communication. 

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There's a difference in it's not
the same anymore and when 

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especially you're neuro 
divergent, it's difficult for 

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you to fake it and act like 
you're just fine and 

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everything's OK, especially when
the energy is not right. 

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But if there's something that 
I've been learning in 

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relationships and friendships as
well, is that if you truly care 

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about someone, it's important to
show up. 

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And showing up is not just money
because I have that habit of 

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sending money and then not 
showing up to people's 

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invitations. 
Like if someone invites you to 

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their birthday, just show up if 
you can. 

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And the other, the alternative 
was staying home to sleep, even 

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if you need to rest. 
I mean, you know what I mean, 

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within reasonable thought. 
If you can show up, I'm Tom. 

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If you want to me lose job, show
up for people if you can because

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it truly, truly matters. 
This is something I was really 

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struggling with, but I think 
I've become a better friend when

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it comes to communicating. 
And I realized even my 

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communication has improved 
because now I have people in my 

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life that I want. 
I'm not around people who I have

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to fake that I want to be around
or I have to hide my 

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personality. 
It's just a bit easier for me 

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now to communicate like, hey, 
I'm not coming. 

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I love you, but I don't feel 
like coming or I'm going to come

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for 5 minutes and then I'm going
to leave. 

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And I'm realizing the people 
around me are much more 

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understanding as well. 
They have, they are on my level 

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when it comes to listening and 
hearing and showing up. 

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So it just makes the 
relationship so much easier. 

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By the way, I ended up dropping 
everyone who was just a lip 

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service. 
You know, there's people who are

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in your life and listen, I'm not
saying there's anything wrong 

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with them or that you should cut
them off. 

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It just depends with the kind of
showing up that you require for 

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yourself in the relationship. 
There's so many people in my 

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life who gave me a lot of lip 
service. 

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You know, I love you. 
I want to be in your life. 

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Please don't give up on me. 
I want us to be. 

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I want to be your friend. 
I want to be what? 

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00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:57,120
But I was realizing that I was 
carrying the bulk of the 

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relationship with the consistent
planning, showing up, asking, 

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00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:06,840
staying, walking, walking. 
And after a while, it just gets 

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00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:10,160
draining when the relationship 
is not feeling reciprocated. 

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And you see it's a fine line 
between being very understanding

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00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,280
and showing grace because 
sometimes the other person that 

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you're trying to be friends with
is actually going through stuff.

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This time. 
You will go through seasons 

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where people go through grief, 
people go through loss, people 

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have mental illnesses, people 
are broke. 

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00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,320
They're not going to to be able 
to show up in the ways that they

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00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,840
usually did. 
But it takes a lot of 

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00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:36,600
discernment for you to be able 
to say, hey, I know this is not 

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how you usually are, but I'm 
willing to stick it out with you

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until we get through to the 
other side, no matter what it 

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00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:45,920
takes or how long it takes. 
But these people who just never 

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00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:49,480
show effort, they have never 
since day one, they just talk 

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00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:52,800
and talk and talk and say, this 
is what I want, this is what we 

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00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,760
should do this. 
But they never really actually 

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00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:56,720
show up. 
It's so important that you're 

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able to descend between the 
people who sacrifice and 

219
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:03,320
compromise and the people who 
just keep you around because 

220
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:07,560
they want to suck your energy. 
They love feeling loved by you. 

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00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,280
They love being able to brag 
about you being in their life, 

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00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,480
even if it's not to other 
people, to themselves. 

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00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,680
They just love being able to 
say. 

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00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:17,960
Or sometimes they're just 
enjoying your peaceful, calm, 

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00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,640
beautiful, happy energy. 
But there's nothing but they're 

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00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,720
pouring into the relationship. 
And I get it, we don't always 

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00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:27,360
have to be giving the same, but 
at least something. 

228
00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:30,480
Una Joy is a relationship, 
Zenituko. 

229
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,600
Except to your Mamako, it's only
your mother who can love you 

230
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:36,200
unconditionally. 
Everyone else is expecting 

231
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,440
something from you, whether it's
company, sex, kisses, 

232
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:44,560
affirmation, good energy, love, 
money, peace, whatever it could 

233
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,560
be. 
When there's no give and take, 

234
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:49,840
it's almost as if there's no 
effort being registered towards 

235
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:52,640
growing and helping the 
relationship thrive. 

236
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:55,080
OK, that's me on a personal 
level. 

237
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,920
When I do my introspection and 
I'm thinking, how does this 

238
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:01,800
person make me feel? 
If it's blank, then there's no 

239
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,640
need for us to be calling each 
other friends because we don't 

240
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:07,240
hang out, we don't talk, we 
don't update each other on 

241
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,080
anything. 
And listen, there's friendships 

242
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:12,560
that can withstand that. 
But remember I said there's a 

243
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:15,440
very big difference. 
You will always be able to tell 

244
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:19,040
between someone who actually 
loves and gives a fuck and 

245
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:22,080
someone who just talks, but 
there's nothing that they're 

246
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:25,760
doing to put any energy towards 
the relationship that you're 

247
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:27,760
trying to build. 
I say this because as you get 

248
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:30,440
older, you need a lot of 
intentionality in the things 

249
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,800
that you're doing, whether it's 
in business, in romance, in 

250
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,240
relationships. 
You need a lot of 

251
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,840
intentionality. 
You need people that you can 

252
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:40,120
trust to come through for you, 
whether it is in sickness or in 

253
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,920
health. 
You need people that you can 

254
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,000
count on. 
You need people that you can cry

255
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:47,680
to, people you can laugh with. 
You actually need to put a lot 

256
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:50,280
of intention when it comes to 
building a community. 

257
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,800
This is not something that just 
happens by chance. 

258
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:56,360
The kids to your, the uncle, the
relatives to your kids are going

259
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,440
to be the friendships that 
you've been building. 

260
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,240
The people who will come to eat 
with Junior Machoma are the 

261
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:04,440
people you've been loving on. 
There's no one else. 

262
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:07,120
I mean, you could invite anyone 
to eat, but you know what I 

263
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:09,360
mean? 
So building community and 

264
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:13,200
friendships and relationships 
takes a lot more intention than 

265
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,760
sometimes you may think. 
That's why it's super important 

266
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:20,280
to be very intentional. 
I said my mom has been my best 

267
00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:23,040
friend and she truly is a 
constant in my life because I 

268
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:26,160
tell her everything and she 
always shows up for me. 

269
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:30,080
But you know, that's how I'm 
able to notice a difference with

270
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,960
other relationships because let 
me give an example. 

271
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:37,400
The last job that I had, I was 
talking about when you're single

272
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,920
and child 3, how you're treated 
a bit differently in 

273
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:44,240
friendships. 
The last job that I had, we used

274
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,760
to change some money monthly to 
Kilipwa. 

275
00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,280
It was like a charmer. 
I don't know. 

276
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:52,520
I don't know if it's called a 
merry go round and everyone 

277
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,680
would Chuck some money. 
This money would go towards 

278
00:14:55,680 --> 00:15:00,760
making sure that in case there's
someone who needs Chango, 

279
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:02,560
there's some money somewhere in 
a Kitty. 

280
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:06,320
So that is a month when you're 
not able to contribute. 

281
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:09,360
And some of the events that the 
money would go towards was 

282
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:12,120
grief. 
Let's say if you experience loss

283
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:15,600
of a close family member, like 
in the nuclear family, if you're

284
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:18,400
getting married, if you're doing
a Russia, if you're doing a baby

285
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,120
shower. 
I don't know if graduation was 

286
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:26,080
there, but most of the events 
were around you having family. 

287
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:30,160
So at that time I was not really
close to my family like that. 

288
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:33,080
And I had just moved out into my
own space. 

289
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:34,720
I was really struggling with 
pills. 

290
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:38,240
It was really crazy. 
I was consistently scared of 

291
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:41,600
sleeping hungry. 
I was always so stressed out 

292
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:45,160
about money. 
And I realized nobody really 

293
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:47,240
cared. 
There's no one who asked me. 

294
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,120
You know, you've, you're just 
moved out. 

295
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:52,080
Do you have cuttings? 
Do you have food at your house? 

296
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:55,040
Are you able to pay rent? 
But the money in the Kitty would

297
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:58,560
consistently go to the people 
who are in relationships, the 

298
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,080
people who are getting married, 
the people who have having kids.

299
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:05,160
So I figured out that if I was 
going to be single, nobody was 

300
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,960
really ever going to care about 
me or care to check in or care 

301
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:12,760
to wonder if I'm fine. 
And if I have, it's almost as if

302
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:14,600
the world just doesn't notice 
you. 

303
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:18,160
You have to be hitched or 
connected to someone or some 

304
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:22,160
family for people to remember 
that you need help as well. 

305
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:26,600
And this went on even when you 
know my friends who at that time

306
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:28,800
in relationships that were a bit
more personal, our only 

307
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:30,240
colleagues. 
So maybe you wouldn't take it 

308
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:33,080
personally, but people that now 
are a bit closer to me. 

309
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,920
Like I said, I realized the 
invites would almost seem like I

310
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,400
don't know last minute, you 
know, like someone invited me 

311
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:41,800
someone who I considered really 
close. 

312
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,880
I just give out eco podcast. 
Someone I considered really 

313
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:48,720
close to me had never talked to 
me about their husband, never 

314
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,280
were friends, had never. 
I didn't even know they were 

315
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,320
dating. 
Invited me to their wedding. 

316
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,920
I'm thinking isn't a wedding 
something so intimate? 

317
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,360
How do you invite me to your 
wedding and I know nothing about

318
00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:01,200
your husband. 
OK, fine, I don't know nothing 

319
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,560
about him. 
But even if I come, wouldn't? 

320
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:07,480
I don't know, it just seems a 
bit pretentious for me because I

321
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:10,359
wouldn't invite someone to my 
wedding that I haven't spoken to

322
00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:12,040
in so many years. 
Why? 

323
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:15,000
Why would I do that? 
Seems a bit bizarre, right? 

324
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,880
As is true to Roberta's fashion,
of course I contributed money to

325
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,760
them. 
But I was thinking, how many 

326
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,240
times will I contribute to 
people I haven't spoken to in 

327
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:27,480
years while nobody ever checked 
up on me when my mom had cancer?

328
00:17:27,599 --> 00:17:32,120
That's true. 3 two years ago and
I finally opened up, opened up 

329
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:34,360
about it. 
Not many people really called me

330
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:37,800
to check in on me and ask me if 
I needed anything, especially 

331
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,680
the people that I considered my 
friends. 

332
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,960
I had to lose and shed so much 
dead weight. 

333
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:45,560
I had to. 
That situation alone showed me 

334
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,640
Annie. 
What will it take for people to 

335
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:51,480
remember that I'm a human being 
who has feelings and I also go 

336
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,600
through stuff and I need to be 
considered in friendship 

337
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,880
especially. 
And then it reminded me of when 

338
00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:00,160
I was doing my graduation party 
and I sent out my graduation 

339
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:02,520
party invites and no one showed 
up. 

340
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,560
The party only had my mom's 
friends. 

341
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:07,080
Not even the guy I was seeing at
that time showed up. 

342
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:11,080
And you see that reckoning when 
it hits you and you realize, Oh 

343
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,640
my goodness, these people don't 
even know me. 

344
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:17,160
They don't even like me. 
Nobody actually checks in on me.

345
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,760
Nobody checks in to know if I 
have food. 

346
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:24,160
They just assume because I'm 
always so fine and you know, 

347
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:28,680
well kept and I always show up. 
Everyone just assumes my life is

348
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:31,000
I don't need anything or I don't
need anyone. 

349
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:35,240
And this is this shows up a lot,
especially when people say they 

350
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,920
connect to men like Fanika. 
So you come and you so angry 

351
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:44,120
men's like recognizable Sasa 
Nanisawa lakinia kunam 

352
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:49,200
tufikiriya Mina Naita G pesa. 
What makes you not think that 

353
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:52,640
maybe I don't even have shopping
at at home or maybe I haven't 

354
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,920
even paid my light bill. 
Or maybe this time I need you to

355
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,960
show up for me or I don't even 
need you to give me any money. 

356
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:02,040
I have a blog, I have a podcast.
Go and share my stuff. 

357
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:04,520
Go and share my link. 
Tell your friends about it. 

358
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:08,520
But people are consistently 
asking give me this post this 

359
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:15,160
for me, do this for me. 
It's like I Kwani everyone just 

360
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:19,760
consistently thinks about 
themselves and if you don't take

361
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:25,040
a step back and give yourself 
the attention that you need and 

362
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,880
the time to just love yourself 
without expecting from anyone 

363
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:32,720
else, you will get drained and 
you will not see sick way. 

364
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:36,520
Receive kasababu Mimi skukuanam 
Toto Mimi skukuanaza Mimi 

365
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:39,640
skukuana katiana which I find is
very unfair. 

366
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,320
Someone should have asked me, 
can I buy you a thermos or a hot

367
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:45,200
pot or a plate or a cup for your
house? 

368
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:53,760
You just recently moved out? 
But anyway, it has, like I was 

369
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,760
saying, this checkpointing has 
helped me remove idlers from my 

370
00:19:56,760 --> 00:20:00,680
life and to focus more on myself
and the quality of relationships

371
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:03,920
that I I want. 
I mean, it's not easy and it 

372
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,480
needs, it requires a lot of 
choosing myself and a lot of 

373
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:09,040
letting go. 
But it's worth it because I have

374
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,560
ended up somewhere where I'm 
truly happy with the kind of 

375
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,440
relationships I've been able to 
build. 

376
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,480
I'm happy with the people in my 
life right now. 

377
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,560
People who show up for me 
consistently, people I can count

378
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,960
on, people I can call, people I 
love, people who want me in 

379
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,960
their lives, people who show me 
that they want me in their lives

380
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,760
consistently. 
I have no doubts whatsoever. 

381
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:32,120
I'm consistently feeling needed.
And in time, it is teaching me 

382
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:37,640
to be able to ask for help and 
love and good feelings as well. 

383
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:41,720
It's different, but it's fine. 
And part of this discovery and 

384
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:45,160
growth is accepting that you 
will have to go to different 

385
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,760
seasons and phases. 
And sometimes it'll come with a 

386
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,280
lot of loss. 
But at the same time, it will be

387
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:54,360
replaced with a lot of 
beautiful, more refined 

388
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:55,920
relationships. 
As long as you're being 

389
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:59,000
intentional with the kind of 
standards that you want for 

390
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,240
yourself. 
Even within married circles, 

391
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:05,440
kuna levels, kuna levels even 
amongst single people, only kuna

392
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:09,680
levels, even amongst people who 
don't have kids and have kids. 

393
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,680
There's so many differences 
because we're all living very 

394
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,400
different lives. 
But the people who we 

395
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:18,160
consistently choose you and show
you grace and communicate and 

396
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:21,760
show up and love you, you will 
always feel it in your heart. 

397
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:25,920
Even if you guys are apart or 
are separated by continents, you

398
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:28,120
also have to realize that you 
can't go everywhere we were with

399
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:31,080
everybody. 
You have to allow yourself to 

400
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:33,760
for the things in your life to 
just follow in alignment. 

401
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,800
Even within present circles. 
It's important that you look out

402
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:40,560
for how you feel because some 
people would will drain you. 

403
00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:43,640
Kunawa Tangina and Akanga 
working go through Mashida 

404
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,840
consistently, negativity 
consistently. 

405
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:51,480
Yani Niko point in my life where
I'm realizing I have to be super

406
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:54,600
intentional with everything 
because it actually matters. 

407
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:59,000
The choices I'm making right now
are very much informing the kind

408
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:02,560
of person I'll be in 10 years, 
and I want to enjoy life 

409
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:05,280
consistently. 
The best way to have better 

410
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,400
friends is also by being a 
better friend. 

411
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:11,280
You can't just sit and expect. 
You actually have to become and 

412
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:13,960
do. 
You have to show up and you have

413
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:18,640
to be, you have to be someone 
who provides comfort, trust, 

414
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,600
love. 
You have to work on your 

415
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:24,080
traumas, your emotional needs. 
You have to work on your 

416
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:25,840
mindset. 
You have to work on your money 

417
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:29,480
because it it is expensive 
hanging out with your friends 

418
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,920
and being around each other. 
It's not cheap as well. 

419
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,160
Like it's a very wholesome sort 
of growth. 

420
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:37,040
You have to work on yourself 
wholesomely so that you're able 

421
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,640
to enjoy the best sort of 
relationships. 

422
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:44,000
Relationships also require a lot
of forgiving, a lot of 

423
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:49,280
appreciation, a lot of grace. 
And I'm learning that it's 

424
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,720
normal to outgrow people. 
It's normal to feel weird, it's 

425
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:56,480
normal to feel, to also make 
mistakes and to hurt people and 

426
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,000
to get hurt by people. 
Maybe the people who love you 

427
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:01,240
the most are the people who are 
going to hurt you the most. 

428
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:03,560
That's what I'm saying. 
Takes a lot of grace and 

429
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:08,640
forgiveness and kindness for you
to be able to move past and walk

430
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:12,400
on and fix relationships. 
But the one thing that you will 

431
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:16,960
require over and over and over 
is the intentionality and 

432
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:20,760
wanting to show up and wanting 
your friends. 

433
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:24,120
See, I hope this episode will 
leave you thinking about the 

434
00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:26,520
kind of friendships that you're 
cultivating right now. 

435
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,920
Think about if you're happy and 
if you feel loved and wanted 

436
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:33,680
within your circle. 
Mimi Saisi I feel very content 

437
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,160
with the kind of friends I'm 
around. 

438
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:38,240
I'm around people who are 
helping me level up in so many 

439
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:40,840
ways, and I'm making new friends
consistently. 

440
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,480
And I'm also breaking up with a 
lot of people. 

441
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,680
But I'm very fine with how 
things are. 

442
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:50,400
I think I'm getting the hang of 
how these things walk, but it is

443
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,000
a roller coaster. 
I'm also learning to show myself

444
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:56,760
grace so that I'm able to be 
loved in the right way. 

445
00:23:56,840 --> 00:24:00,160
In the previous episode about I 
think emotion versus logic, I 

446
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,160
talked about how I always have 
these meetings with my friends 

447
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,560
where I asked them, how can I be
a better friend? 

448
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,120
And then I listen to their 
feedback and I do my best on 

449
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,440
trying to be better. 
So checking in even with your 

450
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:14,120
friends on how you are 
emotionally, constantly being 

451
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:17,080
aware of the things that you 
need to nourish your friendship.

452
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,280
It matters. 
Love your friend and show up for

453
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,720
them and be very intentional. 
Do not take a back banner and 

454
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:27,720
then expect the same love. 
I mean, there's people who will 

455
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,640
still love you like that, but 
don't be a lazy lover. 

456
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:34,000
Love is action, so it has to 
show up. 

457
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,760
Think about the kind of 
friendships you require and let 

458
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:39,360
me know in the comments section 
what you think about this 

459
00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:40,200
episode.