Hi, I'm Danielle and tonight we're going to talk about
pragmatism and what is pragmatism in terms of pragmatic
Buddhism. So the the idea behind
pragmatism. Pragmatism is a philosophy that
was introduced in the US around the 19th century by authors like
Charles Pearson, John Dewey, and William James.
And it's about emphasizing the practical outcomes of an idea.
So the practical consequences of ideas and the search for truth
through experiences, through like lived kind of experiences.
And so when we look at Buddhism through the lens of pragmatism,
what that means is that when we're trying to distill what is
true about Buddhism, we look at the consequences of Buddhist
ideas. So if we take seriously, the
idea is that like craving causes suffering.
Can we do we see evidence of fueling craving and that causing
stuffing suffering? Pragmatism is also a really
solution oriented philosophy. So it's about the the practical
uses of ideas to accomplish a particular goal.
So in Buddhism, the the goal is kind of to alleviate suffering,
the suffering, our suffering, and the suffering of others.
So when we take a pragmatic view of that, we can say, do these
Buddhist ideas, do they resonate with truths that we can see
evidence of what they're saying as we can see evidence of that
in our lives? And then do the ideas about how
to accomplish the alleviation of suffering, are those true in the
sense that we can see the results of those kinds of
actions? And So what that means
practically for us is that we don't spend a lot of time in
pragmatic Buddhism focusing on things like karma or some of the
more mystical elements of a lot of Buddhists thought because
they they may be useful in a particular context.
So there may be people who find some the idea of, of
reincarnation to be a useful concept to help them to, to do
the next right thing. And that's great.
But we don't really and can't see evidence of like, do people
get reincarnated right? As than what people have said in
some of their testimonies or whatever.
But we don't have like, we can't test it out for ourselves.
We can't like die and then see if we come back right.
This doesn't work that way. So we let go of those kinds of
things and kind of set them aside as interesting ideas, but
not ideas that we necessarily want to go all in on when we
want to alleviate our own suffering.
So then we focus on things like, you know, the four noble truths.
So do we see that suffering is characteristic of human
existence, this feeling of, you know, dissatisfaction, Is that
kind of like a, a characteristic of being human, feeling like
things aren't exactly, you know, what we always want them to be?
And many of us can look around our lives and be like, yeah.
So pretty much throughout my whole life, it's been like
moments of joy characterized by like, lots of kind of
unsatisfactoriness. Even in the moment of joy.
It could have been better or could have been longer.
It could happen sooner, you know, so we can see a lot of
evidence of that in our lives. And then it also asks us, you
know, can we see that the, the root of that kind of
unsatisfactoriness comes from our aversion, delusions or
cravings? Can we see that that kind of
dissatisfaction? So even in the example, you have
a moment of joy, but it's not quite perfect.
It's it's not sunny enough. It doesn't last long enough,
didn't come soon enough. Well, a lot of that is wanting
the world to be different than it is.
That's crazy. So we can say, all right, well,
I can see evidence of that. I can see that, yes, I have
dissatisfaction in my life. I can see that, yes, it's often
caused by either my ignorance, there are things that I can't
see that I make the assumptions about, or I don't want things to
be a particular way and that causes me dissatisfaction, or I
do want things to be a different way and that causes me
dissatisfaction. So then that, that's another
thing we can say, OK, we see evidence of that.
We can see practical outcomes of that.
And then continuing on the the four noble truths, do we see
that there are times when that dissatisfaction has ended, that
we are not always dissatisfied, that we can see if we can let go
of the craving and aversion and delusion, that we can have this
kind of peacefulness and roundedness.
And I'm sure all of us have had experiences where we just felt
like, no, I'm just here. And it's like this is, this is
the moment and I'm content in this moment.
So we and then we can do the same thing if we look at all of
the, the 8 fold path. So this is the idea behind a
pragmatic approach is that these are the teachings of the Buddha.
Can we look at those teachings and see if they resonate with
our living experience? Can we try out those ideas and
see if we have evidence that they work for us when we try to
solve the problem of, you know, our own dissatisfaction and our
own suffering? So we spend a lot of time in
this group talking about like, OK, but how?
Either we talk about the what? Like, what is it that Buddhism
says? How can we identify that in our
lives? But then we also talk about
like, how do we put this into practice?
So how can we take these ideas that seem really good and
actually make them work for us on a daily basis?
Especially in contemporary Western life where everything
moves really fast and our whole culture is about consumerism and
one upmanship, How can we implement some of the ideas into
our lives so that we can have this more grounded kind of
peaceful feeling more regularly? We stand that feeling through
other parts of our lives, even in, you know, family holiday
situations or work situations or high stress situations.
What do you do? How can you do?
What do you do on the daily to make sure that you are keeping
these ideas of Buddhism present in your life so that when
something happens, you have that tool at the ready?
Can you know that there's some sort of solution for whatever
challenges that you're that you're dealing with?
I don't know if you've seen these.
Sometimes they have these movies, Buddhist deck of cards
kind of thing where it's like a little moment of Buddhist
inspiration. You know, I don't know if you've
seen these, but I, I like a lot of these and I'll pick up a
deck, one of the cards out of the deck.
And then let's read some sort of Buddhist quote in the morning
and be like, oh, look at that. Except that all the decks that I
have are like really kind of mystical and esoteric.
And I'm just like, I have to, I do a lot of translation for
myself where I have to be like, OK, for no, no, no, no.
Let's get to the root of what you're saying.
And then, OK, then I can be inspired.
So I'm, I'm putting it out there for all of you.
If any of you read something in a book, find a passage or a poem
or a phrase or a saying that brings to mind to you some of
these Buddhist principles, please tell me because I would
like to collect them and then create my own little deck.
So that that's, that wasn't exactly the homework.
The homework was like, what can you do to set up?
We talked about kind of rituals, morning and evening rituals,
like starting the day in a way that is imbued with meaning that
that can put you in a kind of grounded space and then closing
the day that's with a set of actions that have meaning that
can kind of bookend your day. So I'm going to open it up.
And for those of you who were here, if you didn't do your
homework, that's OK. But anyone else, if you have, I
mean, if you want to talk anything about this sort of
practical, pragmatic side of Buddhism, or if you have, you
know, ritual or routines or phrases, sayings or habits or
whatever that help you to remember that you're on this
path to kind of alleviate your suffering and the suffering of
others, I would like to hear for about it.
So I'm going to open it up to the group.
For those of you who are new to us, you are welcome to speak to
start with your name so we can get to know you a little bit
better. Now this time is yours.
I've just some funny things about the homework, so it wasn't
on the top of my list, but it's something that I tried to come
back to. I do realize in my life, I do
have limited touch points that bring you back to the Buddha's
of booze. Pathic bug doing this for like
coast 15 years or Tanner time blocked out.
So I was doing the teeth brushing one a couple times,
kind of like an Oral-B. It's around.
It's just not. I would just like I want the
meditation to go this way. I'm not like this.
Whatever. This morning I noticed, I don't
know why I took my morning pills and immediately put my
toothbrush in my mouth with toothpaste on it with my pills
still in my mouth. And I'm like, wow, that is clay,
the opposite of the exercise. But another observation I made
was I was doing trying to. And I said before, like I think
coffee is more of my ritual, but it's laden with like I'm making
coffee for me and Kristen and we do it differently.
And mine's not, I drink cold Bruce.
It's premature adapt. I just pour it in the cup.
But the making it for Kristen is so flavored with this active
service that I'm doing that it's hard to separate it into just
the single meditator task. So those are observations that I
had on those practices. So I was tempted though, but I
don't know if I aced. Well, I mean, that's the other
thing that that the pragmatic part brings to this is that it
is about practice. So it's about like doing it and
then doing it better and then noticing what happened and then
doing it better. So that the.
Yeah, well, I mean, you noticed. And for those of you who who
hadn't heard, I often recommend like if you want to get started
on a daily meditation practice, start with brushing your teeth.
And when you brush your teeth, just brush your teeth.
Don't worry about planning your day or thinking about other
things. Just sit and feel the brushing
of the teeth, which isn't always the best if you have dogs or if
you have children or if you have something else that are that's
going to barge in on you. But it is a moment.
And especially if you have an electric toothbrush that is
timed, it's 2 minutes. All you have to do is just focus
on what it feels like in that moment for two minutes.
Meditation done. Yeah.
Last week Aaron brought up that he was going to try this coffee
and connotation because it's a morning, Because it's one of
those things that I was talking about.
Like every day. We have a ritual already.
There are things that we do. We just get up and do the same
thing over and over and over again.
It's often in the same order. It's often exactly the same, but
it's not. It doesn't have a lot of
meaning. We just kind of do it.
So the idea is to make them meaningful so, you know, you get
up and take your shower instead of like being absent in a bunch
of other places. Just take your shower, right?
That's something you're doing anyway.
So makes coffee every morning for himself and his wife.
And he said, I'm going to do that in a meditative way.
But I think what you've learned is that it's not just because it
is the act of service. So it's not just like getting
washed away in the moment of making a coffee, but it's still,
it's a good start. It's something means that you
thought about it first thing in the morning, which means that
you'll be more likely to think about it throughout the day if
you start your day thinking like at least it's my intention to be
mindful, to be present, whatever else.
James, I have a routine I like in the morning from my spiritual
practice. I didn't even know what, what
exactly that mean, but it's just more of the piece together.
But The funny thing I'm going to share with you is that I, I find
it easier to engage in my spiritual practice and be
present than I do to be present during teeth brushing.
And I was thinking about that while I'm with Sakin and I
thought, so the, the trick to the spiritual practice is not to
get on the phone. You know, that quiet time in the
morning starting slow with a glass of water for me and then
sitting and then semioga and meditation, but not once in that
time like I'm still, I haven't activated that part of the day.
Like I haven't picked on my phone, but my teeth freshen time
that that is all exploded. The phone's been picked up.
And but yeah, I you know, I love that you were talking about.
I'm sad I missed last week because some mechanisms in our
life that help us engage in in regular ways with with the
practice because it can feel piece meal and the first thing I
thought about how do we describe the April and pragmatic, not
right thought, but. Appropriate.
Appropriate thought. And so even though I don't have
the answer for the rest of it, the appropriate thought is a
great place to start. Right?
Like if you're basing your day, another thing that I was like
talking about too, is the intellectualization.
If I'm thinking about it, I'm probably not doing it.
And even though we did, you know, we have to prep ourselves.
But being centered, being aware and present is certainly to me,
the people are Rebecca appropriate?
I don't remember it's. Yeah, I mean that is that's
another sort of pragmatic interpretation of the people
path. You know, typically go here,
it's like right thought and right action and right effort.
And and that is an interpretation from the original
Poly or Sanskrit and that the word that they that they use has
a sort of a a cloud mean. So we often use appropriate or
skillful. So skillful thought or
appropriate thought or skillful effort, appropriate effort,
because one of the things that, that, that we think pragmatism
helps us remember is that the truth is not, there's not an
absolute capital T truth. It's it's context specific that
there are, there are truths, but they act out in different ways
in different contexts. And that and that calls for us
to be really mindful, paying attention to what's happening in
the current moment. So, and sometimes if you're
brushing your teeth and you need to be thinking about some other
thing, maybe that is appropriate.
It's typically not. I mean, this is what I find.
And just so you know, if you want to start the teeth brushing
thing, what I've found is that I, I have to talk to myself
while I'm brushing my teeth to be like, hey, hey, hey, just
brush your teeth right now. Hey, hey, just brush your teeth
right now for a, for a little while before I can be like, OK,
now I've told myself often enough when I'm brushing my
teeth now I can just brush my teeth and just feel the feelings
that are happening. And when I brush my teeth, but
I, I still often have to tell a story about it to remind myself
like we're just brushing your teeth now stop with that
thinking about those other things.
They can be really useful. I typically do that.
Also. I have a pretty stressful job.
So frequently before I go into a meet, a meeting, I'll have at
least like 2 minutes of just like meditation while I just
sit, close my door and I'll just sit and I'll breathe and I won't
think about what I'm going to say at the meeting or anything.
Just two minutes of like, just let it all go, let it all go.
And it makes it so much easier to have the meeting with the
difficult people that I regularly have meetings with.
So I'm grateful for that. You mean ramping up your stress
for for a long period of time before then?
And hyperventilating is not not a dribbling.
Turns out that's not as useful. That's not as useful.
And I work with a lot of warriors.
So this is one of the, the what I'm in one of the cards.
I'm trying to develop something and I can't remember if
something like don't borrow trouble.
What is that phrase? It's something like that.
But it's what I think of when I when I worry and when other
people worry, like how is worrying helping me?
So this is where the pragmatism really helps because stress,
anxiety, worry, they can be useful, productive emotions
right up until they're not right.
And typically what happens for me is that I get stressed or
anxious or worry so much that that is the actual problem.
It's the worry. It's not what I'm worried about.
And so if I can just remind myself like, that's not really a
useful emotion in this context, I'm just going to breathe.
Then I can get back to the
meeting. And then all the worry comes up.
But I'm, I'm primed to be like, but you don't have to worry.
It's OK because the worry doesn't help.
It's the solving the problem that will help, right?
I'm Mark. I have two things that came to
mind. 1 is that like I started getting up early and going for
runs with my dog every morning, but in order to get them early,
I have to go to bed early. So I gave myself a little alarm
at 8:00 PM every day and I was like appreciations and like
usually it kind of like catches me by surprise.
It's like already PM and Oh my gosh, all these things.
But then I like take a little bit of time and just think about
the day and appreciate whenever I can about the day.
And that's, that's nice. And it's kind of meditative.
And then in the morning when I finally go off of the ramp with
my dog, when we get to the park, which is kind of stressful, we
feel like go through traffic and there's usually like people and
all this stuff. When we get to the park, it's
just like this moment of release.
And I'm like Finn waving into the park and like he gets
excited. I get excited and it's like
that's, that's probably my my time.
It's good to have those kinds of anchors and it's helpful if we
can build them into a regular routine.
So like your morning routine with your meditation, your yoga
and your your running. I mean, you do it regularly.
And that's with all of these kinds of practices.
They build up over time. It's not usually A1 and done.
I mean meditation, running, yoga, all those things.
It's not a one and done kind of a thing.
It's something that you do over and over and over again.
And then you start to see the real benefit.
But then often something happens and it breaks the routine.
And then depending on how grounded you are in that
routine, it can mean like starting up all over again.
And that's when you often have to have your reminder about,
like, why you're doing this, why it works for you, why it's
important, you know, give it, give it that kind of the Y
meaning. And that can get it back in
place unless you have a dog, because the dog is not going to
let you forget. Like, we run in the morning,
mom. And you're going to be like,
yeah, but all right. Oh, I'm Lauren.
I, my, my mornings are trying to wreck.
We're going to wake up. But the night routine, my
favorite like ritual is, you know, changing into comfy
clothes and just imagining it, picking up all that energy and
getting all cozy. So I did that.
I started that a couple weeks ago and I I really like just
taking off the word clothes and getting all comfy and.
Letting that energy go to the laundry pile and just
visualizing that. So we'll work on mornings.
We also talked about it's often helpful as part of an evening
sort of ritual to include some sort of like gratitude
reflection because we have such a negativity bias and we're so
much more likely to remember all the things that we think what
went wrong in the day and forget the things that went well.
That it can often be a really helpful like reminder,
especially if you're not in distress.
So if you're not in a bad place, start like noticing the things
that that are bringing you happiness or gratitude or
whatever else, because at some point you will be in a not a
good place. And then you'll be like, wow, I
really wish I could find something to be grateful for,
but you're not in a good place. And so there's no gratitude
anywhere to be found. So it yeah, if you, when you
take off all your clothes, if you just take a moment, you'd be
like, I love the comfy clothes there.
I'm grateful for comfy clothes. It can be a can start that like
helping you to remember the things that go well.
Not you're not going to remember them quite as much as the things
that you don't go well, but it's the start.
Micah is me, so the first person that intrigues me to my
coolness, he essentially had this idea that I shouldn't be
mindful and focused on whatever I was doing in that moment and
only that. Kind of like what you're talking
about with Into Your Pressure, which at the time I thought was
absolutely ridiculous, rejected completely.
Now I understand isn't a bit more, but I guess one question I
have is like, so right now my habits are like pretty bad
intern. So just like cooking for a
thing. So like today I primarily ate
trainings because I just have not been cooking like I should
be. But that being said, like one
thing that I'm just a super lazy cook and one thing that helps me
cook sometimes is like watching a show while I do it, which is
kind of like the opposite of what you were.
Talking about earlier. So I guess I was just curious,
where were you? What you thought about?
Or what anyone thought about that in terms of like, obviously
there's the one end where that guy was like home.
Like you're washing dishes only thinking about like washing
these dishes. And then, yeah, I was saying.
I'm Mary and. I, I can totally relate to that.
Like when I had two little kids, only way I could get through
laundry was by watching ATV show at the same time or something.
But also like, just like with my job, there's certain tasks that
I do better. Some tests I do better if I'm
focused on it and some tests I do better if I have music
playing or something else as I don't even know why but I just I
need something besides just what I'm doing and so I feel like you
find what works best for you. Yeah, I had moments in the
kitchen where they were just amazing meditations and making
one of those rolls with the era. But they'll also have a
tradition of making risottos anytime a John Wick movie comes
out and I just bring ATV into the kitchen and I spend 2 hours
leaking a risotto and watching a John Wicker because stirring
rice and broth together for two hours, it's not something, it's
not a meditation. I.
I think I mean, all of this relates to the sort of pragmatic
slant on and one of the things that I find when people come to
us frequently is that they have heard that there is a right way
to do things is a right way to sit.
There's a right way to meditate, there's a right way to be
mindful, There's a right way to do this thing.
And I just want to know what the right way is.
So what's your right way? And I'm life, that's not how we
do it here. So we it really is about, I
mean, that's taking seriously the idea of like what does work
for you and being aware that illusion is a real thing.
Like we can lie to ourselves really, really well, right?
So still holding that in awareness, but recognizing that.
OK, so I feel like right now what I need is to have, you
know, music well while I'm working and then assets is this
is it actually, am I trying to distract myself and trying to
avoid something or does it help me to be more in this moment so
I can do this thing? And so it really is figuring out
what does work for you, but allowing yourself the space to
recognize that you could be lying to yourself.
So, so try it right to say like, OK, well, what I think I need is
to watch a show to be able to cook, see what you're doing.
Does it allow you to cook? Cause one of the things that
will happen, like when you're doing music or watching a show
or whatever is it takes you out of that moment and then you burn
the thing and 'cause you're not paying attention, 'cause you're
half here and you're half there. That's the whole point of this
mindfulness. When people are like, we're bad
at multitasking, 'cause we objectively are, we're not good
at it, right? So if you find that you are not
really watching the show but also not really cooking, then
that's not the right solution for you.
But if you find that you need some sort of external simuli
that's going to allow you to unhook from whatever it is
that's keeping you distracted and allow you to do the thing
you need to do, and that's totally appropriate.
And it can be just like a meditation.
What I would say is, but, but it's also true that it is hard
to just focus on one thing because that's not how we're
wired. It is difficult to just sit
there and like I'm just paying attention to the tooth brushing
and I'm just brushing my teeth. It is difficult.
This is one of the reasons that I recommend toothbrushing
because it's only two minutes and it's, and which feels like a
long time when you're trying to focus only on brushing your
teeth, right? So I, I always recommend some
sort of balance, like figure out what you need to do that can
allow you to be centered and allow you to be there, even if
it's not what all the, you know, gurus say is the right thing to
do. Is it the right thing for you?
And then also practice doing that thing that is hard for you,
because sometimes the thing that's difficult for us that we
have some aversion to is exactly what we need to turn to face.
But sometimes we have a version for things because they're not
good for us, right? And it really is trying to
figure out, is this good for me? Is this not good for me?
And you can get suggestions and advice from all sorts of other
people. Listen to it, you know, hear
what other people say or what they write about.
But at the end of the day, it's just, it's you in your body that
has to make the the decision about, yes, this is right for
me. No, this isn't right for me.
And then the next time it comes up, you know, ask yourself
again. So don't make a decision.
And like that's the end. That's the capital T truth for
me forever. I never have to think about this
again, because that's not how we do pragmatic Buddhism, right?
We're like sit in the uncertainty, navigate through
that moment, try to navigate through it peacefully, but
recognize that uncertainty is part of what we are trying to
resolve by saying I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that
and do your I. Had an observation and you said
doing two things and burning the food.
It struck me as such as a no. It this is good that this is the
thing. Try try Thai.
What I love about Thai food and the thing that was a meditation
for me is making spring rolls. Because you are engaged in the
process directly and you could be present through the process
throughout the entire process, you are dicing, you are shaping,
you are cutting, your assembling and you're doing in stages.
And there's a you have to put it in there for so long, your hands
on the entire time. When I burn food is when you
have to let it sit for a little bit and then you just like walk
away. Yep.
And then it burns. You don't burn food while you're
watching TV here and you're going like this.
That doesn't burn. What burns is when your TV's
over there and you're like, beans will be fine for five.
Well, this is a good scene. Oh, what?
And then 10 minutes later the beans are burnt.
So I'm just thinking maybe watching TV and cooking is one
thing. It's it's just a bend on the
thought, but if but it is more one thing than watching ATV show
in the other room or even just spacing out in between waiting
for the pot need to be stirred because you're doing nothing but
Thai food is Lumley because it is You prepped and prepped.
You prepped. You're constantly on there and
cook it. It's about 3 minutes to cook or
510 minutes to cook it and stuff your hands on a little bit of
all. But it's kind of there's no,
they have weight for the pot Brexit.
The other thing we talked about last week that I think applies
here too is that what's right right now might not be what's
right next year. Yeah.
For many years, several depression and anxiety and also
like to drink and listen to loud music and every day after work
and in construction, somebody had a beer and I would turn on
some loud music. And I'll never forget when this
happened, you know, and I would listen to it louder, right
thinking then one day, you know, this is really successful
behavior. This is helping me feel better.
And I was in some some Rage Against the machine and I turned
it off. I felt so most bad.
And so it's just interesting some of the things that we do,
some of the things that we practice, and I'm a really slow
learner. And then what's right today in
the. So, yeah.
Actually, I stopped listening to music in the car for that reason
when I started all this thing because I was like, OK, I'm
going to drive mindfully. And but then there was music and
then there was cars and I was like, I can't, I can't.
I was like, there's too much, there's too much.
So I had to like. Turn around 1000 and all of a
sudden it's the most beautiful thing in the world.
I also talk about walking and, you know, if somebody doesn't
want to have a sitting meditation walking and you know,
we all have, you know, something in our ears and we're listening
to something and we've listened to a hard podcast today.
Turn that shit off. Turn that shit off.
Or at least experiment with it, right?
Right. No.
Turn. Experiment with turning it on.
More and more and more and more right, but less visible.
Well, and, and really thinking about what you're using it for.
So this is, I mean, a lot of people, whether it's TV or music
or whatever, are using it because what they're actually is
tired, like tired from a long day and they want to relax.
But it's really helpful to assess like, is it actually
relaxing for you? Because a lot of these things
they've done studies in different people don't
necessarily heal physiologically reacts when they're, you know,
watching TV or playing on the computer or doing music or
whatever else. It's and so we're doing it
because we believe that it will relax us, but it doesn't
actually relax us, although I'm sure it does relax some people.
So this is where I'm saying what, why are you doing it?
Like, what is the purpose? So in your case, you will
actually cook if you have a show, watching this seems like
like a good idea to do that, right?
Other people might be more distracted.
But like, oh, that's a good scene.
I'm not going to pay attention to this.
And the same thing is true with all of the other sort of things.
If you want to watch a show, you watch a show.
I mean, there's nothing wrong with necessarily watching TV.
But if you're watching it because you're, you're depressed
and you want to not be depressed or you're, you know, stressed
and anxious and you want to relax, then assess afterwards.
Are you less depressed? Are you, you know, more relaxed?
If you are right, it's working. But if you're not, then maybe
you should do something else, you know, And in those cases,
that's when I recommend try doing the thing that you don't
want to do. So like, oh, I just, I just want
to like veg out. And so I'm just going to turn on
TV and just be numb. Well, what if you just like sit
quietly for a minute? The thing that you don't want to
do, be alone with your thoughts, right?
That can be a little bit more challenging and feel more like
punishment. And that's not where we're going
for. But that might actually help you
feel more, you know, relax, more peaceful.
You might be overstinguated these days.
But on the other hand, I mean, because you brought up rage and
that is my excessive meage band, right?
So exactly like, I just get out the Rage Beat pack on Beat
Saber. And in part because it does pump
up a lot of the like, you know, aggravating kind of feelings
that I try to like, put those to the side, put this to the side,
but they need a little bit of an outlet.
And so then I let it get out through my pores if I sweat
playing on the gate. So yeah, I use it, but it's in a
very particular way. What?
Take your goal. Tomorrow morning I have to do a
talk peer sport on fro peer support for the laborers.
And so all the other trades are coming to one of our halls and
tomorrow morning at 9 O clock, say it in prayer for me.
I have to do a presentation about what peer work is to these
other organizations because they want to start beer programs.
And yeah, I'm really stressed out about it, but not for the,
you know, the typical reasons. I know what I'm going to say is,
you know, I want to have this effect on on these other
organizations. And the only problem is with,
you know, the anxiety is the nervousness can lock you up to
where you can't access, you know, you know, my, you know, my
nervous system is already, you know, going.
So anyway, sorry, I just had to say thank you for letting me
know. Anybody has any great responses
please? Other than to like get your
parasympathetic nervous system in gear, so doing some deep
breaths beforehand and even during a talk.
Also anxiety and excitement have similar neuro chemicals in her
brain, so the more you can tell yourself you're inside it versus
anxious or nervous, some kind of you it has the same kind of
like, you know, chest, you know, heart racing and like anyway,
so. Explain that to me.
Would you use it? Use the anxiety.
Like kind of. I say, OK, I'm really anxious
about this talk. I'm like feeling kind of
stressed about it. And I could say actually I'm
really excited to just talk. Like I'm really excited for all
six, I'm going to say, and it can kind of help you just
refrain me. And it's not not lying to
yourself because this is the thing you are telling yourself a
story about the feelings that you're having, right?
You're having a physiological feeling and you're like, I'm
nervous, I'm anxious. The thing is, and what what
you're saying here is that like those same physical sensations
also can be interpreted as a as excitement, like same thing, you
know, you're talking about, you know, love and hate.
They feel a lot of the same places and it's the story that
we tell about them. And, you know, we've talked a
lot about stories. I'm all about a short circuit.
I'm all about two wolves. No more.
Yeah, a short circuit it is. Let's go.
You're. Going to do great.
Anxiety or how it like presents itself in our life.
That's so strange and interesting.
Like I know that I suffer from a fair amount of anxiety and I had
an ex that also would and we would find like lock points in
our anxiety. So for her, lock points were
things that were like visible for me to see.
Like when we'd have a conversation or we'd try to do
something and she'd just frees up.
And, you know, you tell me to put an application in somewhere
to do a job interview or to do a number of very select things
that I'm going to freeze up like crazy.
But they're not seen every day. And so it's really easy for me
to get frustrated with somebody when they lock up from anxiety,
even though I know, well, I got a handful of things that just
frees me up like nobody's business.
And yeah, I, I'd use some tools. We got to use some tools to
figure out, yeah, what that looks like.
I think through Buddhism I've kind of expanded the things that
I'm not freezing up about, but it almost feels like the things
I freeze up about are even more sequestered now because they are
just those things that they can't seem to do.
Well, I think that the, I mean, we talk a lot about, you know,
increasing our awareness. And I think that the first thing
is like, but what I've had to do is like, what are the
physiological signs that I'm in this kind of distress?
This is where like my body will tell me I'm stressed about work
before I realize it, when I feel like the pain in my jaw.
And I was like, OK, wait, I didn't think I was worried about
work, but I'm clearly worried about work.
I need to figure something out. So part of that and then
figuring out what to do when that happens.
So. I figure out who I'm mad at or
why I'm mad. I'm like, I'm like, oh, I'm mad.
Seems like I'm full of anger. Some let me figure out what I
did or what somebody did that maybe that the guy with this Sir
didn't tell this person that was had a concern and then I got mad
at them for not. Reading my mind, it's funny how
these things can build up to right it's not just one thing
you might be something two weeks ago kind of cyclical and.
Yep, Yep. And then figuring out the the
solution for it is the next part right?
The so is it awareness? And then you could do like the
digging into the story kind of thing, but that sometimes
doesn't work all the way. I mean, I, I do the like, I now
I try to talk to my jaw, I'm like, no, no, you can just let
it go. You just and my jaw's like
they're going let it go. Am I super stressed?
So then it's something else breathing through it or you
know, hot shower or you know, something else to whatever it's
going to take to unhook from that thing that is settling into
your body. So when you find more tools,
they let us know. We'll talk about other kinds of
tools. So we talked about a lot of the
same ones breathing like your sizing, meditating.
There to find the in the back room are you but to myself about
oh you're excited I told you sorry.
This is the first like Christmas, I guess that I will
be like for sure really single and like I previously was
married for like 4 years in a relationship for seven years.
So every like party that I've gone to you without going to go
to this year, I'll be on my own and usually have not been on my
own. It's like fresh Christmas.
I haven't had our Christmas cards.
I'm like, you know all those things and like, Oh my God, see
a white extended family and they're going to ask people.
My partner because I'm really announced it to people.
He thought it's gone like 8 months.
So yeah, I just got my first batch of like Christmas cards
today. I know like you're sad.
I'm all like bows. It's like hard, it's harder than
I want to be. I don't know.
I don't know, like embarrassed or anything.
It's we're just like the it's just sad.
It's like more of like morning thing that no one has advice.
Well, I really, I really sympathize because, you know, my
mom died not too long ago. So this isn't, you know, like it
was the first Thanksgiving without her and this is the
first Christmas without her. And so in the same sort of way,
it's like there's just these ways where all of a sudden these
are all the things that we always did.
And now I'm doing it and I'm just like, oh God, she's really,
she's really not here. And it like just really hurts.
And I, I don't know if it was would be useful for you and
others. Please feel free to chime in.
But I found in those moments that that's when I just have to
stop for just a minute and like breathe into like that.
I feel it in my heart when that happens.
And I just have to like breathe into my heart and just be like,
yeah, it's kind of sucks. It sucks that she's gone.
I don't love that she's gone. I don't love that I'm doing this
thing without her right now. And often that can that's enough
of an acknowledgement for my feelings to be like, thank you,
you heard me. I was just wanted to feel heard
and then I can let it go. So at least for me, like my
feelings, because I just don't I'm not good with the feelings
thing, right. And if as long as I can like
give the feeling the respect that it deserves, but not more
that it deserves, it's enough for it to be like I can feel a
little like breath and mouth like a man.
So that's what works for me, even as even the feelings just.
Error. I think that's just so much
better feeling though, and you treat.
Yourself with all day God that God talks about it.
Oh would have you know if we have an aversion, maybe possibly
leaning and other and also like talk about addiction sometimes
so much struggle with you know it was just saying that you know
the opposite. Addiction is not sobriety, it's
connection. And so we had it on personal
work. Like I could imagine you, you
know, instead of adding a diversion to the quiet time and
the pain mix sitting with it and and this two shot pass, but also
some connection, whatever that looks like for you, whether it's
family or friends finding those pieces and finding joy.
And then they don't have to look like, you know, there doesn't
have to be comparative, you know, find those appreciating
what is instead of wanting it to be other than it is, right?
Acceptance, all those lofty concepts.
They're a pretty practical officer.
Yeah. Anyone else also my wife might
say enjoy the game that the quiet time girl I got to put up
with this guy and these kids and the dog.
Sorry, couldn't help miss. OK, well, so I'll encourage you
to to think about this throughout the week and if you
managed to get yourself a a morning sort of ritual, evening
ritual, see how that helps to kind of anchor you throughout
the day. We did also talk about other
kinds of anchors, like reminders.
So if there's something else that you can designate as like,
oh, every time I I'm tick not Hon recommends, like every time
you hear a bell chime, like take a breath.
So somebody's phone Dings or you hear something that could be
another one of those little anchors to be like, Oh yeah,
that's right. I'm going to just breathe right
now. Because a lot of our anxiety and
worry and all this stuff happens because we get stressed and then
we start breathing shallowly and then we get more stressed
because we're not getting our nest oxygen.
So just take a breath. And I want to mention the inside
timer in those those daily reminders, but I don't know,
some days those things are just as up as they are good.
You know, I look at them and they keep going off and I go,
man, I don't have time for you right now.
So can be helpful, can be. Yeah, I turned off my insight
timer, my meditation reminders because I always had it.
I did it for my the afternoons is when I always get tired, you
know, like 3:00 or whatever. And I'm just like dragon or
whatever. And I'd be like, look, just
meditate during that time and then you'll be better.
And the alarm goes off and I'm just like, no, I'm not doing
that right now. So I will get back into the
habit of that. For those little short
meditations can really bring your energy back.
Mine's set for 11:00 and 2:00 and every day at 11 two I'm
doing something. And then they stack up and you
stare at them and they cause stress and you don't want to
look at them. So what I did start to do is
like I the the little reminder thing would go off.
I'd be like, no, I'm not doing it, but I'll just like breathe
in and we're breathe out, done and swipe it away.
Done. Breathe in.
Breathe up my. Streak is complete.
Yeah. Now I have to get the streak
even though to say go, I have to stay up 5 minutes later so I can
meditate for 5 minutes because I will not lose my streak.
Silly thing. I want to anyway.
OK, good. So we're going to close with
that. And when we close, we like to
say, may the fruit of our practice extend to all living
beings.