You might, for example, you grew up with like an angry man, your
house, your dad's really angry whatever.
When you, then seek out relationships with angry.
Men, are you seeking to just replicate that Dynamic and put
yourself back in that cycle of pain because it's what, you
know, maybe some people say or actually is it more about we
seek to recreate those relationships that we know and
we seek to recreate the pain that we already know.
So that in this instance in our adult life, we can take it to
its conclusion, fix it and complete it.
So if you grow up with an angry man in your house, you might see
how angry men, not because you think that's healthy love.
But because there's a part of you may be that things.
I identify that that was an issue and now I'm going to take
it on in my adult life so that I can complete that and fix that
up for myself. I'm gonna take that to its
conclusion. I'm going to end that cycle,
especially when it comes to romantic relationships, that
idea of what people think. They want and what they truly
like are attracted to and desire often, like so different.
Yeah. And also who are we tonight?
My business who I want, who I think I want doesn't make sense
is like, kind of inconvenient or like, its it how many times
we've been like that. I just wish I liked that person.
There that's really nice and great.
He's great. He likes me and he's at all
stuff, but I don't. Feel and the person that you do
like is some fucking like why I was like my red flag.
I think it just feels like something that I just seen
throughout so many men and I just think I is not something
that I it does seem to be something that I see Cal but
every single time, it's a problem.
So I think it would be good for me to like, not go for that.
But there is clearly some kind of drawer if there's something
that we see as a problem, but as an adult, maybe this is my
chance to make that, right? And correct it.
That's what I find interesting, is the tension between what you
find attractive, and what you find repellent, there's a
tension there of like, okay, that tray or that behavior is
risky for me and I wanted. Yeah, if it goes a certain way,
I hate it. Yeah.
And if it works out, I love it and I want it.
I don't love it. There's no bit.
Goes without saying you listening to go to that saying
and Wing. I'm waiting, and I'm sappy.
This is quite, you know, weighty episode.
We're going about as far as you can go publicly on the internet
without completely yourself. Nothing in particular.
Just some generational trauma just concepts of what we saw.
Our parents do mistakes that were made things.
We don't want to recreate red flags that we identify as things
that we don't necessarily objectively see as healthy and
yet we're still drawn to them. And also what makes our Dynamics
so special and work together in Perfect Harmony.
I really liked this episode, I feel like it's a very thoughtful
intriguing, kind of opening a can of worms of an episode.
So enjoy Good. We've just been talking about
the last of us, which that's kind of in my brain now.
Yeah, I also watched something the other day, which I feel like
I was speaking about not that long ago and it definitely is a
weird thing for me to bring up and even weirder to bring it up
twice in the kind of succession that I have.
Or, like, I just shouldn't be thinking about it.
That much a show at the moment. Hmm.
Okay. I the other day I had on, I
don't, I don't know why I wrote that doctor who I feel like
everyone's watching Doctor. Who at the moment?
Really? I don't know why, is it a new
thing? I think there's a new one.
Yeah, but I'm not watching the new one.
Which one are you watch it? And I watched I watched one
episode in particular where I was literally like this is
weeping angels TV. Gosh.
What not? Weaving ages, you'll know it
immediately. It's the game show one.
There's a bit where it's like stars in their eyes and they go
blind. Yeah, they do.
They do big brother and they are.
You alive on channel, 444 whatever.
Please do not sweat. They like Really go for it and
they do. And we could slink with Android.
Oh my God. So good.
What was the other one? Oh, it's fucking trendy and
Susanna with that loser. I don't like that.
Who's the like American Eagle guy that loser?
Just the guys that really smarmy so many.
And basically growing up my mum had always been like mmm,
everyone finds him attractive and I don't, and getting into
the episode. I took it on.
And was like, yeah, either. I was like nine.
Yeah, I don't, I so Truman. Yeah, everything you say is so
Drive, definitely done that with Matthew McConaughey Matthew
McConaughey? Yeah, my mom said, I know you
kind of a niche takes. She said he looks like he smells
of pits. And now what I look at Matthew
McConaughey, I can kind of smell this.
My mum was always like, Brad Pitt is just not for me and I
was just really good. Like yeah, just I'm just I think
he's for me, I think he's for me, I hear ya doctor.
I just thought that's a fucking, this is great TV.
It fucking, you know, I've only rewatched, I rewatched the
Weeping. Angels one blink, I believe it's
called or something like that. So good and that I genuinely
think is like, fucking genius with like, the time Loop
situation, is so fucking good. So good.
Insane, Karen as well. I just when they lift the
wallpaper, it says dark and she dark since we were kids.
Like what? So good.
My like 10 year old brain could nuke my.
I watched it like three years ago at my 25 year old brain
can't cope. I'm just like how done this.
Genius. It's fine art.
And then at the end, it's like something about they're reading
these transcripts, but they're replying to the and when he
reads them, you have a conversation but then the
conversation with himself through a TV Fucking clever.
So good. I know we spoke about Doctor Who
reasonably when not I said that they they said something was gay
or something and I was I was watching it.
That can't be recent weeks ago. That must be like a year ago,
maybe, what time is. Oh my god, when you Time is you
know what is time fun up? We've got ahead.
Who was your favorite? Sorry back today.
Who was your favorite sister? I think probably Billie Piper.
Yeah I think it just has to be, doesn't it?
I think that was the most God. I was watching One the other.
Yeah. Watching on the other.
I can't remember what maybe it was.
The game one or it was one after yeah.
But she I just thought that's the most beautiful on the planet
in my life. Yeah they'd put her in like
everything was gold. Like she looked like she was
made of gold and like it was just kind of iridescent and I
just thought perfect. Perfect.
Yeah, it was the Union Jack t-shirt that she was very much.
I remember thinking God your core.
Now it would have a different ring to it.
Maybe I saw you inject t-shirt but there's one Queen Victoria
and she's in like a kind of crown jewels like in dungarees.
She was so cool. I used to be like when you're
playing like imaginary games as a kid, my name was always Mary
for if it wasn't very it would be right, Billy?
And everyone's like why did you want to be called a boy's name?
And I'm like, you just don't get it, don't get it Billie.
Piper also best thing, a girl can have as a boy's name but
Billy is not. Maybe of Billy with a wife for a
girl, but maybe For, I mean, if you're Billie Piper, I mean, I'm
not posed. I love her.
She's like so. Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, that's where I've been at. Yeah, just been all over these
Um, what about you? I've been more grounded here.
I would say, I've been very much in The Last of Us Vibes.
That's kind of far. I've been, I've been, I've been
in Chelsea Made in Chelsea Wilde as well.
So much crazy shit going on and I can't believe they're still
going to it. Oh God, boys, it's still going.
Oh, this guy's like, oh, there's a guy called Freddy that like I
won't I think he if he was ever to hear this God he would I
don't think he could even defend himself.
He's The Biggest Loser I've ever like he's like some thing and
running for the royal family like he's like something in line
to the throne and he is horrific like he just treats this girl so
horrendously like he's awful. But basically was there a time
where we spoke about made in the podcast and you were kind of
saying you basically you've got yourself into a bit of a pickle
because you kind of said somebody was hot but you didn't
really mean it and then someone messaged me like wait that's my
yeah not the notation you. Was on it for like and one
summer, I was like he's hot and then someone messed me being
like, Oh yeah, we know her but I actually didn't think, right?
And he's old was but if you're on Made in Chelsea, like you're
limited, you're limiting yourself, you can't just You
Captain? Yeah.
You taking the foundation paper? Yeah.
All right. Well, just a little bit.
That's what we've been there today.
Just a little bit of like parents and stuff.
We just had a pre-conversion of sticking on Main in Chelsea
territory. Oh good.
I'm so sorry. Like about Made in Chelsea being
like a saying I'm so sorry it's talking point because I'm
feeding the the industry know what else is what?
Unfortunately, I think you're the best of a bad bunch.
I would love to speak to the bad Bunch but no really nobody.
Well, it is a bit. Like what you?
This is my point. It was like, I'm in 2014.
Is it actually any? Is it actually, is it shit now?
It's incredible. Why would I watch something
shit? But like it's the my longest
running dedication to any show. Well that's why I think you
might be watching something share.
Yeah I wouldn't put it past me or just almost like reality TV
off and has its Heyday. Oh like the Heyday has one
really passed but it's still. Oh God, it's still got it.
Oh boy. Okay girl.
Okay, so yeah, saying kind of a Made in Chelsea world.
I came from I stumbled upon Jamie, Laing talking to.
I should have checked this guy's name.
I think his name is something like Elaine dibos.
Sorry, I love. And every time I've said it
safely, I've put that same voice on because I think he's French
and that believe it or not is my iteration of French.
Know, it's not a lane of it, huh?
Oh, you know what? It's a man on podcast.
Some guy, he's written a book, He's on Jamie likes popcorn.
He doesn't need the publicists say from us.
Yeah, he I saw this little clip and it was Jamie talking about
him and his wife so fee, hams lovely, lovely dubbed?
Yeah. And he was basically talking
about, he sometimes mothers her and she kind of like pushed him
away because and he said, because she doesn't need it
because she grew up with her parents being really loving
towards her. Whereas he felt like kind of
rejected as a child. I don't want to put words in his
mouth about that sort of the dress.
And this guy, the I think I've literally so there's that it's
like kind of Alan but French or is it Elaine the page?
It's not La, it's kind of blah blah, right?
Let's fucking try this Elaine de botton, even worse.
Okay, I'm thinking to both of that woman, as her name, Arianna
or something, I don't know. I did anyway.
All right, then this guy was like, look, I reckon there's
something, you know and then Jamie said, oh well when Sophie
was younger her dad actually used to smother her a little bit
and she fell like a bit annoying.
You kind of bat him away and this guy I'm calling Elaine
Devoe said. Well, it sounds like you know
even though she was kind of showered with love and that's so
nice. She was, you know, there was no
kind of absence of affection, maybe her her mood or like you
know personal space or privacy wasn't respected.
When it was kind of like you know she's not in the mood to be
like smothered or whatever and that wasn't, it wasn't taking
into account how she might feel in the moment but interestingly,
he said and this was the bit that I was like hook.
This is right? Remember your name.
But I'll stick with this so he basically said I wonder if you
and Sophie Jamie Laing and Sophie or I wonder if you and
your wife have this kind of perfect Balancing Act where she
pushes you away as much as you need to recognize that that is
loved. And she feels that smothering
from you as much as she needs to recognize that that is love sort
of thing and it went on to him, basically saying that often we
talk about like and this is kind of what me and stuff.
We were saying before we started recording often.
We talk about, you see your parents do a certain thing or
your early experience is and your early viewing of the world
shape. How you perceive love and
romance and relationships, and what they'll look like for you
and often we talk about. Oh, you replicate and kind of
recreate the patterns that you experienced.
As a child, the things that you saw you're going to recreate
that. And this guy Elaine debose was
saying, you might. For example, you grow up with
like an angry man, your house, your dad's really angry
whatever. When you, then seek out,
relationships with angry men, and this is where I think it
gets interesting. He says, are you seeking to just
replicate that Dynamic and put yourself back in that cycle of
pain because it's what, you know, maybe some people say or
actually is it more about we seek to recreate those
relationships that we know and we seek to recreate the pain
that we already know. So that in this instance in our
adult life, we can take it to its conclusion, fix it and
complete it. So, if you grow up with an angry
man and your house, you might see how angry men not because
you think that's healthy love. But because there's a part of
you maybe that thinks I identify that that was an issue.
And now I'm going to take it on in my adult life so that I can
complete that and fix that off for myself.
I'm gonna take that to its conclusion.
I'm going to end that Michael. And I guess that has been said a
thousand times in terms of like, you feel like, you know, way
though totally in a different way I want like, you know, I
want kind of a bad but I want to fix here but that's too serious.
Yeah, because that's not, that's almost like it's not giving the
thing to the cycle and the personal trauma, that's just
being like, Oh, everyone's a bad boy.
It's like, it's not great, it's not quite that.
It's more than That it's more interesting.
And in the sense it's more like I think compassionate to
yourself, to be able to identify that in a way.
You're kind of maybe, like foolishly But maybe trying to
look out for your younger self that had to experience this
negative painful relationship and make it right?
So you don't have to feel that trauma anymore so that you can
fix that pattern and it's not because people think oh, I yeah
angry man. That's great.
I love that. They know that it's painful and
they know that it's horrible. And they know that it's
unhealthy, but there's nothing more desirable for that person,
maybe in that moment, to have this angry, man in front of them
and that anger, man. Be like, I'm gonna work through
this together. Fixed.
What? Like, oh my God.
You've saved me from my dad when I was.
Yeah, not me but, like, Crazy. Yeah.
And also trying to save kind of your parents, I think, like a
lot of it will be, like, almost like looking at what, your mom
went through and trying to be like, what, what are the ways in
which I can follow that path and then save it basically the last
minute. I think it just makes perfect
sense. It's really interesting.
It's very interesting. I know we talked about this but
I think adding that extra step of, like, you don't just want to
recreate it and then, you know, the conversation ends there,
it's like you want to find it, replicate it and make it right?
So that you don't have to experience the pain from it
anymore. Break the cycle break the cycle,
break the wheel, break the wheel bearing.
So, so definitely, I'm in love with the whole with Alan's whole
proposal Elaine debut with Elaine, debose his whole
proposal here, we had some conversations about our own kind
of experiences and like the things that we like, patterns
that we recognize, but don't want to do it on the Pod.
Yeah, I'm so sorry. No, totally there.
I was saying I this all came to me last year.
It's very quick turnaround and I saw this thing and then just
kind of moved on with my life and then got on this and I just
like I haven't had a chance to what I really want to do is I
sit down and I briefly spoke about my boyfriend last night.
How interesting. And we were kind of like letting
him know he's interesting and we were all.
So kind of picking people from our lives that I would do on the
Pod being like, Oh I can see why that girl her dad was like that,
and now she's chosen to have, this makes perfect sense and I
do think if it's not judgmental and actually Passionate.
It is really also, interesting, is serious.
We're curious cases of people doing weird stuff and I think as
well sometimes people have an idea about the things that they
do or don't like or like, oh, this is the thing that I always
do, I always go for dinner and maybe that is an Acura, I always
ambitious of things like that because I feel like that there
is such people get attached to narratives.
We spoke about this a million times in terms of like type
conversations. That's my type.
That's my time, but especially like it's sort of the morning
person thing of like oh I always go.
I always go for this kind of person.
I I am just this sort of person that I need.
Someone that does this. It's like You don't know what
you like, like, I really, really think like, especially when it
comes to romantic relationships, the idea of what people think
they want, and what they truly like are attracted to and desire
often, like so different. Yeah.
And also, who are we tonight?
Oh my business who I want, who I think I want.
Who wants that actually have those feelings for is often?
Doesn't make sense. It often is like kind of
inconvenient or like it's or would be like how many times
we've been like oh I just wish I liked, I don't know.
Like kind of wish I like that person.
There that's really nice and great.
He's greatly and 100% my type on paper whatever.
Yeah. Right.
He likes me and he's at all the stuff that I don't.
Feel it and the person that you do like is some fucking like,
why they probably isn't this weird cycle.
I think it, I think a lot of it and it comes from somewhere.
Yeah. But I also think, when people
talk about the things that they're drawn to, it's very
flattering, like they'll people speak with a very flattering.
Yeah. But it comes with a very
flattering place of like, what it, I'm just drawn to someone
who is hardworking and rugged and it's like, no, I don't see
it like that. Like you know what I mean?
Like it doesn't. They're not looking rugged to
me. They're looking like, they're
not that interested in you or like, Johnny, something like
that. Like there's people like people
that are quite detached. Like we were just so I was like,
we can talk about Jamie took the cows come home.
Okay, I've been watching famously for like my whole life
and I have seen Jamie his patterns of relationships
throughout that show have been chasing chasing chasing.
The second, he gets the, he cheats on them, like that has
been the pattern that has. I don't know The Narrative of
that show and his Like character has been that he pursues a girl
like with everything wins them, kind of conquers them and it
sleeps with them, has them as his girlfriend then treats on
them and moves on to whoever like that.
Is it perfectly describes this, like cycle that he's just said,
but like, yeah, I'm glad I've seen the growth in him.
Now that, you know, he seems like he's not, he's being in
that weird cycle but like, it makes sense.
That's why someone that pulls away.
Yeah, so interesting to know that for him romance and love
looks like him feels like, Chasing for somebody's attention
because maybe like, for example, he says, you know, like being
sent to boarding school when he insane or like, you know, just
vowing for like his parents attention and not necessarily
receiving it in the way that it seems like he needed has created
someone who acts in a certain way, but I also think when
you're in that behavior, it's very hard to identify.
And this is why I was saying, like, I didn't have the chance
to get into, I want to, I want to sit down, not necessarily
now, on the Pod, but in my own life, I want to, you know, draw
a few conclusions of like that. Is that, yeah, balancing act
that me and my boyfriend have got going away.
He doesn't this just enough to make me feel like I like and I
do this, just enough to make him feel like, yeah, like sort of
thing. I wonder what it is.
Mmm, it is. I think it's, you know, so many
things. I don't think it ever just for
people comes down to, like, one thing of like, you are drawn to
an alcoholic. No, no.
And there's nothing more to be said it.
Doesn't need to be that like push and pull because I feel
like that, for example, in the situation they describe I would
find that very, I don't know. It's kind of like it's all about
pulling in and pulling back, like it's kind of quite
simplistic view of relationships of like the attachment style
thing of being like he's he's avoiding and he's anxious like
that. It's kind of got that ring to
it, which I don't mind. I do think there's a lot of
Truth in it, but I don't, I think there's.
Yeah, so much more than just like, But she's avoiding he's
anxious. There's an out.
You had now. Collect dad and there's so now
you're gonna well I think it's like not even about necessarily
like they want someone who pushes so you push and they and
you need someone who pulls and they pull.
I think it could be like you want someone who pushes and they
push and they need someone who twists and a new twist and you
need someone who pops it and they bop it sort of more than
just two. I don't, you know, I mean, it's
not necessarily like yeah, like you say that simple.
I think it, but I think you can find.
For example, we always say perfect harmony.
There's something about our Dynamic, where, when one of us
is doing something that other one can lift and the other.
Yeah, I mean, there's like a swing and okay, well maybe,
let's do it for each other. Like what should we try and walk
out? That is that, well, that's gone
looking one. Well, you said an interesting
thing and a while ago that someone had said to that, you
and your sister have both ended up in like, kind of creative
partnership. Yeah.
Oh my God. This was and I was my like,
she's like my mom's friend, but she's like, oh my friend's mom,
and she's kind of family. So like we and she's also like
the local post one. She's like, okay, like lovely.
Julie, that was just yeah. That was just so like kind of a
town like oh, and she also runs the bakery.
Her name is Julie and Julie was saying to me.
So I worked actually at a community Cafe and she came in
and had lunch and I was like, fucking I'll take my break now
and I have lunch with him. And she was like, this was two
years ago, two years ago, however, and I was sitting with
her and she was like, it's so funny that you have the podcast
you and Aaron have this. Like she never met him but no so
much everyone knows you know staff and she's like, it's so
funny that you have this like podcast that you do with your
friend and then my sister, she is like, she's an artist and she
like works with her best friend like they work really strongly
together and they do everything together with stuff, blah, blah.
And Julie was like, I do you think there's something about
you, both seeking Sisterhood in your son, French ships, like
throughout your life? Are you seeking that like same
clothes that you have like You're just like that, what you
replicate and like, that is what your friendships become that.
Like, but I think, like, why are we like, Let's start business.
Like that's quite yeah, I don't know.
But it is a nice thought, the fact that these two sisters grew
up and in their Endeavors, they've both kind of like done
things with the car. I don't know anyone else that
has done that other than her, so it's kind of a specific.
Yeah. But then I almost feel like, is
it sort of replicating. The thing of being like, us in
our childhood bedroom, being like, let's start Sweet Shop.
We can sell, like, share the lemons, to all the neighbors.
It's kind of like, we've just gone and done that as I think.
So, like, yeah, I don't know because I didn't, I'd never
identified that we'd both done that and then when she said it,
I was like, yeah, that is kind of a specific.
Oh, I sort of thought that everyone did that and I was
like, oh wait, I don't even single up.
That's why it's difficult for me because I'm kind of like oh well
everyone does that, but if I zoom out, I don't know as well.
The people that I know who are kind of in partnership's, When
necessarily friends first know, and it was like, kind of career
partners that have come like and also in the essence of both,
those Partnerships like the core of it is the friendship like we,
this this was born. This is not the word, you know,
like this is um, Like the core of this is our friendship and
very much the same for them, like it's just weird.
Yeah, it is really interesting. I think because as well, I'm
gonna speak in a hypothetical sense now.
So it's not necessarily about you or whatever your childhood.
Yeah, but it feels like it would be nice in the sense that you
have like, you you seek out. I'm literally saying you like
and I've said, it's hypothetical.
But yeah. Who else could?
It could be you. Sounds like you guys happy?
Yeah, it I feel like it is kind of nice that you feel safe or
secure. Like you kind of grew up in ya,
like having that like fun and that burst something that you
want to do with, you know, should I mean?
Just nice. Yeah.
No, that feels true. Like, that's kind of exactly it.
I just sort of had an put that, I don't know.
I think it's like, A certain thing of like maybe not seeing
that relationship is that influential like you know, when
you are, I don't know. Yeah, my family is everything,
like it's literally in me. Like that's almost it's not it's
not an extension of me almost like it kind of we are sort of
one beer, it's like almost don't really think of it as like My
relationship with Lizzie impact, like, kind of being something
that it's almost like God, it's where I could be like God,
there's friendship, I had in my teenage years has made me.
Yes, I just almost, you know, when something is so big that
you can't even see it. I think because it's so
intrinsic to who you are. Always had that like, it's never
been hated. It's almost I cannot picture not
having that relationship and I it's everything but like it's
hard to measure the. Yeah of it because you don't
know where that impact ends because it's so much of who you
are. Yeah, it was almost like God.
I didn't even think of it as a dynamic, you know?
Oh, it's totally a dynamic. And I think as well, what is
what shows is like, I know a lot of people who wouldn't
necessarily say that they grew up in a dynamic with their
siblings, where it was like a healthy.
Hmm. And like, when your kids, it's
whatever. Yeah, we literally would like
this shake. I've got scars to show that.
But I think a lot of people their big reflection on their
siblings would be like we were in competition or was you know I
mean and I think that is really important in informing.
Yeah. Relationships and making sure
that like we're not in competition.
I think that's actually one of the things that my mum did
really well to give her some praise and I always think it's a
symptom of having a single parent household.
Like it, it becomes such a unit, like the almost the dynamic of
like parents and children get split, we'll just completely
eradicated. Basically, it's like the, the
power is gone from the parents free for all.
It's like just memory of like. Now we are all equal.
This is one unit rather than like the parents.
Say like bedtime. Now it's like, this is now a
like, a joint effort. Yeah.
This is like we need to build like a respect here within like,
you know, we've all got voices and like it's not a hierarchy so
much. But like, I do think that's one
of the things that I have never ever ever thought any
competition with any of my siblings or family like that.
Really other than cousin is about like, yeah, my family.
Like I really, really don't feel any competition at all and I
feel like maybe that's something that I seek out in my
friendships as well that there's not a feeling of comparison and
competition and it's just like pure like wanting the best for
each other. Yeah.
And like it's a safe. Space for you to just like do
something. Yeah and it's not about fighting
no, no even though I've had some fights but there'll be more
about like that's my fighting for.
We're not fighting for our parents affection here and also
I think as well, interesting that this came from Julie who
was in as a kid so it's like, she could probably see Yeah.
Yeah but as well sometimes that like like for example you can
see the pattern with Jamie Laing so clearly because you've
watched him for years and you're so external to his life.
Yeah. Did it.
And it's like being a rich Baron like a sort of thrown away
whatever and he's actually technically not inheriting.
Technically. No.
That's because that's because probably it's like you, of
course, I can see it because it's a man that is, like,
cheating on loads of women. And like, being like, why do I
keep ending up in situation? What I think?
That's the thing, is it comes from multiple places, it also
comes from, of course, he's doing that because he can, and
because he show that impacts, its like growing up.
He's been a boarding school. Of course he like feels a need.
Yeah, win stuff. And then when he gets it,
doesn't know what to do with it makes perfect sense and that's
why I think it's like his parents could have treated in
that way and he could have ended up completely different and not
Got in this cycle. But sometimes I think there's
this like, Perfect Storm of all of these different aspects of
nurture come together. Yeah.
To create a certain, like, Behavior or pattern within
somebody. Because if you take away his
parents acting like that, he may have still acted in this way,
just by being who he is, and being in that circumstance and
whatever, I think. But when you put them all
together, all of these factors together and the influence, I
think that you're Early life and your formative experience with
your parents are so they outweigh.
I think a lot that can happen to you later down the line.
I do think it's just like such a case of nurture.
Like I don't I just think what other chance is that, for
example, that show that society, that that show is looking at all
the men, just can't stop cheating.
They've all just got this like drive to cheat, on all the women
or is it the fact that that is just allowed?
Like, that is produces a calling them in and saying create
attention but Show you'll get more like it's just a
relationship, forming them cheating on them, new one they
get with the best friend like what?
That's literally what that is. Yeah.
Should we dig into something? Yeah, no.
I kind of wanted to know what you think.
Um, with our. That was why I have gone, okay?
Why? I why I have done that like a
sister thing. I would kind of love to know why
you've gone into this whole thing.
I might take me some time, but Forgive me.
I've never thought about this before.
So, I'm sure they're different concepts.
I'm sure there's a lot of reasons obviously, but I
wouldn't mind giving something interesting.
Let me think. I sort of bread for the table
for you in this because I thought I'd be nice.
Sorry, Julie. Reductive okay, but like I think
you offer a really, really like There's something really stable
about you. I, you are stable but like go
there was something very like genuine and like real.
I don't know. Like I don't, I don't think it
is just like I don't any old schmuck in and be your sister.
Yeah, it's not okay. It's literally like There's like
a passion and like you know there's like the whole thing is
so nice. Yeah, I do really think.
And I think it's like, yeah, there was like a feeling of like
safety and stability. But why does that oppose or not
opposed but why is that not considered in Julie's?
It is, but it's just like I wouldn't be like but even if
that obviously does a reply to Lizzy, but I wouldn't be like I
feel that there's something like separate in that, like it's
Yeah, I don't know. I think there's that.
That's also why I'm drawn mmm. You're drawn to my stability.
I think it's a unique trait. Like, I think it's like Yeah, I
do think that's specific about you.
Stability. Yeah, almost like because I
don't mean financial and I don't I mean like at your core.
I do. I actually do think that you're
very sane, you really are? You are like and I you've got
your struggles for you. I think you think I'm clever.
You are. And I think I rational and
you're saying, you really are. Like I can yeah.
Even though it will be like they're a tough moments and all
of the stuff. Yeah.
Like my yes. I get what you're saying.
I get in. But like, if I was to come to
you with like, okay, here's a situation, you will see what's
going on there. Yes, you're not an idiot.
You're very, yeah, I agree with you.
I agree with you. I have a wisdom, you do.
And I have a like, You switched on you're not guys.
Come on. Yeah, yeah.
All right. Bloody hell.
Well, well, well, I'll tell you where that came from exactly.
This is good. Well, not necessarily because
also, like, I am an idiot in, everyone is in many ways.
But I do think I am. I am balanced.
Yeah, and I do think as well, like in terms of like navigating
relationships and and if someone has an issue or someone's going
through something, I think I Am quite good at.
Zooming out and getting perspective and being like kind
of reasonable definitely. And like, offering kind of fair.
Advice. And yeah, advice and judgment
and stuff. And I think, because Well, this
just feels like I'm just talking about myself.
I wouldn't be opposed, why don't you?
Because, okay, so I'm responding to you saying that, that might
be why you've sought me out. That's not that's like a part of
the reason why you like doing this with me. and I'm saying
okay well why I've made part of where I think that comes from is
as a child feeling like well, It just feels very Spotlight,
right? Okay, well we don't have to do
it but I also it's not doing exactly.
It just feels kind of selfish of me to just be like this is me.
I, I know exactly what you're gonna say, and it's so right.
You say, yeah, you say then. You looked around as a child.
I've used that phrase when yeah, I thought No one here is know
everyone. Here is making crazy.
No. Okay, no, even though, yeah,
probably true or like. That's definitely a good.
That's your right. Everyone was insane.
But that wasn't why I was trying to offer sanity.
Yeah. I think it also and maybe it is
that as well, but I feel like it comes from not feeling like how
basically my priority was making sure that other people that
adults were, okay? So like making sure that my mom
was okay and then my dad was in a good mood and that everyone
was functioning normally and they were.
Yeah and that was my responsibility.
So here I could turn for work and eight years old logging in
for the day terrible, it's all looking shit, it's my
responsibility now. Mmm to so look he's all looking
at fucking seven years, why? So that's that's it on the down
that's looking that graph is going.
Everything's fucking low looking at the data and it's comes back
to me, okay? Yeah, and yes, everyone was
insane. So I wanted to offer sanity
maybe, but I think also, how I felt wasn't important.
Their feelings were important. My feelings were not important.
And so I feel like if I ever am experiencing an emotion, I have
to be like exceptionally Justified.
Yeah. Any response.
Any behavior from me other than just like good?
Quiet perfect. Yeah, you know just anything
other than puffed. Not.
Okay. And so I had to like, validate,
I just felt like, okay, I have to be very reasonable then like
I can't be. No one would ever describe his
like a hormonal teenager. No one would ever be like oh you
know childish like I have always sought to be.
I'm just always been very mature.
Yeah child. Yeah because I have to prove to
you that I am like valid. Yeah, yeah.
I'm like, no, trust me. Like this comes from You know,
like I would never over that she wouldn't overreact or Aaron
wouldn't just say that for nothing or like almost trying to
buy myself more validity. I think that's it doesn't person
almost like it's kind of storing your Chips for, when you add
them, that you're bargaining chips.
I'm not boy who cried wolf yet, it's exactly that because it,
which is really horrible because it's almost as a kid.
Identifying, I'm going to need people to Believe my side here
and being like so I'm not going to kick up any fuss so that yeah
I can use. I don't know nothing.
There is no strike by my name. Yeah so that when I take this to
court my case is clean. Yeah do you know I mean like
there is no word against me because yeah, that makes me less
credible but the horrible but the No One Believes you are
horrible but is it doesn't count for anything and you're still
just why. Now you just didn't validate
your own emotions. So which is why I'm always like
to kids kick and scream and be just like the loud.
Like, if you have a fucking problem of something, let it be
known. Like, and genuinely like, I
genuinely think, like, kids are supposed to be like, how like
teenagers. How fucking day you like cry.
Emotions are huge for teenagers to ask them to underplay it.
For manners or polite. I actually think it's in human
remember you feel as a teenager you're fuking like fuming.
Everything is just huge and as a kid as well, I just think let
kids be huge. Let them be just like so angry.
Yeah just upset and all of the stuff I think it's so important.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then it leads. If not it leads the consequence
of feeling like how you feel as in literally isn't valid.
Yeah. It's not good.
Yeah. Find it very hard to raise
concerns in life off my own back.
Like remember I was saying like someone say to me about my dog
I'll just need some more trouble like no no don't worry because I
see him extension of me and undermining.
Now my dog's need. Yeah because I feel like I can't
need anything or like yeah crazy when also its so, small of
water, it's just like, but then I always say, You've come so far
with that, even in the time that I've known you.
If we ever told the story of the wooden chat like the wooden
chair that we would say, don't know, the story was the Fable of
the wooden chair God, you. Okay.
So we lived in a house at Uni in third year of Five Guys,
Brighton. It was amazing times.
Like literally like one of the best years of my life like it
was incredibly incredibly fine. Did you see someone sent a thing
of them listening on whipping them, right?
No, that's fucking Insane. Yeah.
Like from their house on whippingham road.
Can you send it again? Guys, I'll send it to you.
Thank you. It's screenshotted.
Um, so like that's that's really meaningful.
Is what? No.
Okay. Wow, thank you.
Yeah, we lived in a house with five guys.
There was a sofa that would fit three of the girls on there was
a bean bag and there was like a chat that people sat on the
table that were like a few chairs.
But we, when we watched something, someone would sit on
the wooden chat and the setup. See where this is good.
And it was like, we'd all know each other for ages, it was all
very close to blah and we'd all Scrabble for like the seats
other than who would. So the setup usually was me,
Alice Eleanor on the sofa Stella on the bean bag, like the dog
and you insisting that you're comfortable on the wooden chair
and everybody at Wing, please, please, please, like someone be
on the same. On the sofa, please.
Come on the sofa. Please like, sit on the bean
anyway and you'd be like, no, no, I like the chair.
I like the chat and then you'll be really existent.
No, no, I like the chair and nobody would want to watch a
film but you know, everyone else is like in line with the TV and
I'm like, we were so comfortable and it's we used to just be like
and I got the shity bedroom as well.
We were that which also and in second year which I was like,
I'll do it. We all pulled this was that was
crazy because we pulled up for the room and Wing got this and
like, The dungeon she was quite nice.
It was nice. I was one of you.
Yeah, we got the dungeon room. It was one of those things of
like, yeah, swear I belong. Yeah, but it was like he's very
disturbed, like motivational would have kicked up a fast.
I mean, like, I want the fucking dungeon room, but you were like,
I love the tundra. Oh, I love this.
That I was hoping. Yes, please give me the night.
Yeah. Yeah, I'd still sit on the
wooden chair. I would.
But now I, but I always think. Maybe it's because our
relationship is so different. Now, I would kick you off of the
wooden chair. Now I'd be like sometimes, yeah,
we have like a, it would be like, come the fuk on now.
Well, it's become. It's a bit now where it's like,
are, you know, we're honoring the tale of the wooden chair and
like, yeah, I would genuinely rather some of my boyfriend, I'd
rather Like for example, we're going into a thing and there's a
booth and an outside chair. Yeah.
You're having the baby 100%. I'm not going in the booth, but
I like when he required. I like when we both got the
booth, when we just sit here, I like that.
Obviously that backs to Corners though.
Exactly. So I thought that's really nice
of you when you're like knowing my my needs because I like my
thing. I really like to be like as far
into a corner. As possible to like, almost
here's the thing, they're weird in a weird way.
So do I, I want to have my back against the wall, but because I
would know that how like you to say how I know, I know how that
feels so then I don't want someone else to feel like that.
Oh god. Well, that's exactly kind of no,
no, I will. Let's make sure we both get back
to the corners know. Well, ideally, but if someone
has to take it, look, I can take my back.
I can take sitting in a random chair.
I'd rather that would make me feel more comfortable.
I can't I don't have you being uncomfortable, I didn't know
that. I would, I would have thought
that well, I'm taking a dodgy chair, it's obviously like
Because I don't see that I think I I always have a weird thing
about back to chairs because then Stella will always be like
that. Alright, go on.
That like people often say to me like right go I don't.
So I always thought I have a weird.
I think it's I think a lot of people probably relate to
wanting like the tucked in. And having your eyes out to the
rest of, for example, the restaurant rather than having
your back, the whole meal. I think, if I was looking behind
me. Yeah, I mean, look, I'm no Marta
but I would, it would make me more uncomfortable, you know?
I mean, it's a little boohoo sharp Wing sort of thing.
Yeah, but it would make me more uncomfortable knowing that that
would pain me more. I'd rather suffer the pain of a
dodgy. See then suffer the pain of
knowing that you're in a dodgy see in a situation but I just
hear it is as well. Like, I thought I wouldn't want
you to be uncomfortable, but I also if it was just like,
stranger, I'd be fucking happy for them, to take the dog.
This is how, you know, it's not fake with me.
But like, this is how, you know, it.
All it breaks down very quickly. When it's my boyfriend, I'm
like, yeah, you take the dodgy see and I and I because I feel
like I have nothing, you know, I'm just, I'm safe there.
How crazy is that? No, it's not crazy.
It makes perfect sense, but I just would want you to feel
that. Safe and more situation agreed.
Yeah. Because objectively, I am safe
with. Yeah, I'm not on safe in any
way. But yeah.
Okay. So you know, I needed to take in
the nice chair more. Okay.
No please. Why would like What do you
think? I'm gonna do?
I'll just be. Oh, it makes me feel more safe.
I like you for it. I like that's the thing is, you,
you want to take it please? Perfect.
We're in the perfect Dynamics. Believe that.
Because I'll be like, maybe Maybe I do it.
I am someone genuinely. If someone I realized thing, I
will take it and I will overcome say in order to feel Valid.
So like I will always like, oh, let me do it.
I can just so I can feel like, okay, I'm like a little bit
safer in a dynamic. I don't find it for if you were
like, oh, let me get that for you.
I'd be like, no, no. Yeah.
Whereas if I'm like, oh, let me get that video.
You like, thanks normal person so Like no big deal.
Yeah, no big deal. And it's not.
Um, I'm so kind and I'm so generous.
It's like, I've got an issue and I'm working on it and you are,
but I also think you don't get any prizes for taking the doggy
chair know you don't actually has is, the is, the probably is
the problem. People do take advantage of you,
this is something I've been thinking is I do get taken
advantage of go on. Because I I have this
overcompensating thing where I want to do the most and like be
perfect and like, take everything off your hands and
like don't you worry about single freaking thing.
Yeah. So then people will be like all
right. Cool.
Well that's you know and like oh I'll just you know, I can kind
of like, oh She's suffering on my behalf and oh God, just just
small Dynamics. Nothing.
Like I also did like plays out, I don't know.
I feel like you know and relationships in life are
knowing people's things like this as well.
I think people know when there's like, I don't know.
Like if people are if it feels, it's someone's exploiting.
I think like that's not good, that's not good.
But it's I nominate myself. do I mean, I get it but I still feel
like even if you know someone's nominating themselves and I
think it also depends on like, oh, some things are deep and
something's arm but like I do think that Go on.
It's not great. That was it like it's just like
fuck that. Well, what if someone is, if
someone is making you do shittier things, I don't know.
I don't like that. It's not even like one person.
It's just, I know, I know that in my life.
Yeah. I and it's, it's the thing where
you end up and this is something that I saw, my parents do my
parents love, if you have, if you take issue with this, if you
know me in real life or like, you're my parent, then.
Yeah. You're gonna have to take up
with them. Okay?
But yeah. But you're not, you're just like
a girl on the tube. Yeah.
Hey, how are you getting on? My parents had a lot of
resentment. Yeah, towards each other.
I felt like my perception of it. Maybe they would say it's
different, or maybe. I'm speaking for them.
But I definitely grew up in a situation, observing something
that felt like things were not vocalized.
Yeah, that was resentment. And so this is now my issue of
like I don't want to be a resentful person know.
But I know that I am someone who, like, if you get yourself
into a cycle of like, constantly feeling like you have to just
diminish Who You Are. To like when you're you know in
relationships and just in life you're going to feel resentful
of all of the other people who you feel.
Don't have to do that. Yeah.
Does that make sense? Yeah.
And that is on me, that's not on them for doing for taking the
things that I offered that isn't on them to it depends, it really
does. Yeah.
And I was trying to think that is it on there?
Is it when you? I think it's a bit of both.
It's shared, I think. but if I'm if I'm not, if no one is curbing
me and if no one's paying attention, I will literally like
I just need to sort my life. I think you've got so much
better. I have you really have like
which is saying something. Yeah, no you you have because
now All thing is, I don't know if I'm the best judge because I
think now I would just know. So I'd be like Well, so, how
much better is it if I'm just recognizing it and then
repeating it anyway? It's like, oh, I've recognized
the behavior that I have and I know I think you've changed
behaviors though. Sometimes I don't think as much
as I as you want to, I don't think really much at all if I'm
on a suffering. God, I think I have like a, you
know, I don't know. I feel different because we have
exactly. Yeah.
If like for example, I get your house and let me get your glass
of water and thank you so much Ben and then you'll be um, if I
just go to the tap and fill it up, you that would That would go
right through you. But so I now try and do things
where I'll just like go and get the fucking.
I'll just go do that. I don't know what he Because you
shouldn't be doing anything. You should be relaxing, but I
don't like to push it with things like that.
Like, just go get the water for myself because it's like you
don't need to go over time. Getting me water.
Like that's the most basic and I know couldn't be easier to just
fit up my my car. It feels unsafe.
It feels like, that's my safety. And my relationships is knowing
like for example, if we were to come to huge blows, you would
never be able to say we shouldn't do anything for me.
Like, you know what I mean? I don't measure my relationships
in. I know I've done for me.
I know, I know, I don't measure anyone else like that, like, the
people that have done so much for me, why?
Hey, I love they've never done anything for me ever in my
entire life. Like, I, I don't think, Who was
it? There's like the famous credit.
Like you don't remember people? What they did.
You remember that? What they say how they feel?
And I do think it's true. Like my Angela, I don't remember
any actions anyone's ever done any conversations I've ever had
famously but I don't, yeah. But I would never be like But
they made you feel know, it makes me feel.
That makes me feel made you feel confidently, well, to talk about
it, it's terrible, but to make you aware of it, but it's
supposed to be, you're not even aware of, and that's where the
know I'm. So you can't be not aware of it
because that you're going to the top to get glass of water and
someone's like, stop. Small.
Do you know I mean just like the sun Yeahs and that's why it's my
responsibility to be like, oh I've overstepped here.
It's not overstep. it's just like, That's all.
We're all friends here but also I do think it's one of the
things that makes you like the way that is kind of a cool
personality, trait know, it kind of is because, do you remember
actually was it It might have been frail was like doing
impression of each other and your impression of me was sorry
and I thought fuck. Okay.
So that's like oh, right, it's not just sorry in general.
It's this. The impression is this, I have
hit you by accident. I've accidentally walked into
you and you're like, sorry, it's like wait, that's me.
I hit you with my bag. I know you don't like that.
You don't like that person. Makes me laugh.
Far it's not that. I don't like them.
It's just like I've been clumsy or something and then someone
says sorry to me. It's just almost like it's not
that. I don't like them or anything.
I would just I don't know what it is.
I think that might be one of the yin and yang things of like I
don't understand that person. Because if someone hits me with
their bag, I'll be like, you know, fuking idiot.
Be my impression of you would be like someone hits you.
I accidentally hit someone. I'm like more on.
Yes, because I just genuinely believe they were like, oh, I
know. I don't know.
Yeah, but like there's there's More for me.
Yeah, I don't know, but it all comes from somewhere.
Yeah. I mean, I like it when we do
that. Yeah.
Me too. Just like, what is this?
Okay, I think this is this is actually something we were
touching on earlier, but we started recording and it's
something we've spoken about and I kind of like it.
But okay, yeah, we'll get into it.
Okay, so that's been said so basically we asked how was your
parents relationship shaped the Romantic decisions you make.
I love you, don't mind just an invitation for everybody to
share and this person said they have a lower tolerance for
bulshit from men as I refuse to end up in the same generational
pattern. Lovely.
Yeah, we were speaking earlier when we were kind of fast
speaking about this, we were saying like which was a very
different conversation to what we just had somebody.
Yeah, I mean, it's just shit. Everything wasn't necessarily
better, we should recorded that private conversation.
You said something like a, you know, happy family or whatever.
And I went deluded and then I was like, oh maybe I shouldn't
say that because like all like hmm interesting that I think
that if someone thinks happy family, they're deluded.
I don't necessarily believe that.
But my instinct was to just be like have diluted and then I was
like, No. And my insect was to be.
Yeah. And you were like, yeah.
So deluded then we kind of had the moment of like, okay, this
is how we like, yeah, I have a specific world view or like, a
very specific belief and what you were kind of saying, in some
ways that's negative, but in some ways it spares you from
going through certain pain, I do think like I was having
conversation with my mom recently and she was from like a
happy family like that my grandpa together until they
died. Like they it was very
traditional and like A sort of what?
society looks at and was, would be like perfect relationship
which so many of that generation kind of were and then like my
childhood was so different from that.
Like, it was Hmm. What society looks at things,
shit. And I think like we were talking
about it. and I was like, I expect, I hear the word happy
family and think, dream on where she grew up by my age, she was
thinking happy families, like the default and I was just sort
of just talking about the contrast there and I how like I
it shit having a Like a family that went together and that was
messy and all of the stuff that was obviously, so much harder in
my childhood. But I do think like there was a
certain there is a certain naivety from growing up and like
I even talked to people in my life about this.
And it does seem to be that people that who people from
families were their parents are still together and all that.
They do really like believe in like they want to find someone
and be with that person for the rest of their life and get
married and have like, that seems to be like a narrative.
For a lot of people, whereas I do think, like, I have such a
more fluid understanding of, like, what makes a relationship
valuable. And like, I do think it's
prepared. Yeah, I don't know.
I feel there's a naivety in it, but also, like, I'm happy with
where I've landed almost with my understanding of like
relationships and love and all of the staff and I do see a lot
of naivety and kind of like, we're not in that Society
anymore, but also, I'm just being a bit of a bummer to
everyone. That does things that I'm really
sorry. I don't think, you know, I don't
think you're being a bummer, but I think it is interesting to
think about, like, for example, this person who said, I'm, I
don't tolerate bulshit. Yeah.
And thinking about like, okay, when you're young and you see,
bulshit happening left and right.
Yeah, what sticks and what becomes it's almost like what's
on your radar? For things of like that will not
be tolerated. Yeah, versus them, the things
that you subconsciously are drawn to even though maybe it's
bullshit. Like I've got so on the tip of
my tongue, come on, I said this. So the other day, someone asked
me what my red flags are, hmm. And it does without going like
too much into for you for me and it's just like a loose one but
like I do think in with like the last guy that I dated this did
end up being like quite a problem but like and I do think
it fits into this idea of like cycles of family and everything.
I was like my red flag, I think. Oh, I think a red flag to me is
someone being a stoner? It just feels like something
that I've Just Seen throughout so many men, and I just think I
it's not something that I it does seem to be something that I
see cow, but every single time, it's a problem. so I don't know,
I think it would be Good for me to like not go for that but the
same time there is clearly some kind of draw.
Well it's kind of If there's something that we see as a
problem, but as an adult, maybe this is my chance to make that,
right? And correct it.
And so we like over Correction yeah.
Like okay I'll get with somebody like that and this time it's
going to go there. Yeah.
And it will be like this and that will fix whatever's gone on
in. But I think the thing with all
of these things really they don't really go the way that
like oh, almost like stone is kind of a specific behavior but
it's like that is like you cannot.
Yeah. It's kind of an umbrella next to
that that's just a personality type.
Like there's no changing that and it's not something I even
really care to change but it's just like that is a personality
type that type that lends itself to a certain other load of Staff
like it just as. Yeah, it's an umbrella term, all
those types of people and actually within that umbrella is
maybe not really where I wouldn't be, that's what I find.
Interesting, is the tension between what you find
attractive, and what you find repellent.
Yeah, like, there's Thing that you know is there's a tension
there of like okay, that trait or that behavior is risky for me
and I want it. Yeah, if it goes a certain way,
I hate it. Yeah.
And if it works out, I love it and I want it.
I don't love it. There's no bit.
I don't know, I don't, I literally don't know.
And I don't think I ever I can add to the millions of people
that have been trying to work out desire for the whole life.
Like it's, I don't think it's something to be worked out.
No, but I think it's something to just find it.
Yeah, just on the whole. Yeah, exactly.
A lot of people were saying, they avoid relationships and
intimacy. Altogether terrified of romantic
relationships, chronically single, actively avoiding
relationship. Like God.
There's quite a lot of people being like, yeah, I'm not
getting involved. And what cycle would that be it?
That's almost like if you have had like a single parent or
something that maybe has been like a bit miserable me, trying
to prove yourself that you can be happy single.
Like what would that cycle? Be ah okay, so like a parent who
didn't want to be who like was struggling to be single.
Yeah. I'm always thinking like if it's
in terms of this Cycle Theory that Alan if you propose as
hypothesis of it being like a cycle.
If it's something that you want to be single or you, Trying to
prove to yourself that. That is it can be a happy path.
I thought it was less about them wanting to be single and more so
that they've the relationship. They've seen is awful and so
it's like well I'm not getting involved in that and therefore I
won't let enter like relationships aren't worth me
even investigating even taking a peek into, but that's not a
cycle that's just like you're seeking to correct it by not
doing that, I guess. Yeah.
You know, I mean, yeah, like almost if that's what
relationships are then, I don't want on.
Yeah, I definitely get that. I really relate that like I
really relate to like I thought if anyone that's kind of got a
width of kind of an air of avoidance about my asthma that
might ring about. Like I think I find that quite
relative of just like that feels Like a space.
That is like, threatening and like Just kind of.
Like painful and her under us. I think mine might be something
like I'm just working much shopping this.
You know just right now. This is just super off the cough
at home. Yeah.
But maybe in seeing something that I thought that's horrendous
and then having that thing of like, I'm Just the arrogance but
I'm not going to fuck. Yeah, things are like I'm not
going to be resentful. Yeah, I'm not going to fall for
these stupid red flag. I'm not going to like I'm
determined to not recreate. Yeah.
That's kind of incomplete. Know, but I don't think it can
even be completely. I do feel like resentment is a
huge one like, I feel like we always talk about resembling in
relationships, like, being the thing that we are most scared to
mirror basically like I feel like that's something and maybe
that is why Kind of even bring it back to this like stable.
Ah, yeah. And just like the idea like
stable and like us and like what this is.
Just like, yeah, we I'm Not Gonna Leave You unexpectedly on
a Friday night. Like, no, we go.
I think we both are saying like, we both and we both have really,
really like almost like Strict with very strict almost with our
happiness and like, sanity in a way.
Like I feel like I don't know if this will actually come through
on the podcast in any way because I, from what you what.
I've said on this, because sometimes I get political and
angry, and like, I feel like I often get like that tone comes
out through this. Okay, but I'm like quite
optimistic person. I think that comes okay.
Does that come through? That's something I I definitely
have cynical stuff and all of the stuff, but I feel like I
generally am a very, like, happy and like, yeah, content and
like, very my, like, natural state is very, like happy, and I
like to see good in or not necessary.
So good. I am just a happy.
I really truly do that very happy as a person.
Well it might that's my state and I feel like that was a
direct Rebellion from the resentment and everything that I
saw growing up of like wallowing in staff.
So I feel like I resentment, I feel like Not wanting to
continue that cycle of like letting things get down in the
fucking narrow. Yeah.
Like kind of like worries mean narrative and go unchecked has
completely like fucking spring boarded me into like a complete
I like will not. Do that or like that really
doesn't feel like my character at all.
And we are very much like we say, we don't sweep under the
rug and Beyond, we don't just know, sweep on the reactively.
Look on the wrong. There are no rugs there.
Oh, yeah, they're high ceilings big Windows.
There's no hiding places. It is.
No rugs. Hmm. because I think we are
really scared of resentment like that feels like a big thing that
we Did of love, it's the death of love and lie directly.
All right, with what lovely place to end, really?
How nice. All right.
Okay, if you don't hear, I did enjoy that you go so good.
Okay, if you assume the worst,