This, this is going to be important.
OK, so let me explain before you judge me.
I didn't just wake up and decide to be fabulous.
Nope. I'm actually a man named Tommy
who got dragged into witness protection after testifying
against the mafia and my FBI handler, my very bitter ex
hookup Karen. Her revenge plan turned me into
a woman. Dresses, heels, lingerie, wigs,
makeup. Boom.
Tammy was born. And honestly, I kind of slayed
Squee. I can't believe you're doing
this to me. I whined, tugging down my skirt
while wobbbling in heels. Karen smirked.
Stop it Tammy, you look cute. It's Tommy.
I squealed, then blushed. But OK, maybe I do look cute.
She teased me about my legs and I literally went EE stop
staring. Blush, blush, blush.
We drove to the safe house, my suitcase in the back full of
dresses and lingerie. Can I wear pants sometimes?
Nope, those legs are criminally pretty.
I shrieked stop, but secretly loved it.
We arrive, silent house too quiet.
Karen checks my garters. Lift your skirt.
I am not doing that. She giggled.
We're girls now, so I lifted it. She laughed.
I died inside, so stop laughing at me.
Then she went outside. Pop pop, pop gunshots.
Karen gone, I nearly tripped in my heels.
Oh my God, Oh my God. Before I could grab my phone a
handsome hit man walks in. Hi, I'm looking for Tommy Brown.
I froze then smiled sweetly. Ha ha, I'm his ex-wife Tammy.
He looked me up and down. Wow you're gorgeous.
I squealed inside. Eh, really?
Blush, blush, blush. Why am I blushing?
He flirted hard. I like curvy women.
I gasped. Stop, you're embarrassing me.
But OMGI loved it. I pretended to be all flirty,
batting my lashes. He carried my suitcase upstairs
like a gentleman. Inside the bedroom, I changed
wigs and panicked. No weapon, just me in a dress
with itchy garters. So I did the only thing I could.
Girl mode. I changed into a tight blue lace
dress, looked in the mirror. OK Tammy, work it.
He walked in. Wow I squealed.
E you think so? Twirls downstairs.
I crossed my legs like a lady. He stared.
Stop looking, but also keep looking.
I teased him. Blood and lace don't mix right?
He loosened his jacket, his gun visible.
My chance. Come give me a goodbye kiss, I
whispered. He kissed me EWEWEW, but I held
it together. Then suddenly, do you 2 need
privacy? Three FBI agents.
I screamed. Hey, you're alive.
The hitman froze. Wait, Tommy.
I kissed a man. I grabbed his gun.
Bang done. So yeah, I survived in heels in
lace as a woman, and honestly, being Tammy kind of saved my
life. Girly giggle.
Who knew? Blood and lace don't mix, but
sass and survival? Iconic.