1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:03,320 Hi guys. I took a break for the first 2 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:08,119 time I think like since I started podcasting this last few 3 00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:09,520 weeks. And then like around the 4 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:12,640 holidays, I was a little bit scattered with uploading 5 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:15,280 episodes. So thank you for your patience 6 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,000 with me. I really just needed a second. 7 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:20,520 But anyway, yeah, we're back. We're consistent again. 8 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,840 Happy 2026. How crazy is that? 9 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:28,040 I think last year I started getting, how weird is it that 10 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:30,840 2025 was the last year. I think I just started getting a 11 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:34,600 little bit more reserved or with this podcast in general, like on 12 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,960 my previous podcast, I was a little bit more open about like 13 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,240 what was going on in in my own personal life. 14 00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:42,880 And yeah, I think that now that I've zoomed out a little, I'll 15 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:47,040 give you guys the SparkNotes of what happened in 2025. 16 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:49,080 So much happened. I kind of like blacked out. 17 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:52,440 I don't even really remember it, but key things that happened 18 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:56,080 last year, almost moved apartments, went through a 19 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:57,920 breakup. Some of you guys really aware of 20 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:03,760 that relationship that happened, changes with work and pod. 21 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:06,880 I almost moved into a completely new apartment, which was really 22 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,920 exciting. But then that didn't work out. 23 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:11,680 So now we just went through another move and I had one of my 24 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:14,720 best friends, you guys know, Julia, move in with me a couple 25 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:18,880 of weeks ago. And I thought that I just needed 26 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,520 maybe like a hot little second to breathe. 27 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:22,400 But I'm back. I'm back and I'm better. 28 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,560 I thought today I would do an episode that I've been wanting 29 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,560 to do for a really long time. And this is also probably the 30 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:31,760 first solo episode that I'm doing that's not just like a Q&A 31 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,560 where I can banter with you guys. 32 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:38,840 And it's not the Bob Ross style episode I did with an easel. 33 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:42,480 And rather than trying to memorize all of the things that 34 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:46,440 I had written down, I figured I would just grab my laptop and 35 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,680 bring it along for the journey with me. 36 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:52,400 If you guys have listened to this pod or like even the 37 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:55,680 previous pod, you'll know that I love researching things that I'm 38 00:01:55,680 --> 00:02:00,080 infatuated by and I go deep dive into various topics. 39 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:04,160 So I made a deck on this in 2019 when I had my swimwear company 40 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:07,360 because I thought it would be a cool topic to do a Ted talk on. 41 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:13,240 I basically put together like 20 slides about how the beauty 42 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:16,280 industries profit off of women's insecurities. 43 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:18,160 And I hadn't looked at this deck in a really long time. 44 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:20,200 And I opened it up and I was like, wow, all of this is not 45 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:23,800 only still relevant, but I've never actually gotten the chance 46 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,840 to talk it through. So I thought, why not do it 47 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,200 today? We are so often told that 48 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:31,400 insecurity is something that we need to overcome. 49 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:33,680 And we're told that if we just work on our confidence or we 50 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:35,840 fake it until we make it, the insecurity will disappear. 51 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:39,480 But what if insecurity isn't a flaw, it's just a predictable 52 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:41,920 outcome. There are literally entire 53 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:45,040 industries built around making women feel like they are almost 54 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,760 there, but like never quite hitting the mark. 55 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:49,560 Feeling insecure isn't a personal failure. 56 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,200 It's not a lack of confidence. It's not that you just need to 57 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:55,200 love yourself more. Insecurity is an industry. 58 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:58,280 Women are the product and we live inside these systems that 59 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,480 depend on us feeling like we're never quite enough. 60 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,240 Not thin enough, not young enough, not rich enough, not 61 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:04,760 pretty enough, not interesting enough. 62 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:08,080 And majority of this is not accidental, it's engineered. 63 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,000 So that's why today's episode is about. 64 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:13,000 These are little blurbs that I wrote for my talk. 65 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,160 Again, I don't have them memorized, so just bear with me 66 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:19,840 as I read directly from my laptop, which by the way, I just 67 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,040 came from a photo shoot and I was like, how crazy is it that 68 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:24,120 I'm doing this episode? Like I wanted to come in in 69 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,720 sweatpants and no makeup, but I'm doing it in like a full beat 70 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:30,760 and like a course set. Okay, so when I was acting as a 71 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:34,360 kid, it was before Kovid obviously, and there were no 72 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,280 self tapes. Everything was in the room and I 73 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:40,840 would walk into these lobbies where it was just a room full of 74 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:45,280 little girls, or teenagers even, who looked just like me, right? 75 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:48,400 But some were a little bit more blonde, some had a smaller nose, 76 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,240 some had longer hair cuter outfits. 77 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,720 I knew that we were all in competition for the same role 78 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,800 and that I had to be the very best one. 79 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:58,040 I would fall in love with this character in this role, and I 80 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:01,760 desperately wanted to be chosen. I think I was like 12 when I 81 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:04,480 started doing this, and I very quickly had to learn how to cope 82 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:08,800 with seeing that girl in the lobby who looked a lot like me 83 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,880 not only get the role, but I had to see her face like plastered 84 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:15,280 around billboards in LA and had to just kind of like cope with 85 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,120 that defeat. Before I learned how to even 86 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:20,360 drive. I compared myself a lot to those 87 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,360 girls. I was taught that I was almost, 88 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:25,400 but like not quite good enough at a very young age, or at least 89 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:26,960 that's what I was feeling at the time. 90 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:30,520 Many of those girls and a lot of my friends at the time grew up 91 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,080 to become household names. They have amazing flourishing 92 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,200 acting careers. Some of them are singers and you 93 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,920 you all know them very well. And sometimes I still find 94 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:41,240 myself comparing. So that was fun. 95 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:44,040 And then I also grew up with some of the very first 96 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:46,160 influencers in LA. So these are the people that 97 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:51,280 were like pioneering on Vine and YouTube, like OG Youtubers, and 98 00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:56,640 they were making like $60,000 off of a 7 second Vine doing a 99 00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:59,400 brand deal with Aquafina when they were like 14. 100 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,560 Like some of them have Lamborghinis and driveways 101 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,280 before they had permits and it was crazy. 102 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:07,320 So of course I compared myself to that level of success as 103 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:09,280 well. And this was all before I was 104 00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:14,000 like 16, and I watched their mental health erode and callous 105 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,960 because millions of people online were berating them for 106 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,960 the way that they looked or the way that they acted and their 107 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:23,040 personalities and whatever else while their brain was 108 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:25,320 developing. It was crazy, OK. 109 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,000 And then my best friend, as you guys know, Kareem, from the time 110 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:32,480 that I was like 14 until until now, and she was assigned model 111 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:35,000 and all of her friends were assigned models. 112 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:39,000 So I grew up surrounded by very, very, very beautiful girls who 113 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,120 looked much older than than they were. 114 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:44,880 And when she wasn't by my side at sleepovers, I would run into 115 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:48,160 her on billboards or on my favorite ecom sites while I was 116 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:51,520 trying to buy clothes. And I was always so, so so happy 117 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:53,320 for her success and for her beauty. 118 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,600 I was never envious, but I was infatuated. 119 00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:00,040 And I often compared myself to her level of beauty and wondered 120 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:03,680 what it would be like to be her. I caught myself in like 9th 121 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:06,320 grade questioning like if I was just a little prettier, if I was 122 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,280 just a little taller, if I had less of a baby face, if I looked 123 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,760 more like her, what would be different for me? 124 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:17,160 And then when I was 21, I launched Rhea Swim. 125 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:21,360 So is a line of swimwear and it wound up going viral and kind of 126 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:25,200 snowballing into a real company because I chose not to Photoshop 127 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:30,120 the models on the ecom site and the models were me and Korean. 128 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:33,640 So basically I had no budget. Like I just decided one day that 129 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,480 I wanted to start a clothing brand and I thought swimwear 130 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:39,120 would be a really easy way to do it for a handful of reasons. 131 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:42,760 One, I grew up on the beach and I'm happiest on the beach. 132 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:45,520 And so I thought I'm going to be really inspired to create 133 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:49,240 something that I can wear there. 2, All of the swimsuits that I 134 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,880 was purchasing at the time, like nothing felt right or looked 135 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:55,000 right and there were little tweaks that I was making. 136 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,960 And then three, it was like way more cost effective for me as a 137 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:01,480 21 year old to create a swimsuit than it would be like a gown or 138 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,600 a dress, right? So all that to say, I had no 139 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:06,880 budget. I rallied Karine and I was like, 140 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,400 look, I really need your help. Let's shoot this. 141 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,760 We went to a studio with just like a plain white wall. 142 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:15,640 I can't remember if we had her shoot it or like if we just set 143 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,880 up a timer or how it worked because Karine's also a 144 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:20,280 photographer. But we basically shot her and we 145 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:23,720 shot myself like friend torso to torso. 146 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:28,960 And she and I could not tell the difference between our bodies 147 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,080 after retouching. Like there was literally we 148 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:33,240 didn't know whose torso was whose, which was absolutely 149 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:35,120 insane. And I was like, OK, well fuck 150 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,880 that. Take it all off and I'm going to 151 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,920 upload the photos raw. And the RAW photos had stretch 152 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:45,400 marks, they had blotchy skin. They had all of the real flaws 153 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,320 that a normal body has. But at the time when I launched 154 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:52,320 this, which I think I launched in like 2017, brands were not 155 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:55,000 dropping images that were unretouched. 156 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,440 OK. So I released these these 157 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,560 photos. And then an editor at Elle 158 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:03,160 magazine, shout out, Christina Rodolfo noticed this. 159 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,480 And she was like, I think it's really cool that you're doing 160 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:06,880 this. Can I read an article about it? 161 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,920 So she did. And then that went super viral. 162 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:14,080 And I got picked up by like Vogue and Cosmo and 17 and then 163 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:17,880 every other outlet that you can imagine shortly after, I think 164 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:22,120 it was misguided, got caught photoshopping on stretch marks 165 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,040 to their Econ models, which is really crazy. 166 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,320 And then now if you go to Victoria's Secret, you can see 167 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:31,040 photos of econ models and swimsuits and bras and 168 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,600 underwear, and they are not retouched. 169 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:36,679 So I'm really happy to have been part of like that sort of 170 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:41,000 snowball effect into seeing bodies that are more reflexive 171 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,280 of the ones that we have at home on websites. 172 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:47,200 So that was super cool. And then when I turned 25, I got 173 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:50,200 a job at a really large digital marketing agency. 174 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:54,200 So I created the ads that you see on TikTok and Instagram and 175 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,720 Facebook. And my job was to make sure that 176 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,720 you stop scrolling and that you feel like you're missing out on 177 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,840 whatever product it is that I'm advertising to you. 178 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,720 And I still do this, but that's still, that's like a huge part 179 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,920 of my career. And then now I have this podcast 180 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:12,640 with over 700,000 of you guys and I partner with brands and I 181 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,880 share them with you guys and I share them on my personal page 182 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,760 and the podcast page. I know the algorithms, I know 183 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,960 the buzzwords, I know the marketing tactics. 184 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,240 I'm very familiar with the filters, the modeling, the 185 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,320 influencers, everything like the back of my hand. 186 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:30,280 I know how the system works and it still affects me, which makes 187 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,880 me wonder what it does to people who never get to see behind the 188 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:34,360 curtain. And just to be clear, before we 189 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,960 go any further, this is not a call to like, delete Instagram 190 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,360 off your phone or just wear off beauty products, sort of like 191 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:42,760 boycott, you know, different brands. 192 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,880 There's no need to pretend that we live outside of like, modern 193 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,840 culture. We all participate in these 194 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,120 systems. And I do too. 195 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,520 I've actually tried to do this episode in the past, but I was 196 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:54,560 told that it wasn't a good idea because we work with so many 197 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:57,240 beauty brands and clothing brands and whatever else. 198 00:09:57,240 --> 00:10:01,040 But honestly, like all of the brands that I work with and that 199 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:02,600 I want to work with support women. 200 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:06,200 They don't rely on them feeling insecure in order to succeed and 201 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,360 sell their products. And, and why would I want to 202 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,240 align myself with a brand that does that anyway? 203 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,760 So I don't think that the brands that I choose to work with have 204 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:14,800 anything to fear from this conversation. 205 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,080 I think a lot of them would actually willingly participate 206 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:18,760 in it. And so if there's a brand out 207 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,000 there that doesn't want to work with me because I'm having this 208 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:25,120 conversation, then we're not aligned anyway, and that's fine 209 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,960 with me. So anyway, with that being said, 210 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:32,640 this is not about like pointing fingers or saying that you know 211 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,240 something is bad, but more so about understanding the 212 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:38,440 incentives and how this system works. 213 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:41,520 Because once you understand how these industries make money, a 214 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,400 lot of it stops feeling personal. 215 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,040 OK, so let's like zoom out for a SEC. 216 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:50,440 At the most basic level, this entire ecosystem runs on 217 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:53,320 attention, right? The longer that you stay 218 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,480 engaged, the more valuable you are. 219 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:59,240 That's true for social media platforms, advertisers, and like 220 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:02,000 literally every consumer brand. A lot of us already know this, 221 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,600 but just the basics talk about how we feel when we scroll on 222 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,640 socials. What social media does 223 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:12,160 especially well is turn comparison into a constant. 224 00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:16,320 It's this like consistent low level background feeling. 225 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:17,800 Sometimes we don't even notice it, right? 226 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:21,920 But we are exposed to everyone's highlight reel every time we 227 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:26,040 open Instagram, and over time, it does quietly reset your 228 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,360 expectations. It tends to make us feel like we 229 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,960 should be doing more, we should be looking better, we should be 230 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:33,560 keeping up in ways that aren't always realistic. 231 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:37,880 And we were not meant to consume this much of other people's 232 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,240 lives we weren't on, but here we are. 233 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,240 Sometimes I think about what it would have been like to be in 234 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:46,400 your 20s and the 80s or the 90s, and how much quieter it probably 235 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:50,320 felt just to live your life for what it was without constantly 236 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:53,040 and subconsciously measuring yourself against strangers on 237 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:54,400 the Internet. Like that must have been so 238 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,600 nice. It is so much more difficult to 239 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,200 be grateful for what you have when you're constantly looking 240 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:02,560 at what everyone else has. OK, so there's a Wall Street 241 00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:06,040 Journal article that I came across in 2021 when I initially 242 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,400 started researching all of this. This is so wild. 243 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:12,400 It shows that Facebook had been or Meta had been conducting 244 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:16,680 studies on how Instagram was affecting its younger users 245 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,240 repeatedly. The company's researchers found 246 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:22,760 that Instagram is harmful for a sizable percentage of them, most 247 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,200 notably teenage girls. This is direct quote. 248 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:30,600 We make body image issues worse for one in three teen girls, 249 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,520 which I argue like it's got to be higher than that, honestly. 250 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,520 That was a slide from 2019, and it was summarizing research 251 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:40,840 about teen girls who experience these issues, says Quote. 252 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:44,520 Teens blame Instagram for increases in the rate of anxiety 253 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:47,520 and depression. On another side, this reaction 254 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:50,280 was unprompted and consistent across all groups. 255 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:53,120 That is terrifying to me. What's happening is that the 256 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:56,560 distance between our real selves and our online selves just keep 257 00:12:56,560 --> 00:13:00,440 growing. It is so curated online, and the 258 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:04,040 pressure for women to show up looking effortlessly perfect is 259 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,200 immense. It's almost worse to be part of 260 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,800 Instagram culture now because like it, in my opinion, went 261 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,840 through three different phases. There was like original 262 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,560 Instagram where no one gave a fuck and like we were filtering 263 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:19,640 things like Valencia level 100 and we were posting ice cream 264 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:22,160 and just like doing whatever we wanted on there. 265 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:26,080 And then it became hyper, hyper curated. 266 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,600 And then like editing apps dropped and everybody added the 267 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,720 puck out of themselves. That was like my experience kind 268 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,360 of in high school, I think, or a little after high school. 269 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,320 And then came like the cool girl, almost like Devon Lee 270 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:41,480 Carlson vibe where you're supposed to look like you don't 271 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,600 really care what you're doing, but you know, you're spending 272 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:46,640 like an hour putting together your like, Instagram carousel 273 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:47,760 dump. And so now it's like this 274 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:51,360 pressure to upload really cool stuff without looking like 275 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:52,920 you're trying too hard. Anyway. 276 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:56,640 When the version of you that is most visible is the most edited 277 00:13:56,640 --> 00:14:00,000 and curated and controlled, your real self can start to feel like 278 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,320 it's falling short, even when nothing has actually changed. 279 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,480 So This is why I think filters are so dangerous. 280 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,720 Which by the way, like, no shame in using them. 281 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:12,920 Like 100% of girls that I know do use them at least half of the 282 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:16,800 time, including myself. And sometimes when you have no 283 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,080 makeup or you're breaking out or you just want to feel a little 284 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:21,520 bit more refined, it's a nice confidence boost. 285 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:25,640 But the issue isn't using them. The issue is when the filtered 286 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,600 version of you becomes the one that you see most often. 287 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,440 Because if you're regularly posting stories with like, these 288 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:34,480 subtle enhancements, lifted features and smoother skin, and 289 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:39,400 it makes sense that seeing yourself unfiltered can feel 290 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,280 off, You know? Not because anything is wrong 291 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,880 with you, but because your brain has just quietly adjusted its 292 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,360 reference point to what you look like. 293 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:48,600 Which is fucking crazy. I don't think I have this slide, 294 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:51,080 but I remember when I was researching this, coming across 295 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:54,200 a plastic surgeon who said that like women were going into his 296 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:58,440 office and showing him pictures of themselves with the filter 297 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:02,680 that they like and asking him if they can change their faces to 298 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,120 look like this, like online version of themselves. 299 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:09,680 And then at first he did his best to accommodate them and 300 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:12,800 then realized that, like, it's actually like really terrible, 301 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:16,760 but realized that they were looking, you know, great on 302 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:20,160 camera in a sense for their their online persona, but in 303 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:21,920 person, they were looking like very strange. 304 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,520 And so he stopped agreeing to do this, which is insane. 305 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:28,400 And that's just really sad. Like I, I missed the 90s media 306 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:31,880 where people had different faces that looked real or like not 307 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:35,080 everybody had these veneers that were just like copy and pasted. 308 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,600 And I have veneers. So who am I to? 309 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,880 Well, to be fair, I have veneers because I busted my teeth out on 310 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:43,920 a first date. So it wasn't really like a 311 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:47,920 vanity thing, but I would have wanted them otherwise. 312 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:51,440 You know, I think that there's also this epidemic of, like, 313 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,400 everybody in LA having the same face. 314 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:57,280 And nothing is wrong with cosmetic procedures, if you're 315 00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:00,600 into that, you know, whatever. Do what makes you feel good, but 316 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,840 do it because you want to know because you feel pressure to. 317 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:07,320 And keep in mind that it also affects the way that other girls 318 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,520 and women being fed this content think. 319 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:12,400 You know, they also think that this is the baseline. 320 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,480 And this is something that I think about all the time. 321 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:18,760 Like when I was 10, I would compare myself to the 322 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:22,160 celebrities and models that were on the cover of Cosmo and the 323 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:23,800 checkout line of the grocery store. 324 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,240 And that's where that comparison stayed. 325 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,320 That's where everyone who was airbrushed was. 326 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:35,320 I cannot imagine how unreal it would be to grow up in this era 327 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:38,720 where not only celebrities on magazines, but like literally 328 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:42,600 your neighbor, everyone is essentially airbrushed and 329 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,800 optimized. And these now really, really 330 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,920 subtle and sometimes like completely undetectable ways. 331 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,640 And then thinking that something is wrong with me when I looked 332 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,760 in the reflection in the mirror because I didn't meet this 333 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,960 realistic and just completely unreal beauty standard that only 334 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:01,800 exists virtually. I cannot imagine being a teenage 335 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,119 girl right now and what that must be like. 336 00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:07,400 So I think about that a lot. I think about that every time I 337 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,119 edit out a pimple that I don't like. 338 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,920 I'm like, why? It's hard because I want to show 339 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,640 up looking my best. But I also am now thinking about 340 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:19,079 how that affects like the 12 year old that's scrolling who 341 00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:21,920 shouldn't be on Instagram by the way, and thinks that everybody's 342 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,280 perfect and nobody has any flaws. 343 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,960 And that's what makes this so powerful is because it's it's 344 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:29,600 unconscious and it's widespread. And most of the time we don't 345 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,600 even realize that it's happening when it's happening. 346 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,480 Also, I wonder what this is like for men because I don't think 347 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:38,640 the men really edit themselves or like think about things this 348 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,240 this way. But maybe I'll ask, I'll bring 349 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:41,920 one on. OK. 350 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:44,560 And so then this is the moment where where money starts to 351 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,920 enter the conversation with these industries because when 352 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,560 people are quietly questioning themselves, their skin, their 353 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:54,320 body, their style, their routine, their uncertainty 354 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:57,160 creates demand. OK, So globally, you guys, the 355 00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:01,120 beauty market is valued at over 500 billion and it's projected 356 00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:03,280 to exceed 700 billion by the end of the decade. 357 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,920 Skin care is the fastest growing category within that market, 358 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,440 outpacing makeup, fragrance and hair. 359 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,000 Which also when I think about makeup and I think about all 360 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,680 these celebrity brands, like they turned into billion dollar 361 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:16,240 businesses in just a couple of years, which is insane. 362 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,920 Global weight loss and diet market is at over 100 billion 363 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,720 and it continues to grow. And then I started creating a 364 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:26,720 list of all of these buzzwords that I'd heard of in the last 365 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,200 couple of years. How many of these have you heard 366 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,440 of? Ozempic peptides, Master Botox, 367 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:37,920 Barbie, Botox, Baby Botox Dysport PDRNPRFPRP exosomes, 368 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:41,400 threads, fox eye lift, ponytail lift, upper bleft, fat grafting, 369 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,280 lip flip, facial balancing, laser resurfacing, micro 370 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:47,080 needling, microcurrent, red light masks, red light panels, 371 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:50,240 Glass kin, snail mucin slugging, no makeup, makeup clean girl 372 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:53,440 makeup under painting. Nina Park lips, glazed doughnut 373 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:56,360 lips, lash lifts, soap brows, laminated brows. 374 00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:59,640 It's just fucking exhausting. And the worst part is that I 375 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,480 have heard every single one of these terms in the last few 376 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:04,760 years and I know exactly what each one of them is. 377 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:08,360 Some of these terms lasted all of a week in the trend cycle 378 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,000 and, and honestly like some of them are great. 379 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,440 They're genuinely helpful. Some of them align with my 380 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:17,520 personal goals for anti aging and beauty, and it's exciting to 381 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:20,720 be able to look at technology and advancements in this space 382 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:24,920 and learn how we can support our skin and our bodies in ways that 383 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:28,320 allow us to look and feel like ourselves for longer. 384 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:33,440 But that is an exhausting list of things to be advertised to. 385 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,680 Like I feel like all those terms have been shoved down my throat. 386 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:38,480 Having this vocabulary permanently launched in my 387 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:42,960 brain, constantly presented as as options or upgrades or things 388 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:46,280 to consider, in no way can be neutral to mental health. 389 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,600 And it definitely changes how I feel when I look in the mirror 390 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,560 without them. And not because I suddenly look 391 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:55,560 worse, but because the list of ways that I could look different 392 00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:59,160 never really turns off. And this is the part that's 393 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,080 important to name. Because it's not vanity, it's 394 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,880 not insecurity, it's not spiraling out of control. 395 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,680 It is literally like a cognitive overload. 396 00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:10,000 It's what happens when you are constantly exposed to an endless 397 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,000 menu of ways that you could optimize, refine, tweak, or 398 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,280 improve yourself. The moment that we start 399 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,600 approaching our self-image from a place of lack is the moment 400 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,560 that we become incredibly easy to market to. 401 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,800 Having aware of this doesn't mean that you stop enjoying 402 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,200 beauty. It doesn't mean that you stop 403 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,840 experimenting. It doesn't mean that you stop 404 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:34,040 wanting to look good. I still love beauty and fitness 405 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,840 and fashion. I love sharing my favorite 406 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,440 products with you guys. I've been more excited about 407 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,720 setting time aside to go through all of my empties and put 408 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,640 together my list of favorite things that I've discovered that 409 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,560 I've worked so hard to figure out and share with you. 410 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,480 And I still love sitting and doing my makeup for two hours 411 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,720 and getting ready and like doing a photo shoot today. 412 00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:56,680 You know, I'm a girly girl. I obsess over skin care and and 413 00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,880 whatever else, and I still do ads about these things. 414 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:06,560 But the difference is intention. There is a huge difference 415 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:10,400 between choosing something because you like it or reaching 416 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,640 for a product because you feel like you're falling behind. 417 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:17,920 Knowing why you're choosing what you choose is so powerful, and 418 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,760 making decisions around incorporating things into your 419 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:24,600 routine or into your life because you like them and not 420 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:28,200 because you feel pressured into doing it is kind of the game 421 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,360 changer here. It's not about being like immune 422 00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:32,760 to influence. It's about pausing long enough 423 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,800 to ask yourself, is this something that I genuinely want 424 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,000 or is this something that I've been taught to worry about? 425 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:42,360 I think like there are at least 7 new insecurities that I 426 00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:46,000 developed over the last six months for like a week because I 427 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,840 would learn about some new term on TikTok. 428 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,800 It would be like Oh my God I wish I could remember one off 429 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:52,480 the top of my head. I don't even remember what they 430 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:56,520 were but people would talk about like hip dips or strawberry legs 431 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:58,760 or like whatever fucking random term of the week that someone 432 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:00,240 had come up with. And then there was like the 433 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:03,480 looks maxing thing which I think is more young Gen. 434 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,440 Z or Gen. alpha. Like, I don't really know what 435 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,640 it is except for that there's this one guy every so often that 436 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,800 comes in my for you page and just like goes up to women and 437 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,400 tells them that they have like something wrong with the their 438 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,560 facial balancing, which is crazy. 439 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:19,640 So it's wild now too, that like the younger generation is also 440 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:22,520 feeding into this system and cycle on their own and 441 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:26,680 contributing to it because the system will always offer you 442 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:30,280 more, right? More fixes, more upgrades, more 443 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,720 things to consider, more things that you can do to make yourself 444 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:34,440 look better or stay younger longer. 445 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,000 But you don't have to acknowledge or respond to all of 446 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,560 it or any of it. Pamela Anderson is actually a 447 00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:42,280 really good example of this because she was once like the 448 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:46,800 global symbol of youth and beauty and sex appeal. 449 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,720 You would hear the word bombshell and you would think of 450 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:52,080 Pamela Anderson or a male and Monroe, like one of the two. 451 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:55,600 She was known for glossy lips and smoky eyes and heavy makeup 452 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:59,560 and big styled blonde hair. And I think what that does to 453 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,960 your mental health, like I had conversations with Karine around 454 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:05,600 this is like when you become reliant on your beauty, you 455 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,200 start to think that that's all you have to offer and that's 456 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:11,400 your value. And I can't imagine what it was 457 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:14,520 like as Pamela. And I think she got discovered 458 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:18,360 as a teen, so, like, late teens to early 20s, be told all the 459 00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:21,200 time, like, how beautiful and attractive and stunning she is. 460 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,360 You would think that that's exactly all you have to bring to 461 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:25,560 the table. And then as you age, we have to 462 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:28,280 face this, like, especially as women, I think men get to age 463 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,160 and they get to become, like, salt and pepper zaddies, you 464 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:33,120 know? And everyone's like, yeah, like, 465 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:36,240 George Clooney's still hot. But then they look at Pamela, 466 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,400 and it's like, or, or older women, and they're like, oh, you 467 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,400 know, like aging is happening to her. 468 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,240 Which is a terrible narrative to have. 469 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,600 Pamela looks incredible. And in recent years, she's 470 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:49,280 quietly stepped into the public light with zero makeup on, which 471 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,200 is kind of like the armor that she had. 472 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:55,240 And she was somebody who I would imagine probably felt like her 473 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,160 value was beauty for a really long time. 474 00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:58,480 So I think that's super empowering. 475 00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,600 And fring that she's doing that. I don't think it's that she's 476 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:04,480 like rejecting beauty or makeup or getting ready because she 477 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,040 still does it occasionally for photo shoots. 478 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:08,680 I think she's just like decoupling beauty from youth. 479 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:13,000 She is giving herself permission to exist without all of that, 480 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,600 regardless of what society has to say about it and and looks 481 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:19,200 even arguably like more stunning doing so. 482 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,680 So I think that's super cool. I don't I don't know anybody 483 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:24,000 doing it like Pamela. There were a couple of episodes 484 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:28,480 that I did without video and it was so much easier for me to 485 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:32,200 record, especially solo. I don't know why, cuz not really 486 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,160 like remembering that the camera's here even, but there's 487 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:39,200 something about having to do my makeup and pick out a cute 488 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:42,360 outfit and spend hours on my hair and show up to the studio 489 00:24:42,360 --> 00:24:45,320 and then make sure I'm sitting up straight and my face is at 490 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:47,480 the right angle. It's so much more exhausting 491 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,000 that I can't focus on the things that I'm actually trying to say 492 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,920 to you guys. And like, video is very 493 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:57,400 prevalent and podcasting now, but I'm jealous that I didn't 494 00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,920 get into it at the time where people could just start 495 00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:01,520 recording on their computer and upload. 496 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:03,680 Like I feel like my episodes would be so much better if I 497 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,760 could just do that. So it's kind of upsetting too. 498 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:08,720 And then on that note, like I think about how this is 499 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:13,240 completely unrelated, but like I've spent a handful of days in 500 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:16,880 the last few weeks getting ready, getting ready for dates 501 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:20,440 or filming or shooting, and it takes me hours. 502 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:23,440 Like it takes me an hour and a half to do my hair, longer if 503 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,840 I've just gotten to take a shower, which is another thing. 504 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:31,000 Like I'd love to be doing hot yoga and Pilates and saunas and 505 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,800 jumping into pools and dipping my head under and whatever else. 506 00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:37,720 And then another hour or so on makeup or like 20 minutes if I 507 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,320 if I need to be rushed and then I'm stressed or whatever else. 508 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:43,040 And I just wonder like how much more of my brain power could go 509 00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:46,520 to things that I actually give a fuck about if I didn't have to 510 00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:49,560 worry about all of this stuff. And you know, you can be like, 511 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,080 oh, well, you don't have to, don't care. 512 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,680 But it's just so much to consider and be in your head 513 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:56,640 about all of the time. And it's so truly exhausting. 514 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,040 And I don't, I don't think I'm insecure. 515 00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:00,640 Like I'm really happy with the way that I look majority of the 516 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:02,960 time. I envy guys because they get to 517 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,840 roll out of bed in the morning shower, their hair dries in like 518 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:07,720 2 seconds. They don't have to put on 519 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,840 makeup, they put on their outfit and they go live their lives and 520 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:13,840 they get to immediately jump into things that so they either 521 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:18,120 need to do or want to do. If they want to swan dive into 522 00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:20,000 the pool, they don't have to worry about their hair turning 523 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,680 green or like blowing it out later on. 524 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:25,080 It's just like, sometimes I wish I could just press a button for 525 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:26,760 a second and turn all of that off. 526 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:31,040 And that's my tangent on that. But anyway, if you're, if you've 527 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:32,880 been listening to this and you're like nodding long, I 528 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:34,920 really want you to hear this clearly. 529 00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,760 There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing wrong with you for 530 00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:41,480 caring, Nothing wrong with you for wanting to look good, for 531 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:45,840 not caring at all or feeling like you're almost enough, never 532 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:48,520 quite hitting the mark for believing that if you could just 533 00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:51,120 fix that one thing about yourself that you'd finally feel 534 00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:53,080 better. Not for comparing yourself to 535 00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:56,240 strangers on the Internet who are also comparing themselves to 536 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,840 strangers on the Internet and editing themselves because they 537 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:00,360 don't feel like they're enough either. 538 00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:02,480 You know? The pressure that you feel in 539 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,160 regards to all of this didn't come from nowhere, and it 540 00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:06,200 doesn't mean that you're insecure. 541 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,520 It just means that you're a human living inside of systems 542 00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:12,600 that are very good at making you second guess yourself so that 543 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,040 they can sell you things to fix that. 544 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,640 So if you've ever looked in the mirror and you felt confused or 545 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:19,600 disappointed or quietly sad for reasons that you could not fully 546 00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,040 explain, it does not mean anything about your worth. 547 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:26,240 And I feel like I've gotten so many DMS every time I'm like, 548 00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:28,000 hey, like, what should I talk about a hand? 549 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,360 I get like two or three every time that are about confidence. 550 00:27:30,360 --> 00:27:33,000 Like can you talk about confidence or your favorite 551 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:34,440 beauty routines or whatever else. 552 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,840 And I've never really like known what to say about confidence 553 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:40,040 because I feel confident most of the time I feel really confident 554 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:43,120 and really secure. But there is this like, 555 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,640 incessant backtrack about all of these things on social media, 556 00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:48,320 and some of it really is subconscious. 557 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:50,960 Anyway, I hope you can be a little bit kinder to yourself 558 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:52,640 after this. Kinder when that little voice 559 00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,440 shows up, kinder when comparison sneaks in. 560 00:27:55,440 --> 00:28:00,080 It is so human, so normal, and so rarely discussed and 561 00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,160 acknowledged. And then I came up with a new 562 00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:05,800 idea for how to end these episodes, especially solo 563 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,000 episodes. So as you guys know, I used to 564 00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:12,880 create a questions for We're Not Really Strangers and I've been 565 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,000 talking about it a lot lately with different friends. 566 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:18,120 And I kind of really miss like I would I would sit with green for 567 00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:20,360 hours and we would just think of cool questions. 568 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,840 And I miss the art of creating random and very hyper specific 569 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:26,600 questions. And I have no reason to do that 570 00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:28,440 now other than just in conversation. 571 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:31,960 So I decided that I'm going to start ending every episode that 572 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,760 I'm doing solo with a question for you guys to ask yourself or 573 00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:38,040 for those of you who journal like a journal prompt. 574 00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:42,600 And the one that I wrote down for this week is what parts of 575 00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:46,840 your routine genuinely make you feel good and which parts feel 576 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:49,600 more like pressure? For me and everything shower 577 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:52,240 where I'm exfoliating and scrubbing, I come out and I'm 578 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:53,680 really soft. That all feels great. 579 00:28:54,280 --> 00:29:00,760 What feels more like pressure? I do like a self tan or I get a 580 00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:03,600 spray tan every couple of weeks, every week actually, if I'm 581 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:05,480 being so for real. And I think it's because when I 582 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:08,760 come on camera, if I if I'm not tan, which I'm like lightly tan 583 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:10,280 at this point, like most of it's washed out. 584 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,680 I'm so fair. I'm like literally the same skin 585 00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:15,840 tone as Elle Fanning, which I think she looks gorgeous, but 586 00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,080 I'm used to having this tan. And it all started because the 587 00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:19,880 podcast. So I think that that feels more 588 00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:22,800 like a pressure thing to me at this point as far as like 589 00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:25,000 keeping up with it. But I like the way that I feel 590 00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:26,280 when it's done. So I don't know. 591 00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:28,360 But that's my answer anyway. I'm yeah. 592 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:31,400 I'm excited to bring on some guests that you guys will hear 593 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,640 from soon. I'll be popping in doing like 594 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:37,840 more solo episodes. Maybe I'll do more if if I'm 595 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:40,960 allowed to without video and we'll see how that goes. 596 00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,640 I hope that this was helpful in some way for those of you guys 597 00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,520 who wanted to talk about confidence and just kind of 598 00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:49,840 pointing out that like a lot of it has so little to actually do 599 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:51,080 with you. And like there really are 600 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:55,280 systems put in place to make us feel like we're almost enough 601 00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:58,000 everywhere we look subconsciously. 602 00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:00,600 There's this video that I watched in psychology when I 603 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,800 was, I don't know, in like 11th grade. 604 00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,680 And it let me make sure I have the right title. 605 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,880 Actually, I think it's called the Power of Subliminal 606 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:10,040 Advertising. OK, it's called The Power of 607 00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:13,440 Subliminal Messages with Darren Brown. 608 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:16,120 It is pretty old. I'll put it in the show notes, 609 00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:20,160 but it really stuck with me. Just the way that our brains can 610 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:23,600 absorb like little sponges. We can drive past a billboard 611 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,720 that we barely see out of our peripheral and then select that 612 00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:29,360 product that we were advertised to without even, we didn't even 613 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,080 realize that it was happening because it feels familiar to us 614 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:33,800 when we're walking down the aisle in the grocery store. 615 00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:37,760 It's crazy I think that we are subliminally not only being 616 00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:41,440 advertised to, but being told that we need something else to 617 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:44,520 feel good enough all of the time on social media and off of 618 00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:47,200 social media like billboards and magazines and whatever else. 619 00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:48,360 You know? It's all around us. 620 00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:51,800 So just a reminder that a lot of it isn't even your mindset, it's 621 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,440 what your mind is being exposed to. 622 00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:59,160 Please DM me what you guys want to hear on the next few episodes 623 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:03,120 and also every time you guys DM me I I'll always reply to you 624 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:05,560 and I love reading the comments and the messages. 625 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:10,800 So keep sending them and join the group chat in the Instagram 626 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,080 like in the IT just doesn't bothered group chat join that. 627 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,480 I ask all the time about different topics and I'll send 628 00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:18,600 more things in there. I'm also about to launch a 629 00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:21,480 website the next few weeks, which is really cool and I'll 630 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,920 keep you guys posted on that, but I will talk to you next 631 00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:25,240 week.