And Danielle and I'd like you to to think about the last year,
right? We're at the end of the month,
end of the year, and I want you to try to reflect on the last
year. All of us have beliefs about
what we think will make us happy.
And over the last year, you've engaged in a variety of
activities that you presumably thought would make you happy.
You know, and Buddhism argues that what will make us happy is
suppressing our craving, aversion and delusion, which is
not always what we think will make us happy.
So I'd like for you to take a moment to just think about over
the last year, the kinds of things that you engaged in that
you thought would make you happy.
What evidence do you have that that actually made you happy?
Did it work? So were you right, the thing
that you thought would make you happy, did it make you happy?
Let you think about that for a minute.
Anything that you can think of over the last year that you
tried because you thought it would make you happy, did it
make you happy? If it did make you happy, was
there any elements of you trying to avoid craving aversion or
delusion that contributed to you becoming happier because you did
that thing? If the thing or things you tried
didn't make you happy, was it because we were trying to do
something that was steeped in craving aversion or delusion?
I'm going to open this up a little early to all of you for
us to have more of a discussion about this in this kind of
reflective way. Pragmatism just asks us to look
for evidence of our beliefs. So we started off you thinking
about and you can, if you couldn't come up with anything
in particular that you believed would make you happy and that
either did or didn't, you can start exploring your beliefs
right now. There are things that you
already believe that will be true to make to make me happy.
So we can start thinking about those.
And I'm going to open it up and I'd like for you to feel free to
share if anything came up for you.
When you think back on this last year, is there anything that you
did that gave you evidence that this is a good pass for you?
Whatever it was that you were doing, there's something that
you did that provided you with joy or peacefulness or
happiness. Is there anything that you did
that provided you with evidence that that is not the path to joy
or peacefulness or happiness? Because we're moving into a new
year. So in the new year, we have an
opportunity to engage in new behaviors.
If we look back on our last year and think about what we already
tried, if you already can find evidence that something you
tried didn't work to provide you the kind of peace or joy or
happiness that you were searching for, maybe don't keep
doing that thing in the new year.
Maybe try something else. On the other hand, if you did
try things that did bring you joy, those are probably things
that you want to bring forward that you want to keep doing in
the year. So I'll turn it over to you.
What do you have? When you speak, please start
with your name. So we need to know you a little
bit better now. This time is yours.
I questioned it. I heard you say at very
beginning that. The purpose is to.
Repress those things. I didn't know that was our
assignment. I thought it was just an
awareness. So when I'm having a bad
unhappiness, said she. I say, where am I doing one of
those three things? Here it is, but I didn't repress
it. I said like hello to.
So I don't at all. I didn't mean to use the word
repress if I did, but we need to, but the but we do need to to
fight against it. So we are one of the problems is
the idea with Buddhism and being aware in it.
Aware of things is aware for what purpose it's we're being
aware so that we can lean into the things that are healthy for
us and that we can lean away from the things that are not
healthy for us. So the idea with, you know,
craving an aversion and delusion, we want to do those
less. That means don't, don't give in
to your craving and your aversions and your delusions
means become aware of them. You can sit with them so that
you can become aware, but then stop doing that, start doing
something that's healthier, right?
Because the more we do something, the better we get at
it. And most of us have gotten
really, really skilled at giving into our cravings and aversions
and delusions. We have a lot of practice, most
of us, that's most of our lives. And so we're really good at
that. So becoming aware that we're
doing it is first, and then replacing those unhelpful
behaviors with more healthful behaviors is what we're trying
to do. So I don't know if that helps.
It does because my focus isn't on repressive things.
It's to suffer less. To suffer less, I have to be
aware of how I got there, to suffer in dealing with life for
my sisters or whatever. And that I can say.
There it is and. Aborting.
Something or. Delusions, those are good in the
family. And so just by seeing that, I
can then decide to do the actual thing, which is either to
continue doing it or whatever, remove myself from this issue or
stay less longer. And anyway, so it it helps,
yeah. Yeah, I think the same.
The idea of becoming aware of these is so that we can stop
doing them. And that's kind of the goal for
for all of these. But to your point, they're going
to come up, right. It's part of being human is the
having the cravings and aversions and delusions.
So. So the idea is not to ignore
them and pretend like they don't exist.
Like here it comes. I'm not going to give in to this
craving or this aversion or this delusion.
I'm going to work towards, you know, if I'm trying to avoid
something, I'm going to turn around and face it.
If I'm craving something, I'm going to let it go.
Like the action part that you were talking about South, Like
repress in that context isn't the right word because
repression in implies that you're kind trying to ignore it
and pretend that it doesn't exist.
And maybe it's so I say suppress.
I don't know what I said exactly.
Suppress. Is the word.
I also thought it was a little the lens I see it through.
But but yeah, but lesson is maybe ineffectual.
Like that's the word I hear in my head to lessen Craig, to
lessen delusion. I know.
Yeah, maybe that's like a nice gentle word that I'm like only
half the don't that mossinee. Great.
Only one. I mean, it's a good start.
And this is, we say this a lot, if that's the door that you need
to open to start walking in that half, that's good.
One of the problems though, again, this is one of the
reasons why it's good to reflect and to kind of think about this.
One of the problems is that when we do a half assed job of
something and it works in 1/2 assed sort of way, we're like,
yeah, OK, I guess that's good enough.
And what we need to do is like, oh, but it's only working half
as good as it could. So maybe I could try to do
something that would actually benefit me, be healthier, more
skillful. Micah, two things for the first
thing is I feel like the awareness itself lessens it kind
of by default, at least in my experience.
Like my awareness of whatever craving automatically is like,
oh, like you're doing that thing like, and then yeah, from there,
I don't know. I just said by default it kind
of lessons to a certain extent. But what I was going to say is a
lot of my craving, I feel like, or suffering related to craving
has to do with I think ultimately trying to like solve
loneliness. And so, for example, like the
first half of this year, I was like going out a decent amount
and hanging out with people who they're not like bad people or
whatever, but they're just like not people that I only prefer to
hang out with. And to a certain extent, I feel
like that was I I like realized like this is not what I want to
be doing. This is not ultimately making me
happy and over time to kind of form like, well, I just
genuinely needed like genuine companions, genuine connection
with someone and like that is what makes me happy like more
than almost anything else. And so I was able to be like,
oh, I have that knees people. I don't need to like go out with
this guy every week or whatever because you know, he believes
these things and I like that he says these things.
I don't like that. I don't need to like crave for.
It's so much to like and like, sacrifice my values or whatever.
I don't know, that's something. For me this year.
And once a really good one, I think because so many of us like
trying to figure out the difference between craving and
need, especially when it comes to like, you know, interaction
with other humans. I think a lot of people trying
to figure out like, how do you find that balance?
Because we need other people, like humans or social animals,
we need other people. And how do you know that your
desire to connect with someone is based on that need for human
connection versus the craving that we have?
Like, I want to be with this person.
I want to do this thing. And I think that that is part of
the practice is try to figure that out.
Like, of course we need to connect to other humans, even
though we should also recognize that there's pain down that
path, right? But also necessary, right?
Like connecting to other people is necessary, even if it's going
to be sometimes painful. But then figuring out, is this
like a healthy connection that I'm trying to make?
Or is this an unhealthy or unskillful connection that I'm
trying to make? And that's one of the reasons
that I find Buddhism helpful and frustrating at the same time,
because it's not like there's a cut and tried answer.
These are good people and these are bad people.
You have to kind of work through it to figure out like, no, this
person is not good for me. I need human open connection and
I for whatever reason, I'm craving time with this person,
but it's not helpful, it's not good for me.
So I need to let go of that and find a way to connect to people.
Even though it doesn't look exactly the way that I thought,
I think for me that ends up being the difference between
craving and need is if I have a very particular like person,
place, thing, image, it has to be just this way.
That tends to be for me, that's a craving driven thing thing.
If it's like I, I need to have connection, a human connection
to somebody, that's a much like softer, quieter understanding of
something and it's much broader too.
So usually I have to kind of do some reflection to figure out if
this is based on craving or if this is based on need, but
that's what we're here for. Then just for the copy I.
Think it really is what I'll be like speaking about in the past
year. One thing, one of the few things
that make me happy is develop habit or exercise every day.
And the one thing that made me not happy is dieting.
So also for these two things are actually for the same purpose,
which is body. And then I I feel like I believe
human are superior than animals and I think what's separate me
from animals are self regulation so not to suppress the creepy
instinct. So I guess exercising regularly
is to suppress the laziness or steadiness.
And dieting is another way to surpass freely or food.
But exercise make me happy because scientific
scientifically, that's the right thing to do.
And also keep keep keep my like keep me healthy physically.
But dieting make me unhappy because one thing like I tried
the kettle and there's something like eating fasting, those kind
of played great with my mind that make me craving more the
for the nutrient which is supposed to be statue over my
body. So it's unhealthy kind of diet.
So I think I'm not going to do that next year.
And love. Yeah.
So. So, yeah, I think for all of us,
it really is about like fine tuning our awareness about like
what is good for us and what isn't good for us so that we can
see it more clearly, like as it's happening.
And it, that's one of the reasons that we sit and we
practice and we reflect so that when something happens, right,
while it's happening, we might be able to have a greater
awareness of like, oh, I actually really don't like this.
This feels really bad. This is like causing me harm or
I don't like this. But this is really necessary for
me. And it's a, it's a challenge.
It's a challenge to, to gain enough awareness of as something
is happening, if it's good for us or not.
And that's why we practice so that we can keep that muscle of
that reflection muscle and awareness muscle more present,
more active. I thought the experiment is
interesting because I had a This year was a rather significant
year. I got married and I'm It was
joyful, wonderful. It was.
Hard to detach from craving. I.
But but not in the same way like it was.
I wanted to be with my family and my friends and my loved ones
and have a meaningful exchange of love and my wife.
And it was wonderful. It was at 12 or 11 or 14 because
there was just this like intense.
This is good times. And so then next year I'm not
going to get married, but I will be married.
I think that's a better plan. Like no you.
Want to get remarried already? No.
So I'm, I'm doing the math of all that and I recognize the,
the moments that I crave are I think James said something, or
maybe it was everybody has about the opposite of addiction is
connection and connection is this like grounded, meaningful
thing. And I, I feel that like
addiction is craving by definition.
And the wedding was just as much connection as it's like a fit in
a, in a room of that size. Oh, so I suppose that that was
separate. I don't, I don't think I like
the gravity of the wedding. I think what I'm trying to say
is that you can have wonderful, joyful, huge things without
having them based in craving and diction and delusion and all
that stuff. Because this wasn't.
This was like a year. Of planning or like 9 months
planning. But it was also the 40 years of
living the lead up to this moment.
Not like the energy put into it was returned, but there.
Was a lot of energy. It was put into.
Over at R2 so well, that's good news.
We can have huge wonderful Saints of art necessarily stain
with the cloth and craver. And that's, I mean, that's
exactly what we're going for, right?
You know, there's that, there's that saying like before you're
enlightened, you sweep the floor.
After you're enlightened, you sweep the floor.
And the idea is, yes, you can have an experience and it's
exactly the same experience before you're grounded as after
you're grounded, but you experience it differently,
right? So there are plenty of people
that have a wedding and it's all about craving an aversion and
delusion and they're like stressed and angry and like it's
just, and it's not a it's not a joyful day, right?
I mean, but at some point they're like, it's yeah, this is
joyful. But why isn't it working this
way in that way? Or you can have an experience
where like things, well, things don't aren't perfect.
It didn't work out exactly well, but look at all these great
things that happened. So that's kind of what we're
going for is that for us to have that kind of groundedness and
awareness and recognize like there are joyful things that are
going to happen and we can experience those joyful things
in an appropriate way. Without letting it throw us off
balance. Because the idea about that
we're trying to practice in Buddhism is to allow us to be
kind of grounded, to be stable so that you can enjoy the good
things and you can experience the bad things.
But neither one of them throws you off kilter so that you're
like scrambling around and trying to find your footing
again. I mean, I so this year my mother
passed away and that was another like, like a horrible
experience, but I could kind of be with it.
Like there was a lot of crying and there's a lot of emptiness.
But I could feel like, yeah, it's appropriate to be sad that
my mother is no longer here. It's appropriate to feel pain
that she's no longer in my life and to miss her.
But it doesn't mean that, like, my whole world is is falling
apart, even though it's sometimes feels like that, you
know, it was. I was really grateful actually,
for my Buddhist practice through all that because even though,
like, the emotions would, well up and I just start like, ugly
crying, I was like, yeah, that's an appropriate reaction to this
situation in this moment. And then it would pass, and I'd
let it pass, and then I could do normal things again, and then it
would come back. And then I have this other
experience. So it's in the same sort of way
like this. What I appreciate about Buddhism
is not that you should stop feeling, it's that you should
feel whatever is appropriate for that context.
And then examine is the context where you want to be right.
Because there's some things we put ourselves into situations
that cause us pain and suffering or cause us to key into like the
craving and delusion and that sort of stuff.
And that's something that we need to think about.
Do I, am I putting myself into a situation that is causing myself
suffering? Or is it just this suffering is
part of the human existence and I need to learn how to navigate
through it? It's one of the things that I
appreciate about this practice is gaining that kind of
awareness. But it does take time.
It takes kind of practice for us to figure it out.
And if you're anything like me and you are as good at lying to
yourself as you are, as I am the blind to myself, I would just
recommend that you listen to the stories that you tell yourself
and just become more aware when if you happen to do this, which
I have done plenty of times, if you use Buddhism as a weapon on
yourself, because I've done that plenty of times, like you
shouldn't be reacting that way. Where are you having that
feeling? Just be a Buddhist.
And I like wait, wait, wait, wait.
Buddhists feel too. And that's that's OK.
And allow yourself to feel and then flow through it.
I'm done. So Micah and Aaron, they both
said their day and I made some people from me and that like
earlier this year, I was trying to, you know, hang out with
different groups. And I kept noticing that like
with certain groups, like I would leave the interaction and
I would feel like empty. And then like I noticed,
remember I had the empty healing.
I would try to do something where he was like addictive in
nature and we're craving. Yes.
And with other groups or people, I hung out with them.
I just felt whole after the interaction and I could go home.
We just feel like perfectly content.
And that's something I've been thinking about for the past
couple of months of what I want to do shake up my who I am.
And I don't know, I'm just glad that you 2 spoil them back that
because I've made some. My name's Danielle, and I'm
thinking of two situations, and both of them are just kind of
complicated, so it's kind of hard to not go into the whole
story. But basically in one situation,
I finally realized that The reason I miss someone was
because I felt like an unhealthy attachment to this person and
that they were actually not very good to me.
But for some reason, because of probably a lot of baggage for my
childhood, I, I really want to make other people happy, right?
Like I really feel uncomfortable when people are not happy.
I think, you know, my parents were both just very unhappy
people and I was never able to make them happy.
So you can go to figure that out what I didn't.
And so I think very much so I kind of repeat that sort of
relationship pattern and it's hard for me to recognize it.
I think I'm getting better at it.
And I recently had a situation where it is really complicated.
But basically I was in a situation where somebody wanted
me to be disingenuous to someone else.
And it would have ultimately been for the greater good.
But it just made me feel really yucky.
And I had to be like, you know, it just doesn't align with my
values to milk somebody for information, even if I think
it's serving a higher purpose. And also I would be like using
that person and manipulating them and it would just not be
good for me. But then I had to really be
like, if I contact this person, this person is not is is not a
healthy person either. Like I could get into like a
whole unhealthy relationship trying to save this person,
right? And I had to be like, Yo, I
really want to help you out of this situation.
We have to set healthy boundaries.
And it was like the first time I've ever done that because
usually if there's somebody he means howl or sating or they're
unhappy, I feel like I have to go rescue them right now.
And I was like, wait, I have things Stew today, You know what
I mean? Like I can't just drop
everything and go have a cup of coffee with you.
You mean it's different if it was somebody I had a good
attachment to and I felt like we had a reciprocal relationship?
This person has portrayed me multiple times.
They're a terrible situation. I feel bad for them.
But at the same time, at some point, you have to be like, I'm
not going to make you Bambi, right?
And I don't want you to make me unhappy.
So like, we have to be able to trust each other, and we can't
just jump right into that, you know?
And then this person just kind of stopped responding to me
because I guess that was hard for them to be like, Oh yeah, I
did break your trust next size. So I I felt very proud of myself
for not, you know, just jumping into that situation to go have a
cup of coffee with someone when I had things in my life I had to
do. Because I feel like that I put
myself out there like that a lot for these unhealthy attachments
because I feel like I'm going to get something from it, but I
never really do. Yeah.
It just end up really I now be sound.
So I feel like. Making progress.
I think your story and Tony's story really are about
awareness, that awareness part, like just becoming more aware of
how other people affect us, other people, places or things
affect us. And for those of us who are kind
of cut off from our own emotions or our own body, that can be
difficult, right? Because we don't even
necessarily recognize like I'm having an emotional reaction and
I'm like, no, no, everything is fine.
There's no until like days later when I was like, I'm really
upset about something. So increasing awareness can
really help with that. I think the other part that you
both talked about really was kind of a boundary setting
thing, which can be really difficult for a lot of people
and it's difficult for other people.
So one of the challenges is that, you know, we have
relationships, we have patterns of behavior that people kind of
have expected of us and maybe we weren't as skillful and yet that
that now has developed the pattern of behavior they've come
to expect from us. And when we start to get a
little bit more skillful in the way that we think of things, a
little bit more aware of how things are affecting us, if we
do set boundaries, sometimes people don't respond well.
I mean, they might just be like, oh, OK, well, I get it.
That's a boundary. Now I'm going to peace out.
Otherwise they they might keep engaging in the same behaviors
because they just expect you to respond the way that you always
have. And that creates its own sort of
challenge. So this is one of the reasons
why I wanted to talk about stuff like this in the last months of
the year, because my hope is we can start really thinking about
that. You know, new year is a new
time, starting to think about like what I might do
differently. So it gives us a big kind of
reset. Perhaps you can start thinking
about things like that, but they don't just happen by themselves.
But it takes a lot of effort for us to kind of redirect and, and
do things differently because we do have, there's so much
momentum from our habitual ways of being.
It's it's difficult to redirect ourselves in a new way.
So increasing our awareness is part of it.
I would also throw in, it's really helpful for us to think
about the acceptance action, but parts because I think that
that's all, they're all kind of connected and if you want to
really navigate through it kind of works all together.
I just want to say something about kind of the juxtaposition
of of diet and exercise daily minutiae activity of making
choices in every dinner table or every time you get up in the
morning and do or do not engage in the exercise versus taking a
big relationship that's going to have a heavyweight on your life
and setting a man with it. And both of those are weighted
with the virgin and and craving it and all that.
But one is a little thing you have to do everyday.
And what is the thing that this just a massive weight to do once
and I don't know. Yeah, I don't know what I'm
saying exactly that that is the fact that both of those things
or the slang between them are a thing that it's it's really hard
to stay on task at the little minutiae of everything.
And while it's a small thing. For me, I always feel.
So I could get a sense of victory out of setting a
boundary or somebody or doing a big thing and then that helps me
carry forward. But it's very hard for me to to
take the little things and add them up.
And so so I guess it's more of a question of how do we how do we
take the little things and out of up because it's bad.
We always we're biased towards the tiger and not without.
Maybe they don't know the tiger, not the asparagus.
Aaron, I found that like if you can make those little friends,
not even a choice. Like it makes it easier.
Like I'll use diet ice. If you want to always eat a good
breakfast, then, like, remove the decision from your life to
where you even have the choice of eating your breakfast or so
like, meal prep. Yeah.
Like I have. I prep the week's worth of
smoothies the week ahead, and it's like, that's my breakfast.
I don't even have to make a choice to think about it.
I just put my smoothie on the blender and then drink.
Yeah. It's like the fewer choices that
I have to make, the easier Adele.
So that works for me. So this kind of, I mean, that's
a little bit about the appropriate action thing.
And this is one of the challenges that sometimes like
an appropriate action requires like several pre actions that
you kind of have to queue up ahead of time.
And that's part of the challenge because then it can start to get
overwhelming like, Oh no, then I like if I want to have good
breakfast, then I have to do the meal prep and that means I have
to go to bed on time. That means I, you know, which is
true and all that's true, but but it is, it's an important
part of like navigating through life and figuring out how you're
going to, to navigate through that.
So how you do it, there's lots of people that can give you
tips, but that's one of the things that's like the Sanga or
some other community, right, can help with those things that are
difficult for us to do on our own, whatever that means.
Maybe you should just call it Tony and be like, Tony, it's
Sunday. I don't want to do this meal
prep. Tell me to do the meal prep and
Tony can be like, dude, do the meal prep because you're going
to be regretting it on Wednesday morning if you don't.
To bring the atomic habit. Yeah, when the atomic it's
about. It is that a book.
My year went better by establishing the pause when
texty. So I'm a blurter.
I like to blurt. I have good advice just there.
This year, the pause if I don't know exactly what to say.
What down the phone? It'll come to me and by
communication is where I caused the suffering is because the
goal of the communication was the wrong threat and I didn't
really want to do it like that. I really wanted it to go like
this, but it's too late because I already got sent.
So by pausing I asked myself what is my intention of this
communication and then I could check it later or a moment
later. But end it the pause, not teen
in the pause. This year it brings better
happiness. Because you're not, like,
reacting, right? You're like pausing and saying,
like, I'm going to make a conscious decision to be
intentional at this. Yeah.
Yes. Intention.
Yes. Yeah, I am the problems.
We, most of us do. It's one of the reasons that we
come and we sit here for 40 minutes is because it gives us
practice. Like look, I don't have to react
to everything all the time. I have experience of sitting and
not reacting to things for 40 minutes.
So I cannot react to this text or message or e-mail or whatever
else. I know that I have the capacity
in me to not react. I just have to practice that.
Just not react. Honestly, authentically,
truthfully, and if you. Blurt.
You've missed your chance to. Tell you all those 3.
Things it's. True.
I think for me it's like I'm emotional, right?
Like I'm kind of in this like I don't want to say fight or
flight, That's a little extreme, but I definitely have like this
anxiety about it like, and I'm just like, you know, I'm going
to go with the first thing I feel, which is sometimes not the
best way to get way the results that you want.
Although at the end of the day, me too.
It's just like letting go. The fact that no matter what you
say, you really can't control the situation or how other
people feel or except. That we want to do it with
kindness, with grace. We don't want to hurt their
feelings, to cause other people to suffer.
I don't want to dump stupid stuff.
They don't know what to do with it, so I want to do.
Then I just said gentle listen and.
I, I've actually been trying to use other people and AI to help
with this, especially with work stuff, because work stuff
happens. People do stupid things at work.
I'm just telling you and they say very mean stupid things and
I'm and I'm a boss. So I would just want to be like,
that was a stupid thing you do. Why do you do stupid things?
Why are you so stupid? Stop being stupid.
And then I will put it in ChatGPT and I'll be like, I
need, I need to criticize this person for this thing, but I
need it to be in a way that they can hear it and then it'll give
me some suggestions. And I was like, OK, step back.
I can say this in another way because one of the things when
you have like a reaction, an emotional reaction or whatever,
it's like, it's hard to get past this idea of like, oh, this
person's doing this thing and I have to tell them this thing,
you know? And, and it can take a while for
you to like step back. Meditation can help with that
and all that stuff. But before, AII would send my
emails to one of my colleagues and she would be like, maybe you
don't want to say it that way. Great.
You know, so this is like you can find other people that can
help you with exactly that moment.
It's the same sort of pause, right?
It's the same idea. What do you need to like step
back from that situation so you can kind of reset and then re
engage. And sometimes we can't explain
it to ourselves outside of the filter of whatever just happened
to us, right? Sometimes it's just really
helpful to be like, hey, this happened to me.
Like this is how I want to react.
What do you think? And then when somebody's like,
and you're like, OK, I shouldn't react that way.
I got what you're saying. React another way.
Something like that can be really helpful.
But again, it's like getting it out of yourself.
I think this is one of the problems that we have,
particularly in the US where we're like, I'm going to pull
myself up by my bootstraps. I'm going to solve all the
problems. I am the solver of the problems
of the world. I can do everything.
I'm going to do it by myself. Great, you know, good, you know,
do do things by yourself. But we are not solitary animals.
We are connected to other people.
And it's really helpful to, even though it doesn't, you don't
want to because you want to be the solver of all the problems.
It can be helpful to step back and be like one, is this my
problem to solve 2 do I need to solve it this way?
Three, maybe somebody else can help me think through how to
solve this other problem. It can be helpful.
Did you have something, Micah? Oh yeah.
I just wanted to touch on the thing I was talking about in
terms of I feel like one of the most stressful things for me
recently has been you can be totally aware, but you still
have your programming, right, which is what you're talking
about. Like a stuff that you've been
doing or this foreign vendor child by traumas and XY and Z
and expectations and whatever that's been around for years.
And it's so deeply rooted in you that it's really not even, it's
so hard to be intentional because it just happens like
your reactions just happening before you even know you're
doing it. It's just that strong inside you
and like compared to, let's say, like maybe a habit, a bad habit
they picked up over the last year.
Like I would imagine. Obviously I don't know what it
is, but like that would be easier to like you aware and
like the root on is deep, you know, meant I don't know.
I just think there's something to that like and I will say
though, in my like recently like it has helped like.
In, in my relationships, I've noticed like, OK, you're, you
have been avoiding attachment style, but like, you know,
you're, you're, you're what you just said that's so you can like
leave an out in a relationship as opposed to being like, you
know what, I'm just going to ignore that then like fully
commit or whatever. So I think it does still help.
But I think like that programming is hard and it's
stressful because it's like, I know where, but it's still
happening and I'm still reacting that way.
Also, great job Sir, going against your PER.
Well, yeah, no, I I definitely agree.
It's, it's, it's so pro. And I think for me too, a lot of
it's about safety, you know what I mean?
Because when you're a kid and you're in an environment that
isn't like safe, you figure out how to survive, you like adapt
and then like that kept you alive.
It's like part of your programming.
And then you grow up and you're not in that weird ass situation
anymore And you realize, oh, this is really destructive and I
hurt people with this. And that's a really hard thing
to really even admit to yourself, right?
Like, I think I, I knew this at a certain level for a long time
and really admitting it to myself and recognizing it is,
you know, of course, like when you look back at the past, you
can always be like, oh, well, why did I do that?
Right. But when you're in that moment,
yeah, it is really hard to be like, oh, I'm doing that.
I think this is where like awareness needs acceptance, like
concurrently, because like if you're aware and you're not
accepting of it, like there's a strong tendency to shame
yourself, self abuse or whatever.
And data like. I found that if you're able to
couple those together, things come up.
Better for sure. Yeah.
Did you have something, Mary? Were you going to say something
earlier? Not necessarily, but.
I guess my my answer goes back to what you were saying before
too, is that this year, probably for the first time in my life,
I've had an actual consistent exercise practice and it's been
great. Like learning, like I look
forward to it because I can just feel my anxiety go down
afterwards. I leave and just feel better.
But talking about like awareness going, my work pays, pays us to
do healthy adventure things. And one of them is like this
class that talks about all these things you can do to be healthy.
And so I've taken it like three years in a row because they give
me money to do it. And this was probably the first
year that I started implementing parts of it.
But it's like you just like learn little things.
And some of it you're like, oh, that's really cool.
Like how less calories there are in honey compared to sugar.
And I have like this knowledge that I don't like use but but
the exercise part I started actually doing and but it's been
really nice. Sweet, could you define craving?
Craving. Yeah.
Is it the same as? Longy I feel like it's.
Donuts, but she just really wants them.
It's. Donuts.
Yeah, I mean, it can be longing, but the idea with craving is
like it's about want versus need.
So it's about wanting things to be a particular way or in a
particular shape or at a particular time or you know,
like the the particular side. That's often about craving that
need like I need. To go to the gym, is that a
craving or a need? It's probably a need.
I mean, this is one of the things that you kind of have to
assess that for yourself. I mean, for some people, going
to the gym is a craving and not necessarily a need.
You can go too hard even on the healthy stuff.
And we've seen socialize at the gym too much.
Yeah. It is an escape from other
obligations. Yeah, exactly right.
Yeah, so we'll close. And when we close, we like to
say, may the fruit of our practice extend to all living
beings, Swaha.