1 00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:28,690 A lot of times when you search on the Internet about how to get 2 00:00:28,690 --> 00:00:32,130 over a heartbreak, most of the advices are usually for people 3 00:00:32,130 --> 00:00:37,090 who are still who are very very broken, people who are very very 4 00:00:37,090 --> 00:00:40,850 depressed and very very sad, or people who did not have 5 00:00:40,850 --> 00:00:43,610 discipline in their life. This is not throwing shade. 6 00:00:43,650 --> 00:00:47,240 I'm just talking about how it's very normal that when you fall 7 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:49,360 in love with someone or when you're in a relationship with 8 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:54,160 someone, your life's your life's kind of mesh with each other and 9 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:56,640 you can kind of lose your sense of individuality. 10 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,440 This doesn't really happen in healthy relationships, but I'm 11 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:03,680 just talking about the kind of advice that I see online about 12 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:07,360 how to get over a heartbreak. It's usually very generic about, 13 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:12,680 you know, get busy, walk out, eat right, join classes, get new 14 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:17,040 hobbies, go to therapy, rant, scream, cry. 15 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:20,760 But I've realized there's no advice that is usually set for 16 00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:24,160 people who've been actually working on themselves, people 17 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,000 who have kept their individuality. 18 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,360 They're very busy, they love themselves, they're happy 19 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:32,880 generally, but they're going through heartbreak. 20 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:36,720 I've not noticed advices for like that and I'm I'm not sure 21 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:39,680 if the advice is the same. Well, of course all of these 22 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:43,160 things apply whether you are healing, healed or just starting 23 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:45,680 out. But I want today to talk to the 24 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:49,520 kind of people who are like me. And I say like me because I'm 25 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,480 currently going through heartbreak and I want to share 26 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,480 some of the tips that have kept me afloat because this 27 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:58,200 heartbreak, unlike others, has been very different in that I've 28 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:02,000 been very, I've still been able to catch patches of happiness. 29 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:06,080 I still remain very grateful. I've been able to maintain my 30 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,600 lifestyle, my life. I'm still happy. 31 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:11,360 I don't feel much of a break between. 32 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:13,960 I don't feel much of a difference between when I was 33 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:16,880 with him and now. The only difference is that he's 34 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:20,080 not in my life anymore. But other than that, everything 35 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:21,840 else has been running really smoothly. 36 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:24,400 But guess what? I'm still heartbroken. 37 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:27,480 So let's talk about it. See, The thing is, I already 38 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,440 really love myself and I'm very, very disciplined. 39 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,800 I always do the things that I said that I'll do. 40 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:37,560 For example, I eat well, I sleep well, I rest enough, I make my 41 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,880 own money, I take care of myself, I do everything that I 42 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,880 need to, things that I'm supposed to. 43 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:45,600 I have a very amazing happy life. 44 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,120 I take care of myself. Like I said, I walk out. 45 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,920 So there's nothing out of the ordinary that I will be doing 46 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:55,760 while I'm heartbroken and while I'm happy in a relationship 47 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,600 because my life doesn't change that much except for the aspect 48 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,480 that this man is not in my life anymore. 49 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:05,800 So the truth is with my last relationship, I did ignore the 50 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:09,480 red flags like I could. I saw them and I was like, and 51 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:12,520 this is because I wasn't sure I wanted this relationship to 52 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,280 progress. But of course, the more you 53 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,360 spend time with someone, the more attached you get. 54 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,680 And definitely even if you break up, whether you wanted to marry 55 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:23,200 them or not, the pain and the breakup and the loss is still 56 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,360 going to sting. So first of all, something that 57 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:28,480 I did pretty early is I took accountability. 58 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:31,440 I opened my eyes and I said, hey, he even do me, me, me, me. 59 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:33,240 Changuia called the deterioration of this 60 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:36,320 relationship. Usually in previous breakups, 61 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,400 I'm usually quick to blame the other person. 62 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:40,720 They didn't do this. They didn't show up like this, 63 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,600 they were not reliable, blah blah blah. 64 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,240 They abandoned me. They broke me. 65 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:45,680 They used me. They Nope. 66 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:49,120 This time I took a step back and the first thought that came to 67 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:52,960 my mind was how did I contribute to the deterioration of this 68 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,320 relationship? Because I did. 69 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:57,440 I settled, I ignored things that I shouldn't have. 70 00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:00,360 I was not able to speak for myself, speak up for myself when 71 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,720 I needed to. I was just flowing, and the 72 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:06,080 reason I was flowing was because even how the relationship began 73 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,920 was very flowy. It was very casual. 74 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,800 There's nothing I I wasn't expecting anything from this 75 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,400 man. And I don't know, I don't think 76 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,120 they were expecting anything from me. 77 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:17,000 So we were just building as we went. 78 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:20,839 But I quickly realized that I should enter relationships with 79 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:23,080 the goal in mind. I should already enter 80 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:27,040 relationships knowing what exactly I want out of it, the 81 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:31,200 goals I'm trying to achieve in it, and what I want to get out 82 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:33,800 of it. I did not do that this time or 83 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,360 ever. So that's something that I 84 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,040 learned about myself. I took accountability and taking 85 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,480 out accountability doesn't mean that I did not show myself 86 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,720 grace. I was very honest, very patient 87 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:46,920 with myself, very kind, very forgiving as well a sat with 88 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,440 myself. I showed myself love, actually. 89 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,640 I cheated myself out to all the things that I was craving and 90 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:57,480 all the things that I needed. I just treated myself like a 91 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:00,960 little girl who needs extra guidance, extra patience and 92 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,000 extra love. I was not mean to myself. 93 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:07,400 I did not say any mean things about myself even when I was 94 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:10,560 speaking about my ex partner. Because you know, you need to 95 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,360 run. You need to open up and vent. 96 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,880 When I was speaking about him, I was able to be very objective. 97 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:19,440 I was not just focusing on the bad things or the things that he 98 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:21,440 did not do or the ways he did not show up. 99 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:25,000 I was able to acknowledge how beautiful the relationship was, 100 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:28,240 all the things that he did for me, all the ways he made me feel 101 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:31,600 special and loved, and all the ways he sacrificed and showed up 102 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,400 for me because that's something I also received. 103 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:38,320 So I'm just able to be a better kind of human being. 104 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,000 That's one. See that helps. 105 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,320 It helps me be treat myself really nicely. 106 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:45,320 And it also helps me not villainize this other person 107 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:48,720 because now I'm not angry. I was hurt and disappointed. 108 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:51,480 But as I'm healing, I'm not angry. 109 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:54,760 Literally, I feel like I've released him. 110 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,600 Like I can't forgive him. I don't know if I've forgiven 111 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,960 him, but like it's not weighing on my heart anymore. 112 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,200 I'm not overthinking about it. I don't spend all my day 113 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,120 thinking about what I should have done, what I didn't do, 114 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:08,560 what he could have na na na na na. 115 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:12,400 I'm just grateful, healing, moving on and happy. 116 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:16,280 And remember I said my program and things that I do my for 117 00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:19,280 myself have not changed. I still showed up to work. 118 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,520 I still show up for my clients, I still show up for my family 119 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:25,040 and friends. I'm still very consistent. 120 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:29,480 I still do everything I'm supposed to do while giving 121 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:33,520 myself the space to moan. I was very depressed for the 122 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:36,920 first two weeks after the breakup and I sat in bed and I 123 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,040 cried a lot. I broke down so many times. 124 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,000 As recently as this week, like 3 days ago I broke down. 125 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:45,480 But I'm very patient with myself and I'm very kind and I'm 126 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:48,640 realizing I'm not dwelling. Like I have emotional moments 127 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:51,000 where I'll cry and then I get better and I'm OK. 128 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:54,800 So it's not like I'm spending all day ruminating on all the 129 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,520 bad feelings. Actually, if I didn't have to 130 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:00,240 record this podcast, I was having a really nice morning. 131 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,880 I had even forgotten about it. But of course, when you care 132 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,000 about someone, you in and out of it. 133 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,360 You think about them. Yeah. 134 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,720 So that's what I did. I also realized that I was 135 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:12,880 needing external validation While my life was full and I had 136 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:16,200 my own life going on, parts of me were desperate for an 137 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,480 emotional connection. I realized that I was seeking 138 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,240 validation outside of myself because there's moments where 139 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,840 when he was not communicating, I would take it very personally. 140 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,920 Actually, that's why we broke. He was going through something 141 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,800 probably, but he did not communicate. 142 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,360 And because my boundaries are higher now and I'm way stricter, 143 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:37,400 I'm I refuse to allow myself to stay in a space where silent 144 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:42,080 treatment or avoidance is going to be something that I accept in 145 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:44,320 my relationship. So that's why I made the 146 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:47,240 decision to just leave. It's not because we fought or 147 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,560 because we hate each other. No, it's just because that's not 148 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:53,360 my standard. And I'm deciding because I'm 149 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,440 young, I'm hot. I don't want to spend these 150 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:58,440 years waiting, hoping for someone to change. 151 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:02,400 And something that made me make this decision also very fast is 152 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,640 because this guy is almost 15 years older than me, so there's 153 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:08,520 no way I'm starting to, as a girl in her 20s, I'm starting to 154 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:12,120 teach a man how to communicate or how to show up or how. 155 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:14,960 Now. I just saw the red flags and 156 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:18,640 when they finally hit me that OK, this is enough of them, I 157 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:21,480 was able to walk out of that situation immediately. 158 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:25,600 But I'm realizing that I need to also work on my emotional 159 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:28,120 regulation. I also need to show more grace. 160 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:30,320 I also need to be more kind to the other person. 161 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,400 It's not always the first thing you're thinking after a breakup, 162 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,240 but it's something I'm learning as I go. 163 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:39,080 So because of all these mistakes I've, I've made and ignoring all 164 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:42,760 these red flags, I'm learning how to forgive myself, to just 165 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:46,560 treat myself like I'm a girl, to be kinder to you. 166 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,560 Say, you know, I did this and it's fine. 167 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:51,160 Next time I know better, I will do better. 168 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,600 It's not a fight, it's not an argument. 169 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,560 I don't have to go crazy about it. 170 00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:57,360 It's just this is where we are at. 171 00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:59,640 This is what is happening and I will do better. 172 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,200 So that's what's up. And also I'm realizing in this 173 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,840 generation, there's a lot of suppressing of emotions. 174 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,400 It's like, oh, don't post that on Instagram. 175 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,640 He's going to see and he's going to know you're bothered. 176 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,720 Don't talk to people about it. He's going to hear and he'll 177 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,200 know You're bothered. Whether yes, I'm bothered, I am 178 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:20,560 bothered. I'm hot, disappointed, angry. 179 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,920 I'm in pain, my chest hurts, I'm in love. 180 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:27,360 I miss him, I'm sad. You know I still care about him. 181 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:29,920 I'm feeling all these things, so why would I act like I'm 182 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:31,600 bothered? It just doesn't make sense to 183 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:33,640 me. I've been allowing myself to 184 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:37,440 communicate my emotions in the best way that I can, especially 185 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,280 my heartbreak. I've spoken to the people I need 186 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,080 to, I've opened up when I need to. 187 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,480 If I need to say something, I've done it. 188 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,320 I don't care if it gets to him or if he sees it or if I don't 189 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:50,120 care. These are my feelings, these are 190 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,360 mine. And yes, I'm bothered. 191 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:55,280 I don't want to live in A to exist in a situation where I 192 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,920 can't even express myself emotionally because I'm so 193 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,360 deathly afraid of the implications of that. 194 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,440 So what? I'm hurting, it's fine. 195 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,640 I don't care if people know I'm hurting or people know I'm going 196 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,960 through a breakup. This is literally normal life. 197 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,680 I come on here to share all the good things that happened to me. 198 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:14,600 Why can't I have the space to share all the bad things that 199 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:17,640 happened to me as well? I think I should be allowed this 200 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,440 face to just be myself. Last week I was so freaking 201 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:23,320 depressed and it really hurts. Like when you're going through 202 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:26,480 the pain and you see the other person is living their lives 203 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:29,120 very, very normally. And you see, that's the thing. 204 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:31,800 We're all putting up fonts. Maybe he isn't OK. 205 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,040 Maybe he's also somewhere being very depressed, but we're so 206 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:39,280 good at showing, like putting up a font and being so afraid to be 207 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:42,200 emotionally vulnerable. I'm just so sick of it. 208 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,240 So I'm not doing that anymore. If I'm hurt, you're going to 209 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:46,760 know I'm hurt. If I'm sad, you're going to know 210 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:49,640 I'm sad and it's fine. It's fine. 211 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:52,760 I've accepted myself. I love myself for who I am. 212 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,360 It's fine. I have been able to express 213 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:58,000 myself also through my work. You know, the best thing about 214 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:02,560 being Robata is that most of my work entails a lot of speaking 215 00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:05,280 and talking and expressing myself and asking questions. 216 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:09,560 So I've been able to amass myself and allow myself to be in 217 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:12,920 a space where I can just share. Even through the interviews I'm 218 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,600 doing, I can share. I can bring on people and ask 219 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,120 them how they're dealing with stuff. 220 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,040 I can talk about it on my podcast. 221 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,640 I can write articles about it. Like, immediately after I broke 222 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:25,440 up with him, I wrote a really, really angry, mean article. 223 00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:28,160 Now when I read back, I'm like, ah, do I really want to release 224 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:29,800 this? It's so angry and mean. 225 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,720 But then those are my true feelings. 226 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,720 Whether I feel them now or I felt them two months ago, 227 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:38,480 they're very valid. And I've decided I just want to 228 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,120 keep expressing myself. I don't care if people say all 229 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:43,760 you do is say sad things. You know, it's fine. 230 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:45,400 It's part of the human experience. 231 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:49,200 And I want to be able to show all parts of me without fear. 232 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,560 So I don't want to act like I'm OK anymore. 233 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,480 I just want to talk about it and it's fine. 234 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:57,240 Because of being patient with myself, I'm able to live a day 235 00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,680 at a time. I'm not overthinking, over 236 00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:03,000 planning, over expecting. I'm just taking the day as it 237 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,680 comes. If I feel like breaking down in 238 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:07,960 the morning, I will. If I feel like crying at work, I 239 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,400 have been. If I feel like stepping away to 240 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:11,960 cry, I have been. I've. 241 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:16,160 I'm not acting strong anymore. I'm just being myself. 242 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:18,840 To be honest. The one thing that has helped me 243 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:23,280 be able to do all these things is that immediately, even right 244 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,040 before we broke up, I blocked him. 245 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,640 I blocked him generally on the corner and I need the bawana. 246 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,000 You know these things with communication, someone isn't 247 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,960 speaking with you, but they're posting online. 248 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,320 So I was like, OK, I don't want to see this bullshit. 249 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,720 So I just blocked him. I blocked him on social media, 250 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:38,880 blocked him anywhere. The reason I blocked him is 251 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,320 definitely because I was bothered and pressed and I 252 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,800 needed a breather. I needed to also stop 253 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,920 obsessively checking his stuff because I found myself all the 254 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:48,520 time. I touch my phone, I go and watch 255 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:49,960 his stuff. I go and see as he posted 256 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:53,320 something as he said something and sometimes I what he's 257 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,080 talking about to or he's talking about his ex, he's talking about 258 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:59,520 other girls he's talking about. It just got so tiring because 259 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,240 that's not the kind of person I am and I don't want someone to 260 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:06,000 turn me into. I blocked him because I was 261 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,920 falling into this hole where I kept checking his stuff and I 262 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:11,520 just realized this is not healthy. 263 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:15,240 I was turning into a very anxious person because I was 264 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:19,040 intentionally being delighted, denied love and affection and 265 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,400 the duty of care. So I just decided, you know 266 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:22,880 what? By the time in Africa up a 267 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,560 relationship to him, Asia, yeah. I didn't even want closure. 268 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:27,440 I didn't want to hear what they had to say. 269 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,800 I didn't need answers anymore. I just knew that I never want to 270 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,600 be in a situation where I feel like I'm not wanted or like I'm 271 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,120 begging to be loved. And I just blocked him. 272 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:38,800 And ever since that day, it made my life so much easier. 273 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:43,000 No access, I don't see anything, I don't hear anything, nobody 274 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,680 talks about anything around me. I can move on and it's fine. 275 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,880 So even now, it's been like a month, I've been able to unblock 276 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,720 him now, but I needed to block him because I needed that. 277 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:56,400 So now I've already reset, I've already regulated my emotional 278 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,840 system. Now I don't need to check 279 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,160 anything, I don't need to know anything and I don't need to 280 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,200 block him anymore. And that shows me that I had 281 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,960 truly have let go. I'm able to stay super soft and 282 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,440 kind while still feeling the anger. 283 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,600 I'm not projecting on anyone, I'm not trying to hurt other 284 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,120 people. There were other people hurt 285 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:16,320 people when they're hurt and nemecha blame games not only me 286 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:19,480 decide to let go. I've had to learn this lessons 287 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:22,240 the hard way. And I can say the part of me 288 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,800 that has really grown is that I went from thinking I'm the 289 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:28,800 victim in every situation to realizing it's this sort of land 290 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:32,160 helplessness where I don't take responsibility and charge of my 291 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,960 life. And then I get stressed and sad 292 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,880 when people do it for me. And then now I'm losing. 293 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:40,800 So I don't want to go through that anymore. 294 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:44,640 I'm taking full responsibility. This means unfortunately, I have 295 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:47,400 to be way stricter. I have to be to look out for 296 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,400 myself more. I just have to stand up for 297 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:52,920 myself because that's the only way that I get to achieve the 298 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:56,880 things that I want for myself. So this is just my short term 299 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,400 guide. This is what I've done so far. 300 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,440 And it's been like, has it been a month? 301 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,360 It's been 3 weeks. I can say that while while I'm 302 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,880 still going through the motions, I'm definitely at a better 303 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:09,240 place, I'm not somewhere sat moping around, crying, feeling 304 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,480 sorry for myself. I'm still able to show up for 305 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:14,880 myself, go out, do the things that I love to do without 306 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:19,200 dwelling the way I would. Normally heart breaks would take 307 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,440 me so long and like would put me down for so long. 308 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,240 But now listen, I'm not saying A-Team move on in a week. 309 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:28,680 I'm just saying not dwelling is actually a gift. 310 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:32,040 Like you feel your feelings as you move as opposed to staying 311 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:35,320 stuck and being broken forever. I think everyone deserves to 312 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:38,920 experience loving themselves in this kind of way and just 313 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:40,680 feeling this kind of love. I don't know. 314 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,200 And this is self love. This is not a love anyone else 315 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:44,840 can do. People can work out of your life 316 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,760 anytime. And listen, some breakups don't 317 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,160 even have to be grandiose. It doesn't have to be at he 318 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:52,440 cheated, he lied. He it's just I don't feel good 319 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:55,160 anymore in this situation. And that's enough of a reason. 320 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:58,800 I questioned myself. I there's so many things I will 321 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:01,160 write an article about this. So many more things will come 322 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,520 out in the article. But you know, the podcast is for 323 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,680 healing and growing. It's not for bashing people. 324 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,560 So at this point let me call myself out. 325 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,320 It is me who needed to do better. 326 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:13,680 And now that I know this, I definitely will be doing better 327 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:16,720 in my romantic relationships moving forward. 328 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,640 Thank you so much for listening to me. 329 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:21,400 Tell me if there's any more tips that you'd like to add on. 330 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,040 These are the ones I could think straight off right off the top 331 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:27,400 of my head and I think they are working for me. 332 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,680 I mean my life hasn't changed. I haven't. 333 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:33,440 I do feel pain, but like I haven't let this drown me or 334 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:36,280 destroy me. If anything, I've let it allow 335 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,800 me to just grow and learn better and do better and be a better 336 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:43,280 human being while still being able to show love and grace and 337 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:46,920 forgiveness to the other party and acknowledge that, you know, 338 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:50,400 it's not hate, It's not, it's not really like it's not like an 339 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,640 intense emotion of like anger. It's just disappointment and 340 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,040 heart. And it's fine. 341 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:57,600 I will be OK. Tell me if there's anything that 342 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:01,920 that you've that you'd like to add on to by leaving me comments 343 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,359 and follow me everyone on social media. 344 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:06,040 My name is Roberta Bobby everywhere. 345 00:17:06,079 --> 00:17:08,359 Thank you so much for listening. Bye bye.