If you have been on this podcast for a while, the Love and Orgasm
Show, then you know that it's no secret that healing yourself
improves all aspects of your life.
And how you start is by healing 1 aspect and then it like a
domino effect. It touches everything else in
your life, and you must reach a point in life where whether it's
discomfort or pain, something will force you to evolve.
Sometimes you do. You don't even know you need any
evolving or growing or healing or that you have some changes to
do. But discomfort and pain will
take you places where you have to dig deep within yourself to
start to find the ways you can improve yourself to remove
yourself from the pain or the discomfort that you're feeling.
And when you decide you want better, you start to receive
better. During my one-on-one sessions
that Ioffer on the love and orgasms platform, I'm starting
to realize that most of us don't really feel safe.
And this is hindering us from living our authentic lives.
It's hindering us from achieving all the things that we deserve
to achieve, all the abundance and all the good things that
life has to offer. And all this fear and the lack
of safety is stemming from our childhood traumas.
Things were done to us that have made us stay stuck and repeating
cycles. But as an adult, it reaches a
point where you have to heal and grow and evolve and remove
yourself from these cycles that you were brought up in.
That's the fact of fact. Like you, you're brought into
art and then people do things to you or you go through some
things. And as an adult, it's your whole
responsibility to grow and heal from these things.
Sometimes you don't know where to start.
You don't even know what you're doing.
You don't know where it's coming from or that you need to heal
something. But then when you're you start
to socialize with other people, you start to see how they are
improving yourself and hopefully it starts to rub off on you.
Traumas like rejection, abandonment, betrayal and
injustice are the things that cause us to behave the way we
behave as adults when we grow up.
But then, like I said, it's only your responsibility when you
become an adult. Unajale me Meena Samanga at the
past thirty you're the poor background.
You can start saying at I come from a poor background.
No 30. Now this is because 30 year old
is considered an adult and I really totally agree with this.
By then it's your responsibility to start to try to make your
inner child feel safe, whatever that looks like for you.
Like when I'm walking out, I like to hear my thoughts.
Some people walk out with earphones on.
I like to draw dog that stuff with like my own thoughts
because I think it's the only time where my mind is not
preoccupied with other things. It's when I'm focusing
completely on the task that I'm given.
And first of all, I'm just proud of myself for being able to
bring myself to a part where my brain can shut up because
especially with ADHD, this is something that you really,
really struggle with, being able to focus and do something.
But through practice over the years, I brought to my myself to
a point where I can't even blame my, my behavioral patterns or my
mental illnesses anymore because I'm starting to learn that with
discipline. Of course, it's different for
everyone, but I'm starting to learn specifically for myself
that the more I stay disciplined and the I actively walk on
myself, some of these things that are behavioral issues and
stuff, the things you can, I have definitely been able to
walk on for myself. And so when I'm walking out, my
mind shuts up. And something I realized is that
every time my mind is quiet, my inner child is able to show up
and speak to me. I can hear her voice.
She comes up and says she talks to me about the things she's
craving, the things she's enjoyed, the things she loves,
the things she needs. And this is just me.
This is within me. This is myself talking to
myself. But if you're consistently
preoccupied, these are the things you miss because you're
outside chasing, chasing, chasing, chasing.
You forget that within yourself is a little girl or a little boy
who needs attention and validation and love and good
things, good food, good music, good, whatever it could be.
But if you're neglecting this little baby who lives within
you, then you start to wonder why you're consistently angry,
sad, feeling neglected. You start seeking validation
from outside because you think this love that you did not get
from your parents is going to come from work or your lovers or
money, other substitutes. But it's never going to do that.
The love is always going to come from yourself.
It's always going to come from who you are.
And you have to work on yourself so that you can be able to
receive. So I like to hear my thoughts
and be very aware of them so that I can introspect.
And I realize that this is the time I feel the most safe
because it's the time when this inner child of mine is able to
come out. I also realized that my ways of
venting and letting things out when they turned into healthy
habits Kitambo. I would smoke a lot of weed,
drink alcohol, go out, have sex, be avoidant, always be angry,
take everything personally. But ever since I started coping
with things much healthier, ways that honor my body and take care
of of me, I realized that my inner child feels so safe coming
out. And one of the ways is even
having this podcast. By me having this podcast and
being able to air my views and talk about the things I have in
my head and I feel in my heart, it's very therapeutic for me.
The healing takes away feelings of shame and inadequacy,
especially those that are linked to sex.
Sex becomes more enjoyable, even just because I'm healing myself.
I feel very safe all the way down to my core.
It's not just a safety I expect from maybe my sexual partner or
my friends or my lover or my parents.
It's a safety that I provide for myself from within.
And being able to give myself this kind of protection, it also
helps me be able to receive it because I know the exact
standards of protection, safety that I need for myself.
I don't let people who have hurt me to keep taking away from me.
I don't hold grudges. I don't hold things within
because I understand that my inner child is just a baby.
She's just a little girl and she needs someone who's able to be
there for her, someone who listens to her, validates her
emotions. I wouldn't.
I would hate to put her in a in perpetual stress where she's
unable to cope, unable to talk, unable to say what she feels,
unable to open up. And it's very interesting.
Like I wanted to say, during these sessions of mine where I
take one-on-one clients and we discuss personal growth,
intimacy, relationships, sex, I'm realizing that most people
don't feel safe because they don't realize that their inner
child is with them. They don't realize that they're
not just catering to adults. They're not catering to someone
who knows everything and makes money and is independent just
because you're able to do all that it's about.
Is five year old you, 18 year old you, 20 year old you.
Do they feel safe coming to you? Would they be proud with the way
you cope with things? Would they be happy being in the
room with you, seeing how you behave, how you take care of
yourself? Are they grateful for you?
Do they love you? Or have you created a hostile
environment like the one your parents created?
Are you repeating cycles by doing the same things to
yourself that your parents to you and an extension you're
doing it to your friends and your family and everyone around
you and you're showing up the same way in your walk to your
money. Everything, everything change
has a domino effect. So whether you decide not to
change and evolve or to change and evolve, it will always
affect every other aspect of your life.
So this is things that you have to be very intentional about.
And it's, it's really crazy to think about it in this type of
way because it's not something that that had occurred to me
before I started learning about it.
You know, you, you go through life, especially when you're
ignorant, you go through life thinking, you know, things just
happen until you realize that most of the things are actually
your responsibility. Like it's your responsibility to
keep the relationships in your, in your life going.
It's your responsibility to pay your bills.
It's your responsibility to get educated, to make more.
It's your responsibility to make more money, to dress well, to
eat well, to take care of your body, to love yourself more.
All these things are your responsibility.
No one is coming to save you. And yes, you could have all the
money and you could have all the things to pay, but is the care
consistent? Is you showing up for yourself
consistent? All these things matter.
So if you're neglecting yourself, you're neglecting your
inner child. Essentially, you're doing away
with all the standards required to be able to accommodate you.
You're, you're not caring for yourself enough to even love
yourself enough to see all these things that you deserve.
And that's a shame because you end up missing out on love.
If you're not healing, if you're not protecting yourself, you're
not able to protect yourself in situations required as well.
And the best way to get educated on this is by throwing yourself
out there. Put yourself in situations where
you're able to notice that you need to improve your protection
towards yourself. You need to improve the way you
love yourself, the words you say to yourself, the way you speak
to yourself. Like something I'm starting to
learn. I should have talked about this
in the financial trauma episode. Something I'm starting to learn
while healing my inner child is to be able to understand that
it's my job to provide for myself and so there's no need
for me to feel guilty when I spend money providing for
myself. I can buy for myself the
jewelry. I can buy myself anything I want
to eat. I can take myself anywhere I
need to go. I don't need to wait for anyone
to come and do it for me. I can do it for myself because I
have free will and it's my life and it's my responsibility and
I, I don't have to say no anymore.
I don't have to say no. Actually, no, you can't do that.
No, you can't eat that. If I'm able to provide it for
myself, then I deserve it. I deserve to have it.
If I can get it, if I want it, if I need it, I deserve to have
it. That's one way I'm able to heal
my inner child. And talking to my clients about
this has helped me realize that this is actually a universal
issue. It's just that sometimes we
don't have the words to put to it.
We don't have the the best ways is to communicate the emotions
that we have or how we feel about such things.
So don't let those who've hurt you keep taking away from you by
making you repeat the oppressive cycles you had to go through in
your childhood. Right now, you can heal.
You can literally wake up and say it's enough.
I'm done being sad and being miserable and being tired and
angry and being miserable. It's just time for me to heal
and take care of myself, love myself more, protect myself.
It's a decision you can make anytime at midnight, in the
morning, when you wake up today, tomorrow, it literally doesn't
matter. You just have to be aware so
that you know it's an active thing you have to do for
yourself. Forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself for all the things you didn't know, for how
you didn't know better. We grow every day, we learn
every day, and the only thing that you need to do now is just
purpose to be better. Just make it your intention to
be a better human being. Recognize better people.
Fuck better people. Communicate, get better, dress
better, look better. Take care of that child.
Let the child that is within you a Kikuana.
I feel like you're such a badass.
I like to keep pictures of myself around myself because I
love to be able to remind myself where I've come from and who I
am. And I love to see the little
girl that I'm taking care of because I owe her everything.
I owe her the absolute best that she can ever get.
I owe her abundance, amazing things, luxury, comfort, peace,
love, happiness. I really owe her everything.
Start to see yourself in this light and hopefully you start to
realize that making yourself happier, forgiving yourself,
healing your inner child is things that are necessary for
your growth. I hope this makes sense to you.
Please don't forget to check out my blog Love and Orgasms and you
can watch me every Tuesday at Citizen or Citizen TV at 8:00 AM
on the Daybreak show where we talk about relationships,
intimacy and social issues. You can book me for one-on-one
session. Follow me anywhere on social
media. My name is Roberta Bobby, I will
reply to your DMS. I'd love to hear from you.
Tell me what you think. Tell me if if this is going to
help you and prompt you to start wanting better and doing better
for yourself. Toodles.