Hello again. My name is Aaron and last week
we spoke about Zen mind, beginner mind.
We talked about the first part, which kind of got into the
simple attention to posture and sitting and the simplicity of
what it is to meditate correctly is to just sit and do it.
And if you're sitting and doing it, it's right and you're not
doing it wrong because you're doing it.
They talked about things that we struggle with within that the
sitting meditation are the kind of if, if, if we have more
trouble with something and that's our sticking point, then
that's a skill that we're building and not to treat it
with negativity. And we got really big into the
no dualism, how I am both physical body and mind AS2
separate things and as to to as one thing and two things.
And that contradiction making it difficult to to to look at
anything in the world that's just simply one or two things
dualistically. This week we're going to get
into that same book and we're going to discuss right attitude.
And in that a couple of points I wanted to to touch base on the
first first kind of introduction to it.
I found the the introduction of the the single minded way.
You are a, if you are aligned with your true Buddhist self and
you're just kind of perceiving the world on this, this rail
that is the same and it's always the same because you are the
same and always the same. And that when we sit in
meditation, we need to just observe.
And when we try to, to sit for a reason or for a purpose that
that becomes counterintuitive to what we're, we're trying to do.
Danielle often talks about the cushion that we have between our
social interactions and our crises in our lives that we get
from sitting on the cushion. And in this it discussed what I
drew from it was we cannot sit to seek to build the Christian,
but we have to be aware that when we sit, we are building the
cushion at the moment. We're trying to sit and chase
after that thing and to try to, to not just ride on the rail of
who we are and try to chase after that goal of, of, of
building the cushion or settling our mind or trying to actively
do something. I, I think it degrades the, the
meditation it got into, in the, in the sitting in what we're
doing to called leave no trace. And, and that like when we're
engaging in our world, we're engaging in our tasks that we go
through life to engage in them fully and to, to leave nothing
left to be redone. And in doing that and being
fully present while we experience something, we're less
likely to come back with a residue.
And even thinking you did a really good job of something and
being pride prideful of it, that, that that pride is not a
memory of that, but a residue of it.
And that in your further interactions with the people and
that task that you did that pride of, we'll, we'll stick to
it. And so that we want to try to be
as fully present and engaged with what we're doing.
I know in my workshop, if I'm doing a piece of art or creating
a woodworking piece and I'm not fully engaged, not only do I
make errors or I just make it to a lesser quality, will that that
piece for the rest of its existence will, will wear that.
And like, it's funny, I didn't realize this pin right here I
made and I see the imperfections all the time.
And this was a rather early pin that I made.
And so some of the errors that I see are like, oh, well, that's
just me doing the best I could at the time.
And then some of the errors that I see are from distraction.
So there's a difference in those.
But that's the thing. So when we sit in my journey,
when I first set, I found a lot of joy come in the earlier
moments of it. That's another thing it talked
about. And that are sitting shouldn't
really be chasing that joy. And if you would have told me
that 10 years ago, I feel like I was like, you did tell me that
10 years ago and I was like, shut up.
That's not true. This is great.
I'm going to keep doing this in the most advanced stages or what
they would call the book, the level 4, you're just sitting
just to sit and just to be turned in with the now and the
present moment. On the third level, you're,
you're having some physical pleasure from just being there.
Level 2, you have some spiritual and a physical joy from being
there. And I remember sitting in the
chair. Do you remember those earlier
meditations where you're just like, good, I'm doing it good.
And and this, this is funny because I hosted meditation here
on the 1st on the holiday and not there wasn't a lot of energy
for that. Danielle was like, I'll just
cancel it. It's fine.
But I was chasing it. I wanted like, no, I need to
build some of that cushion. I need to say I'm trying to get
that whatever back that I felt like I've lost.
And in that I looked into this book and and since then I really
found a rejuvenation in the book, which has been really
good. But if you're chasing a goal for
chasing that good feeling, then you are attaching to something
that is not anchored, real and present.
And then therefore you are taking away from the experience.
There was a point where we talked about hip hop, talked
about limiting your activity in that.
And I'm going to go back to my workshop like I have to have
sharp tools to do good work. And it takes a lot of time to
sharpen the tools and then and then it takes time and effort to
do the project. And I haven't even just the
other night, I just committed to the tools are not that sharp,
but I'm just going to focus on doing the work with the tools
that are not as sharp as they should be because there's one to
do less because there's wanted to be present with what I was
doing. And if I tried to sharpen the
tools that I'd have to adjust the sharpener and then there was
like 7 or 8 different things that I had to do to get it to
work. But I could just work with
slightly dull tools. They're still sharp, but not as
sharp as they could be. I don't think that is exactly
what this had in mind, but it's just easier to be present when
you're we're trying to do less when your goal is to just finish
the project or to engage with the relationship or to to just
sit. But that's that's better.
There was a bit of talk about the repetitive nature of sitting
and that you need to have tolerance for the the
repetition. And then if something, if your
practice is starting to feel redundant or unpleasant, that
that is just your practice communicating to you that
something is out of tune and needs to be adjusted and talk
towards the the need to have a teacher or relationship with the
Sanga. It it ended the section talking
about the the Nirvana or the end.
And for those who know me, I don't like to dive too much into
the spirituality of things and that I I tend to to feel
repelled by the thinking of that.
But the the book had a really good, good way of, of
associating just the wholeness of of God.
A monk was sitting at Yellow Star or Yosemite and and saw the
waterfall and considered the river being whole and then the
falling water, having the water broken into individualized drops
and falling and then back into the river whole again and
associated the human life. Amazing thing as the experience
of dropping as the individual water droplets and that while a
river is whole, we don't think of the water in it as separate
from the fish and the life and the the leaves and the rocks,
but in the waterfall. Then the image reality of the of
the the the drops of water. For some reason the monks
thought the water was struggling to fall.
But I think that was just important for the metaphor.
So we shouldn't go with that, but just the the kind of
metaphor that the even experience is, is us being
isolated from the, the true combined way, the dualistic
everything is whole but part at the same time and reducing our
apartness and our practice and being settled down to the to the
way of things is is generally the the right attitude.
So on that we'll open up the the room to a discussion and, and
kind of I wanted to just open it up to people's like expectation
of what meditation should be and what, what kind of conflicts
they've had with that expectation of what they felt
meditation should be and then the initial experience they had
with it. I'm trying not to expect
anything or yeah, I, I try not to tie it down.
There's some type of formulation in my mind, some type of, I feel
just go in and just for the sake of doing it.
So I try and forget about the past meditations or the future.
Meditations that this drop is something now in the present and
I love non dualistic thinking was like the waterfall reminds
me in like. Like like the ocean of mirror
the waves. You know and.
When they call mirror the ocean that we're all the ocean.
And I feel like maybe in meditation that gives me a
chance can be the wave and the ocean.
You know, at the. Same.
Time, of course, in. Commute thoughts?
Compliment binds, so I'm going like this.
After. Certain waves, you know, but
yeah, I just find peace and just.
Relax at me. As you like.
The right intention. Is that is that how you
initially approached it or or was that like I learned Pat
initially? I know I initially would get
this a little discouraged because like it.
Sounds the pop of my mind and then I'd feel myself.
You're flustered, got it. You know, I can't even do right,
you know, So I kind of. Relax and let it.
Go you know, it oscillates to this psychic, you know, thoughts
and it right you guys in dogs and they're relaxing.
I think that's such an interesting part of the process
because we've all come to this room, we've all had to been
motivated to come to this room. But then at the same time, the
act of sitting in Drew Zen Zazen is is so averse to being goal
driven or goal related. And we just have to force
ourselves to do something then and then do nothing while we're
doing that something that we're forcing ourselves to do.
They're trying to find that balance of that and I found time
sitting on the cushion with a racing mind, trying to to not be
frustrated or think that I was doing it wrong.
And then and then finding different shabbies to just
ultimately be like, just the fact that I'm sitting on this
cushion. And here it really is amazing
how you can just put that through your head a few times
and it seems to just quiet it down.
But it's it's been so long since I learned that I forget that
thinks a little bit of fate. Initially is what it takes
because otherwise, while we're hearing it's just sitting here,
you know, you have a little bit of faith and it it, you know,
something you told me, I guess. But then at the same time,
because she can't put too much expectation in them.
So. Oh yeah.
But I. Definitely had a little.
Bit of faith that it was something I should be doing, you
know? I was going to say that I'm sure
pretty sure. So what's coming to my mind
tonight is the middle class. And I was drawn to Buddhism
because it's a more grounded than reality kind of aspect
because Don was scared of a little bit.
And you know, I want to see things and experience things for
where they are and not have to distribute by this idea.
And brutism tells me that I practice these things that I'll
be able to be see. Clearly, yeah, Base.
But I think all real news have an aspect of truth.
And then? And what's flowing in my mind
tonight is the middle pass. And so one thing that I do a lot
is I take things away to its reconcile and I think that gets
in the way of the spirituality. And I think a lot of the little
setup was in my beginner's modern.
I think that beginner's, but might had that aspect of not
taking place too serious. Uptronic is beginner.
I've heard recently that we're coming to this world as soft
beings, you know, and that is light and life is flexible and
moving them and and the person also told me that death is rigid
and whenever we die, like we come stiff but causes.
And so maybe we actually relax back into the flow of reality, I
guess. But.
I don't know, I want to try and be more.
Serious about not taking? Things so serious.
And that's interesting. Through this book, I, I
definitely feel that there's aspects of it that are calling
for you to take things less seriously and be more settled in
a very strict way. And if, if you've read it, it's
like, this is the way, this is absolutely the thing that's your
like. It is very assertive and it's
taking things less seriously, which is a kind of a interesting
contradiction in itself. You brought up you're moving
away from dogma and trying to find more into Buddhism.
And I had an interesting conversation before I came here
with my wife. There was a a portion of the
book that was talking about if you believe that you, I don't
know if this is is dogma, but if you believe that you come from
of God and you are not of God, that when you are of God and you
give that, that is a kind of creation within that dynamic
that just you giving to somebody else is actually giving to
yourself. And that's why it feels good
because we're all this, you know, and this non dualistic us
is like a thing. But when you are from God and
you create something, then you're creating something that's
independent of God. And then that's why you have an
attachment to it because it is not a like a stable whole thing
in your life. It is something you created
outside of you because it's outside of God and you're
outside of God because God created you and it That's
convoluted, but the way that my brain thinks to my I can re
explain it, but did you understand any of it?
Yeah. I feel like I can almost draw a
picture of it better than I can explain it, but yeah.
That's why I believe that there is no guy that don't make guys,
you know, but guys just a word trying to describe the
indescribable. I just not.
Real estate means we're all one essentially.
So. I think I don't think I'm alone
in this when I first started. Meditating, I thought the.
Goal is to empty Iran and of course that's impossible.
And what I've kind of come to realize is when I meditate, the
point isn't to empty my mind, it's just to notice and.
It was AI. Don't remember who was but I was
listening to sort of a master meditator and one of the one of
the. Tricks that he uses.
Is every time you start to meditate and mine just your
monkey mind just goes off a million different directions
every time you notice? That you just say.
To yourself, welcome back and it brings you right.
Right back. To the present parliament.
So what I try to do when I when I meditate is I do try to quiet
my mind as much as possible, but but I do start going off in in
different directions. I'll just sort of jet neighbor
and I salt back and say welcome back.
I I always kind of visualize. By thoughts that.
That come in I don't Sicily want I sort of just picture sitting
by the Bank of a river and a raft flowing by and I just
mentally take that thought. Put it on a raft.
And then watch it. Watch it full of a mine so.
I just I think for me the point is just to be part of the
president is just noticing. Thanks and the now.
Judge went away. You know, we're not judging it
because we all have thoughts that we don't want.
You know, it's inconvenient or it's just about we don't want,
but we don't. I try not to judge it too much
and say bad John, don't break that.
You know, it's just it's here. Isn't that interesting?
And. Then move.
On so it's it's sort of helps me with the non attachment out
there, the non judging and the non attachment.
Because when we judge things. So I have to read something
somebody said. One time it's like.
My life is so exhausting from COM, from just the constant
judging of everything. And it does feel that way
sometimes. Is when you're.
When you're in that judgement mode, is.
It's just it's. Exhausting, kind of, to judge.
Everything in your life. And it becomes, it becomes
lighter when you just sort of opt out or just start noticing
instead of judge. It's him.
We're. Very split ourselves into.
The Watcher. And the watcher, we'll get out
like, who's doing the right watcher, Yeah.
Is that the it's not what I think of you?
Is that what you think of me? It's what I think you think of
me. Mental chaos.
I'm Mary, when you were talking about your initial meditations
and how you felt joy, I inspire because my initial meditation
were so irritated that was taking so long.
It's just Dean impatient and when I finally like started to
let go of that and just be like fine, I guess we'll sit forever.
That's when I could actually meditate and and then it was
better. Yeah yeah, I don't I don't think
I had that enjoy the first time. Maybe like, well, and that's,
I've just noticed when people come in so often times they,
they report that they think they're doing it wrong or it's
like, I'd, I didn't do it right. And they're like, well, you're
still sitting there. So you did which which I just
kind of wanted to open up the, the conversation to like, well,
how, how did everybody get past those first three, you know, few
meditations where they just like thought you were doing it wrong
or and, and it is that you think you're supposed to quiet your
mind and, and yeah, yeah, don't think of the yellow Jeep.
There's an interesting thing I remember from where you tossed
my beginner's mind, he said. When you're when you're new with
something, all things are possible.
But when you're an expert or a few.
Things impossible and that that's always that, as was the.
Something that I, I meant to speak on that I, I couldn't read
my handwriting, but it's also just a really wonderful thought
is that there's just no preparations for anything.
You're not going to go back to my tools.
Like I'm not sharpening my tools and I'm not preparing my tools
to work on the lathe. I'm sharpening my tools.
I'm just sharpening my tools. I'm not brushing my teeth to go
out into the world to have shiny, good, fresh, filling
teeth out in the world. I'm just brushing my teeth and
to really, I think that can also you're not sitting to be calm
and to have an easier life. When you get up off the cushion,
you're just sitting. You're preparing to sit and also
you when you're getting down and you know, weight shifting in
your body and you're getting comfortable, you're not
preparing to sit when you are doing that, you're already, you
know, you're already meditating when you're finding yourself in
the position when I'm sitting. Sharpening your tools do you?
Do you treat that as a meditative?
Experience like should if I'm doing it right.
Sometimes I well, it's difficult too because you're literally
cutting miles off. Like if I'm carving a bowl, I'm
literally carving miles of strips of of wood off of the
chunk of wood that I'm doing. And so that you may have to
sharpen your tool 3 or 4 times during a large project.
And and, and when I am doing well in Evans zone, I am I turn
the lathe off, I stop, I turn on the thing, I load up thing a
key, I measure and then I meditatively sharpen the tools.
But I the reason I do a blade, it also is a meditation.
So it's it's hard to but it can be optic it it's not sharp
enough. I got to go sharpen the damn
tool and then then then I've lost the a little bit.
You might catch the dart. You know, that's when you make
your mistakes. It was when you're like, but you
know, when I'm good and in the zone and sharpening is an
extension of the meditation that it that's just an extension of
the meditation. But if it's not, that's usually
just a good time to step away from the whole darn thing and
and reset. And this isn't really related to
anything, but just the moments that I realized like, oh, I need
to make a small project right now because I don't have I'll
make a handle for something that's just going to live down
here and doesn't need to be terribly beautiful.
It just needs to be functional. And then I have times where
like, oh, I'm going to make something.
I've got time, I've got space. The dog doesn't have to go out
for another two hours. Kind of moments I remember.
One thing that was like really story is frustrating is
sometimes I feel like or felt like, I remember there were
times where I felt like, oh, I'm doing this really, really well.
Like I'm in the zone type thing when I'm meditating and then I
would like I'd be aware of things in general, but like
those these tiny little micro thoughts that come up and I'm
like, what is this like a whole nother labor?
Like I thought I was, I thought I was aware, I thought it was
doing good. I don't know.
And that's up. That continues to be frustrating
because I consider myself be pretty self aware.
But then there's all these like I consider the microphones, but
they're really like hard for me to wreck against and be aware
of, especially in the home. And they're usually the ones
that I need to be aware of or it would be ideal if I was aware
of. There's a book called Why
Buddhism is True that I read a few years ago.
That's really good book. I think you would enjoy it.
And it it talks about a lot of the bio neurology that's going
on and the current theory on the part of your brain that receives
the thoughts. That would be I need to pee, I
need to not go to that unsafe looking area.
I'm hungry, thirsty, I'm sad. And there's it's like module
theory and there's just a module that receives it's the resting
node nodule and it receives all that information.
And when we sit and meditate, we do our best to just quiet down
all of those things. And what you're describing to me
just sounds like when you quiet down everything, they're still,
these nodules are saying like, all right, I think you'll
actually be able to hear me now. And so it's, it's good.
It's a process you're doing, you're quieting down all the,
the, the noise and, and like, I don't think we're actually
supposed to quiet our minds. But when we allow that resting
not no nodule to quiet to to hear things that aren't
necessarily being heard, then that's then then we can actually
let that that little micro thought that's worked its way in
there to to to express itself a bit and to to maybe maybe listen
to it. I've had moments.
The big one is the middle way, which I I strongly believe it.
I had a conflict with an ex-girlfriend that I just felt
either like a victim or an asshole with in my head and I
could never figure it out. Depending on the context of how
I saw a situation, or it could be the same situation.
I was either a terrible person who did a terrible thing, or she
was this terrible person that took advantage of me.
And both of those things were happening at the same time
because we were both wounded and terrible and hurt.
And, and it was one of those that was one of those
meditations where everything got really quiet and then this
little voices kept coming in there.
And then I just sat with that and let that be and like, oh, it
wasn't my fault. It wasn't her fault.
It was our fault. And we, we moved on to it
because we recognized the unhealthiness of it and, and it
was very liberating to me. You know to to.
Just have this little micro thought that was persistent to
believe. Does that sound like what that
could be or? Yeah, yeah.
It really to me feels like layers of like, OK, here are the
things that are like relatively easy to be aware of and then
like I no idea at this layer, but like there's this whole
layer down here of these just tiny little invasive little
thoughts usually for me about anxiety, like anxious.
Thoughts. This.
You're working eyes and now. And I think part of the key
might be not to watch on tour. Yeah, they pop in, then go.
They pop in quick and they're sneaky.
I don't but which one they start.
Carroting to a dialogue. That's why I'm trying to get
aware of. Yeah.
No, yeah. And, and there's, there's a
difference between being aware of them and letting them trickle
in and take over and then but trying to kick them out as soon
as they come in that that's when they take over because you don't
even, you have to be aware and recognize them.
And, and yes, that's where I live.
Sometimes it feels like when I meditate, it's like number like
the old radio dials and you would just.
Go up and down the. Dial and do $200 different
frequencies because. Not to.
It feels like that. It's like you're.
We just twing all these different.
Frequencies and. Rain and rain.
Prince and then, you know, but well, yeah, maybe occasionally
somebody could. But the hell.
A lot of times. Where I was it?
Was like thinking it was maintaining but I would just.
Get her from the computer, get her from the couch or whatever.
Just. Walk outside and just sit.
I would always sit temporally have.
Like great ideas were how but could I was sort of just.
Whiting a little bit. And allowing something to come
in. That didn't have there.
Wasn't a space to pound in before.
Seemed like there was something about that in the book and the
kind of the doing less and and being fully engaged in what you
were doing allowed you to complete tasks and move on to
from them or that is just don't leave as much Taft or residue
calling that calling it residue to me really kind of resonated
with when you're when you're working on something and you.
It's it's just. Chaff in your mind that that if
it's not resolved, that it's just a head full of chaff.
You can't think straight. That's a trading.
On sound, losing mess up in that sound seems to help.
It helps. Me, the sun is all the way
easier. I used to hate the traffic.
I've been sitting here for 12 years and I, I used to think the
traffic was like, I can't sit and rather take a stupid
traffic. And now I hear an ambulance go
by and I'm just like, oh, thank you round date.
And it brings me back to the moment and I can't even imagine
it not doing that. And now it's it's a, it's a tool
that I use and I just get kidding with family that I used
to just shake my fist at it mentally.
And you asked how do, how do we get over like those initial
misconceptions or whatever? I think for me first of all, I'm
still working on, but for me guided meditation, like a good
guided meditation course really except like a good foundation
for me I and then a lot of I think is experiential like like
similar to your car thing. Like I remember there's one time
I doing 1 meditations and my girlfriend at the time called me
and it was like a really long meditation like longer than I
ever done before. And I remember immediately
getting pissed and being like how dare she interrupt me?
Like what is she doing on my way?
Wait a minute now like. That's kind of the full point of
this thing. It's OK, that's not the point.
Like to do. How many?
Yeah. So I think it's like
experiential too, yeah. I would have blamed.
The person that yeah, yeah, put on the brakes, you know, it's
not that person. That's what's going on inside a
desk, right? 'Cause someone, I see it like
everything, can become a new like to ask what what make a new
thing to like. Practice this thing random.
True. I had a a truly unsuccessful
event. I was on a backpacking trip with
a friend and the lady that he was a Buddhist and we just sat
and meditated and I had this fly kind of buzzing me to land on my
face and I just got him and I'm like, oh, I think I did that
wrong. But but after like I Oh yeah,
well, the and then like quick was like, no, it's better now.
Well, we're running towards the end.
We like to close our practice way.
May the fruits of our practice extend to all living beings.
Spa.