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Dear Social Worker, Welcome to 
the world's number one personal 

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development podcast. 
For social workers, skill alone 

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isn't enough. 
Building character is what 

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sustains careers in social work.
I'm Lisa Ran, a social worker 

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turned full time entrepreneur at
socialworkcoachinghub.com. 

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Whilst I can't reduce your 
caseload, I can help you level 

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up your career with practical 
tools, leadership strategies and

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tips to build resilience. 
This is real talk from one 

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social worker to another, 
empowering your personal growth.

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If you're exactly where you need
to be, let's talk. 

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Welcome to another episode of 
Dear Social Worker, and we'll be

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focused on setting emotional 
boundaries in social work, 

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starting with our quote for the 
week by Unknown. 

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You don't have to carry the 
world's weight on your 

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shoulders. 
Protect your peace and let go of

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what not yours to hold. 
This topic, I believe, is 

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incredibly important, but often 
it's overlooked. 

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And it's overlooked in social 
work because as social workers, 

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we're in the business of 
supporting people who face 

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trauma and distress and 
hardship, and it's so easy to 

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become emotionally involved in 
their stories. 

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But it's essential to recognize 
when those emotions are 

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beginning to weigh on you. 
So in this episode, I'm going to

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explore the importance of 
setting emotional boundaries, 

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how to do it effectively, and 
why it's a key strategy in 

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avoiding burnout while still 
being present and compassionate.

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It is possible. 
I'm also going to share some 

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tips on how you can start today 
establishing these boundaries in

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your own social work practice. 
I remember early in my career I 

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struggled badly with setting 
emotional boundaries. 

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I would get so deeply involved 
in the stories and the struggles

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of the families and the stress 
of making sure I was getting 

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everything right. 
I genuinely cared, but I took it

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too far. 
I became a martyr. 

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I've said this before, I didn't 
realise I was absorbing their 

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pain and absorbing their stress,
absorbing the trauma and not 

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having a more observatory 
stance. 

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Over time it started to take a 
toll on my emotional and 

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physical well-being. 
As you know I was burnt out 

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several times and I was 
constantly feeling drained. 

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I found it hard to really make a
decision about what was best for

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my emotions because I was so 
busy, focused on how to support 

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others. 
It really wasn't until I hit a 

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point of exhaustion that I 
realized the importance of 

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setting clear emotional 
boundaries. 

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And one of the catalysts for 
that was speaking to my friend 

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Paula. 
If you listen to a previous 

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episode, Paula was a 
policewoman. 

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Actually, we don't speak 
anymore. 

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We actually last talked. 
So Paula, if you're listening, 

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thank you. 
But deciding that I was going to

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create a new business for myself
as a coach, and in the process 

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of accessing coaching and 
becoming a coach, I recognize 

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the boundaries that I needed in 
order for me to return back to 

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social work. 
Once I understood that. 

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Once I understood why emotional 
boundaries were necessary, once 

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I understood that I didn't have 
emotional boundaries and I 

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needed to decide what I wanted, 
it became more sustainable and I

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was able to maintain a much 
healthier boundary for myself 

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and for those that I was working
with. 

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And one story around that was 
simply grouping with a couple of

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social workers and deciding once
a week we were going to walk 

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around the building and have a 
chat. 

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And it was fantastic because we 
were able to offload in that 

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space. 
And that became a space not just

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for physical health, but also it
became a space for our emotional

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health. 
It helped create a boundary. 

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It was like, right, we need to 
take a step back here and think 

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about the ways in which we are 
absorbing all these different 

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things that are happening and 
get gain some perspective, call 

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it a master class, I guess. 
And that was really helpful for 

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us at the time. 
Let's talk about why emotional 

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boundaries are critical in 
social work and let's explore 3 

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practical ways to set emotional 
boundaries as a social worker 

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later in this episode. 
Now I've touched on this, but I 

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want to go into a bit more 
detail about internalising other

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people's struggles. 
Now, internalizing other 

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people's struggles may lie with 
the relationship that you have 

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with yourself. 
Perhaps you are seeking to be 

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understood by someone else. 
Perhaps by internalizing other 

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people's emotions and struggles,
you are inadvertently people 

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pleasing and saying I really 
understand you, I get you. 

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I know what you mean. 
Sometimes understanding what's 

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happening because you are 
absorbing it will be really 

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helpful to you to implement the 
emotional boundaries you will 

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need. 
Now the emotional boundaries for

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some people can create anxiety 
because they're like, how can 

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you actively listen? 
How can you show someone you 

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understand when you've got a, 
what they refer to as a healthy 

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emotional distance from there? 
And let's go back to the analogy

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I used in the previous podcast 
where I said, imagine you've got

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a path in front of you, a bag on
your back. 

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The bag is empty, but you've got
rocks on the ground either side 

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of this path. 
And as you're walking down the 

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path, you're putting these rocks
in the bag. 

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And the rocks represent all of 
your family's struggles and 

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traumas and distress. 
Imagine how heavy that bag is 

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when you get to the end, right? 
So setting emotional boundaries 

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allows you to create the healthy
distance where you can offer 

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support without picking up the 
emotions of them and putting 

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them in your bag. 
It's not yours to carry. 

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It doesn't mean you're detached.
It doesn't mean you shut down 

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empathy. 
It means that you are present, 

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you are compassionate, and you 
are supportive while still 

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recognizing that though their 
emotions are their emotions and 

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their challenges are not our 
responsibility to fix or 

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internalise as social workers, 
Somehow we've got into this 

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space where we believe we are 
fixers. 

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Our job is to be fixers. 
No, our job is to be solution 

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focused. 
That doesn't mean you are a 

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fixer. 
It may be you're empowering the 

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parent to identify solutions. 
When we fail to set emotional 

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boundaries, we're risking 
burnout every single day. 

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We're risking compassion fatigue
every single day and we're 

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getting closer to emotional 
exhaustion. 

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Just imagine picking up those 
rocks and you're doing that 

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every day. 
Three years straight. 

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It's going to become 
problematic. 

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So when we do set boundaries, we
can maintain a sustainable level

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of self-care and preserve our 
own emotional well-being. 

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We can still be there for our 
our families, but we're also 

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taking care of ourselves in the 
process. 

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And that's the part where you're
observing, you're helping them, 

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empowering them to find their 
own solutions. 

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And perhaps you are giving them 
the tools that they can use to 

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do that or implement those 
solutions. 

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And then we're moving on. 
And you're still showing in 

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those moments that you are 
listening, you are 

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understanding, and you are 
responding appropriately. 

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So here's 3 practical ways to 
set emotional boundaries as a 

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social worker. 
And if you are a student 

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listening to this, this is going
to be your kryptonite. 

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One of the main reasons for 
burnout for social workers. 

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And I can say this having over 
10 years of social work 

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practice. 
Social workers do not know when 

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to say no and don't know when to
stop. 

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We want to help until we can 
help no more. 

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That is not the way to go. 
We have to create boundaries, 

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not balance boundaries. 
So #1 recognizing your emotional

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activation points. 
So the first step in setting a 

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boundary is to recognize when 
you are being emotionally 

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activated. 
What creates that moment of 

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anger, stress or fatigue? 
Pay attention. 

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This was one of the number one 
lessons I was taught in 

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university. 
Pay attention to how you feel 

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after you've interacted with 
somebody, whether that's family,

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a child, a peer. 
Are you feeling drained, 

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anxious, overwhelmed? 
These are signs that you might 

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be absorbing emotions that 
aren't yours. 

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So by identifying your emotional
triggers, you can start to 

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create a space for yourself and 
develop strategies to manage 

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your reactions. 
So one of the ways you can do 

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this, you can ask yourself in 
the moment, what part of this 

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situation is mine to carry and 
what part is in what a powerful 

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question to ask. 
It may be you ask, what can I 

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take responsibility for? 
And what is the parents 

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responsibility? 
What is their colleagues 

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responsibility in this scenario?
Think of the analogy of walking 

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down that path. 
You have to choose to bend down 

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to pick up a stone and put it in
your bag, right? 

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So think of it as you've got a 
choice here. 

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You've got a choice #2 we talked
about this and I'm saying it 

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again, practicing self-care. 
When you're prioritizing 

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yourself and you are thinking of
protecting your own peace, I'm 

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telling you, emotional 
boundaries are going to come 

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naturally because you are going 
to be thinking about, well, is 

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that going to encroach on the 
peace that I have decided I want

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to do today or the boundaries 
that I've got in place to manage

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my time, Whatever it may be, 
Think of it of you carrying a 

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knowing. 
I don't know whether they do 

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this in the UK, but I know they 
do it in in the US. 

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So shout out to my American 
listeners giving you hearts. 

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Sometimes they give a child an 
egg to hold right or to take 

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home, to look after, and they 
have to nurture it and make 

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sure. 
And they do that because we know

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the egg is very delicate. 
Think of your emotions like 

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that. 
It's delicate. 

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It needs careful handling. 
So when you engage in activities

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that help you recharge, whether 
it's exercise, meditation, 

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journaling, whatever, when 
you're prioritizing yourself 

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care, that means 1, you can 
replenish your emotional 

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reserves. 
So remember, you're filling your

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cup so you can give from the 
overflow. 

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Giving from the overflow means 
you are not giving from the 

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water that's in the cup. 
You are giving from the 

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overflow. 
I want to make sure I reiterate 

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that you're replenishing those 
emotional reserves. 

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That's number one. 
Number two, you are creating the

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boundary and #3 you're 
protecting yourself, right? 

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And when you are full or fuller,
you are better equipped to 

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support other people without 
burning out. 

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So remember to set aside time in
your schedule for self-care. 

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And I want to ask you, have you 
put those holidays and enter 

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those holidays into your 
calendar, your diary for the 

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whole year? 
Yeah, remember I said to do that

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#3 you've got to establish some 
boundaries with your families. 

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I struggled with this sometimes,
and when I got the hang of it, 

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it really made my life easier. 
So I'll give you an example. 

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I was working with a parent who 
was known for being a stalker. 

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Long story short, when she got 
in contact with me she would 

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expect an answer within half an 
hour or an hour. 

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And you and I both know that's 
impossible when you are back and

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forth and trying to support 
families. 

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So I decided the best way to 
manage that scenario was to 

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manage her expectations. 
So I created some boundaries 

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around that and I sent an e-mail
back saying all emails that you 

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send to me I do receive. 
I'm not always able to answer 

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within the time that you want, 
but I will answer by X time. 

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So the emails actually sent 
started becoming less because 

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she was able to understand what 
my capacity was. 

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So establishing that boundary 
with her was helpful. 

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Don't get me wrong, because of 
her tendencies, the boundaries 

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weren't always at the forefront 
of her mind, but I would just 

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remind her gently of those. 
So it's important that you set 

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boundaries. 
That's a practical boundary. 

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But for me, that also became an 
emotional boundary because if 

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you imagine getting 3-4 emails, 
sometimes 10 in one day from the

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same person can take an 
emotional toll. 

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So you've got to let people know
that you're there to support 

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them, but also be honest about 
what you can and cannot do. 

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Establish those limits around 
your availability and the types 

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of emotional support you can 
provide. 

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Of course, not everybody's going
to respond positively to that, 

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but this is not about their 
response to it. 

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You're not responsible for their
response. 

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You are responsible for 
delivering the message in a 

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professional, clear and 
empathetic way, and it's going 

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to help you and it's going to 
help your families or your peers

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understand the limits of your 
relationship and prevent the 

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emotional overload on you. 
So I'm going to answer today's 

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Q&A question. 
And today it comes from Sam, who

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is in California. 
So hello to you, Sam, and thank 

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you for listening to the 
podcast. 

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And the question is, how do I 
keep my boundaries intact when I

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feel I'm letting my clients 
down? 

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And this is a valid concern. 
And I've been there. 

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I've told you this already, I've
been there. 

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I was a martyr to it all and I 
did not have regards to my 

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boundaries. 
The key I would say to remember 

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here is your emotional 
well-being is just as important 

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as the care you provide to 
others. 

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So I believe some reflection 
behind this question will be 

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necessary to explore what are 
you receiving? 

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What is the benefit of you 
continuing to work in the way 

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that you're working? 
And when you think about I'm 

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letting my clients down, I 
really think about, is that 

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factually true? 
Is it really true, Sam, that 

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you're letting them down? 
And if not, let's explore that 

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belief even further. 
Because setting boundaries is 

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not about neglecting anyone, 
including yourself. 

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It's about being sustainable in 
your practice. 

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Basically, you want to be there 
next week, you want to be there 

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next month, you want to be there
next year. 

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So you've got to create 
strategies that are for 

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sustainability in your career. 
Think of it as that footballer 

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Ronaldo. 
Ronaldo is, was is super, super 

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strict on his time, what he 
eats, where he goes, etcetera, 

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etcetera. 
And that's because he's putting 

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himself first. 
So anything that doesn't really 

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feed into his mission and 
vision, which is to go onto a 

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football pitch and perform at 
that absolute peak and best of 

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his ability, he is more 
comfortable with saying the word

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no. 
He's more comfortable with 

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stating the boundary. 
So by taking care of yourself, 

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you're ensuring that you're able
to offer the quality that they 

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need. 
Also, I want you to truly 

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consider and reflect on the 
comment that you feel you're 

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letting your comment, your 
clients and your families down, 

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right? 
I want you to reframe it as much

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as you can. 
I'm going to offer a reframe, 

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but you may want to develop your
own. 

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You're protecting your ability 
to serve them effectively. 

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Four key takeaways from this 
episode. 

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Then let's talk about it #1 
setting emotional boundaries. 

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It's essential for preventing 
burnout. 

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It allows you to offer support 
without absorbing, without 

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picking up the stones and 
putting them in your bag #2 

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recognizing your emotional 
activation point. 

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So understanding when you're 
carrying emotions that aren't 

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yours to carry, what led to 
that? 

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Really start exploring and 
pulling apart what's happening 

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for you there. 
And it may be that coaching will

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help you in that regard. 
And that's where I would come in

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and say to you, right, what is 
it you want to achieve? 

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And we will create a coaching 
program that is simply around 

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you, developing your 
understanding and new strategies

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around that. 
And if you would like a coaching

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call, I only have two a week. 
If you would like a coaching 

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call, please click the link in 
the show notes and book your 

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coaching call to speak to me 
about that. #3 regular self-care

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is a must. 
I know it's hard, I've been 

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there. 
If you wake up thinking I've got

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minutes to write. 
If you wake up thinking I've got

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to get across town to get to a 
visit. 

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Somewhere along the lines you 
have to introduce, implement and

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stay consistent with something 
that is just for you. 

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So for me, on my way to work, I 
would listen to certain podcasts

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that brought me joy. 
I would listen to certain music 

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that was uplifting. 
These are forms of self-care. 

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Doesn't have to be have a bath 
once a week. 

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If that is your form of 
self-care, go for it. 

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But you must make sure there is 
an element that you in the week 

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you are putting yourself first. 
You are holding that egg and you

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are protecting it #4 
communicating your boundaries 

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clearly with your families is 
going to be good for you because

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it it helps. 
It's going to help establish 

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those boundaries, what's 
possible and what's not 

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possible, right? 
It's going to help create a 

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healthy and sustainable 
relationship. 

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And that's what you want when 
you're working with your 

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families, if you want to build a
good rapport. 

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But once you've built the 
rapport, you need a sustainable 

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relationship. 
If this episode resonated with 

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you, I'd love for you to share 
it with your colleagues or 

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anyone you know who may be 
struggling with emotional 

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overload in social work. 
If you are a manager listening 

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to this or you want to recommend
my training, you can recommend 

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my Trauma Informed self-care 
training, which teaches you how 

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to create a trauma informed 
well-being plan, which is 

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reflective of the trauma you're 
exposed to in the office, at 

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work, with your families. 
And how you can create a 

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self-care plan that truly takes 
account of that but also create 

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some emotional boundaries for 
you. 

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It's the trauma informed 
self-care training. 

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Go to socialworkcoachinghub.com 
to learn more about that and 

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00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:25,320
recommend me to speak at your 
local authority or organization 

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to support you and your 
colleagues. 

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Now we know we've just talked 
about this. 

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Emotional boundaries is not only
about protecting yourself, it's 

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about ensuring you can continue 
to do this meaningful work for 

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years to come. 
I want to thank you for tuning 

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in today and remember to support
each other. 

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And I want to remind you that 
thriving in social work starts 

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with you. 
You've been listening to the 

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00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:57,600
number one personal development 
podcast for social workers. 

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00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,120
And if you're ready to level up 
your career, visit 

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00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:03,920
socialworkcoachinghub.com for 
more tools and resources. 

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Until next time, keep growing, 
keep thriving, and God bless.