1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:03,760 Welcome to the Dear Social Worker Let's Talk podcast, the 2 00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:07,160 podcast that prioritizes you the person behind the title. 3 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:10,920 I'm your host, Lisa Ron Edwards, and I'm here to inspire and 4 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:13,480 encourage your personal development, promote your 5 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,800 wellbeing and leadership development. 6 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:19,360 I transitioned from over a decade in children's social work 7 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:23,520 to founder of the Social Work Coaching hub.com where I offer 8 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:26,280 Trauma informed coaching, leadership development, 9 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:29,280 coaching, books and events for social workers. 10 00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:33,140 Welcome to another episode of Dear Social Worker Let's Talk. 11 00:00:33,460 --> 00:00:37,700 And today we have the talented Poet Care Lever, an expert by 12 00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:41,820 experience for Frontline T Rome. Welcome to the podcast. 13 00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:43,620 Thank you. Good morning. 14 00:00:44,260 --> 00:00:46,580 When it comes to who I am always deal with, I'm a poet. 15 00:00:47,180 --> 00:00:51,620 That's my day job. I'm also the founder and 16 00:00:51,620 --> 00:00:55,420 autistic director of a of an aut of aut. 17 00:00:55,910 --> 00:01:00,670 Of an arts organization called Literati Arts where we offer a 18 00:01:00,670 --> 00:01:05,710 high quality and low cost engagements with children in 19 00:01:05,710 --> 00:01:10,230 care, care levers, people, care experience and the black 20 00:01:10,230 --> 00:01:12,910 communities of Leicester in a nutshell is what we do. 21 00:01:14,510 --> 00:01:20,590 It's really, really touching work to be honest and people 22 00:01:20,590 --> 00:01:22,790 think. I think sometimes it could be 23 00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:27,170 viewed as it's just poetry, but. I love that I was speaking to to 24 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,690 a fellow poet. Now that I know that I'm 25 00:01:28,690 --> 00:01:31,570 speaking to a fellow poet, you know, it's never just poetry. 26 00:01:33,370 --> 00:01:36,650 Poetry is a tool. That's how I like to speak about 27 00:01:36,650 --> 00:01:38,490 it. There's poetry. 28 00:01:38,490 --> 00:01:44,130 The art form could be a tool for self therapy. 29 00:01:44,250 --> 00:01:48,770 It could be a tool for healing, self actualization and realizing 30 00:01:48,770 --> 00:01:52,610 and revelations about things about your past and once that 31 00:01:52,610 --> 00:01:56,090 stuff you know. You write it down and you, it 32 00:01:56,090 --> 00:02:01,250 becomes quite clear and you get it out of your system because 33 00:02:01,930 --> 00:02:07,610 things, emotions, memories, trials, tribulations live inside 34 00:02:07,610 --> 00:02:10,889 us. I was in care from 11:00 until 35 00:02:10,889 --> 00:02:17,810 18, and I was coming from. The household I came from was 36 00:02:18,650 --> 00:02:19,690 horrible. I was. 37 00:02:19,690 --> 00:02:21,810 I was abused physically every day. 38 00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:26,750 I was neglected a lot of horrible things. 39 00:02:26,750 --> 00:02:34,830 I was like tortured, starved. And then summer of 2004, I went 40 00:02:34,830 --> 00:02:38,390 into care. You heading to that dynamic? 41 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:43,830 I would love the listeners to hear about how you came to be in 42 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:47,610 care and some of the experiences that you you had within your 43 00:02:47,610 --> 00:02:49,410 your family unit and with your aunt. 44 00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:51,570 Oh, okay. Yeah. 45 00:02:51,570 --> 00:02:56,570 So there was. So I came from Jamaica when I 46 00:02:56,570 --> 00:02:59,610 was four years old. I moved over from Jamaica. 47 00:03:00,690 --> 00:03:03,090 Sent is the language. I don't want to say I moved 48 00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:06,570 because I was four years old. I didn't pick up and, you know, 49 00:03:06,570 --> 00:03:09,610 relocate myself. I was sent from Jamaica to 50 00:03:09,850 --> 00:03:14,410 England to live with a family member and in this household. 51 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:22,960 It was drug dealing, there was guns, whole leap of toxic things 52 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:27,000 that children shouldn't be around, just constant illicit 53 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:32,720 illegal activities, experienced a lot of or witnessed a lot of 54 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:42,000 addiction witnessing people take drugs from a very young age. 55 00:03:42,860 --> 00:03:45,100 Witnessing a lot of violence from a very young age. 56 00:03:48,660 --> 00:03:54,260 The way I went into care though is it's quite a crazy story 57 00:03:54,260 --> 00:04:00,460 because I I lived with my with that family member for seven 58 00:04:00,460 --> 00:04:04,060 years and life was really, really bleak. 59 00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:09,980 My mum lived in Jamaica, still lives in Jamaica and. 60 00:04:11,980 --> 00:04:17,820 One day at school, I, me and my me and my friend got in trouble. 61 00:04:18,380 --> 00:04:20,660 We're messing around and we both got sent to the head teacher's 62 00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:24,460 office and we're there waiting for her. 63 00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,260 And then she comes and she lets him go. 64 00:04:29,220 --> 00:04:30,540 I shouldn't even say anything to me. 65 00:04:30,620 --> 00:04:33,180 And I'm like me and him. We were doing the same thing. 66 00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:35,100 As a matter of fact, he was, he was worse than me. 67 00:04:35,620 --> 00:04:38,580 But he's gone and I'm they're keeping me here. 68 00:04:39,940 --> 00:04:43,310 And then? A few hours later now, I fell 69 00:04:43,310 --> 00:04:47,390 asleep, which was that was that wasn't even unusual for me, to 70 00:04:47,390 --> 00:04:48,830 be honest. I would fall to sleep at school 71 00:04:48,870 --> 00:04:53,870 all the time because as a kid I was a little drug runner, so I 72 00:04:53,870 --> 00:04:57,070 was the only person who knew where the drugs were kept. 73 00:04:57,510 --> 00:05:04,790 So part of my part of what I was made to do in that household was 74 00:05:04,990 --> 00:05:09,310 get up at any time, any hour of the night, go find it, because 75 00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:12,100 there's a deal. So I'm not sleeping. 76 00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:13,980 Ever. When I would go to school my 77 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,940 attendance was really shocking, but when I would go to school 78 00:05:17,260 --> 00:05:19,820 I'd fall asleep and catch up on rest that I needed. 79 00:05:20,260 --> 00:05:28,060 So I fall asleep, wake up and my head teacher has my mum on the 80 00:05:28,060 --> 00:05:31,420 phone, but obviously I told you I was sent from Jamaica. 81 00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:34,540 I was sent from Jamaica on a six month visa and I was supposed to 82 00:05:34,540 --> 00:05:38,780 go back and this family member just never sent me back and 83 00:05:38,780 --> 00:05:44,890 refused to send me back. So it when I look, you know, 84 00:05:45,010 --> 00:05:50,290 something happened a year ago. I don't know if you ever read 85 00:05:50,290 --> 00:05:52,650 something or you're having a conversation and then you 86 00:05:52,650 --> 00:05:55,890 realize that this might have happened to you and you don't 87 00:05:55,890 --> 00:05:58,890 know how to feel about it because you've never understood 88 00:05:59,370 --> 00:06:01,370 this thing in that in that language before. 89 00:06:02,050 --> 00:06:05,210 But remember the story about Mo Farah being trafficked? 90 00:06:07,170 --> 00:06:12,900 I read the story and I thought. Way that that feels like that 91 00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:16,820 feels like me because it was under the the pretense that he'd 92 00:06:16,820 --> 00:06:23,460 go back to his home. The I guess the the agreement 93 00:06:23,460 --> 00:06:25,940 that my mother had with my family member was, was that I 94 00:06:25,940 --> 00:06:29,300 would come home, go back to Jamaica every every summer and 95 00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:32,380 spend the whole summer home and that just didn't happen. 96 00:06:32,380 --> 00:06:36,380 And now I'm being made to do all of these different things, so. 97 00:06:38,530 --> 00:06:44,170 I was told to always tell people that I because obviously I'm an 98 00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:46,290 immigrant and I could get deported. 99 00:06:46,330 --> 00:06:49,730 I was told to always tell people if they asked about my mother 100 00:06:49,890 --> 00:06:53,890 that she's dead. She was in a car crash and the 101 00:06:53,890 --> 00:06:59,090 car crashed and dropped into a gully in Jamaica and that was 102 00:06:59,090 --> 00:07:03,770 like a militant pin in my head. So anyone asked. 103 00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:07,850 Mum's dead so bad there was a death certificate created. 104 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:13,400 And I I knew my mom wasn't dead because I'll speak to my mom 2-3 105 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:18,160 times a week for the most part. But soon as school would ask or 106 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,160 anyone would have No, no, no, my mom's dead. 107 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,720 So I have to live with this family member member here. 108 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:29,480 And then my head teacher came in and she handed me the phone, 109 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:30,960 which is like your mom's on the phone. 110 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:37,070 And I'm like, no, my mom's dead. And she's looking at me, giving 111 00:07:37,070 --> 00:07:40,830 me the, It's like a very sympathetic, like, I know you 112 00:07:40,830 --> 00:07:43,430 can, you can stop this now. I'm like, no, my mom's dead. 113 00:07:43,950 --> 00:07:45,430 And she's like, I'm just going to leave the room. 114 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,630 She gave me the phone, and my mom's on the phone and I'm 115 00:07:47,630 --> 00:07:52,390 crying because for the first time I got really good as a kid 116 00:07:52,550 --> 00:07:58,550 of evading questions and ducking things and playing this role 117 00:07:59,990 --> 00:08:02,510 that children shouldn't play. You know you're sworn to 118 00:08:02,510 --> 00:08:06,670 secrecy. Shame when you're when you're 119 00:08:07,470 --> 00:08:11,150 when you have all this responsibility and pressure on 120 00:08:11,150 --> 00:08:14,870 you of there's these things that I know are happening in this 121 00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:17,150 house. If I speak about it, it's going 122 00:08:17,150 --> 00:08:21,030 to be really bad for me, but it's also going to be really bad 123 00:08:21,230 --> 00:08:25,750 for my family. So I'm, I'm asking and I'm 124 00:08:25,750 --> 00:08:29,230 having to play. I'm having to be on high alert 125 00:08:29,270 --> 00:08:32,710 everywhere I'm having to do things. 126 00:08:33,309 --> 00:08:37,390 That no child should do and only is like I I I thought I took 127 00:08:37,390 --> 00:08:38,909 quite. I took a lot of pride in it 128 00:08:39,190 --> 00:08:42,110 actually as I was growing up thinking I'm just not like a kid 129 00:08:42,110 --> 00:08:43,750 and kids, you just waste your time. 130 00:08:43,750 --> 00:08:48,630 You just play too much. You're too happy like while you 131 00:08:48,630 --> 00:08:50,790 being a kid. When I went to secondary school, 132 00:08:50,790 --> 00:08:56,950 I really struggled identify myself as a child because I just 133 00:08:56,950 --> 00:08:59,030 think I always thought children were too careless. 134 00:08:59,430 --> 00:09:01,470 I was like I was never allowed to. 135 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:07,720 Be that free. So only now that I've got kids, 136 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:11,640 I'm like or when I was doing youth work, I was like, no, no, 137 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:15,680 be a kid, get messy. Do what you need to do, just, I 138 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,800 don't know, be silly. But as a kid, I wasn't ever 139 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:23,200 afforded that. So I'm playing these roles. 140 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,120 And it was the first time when my head teacher done that. 141 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,960 It was the first time I felt like the veil had been pulled 142 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,640 and I've been caught. And I couldn't play around with 143 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,080 it. So I'm on the phone and I'm 144 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:35,800 hearing my mom and I'm tears are coming. 145 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:39,000 But I'm like, I don't know who this woman is. 146 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,560 I'm still, I'm still pretending that she leaves the room. 147 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:45,640 My mom tells me that she's called Interpol. 148 00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:47,720 I don't know who Interpol is at this time. 149 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,520 My life, I'm like, what? And then these two social 150 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,960 workers come and I remember them. 151 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:58,520 There was this really tall man. His name was George So tall. 152 00:10:00,310 --> 00:10:06,870 And you know, Lisa, what's crazy is back in January, I met up 153 00:10:06,870 --> 00:10:13,390 with my old head teacher. She came across like some poetry 154 00:10:13,390 --> 00:10:15,150 video and she was like, wait, I know that guy. 155 00:10:15,390 --> 00:10:19,390 She got in touch. And then we went for a coffee 156 00:10:19,390 --> 00:10:23,110 and we spoke about all of this. And we spoke about this day in 157 00:10:23,110 --> 00:10:27,710 particular and the way I remember it. 158 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,200 Is not really in the way she remembers it. 159 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,800 Remembers it. And obviously I was a child. 160 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:38,320 She's an adult. The way your brain works when 161 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:41,160 trauma's involved, you remember things differently. 162 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:45,360 But she has no idea who this George guy is. 163 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:52,600 And I'm like, no, I know. I know he was there because. 164 00:10:53,830 --> 00:10:57,550 The guy was like 7 foot tall. Obviously I'm I'm a small child, 165 00:10:57,550 --> 00:11:05,510 but he was so tall and what? So this day I'm feeling it like 166 00:11:05,830 --> 00:11:10,110 everyone is one step ahead of me and I'm always 2 steps ahead of 167 00:11:10,110 --> 00:11:14,470 everyone and everyone's. They know what I'm what I'm 168 00:11:14,470 --> 00:11:17,710 about to do. They're they they're exposing 169 00:11:17,830 --> 00:11:21,270 all of the secrets and they're finding ways in and I'm like, 170 00:11:21,270 --> 00:11:23,350 what's going on? So George came. 171 00:11:24,010 --> 00:11:26,530 And another lady, she remembers the other lady. 172 00:11:27,490 --> 00:11:28,890 And they're talking to me. They're saying that they're 173 00:11:28,890 --> 00:11:30,970 social workers. They know what's been going on. 174 00:11:30,970 --> 00:11:32,450 They're going to take me somewhere safe. 175 00:11:34,250 --> 00:11:36,570 They said that there's been a raid at the house. 176 00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:38,610 She was like, you can't go back there. 177 00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:41,170 Your family members, they're going to prison. 178 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,370 What? We're going to take you. 179 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:46,250 You're going to be safe. We speak to your mom. 180 00:11:46,370 --> 00:11:48,610 We know. And I'm like, no, my mom's dead. 181 00:11:48,650 --> 00:11:50,250 And I'm like, no, he's bought your mom earlier. 182 00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:51,490 And I was like, no, I don't know who that was. 183 00:11:51,530 --> 00:11:53,900 Mom was there. We know that you you've been 184 00:11:53,900 --> 00:12:00,420 told to do this, so I thought I'm going to run away obviously. 185 00:12:01,660 --> 00:12:05,380 So I was like, okay, just before you tell Tyrone, just before you 186 00:12:05,380 --> 00:12:11,540 tell us that and what was the what was your, what's your 187 00:12:11,540 --> 00:12:15,620 memory of those two social workers speaking to you that 188 00:12:15,620 --> 00:12:17,460 day? I know you've described what was 189 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:21,640 what was said, but delving into the nuance of that, how did they 190 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:25,120 make you feel? What was their approach like? 191 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,000 Their approach. I didn't like George. 192 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:35,680 I really didn't like him. I like the other lady. 193 00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:40,280 Her name was Rizwana, old South Asian lady. 194 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:44,920 She's wearing a Sorry. Actually she's very calm, very 195 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:48,450 soft. But I couldn't pay attention to 196 00:12:48,450 --> 00:12:54,330 her because there was this real tall man and he was so slick it 197 00:12:54,330 --> 00:12:59,650 was annoying. Now as an adult I go I really 198 00:12:59,650 --> 00:13:05,410 respect him. The reason why I didn't like him 199 00:13:05,690 --> 00:13:13,490 is because he was too clued up and I could see he knew the way 200 00:13:13,490 --> 00:13:18,600 my brain was working. And he was able to predict each 201 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:22,440 thing I was doing. And I was like, this guy, why 202 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:24,560 won't you? Why won't you get out of my way? 203 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:29,240 But he just knew it was. He had a very casual approach. 204 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:36,480 And and you know what it is. I think I've grown to be like 205 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:41,680 him in the way I engage with young people when I see young 206 00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:44,490 people. What would your advice be to 207 00:13:44,810 --> 00:13:47,090 interrupt you there? But what would your advice be to 208 00:13:47,090 --> 00:13:50,810 social workers who are cleared up working with young people, 209 00:13:51,170 --> 00:13:53,810 knowing how their their brain works and knowing, you know, 210 00:13:53,810 --> 00:13:55,850 predicting their their next move? 211 00:13:56,170 --> 00:13:59,050 What would your advice be to social workers who know exactly 212 00:13:59,050 --> 00:14:02,370 what's going on with with a young person and they're trying 213 00:14:02,370 --> 00:14:07,170 to offer them support? I think if you know what the 214 00:14:07,170 --> 00:14:12,090 young person's going to do, I don't think you get in the way. 215 00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:16,850 You, you follow them through with it because if you're there, 216 00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:24,810 you're able to keep them safe and it's nice, it felt, I won't 217 00:14:24,810 --> 00:14:28,330 lie, as a child in that moment, it felt quite nice to have this 218 00:14:28,330 --> 00:14:31,850 man. He was a black man as well, who 219 00:14:32,930 --> 00:14:36,890 I could tell was really taking care of me, but it felt like an 220 00:14:36,890 --> 00:14:41,090 annoying Big Brother, like it felt like. 221 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:44,120 And I'm like, why do you know? We've just met. 222 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:48,960 Why do you know me so well? Why do you, how are you able to 223 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:53,160 to, like, foreshadow all of these things I'm thinking and 224 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:56,240 doing? But The thing is he didn't stop 225 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:57,040 me. He didn't get in my way. 226 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:58,920 He didn't say, you're not going to do this. 227 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:03,640 He was like okay, you want to do this, let's do it together and 228 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:08,680 we'll just do you think so By the sounds of it he has a very 229 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:14,640 collaborative approach relatable style, what came to mind what 230 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:17,520 you what you just mentioned there about the way that he held 231 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:19,480 you. But it was like an annoying Big 232 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:24,880 Brother and thinking of your experience, you know for your 233 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:30,840 family effectively as a child. Do you feel that perhaps the him 234 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:35,080 having more a more trauma informed approach with you would 235 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:37,960 have helped? Because from what I'm hearing, 236 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:42,960 that level of affection and and love and that care that you 237 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:48,160 needed as a child, that every child needs wasn't in abundance. 238 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,800 But yet George came along and he had it in abundance, but yet it 239 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:56,000 was somewhat annoying. Or as you say, too much. 240 00:15:57,040 --> 00:16:02,000 Yeah, because no, I think what he done was perfect. 241 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:10,030 I was such a. The guarded child that that. 242 00:16:10,030 --> 00:16:14,110 I looked at adults, especially adults with roles in some form 243 00:16:14,110 --> 00:16:20,150 of authority or service as as that I thought they were 244 00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:23,830 obstacles, things to conquer and get around. 245 00:16:24,790 --> 00:16:27,270 So the Lady Rizwanna. I thought I could spin circles 246 00:16:27,270 --> 00:16:34,070 around people like you because. Her approach wasn't wasn't new. 247 00:16:34,870 --> 00:16:38,350 She was nice and I thought I could spin you and get away. 248 00:16:38,470 --> 00:16:40,230 I know I can. I do it all the time with 249 00:16:40,230 --> 00:16:45,430 teachers and different people. But this guy, he was just, he 250 00:16:45,470 --> 00:16:52,670 just had me and that it saved my life, honestly, because social 251 00:16:52,710 --> 00:16:54,550 workers. Say I said Okay, yeah, I'll come 252 00:16:54,550 --> 00:16:57,910 with you, but I need to go back to my class and get my bag and 253 00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:00,670 my coat, he said. All right, we'll go and do it 254 00:17:00,670 --> 00:17:03,050 together. And I thought, okay, cool, yeah, 255 00:17:03,050 --> 00:17:05,490 let's go together. My plan was to go. 256 00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:07,970 I was a very small child. I could fit through the railings 257 00:17:08,170 --> 00:17:10,290 of the school. So I thought I could just run 258 00:17:10,290 --> 00:17:12,290 off and go to a cousin's house, go here. 259 00:17:12,290 --> 00:17:14,450 And he was like, I come with you. 260 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:18,210 And I said, okay, I got my coat, I'm walking and I'm like, new 261 00:17:18,210 --> 00:17:19,770 plan. I need to go to the toilet. 262 00:17:19,930 --> 00:17:21,450 I can get through the windows in the toilet. 263 00:17:21,450 --> 00:17:22,810 I was like, I'll just get out there. 264 00:17:23,130 --> 00:17:26,210 He was like, okay, I'll just, I need the toilet as well. 265 00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:27,530 So he went into the next cubicle. 266 00:17:27,970 --> 00:17:30,400 I'm like, Oh my God. I didn't even need the toilet, 267 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:31,840 but I'm like, what's wrong with this guy? 268 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:35,840 And then we walk across the the playground. 269 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:38,320 We go to the car. Remember, it was a silver Honda 270 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:41,080 Civic. I sit Rizwana's driving. 271 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:49,480 I sit behind Rizwana and George sits in the passenger seat and I 272 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:54,120 told him he's tall, but he lowers his seat so far back that 273 00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:56,040 he's laying down like a beach chair. 274 00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,580 I'm looking at this guy and he's like, yeah, I'm just tall. 275 00:17:58,580 --> 00:18:01,580 I just need some leg room, so I can't even, I can't escape 276 00:18:01,620 --> 00:18:02,980 through that door. And I'm like, what? 277 00:18:03,340 --> 00:18:07,940 How does he attest? And he's not even looking at me. 278 00:18:07,940 --> 00:18:11,140 He goes, yeah, the child locks on and I'm like, what's the 279 00:18:11,180 --> 00:18:12,380 point? It's making me laugh. 280 00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:16,740 And then there was one, and we're driving and I'm thinking 281 00:18:16,740 --> 00:18:22,180 about where I know, where I know family, friends, where I know 282 00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:25,900 cousins or people I can like jump off and rent to their 283 00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:28,610 house. And we're at the final one that 284 00:18:28,610 --> 00:18:32,610 I'm aware of. And there's traffic and my 285 00:18:32,610 --> 00:18:37,450 window's down and George just turns to me. 286 00:18:38,690 --> 00:18:41,290 And it was this moment where I thought, okay, you've got me 287 00:18:41,490 --> 00:18:45,450 because he said, you said, Tyrone, do you know anything 288 00:18:45,450 --> 00:18:49,170 about air conditioning? And in the moment I thought, Oh 289 00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:52,010 my gosh, what is he doing to me? I said yes, I do. 290 00:18:52,570 --> 00:18:53,450 He said. What do you know? 291 00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:57,430 Said it works better with, it works better with the windows Up 292 00:18:59,230 --> 00:19:01,870 he went, yeah, And then he just wound the window up. 293 00:19:02,230 --> 00:19:10,710 And I was like every, every thought that I had get out of 294 00:19:10,710 --> 00:19:13,310 the window, open the door, run away. 295 00:19:13,670 --> 00:19:16,070 He just. And it wasn't in. 296 00:19:16,150 --> 00:19:18,110 He didn't tell me he was stopping me. 297 00:19:18,510 --> 00:19:23,470 Yeah, He was just a gentle, A gentle guidance, opening up 298 00:19:23,470 --> 00:19:25,900 conversation. Wow. 299 00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:29,380 And I know our time is already running, running short, and 300 00:19:29,380 --> 00:19:31,620 we're just getting into this. And I was going to say at the 301 00:19:31,620 --> 00:19:34,220 beginning, this might be a part one and Part 2, but I thought, 302 00:19:34,580 --> 00:19:36,660 see how it goes. But if you know anything about 303 00:19:36,660 --> 00:19:38,180 me, you know that you listen to me. 304 00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:39,980 We don't plan. We just talk. 305 00:19:40,540 --> 00:19:44,100 We just talk. So let's Fast forward a little 306 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:51,820 bit and let's talk about when I really want to get into when you 307 00:19:51,820 --> 00:19:54,680 got into care, but I want people to know what you do now. 308 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,560 So if we can do a summary of when you got into care and then 309 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,960 we'll have to do another episode, I think it calls for 310 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:04,440 it. But when you got into into care 311 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:09,280 and I guess let's look at it from the social workers 312 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:13,320 listening perspective like how what is the best way to support 313 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,680 a young person who I've literally just dropped at the at 314 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:21,160 the foster care home or I'm just supporting them during their 315 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:25,100 their time if you could briefly. Maybe two or three tips for 316 00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:31,220 social workers on that. The best way to support I 317 00:20:31,220 --> 00:20:36,660 remember I had this I liked to call people by name when they've 318 00:20:36,660 --> 00:20:39,140 done, when they've had like a good impact on me. 319 00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:48,700 A man called Vernal Cooper very, very early in my soon as I got 320 00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:51,460 into care. Actually, they didn't call him. 321 00:20:51,970 --> 00:20:54,330 A social worker, though he is a social worker, but they called 322 00:20:54,330 --> 00:20:57,850 him my guardian and I was very confused about that at that 323 00:20:57,850 --> 00:21:01,730 time. So I had a foster carer, but 324 00:21:01,730 --> 00:21:06,170 this guy who worked for local authority, but they called him a 325 00:21:06,170 --> 00:21:09,050 guardian. But I don't recall having 326 00:21:09,050 --> 00:21:12,090 another social worker around that time was him that 327 00:21:12,090 --> 00:21:16,690 everything was through. And I think out of all of the 328 00:21:16,690 --> 00:21:19,970 social workers that I had, I had about 9:00. 329 00:21:21,550 --> 00:21:25,270 I think Vernal had the greatest impact on me. 330 00:21:26,590 --> 00:21:30,950 And what was interesting was why. 331 00:21:30,950 --> 00:21:34,190 Because he was first. I always missed it with everyone 332 00:21:34,190 --> 00:21:39,310 else. He didn't ever, He didn't ever 333 00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:44,110 like focus our interactions or the times that we'll spend 334 00:21:44,110 --> 00:21:46,070 together. He didn't ever focus them on. 335 00:21:46,770 --> 00:21:51,690 My experience or my trauma or me being in care. 336 00:21:52,890 --> 00:21:57,250 All of his conversations that he had with me were all about me. 337 00:21:57,410 --> 00:22:02,010 Tyrone, the little boy. What are you into your music? 338 00:22:02,210 --> 00:22:04,770 Do you like sports? What are you thinking? 339 00:22:05,850 --> 00:22:07,370 What do you want to be when you like you? 340 00:22:07,370 --> 00:22:10,410 Just never. It was never questions about 341 00:22:12,090 --> 00:22:13,570 anything I didn't want to talk about. 342 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,920 And I was I always thought that's what it would be. 343 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:23,240 We'll get in the car and I'll you know Moody and if you hear 344 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:25,720 we always going to ask me about these things or whatever and you 345 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:31,040 just never ever did and you'd always leave with get you'll 346 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,320 give me like a 5 minute speech towards the end. 347 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,440 And I'm I'm like trying to figure out what is this guy 348 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:42,800 talking about, but he's giving me some like advice or guidance 349 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:47,420 or reassurance about. About life and where I am in 350 00:22:47,420 --> 00:22:54,860 life but you never hit it straight on the head of oh, you 351 00:22:54,860 --> 00:22:59,220 know do you miss your family or what are you thinking about that 352 00:22:59,380 --> 00:23:02,940 you just it wasn't ever. Do you get sad sometimes when 353 00:23:02,940 --> 00:23:06,700 you think it was not, it was just oh you like this and you 354 00:23:06,700 --> 00:23:12,740 let he'll follow the conversation with my lead and 355 00:23:12,740 --> 00:23:20,010 then add things like a very, a very skilled social worker who 356 00:23:20,010 --> 00:23:25,130 was trauma informed and very clear that it's about building 357 00:23:25,130 --> 00:23:28,930 rapport, it's about building trust, it's about building a 358 00:23:29,370 --> 00:23:33,450 relationship with you. And it sounds like that's what 359 00:23:33,450 --> 00:23:38,050 he achieved as a result of that. So what I'm hearing, what you're 360 00:23:38,050 --> 00:23:42,170 saying for social workers is build relationships, build 361 00:23:42,330 --> 00:23:46,380 trust, build rapport, and in some cases, have a bit of 362 00:23:46,380 --> 00:23:48,980 patience. Don't hit the nail on the head 363 00:23:48,980 --> 00:23:52,340 straight away, just take your time, you know, and have those 364 00:23:52,340 --> 00:23:54,700 conversations with them. Yeah, definitely. 365 00:23:55,060 --> 00:24:03,580 He's seen me before. He could see my trauma or you 366 00:24:03,580 --> 00:24:07,500 before he could see the trauma. I just want to highlight that he 367 00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:10,140 saw you before he could see the trauma. 368 00:24:10,620 --> 00:24:15,420 Wow. Yeah, or any or any reports or 369 00:24:15,420 --> 00:24:19,300 anything. It was always me focused and 370 00:24:20,140 --> 00:24:25,820 when he left and it was someone else, it just wasn't, It just 371 00:24:25,820 --> 00:24:28,460 wasn't the same. And I always felt like that was 372 00:24:28,460 --> 00:24:34,180 really annoying. But yeah, that that that 373 00:24:34,180 --> 00:24:37,620 definitely left a real, a real imprint on me. 374 00:24:37,900 --> 00:24:40,900 And he was, he was honest. What I really respect about him 375 00:24:40,900 --> 00:24:44,940 as well, he was honest. He was like, look, I don't think 376 00:24:44,940 --> 00:24:47,860 that can happen. Or I will see and I'll get back 377 00:24:47,860 --> 00:24:49,420 to you. And if he'd said that, he would 378 00:24:49,420 --> 00:24:53,100 always come back with a report. And I remember held in 379 00:24:53,100 --> 00:24:55,460 comparison to the next guy who came. 380 00:24:56,140 --> 00:24:58,420 He done this thing. Oh my gosh, he done this thing. 381 00:24:58,420 --> 00:25:02,780 Anytime you ask him a question, he would go red and just scratch 382 00:25:02,780 --> 00:25:04,020 this part of his head right here. 383 00:25:05,260 --> 00:25:10,460 And you wouldn't say anything. He wasn't just scratch and you 384 00:25:10,460 --> 00:25:14,220 wouldn't be consistent. Wouldn't follow up and I'm like, 385 00:25:14,780 --> 00:25:20,980 but isn't this your job? And he just didn't have any any 386 00:25:20,980 --> 00:25:27,460 answers or anything to offer you know it felt like he was just 387 00:25:27,460 --> 00:25:31,660 always waiting to react whereas Vernal was always okay. 388 00:25:32,300 --> 00:25:35,020 Let, I'll go and see about that. I'm gonna let you know what I 389 00:25:35,020 --> 00:25:39,440 think now, but I'll go and see. It makes a difference when you 390 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:43,000 feel heard, when you feel seen, but most importantly when 391 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:46,080 people, or should I say specifically social workers, 392 00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:51,760 keep their word. So you could then. 393 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:56,560 You know, I was just saying it sounds like it's really 394 00:25:56,560 --> 00:26:00,560 important for children to feel like they're being seen her. 395 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:05,880 Most importantly, that someone keeps their word that social 396 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,540 workers keep their word. Yeah, definitely. 397 00:26:09,540 --> 00:26:12,580 Because I remember with the with the second social worker, 398 00:26:13,900 --> 00:26:19,780 something happened where so I would have some family contact 399 00:26:21,100 --> 00:26:23,140 in half terms and then it just stopped. 400 00:26:24,340 --> 00:26:28,340 And I remember asking him how come I I'm not and you you just 401 00:26:29,220 --> 00:26:32,020 honestly, it felt like a lifetime of him just scratching 402 00:26:32,020 --> 00:26:35,180 the spot in his head. I'm like, okay. 403 00:26:36,020 --> 00:26:38,020 With no answer, no answer. Then he left. 404 00:26:38,660 --> 00:26:44,980 And maybe 6-7 months after he left, someone else told me the 405 00:26:44,980 --> 00:26:48,860 reason why that stopped. I'm glad. 406 00:26:49,660 --> 00:26:53,460 Why would? I asked you more than once why 407 00:26:53,460 --> 00:26:58,660 that stopped and you knew. Obviously should have been 408 00:26:58,660 --> 00:27:01,500 honest with you. Yeah, and transparency. 409 00:27:01,860 --> 00:27:06,720 And obviously, most of the time honesty is not easy to hear and 410 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,360 it creates a lot of anxiety, a lot of misunderstanding, a lot 411 00:27:10,360 --> 00:27:15,280 of miscommunication. But ultimately it causes hurt 412 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:20,920 when that when it's in the way that you've just described, I 413 00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:25,280 know listeners, you're probably really excited to hear more 414 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,840 about the road story. But as you know, we don't really 415 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,520 go over 30 minutes because we know you're busy and most of you 416 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,360 listen to this driving, you know, to work. 417 00:27:33,860 --> 00:27:35,580 So we will come back for a Part 2. 418 00:27:35,580 --> 00:27:41,740 But before you leave, Tyrone, I would like you to maybe give us 419 00:27:41,740 --> 00:27:43,900 30 seconds of where people can find you. 420 00:27:44,820 --> 00:27:51,500 And then lastly, I want you to write a letter to social 421 00:27:51,500 --> 00:27:56,180 workers, starting with the words Dear Social Worker and give us a 422 00:27:56,220 --> 00:28:00,420 32nd blurb from you, perhaps a poem. 423 00:28:00,500 --> 00:28:04,970 We'll see of you writing a letter to social workers saying 424 00:28:04,970 --> 00:28:06,650 whatever you feel they need to hear. 425 00:28:07,290 --> 00:28:08,930 Okay. Okay. 426 00:28:08,930 --> 00:28:13,770 So 30 seconds where you can find me social media. 427 00:28:13,770 --> 00:28:17,490 So Instagram. I don't really use Twitter, so 428 00:28:17,490 --> 00:28:19,170 Instagram is probably the best place to find me. 429 00:28:19,450 --> 00:28:25,010 T Horton poetry check out my organization, Literati Arts. 430 00:28:25,450 --> 00:28:28,210 We're doing a lot of fun and exciting things. 431 00:28:29,530 --> 00:28:34,210 We've got a. A Careleavers week, first of all 432 00:28:34,210 --> 00:28:38,250 called Black Care, which will be in Leicester on the 26th and 433 00:28:38,250 --> 00:28:41,930 27th of October. We've got some talks, trauma 434 00:28:41,930 --> 00:28:46,010 informed, expert by experience, so we've got some Careleavers 435 00:28:46,770 --> 00:28:51,290 speaking on a panel, got a keynote speech and we've also 436 00:28:51,290 --> 00:28:53,370 got a poetry night headline by Lem Sisse. 437 00:28:53,890 --> 00:28:57,490 So please check us out on Eventbrite or literalty arts.com 438 00:28:57,490 --> 00:29:00,850 and come along now my letter off the top of my head. 439 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:11,320 Dear social worker, I would like to say to all of you that you 440 00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:16,840 from myself, So dear social worker, from myself to you, I 441 00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:21,800 understand you have a very thankless job, for the most 442 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,960 part, a very difficult mountain to climb. 443 00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:29,280 I look at social workers and I think. 444 00:29:30,380 --> 00:29:35,020 You're always chasing the elusive because there's no, 445 00:29:35,140 --> 00:29:37,940 there's no end. It always looks like it's 446 00:29:37,980 --> 00:29:41,660 another layer is gets added and another layer gets added. 447 00:29:43,580 --> 00:29:50,860 But you are truly appreciated. I think unfairly you go, 448 00:29:50,860 --> 00:29:55,740 overlooked and I think you have one of the most important jobs 449 00:29:55,780 --> 00:30:03,840 in society, I also think. That I also think that the way 450 00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:08,400 the system is constructed currently doesn't allow social 451 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:18,240 workers to do the job to the most, I guess effective way and 452 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:24,000 that's due to bureaucracy, red tape and just the way the system 453 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,560 is constructed currently. But. 454 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:30,840 Without you, as I said earlier on, social, social workers saved 455 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:35,440 my life, saved my life. So without you, well, what a lot 456 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:40,200 of us wouldn't be, wouldn't be, you know, doing, doing well for 457 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:43,600 ourselves. And yeah, and I say thank you. 458 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:51,880 Keep fighting the good fight and always, always seek to connect 459 00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:58,600 with the child, regardless of. Of what's going on. 460 00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:02,680 Connect with that little. There's a little spark in every 461 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:05,840 kid. Connect with that and protect 462 00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:10,960 that that little spark and make them feel like you see them for 463 00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:15,280 who they are as well. There's nothing worse than oh, 464 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:20,880 there's nothing worse than just only being known for what or, or 465 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:25,560 only being known for what you've experienced or you know as as a 466 00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:28,430 child in care. I always felt like adults only 467 00:31:28,430 --> 00:31:31,190 ever wanted to speak to me because it was part of their 468 00:31:31,190 --> 00:31:34,910 job. So they're just doing their job 469 00:31:34,910 --> 00:31:38,830 as opposed to step outside of the job and just talk to me for 470 00:31:38,830 --> 00:31:42,670 who I am. So yeah, and that's what I would 471 00:31:42,670 --> 00:31:46,100 say. Tyrone, it's been a pleasure 472 00:31:46,180 --> 00:31:48,220 having you. Make sure you check out the 473 00:31:48,220 --> 00:31:53,060 links in the show notes to Tyrone's website and his social 474 00:31:53,060 --> 00:31:55,300 media pages. Also visit 475 00:31:55,300 --> 00:31:58,420 socialworkcoachinghub.com for the membership group we are 476 00:31:58,420 --> 00:32:01,620 launching next month. And also we've got an event on 477 00:32:01,620 --> 00:32:04,100 the 30th of September or on the website. 478 00:32:04,340 --> 00:32:07,420 I will see you on the next episode of Dear Social Worker, 479 00:32:07,460 --> 00:32:09,340 Let's Talk podcast. Thank you.