1 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:11,920 Dear social Worker Every day we give presidents to our mind's 2 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:15,600 thoughts over the reality unfolding before us. 3 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:21,400 We regularly say things like it better not rain today because 4 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:26,040 I'm going camping, or I better get that raise because I really 5 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:31,040 need the money. Notice that these bold claims 6 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:34,200 about what should and shouldn't be happening are not based on 7 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:38,720 scientific evidence. They're solely based on personal 8 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:41,000 preferences made-up in our own minds. 9 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:46,400 Without realizing it, we do this with everything in our lives. 10 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:50,920 It's as though we actually believe that the world around us 11 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:55,440 is supposed to manifest in accordance to our own likes and 12 00:00:55,440 --> 00:01:00,120 dislikes. If it doesn't, surely something 13 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:04,959 is very wrong. This is an extremely difficult 14 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:09,080 way to live, and it is the reason we feel that we are 15 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:15,400 always struggling with life. Nonetheless, it is also true 16 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,520 that we are not powerless in the face of the events unfolding 17 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,680 around us. We have been gifted with the 18 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:26,240 power of will. From deep inside we can 19 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:29,440 determine how we want something to be and apply the power of our 20 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:33,520 minds, hearts, and bodies in an attempt to make the outside 21 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:38,520 world conform. But this puts us in a constant 22 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:42,880 battle of our way versus the way it would be without our 23 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:47,920 intervention. This battle between individual 24 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:51,680 will and the reality of life unfolding around us ends up 25 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,120 being ends up consuming our lives. 26 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:59,440 When we win the battle, we're happy and relaxed. 27 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,760 When we don't, we are disturbed and stressed. 28 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:07,880 Since most of us only feel good when things are going our way, 29 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:13,040 we are constantly attempting to control everything in our lives. 30 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:18,000 The question is, does it have to be that way? 31 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:31,760 Let's talk Welcome to Dear Social Worker, Let's talk the 32 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:36,120 podcast that prioritises you, helping you prevent burnout, 33 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:40,240 prioritise your well-being and overall just looking after you. 34 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:44,160 My name is Lisa Ann Edwards as you know, and I'm the founder of 35 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:49,320 Social Work Coaching hub.com, offering coaching events and 36 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:53,960 publications to make your life just a little bit easier on your 37 00:02:53,960 --> 00:03:01,560 social work journey. On Saturday 13th of April 2024 38 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:06,200 in London, I will be hosting the Empowering Social Workers 39 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,320 Conference. We're going to be having 40 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:12,920 speakers, panel guests, socialising food. 41 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:16,680 I want to see you all there because we are also celebrating 42 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:21,960 one year of this very podcast. So I would love to see you. 43 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:25,200 I'd love to meet you. Come and join me on that day. 44 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:31,360 Tickets are available at socialworkcoachinghub.com and on 45 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:35,360 Eventbrite. You have just heard me reading 46 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:39,600 from a book called The Surrender Experiment, My Journey into 47 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:43,000 Life's Perfection by Michael A Singer. 48 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,680 And he's also the author. I'm not sure if you've heard of 49 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:48,400 this book called The Untethered Soul. 50 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:52,360 And essentially this book is talking about how we want to 51 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,880 control everything. We want to control the outcome. 52 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:59,400 And when the outcome isn't what we want it to be, we're not 53 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:02,400 happy. Sound familiar? 54 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,040 Right. Just as it was talking about 55 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,240 there. I hope it doesn't rain today. 56 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:14,160 Let's speak factually there. Can you dictate whether it rains 57 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:17,640 or not? Ultimately you're trying to just 58 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,720 by saying it control whether it rains or not. 59 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:25,160 Yes, it might be a hope, but ultimately that hope is you 60 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:27,840 would like to control the fact that it does not rain and it's 61 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:31,040 dry. Similar to I better get that 62 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,240 raise because I really need the money. 63 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,960 Same thing. We're trying to control the 64 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,280 outcome. And it made me really think 65 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:42,040 about the question, does it have to be that way? 66 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,880 Now? What Michael covers in his book 67 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:50,480 is the fact that the universe, the planet, the world around us, 68 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:56,880 it's always doing its own thing. The birds feed themselves, the 69 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,320 fish feed themselves. You know, the animals have a 70 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,680 whole animal world, the flowers and nature. 71 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,520 They have their own world where they are. 72 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:07,400 The forests are always watered and the flowers always are able 73 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:14,440 to to to flower every year. That's also like a perfection in 74 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,880 itself. It's doing all of that itself. 75 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:24,240 It's it doesn't need us. So if all of that can happen 76 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:28,520 without needing us as humans to intervene, why? 77 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,880 Why are we saying we don't want it to rain? 78 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:34,640 Like we can control the rain. Oh, I wish it was sunny today, 79 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:38,440 like we can control the sun if we're digging a little bit 80 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,920 deeper. Ultimately what we're saying is 81 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,640 I want things my way and I want this particular outcome. 82 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:49,000 And as a result of that, what Michael suggesting in this book 83 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:52,800 is you are stepping out of reality when you are moving or 84 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:57,920 thinking in that direction. So I wanted to talk to you about 85 00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:09,400 this today and apply this to your practice today. 86 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:12,800 We're simply going to have a conversation usually. 87 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:16,080 I will give you some tips, 3 tips to this or three tips to 88 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:19,440 that. Today we're going to be focused 89 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:23,960 on your mindset and this is going to be a focus for the 90 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:25,960 year. This podcast is called Dear 91 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,600 Social Worker. It's not called How to Write 92 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:32,320 assessments, right? But it can influence how you 93 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:34,360 write an assessment or how you work with the family. 94 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,040 And that is my hope that you use this information, which is 95 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:40,160 personal growth, for you, and you're able to think, think 96 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:44,640 critically and say, OK, how can I use this information to make 97 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:48,240 my practice more effective or to work with this particular family 98 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:52,280 in a different way? Understanding yourself better is 99 00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:58,520 going to position you really well for helping hard to reach 100 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:05,320 families, for navigating problems and conflicts when you 101 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,560 don't know yourself very well. When yourself awareness is just 102 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:11,720 OK, you know you're limiting yourself. 103 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:16,920 That's not expansion, that's complacency. 104 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:23,560 So every week I'm here to give you some sort of thought 105 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:28,880 provoking topic and to help you on your journey of personal 106 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:32,920 growth with a view to you using that in your professional 107 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,720 development. So when we're talking about 108 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:40,760 controlling the outcome, when we're talking about attempting 109 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:45,400 to dictate what the weather does in light of the fact that nature 110 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:50,760 doesn't need us to survive, we're simply stepping out of 111 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:55,240 reality there. Let me explain. 112 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,320 So there's three modes here, 3 modes of reality. 113 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:04,600 One, you've got the past, two you've got the the present. 114 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,920 And then three, we've got the future. 115 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:15,640 And sometimes I think it's so easy to live in the past or live 116 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:19,480 in the future, or make decisions that are based on past 117 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:26,240 experiences and not necessarily based on the present, or make 118 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:29,840 decisions where you're thinking about the future and not about 119 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:34,000 the present. We spend a lot of time in those 120 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:38,440 two different modes or whilst not considering where we are in 121 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:42,679 that moment, and that moment could be giving you a very 122 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:46,720 different picture, very different observation. 123 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:51,600 And it's interesting that in this book, The Surrender 124 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:58,280 Experiment by Michael A Singer is making it very clear that we 125 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:02,200 are just focused on our personal preferences because we've 126 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,480 made-up our minds what our what we want. 127 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:10,920 But without realising it, we actually believe that the world 128 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:15,640 is supposed to manifest in accordance to our own likes and 129 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,280 dislikes. I mean, when I read that, I 130 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:23,680 think there's a certain air of arrogance about that, a world 131 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:27,640 that doesn't need man to intervene, to feed the birds and 132 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:30,200 to water the trees in the forests. 133 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:36,640 We're suggesting to that planet, to that universe, this is what 134 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:39,120 we want to happen and this is how we want it to happen. 135 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:46,720 And if we don't get that, it's like interesting, as if it's 136 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:52,160 supposed to work out that way. And this made me think about our 137 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:56,960 practice when we're working with families and when we have our 138 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,600 child protection plans, our children in need plans. 139 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:05,160 And the idea of the plan as we all know is to a provide the 140 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:09,680 right support, the right intervention for the family with 141 00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:15,680 a view to us no longer being involved as and when that time 142 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:19,680 is appropriate. But in order to get to that 143 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:24,800 place, you have set expectations in the plan. 144 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:27,840 I say you, but I'm referring to the whole team around the child 145 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:34,160 place expectations on the family to meet these particular points 146 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,720 in order to move to the next stage whether that stage is 147 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:41,920 closure or whether that stage is is stepped down, you get where 148 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:45,800 I'm going with this. So there is a certain level of 149 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,640 in quote control that we're expecting. 150 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:52,000 We're expecting a particular outcome as a result of the 151 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,760 family engaging and doing what's been asked of them in order to 152 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,400 keep the child safe. And then we move to the next 153 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,360 stage. Is that reasonable? 154 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:10,200 The obvious answer is yes. But let's contextualise that in 155 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:16,360 the spirit of what's been said in this book, let's consider 156 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:19,120 going back a bit. If you if you're one of my loyal 157 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:22,920 listeners, you'll know a bit more about attachment and think 158 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:27,200 about, OK, what attachment style is mum got what what dad's got 159 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:31,480 what the child has got. Is what we're asking of them 160 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,520 realistic based on where they are at that moment? 161 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:39,040 Based on the time frame, we're asking them to complete things 162 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:43,840 Now I know things need to be completed within the time what 163 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:49,240 we use in here in the UK in quote a timely manner, meaning 164 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:54,960 at the child's time, not when a parent is simply just ready to 165 00:11:55,200 --> 00:12:01,280 make it a positive change. We have to think about how we're 166 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:10,360 approaching this. Sometimes there's a there's a 167 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:13,720 level of unrealism. Not sure if that's a word, but 168 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:16,760 we're going with it. There's a level of unrealism 169 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:21,800 with the ask. The ask is based on an 170 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,720 expectation. The expectation is based on 171 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:31,200 keeping the child safe. So it's almost like a a dance to 172 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:35,320 create a balance between the two because at the other end you've 173 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:43,360 got parents with their own outcome that they would want and 174 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:46,400 we all know likely they would want us out as quick as 175 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:53,200 possible, right? Nonetheless, we still need to 176 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:57,560 think about the way in which we are approaching plans with 177 00:12:57,560 --> 00:13:03,440 consideration to the parents, the family around the child and 178 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,120 the professionals that we're working with. 179 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:11,000 Because in Michael's book it says it puts us in a constant 180 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:17,000 battle of our way versus the way it would be without our 181 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:31,880 intervention. Do you think it's true that most 182 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:34,760 of us only feel good when things are going our way? 183 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:41,280 Isn't that a reflection of us trying to control everything? 184 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:50,840 We understand that life does quite well just on its own. 185 00:13:55,320 --> 00:14:01,160 The forests and the jungles and space all operate by themselves. 186 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:07,160 It's naturally unfolding. So it leads us to a question. 187 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:15,040 Am I better off making up an alternate reality in my mind and 188 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:19,160 then fighting with that reality to make it be my way? 189 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:24,320 Or am I better off letting go of what I want and serving the same 190 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:27,800 forces of reality that managed to create the entire perfection 191 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:33,720 of the universe around me? That question by Michael Singer 192 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:37,480 from this book, The Surrender Experiment, is exactly where I'm 193 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,120 going to leave this podcast today. 194 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:46,600 We all want things our way, and in a way that works out for us 195 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:53,000 in a way that benefits us. But what is the consequence of 196 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:58,600 always pushing for that? What would life be doing instead 197 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:08,080 of what you want to do? So I invite you to get this 198 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:12,040 book, The Surrender Experiment, by Michael A Singer, and let's 199 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:17,520 have further conversations. Reflect on the way in which 200 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:21,800 you're trying to control or manipulate or persuade to get to 201 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:26,040 the outcome that you're looking for personally and 202 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:32,120 professionally. Consider exactly the ways in 203 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:36,000 which that shows up, or what activates you to respond in that 204 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:41,760 way. On that note, I trust you will 205 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:45,640 have a blessed week. Don't forget Saturday, April 206 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:49,160 13th in London. I want to see you all there at 207 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,000 the Empowering Social Workers Conference. 208 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,960 Go to socialworkcoachinghub.com/events. 209 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:56,800 God Bless.