1
00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:05,640
Dear Social worker, welcome back
to the world's number one 

2
00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:10,360
personal development podcast. 
For social workers, skill alone 

3
00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:13,720
isn't enough. 
Building your character is what 

4
00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:18,360
sustains careers in social work.
I'm Lisa Ram, a social worker 

5
00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:22,800
turned full time entrepreneur at
socialworkcoachinghub.com. 

6
00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:26,280
And what a summer we've had. 
While I can't reduce your 

7
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:29,760
caseload, I can help you level 
up your career with practical 

8
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:34,000
tools, leadership strategies and
tips to build resilience and 

9
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:37,120
keep pushing through everyday 
challenges. 

10
00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:40,520
This is real talk. 
From one social worker to 

11
00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:43,440
another, empowering your 
personal growth. 

12
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:47,080
You're exactly where you need to
be. 

13
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,080
Let's talk. 
We are back. 

14
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:54,320
We had a summer break and now we
are back. 

15
00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:59,960
It is dark still at 7:00 AM in 
the mornings now. 

16
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:03,920
So you know we are approaching 
the C word that is Christmas. 

17
00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:08,760
I hope you've had a lovely 
summer break and my apologies 

18
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:11,960
because I didn't get round to 
actually saying to you I was 

19
00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:16,240
having a couple of months break.
So I will work on that. 

20
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:20,560
I'll reflect on that and next 
year we'll make sure that you 

21
00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:24,160
are aware of what is happening. 
However, if you follow me on 

22
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:28,640
social media, you will know that
I've been on holiday and that I 

23
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:33,400
was preparing and hosting the 
Black and Diverse Safeguarding 

24
00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:36,720
Professionals Conference, which 
is the only conference here in 

25
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:40,040
the UK for the global majority 
and allies alike. 

26
00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:44,600
And it was fantastic. 
Over 30 speakers, 19 workshops, 

27
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,600
we had some good food, great 
networking. 

28
00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:50,680
It was a Saturday afternoon, 
great venue. 

29
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:56,160
It was it was a chef's kiss and 
I'm just so pleased that all 

30
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,320
went well. 
So thank you to everyone who 

31
00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,960
joins us. 
If you've never joined us, where

32
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:04,840
have you been? 
Go to lisaranedwards.com, that's

33
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:15,360
LESIRAN, that's Lisa Ran 
edwards.com/BD SC and you will 

34
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,040
get all the updates there ready 
for next year. 

35
00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:20,400
We want to see you if you 
haven't been there. 

36
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:24,360
What a summer. 
Oh my goodness, it feels so good

37
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,080
to be back, to be speaking to 
you all. 

38
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:29,200
But what a summer. 
It came, it went, we had great 

39
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:34,480
summer days and now we are back.
And this week we are going to be

40
00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:37,680
talking about reclaiming 
yourself. 

41
00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:41,120
Is that time of year where the 
dark morning setting, the 

42
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:46,080
earlier dark evening setting and
you're beginning to feel the 

43
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:47,960
effects of the change of the 
weather. 

44
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:52,760
And also if you like me, you 
start reflecting what did I 

45
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,640
achieve this year? 
What am I doing next year? 

46
00:02:55,880 --> 00:03:00,680
How am I progressing next year? 
So this episode is motivating 

47
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:04,600
you to reclaim yourself and 
finding yourself beyond the 

48
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,640
social work role. 
I have coached hundreds of 

49
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:11,280
social workers this year and 
I've trained hundreds of social 

50
00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:14,120
workers this year. 
If you didn't know, I do anti 

51
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:18,240
racism training and trauma 
informed self-care training 

52
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,520
along some others. 
Go to lisaandedwards.com you'll 

53
00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:25,680
find out information there and 
I've sold lots of books this 

54
00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:27,520
year as well. 
Lots of people have been buying 

55
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,720
books. 
So if you didn't know, I write 

56
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:33,200
the Social Work Practice and 
well-being Planner and the 

57
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,760
self-care Journal for Social 
workers. 

58
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:39,920
If you go to any of my social 
medias, Lisa Ann Edwards, you 

59
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,640
will find a link to that or just
message me. e-mail 

60
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:47,360
info@socialworkcoachinghub.com 
if you want to find out more 

61
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,320
about the planners simply 
helping you get through your 

62
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:54,080
everyday life. 
It's a holistic planner which 

63
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:58,840
incorporates personal, 
well-being, organizational, and 

64
00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:01,560
your everyday professional life 
in one planner. 

65
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:09,040
I've found it incredibly useful.
So let's talk about what happens

66
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:13,280
when the social work role starts
to take over, start to takes 

67
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:17,279
over your mind. 
It becomes your identity to the 

68
00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:22,040
core, and somehow, somewhere 
along the line, you begin to 

69
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:27,240
lose sight of you. 
I want us to pause today, 

70
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:32,280
reclaiming time, reclaiming 
headspace, and just remembering 

71
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:37,240
that you are not your caseload. 
The quote I want to share with 

72
00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:41,400
you today is from Henry David 
Theroux. 

73
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:45,000
I've no idea who he is. 
Sorry guys, but I found this 

74
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,520
quote and it really spoke to me.
I was like, I've got to share 

75
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:51,680
this. 
Not until we are lost do we 

76
00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:55,520
begin to understand ourselves. 
I'll tell you something, it's an

77
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:57,480
interesting journey getting 
lost. 

78
00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:01,360
Even that story is in the Bible.
Or the prodigal son where he 

79
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:06,440
leaves and flies the nest to go 
partying, getting involved in 

80
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:12,080
all kinds of things, ends up 
destitute, homeless, hungry. 

81
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:18,320
And you know, his father goes 
out to search for him and leaves

82
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,600
the good son, the brother, the 
one that was behaving himself 

83
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:24,600
and being obedient behind to go 
and find the last son. 

84
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:29,240
And he brings the son back and 
welcomes him back and says come 

85
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:35,000
home son, we're all he again. 
Found him the fattest feast they

86
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,440
could find. 
And be mindful of vegans and 

87
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:42,760
vegetarians here. 
And there is something about 

88
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:47,440
being lost and you coming back 
home, coming back to yourself 

89
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:52,400
and finding yourself whilst in 
the wilderness. 

90
00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:54,840
It's almost like getting your 
head straight. 

91
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:59,560
I don't know if any of you guys 
watch or are on TikTok. 

92
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:08,360
I'm on TikTok and I see posts 
where the audio track is someone

93
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,720
walking and swearing in the 
background. 

94
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:16,160
And the idea is, is that someone
is going for a leisurely walk or

95
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:20,280
going for their morning walk. 
But the thoughts in your head 

96
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,840
are all the things you thought 
you should have said, could have

97
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:25,680
said, would have said. 
And in the midst of all that, 

98
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,280
you've got all this swearing 
going on. 

99
00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:33,000
If you ever get to see it, you 
do chuckle because whilst you're

100
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:36,920
out there having these thoughts,
whilst you're lost, whilst 

101
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:42,680
you're trying to figure it out, 
somehow you find your way back 

102
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,600
to yourself within all the mire 
and with all within all the 

103
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:49,600
chaos. 
And I believe in social work, we

104
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:51,560
have the capability of doing 
that. 

105
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:55,560
But in order to make that 
happen, we've got to pause. 

106
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:59,000
So my question to you is, have 
you ever looked up from your 

107
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,440
work and realised you've been 
running on autopilot? 

108
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:06,320
That your thoughts, your 
confidence, even your sense of 

109
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:13,560
you feel buried somewhere under 
the weight of what's next? 

110
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:16,800
This episode is going to form 
the part of you that is still 

111
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:20,160
trying to breathe beneath the 
roll. 

112
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:24,920
Now often my coaching clients 
say to me, I'm so pleased I've 

113
00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:29,160
decided to invest in coaching 
because this is time and space 

114
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,480
for me. 
The amount of times I hear that 

115
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:35,320
because people have the 
opportunity to 100% 

116
00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:39,360
unconditionally in a non 
judgmental safe space be 

117
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,880
themselves. 
So we have to learn to ask 

118
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:45,720
ourselves these questions when 
we're in the role of a social 

119
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,000
worker. 
We're knee deep. 

120
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,800
We're in October now, and 
remembering that some of the 

121
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:54,120
vicarious trauma you're 
experiencing doesn't belong to 

122
00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:59,120
you in your mind. 
We have to find a way to 

123
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:04,600
parallel process. 
Being compassionate alongside 

124
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:09,400
protecting yourself now. 
I learned that simply just 

125
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,960
trying to take control isn't 
about doing more, because by 

126
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,920
doing more, you're losing 
yourself. 

127
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,120
What I used to do personally, 
when I felt like I was losing 

128
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:22,960
myself in the role, I would 
decide to create a season. 

129
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:26,080
So I'll be like for the this two
weeks, I'm going to get my head 

130
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:29,000
down. 
I'm going to work all the hours 

131
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:32,200
that I think are necessary to 
get my work where I think it 

132
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:35,400
needs to be my paperwork. 
Generally speaking, now you may 

133
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:39,520
be in that season or you may be 
thinking every day is just so 

134
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:44,720
relentless, but you have the 
control to decide how you want 

135
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,000
to manage it. 
Are you going to take up the 

136
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:54,480
work for a season, couple of 
weeks, 3 weeks and focus on 

137
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,520
that? 
Or are you going to have a 

138
00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:59,000
conversation with your manager, 
try and get some support? 

139
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,800
Are you going to make sure that 
you phone that friend that you 

140
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,760
said you meant to phone or go 
out? 

141
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,120
That time you said you meant to 
go out or have your lunch break 

142
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:08,960
when you said you was going to 
have your lunch break? 

143
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,480
Some of these promises that we 
are, we try to keep to ourselves

144
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:17,280
when in practice, they can feel 
like they're just getting 

145
00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:20,720
further and further away and 
it's your job to take this 

146
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:27,400
moment like in this podcast. 
So just think, OK, where am I on

147
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,680
this journey? 
Am I feeling like I'm completely

148
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:34,040
out of control and I'm just 
pulled in every direction and 

149
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,480
I'm going in that direction? 
I've talked to you about this 

150
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,360
before, but I'm going to mention
it again. 

151
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:42,640
The sphere of influence. 
I want you to imagine three 

152
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:47,960
circles inset one from another. 
Middle circle is control the 

153
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,160
green area. 
These are everything where you 

154
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:54,320
can control the outcome. 
The 2nd circle is called 

155
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:55,840
influence. 
It's yellow. 

156
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:59,400
These are all the things that 
you can only influence. 

157
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,640
You do not have control over the
outcome. 

158
00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:06,640
And the 3rd circle is red. 
This is the section where you 

159
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:11,280
have no control or no influence.
It's almost like if you cannot 

160
00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:14,240
do any, if you cannot influence 
it or you cannot control the 

161
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:16,720
outcome of it, you've got to 
strike it off the list. 

162
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:20,560
In this case, I believe if 
you're feeling like you're lost 

163
00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:23,520
right now, you're feeling like 
you're in the mire, you're in 

164
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:28,240
the yellow area, you can 
influence how you use your time.

165
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:31,280
We know that social work is 
about crisis intervention. 

166
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:33,640
So some things are without your 
control, right? 

167
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:37,320
They're in the red area, but you
can sit comfortably in that 

168
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:42,680
yellow area outside of work. 
It certainly is the green area 

169
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,040
control. 
You can control the outcome. 

170
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:50,920
Now when I think back to the 
version of me that used to wake 

171
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:54,440
up at 3:00 AM in the morning 
thinking, Oh my God, I didn't 

172
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:55,880
write up the case notes for 
that. 

173
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,520
Oh my goodness, the minutes. 
I didn't put the minutes on the 

174
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:03,160
system or I didn't call back 
this parent. 

175
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:06,320
It happens. 
And there is a level of 

176
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:11,960
acceptance that living up to the
expectation that you wanted to 

177
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:16,320
when you left university, some 
of you may realise it doesn't 

178
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:20,800
always materialize. 
You can do your absolute best 

179
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:24,040
and give your absolute best. 
But one family could take up 

180
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:28,120
your whole week due to crisis 
intervention, due to placements,

181
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,560
due to child protection 
medicals, right? 

182
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:34,440
And that immediately puts you 
back into the place where you're

183
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,560
not meeting your own 
expectations. 

184
00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:41,400
I was reading something the 
other day that said happiness is

185
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:45,880
expectations versus reality. 
And do you need to lower your 

186
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:50,480
expectations to meet the reality
of the circumstances that you're

187
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,560
in? 
Trying to make sense of not 

188
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:57,560
meeting your own standards 
sometimes can feel like failure.

189
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:02,120
It can feel like you're letting 
yourself and your families down.

190
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:06,920
I know that feeling. 
And you go to bed knowing that 

191
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,920
feeling. 
You wake up knowing that feeling

192
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:13,000
and when someone emailed you for
the second time and said I 

193
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,040
haven't had a response, you're 
like, Oh my goodness, I really 

194
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:18,800
had it in mind to respond. 
I just didn't get an 

195
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:22,080
opportunity. 
And sometimes we can just beat 

196
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:26,880
ourself up about it. 
I just want to remind you, 

197
00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:31,360
you're human. 
Yes, social work has high 

198
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:34,280
expectations. 
And I know any social work with 

199
00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:38,000
integrity will have high 
expectations for themselves, let

200
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:42,560
alone the local authority or the
trust of the charity one is 

201
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:46,760
working for. 
However, there has to be some 

202
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:52,040
form of boundaries or balance 
between expectations and 

203
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:53,880
reality. 
As a social worker, you're 

204
00:12:53,880 --> 00:13:01,080
always learning, you're always 
growing, and you are allowed to 

205
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:04,360
have hope. 
Hope in yourself, hope in the 

206
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:07,600
families, hope in the system. 
But if we're constantly 

207
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:13,200
measuring ourselves up against 
these expectations and these 

208
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:19,120
expectations you and I both know
near impossible to meet given 

209
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:23,560
the volume of work or the type 
of work that we're doing, then 

210
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:30,720
the question really comes up as 
to what new expectations that 

211
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:34,000
are nearest to the standards 
that you set for yourself and of

212
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:38,640
course, professional standards 
will you feel most comfortable 

213
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:41,760
to accept. 
Now I'm going to move on to a 

214
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,520
question that I've received over
summer. 

215
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:49,520
I've received a couple actually.
We'll see how many we can we can

216
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:53,800
get through together. 
But one of the questions 

217
00:13:54,320 --> 00:14:00,000
literally was this, and I want 
to give a shout out to Sarah in 

218
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,400
Australia. 
Thank you Australia for 

219
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:05,720
listening. 
Sarah has written here. 

220
00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,920
When does it stop? 
How loaded is that question, 

221
00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,840
Sarah? 
The truth is our mindsets 

222
00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:18,520
constantly sit around creating a
space for work life balance. 

223
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:22,560
So the general answer to a 
question like that would be find

224
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,840
some balance. 
But as a social worker, 

225
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:30,000
generally speaking, the work is 
not balanced by nature. 

226
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:35,480
So how do we create balance in a
space where that isn't already 

227
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:39,320
existing? 
For me, I would say this is 

228
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,560
about your boundaries. 
You've let the work overtake you

229
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:47,880
completely to the point where 
you're like, when does this 

230
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,360
stop? 
You have to create the stop. 

231
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,040
And from the moment you create 
the stop, such as taking a 

232
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,880
moment to listen to this 
podcast, listen to the 

233
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:59,960
questions, answer the questions,
from the moment that you do 

234
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:02,000
that, you then create the 
boundaries. 

235
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:06,600
I had a coaching session with 
someone last week who said, 

236
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,480
right, five times a week I'm 
having my lunch break. 

237
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:10,520
That's it. 
I've had enough. 

238
00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:15,360
And my question to them was, 
what challenges might come up 

239
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,760
for you in trying to execute 
that objective? 

240
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,720
And the obvious answer, of 
course, is crisis intervention. 

241
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:24,400
Or perhaps it's raining outside 
so I can't go on the walk to 

242
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:25,840
have the break that I want to 
have. 

243
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:28,760
Coming back to that expectation 
versus reality. 

244
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:34,640
So in the end, they decided on 
making sure they have two 

245
00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:39,840
mandatory breaks a week and the 
3-4 or five are considered bonus

246
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:45,320
because that way one is training
their brain to accept the 

247
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:49,640
reality but also have goals 
within that reality. 

248
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:55,120
Now 2 lunch breaks are better 
than saying I'm going to have 5.

249
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:58,120
Knowing that the workplace 
itself and the way that the 

250
00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,880
system works is not set up with 
boundaries. 

251
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:04,680
In that way, the crisis will hit
you hard and fast. 

252
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,600
We all know that one e-mail, 
right? 

253
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:12,280
So my answer to you Sarah, is to
create the boundaries. 

254
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:16,080
Look at the sphere of influence,
the yellow area, the 2nd circle 

255
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:19,400
of influence. 
What can you influence? 

256
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:22,200
What do you have the power to 
influence? 

257
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,520
Don't focus on the red area, 
which is the way your question 

258
00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:28,360
is framed. 
It's through the red area. 

259
00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,600
When does it start? 
Like I've got no control over 

260
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,120
this. 
Complete and utter defeat. 

261
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,720
No. 
Let's change the mindset around 

262
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:38,600
that and consider what can you 
influence. 

263
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:44,080
Even that question alone gives 
another connotation to the 

264
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:49,480
concept of work life boundaries.
OK, let's go for a second 

265
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:52,160
question here. 
And the second question is from 

266
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:54,920
Mike in Ireland. 
Hello, Mike. 

267
00:16:56,080 --> 00:17:00,640
Nice to hear from you, Mike. 
Now, Mike here has said that 

268
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:04,440
he's access coaching, he's 
access therapy, he's access 

269
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:08,359
counselling. 
For various reasons, he's asked 

270
00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:11,800
me not to share all of those and
the coaching was not with me to 

271
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:15,280
confirm. 
But coaching has been the most 

272
00:17:15,319 --> 00:17:20,800
effective and Mike still wants 
to know why is that? 

273
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:25,280
Why is coaching different to 
counselling or therapy or 

274
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,839
mentoring Even so, thanks for 
your question Mike. 

275
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:34,200
And Simply put, let's consider 
this from power dynamics point 

276
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,520
of view. 
In a mentor relationship, a 

277
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:39,200
mentor is considered to have 
been there and done that. 

278
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:43,920
They are considered the expert 
and the mentee is to follow the 

279
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:47,520
direction of the mentor. 
Counselling is very much about 

280
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:51,880
looking backward and making 
sense of and creating some level

281
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:55,080
of understanding of what's 
happened in the past. 

282
00:17:56,280 --> 00:18:00,600
Coaching is about looking 
forward and the power dynamic 

283
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:04,880
doesn't exist in coaching. 
The coachee and the coach are on

284
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:08,800
par, and I'd like you to 
consider this as a conversation.

285
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,400
You've experienced this, so 
you'll know. 

286
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:15,080
It's a conversation where the 
coach is posing questions to you

287
00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:19,360
to help you find the answer. 
It's predicated on the fact that

288
00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:23,360
you already have the answer and 
it's the coach's job to ask you 

289
00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:26,440
the right questions to help you 
find your solution. 

290
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:31,600
It's not like a mentor mentee 
relationship where it's 

291
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,640
expected. 
The mentor gives you the answer.

292
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:37,120
In coaching, you are helped to 
find your own answer. 

293
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:39,720
I get in my coaching sessions 
all the time, please tell me the

294
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:42,240
answer. 
And I'm like, no, I can't do 

295
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:45,200
that. 
I'm not able to do that because 

296
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:49,520
my take and my judgement on what
is happening, My analysis of 

297
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:54,840
what's happening is through my 
eyes, my experience and my 

298
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:58,440
knowledge, my skills. 
But you have the exact same 

299
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:01,920
skills and qualities I do 
because you are the expert of 

300
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:05,480
your own life and that's how you
find your solution. 

301
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,920
So coaching is about bringing 
you think of it as a bridge from

302
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,080
where you are on one side to the
bridge and helping you get to 

303
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:18,560
the other side of the bridge. 
It's about moving you forward. 

304
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:23,520
I would like to revisit the 
quote before I go. 

305
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,000
Thank you for your questions. 
I'll continue to answer them on 

306
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:30,360
future episodes. 
Not until we are lost do we 

307
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:34,120
begin to understand ourselves. 
That's an indication there is 

308
00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:39,720
power within being lost. 
There is power within thinking. 

309
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:43,720
This is overwhelming. 
This is too much for me because 

310
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,760
that power lies in the 
opportunity for you to stop, 

311
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:52,440
reflect, and consider what you 
want for yourself moving forward

312
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:57,560
and create the boundaries using 
your sphere of influence to do 

313
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,520
so. 
When you're in the mix, and I 

314
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,520
mean when you're feeling like 
you're underneath everything and

315
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:07,160
you're just treading water 
trying to keep afloat, sometimes

316
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:13,440
it feels like you can't stop. 
And admittedly, some of my some 

317
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,080
of the ways I coped with that 
level of stress when I was in 

318
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,800
practice, I'm still seeing in 
myself now. 

319
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:23,240
I'm still having to spend time 
to stop, reflect, pause and 

320
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:27,040
decide on the way forward 
because that routine of that 

321
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:31,000
high level of stress, it takes 
time to change that behaviour. 

322
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:36,320
And I can say that it takes 
time, but just like you get up 

323
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:40,360
for work every morning, you've 
got to get up for yourself until

324
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:43,880
next month. 
I am so pleased to be back here.

325
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:47,880
I am so pleased to be talking to
you or I cannot wait for us to 

326
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:52,160
continue again. 
So hello to all of you in China,

327
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:56,880
all of you in Africa, all of you
in America, of course, my 

328
00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:01,400
hometown, the UK, giving you 
love, giving you blessings. 

329
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:05,240
I pray you have a blessed month.
Until next time, remember to 

330
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:10,840
take time and headspace for you 
because the work is important, 

331
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,280
but you, you're essential. 
God bless you.