Dear social Worker Every day we give presidents to our mind's
thoughts over the reality unfolding before us.
We regularly say things like it better not rain today because
I'm going camping, or I better get that raise because I really
need the money. Notice that these bold claims
about what should and shouldn't be happening are not based on
scientific evidence. They're solely based on personal
preferences made-up in our own minds.
Without realizing it, we do this with everything in our lives.
It's as though we actually believe that the world around us
is supposed to manifest in accordance to our own likes and
dislikes. If it doesn't, surely something
is very wrong. This is an extremely difficult
way to live, and it is the reason we feel that we are
always struggling with life. Nonetheless, it is also true
that we are not powerless in the face of the events unfolding
around us. We have been gifted with the
power of will. From deep inside we can
determine how we want something to be and apply the power of our
minds, hearts, and bodies in an attempt to make the outside
world conform. But this puts us in a constant
battle of our way versus the way it would be without our
intervention. This battle between individual
will and the reality of life unfolding around us ends up
being ends up consuming our lives.
When we win the battle, we're happy and relaxed.
When we don't, we are disturbed and stressed.
Since most of us only feel good when things are going our way,
we are constantly attempting to control everything in our lives.
The question is, does it have to be that way?
Let's talk Welcome to Dear Social Worker, Let's talk the
podcast that prioritises you, helping you prevent burnout,
prioritise your well-being and overall just looking after you.
My name is Lisa Ann Edwards as you know, and I'm the founder of
Social Work Coaching hub.com, offering coaching events and
publications to make your life just a little bit easier on your
social work journey. On Saturday 13th of April 2024
in London, I will be hosting the Empowering Social Workers
Conference. We're going to be having
speakers, panel guests, socialising food.
I want to see you all there because we are also celebrating
one year of this very podcast. So I would love to see you.
I'd love to meet you. Come and join me on that day.
Tickets are available at socialworkcoachinghub.com and on
Eventbrite. You have just heard me reading
from a book called The Surrender Experiment, My Journey into
Life's Perfection by Michael A Singer.
And he's also the author. I'm not sure if you've heard of
this book called The Untethered Soul.
And essentially this book is talking about how we want to
control everything. We want to control the outcome.
And when the outcome isn't what we want it to be, we're not
happy. Sound familiar?
Right. Just as it was talking about
there. I hope it doesn't rain today.
Let's speak factually there. Can you dictate whether it rains
or not? Ultimately you're trying to just
by saying it control whether it rains or not.
Yes, it might be a hope, but ultimately that hope is you
would like to control the fact that it does not rain and it's
dry. Similar to I better get that
raise because I really need the money.
Same thing. We're trying to control the
outcome. And it made me really think
about the question, does it have to be that way?
Now? What Michael covers in his book
is the fact that the universe, the planet, the world around us,
it's always doing its own thing. The birds feed themselves, the
fish feed themselves. You know, the animals have a
whole animal world, the flowers and nature.
They have their own world where they are.
The forests are always watered and the flowers always are able
to to to flower every year. That's also like a perfection in
itself. It's doing all of that itself.
It's it doesn't need us. So if all of that can happen
without needing us as humans to intervene, why?
Why are we saying we don't want it to rain?
Like we can control the rain. Oh, I wish it was sunny today,
like we can control the sun if we're digging a little bit
deeper. Ultimately what we're saying is
I want things my way and I want this particular outcome.
And as a result of that, what Michael suggesting in this book
is you are stepping out of reality when you are moving or
thinking in that direction. So I wanted to talk to you about
this today and apply this to your practice today.
We're simply going to have a conversation usually.
I will give you some tips, 3 tips to this or three tips to
that. Today we're going to be focused
on your mindset and this is going to be a focus for the
year. This podcast is called Dear
Social Worker. It's not called How to Write
assessments, right? But it can influence how you
write an assessment or how you work with the family.
And that is my hope that you use this information, which is
personal growth, for you, and you're able to think, think
critically and say, OK, how can I use this information to make
my practice more effective or to work with this particular family
in a different way? Understanding yourself better is
going to position you really well for helping hard to reach
families, for navigating problems and conflicts when you
don't know yourself very well. When yourself awareness is just
OK, you know you're limiting yourself.
That's not expansion, that's complacency.
So every week I'm here to give you some sort of thought
provoking topic and to help you on your journey of personal
growth with a view to you using that in your professional
development. So when we're talking about
controlling the outcome, when we're talking about attempting
to dictate what the weather does in light of the fact that nature
doesn't need us to survive, we're simply stepping out of
reality there. Let me explain.
So there's three modes here, 3 modes of reality.
One, you've got the past, two you've got the the present.
And then three, we've got the future.
And sometimes I think it's so easy to live in the past or live
in the future, or make decisions that are based on past
experiences and not necessarily based on the present, or make
decisions where you're thinking about the future and not about
the present. We spend a lot of time in those
two different modes or whilst not considering where we are in
that moment, and that moment could be giving you a very
different picture, very different observation.
And it's interesting that in this book, The Surrender
Experiment by Michael A Singer is making it very clear that we
are just focused on our personal preferences because we've
made-up our minds what our what we want.
But without realising it, we actually believe that the world
is supposed to manifest in accordance to our own likes and
dislikes. I mean, when I read that, I
think there's a certain air of arrogance about that, a world
that doesn't need man to intervene, to feed the birds and
to water the trees in the forests.
We're suggesting to that planet, to that universe, this is what
we want to happen and this is how we want it to happen.
And if we don't get that, it's like interesting, as if it's
supposed to work out that way. And this made me think about our
practice when we're working with families and when we have our
child protection plans, our children in need plans.
And the idea of the plan as we all know is to a provide the
right support, the right intervention for the family with
a view to us no longer being involved as and when that time
is appropriate. But in order to get to that
place, you have set expectations in the plan.
I say you, but I'm referring to the whole team around the child
place expectations on the family to meet these particular points
in order to move to the next stage whether that stage is
closure or whether that stage is is stepped down, you get where
I'm going with this. So there is a certain level of
in quote control that we're expecting.
We're expecting a particular outcome as a result of the
family engaging and doing what's been asked of them in order to
keep the child safe. And then we move to the next
stage. Is that reasonable?
The obvious answer is yes. But let's contextualise that in
the spirit of what's been said in this book, let's consider
going back a bit. If you if you're one of my loyal
listeners, you'll know a bit more about attachment and think
about, OK, what attachment style is mum got what what dad's got
what the child has got. Is what we're asking of them
realistic based on where they are at that moment?
Based on the time frame, we're asking them to complete things
Now I know things need to be completed within the time what
we use in here in the UK in quote a timely manner, meaning
at the child's time, not when a parent is simply just ready to
make it a positive change. We have to think about how we're
approaching this. Sometimes there's a there's a
level of unrealism. Not sure if that's a word, but
we're going with it. There's a level of unrealism
with the ask. The ask is based on an
expectation. The expectation is based on
keeping the child safe. So it's almost like a a dance to
create a balance between the two because at the other end you've
got parents with their own outcome that they would want and
we all know likely they would want us out as quick as
possible, right? Nonetheless, we still need to
think about the way in which we are approaching plans with
consideration to the parents, the family around the child and
the professionals that we're working with.
Because in Michael's book it says it puts us in a constant
battle of our way versus the way it would be without our
intervention. Do you think it's true that most
of us only feel good when things are going our way?
Isn't that a reflection of us trying to control everything?
We understand that life does quite well just on its own.
The forests and the jungles and space all operate by themselves.
It's naturally unfolding. So it leads us to a question.
Am I better off making up an alternate reality in my mind and
then fighting with that reality to make it be my way?
Or am I better off letting go of what I want and serving the same
forces of reality that managed to create the entire perfection
of the universe around me? That question by Michael Singer
from this book, The Surrender Experiment, is exactly where I'm
going to leave this podcast today.
We all want things our way, and in a way that works out for us
in a way that benefits us. But what is the consequence of
always pushing for that? What would life be doing instead
of what you want to do? So I invite you to get this
book, The Surrender Experiment, by Michael A Singer, and let's
have further conversations. Reflect on the way in which
you're trying to control or manipulate or persuade to get to
the outcome that you're looking for personally and
professionally. Consider exactly the ways in
which that shows up, or what activates you to respond in that
way. On that note, I trust you will
have a blessed week. Don't forget Saturday, April
13th in London. I want to see you all there at
the Empowering Social Workers Conference.
Go to socialworkcoachinghub.com/events.
God Bless.