1 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:12,320 Hi, I'm Danielle and tonight we're going to talk about 2 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:16,120 pragmatism and what is pragmatism in terms of pragmatic 3 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:19,520 Buddhism. So the the idea behind 4 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,000 pragmatism. Pragmatism is a philosophy that 5 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:25,800 was introduced in the US around the 19th century by authors like 6 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,960 Charles Pearson, John Dewey, and William James. 7 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:35,800 And it's about emphasizing the practical outcomes of an idea. 8 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:41,080 So the practical consequences of ideas and the search for truth 9 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:46,520 through experiences, through like lived kind of experiences. 10 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:51,320 And so when we look at Buddhism through the lens of pragmatism, 11 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,560 what that means is that when we're trying to distill what is 12 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:58,800 true about Buddhism, we look at the consequences of Buddhist 13 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,080 ideas. So if we take seriously, the 14 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:05,400 idea is that like craving causes suffering. 15 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:09,480 Can we do we see evidence of fueling craving and that causing 16 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:13,200 stuffing suffering? Pragmatism is also a really 17 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:17,760 solution oriented philosophy. So it's about the the practical 18 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:20,960 uses of ideas to accomplish a particular goal. 19 00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:27,080 So in Buddhism, the the goal is kind of to alleviate suffering, 20 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,680 the suffering, our suffering, and the suffering of others. 21 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,640 So when we take a pragmatic view of that, we can say, do these 22 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:37,080 Buddhist ideas, do they resonate with truths that we can see 23 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,880 evidence of what they're saying as we can see evidence of that 24 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,520 in our lives? And then do the ideas about how 25 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:47,640 to accomplish the alleviation of suffering, are those true in the 26 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,200 sense that we can see the results of those kinds of 27 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,320 actions? And So what that means 28 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:56,440 practically for us is that we don't spend a lot of time in 29 00:01:56,440 --> 00:02:01,800 pragmatic Buddhism focusing on things like karma or some of the 30 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:06,040 more mystical elements of a lot of Buddhists thought because 31 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:08,919 they they may be useful in a particular context. 32 00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:12,320 So there may be people who find some the idea of, of 33 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:17,040 reincarnation to be a useful concept to help them to, to do 34 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,480 the next right thing. And that's great. 35 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:22,920 But we don't really and can't see evidence of like, do people 36 00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:25,960 get reincarnated right? As than what people have said in 37 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,480 some of their testimonies or whatever. 38 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,240 But we don't have like, we can't test it out for ourselves. 39 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:33,200 We can't like die and then see if we come back right. 40 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:36,440 This doesn't work that way. So we let go of those kinds of 41 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:40,520 things and kind of set them aside as interesting ideas, but 42 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:43,400 not ideas that we necessarily want to go all in on when we 43 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,520 want to alleviate our own suffering. 44 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:50,920 So then we focus on things like, you know, the four noble truths. 45 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:55,000 So do we see that suffering is characteristic of human 46 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,560 existence, this feeling of, you know, dissatisfaction, Is that 47 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:01,600 kind of like a, a characteristic of being human, feeling like 48 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:05,240 things aren't exactly, you know, what we always want them to be? 49 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,040 And many of us can look around our lives and be like, yeah. 50 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:11,200 So pretty much throughout my whole life, it's been like 51 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:14,720 moments of joy characterized by like, lots of kind of 52 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:18,200 unsatisfactoriness. Even in the moment of joy. 53 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,080 It could have been better or could have been longer. 54 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:23,400 It could happen sooner, you know, so we can see a lot of 55 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:28,760 evidence of that in our lives. And then it also asks us, you 56 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:32,120 know, can we see that the, the root of that kind of 57 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:37,800 unsatisfactoriness comes from our aversion, delusions or 58 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,600 cravings? Can we see that that kind of 59 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,680 dissatisfaction? So even in the example, you have 60 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,000 a moment of joy, but it's not quite perfect. 61 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,680 It's it's not sunny enough. It doesn't last long enough, 62 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:52,000 didn't come soon enough. Well, a lot of that is wanting 63 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,360 the world to be different than it is. 64 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:56,160 That's crazy. So we can say, all right, well, 65 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:59,000 I can see evidence of that. I can see that, yes, I have 66 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,640 dissatisfaction in my life. I can see that, yes, it's often 67 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,400 caused by either my ignorance, there are things that I can't 68 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:09,040 see that I make the assumptions about, or I don't want things to 69 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:12,320 be a particular way and that causes me dissatisfaction, or I 70 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:15,320 do want things to be a different way and that causes me 71 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:18,040 dissatisfaction. So then that, that's another 72 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:19,800 thing we can say, OK, we see evidence of that. 73 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:22,160 We can see practical outcomes of that. 74 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:26,920 And then continuing on the the four noble truths, do we see 75 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:30,960 that there are times when that dissatisfaction has ended, that 76 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:36,080 we are not always dissatisfied, that we can see if we can let go 77 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:40,040 of the craving and aversion and delusion, that we can have this 78 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,000 kind of peacefulness and roundedness. 79 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,440 And I'm sure all of us have had experiences where we just felt 80 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:49,080 like, no, I'm just here. And it's like this is, this is 81 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,280 the moment and I'm content in this moment. 82 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:56,000 So we and then we can do the same thing if we look at all of 83 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:59,160 the, the 8 fold path. So this is the idea behind a 84 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:02,840 pragmatic approach is that these are the teachings of the Buddha. 85 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:06,120 Can we look at those teachings and see if they resonate with 86 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:09,880 our living experience? Can we try out those ideas and 87 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,760 see if we have evidence that they work for us when we try to 88 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:16,640 solve the problem of, you know, our own dissatisfaction and our 89 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:20,360 own suffering? So we spend a lot of time in 90 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,280 this group talking about like, OK, but how? 91 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,360 Either we talk about the what? Like, what is it that Buddhism 92 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,720 says? How can we identify that in our 93 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,600 lives? But then we also talk about 94 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:32,200 like, how do we put this into practice? 95 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:35,760 So how can we take these ideas that seem really good and 96 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:39,160 actually make them work for us on a daily basis? 97 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:43,800 Especially in contemporary Western life where everything 98 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:48,800 moves really fast and our whole culture is about consumerism and 99 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:54,320 one upmanship, How can we implement some of the ideas into 100 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:57,320 our lives so that we can have this more grounded kind of 101 00:05:57,320 --> 00:06:02,400 peaceful feeling more regularly? We stand that feeling through 102 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,800 other parts of our lives, even in, you know, family holiday 103 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:09,760 situations or work situations or high stress situations. 104 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:12,640 What do you do? How can you do? 105 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:16,560 What do you do on the daily to make sure that you are keeping 106 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:21,320 these ideas of Buddhism present in your life so that when 107 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:24,600 something happens, you have that tool at the ready? 108 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,280 Can you know that there's some sort of solution for whatever 109 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:29,600 challenges that you're that you're dealing with? 110 00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:31,400 I don't know if you've seen these. 111 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,840 Sometimes they have these movies, Buddhist deck of cards 112 00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:38,080 kind of thing where it's like a little moment of Buddhist 113 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,000 inspiration. You know, I don't know if you've 114 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,320 seen these, but I, I like a lot of these and I'll pick up a 115 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,680 deck, one of the cards out of the deck. 116 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,320 And then let's read some sort of Buddhist quote in the morning 117 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:52,320 and be like, oh, look at that. Except that all the decks that I 118 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:56,040 have are like really kind of mystical and esoteric. 119 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:59,640 And I'm just like, I have to, I do a lot of translation for 120 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:03,200 myself where I have to be like, OK, for no, no, no, no. 121 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,680 Let's get to the root of what you're saying. 122 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,480 And then, OK, then I can be inspired. 123 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:09,600 So I'm, I'm putting it out there for all of you. 124 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:15,320 If any of you read something in a book, find a passage or a poem 125 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:20,080 or a phrase or a saying that brings to mind to you some of 126 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,640 these Buddhist principles, please tell me because I would 127 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:26,440 like to collect them and then create my own little deck. 128 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:29,840 So that that's, that wasn't exactly the homework. 129 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:33,640 The homework was like, what can you do to set up? 130 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:37,120 We talked about kind of rituals, morning and evening rituals, 131 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:41,720 like starting the day in a way that is imbued with meaning that 132 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:44,560 that can put you in a kind of grounded space and then closing 133 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:48,560 the day that's with a set of actions that have meaning that 134 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:53,320 can kind of bookend your day. So I'm going to open it up. 135 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,040 And for those of you who were here, if you didn't do your 136 00:07:56,040 --> 00:08:00,320 homework, that's OK. But anyone else, if you have, I 137 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:02,120 mean, if you want to talk anything about this sort of 138 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:06,840 practical, pragmatic side of Buddhism, or if you have, you 139 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:12,480 know, ritual or routines or phrases, sayings or habits or 140 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,880 whatever that help you to remember that you're on this 141 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:19,240 path to kind of alleviate your suffering and the suffering of 142 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:21,920 others, I would like to hear for about it. 143 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,920 So I'm going to open it up to the group. 144 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,040 For those of you who are new to us, you are welcome to speak to 145 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,080 start with your name so we can get to know you a little bit 146 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:30,760 better. Now this time is yours. 147 00:08:33,159 --> 00:08:37,480 I've just some funny things about the homework, so it wasn't 148 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:41,400 on the top of my list, but it's something that I tried to come 149 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,240 back to. I do realize in my life, I do 150 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,480 have limited touch points that bring you back to the Buddha's 151 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,600 of booze. Pathic bug doing this for like 152 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:52,800 coast 15 years or Tanner time blocked out. 153 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,480 So I was doing the teeth brushing one a couple times, 154 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,960 kind of like an Oral-B. It's around. 155 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,120 It's just not. I would just like I want the 156 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,360 meditation to go this way. I'm not like this. 157 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:10,400 Whatever. This morning I noticed, I don't 158 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:13,280 know why I took my morning pills and immediately put my 159 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:18,160 toothbrush in my mouth with toothpaste on it with my pills 160 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:22,240 still in my mouth. And I'm like, wow, that is clay, 161 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:27,280 the opposite of the exercise. But another observation I made 162 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:30,600 was I was doing trying to. And I said before, like I think 163 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:37,520 coffee is more of my ritual, but it's laden with like I'm making 164 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:41,080 coffee for me and Kristen and we do it differently. 165 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:45,440 And mine's not, I drink cold Bruce. 166 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:47,720 It's premature adapt. I just pour it in the cup. 167 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:55,680 But the making it for Kristen is so flavored with this active 168 00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:59,040 service that I'm doing that it's hard to separate it into just 169 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:04,320 the single meditator task. So those are observations that I 170 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:09,080 had on those practices. So I was tempted though, but I 171 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:12,280 don't know if I aced. Well, I mean, that's the other 172 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:15,840 thing that that the pragmatic part brings to this is that it 173 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:19,160 is about practice. So it's about like doing it and 174 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,440 then doing it better and then noticing what happened and then 175 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:23,720 doing it better. So that the. 176 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:30,360 Yeah, well, I mean, you noticed. And for those of you who who 177 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,720 hadn't heard, I often recommend like if you want to get started 178 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,840 on a daily meditation practice, start with brushing your teeth. 179 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,200 And when you brush your teeth, just brush your teeth. 180 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,520 Don't worry about planning your day or thinking about other 181 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,640 things. Just sit and feel the brushing 182 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:49,280 of the teeth, which isn't always the best if you have dogs or if 183 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:51,320 you have children or if you have something else that are that's 184 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,560 going to barge in on you. But it is a moment. 185 00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:55,680 And especially if you have an electric toothbrush that is 186 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:59,520 timed, it's 2 minutes. All you have to do is just focus 187 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:01,600 on what it feels like in that moment for two minutes. 188 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:06,680 Meditation done. Yeah. 189 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,360 Last week Aaron brought up that he was going to try this coffee 190 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,880 and connotation because it's a morning, Because it's one of 191 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:13,320 those things that I was talking about. 192 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:16,560 Like every day. We have a ritual already. 193 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,520 There are things that we do. We just get up and do the same 194 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,280 thing over and over and over again. 195 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:24,640 It's often in the same order. It's often exactly the same, but 196 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,040 it's not. It doesn't have a lot of 197 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:27,600 meaning. We just kind of do it. 198 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:32,040 So the idea is to make them meaningful so, you know, you get 199 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:35,080 up and take your shower instead of like being absent in a bunch 200 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,960 of other places. Just take your shower, right? 201 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,680 That's something you're doing anyway. 202 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:43,720 So makes coffee every morning for himself and his wife. 203 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:46,560 And he said, I'm going to do that in a meditative way. 204 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,360 But I think what you've learned is that it's not just because it 205 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,520 is the act of service. So it's not just like getting 206 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:57,840 washed away in the moment of making a coffee, but it's still, 207 00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:00,920 it's a good start. It's something means that you 208 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,480 thought about it first thing in the morning, which means that 209 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:06,600 you'll be more likely to think about it throughout the day if 210 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:10,240 you start your day thinking like at least it's my intention to be 211 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,600 mindful, to be present, whatever else. 212 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:30,240 James, I have a routine I like in the morning from my spiritual 213 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,560 practice. I didn't even know what, what 214 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:35,160 exactly that mean, but it's just more of the piece together. 215 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,760 But The funny thing I'm going to share with you is that I, I find 216 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:41,680 it easier to engage in my spiritual practice and be 217 00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:45,440 present than I do to be present during teeth brushing. 218 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,480 And I was thinking about that while I'm with Sakin and I 219 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:53,440 thought, so the, the trick to the spiritual practice is not to 220 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,000 get on the phone. You know, that quiet time in the 221 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:01,160 morning starting slow with a glass of water for me and then 222 00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:06,960 sitting and then semioga and meditation, but not once in that 223 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:10,800 time like I'm still, I haven't activated that part of the day. 224 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,840 Like I haven't picked on my phone, but my teeth freshen time 225 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,840 that that is all exploded. The phone's been picked up. 226 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:23,320 And but yeah, I you know, I love that you were talking about. 227 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,560 I'm sad I missed last week because some mechanisms in our 228 00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:32,080 life that help us engage in in regular ways with with the 229 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:36,200 practice because it can feel piece meal and the first thing I 230 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:41,320 thought about how do we describe the April and pragmatic, not 231 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,200 right thought, but. Appropriate. 232 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:47,760 Appropriate thought. And so even though I don't have 233 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:50,800 the answer for the rest of it, the appropriate thought is a 234 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,320 great place to start. Right? 235 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:55,800 Like if you're basing your day, another thing that I was like 236 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,640 talking about too, is the intellectualization. 237 00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:00,480 If I'm thinking about it, I'm probably not doing it. 238 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,000 And even though we did, you know, we have to prep ourselves. 239 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:12,040 But being centered, being aware and present is certainly to me, 240 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:15,600 the people are Rebecca appropriate? 241 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,640 I don't remember it's. Yeah, I mean that is that's 242 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:24,160 another sort of pragmatic interpretation of the people 243 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,440 path. You know, typically go here, 244 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:28,240 it's like right thought and right action and right effort. 245 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:32,240 And and that is an interpretation from the original 246 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:36,000 Poly or Sanskrit and that the word that they that they use has 247 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:39,640 a sort of a a cloud mean. So we often use appropriate or 248 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,600 skillful. So skillful thought or 249 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,920 appropriate thought or skillful effort, appropriate effort, 250 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:48,000 because one of the things that, that, that we think pragmatism 251 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,800 helps us remember is that the truth is not, there's not an 252 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:56,760 absolute capital T truth. It's it's context specific that 253 00:14:56,760 --> 00:15:00,560 there are, there are truths, but they act out in different ways 254 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:03,640 in different contexts. And that and that calls for us 255 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:07,120 to be really mindful, paying attention to what's happening in 256 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:11,160 the current moment. So, and sometimes if you're 257 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,600 brushing your teeth and you need to be thinking about some other 258 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,120 thing, maybe that is appropriate. 259 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,800 It's typically not. I mean, this is what I find. 260 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,600 And just so you know, if you want to start the teeth brushing 261 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:25,120 thing, what I've found is that I, I have to talk to myself 262 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,120 while I'm brushing my teeth to be like, hey, hey, hey, just 263 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,120 brush your teeth right now. Hey, hey, just brush your teeth 264 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:33,600 right now for a, for a little while before I can be like, OK, 265 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,960 now I've told myself often enough when I'm brushing my 266 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:39,040 teeth now I can just brush my teeth and just feel the feelings 267 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,680 that are happening. And when I brush my teeth, but 268 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:46,400 I, I still often have to tell a story about it to remind myself 269 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,600 like we're just brushing your teeth now stop with that 270 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,240 thinking about those other things. 271 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:54,280 They can be really useful. I typically do that. 272 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,800 Also. I have a pretty stressful job. 273 00:15:56,800 --> 00:16:01,200 So frequently before I go into a meet, a meeting, I'll have at 274 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,840 least like 2 minutes of just like meditation while I just 275 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,640 sit, close my door and I'll just sit and I'll breathe and I won't 276 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,560 think about what I'm going to say at the meeting or anything. 277 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:12,080 Just two minutes of like, just let it all go, let it all go. 278 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,200 And it makes it so much easier to have the meeting with the 279 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,560 difficult people that I regularly have meetings with. 280 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:21,320 So I'm grateful for that. You mean ramping up your stress 281 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:24,600 for for a long period of time before then? 282 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,320 And hyperventilating is not not a dribbling. 283 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,680 Turns out that's not as useful. That's not as useful. 284 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:32,920 And I work with a lot of warriors. 285 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:36,520 So this is one of the, the what I'm in one of the cards. 286 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,880 I'm trying to develop something and I can't remember if 287 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,400 something like don't borrow trouble. 288 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,680 What is that phrase? It's something like that. 289 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,000 But it's what I think of when I when I worry and when other 290 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,280 people worry, like how is worrying helping me? 291 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:52,320 So this is where the pragmatism really helps because stress, 292 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:55,880 anxiety, worry, they can be useful, productive emotions 293 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:57,720 right up until they're not right. 294 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,640 And typically what happens for me is that I get stressed or 295 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:04,440 anxious or worry so much that that is the actual problem. 296 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,880 It's the worry. It's not what I'm worried about. 297 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:12,200 And so if I can just remind myself like, that's not really a 298 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:15,640 useful emotion in this context, I'm just going to breathe. 299 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,680 I'm just going to breathe. Then I can get back to the 300 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:19,720 meeting. And then all the worry comes up. 301 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:23,000 But I'm, I'm primed to be like, but you don't have to worry. 302 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,480 It's OK because the worry doesn't help. 303 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,480 It's the solving the problem that will help, right? 304 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:38,160 I'm Mark. I have two things that came to 305 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:41,240 mind. 1 is that like I started getting up early and going for 306 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:44,520 runs with my dog every morning, but in order to get them early, 307 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:49,000 I have to go to bed early. So I gave myself a little alarm 308 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:53,040 at 8:00 PM every day and I was like appreciations and like 309 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,720 usually it kind of like catches me by surprise. 310 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:58,440 It's like already PM and Oh my gosh, all these things. 311 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,720 But then I like take a little bit of time and just think about 312 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,880 the day and appreciate whenever I can about the day. 313 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:09,120 And that's, that's nice. And it's kind of meditative. 314 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:12,320 And then in the morning when I finally go off of the ramp with 315 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:16,240 my dog, when we get to the park, which is kind of stressful, we 316 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:20,640 feel like go through traffic and there's usually like people and 317 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:23,120 all this stuff. When we get to the park, it's 318 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:24,560 just like this moment of release. 319 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,880 And I'm like Finn waving into the park and like he gets 320 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,000 excited. I get excited and it's like 321 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,720 that's, that's probably my my time. 322 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:42,280 It's good to have those kinds of anchors and it's helpful if we 323 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,080 can build them into a regular routine. 324 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,800 So like your morning routine with your meditation, your yoga 325 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,720 and your your running. I mean, you do it regularly. 326 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,600 And that's with all of these kinds of practices. 327 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,800 They build up over time. It's not usually A1 and done. 328 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,200 I mean meditation, running, yoga, all those things. 329 00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:58,960 It's not a one and done kind of a thing. 330 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,520 It's something that you do over and over and over again. 331 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,560 And then you start to see the real benefit. 332 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:07,280 But then often something happens and it breaks the routine. 333 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:11,080 And then depending on how grounded you are in that 334 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:14,840 routine, it can mean like starting up all over again. 335 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:18,000 And that's when you often have to have your reminder about, 336 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,640 like, why you're doing this, why it works for you, why it's 337 00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:23,800 important, you know, give it, give it that kind of the Y 338 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,800 meaning. And that can get it back in 339 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,280 place unless you have a dog, because the dog is not going to 340 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,960 let you forget. Like, we run in the morning, 341 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:31,960 mom. And you're going to be like, 342 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:35,160 yeah, but all right. Oh, I'm Lauren. 343 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:41,400 I, my, my mornings are trying to wreck. 344 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,800 We're going to wake up. But the night routine, my 345 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:49,760 favorite like ritual is, you know, changing into comfy 346 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:54,760 clothes and just imagining it, picking up all that energy and 347 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,880 getting all cozy. So I did that. 348 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:02,120 I started that a couple weeks ago and I I really like just 349 00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:05,440 taking off the word clothes and getting all comfy and. 350 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:10,400 Letting that energy go to the laundry pile and just 351 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:16,600 visualizing that. So we'll work on mornings. 352 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:26,080 We also talked about it's often helpful as part of an evening 353 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:29,520 sort of ritual to include some sort of like gratitude 354 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:35,720 reflection because we have such a negativity bias and we're so 355 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,280 much more likely to remember all the things that we think what 356 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,840 went wrong in the day and forget the things that went well. 357 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:44,920 That it can often be a really helpful like reminder, 358 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:46,680 especially if you're not in distress. 359 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:50,600 So if you're not in a bad place, start like noticing the things 360 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,760 that that are bringing you happiness or gratitude or 361 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:56,280 whatever else, because at some point you will be in a not a 362 00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:58,080 good place. And then you'll be like, wow, I 363 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,120 really wish I could find something to be grateful for, 364 00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:02,320 but you're not in a good place. And so there's no gratitude 365 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:06,320 anywhere to be found. So it yeah, if you, when you 366 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,280 take off all your clothes, if you just take a moment, you'd be 367 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,440 like, I love the comfy clothes there. 368 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:14,960 I'm grateful for comfy clothes. It can be a can start that like 369 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,200 helping you to remember the things that go well. 370 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,600 Not you're not going to remember them quite as much as the things 371 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,200 that you don't go well, but it's the start. 372 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:32,160 Micah is me, so the first person that intrigues me to my 373 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:38,440 coolness, he essentially had this idea that I shouldn't be 374 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:42,560 mindful and focused on whatever I was doing in that moment and 375 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:44,400 only that. Kind of like what you're talking 376 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:48,840 about with Into Your Pressure, which at the time I thought was 377 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,960 absolutely ridiculous, rejected completely. 378 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:57,360 Now I understand isn't a bit more, but I guess one question I 379 00:21:57,360 --> 00:22:02,160 have is like, so right now my habits are like pretty bad 380 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:07,680 intern. So just like cooking for a 381 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,240 thing. So like today I primarily ate 382 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:14,720 trainings because I just have not been cooking like I should 383 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:19,920 be. But that being said, like one 384 00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:24,280 thing that I'm just a super lazy cook and one thing that helps me 385 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:29,640 cook sometimes is like watching a show while I do it, which is 386 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:32,080 kind of like the opposite of what you were. 387 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:36,280 Talking about earlier. So I guess I was just curious, 388 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,440 where were you? What you thought about? 389 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,200 Or what anyone thought about that in terms of like, obviously 390 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:45,280 there's the one end where that guy was like home. 391 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:48,760 Like you're washing dishes only thinking about like washing 392 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,720 these dishes. And then, yeah, I was saying. 393 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:56,240 I'm Mary and. I, I can totally relate to that. 394 00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:02,760 Like when I had two little kids, only way I could get through 395 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:07,520 laundry was by watching ATV show at the same time or something. 396 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:11,720 But also like, just like with my job, there's certain tasks that 397 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,640 I do better. Some tests I do better if I'm 398 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:18,720 focused on it and some tests I do better if I have music 399 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:27,000 playing or something else as I don't even know why but I just I 400 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:34,600 need something besides just what I'm doing and so I feel like you 401 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:38,720 find what works best for you. Yeah, I had moments in the 402 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,800 kitchen where they were just amazing meditations and making 403 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:49,480 one of those rolls with the era. But they'll also have a 404 00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:53,400 tradition of making risottos anytime a John Wick movie comes 405 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:58,800 out and I just bring ATV into the kitchen and I spend 2 hours 406 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:02,560 leaking a risotto and watching a John Wicker because stirring 407 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:06,960 rice and broth together for two hours, it's not something, it's 408 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:07,800 not a meditation. I. 409 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,760 I think I mean, all of this relates to the sort of pragmatic 410 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:18,240 slant on and one of the things that I find when people come to 411 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:21,640 us frequently is that they have heard that there is a right way 412 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:23,320 to do things is a right way to sit. 413 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:25,640 There's a right way to meditate, there's a right way to be 414 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:27,520 mindful, There's a right way to do this thing. 415 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:29,720 And I just want to know what the right way is. 416 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,440 So what's your right way? And I'm life, that's not how we 417 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:35,400 do it here. So we it really is about, I 418 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,560 mean, that's taking seriously the idea of like what does work 419 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,840 for you and being aware that illusion is a real thing. 420 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,640 Like we can lie to ourselves really, really well, right? 421 00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:48,400 So still holding that in awareness, but recognizing that. 422 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,320 OK, so I feel like right now what I need is to have, you 423 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,880 know, music well while I'm working and then assets is this 424 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,800 is it actually, am I trying to distract myself and trying to 425 00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:01,760 avoid something or does it help me to be more in this moment so 426 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,440 I can do this thing? And so it really is figuring out 427 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:08,040 what does work for you, but allowing yourself the space to 428 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,240 recognize that you could be lying to yourself. 429 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:14,040 So, so try it right to say like, OK, well, what I think I need is 430 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:17,400 to watch a show to be able to cook, see what you're doing. 431 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,840 Does it allow you to cook? Cause one of the things that 432 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,800 will happen, like when you're doing music or watching a show 433 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,600 or whatever is it takes you out of that moment and then you burn 434 00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:27,520 the thing and 'cause you're not paying attention, 'cause you're 435 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:30,480 half here and you're half there. That's the whole point of this 436 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,280 mindfulness. When people are like, we're bad 437 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,680 at multitasking, 'cause we objectively are, we're not good 438 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,840 at it, right? So if you find that you are not 439 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,720 really watching the show but also not really cooking, then 440 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,240 that's not the right solution for you. 441 00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:46,360 But if you find that you need some sort of external simuli 442 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:49,160 that's going to allow you to unhook from whatever it is 443 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:51,880 that's keeping you distracted and allow you to do the thing 444 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:54,280 you need to do, and that's totally appropriate. 445 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,280 And it can be just like a meditation. 446 00:25:56,680 --> 00:26:01,600 What I would say is, but, but it's also true that it is hard 447 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,280 to just focus on one thing because that's not how we're 448 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:06,720 wired. It is difficult to just sit 449 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,480 there and like I'm just paying attention to the tooth brushing 450 00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:11,840 and I'm just brushing my teeth. It is difficult. 451 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:14,760 This is one of the reasons that I recommend toothbrushing 452 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:18,480 because it's only two minutes and it's, and which feels like a 453 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:21,040 long time when you're trying to focus only on brushing your 454 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,680 teeth, right? So I, I always recommend some 455 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,880 sort of balance, like figure out what you need to do that can 456 00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,960 allow you to be centered and allow you to be there, even if 457 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,880 it's not what all the, you know, gurus say is the right thing to 458 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:34,760 do. Is it the right thing for you? 459 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:38,600 And then also practice doing that thing that is hard for you, 460 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,600 because sometimes the thing that's difficult for us that we 461 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:45,360 have some aversion to is exactly what we need to turn to face. 462 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:48,640 But sometimes we have a version for things because they're not 463 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,400 good for us, right? And it really is trying to 464 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:54,080 figure out, is this good for me? Is this not good for me? 465 00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:58,000 And you can get suggestions and advice from all sorts of other 466 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,200 people. Listen to it, you know, hear 467 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,440 what other people say or what they write about. 468 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:06,400 But at the end of the day, it's just, it's you in your body that 469 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:09,840 has to make the the decision about, yes, this is right for 470 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:11,800 me. No, this isn't right for me. 471 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:15,360 And then the next time it comes up, you know, ask yourself 472 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:16,960 again. So don't make a decision. 473 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,480 And like that's the end. That's the capital T truth for 474 00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:22,160 me forever. I never have to think about this 475 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:25,280 again, because that's not how we do pragmatic Buddhism, right? 476 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:28,520 We're like sit in the uncertainty, navigate through 477 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,640 that moment, try to navigate through it peacefully, but 478 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:35,640 recognize that uncertainty is part of what we are trying to 479 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:37,880 resolve by saying I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that 480 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:41,760 and do your I. Had an observation and you said 481 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:44,240 doing two things and burning the food. 482 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:51,760 It struck me as such as a no. It this is good that this is the 483 00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:52,920 thing. Try try Thai. 484 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,160 What I love about Thai food and the thing that was a meditation 485 00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:59,120 for me is making spring rolls. Because you are engaged in the 486 00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:02,680 process directly and you could be present through the process 487 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:06,520 throughout the entire process, you are dicing, you are shaping, 488 00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:11,040 you are cutting, your assembling and you're doing in stages. 489 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:14,520 And there's a you have to put it in there for so long, your hands 490 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:18,600 on the entire time. When I burn food is when you 491 00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:21,760 have to let it sit for a little bit and then you just like walk 492 00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:22,720 away. Yep. 493 00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:26,520 And then it burns. You don't burn food while you're 494 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:29,080 watching TV here and you're going like this. 495 00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:32,040 That doesn't burn. What burns is when your TV's 496 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:36,920 over there and you're like, beans will be fine for five. 497 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:38,880 Well, this is a good scene. Oh, what? 498 00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:41,080 And then 10 minutes later the beans are burnt. 499 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:52,240 So I'm just thinking maybe watching TV and cooking is one 500 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,960 thing. It's it's just a bend on the 501 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:58,920 thought, but if but it is more one thing than watching ATV show 502 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:03,800 in the other room or even just spacing out in between waiting 503 00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:08,000 for the pot need to be stirred because you're doing nothing but 504 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:11,320 Thai food is Lumley because it is You prepped and prepped. 505 00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:13,200 You prepped. You're constantly on there and 506 00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,400 cook it. It's about 3 minutes to cook or 507 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,840 510 minutes to cook it and stuff your hands on a little bit of 508 00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:20,000 all. But it's kind of there's no, 509 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:24,000 they have weight for the pot Brexit. 510 00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,920 The other thing we talked about last week that I think applies 511 00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:33,640 here too is that what's right right now might not be what's 512 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:36,480 right next year. Yeah. 513 00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:42,440 For many years, several depression and anxiety and also 514 00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:47,840 like to drink and listen to loud music and every day after work 515 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:51,040 and in construction, somebody had a beer and I would turn on 516 00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:52,960 some loud music. And I'll never forget when this 517 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,720 happened, you know, and I would listen to it louder, right 518 00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:58,160 thinking then one day, you know, this is really successful 519 00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:00,360 behavior. This is helping me feel better. 520 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:02,960 And I was in some some Rage Against the machine and I turned 521 00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:05,040 it off. I felt so most bad. 522 00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:09,400 And so it's just interesting some of the things that we do, 523 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,960 some of the things that we practice, and I'm a really slow 524 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,640 learner. And then what's right today in 525 00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:16,880 the. So, yeah. 526 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,320 Actually, I stopped listening to music in the car for that reason 527 00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,600 when I started all this thing because I was like, OK, I'm 528 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,360 going to drive mindfully. And but then there was music and 529 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,400 then there was cars and I was like, I can't, I can't. 530 00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:29,000 I was like, there's too much, there's too much. 531 00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,080 So I had to like. Turn around 1000 and all of a 532 00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:33,120 sudden it's the most beautiful thing in the world. 533 00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:36,000 I also talk about walking and, you know, if somebody doesn't 534 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:39,080 want to have a sitting meditation walking and you know, 535 00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:42,040 we all have, you know, something in our ears and we're listening 536 00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:44,840 to something and we've listened to a hard podcast today. 537 00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,760 Turn that shit off. Turn that shit off. 538 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,400 Or at least experiment with it, right? 539 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:51,320 Right. No. 540 00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:54,960 Turn. Experiment with turning it on. 541 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:58,040 More and more and more and more right, but less visible. 542 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:01,160 Well, and, and really thinking about what you're using it for. 543 00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:04,440 So this is, I mean, a lot of people, whether it's TV or music 544 00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:07,080 or whatever, are using it because what they're actually is 545 00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:09,880 tired, like tired from a long day and they want to relax. 546 00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:13,280 But it's really helpful to assess like, is it actually 547 00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,600 relaxing for you? Because a lot of these things 548 00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:17,600 they've done studies in different people don't 549 00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:21,200 necessarily heal physiologically reacts when they're, you know, 550 00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:23,920 watching TV or playing on the computer or doing music or 551 00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:26,360 whatever else. It's and so we're doing it 552 00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:29,240 because we believe that it will relax us, but it doesn't 553 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:32,040 actually relax us, although I'm sure it does relax some people. 554 00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:34,800 So this is where I'm saying what, why are you doing it? 555 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:37,240 Like, what is the purpose? So in your case, you will 556 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,240 actually cook if you have a show, watching this seems like 557 00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:42,080 like a good idea to do that, right? 558 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,040 Other people might be more distracted. 559 00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:45,160 But like, oh, that's a good scene. 560 00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:46,600 I'm not going to pay attention to this. 561 00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:49,600 And the same thing is true with all of the other sort of things. 562 00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,320 If you want to watch a show, you watch a show. 563 00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:54,400 I mean, there's nothing wrong with necessarily watching TV. 564 00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,920 But if you're watching it because you're, you're depressed 565 00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:00,920 and you want to not be depressed or you're, you know, stressed 566 00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:04,680 and anxious and you want to relax, then assess afterwards. 567 00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:07,880 Are you less depressed? Are you, you know, more relaxed? 568 00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:11,880 If you are right, it's working. But if you're not, then maybe 569 00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:15,560 you should do something else, you know, And in those cases, 570 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,800 that's when I recommend try doing the thing that you don't 571 00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:20,320 want to do. So like, oh, I just, I just want 572 00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:22,800 to like veg out. And so I'm just going to turn on 573 00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:25,640 TV and just be numb. Well, what if you just like sit 574 00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:27,560 quietly for a minute? The thing that you don't want to 575 00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:29,040 do, be alone with your thoughts, right? 576 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:32,600 That can be a little bit more challenging and feel more like 577 00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:33,920 punishment. And that's not where we're going 578 00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:36,880 for. But that might actually help you 579 00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:39,320 feel more, you know, relax, more peaceful. 580 00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:42,760 You might be overstinguated these days. 581 00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:46,640 But on the other hand, I mean, because you brought up rage and 582 00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:49,680 that is my excessive meage band, right? 583 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:54,440 So exactly like, I just get out the Rage Beat pack on Beat 584 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:57,320 Saber. And in part because it does pump 585 00:32:57,320 --> 00:33:00,960 up a lot of the like, you know, aggravating kind of feelings 586 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:04,920 that I try to like, put those to the side, put this to the side, 587 00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:06,560 but they need a little bit of an outlet. 588 00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:10,440 And so then I let it get out through my pores if I sweat 589 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:14,880 playing on the gate. So yeah, I use it, but it's in a 590 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:18,960 very particular way. What? 591 00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:28,080 Take your goal. Tomorrow morning I have to do a 592 00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:34,720 talk peer sport on fro peer support for the laborers. 593 00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:38,480 And so all the other trades are coming to one of our halls and 594 00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:42,120 tomorrow morning at 9 O clock, say it in prayer for me. 595 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:47,040 I have to do a presentation about what peer work is to these 596 00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:50,160 other organizations because they want to start beer programs. 597 00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:56,720 And yeah, I'm really stressed out about it, but not for the, 598 00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:59,320 you know, the typical reasons. I know what I'm going to say is, 599 00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:03,080 you know, I want to have this effect on on these other 600 00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:06,040 organizations. And the only problem is with, 601 00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:11,880 you know, the anxiety is the nervousness can lock you up to 602 00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:17,159 where you can't access, you know, you know, my, you know, my 603 00:34:17,159 --> 00:34:21,760 nervous system is already, you know, going. 604 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:26,199 So anyway, sorry, I just had to say thank you for letting me 605 00:34:26,199 --> 00:34:29,040 know. Anybody has any great responses 606 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:31,639 please? Other than to like get your 607 00:34:31,639 --> 00:34:34,520 parasympathetic nervous system in gear, so doing some deep 608 00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,360 breaths beforehand and even during a talk. 609 00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:44,400 Also anxiety and excitement have similar neuro chemicals in her 610 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:47,360 brain, so the more you can tell yourself you're inside it versus 611 00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:52,760 anxious or nervous, some kind of you it has the same kind of 612 00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:56,960 like, you know, chest, you know, heart racing and like anyway, 613 00:34:57,240 --> 00:34:58,720 so. Explain that to me. 614 00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,000 Would you use it? Use the anxiety. 615 00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:03,680 Like kind of. I say, OK, I'm really anxious 616 00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:05,200 about this talk. I'm like feeling kind of 617 00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:06,600 stressed about it. And I could say actually I'm 618 00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:09,080 really excited to just talk. Like I'm really excited for all 619 00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:12,200 six, I'm going to say, and it can kind of help you just 620 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:14,800 refrain me. And it's not not lying to 621 00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:17,880 yourself because this is the thing you are telling yourself a 622 00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:19,680 story about the feelings that you're having, right? 623 00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:21,920 You're having a physiological feeling and you're like, I'm 624 00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:24,760 nervous, I'm anxious. The thing is, and what what 625 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:28,280 you're saying here is that like those same physical sensations 626 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:33,000 also can be interpreted as a as excitement, like same thing, you 627 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,320 know, you're talking about, you know, love and hate. 628 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:39,160 They feel a lot of the same places and it's the story that 629 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:40,640 we tell about them. And, you know, we've talked a 630 00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:43,080 lot about stories. I'm all about a short circuit. 631 00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:44,560 I'm all about two wolves. No more. 632 00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:47,160 Yeah, a short circuit it is. Let's go. 633 00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:50,080 You're. Going to do great. 634 00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,920 Anxiety or how it like presents itself in our life. 635 00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:58,400 That's so strange and interesting. 636 00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:04,000 Like I know that I suffer from a fair amount of anxiety and I had 637 00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:11,520 an ex that also would and we would find like lock points in 638 00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:14,800 our anxiety. So for her, lock points were 639 00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:17,200 things that were like visible for me to see. 640 00:36:17,720 --> 00:36:20,000 Like when we'd have a conversation or we'd try to do 641 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:21,720 something and she'd just frees up. 642 00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:26,320 And, you know, you tell me to put an application in somewhere 643 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:30,640 to do a job interview or to do a number of very select things 644 00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:32,640 that I'm going to freeze up like crazy. 645 00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:39,680 But they're not seen every day. And so it's really easy for me 646 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:43,520 to get frustrated with somebody when they lock up from anxiety, 647 00:36:44,720 --> 00:36:47,840 even though I know, well, I got a handful of things that just 648 00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:50,520 frees me up like nobody's business. 649 00:36:53,200 --> 00:37:00,720 And yeah, I, I'd use some tools. We got to use some tools to 650 00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:05,480 figure out, yeah, what that looks like. 651 00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:09,360 I think through Buddhism I've kind of expanded the things that 652 00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:12,240 I'm not freezing up about, but it almost feels like the things 653 00:37:12,240 --> 00:37:17,280 I freeze up about are even more sequestered now because they are 654 00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:24,240 just those things that they can't seem to do. 655 00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,080 Well, I think that the, I mean, we talk a lot about, you know, 656 00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:29,360 increasing our awareness. And I think that the first thing 657 00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:32,840 is like, but what I've had to do is like, what are the 658 00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:35,760 physiological signs that I'm in this kind of distress? 659 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,720 This is where like my body will tell me I'm stressed about work 660 00:37:38,720 --> 00:37:42,040 before I realize it, when I feel like the pain in my jaw. 661 00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:44,480 And I was like, OK, wait, I didn't think I was worried about 662 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:46,520 work, but I'm clearly worried about work. 663 00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:50,800 I need to figure something out. So part of that and then 664 00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:53,320 figuring out what to do when that happens. 665 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:55,720 So. I figure out who I'm mad at or 666 00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:58,440 why I'm mad. I'm like, I'm like, oh, I'm mad. 667 00:37:59,240 --> 00:38:02,960 Seems like I'm full of anger. Some let me figure out what I 668 00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:06,960 did or what somebody did that maybe that the guy with this Sir 669 00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:11,960 didn't tell this person that was had a concern and then I got mad 670 00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:15,040 at them for not. Reading my mind, it's funny how 671 00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:17,880 these things can build up to right it's not just one thing 672 00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:21,520 you might be something two weeks ago kind of cyclical and. 673 00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:26,400 Yep, Yep. And then figuring out the the 674 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:28,440 solution for it is the next part right? 675 00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:31,160 The so is it awareness? And then you could do like the 676 00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:34,520 digging into the story kind of thing, but that sometimes 677 00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:37,840 doesn't work all the way. I mean, I, I do the like, I now 678 00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:40,120 I try to talk to my jaw, I'm like, no, no, you can just let 679 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,080 it go. You just and my jaw's like 680 00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:44,920 they're going let it go. Am I super stressed? 681 00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:48,600 So then it's something else breathing through it or you 682 00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:52,600 know, hot shower or you know, something else to whatever it's 683 00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:56,440 going to take to unhook from that thing that is settling into 684 00:38:56,440 --> 00:39:00,000 your body. So when you find more tools, 685 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:01,840 they let us know. We'll talk about other kinds of 686 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,240 tools. So we talked about a lot of the 687 00:39:03,240 --> 00:39:08,360 same ones breathing like your sizing, meditating. 688 00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:14,240 There to find the in the back room are you but to myself about 689 00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:22,320 oh you're excited I told you sorry. 690 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:31,080 This is the first like Christmas, I guess that I will 691 00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:36,160 be like for sure really single and like I previously was 692 00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,960 married for like 4 years in a relationship for seven years. 693 00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:41,320 So every like party that I've gone to you without going to go 694 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:46,240 to this year, I'll be on my own and usually have not been on my 695 00:39:46,240 --> 00:39:47,440 own. It's like fresh Christmas. 696 00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:49,000 I haven't had our Christmas cards. 697 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:52,400 I'm like, you know all those things and like, Oh my God, see 698 00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:55,040 a white extended family and they're going to ask people. 699 00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:58,880 My partner because I'm really announced it to people. 700 00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:00,800 He thought it's gone like 8 months. 701 00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:05,800 So yeah, I just got my first batch of like Christmas cards 702 00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:07,360 today. I know like you're sad. 703 00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:10,160 I'm all like bows. It's like hard, it's harder than 704 00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:13,440 I want to be. I don't know. 705 00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:15,280 I don't know, like embarrassed or anything. 706 00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:18,080 It's we're just like the it's just sad. 707 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:23,560 It's like more of like morning thing that no one has advice. 708 00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:27,600 Well, I really, I really sympathize because, you know, my 709 00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:30,480 mom died not too long ago. So this isn't, you know, like it 710 00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:32,200 was the first Thanksgiving without her and this is the 711 00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:35,120 first Christmas without her. And so in the same sort of way, 712 00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,600 it's like there's just these ways where all of a sudden these 713 00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:38,920 are all the things that we always did. 714 00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:42,320 And now I'm doing it and I'm just like, oh God, she's really, 715 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,680 she's really not here. And it like just really hurts. 716 00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:47,800 And I, I don't know if it was would be useful for you and 717 00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:49,160 others. Please feel free to chime in. 718 00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:51,800 But I found in those moments that that's when I just have to 719 00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:54,560 stop for just a minute and like breathe into like that. 720 00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:56,520 I feel it in my heart when that happens. 721 00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:59,000 And I just have to like breathe into my heart and just be like, 722 00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:01,440 yeah, it's kind of sucks. It sucks that she's gone. 723 00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:04,400 I don't love that she's gone. I don't love that I'm doing this 724 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:08,520 thing without her right now. And often that can that's enough 725 00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:11,720 of an acknowledgement for my feelings to be like, thank you, 726 00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:14,400 you heard me. I was just wanted to feel heard 727 00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:18,000 and then I can let it go. So at least for me, like my 728 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,040 feelings, because I just don't I'm not good with the feelings 729 00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:23,480 thing, right. And if as long as I can like 730 00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:26,840 give the feeling the respect that it deserves, but not more 731 00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:29,960 that it deserves, it's enough for it to be like I can feel a 732 00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,680 little like breath and mouth like a man. 733 00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:38,240 So that's what works for me, even as even the feelings just. 734 00:41:38,720 --> 00:41:42,920 Error. I think that's just so much 735 00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:46,320 better feeling though, and you treat. 736 00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:51,920 Yourself with all day God that God talks about it. 737 00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:56,160 Oh would have you know if we have an aversion, maybe possibly 738 00:41:57,800 --> 00:42:03,000 leaning and other and also like talk about addiction sometimes 739 00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:07,800 so much struggle with you know it was just saying that you know 740 00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:09,840 the opposite. Addiction is not sobriety, it's 741 00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:13,240 connection. And so we had it on personal 742 00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:14,920 work. Like I could imagine you, you 743 00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:18,600 know, instead of adding a diversion to the quiet time and 744 00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:23,160 the pain mix sitting with it and and this two shot pass, but also 745 00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:26,640 some connection, whatever that looks like for you, whether it's 746 00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:30,280 family or friends finding those pieces and finding joy. 747 00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:33,200 And then they don't have to look like, you know, there doesn't 748 00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:37,600 have to be comparative, you know, find those appreciating 749 00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:41,320 what is instead of wanting it to be other than it is, right? 750 00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:45,760 Acceptance, all those lofty concepts. 751 00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:47,800 They're a pretty practical officer. 752 00:42:53,290 --> 00:43:01,010 Yeah. Anyone else also my wife might 753 00:43:01,010 --> 00:43:05,490 say enjoy the game that the quiet time girl I got to put up 754 00:43:05,490 --> 00:43:08,250 with this guy and these kids and the dog. 755 00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:17,840 Sorry, couldn't help miss. OK, well, so I'll encourage you 756 00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:21,120 to to think about this throughout the week and if you 757 00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:24,880 managed to get yourself a a morning sort of ritual, evening 758 00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:28,360 ritual, see how that helps to kind of anchor you throughout 759 00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:30,880 the day. We did also talk about other 760 00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:32,520 kinds of anchors, like reminders. 761 00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:35,560 So if there's something else that you can designate as like, 762 00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:38,480 oh, every time I I'm tick not Hon recommends, like every time 763 00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:41,320 you hear a bell chime, like take a breath. 764 00:43:41,720 --> 00:43:45,520 So somebody's phone Dings or you hear something that could be 765 00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:47,720 another one of those little anchors to be like, Oh yeah, 766 00:43:47,720 --> 00:43:49,320 that's right. I'm going to just breathe right 767 00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:51,960 now. Because a lot of our anxiety and 768 00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:54,320 worry and all this stuff happens because we get stressed and then 769 00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:58,040 we start breathing shallowly and then we get more stressed 770 00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:00,040 because we're not getting our nest oxygen. 771 00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:03,480 So just take a breath. And I want to mention the inside 772 00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:07,000 timer in those those daily reminders, but I don't know, 773 00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:11,200 some days those things are just as up as they are good. 774 00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:13,560 You know, I look at them and they keep going off and I go, 775 00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:15,520 man, I don't have time for you right now. 776 00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:21,960 So can be helpful, can be. Yeah, I turned off my insight 777 00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:24,320 timer, my meditation reminders because I always had it. 778 00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:27,880 I did it for my the afternoons is when I always get tired, you 779 00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:30,280 know, like 3:00 or whatever. And I'm just like dragon or 780 00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:31,960 whatever. And I'd be like, look, just 781 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:33,920 meditate during that time and then you'll be better. 782 00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:36,920 And the alarm goes off and I'm just like, no, I'm not doing 783 00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:41,640 that right now. So I will get back into the 784 00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:43,360 habit of that. For those little short 785 00:44:43,360 --> 00:44:45,880 meditations can really bring your energy back. 786 00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:49,160 Mine's set for 11:00 and 2:00 and every day at 11 two I'm 787 00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:53,560 doing something. And then they stack up and you 788 00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:56,320 stare at them and they cause stress and you don't want to 789 00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:59,320 look at them. So what I did start to do is 790 00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:02,560 like I the the little reminder thing would go off. 791 00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:05,680 I'd be like, no, I'm not doing it, but I'll just like breathe 792 00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:10,360 in and we're breathe out, done and swipe it away. 793 00:45:11,240 --> 00:45:12,760 Done. Breathe in. 794 00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:15,640 Breathe up my. Streak is complete. 795 00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:17,880 Yeah. Now I have to get the streak 796 00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,720 even though to say go, I have to stay up 5 minutes later so I can 797 00:45:20,720 --> 00:45:23,360 meditate for 5 minutes because I will not lose my streak. 798 00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:28,720 Silly thing. I want to anyway. 799 00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:30,400 OK, good. So we're going to close with 800 00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:33,200 that. And when we close, we like to 801 00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:37,200 say, may the fruit of our practice extend to all living 802 00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:38,000 beings.