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If you have been on this podcast
for a while, the Love and Orgasm

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Show, then you know that it's no
secret that healing yourself 

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improves all aspects of your 
life. 

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And how you start is by healing 
1 aspect and then it like a 

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domino effect. 
It touches everything else in 

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your life, and you must reach a 
point in life where whether it's

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discomfort or pain, something 
will force you to evolve. 

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Sometimes you do. 
You don't even know you need any

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evolving or growing or healing 
or that you have some changes to

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do. 
But discomfort and pain will 

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take you places where you have 
to dig deep within yourself to 

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start to find the ways you can 
improve yourself to remove 

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yourself from the pain or the 
discomfort that you're feeling. 

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And when you decide you want 
better, you start to receive 

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better. 
During my one-on-one sessions 

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that Ioffer on the love and 
orgasms platform, I'm starting 

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to realize that most of us don't
really feel safe. 

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And this is hindering us from 
living our authentic lives. 

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It's hindering us from achieving
all the things that we deserve 

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to achieve, all the abundance 
and all the good things that 

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life has to offer. 
And all this fear and the lack 

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of safety is stemming from our 
childhood traumas. 

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Things were done to us that have
made us stay stuck and repeating

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cycles. 
But as an adult, it reaches a 

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point where you have to heal and
grow and evolve and remove 

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yourself from these cycles that 
you were brought up in. 

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That's the fact of fact. 
Like you, you're brought into 

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art and then people do things to
you or you go through some 

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things. 
And as an adult, it's your whole

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responsibility to grow and heal 
from these things. 

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Sometimes you don't know where 
to start. 

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You don't even know what you're 
doing. 

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You don't know where it's coming
from or that you need to heal 

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something. 
But then when you're you start 

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to socialize with other people, 
you start to see how they are 

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improving yourself and hopefully
it starts to rub off on you. 

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Traumas like rejection, 
abandonment, betrayal and 

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injustice are the things that 
cause us to behave the way we 

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behave as adults when we grow 
up. 

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But then, like I said, it's only
your responsibility when you 

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become an adult. 
Unajale me Meena Samanga at the 

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past thirty you're the poor 
background. 

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You can start saying at I come 
from a poor background. 

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No 30. 
Now this is because 30 year old 

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is considered an adult and I 
really totally agree with this. 

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By then it's your responsibility
to start to try to make your 

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inner child feel safe, whatever 
that looks like for you. 

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Like when I'm walking out, I 
like to hear my thoughts. 

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Some people walk out with 
earphones on. 

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I like to draw dog that stuff 
with like my own thoughts 

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because I think it's the only 
time where my mind is not 

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preoccupied with other things. 
It's when I'm focusing 

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completely on the task that I'm 
given. 

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And first of all, I'm just proud
of myself for being able to 

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bring myself to a part where my 
brain can shut up because 

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especially with ADHD, this is 
something that you really, 

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really struggle with, being able
to focus and do something. 

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But through practice over the 
years, I brought to my myself to

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a point where I can't even blame
my, my behavioral patterns or my

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mental illnesses anymore because
I'm starting to learn that with 

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discipline. 
Of course, it's different for 

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everyone, but I'm starting to 
learn specifically for myself 

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that the more I stay disciplined
and the I actively walk on 

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myself, some of these things 
that are behavioral issues and 

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stuff, the things you can, I 
have definitely been able to 

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walk on for myself. 
And so when I'm walking out, my 

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mind shuts up. 
And something I realized is that

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every time my mind is quiet, my 
inner child is able to show up 

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and speak to me. 
I can hear her voice. 

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She comes up and says she talks 
to me about the things she's 

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craving, the things she's 
enjoyed, the things she loves, 

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the things she needs. 
And this is just me. 

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This is within me. 
This is myself talking to 

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myself. 
But if you're consistently 

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preoccupied, these are the 
things you miss because you're 

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outside chasing, chasing, 
chasing, chasing. 

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You forget that within yourself 
is a little girl or a little boy

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who needs attention and 
validation and love and good 

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things, good food, good music, 
good, whatever it could be. 

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But if you're neglecting this 
little baby who lives within 

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you, then you start to wonder 
why you're consistently angry, 

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sad, feeling neglected. 
You start seeking validation 

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from outside because you think 
this love that you did not get 

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from your parents is going to 
come from work or your lovers or

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money, other substitutes. 
But it's never going to do that.

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The love is always going to come
from yourself. 

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It's always going to come from 
who you are. 

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And you have to work on yourself
so that you can be able to 

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receive. 
So I like to hear my thoughts 

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and be very aware of them so 
that I can introspect. 

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And I realize that this is the 
time I feel the most safe 

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because it's the time when this 
inner child of mine is able to 

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come out. 
I also realized that my ways of 

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venting and letting things out 
when they turned into healthy 

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habits Kitambo. 
I would smoke a lot of weed, 

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drink alcohol, go out, have sex,
be avoidant, always be angry, 

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take everything personally. 
But ever since I started coping 

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with things much healthier, ways
that honor my body and take care

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of of me, I realized that my 
inner child feels so safe coming

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out. 
And one of the ways is even 

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having this podcast. 
By me having this podcast and 

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being able to air my views and 
talk about the things I have in 

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my head and I feel in my heart, 
it's very therapeutic for me. 

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The healing takes away feelings 
of shame and inadequacy, 

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especially those that are linked
to sex. 

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Sex becomes more enjoyable, even
just because I'm healing myself.

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I feel very safe all the way 
down to my core. 

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It's not just a safety I expect 
from maybe my sexual partner or 

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my friends or my lover or my 
parents. 

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It's a safety that I provide for
myself from within. 

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And being able to give myself 
this kind of protection, it also

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helps me be able to receive it 
because I know the exact 

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standards of protection, safety 
that I need for myself. 

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I don't let people who have hurt
me to keep taking away from me. 

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I don't hold grudges. 
I don't hold things within 

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because I understand that my 
inner child is just a baby. 

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She's just a little girl and she
needs someone who's able to be 

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there for her, someone who 
listens to her, validates her 

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emotions. 
I wouldn't. 

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I would hate to put her in a in 
perpetual stress where she's 

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unable to cope, unable to talk, 
unable to say what she feels, 

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unable to open up. 
And it's very interesting. 

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Like I wanted to say, during 
these sessions of mine where I 

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take one-on-one clients and we 
discuss personal growth, 

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intimacy, relationships, sex, 
I'm realizing that most people 

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don't feel safe because they 
don't realize that their inner 

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child is with them. 
They don't realize that they're 

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not just catering to adults. 
They're not catering to someone 

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who knows everything and makes 
money and is independent just 

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because you're able to do all 
that it's about. 

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Is five year old you, 18 year 
old you, 20 year old you. 

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Do they feel safe coming to you?
Would they be proud with the way

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you cope with things? 
Would they be happy being in the

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room with you, seeing how you 
behave, how you take care of 

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yourself? 
Are they grateful for you? 

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Do they love you? 
Or have you created a hostile 

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environment like the one your 
parents created? 

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Are you repeating cycles by 
doing the same things to 

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yourself that your parents to 
you and an extension you're 

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doing it to your friends and 
your family and everyone around 

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you and you're showing up the 
same way in your walk to your 

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money. 
Everything, everything change 

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has a domino effect. 
So whether you decide not to 

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change and evolve or to change 
and evolve, it will always 

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affect every other aspect of 
your life. 

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So this is things that you have 
to be very intentional about. 

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And it's, it's really crazy to 
think about it in this type of 

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way because it's not something 
that that had occurred to me 

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before I started learning about 
it. 

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You know, you, you go through 
life, especially when you're 

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ignorant, you go through life 
thinking, you know, things just 

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happen until you realize that 
most of the things are actually 

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your responsibility. 
Like it's your responsibility to

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keep the relationships in your, 
in your life going. 

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It's your responsibility to pay 
your bills. 

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It's your responsibility to get 
educated, to make more. 

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It's your responsibility to make
more money, to dress well, to 

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eat well, to take care of your 
body, to love yourself more. 

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All these things are your 
responsibility. 

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No one is coming to save you. 
And yes, you could have all the 

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money and you could have all the
things to pay, but is the care 

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consistent? 
Is you showing up for yourself 

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consistent? 
All these things matter. 

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So if you're neglecting 
yourself, you're neglecting your

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inner child. 
Essentially, you're doing away 

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with all the standards required 
to be able to accommodate you. 

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You're, you're not caring for 
yourself enough to even love 

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yourself enough to see all these
things that you deserve. 

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And that's a shame because you 
end up missing out on love. 

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If you're not healing, if you're
not protecting yourself, you're 

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not able to protect yourself in 
situations required as well. 

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And the best way to get educated
on this is by throwing yourself 

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out there. 
Put yourself in situations where

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you're able to notice that you 
need to improve your protection 

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towards yourself. 
You need to improve the way you 

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love yourself, the words you say
to yourself, the way you speak 

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to yourself. 
Like something I'm starting to 

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learn. 
I should have talked about this 

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in the financial trauma episode.
Something I'm starting to learn 

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while healing my inner child is 
to be able to understand that 

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it's my job to provide for 
myself and so there's no need 

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for me to feel guilty when I 
spend money providing for 

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myself. 
I can buy for myself the 

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jewelry. 
I can buy myself anything I want

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to eat. 
I can take myself anywhere I 

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need to go. 
I don't need to wait for anyone 

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to come and do it for me. 
I can do it for myself because I

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have free will and it's my life 
and it's my responsibility and 

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I, I don't have to say no 
anymore. 

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I don't have to say no. 
Actually, no, you can't do that.

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No, you can't eat that. 
If I'm able to provide it for 

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myself, then I deserve it. 
I deserve to have it. 

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If I can get it, if I want it, 
if I need it, I deserve to have 

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it. 
That's one way I'm able to heal 

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my inner child. 
And talking to my clients about 

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this has helped me realize that 
this is actually a universal 

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issue. 
It's just that sometimes we 

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don't have the words to put to 
it. 

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We don't have the the best ways 
is to communicate the emotions 

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that we have or how we feel 
about such things. 

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So don't let those who've hurt 
you keep taking away from you by

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making you repeat the oppressive
cycles you had to go through in 

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your childhood. 
Right now, you can heal. 

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You can literally wake up and 
say it's enough. 

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I'm done being sad and being 
miserable and being tired and 

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angry and being miserable. 
It's just time for me to heal 

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and take care of myself, love 
myself more, protect myself. 

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It's a decision you can make 
anytime at midnight, in the 

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morning, when you wake up today,
tomorrow, it literally doesn't 

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matter. 
You just have to be aware so 

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that you know it's an active 
thing you have to do for 

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yourself. 
Forgive yourself. 

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Forgive yourself for all the 
things you didn't know, for how 

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you didn't know better. 
We grow every day, we learn 

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every day, and the only thing 
that you need to do now is just 

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purpose to be better. 
Just make it your intention to 

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be a better human being. 
Recognize better people. 

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Fuck better people. 
Communicate, get better, dress 

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better, look better. 
Take care of that child. 

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Let the child that is within you
a Kikuana. 

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I feel like you're such a 
badass. 

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I like to keep pictures of 
myself around myself because I 

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love to be able to remind myself
where I've come from and who I 

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am. 
And I love to see the little 

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girl that I'm taking care of 
because I owe her everything. 

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I owe her the absolute best that
she can ever get. 

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I owe her abundance, amazing 
things, luxury, comfort, peace, 

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love, happiness. 
I really owe her everything. 

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Start to see yourself in this 
light and hopefully you start to

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realize that making yourself 
happier, forgiving yourself, 

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healing your inner child is 
things that are necessary for 

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your growth. 
I hope this makes sense to you. 

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Please don't forget to check out
my blog Love and Orgasms and you

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can watch me every Tuesday at 
Citizen or Citizen TV at 8:00 AM

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on the Daybreak show where we 
talk about relationships, 

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intimacy and social issues. 
You can book me for one-on-one 

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session. 
Follow me anywhere on social 

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media. 
My name is Roberta Bobby, I will

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reply to your DMS. 
I'd love to hear from you. 

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Tell me what you think. 
Tell me if if this is going to 

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help you and prompt you to start
wanting better and doing better 

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for yourself. 
Toodles.