1 00:00:23,610 --> 00:00:27,970 On the last episode, towards the end, I talked about financial 2 00:00:27,970 --> 00:00:35,000 and emotional desperation and I said I'll explain what I mean in 3 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:38,000 an episode of its own. Because I've been noticing how 4 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:42,120 I've been growing and I've been noticing also how my dating life 5 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:45,080 has been improving. And I just wanted to talk about 6 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:48,960 some certain areas in my life where I have improved my 7 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:52,920 standards that have definitely benefited me in the long term. 8 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:56,840 And if you told me about these things 4-5 years ago, I 9 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,880 definitely wouldn't have understood. 10 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:02,400 I don't know if it's 'cause my frontal lobe developed amacos. 11 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:06,320 Actually, I know why, it's 'cause generally my life, my 12 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:09,560 quality of life has improved. So of course, a lot of things 13 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:12,480 have improved over the years. You know, with experience and 14 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:16,280 with age, you become better. If you purpose to become better. 15 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,360 It just happens inevitably. As long as you're on this 16 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:24,320 trajectory of trying to improve your life, everything else is 17 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,960 touched. I always say it's like a domino 18 00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:30,120 effect. Before I dive into the topic, I 19 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:34,280 just wanted to shout out everyone who watches me on TV. 20 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:40,040 Every Tuesday on citizen TV at 8 AMI get so many messages people 21 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,520 shouting me out saying they got to watch me. 22 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,520 So many people also have followed me newly on TikTok. 23 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:50,480 I'd like to appreciate that. I went from like 1000 followers 24 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:55,040 to 3000 followers in a very, very short time and I'm not 25 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:59,040 quite active there. So that shows me that my work in 26 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:03,720 a Fikiwatu, people are discovering me just even from 27 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:06,600 the DMS I get on Instagram and Twitter. 28 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:09,880 And I've been seeing, I've been seeing the feedback that makes 29 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:13,760 me so, so happy. For the past week, I have been 30 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:17,200 trying to rest on this marathon where I've been working 31 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:21,320 consistently and very, very, I've really been disciplined, I 32 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,320 feel like. So it has been paying off, yes. 33 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:28,320 But you know, because I'm a loner and I do most of the stuff 34 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,560 I have to get done on my own, it can get quite exhausted. 35 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:35,320 And I go through periods of times where I just need to sit 36 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,760 and do nothing and rest and sleep. 37 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:40,960 And then today I put up those posts, those questions on 38 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,880 Instagram for You Can Ask Me Anything. 39 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:48,320 And a friend of mine online asked me, how are you? 40 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:51,600 I really love that question because most times when we're 41 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:55,400 asked how are you, we don't really answer it truthfully, 42 00:02:55,600 --> 00:03:02,160 especially Kamani small talk, you know, you meet someone, but 43 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:06,240 someone who's always trying to be super intentional with 44 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:09,640 everything I do, including answering such questions. 45 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:13,840 And it made me have to sit back and actually think, how am I 46 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,760 feeling? What am I doing? 47 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:20,120 So I'm recording on Wednesday at 7:30 PM. 48 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:25,480 All weekend I was outside the house doing activities. 49 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:30,600 On a Saturday, I was at A at a cancer event, a cancer meeting 50 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,280 with my mom and my friend tagged along. 51 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:38,160 So it's this support group meeting where cancer survivors 52 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:42,200 and patients meet and they share ideas, they discuss ways to 53 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:45,200 improve their lives, ways to heal better. 54 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,640 It's just like, it's a support group, and it's really nice. 55 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:51,720 I like to go with my mom because I show her all the support. 56 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:55,520 I feel like it makes such a difference because I see how her 57 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:59,440 face lights up when I pull up on her, and it makes me feel 58 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,000 really, really nice. And then I also noticed that our 59 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,040 moms were not really given the emotional attention they 60 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:08,600 deserved raising us. They they wanted to raise in 61 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:11,880 very difficult times, like in times that were different from 62 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,120 ours, says the mothers. Now they know better, they're 63 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:18,480 able to be much more present. But our mums, they were raised 64 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:23,200 by angry parents, most of them, most of their generation, so 65 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:25,600 they ended up becoming angry people. 66 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,200 It's just it's tough for them to even connect emotionally. 67 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:33,360 So I try my best to always make sure that I'm available for my 68 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:37,360 mom, I'm there for her. I see how excited she gets when 69 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:40,720 she sees me or when she has to introduce me as her kid. 70 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,760 It makes her so happy. Which also brought me to the 71 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:47,440 realization that I have trouble with introducing myself. 72 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:51,240 When people ask me this question for what do you do? 73 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:56,440 I normally have a very difficult time answering it because I know 74 00:04:56,440 --> 00:05:00,720 they mean, I mean, they mean the question like professionally, 75 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:03,280 like what do I do to make money or what. 76 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,120 I guess. I guess that's what like 80% are 77 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:09,800 trying to figure out. But in my mind, how that 78 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:14,120 question is processed is like, how do you go by life? 79 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,680 What do you do in life? And I do so many things. 80 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:21,040 I love to take naps, I love to sleep, I love to rest. 81 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:24,360 I love to be around animals and plants. 82 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:27,640 I love a lot of things. I love chilling and listening to 83 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,880 music. And when I answer this question 84 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:34,800 like that, it confuses them because they're expecting me to 85 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,400 answer professionally and professionally. 86 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:40,640 I'm actually a journalist. I'm a broadcast journalist. 87 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,040 That's what I went to school for. 88 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:46,480 And in as much as I don't really practice, like primarily as a 89 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:51,000 journalist, I apply all my journalistic skills into my blog 90 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,040 and podcast. So I went to school for radio 91 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:58,800 broadcast, print media, basically all the medias and I'm 92 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:02,000 applying them in that. I have a blog where I write, I 93 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:07,720 have a podcast which is like a radio show and I'm on TV doing 94 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:10,760 the Tuesday show. That's the broadcast part of it. 95 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:14,520 So I think that's how me being a journalist comes out. 96 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:17,840 And I hardly ever introduce myself as a journalist. 97 00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:19,960 Like, hey, I'm Roberta, I'm a journalist. 98 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:21,880 It just sounds very, I don't know. 99 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:25,280 I'm always so ready to talk about love and orgasms and how I 100 00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:28,680 talk about sex and how I speak about sex when I'm asked about 101 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,360 what I do professionally. But even that is not like my 102 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,960 job. Yes, it's a way to make I make 103 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,160 money, but like, is it really a job? 104 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:39,720 It's something fun I do that I love, that consumes all my time, 105 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:43,320 but it hardly feels like a job because when I'm doing love and 106 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,160 orgasm stuff, it just feels like life. 107 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:49,160 Like it's my life. Because it's me writing on my 108 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:53,400 journal, speaking on my podcast, doing a lot of research, doing a 109 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:57,040 lot of writing, doing a lot. It's just me doing stuff that I 110 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,520 like. That's part of life. 111 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:02,840 The same way I go chill with the horses, the same way I go for a 112 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,800 run. This same way I go for to the 113 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,480 gym. I don't know if you get what I 114 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,800 mean. So yeah, I'm starting to 115 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:13,680 embrace, or rather I'm trying to teach myself how to answer that 116 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,280 question. Yeah. 117 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,360 What do you do? Like, Kimmy, hopefully before 118 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:21,840 you ask me, if you meet me and you listen to my podcast, just 119 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:25,080 understand that this is how I feel about that question. 120 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,680 Hiya. So has anything else new that in 121 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:32,120 my life been happening? I think like I always say, my 122 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:35,000 life is pretty chill. I hardly have Oh my God, the 123 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,440 best thing. How can I, how could I not have 124 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:41,800 begun with this news? So my elder brother had a baby 125 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,920 this over the weekend with his beautiful wife. 126 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:48,440 And that's by far that's the most amazing thing that's 127 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:50,280 happened to me in a very long time. 128 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:54,080 I think the baby looks just like me, but I haven't, I haven't 129 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,280 said that yet. I don't know if that might come 130 00:07:56,480 --> 00:08:01,280 off as offensive or invasive, but I really think that the girl 131 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,360 looks like me. She's so beautiful. 132 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:07,120 She's the most, she's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen 133 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,920 and I'm yet to see her. I'm planning to go and see her 134 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,600 within the week, but I'm very, very excited and I'm very, very 135 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,200 happy. That's definitely some big news 136 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,800 that has happened in my life. Something else. 137 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:24,120 Today I woke up on an impulse and I started going through my 138 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:29,080 following list, my followers list, my phone book, my emails, 139 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:31,320 my stuff. And I just started decluttering, 140 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:35,039 deleting things that I no longer need, people that I no longer 141 00:08:35,039 --> 00:08:38,919 talk to, people that think there's just not a reason to 142 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,919 keep these things. And I normally go through such 143 00:08:40,919 --> 00:08:44,520 pages once in a while. A few weeks ago, it was my 144 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,280 house. I cleaned out the whole house. 145 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,960 I took out everything and I threw out everything that's 146 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:51,040 extra. I gave out everything that I did 147 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:53,720 not need and I threw out all the trash. 148 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:56,800 Everything that I have been keeping that I know I will not 149 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,040 use or I have not used in the longest time. 150 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:03,360 And decluttering helps a lot with clearing my mind, clearing 151 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:07,640 my soul, bringing more space, adding more space for me to 152 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:10,960 receive extra blessings, extra things that are coming into my 153 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,000 life. So it's, it's a way to 154 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:16,240 decompress the mind and it feels good. 155 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,720 Other than that, I feel like my life is good. 156 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,280 I really, really am enjoying life. 157 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:24,200 I love everything as it is. Love being able to rest when I 158 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:28,880 need to, being able to, to relax when I need to, and also how 159 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,880 disciplined I have been with myself and my life. 160 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:35,760 I'm really, I'd, I'd say me being who I am right now is 161 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:39,440 really good for myself because I'm thoroughly enjoying how I 162 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,200 take care of myself and how I love myself and how I choose 163 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,760 myself consistently. I'm definitely reaping the 164 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:49,120 fruits of every good decision I have made in the past and so I 165 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:52,440 want to talk to you guys about all the work I have done for 166 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:56,320 myself financially and emotionally to remove 167 00:09:56,320 --> 00:10:01,160 desperation and anxieties for my life, especially in my dating 168 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:02,440 life. Have a listen 169 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:20,760 A year ago, around a time like this a year ago, I was on the on 170 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:25,920 field director's show, becoming ACEO on YouTube, your field 171 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:28,880 director. And it's interesting because 172 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:32,360 when I was doing this interview, I was at a very confusing space 173 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,680 in my life. I had just lost my job. 174 00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:37,240 I was dealing with. I always say this too. 175 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,920 I just bring it up to show you the emotional implication like 176 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:43,400 the the space I was in in my mind. 177 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,160 So that time I had just lost my job and my mom had just been 178 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:49,000 diagnosed with cancer. She was in India for treatment. 179 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:51,720 So my life was pretty much crumbling. 180 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:55,840 Also me and my I was in the back and forth of breaking things off 181 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:58,800 with my car situation ship. I was really, really going 182 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,640 through it. But also a lot of really amazing 183 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:03,080 things were happening in my life. 184 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:06,280 I was getting better deals, my career was starting to pick up. 185 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:10,040 I was making more money even though my job was dying. 186 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,840 I was making like love and orgasms all of a sudden was 187 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:18,040 picking up again and, and I was, I was just receiving so many 188 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:21,560 good things and I was at a time where I was unable to. 189 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,760 I wasn't really unable to. I just didn't know how to yet, 190 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:29,360 how to balance between feeling like I'm dying, being grateful 191 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,080 at the same time. It was a very, very difficult 192 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:35,000 thing to do. Looking back now, I'm so proud 193 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,880 of myself for being able to handle it. 194 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:41,320 And honestly, I have to give most credit to my friends who 195 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:44,840 rallied behind me and they really stood by me that period. 196 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:48,040 Really. Hey, Lini Sidri, I was cruising. 197 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:51,200 I was cruising on autopilot, but my friends really held me 198 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:54,440 through that period of my life. I bring that up because Phil 199 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:58,400 brought me on his show because his show is basically about, he 200 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:01,920 brings on people who he feels warmer bobeh in their fields of 201 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:05,720 work, people who he, I could say, admires. 202 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:09,760 And they come on and speak about their journey on how they 203 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:13,920 started off after where they are so basically becoming a CEO. 204 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:18,200 So Phil was asking all these financial questions and I was 205 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,840 just confused. I couldn't really pinpoint. 206 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:24,080 I wasn't doing any budgeting, any planning, any what. 207 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:28,760 I mean, yes, I was doing them, but not seriously Ilati like 208 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:32,840 kujra, what I'm doing with money, how my money is coming in 209 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:36,600 and where it's going in, out. So after I left, I was able to 210 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:40,440 answer the questions on a very basic level, but I remember 211 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:43,640 leaving that interview feeling like I have to actually do the 212 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,640 work. I've been just cruising through 213 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:49,400 life without putting things to pen and paper and being able to 214 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,040 record the coming and goings of my money. 215 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:55,240 Like just to be on top of my game, to know, is what I'm doing 216 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:58,160 sustainable and how how long will it sustain? 217 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:01,720 How will I manage to keep things running in my home, especially 218 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,800 now that one source of income had been ripped away from me. 219 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:09,440 So from that day leaving that interview up to now, when I 220 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:13,440 think about it, I feel like I've been much more intentional with 221 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:17,160 my finances all the time. I used to say I'm just a girl, 222 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:20,840 and yes, I am. But now that I have like big 223 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:24,480 girl bills, I have real bills at the end of every month. 224 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:27,400 And anytime when you're an adult, anything can happen. 225 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:32,640 Gassin is tokens definitely have to be much more aware of your 226 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:37,040 finances and just like your finances, your emotions as well. 227 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:41,040 You have to be on top of being able to name the feelings that 228 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,880 you're feeling. Being able to say, am I sad, am 229 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:47,960 I happy, do I feel good, Am I content with where I'm at? 230 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,760 Am I grateful? What feeling am I feeling? 231 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,920 Am I angry? Because this helps you to be 232 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:58,680 able to manage, regulate and understand your feeling and your 233 00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,040 emotions. And basically this is just 234 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,320 financial and emotional literacy. 235 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,720 It makes you much more intelligent. 236 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,800 Most of us cruise through life without thinking that these 237 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,760 things are important life skills. 238 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,840 But I promise you, you'd rather know and get better at the game 239 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:19,760 than be ignorant and just cruise through life and listen any way 240 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:21,400 you choose. Remember, I'm not here to tell 241 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:24,040 you what you do to do. So remember, you can do what you 242 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:25,760 want. You can definitely do what you 243 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:27,760 want and live life how you please. 244 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:31,480 But I'm just sharing that I'm finding the quality of my life 245 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:34,960 improving the more I decide to be intentional with things. 246 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:38,440 And this means also intentionality in my money, in 247 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:42,560 my emotions, in my relationships, and especially in 248 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:45,200 my sexual life. OK, my sexual life is non 249 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,920 existent, but like, you know what I mean? 250 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:51,200 I'm talking about my relationship with me and my toys 251 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,280 higher. I'll start with the financial 252 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:56,240 part. So growing up, when I can say, 253 00:14:56,240 --> 00:15:01,640 let me say, when I was around 19 was when I started dating much 254 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:04,760 more consciously. I think I was in uni at that 255 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,320 age. You tend to date around your age 256 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:10,760 group, around your age gap, the people who are closer to you in 257 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:15,680 age, I guess I, I guess I think, OK, during my times, those are 258 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:19,640 the boys we had access to. And I could tell even from my 259 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:24,200 younger age that I was kind of more financially stable than my 260 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,480 counterparts from the other gender. 261 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:29,760 And it's not at you because I was rich and I was from a rich 262 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,680 family. It's just because I had better 263 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:35,200 money management. Most times we'd we'd even go for 264 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,640 trips, we'd go for things like the girls always had money and 265 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,760 they always had money saved. But the boys were a bit more 266 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:44,040 reckless with their money management. 267 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,760 I'm not saying it's a gender thing, just hear me out. 268 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:50,560 I'm just telling my story. So nobody at home ever taught me 269 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:54,000 about financial literacy. Nobody ever told me about money. 270 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:59,240 Nobody ever explained how to make money or how money acts or 271 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,880 what it's about. And I've had to figure these 272 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:06,760 things out on my own as I went. So dating these men that were 273 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:11,080 always less than me, like even the rich boys, even the cool 274 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,200 kids, they always had issues with money. 275 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,800 I don't know why. I think it's a, it's a financial 276 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,200 literacy thing. Nobody was really talking to us 277 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,800 about money, especially in the African home. 278 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:24,360 This is not an easy discussion. You just, you hear about money 279 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:27,120 when it's inheritance discussions, but nobody really 280 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,600 tells you, you know, this is what to do when you get money, 281 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,720 blah, blah, blah. You just figure it out along the 282 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,880 way as you go, you make your own mistake and you fail as you go. 283 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:39,760 So when I was in some relationship, I think I was 19 284 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:43,960 or 20 years old, Apple 2021, I dated this guy and this guy 285 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:47,080 definitely put me on. So we were walking. 286 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,960 He brought me on, you know, to whatever the things he used to 287 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,040 do. And we used to work for the same 288 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,960 organizations. And I think at that time was 289 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:59,720 when actually I made my fast almost mealy. 290 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:04,079 It was almost a mealy and I was like 2021 years old. 291 00:17:04,079 --> 00:17:06,839 That was a lot of money those times. 292 00:17:06,839 --> 00:17:10,599 That's like 8 years ago. You nikitambo OK, sikitambo 293 00:17:10,599 --> 00:17:13,079 sana. But it was a big deal. 294 00:17:13,079 --> 00:17:17,839 So this guy, he definitely elevated me in some ways because 295 00:17:17,839 --> 00:17:21,400 hanging around him also just made me much more vocal, much 296 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,040 more confident, such a go getter. 297 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:27,280 Like he taught me to go for the things that I wanted and to do 298 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,480 the things I wanted. So finally, Liliana hey, doing 299 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:35,680 as a come iodo tuliblo kaimalize kaisha nikabaki 0 kabisa. 300 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,560 Actually, by the time the relationship was ending, I was 301 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,440 bankrupt. I had 000 in my account. 302 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,240 I ended up even closing that bank account because nearly 303 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:46,480 decide to there's no need to to continue. 304 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:50,200 Let me just open a new bank account and start over afresh. 305 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:55,120 And not only did the end of the relationship leave me bankrupt, 306 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:59,480 it also left me very emotionally drained and I ended up writing 307 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:01,800 an article. I think it's still on about it. 308 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:05,480 It's called broke, Broke boys don't deserve no pussy where I 309 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:09,880 explain more what I mean about the correlation between finances 310 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,480 and love. And you see, before then before 311 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,640 is a sequel. I could never make the 312 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,960 correlation, the direct correlation between money and 313 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,360 love, especially between different agendas. 314 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:24,520 You see, I'm a very, very independent woman. 315 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:29,240 And when you're independent, you tend to show up as dominant. 316 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,320 And this is really, really intimidate dates weak men. 317 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:36,400 They will never know how soft I am and how almost naive I am 318 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:40,360 because I grew up very sheltered and then I'm very introverted. 319 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:45,000 But because learning how to manage my finances has made me 320 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:49,320 much more assertive and has given me so much more conviction 321 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,480 in the things I do, it's helped me be able to trust my 322 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,080 intuition. And you just gain a lot of 323 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:59,120 experience with age. So already bums don't stand a 324 00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:01,200 chance. Like they can never be attracted 325 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:04,040 to a girl like me. They can see me and like me, but 326 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:06,880 they already know Apple sita Toboa. 327 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:11,000 And when I was dating these guys that now these are those days 328 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:14,440 when I was dating these guys that were not as financially 329 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:18,240 stable as I was, I was very, very desperate. 330 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:23,080 I had I was always used to dating these guys who were not 331 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:26,360 as financially stable as I was. And I used to be Barbara the 332 00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:29,680 builder, I would give them, I would give him fare, I would buy 333 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,480 food, I would pay for everything. 334 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,400 I would give him things, I would fuel. 335 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:36,960 I had a car that OK, it was my dad's car, but I was using my 336 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:40,880 parents let me use the car easy. So Mimi imagine when I was that 337 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:44,840 age, I was able to fuel the car, do my things, go anywhere I 338 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:47,080 want. But the guys I was dating who 339 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,400 are my age, they were not on that level. 340 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:52,920 Cup Sir, for me to get someone who was understanding me, I had 341 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:56,680 to start dating all the guys. The disclaimer, I always have to 342 00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,480 say this disclaimer. Listen, I know when I'm 21, 343 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:04,160 dating at 30 year old was weird, but hear me out. 344 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,960 What was that? What was I going to do with 345 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:08,560 like? Kids who didn't OK, at the time, 346 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,720 I thought I was mature. I thought this guy's liked me 347 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:15,000 because I was mature. But yeah, I know about possible 348 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:18,240 grooming. But these older men who also had 349 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:22,120 cars and were driving, they were the ones who understood like we 350 00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:25,560 could have conversations with on the same level. 351 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:29,320 And so Ikafanania Check could date the younger guys. 352 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:33,360 So when I started dating older guys, I realized that yes, this 353 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,840 this man. Now they're much more 354 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:38,280 financially stable, they have money, they can do anything they 355 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,640 want, they can travel and they're very generous. 356 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:45,960 I got used to men spoiling me from a very, very young age. 357 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:51,280 By 21/22/23, I had, I was already dating like men who are 358 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:54,640 very, very rich, who are rich. I was driving and yes, I had 359 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,320 this. But remember, I was still very 360 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,640 young. I was living in my mom's house 361 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,240 and I wasn't as mature as I thought I was. 362 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:03,160 I wasn't as grown up as I thought I was. 363 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:07,600 But then there's this lifestyle these people introduced me to. 364 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,400 Like of course my parents couldn't afford this. 365 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:14,000 But now I'm dating a man who takes me on vacations away, 366 00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:18,520 fuels my car, pays for the detailing, pays for everything I 367 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:22,360 need, takes care of me, gives me money every week, takes me on 368 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:26,200 dates multiple times a week. We were always doing fun stuff, 369 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,880 he was always giving me money, he was always spoiling me. 370 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:33,840 Flowers, gifts, jewelry, clothes, shoes. 371 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:38,320 You know, when you're dating such a man, it's really hard 372 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:43,800 when you guys break up because this guy basically can control 373 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,560 you. You know, if you don't do what 374 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:48,680 he wants, he's going to take away the privilege that he's 375 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:50,760 accorded you. At that time, I didn't know that 376 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:54,120 that was financial abuse. I just thought, you know, katuma 377 00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:59,000 kosana MI normal lucini pepesa like sinisawa, like ini mutu 378 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:05,520 anaku flani and then aki feel like when I caught this guy 379 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:09,360 cheating and I asked him about it, we had a fight and the 380 00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:12,480 favour started reducing. And I started wondering, you 381 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,840 know, that time you start getting scared because there's a 382 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:18,360 direct correlation between you having no money and this man 383 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:21,240 controlling all your moves. If he says you're not going out, 384 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:24,720 you're not going out because he gives you the money to go out. 385 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:28,200 If he says you're not wearing that those clothes, you're not 386 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,480 wearing those clothes because he buys the clothes. 387 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,280 When he says he doesn't want you to do this and he finds you 388 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:36,400 doing it, it's beef. So Siku Kwana realized I was 389 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:40,080 being like conditioned not to ask questions in the 390 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,960 relationship when and I was being financially and 391 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:46,240 emotionally abused. I just thought it was a normal 392 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:50,520 reaction from someone you know. And this would go on until I 393 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,840 ended up breaking up with that guy because of course I found a 394 00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,480 richer boyfriend. I started dating someone who had 395 00:22:56,480 --> 00:23:00,880 more money than me and these allowances grew even bigger. 396 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,560 This guy anyway, dating Richmond when you don't have money is 397 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,200 very crazy. You also realize that these men, 398 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:10,280 they really don't invest in your in your goals and in your 399 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:12,680 dreams. If you're not an intentional 400 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:16,920 person, if you're just this girls for happy happy fun drinks 401 00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:18,760 nini, they just teach you like that. 402 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:23,080 Unless you become very aware of the things you require and you 403 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:26,400 have higher standards than that, then they just treat you like 404 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,280 that. So I started dating a guy who 405 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,600 was richer than him and I also wrote about this story. 406 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:34,760 I link every story in the description box that I talk talk 407 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,840 about. And this guy, now the abuse was 408 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:40,720 even worse because there's a time we went, we went on 409 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,440 vacation. I mean, Afadali, by this time I 410 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:47,200 was saving. I had money, but because he used 411 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:50,040 to give me a lot of money. So I was a really smart girl. 412 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:53,200 I had been saving. But this man, we went on 413 00:23:53,200 --> 00:24:01,760 vacation and he wanted to have unprotected sex with me and I 414 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,560 refused. I refused Kabsa this time. 415 00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:08,120 I was like 23 years old. I refused Kabisa, Kabisa Kabisa. 416 00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:11,840 And he was a very, very wealthy guy. 417 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:15,840 Hey, Sijini Penne details father. 418 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,800 But he's a high profile guy. And this guy also walked around 419 00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,040 with a gun. So that day I was very, very 420 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,200 scared. He he would put it on the dress, 421 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:26,680 on the dresser in the hotel room. 422 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:29,720 And yes, we would do stuff. And I didn't feel like I was in 423 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,240 love with him. It's just, you know, he was 424 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,760 doing all these things for me and he was treating me really 425 00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,480 well. So I kind of felt felt compelled 426 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:40,800 to always go back. Alafu pesa raisi. 427 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,840 And this is all because I was not used to money. 428 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:48,400 I wasn't Pesa Visuri because money. 429 00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:58,160 Hiya so this guy intimidated me and he forced me into having sex 430 00:24:58,160 --> 00:24:59,840 with him. I refuse. 431 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:04,920 I refuse to accept. And what he did was he took off 432 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:08,760 he left me in the hotel room in a completely different city. 433 00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:11,400 But good thing is I had my own money. 434 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:14,960 I just booked my flight and I came back home and I deleted his 435 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:18,360 number and I blocked him. He tried to apologize years 436 00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:21,960 later, but honestly, for him to do that to me and he was like 33 437 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,440 years old, I was like 23 years old really. 438 00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:28,720 I was a baby and he was a fully grown man, so he knew what he 439 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:31,160 was doing. And I don't think that also 440 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:33,680 showed me he wasn't really serious with me. 441 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:37,440 He wasn't, you know, this men pretend, and when you're young 442 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,880 and yet naive, it's so easy for you to fall for it, especially 443 00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:44,720 when they're leading with money. That day when I went back home, 444 00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:49,080 I felt so disrespected. It started to occur to me that 445 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,520 he probably, he didn't treat, he didn't treat me like I was a 446 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,960 human being. And maybe he took me for a 447 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,360 prostitute. Maybe he just saw me as one of 448 00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:00,760 his prostitutes or something like that. 449 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:04,200 That feeling made me feel very, very bad and I swore to myself 450 00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:08,240 that I was never ever going to let I was never going to date a 451 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:12,520 man with money and stay with him just because he has the money. 452 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:16,520 I needed to work hard for myself to have my own money S that in 453 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:19,920 case anything happens, I'm able to to bounce, I'm able to take 454 00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:22,280 care of myself just the way I paid for that flight and came 455 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,880 back home. Imagine if I had nothing branded 456 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,080 Apple. And now, years later, now that I 457 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:36,520 can afford things I need, like if I need food, if I need, I'll 458 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:43,920 just refund you, I'll buy my I can buy my own flowers. 459 00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:53,760 I can buy my own flowers. Utter surgery is a competition 460 00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:57,520 like Kimi. Having my own stuff gave me back 461 00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:01,880 my dignity because now I was very become very able to leave 462 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:05,360 situations that do not show me any respect. 463 00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:07,200 And this goes even for job offers. 464 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:10,160 Come up to a Fiki Bay. I'm about to our exposure. 465 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:13,080 We'll pay you the exposure. When they hit me up, I'm able to 466 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,200 say no. There was a time when I didn't 467 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:18,480 have the confidence to. There was a time I was not able 468 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:20,840 to. But it teaches a point in life 469 00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:23,840 where you have to know your and you have to understand that you 470 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:27,680 deserve to be compensated for your time, your feelings, your 471 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:31,040 importance, your space. You're supposed to be recognized 472 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:34,440 and acknowledged. And when someone takes you for 473 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:39,280 granted especially, you're supposed to be able to just walk 474 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,080 the fuck out. Leave them alone. 475 00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,640 Watch our account. Having my own money has made me 476 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:48,240 able to make better decisions. And I call this, I see people 477 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:52,360 call it fuck you money. I call it buy buy a home money 478 00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:56,080 because I've seen my mom rebuild over and over. 479 00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,640 My mom. I talked about this also in the 480 00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:02,360 in the last episode. We've been auctioned like thrice 481 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:05,640 when we were in our when my mom was in her 30s, when she was in 482 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:10,080 her 40s when she was in her bro. Like I've seen my mom start over 483 00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:12,920 from nothing like a phoenix from the ashes. 484 00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:15,240 I've seen her start over so many times. 485 00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:18,480 So I'm not really afraid to walk away from nothing. 486 00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:22,120 I'm not afraid to walk away from someone who thinks they can hold 487 00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:25,480 me back because of financials or material stuff. 488 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,720 I'm just gonna walk away because I know it's so possible to buy 489 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:31,520 new stuff to improve my life financially. 490 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,240 I've also been there so many times. 491 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,960 I've lost money. I've made money. 492 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:39,200 I know money comes and goes. It's like it's just an energy. 493 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:42,920 You have to vibe on the same frequency with the money. 494 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:46,000 You have to treat money like you like it being around you like 495 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:47,600 you. You enjoy money. 496 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:52,200 You have to speak well of money. Let money go so that it can come 497 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:55,400 back like there's no control. It's just an energy thing. 498 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:59,800 And once I started to learn how to be in tune with my finances, 499 00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:03,440 I just make better decisions. No one can wave money in my face 500 00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:06,400 and say I'm going to do this. I'm going to take this away from 501 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:12,280 you, Daisy Miniko. Sour Namina feels sour. 502 00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:16,320 So my mom taught me this because she's the one who's shown me 503 00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:19,240 that it's possible to start over so many times. 504 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:23,680 And these days, it is true that only date rich men, but even 505 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:26,840 these rich men, sometimes they think that that's the only thing 506 00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,880 that really they require to be able to be around me. 507 00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:33,400 And when they realize that I, I require more, they get so 508 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:37,680 shocked because I'm not afraid to walk away from nonsense. 509 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:40,800 I'm not afraid to walk away from when you don't have a great 510 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:43,640 personality, when you're not a kind person, when you're not 511 00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:47,520 considerate or empathetic, I'll just leave you alone. 512 00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:50,800 And this is also part of me being able to build a very 513 00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:54,560 secure attachment style because I already know what I want and I 514 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:57,800 know what it looks like. I'm not living in confusion. 515 00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:02,160 Where exactly Nataka those days? Kitambo when I was broke and 516 00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:05,080 when I was very disorganized and anxious. 517 00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:08,920 Even with my attachment attachment styles, I find that I 518 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:13,240 always wanted validation and I always required to be loved. 519 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:16,200 This would leave me in situations where I was always 520 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:20,320 begging people to stay and I was always also stuck in 521 00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:23,520 relationships because I was scared like, how will I pay for 522 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:27,560 that Akinacha, this circle of friends, you know, they have 523 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:30,280 great networks. How will I survive if I leave 524 00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:32,800 them? But taking that leap and going 525 00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:36,320 on on my own and doing my own stuff has taught me Kumbe, I can 526 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:39,200 just make my own connections. Kumbe, I can just make my own 527 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,400 money. I didn't really have to be stuck 528 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:44,240 anywhere. And in the moment, I understand 529 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:47,760 it feels very scary. But once you make that leap and 530 00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:51,960 especially as a woman, and you make the firm decision that yo, 531 00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:53,800 I want to take charge of my life. 532 00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:57,400 I want to have my own stuff, not depending on anyone who can take 533 00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:01,480 it away because they please. Then it just gives you so much 534 00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:04,880 more power and the more you uphold your standards, it kind 535 00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:09,280 of gets lonelier, but it also gets you a higher quality of 536 00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:13,400 interactions and experiences. Everyone I'm around nowadays is 537 00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:17,560 just people I really look up to, people who inspire me in so many 538 00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,640 ways and they teach me so many things. 539 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:24,440 And this is the the direct consequence of overall improving 540 00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:27,840 my life, eluding financially and emotionally. 541 00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:32,840 You see, because now I'm secure in my attachments to people. 542 00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:36,760 I'm able to enjoy very emotional relationships. 543 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:40,600 I'm able to enjoy the intimacy of relationships, whether 544 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,760 romantic or platonic. I'm able to attract people who 545 00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:47,120 are on my level. And so hakuna desperation, neza 546 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,880 tuma, I love you. And I will not feel scared 547 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,840 because everyone I'm friends with is on that same vibe. 548 00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:56,760 Then on that same frequency, the people like date the lovers I 549 00:31:56,760 --> 00:32:01,520 have, they're very romantic, very present, very consistent. 550 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,640 So it's a good feeling. It's actually a great feeling. 551 00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:07,240 It's just how could I desperation anymore? 552 00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:10,800 No more relationships where I have to beg for attention and 553 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:14,640 affection and love and everything or beg for money, beg 554 00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:18,040 for gifts, beg for it's I can do it for myself. 555 00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,720 Anyone else who comes into my life. 556 00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:23,480 It's just an addition. It's just extra. 557 00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:26,720 It's not something that will take away, say anything from me. 558 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:29,720 I'm complete on my own as myself. 559 00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:33,000 And you also have to realize that people can sense the 560 00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,040 desperation. Anytime you're desperate for 561 00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,840 something or you're very anxious, people can sense it. 562 00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:41,000 And that's why you have to make sure you work towards being 563 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,800 self-sufficient. And hear me out, being 564 00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:47,320 self-sufficient and independent doesn't mean that you don't need 565 00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:51,280 people or you don't need help or you don't want money and love 566 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:54,600 from people. It just means that you're able 567 00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:58,520 to be secure in yourself. Everything else people bring 568 00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:02,040 into your life is extra. If there's a guy who likes you, 569 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:04,120 well and good, that's just extra. 570 00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:07,200 You already like yourself, but if they like you, that's good. 571 00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:10,800 If they don't like you, okay. Doesn't take anything away from 572 00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:13,000 you. Doesn't it doesn't throw you 573 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:16,520 into this spiral of you being so desperate for them that you 574 00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:20,520 forget to to like yourself and to treat yourself really, really 575 00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:22,360 well. I have a friend who likes to 576 00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,200 joke about. I know it's not a joke. 577 00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:28,880 I know, I know she it's her way of calling me into recollection, 578 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:33,320 into wake up before you fuck up. And she likes to tell me that. 579 00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:36,120 Miminez Adanganovi raising a romance. 580 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:41,760 And it's true, kinda is true because I'm such a sucker for 581 00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:44,240 romantic lovers and romantic friends. 582 00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:47,680 But and I really, I feel like sometimes love warming makes 583 00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:51,480 sense to me because yeah, I do believe it's normal to teach me 584 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:55,120 in a very grand way. But the difference is because of 585 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:59,680 my awareness, the moment the honeymoon phase is stripped away 586 00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:03,240 from me or someone is withholding love or someone is 587 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:07,080 withholding affection or someone is withholding even money, you 588 00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:11,560 know, in terms of generosity, I just start to notice this person 589 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:16,040 is not ready to love even. Yeah, you might lie to me, you 590 00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:19,120 might catch me with your romantic gestures. 591 00:34:19,199 --> 00:34:21,760 But you know, people can't pretend for too long. 592 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:25,440 And also for people to catch my attention, most times they have 593 00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:29,600 to go above and beyond because I I can do it for myself. 594 00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:33,600 Like like I said, Otani Katiana chips, otani Katiana chicken, 595 00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:37,280 Otani Katiana vacation, otani Katiana sea plenty. 596 00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:40,560 Those are things I can buy for myself. 597 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:44,440 You actually like yes I would love a vacation, but I would 598 00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:48,639 also love for you to be a very kind and responsible human being 599 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:53,520 that loves to show love and is very emotionally available. 600 00:34:53,679 --> 00:34:57,400 Otherwise the relationship is gonna end and do you just want 601 00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:00,440 me to use you for money and then I leave you OK if that's what 602 00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:04,120 you want you can also just DM me and let me know but you get what 603 00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:07,680 I mean. Having high standards, expecting 604 00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:11,680 from others, the things I feel like expecting from others, the 605 00:35:11,720 --> 00:35:15,920 the kind of treatment that I give to myself, like at least at 606 00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:19,960 par or on that level, it keeps me from low experiences, lowlife 607 00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:22,360 experiences. And I never have to settle for 608 00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:26,080 less because even things like flowers, I buy my self flowers. 609 00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:30,400 So someone buying me flowers and then mistreating me will not 610 00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:32,800 make me stay with them. I'll just leave you with your 611 00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,480 flowers and I'll go and buy my own flowers. 612 00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:39,480 It's a good lesson to learn. So my whole point in this is 613 00:35:39,720 --> 00:35:41,600 people can sense when you're desperate. 614 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,520 You have to love yourself a little more. 615 00:35:43,720 --> 00:35:46,800 You have to be very intentional with the way you treat yourself 616 00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:51,080 because this helps you become able to could you talk or 617 00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:53,600 situations and yeah, they're not good for you anymore. 618 00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:58,000 Do not be financially desperate, do not chase people because you 619 00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:00,400 know of what they can do for you financially. 620 00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:04,000 And hear me out, I do believe in the sprinkle sprinkle lady. 621 00:36:04,240 --> 00:36:06,680 I'm not going against anything she says. 622 00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:10,160 I'm just saying the whole point of this whole thing is to have 623 00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:13,600 your own money. It's not to enter relationships 624 00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:17,000 because Ukonanja, find a way to feed yourself and take care of 625 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,840 yourself so that people don't abuse you for the little stuff 626 00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:23,040 that they can do for you. And when the abuse starts, you 627 00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:26,240 should be able to leave and leave them alone for good, 628 00:36:26,240 --> 00:36:29,440 because you already know you deserve better and you want 629 00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:31,320 better. And this goes for all sorts of 630 00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:34,120 relationships. Don't let anyone have the upper 631 00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:39,000 hand of being able to say I did this for you. 632 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:42,240 That thing really traumatizes me because I grew up hearing it a 633 00:36:42,240 --> 00:36:44,360 lot. So I became the kind of person 634 00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:48,160 who does things for myself so that no one ever has the, the, 635 00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:51,520 the audacity to tell me that they made me. 636 00:36:51,720 --> 00:36:56,200 And also, even if they do, I try to be consciously never around 637 00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:59,640 people who speak like that, people who give selflessly, 638 00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:02,760 people who give because they want to, people who do things 639 00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:04,880 for me because they love to and they enjoy. 640 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:08,600 That's my kind of people because it helps me mirror them, it 641 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:12,320 helps me able to be myself around them and reciprocate 642 00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:15,920 their actions as well. So please do not be desperate 643 00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:19,200 for love, for affection, for anything. 644 00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:22,280 The more desperate you are, the more in a kuchenga. 645 00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:27,360 Just flow and be in an energy of receiving and of loving and 646 00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:30,920 enjoying. Stay within a lot of gratitude. 647 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:35,040 Let go of things that are not yours, Forgive much easier and 648 00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:37,640 love yourself. Thank you for listening to this 649 00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:39,920 episode. I just wanted to remind you in 650 00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:42,640 case you know, sometimes your only reason for being with 651 00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:46,520 someone is 'cause they buy you food, bro you, you are eating 652 00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:49,400 before you met them. Please choose better. 653 00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:53,440 Choose better and leave. Try to teach yourself to leave 654 00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:57,720 situations that are abusive by becoming more aware so that 655 00:37:57,720 --> 00:38:01,120 you're able to pick it up before it gets farther and it's more 656 00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:03,560 difficult to leave because they've conditioned you 657 00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:05,520 psychologically. Toodles.