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I'd like to say a big thank you 
to all of my podcast listeners 

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this year. 
I started in March and now we're

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nearing the end of the year and 
it is wonderful to see all of 

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you listening from across the 
world. 

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I see you all. 
Thank you for getting involved 

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in the Spotify Q&A S and the 
polls. 

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Thank you for following me on 
Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok. 

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I see you all. 
So a big, big thank you to all 

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of you. 
I cannot wait for next year 

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where we're going to be bigger 
and better and greater. 

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On that note, I have 3 short 
announcements. 

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One, I am saying thank you to 
all my listeners with a brand 

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new Dear Social Worker podcast 
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Here you're going to get 
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insights and you will have 
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it's available right now on 
Spotify. 

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So click the podcast 
subscription and get involved. 

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The 2nd announcement is the 
Social Work Coaching Hub 

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membership group. 
It is now open, so if you would 

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like the link to join send me 
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Worker podcast or go straight to
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socialworkcoachinghub.com and 
get involved. 

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Be part of a network, a 
supportive network of social 

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workers, people of like mind 
learning and growing together. 

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And lastly and excitingly and 
certainly not least, the 

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well-being Retreat 2024 is 
happening. 

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I've had so many requests from 
everyone saying why don't you do

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some an event that's linked to 
well-being, Why don't we have a 

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spa break? 
Why don't you have a retreat? 

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Why don't we have a weekend 
away? 

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Well, it's happening right now. 
So if you want to get the link 

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and it's an exclusive link where
we've got private dining, I'm 

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not even going to go through the
list right here on the podcast. 

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You can find out. 
Send me an e-mail 

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info@socialworkcoachinghub.com 
Say the word RETREAT in the 

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subject line. 
Or you can send me a dam. 

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Say the word Retreat 24 Adm on 
any of my platforms. 

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On LinkedIn, it's under my name.
On Instagram, it's at Dear 

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Social Worker Podcast. 
Go straight to the website 

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socialworkcoachinghub.com and 
you can find out more 

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information there. 
Get yourself on the list for the

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exclusive luxury social work 
Coaching Hub First annual 

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Retreat. 
I'll see you there. 

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00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:09,760
Welcome to Dear Social Worker, 
Let's Talk Podcast, the podcast 

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that prioritises you, the person
behind the title. 

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I'm your host, Lisa Ann Edwards,
and I'm excited to bring you a 

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topic that we haven't discussed 
before. 

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Why do we repeat unhealthy 
behaviours? 

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Let's talk Why do we repeat 
unhealthy patterns of behaviour?

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I've been having a lot of 
coaching conversations this week

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and a common denominator has 
been the repetition of 

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behaviours, thoughts or actions 
that are unhealthy. 

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This is something called in 
psychology as repetition, 

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compulsion, and essentially it's
repeating a pattern which is 

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acted out through processes such
as displacement or projection 

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and it's described as an 
unconscious Dr. toward self 

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destruction. 
I've seen this in so many places

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this week I was drawn to create 
this episodes just to offer some

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support, encouragement and 
opportunity for reflection to 

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really think about what this is 
and why it keeps showing up. 

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So in a coaching session that I 
had earlier this week, and for 

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those who don't know, I am a 
Trauma Informed Leadership 

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Development Coach and I am the 
founder of Social Work Coaching 

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hub.com offering coaching this 
podcast that you're listening to

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books and publications to help 
make your life just that little 

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bit simpler and help you stay 
organised. 

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When we're thinking about 
repetition compulsion, I want to

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start with displacement. 
So it's almost like experiencing

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or treating a person as if they 
were another. 

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And projection is about 
projecting your feelings, 

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thoughts, influences perhaps 
onto another person. 

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Now on the coaching session I 
had recently, we recognised that

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this happened at home and at 
work and it happened in such an 

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unconscious, hidden way it was 
quite shocking when it was found

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the same repeated patterns were 
showing up, the same emotions 

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were showing up, it was just 
different people and different 

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circumstances. 
But when we looked underneath 

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what was happening on the 
surface, we found it was a 

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repeated pattern of emotions 
that was happening and that was 

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linked to displacement and 
projection. 

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When the coachee realised what 
was happening then we were able 

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to dig a bit deeper and say 
where did this begin, when did 

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it start and how do I work 
through this? 

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Because I'm recognising the same
emotions, the same pattern, the 

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same responses are showing up 
time and time again, and 

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although it's with different 
people in different places, the 

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emotions, the strong negative 
emotions were the same. 

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And what we have to think about 
here is, why are you listening 

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to this particular episode? 
What drew you to the title of 

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this episode Coaching, I have to
refer to as a mirror? 

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You've got to be in a space 
where you're ready to hold up 

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that mirror. 
You've got to be OK with looking

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at yourself and seeing the great
parts of you, the potential of 

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you and the parts that need 
growth, the unseen parts. 

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It's almost like a blind spot in
your windscreen, your 

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windscreen, your wing mirror in 
your car. 

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And once you find the blind 
spot, once you find kind of 

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those hidden parts, what do you 
do with them? 

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Do you just sit with them? 
Do you judge them? 

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Do you avoid them? 
Do you fight them? 

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Let's come back to why we repeat
patterns. 

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What is repetition compulsion 
all about and why is there a 

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unconscious Dr. towards self 
destruction? 

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I'm going to share an example 
here of someone who struggles to

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set boundaries and as a result 
of struggling to set boundaries,

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most of their thoughts and 
feelings, they remain internal, 

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They're not expressed. 
And when we have unexpressed 

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emotions, you could argue that 
anything can happen, right? 

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Because they can come out in any
way, at any time by anyone who 

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may activate that emotion in 
you, that feeling in you. 

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So imagine you've got all these 
emotions inside of you that have

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been built up for whatever 
reason, wherever they may have 

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come from, and they just remain 
dormant until it's activated 

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again. 
What happens with that process 

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is that those emotions, those 
unprocessed emotions, they're 

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always going to be there, almost
like just waiting for someone or

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something to click the button 
and activate it. 

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Guess we need to look at how do 
we gain more control of that? 

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How do we get in front of it? 
Can we get in front of it? 

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The thing is with repetition, 
compulsion is that it's often 

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predicated on the subconscious. 
And if the subconscious is over 

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80% of our thoughts, actions and
behaviour, how likely is it for 

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us to step out of that repeated 
cycle? 

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First of all, as mentioned, 
you've got to be ready to pick 

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the mirror up, look at yourself,
look at the blind spots and then

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you've got to decide what to do 
with them. 

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Now, as a coach, of course, I 
would encourage you to work 

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through them. 
But if you're not ready to, you 

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also need to be honest with 
yourself and say I'm, I'm not 

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ready to deal with that right 
now, but for the sake of this 

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podcast, let's say you are. 
Where do you begin? 

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Well, I would say start with the
name of the emotion that you're 

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feeling. 
Name the emotion. 

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And I'm not talking about words 
like happy, sad, angry. 

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We want emotions with depth. 
Proud, trusting, disappointed. 

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That word is going to give you 
more clarity, and that clarity 

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is going to raise yourself 
awareness. 

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Now, if we're using the example 
of internalizing feelings, not 

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expressing ourselves, not having
boundaries, let's think about, 

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and this is what I say in a 
coaching session, how does that 

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serve you? 
What are you getting from that? 

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If our subconscious is over 80% 
of what we of our thoughts, 

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action and behaviour, then it's 
likely we are getting something 

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from that, whether we like it or
not. 

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In some cases what you're 
getting from that is avoiding 

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conflict. 
What you're getting from that is

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avoiding having a conversation. 
The answer to that question is 

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individual to you and that's 
where I would start. 

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Then we would look at what is 
the impact of this repeated 

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cycle, What is the impact of 
displacement or projection and 

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transference? 
Who is it impacting? 

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In some coaching sessions, when 
we've really explored that 

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question, it's found that of 
course the impact is on the 

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coachee. 
But actually their responses has

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had a ripple effect on the 
people they have the most 

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interaction with. 
And as such, the people they're 

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having the most interaction 
with, They are responding to the

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repetition compulsion that is 
happening subconsciously with 

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you. 
But of course, as we know, on 

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the surface, it may show up as 
something else, it may show up 

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as anger and what we have to 
think of. 

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What are we getting? 
What are we getting when we are 

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repeating this cycle? 
When you recognize how it's 

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serving you, whether you like it
or not, and you're able to work 

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from that space. 
But ultimately, the benefit of 

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the repetition compulsion is 
likely to be stronger than the 

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consequences of not repeating 
the cycle. 

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So I use the analogy with my 
coaching clients all the time 

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and I know they'll listen to 
this and chuckle. 

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It's just like being on a diet. 
Someone comes into the office 

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with biscuits and cakes and 
you're like, Oh my goodness, 

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I've got to be weighed tomorrow 
at Weight Watchers or Slimming 

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World or whatever. 
I really shouldn't eat this 

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cookie. 
Really shouldn't entertain this 

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cake. 
Let's let's Fast forward 2 

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minutes. 
You have right? 

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So now you're in a position 
where you've chosen the taste of

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this cake, or perhaps the 
socialising with your workmates 

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over knowing over the your 
weight being more the next day 

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or the next two days over being 
accountable to the group that 

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you're going to be weighed with,
like Weight Watchers or 

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whatever. 
So the preference for the cake 

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and the cookies, the chocolate, 
whatever the benefit of that, 

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the preference of that is 
greater than what's on the other

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side. 
So therefore if 80% of our 

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thoughts, actions and behaviours
are subconscious and you have 

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this repeated cycle happening in
the background which is leading 

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the majority of our behaviours, 
then we're in a space where 

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we're doing these things 
unconsciously and it comes back 

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to what Freud believes about 
repetition. 

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Compulsion is that it was an 
unconscious Dr. towards self 

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destruction. 
I would love to hear your 

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00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:12,840
thoughts on this episode and I 
would love for you to join me in

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00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:17,680
my networking group and social 
work coaching hub.com. 

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00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:23,360
Join us a group of supported 
social workers there. 

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00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:27,480
Access the downloadables, the 
videos. 

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00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:34,360
If you want more of these type 
of episodes but on a deeper 

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00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:37,760
level, then subscribe to the 
podcast. 

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00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:40,320
Just click the link to 
subscribe. 

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00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,000
Get involved. 
This is how you're going to 

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00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:48,040
evolve and grow. 
I pray that this episode has 

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been a blessing to you. 
God bless and have a blessed 

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00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:51,800
week.