1 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:27,840 Something I truly appreciate is when Oh my cat, my cat is crying 2 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:33,840 at my door because I locked her out outside because she's eating 3 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:38,680 my stuff like my equipment. It's all, it's all on the bed. 4 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:42,040 So I just need a few minutes to record this episode and then 5 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:45,280 I'll let her in. She gets so anxious when I'm far 6 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:48,000 away from her. Anyway, I was talking about 7 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:51,640 something that I truly appreciate about fans of this 8 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:57,160 podcast is is that they consistently let me know they 9 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,360 are watching, they are listening. 10 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,800 They consistently give me feedback. 11 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:05,440 And when they miss my voice on here, they bombard me with 12 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:09,800 messages about why I need to get my my shit together. 13 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:16,600 And I was just explaining to someone how when I'm when I'm 14 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:20,120 when I'm happy, I tend to be a bit more quiet. 15 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:25,400 I tend to just enjoy, like to fall back and enjoy and bask in 16 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,480 my happiness. And most times when I'm happy, I 17 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:32,320 don't have much to say. But when I'm sad and heartbroken 18 00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:36,280 or grieving and stuff, that's when I usually have so much to 19 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:39,440 say. And I think that's why sometimes 20 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:45,400 I go on these hiatus just to to like enjoy my happiness. 21 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:49,520 And then when something bothers me, I come back here on to rant 22 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,240 and express myself and all the things I'm feeling. 23 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:56,760 So I'm going to name this episode Becoming and unbecoming 24 00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:01,040 halfway through 29 because I turned 29 this this year and 25 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,560 I've truly been enjoying the year so far. 26 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,520 I'm halfway through 29 and I just want to talk a little bit 27 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:09,759 about what I've been up to. Just an update on my life to 28 00:02:09,759 --> 00:02:13,600 kind of maybe help someone who's my age out there or someone 29 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:17,080 who's scared of getting to my age or someone who's 30 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:21,040 anticipating getting to my age, just to tell them a bit about 31 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:25,000 what 29 is looking like for me. I've been recording on this 32 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:29,160 podcast for about 5 years now, since I was maybe 24 years old, 33 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:34,200 and by then I had already achieved a lot career wise and 34 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:38,040 also through my healing journey. I think it's important that I 35 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:41,920 keep sharing my stories, not just so I have an archive when 36 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:46,040 I'm older and I want to listen to what I was doing at what age, 37 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:49,880 but also so that, like I said, people who are anticipating 38 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:53,640 getting here, people who are wondering what 29 looks like or 39 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:57,760 people who are scared about it can maybe get a picture from my 40 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:01,920 perspective. Especially people who like my 41 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,200 content. You know, I mentioned that I 42 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:07,160 started this podcast five years ago because if you go and 43 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:10,160 listen, then I was really, really scared. 44 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:14,040 I mean, I was achieving stuff, but I was so unsure about a lot 45 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:16,720 of things. I was consistently anxious, 46 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,800 very, very broke. OK, not that broke, but like, 47 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:23,360 you know, it's different. 29 feels a bit different. 48 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:25,480 And that's what I want to talk about all the things I've been 49 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:30,120 able to achieve. OK, so I wrote this script last 50 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:33,040 week because I was supposed to record this episode last week. 51 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,760 A lot of things have changed in this one last one week, but I'm 52 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:40,640 still going to go through it and see if these things that I wrote 53 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,880 still fit. So last week when I wrote the 54 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,640 script, it was a random cold day. 55 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:49,320 It's been very cold in Nairobi this July 2025 and my cat was 56 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,400 chilling at the balcony and I had just made some tea for 57 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,920 myself. I wanted to have a hot mug of 58 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:59,760 tea and then take a nap and then later I would wake up and go 59 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:03,000 shopping. So the reason I mention what I'm 60 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:07,080 about to do is because there was a time this kind of life or this 61 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,400 lifestyle was just an idea for me. 3 years ago when I used to 62 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,800 come on here and complain about my fucked up job that I really 63 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:17,160 really used to hate, that was draining all my energy and my 64 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:21,279 creativity, I used to try. I used to manifest this life 65 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:27,080 where I can wake up, cook whatever I want, sleep how much 66 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:32,320 I want, walk, if I feel like, go out shopping if I want to get in 67 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:36,600 my car, drive, go shopping and I can confidently say that I've 68 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:40,280 managed to manifest this life. This is the life that I'm living 69 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,960 right now. I'm living in my dream life. 70 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:47,760 And like I said, I love recording and speaking a lot 71 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:50,360 more when my feelings are hurt. And something that prompted me 72 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:55,480 to want to record and talk about how I'm feeling currently radars 73 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:58,520 last week. But currently is that I wanted 74 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:02,000 to buy some makeup. OK, The truth is I've never 75 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,200 bought makeup for myself the first time. 76 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:08,480 I OK, I have I have actually, when the first time I got into 77 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:11,840 makeup and I was trying to learn about how to use makeup. 78 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:15,560 This was maybe when I was 20 or 21 years old. 79 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:21,080 It's like 9 years ago, eight years ago, I'd go to town and 80 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:24,880 there was easy my shops to sizli Kosnozanga makeup in connector 81 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,120 Dubois. I went to Dubois and I bought 82 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:31,440 those makeups Nasovito Zili Kosani wash, also nearly Kona 83 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:33,080 parka. But I really used to struggle. 84 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:35,800 They would make my face break out and it was so bad. 85 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:39,560 So I never really knew how to make to buy my own makeup. 86 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:44,400 Plus those days I could Kona vitukama shade matching and CG. 87 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,720 What? You just buy whatever you 88 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:49,840 thought you'd liked or whatever you thought made sense after 89 00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:52,320 watching a bunch of YouTube tutorials. 90 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,960 So anyway, Fast forward to 8-9 years later. 91 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:04,280 I can afford oh the next time I got makeup now nice makeup. 92 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:09,320 A friend of mine was in the US and he purchased for me a full 93 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,760 face of makeup. Like he bought me everything. 94 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:15,680 The next time after that I just tweeted randomly I wrote Oh my 95 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:19,640 goodness I wish I could afford mascara it's so expensive. 96 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:24,600 Someone again from Maju sent me a package full of makeup. 97 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:28,360 So really, I don't have good history with buying my own 98 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,160 makeup. And this year I can finally 99 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:34,600 afford to buy my own makeup. So I went online after a friend 100 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,840 recommended someplace and I messaged them and I told them, 101 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,480 hey, you know, I'm I want to purchase and their customer 102 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:43,720 service was so horrible. It was so horrible. 103 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:47,480 And I think this triggered a lot of things that I was feeling a 104 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:53,400 week before this, I had just, I, I had been, I was going through, 105 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:57,480 you know, my PMSPMDD stuff. And I have started breaking up 106 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,840 with people crashing friendships, crashing 107 00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:03,280 relationships, because during this time is when I start to 108 00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:07,560 overthink about how much I exact myself in people's lives and if 109 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:11,280 I feel like my relationships are reciprocated, if I'm loved 110 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:14,120 enough. But this time I'm also usually 111 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:18,120 going through a lot of self doubt, a lot of self hate, a lot 112 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:23,280 of self harm ideation, A cause, a lot of drama within my 113 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,600 friendships. I think the people around me 114 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,800 right now are used to it and kind of know how to deal with 115 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:31,960 me. But when I'm not isolating, I 116 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:35,400 have to come out and show myself to the people who love me so 117 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:37,760 that they can know how to deal with me in that space. 118 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:41,560 Anyway, I was very emotional at this time. 119 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:45,520 I wasn't a drama, but I was very emotional at this time. 120 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:52,240 I had been going through kind of, you know, someone I really, 121 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:56,360 really, truly care about and a lot of things were happening. 122 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,640 I think I was a bit anxious. I don't know about a lot of 123 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:02,800 stuff. My life is, my life is good and 124 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:06,600 amazing and happy, but I was just going through a lot 125 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:10,560 emotionally and I start feeling like nobody cares about me. 126 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:13,880 Nobody understands what I feel. Nobody cares about me. 127 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:16,360 I was talking to the last time I went to get my nails done. 128 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:20,720 I was talking to my late nail lady about friendships and 129 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:23,240 about, you know, just the different dynamics between 130 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:26,240 amongst friends. That's actually the episode I'm 131 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:29,440 going to record next after this. And I was telling her about how, 132 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:32,919 you know, through different phases of relationships. 133 00:08:32,919 --> 00:08:36,640 Right now, I'm at a space in my life where I truly am enjoying 134 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,360 my solitude. I'm not locking myself out of 135 00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:43,360 romantic relationships, but I truly, truly do enjoy my life as 136 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,600 is. I'm having so much fun. 137 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,880 I'm truly enjoying. I mean, I do want to be in love 138 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:52,320 with someone who is in love with me and, you know, to enjoy an 139 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,520 Astro romantic relationship. But I also feel like I'm very, 140 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:58,560 very content with the kind of life I've created for myself 141 00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:03,120 right now. And, you know, I'm in a phase 142 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:06,320 where a lot of my friends are getting hitched, they're getting 143 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:09,800 married, they're having kids very intentionally. 144 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:15,800 And since I'm not kinda, I mean, fully on board on that chain, I 145 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,880 feel very, very isolated. Even when I hang out with my 146 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:22,360 friends, most of them are either married or they're in very 147 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,560 serious relationships. And I'm usually the one who's 148 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:27,160 single or the one who's there alone. 149 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,440 I'm not complaining, get me? Right. 150 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,600 I'm not complaining about the situation. 151 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:35,400 It's just it's a bit much more noticeable. 152 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:38,520 And you see, the thing with this is that it means our lives are 153 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,040 changing. It means we can't hang out as 154 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,880 much or they can't show. We can't show up for each other 155 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,160 as much. And as the single friend, I find 156 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:50,200 myself always, almost always having free time, enough time to 157 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:55,160 attend people's birthday parties, peoples spousal staff, 158 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:58,120 peoples weddings, peoples rushes, people. 159 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:01,920 I'm always checking, I'm always contributing, I'm always showing 160 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,000 up. But as a single friend who is 161 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:08,000 not having these milestones, nobody's really checking up on 162 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,120 me. Nobody's checking, Am I fine? 163 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,840 Am I happy? Everyone just assumes I'm, you 164 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:14,760 know, my life is perfect and it's amazing. 165 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:17,680 And it is true, my life is perfect for me. 166 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,440 But it would be really, really nice if the people around me 167 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:24,840 were much more conscious of the fact that I also require 168 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,360 companionship on a very personal level. 169 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:30,960 And listen, I'm not complaining. I'm not fighting at you giving 170 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,320 your kids more attention than me. 171 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:35,800 No, I understand the dynamics of friendships are changing now, 172 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:40,880 but it's just I'm the one who's still extending myself while 173 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,640 nobody's taking time to think about me. 174 00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:46,560 And my friend was like the lady who does my nails well, is like, 175 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:48,240 what? Oh, my goodness, you're making 176 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,720 so much sense. And I feel so bad because I'm 177 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:52,040 out. I'm your friend as well. 178 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:55,680 And just because I have kids doesn't mean I shouldn't check 179 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:57,200 up on you. And by the way, from that day, 180 00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:00,520 she's been checking up on me consistently, not just because I 181 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:03,520 need to go get my nails done, but she's been very intentional 182 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:06,600 about making sure she's also checking in on me, checking in 183 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:10,480 on my mental health, you know, finding out if I'm fine. 184 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,760 And I truly, truly appreciate this. 185 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,560 Well, of course, the friends, you know, these friends who are 186 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:19,000 family who are really, really, really, really like in the very 187 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,880 inner circle. So they consistently know 188 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,480 everything. But I'm talking about maybe the 189 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:27,840 second tier of friendship, people who you really love and 190 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:31,360 you love to be around, but maybe you're not around all the time. 191 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:32,920 And sometimes, you know, life is busy. 192 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,560 There's this friendships where you guys can go so long without 193 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:39,200 seeing each other, but the, the relationship is still there, you 194 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,640 know, So those kind, those are the kind of friendships I was 195 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:45,000 talking about. I'm trying to figure out if they 196 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:49,240 really are friendships because I think true friendship weathers 197 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:52,360 all sorts of seasons, right? Like whether you're having a 198 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:57,040 baby or I'm getting married or I'm traveling abroad or 199 00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:00,840 whatever, through whatever season or I'm breathing, we're 200 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:03,480 supposed to be able to uphold the friendship with 201 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:05,800 intentionality, right? So that's what I've been 202 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:09,320 thinking. And right now my my friend is my 203 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,440 mom. I do have really close friends 204 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:16,440 who I truly love, but I realize that anytime I have so much to 205 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:21,160 say, I'm consistently calling my mom to just offload on her and 206 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,920 tell her a lot. Well, I'm still happy and 207 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,560 grateful about my life far. I think not. 208 00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:29,920 I think so far I've been able to achieve all my goals for the 209 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,360 year. And funny thing is, this always 210 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:35,800 happens by August. Every December I write down a 211 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,920 set of goals that I have for myself. 212 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:41,720 And I'm starting to realize that even without much intentionality 213 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,720 or paying much attention to these goals, I always achieve 214 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,720 them by August. Because when I go back to my 215 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:51,040 list and start to tick them off, I usually have achieved about 98 216 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:55,120 or 100% of everything. So I get to enjoy the last 217 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:59,080 quarter of the year. I get to rest and replenish and 218 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:02,040 enjoy the fruits of my hard work. 219 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:05,880 And this is such a nice feeling. I mean, I'm enjoying the kind of 220 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:07,840 life I've been able to create for myself. 221 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:11,960 With a lot of new beautiful beginnings also comes a lot of 222 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,120 endings. Sometimes, not always beautiful, 223 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,040 but still worth mentioning. I've gone through a lot of 224 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:22,000 endings, a lot of cut offs, a lot of loss, and I just feel 225 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,320 like I'm in a chapter where I'm truly able to embrace. 226 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:29,320 I've been telling a friend of mine about how being 29 has been 227 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,320 the best thing that ever happened in my life. 228 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:34,040 I don't know why this they sell us this thing about, you know, 229 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:37,400 when you're approaching party, it's supposed to be doom and 230 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:41,280 grim. I feel like at 29, I'm much more 231 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:45,560 confident than I have ever been. I'm much more beautiful, I'm 232 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:49,760 sexier, I have much more money, I'm much more stable, I have 233 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:55,000 confidence, so much conviction. I have so much peace. 234 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,360 Everyone I love is happy and healthy. 235 00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:01,040 I'm able to express and explore my feelings. 236 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,880 The only thing that's not happening is in my sex life. 237 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,240 That's the only stagnant thing in my life. 238 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:11,280 Everything is really moving positively and amazing. 239 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:15,400 And the reason I'm not having sex is truly, I do want to have 240 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,440 sex. I want a very active sex life. 241 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,960 Trust me. I probably even am trying to get 242 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,560 laid. But the person I want to have 243 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:24,720 sex with, I don't want to say doesn't want to have sex with me 244 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:29,560 because I'd be lying. But it's just complicated sex. 245 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:34,480 But this age requires a lot of intention and deliberation. 246 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:38,320 And because I know what kind of sex can make me feel the way I 247 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:42,680 want to feel, if I'm not having exactly that, I can't really 248 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:46,560 settle for anything less. So it's a little bit harder to, 249 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:51,080 you know, have boring or casual or, you know, sex that doesn't 250 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,680 mean anything. I mean, I have tried, but it 251 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,840 just doesn't satisfy me the way I wanted to satisfy me. 252 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,880 I was with there's a time I had sex. 253 00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:02,720 The last time I had sex, I had sex with a friend of mine. 254 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,720 Well, I don't know if we're friends, but you know, we have a 255 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:09,960 sexual history and we we used to have a friendship going on and 256 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:14,840 we had missed each other. But I feel like Illinois quatu 257 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:19,200 Sexyamanja it was, was really rushed, but it was there was no 258 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,080 emotion. Basically. 259 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,560 I can say I felt nothing. I felt nothing. 260 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:26,000 I wasn't attached to the feeling. 261 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,080 It actually feels like I didn't have sex. 262 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,160 Oh, my goodness. I'm so mean, right? 263 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,560 I'm just being honest. It has nothing to do with the 264 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:35,880 other person. It has a lot to do with the fact 265 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:39,520 that right now I'm much more grown, much more. 266 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,800 I know what I want. So it makes it hard for me to 267 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:45,960 settle for anything that does not fit this description. 268 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:49,400 So, yeah, I mean, I'm ready for new stuff. 269 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:53,200 And I've been telling you guys about how I've been looking at 270 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,680 houses. I'm really really ready to move 271 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:59,280 to my the next apt. I want somewhere fresh, 272 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,320 somewhere that's just new and has a lot of change. 273 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,480 And this has been making me a bit scared to decorate my house 274 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:08,880 because I keep feeling like I want to leave but at the same 275 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:12,200 time I'm telling myself it's OK to enjoy while I'm still here. 276 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:16,600 So I put up my art and I've started creating my gallery 277 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,360 wall. I've, I've been making the house 278 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,800 a bit more homely for as long as I'm here, at least until the 279 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:26,840 time I find the House of my, you know, the apartment of my dreams 280 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:30,560 that I truly, truly love. Well, apartments in Nairobi are 281 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:34,560 pretty expensive and it's a really rigorous process to get, 282 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,480 you know, the kind of house you want unless you're moving out of 283 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:38,960 town. The houses out of town are 284 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,960 really, really nice and very affordable. 285 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:44,960 But the distance I'm trying to, I don't know if I'm trying to 286 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:48,320 achieve something impossible. I'm trying to find a house 287 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:52,720 that's central to all my businesses, which is basically 288 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:57,360 in the middle of the city, but still affordable and still very, 289 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,280 very beautiful. I don't know if that's 290 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:02,400 achievable because all the houses around, you know, 291 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:06,280 anywhere around central Nairobi are pretty much expensive and 292 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:10,040 sometimes not even as beautiful as you'd need them to be. 293 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:14,160 So, yeah. And even now to go, to go a 294 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:17,160 little bit back into my friendships, you know, I've been 295 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:20,800 making new friends as well. And I've truly been enjoying the 296 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:24,160 experience of getting to meet new people and to love new 297 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,880 people. It's so beautiful to throw 298 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:31,600 myself out there. And in the spirit of all this, 299 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:36,000 I've been trying to get feedback from my relationships just so I 300 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,080 can know how I've been doing and what kind of person I've been. 301 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,720 You know, sometimes you think you're progressing and you're 302 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:46,240 doing so much better, but maybe I'm timing on the same spot. 303 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,680 I'm not learning. A friend of mine called me out 304 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:51,720 and said, you know, something they've really, really noticed 305 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:57,240 about me is that I try so hard to create a safe space without 306 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:01,480 realizing that this wall that I'm building to keep me safe is 307 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:06,200 also consistently keeping me away from the beauty on the 308 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,160 other side. Which is true. 309 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:12,120 My mind, my mind wasn't really blown, but I felt like, my 310 00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:14,880 goodness, how can someone read me to a tee like that? 311 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:19,240 I mean, I am an open book, but being read like that, I don't 312 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,280 know. So I asked him, the friend of 313 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:24,480 mine, you know, what do you think I can change or improve in 314 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:29,320 the way I am a friend to you? And she told me that I do this 315 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:32,520 thing where I act like I don't need help, where I'm very 316 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:35,880 independent. But it's coming off as hyper 317 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:39,600 independence because I don't ask for help. 318 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:44,760 I struggle a lot alone. I do not express myself in the 319 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:48,160 time that I need to. And then I keep it all in. 320 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:51,440 And then one day I just blow up. And this is true. 321 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,880 This is something I've been noticing that I've been doing. 322 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:57,720 I like that I'm in relationships where people can be very honest 323 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:01,280 with me and tell me what they feel about how I am because it 324 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:05,240 helps me open my eyes to the things, to the blind spots that 325 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:10,440 maybe I wouldn't necessarily see if I was isolating and sitting 326 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:14,480 by myself without trying to improve on said things. 327 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,560 And I think this is what is keeping me from romantic 328 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:20,280 relationships because I keep thinking I'm ready. 329 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:25,000 I'm very emotionally available. And then I realized that I love 330 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:29,080 to push people away and I'm truly, truly scared of being 331 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:33,040 needed in that way, in a very serious way, or, you know, being 332 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,960 held accountable, especially emotionally. 333 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,400 It's hard work, but it's necessary work. 334 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:44,120 But also it's very scary work to to let people see raw parts of 335 00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:47,280 me like that. It's just, it's something that I 336 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:51,040 am trying to work on, but I'm also realizing that it's messing 337 00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,560 up a lot of my relationships because at the end of the the 338 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,680 day when I'm going through my PMS ING stuff, I start to blame 339 00:19:56,680 --> 00:20:00,400 people for not showing up for me when I was the one who was not 340 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:04,480 opening up and asking or seeking help intentionally. 341 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:07,320 I know this stems from my childhood where stuff would be 342 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,640 done for me and I would consistently be reminded, you 343 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:14,160 know, I paid your school fees, I fed you I, So I try to make sure 344 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:18,200 that I'm self-sufficient. And just that I don't need 345 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,480 anybody so that no one can rub it in my face that they did 346 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:25,120 anything for me. So even me going to people and 347 00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:27,760 asking for anything, even me coming to my friends and saying, 348 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,880 hey, I need help, That's such a big, big deal for me. 349 00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:35,360 But I've purposed to walk on myself so that I don't bleed on 350 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:38,880 the people that love me so that they don't feel like I don't 351 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:42,160 need them or I don't want them in my life because there's 352 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:43,520 people who do this to me as well. 353 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:47,120 So I know exactly what it feels like and I know how heartful it 354 00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:50,440 can be. But I'm working on myself and 355 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,240 I've realized that the more I've been focused on improving my 356 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:57,720 life and loving myself, the more magnetic magnetic I've become. 357 00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:00,880 I've truly been enjoying and attracting amazing 358 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:04,360 opportunities, more beauty in my life. 359 00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,920 Everything in my life is really, really, truly beautiful. 360 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,200 I was scared to record this episode because I was. 361 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:13,240 I was saying to someone how I know the episode will feel like 362 00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:16,560 I'm bragging because everything in my life is super, super 363 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:18,680 perfect and I've already achieved everything. 364 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,480 But if you're an avid listener here, you'd realize this happens 365 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:26,280 to me every year. Every year I I talk about how I 366 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:29,240 achieve, I plan my goals and how I research on them and how I 367 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,120 achieve them. So this is just me sharing even 368 00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:34,680 if it comes out as bragging. I hope you can see from a 369 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:38,120 positive light and understand that everyone can achieve what 370 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:41,240 I'm achieving. I'm just a normal girl and I'm 371 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:44,560 considerably trying to show myself that I can be good to 372 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:47,560 myself and love myself better. So that's why I shared these 373 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,400 stories so that we can all grow and heal together. 374 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:54,240 Also, I've also been learning about myself that even as I'm 375 00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:57,200 healing and growing and doing better and, you know, becoming 376 00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:01,920 better, the parts of Maine that were angry, hard, scared, 377 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:06,120 impatient, anxious, depressed, they still exist within me. 378 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,560 It doesn't mean that now I'm perfect or I'm absorbed of 379 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:13,040 everything that I've ever done or felt or thought. 380 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:16,520 It just means that I'm still the Roberta that's very, very 381 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,960 imperfect. But at the same time, I'm still 382 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:22,440 this Roberta who's working on being even better than I was. 383 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:25,400 So you need to remember to stop being too hard on yourself 384 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,720 throughout your growth. It's not easy to remember all 385 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:31,080 the time, but This is why you need to be working on a healthy 386 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,800 support system that you know reminds you the same way I'm 387 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,320 able to go to my friends and ask, you know, how can I be a 388 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:39,440 better a friend to you? How can I fix our friendship, 389 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,600 blah, blah blah. That's how you should be able to 390 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,040 do with yourself. Check in with yourself, 391 00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:47,800 introspect, ask yourself questions, build a community 392 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,600 that holds you accountable and is able to tell you the truth 393 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,680 about exactly how you are. This is actually a question I 394 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,280 love to ask the people around me. 395 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,320 You know, how can I be better to you? 396 00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:00,320 How can I do better? And they always tell me the 397 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,240 truth. Sometimes the truth is is 398 00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:07,440 painful to take in and accept, but it's also usually always, 399 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:10,440 absolutely always necessary. It helps. 400 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:14,920 But you see, the people who are meeting me now or recently have 401 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:19,400 not witnessed the raw and unkempt versions of me. 402 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:23,840 They've just met this perfect girl who achieve all her goals. 403 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:27,360 And I feel like this sets a very, very crazy, you know, 404 00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:32,600 standard in people's minds. So anytime I'm not perfect, I 405 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:36,680 can see people's disappointed. Like for instance, I'll give a 406 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,080 practical example. I was speaking to a friend of 407 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:43,120 mine who he's a professor and you know, he keeps saying he's a 408 00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:46,560 professor, but he keeps saying how he's consistently, how he 409 00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:51,480 consistently admires my ability to communicate my emotions. 410 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:55,080 So already in his head, he has this perception that I'm this 411 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:58,640 amazing communicator until we started talking now texting on a 412 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,440 very personal level. And I think he was getting 413 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:06,600 frustrated because first of all, he, I, I don't know, I, I get, I 414 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,720 get distracted easily. I get distracted easily, 415 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:13,560 especially if the conversation is not, you know, fast-paced 416 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:16,960 Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. I mean, he was trying to, we 417 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:21,360 were trying to have a conversation, but I was building 418 00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:23,720 these walls that, you know, my friends are talking about. 419 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:28,400 And he kept wondering why I'm not letting him in on a friendly 420 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:31,080 level. I kept being very vague and 421 00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:34,560 short with my answers. Or, you know, I was just like he 422 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:38,360 was telling me that he was noticing I'm two different 423 00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:42,560 people on a on a professional level, I'm a very amazing 424 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:44,960 communicator. But when it comes to personal 425 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:48,840 relationships, I truly struggle. And I told him, OK, yeah, it's 426 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:50,960 true. And that because of that, you 427 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:54,480 have to stop seeing me as Roberta the communicator, and 428 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:59,560 just treat me as Roberta, your friend who is complex, who is a 429 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,880 human being with lots of emotions. 430 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,000 I feel stuff on a personal level. 431 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:07,320 It's very different from when I'm on a stage somewhere telling 432 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:10,120 you about what I think. It's very different from when 433 00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:13,760 I'm here texting you about how I truly, truly feel about 434 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:17,120 something. So get to know me on a personal 435 00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:20,560 level and don't judge me from, you know, what you see of me 436 00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:23,120 professionally. I think a lot of people have a 437 00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:26,760 hard time reconciling that these two people are all me. 438 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,760 But I'm I'm different. It's important that you get to 439 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,400 know me. So people, I find people expect 440 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:36,520 me to be perfect a lot. So they get shocked when I even 441 00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:40,880 you know, speak my mind, speak my emotions or when I call stuff 442 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:44,600 out or even when I stand up for myself because most times I'm 443 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:48,080 always just chill. I don't speak a lot. 444 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,160 This is especially in my personal life. 445 00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:52,200 I never, I don't complain that much. 446 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,640 I don't, I don't know, I'm always just chill. 447 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,320 So anytime I'm not chill everyone goes crazy. 448 00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:01,720 It's like most times I have to convince other people that I 449 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:05,280 actually have feelings and the things that they do to me or, 450 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:09,000 you know, I lack thereof will affect me or impact me in some 451 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,160 ways. But then again, maybe it's not 452 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:15,720 other people I need to convince. Maybe it's myself that I have to 453 00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:19,320 believe that I'm a human being and I have to start showing up 454 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,720 as a human being, which comes back to what my friends are 455 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:24,280 calling me out on. I need to understand that I'm, 456 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:28,000 I'm a human. I cry, I feel things and I don't 457 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:31,440 have to go through life alone. So This is why I've purposed to, 458 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:35,800 you know, and learn and learn how to just be a human being 459 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:39,240 with emotions so that people can take me that way. 460 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:41,880 I've also been realizing that even though I've been making 461 00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:45,080 friends and actually I've been going out outside the house a 462 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:49,200 bit more, I get so overwhelmed being outside and around people 463 00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:52,120 that I don't know. I've been pushing myself. 464 00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:55,280 But sometimes it gets so exhausting and I have to take so 465 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:59,320 long to recover from all the social interactions that I go 466 00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:02,520 through. And then I start remembering how 467 00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:05,120 people really are. You know, how people sometimes 468 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:07,840 you can be hanging out in a circle and you know, these 469 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,680 people who are jealous as people who are vindictive hanging 470 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:15,440 around alone by myself really, really protects me from a lot of 471 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,440 stuff. But then it's not the way to 472 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,040 live life. I don't want to be 80 listening 473 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:24,040 to my podcast talking about how all I did was stay in the house 474 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:27,480 the whole year. I want to be someone who, you 475 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,880 know, lives life and how this fun and goes out there. 476 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:32,840 So I've been working on that. I mean, I have been leaving the 477 00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:36,320 house, but I've also been taking a lot of time to rest and 478 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:40,680 recover after growth is also making me want to shut up more. 479 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:44,080 And this is the reason I don't have podcasts coming out all the 480 00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,320 time. I mean, on YouTube, yes, on 481 00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:48,840 Heartfelt with Bobby, on dialogues of Jack on the 482 00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:52,160 dialogues of Jacketo show and also on TV, but right here on 483 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,920 Love and orgasms, because this is a bit more of a personal 484 00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:59,240 platform for me. I've just been realizing that 485 00:27:59,360 --> 00:28:03,160 with growth comes a certain type of privacy that I'm trying to 486 00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:05,320 protect. And it's not that I don't want 487 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,160 to share parts of me with you anymore. 488 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:12,000 It's just I, I, I have the awareness that it's important to 489 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:17,120 do stuff around energy that is safe and energy of love so that 490 00:28:17,120 --> 00:28:21,200 I can maximize on the potential of everything I touch. 491 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:24,320 And it has been working so far. So now I'm ready to share and 492 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:26,800 talk a bit more about, you know, what I've been doing and what 493 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,640 I've been up to. But when when I've been going 494 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:32,440 through it, I've just been feeling like Nah, I don't have 495 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:36,840 much to say. I'm also starting to see a lot 496 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:40,440 of things clearly. I'm able to see people for who 497 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,720 they are. So choosing the people to be 498 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:44,840 around is a bit easier for me now. 499 00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:47,480 I have much more clarity and stability. 500 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,480 I'm more forgiving of myself, more forgiving of all my 501 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:54,080 mistakes. I feel like I have more at stake 502 00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:57,240 and at the same time I have more responsibilities. 503 00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:02,960 So now I truly owe it to myself to make sure that I'm absolutely 504 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:06,760 showing up for myself in the ways that I always need to. 505 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:12,560 Well, I'm enjoying life and while it feels too real, it also 506 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:14,600 feels too beautiful most of the time. 507 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,840 To be honest, 29 has been amazing. 508 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:21,000 It is amazing. Not has been It is amazing. 509 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,560 I'm enjoying my life so much. I'm enjoying my relationship 510 00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:28,000 with my friends, my parents and the people I love, my 511 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:33,040 colleagues, my career, my finances, my my cat. 512 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,400 My cat's name is honey. I'm I'm truly, truly enjoying 513 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:38,520 everything that I have. I can't take anything for 514 00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:41,560 granted. I'm consistently filled with 515 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:43,720 gratitude. Even just waking up in the 516 00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:46,680 morning feels amazing. Going to bed. 517 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,440 I'm always so excited going to bed in the evening. 518 00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,160 What can I say? I just really, really love life. 519 00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:56,960 Well, like I said, the only part that's lacking is my sexual 520 00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:58,680 life. I'm not really having sex. 521 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,480 This is not intentional. I mean, I'm not staying away 522 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:04,880 from sex intentionally. I just don't want to have sex 523 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:08,520 that doesn't mean anything to me and isn't fulfilling me in the 524 00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:13,920 ways that I need it too. Happiness is very imperfect. 525 00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:18,000 Sometimes it looks like sadness, sometimes it looks like loss, 526 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:21,880 sometimes it looks like smiling, sometimes it looks like walking 527 00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:24,760 out, eating right. Sometimes it looks like laying 528 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,800 in bed all day, staying in bed all week. 529 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:31,200 You know happiness looks like a lot of things and it is very 530 00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,680 imperfect. What I'd add you to do today is 531 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:37,520 try and notice the things that you are happy about and the ways 532 00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:40,000 that you love yourself. And there's some advice I got 533 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:43,200 from a friend, a new friend, his name is Bobby Gadia. 534 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:47,960 Bobby is a just Google him if you want to see who he is. 535 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:53,640 I don't want to expose a lot about him here, but he told me 536 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:57,400 that every day you wake up in the morning, find something to 537 00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:00,200 be grateful for. Less complaining, more 538 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:03,560 gratitude. And I follow this advice in 539 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:05,600 August. And by the third week, this is 540 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,960 when I had realized I had achieved all the goals that I 541 00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:10,800 had for the year. Everything that I touched turned 542 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,720 into gold. Everything I was dreaming about 543 00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:15,640 actually came true for me. And this is real. 544 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:19,520 Fast fast witness account. I don't lie on here. 545 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:23,280 I lie sometimes to *** but I don't lie on here so follow 546 00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:26,120 Bobby's advice with me and see what changes with you and then 547 00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:29,280 come back and tell me in the comments how being grateful and 548 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:33,360 loving your life has transformed everything that you've done for 549 00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:37,840 yourself. 29 has come with much more realization, much more 550 00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:42,480 acceptance, much more contentment. 551 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,760 I am truly, truly happy with my life. 552 00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:49,120 I love everything about my life and I'm truly basking in the 553 00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:51,920 best, the best. I know the best is yet to come, 554 00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:56,000 but right now this has this has been the best year for me. 555 00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,120 So tell me what you've been grateful for. 556 00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,720 Tell me what you're going to be grateful for, and then come back 557 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:03,640 and tell me what you've achieved through gratitude. 558 00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:07,600 This is what 29 has looked like for me, is looking like for me. 559 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:10,240 Filled with so much love and peace and beauty. 560 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:13,400 I just wish it had much more sex. 561 00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:14,160 Till next time.