How isolated you think you are. You are not alone.
There is someone who is experiencing something similar
to what you're going through. No matter what you feel or how
unique or odd you feel, take a breath, especially in your
teenage years. Just know that it's going to get
better. Trust me, we've all gone through
those periods where especially in the teenage years where we
feel isolated, that we're odd man out, that no one understands
what I'm going through. It takes time.
You've got to give yourself that time.
Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself.
In this episode, the second-half of my interview with Grandpa
Scott and Grandpa Bobby of the hit YouTube Channel 2 Gay
Grandpa's Travel, you were talking about your mother,
Bobby. You mentioned the organization
she was in involved with. Can you tell us a little bit
about it? It's right.
The Boulder County AIDS Project and what this is, is in Boulder,
Co and they have been there for years and they're an outreach
program. They provide information for gay
people or anybody living with AIDS.
They have a food bank that my mother helped run.
And for 26 years, for two or three days a week, my mom was
the volunteer receptionist at the front desk.
She would work the food bank. She would, she wasn't a
professional counselor, but she was just the ad hoc counselor
when typically, and of course, especially during the 80s and
early 90s, it was mostly young gay men who came into this
center and found my mom who became like a surrogate mother
to those who had, you know, had never had that relationship with
their parent or who they had been cut off from their parent.
And it was very wonderful to see how my mom grew because, you
know, having grown up, she grew up in a very traditional
Catholic household. And over the years, she
understood that love is love. And she when we were growing up,
she was never a hugger. We were, it was a much more
rigid the 50s and the 60s. But as she grew older, she
became this amazing hugger and wanted to talk about feelings to
the point where we used to joke amongst my brothers and sisters
that we wanted to shake her and say, what have you done with my
mother? This isn't the woman I grew up
with. And she just evolved to the
point where she was awarded Living Legend Award for the city
of Boulder for all the work that she did.
And when she passed away a few years ago, we spread her ashes
and part of her ashes are at the Boulder County A's project.
We planted a rose Bush in her honor with a plaque and they
still keep it in to this day. She's still a treasured person
remembered there. And it just shows you you never
too old to grow and change. So I'll put a link not only to
your YouTube channel, but to a couple of other organizations
that can be helpful to people. You also mentioned P Fly.
Yes, my mom was a real active part of P Fly.
Just trying to encourage. She went to, you know, many
meetings in Boulder, you know, to encourage parents who are
having difficulty accepting their children and just to let
them know. Because, you know, after I had
come out and I had moved to San Francisco and met Scott and she
came to see us and she, you know, watched us interact with
our families and with our kids. And she really came to realize
that we were quite dull. We were very boring old married
couple just concerned with, you know, fixing up our house and.
And you know, where were the feather Boas?
We weren't in drag. We weren't.
We were chats. At.
We were just the most dullest couple you'd ever want to know.
And, you know, she would express that to other parents who were
afraid their kids weren't going to have a full life or have the
life that they anticipated. To the point now where, you
know, we still pester our grandkids that, OK, just because
you're lesbian, you're transgender doesn't mean you're
not going to give us great grandchildren.
You know, you're still on the hook.
So you see no pressure, no pressure of.
Course, not all moms and sisters realize ahead of their son.
Some people are really sent into a bit of a tailspin when someone
in their family comes out. You were also mentioning people
around the world who are not in areas as receptive to gay people
and we, Scott especially, had an experience that we thought was
very touching. I get AI we always try to
respond to the comments in real time that we get on our YouTube
videos and I got this message from a young woman from Russia
and she's saying you don't know what this means to us.
She says we we we are legally called a terrorist organization
in Russia and she shared briefly what was going on.
Any help you can do, please keep it up.
And so I wanted to respond to her now mind you, this was
immediately so I clicked the reply button quickly sent the
reply that we're there anytime she and it was blocked already.
So they, they are like you mentioned, there are countries
and unfortunately some in the European Union that have, that
are just very cruel to their queer communities.
This podcast is listened to in over 100 countries.
In those hundred countries, there are still four or five
where homosexuality is punishable by death, and in
about half those countries, it's still illegal.
Businesses need to be careful about where they hold corporate
events and where they send their LGBTQ plus employees because not
every place is safe. And it's hard now living in
America, to envision a place like Russia or Saudi Arabia
where you may be taking your life or certainly taking your
livelihood if anyone finds out about your sexual orientation.
And we travelled the world. But you know, I can easily say
we aren't going to Uganda anytime soon.
Yeah, well, and not, not hungry. Yeah, we're not.
Frankly, we're. Not, yeah, I'm not going to
Buddha and I we know that there are many in the LGBT community
who go there. But like you say, everyone has
to take a little bit of a stand, whatever they can, to stand for
our communities, to stand for human rights.
This just stands for some core values.
And that's that's how we feel about that particular country.
And when we travel, we never hide who we are.
We are. It's not like we're going around
boasting. Of course we wear T-shirts that
say 2 gay grandpa's travel, so it's kind of a tip off.
But even before we had our channel, we would never hide who
we are. We'd always refer to each other
as either my partner or in later years, my husband.
And. We go into it expecting common
courtesy. We don't go into it demanding,
We don't go into it asking for permission.
We go into it just that of course you're going to accept me
because I'm acting in a civil manner.
And we have never, ever, ever in all of our travels, we've been
to more than two dozen countries and 40 something states.
We have never been confronted with a negative reaction.
If people have something, they keep it to themselves.
But we've been very fortunate in that regard, and that does make
us hopeful for the future. Yes.
I think though, on the caution side, there are some countries
that you've avoided wisely and there are some that you
mentioned, Uganda, Russia, that you know, really I, I would
advise you against wearing 2G grandpa T-shirts in those
countries. I mean.
What we going there? I would be cautious, there are
places that are still very dangerous for for gay men,
trans, lesbians around the world.
So as a wind down to on a more positive note, do you have
advice for any young people who here or abroad who may be
despondent your your lives are in some sense just stand as an
inspiration as they are, but do you have any particular advice
you'd like to share with people who may be in a darker place?
Yes, when I was younger, I seriously considered suicide,
considered very seriously considered.
I didn't do that. No, I didn't do it, but came,
you know, but when I was there at the river with the bridge and
I was just so frustrated. I had a loving family.
That wasn't the issue. The issues.
I felt so different and not on the gay, gay issue because that
hadn't come in my mind. But I just knew that, you know,
I wasn't the baseball player like my brothers, OK, I, I
wasn't the jock. I wasn't, I wasn't the, the I
wasn't going to go into the coal mines and work Well, first of
all, my dad did not want us to, but they were just a lot of
things that I felt somewhat art for my my own community and I
really considered it and I didn't do it, obviously, and I'm
glad I didn't and all. I'm we're glad you didn't.
All I can offer those who are are are thinking about it is
take the time to back away because it you get through it,
it gets better. So many wonderful opportunities
are there in life that lay ahead of you.
Give yourself the opportunity to experience them, to grow.
Nothing will be as bad as you think at that particular time.
And yes, you know, you may have issues along the way the rest of
your life, but you're also going to have some really wonderful
joy, wonderful adventures that you you have a right to have.
You know that you are on this planet to experience.
Take that. Take that opportunity.
And you are not alone. Yeah, you're not.
How isolated you think you are. You are not alone.
There is someone who is experiencing something similar
to what you're going through. No matter what you feel or how
unique or odd you feel, take a breath, especially in your
teenage years. Just know that it's going to get
better. Trust me, we've all gone through
those periods where especially in the teenage years where we
feel isolated, that we're odd man out, that no one understands
what I'm going through. It takes time.
You've got to give yourself that time.
Be patient with yourself, be kind to yourself.
No one is harder on you than you are.
And just know that you're not alone.
Look out, search out online now there are tools and
opportunities that we never had available to us.
We just had to rely on our individual strength and
determination and sublimation in many cases.
But there are so many out places you can reach out to.
You know, even if you just want to comment to us on our Travel
Channel, we answer everybody. Just know that you're not alone.
Mine was my 4th grade teacher. She was a wonderful woman.
And and I didn't mention what I was thinking of doing, but she
obviously felt that something was up with me.
So she spent time, we talked. You know, she took me.
She took me for a ride in a brand new Cadillac.
You know, it was a 54 Cadillac, you know, with the the windows
that went up and down and that there was just something that I
could talk to her about that I couldn't share with my mom and
dad. OK, Yeah.
Because I I thought that I was disappointing my my mom and dad
by not being the baseball player, by not being the top.
Yeah. Trying to find that helpful
adult or find your tribe as would like to say.
Find your tribe. Go find that music, drama
people. You, you Can't Sing and dance.
They're still going to welcome you, you know, Find those that
group and find that tribe. So I'll put some links if
there's anyone on the call anywhere in the world that is
feeling really in a dark place. Some organizations that you can
e-mail that you can text to that you can call that will help
particularly it links specific to sexual minorities.
Bobby, you, you mentioned teenagers.
So what we know now that we didn't know when any of us were,
were young is that the brain isn't formed until the mid 20s.
And sometime in grammar school, it starts to change and it's
rewiring itself and their hormones and and a lot of
construction going on, which is one reason why you should avoid
drinking, binge drinking and drugs in those years because.
The. Wiring may not all come
together. So things can look very dark at
17 or 18 that at 27 you look back and the sun is out and you
really can't figure out what, what exactly it was that so
depressed you when you were 17. I had a number of dark years and
I can construct a number of theories about what what may
have changed my mood. But, you know, I think the
evidence now is it may just be that I've crossed that magic 25
and the sun came out. And, you know, it's like the
depression during the winter. You have to remember, at least
in most places in the world, the sun will come out.
There will be a summer. Well, before we go, anything
that you want to say to parents of queer people?
Just love them. They aren't there to live up to
your ideals, they're there to live their lives.
The best you can do is just encourage them, hug them.
Know that you're there, there to support them and just as they
are. Yeah, don't judge them because
they love somebody that or love in a way that you don't
understand. That's not your role.
Your role it, in my opinion, as a parent, is to help them
develop themselves, develop their core values so that they
can go out in life and stand on their own.
That's what we do as parents. We want them to be successful.
So support that and don't. Forget you can still have
grandkids. Linda Robertson in a previous
podcast said tell your child that you believe them and that
you have their back. I think that's just so.
I know that's hard for some parents, but that is so
important that you say that there's a Netflix documentary
called Join or Die and it's a fascinating movie about what
happens to people and to societies when they stop finding
their tribe and they stop joining and finding birds of a
feather. They just cocoon themselves into
their living rooms and exist only online and how detrimental
it is to mental health. So I think your advice of find
your tribe first online and if you can in person and it doesn't
have to be a gay choral. I mean, not every town has one
like San Francisco or a gay choir.
You may just be a choir or a baseball team or a garden
society or whatever it is. But the evidence now is that you
extend your life significantly by just joining a single club or
a single church, and those people who never join and
participate in any group activities are really
disadvantaged. Join or die.
Currently on Netflix. Well, any final word, Grandpa
Bobby, Grandpa Scott before we sign off?
No, thank you. We appreciate it.
Opportunity. Yeah.
We appreciate the opportunity to reach out to a lot of younger
people and just let them know that there is a great world out
there. They can have a long term
relationship and just grow out to be the most boring people on
the planet. And give us your YouTube channel
one more time. That's two gay grandpas travel
on YouTube. And then on podcasts, we have a
podcast called Travel Your Heart, which we talk more than
just travel. Ah, it's about.
Traveling through life travels and our travels through life.
Thank you very much. Thank you for.
Inviting us. We appreciate it.
Appreciate it. This is Elton Sherwin.
Stay safe, be brave, and God bless.