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My colleague and friend, let me 
say my friend Jaggero was 

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telling me about how he really 
enjoys my podcast because it's a

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monologue and he wonders how I 
can talk to myself or I can just

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speak non-stop for an hour. 
Well, it's because I script. 

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I have to sit down and prepare 
in, you know, at least in 

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chronological order all the 
things I'm going to say because 

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I'm the type of people who tell 
six stories in one. 

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And although I always come back 
to the main point, sometimes I 

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can really take you on a roller 
coaster if I just allow myself 

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to keep veering off. 
So there's some editing also 

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that I do. 
Of course, it's not just it's 

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not that I'm just so perfect at 
speaking, but there's a lot of, 

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you know, post, there's a lot of
editing done post recording. 

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And that shows me that that if 
you need something to talk care 

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the way you want it to talk 
care, you have to prepare. 

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You have to do the work of 
preparation. 

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And today I want to talk about 
how to do this preparation. 

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But when it comes to 
relationships being very 

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emotionally available and how to
know when he's into you, OK, I 

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don't date girls. 
I've said this here. 

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This is just a disclaimer. 
Not that I don't, I have it. 

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I haven't recently. 
So that's why the podcast is 

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going to be me talking about 
dating men and I want to kind of

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recap the kind of year I've had 
when it comes to, you know, 

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romantic interests and 
relationships and just show you 

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what I've learnt throughout the 
years. 

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In comparison, I could compare 
two years ago with now with 

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because there's a significant 
difference. 

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And that's what I want to talk 
about. 

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This week on the Daybreak show 
on Citizen TV, we discussed 

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love, how to to receive love and
how to give love and how to know

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you're in a positive and secure 
and, you know, healthy situation

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and relationship with people 
generally. 

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But OK, we narrowed in on the 
romantic relationships. 

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Lakini I think that's what's 
inspired me to talk about this 

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because I feel like it was such 
a coincidence. 

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Actually, this happens a lot. 
It's usually such a coincidence.

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I'll record, I'll have a topic 
lined out for my podcast and 

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then we'll end up talking about 
it on TV or I'll end up having 

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to do it on the dialogues of 
Jaguar show. 

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So everything meshes. 
If you don't find me on YouTube,

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you'll find me on TV. 
If you don't find me on TV, 

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you'll find me on love and 
orgasms. 

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And I think it's important. 
Sometimes we need to hear 

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something over and over again. 
And the podcast might. 

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This podcast is audio. 
Sometimes you just want to see 

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my face while I'm saying all 
these things I say. 

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So that's why you go on YouTube 
or you catch me on on Tuesday 

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mornings on the Daybreak show. 
And it's got me in this mood 

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where I kind of want to talk 
about, you know, the things you 

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could look out for. 
I've talked about green flags, I

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think twice on this podcast 
before an episode I did with my 

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friend Sherry a couple years 
back where she was, she was 

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telling me about, you know, she 
was in a healthy relationship. 

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And we did the episode and she 
was talking about, you know, the

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things she notices in her 
relationship that make her feel 

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very safe and very secure. 
She's in a really nice 

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relationship. 
So I had to bring her on to talk

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about it. 
And then the next time was when 

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I was dating some guy I was 
seeing briefly, I think last 

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year, which was a significant, 
like a significant jump from the

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kind of guys I had been dating 
before him. 

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And so I talked about that. 
And now I've, I think I've even 

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experienced even better in the 
last year. 

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And so this is kind of an 
updated list. 

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If you want to go back and look 
for those episodes, you just, 

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you can search green flags and 
it'll pop up. 

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To be honest, I've been quiet 
about this. 

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I mean, I have been disclosing 
that I'm dating someone 

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exclusively currently, but I've 
been I've not been really 

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talking about the nitty gritties
of the relationship or anything 

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about it because not because I'm
holding back or I'm hiding. 

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It's just that I don't know. 
I don't know, Sidri within my 

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growth. 
I'm realizing when you really, 

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really appreciate something and 
you love it and you're happy, 

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you just find yourself not out 
there telling everyone about it.

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I'm kind of protective and 
careful about, you know, even 

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what I say or who I say it to 
because I don't want bad vibe 

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and you know, people sending bad
energy my way. 

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And sometimes I understand it's 
not intentional intentionally 

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from malice. 
It's just envy. 

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It's jealousy and it's OK. 
It's only normal human emotions.

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But I think in the same breath, 
I think it's important I talk 

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about it so that I'm able to 
show other people besides, this 

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is what this platform is for. 
It's important I show other 

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people that this is how you need
to feel because I feel like 

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there's not so many examples of 
that. 

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And it's good. 
It's good you know how to feel 

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and you're able to look out for 
things. 

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Because to be honest, Mimi, I've
been learning on the job. 

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I've been learning on the job 
and I really like it because I, 

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I can't hear every. 
The thing with healing is you 

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think you know stuff and you 
think you've grown and then 

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boom, you get another level of 
growth and you're like, what, 

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Jenny? 
I was settling for less this 

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whole time. 
Because the more you do the 

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work, the more the reward is for
you to enjoy good things. 

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So it's always worth it. 
Doesn't matter how hard the 

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lessons are or how meaningless 
they are because there's no real

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purpose. 
It's just nice. 

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It's like getting good at a 
game. 

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There might be no prize at the 
end, but you enjoying to play 

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the game, that's the prize. 
The experiences and the love and

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the good feelings you get to 
experience, that's the reward. 

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It's not at the place you get or
the the prize you win at the end

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of the game. 
But yeah, so Mimi, I think when 

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I was really young, like way 
younger, I used to have a very, 

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I've talked about feeling very 
neglected emotionally all 

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through my childhood. 
And it is just juicy when I 

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mended my relationship with my 
parents and also started healing

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myself, that I was able to learn
how to be there for myself and 

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be comfortable with validation 
for myself without waiting for 

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anything external. 
It's been a real, real journey I

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have really put in there. 
That's why that's why I'm able 

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to reap what I've sowed and I'm 
able to enjoy the benefits of 

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doing the intentional work on 
myself. 

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I always grew up very anxious. 
I always had this feeling that 

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love cannot find me. 
I'm very unlucky in love because

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nobody has ever really loved me 
genuinely and I was always 

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anxious that everyone would 
leave because everyone who loved

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me used to leave. 
You know, everyone leaves me 

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now. 
And I look back, I'm realizing 

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it is in those insecurities I 
had that I was consistently 

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choosing the same scenarios, the
same familiar scenarios over and

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over and making myself the 
victim of people leaving me 

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when. 
But when I learned that I didn't

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have to be the victim and I can 
just actually be the one who 

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chooses people also, things 
changed and I stopped waiting to

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be chosen. 
And then it pushed me into this 

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space where I am very 
self-sufficient. 

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I mean, I'm able to exist within
community and want love, but at 

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the same time, if I'm not 
getting it from anywhere else, 

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I'm cool. 
I love myself, I'm fine. 

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I'm not sad that someone hasn't 
chosen me. 

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I really, really am living my 
life and then being anxious used

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to, of course, everyone used to 
leave me. 

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Like I said, I was always in 
relationships with people who I 

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kind of expected to leave me. 
And then you know what that I 

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think what that did to me is I 
started becoming an avoidant 

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kind of person now, by the way, 
easy terms is what Anatunia and 

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is that you could describe You 
can. 

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I also have an episode where 
I've talked about these 

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attachment styles. 
It's just an easier way for to 

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explain how your behavioral 
patterns are and how you attach 

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and how you, you know, act in 
relationships. 

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And it's not a black and white 
kind of thing. 

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It's a whole spectrum like you 
could be. 

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It's not one shoe fits all. 
You could really be anything and

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you could have your own cocktail
and mixtures of personalities 

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and behaviors, but it's just an 
easier way to kind of explain. 

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I ended up because people used 
to leave me. 

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Now I ended up becoming an 
avoidant person because I don't 

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want them to leave me fast, so 
I'm going to leave them. 

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So now I became very avoidant. 
Like I, I'm very easy to detach 

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from relationships. 
It's not that I don't care, it's

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just a protective barrier in my 
head, in my brain that if I 

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sabotage this before they do to 
me and then I'm kind of the 

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winner. 
And this doesn't work in 

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relationships because in secure,
healthy, available, like 

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emotionally available 
relationships, you have to show 

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up. 
A fight doesn't mean you break 

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up a tea. 
OK, so you guys can actually 

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talk about it, Not even fight. 
You guys can talk and fix the 

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same way you show up in your 
platonic relationships or in a 

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relationships with your siblings
or with your parents or with 

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other people who you're just 
forced to be around. 

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Although you don't like, it's 
the same grace and love and 

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patience you're supposed to have
in your romantic relationships. 

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And listen, this advice is for 
the lovers. 

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If you don't believe in love, if
you don't think love is 

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possible, if you don't think 
people want love, that's OK. 

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We're vibing on a different 
frequency where I only talk 

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about my personal experiences. 
I don't talk about stories I've 

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had only or that's why this 
podcast is a monologue. 

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I don't talk about at the things
I had where I'm talking about 

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things I do myself, things I've 
experienced. 

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If I'm talking about it to you, 
it means it's possible. 

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If it can happen for me, it can 
happen for you. 

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If it's happened for me over and
over and over and over. 

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And you see, I'm consistently 
documenting on my podcast as I 

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go. 
If you go back and listen, 

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you'll see the trajectory. 
You'll see the tests I've been 

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doing on myself, the growth I've
been having on myself. 

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It's if, if it can happen for 
me, it can happen for anyone, 

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basically. 
Yeah, we're vibing on a 

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frequency. 
You want to believe in love? 

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If you don't, it's OK. 
I understand because I've also 

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been there. 
I've also been in spaces where 

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I've also felt like I'm so 
unlucky and this is never going 

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to work and it's never going to 
happen for me. 

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But it reaches a point, you 
understand? 

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You're here to just experience 
people. 

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You're here to experience life. 
You're not here to own anyone 

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and keep anyone for forever. 
And the beauty of life is of 

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taking risks. 
The same way you're you could be

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00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:38,280
ready to open a business, you 
could be ready to buy a car, you

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could be ready to buy a house. 
You could be ready to whatever 

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it is, is the same way you could
be ready to fall in love. 

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It's just a choice. 
If you want it, it comes to you.

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If you don't want it, that's 
what happens. 

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That's just the law of the 
universe. 

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It's because I've been able to 
experience the benefits of 

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healing and being emotionally 
available. 

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And by the way, I was taught 
this by my friends Shazmin Bank,

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who's a relationship coach. 
She actually specializes in 

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attachment styles and all that 
and teaches people how to heal 

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00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:10,040
and be secure. 
And my other friend CJ, who's a 

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00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:16,240
life coach and this guy, he's 
taught me just by being around 

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him and listening to him, it has
taught me so much, so much. 

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That would be so much in therapy
fees and all the time. 

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I started by saying, when 2023 
began, I started by saying I 

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want to be emotionally 
available. 

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I was so tired of acting like I 
didn't care. 

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Being in this silly 
situationships and relationships

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where you you don't talk to each
other, you don't gift each 

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00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,160
other, you don't check on each 
other. 

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00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:44,160
I was just tired. 
Why would I be sleeping with 

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people who I'm even scared to 
give a phone call? 

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00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,920
It wasn't making sense in my 
head and I decided I'm not just 

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00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,840
going to preach about it. 
It's time for me to put in 

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action and actually mean what 
I'm saying. 

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And I started 2023 saying I'm 
never doing those things. 

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Now I want the real thing. 
I want to stop complaining and 

224
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,800
being a victim of CG. 
He used me, he lied to me. 

225
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,880
Nope. 
I'm dating intentionally with 

226
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:08,280
like a person intention because 
now I know what I want. 

227
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,840
The older I grow the more I fine
tune what I want. 

228
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:17,280
I already know and the more I 
keep improving in my dating 

229
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:21,320
life, the more I keep fine 
tuning, the more my standards go

230
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,840
up, the the more my boundaries 
are better. 

231
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:26,160
And it's just benefits on 
benefits. 

232
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,280
And my friends are the ones who 
taught me. 

233
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,240
And I used to say all the time, 
I want it, but I didn't know 

234
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:33,720
that it was work. 
I just thought at your 

235
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,640
relationship, see, I like you. 
I like you. 

236
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:38,080
OK, The end. 
I didn't know it was work. 

237
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:42,080
It was it was like intentional 
work that you had to do every 

238
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,120
single day. 
But the more I put in the work, 

239
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:48,960
the more I realized every person
I dated next was always better 

240
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:51,520
than the last. 
And things that were bare 

241
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:56,280
minimum as I went up started 
becoming previously my highest 

242
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:58,680
standard. 
And it just kept getting better.

243
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:02,440
I mean, even my choices in my 
mates really, really improved. 

244
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:06,840
I feel like every time I think 
I've gotten better and then I 

245
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:11,640
maybe make new friends, or I get
a new business venture, or I 

246
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:15,240
travel more, whatever it is that
I do, or I start dating a new 

247
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:19,960
person, I'm hit with even more 
blessings because every 

248
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,960
experience is just better than 
the last. 

249
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:25,960
Today I want to talk a little 
bit about the man I'm dating 

250
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:29,600
right now being being linked. 
To a podcaster is so crazy. 

251
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:32,400
Consume any text. 
Let me see what He's so sweet. 

252
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:51,360
So let me start by talking about
the no, let me start, Let me go 

253
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:56,000
back and start talking about the
guy I dated in when was this? 

254
00:13:56,000 --> 00:14:00,000
And he, let's say 2 years. 
No, it's a year ago or two years

255
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,360
ago, I think a year ago, let's 
say a year ago. 

256
00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:06,760
I really like this guy because 
he was, you know, consistent and

257
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,000
he really, really used to spoil 
Missy Wongo. 

258
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,160
I could always ask him for 
anything. 

259
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:14,960
He was very attentive. 
He was very commutative. 

260
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:18,080
Very, very present, very smart. 
But I think. 

261
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:21,520
The thing I enjoyed most about 
him was that he used to spoil me

262
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,240
the way I want. 
But that's how you see. 

263
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:27,160
The problem is he was lacking in
his emotional availability. 

264
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:31,240
He was never around. 
He was never asking to see me, 

265
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:34,680
to Take Me Out on dates, but 
buying me stuff, sending me 

266
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:39,240
gifts. 
I was consistently having fresh,

267
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,440
fresh flowers in my house, which
I really, really love. 

268
00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,680
Yeah. 
There was nothing monetary he 

269
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:46,640
was not able to do. 
But then there was so much 

270
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,760
lacking in even. 
I remember even on Valentine's 

271
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,840
Day, he didn't speak with me. 
And when I reached out because 

272
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:56,280
I'm the one who used always used
to reach out after he says, you 

273
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,120
know, I like you. 
It's just that. 

274
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,960
You know, I'm busy with work and
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, 

275
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:02,480
blah. 
And I would reach out and we 

276
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:05,120
would talk about it and he would
explain to me how his work is so

277
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,640
taxing and he's not ready, blah,
blah, blah. 

278
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:11,880
But he really likes me and he 
hopes I can stick around and all

279
00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:15,120
that nonsense. 
When I was there, I was 

280
00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:18,600
thinking, you know, I've never 
had a guy who is, I mean, I've 

281
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,160
had guys who spoil me and spend 
the money. 

282
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:24,640
So it wasn't about the money. 
It was about the consistency of 

283
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:28,800
spoiling me, not of talking to 
me, of spoiling me Anyway to ask

284
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:32,200
how do you get a man who spoils 
you but doesn't talk to you? 

285
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,800
Even the guys I've dated before 
that, the biggest spenders 

286
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:39,160
hardly ever had time for me. 
They were always working and 

287
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,080
busy. 
They would compensate it with 

288
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,080
the money. 
My accounts are always full and 

289
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,680
stuff, but the availability? 
Zero. 

290
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,960
There was no bonding. 
There was basically no 

291
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,880
relationship, no friendship. 
Now that I think about it, I'm 

292
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:55,760
realizing I was settling for one
area because maybe I was 

293
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:59,080
desperate, or maybe I needed the
money, or maybe that was my 

294
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,840
metric for love. 
Sprinkle, sprinkle. 

295
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:07,560
But clearly I was missing out on
the emotional side because I was

296
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,400
consistently sad and 
complaining. 

297
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,320
This guy doesn't talk to me. 
This guy doesn't. 

298
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:13,400
It's like you're in a 
relationship and it's still a 

299
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:14,760
situation ship. 
You still have to. 

300
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,160
Beg this jammer to talk to you 
and all that. 

301
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:20,680
So that time I wasn't realizing.
Now when I look back now, I'm 

302
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:24,000
realizing and also now that I'm 
able to make my own money and 

303
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:28,240
buy for myself those two things 
if I want CG cake food. 

304
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:31,680
CG flowers, I can buy all those 
things, I can take myself out, I

305
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,440
can pay for my chips, I can do 
all those things for myself. 

306
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:38,240
So now I'm, I'm not really 
dating from a desperate point of

307
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,880
view. 
I'm, I'm becoming more and more 

308
00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,800
secure in myself. 
I'm realizing I would never date

309
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,280
someone like that. 
I would never allow someone like

310
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,960
that to even touch my body. 
Someone who's not able to 

311
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,440
communicate and be present 
fully. 

312
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,200
That's not something I'm looking
for. 

313
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:55,480
That's not something I'm ever 
going to settle for. 

314
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,760
And at a point in my life, I 
used to think that was 

315
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,120
impossible. 
I used to think men are just 

316
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,640
like that. 
Men just they're always busy and

317
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:06,400
hardworking and they make money 
so that they can give you money.

318
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,960
So they're never there for you 
because that's what I was used 

319
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,440
to dating already. 
My bare minimum is rich men. 

320
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,599
So I'm not looking for does he 
have money? 

321
00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:16,440
Does he not have money? 
That's not a. 

322
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:19,200
Discussion because I was never 
gonna talk to a man who doesn't 

323
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,359
have his own money already. 
And I've explained so many times

324
00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:24,400
that the money is not 
necessarily for me. 

325
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,240
It's just that so that I don't 
have to take care of him because

326
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:30,200
I know so many men who take 
advantage of women's money. 

327
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,800
And I don't want to be in the 
kind of relationship where like 

328
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:37,400
I saw growth up with my mom, 
where my mom did everything and 

329
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,880
my dad was just joyriding. 
I need a man who's able to 

330
00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:43,680
handle his own. 
He wants a family because he can

331
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:46,000
take care of a family. 
Otherwise mini Cosa abila 

332
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,960
manomen abil zangu. 
And I want to talk about all 

333
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:52,400
this in extension, But let me 
start from I said I want to talk

334
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,800
about the guy I'm dating right 
now. 

335
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:57,520
I not really talk about him, but
like some of the traits that I 

336
00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:02,040
noticed or I've been noticing 
consistently coming from him 

337
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:05,200
that I had just resigned to the 
thought that these things are 

338
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,240
possible. 
And the truth is when you've 

339
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:10,640
been in abusive situations or 
you've been in situations where 

340
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:13,800
you've lacked like the emotional
connection and presence of the 

341
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,800
people around you, it's so easy 
for you to be like, that's not 

342
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:17,920
important. 
That's not OK. 

343
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:20,720
But listen, why would you be 
around someone who doesn't make 

344
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:23,880
you happy and laugh and enjoy 
yourself and have fun? 

345
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,320
Because even with friends, 
that's what you do, right? 

346
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,000
Even when you're hanging with 
friends, that's an important and

347
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,640
integral part of the 
interaction. 

348
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:33,840
You haven't fun and laughing, so
why would you want to be around 

349
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:37,160
someone who doesn't communicate,
makes you sad the whole week, 

350
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:40,800
doesn't talk to you, makes 
excuses, doesn't show up. 

351
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:44,000
It's just it's crazy. 
Something I noticed about him 

352
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,920
straight off the bat was he was 
very straightforward. 

353
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,800
I think that's what turned me on
and that's what made me even 

354
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:53,360
respond to him in the 1st place.
Other people have been very 

355
00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:56,560
straightforward with me, but 
with him it just felt he was 

356
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,320
being sincere. 
And also something I noticed 

357
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,600
straight off the bat is he 
wanted nothing from from me. 

358
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:05,760
He didn't want anything from me.
He came in wanting to add to my 

359
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:09,840
life, like wanting to be better 
for the both of us. 

360
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:13,560
And I'll explain that as we go. 
So this straightforwardness 

361
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,640
Illinois Nesha, OK, this guy, he
already knows what he wants. 

362
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:19,360
And also this taught me, let me 
tell you see, these guys will 

363
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:21,760
tell you these things for let's 
go with the flow girl. 

364
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,920
He's wasting your time. 
These guys, they always know 

365
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,920
what they want by the time 
they're talking to you. 

366
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,200
That's what he this, that's what
my guy told me. 

367
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,760
He said by the time a guy's 
talking to you, he's already he 

368
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,320
already knows what he wants from
you. 

369
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:39,680
Whether Nikukudina amakuku 
amakuku text cuckoo to Miakama, 

370
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,920
he already knows what he wants 
from you. 

371
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,960
He already knows it's just 
listening to you and getting to 

372
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:45,920
know you. 
It's just him. 

373
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,400
Like seeing OK, can this walk or
something? 

374
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,880
And when I think about it, even 
us women, by the time a guy is 

375
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:54,680
even starting to talk to you and
you accept to give him your 

376
00:19:54,680 --> 00:20:00,240
number like dranga Kamau utam 
dishi Kama utam dead kamuna taka

377
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,840
with the father of your kids 
that already always have that 

378
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,240
feeling. 
It's just about, OK, let's talk 

379
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:06,680
a bit and let's get to know each
other. 

380
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:11,160
So I see if the chemistry is 
walking and if we really like 

381
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,320
each other like that, don't ever
fall for that. 

382
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,920
Let's go to floating. 
I'm not saying he, he needs to 

383
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:21,480
be quick and fast and love 
bombing you and being in a rush,

384
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:24,360
Z. 
Just watch his actions and his 

385
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:26,640
intentions. 
Watch his communication. 

386
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,800
Watch how he is straightforward 
with you, the things he says, 

387
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,800
the plans he makes, even simple 
things like in his 

388
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,480
conversations, you'll hear him 
including you when he says 

389
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:40,280
things like we, we will go, 
we'll, we'll get it, we'll buy, 

390
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,960
we'll plan, we'll think about 
it. 

391
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:46,880
We'll we, we, we, we, we, we. 
He really stops talking about I,

392
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,640
I, I. 
And this is something I noticed.

393
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,320
He's really great at 
communication and he 

394
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,440
communicates ahead of time. 
You'll never have this guy not 

395
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,160
talking to you the whole day and
not telling you where he was or 

396
00:20:58,160 --> 00:20:59,880
what he's doing. 
You're always going to know, 

397
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,840
even if you don't know the 
details of everything, you're 

398
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:06,080
always going to be very secure 
about his communication because 

399
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:07,840
he'll tell you. 
He'll say, babe, tomorrow. 

400
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:11,440
I'm having a very busy day. 
It's starting early, it's ending

401
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:13,200
late. 
I might not be able to talk to 

402
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:16,480
you in the morning or even at 
night when I get home, but I'll 

403
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:19,560
be thinking of you. 
He will communicate ahead of 

404
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,680
time. 
He'll never let you go thinking 

405
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,280
why isn't he texting me? 
Why isn't he calling me? 

406
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,880
Even if you guys are not 
speaking, he will always let you

407
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,840
know that he's thinking of you. 
You'll always feel secure. 

408
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:34,840
And even if he's having this 
busy day and he says, he says 

409
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,880
he's not able to reach out. 
He's still going to call you. 

410
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:41,400
He's still going to find. 
He's going to sneak and make 2 

411
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,200
minutes and call you just to 
hear your voice. 

412
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,760
He's going to text. 
He's going to say, you know, I'm

413
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:49,400
in this meeting all day, but I 
just had to check in. 

414
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,400
Yanina Kambia, you will never be
second guessing. 

415
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:56,200
You'll see his clear intentions 
and he always has a plan. 

416
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:59,120
Always. 
He always has a plan about what 

417
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:00,680
you're doing, where you're going
to go. 

418
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:03,520
He's done his research in time. 
Let's say he's taking you out. 

419
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,120
He's not going to ask you things
like. 

420
00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:06,760
Where? 
Where do you want to go? 

421
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,360
And he's the one who's asking 
you out. 

422
00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:13,000
Unless he wants the honest 
opinion, he wants to include you

423
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,560
in the decision making and 
you'll feel the difference 

424
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,440
between a clueless guy and a guy
who's trying to involve you in 

425
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:21,320
decision making. 
But he'll always have a plan. 

426
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,480
He'll always. 
Hey babe, I really wanted to try

427
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:26,480
this, this, this, this. 
Let's go. 

428
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,400
Always you'll. 
And something else I noticed. 

429
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,440
He makes plans for next time 
before Machane. 

430
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,200
Before Machane, he's already. 
You know said. 

431
00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:38,480
Clear your Friday. 
I'd love to take you here on 

432
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:39,720
Saturday. 
We're doing this. 

433
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,160
Pack a bag. 
We'll do this in the morning and

434
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:46,440
then Osiku will will go here. 
Always has a plan, never leaving

435
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:48,800
you wondering why doesn't he ask
me out? 

436
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,200
Why doesn't he do things with 
me? 

437
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,960
You'll never feel like that 
because he'll always accommodate

438
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:57,080
you in his plans. 
Consistently, he'll be 

439
00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:00,840
communicating, he'll be making 
sure he knows what you need. 

440
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,920
He will make sure he's giving 
you the support that you need. 

441
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,000
He'll make sure he's. 
Really, really showing up for 

442
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,040
you. 
This is what will make you feel 

443
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:12,040
consistently seen, had loved. 
It'll make you feel. 

444
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:15,920
It's not just the financials, 
it's a really wholesome feeling.

445
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,600
You will always know if you guys
are apart. 

446
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:22,000
You'll always know very You'll 
always feel very, very secure 

447
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,440
around him. 
And you'll notice that he's also

448
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:27,760
very thoughtful and attentive. 
He knows what you want. 

449
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:29,720
You know he don't have to repeat
things. 

450
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:33,080
You'll say something once like 
I'm lactose intolerant and he'll

451
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:34,560
remember. 
He'll remember. 

452
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,200
So don't settle for those guys 
that he doesn't know. 

453
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:40,800
Your birthday, he doesn't know 
your favorite flowers he doesn't

454
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:42,160
know. 
Don't fall for that thing. 

455
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:45,240
Attimena like that, bro. 
He'll be attentive. 

456
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,000
He'll remember you said you like
buggers, the Mama rocks. 

457
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,240
He'll remember atti you like 
which music. 

458
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:53,440
He'll even put a playlist 
because he'll remember the songs

459
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:56,200
you played last time. 
And he'll put them up together. 

460
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,880
And if he doesn't remember, 
he'll go on YouTube and see the 

461
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:00,840
history. 
Yanni, he'll do something or 

462
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,200
he'll ask you. 
He'll do something and prepare 

463
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,720
ahead of time. 
Remember I said great planner. 

464
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,920
Something else is he's going to 
be very ready to. 

465
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:10,320
Teach very openly, ready to 
teach you. 

466
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:15,200
Things he's ready to offer 
education, and it's in the 

467
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:16,680
smallest thing. 
Sometimes you don't know 

468
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:19,280
something. 
He's never angry when you ask a 

469
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,360
question. 
He's always ready to educate you

470
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:23,520
on stuff. 
It doesn't matter how stupid you

471
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,680
sound. 
Like that guy was seeing two 

472
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,080
years ago. 
There's a time we're talking 

473
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:30,720
about drones. 
And then I asked him, does a 

474
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:34,800
drone have a camera? 
OK, listen, I was high a bit. 

475
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:39,040
And then I was just making fun. 
I mean, I had really forgotten 

476
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:44,520
that drones need cameras. 
And he seemed so upset in his 

477
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:46,920
response. 
He seemed so annoyed by like, 

478
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:51,000
how stupid can this girl be? 
But this guy, he's always ready.

479
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:55,240
It doesn't matter how stupid I 
sound or how obvious information

480
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:56,920
could be. 
He's always ready to teach and 

481
00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:00,000
he's always ready to start the 
communication education from. 

482
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:04,600
Basic level. 
If he has to explain why 10 + 10

483
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:09,760
is 20, he'll start from what 0 
is with patience, with 

484
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:13,400
enthusiasm, with just eagerness,
because he's excited. 

485
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:17,680
He's excited to make sure I know
more and I'm learning. 

486
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:21,920
And by the way, is equality is 
Nataja Najjani obvious, 

487
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,400
especially in friendship because
these are the things we do 

488
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,240
within our friendships and 
within our maybe other healthy 

489
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:29,240
relationships. 
But like I said, I think it's 

490
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:33,120
important I just repeat them so 
that people can understand that 

491
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:36,440
the same standards they hold, 
you know, platonic relationships

492
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:40,280
to is the same standards they to
hold romantic relationships to. 

493
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:42,480
The same way you wouldn't let CG
somebody talk to you. 

494
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:44,960
How is the same way in a 
romantic relationship? 

495
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,840
It should never fly. 
Like the respect and kindness 

496
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,960
and grace and love should just 
always be consistent as well. 

497
00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:56,240
So I've noticed he's always so 
ready to teach me and also very 

498
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:59,160
naturally protective. 
I mean not just physically, but 

499
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:02,400
like even in the things he says 
and the things he teaches me, 

500
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:05,120
you can see this is someone who 
really wants me to be safe. 

501
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:09,040
His advice his even in his 
education, the things he teaches

502
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:10,840
me is always for the betterment 
of me. 

503
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,440
There's nothing he says that's 
like detrimental. 

504
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:17,400
And even if it is like I'm able 
to call it out, I'm able to say 

505
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,480
that and then and he's always. 
Ready to learn? 

506
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,280
That's something else. 
The same way in the same way. 

507
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,960
He's ready to to teach. 
He's always ready to learn. 

508
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:26,480
Always. 
He listens. 

509
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,040
He listens. 
He doesn't argue. 

510
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,520
He doesn't get defensive. 
He just says yes. 

511
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:33,440
And he lands something else. 
When I mentioned something that 

512
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:35,960
doesn't make me feel good, he 
just fixes it. 

513
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:38,560
He doesn't argue, he doesn't say
so Do you know me? 

514
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:41,640
I'm like this Mina Conga evil. 
He's always ready. 

515
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:43,360
He just says, yes, babe, yes, 
babe. 

516
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:46,320
He's always ready to learn and 
do better, even if it's 

517
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,680
something he doesn't necessarily
agree with. 

518
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:53,240
He listened enough to do better.
He'll always question, OK, fine.

519
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,480
How can I improve in my own 
little way? 

520
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,200
How can I do better to 
accommodate you and make sure 

521
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,800
you also feel safe? 
Because I might believe in 

522
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:02,960
something different and you 
believe in something different. 

523
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,480
But the compromise has to make 
sense. 

524
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:09,200
And he's always willing to come 
down and meet me where I'm at or

525
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,360
bring me up to his level. 
Also, the protection comes in a 

526
00:27:12,360 --> 00:27:15,760
very healthy way. 
It's never to how can I put it? 

527
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,280
I think let me give an example. 
An example is in a in an 

528
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:24,800
unhealthy relationship, someone 
might tell you there's no 

529
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,560
education there, there's no 
lesson. 

530
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,800
Maybe they're trying to 
communicate that how you're 

531
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:31,960
dressed could potentially put 
you in a bad situation or 

532
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,960
something like that, but they're
bringing it out as something to 

533
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,680
put you down or make you feel 
bad about yourself and your 

534
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:39,640
body. 
And especially if you have 

535
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:42,120
insecurities about your body, 
you'll wonder what does this 

536
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:45,600
communication mean? 
That as opposed to the kind of 

537
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:49,360
relationship where some 
solution, education or just 

538
00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:52,280
trying to make you understand 
it's really cool outside you 

539
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,240
will get sick. 
Do you do you want to maybe 

540
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,920
think of an alternative or are 
you OK? 

541
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:01,120
Will you carry your coat? 
Can I bring something to you? 

542
00:28:01,120 --> 00:28:05,000
Do I come and pick you up? 
How long will you any instead of

543
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:08,120
reprimanding you, always 
providing solutions that make it

544
00:28:08,120 --> 00:28:12,000
better so that you can learn 
because when it comes to you in 

545
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:16,520
a very calm way, you're also 
able to want to listen and 

546
00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:19,520
understand. 
Even growing up with my mom, my 

547
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:23,920
mom used to throw in my mini 
skirts and my tops that showed a

548
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:27,440
lot of cleavage and up to now 
she still always tells me 

549
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:30,720
sometimes much things. 
To be very honest, on a very 

550
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:35,880
like deep level, I don't care. 
I don't care, but I know where 

551
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,480
the advice is coming from. 
It's not coming from Matty. 

552
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:41,000
She hates me or she doesn't want
to see me look good. 

553
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:44,280
She she's telling me that 
because she's my mom, she knows 

554
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,560
what being seen a certain way or
someone you know lasting you 

555
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:50,480
because of a certain way, she 
knows it puts you in direct 

556
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,800
danger. 
And she's my mother, so I know 

557
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,400
it always comes from care. 
It's just that maybe her 

558
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:59,240
communication might not be as 
clear or as direct as I would 

559
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:00,920
like. 
And growing up, that's something

560
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:02,760
we used to fight a lot when I 
was a teenager. 

561
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,640
Now I get it. 
I completely understand and I'm 

562
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,560
able to meet a compromise, 
especially when I'm with her 

563
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,040
because it does. 
Of course her advice is coming 

564
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:14,360
from a place of wanting me to be
happy and healthy because she 

565
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:16,880
loves me. 
So when someone loves you, 

566
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:19,120
that's what they do. 
They always want to protect you 

567
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:21,680
in their own little way. 
But you'll never get that 

568
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:26,240
undertone of envy, jealousy, 
anger, bitterness or like bad 

569
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:27,960
vibes. 
You'll always feel it. 

570
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:31,440
Coming from a place of I 
actually love you and I care and

571
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:33,000
I give a fuck. 
That's something to. 

572
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:35,280
Really look out for and he's 
also. 

573
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:38,120
Always ready to be vulnerable 
and honest. 

574
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:41,440
There's no none of that at all. 
Men don't do this. 

575
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:45,720
Men, there's none of that. 
Because he's a human being just 

576
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:47,760
like you. 
Your lover has feelings like 

577
00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:49,120
you. 
They also fail. 

578
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,880
They also make mistakes. 
They also fall sometimes. 

579
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,640
They also get depressed and they
grieve and they're sad about 

580
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,360
something and they're just ready
to be vulnerable with you. 

581
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,360
And in the same breath, they're 
able to be childlike. 

582
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:06,640
This is something big like me. 
I love to sing and dance, but if

583
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:08,880
you're not close to me, that's 
not something you'll know. 

584
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:10,760
Why? 
Because when I'm very, very 

585
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:13,000
comfortable and I'm very, I feel
very safe. 

586
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:16,320
I in song and dance a lot. 
A lot. 

587
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:18,400
I'm always singing and dancing 
in my house. 

588
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:20,000
All the time. 
By myself. 

589
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:22,640
But if you're not around me, 
you've probably never seen me 

590
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:25,200
dance because that's not 
something I do when I'm around 

591
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:28,120
anyone. 
And how I know I feel very safe 

592
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:31,800
and secure is when I'm singing 
and I'm dancing because I have 

593
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,080
No Fear. 
I have no insecurities. 

594
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:36,920
I'm not thinking, Oh my God, who
thinks like my dancing looks 

595
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:38,320
bad. 
I don't feel like that. 

596
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:41,760
And I sing and dance a lot at 
home with my when with my 

597
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:45,680
parents, with my family. 
So that's something I also look 

598
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:47,280
out for. 
And I don't know if it's a 

599
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:51,560
universal truth, but you'll 
realize your lover's child like 

600
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:55,760
features coming out, them being 
very playful and jokey and fun 

601
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:58,720
and funny. 
You'll find yourself laughing a 

602
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,480
lot, a lot more than you cry. 
You see, in all those 

603
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:03,880
relationships, you are crying 
and you, it doesn't text me. 

604
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:07,400
In this one, your biggest worry 
is that he's safe. 

605
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:10,800
Whatever he is, he's just safe. 
You're not thinking that he's 

606
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,840
cheating. 
He's talking to other people. 

607
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:17,600
And even if he is, So what? 
Because you're so secure in 

608
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:19,240
yourself. 
And that's the thing with 

609
00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:21,480
healthy relationships, they 
really force you to become 

610
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:27,120
secure because it just rubs off 
on you. 

611
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,040
They don't have a fear of 
loving. 

612
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,480
They're not holding back. 
There is no tit for tat. 

613
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:38,720
It literally doesn't matter. 
Something I've realized in my 

614
00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:42,960
relationship is that our core, 
like the thing we're focused on 

615
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,760
is making sure the relationship 
is good. 

616
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:47,600
So other things don't even 
matter. 

617
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:50,240
Things like money at who pays 
for who. 

618
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,240
These are very important 
discussions in relationships 

619
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,640
like finances and stuff. 
But that's not the reason we're 

620
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:58,240
with each other. 
We're not with each other for 

621
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:02,720
for CG who will wash dishes, who
does the chores, who does what 

622
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,040
it's whoever wants to do it does
it. 

623
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:08,080
And something something 
interesting is I was talking 

624
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:09,760
about this on dialogues of 
Jacquiro. 

625
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:13,000
I can't remember with which 
episode, but it's something I 

626
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,880
actually learned about him 
talking about his wife. 

627
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:19,120
He said in their relationship 
everyone has money. 

628
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:21,360
So things like money are not a 
discussion. 

629
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:25,040
There's no ATI paid for this. 
You it's things are taken care 

630
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:27,920
of groceries and shopping. 
They have delivery on dial 

631
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:31,040
chores, they pay the help to do 
it. 

632
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,720
CG cleaning. 
They pay someone for that CG. 

633
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:35,840
What? 
So you're left with nothing else

634
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:37,560
to discuss in the relationship 
except. 

635
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:40,000
Loving each other. 
There's no things about a tea. 

636
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,720
You know me, I watch for him all
the time. 

637
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:46,400
He never buys me flowers. 
No, you realize things like 

638
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:50,320
things like that are not like 
the important parts of a 

639
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:53,920
relationship and it's more about
your friendship and are you guys

640
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:56,880
growing and doing better and 
creating a really healthy 

641
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:58,360
relationship for you guys to 
thrive. 

642
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:00,440
It's just like having your 
friend. 

643
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,960
You see when you have when you 
have a friend and you guys want 

644
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,000
to go out to lunch. 
How can I get some more 

645
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:07,720
questions? 
Ananya taliba nanya lipa Nani, 

646
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:10,880
come on as a lip on a lipa. 
Come on a split split. 

647
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:13,880
Because it literally doesn't 
matter as long as both of you 

648
00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:17,240
are safe and happy at the end of
the day, that's all that 

649
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:19,600
matters. 
Literally, it's not about who 

650
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:21,120
cooked and who washed the 
dishes. 

651
00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:24,320
It literally doesn't matter. 
Everyone pulls their their 

652
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:27,440
weight in the relationship. 
Everyone makes sure the other 

653
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,760
person feels comfortable and 
safe enough to be themselves and

654
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:32,640
to be able to show up in the 
relationship. 

655
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,160
So that's something I really 
noticed. 

656
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:36,880
I think getting into 
relationships when you've been 

657
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:41,320
doing the work on yourself also 
it helps in the journey because 

658
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:45,480
you're able to spot someone 
who's coming to elevate you or 

659
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:48,920
coming to demon motivate you. 
It's so simple to see because 

660
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:51,560
already your standards are high 
because maybe already I'm taking

661
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,600
care of myself and I'm doing 
everything for myself. 

662
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:57,520
So the only way I can let anyone
else into my life is if they are

663
00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:01,440
coming to add on to it. 
Only not coming to make me sad 

664
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:05,200
and depressed because I'm 
already a very happy person. 

665
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:10,120
So it's easy for me to focus on 
that than focusing on really 

666
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:14,520
really dumb things that don't 
matter into the relation in the.

667
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:18,239
Relationship. 
A contrast I want to give to 

668
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:20,239
this was the guy dated before 
him? 

669
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:23,600
I'm putting out an article about
him. 

670
00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:27,880
This guy was now the opposite of
the guy dated last the year 

671
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:29,800
before. 
You see, the year before he was 

672
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,880
nonchalant like he buys me 
everything but he never shows 

673
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:36,199
up. 
Now this one he used to maneno 

674
00:34:36,199 --> 00:34:40,600
matamu and he was so obsessed 
with me, very romantic, very 

675
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:43,280
sweet. 
He used to also take care of me 

676
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:47,520
or he used to love to take care 
of me, basically served and 

677
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:50,840
worshipped me and was so 
obsessed with me. 

678
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:54,239
Obsessed to the point like he 
can call me 10 times in an hour.

679
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:57,600
He just wants to hear my voice 
to to love me, to be there for 

680
00:34:57,600 --> 00:34:59,360
me. 
So going from someone who never 

681
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:02,280
calls me to someone who wants to
call me all the time, I felt if 

682
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:08,880
something is wrong. 
But I didn't realize that I was 

683
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:12,720
kind of being shown how to be in
a position where I can accept 

684
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:16,800
love and just drown in love. 
And slowly I started realizing 

685
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:19,680
it's not that someone wanting to
talk to me all the time is 

686
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:21,640
weird. 
It's just that I was so used to 

687
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:24,440
people who never talked to me 
that being in such a situation 

688
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:30,120
was making me feel I this is too
much because he's busy to know 

689
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:32,600
someone who wants to call me 10 
times an hour. 

690
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:37,280
And now in the relationship, in 
the relationship I'm at, I'm 

691
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:40,480
seeing a very healthy balance. 
It's like we don't have to talk 

692
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:42,480
all day, every minute of the 
day. 

693
00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:45,520
But the kind of security I have,
because he's consistently 

694
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:47,800
available, I can call him 
anytime. 

695
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:50,880
He's always going to be there. 
I can talk to him anytime, I can

696
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:53,920
text him anytime. 
I can tell him I need him to 

697
00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:56,440
come and get me. 
I can tell him what I want. 

698
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:59,760
I can tell him where I need him 
to be, where I want us to go. 

699
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:03,920
He's always ready to make time 
and accommodate me consistently.

700
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:08,240
And in the event that we're 
busy, I'm busy, or he's busy, 

701
00:36:08,240 --> 00:36:11,440
the security is consistent. 
I'm not wondering or feeling, Oh

702
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:13,120
my God, why isn't he texting me?
Why? 

703
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:16,600
Because he already communicated.
He already told me where he's 

704
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:19,520
going to be, what he's going to 
be doing and how he's feeling 

705
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:23,040
and everything without me having
to ask, without feeling like 

706
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:25,800
it's forced communication, 
without feeling like I have to 

707
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:30,120
reply immediately. 
Yeah, it's just safe and secure.

708
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:33,240
It's just, you just feel safe. 
It's just normal. 

709
00:36:33,240 --> 00:36:37,320
There's no anxiety, there's no 
desperation, there's No Fear. 

710
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:40,480
It's just, yeah, I know he's 
here doing this and I'm going to

711
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:43,200
see him in an hour. 
So it's such a nice feeling. 

712
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,400
And so now I can feel the 
balance. 

713
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:50,800
I feel very secure and very sure
because they are very available 

714
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:53,400
and very ready to show up for 
me. 

715
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:58,720
I feel very included in plans. 
I feel like although he's like, 

716
00:36:58,720 --> 00:37:03,640
he has the qualities of a man 
who has plans and is ready to 

717
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,440
lead and take care of 
everything, I feel so included 

718
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:09,400
because my decisions are just as
important. 

719
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:14,040
Like, no, no decisions are made 
without my my consent or 

720
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:16,680
approval. 
Yanni, Nico too included. 

721
00:37:16,720 --> 00:37:19,440
Nico involved. 
Now, Liz, what do you think? 

722
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:21,960
What do you want? 
What do you want to do? 

723
00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:26,080
And I feel very, very supported 
in my career, in my 

724
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:30,920
relationships, in my decisions, 
in things I share. 

725
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:32,840
And it's just a healthy 
friendship. 

726
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:36,480
And I feel too supported because
even in his own capacity, he 

727
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:39,080
consistently puts me in 
positions to win. 

728
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:44,240
He puts me in positions where 
you know, I can make more or I 

729
00:37:44,240 --> 00:37:47,760
can do more. 
He talks to me, improves my 

730
00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:49,280
networks. 
He puts me any. 

731
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:52,840
It's just, you can just see this
is my friend who wants me to 

732
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:56,320
win. 
And in the same breath of giving

733
00:37:56,320 --> 00:38:00,280
me reassurance and affirmations 
and all this, he also gives me 

734
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:02,920
feedback, like important, honest
feedback. 

735
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:06,080
He tells me the truth. 
He's very honest about what he 

736
00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:09,640
feels, how I can maybe improve, 
how I can do better. 

737
00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:14,200
He shares opinions and ideas of 
how I can just do better. 

738
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:17,600
And that's so important because 
in every sort of relationship, 

739
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:20,600
because someone who loves you 
definitely wants you to do 

740
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:23,000
better. 
And it's not just that they give

741
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:25,200
even then, they're ready to take
criticism. 

742
00:38:25,240 --> 00:38:28,960
They're ready to to listen like 
upper babe Baku fanapur babe 

743
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:30,880
will fail Upper babe Baku 
fanavi. 

744
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:33,760
They're so ready to listen and 
also do better. 

745
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:38,520
And something else I noticed is 
in disagreements. 

746
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,960
OK, we haven't had this like big
disagreements or anything 

747
00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:44,440
because we, I think we mesh a 
lot. 

748
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:48,160
We're able to even agree to 
disagree, but in case of 

749
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:51,400
disagreement, he brings them up.
He's the one who brings up the 

750
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,240
hard conversations. 
I'm never in a situation where 

751
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:56,880
all this guy is ghosting me. 
We didn't discuss. 

752
00:38:56,880 --> 00:39:00,480
Yesterday's. 
Issue today we're acting, we 

753
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:03,000
never move on. 
He brings it up, he makes sure 

754
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:07,280
we've sorted and discussed and 
to make Shambu and Paka. 

755
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:09,680
We reach a point where we're 
able to see each other's 

756
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:12,800
perspectives and if we're not, 
we're still able to be very 

757
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:15,120
understanding of it. 
It's such a breath of fish. 

758
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:17,160
It's it's like dating a 
fastball. 

759
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:21,760
It's such a nice fresh feeling, 
someone being so secure that 

760
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:24,800
it's rubbing off on you. 
And hey, hear me out. 

761
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:30,520
I keep saying is if it was in a 
Simni Kamani, very obvious. 

762
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:33,040
I'm a like me. 
See, that's what's normal. 

763
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,640
But I'm telling you, for someone
who's been abused or someone 

764
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:38,400
who's never been in a healthy 
relationship, this shit seems 

765
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:40,160
like a Unicorn. 
It seems like it. 

766
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:43,440
It's too good to be true. 
You mean he listens and he 

767
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:48,160
doesn't argue and he says sorry,
he apologizes, he fixes, he 

768
00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:51,600
brings up issues without 
ignoring them or seeming 

769
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:55,000
nonchalant. 
It's such a rare occurrence in a

770
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:58,680
lot of. 
Let me say men because it's men 

771
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:03,600
I did, but learning and seeing 
like other men willing to put in

772
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:05,600
the work and learning, whether 
it's because they have 

773
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:08,920
experience or because. 
They just want to do better. 

774
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:12,560
It's such a breath of fresh air.
It makes it so easy for me to be

775
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,320
myself and to be childlike and 
to be fun. 

776
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:17,920
And I'm always getting 
complimented. 

777
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:22,480
It feels so good, even in the 
way he's always so excited to to

778
00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:25,080
make. 
Plans with me to see me to 

779
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:28,320
include me to be with him. 
The enthusiasm with which he has

780
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:31,560
when I'm involved is just so 
evident. 

781
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:35,040
It's like, my God, he can't 
believe he gets to see me again 

782
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,800
and again and again. 
And I like it because that kind 

783
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:42,520
of excitement is important. 
If you can come, if you want, 

784
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:44,640
it's you. 
As the girl who has to keep 

785
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:48,280
asking, are we still meeting? 
Can we meet this a big man. 

786
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:50,520
He makes the plans and he sees 
them through. 

787
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,520
He keeps his word. 
He always keeps his word. 

788
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:55,440
He always says what he's gonna 
do. 

789
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:58,240
He always does for you what he 
says he was going to. 

790
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:00,120
Things like that are very 
important. 

791
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:04,600
And I guess it's all about the 
actions, all about what is he 

792
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:07,680
doing, How is he making you feel
more than what is he saying? 

793
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:11,400
Because anyone can say anything.
But when you leave, how do you 

794
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:14,400
feel deep within yourself, in 
your heart, you feel happy, 

795
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:18,200
loved, content, excited. 
It's nice, it's nice. 

796
00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:21,040
Our focus, like I said, is to 
enjoy the relationship and to 

797
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:24,160
improve our lives. 
So things like chores and rolls,

798
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:27,280
those are not argument points. 
He does everything with me. 

799
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,920
If I decide to cook something, 
he'll come in the kitchen and 

800
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:31,960
cook. 
And he's never made me pay for 

801
00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:33,800
anything. 
But that's not the point. 

802
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:37,320
It's just such things. 
They show you generosity. 

803
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,680
And is he ready like to take 
care of a? 

804
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:44,120
Family and is he generous and is
he kind and is he respectful 

805
00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:47,080
I've never heard anything about 
oh you wash the dishes you go 

806
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:50,040
and cook oh you do this no and 
even when I. 

807
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:52,320
Cook. 
I cook because I want to. 

808
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:55,160
I mean, of course my extension. 
Because I want to see him, 

809
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:58,680
someone I love and care about, 
enjoy my meal and feel good. 

810
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:03,040
But it's always because it's a 
kind gesture, not just for me 

811
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:05,320
and for him. 
And it always comes from a space

812
00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:09,160
of love and wanting to nourish 
and nurture someone I love. 

813
00:42:09,240 --> 00:42:12,000
So it's such a good feeling. 
And he never lets me do anything

814
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:15,520
alone, nothing, going to the 
grocery store, going to buy 

815
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:18,680
anything, cooking anything. 
He's always there with me 

816
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:22,440
consistently because he always 
wants to be around me doing 

817
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:26,000
things with me. 
And when it's me time, it's me 

818
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,560
time. 
Very busy man, very preoccupied.

819
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:32,200
But when it's time to spend time
with me, I always feel 

820
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:35,400
fulfilled. 
Yanni, No distractions, no 

821
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:38,440
making me feel like I'm out of 
place or I shouldn't be there. 

822
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:42,520
And also he brings me places and
like he's ready to show me off. 

823
00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:46,200
Let me tell you things like Aman
even taking you places or let's 

824
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,920
say in most relationships it's 
manga. 

825
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:53,200
Let's take a picture, babe. 
Let me take pictures of you or 

826
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:56,240
babe or him just taking pictures
of you and him being proud to 

827
00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:57,920
show you off. 
The first time you experienced 

828
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:01,520
that, you'll feel so bad, sneaky
links. 

829
00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:04,000
You'll be so shocked. 
You'll be so shocked that this 

830
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:06,920
man actually actually wants to 
be seen with you. 

831
00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:11,760
And I'm really able to rest in 
my feminine. 

832
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:15,920
Let me tell you, even the first 
time I went to his place and I 

833
00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:19,160
spent the night the next day, 
Not the first time, the second 

834
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:23,360
time, the first time, the first 
time I had to leave in the 

835
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:27,000
morning because I had work. 
But the next time I spent he, he

836
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:30,160
had asked me prior, he said I 
would like you to spend more 

837
00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:33,640
than one night at my place. 
So maybe park because I, I have 

838
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:36,240
things I want us to do. 
I have activities I've planned 

839
00:43:36,240 --> 00:43:37,600
out. 
So just park and then you'll 

840
00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:40,480
stay for two nights. 
And I agreed, I like because I 

841
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:42,240
like spending time with him is 
very fun. 

842
00:43:42,240 --> 00:43:44,040
It's very funny. 
We laugh all the time. 

843
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:46,520
It's so fun. 
It's like having a really fun 

844
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:49,040
friend who has a lot of money 
and wants to spend it all on you

845
00:43:49,240 --> 00:43:52,040
and he loves you and he's made 
all the plans. 

846
00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:55,840
It's so exciting. 
So the next day when I woke up, 

847
00:43:55,880 --> 00:44:01,240
you know, to not spend the day, 
but I kept having having this 

848
00:44:01,240 --> 00:44:03,360
feeling nagging me at the back 
of my mind. 

849
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:05,600
Yeah. 
What if he wants me to go? 

850
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:07,800
And he arranged for breakfast in
the morning? 

851
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:11,920
He wasn't showing signs, like he
wants to go or he wants me to 

852
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:13,680
leave. 
And to be honest, I was very 

853
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:16,240
anxious. 
I think he read the energy and 

854
00:44:16,240 --> 00:44:18,200
he just told me just relax. 
Stay. 

855
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,360
I want you to stay. 
I invited you. 

856
00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:22,800
Relax. 
I don't know how he noticed, but

857
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:24,400
that's why. 
He said, and you know where the 

858
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:27,080
fear was coming from, that 
feeling for when you wake up in 

859
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:29,560
the morning and a guy starts, 
you know, being fake busy 

860
00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:31,200
because he wants you out of his 
house. 

861
00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:33,040
I don't like it. 
I don't like when someone does 

862
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:35,520
that to me. 
I can call you a Uber because I 

863
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:39,160
have to go to work and. 
Doesn't matter whether it's the 

864
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:42,320
truth or a lie, there's just 
some feeling of rejection. 

865
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:43,960
I think I've had that trauma 
for. 

866
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:48,160
But this time I was just 
learning to not have fear and it

867
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:50,680
was so weird. 
And the way everything is taken 

868
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:53,040
care of, I never have to think 
what are we going to? 

869
00:44:53,120 --> 00:44:56,840
To eat, what are we going to do?
What are he's already arranged? 

870
00:44:56,960 --> 00:45:00,440
Everything is done. 
My job is to enjoy and feel good

871
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:02,600
and relax. 
It's such a nice feeling. 

872
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,920
Something else that made me 
really laugh is during our 

873
00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:10,600
second date, we also if you're a
passenger Princess, you know, if

874
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:13,200
you've dated an angry man, how 
it like when you mix up 

875
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:15,960
directions and stuff and they 
get so agitated and they start. 

876
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:19,080
To shout at you or they they 
show you like they're annoyed 

877
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:21,400
because you're always get things
wrong here. 

878
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:24,760
I just, even when I mess up, I 
just feel so safe because he 

879
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:27,440
always reaffirms me and 
reassures me and says it's OK. 

880
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:31,880
It seems like a normal thing. 
But when you're traumatized, you

881
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:34,720
need the constant fear of, Oh my
God, I've messed up. 

882
00:45:34,720 --> 00:45:38,160
He'll shout at me about how fuel
is expensive and no, nothing 

883
00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:40,200
like that. 
He just makes a ton and he's so 

884
00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:43,760
ready to go where I want as long
as it makes me happy and it 

885
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:46,440
makes me feel good. 
And that's our decisions. 

886
00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:50,200
It's such a breath of fresh air.
So after eating, he came to pull

887
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:52,920
my chair so that we could go to 
the sink to wash our hands. 

888
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:56,840
And after washing our hands, he 
went ahead of me to the Soviet 

889
00:45:56,840 --> 00:46:00,160
station to grab a Soviet for me 
so that I could dry my hands 

890
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:03,320
with. 
And I also went fast to try and.

891
00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:06,920
Not to get ahead of him, but to 
just get the Soviet as well. 

892
00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:09,760
And then when I turned, I see he
had already picked enough 

893
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:13,040
Soviets for himself and for me, 
and he was handing me mine. 

894
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:16,400
And he started laughing. 
And I started laughing because. 

895
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:18,120
And then he. 
Said just yeah. 

896
00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:20,480
And I started laughing because 
this is. 

897
00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:22,520
This wasn't the first time he 
was catching me. 

898
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:26,000
The lesson there is that I was, 
I'm so used to doing things for 

899
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:29,600
myself, even things like pulling
my own chair, opening my own 

900
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:30,680
doors. 
I have never. 

901
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:33,000
Pulled a chair or opened a door 
since I met this man. 

902
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:37,480
And it's it's cute gestures that
I have experienced from men a 

903
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:40,080
lot over and over. 
I'm not saying Jay for new easy 

904
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:44,120
V2, but a man being consistent, 
like even long after he's 

905
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:46,440
already quoted you and he's got 
you. 

906
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:47,800
It doesn't matter whether you 
guys are. 

907
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:49,600
Having a bad. 
Day, Whether he's sad, whether 

908
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:52,200
he's broke, whether he's 
annoyed, whether he's lost a 

909
00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:55,800
deal, He's consistency in his 
actions. 

910
00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:58,720
It never changes whether we have
a disagreement. 

911
00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:02,440
I have never had to do anything 
by myself or for myself when I'm

912
00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:03,400
with him. 
Never. 

913
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:06,400
And in that moment, yes, I've 
yet it makes me laugh because 

914
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:09,840
anyway, Nika feels me bad 
because I realized I was so used

915
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:13,000
to being like in my masculine 
energy and taking charge and 

916
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:15,240
doing things for myself. 
And here is someone who's come 

917
00:47:15,240 --> 00:47:18,440
into my life and they're trying 
to show me listen, chill out. 

918
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:21,120
I've got you. 
You don't have to do nothing. 

919
00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:24,120
You don't have to do anything 
and listen, my previous 

920
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:27,920
boyfriend was like that also 
that one used to even bathe me 

921
00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:33,280
and kiss the floor I walk on, 
but it's it's different. 

922
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:34,800
I can't feel the difference in 
that. 

923
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:36,480
The other one was just obsessed 
with me. 

924
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:40,960
This one is a very secure guy 
who even if I broke his heart, 

925
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:44,360
if I if I like, let's say an 
example, let's say if I cheated 

926
00:47:44,360 --> 00:47:46,960
on him, he's not going to lower 
his standard. 

927
00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:49,840
He's someone who's giving his 
heart and he's giving 100% 

928
00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:52,920
because he's ready for love and 
he's very available. 

929
00:47:52,920 --> 00:47:56,280
Whatever I do, whether I 
reciprocate or not, him is just 

930
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:58,520
a lover. 
He's always giving love. 

931
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:02,120
It's just who he is. 
He's not giving on condition. 

932
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:05,720
On condition I do this for him. 
Or if I do this, he'll do this 

933
00:48:05,720 --> 00:48:07,560
is it. 
It's just him being himself. 

934
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:09,760
And it's something he, he tells 
me as well. 

935
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:12,240
He says, Mimi, I'm always ready 
to give love. 

936
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:14,400
Doesn't matter how many times 
I've been heartbroken. 

937
00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:17,800
I'm always ready to, he'll move 
on and receive and give love 

938
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:20,520
because I know the benefits of 
working on myself. 

939
00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:22,720
And the more I give, the more I 
receive. 

940
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:25,680
And it's true because in this 
time I've been with him, I've 

941
00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:28,640
literally gone from being an 
avoidant because I was. 

942
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:33,200
So there's a time we were 
talking about communication in 

943
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:35,480
relationships. 
And for me, like I said, I was 

944
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:39,320
so used to dating guys who are 
very present financially but 

945
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:43,000
never talked to me. 
And so I told him he we were 

946
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:45,520
talking about something. 
And my response was, I think 

947
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:48,360
people who sit on their phone 
and talk all day all the time 

948
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:51,280
must be idle, right? 
And he said no. 

949
00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:54,200
And he started teaching me about
how communication is important 

950
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:56,800
in relationships. 
And I realized how badly I had 

951
00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:59,960
been traumatized by people who 
never talked to me, that I was 

952
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:03,000
thinking something as essential 
as basic communication in a 

953
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:06,760
relationship is too much. 
Any someone has hurt me, and now

954
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:10,960
I'm ready to be like that. 
But I realized that I I have to 

955
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:13,720
stay aware so that I'm able to 
never change. 

956
00:49:13,720 --> 00:49:15,960
The lover in me just has to be 
me. 

957
00:49:16,040 --> 00:49:18,480
It's not a tea. 
I'm loving because someone is 

958
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:20,520
loving. 
It's because I'm a lover. 

959
00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:24,240
I just love and I give love and 
that's who I am because becoming

960
00:49:24,240 --> 00:49:26,920
that person really helps you. 
Now when you're in a 

961
00:49:26,920 --> 00:49:30,120
relationship and you guys are 
two lovers, it's just magic. 

962
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:34,960
He's really enabled me to rest 
in my feminine and he just, he's

963
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:38,000
just him being a man who knows 
what he's want he wants and 

964
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:40,000
being very consistent in his 
actions. 

965
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:44,120
It gives me a feeling of being 
loved and feeling very, very 

966
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:46,520
secure. 
I love that he shows me he wants

967
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:49,000
me around. 
He wants to see me, he wants me 

968
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:50,960
to be there. 
I'm giving this in contrast to 

969
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:53,840
those girls who they're the ones
who always have to plan 

970
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:55,640
everything and ask their man to 
see them. 

971
00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:57,760
Babe, if he wants you, you'll 
just know. 

972
00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:00,840
You literally never have to ask.
You'll never have to wonder. 

973
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:04,280
You'll never have to be confused
about what does he feel, what 

974
00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:06,920
does he want? 
Because you'll always know. 

975
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:10,680
You'll always know even during 
our I can't remember if it was 

976
00:50:10,800 --> 00:50:13,880
our third date or 4th I was on 
my period. 

977
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:17,320
He had asked to Take Me Out to 
dinner and I told him I'm on my 

978
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:19,680
period. 
I feel very weird and to be 

979
00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:23,480
honest I was had that fear in 
the back of my mind that maybe 

980
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:27,400
he was going to be weirded out 
if I'm on my period and also 

981
00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:30,120
it's my first time being on my 
period. 

982
00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:32,320
I don't want to be around him 
like that. 

983
00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:35,600
And then he said it's OK I 
understand doesn't matter I 

984
00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:37,960
still want to see you. 
Just come, just come. 

985
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:40,360
I'll take care of you. 
And he really did take care of 

986
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:42,560
me and he didn't even want to do
anything. 

987
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:44,560
He just wanted to take care of 
me and be with me. 

988
00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:46,800
Sometimes you'll be in a 
relationship with the kind of 

989
00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:49,680
guy who'll be like, you know, 
he'll try to have sex with you 

990
00:50:49,800 --> 00:50:52,760
and you're not comfortable or 
he'll try to touch you or he'll 

991
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:55,360
try to kiss you and you're not 
in that mood. 

992
00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:58,720
Or even he'll he'll try to get 
intimate with you and you're not

993
00:50:58,720 --> 00:51:00,320
there. 
And sometimes you might have 

994
00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:01,680
fear. 
Sometimes the explanation is 

995
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:04,960
coming from I'm not really in 
the mood to come and make out 

996
00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:08,360
and laugh and kiss and all that.
And if you're not in the 

997
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:10,680
capacity to take care of me, 
it's going to be awkward. 

998
00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:13,880
But someone who still wants to 
hang out with you will create a 

999
00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:15,360
space for you to feel 
comfortable. 

1000
00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:17,680
Regardless of whatever you're 
going through, they still want 

1001
00:51:17,680 --> 00:51:20,160
to see you. 
Whether you're grieving or broke

1002
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:23,520
or sad or distressed, they just 
want to see you and be there 

1003
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:25,880
with you and share you up and 
make you feel good. 

1004
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:29,480
I hope you guys are noticing. 
I'm talking about the actions of

1005
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:31,640
who they are. 
Not even the things that they're

1006
00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:35,080
doing for me, who they are as a 
person, this is really who they 

1007
00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:38,160
are. 
Consistency, No Faltering in 

1008
00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:41,760
actions? 
No, it's just actions. 

1009
00:51:41,760 --> 00:51:43,880
Consistent actions and 
communication. 

1010
00:51:43,960 --> 00:51:47,040
It makes you feel so much safe. 
Being loved like this has really

1011
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:50,360
made me go from an avoidant 
person to someone who's very 

1012
00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:54,800
secure because now I'm starting 
to understand why this is how 

1013
00:51:54,800 --> 00:51:57,920
love is supposed to be. 
It's supposed to be free and 

1014
00:51:58,080 --> 00:52:01,400
patient and kind and amazing and
give you good feelings. 

1015
00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:05,480
Part of the title of this 
podcast is how to keep a man and

1016
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:07,440
how to know when he's very into 
you. 

1017
00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:10,480
I think I've talked about how to
know when he's very into you 

1018
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:13,000
because these are actions I've 
been able to see. 

1019
00:52:13,040 --> 00:52:16,200
I think it's really important 
that if you're a lover, a real 

1020
00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:18,600
lover, you don't just focus on 
one. 

1021
00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:22,600
Don't just focus on like the 
money part, unless maybe if 

1022
00:52:22,600 --> 00:52:25,640
you're dating from you want 
money and you need money, then 

1023
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:28,200
it'll work for you. 
But if you're someone who wants 

1024
00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:31,200
emotions, make sure you're doing
a 360 checkup. 

1025
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:33,960
Like you're consistently looking
out for these actions that make 

1026
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:37,040
you feel. 
Loved and wanted and respected 

1027
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:42,120
and included and just needed in 
the relationship. 

1028
00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:45,000
Like you're in an important part
of the relationship that he 

1029
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:47,040
wants. 
It's so important. 

1030
00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:50,280
So for the part of how to keep a
man, babe, there's nothing you 

1031
00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:53,120
can do that will keep a man. 
Literally, you could do all 

1032
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:54,520
these things and he still leave 
you. 

1033
00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:59,680
He could do all these things he 
could, he could literally be the

1034
00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:04,280
most perfect Angel and still the
relationship might not work out.

1035
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:08,720
The end of the lesson is how you
keep a man is by you improving 

1036
00:53:08,720 --> 00:53:12,240
yourself and continuing to be 
yourself and you see how your 

1037
00:53:12,240 --> 00:53:15,840
growth is impacting his growth. 
If you guys are compatible, you 

1038
00:53:15,840 --> 00:53:19,240
keep meshing into each other. 
You're you're consistently with 

1039
00:53:19,360 --> 00:53:23,160
your consistency will match his.
Your kindness will match his, 

1040
00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:25,880
his will also match yours 
because you guys will be on the 

1041
00:53:25,880 --> 00:53:30,480
same frequency and the things 
you want will be always towards 

1042
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:33,800
your betterment and your growth.
And when it stops being that the

1043
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:36,440
relationship could end and it's 
still going to be OK because at 

1044
00:53:36,440 --> 00:53:39,920
the end of the day, you're going
to be able to notice the much 

1045
00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:42,280
growth that you've achieved in 
this relationship. 

1046
00:53:42,400 --> 00:53:45,720
And that's why I always say I 
don't I can't talk bad about my 

1047
00:53:45,720 --> 00:53:49,560
exes because even though maybe 
Trulia China in bad times I'm at

1048
00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:50,840
the relationship didn't work 
out. 

1049
00:53:50,840 --> 00:53:54,600
These guys really improved me in
some way in in some way Cunnola 

1050
00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:58,200
munya linonesia nez. 
I receive flowers cunola 

1051
00:53:58,200 --> 00:54:02,040
Linonesia amazing different 
restaurants cunola Linonesia 

1052
00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:05,960
travel cunola linonesia how to 
make money cunola Linonesia 

1053
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:09,120
confidence in myself, how to 
choose better, how to love 

1054
00:54:09,120 --> 00:54:11,320
myself more. 
Because these men were already 

1055
00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:14,680
really good men without me. 
Like they were already walking 

1056
00:54:14,680 --> 00:54:17,280
on themselves and loving 
themselves before they met me. 

1057
00:54:17,400 --> 00:54:21,560
I leave the relationship feeling
so much better, even if it was a

1058
00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:23,920
painful ending. 
It's just there's so, so much 

1059
00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:27,200
improvement and growth on my 
part and it feels so good. 

1060
00:54:27,240 --> 00:54:30,360
Whatever the growth was, whether
it was financial or emotional, 

1061
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:33,520
it really, really matters. 
All of it matters and it's, it's

1062
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:38,200
so good. 
So the lesson is heal yourself 

1063
00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:40,960
and grow yourself and do all 
these things for yourself. 

1064
00:54:41,240 --> 00:54:45,520
Because if you meet this man who
is doing all this work and he's 

1065
00:54:45,520 --> 00:54:48,840
just this wonderful on his own, 
you don't want to fumble. 

1066
00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:51,360
And it's so easy to fumble a 
good person. 

1067
00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:55,000
This advice now goes cuts all 
across board, even the dramas. 

1068
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:57,200
If you're not working on 
yourself and you meet this girl 

1069
00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:59,800
who's doing the intentional 
work, you're going to fumble 

1070
00:54:59,800 --> 00:55:01,480
her. 
Because let me tell you, this 

1071
00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:05,400
guy, see, in the beginning, he's
shown me his straightforwardness

1072
00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:08,200
and his communication. 
But because I was so avoidant, 

1073
00:55:08,200 --> 00:55:11,160
like even in my communication, 
there's a time I broke up with 

1074
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:12,560
him. 
I broke things off and I told 

1075
00:55:12,560 --> 00:55:15,280
him, I'm sorry. 
I sent him this long message 

1076
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:17,160
telling him I don't think we're 
compatible. 

1077
00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:19,440
And you know what my issue was? 
Just because I couldn't 

1078
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:22,400
communicate clearly, I didn't 
want to listen. 

1079
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:24,280
I was already ready to get 
defensive. 

1080
00:55:24,600 --> 00:55:28,360
And my first thought was my 
first response was, was to jump 

1081
00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:32,240
ship, to sabotage, to end 
everything and to just kill it. 

1082
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:34,640
I sent him a long message 
telling him about how I don't 

1083
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:37,000
think we're compatible. 
And you know what his response 

1084
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:39,040
was? 
He says I think we're 

1085
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:41,000
compatible. 
I think we're meant to be 

1086
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:43,040
together. 
I really like you. 

1087
00:55:43,240 --> 00:55:47,640
So I think we should just pause,
breathe, think, and then we can 

1088
00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:50,200
have this discussion. 
When I did my introspection, I 

1089
00:55:50,200 --> 00:55:52,080
started to realize that that's 
what I always do. 

1090
00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:55,560
I always jump ship when things 
get too serious or I need to 

1091
00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:57,720
confront the seriousness of a 
relationship. 

1092
00:55:57,720 --> 00:56:00,280
I'm always ready to say, OK, 
this is not working out. 

1093
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:02,120
I'm done. 
And I realize that's not how you

1094
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:04,600
treat healthy relationships, 
even with your friends. 

1095
00:56:04,600 --> 00:56:07,640
Rafiho kasiriki Omwachi muna 
discuss. 

1096
00:56:07,640 --> 00:56:11,280
Muna Fix and in this 
relationship I've done nothing 

1097
00:56:11,280 --> 00:56:15,240
but learn how to be a better 
person, a better communicator, 

1098
00:56:15,360 --> 00:56:18,760
more tolerant and listen. 
Not tolerant for bullshit, not 

1099
00:56:18,760 --> 00:56:23,280
tolerant for nonsense and like 
add characteristics, Juicy J 

1100
00:56:23,280 --> 00:56:30,760
experience and something else 
avoiding a lot of you know 

1101
00:56:30,760 --> 00:56:34,440
negativity negative talk 
negative friends, negative 

1102
00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:37,600
energy consuming negative stuff 
online. 

1103
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:42,000
You know all the times you men 
do these women do these women 

1104
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:45,800
fear women women are asked you 
what men are what achana nasal 

1105
00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:50,960
Vito, achana nasal Vito no focus
come on attakama pensi kubalima 

1106
00:56:50,960 --> 00:56:54,400
pensi no kubalito. 
There is no need for you to be 

1107
00:56:54,440 --> 00:56:56,000
out here, you know, looking. 
For. 

1108
00:56:56,600 --> 00:57:00,240
Stories that might sabotage your
relationship or something that 

1109
00:57:00,240 --> 00:57:02,840
might make you have fear and 
insecurities within the 

1110
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:05,560
relationship. 
If it's time to enjoy love, just

1111
00:57:05,560 --> 00:57:07,400
enjoy love. 
Enjoy. 

1112
00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:11,560
It's nice, it feels good. 
It feels good in such kind of a 

1113
00:57:11,560 --> 00:57:14,680
situation, as long as you've 
been doing the work for yourself

1114
00:57:14,680 --> 00:57:17,080
and listen. 
Something else you'll notice is 

1115
00:57:17,080 --> 00:57:19,520
when you're with someone who 
makes you feel safe and secure 

1116
00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:21,920
is that you look better. 
You'll just start to glow. 

1117
00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:24,280
You'll become more beautiful, 
kinda. 

1118
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:28,840
You'll be more graceful, more 
feminine, more sweet, more kind 

1119
00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:33,040
of nasi na mingi mingi unadino 
afiti unongilesh afiti. 

1120
00:57:33,120 --> 00:57:35,760
You're taken care of. 
You feel very secure. 

1121
00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:38,360
It's such a nice feeling. 
You'll be able to tell the 

1122
00:57:38,360 --> 00:57:41,560
difference between a man who 
just buys you stuff and a man 

1123
00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:44,960
who's actually investing in you.
He's giving you his time, his 

1124
00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:48,840
energy, his advice, his wisdom, 
his money. 

1125
00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:52,120
He's just really, really 
generous with all his resources 

1126
00:57:52,120 --> 00:57:56,520
towards making sure his woman is
feeling very well taken care of.

1127
00:57:56,880 --> 00:58:00,480
You message near my lovers. 
I'm curious to hear what you 

1128
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:02,840
think, but this is what I think.
This is what I've been 

1129
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:05,280
experiencing. 
I've been experiencing really, 

1130
00:58:05,280 --> 00:58:07,680
really great. 
Can I say lovers, really great 

1131
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:09,960
lovers who've made me love 
myself even more. 

1132
00:58:10,120 --> 00:58:13,800
And now I'm really enjoying the 
fruits of the of my labor. 

1133
00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:15,560
I'm enjoying all the work I've 
put in. 

1134
00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:20,320
I'm enjoying being with a with 
an emotionally secure and safe 

1135
00:58:20,320 --> 00:58:23,760
person who makes me an even 
better version of myself because

1136
00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:27,560
I'm consistently learning any. 
I feel support all the time. 

1137
00:58:27,920 --> 00:58:30,600
But say these people exist and 
they're ready to love you. 

1138
00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:34,000
You just have to also be open so
that you're able to learn what 

1139
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:37,320
to look out for and how to love 
yourself better so that you can 

1140
00:58:37,320 --> 00:58:39,120
understand. 
I think I'll finish that. 

1141
00:58:39,120 --> 00:58:42,200
This has been a really long 
episode, but I had to talk about

1142
00:58:42,200 --> 00:58:44,440
all that. 
I just hope you leave this 

1143
00:58:44,440 --> 00:58:47,840
discussion feeling very loved 
and ready to be loved. 

1144
00:58:48,160 --> 00:58:51,200
But tell me in the comments if 
you feel like you're ready to 

1145
00:58:51,200 --> 00:58:54,320
experience this and if you think
I'm making sense. 

1146
00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:57,120
This is just my personal 
experience, tell me what you 

1147
00:58:57,120 --> 00:58:58,880
think. 
I want to hear toodles.