On the last episode, towards the end, I talked about financial
and emotional desperation and I said I'll explain what I mean in
an episode of its own. Because I've been noticing how
I've been growing and I've been noticing also how my dating life
has been improving. And I just wanted to talk about
some certain areas in my life where I have improved my
standards that have definitely benefited me in the long term.
And if you told me about these things 4-5 years ago, I
definitely wouldn't have understood.
I don't know if it's 'cause my frontal lobe developed amacos.
Actually, I know why, it's 'cause generally my life, my
quality of life has improved. So of course, a lot of things
have improved over the years. You know, with experience and
with age, you become better. If you purpose to become better.
It just happens inevitably. As long as you're on this
trajectory of trying to improve your life, everything else is
touched. I always say it's like a domino
effect. Before I dive into the topic, I
just wanted to shout out everyone who watches me on TV.
Every Tuesday on citizen TV at 8 AMI get so many messages people
shouting me out saying they got to watch me.
So many people also have followed me newly on TikTok.
I'd like to appreciate that. I went from like 1000 followers
to 3000 followers in a very, very short time and I'm not
quite active there. So that shows me that my work in
a Fikiwatu, people are discovering me just even from
the DMS I get on Instagram and Twitter.
And I've been seeing, I've been seeing the feedback that makes
me so, so happy. For the past week, I have been
trying to rest on this marathon where I've been working
consistently and very, very, I've really been disciplined, I
feel like. So it has been paying off, yes.
But you know, because I'm a loner and I do most of the stuff
I have to get done on my own, it can get quite exhausted.
And I go through periods of times where I just need to sit
and do nothing and rest and sleep.
And then today I put up those posts, those questions on
Instagram for You Can Ask Me Anything.
And a friend of mine online asked me, how are you?
I really love that question because most times when we're
asked how are you, we don't really answer it truthfully,
especially Kamani small talk, you know, you meet someone, but
someone who's always trying to be super intentional with
everything I do, including answering such questions.
And it made me have to sit back and actually think, how am I
feeling? What am I doing?
So I'm recording on Wednesday at 7:30 PM.
All weekend I was outside the house doing activities.
On a Saturday, I was at A at a cancer event, a cancer meeting
with my mom and my friend tagged along.
So it's this support group meeting where cancer survivors
and patients meet and they share ideas, they discuss ways to
improve their lives, ways to heal better.
It's just like, it's a support group, and it's really nice.
I like to go with my mom because I show her all the support.
I feel like it makes such a difference because I see how her
face lights up when I pull up on her, and it makes me feel
really, really nice. And then I also noticed that our
moms were not really given the emotional attention they
deserved raising us. They they wanted to raise in
very difficult times, like in times that were different from
ours, says the mothers. Now they know better, they're
able to be much more present. But our mums, they were raised
by angry parents, most of them, most of their generation, so
they ended up becoming angry people.
It's just it's tough for them to even connect emotionally.
So I try my best to always make sure that I'm available for my
mom, I'm there for her. I see how excited she gets when
she sees me or when she has to introduce me as her kid.
It makes her so happy. Which also brought me to the
realization that I have trouble with introducing myself.
When people ask me this question for what do you do?
I normally have a very difficult time answering it because I know
they mean, I mean, they mean the question like professionally,
like what do I do to make money or what.
I guess. I guess that's what like 80% are
trying to figure out. But in my mind, how that
question is processed is like, how do you go by life?
What do you do in life? And I do so many things.
I love to take naps, I love to sleep, I love to rest.
I love to be around animals and plants.
I love a lot of things. I love chilling and listening to
music. And when I answer this question
like that, it confuses them because they're expecting me to
answer professionally and professionally.
I'm actually a journalist. I'm a broadcast journalist.
That's what I went to school for.
And in as much as I don't really practice, like primarily as a
journalist, I apply all my journalistic skills into my blog
and podcast. So I went to school for radio
broadcast, print media, basically all the medias and I'm
applying them in that. I have a blog where I write, I
have a podcast which is like a radio show and I'm on TV doing
the Tuesday show. That's the broadcast part of it.
So I think that's how me being a journalist comes out.
And I hardly ever introduce myself as a journalist.
Like, hey, I'm Roberta, I'm a journalist.
It just sounds very, I don't know.
I'm always so ready to talk about love and orgasms and how I
talk about sex and how I speak about sex when I'm asked about
what I do professionally. But even that is not like my
job. Yes, it's a way to make I make
money, but like, is it really a job?
It's something fun I do that I love, that consumes all my time,
but it hardly feels like a job because when I'm doing love and
orgasm stuff, it just feels like life.
Like it's my life. Because it's me writing on my
journal, speaking on my podcast, doing a lot of research, doing a
lot of writing, doing a lot. It's just me doing stuff that I
like. That's part of life.
The same way I go chill with the horses, the same way I go for a
run. This same way I go for to the
gym. I don't know if you get what I
mean. So yeah, I'm starting to
embrace, or rather I'm trying to teach myself how to answer that
question. Yeah.
What do you do? Like, Kimmy, hopefully before
you ask me, if you meet me and you listen to my podcast, just
understand that this is how I feel about that question.
Hiya. So has anything else new that in
my life been happening? I think like I always say, my
life is pretty chill. I hardly have Oh my God, the
best thing. How can I, how could I not have
begun with this news? So my elder brother had a baby
this over the weekend with his beautiful wife.
And that's by far that's the most amazing thing that's
happened to me in a very long time.
I think the baby looks just like me, but I haven't, I haven't
said that yet. I don't know if that might come
off as offensive or invasive, but I really think that the girl
looks like me. She's so beautiful.
She's the most, she's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen
and I'm yet to see her. I'm planning to go and see her
within the week, but I'm very, very excited and I'm very, very
happy. That's definitely some big news
that has happened in my life. Something else.
Today I woke up on an impulse and I started going through my
following list, my followers list, my phone book, my emails,
my stuff. And I just started decluttering,
deleting things that I no longer need, people that I no longer
talk to, people that think there's just not a reason to
keep these things. And I normally go through such
pages once in a while. A few weeks ago, it was my
house. I cleaned out the whole house.
I took out everything and I threw out everything that's
extra. I gave out everything that I did
not need and I threw out all the trash.
Everything that I have been keeping that I know I will not
use or I have not used in the longest time.
And decluttering helps a lot with clearing my mind, clearing
my soul, bringing more space, adding more space for me to
receive extra blessings, extra things that are coming into my
life. So it's, it's a way to
decompress the mind and it feels good.
Other than that, I feel like my life is good.
I really, really am enjoying life.
I love everything as it is. Love being able to rest when I
need to, being able to, to relax when I need to, and also how
disciplined I have been with myself and my life.
I'm really, I'd, I'd say me being who I am right now is
really good for myself because I'm thoroughly enjoying how I
take care of myself and how I love myself and how I choose
myself consistently. I'm definitely reaping the
fruits of every good decision I have made in the past and so I
want to talk to you guys about all the work I have done for
myself financially and emotionally to remove
desperation and anxieties for my life, especially in my dating
life. Have a listen
A year ago, around a time like this a year ago, I was on the on
field director's show, becoming ACEO on YouTube, your field
director. And it's interesting because
when I was doing this interview, I was at a very confusing space
in my life. I had just lost my job.
I was dealing with. I always say this too.
I just bring it up to show you the emotional implication like
the the space I was in in my mind.
So that time I had just lost my job and my mom had just been
diagnosed with cancer. She was in India for treatment.
So my life was pretty much crumbling.
Also me and my I was in the back and forth of breaking things off
with my car situation ship. I was really, really going
through it. But also a lot of really amazing
things were happening in my life.
I was getting better deals, my career was starting to pick up.
I was making more money even though my job was dying.
I was making like love and orgasms all of a sudden was
picking up again and, and I was, I was just receiving so many
good things and I was at a time where I was unable to.
I wasn't really unable to. I just didn't know how to yet,
how to balance between feeling like I'm dying, being grateful
at the same time. It was a very, very difficult
thing to do. Looking back now, I'm so proud
of myself for being able to handle it.
And honestly, I have to give most credit to my friends who
rallied behind me and they really stood by me that period.
Really. Hey, Lini Sidri, I was cruising.
I was cruising on autopilot, but my friends really held me
through that period of my life. I bring that up because Phil
brought me on his show because his show is basically about, he
brings on people who he feels warmer bobeh in their fields of
work, people who he, I could say, admires.
And they come on and speak about their journey on how they
started off after where they are so basically becoming a CEO.
So Phil was asking all these financial questions and I was
just confused. I couldn't really pinpoint.
I wasn't doing any budgeting, any planning, any what.
I mean, yes, I was doing them, but not seriously Ilati like
kujra, what I'm doing with money, how my money is coming in
and where it's going in, out. So after I left, I was able to
answer the questions on a very basic level, but I remember
leaving that interview feeling like I have to actually do the
work. I've been just cruising through
life without putting things to pen and paper and being able to
record the coming and goings of my money.
Like just to be on top of my game, to know, is what I'm doing
sustainable and how how long will it sustain?
How will I manage to keep things running in my home, especially
now that one source of income had been ripped away from me.
So from that day leaving that interview up to now, when I
think about it, I feel like I've been much more intentional with
my finances all the time. I used to say I'm just a girl,
and yes, I am. But now that I have like big
girl bills, I have real bills at the end of every month.
And anytime when you're an adult, anything can happen.
Gassin is tokens definitely have to be much more aware of your
finances and just like your finances, your emotions as well.
You have to be on top of being able to name the feelings that
you're feeling. Being able to say, am I sad, am
I happy, do I feel good, Am I content with where I'm at?
Am I grateful? What feeling am I feeling?
Am I angry? Because this helps you to be
able to manage, regulate and understand your feeling and your
emotions. And basically this is just
financial and emotional literacy.
It makes you much more intelligent.
Most of us cruise through life without thinking that these
things are important life skills.
But I promise you, you'd rather know and get better at the game
than be ignorant and just cruise through life and listen any way
you choose. Remember, I'm not here to tell
you what you do to do. So remember, you can do what you
want. You can definitely do what you
want and live life how you please.
But I'm just sharing that I'm finding the quality of my life
improving the more I decide to be intentional with things.
And this means also intentionality in my money, in
my emotions, in my relationships, and especially in
my sexual life. OK, my sexual life is non
existent, but like, you know what I mean?
I'm talking about my relationship with me and my toys
higher. I'll start with the financial
part. So growing up, when I can say,
let me say, when I was around 19 was when I started dating much
more consciously. I think I was in uni at that
age. You tend to date around your age
group, around your age gap, the people who are closer to you in
age, I guess I, I guess I think, OK, during my times, those are
the boys we had access to. And I could tell even from my
younger age that I was kind of more financially stable than my
counterparts from the other gender.
And it's not at you because I was rich and I was from a rich
family. It's just because I had better
money management. Most times we'd we'd even go for
trips, we'd go for things like the girls always had money and
they always had money saved. But the boys were a bit more
reckless with their money management.
I'm not saying it's a gender thing, just hear me out.
I'm just telling my story. So nobody at home ever taught me
about financial literacy. Nobody ever told me about money.
Nobody ever explained how to make money or how money acts or
what it's about. And I've had to figure these
things out on my own as I went. So dating these men that were
always less than me, like even the rich boys, even the cool
kids, they always had issues with money.
I don't know why. I think it's a, it's a financial
literacy thing. Nobody was really talking to us
about money, especially in the African home.
This is not an easy discussion. You just, you hear about money
when it's inheritance discussions, but nobody really
tells you, you know, this is what to do when you get money,
blah, blah, blah. You just figure it out along the
way as you go, you make your own mistake and you fail as you go.
So when I was in some relationship, I think I was 19
or 20 years old, Apple 2021, I dated this guy and this guy
definitely put me on. So we were walking.
He brought me on, you know, to whatever the things he used to
do. And we used to work for the same
organizations. And I think at that time was
when actually I made my fast almost mealy.
It was almost a mealy and I was like 2021 years old.
That was a lot of money those times.
That's like 8 years ago. You nikitambo OK, sikitambo
sana. But it was a big deal.
So this guy, he definitely elevated me in some ways because
hanging around him also just made me much more vocal, much
more confident, such a go getter.
Like he taught me to go for the things that I wanted and to do
the things I wanted. So finally, Liliana hey, doing
as a come iodo tuliblo kaimalize kaisha nikabaki 0 kabisa.
Actually, by the time the relationship was ending, I was
bankrupt. I had 000 in my account.
I ended up even closing that bank account because nearly
decide to there's no need to to continue.
Let me just open a new bank account and start over afresh.
And not only did the end of the relationship leave me bankrupt,
it also left me very emotionally drained and I ended up writing
an article. I think it's still on about it.
It's called broke, Broke boys don't deserve no pussy where I
explain more what I mean about the correlation between finances
and love. And you see, before then before
is a sequel. I could never make the
correlation, the direct correlation between money and
love, especially between different agendas.
You see, I'm a very, very independent woman.
And when you're independent, you tend to show up as dominant.
And this is really, really intimidate dates weak men.
They will never know how soft I am and how almost naive I am
because I grew up very sheltered and then I'm very introverted.
But because learning how to manage my finances has made me
much more assertive and has given me so much more conviction
in the things I do, it's helped me be able to trust my
intuition. And you just gain a lot of
experience with age. So already bums don't stand a
chance. Like they can never be attracted
to a girl like me. They can see me and like me, but
they already know Apple sita Toboa.
And when I was dating these guys that now these are those days
when I was dating these guys that were not as financially
stable as I was, I was very, very desperate.
I had I was always used to dating these guys who were not
as financially stable as I was. And I used to be Barbara the
builder, I would give them, I would give him fare, I would buy
food, I would pay for everything.
I would give him things, I would fuel.
I had a car that OK, it was my dad's car, but I was using my
parents let me use the car easy. So Mimi imagine when I was that
age, I was able to fuel the car, do my things, go anywhere I
want. But the guys I was dating who
are my age, they were not on that level.
Cup Sir, for me to get someone who was understanding me, I had
to start dating all the guys. The disclaimer, I always have to
say this disclaimer. Listen, I know when I'm 21,
dating at 30 year old was weird, but hear me out.
What was that? What was I going to do with
like? Kids who didn't OK, at the time,
I thought I was mature. I thought this guy's liked me
because I was mature. But yeah, I know about possible
grooming. But these older men who also had
cars and were driving, they were the ones who understood like we
could have conversations with on the same level.
And so Ikafanania Check could date the younger guys.
So when I started dating older guys, I realized that yes, this
this man. Now they're much more
financially stable, they have money, they can do anything they
want, they can travel and they're very generous.
I got used to men spoiling me from a very, very young age.
By 21/22/23, I had, I was already dating like men who are
very, very rich, who are rich. I was driving and yes, I had
this. But remember, I was still very
young. I was living in my mom's house
and I wasn't as mature as I thought I was.
I wasn't as grown up as I thought I was.
But then there's this lifestyle these people introduced me to.
Like of course my parents couldn't afford this.
But now I'm dating a man who takes me on vacations away,
fuels my car, pays for the detailing, pays for everything I
need, takes care of me, gives me money every week, takes me on
dates multiple times a week. We were always doing fun stuff,
he was always giving me money, he was always spoiling me.
Flowers, gifts, jewelry, clothes, shoes.
You know, when you're dating such a man, it's really hard
when you guys break up because this guy basically can control
you. You know, if you don't do what
he wants, he's going to take away the privilege that he's
accorded you. At that time, I didn't know that
that was financial abuse. I just thought, you know, katuma
kosana MI normal lucini pepesa like sinisawa, like ini mutu
anaku flani and then aki feel like when I caught this guy
cheating and I asked him about it, we had a fight and the
favour started reducing. And I started wondering, you
know, that time you start getting scared because there's a
direct correlation between you having no money and this man
controlling all your moves. If he says you're not going out,
you're not going out because he gives you the money to go out.
If he says you're not wearing that those clothes, you're not
wearing those clothes because he buys the clothes.
When he says he doesn't want you to do this and he finds you
doing it, it's beef. So Siku Kwana realized I was
being like conditioned not to ask questions in the
relationship when and I was being financially and
emotionally abused. I just thought it was a normal
reaction from someone you know. And this would go on until I
ended up breaking up with that guy because of course I found a
richer boyfriend. I started dating someone who had
more money than me and these allowances grew even bigger.
This guy anyway, dating Richmond when you don't have money is
very crazy. You also realize that these men,
they really don't invest in your in your goals and in your
dreams. If you're not an intentional
person, if you're just this girls for happy happy fun drinks
nini, they just teach you like that.
Unless you become very aware of the things you require and you
have higher standards than that, then they just treat you like
that. So I started dating a guy who
was richer than him and I also wrote about this story.
I link every story in the description box that I talk talk
about. And this guy, now the abuse was
even worse because there's a time we went, we went on
vacation. I mean, Afadali, by this time I
was saving. I had money, but because he used
to give me a lot of money. So I was a really smart girl.
I had been saving. But this man, we went on
vacation and he wanted to have unprotected sex with me and I
refused. I refused Kabsa this time.
I was like 23 years old. I refused Kabisa, Kabisa Kabisa.
And he was a very, very wealthy guy.
Hey, Sijini Penne details father.
But he's a high profile guy. And this guy also walked around
with a gun. So that day I was very, very
scared. He he would put it on the dress,
on the dresser in the hotel room.
And yes, we would do stuff. And I didn't feel like I was in
love with him. It's just, you know, he was
doing all these things for me and he was treating me really
well. So I kind of felt felt compelled
to always go back. Alafu pesa raisi.
And this is all because I was not used to money.
I wasn't Pesa Visuri because money.
Hiya so this guy intimidated me and he forced me into having sex
with him. I refuse.
I refuse to accept. And what he did was he took off
he left me in the hotel room in a completely different city.
But good thing is I had my own money.
I just booked my flight and I came back home and I deleted his
number and I blocked him. He tried to apologize years
later, but honestly, for him to do that to me and he was like 33
years old, I was like 23 years old really.
I was a baby and he was a fully grown man, so he knew what he
was doing. And I don't think that also
showed me he wasn't really serious with me.
He wasn't, you know, this men pretend, and when you're young
and yet naive, it's so easy for you to fall for it, especially
when they're leading with money. That day when I went back home,
I felt so disrespected. It started to occur to me that
he probably, he didn't treat, he didn't treat me like I was a
human being. And maybe he took me for a
prostitute. Maybe he just saw me as one of
his prostitutes or something like that.
That feeling made me feel very, very bad and I swore to myself
that I was never ever going to let I was never going to date a
man with money and stay with him just because he has the money.
I needed to work hard for myself to have my own money S that in
case anything happens, I'm able to to bounce, I'm able to take
care of myself just the way I paid for that flight and came
back home. Imagine if I had nothing branded
Apple. And now, years later, now that I
can afford things I need, like if I need food, if I need, I'll
just refund you, I'll buy my I can buy my own flowers.
I can buy my own flowers. Utter surgery is a competition
like Kimi. Having my own stuff gave me back
my dignity because now I was very become very able to leave
situations that do not show me any respect.
And this goes even for job offers.
Come up to a Fiki Bay. I'm about to our exposure.
We'll pay you the exposure. When they hit me up, I'm able to
say no. There was a time when I didn't
have the confidence to. There was a time I was not able
to. But it teaches a point in life
where you have to know your and you have to understand that you
deserve to be compensated for your time, your feelings, your
importance, your space. You're supposed to be recognized
and acknowledged. And when someone takes you for
granted especially, you're supposed to be able to just walk
the fuck out. Leave them alone.
Watch our account. Having my own money has made me
able to make better decisions. And I call this, I see people
call it fuck you money. I call it buy buy a home money
because I've seen my mom rebuild over and over.
My mom. I talked about this also in the
in the last episode. We've been auctioned like thrice
when we were in our when my mom was in her 30s, when she was in
her 40s when she was in her bro. Like I've seen my mom start over
from nothing like a phoenix from the ashes.
I've seen her start over so many times.
So I'm not really afraid to walk away from nothing.
I'm not afraid to walk away from someone who thinks they can hold
me back because of financials or material stuff.
I'm just gonna walk away because I know it's so possible to buy
new stuff to improve my life financially.
I've also been there so many times.
I've lost money. I've made money.
I know money comes and goes. It's like it's just an energy.
You have to vibe on the same frequency with the money.
You have to treat money like you like it being around you like
you. You enjoy money.
You have to speak well of money. Let money go so that it can come
back like there's no control. It's just an energy thing.
And once I started to learn how to be in tune with my finances,
I just make better decisions. No one can wave money in my face
and say I'm going to do this. I'm going to take this away from
you, Daisy Miniko. Sour Namina feels sour.
So my mom taught me this because she's the one who's shown me
that it's possible to start over so many times.
And these days, it is true that only date rich men, but even
these rich men, sometimes they think that that's the only thing
that really they require to be able to be around me.
And when they realize that I, I require more, they get so
shocked because I'm not afraid to walk away from nonsense.
I'm not afraid to walk away from when you don't have a great
personality, when you're not a kind person, when you're not
considerate or empathetic, I'll just leave you alone.
And this is also part of me being able to build a very
secure attachment style because I already know what I want and I
know what it looks like. I'm not living in confusion.
Where exactly Nataka those days? Kitambo when I was broke and
when I was very disorganized and anxious.
Even with my attachment attachment styles, I find that I
always wanted validation and I always required to be loved.
This would leave me in situations where I was always
begging people to stay and I was always also stuck in
relationships because I was scared like, how will I pay for
that Akinacha, this circle of friends, you know, they have
great networks. How will I survive if I leave
them? But taking that leap and going
on on my own and doing my own stuff has taught me Kumbe, I can
just make my own connections. Kumbe, I can just make my own
money. I didn't really have to be stuck
anywhere. And in the moment, I understand
it feels very scary. But once you make that leap and
especially as a woman, and you make the firm decision that yo,
I want to take charge of my life.
I want to have my own stuff, not depending on anyone who can take
it away because they please. Then it just gives you so much
more power and the more you uphold your standards, it kind
of gets lonelier, but it also gets you a higher quality of
interactions and experiences. Everyone I'm around nowadays is
just people I really look up to, people who inspire me in so many
ways and they teach me so many things.
And this is the the direct consequence of overall improving
my life, eluding financially and emotionally.
You see, because now I'm secure in my attachments to people.
I'm able to enjoy very emotional relationships.
I'm able to enjoy the intimacy of relationships, whether
romantic or platonic. I'm able to attract people who
are on my level. And so hakuna desperation, neza
tuma, I love you. And I will not feel scared
because everyone I'm friends with is on that same vibe.
Then on that same frequency, the people like date the lovers I
have, they're very romantic, very present, very consistent.
So it's a good feeling. It's actually a great feeling.
It's just how could I desperation anymore?
No more relationships where I have to beg for attention and
affection and love and everything or beg for money, beg
for gifts, beg for it's I can do it for myself.
Anyone else who comes into my life.
It's just an addition. It's just extra.
It's not something that will take away, say anything from me.
I'm complete on my own as myself.
And you also have to realize that people can sense the
desperation. Anytime you're desperate for
something or you're very anxious, people can sense it.
And that's why you have to make sure you work towards being
self-sufficient. And hear me out, being
self-sufficient and independent doesn't mean that you don't need
people or you don't need help or you don't want money and love
from people. It just means that you're able
to be secure in yourself. Everything else people bring
into your life is extra. If there's a guy who likes you,
well and good, that's just extra.
You already like yourself, but if they like you, that's good.
If they don't like you, okay. Doesn't take anything away from
you. Doesn't it doesn't throw you
into this spiral of you being so desperate for them that you
forget to to like yourself and to treat yourself really, really
well. I have a friend who likes to
joke about. I know it's not a joke.
I know, I know she it's her way of calling me into recollection,
into wake up before you fuck up. And she likes to tell me that.
Miminez Adanganovi raising a romance.
And it's true, kinda is true because I'm such a sucker for
romantic lovers and romantic friends.
But and I really, I feel like sometimes love warming makes
sense to me because yeah, I do believe it's normal to teach me
in a very grand way. But the difference is because of
my awareness, the moment the honeymoon phase is stripped away
from me or someone is withholding love or someone is
withholding affection or someone is withholding even money, you
know, in terms of generosity, I just start to notice this person
is not ready to love even. Yeah, you might lie to me, you
might catch me with your romantic gestures.
But you know, people can't pretend for too long.
And also for people to catch my attention, most times they have
to go above and beyond because I I can do it for myself.
Like like I said, Otani Katiana chips, otani Katiana chicken,
Otani Katiana vacation, otani Katiana sea plenty.
Those are things I can buy for myself.
You actually like yes I would love a vacation, but I would
also love for you to be a very kind and responsible human being
that loves to show love and is very emotionally available.
Otherwise the relationship is gonna end and do you just want
me to use you for money and then I leave you OK if that's what
you want you can also just DM me and let me know but you get what
I mean. Having high standards, expecting
from others, the things I feel like expecting from others, the
the kind of treatment that I give to myself, like at least at
par or on that level, it keeps me from low experiences, lowlife
experiences. And I never have to settle for
less because even things like flowers, I buy my self flowers.
So someone buying me flowers and then mistreating me will not
make me stay with them. I'll just leave you with your
flowers and I'll go and buy my own flowers.
It's a good lesson to learn. So my whole point in this is
people can sense when you're desperate.
You have to love yourself a little more.
You have to be very intentional with the way you treat yourself
because this helps you become able to could you talk or
situations and yeah, they're not good for you anymore.
Do not be financially desperate, do not chase people because you
know of what they can do for you financially.
And hear me out, I do believe in the sprinkle sprinkle lady.
I'm not going against anything she says.
I'm just saying the whole point of this whole thing is to have
your own money. It's not to enter relationships
because Ukonanja, find a way to feed yourself and take care of
yourself so that people don't abuse you for the little stuff
that they can do for you. And when the abuse starts, you
should be able to leave and leave them alone for good,
because you already know you deserve better and you want
better. And this goes for all sorts of
relationships. Don't let anyone have the upper
hand of being able to say I did this for you.
That thing really traumatizes me because I grew up hearing it a
lot. So I became the kind of person
who does things for myself so that no one ever has the, the,
the audacity to tell me that they made me.
And also, even if they do, I try to be consciously never around
people who speak like that, people who give selflessly,
people who give because they want to, people who do things
for me because they love to and they enjoy.
That's my kind of people because it helps me mirror them, it
helps me able to be myself around them and reciprocate
their actions as well. So please do not be desperate
for love, for affection, for anything.
The more desperate you are, the more in a kuchenga.
Just flow and be in an energy of receiving and of loving and
enjoying. Stay within a lot of gratitude.
Let go of things that are not yours, Forgive much easier and
love yourself. Thank you for listening to this
episode. I just wanted to remind you in
case you know, sometimes your only reason for being with
someone is 'cause they buy you food, bro you, you are eating
before you met them. Please choose better.
Choose better and leave. Try to teach yourself to leave
situations that are abusive by becoming more aware so that
you're able to pick it up before it gets farther and it's more
difficult to leave because they've conditioned you
psychologically. Toodles.