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Asana Malaykum, this is your 
host Nosheen. 

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Thank you for tuning in to this 
episode of the Becoming a Muslim

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A Girl series on Journey to 
Jenna. 

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Today we will be spilling all 
the tea on setting boundaries. 

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We'll talk about pinpointing 
what boundaries you need to 

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make, how to set them, how to 
communicate those boundaries and

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staying consistent with them. 
And then also when your 

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boundaries are crossed, how you 
should deal with it and practice

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self advocacy. 
So to start off, I always love 

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to properly define whatever it 
is that we're talking about 

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since that helps create a 
baseline first to start off at. 

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And it's really important to 
know exactly what it is that 

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we're talking about so that 
there's no confusion. 

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So boundaries are any guidelines
or limits that we establish in 

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order to protect our physical 
and mental well-being. 

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Setting boundaries helps us. 
Live in a way that we want to 

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and it helps us feel grounded 
and preserve our energy. 

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These boundaries can range from 
how far a person can be physical

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with you, so for example, us as 
Muslim women. 

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We all share a boundary that we 
have. 

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When there is an unmanned man to
not touch us, that's like a 

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religious boundary. 
But beyond religious boundaries 

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you also have boundaries such as
if you aren't comfortable with 

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absolutely anyone giving you 
hugs, then that would be a 

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physical boundary and then it 
also can mean not touching upon 

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a certain subject and talking 
about it. 

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We all have our own boundaries 
and while others. 

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Need to respect our boundaries. 
It's very important to remember 

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that we need to respect others 
boundaries while also being 

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aware of them. 
We all have a line that no one 

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should ever cross and that line 
is essentially what your 

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boundary creates. 
Obviously our boundaries vary 

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from person to person, so the 
line will vary from person to 

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person. 
What you would be comfortable 

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with your. 
Best friend doing or saying is 

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very different than what you 
would be comfortable with 

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someone you just met. 
People's boundaries also change 

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overtime, So what you feel 
comfortable with right now might

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not be the same, let's just say 
a year from now. 

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Another really important thing I
want all of us to keep in mind 

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and to cover before we actually 
get into everything is that if 

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you grew up in a home where 
nobody really set boundaries or 

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where people didn't respect the 
fact that you had boundaries. 

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Setting and maintaining 
boundaries now can prove to be 

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difficult, and that's absolutely
fine. 

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You were put into a situation 
where you were unable to have 

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proper boundaries, and that is 
not your fault at all. 

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Changing your life situation is 
hard, but you're doing it, and 

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I'm proud of you for that. 
So, so proud of you for that. 

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I just want to remind all of you
that setting clear boundaries is

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not a selfish thing to do. 
It sets the tone to have. 

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Healthy relationships in your 
life and it's part of 

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maintaining your own well-being.
And a lot of people make you 

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feel bad for setting boundaries,
but remember that they're there 

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to help you Don't feel bad about
it. 

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Sometimes it's hard for other 
people to respect our 

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boundaries, but that isn't a 
reflection of you. 

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You deserve better. 
So now that we've covered all of

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that, we will go into First off 
point pinpointing the boundaries

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that you should make take out of
a piece of paper. 

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Go into your Notes app, whatever
it is, just write down anything 

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that comes to mind while 
listening to this. 

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So we're going to split our 
boundaries into two different 

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categories. 
The first one is physical and 

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the second one is emotional. 
For the first category, include 

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anything that you are not 
comfortable with doing 

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physically or with anyone doing 
to you physically. 

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So let's just say you're not 
comfortable with giving hugs to 

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anyone at all. 
Again, that example. 

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Then that is your boundary. 
Personally, I love giving my 

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friends hugs, so that wouldn't 
be a boundary there. 

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But when it comes to anyone 
that's not Meshram, obviously 

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that does become a boundary. 
Or just like a random woman that

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I don't know, that does become a
boundary. 

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Think about your personal space.
How much of a distance do you 

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prefer to maintain between 
someone else and yourself? 

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In different situations, like 
when you're having a 

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conversation or whatnot, 
generally with thumb, if you're 

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not comfortable with it, then 
that's where you draw the line 

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and that is a boundary that you 
need to create. 

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Physical boundaries also extend 
to your personal belongings and 

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that includes like physical 
items that you we have and like 

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when they can be used by others 
and how they should be treated 

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and also any private information
about other people that we hold 

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so. 
Let's just talk about like for 

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example, your car. 
Let's just say you give your 

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friends rides. 
You can set up a boundary there 

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that your car can't be used 
during the weekends. 

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Or another form of a physical 
boundary is boundaries on your 

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time or energy. 
So saying that you can be 

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somewhere from this time to this
time and adhering to your own 

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boundary. 
Another thing is doing favors. 

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If you're able to go ahead and 
do it, do it, but don't bend 

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yourself backwards trying to 
help them. 

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For emotional boundaries, again,
this includes anything that you 

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aren't comfortable with, but 
make it emotionally and make 

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sure to be rational with this 
because a lot of the time we 

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feel emotions that aren't in the
right, because at the end of the

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day, our emotions are things 
that we feel. 

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And they're very volatile, you 
know. 

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So like, for example, we can be 
in a the wrong in a situation 

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and then we feel bad not because
of the situation but because we 

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were caught doing something that
wasn't correct, you know? 

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So you need to make sure to be 
rational with your emotions 

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because your emotions are based 
off of literally anything. 

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So just try to be as rational as
you can, make sure. 

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To build emotional boundaries 
that First off protect your 

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emotional well-being, but also 
factoring in the fact that there

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are people around you that also 
have emotions. 

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Some examples of emotional 
boundaries that you can have are

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on topics that you don't feel 
comfortable talking about. 

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So for example, let's just say 
someone asks you about something

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that. 
Happened in your past and you 

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aren't comfortable talking about
it. 

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That would be a boundary that 
you have because that is a topic

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that you don't want to talk to 
everyone about. 

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And in this situation, what you 
would do is instead of telling 

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them for the sake of telling 
them and. 

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Getting it over with, you would 
follow the fact that you don't 

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feel comfortable giving out this
information to someone and you 

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would tell them exactly that. 
You would say that it's none of 

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their business or you don't want
to talk about it or switch the 

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topic. 
Whatever it is that you want to 

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do in that situation, that's 
completely up to you. 

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Another emotional boundary that 
you can set is on people that 

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emotionally dump on you or 
trauma dump, whatever you want 

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to call it. 
I found that a lot of people. 

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That I tend to attract for some 
reason because of how caring of 

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a person I am are people that 
dump all of their emotions onto 

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me. 
And I love helping people and 

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helping them through whatever it
is that they're going through. 

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But what I find is a lot of the 
time their emotions rub onto me 

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and then I am left feeling 
really bad because I sort of 

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kind of feed into the. 
Energy that is around me if I'm 

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hearing about all of these sad 
things that are that people are 

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going through and that's just 
like constantly what I'm having 

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to hear from people, that's 
going to affected me negatively.

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It's not good for my emotional 
well-being to have to handle 

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other people's emotions 
constantly. 

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It's not fair to me to be put 
through that. 

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So that is a really big boundary
that. 

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I have, and I feel like it's a 
really big boundary that a lot 

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of you guys need to set distance
yourself from those kinds of 

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people that only come to you for
when they need any sort of 

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emotional support or need to 
dump their emotions. 

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On someone like, obviously it's 
OK to vent, you know, we all do 

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it. 
But you need to realize when 

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people don't want you for who 
you are and what you have to 

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offer. 
And just like because you're an 

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amazing person, but because they
know that you're always going 

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to. 
Be there for them to just trauma

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dump on and that's all they do. 
Like that your whole, entire 

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relationship with them is based 
around the fact that they 

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constantly trauma dump on you 
and you don't deserve that. 

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I don't deserve that. 
So that's a very big boundary 

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that again, I feel like all of 
us need to set. 

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Another boundary that I feel 
like a lot of people struggle to

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set is on saying no, not being 
able to say no to people when 

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they ask for your help or 
anything along those lines. 

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Makes you a target for other 
people, since they know that 

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you're always going to be 
available for them. 

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Again, this like sort of kind of
connects to my last boundary, 

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but The thing is again, if you 
simply don't want to do 

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something. 
Nobody can force you to do it. 

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Don't force yourself to bend 
yourself backwards and say yes 

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to someone simply because you 
feel bad. 

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You simply cannot go out and say
yes to every single person 

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asking you to do something. 
Put yourself first. 

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If you really can't do 
something, don't force yourself 

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to say yes. 
We all need to set healthy 

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boundaries in our life, and a 
lot of you may ask well what 

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exactly are. 
Healthy boundaries, because 

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there's a big difference between
healthy boundaries and 

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boundaries that aren't healthy. 
So healthy boundaries look like 

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valuing your own opinion, 
respecting the limits that you 

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have previously set, or the 
limits that others have set. 

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So for example. 
Your friend doesn't feel 

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comfortable doing something 
that's a boundary or a limit 

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that she's set, and you respect 
the fact that that is there and 

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you don't cross that line that 
she's set. 

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And the same thing for you. 
You've set a certain boundary 

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and she doesn't cross that line.
It also looks like not 

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compromising the values that you
have simply for someone else, 

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accepting people saying no to 
you and then also being able to 

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say no to others when you're 
sharing information. 

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Making sure that it's 
appropriate that you share the 

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information, and if it's 
somebody else's information to 

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share, make sure you have their 
consent and you know for a fact 

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that they would feel comfortable
with you sharing this kind of 

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information with whoever it is 
that you're sharing it with. 

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Now after this, I know I've 
talked a lot about healthy 

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boundaries and examples of 
healthy boundaries, but how do 

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we exactly determine the 
boundaries that we need to set 

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for ourself? 
So for this, I'm going to give 

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you a few questions that you can
ask yourself. 

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So what do I find important? 
How did my boundaries vary 

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depending on the people that I'm
with? 

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What are my values? 
How do these boundaries protect 

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my values? 
Why are these boundaries 

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important to maintain? 
What boundaries do I not have 

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right now that I need to set in 
order to protect myself both 

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physically and emotionally? 
These are just some startup 

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questions that you can ask 
yourself in order to find the 

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boundaries that you need to set 
in your life. 

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There are a bunch of other ones.
If you go on Pinterest and you 

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search up questions to ask 
myself to set boundaries or 

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something along the lines of 
that, you'll find a bunch of 

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them and I just recommend 
Pinterest for everything. 

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So I hope these questions help. 
And if you need other ones, 

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they're available online and on 
Pinterest so. 

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We've gone over the different 
types of boundaries and how you 

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can determine your own 
boundaries. 

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But next question how exactly do
we set boundaries? 

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I'm going to be splitting this 
part into three different steps.

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Step one, identify the behaviors
that make you uncomfortable. 

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Step 2, clearly set and 
communicate these boundaries. 

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And step three, decide what to 
do if someone breaks these 

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boundaries. 
I want all of you to write down 

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these three steps and remember 
them, so let's take a deeper 

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look. 
Into each step. 

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So step one, identify any 
behaviors that make you 

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uncomfortable. 
To set boundaries effectively, 

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you need to 1st be aware of the 
behaviors that you that make you

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uncomfortable or cross your 
personal limits. 

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This requires a lot of self 
reflection and self-awareness. 

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Pay attention to situations, 
actions, or conversations that 

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trigger any negative emotions, 
any discomfort or feelings of 

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being violated. 
Step 2 is clearly set and 

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communicate your. 
Boundaries. 

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Once you have identified your 
boundaries, it's crucial to 

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communicate them effectively to 
the people around you. 

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So to do this you need to 1st 
off, be assertive and be 

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confident. 
Express your boundaries with 

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confidence and clarity to make 
sure that your message is firm 

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so that people know that you are
very serious about it and you 

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are not willing to budget but be
respectful 2. 

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Make sure to use I statements. 
Frame your boundaries using 

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quote UN quote I statements to 
emphasize. 

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That it is about your own 
personal limits and you're not 

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attacking the other person in 
any other way. 

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So for example saying I am not 
comfortable with or I prefer not

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to do this. 
And lastly, be specific, clearly

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state the specific behaviors or 
actions that you find. 

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Very uncomfortable. 
This leaves no room for 

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misinterpretation on the part of
the other person. 

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So everyone understands is it 
essential to express your 

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boundaries in a calm and 
assertive manner, Even if the 

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other person initially may not 
understand that why you're 

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setting these boundaries with 
them in the 1st place or if they

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don't respect them. 
And in that case I would say cut

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off the friendship. 
Because if they don't respect 

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your boundaries, they do not 
respect you. 

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And lastly, step three, decide 
what you need to do if someone 

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breaks your boundaries. 
This step is here because 

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despite your best efforts, there
may be instances where someone 

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crosses your boundary and it's 
important to be prepared for the

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situations because it will 
happen and you will need to 

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decide how you respond. 
Even if you say no, they are 

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going to keep on. 
Pushing your boundaries because 

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they want something from you. 
And in these situations the only

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thing that you can really do is 
put your foot down, make it 

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known that you don't want to do 
something, and then leave the 

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situation because they are going
to keep on pushing. 

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I was reading this article and 
psychologist was talking about 

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00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:49,080
this technique called the broken
record technique. 

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Basically what you are supposed 
to do when someone is resisting 

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A boundary that you've set is 
just repeat what you are saying 

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over and over in a very calm 
manner. 

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It doesn't matter if they're 
yelling at you or saying 

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whatever it is that they're 
saying or doing whatever it is 

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they're doing, just in a calm 
manner. 

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Repeat that. 
You can't do something or. 

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Whatever boundary you're trying 
to set. 

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So for example, let's just say 
that they're trying to get you 

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to go to an event, but you 
simply just don't want to. 

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And that's OK You don't have to 
always want to hang out with 

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people. 
Don't feel bad about saying no 

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to having time to yourself. 
Anyways, back to the example. 

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What I would say is thank you 
for the offer, but I can't come 

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and if they're try to ask you 
again, repeat the same thing. 

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And at some point, they're going
to give up. 

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You need to be able to uphold 
your boundaries. 

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00:15:40,470 --> 00:15:43,750
And when there are people that 
don't respect the fact that you 

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have communicated A boundary 
that you obviously are not 

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00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:48,630
comfortable with, what does that
look like? 

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00:15:48,630 --> 00:15:50,710
Why? 
What do you do when someone 

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00:15:50,710 --> 00:15:53,630
doesn't respect your boundaries?
We've already talked about one 

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00:15:53,630 --> 00:15:58,670
way, which is the broken record 
technique, but another thing you

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00:15:58,670 --> 00:16:02,510
can do is just completely 
leaving the situation. 

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00:16:02,870 --> 00:16:06,990
And then you can also reduce the
amount of time and exposure that

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you have to that person. 
You have to realize that certain

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00:16:11,230 --> 00:16:14,190
individuals that have shown you 
time and time again that they do

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00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:17,230
not respect your boundaries, do 
not respect you. 

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00:16:17,830 --> 00:16:20,510
Don't choose to engage with 
people that show you they don't 

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00:16:20,510 --> 00:16:22,750
respect your boundaries. 
Because guess what, People who 

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00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:27,110
do not respect your boundaries 
again do not respect you as a 

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00:16:27,110 --> 00:16:28,990
human being. 
I know I've repeated that a lot.

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00:16:28,990 --> 00:16:31,590
The please, like, get that 
written in your head. 

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00:16:32,110 --> 00:16:34,750
If they don't respect your 
boundaries, they do not respect 

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00:16:34,750 --> 00:16:35,950
you. 
If you need to block someone 

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00:16:35,950 --> 00:16:39,710
online, block their contacts. 
If you need to block someone on 

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00:16:39,710 --> 00:16:41,390
social media, block them on 
social media. 

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00:16:41,390 --> 00:16:43,630
Whatever it is, go ahead and do 
it. 

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00:16:43,630 --> 00:16:45,310
Don't feel bad about blocking 
people. 

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00:16:45,470 --> 00:16:47,550
Me, I block people left and 
right. 

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00:16:47,710 --> 00:16:50,910
Like if I could show you guys my
book list, I simply have no. 

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00:16:51,370 --> 00:16:55,930
Remorse for people who refuse to
respect my boundaries. 

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00:16:55,930 --> 00:16:57,930
And the same should go for you 
guys. 

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00:16:57,930 --> 00:17:00,410
Don't let people that have 
disrespected you time and time 

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00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:02,890
again back into your life. 
Because you know what? 

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00:17:02,890 --> 00:17:05,490
They're just going to do the 
same thing again. 

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00:17:05,490 --> 00:17:06,210
Of course. 
It's like. 

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00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:10,480
It's like a one time thing and 
they've explained that they do 

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00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,560
understand what they've done is 
wrong and they're showing signs 

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00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:16,440
of actually changing and feeling
remorse. 

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00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:17,960
Then go ahead and give them a 
chance. 

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00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:22,040
But of course, don't open 
yourself up like you were before

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00:17:22,319 --> 00:17:25,640
the whole situation happened. 
Don't give them yourself away to

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00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:29,760
them the way you did before 
everything because they did 

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00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:33,840
something and they've shown that
they don't deserve that level. 

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00:17:34,370 --> 00:17:39,010
Of relationship with you. 
So they should have to work up 

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00:17:39,090 --> 00:17:41,970
to that point. 
So they show you that they have 

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00:17:41,970 --> 00:17:45,730
learned from their mistake and 
that they have grown as a human 

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00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:47,530
being. 
We all make mistakes. 

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00:17:47,570 --> 00:17:50,730
And you know, if you want to 
choose to give someone a second 

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00:17:50,730 --> 00:17:53,890
chance, then go ahead. 
But be careful because you never

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00:17:53,890 --> 00:17:56,450
know what other people's 
intentions are. 

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00:17:56,610 --> 00:18:00,450
I know Islam is a religion of 
forgiveness and we should 

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00:18:00,450 --> 00:18:03,370
forgive other people and I'm an 
advocate for. 

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00:18:03,830 --> 00:18:06,990
Forgiving other people, but when
it comes to a point where they 

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00:18:06,990 --> 00:18:10,310
do it again and again and it's 
really affecting you and they 

332
00:18:10,310 --> 00:18:13,510
just show no remorse for what 
they're doing to you, they 

333
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:15,150
should just be cut out of your 
life. 

334
00:18:15,350 --> 00:18:19,470
They don't deserve to be in your
life because to be in your life 

335
00:18:19,870 --> 00:18:23,550
is a privilege. 
So cut them out, no questions 

336
00:18:23,550 --> 00:18:25,710
asked. 
Another part of upholding your 

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00:18:25,710 --> 00:18:29,030
boundaries is showing up at the 
time you say you're going to 

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00:18:29,030 --> 00:18:33,270
show up to. 
That's just saying an event and 

339
00:18:33,270 --> 00:18:35,510
then leaving at the time that 
you say you're going to leave. 

340
00:18:35,670 --> 00:18:38,830
If you have something to do 
afterwards, don't stay overtime 

341
00:18:38,830 --> 00:18:41,190
simply to please the person 
hosting the event. 

342
00:18:41,310 --> 00:18:44,030
We all have lives. 
Thank the host or Hostess for 

343
00:18:44,030 --> 00:18:47,510
inviting you and for having an 
amazing event and then leave. 

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00:18:47,510 --> 00:18:49,470
You need to respect your time 
commitments. 

345
00:18:49,470 --> 00:18:52,470
And of course, if you're having 
a great time and you generally 

346
00:18:52,470 --> 00:18:55,350
have nothing to do afterwards, 
by all means stay but don't. 

347
00:18:55,350 --> 00:18:59,190
Overkill, obviously, but that's 
a large part of. 

348
00:18:59,590 --> 00:19:02,070
Having boundaries. 
Having a balance. 

349
00:19:02,070 --> 00:19:05,790
And I guess the big message that
I want to pass on to all of you 

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00:19:05,830 --> 00:19:09,510
is that you are not responsible 
for how people respond to your 

351
00:19:09,510 --> 00:19:12,070
boundaries. 
You are, however, responsible 

352
00:19:12,230 --> 00:19:14,710
for setting and honoring those 
boundaries. 

353
00:19:14,870 --> 00:19:17,070
If your relationship with 
someone ends because of a 

354
00:19:17,070 --> 00:19:20,390
boundary that you set, it's a 
sign that the foundation. 

355
00:19:20,790 --> 00:19:23,350
Was already cracked in any 
relationship. 

356
00:19:23,350 --> 00:19:26,350
And when I say relationship, I 
mean any kind of like 

357
00:19:26,470 --> 00:19:28,710
friendship, romantic 
relationship, whatever it is. 

358
00:19:28,870 --> 00:19:32,790
In any healthy relationship, you
can set boundaries without fear 

359
00:19:33,070 --> 00:19:37,750
of retaliation, of being cut off
or being manipulated by that 

360
00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:40,870
person. 
Life is far too short to have to

361
00:19:40,870 --> 00:19:44,910
be subjected to trashy treatment
from people over and over again,

362
00:19:44,990 --> 00:19:48,270
which is why it's so important 
to set boundaries to protect. 

363
00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:52,140
Yourself and let's say 
altogether if they do not 

364
00:19:52,140 --> 00:19:55,340
respect my boundaries, they do 
not respect me. 

365
00:19:55,740 --> 00:19:58,780
So to add this episode we've 
talked a lot about studying 

366
00:19:58,860 --> 00:20:03,260
boundaries and at that setting 
healthy and positive boundaries.

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00:20:03,460 --> 00:20:07,220
So obviously while most of the 
time boundaries are very healthy

368
00:20:07,220 --> 00:20:09,020
and they're positive they're 
supposed to be healthy and 

369
00:20:09,020 --> 00:20:14,140
positive but as everything there
is a bad side when you set 

370
00:20:14,140 --> 00:20:16,640
boundaries that. 
Are negative. 

371
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,720
While boundaries contribute to 
our well-being and promote 

372
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:23,200
positive relationships, 
detrimental boundaries can have 

373
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,280
adverse effects on ourselves and
on others. 

374
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:30,320
Some of these could include 
manipulative boundaries that are

375
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,120
boundaries that are made with 
the intention of manipulating 

376
00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:36,960
others and making them feel a 
certain way to be able to have 

377
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:41,150
control over them. 
Another one is any boundary that

378
00:20:41,150 --> 00:20:45,270
makes you self isolate for way 
too long and in turn affects 

379
00:20:45,270 --> 00:20:48,910
your mental health negatively 
due to the loneliness that you 

380
00:20:48,910 --> 00:20:52,270
have subjected yourself to. 
This is actually something that 

381
00:20:52,270 --> 00:20:57,710
I have or I used to struggle 
with for so so long and I at 

382
00:20:57,710 --> 00:21:03,190
that point in my life didn't 
have friends that I genuinely 

383
00:21:03,190 --> 00:21:06,190
connected with and because of 
this. 

384
00:21:06,550 --> 00:21:08,910
I felt like I didn't have anyone
at all. 

385
00:21:08,990 --> 00:21:11,830
Most of the friends that I did 
have at that point in my life 

386
00:21:12,150 --> 00:21:16,590
weren't exactly the best of 
people, and they didn't really 

387
00:21:16,590 --> 00:21:19,230
treat me like an actual true 
friend. 

388
00:21:19,470 --> 00:21:21,990
And the way I was thinking was 
it's better to not have any 

389
00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:24,910
friends than have friends that 
influence you negatively, which 

390
00:21:24,910 --> 00:21:28,470
I still believe. 
But what I did here is I dropped

391
00:21:28,470 --> 00:21:31,110
them and I isolated myself, 
which is. 

392
00:21:31,610 --> 00:21:33,610
Wrong. 
That was the wrong way to go 

393
00:21:33,610 --> 00:21:36,930
about the situation. 
I drew a boundary that put a 

394
00:21:36,930 --> 00:21:40,490
line between me and forming new 
connections and friendships with

395
00:21:40,490 --> 00:21:44,010
others, and at this point in my 
life I didn't know better. 

396
00:21:44,090 --> 00:21:45,690
Everything just seemed so 
hopeless. 

397
00:21:45,690 --> 00:21:49,050
But from the point that I'm at 
right now, what I would tell my 

398
00:21:49,050 --> 00:21:52,330
younger self is that I should 
have dropped them and then 

399
00:21:52,330 --> 00:21:55,790
looked for better friends. 
In places where I knew they 

400
00:21:55,790 --> 00:21:58,390
would be, sometimes you do need 
to subject yourself to 

401
00:21:58,390 --> 00:22:01,310
loneliness for a little bit 
because there's no other option.

402
00:22:01,310 --> 00:22:04,310
But too much of anything is bad 
for everyone you know. 

403
00:22:04,350 --> 00:22:08,470
So find people online or, you 
know, go to events. 

404
00:22:08,670 --> 00:22:11,750
Find your people, because your 
people are out there. 

405
00:22:11,990 --> 00:22:15,750
I just needed to put myself out 
there and go find them. 

406
00:22:15,750 --> 00:22:19,560
But instead of doing that. 
I isolated myself and I made 

407
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:24,360
myself feel so lonely for such a
long time and that had such a 

408
00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:29,800
big effect on my mental health. 
And you know, I was just not 

409
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:32,880
doing good at all at that point 
in my life. 

410
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:36,640
So definitely don't draw 
boundaries that completely 

411
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,600
isolate you from the rest of 
society. 

412
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,800
I know at times things may feel 
hopeless. 

413
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,750
You may not see. 
The light you know, you may not 

414
00:22:45,750 --> 00:22:49,790
see the good you know, but I 
promise you there is good in 

415
00:22:49,790 --> 00:22:52,750
everything and you will find 
whatever it is that you're 

416
00:22:52,750 --> 00:22:55,590
looking for. 
So don't isolate yourself simply

417
00:22:55,590 --> 00:22:58,870
because of a situation. 
Other examples of unhealthy 

418
00:22:58,870 --> 00:23:02,270
boundaries include anything that
is an extreme. 

419
00:23:02,470 --> 00:23:06,030
So for example, trusting 
everyone or trusting absolutely 

420
00:23:06,030 --> 00:23:07,870
no one. 
Having a black and white 

421
00:23:07,870 --> 00:23:11,550
perspective. 
Letting someone else do whatever

422
00:23:11,550 --> 00:23:13,870
they want because you think it's
helping them. 

423
00:23:14,190 --> 00:23:16,870
But you're not comfortable with 
it giving into that something. 

424
00:23:17,110 --> 00:23:20,710
When all you want to do is say 
no, going against your own 

425
00:23:20,710 --> 00:23:23,470
personal values to please 
someone else, or on the other 

426
00:23:23,470 --> 00:23:26,510
side, not seeing the rights of 
others and solely focusing on 

427
00:23:26,510 --> 00:23:29,190
yourself. 
There should be a healthy medium

428
00:23:29,190 --> 00:23:32,170
present. 
What I call these quote, UN 

429
00:23:32,170 --> 00:23:36,990
quote boundaries are walls. 
Because boundaries are set to be

430
00:23:36,990 --> 00:23:40,350
healthy and to help us. 
They're there to protect us. 

431
00:23:40,630 --> 00:23:43,550
They aren't set to build a wall 
and keep us on one side. 

432
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,800
And everyone else on the other 
side, which is essentially what 

433
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,440
unhealthy boundaries are doing, 
they're creating a wall. 

434
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:53,480
Another very important thing to 
keep in mind is that nothing in 

435
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:58,080
life is really, just truly black
or just white. 

436
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,440
There's always a Gray area, and 
we need to realize that. 

437
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:07,560
With that, I am concluding this 
episode of The Journey to 

438
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:12,430
Chandna. 
My Instagram is the Desi Royal, 

439
00:24:12,670 --> 00:24:14,910
so make sure to go follow my 
Instagram. 

440
00:24:14,950 --> 00:24:17,870
I'll have it written in the 
description of this episode. 

441
00:24:18,270 --> 00:24:21,350
Make sure to go follow me for 
updates on this podcast and just

442
00:24:21,350 --> 00:24:24,230
on my life in general. 
Remember, setting boundaries is 

443
00:24:24,230 --> 00:24:27,150
a powerful act of self-care and 
self respect. 

444
00:24:27,190 --> 00:24:30,030
Don't hesitate to say no when 
needed and protect your 

445
00:24:30,030 --> 00:24:32,530
well-being. 
Trust yourself and your 

446
00:24:32,530 --> 00:24:36,490
instincts when it comes to 
defining and enforcing your own 

447
00:24:36,490 --> 00:24:38,650
boundaries. 
I hope that everything I've 

448
00:24:38,650 --> 00:24:41,410
shared with you today will 
support you and cultivating 

449
00:24:41,410 --> 00:24:44,050
healthy boundaries and 
nourishing your relationships. 

450
00:24:44,090 --> 00:24:47,570
Thank you for tuning into 
today's episode of the Becoming 

451
00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:50,130
a Muslim and Girl series here on
Journey to GENDA. 

452
00:24:50,530 --> 00:24:54,210
With that comes the ending of 
today's episode. 

453
00:24:54,210 --> 00:24:57,770
I hope you guys TuneIn for our 
next episode. 

454
00:24:57,770 --> 00:25:02,170
I have lots of exciting things 
planned, so please do TuneIn. 

455
00:25:03,130 --> 00:25:05,090
And with that, Salaam alaikum I 
loves.