1 00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:03,480 Oh my God. Shit, am I actually going to 2 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:11,320 throw up? Oh God, Oh God. 3 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:13,720 Don't look at me. Don't look at me. 4 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:16,840 Don't look at me. No, I can't. 5 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:19,600 I changed my mind. I can't. 6 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:23,120 But I will. But I I can't. 7 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:27,720 I will. God, fuck, fucker. 8 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,760 Oh, don't shake the messenger, guys. 9 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:31,680 Please. God. 10 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:33,880 OK. God, this is, like, worse than I 11 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,600 thought it was going to be. And I thought it would be a bit 12 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,440 tricky. Hey. 13 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,320 Hey. How's it going? 14 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:46,520 My voice is actually shaking. Well, la, la, la. 15 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:50,880 And it might surprise you. I don't have a structure here. 16 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:54,320 I have a plan. Oh, God, it doesn't doesn't feel 17 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:55,560 good. I have to say it's going to be a 18 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:58,240 lot of deep breaths, which is fine. 19 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:01,760 Nothing we haven't heard before. All right. 20 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:06,880 Elephant in the room. Oh, God. 21 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,480 Well, OK. Oh, shit. 22 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:13,640 How do I do this? There's a lot to ask of a girl. 23 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,560 OK, guys, it's. I don't even want to say it 24 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:20,640 because it's really sad. It's just me here. 25 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:29,200 So I'm sorry about that. I really feel the thing of like, 26 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:32,440 you're at Dad's for the weekend. I'm sorry. 27 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:37,560 Like, I'm sorry to say, Mum's gone and you're stuck with me 28 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,840 now. So it's definitely harder than I 29 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:42,000 thought it was going to be actually. 30 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:45,720 Oh, all right. Where to begin? 31 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:51,480 Where to begin? Well, OK, let's say that I am 32 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,120 here. I am here alone. 33 00:01:55,600 --> 00:02:04,000 I've missed you so much and I've been gagging to come back for 34 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:10,320 from like all year and this is so much harder than I thought it 35 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:12,080 was going to be. I thought I was going to be here 36 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:15,320 like cracking. Oh so funny, cracking jokes. 37 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:19,080 It ain't funny at all. This is actually quite horrible. 38 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:24,520 It's hard. OK, Look, I mean, yeah, what do 39 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,920 you want me to say is easy? It's hard. 40 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:29,920 It's not nice. Yeah, I'm on my own. 41 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:32,480 You probably would have seen from Instagram, maybe. 42 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:34,480 But if you haven't, go and look on our Instagram. 43 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:44,720 I guess I am still here and kicking and screaming. 44 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:46,240 That will take this podcast from me. 45 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:50,240 I don't know, I just can't seem to let you die. 46 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:53,480 Unfortunately, I'm ignoring the Do not Resuscitate and I am 47 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,000 pounding your chest and banging on the door. 48 00:02:56,600 --> 00:03:00,160 I've dusted the microphone off. It was, I don't want to be 49 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,120 gross, but it was thick with dust. 50 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:06,520 Thick. It wasn't a cheap microphone, 51 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,360 guys, and I only got it last year, so I kind of need to get 52 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,760 my money's worth. So let's do a few episodes and 53 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:12,200 we'll just see. We'll see what happens. 54 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,560 Haven't shown my armpits, so God knows what's happening there. 55 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:16,960 I've had bigger fish to fry. To be. 56 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:20,920 To be quite frank. I do. 57 00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:25,040 I sound quite disturbed. Does my voice sound insane? 58 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:27,160 What minute are we on? Is this, what, 45 minutes? 59 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:28,560 No. OK. 60 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,120 Yeah. I'm. 61 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:31,720 I'm here. I'm back. 62 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:32,760 I've been gagging. To be back. 63 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:34,720 I'm happy to be back. I don't know. 64 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:39,120 I can't promise you anything. I don't know. 65 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,600 I should have made a plan. Yeah. 66 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,360 OK. So that much is becoming clear. 67 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,760 Definitely, definitely don't come in without a plan. 68 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:50,760 Yeah, don't shoot the messenger, guys. 69 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:54,040 I'm so sorry. I don't want to get upset. 70 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:58,640 I would never cry on a podcast, guys. 71 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:01,440 You know me. I'm not an emotional person. 72 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:05,960 I really don't want to get upset, but I feel so bad, guys. 73 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:15,200 I it's going to be tough. It's OK though, it's all right. 74 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:20,000 It's, it's OK. I have just missed you very much 75 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:25,560 and I'm so sorry that it has been silent on here and, and 76 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:26,960 we've all just been left for dead. 77 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:30,040 I'm sorry. This is a shame. 78 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:34,840 I thought I could make it quite nice, but it's not feeling very 79 00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:37,480 nice for me right now. This is not what I wanted it to 80 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:40,320 be like. Do I start again or do I just 81 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:43,160 come here? This is the bit that makes me 82 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:46,640 emotional. Oh God, it would be great to 83 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,520 just deliver it like a normal person. 84 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:52,680 I what makes me feel there are so many things that I feel sad 85 00:04:52,680 --> 00:05:03,080 about, but I really just want you to know that oh, I have to 86 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:06,920 start this again. Quite sad. 87 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:11,480 It's a lot harder than I thought it's going to be. 88 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:19,480 I'm so sorry to be saying this. Obviously there's no point 89 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,560 breaking and coming back when I'm not crying 'cause I'll just 90 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:22,960 start crying again. So we need to just. 91 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:25,600 The only way out is through. Yeah. 92 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:29,520 Would never in a million years have wanted this to be the case. 93 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:34,040 Maybe it's not that deep to you and I, I hope that that is how 94 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:37,080 you feel. The thing that is making me most 95 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,920 upset and emotional and just like the most horrible feeling 96 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,560 I've ever felt in my life, within reason, I felt, I felt 97 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:44,360 worse things. I won't lie to you, but it's 98 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:48,000 really bad. I just don't like the idea of 99 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,920 you thinking that. Oh God. 100 00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:02,880 I hate the idea of you thinking that this like didn't mean 101 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:06,280 anything. Grow up. 102 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,440 Grow up. Meet him. 103 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:09,800 I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to me. 104 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:10,760 Just grow up. Erin. 105 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:16,760 Erin Emerally. I know I felt emotional, but I 106 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,360 didn't realize I felt this emotional. 107 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:24,440 I can't put you through this. Oh God, this is such a bummer. 108 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:26,600 I thought we were going to have a nice conversation somewhere. 109 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,720 I just can't find it. Yeah. 110 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:33,000 I just don't want you to think that this was, like something 111 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,800 that I just wanted to, like, let go and leave and avoid. 112 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,560 I've been dying to get back to the podcast since the end of 113 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:44,360 December, since January. The good news is mentally, I've 114 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:50,520 been really well, been tracking my mood since September, and 115 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:54,480 I've been really all right, which is nice. 116 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:59,080 And that's good news. Just I'm not really feeling very 117 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,720 all right right now, but it's OK. 118 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:08,520 Oh God, this is a bit. It's a different story when 119 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,760 you're crying with no one on the other side of the fucking thing 120 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,440 like that. It's a different level of 121 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,280 tragic. It's one thing to cry on a 122 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:17,560 shared podcast, but just cry. I'm sat in my living room. 123 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,320 Blinds are closed because it's fucking boiling and I need to 124 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:23,640 keep the sun out Bleak. There's a lamp on me. 125 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:27,080 You're on a tripod like and I'm I'm crying. 126 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:32,840 Is this what I wanted? Is this what you wanted? 127 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:37,120 Someone did say to me that you're probably hungrier for 128 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:42,680 something than nothing. So here's your something yummy. 129 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,240 It's really like you want to tap in win. 130 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,840 We got to tap in wing at home. There's stepping wing in the 131 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:49,440 freezer. Garting, garting. 132 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,880 Guys, I'm sorry. Tell me what to say and I'll say 133 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:54,880 I would say anything. Tell me what you want me to. 134 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,160 Apart from that, I can't say that one thing I can't say just 135 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:00,240 coming back because she ain't. But apart from that, I would say 136 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:04,160 anything to make this fun. And OK, this is a I'm just going 137 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:05,440 to be real with you. This is a lot worse. 138 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,200 How far it's going to be. I'm feeling myself getting a bit 139 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,040 more lubed up now. I feel like I just needed to get 140 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:12,040 a few little the threat of tears out. 141 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,160 Would you have called that the threat of tears or do you think 142 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,680 that was actually tears? Let me know. 143 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:18,920 I don't know what I'm doing here, guy. 144 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:20,480 I don't know what this is going to look like. 145 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:25,600 I can't say it's I don't know. I don't hold my hands up. 146 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,480 I don't know. And you also might not know. 147 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:32,039 You might just be here to watch the car crash or slowing down on 148 00:08:32,039 --> 00:08:34,520 the motorway thinking what on earth is going on with that go 149 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:37,120 over there. Which is a shame if I don't see 150 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,520 you again, isn't it? You just came to see what was 151 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,720 going on and now we're never going to see each other again. 152 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:45,160 Don't do that to me. You can go. 153 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:48,200 You're free to leave. I for some reason I'm locked in 154 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,360 for life. It's me and the mic for life. 155 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:54,360 What else can I tell you? Yeah. 156 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:57,640 My main thing is I'm so sorry to be the bearer of bad news. 157 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,880 I can't imagine this is the face that you wanted to see in 158 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:03,640 solitude. It does feel like, I mean, God 159 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:05,600 forbid Sophie was the glue holding us together. 160 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,960 It kind of has that vibe of like, you know, when you're in 161 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,480 like, a group, or let's say there's three friends, you a 162 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,680 friend and a friend, your friend with both, your friends with 163 00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:14,160 both of them. But there's one of them you're 164 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:16,520 actually friends with the other one is like, you need the glue 165 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,320 of the other person, the third person. 166 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,200 And I hope Sophie being our third was not Sophie being our 167 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,360 glue. And now it's really awkward 168 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,120 between us. But if it is, then please feel 169 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:31,320 free to go. Oh, I did ask for questions and 170 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,440 I've have already cried a little bit looking at them. 171 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,200 Oh God, it's not looking good for me, is it? 172 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:39,720 OK, let's just do some questions. 173 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:45,160 What we've been doing since the last episode, well, I've been 174 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,360 doing all right. I've been doing OK. 175 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,760 As I said, I've been on some medication that's really 176 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,560 struggling today, for whatever reason, the tears are making 177 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:56,840 their way through the barricade of medication that I'm on. 178 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:01,320 But it's been good. I've had a really, I've had such 179 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:04,280 a good year, which is what makes me sad because I really wish 180 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:05,640 that this could have been a part of it. 181 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:10,120 But a lack, I cannot, I cannot speak any more on it. 182 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:14,600 I am zip throw away the key. Let's just not even get into it. 183 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:21,840 It started training to hopefully eventually one day be a 184 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,040 psychotherapist, which is interesting. 185 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:28,400 I see now that I'm building up quite the digital footprints 186 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:33,440 that might compromise that as a potential option. 187 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:36,480 I don't know. Would you still want me to be 188 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:37,960 your therapist? Would you trust a girl like 189 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:38,880 this? I don't know. 190 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,240 I kind of would have a laugh, wouldn't we? 191 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:44,560 I promise I wouldn't cry. I'd actually be all right, I 192 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,680 think. And also, I got really bad nerve 193 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,640 damage. If I've been looking a bit 194 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:54,160 weird, A, it's because I'm so upset, and B, it's because I had 195 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:58,200 an operation on my jaw. Guys, remember, I have got 196 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,720 really bad TMJ, but like actually, I know everyone's got 197 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,600 really bad TMJ. I'm not invalidating your 198 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,280 experience, but I am a little bit. 199 00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:05,880 We can talk about this another time. 200 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:10,560 But what the freaking heli? I got nerve damage all over, 201 00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:13,200 essentially all over my face. It actually seems OK. 202 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,920 Now this is me smiling and there's me laughing, ha ha ha 203 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,680 ha. Oh, it's not my favorite. 204 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,240 It's not my fave experience I've ever had. 205 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,240 Went back to the hospital, saw the surgeon. 206 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:26,440 As I walked into the room, saw the surgeon. 207 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:29,880 I was like, oh, I wasn't expecting to see you, Mr. just 208 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:33,040 kind of, I don't want to say PTSD because that is real. 209 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,840 And this story is just a bit of a joke, really. 210 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,280 Although it was extremely harrowing and distressing and it 211 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,000 has been traumatic, but it wasn't PTSD. 212 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:43,160 Not yet anyway. That hasn't become clear. 213 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:44,760 Let's see how the next few years goes. 214 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,480 Let's see the flashbacks start again a couple of years when I 215 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,040 wake up and remember his face over me. 216 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:51,320 The surgeon, if you're interested, look like Jack 217 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:54,960 Whitehall doesn't make it any better, maybe even makes it 218 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:57,080 worse. Sat down with him. 219 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,240 He said, I hear you've had a scary few weeks. 220 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,160 And I immediately started crying. 221 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,120 So unlike me guys, because I'd never cry. 222 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:08,680 As you know. He was like, you are so, so 223 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:12,720 unlucky. OK girl, anything else useful? 224 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:17,680 And he said, I am so, so sorry. And I said, Jesus, go give me 225 00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:20,680 something else. And he said you're in the 0.2% 226 00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:24,040 of people that this happens to. And I thought, amazing, I'll go 227 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:27,400 cry at home about this. Then we've been doing all sorts. 228 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:32,680 I've been referred to a plastic surgeon who specializes in nerve 229 00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,240 damage. I love that what this is what 230 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,000 we're talking about. Like now that Sefi's gone, we 231 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,360 can get into the real stuff. I've been traumatized at the 232 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,440 hospital. Boohoo. 233 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:43,800 I'm actually fine right now. Facially, I think I'm like, this 234 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,960 past week I've been like, I don't know if it's like with 235 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,720 everything happening with the pod that I'm like, forget my 236 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,480 face like this is a disaster from my look. 237 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,040 But last month this was quite harrowing. 238 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:57,000 I was just in extreme shock. If I was brave enough, I would 239 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,480 show you photos I like. I ain't that kind of girl. 240 00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:03,000 What I will say, if you're not watching the videos, I'll carry 241 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,640 yourself lucky because you're watching me flip and flap all 242 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,880 over the shop. But I will say, and this is kind 243 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:13,280 of crazy so, well, recently I saw, I think her name's Hannah, 244 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:15,080 Hannah Burner. Is that her name? 245 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,720 You might listen to a podcast with two of them. 246 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:21,200 Jealous, greedy 2 people on a podcast. 247 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,920 Greedy guts. Why is my podcast only got 1? 248 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:27,920 There's 2 girls on this podcast. I think it's called Giggly 249 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,920 Squad, I think, but I really recognise her face. 250 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:33,920 See her or she's all over the Internet. 251 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:36,520 She's thriving. Well, she's not thriving anymore 252 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,680 because she had massive Botox on her jaw. 253 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,200 I don't want to like out her, but she is outing herself. 254 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,440 She's talking about it publicly. I'm going to put a photo on the 255 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,480 screen of what she looks like currently. 256 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:49,480 It's exactly like that. It's exactly like that, except 257 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:53,320 it's not her face, it's mine. And also before I had seen a 258 00:13:53,320 --> 00:14:00,120 video of do you know Delegra? See if you don't then OK, you're 259 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,960 so normal you don't look up weird stuff on the Internet. 260 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,840 If you do then are you like a loser like me? 261 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:11,640 She used to make really good Sims 3 videos which I loved ate 262 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:18,080 them up greedy guts but lack. She posted that she got mass to 263 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:21,160 Botox and her smile looked like Hannah banners. 264 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,400 I'll put a picture here. I hate to use these girls like 265 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,720 this. It's not for comedic effect. 266 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,880 This is for scientific educational purposes only. 267 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,840 I do have so many photos like this guys in my camera roll. 268 00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:34,840 You think I'm sharing them here? Is that what you thought of me? 269 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:36,640 You thought I was that you had you thought I had that much 270 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,800 bollock in me? I don't I don't I am a big fat 271 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,440 wimp. I will never give me again Give 272 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,080 me some time. This is very fresh for me, but 273 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:48,080 right now it's fine. But I was having the experience 274 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:51,320 of like, it was very difficult. My main thing was it was so 275 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,200 confronting. It was so difficult to 276 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,400 socialize, especially socializing with people that I 277 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,560 don't know that well or like strangers on the street, like 278 00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:00,240 small talk. So difficult because the face 279 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:04,320 that I was pulling I have described as grimacing, bearing 280 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:07,680 my teeth, growling. And actually I think the smile 281 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,360 that I was trying to pull with like strangers and stuff, it was 282 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:15,160 like a look of disgust. It was like I was like it was 283 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:18,960 pad and I looked like a rude person and if there's anything I 284 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:23,360 don't want to be perceived as at least it's a rude person. 285 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,880 Where does that leave us? 19 minutes. 286 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:28,640 All right, so I've I've up to dated you on my nerve damage and 287 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:30,800 the fact that I did some psychotherapy training. 288 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:36,520 I submitted my last assessment on my first course today, not 289 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,560 this morning, this afternoon, like a couple of hours before 290 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:41,680 this because I needed to put the brain elsewhere. 291 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:47,760 And it included a video submission of me acting as a 292 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,600 therapist with a volunteer who was my boyfriend. 293 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,120 And again, I don't want to out him. 294 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:58,880 He came home last night and was like, I kind of like this guys, 295 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,240 I'm actually enjoying this. Can I, before I tell you about 296 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:05,520 the thing about that, can I just quickly say growing up, I was an 297 00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,440 only child. I used to talk to myself all the 298 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,080 time. My windows open, but between me 299 00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:10,840 and me, I used to talk to myself all the time. 300 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:14,400 I remember one time my cousin saw me, he like caught me 301 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,160 talking to myself. I must have been like 7 or 302 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:21,120 something and I think I was like presenting like I think I was 303 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:24,480 like presenting like toys or something like to an audience. 304 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:29,040 I thought I was like a presenter on BBC not BBC CBeebies. 305 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:30,520 God wouldn't set my sights that high. 306 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,520 Also no I will not speak on the Bbci am brand safe. 307 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:39,600 I am a good girl. I've always spoken to myself. 308 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:41,640 I still speak to myself all the time. 309 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,520 Therefore this is where you come in. 310 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:48,000 Anyway, my boyfriend came home from work last night absolutely 311 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,120 knackered and I was like get on that sofa now. 312 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,280 Role play time, but not fun role play. 313 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:54,880 You need to pretend that you are anxious about starting a new 314 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,040 college course and you're stressed and you've always felt 315 00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,280 stupid because people compared you to your older brother. 316 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,960 Go and seen. It was fine. 317 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:06,440 I mean, let's see if we pass, but he also came back. 318 00:17:06,599 --> 00:17:08,760 Now I feel like I'm outing him, but he he won't mind. 319 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:12,240 I don't think he well, like give me this Jack, because like look, 320 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,480 I'm struggling here. I'm doing this on my own now. 321 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:18,839 I need some sort of material. He came home as I so tired from 322 00:17:18,839 --> 00:17:21,200 where I quite were kicked off his shoes like put on his 323 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:22,480 little. I don't want to take pajamas, 324 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:25,240 but like little shorts, like little gym shorts, little 325 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:27,240 T-shirt. He's like Oh, and I sat him 326 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,000 down. Tripod was out once again. 327 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,920 I was like, are you going to get changed? 328 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,520 He was like, why? Who's seeing it? 329 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:37,760 I don't know, some fucking middle-aged woman somewhere 330 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:39,640 who's going to mark it? He didn't get changed. 331 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,880 I had to keep tilting the camera down like you're showing a lot 332 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,200 of thigh. It was a bit Paul Mezcal with 333 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:48,200 the skinny shorts. So I did that basically. 334 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:50,680 And the other thing that I was going to say, again, going back 335 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,360 to the talking to myself, I've missed you so much. 336 00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:57,920 I framed my life. That feels really sad to say, 337 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:01,720 but I think it kind of is. I just, I go through my life, 338 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,680 guys, I spent years thinking like week by week, what's the 339 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:08,760 title for next week? And like, what conversation are 340 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:11,480 we having and what am I framing it around? 341 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:16,400 I viewed life like that. That hasn't stopped like I still 342 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,240 do that. Really wanted to talk to you 343 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:22,120 about the video of Adrian Brody with the teenage girls. 344 00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:23,840 They're not teenage girls. I think they're like in the 345 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:27,840 early 20s. Did you see that What do you 346 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,040 mean to bring it up with you, but a lack I've been out of 347 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,560 town. We've been out of office 348 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:35,400 basically just this is pretty pathetic. 349 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,880 It's really like Sethi goes away for 5 minutes like thank God 350 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:40,680 because I've been meaning to talk to you guys about something 351 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:45,360 very serious. Adrian Brody was seen caught at 352 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:48,480 the scene of the crime there would like it's basically a tick 353 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:52,600 tock young women filming they stumble upon someone who happens 354 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:56,360 to be Adrian Brody. I think The thing is that they 355 00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:59,800 pretend they don't know who he is and he's like going along 356 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,680 with it like he thinks, I think he seems to think they don't 357 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,280 know who he is. If you don't know who he is, you 358 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:08,120 definitely do Google him. You'll be like, oh, it's that 359 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,160 that one guy that sort of pops up every few years when a film 360 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:15,440 comes out sort of like this, that's I'm really fucking rude. 361 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,960 If you're on the video, do you think that was OK or should I 362 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,280 cut that? Anyway, what I thought was a big 363 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:25,080 deal was the fact that it's like night time is dark outside. 364 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:28,280 I'm pretty sure it's in London. Adrian Brody is like, he must be 365 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:32,200 approaching 50 years old. I'm not saying anything other 366 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:36,960 than, is it a bit bizarre to you that he is like, stumbling, 367 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:41,480 stumbling, drunkenly stumbling? No, he's just making his way 368 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:45,160 through the streets of London, I think, with some 20 year old 369 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,040 girls who are then filled. And he's like going along with 370 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,120 the eating tea cakes with them. dot, dot, dot. 371 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:52,160 Did you think that was weird? Seems like I thought it was 372 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:53,560 weird. OK. 373 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:59,080 I asked for questions on Instagram and I kind of cried 374 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:00,800 earlier when I just glanced at them. 375 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:04,920 I'm looking at them again. And yeah, it's kind of freaking 376 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:08,200 kill me. OK, guys. 377 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,840 Someone said what happened? Question mark, question mark, 378 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:13,000 question mark. Oh girl. 379 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:17,320 I'm sorry, girl, I don't know what to tell you, girl. 380 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,800 How do you feel about continuing the podcast alone? 381 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,880 I feel so scared. I feel scared. 382 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:27,160 I feel not ready to let it go. If I'm honest. 383 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,680 I don't know if I made it clear at the beginning because I was 384 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:35,880 sort of like dwindling through like sniffles and like, I 385 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:37,360 definitely wasn't making much sense. 386 00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:42,000 But I feel obviously in terms of the podcast, I feel like a huge 387 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,520 anxiety. Well, not a huge anxiety, but I 388 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:48,240 feel intrigued as to what form this is going to shape. 389 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:53,720 Yeah, that works. I feel aware that what happened 390 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,880 with Sethian Wing can never be recreated. 391 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:59,120 Not by me on my own, not by me and anybody else, God forbid. 392 00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:04,040 Absolutely not. It is such a, it's its own 393 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,160 thing. I will never not love it. 394 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:10,520 I don't want to get emotional about it, but it's too late, so 395 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,960 I'm already crying. Just means so much to me if it 396 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,320 meant so much to you. Same. 397 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,600 Oh my God, We have so much in common. 398 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:21,680 Haven't done my nails, so don't look up close. 399 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:32,720 Yeah, it's it's a sort of yeah. Magical intangible thing that 400 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:37,040 can never be recreated and like, I can't imagine you have any 401 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:40,000 expectation that that can be recreated as well. 402 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,080 So I'm going into this thinking this is me on my own with a 403 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,080 microphone. It's definitely not. 404 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,640 Goes without saying was Sophie and Wing and I don't know what 405 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:53,920 it is, but I do know that like, oh, I'm Mischa and I do feel 406 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,320 like it would be a bit fun. Like we could have fun. 407 00:21:56,320 --> 00:22:00,920 We could, couldn't we? I don't know. 408 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,880 I think there's conversations to be had, guys, but yeah, And I 409 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:06,800 just. I don't want you to die a slow 410 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,920 and painful death. I just cannot see it be that 411 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,920 way. So yeah, I've just really 412 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:13,880 missed. I've missed you. 413 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,960 And again, I don't know if I made this clear and this was 414 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,240 sort of no, I definitely didn't. This is the bit that really gets 415 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:21,040 me. If all the other stuff wasn't 416 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:24,880 getting me, then this does. I I'm going to say this without 417 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:29,400 crying in a very respectable, normal way. 418 00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:34,200 We like over the course of doing this and like recently, even 419 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,040 over the past like few months over the past year that we 420 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:39,760 haven't like since this year or whatever that we haven't been 421 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,480 doing it basically since the beginning, relatively. 422 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,840 Once it became like once it got off his feet, once it got some 423 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:49,000 ears on it. Oh, it's going to make me cry. 424 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:56,240 Oh, God, this is tough. Yikes, Couch. 425 00:22:56,240 --> 00:23:00,640 This hurts. Yeah, we've had God, I just I 426 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:05,880 don't know if I ever I don't know if I ever really actually 427 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:09,080 thought that I could do something, be a part of 428 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:13,360 something that has made people feel as like seen and understood 429 00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:17,440 and connected as I know that this podcast has like you, you 430 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:18,840 maybe know other people who listen. 431 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,080 You probably don't. That's fine. 432 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,680 You might have seen like people comment or whatever anything are 433 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,800 like they, they like this podcast, whatever, just like the 434 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:31,840 level of of things that people have said about the podcast that 435 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:35,400 being able to just mean something to them or be there 436 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:42,040 for them in a particular point. That means too much to me to let 437 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:46,680 go of, to be honest. And I can't offer you exactly 438 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:52,640 what I want to offer you, but there's this, there's me, I'm 439 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:56,080 here. So it might be interesting. 440 00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,920 I don't know, like, if it's not that deep to you, then you might 441 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:00,960 swing by in a couple of episodes. 442 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:02,560 Or not. I mean, I don't know. 443 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:06,080 I don't know. I don't have a freaking Scooby, 444 00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:10,440 guys, what's going on? But yeah, if you're hungry for 445 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,280 something and not nothing, I think I might be making 446 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:15,440 something. So there's definitely something 447 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:21,440 being prepped in the kitchen. Yeah, I can't even remember. 448 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:24,120 The question was, this is disgusting. 449 00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:26,320 My phone's actually wet from where it's just been sat on my 450 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,000 leg. From. 451 00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:29,800 From sweat. That's what I was trying to say. 452 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:33,680 From sweat the eye caroonies. How long is this, then? 453 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:38,440 Is that it? Fuck me. 29 minutes. 454 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:40,840 Well, maybe I shouldn't go on for too much longer. 455 00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:42,160 All right, All right. There's a little. 456 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:43,280 Let's be quick. All right. 457 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:45,480 Missed you so much. Thanks. 458 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:47,520 I love you. Thank you. 459 00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:50,120 How do you survive after graduating? 460 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:52,880 You think I would know? I don't. 461 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:58,320 Favorite reads this year. I was considering recording an 462 00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,720 episode on that. Would you want to hear that? 463 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,200 I don't know, like if anyone's still here, let me know. 464 00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:05,640 Like what are we going to talk about next? 465 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:13,160 I guess honestly, like I don't, it's really hard to like 466 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:16,320 navigate. I don't want you to be worried 467 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,000 about me because I'm actually fine. 468 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:21,400 But I do want you to know that I value your reassurance and 469 00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:26,360 validation and that this is actually quite bro. 470 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,480 I'm not making it look easy, I'm sure, but the surprise price is 471 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:33,720 actually quite tough for me. More so in the sense I just love 472 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:39,320 this thing so much and I want to I want to do this in honour of 473 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:43,120 it, not like in spite of it like Sethian wingers is like no 474 00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:47,120 matter what, it's such a special thing. 475 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:52,720 Oh, don't be sad, guys. OK, People are asking for a 476 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,440 catch up, so I hope that was there's something in there. 477 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:59,440 No love you Wing. Love you. 478 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:05,800 I really do like and maybe I'm a fool for caring so much. 479 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,520 Sorry. Do you see that? 480 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,680 That's my heart on my sleeve and it's it's yours. 481 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:15,200 Over to you now. Let's just see what happens. 482 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,680 How are you? Has much changed? 483 00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:23,160 What's been the theme of your year so far? 484 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,600 I actually don't fucking know. That's a really good question. 485 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,840 You know what? A bit of a theme for it for my 486 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:34,360 year, a thing I have been thinking is stop trying to put 487 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:37,720 everything on a theme that's not an attack on you, because I'm 488 00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:41,160 right there with you. But theme of my year has been 489 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,280 famous. Just indescribable. 490 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:47,440 Just absolutely nonsensical. Absurd doesn't mean anything. 491 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:51,480 There is no clarity to be found. Like I think I'm some I find it 492 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:55,440 quite difficult to not have clarity on things and I I like 493 00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:58,600 being able to sort of, you know, categorize. 494 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:00,520 I like being able to compartmentalize everything of 495 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:03,920 like, that's the time when I was really struggling with my mental 496 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,040 health and this is the time where I was just like being 497 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,280 spontaneous and this is the time where blah, blah. 498 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:11,560 And it's like what actually is always a big fat mess of 499 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,640 everything. So maybe that's the theme is 500 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:18,360 just like very messy and bizarre, but like, fine, what 501 00:27:18,360 --> 00:27:20,800 about you? Not much you. 502 00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:25,240 I might leave that there guys. And then come back. 503 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,560 I'm going to keep using them. I'm going to keep referring to 504 00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:28,520 these. It's my Bible. 505 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:30,560 It's my Scripture. I just. 506 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,880 I mean, yeah, if anyone's here and still here, like, just all 507 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:35,920 feels very real. Yeah. 508 00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:38,160 I just, I want to. I'm going to just basically not 509 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:43,440 let the space die for now. Who knows how this goes, but 510 00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:45,920 that's where I'm at. Love you. 511 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:50,800 I hope you're well. I'm sorry that we haven't been 512 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,600 uploading. I hope that this finds you well. 513 00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,240 I hope that this finds you at the right time. 514 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:59,520 Maybe we can align somehow. Yeah. 515 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:02,560 I can't really say much more, guys, but I'm sorry. 516 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:07,600 I love you. Thank you so much. 517 00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:10,880 And we'll just see what happens. I'm I'm not going to be, you 518 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:12,600 know, goes without saying, blah, blah, blah. 519 00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:14,840 I don't know what this is going to look like. 520 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,400 I imagine if I keep doing this like it's like, what am I going 521 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:19,800 to have to change what it looks like and stuff after a while. 522 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:21,280 I don't know. It's like what Seth, he just 523 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,960 haunts the cover are so he's just haunting the space. 524 00:28:25,360 --> 00:28:30,120 Spooky girl. Yeah, I don't know, but I'm I'm 525 00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:32,720 trying my best. OK, That that was me trying my 526 00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:36,320 absolute hardest. If it wasn't very impressive, 527 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:40,000 then I'm so sorry. That's the best I've got for 528 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:41,560 now. Is there anything else I can 529 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:44,560 tell you? Oh, just quickly before we go. 530 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:49,960 Got so into the World Cup like crazy. 531 00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:52,320 I almost don't want to speak about it because it means so 532 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,960 much to me all of a sudden. You know what it's almost like? 533 00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:57,120 Well, there aren't words to justify it, so I cannot even 534 00:28:57,120 --> 00:28:59,120 speak on it. I cannot speak. 535 00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:02,480 I cannot begin to explain. I just one thing I will say is I 536 00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:05,800 feel awful for them boys. Oh, boy, oh boy. 537 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:08,480 I feel bad for them. That is tough. 538 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,320 It's cruel. Football is a cruel mistress. 539 00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:13,840 That's what they say. I fun fact, I actually have 540 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:15,240 every concert. I have to go. 541 00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:17,200 All right. Bye. 542 00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:19,040 Love you so much. Thank you. 543 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,480 There's no outro. It's just me. 544 00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:24,600 This is me smiling. Nerve damage. 545 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:26,600 Smiling. Not crying anymore. 546 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:31,720 Bye. That's going to be a tough one 547 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:32,480 to listen back.