1 00:00:15,490 --> 00:00:19,410 Good morning, everybody. So the topic of today's Dharma 2 00:00:19,410 --> 00:00:24,490 talk is going to be prayer. I chose this topic because I do 3 00:00:24,490 --> 00:00:27,930 a lot of it in my work as a chaplain, and it took me a long 4 00:00:27,930 --> 00:00:30,250 time to be able to do it authentically. 5 00:00:31,690 --> 00:00:34,090 I've also going to believe that prayer could be a powerful way 6 00:00:34,090 --> 00:00:36,890 of connecting with others in a deeply human and healing way. 7 00:00:37,610 --> 00:00:40,170 My hope today is to offer a way of thinking about prayer that 8 00:00:40,170 --> 00:00:45,840 might be usable for the Sangha, especially given all of the kind 9 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:49,080 of pseudo praying we do in the service prior to this. 10 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:53,160 So with that in mind, I will begin. 11 00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:59,920 So I started my journey with prayer as a chaplain intern at 12 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,880 Children's. At the time, I had very little 13 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:05,720 experience with prayer. In fact, most of my experiences 14 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:07,840 with prayer had been fairly negative. 15 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:12,640 People would tell me that they were going to pray for me, which 16 00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:15,840 I found usually meant that they hoped that God would change 17 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:19,720 something about me they didn't like into something that they 18 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,320 did like. I think of this kind of prayer 19 00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:24,520 as a something like a backhanded prayer. 20 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:29,280 Other times prayer showed up for me when I was in some kind of 21 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:35,440 deep emotional turmoil and the spirit of my prayers was 22 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:39,520 something like, you know, F it, I will try anything to make this 23 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:43,720 situation change. And so my kind of thoughts on 24 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:45,880 these prayer, they're kind of like Hail Mary prayers. 25 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,680 Hail Mary in the sense of throw it up there, not like Hail Mary, 26 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:50,960 mother of God, that kind of shit. 27 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:55,480 And then there was a third type of prayer, which I think of as 28 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:59,400 intercessory prayer, the idea that some God or Saints or 29 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,280 bodhisattva would step in and fix things for me. 30 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:08,919 Like many rituals that I assumed were mostly Christian in origin, 31 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:17,160 I found this kind of prayer to be particularly offensive to my 32 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:21,360 kind of secular sensibilities of the time, and so I scoffed at it 33 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:28,240 for most of my adult life. To me, it felt like a mythical 34 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:35,960 helper that would who could only help when you had the decency to 35 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,080 ask for it. Right. 36 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:41,040 So my assessment at the time was that prayer was something 37 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:46,640 accusatory, sometimes maybe desperate, but almost certainly 38 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:50,840 something beneath me and really, ultimately futile. 39 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:57,520 And yet, as a chaplain, as you might expect, this was something 40 00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:00,800 that it was not only expected of me, it was something I was 41 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:05,000 expected to do well. And as you can also probably 42 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:08,400 imagine, the first time I was asked to pray with a family, it 43 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:13,080 went really, really well. It did not. 44 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:18,040 Up until that point, I had been able to skillfully avoid praying 45 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:21,520 with patients and families, but this particular moment caught me 46 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:26,920 off guard and I froze and launched into a directionless 47 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:30,280 ramble of spiritual words that I had heard in seminary. 48 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:34,840 Something to the effect of dear God, something, something grace, 49 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:38,920 something something mercy, maybe some healing and Amen. 50 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:43,480 Which earned me a side eye from the patient's grandmother. 51 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:49,120 And in that moment, I felt incredibly exposed, like I had 52 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:53,840 been found out as this kind of spiritual fraud who, to be 53 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:57,880 truthful, at the time, I'd always thought that I was worse. 54 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:03,120 Prayer really matter for this family, and they had asked for 55 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:10,680 it, and I had let them down. So having had this happen, and 56 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:15,160 like any good fraud, I decided that I would avoid prayer as 57 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,600 much as possible for as long as possible. 58 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:25,080 And so I became something of a prayer magician or Houdini, able 59 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:28,040 to disappear anytime the possibility of prayer arose. 60 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:32,360 And this worked in my chaplaincy career for a little while, but I 61 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:36,400 had a supervisor who was much more skilled for me and she 62 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:40,200 noticed the pattern. And so one morning during our 63 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:45,000 morning report, she left me dead in my soul and said, Joe, you 64 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,520 seem to enjoy praying. Will you lead us today? 65 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:52,360 Hell. And so I tried. 66 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,960 I really did. And it was bad and really, 67 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:59,560 really bad. And at the end, she looked at me 68 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:06,840 and said, thank you, Joe, that was fine, which was somehow 69 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:10,880 much, much worse than if she had told me I didn't do well. 70 00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:15,880 And so after our morning meeting, she said, Joe, can I 71 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:24,080 see you in my office? Well, you know that feeling when 72 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:27,560 you get caught cheating on the test or you get caught stealing 73 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:28,800 something? Well, maybe so we don't. 74 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:35,320 But I know that for me, and I felt very ashamed and exposed. 75 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:41,480 So I went into her office, and she just let the silence stretch 76 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:44,480 uncomfortably, which is a tactic I'm very familiar with as a 77 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:48,160 father now. But at the end, she just kind of 78 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:51,800 laughed. And she said, Joe, you don't 79 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,960 know how to pray with being. No, no, I didn't. 80 00:05:56,080 --> 00:06:01,280 And so after some conversation about my upbringing, she kind of 81 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:06,000 understood where I was at. And so she was gracious enough 82 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:09,840 to teach me how to pray. She gave me a framework. 83 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,880 This framework and a kind of Buddhist way of understanding is 84 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,640 going to be kind of what the rest of the talk is about. 85 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:18,880 So we'll start with the framework. 86 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:22,040 And it was much simpler than I thought it was. 87 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,640 Invoke something larger than yourself. 88 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:30,280 Name the situation. Ask for something specific. 89 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,320 Name what you think the outcome that you want is. 90 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:42,320 Offer a blessing and then close. Or kind of more simply, 91 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,560 divinity. This is the situation. 92 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:50,600 This is what I mean. This is what I hope it does. 93 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:52,960 Can you help? Thanks. 94 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:59,040 Which sounds flippant, but it was incredibly helpful for me 95 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:03,280 because like any good Buddhist, I now had a formula to work 96 00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:06,520 with, and I am very comfortable with formulas. 97 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:11,400 But more importantly, this framework forced me to do 98 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:16,160 something that I had not been doing, and that was to actually 99 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:21,080 listen to people. See, in order to know what to 100 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:25,960 say, I had to understand and listen to what patients and 101 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:28,320 families were actually experiencing. 102 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:34,400 And over time, I found myself becoming more deeply engaged 103 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:39,840 with their stories, with their beliefs and their lives. 104 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:43,960 And that, I think, is where the magic happens. 105 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:51,080 To know what someone believes, you have to care enough to ask 106 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:55,000 them to name what a situation is. 107 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:59,320 You have to actually listen to what is going on and to 108 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,760 understand what someone hopes for you. 109 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:06,240 I have to ask them what they need. 110 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:13,000 And so before praying, I began asking patients and families or 111 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:20,680 whoever what they wanted. And what I heard was surprising 112 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:26,600 to me because what I had assumed was that's what they wanted was 113 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:33,600 for some God to take away whatever was harming them, 114 00:08:33,799 --> 00:08:36,919 whether it be illness or grief or whatever. 115 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:41,760 And what I heard was really about the disease itself, but 116 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:45,960 about the disruptions that it was causing in their lives. 117 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:52,120 I heard people ask for peace, for safety, for their families 118 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:56,640 not to fall apart. I wasn't hearing please for 119 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,760 miracles. I was hearing hopes for 120 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:08,120 emotional and spiritual healing. And I can tell you from 121 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:12,280 experience that this is an incredibly intimate thing that 122 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:17,520 happens. When I asked people for what 123 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:23,000 they wanted me to pray for, they shared themselves that they're 124 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:27,120 most vulnerable, what their fears were, what their hopes 125 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,880 were, who they loved, why they loved them. 126 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:36,840 They placed their most sincere longings into my hands. 127 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:43,120 And that is something precious and sacred. 128 00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:49,760 And because of it, something in me shifted. 129 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:56,200 And the best way I can describe this is instead of wanting 130 00:09:56,200 --> 00:10:03,480 things for people, would you to have this, I started wanting 131 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:10,520 things with them. I had thought previously that 132 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:13,040 prayer was about changing reality. 133 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:19,040 And what I found was that prayer was more like a way of 134 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:26,320 listening, the way of connecting to people and a way of allowing 135 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:34,200 vulnerability to be spoken in a Safeway and to be encountered 136 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,040 with another individual or individuals. 137 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:42,560 And that feel like I'm using special a lot. 138 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:50,040 But that, friends, is something special because when you, when 139 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:53,000 you really listen to someone like that, when you stay present 140 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:56,680 with what they're hoping for and when you let it matter to you 141 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:03,960 without really needing to fix it, that's what compassion is, 142 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:07,320 right? When you present enough, when 143 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:10,760 you're present enough to actually hear what's being said, 144 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:16,120 not just the words that they're saying, but the life and the 145 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:19,960 person that's underneath all that, that's, that's 146 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:23,240 mindfulness. And when you realize that their 147 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:27,000 hopes and fears aren't separate from your own life, that they 148 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:32,160 are entangled and that you are similar and that you have the 149 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:37,120 same hopes and fears, well, that's a real good window into 150 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:47,960 interdependence, right? And so it's very Buddhist in a 151 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:57,240 sense. And so, and now sometimes when 152 00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:03,720 I'm at work, I get the the question, do Buddhists pray? 153 00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:12,040 Well, yeah, yeah, we kind of do. In almost every Buddhist 154 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:15,080 tradition there is prayer or something very close to it. 155 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:22,520 We do chanting, we make offerings, we have specific 156 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:27,040 sutras and things that we read like the four measurables and 157 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:31,040 the Heart Sutra and the end major Canon go where we call on 158 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:34,280 bodhisattvas. These can all be understood as 159 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:41,200 kind of forms of prayer. And yet especially for me 160 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:44,000 sometimes, and in Western Buddha, my Buddhism, I think 161 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:48,360 that we sometimes act as though prayer is something that we 162 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:51,760 don't do or shouldn't do, or something that other people do. 163 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:57,520 It is icky. And I worry that maybe we are 164 00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:01,320 letting go of something profound because we don't really 165 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:06,560 understand it. And so put it, putting it in 166 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:11,440 perspective, sympathetic concern for the suffering of others. 167 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:17,240 That sounds like compassion, listening deeply and being 168 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,360 present with another human person. 169 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:23,880 That sounds like mindfulness, understanding that their hopes 170 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:25,840 and fears are bound up with your own. 171 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:30,400 That sounds like interdependence and kind of karma, right? 172 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:36,160 And so practicing compassion and mindfulness, understanding 173 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:39,680 interdependence, that all sounds very Buddhist to me. 174 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:43,720 And when understood that way, prayer sounds very Buddhist as 175 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:48,880 well. And I will, I'll take it one 176 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:52,280 step further. And that's our order talks about 177 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:57,560 rigorous self honesty a lot. And I know that many of you may 178 00:13:57,560 --> 00:14:01,480 not move in circles where prayer is common, and that's fine. 179 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:07,840 What I would encourage you to do is maybe when you're on your 180 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:11,320 cushion and your mind is wandering a lot or you're 181 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:19,040 looking for some kind of focus as maybe a check in, consider 182 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:22,280 praying for yourself. What do I mean by that? 183 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:29,360 Think about what it is that you want, what it is that you need. 184 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:34,800 Why do you need those things? Error can be an opportunity for 185 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,960 reflection, for honesty and for care. 186 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:44,960 Or think about somebody else and maybe try and pray for them. 187 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:52,440 Imagine what it's like to be them or to be with them and then 188 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:56,040 to want something with them. Maybe it's peace, maybe it's 189 00:14:56,040 --> 00:15:01,400 well be whatever arises from that place of kindness. 190 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,400 And then if you want to follow that down rabbit, or you may be 191 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:12,880 surprised when you ask why, what kind of answers that you get, I 192 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,680 would encourage you not to get hung up on God language. 193 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:18,920 Use it if it works, let it go if it doesn't. 194 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:24,680 I think what matters is that you engage sincerely and figure out 195 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:32,640 what prayer is for yourself. It has become a regular part of 196 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:37,240 my job and somewhat of a daily practice for me, and I can say 197 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:40,000 that it has changed me an awful lot for the better. 198 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:45,240 So in conclusion, I hope I've offered you a way of 199 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:49,600 understanding prayer that is grounded in kind of Buddhist 200 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:54,840 practice as a way for you to cultivate compassion and 201 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:59,800 mindfulness and maybe develop a different kind of appreciation 202 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:06,000 for interdependence. And I guess more to the point, I 203 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,240 hope it gives you a way of meeting your hopes and fears and 204 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:14,720 joys and suffering more directly and somewhat. 205 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:18,560 I hope you find it useful. So thanks everybody. 206 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:28,240 Didi has her hand up. I thought she might go ahead. 207 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,480 Didi, Joe. Thank you so much for that. 208 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:36,480 As I'm sure Joe remembers, I have struggled with this concept 209 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:42,040 for a long time. And you gave a perfect 210 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:46,480 perspective on it. And I was, I'm at work and I was 211 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:50,040 literally just taking notes in an e-mail to send to myself. 212 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:52,880 I haven't taken notes on a talk in a long time. 213 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:59,880 I really loved what you said about being with someone in 214 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:06,119 compassion and I'm in the process of trying to learn how 215 00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:09,520 to do that for myself. So I really liked how you 216 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:17,319 brought it back to that. I just, it really gave me a new 217 00:17:17,319 --> 00:17:24,520 perspective and I'm pretty good at being compassionate with 218 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:27,280 others. But the idea of prayer, I've 219 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:32,160 always recoiled from that and even spoken with my husband 220 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:36,200 about it because he's an A A and he also doesn't believe in God. 221 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:41,880 And he's like, you know, whatever it is for you, the God 222 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:46,360 part, the higher power, you know, with him, it's like music 223 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:49,880 and how the universe keeps bringing that into his life. 224 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:56,520 So I, I'll be on a new journey of figuring out what that is for 225 00:17:56,520 --> 00:18:01,400 me and how I can sit with myself with empathy and understanding. 226 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:07,720 So thank you so much. Oh, thank you, that was 227 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:16,080 wonderful, Carrie says. What are the most prayer like 228 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:23,200 things we do in the OPB? Yeah, if you're looking for from 229 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:30,400 a liturgical aspects, you know when whatever we chant, we are 230 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,960 doing that for a reason. We say in the four measurables, 231 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:40,120 whatever, whenever what we are doing is done with the intent of 232 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:43,800 changing some aspects of reality, whether it be within 233 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:48,040 ourselves or with the world, that in some ways should be 234 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:51,840 considered prayer. Now without getting into the 235 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,320 weeds of it, and I think this would be a better question for 236 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:58,160 the order, if we want to bring it up during the the call for 237 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,840 what specifically how the order understands prayer, I think we 238 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,240 could we could talk about that on a random Sunday. 239 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:10,480 But I went in to bring up, you know, we talked about the 240 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:16,400 divinity aspect of it. And I, you know, sat with my mom 241 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:20,560 in the hospital when the priest will come in and visit her. 242 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:24,840 And she knows that I am no longer Catholic. 243 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:29,680 And she always says, I hope that didn't make you uncomfortable. 244 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:36,720 And I'll be honest, it used to sometimes, but now I know that 245 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:40,640 that brings her comfort and I'm thankful. 246 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:44,720 So when they come in to give her comfort, I'm thankful to them. 247 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:53,800 And I think many of us get hung up on the divinity words. 248 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:59,920 And I mean I found it helpful every morning. 249 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,480 To go through a list of gratitude, I'm thankful I woke 250 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:06,600 up today, I'm thankful for my husband, I'm thankful for my 251 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,840 dogs. And to me, it's more setting an 252 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,640 intention and putting it out into the universe. 253 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:19,200 And whether you believe in manifestation, all those things 254 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:22,760 are a muscle. And I found myself being more 255 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:27,840 grateful for things since I've started doing that. 256 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,600 So I think prayer can take many forms. 257 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:35,800 And I just want to end it with, I wish I remember the author, 258 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,400 but it was in Lion's War magazine. 259 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:47,280 One of the stories, the person said he met the road manager of 260 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:51,720 eight from ACDC and he he mentioned something about God. 261 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:56,000 And the road manager said God is just the blanket we put over the 262 00:20:56,000 --> 00:21:01,240 unknown to make it familiar. And he said, how come I grew up 263 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:05,440 in a spiritual household and they never told me anything like 264 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,320 that. It was always like, God is this, 265 00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:10,280 God is this, God is this. And it's like, no, it's it. 266 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,640 If you believe in the deity, it's so much more than. 267 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,360 That. Go go to ACDC. 268 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:20,880 For your you know, it, it wouldn't have been my first 269 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,320 choice, but now I can see the connection with son. 270 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:27,800 I want to kind of touch on something you said, but in a 271 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:34,160 different way that we often see prayer as something we do to 272 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:39,880 something. Like it's like we are when, when 273 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:44,640 my, when I think of how I object to prayer, I put up all of these 274 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:49,280 barriers like, Oh, well, it's not my God or they're trying to 275 00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:52,720 do something unscientific or they're trying to do X or Y. 276 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,600 And I put up all these barriers sometimes. 277 00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:01,680 And for me, it helps to kind of call that back and see prayer as 278 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:07,600 a, as kind of an invitation to be in relationship with somebody 279 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:11,560 in a different way. And yes, that can be 280 00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:18,720 challenging, right? But practice was never supposed 281 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,680 to be easy. If it was, we wouldn't call it 282 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:25,880 practice. And so finding avenues and ways 283 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:29,360 of being in relationship with people authentically or in 284 00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:34,000 dialogue with them, where we are not necessarily trying to 285 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,320 separate ourselves from them, we are just trying to come 286 00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:42,240 alongside them, is one of the things that we are trying to do 287 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:45,320 as well. One good people, but also as 288 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:52,840 Buddhists as we try and figure out how this self thing works or 289 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,720 doesn't work or how compassion works or doesn't work. 290 00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:02,960 Coming up alongside people and and accepting their invitations 291 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:06,800 as or, or making the invitations as flawed as they are on one end 292 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:10,920 or the other is a way to engage that. 293 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:16,840 And usually by engaging in authentically or at least trying 294 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:20,680 to, both sides of that equation should become better people 295 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:25,480 because of it. So there's that. 296 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:28,840 Sorry, Joe has his hand up. Joe, you're up, man. 297 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:34,000 Thank you, I really love this topic and thank you for the 298 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,080 meditation. I just left a meeting. 299 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:41,320 I go to two Buddhist recovery groups and they're guided 300 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,280 meditations mostly. So it was really lovely to come 301 00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:47,680 into the bells, inviting the bell, right? 302 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:51,680 The topic is amazing to me. This, this was my mom. 303 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,640 She's still my mom and my heart, Francis. 304 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,880 And she was a Christian. I was raised that way, but it 305 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,840 really wasn't the thing for me. I kept looking up at stars 306 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:05,240 thinking, well, I don't know, I don't see how that can be. 307 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:10,760 And when I went to a A for about a year, year and a half, I 308 00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,640 really loved the serenity prayer, which starts with God. 309 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,200 May I have the serenity to accept the things I cannot 310 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:19,560 change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom 311 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:23,320 to know the difference. And I found one secular version 312 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:25,760 just now. It's just the serenity prayer 313 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:30,320 without God. I do like that prayer, that word 314 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:37,120 in this case, and that's really all I wanted to share that some, 315 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:42,600 I guess you could say I found an alternative that works for me 316 00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:47,040 and I even carry the 124 hour a a coin in my pocket, even though 317 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:51,240 I'm not an A a attendee anymore. And I scratched out the word 318 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,960 God. So thank you all for letting me 319 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,480 share and thank you again for this lovely topic. 320 00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:02,080 No, thank you. It's so personal, isn't it? 321 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:03,600 That's I guess what I'm trying to say. 322 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:09,800 Yeah, I think it is. Good morning, everybody. 323 00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:13,840 Of course, Glenn has said that the Serenity. 324 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:15,880 Prayer. Is. 325 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,520 A very Buddhist prayer once again, if you. 326 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:27,760 Take the God out even if you leave God in depending on the 327 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:30,480 fruit of or the type of Buddhism you like. 328 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,240 But I digress, Perry. Go ahead, Nancy. 329 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:36,280 Oh, hey, Joe. Hi, everybody. 330 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:47,400 I I grew up Catholic and was an altar boy and all of that, but 331 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:49,560 I. Never really gave my per. 332 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:53,640 Self permission to believe. I guess I was agnostic. 333 00:25:53,640 --> 00:26:01,400 I wanted proof. I then rebelled, came to 334 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:06,800 Protestantism, and that didn't seem to fit either. 335 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,520 And then I went into some kind of wacky psychics things for a 336 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:13,680 little bit where I first learned how to meditate. 337 00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:21,320 All of this left me. That didn't fit either. 338 00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:25,680 So all of this left me with this, this strong aversion to 339 00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:29,520 anything spiritual and certainly the God thing. 340 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:36,920 Like Joe, I'm in recovery. I used to do 12 step and the God 341 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:39,560 word in the Serenity prayer always freaked me out. 342 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:46,360 I have come to a place where the aversion is lessened, but it's 343 00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:48,680 still there. And among the things on the 344 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:52,760 verse 2, that remains a very strong aversion. 345 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:59,520 That said, I, I need to reconcile that because I would 346 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:06,400 like to do some some chaplain work myself, but I'm AII have 347 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:11,600 this fear that arises also that if I, if I can't figure out a 348 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:16,240 way to reconcile that, that I'll just, I'll be a fraud. 349 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:20,480 Your Dharma talk tells me that I don't have to be. 350 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:27,800 And moreover, whether I become a chaplain or not, I do wish to be 351 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:33,400 with people regardless of their spiritual framework, in a way 352 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,720 that that may be helpful to them. 353 00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:43,040 So yeah, this is kind of, you know, a, an exploration I would 354 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:46,160 like to do. And thank you for your 355 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,520 tournament talk that really spoke to me on this. 356 00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:58,320 If one of the things that helped me in my chaplaincy journey, 357 00:27:58,360 --> 00:28:01,360 which this may help some of you in a non chaplaincy sense, is 358 00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:06,720 that at least with prayer or at least when dealing with other 359 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:12,760 people's spiritual or religious beliefs, mine don't matter. 360 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:17,720 Mine are for me. But what matters in the moment 361 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:23,160 is dropping those barriers between myself and others and 362 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,960 realizing that if it's important to them, it's important to me, 363 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:28,880 right? I had a friend of mine back in 364 00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:31,760 the day that was fond of saying, if you like it, I love it. 365 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:38,000 And when when understood that way, and I understand that there 366 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:42,840 are lots of ways that religion can be kind of a toxic thing, 367 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:47,440 but in an individual meeting people where they are since in a 368 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:52,760 chaplaincy sense, that's being able to say if it's important to 369 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:56,440 you, it's important to me. And we'll just let that ride has 370 00:28:56,440 --> 00:29:00,120 been incredibly helpful in figuring out where I can put 371 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,320 down my stuff and pick up other people's stuff. 372 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:06,360 But Perry, if in the future you feel like the chaplaincy is 373 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:08,440 something that you want to pursue and you'd like to talk 374 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:12,800 about what that looks like more, that's my wheelhouse, friend. 375 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:17,920 So feel free to reach out man. I just want to add really quick, 376 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:25,240 I came to the realization that when Muslims say Allah, when 377 00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:31,520 Christians say God and Jesus, when Native Americans pray to 378 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:38,120 nature, when Hindus pray to all their pantheon of gods, they're 379 00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:44,880 all really trying to define the same thing that is undefinable. 380 00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:48,960 And that helps me not be triggered as much. 381 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:54,080 And you know, I, I'm not going to define it the way they define 382 00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:57,320 it, but that's OK. We're all really sort of meaning 383 00:29:57,320 --> 00:29:59,920 the same thing. If you just mean the universe, 384 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:04,040 if you just mean you know, you don't know what you mean. 385 00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:14,040 I think for me, curious as to why it words like when in my 386 00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:20,040 youth I was kind of a we should call it not the not the most 387 00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:26,560 friendly to faith. And it was a one of the easiest 388 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:31,440 way I could shut people out like it was it was this wall I could 389 00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:34,280 put up as soon as you said God, I could put up a wall and then I 390 00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:35,800 didn't have to deal with you at all. 391 00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:39,080 Or if I did, it would I could come at you completely 392 00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:41,000 antagonistically and I felt good about it. 393 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:46,000 Man, did I feel good about it. I loved feeling that way, but it 394 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:50,640 wasn't great, right? And one of the things I've tried 395 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:55,640 to develop over time is that whenever I see that wall, in 396 00:30:55,640 --> 00:31:03,520 whatever sense it may be, whether it be based on religion 397 00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:08,880 or race or socioeconomic class or the way they speak or 398 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:13,080 whatever, whatever thing that shows up in me is like, oh, this 399 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,520 other person is. I don't, I don't have to like 400 00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:18,840 them or I don't have to do this or I can. 401 00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:27,840 If I replace that feeling with curiosity about what this wall 402 00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:35,440 is about, I can usually figure out a way of dropping that wall 403 00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:40,640 and finding some way of interacting with this person 404 00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:45,840 that is meaningful to me and sometimes to them. 405 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:53,120 I don't want to speak for them, but curiosity is the for me, 406 00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:57,360 it's that wall breaker. And sometimes walls are helpful. 407 00:31:57,360 --> 00:31:58,960 Walls are healthy. I'm not trying to. 408 00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,200 There are certain people that are going to come at you and 409 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:04,520 you're like, you know what? Boundaries are boundaries and 410 00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:06,880 they're good. But sometimes we put up 411 00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:11,200 boundaries just because we don't like people and we don't want to 412 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:13,160 like people or we don't want to be vulnerable. 413 00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:21,280 And a little bit of curiosity about what that's about can 414 00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:24,000 really change things and how you approach people. 415 00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:28,560 And Tim lean to pretty interesting relationships. 416 00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:34,520 So I would encourage, encourage you that whenever you to pay 417 00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:38,320 attention to when you are building walls and then use 418 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:44,920 curiosity as a tool to overcome whatever they may be if you 419 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:46,760 want. Yeah. 420 00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,120 Is that not committal enough for everybody? 421 00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:58,160 Cool. Harry posted Excuse me, the 422 00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,160 Buddha's perspective on the Serenity prayer. 423 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:03,240 May I notice what I am attached to and a verse to. 424 00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:07,720 May I recognize and accept all that I cannot change, control, 425 00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:11,280 or influence. May I reside in equanimity and 426 00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:18,880 be skillful in thought speech. And action that sounds very, 427 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:24,560 very, very good. And so with that, why don't we 428 00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:29,000 transition to the Bodhisattva ballot, the four measurables, 429 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:33,760 which I think the four measurables several at prayer 430 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:37,600 quite nicely. All right, we'll start with the 431 00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:41,120 Bodhisattva. Val creations are numberless. 432 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:44,600 I will strive to freedom. Delusions are inexhaustible. 433 00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:48,280 I will strive to transform. Reality is boundless. 434 00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:51,280 I will strive to perceive it. The awakened way is 435 00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:55,000 unsurpassable. I will strive to embody may your 436 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:57,280 thoughts, words and actions be corrected and comes together 437 00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:59,720 pragmatic Buddhist path. May you approach this week with 438 00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,160 deference of dignity, and may you spread your personal peace 439 00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:06,320 to all those who encounter every place at the all time. 440 00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:10,239 They all beads and joyful contentiousness causes the all 441 00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:12,679 beads and. Jewelry of suffering, that's. 442 00:34:12,679 --> 00:34:17,440 Causes and all beings find joy jewelry of others may the all 443 00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:21,440 beads by inequality never overpowered by attachment. 444 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:25,440 Or a brush. Small with Kuptans, filled with 445 00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:28,320 our limited understanding, we offer our world of great 446 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:30,960 mountains and settle valleys, its ever moving clouds and 447 00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,880 overarching sky. The universe we see, we offer to 448 00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:36,560 the universe we barely comprehend, and remembering the 449 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:40,360 assembly of enlightened ones who having been or with us still we 450 00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:43,639 wish all merits thriving now or in the future, from these are 451 00:34:43,639 --> 00:34:46,520 practices to be distributed everywhere for the good of all.