All right, everybody. And welcome back to another
episode of The Big Grumbowski. Tonight I have with me Heidi
Love from Unfiltered Rise podcast.
Who is going to tell me about her story when she born and
raised into the Mormon Church, correct?
Yes, yes. Born and raised.
Yep. And then escaped.
Yeah. It took me long enough to figure
it out. I'm good.
How you doing? Not too terribly bad.
Awesome. Awesome.
I wish the weather was better. Oh, is it raining there or
something? Well, I mean, yeah, it rained
all day yesterday, but like today it's just all gloomy and
chilly and every, you know, a lot of people are just like, oh,
I love the seasons. I love the seasons.
I'm like, no, fuck these seasons.
I don't like this shit. I don't like being cold.
I want to move to the South. I don't like summer so we are
completely opposite. I hate summer.
I I yesterday or yeah it was yesterday when I talked to some
guy about it and I can't remember who because I talked to
like 3 people yesterday. But anyway when I was talking to
them I'm like summer's a scam. Like it's way hot and I swell up
and I feel like crap falls the bomb.
But like raining, I don't love rain.
But. I know I like snow.
I live in Utah. I don't, I I don't even, I don't
even like the snow. We get a lot of it.
I just think it's funny though. Like when like Georgia or or
somewhere far South like that, it's like 1/2 an inch of snow,
like a a light dusting and they shut the whole entire state
down. They don't know, no one knows
how to handle anything. They shut all the roads down and
I'm just like, we get and we get like 6 feet of snow on average
in the winter here. Like that's that's normal.
Oh, we get snow here, we get snow.
This is actually the motto for our for all of our like, license
plates and everything used to be the greatest snow on earth,
'cause we have so many ski resorts and mountains and blah,
blah blah. So I get like 6 feet in my yard,
like right? Exactly, it's.
It's snow. It's snow up in this, in this
place, for sure. It's it's a lot.
Last year was a crazy winter and it lasted forever, even.
As much as I love winter, I was like, over it, 'cause it was
like May and I think we still had a couple of snow storms in
the mountains. And I was like, OK, knock it off
up there. Quit playing with the weather.
No, that's not, that's not organic at all.
I'm like, stop, stop it. And then and then they won't let
you ski anyway past a certain time frame because of The
Avalanches like it starts to slip.
So, oh, I didn't even realize like that was like a, a thing.
I mean, obviously it avalanches, but I didn't think that there
was like a specific like time frame where like you just like
weren't allowed to be there because like they happened and
that's. Yeah, they kind of closed it up.
Yeah. They they were weird about it
last year. They're like, oh, it got warm
and then it got cold. So we don't know.
They just shut them down. I was like, oh, that sucks for
the people that passes. But I think they just low key
were over it. I think they were like hit the
button, it's enough, you know, I mean, those people usually don't
work that long. So it's like a seasonal deal.
But yeah, we get a lot of snow, lot of snow here.
I'm not a skier. I never got to learn.
So it sucks for me. I did some snowboarding when I
was like a teenager and stuff, and I had a lot of fun doing
that, but not so much as an adult.
No, I just my back and everything hurts already.
I don't need any help. Like, right.
I'm always like, I don't know. I mean my husband's always like,
oh, you could try again. I'm like, yeah, I just, I have a
hard time walking sometimes. So I I think I'm you.
Go ahead, take the kids, right? No kidding.
That's like a young man's sport. Unless you're good at it.
If you're good at it. If you're super good at it and
you have like nothing, broken on you.
Go right ahead. Don't Sonny Bono.
You know, right? Like I'll be fine getting on my
bicycle, go to a skate park and and riding around.
I can still do that, no problems.
And you know, I'll grind down a handrail or two or whatever, but
like, right? I just that's too much.
Coordination's too somewhere to skateboarding and I can't still
board to save my life. I I was never coordinated enough
for the whole skiing. I I did however take out a ski
instructor once which was pretty funny so and all of my friends
were there, so that was awesome. No?
And they just laughed and laughed.
We went through, I don't know what he was doing, but he was
like holding my hands and we're looking at my feet and all of a
sudden my brain like engaged and I was like, he's looking at my
feet and I'm looking at my feet and he's skating back or skiing
backwards. Who the Hell's watching where
we're going? Well, nobody was.
So I looked up orange fence. We, like, went down the mountain
through the fence and he lands on top of me like on like mating
position. And yeah, I'm, I just like me.
And he just goes, that was the best wipe out of my life, man.
And I was like, I'm in a I'm literally going to freak out if
you don't get off of me. My husband was at the top of the
mountain. He was like, oh, that was with
my friend. I was like, cool.
That's great. But I never want to go again.
Traumatized. Yeah.
Trauma. More trauma.
Mormon trauma. Ski trauma.
Utah Trauma? Exactly.
OK, so I have listened to part one and Part 2 of Awesome your
your story on your podcast and so anyone who hasn't listened,
definitely go and listen to that.
But make sure that you do stay here and listen to what she has
to say. So I'm going to let you take the
wheel. All right, so should we start
with my beginnings or the Church's beginnings?
Let's just, we'll go with yours. And then we'll we'll get into,
we'll get into the church there. We'll get into the church, Okay.
So I was born into the church. My parents were what you call
Jack Mormons, which means like Catholics that go on Eastern
Christmas. Like it's kind of like that.
They don't really go. They do what they want.
They still smoke and drink. You can't do any of that stuff
when you're really actually Mormon if you're practicing, you
know, and doing what you should be doing.
So they never really went. But my neighbors went.
And so they thought, oh, well, we should send them so they
won't be heathens to church with these people because the Mormons
will always be like, oh, let us help you do this.
Let us help you take your kids to church.
Let us help. You know.
They're very helpful people. And so honestly, and this is the
disclaimer I always say, because.
Most Mormon podcasts will not go into the things I'm going to get
into here in a little while because they say it's
disrespectful or making fun of them for their like religious
stuff they do. And here's the thing, I don't
feel that way at all. The reason why I go into, what I
go into is not to make fun of anything.
It is because I feel like I was victimized and lied to and I
feel like I shouldn't have to hide that.
I feel like other people should know.
So that if they're at the brink, where they're like, oh, maybe I
am going to go through the temple because the Mormon church
is pretty good until you go to the temple and then things get
weird. And so, but no one could talk
about the temple until you go. It's like a rule.
Not even your grandma will tell you what's going to happen in
there. So you're just kind of thrown
into it and we'll get there. But I just want people to know
that This is why I talk about what I do, because I still have
family that are Mormon. And I've listened to a lot of
other Mormon podcast people that are.
And I'm like, no, no, they don't beat their wives.
Like ritualistically, what is she talking about?
I mean, I like how to step back and go, no, this is crazy.
Like, some of them are probably do, some of them probably don't.
It's no different than Catholics or any other group.
I mean there there's bad apples. Yeah.
So I hate and my asthma's in rare form.
So sorry about that. Pollen's high here.
We got a nice sunny day and so. I just think that when people
come on and try and make it more like, yes, I was beaten, my dad
was an ass, my stepdad, but it wasn't because he was Mormon.
OK? It just that was just like not
part of my my story about Mormonism.
So I want people to know, you know what?
If it wasn't for my neighbor who was a Mormon, my mom might be
dead. Like, she literally helped save
my mom multiple times. So.
It's not the people in the middle.
It's no different than the government or the you know,
powers that be in any other big thing.
You know, that's in the world. Any big group like we were
talking politics or whatever, like lower like city officials
probably aren't that bad of people.
But if you get up to the top top, you're probably going to
meet some not really straight arrows.
OK. So same thing with religion and
any religion. So I feel like the normal people
that are in this like. My family members or other
people that I know here, because I still live in this state which
is like mostly Mormon. Like I have to hide this from my
neighbors. That and sometimes my daughter
will be like, oh, mom has a podcast and I'm like, no, don't
tell your friends that because then you can't come play.
So I'm always like, Oh no, no, what did you tell her that for?
But either way, whatever. I just like to get it out there
that. I don't think that of people.
So we went with our nice neighbors who are very nice
people and good people and we were baptized into the church by
with my neighbor actually baptized me because you have to
be worthy to like baptize. So like my dad couldn't do it or
anything at 8 years old you get baptized.
The only difference between US and regular churches on the
baptism is we don't get baptized for God, we get baptized into
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, which is what
they say. And so even that pulling that
apart and it's really indoctrinating the whole time,
but you don't realize it because you're a kid, you know, you just
think, oh, this is just what you do.
You know you go to testimony meetings once a month at the
first Sunday of the month, and if you feel the spirit or your
mom nudges you enough. You go up to the front and you
say, I'd like to bear my testimony.
And I know this church is true. Like everything's about the
church. It's missing the God part.
It's a lot, but you don't you don't recognize it because they
say the God part is the same as with, you know, basically like
that is the church is is God. So don't worry about that.
But that that's really not true. They're talking a lot about, you
know, the church and so little 4 year olds will get up there and
they're like I. They say these little things and
I'm like, you don't even know what testimony means.
No, there's no way. You know, you're a kid, you're
4. And so you get, you get this
stuff like, 'cause then everybody's like, oh, you did
good. Your way to go, Johnny, you
know? So I mean, it's indoctrinating
that way, but it's it's not. I don't feel like that's harmful
necessarily. It is in the long run.
But like, overall, are they hurting anyone at that point?
Not really, you know. You get into a lot of things
like later when you become a teenager that are weird, you
start having Bishop meetings because you can't go to the like
dances. They have dances for the kids
that are like, you have to be 14 and you you can't date till
you're 16. So you kind of want to go to
those dances because you're like, I can't do anything else,
you know, How am I ever going to meet a human?
So? I mean, you have to go to these
meetings with your Bishop to like figure out if you're worthy
to go. And so they ask you some really
inappropriate questions like do you masturbate weird stuff like
all kind. Like what do you do?
Like how do you do? And you're alone.
You're alone in that office with that person and and now
reviewing it, I'm like, that was so messed up.
But like, at the time, I didn't feel victimized.
At the time. I didn't feel weird about it.
You know, you just knew that's what it was.
And you become a super good liar immediately.
Because if you answer that question wrong like one time,
and you get like that whole, like she didn't go to the dance.
I wonder why she didn't. You know, it gets awkward.
So you learn very quickly in Mormonism that perfection is
what they're seeking, whether it's real or imagined.
You become perfect. So.
It's a lot of pressure on people.
I feel like this day is I don't feel this is truth.
I'm. I am a nurse.
I've been a nurse 24 years. We see a lot of depression and
suicide rates here. It has to correlate.
I mean it that pressure is so much and I had it a lot too as a
as a mom later on in my life. So anyway, back to teenage
years. You're doing that.
You hook up and go to these little.
Like young women's, young men's, you guys sometimes do group
activities. So the moms go to relief
Society, the dads go to their meeting.
These are all on different days of the week.
Then the kids go to their meeting, then the teenagers go
to their meeting. Then on Sunday, all go to a
meeting. So like you're busy all the
time. And then once a month you have
to go, you know, visiting, teaching to your neighbors and
you have to go do this. I mean, there's a lot of have to
like. If you're in the Mormon church,
you are not. You do not lack for things to
do. Like, literally.
You're just probably tired, I mean, and and sometimes that's a
good thing, you know? Sometimes for some people that
like, can help them, pull them out of addictions or different
things because you don't have time for any of that crap.
You know, you you're busy. You're not having a beer for
sure anyways because it's against the rules.
But even if you had time, there's you.
You wouldn't, you wouldn't have time.
So. And then as you get older, you
get like 12. At 12 years old, you can get
your first little taste of the temple, and you can do baptisms
for the dead. Now remember, they're already
baptized at 8 years old for themselves.
So later you're baptizing people by proxy because they're dead,
and you can do up to 13 each. And you do you do this in a
font, a baptismal font inside the temple.
And you feel all special because you're like, Oh my gosh, I'm in
the temple. Like, there's even songs about
the temple. Like, I'm going to get married
in the temple one day. Like, they really shove this
down your throat. So you're like, wow, I'm made it
in here. I lied enough that I'm perfect.
I'm, I'm, I'm here, great, you know, And so you do these things
for proxy, but you don't really even understand what that means.
Like at at 12 and 13. I don't think I did.
You know, so is there a significance to why you're only
allowed to do so many? No, I think it's more like
everybody's waiting to take their turn.
So you got to wrap it up. You know, whoever, it's funny
that they chose the number 13. Right, 13, Yes.
And so that's a fun little thing.
And that's why Mormons are so into genealogy.
Because they have to get the names of all these dead people
in their families. So you can go and baptize them.
Right. And if and they even did like
Hitler and Jews and all kinds of bad stuff.
And I'm like, and when the Jewish people started getting
baptized after they died in the Holocaust for what they
believed, they were sued. They were definitely sued.
And that crap stopped. Yeah.
And then so the Mormons don't really have the line where
they're like, maybe we shouldn't do that because, you know.
Probably not a good idea, right? So after the fact, you're like,
in hindsight, that was a bad idea guys.
Bad. Plan Gina, you know they're
like, oh actually it would be George cause Gina's don't make
those decisions. But you you know what I'm
saying? It would have been yeah, it's
not it's not good. So you do this whole proxy
thing, but to you as a kid you're like, yeah.
And then we went with the young men and had ice cream.
So that was cool. You know, like, you really don't
know what you're doing. You really.
And even if somebody breaks it down for you, I don't think you
really get it. And so if you did, you're like
probably thinking, why the hell are we baptizing dead people?
What's going on with the dead people?
You know, I mean, like, retrospect is everything.
Whatever, Moving on with my life.
You go forward from there. My family turbulence, It was
just stupid my whole life, like when I was a kid is really a lot
and so. I was my stepdad was rare form,
just like to beat people. And my mom almost died.
And then because she'd had so much problems with him, she had
had suicide attempts. And then because of that, you
know, she drank too much and he drank too much.
And there was drugs involved and all this stuff.
So basically we were taken away by the time I was 12, lived with
my grandma. We moved away from Idaho and
back to Utah. Well, Utah Mormons.
And Idaho, Mormons, anywhere else, in the whole anywhere I
would venture to state world. It's a lot different than Utah,
with Utah being the Mecca. Things are real serious here.
OK. Some places you go, like Idaho
was more relaxed. I feel like they were serious,
but they weren't like serious, you know, and and so it was, it
was a big change. And I still stayed in the
church. My grandma was very church
centered. And none of her kids had made it
through. The temple is a big deal for
her. She went through the temple
alone because my grandpa was basically a hooligan until he
was like 50 something. He was a one.
He was A1 percenter. Do you know that is it's not
good. So, like a biker, you know?
OK, that's what I that's what I figured.
Yeah, yeah. And my uncle was a sundowner.
And so all these things, which is like Hell's Angels, but so
all this stuff. Her kids didn't really turn out
like she thought they might and wanted them to.
So she, like, put all her energy into like this one's going to
make it, you know, this kid is going to make it.
So she, like, did everything to make sure like I was going to
church, I was doing what I needed to do, blah blah, blah.
And so even with boys, 'cause I was super boy crazy early, she
was like, I will straight up give you your grandpa's sports
car if you graduate and you're a virgin.
I didn't say I never said that on another podcast, but that's
true. And I was like, damn.
And so it does like, make it into your perspective.
Like, is he really worth a car? You know?
Like, yeah. Needless to say, I wasn't with
anyone until I got married. But I did get married at 17,
like a moron and so but everybody was fine with it.
Like I should have been at senior prom.
And I wasn't. I was getting married to a 25
year old man. So I wasn't pregnant.
I was just an idiot and I thought this was a good idea
because my grandparents got married at 14 and 16, so right.
So like for you? For you guys, it was just
commonplace. I was like, Oh yeah, it's fine,
totally fine. She does that.
So I got married to this 25 year old.
I don't know. Now looking back on it, it's
really awkward that he wanted to marry a 17 year old.
I'm like, anyway, yeah, a lot of things there.
So we get really involved in the church together.
And his parents have never forgiven me.
I'm pretty sure, 'cause he was Roman Catholic and he was Irish,
and you just like a Mick, you know, like McKinney McDonald,
like he was a Mick. And so it was bad and his family
was upset. I mean, I get it now.
Back then I was like, I don't know, he's doing way better now,
you know, which he was, 'cause he was an addict for many years.
And for him, it was like something to focus on.
Like good. Things to focus on.
And that's why I say, you know, I don't really, it's hard for
me, 'cause it's satanic. So the church is like lies.
If they came out and said, you know what, we are a group that
just believes in blah blah, blah, and we're almost
Freemasons and we're sort of Satanic and Christ is going to
be thrown out of this whole thing.
I would stop this. Like, I would stop talking about
it. The fact that I was told that
this was how you get to heaven and that this is the only way
that God's going to love me, that pisses me off, literally.
Like, so we start doing all these classes to go to the
temple because he was a convert. So we couldn't get married in
the temple at first because they have to wait a year because they
have to make sure they're like, are you really sure you want to,
you know, do it? And so they make them wait,
which is fine, whatever. We did the classes and all the
things, and we go through the temple when I'm pretty pregnant
because like it we'd been married like 2 and some change
years by then. And so I'm like 9 months
pregnant. And the first thing that happens
to me as we go in there is they give me this.
They don't do this anymore because straight up people suit
them. They have you take off your
clothes and they have you put on this poncho thing and it's open.
It's like a poncho. It's like sides open and you sit
down on this cold bench in this little room and you're like
waiting for somebody and you're like, what the hell is going on?
And the bench is like, sucky. The bench is like, hard.
And not even not. It's not like anything else in
there. I mean, it's like stone and
you're kind of naked, you know? And so I'm like, why is it so
cold? Well, I found out later.
That's because that's an altar. I didn't know that.
It doesn't really look like it because it's just a bench stone
thing. But in the rear view mirror I'm
like, OK, yeah, I see it, got it.
And then they come in and they bless you.
And now they only touch people's foreheads because there was so
much controversy, because they come in and they touch here and
they touch like your navel and they bless your loins, which is
like your, you know, junk. And so they do it right above
that. There's no sexual weirdness.
None of that. But like, it's very
uncomfortable. You're very.
You're very uncomfortable. Yeah.
And also, if you're in the Mormon church, you know that
they're only people that can have the priesthood as men.
OK, Period. End of the story.
So the men do the blessings. The men hold the priesthood.
The men do the stuff. That's how it is.
So this lady comes in and here I am, so indoctrinated.
I'm like, wait a minute, I know I'm Naked and everything.
That's fine, whatever it's called.
But you can't give me a blessing because you're a lady.
And that that's all I cared about.
At that point. I'm like, looking back, I was
like, what the heck? But yeah.
And so this lady comes in and I'm like, but where's the guy?
Because you don't have the priesthood.
You, you clearly cannot do this. And she's like, oh, it's
different in the temple, of course.
Of course it is. Of course it is everything.
So there's washing and anointings that happen.
And it's like symbolic with oil and stuff.
But also, guess what, Masons do Washing and anointings.
Masons receive new underwear in their temple rites.
And right after you're naked and do this stupid shit stuff.
Excuse me? You get new underwear.
I know. I try not my own self.
I'm like, 'cause I am Christian and I'm fully.
I love God. But I do slip a lot on the bad
mouth. I was raised by truckers and
bikers, and I'm working on it. So anyway, then they come in and
they get you all ready and you go into another room and it's,
it's like all painted like the Garden of Eden.
And the men sit on one side and the women sit on the other, and
they do this story. And if you're in a live version
of this then it's it's like a play and if you're in non live
version it's a movie and it's all about how God created the
world and all this stuff. And like so eventually you know
they get to Adam and Eve and then we're kind of
representative of Adam and Eve. And then it's like they have
people come to an altar and they talk about like the devil coming
in and and if you're in the play part, they took it out because
too many people were like spooked out that, like there was
a like a devil that would come in dressed all in black and be
all weird. Now it's just like, I guess they
just say it like, oh, and then Lucifer came.
I I don't know what they do now because I don't go anymore.
Thank heavens. So still Lucifer has a huge part
of this whole thing. So the people are reenacting
this with it as far as like, they'll tell you.
OK, Adam got, you know, out into the lone and jury world and he's
praying and and he's calling out, they used to say Pele L,
which means, oh, hear me, false God.
But people got smart and they started.
So now they say, oh, hear me, hear me, God, hear the words of
my mouth. And so then all of a sudden God
doesn't come. Lucifer does.
Lucifer shows up and he says, oh, God's going to know you're
naked. You better put this apron on.
OK, Why did Lucifer answer the prayer?
Why did Lucifer answer the prayer when he was praying?
And that was always weird. Like somebody brought that up in
one of my other ones and I was like, oh, I didn't, I didn't
catch that. And then the he says, you better
get this apron. And we get the apron and we put
it on because he gave it to us. Then everybody stands up and
they put on their fig leaf apron.
They put on this green apron. It's the only thing of color in
the whole thing. It used to be really a Masonic
apron with, like, checkers and, like, the sun and all kinds of
Masonic stuff. But they of course changed that
in the 1960s. And I remember my my grandma, my
great grandma was like, such a shame.
Those were so much cuter. Yeah.
You look at them and it's like, oh, sheesh, I know why.
Like, it's like the sundial and like up above the checkered
floor and like all kinds of Mason crap.
So I mean, I see why they changed them.
Like, probably I really. Love the the red upside down
star, the circle on the backside of it too.
It was so bad. And so she's like, oh, we just
have these green ones now. And I'm like, yeah, so you're
sitting there. Just just think.
Just put yourself. You've already been naked.
You got these weird underwear now, by the way, they look like
a full T-shirt for a girl, like maybe a little bit like of a cap
sleeve right there. And it's like AT shirt.
And then also long like underwear, like men's boxer
briefs for women. And they have symbols on them.
They have a compass and a square on each nipple.
They have a ruler that goes sideways over your navel and
they have another ruler on your knee where your knee would like
be on the ground if you would kneeled.
And you have to wear these for all your life.
You have to wear them. I mean obviously different
pairs, like they're your underwear now funny enough, the
churches who makes them, funny enough you can't buy them
anywhere else. Funny enough they cost like 40
bucks a pair and you have and I've seen and I can't prove this
and I don't like saying things that I can't prove, So I'm just
going to say I can't prove it. I've seen pictures of kids
making them in sweatshops, so I don't think their overhead is
high. Yeah, and so you go get these
underwear and you can't even buy the underwear.
Like if you went in, you try to buy someone, they they would say
I need to see your recommend there and you can't even fake
it. It's all digital.
They're no dummies. They got like top of the line
crap, like they're smart and so you have all that stuff.
So you get if you've got your weird underwear on, you can't
even put your bra underneath. You have to put your bra over
the top. Everything, even your if you
wear regular underwear, it has to go over the top.
So can you even imagine the situation?
This is like very pregnant. And then, like postpartum
situations, monthly situations for girls, boxer shorts, they
don't fit like underwear. OK, It's not a thing.
So probably the most miserable years of my life spent in those,
not the reason why I left the church.
People would be like, oh, that's why she left.
She didn't like the garments. No, that's not why.
I'm just saying it was very uncomfortable And I'm hot all
the time because I don't have a thyroid, because I had cancer.
And so you have to wear those underneath your clothing and you
cannot wear anything that would show them.
So no more tank tops, no more cute tank tops.
Summer dresses, no more short dresses.
Everything's to the knee. Like This is why they're very
modest. And it used to be like if you go
back, back back to the olden days, to the wrist, they were,
they were like to the wrist and to the ankle and the the FLDS,
which are like the polygamists, they still do that.
They go by the letter of the law and that's why they look so
little House on the Prairie because, I mean, they have to
cover all that. So what's the difference between
them? And then the Temple Mormons?
So they have their own temple as well.
There's three branches. Well, there's probably more, but
there's three main branches that split off after Joseph Smith
died. He had the main branch of the
LDS people that came here and settled in Salt Lake, and
Brigham Young took over that, that whole thing.
They were still polygamous then, everything like that.
But like that became the mainstream church for the most
part. Then there was like a big
uproar. I can't remember which profit.
They didn't think it was the right profit, whatever.
And so they went their own way because they were changing the
Book of Mormon. And that is true.
That Book of Mormon has been changed more times than probably
I change underwear. Like it is been fixed and
changed. And if anything, like how I told
you, oh, they don't do that anymore, oh, they don't do this
anymore, blah, blah, blah, blah. This happens all the time
because people get offended. And so those people that dress
like Little House on the Prairie, the FLDS, they actually
practice real Mormonism. They are probably the only
people that practice real Mormonism.
They did not ever change the Book of Mormon.
They don't bend to meet kool-aid Hair people, OK, They just
don't. They stick to what it says and
that's what they do. And so I almost have some sort
of, like props to them other than the pedophilia, like they
like to have little child brides that are 12.
So that's not OK. So I'm like, you know, what if
they want to have 20 wives and everybody's in agreements and
they're over 18, I don't really care, You know what I mean?
Like, if that that's their choice.
I also think they're very indoctrinated.
And I know what they do to them because I lived in that area for
a long time. I lived in Saint George and they
live in Colorado City, which is very close.
And we would see them and they indoctrinate them so bad that
very few people leave because they feel like they really will
go to hell. And their husbands often times
keep their children and their children do not belong to them.
It's really hard. They have their own government.
They have their own people out there.
Like, I mean it. It's serious.
And so that's the FLDS, the mainstream LDS is the people you
see come knocking on your door. The more I want to say normie,
they're normie Mormons. Like that's the Normie Mormons.
And they practice just the mainstream Mormonism.
And then there's the reorganized church, which branched off after
the death of Joseph Smith because his wife, Emma hated
polygamy and thought it was crap.
And her son started that. So she was like, yeah, we can't.
I believe in this, but we're not doing that.
We're cutting that. And I don't blame her at all.
There's no way I actually, we're not done with the temple part.
But I will tell you this. I've said it on a couple.
I actually lost my husband to a polygamist.
So it's funny now. It wasn't funny.
It was not funny when it happened.
I kicked my mat. I did.
I almost went to jail. I know I shouldn't condone
violence, but, like, sometimes people deserve violence.
Because she knew that we were trying, right?
Yeah, she knew. I gave her a chance.
Look, I'm willing to give anybody a chance.
I I came to her woman to woman and said knock it off.
I know what you're doing. I'm going to call your husband
and I know he hits you. So you better cut it out, 'cause
I will blow your life up. Thank you.
Stop it. She was considered defective
because she lost her uterus after her first child, and she
was the youngest wife. When you're the youngest wife,
your duty is to have more babies.
So she was considered to be, like defective, you know?
And she probably felt really horrible about it.
She was still really young. She was like 23.
And so I just told her, look, we're trying to work out our
crap. Whatever, Leave it.
Leave him alone. That was his secretary at his
job. And she didn't leave it alone.
And I told her, if I ever catch you doing that again, I will get
a hold of your husband. And sure enough, I caught him
again one time. And I I grabbed the phone and I
was like, hello, can I please speak to whatever his name on?
I can't remember. And then she's like, oh, who's
calling? And I was like, blah, blah, blah
from construction company because I knew he did
construction. And I was like, oh, it's about
this bid. And then I was like, yeah, no,
you're. And I just told him, like, your
wife is sleeping with my husband.
This is what's happening. Blah, blah, blah, This is my
name. This is his name.
Bye. And I could hear her screaming
before I hung up the phone. So yeah, I was like, sorry,
sorry, not sorry. You should leave married people
alone, you know? And that wasn't even.
I had already got to her before that, like and.
Yeah and it was bad. We I didn't go to jail because
it was my friend's brother that came.
He was he was the cop and actually I feel like the boss,
like low key was like he walked in and saw us fighting and like
he turned around and walked out and I was like everybody knows
you observe this. Everybody know.
I mean wasn't trying to kill her.
I was just trying to slap her around a little.
You know I was mad. I was really pissed.
And so eventually whatever that that's that.
But so we'll go back to the temple.
We're still in the temple because we're not even close to
done. That's just my I'm, I'm a
tangent person. I'll go off.
And yeah, it's how my brain works.
ADHD at its finest, yeah. Same.
And then I'll catch myself where I'm just like, I start talking
and I'm like, I'm getting really Chatty Cathy because I'm like
completely baked out of my corners, like.
And then I'm like, oh God, I gotta, I gotta pick it back up,
get it back together. Yeah.
Well, and I have, I have organized, I think ADHD, like
most of the time I can hone in, but if there's like a little
tangent thing, then I'm like, well, I gotta tell it now,
'cause I'll forget it later. So that's like tangent.
Yeah. So we're still in the temple and
and you lean over these. Well, first you finish your
little ceremony. This is called your endowment
session. You're getting endowed.
And that's kind of funny in a way.
But anyway, maybe some people aren't endowed so that.
No wonder they called it that, right?
I guess it's a very male centered freaking thing.
So then you're learning about all the signs and symbols that
you need to get through to go to heaven.
So they're handshakes and they're basically Masonic
handshakes that they're 100% like the same.
Like one of them is called the True Grip of the Lion paw or
something, and he just changed the name, the true grip of the,
the true sign of the nail. And so he just changes the name
of these and I'll explain why. But I don't want a tangent
again. So I don't know, it's hard to
like keep it because it's this whole story is just all and so
yeah, keep that in your back pocket.
So we're going through that. And then they start doing this
weird chanting and they're bringing their arms to the
square, which is very Masonic. And back in the 80s, they used
and all before the 80s, like it wasn't just the 80s.
Anytime before the 80s, like early 90s, they used to swear to
slit their throat or slit their belly, just like the Gnostic
mask if they ever spoke of it. Like what I'm doing right now.
And yeah, yeah, and actually New York Patriot, shout out to New
York Patriot. He's amazing.
He told me that at my last interview.
I actually just posted that today, and I was like that
that's creepy, that that's weird that they do the same sorts of
things. I mean, because Gnostic
shouldn't have anything to do with Joseph Smith.
Like, I understood the Masons because he was a Mason.
But the Gnostic mass, like, for the OTO, where'd that come from?
Like, what? So yeah, Satanic stuff.
I was like, oh, great, I did that.
So and then they do this weird. They do a book.
And this is important. And I do this on every podcast I
do. If somebody, this Mormon comes
to you, 'cause you're having a hard time or whatever and says,
oh, do you want me to put your name on the temple list that say
no, that is a book, that they put all the names for the prayer
requests in there, OK, now it's a computer.
Now they just print it off and put it in a book.
But then they go and start chanting around this book like,
like, you wouldn't even believe. It's so creepy.
And they're like saying stuff and chanting at the same time
and saying like, oh God, hear the words of my mouth stuff,
Which, what? Remember who answered when they
said that it wasn't God, right, The devil.
So, yeah, so I'm like, I tell everyone like, well, you can do
what you want. If you want your name on that
book, knock yourself out. But if you're trying to get rid
of weird stuff in your life, I probably wouldn't do that if I
were you. Like, people say that to me all
the time because I'm in Utah and it's a normal thing to say to
somebody, like if you're sick or had surgery.
And I'm always like, oh, no, no, no, no, don't do that.
Don't do that for me, please. Thank you anyways.
I mean, you can pray for me normal.
Just you do it. Just you.
That's great, you know, because it's.
Yeah. So you get done with that.
And then you proceed forward. And this is like a really
condensed, I mean this, this ceremony takes 2 hours.
So if I sat here and told you word for word, we'd be here a
long time. So this is the very condensed
version of an endowment session. So then you go on to the next
room, which is a fake veil. It's curtains, and you can't see
behind it. And there's holes in the
curtains, so they stick their hand through and you have to do
the secret handshakes and you get a new name, and you tell
them your new name, which also Mason's get a new name.
And Mason's do the handshakes. And your husband goes first
because God calls him by his new name and he is never to repeat
it. Never like not to.
He could never tell me no matter what, not no matter what.
And that's because he's going to be called in heaven by God, by
that name, By this new name. And then I get called by my new
name for my husband. Right?
Because he's my God, right. I also thought, like, Oh my
gosh, I have this coolest special name.
It's just for me, like Gina over there.
I like. I guess I like Gina today.
Gina over there doesn't have the same name as me.
So I found out later I was like, oh, I forgot my name.
Crap. And so.
They call, you call, and they're like, what day did you go
through? And then you tell them and
they're like, oh, don't worry, it's this, because everybody's
name's the same. On that day, everybody got the
same name. Damn, I know I was mad.
I was like, wow, OK, Here. You think it's like a special
thing from God, and you just find out like, oh, let me check
that, OK? No.
Right. This is a Thursday K.
You're Aaron. Yep.
And so I was Abigail. You're not supposed to say that
ever. But I don't believe in this
stuff anymore. And I think that it's good to
just put it out because it isn't part of my life and I'm not
going to accept it. So This is why I do this.
And so then you do the little secret handshakes.
These are to pass the Sentinels and angels that protect God so
that you can get through to heaven.
And if you don't know them and if you forget them, then I
guess, I guess you don't go to heaven, so you have to go back.
Then you go through the into this beautiful celestial room,
which is supposed to be like heaven, and you can sit there
and talk or whatever, but you're kind of done with that part.
And so basically you made it to heaven, you know?
And I I remember thinking like, hey, that sucks.
I mean, we have these new secret things.
And I've never had a secret between me and my husband.
Like, at that point, obviously he had a lot later.
But at that point I was like, that's weird.
And then also like, God calls him, but not me.
Like it. It's very, it's a weird
situation. So then you go to get married in
the temple, which you would think, like in your wedding
dress and your family. And I do.
No, no. You wear the same outfit that
you wear with your fig leaf apron and your little white,
very plain clothing. They don't want big poofy dress.
They don't want any of that stuff.
If you do wear your wedding dress, you have to wear this
stuff over the top. So you still wear the fig leaf,
like the little robe, all the things.
So yeah, And you've got the magical underwear on, and then
you've got your wedding dress, and then you've got the robe,
and then you've got, you know, all this.
Oh, the veil, 'cause we used to have to veil our faces because
we weren't worthy to see the priesthood stuff, because we
were women. So you got all this stuff on and
you go to an altar and no one can come that is not worthy to
be there. If they don't have a temple
recommended, they don't get to come to your wedding.
Sorry. And they don't care if it's your
mom. You don't get to go.
No, they make no exceptions. What's the criteria for that?
Then you have to be Mormon. You have to have gone through
the temple, which, remember, if your convert takes a year, like,
it's not, it's not like you can be like, oh, I have three months
till a wedding and I can just go do this.
No, none of that. It's going to take time.
And so pay all your tithing, 10% tithing, be morally clean.
I'm not saying the rules are bad, like, some of them are
good. Some of those rules are like,
OK, but I can understand, yeah, people have addictions.
People have this. Like, I get it, you aren't
supposed to smoke. Drink.
They have. OK, A lot of people get this
twisted. They think you're not supposed
to have caffeine. That's not true.
Coca-Cola is owned by the Mormons and we drink Coke.
OK, it's it's the fact that back then they used to say no hot
drinks, and the only hot drinks back then were coffee and tea.
Well, so back they just have shortened it to the coffee and
tea. And then when I asked somebody
about it, that was higher up because I was like, what's the
deal with the coffee and tea? Like, it's so weird because Coke
is bad for you too, you know, or whatever.
And they're like, oh, it's the tannic acid in there and blah,
blah. Like like Joseph Smith knew
about this, right? No, it's probably like a
shortage of it. And they just didn't want to
hear people complaining that they didn't have it anymore or
whatever. I get it.
You're not supposed to be addicted to anything.
They really push, like don't be addicted to, you know, even
Coke. Don't be addicted to anything.
Don't tattoo your body. Your body is a temple.
But every girl I've ever known in the Mormon church has boob
job, so that's fine. But yeah, it's just like, it's
like the Kardashians in Modesty, like it's very strange.
And so everything like that, it's all good for you.
I get it. You have to go to church a lot.
You have to when I say pay 10% of your earnings, I mean after
after you get your W twos and you do your taxes, you have to
take your taxes in and meet with the Bishop and show them all
your financials. Like, this is not a joke and if
you're negative you, you like owe the church money and and
then on top of it if you don't have the money because sometimes
people are like, well, it's either I have gas and stuff for
food and money for food, like, or I pay you and they're like,
oh, we'll give you food, pay the tithing.
Well, it's a double end, like good for them because then
they're giving charity by giving them food because they own their
own warehouses. They do all that, they do all
that. They have canned everything,
everything. And so like meats processed by
the church, flour processed by the like, everything, they are
very self sustained on their welfare program and so they'll
give you that, but they'll take your money.
So still it's a charitable donation that's not taxed and
they gave you a charitable donation that's not taxed.
So it's it's a win win, you know?
And sometimes you end up with a crappy job because if you didn't
do what you needed to do, then like one time we owed money and
we had to be janitors for the church and like, scrub toilets
and stuff. Like, yeah.
And so I'm. I'm not saying there's not other
churches that probably do that. Maybe there is, you know, like
maybe people volunteer for that or whatever, but everybody has a
calling. So like some people get called
to be like the teacher for the little 5 year olds and they
don't want to. Like my grandma got that calling
and she was like, I don't want to teach little kids.
I don't like little kids that much.
Like, you know, they're cute and all.
But I raised my kids. Yeah, she was like, I don't want
to do that. And you have to do it unless you
have a really good reason not to do it.
And they give everybody a calling.
So everybody in the church helps run the church because then
you're helping like you don't get paid for any of this.
Like the Bishop over like the church, which would be like a
local priest. He takes on everything for all
of the whole church and does these interviews and all this
stuff. And he's like at he's literally
at the church 24 hours a day, basically for a long time.
I mean, he goes to work and then goes to the church and they do
it all for free. And this all runs itself like,
and it's all it's all free. And so it it's kind of ingenious
in a way, like even their library.
Oh, the librarians, It's her calling.
That's what God told her to do, and they're still breaking in.
Money and still breaking in. Money and still breaking.
And that's so similar to like Scientology.
It's fair. I think so too.
And and the the only thing that's different is, is they
don't rule over your life with like you can't ever get married
if you join the Sea Org. But they're more like, yeah, you
can do whatever you want, but then we want you here to report
when we tell you to it. It's a little bit more free, but
it's still very controlled. It's still very controlled.
I I think it's like Scientology and the Jehovah's Witnesses had
a baby. That's how I feel.
I mean that like the way they run it that.
Could and I can see that. And so you know, that's fine.
Whatever. They can do whatever they want
as a as a church if they don't bring God into it.
That's where I get upset. Like if you want to say you're
the Church of Masons, whatever, 'cause that's what you're doing,
then do that and I will respect it.
But you're you're lying to people.
You're telling them they can't go to the top heaven if they
don't do these, but you know, things.
So here you are getting married and you're leaning over an
altar. So the altar is like sideways.
And he is leaning, kneeling, and I'm kneeling.
And you're holding hands over this altar and, you know, some
things that are dark. And then they have Infinity
mirrors. You know what I'm talking about,
right? Like all the way down this whole
way. And so you look into the
Infinity mirrors, and you're like, I'm going to be with you
for time and all eternity. And what does God say in the
Bible? No, that's not a thing.
It says there is no marriage in heaven.
There is no male or female or in heaven.
You will be as the angels. The angels don't have wives.
That's why they freaking came down here and gotten deep crap
with God. We they're not supposed to
procreate. They're not supposed to have
sex. They're not supposed to be
married. That's the whole point of the
Angel story of why they got in trouble.
OK, so I'm like, all right, whatever.
You really believe that? And I feel like that in itself
was so powerful. And I think, I think he got this
part. Now I'll get into what I think
about what happened with him. But that particular piece, he
saw his wife lose a lot of children and he saw his mother
lose children. And I'm sure he saw the
heartbreak in them. And I think it was maybe like a
like this will help, maybe this will help, you know.
And then look at how wonderful it works.
If you go talk to somebody that's lost their child and
you're like, you will be with them in heaven.
If you do these things, people were gonna do the things, you
know, that's very powerful. That's like, 'cause I, my, my
mom lost my brother. And if she didn't know all the
things that we do know that would have worked with her.
She would have done almost anything.
You know it. It's so horrible for them and.
Right. Especially in a state where
you're so vulnerable way. And and in these other
countries, they love now to focus on these countries where
they're a little bit behind, like in Latin America or Africa.
And and then, you know, they don't hear anything else and
they think, oh, this is wonderful, 'cause these people
help, remember, they help take care of you, they help you with
a lot of things. You know, you feel very
inclusive, you feel very, it's camaraderie.
You feel like you have like if I needed to move tomorrow and I
had no help, I could call the Bishop Rick and I would say I
really need help. Oh can you send men?
Oh Yep. Here would be a bunch of
strangers that I don't even really know that well that are
my neighbors that were called by the Bishop.
You need to go help sister Anderson and so or like I have a
baby. Everybody bakes casseroles for
this lady and and helps her out. You know, somebody comes and
does laundry or whatever. I'm not saying there's not
perks. There's perks just like in the
Masons or any anything. I mean, there's perks, yeah, of
course. Why would you even do it if not,
you know. And so I'm very wiggly also
'cause I have a bad back. So sorry about that.
You're fine. So anyways, they, they have you
look into the Infinity Mirrors, they don't have, you do like the
I do's. It's very different.
He basically says his own prayer over you.
And you know, they have their own set stuff they say, which
I've tried to block out, but it it's basic.
I mean just the time and all eternity thing.
And so after that time, a woman is sealed to that one man for
time and all eternity. The man, however, because of
polygamy, can marry if we get a divorce.
You can get married tomorrow. That really doesn't matter if I
want to get married in the temple again tomorrow in the
temple, not regular in the temple.
If I want to have another temple marriage because my husband
died, say he died, like it's a legit thing.
Like I can't control that and I meet somebody and I want to do
that. My if my Bishop has to approve
it, if my husband is alive and it is a divorce, my husband, my
ex-husband has to approve it. So he could be a real douche and
just be like, yeah, I'm not signing that, I don't.
And that has happened many times because then you have to go
through a whole board and like a hearing and like it's like a
whole big thing. And so any children that are
born underneath that covenant of marriage, they say underneath
the covenant are automatically covered.
So, like, I had another son, and me and that husband were talking
about going through the temple. And I said, well, what about my
son? We need to get a recommend for
my son so that he can be sealed to us like as a family forever.
This is what they push. And the the guy kind of, you
could tell he wasn't super comfy.
He goes, no, you don't. And I'm like, what do you mean I
don't? And he's like, well, he was born
under the covenant. I'm like, yeah, to my
ex-husband, who's a weirdo person that's on meth and not
living it at all. What are you talking about?
And my husband is like, he's a redhead back then.
And he was turning red every, like literally from head to toe.
He was red, I think at this point.
Because remember, this man is raising my other children that
were the other man's children, and he just took off.
So he's like, are you, are you trying to tell me my son is
already covered because her ex-husband and he's like, well,
it'll all be fine. It'll be switched when you guys
go through. And I'm really like my, my
husband at the time, he was like, yeah, we're done.
I'm not doing this, like, at all.
Like, that's insane. That's crazy.
I don't even know. And he was, like, so upset.
He was already sketchy about it. And that just was that was it.
That was like the straw, you know?
Right. No kidding.
Yeah. He just had had it.
I mean, he wasn't super. He kind of was doing it for me
anyways. And so I was like, yeah, that
would make me mad, like I understood his position and I I
respected it, which actually saved me probably another good
15 years, 'cause if I had gone back then, I don't know if I'd
ever have got out, I don't know. I don't know.
It would have been hard. It would have been way harder.
So I ended up we, we were married for a good ten years
before Little Miss Polygamous came into the picture.
And we had on a rocky road because he had mental illness,
which I don't blame him for that.
I also, he told me he disclosed it.
I was 17. I was like, yeah, you take your
pill, right? Like, it's fine, totally fine.
And he's like, yeah, but sometimes it's really bad And I
like would just got out of alcohol rehab from like being
locked down, like because the military threw me in there
because I showed up to work drunk and I'm like, OK, well,
that's not good. But doesn't have a car.
Divorced, like has a kid. I'm like, well, used to be on
meth, like all this stuff. So.
But I'm a kid and I'm like, yeah, I love you.
It's totally fine. You know, just take your pill.
And I was so delusional. I look back at that and I'm
like, OK, yeah, great. So we get divorced.
He goes completely off the deep end, like, 'cause the girl
didn't leave her husband and I wasn't going to take him back
after he did that. So I mean twice.
Like I, he did take him back once, but like twice is twice
too many. It's just ridiculous.
And so I was like, no. So when he figured out, he was
just kind of, oh, I'm on an island alone now.
That sucks. He kind of went off the deep
end. And I do feel bad about that
because not that I caused it or could do anything about it, but
the fact that it happened, I mean, I'm I'm obviously I feel
bad for anybody in that situation.
Hopefully you guys can't hear my dog yelling at me through the
door. Can you hear it?
Yeah, it's OK though. Well, he's going to be naughty
for a minute. The other night my I started
recording and then I realized my cat was in the in the room with
me and was running out. He's usually well, I'm his
master, so he's always like mom, Mommy.
Yeah, he's huge. He's huge.
He shouldn't need a mommy, but he he, he needs his mommy.
So yeah, it's one of those things.
But so he does have a really rough go of it.
And like I said, I'm not heartless.
Like that was horrible. Like, I wouldn't wish that on
anybody, you know? I mean, it was sad and yucky and
yeah, so he goes off the deep end.
I get remarried and I'm still 100% all about the church, like,
and then my family is, my grandma is.
And I remember after I went through the temple, I said,
grandma, what the hell? What are we doing?
What the hell was that? You know, somebody could have
told me. She's like, oh, we can't tell.
I'm like, yeah, but that was a lot like that was.
And she just looked at me and she's like, you'll get used to
it. And that was my answer.
And I was like, I think I'm going to get used to it, you
know, and I never did. So after you go through for
yourself, here comes the dead people again.
You go through for dead people. After that, every time you go
through after the first time, you do it for dead people
because Mormons believe there's three heavens.
And then there's like this wading area.
So there's the celestial Kingdom, and then there's the
telestial Kingdom, and then there's the terrestrial Kingdom.
And they're all different kingdoms, depending on how good
you were here. And even if you were the best of
the best of the best and you didn't go to the temple, you
can't go live with God because you aren't good enough.
So yeah, So these other people that were, like, good, 'cause I
used to say things like, well, what about Mother Teresa?
You're like, really good, good people.
You know, like, not necessarily. I mean that that's also, we
don't want to go conspiratorial on Mother Teresa, but there
could be things with people. But you get what I'm saying,
Like, the best people that live their life the best they could
and were really good people. And she's like, oh, well,
they're waiting in heaven for you to go do this work so that
they can go to the bigger heaven and live with God.
And I'm like, OK, so it was so creepy for me that and then you
practice the handshakes and all the things.
So it helps put it in your brain, you know, and so that you
can remember it for when you die.
And I'm like, yeah, I don't know about that one.
So you can also do marriages for them, for people, the dead
people, and do that ceiling with the mirrors, like I said.
And and I usually would gear toward that because the other
thing just creeped me out a lot. I was like, the marriages don't
seem so bad. We'll just go there, you know,
and do that. And so we did that for quite
some time and we were really active for quite some time and
did all the things, like I said, really into the church.
My grandma was super happy and my grandma raised me, so there
was this huge heaviness on me, 'cause even my grandpa
eventually came around and went through the temple with my
grandma, and he was old when he went through, I think he was in
his fifth. Like I say, old For him, 50s is
not old anymore, but for him, he only lived till he was 63, so
that was old for him 'cause he was almost dead, you know.
So he didn't obviously know that was going to happen, but he went
through and they did that, and he got really involved in it.
But even he told me once, he said, you know, he, he was
raised Catholic. And he said, I still believe in
the Trinity. And I was like, oh, yeah.
And he's like, yeah, I don't know about the whole 'cause they
don't. They believe God is the Father,
Jesus is the Son, and the Holy Ghost is somebody completely
different. And so Jesus was here.
He was born a flesh like a man. Like they believe that, like
basically like God had sex with Mary.
Like, really? Yeah.
And not like just divine, you know.
So that that was something else that Mormons believe that most
people do not believe. And then so yeah, that's that's
another weird thing that they believe.
So I I was very into that. And then my grandpa dies.
And then after my grandpa died, I felt so responsible for my
grandma because, I mean, he died so young and it sucked and it
was rapid. It was cancer.
I think we only had like 3 weeks to figure everything out and it
was just so bad. And so then she had lost a son.
She had had all this bad stuff happen and it was all really
bad. You know, she had a really hard
end of her life there. And so I felt like this heavy
burden on me to be like, you can't go mess everything up for
her. Like, that's really sad.
So I kept trying to. I took my girls to church.
I did the whole church thing. Even if my ex, my my husband
that said no, I'm not going to go through, you know, even if he
didn't go, we would go quite often.
And even if I didn't go, my girls would go with my grandma.
And so when I left the church, basically I lost most of my
family. My grandma didn't only become a
little insane. She called CPS.
She said I beat my kids. She tried to take my kids away.
I've never beat my kids. I've yelled at my kids.
And I mean, like, I feel bad about how I was about the
yelling now. But like, yeah, it was not like
I didn't beat my kids, you know? And so CPS got called.
That case was dropped. It was so silly.
I mean, but my daughter ended up living with her for a short
time, and she just wanted what she wanted.
She was 17, you know? And so most of my family at that
point alienated me and dropped me.
And when my grandma couldn't keep my kid, she sued me for
every penny she ever spent on my kids, all the school clothes,
every trip to Disneyland. The I specifically said, you do
not have the money for this, Do not buy Disneyland tickets.
And she went and told my kids that they were going to
Disneyland on Christmas morning. What do you, what do you do with
that? You know?
And so I'm like, no, no, my husband has to work and
everything. It's not going to work, blah
blah, blah. She bought him a ticket to come
back to like ride home on an airplane, everything.
She made it happen and I was like, this is just not good,
'cause I knew she was elderly, I knew she didn't have a lot of
money, you know, And so that ended up breaking the what
little pieces of family I had left basically off.
Other than my mom. My mom had already left the
church and became a non denominational Christian and
they were so mean about it. Like, oh, you go into your
rock'n'roll Jesus church today and like really rude stuff.
And Mormons are like that. They are like really snarky that
way. Like I remember one time one of
our kids was getting baptized and I was like we should invite
other people in the family, you know, and my husband's like,
don't because his family's really LDS.
And I remember saying to them, well she's getting baptized, you
know, on Sunday. And they looked at me and said,
baptized to what? And I was like God.
And they were like, oh, you know, 'cause they get baptized
to the church. So yeah, So that's basically my
life kind of in a nutshell for that.
After that, I left. I found my own way.
I definitely found God. It took a long time to get some
of these curses off of me, and I don't still feel they're 100%
gone. Like, even in my ancestry DNA
profile, it's just as Mormon settler.
I mean, like it's deep, it's deep in my stuff, like my family
names are high up, my my people are high up.
And it's just one of those things you have to deal with
constantly. I don't think that it ever fully
goes away. I think you have to just keep
fighting it, you know? I don't know.
So, so then what do you what do you believe in?
What do you believe now? So I just only believe in the
Bible and I believe in the Trinity and I don't believe in
man. I don't believe in any church.
I don't believe. I mean I do.
I think you could go to a church that's non denominational and
worship with others and have a nice time and and you know have
a good service. Sure.
I'll never belong to another church, like belong like I am a
patron of this church. Period.
Because I belong to God. I don't belong to a man.
I don't belong to any of that crap.
He doesn't live in buildings. He tells us this.
If I want to talk to God, I talk to God.
There should be nothing between you and God, period.
Like it's not, it's not meant to be that way.
And I think the people that don't feel that feel really
alienated sometimes by religion and never feel the whole, the
whole thing, which is so sad. And in Mormonism, the grace card
is so not there. Like, they're very hard on
people. Right.
And I was I was Catholic. I was born and raised in into
the church and I stopped doing when I was 18.
And I just, you know there was things to me that I just I I
wasn't about it. It just it didn't it didn't suit
me. I just, I I knew that things
just was like, I don't feel it so like because of that.
I end up having you know, problems for, you know, some
time with, you know, you know, faith and and spirituality and
things like that. So I'm sitting here and I'm just
like, you know, it wasn't until recently when I'm starting to
like come across that, OK, all this stuff that I started
believing with the metaphysical and and stuff like that, and
it's like it it all connects. Every single, every single bit
of it. Like I can sit here with my
pendulum and do pendulum work. And it's not some demonic,
satanic thing that I'm doing. And I can still sit here and
believe in God and be able to, you know, be a a good person and
you know and and love everybody in the world and all this stuff
but still have these, you know, these these ties that a lot of
people would, you know, consider bad well.
And I think that the biggest thing as a Christian is and and
I've got a lot of slack on this because I interviewed with a
lady that was like an Oracle and people really gave me crap for
it. They were like, would you And
some of the some of the up and coming things I want to do are
going to be poo pooed because I want to talk to specific people
about John D Well, you can't go talk to too many Christians that
know that much about John D They just don't.
You know, you've got to dig into the occult world to get that
knowledge and that is what it is.
You know, I don't think that that necessarily makes anyone a
bad person. I don't think Mormons are a bad
person. I don't think Masons are a bad
person. I don't think there's a lot of
people that are involved in things that you could probably
even maybe be a Satanist and not be the worst person.
I think they make you do more things and, oh, but here's the
problem. And herein lies the problem.
It's none of my business to judge anyone else.
Whatever they're doing, whatever they want to do, that is their
journey. And all I can do is say, this is
what I do, this is what I believe.
This is what I'll share with you.
But you should never, never do, like a whole bunch of pointing
because you don't know, like I did the pointing as a Mormon and
I was doing satanic stuff that I didn't know.
So then what? You know, so then what?
And so I I think the biggest message for a Christian should
be about love because Jesus said that on the cross everything was
hung. You know, everything was hung on
the cross. And to love your neighbor as as
he would love us like to be loving to each other.
And that is so important that people, people just don't get
it. Now IA 100% believe in the
Bible. I don't cherry pick it even to
Flat Earth. That's what got me kind of weird
into that, because there's a lot of biblical references to Flat
Earth, but I'll tell you. That there's a lot of biblical
references. All sorts of wild stuff.
I mean, you think giants, aliens, and UFOSI mean the
giants are real? Yeah.
Right. I mean, there's all these
different things. And I even ran across a a TikTok
video today that just kind of was like, man, this is such a
really good point and it was talking about how and like all
these old depictions of things. And they they start showing one
thing in particular all the time, Dragons.
And you know, at one point in time it became to where there's
like, oh, this is a a mythical creature and all this stuff.
But then there's all these paintings, all these drawings
and all these things and it's like, OK, well, maybe that's not
the case. Maybe this wasn't and these
people were just painting and drawing what they were seeing.
And it, you know, and now these are just some sort of extinct
creature that just is is no longer here.
Well, it's so representative of like even if you go to the whole
dinosaur thing, which I don't even know how I feel 100% about
that, but if it was in existence, then that would
explain it. You know, the bones that they
find, the things that they find. Like sometimes you think maybe
that was part of that, you know, but we'll never know.
You know what? History is made by the winners.
History is made by whoever won. They wrote the book.
That's what you get. That's why.
It's not his story. Yeah, it's not going to be like
what people think, you know. But I know this with biblical
stuff. There is actual Dead Sea Scrolls
that back it up. And that's why I'm like, OK,
where's the Mormons? Dead Sea Scrolls?
They don't have them. Where's the Mormons plates that
they had? Oh, conveniently, the Angel
needed to take them back to heaven.
So that's where they are and that's what happened with that.
So anything that they have, like there supposedly was this huge
battle out where he found the plates and all these tons of
people died, that it was worse than any war ever.
Where's the skeletons? Where's the people?
Like there's nothing. I mean, you can go dig up World
War 2 areas and you know, there's gonna be dead people
where they say so or you, you know, anywhere where they say
where wars are, whatever. You can go look that up.
It it, it, there's gonna be proof.
There's gonna be arrowheads, that proof of Indian, you know,
reservations or whatever. Back in the day, you know, not
reservations, but colonies or whatever, They have no proof of
anything. And that's, you know, that
speaks, it speaks volumes. And they've had some pretty good
sized controversies on different things like that And and it's
interesting, but I I think that overall Giants, it's funny you
bring that up. I think that Joseph Smith and a
lot of people will say this is like a hallucination.
He was doing mushrooms or whatever.
I don't think so, because a hallucination goes away.
And this went on for years for him.
So when he was young, he, his mom literally put out after his
death in a biography that they were a part of the House of a
Brac. Well, a Braxis is a demon and
it's a necromancer. So how funny that most of their
stuff has to deal with death. I mean, you're doing this, these
things for people that are dead. You're never doing anything for
the live people except for once in their life.
But you can go back 30 * a year for dead people.
What kind of energy is being created there?
And why? Because this is all about
necromancy to me. And he saw an apparition.
He thought it was God the Father and the son.
OK, that's great. So did John D John D saw an
Angel and he told him to do what?
Write a book? Right.
We get the Enochian alphabet from it.
And what happened with the Enochian alphabet?
It started a whole bunch of religions.
Well, OK, let's go to Jack Parsons and L Ron Hubbard out in
the desert. What did they see?
They saw an Angel. And what did it do?
Told him to write a book. And what did that?
Then What happened after that? It started a religion, and now
there's a religion. What did Muhammad see?
Muhammad saw an Angel. And what happened after that?
He wrote a book. And what happened after that?
He has a religion. OK, let's have a fun one.
Let's mix it up a little. What did Aleister Crowley see?
He didn't see an Angel, but he saw AWAS, which was an alien.
Now he was a much darker person so maybe the Angel was able to
come however it really looked because it knew it wouldn't
scare him. What's the first thing it says
in the Bible when when angels come down to people do not be
afraid because they're terrifying.
And so it came said write a book and what happened?
The Lima. So all of these things.
This is why I want to talk to a John D specialist.
All of these things go together and they always talk about he
just saw the God, the Father and, and you know, the Son and
one other Moroni. An Angel.
No, no. He saw a total of 24 angels and
dead people. Not just angels, but dead people
like his brother died. He saw him.
He saw all these dead things and all this stuff and they don't
bring up any of that. And I'm sorry, that's not just
one good mushroom trip. Like, come on it it it's not
just one bad batch of flour. I mean, I mean, maybe maybe it
helped be more fantastical, but I don't think so.
You know, I think he saw something and I think that it
really convicted him. And with Jack Parsons and even
with John D, what did it require to make it happen?
Sex magic. What happened with Muhammad?
Sex magic With polygamy. Having more than one wife.
What happened with Joseph Smith? Polygamy.
So it it's just so much of A coincidence that I'm like and we
all know about Aleister Crowley, I won't even get into his sex
magic. It's it's a lot.
He was thrown out of Italy, OK, for his stuff.
So I just think that people fail to look at the whole picture or
they know the whole picture. I'm not really sure which one
because there were parchments that were found in a treasure
bag. They were known treasure
diggers. The family was known treasure
diggers and they also use the dowsing rods and different
things and they were really into this whole magical type stuff
and they'll blow it off and say, well, that was everybody was
back then. It was folk magic.
So what? OK, but they didn't all serve
the House of a brack and talk about it.
Where do we get abracadabra from the House of a brack?
That's where it comes from. And what do they do?
What do magicians do? They pull things out of a hat.
OK, well, Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon by
putting his seer stone in a hat and putting his face in it.
And then he would say this, write these symbols down, which
they thought were Egyptian. But I think they were the
Enochian alphabet. And I think that was automatic
writing. This is my own opinion, by the
way. Everyone.
But they did say they look like Egyptian symbols.
Well, in that treasure bag that he had that they found, as they
call it, the Joseph or the Smith family relics because they want
to distance it from Joseph Smith.
But I'll tell you some things that were in it.
His seer stone, which he was never without.
OK, so why was the seer stone in the bag with the parchments that
have a Nokian language in them calling out sigils for certain
angels or demons? I mean, and and they're
translated now because people know how to read it.
And there was three of them, There was three different
parchments. And they are creepy looking.
They are super creepy looking. And most of them have some sort
of sigil on them. And then he also wore a Jupiter
Talisman his whole life, which was identified by his wife after
he died that yes, that was his. And yes, she wanted it back.
So they can't, they can't say that one wasn't his and he
wasn't even born under the sign of Jupiter.
It was for a different reason and it and I I think it has to
do with it. It was the sign for being a
really good, like smooth talker, helps with women and he had 33
wives, 33 wives and so. Is that the the the same?
I'm trying to think who it was. I feel like there was maybe like
some sort of like movie where somebody would you would always
like see like the the guy like in like the the 70s and and
stuff the they'd go to the disco and they would you know got
their their collars puffed down. They got a they got like a you
know a necklace on it always have like a little little symbol
on it. And I it's kind of like a almost
like a weird, like weird. PE looking kind of deal or
something like that. That's what they are.
And and his, I mean they have tons of different ones, the
Talismans. But yes they call for certain
things and you know they say, oh that was for protection, this
and that. And I'm like, I know, but still
you have to look at the whole picture.
I mean it's pretty convincing. And they have neighbors that
actually wrote testimony because he got in trouble and got
arrested for being a treasure digger.
And and that was like jaywalking back then.
Like, they really didn't prosecute people for it because
it everybody did it. It was folk magicky.
I mean it it was kind of well known back in the day.
Everybody was looking for stuff, OK.
But they prosecuted him because his family and him had had duped
so many people. So all these statements are from
like a court. It's not like Joe told Mary and
she wrote it down. No, that's not how it is.
And he even said they would write circles in the ground with
swords and they had a Mars knife with, like, the Mars sigil on
it. And that's a sacrificial thing.
And then they one night they were trying to find treasure and
they did this three times. They were walking around
muttering, and then they sacrificed one of his sheep that
was a big fat black one at midnight.
This doesn't sound like it's very on the up and up.
OK, yeah, this sounds like what it is.
You know, it's satanic and the church hides all this.
And that's what's frustrating to me because and then the the
whole thing with the Masons comes into play where he got his
Masonic rites through their temple and one month later he
made the temple rites for the Mormons.
And that's not a coincidence. Come on, he changed a couple
little things, but they're so similar.
They're really similar. And people just want to always
say, well, he he didn't. He's a poor farm boy.
He didn't know. No.
He was really smart. He he got laid up, 'cause he got
typhoid when he was a kid, and he, his mom begged him not to
cut his leg off, 'cause it got an infection in his leg and it
went to the bone. And she begged them, don't cut
off the leg, just cut off the parts that are bad.
So it took a long time for him to heal.
And so you're going to read every single thing in the house.
If you're a poor kid that doesn't have anything, it's
probably going to be the Bible. One of them and his mom was this
healer. She was a known healer.
She was Scottish and Irish is what his his background was.
They were first generation settlers here and so I'm like
she probably had a copy of the Magus that's I'm like 98% or he
got it from this other guy when he was 14.
I can't decide which I think but neither one will ever be proven.
But some of the wording is too similar in the and it's just, I
mean and to the point where he lived when he actually finished
the Book of Mormon to take it to print, there was backing for it
because they weren't going to, they weren't going to print it
because they knew he didn't have money.
And the printer that was reading it while he's printing it was
cracking up and actually made a satire of it called the The Book
of Pukey Eye like Pakai and like Pakuke, you know, And made this
whole satire on it to the point where they had to go get a
copyright to get him to quit it because people made that much
fun of it because they knew the family they knew.
And I'm like, it's, I mean it's all too coincidental.
And then he did have a really. So he was more inside.
And then he had this guy come to town when he was like around 14
when this all supposedly started and his name was Lumens.
Last name like like light, like too good.
And so his soon to be wife, that was her cousin and he had just
come back from Europe and he had all these books with him.
He was a doctor. He was a well read doctor and he
was trying to read people these Greek books and they were like
oh, he's he knows magic because listen to this weird, you know,
he knows how to talk weird. Like, look at this.
So he's seen that. He's seen like, oh, look, they
all gather around him and think he's great, magical because he
can read Greek. And I mean, it just plays all
into it. Like, did that guy give him a
copy of the Magus? I don't know.
Even though Joseph had the vision when he was 14, he didn't
finish with the whole Book of Mormon stuff till he was in his
mid 20s. You know, So he kept saying the
angels were delaying him from taking it because he wasn't
worthy. The first year it was because he
didn't have his brother and his brother had died.
And so of course he didn't have his brother.
And it was kind of funny because the dad came out and posted this
in the newspaper. So this isn't hearsay and
there's a copy of it online. People can go look at it, but of
course people won't. And he wrote this big article
saying, like, I would never dig up my son, and anyone that says
so is a liar, blah, blah, blah. And it was just this weird
article and everybody was like, nobody said that.
Like what? And then they were like, what?
And then so I think they thought maybe they had dug up a little
piece of him to take to that Angel or something because they
were just putting out fires before in case somebody saw him
messing around with that grave, I feel.
But he did. He did print that for no reason.
There was like no rhyme or reason for it, which was so
strange and so, you know, a little.
Guilty conscious there, it sounds like, yeah.
Or he was afraid somebody saw them.
And you know, he's like, I would never do that.
I would never do that. And same thing with Joseph
Smith. They moved his body a whole
bunch of times. And not only that, but when he
did get the plates, he finally released from the Angel that
wouldn't give them to him. It was like in the middle of the
night, close to three in the morning, all dressed in black on
a hill by himself, his wife's waiting in the carriage that he
just got, and he had been the virgin scryer.
But now he just got married, see.
Just barely. And so what's the first thing he
does? He doesn't go to a honeymoon.
He goes to this hill to get him from the from the Angel, which I
believe was probably an Angel. A nod of light.
I didn't say that part. And I think he knew that, you
know, he wasn't going to be a virgin anymore.
So maybe he was scared that some of that power would go, you
know, well, shortly after that, she had a baby almost nine
months to the day. Oh, by the way, it was on the
fall equinox, too. Don't forget that part In the
middle of the night. Yeah.
All dressed in black, like so this baby's born and it's so
deformed it only lives like a couple minutes.
And it it was noted to be severely deformed.
And they named it after his dead brother.
And so that was his first son. And the other one was the other
one's first son, the dad's first son.
And what do Masons do to, like, rise up in ranks like there's
always a sacrifice. There always is.
And you a lot of. Child's already before well and
he didn't even know that. But the baby died, you know And
actually of 11 children, only I think five of his survived, most
of them dying in infancy. Which is also makes you wonder
where the hell did those babies go.
Like if you know anything about satanic anything that's not
good, you know, or even satanic masonry, not necessarily just
brotherhood masonry, but when you get into some of the weird
stuff, it gets weird. So he was a master Mason, he
became a Mason and then two days later he was rose to master
Mason. That doesn't happen.
Right. I just realized the other day
and I completely forgot about it.
But there is a Masonic Lodge in my town.
And normally I remember growing up like there'd be certain
nights where like the their little light would be on and you
would see like a hallway lights on.
But like you would never see anybody ever going in, ever see
anybody ever coming out. And then other than that like.
It would just seem like it was vacant, like empty and.
Yeah, always. And then I was driving through a
town. I mean this is probably like
maybe like, oh, a week or two ago, I feel like.
And I just so have to be driving up past there during the evening
time. And I noticed the light was on
and I was like, oh, so they do still do stuff.
And then I just, I was looking at the the sign again.
And then I just kind of dawned on me, 'cause like.
You know, I've drove past it so many times like I just ignore
it, but like there's a really big upside down star in their in
their symbol. And then I was like, hold on a
second, I've seen this before. Yeah, it's on the temple.
It's on the temple. And they're all over and they
just, and they've got the moon and the stars and they've got
like the weird, you know, sun things.
And and they just, and they say now, Oh yeah, back in the day
they would have just denied, denied, denied.
But then when the Internet came out, it screwed them because
they're like, oh, these people can look this stuff up.
So then they came out and just were like, Yep, he's a Mason.
We know. And like, when I was young, that
was not a thing. And when I was young, he was not
a polygamist either at all. He was true to his one wife.
And that was all. And that was it.
And then it slowly leaks out. So then they started a campaign
saying don't look up anything on the Internet.
Doubt your doubts, don't doubt your faith.
That was their real slogan. And so so many people started
leaving the church because. And then you can go backward in
time and you can find prophets. K prophets are called of God.
It says in the Bible, if a prophet is ever wrong that they
are to have everything they've ever said struck like if it
once, if they're proven wrong once, Well, the Mormon prophets
are wrong all the time. Like they were racist and didn't
let black people in and have the priesthood until after the
1950s, conveniently when everything was happening to
bring that to an end in this world.
And all of a sudden they were like, Oh well, there's all these
problems. So Yep, God told me blah blah
blah. And God told them, you know, oh
this and that. And they're always changing it.
And one of the other things was one of the prophets said, Oh
well, we have the true Masonry, we have Christian Masonry, and
it's the true Masonry. And I'm like, they just twist
everything. Like there's always an answer.
Always. If you went to them with all of
this, they would have an answer. Wow, you're this is wrong.
That's, you know, you're you're taking that out of context.
That's not true. This isn't true.
The Bible's only true. And as much as it's translated
correctly, I'm like the Bible can be proven that it was
translated correctly, 'cause they're scrolls.
What are you talking about? Your book doesn't have any of
that, and you've changed it 100 times.
So what about that? You know, it's just, it's it's
amazing to me that it's one of the top religions and one of the
wealthiest churches. And I don't think it's by any
surprise because that masonry, it comes into play.
There's no way. I think they're a part of the
top cabal and so do many people. As far as Mormons, you know,
like Jesse Chesabar and there's a few other people that talk
about this that say Mormons are directly involved with like the
top cabal people and and the elite and I believe it.
And so they, they have money. I mean it fits every check box,
you know. And so and they do say that
there's some horrific sexual scandals and different things
that have happened in the temple.
And there is underground, I don't know As for everywhere,
but here in Salt Lake there is underground tunnels underneath
that temple that there's a full grid system underneath the whole
city, yeah. Really.
What do you think the purpose for those are?
Oh, I'm sure the purpose is probably shuffling things in and
out that need to go unseen, just like any tunnel.
What do you do in the dark? Nothing good ever comes in the
dark. If you have to hide something,
then you've got something going on, you know, and I think that's
the biggest thing with the church.
Like I said, if they want to do that and they want to do Satanic
rituals or they want to do Masonic rituals or they want to
be just Masons, then take God's name off of it because you're
leading people astray. Otherwise, I don't have a
problem with it. If people want to do whatever
they want to do, they can do that.
They don't have to believe how I believe, you know, that's that.
That's the beauty of the world. We're not even supposed to push
that. We're just supposed to teach?
Like, if you teach somebody about God, great.
If they accept it, great. If they don't, OK, that's that's
on them. Let it go.
You know, that's not what we're called here to do.
And we're not called here to shame them either.
Like, oh, you're a bad person. You're going to go straight to
hell for that one. Like, I don't believe that, you
know, so that's everybody's has free will.
Or we would still be back in the Garden of Eden because we
wouldn't even exist. It would just be Adam and Eve if
there was no free will because there wouldn't have been an
option. There wouldn't.
Yeah, he wanted us to have our free will.
I mean, what? Otherwise, what's the point?
So I mean, people can get mad all they want and say, oh,
that's not a true Christian because she interviews this
person or that person. No, I'm here to show people
like, use your critical thinking, try to reach people
that may. Maybe somebody would never talk
to somebody about that. You know, Maybe that's all
they've known their whole life. Maybe you're going to reach a
different person with that. But I won't change my standard,
you know, Just like maybe you won't change your standard.
It doesn't matter. At the end of the day, we can
both agree to disagree and go about our lives.
But. Exactly.
Because your truth is your truth and it's it's not anybody elses
place to to say otherwise. Because if it's true to you then
it's true to you just like it. You know things in my in my life
are are true to me because they they they just are and they
don't have to be true to anybody else.
And you know, I think you know, especially with.
Podcasting and and doing all this stuff and just having that
that option to be able to, you know, to to speak what you want
to speak about and you know, inform people what you want to
inform them on. And just like giving people
information, you know could possibly help them in the long
run. And that's and that's beneficial
because you know again at the end of the day, you know what we
do, we we need to love each other.
We need to be there for each other and support everybody.
And like one of the overall bad things that I just, I've noticed
with any bit of organized religion is how much judgement
comes from them. And you know I had AI, had a
friend in in high school went to the same church with me and she
got pregnant when she was like 16.
So she started coming in and. She started getting, you know,
people were just giving her these eat shit and die.
Looks like you were just so disgusting, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. So it got to the point where she
was just like, you know, she told her parents, like, I can't
do it. I can't keep going there
anymore. Like, I there's there's no
reason. And like, the further along I
get, the bigger my belly gets. Like, you know, I'm just going
to get. Judged even harder.
I'm going to get hated on even harder.
Like, you know, afterwards, and when everybody's coming up and
talking to each other and this and that, you know, other
families would come up to hers and like, start talking to her
parents and just give her like, this little side eye, but never
like actually like speak to her and what and what does it prove,
What does it prove at the end of the day?
Like, here's the thing. A pregnancy is an actual
manifestation of of a possible sin.
It's not always a sin, but it it is a manifestation of something
that happened, right? So her sin is visible, whereas
most of us our sins are not. Which is why I named my podcast
Unfiltered because I refuse to filter it down for anybody.
Like if you disagree with me, that's OK, I'm fine about it.
I still have a lot to teach people and a lot of teachings
from the Bible and God, and I don't cherry pick it.
I am true to the Bible 100%. So here's the thing that doesn't
have to be judgmental though. If I come to you as a sister and
I show you something like, OK, this is going to help you in
your life and I'm a positive experience for you and a
positive, helpful person to you and not a negative person on
you, you're much you're going to come to me for questions way
more than you would if you if if I was mean about it, right?
Like if I'm so pious that I'm so great, you're never going to
come to me and say, hey, what about this scripture?
I don't know what this means. You know, then I can't help you.
You know, if if you had a question, like if if you needed
some knowledge, if you needed something, and maybe at the end
of the day you just wanted that question answered and it doesn't
change a thing, but at least you felt comfortable, you know?
And As for your friend, at the end of the day, what would they
like her to do? Because here's the thing, they
don't even believe in abortion. So what would they like her to
do? There's a baby in there and at
that point her sin is irrelevant.
Now. It's a miracle inside of her
that needs to. She needed help probably more
than anything else. She probably needed love and
acceptance and and a little bit of help.
You know, that doesn't teach her anything.
Being like that, that teaches her cruelty.
And she's going to get enough of that being a young mother on her
own or giving the baby. Whichever way you do it, you
know it it. But she still made the right
decision. She didn't end the life, you
know, So why? Why do that?
Why make her feel guilty about the very thing you preach about
Don't kill your baby. Well, don't kill your baby and
then turn around, treat her terrible.
Like what? Why?
I hear, you know, people want to say they're godly and they want
to point their finger, 'cause you might say a curse word, or
you might say the wrong thing. Or maybe sometimes, I don't
know, maybe I'll just say I don't know and I'll go look it
up. But at least if there's some
honesty in a person, you can feel it.
I mean, it is what it is, you know?
And my love for God is not is not changed.
If I go have a talk with a Satanist about John Dee, I want
to know what happened with that situation in my life.
But does that mean anything changes for my testimony?
Absolutely not. I've been through hell and back
with my testimony. There's nothing that can change
it at this point. Right, exactly.
And you know sometimes we we have to have that that
conversation with the the the opposition as it were, you know,
the the other, the other side. And if you can't have that open
conversation with, you know, the conflicting side of what you,
you know, believe in, then you know you you need to do some
reflecting on on your on yourself.
Well, they're so they're so brainwashed that they don't they
forget a couple things. Aleister Crowley was a freak.
But here's the thing, he was also really well read.
OK, not such a great writer, but he was well read as above.
So below applies in almost everything.
So if you believe in God and angels and a hierarchy of
heaven, then I will promise you that there is the devil and
legions and a hierarchy there too.
So you better know your enemy. Because when it comes for you, I
would rather be well informed. Period.
Why did I know that was a demon
that they were talking about? Because I informed myself.
I didn't know at first, but I sure did go search it out.
You know, people get scared. They're like, oh, you're talking
about demons and that's bad. And da da da No, I'm not afraid
of any of that because I have the power to squash snakes and
scorpions heads. God says so in Jesus name, so
why should I fear that? Why should I fear the study of
that? King James didn't just write the
Bible, he wrote a full book on demons as well.
And most people. Don't really.
I did not. I think I'm.
I'm gonna have to where? Where did you find that?
At Google that it's real. Be very careful about reading.
But yes. And Solomon did the same thing.
And so I'm like you, you know that.
Why would he. OK, he didn't write the Bible,
like, out of his brain, right. He just interpreted it for to
enclose it in one book. OK, Other people were writers of
these chapters. So same thing with the demons.
Why is it in there? It's to teach us.
Why do we need to know it? To learn to protect ourselves?
Then why do you need to know the other part?
I'll ask you this, What sport do you like or play?
Well, it would be a Max. I I don't, I don't really do
like football or baseball, OK, But you know about, OK, you know
about football. What do football people do on a
team during the week? If they're going to play an
exceptionally hard team, what do they watch?
They're going to watch old scrimmages of what they're any.
Other team of their. Own and their plays know what
they're going to do exactly. And I am going to be that
Christian because I'm going to know exactly what to protect
myself against and my family and other people, not just myself.
Because if we are only about ourselves and our families, then
we haven't really accepted the true Christ like way.
That's not what it was. It it's not We're supposed to
have that knowledge and have all of that in us to go fight for
everyone. You know, our our decision of if
you go to heaven or not is not up to me.
That's ridiculous. And maybe one day we'll be
fighting side by side. You never know.
And so I just say like you better have all your ducks in a
row and have your knowledge and have your armor.
Now, I'm not saying for the layperson to go deep dive into
this just Willy nilly because honestly there's some
repercussions if you have little openings of like, oh, that looks
like a fun place to go. Yeah, I don't know if I'd do it.
If I had a lot of vices, I would really make sure you're in a
good place mentally and like, not so much physically but
mentally to, like, go down that journey.
Not like vices, as in smoking or some weird thing.
I'm talking about openings in your mind where something could
come in, you know, yeah, you've got to arm yourself, and that's
the truth. And if we don't watch the
scrimmage of our enemy, then what the heck are you going to
do when you're really faced with it?
I don't know. Just God.
Jesus is coming back. I know this for sure, but I know
there's going to be a war beforehand and I don't want to
be not prepared, like. And if it never happens in my
lifetime, then so be that. But maybe it'll be for my son,
maybe I I don't know. I don't know why God's put me on
this journey, never want to do anything like this.
In my whole entire life. I I I was the 1st here I am.
Normal as could be like as normie as one could be like
years ago, I would have been first in line for, you know, the
2020 solution and I gave them the finger.
I never injected one person and I never received anything.
And I think that's really important for people to know
because like I read these things like I'll never trust another
medical person again. I'm like not all of us bent
over, just so you know. And I would never put that in
another human being. Never.
I would. I was ready to leave my job and
walk away. Some of us.
Still have integrity? Yeah.
Yep. And not all of us were fooled,
you know? But same thing with God.
It goes all back to that. Don't be a fool.
Figure it out. Like even you as much as, you
know, like I just dropped a bomb, you know, and I would we
can do an episode on that because I've been looking for
someone to do one with and most people don't want to do that.
Yes, most people are like, you want to do what?
And they're like, no, I don't want to do that.
And I'm like, why? We need to talk about things.
We need to explain it. I've always found, you know it
be interesting, you know, demonologists and and how like
they just are they, they know all these things and they've
read all these different, you know, books and stuff that have
been written centuries ago about this stuff.
And it's just like, you know, and like another thing like I
just, it pisses me off that in order for like, you know, an
exorcism to happen. The the Vatican has to approve
it. Yeah, that's bull crap.
Yeah, exactly. What's half of the Bible?
What's 3/4 of the Bible? Jesus walking around, casting
things out of people. And I'm telling you this with me
working where I work with mental illness, there is a good portion
of people that actually have problems that are mentally ill
from like, no fault of their own.
Maybe an accident, maybe a chemical imbalance, something,
whatever. There's also a good portion that
look and appeared to be demonized and it's sad to me
that they have to go through that because there's not enough
Jesus's to cast anything out. And I'm not saying for the
layperson to go do that either. I'm just saying it's sad that
there isn't more where people can get help.
I'm not saying, oh, Joe Blow on the street should just go start
doing that like that's crazy, you know?
No. But definitely not for for
everybody. But I I think that you know, I
just it I I. I was so shocked and I'm, I'm
still kind of shocked and maybe I just haven't looked hard
enough yet, but I just, I feel like there should be more people
out there who. Claim that they you know that
they are exorcists and they can. You know they can do this stuff
and that they don't need to have the Catholic Church.
Yeah, their approval for it whatsoever.
If you're able to accomplish that feat, then by all means
accomplish that fucking feat and get the shit done.
Exactly. And and not to be disrespectful
to anybody out there that is Catholic, but you have to look
at all religion like what you said.
And I I'm not I'm not against them like I am Mormon stuff and
I'm only remember I'm only against them because they lie.
But for Catholics, I think a lot of their, their stuff was
influenced at a later point by Santeria because it's really
similar in some areas. And I'm not saying that they
know that. I'm not saying that people that
are Catholics know that. I'm not saying good people don't
know that. I'm just saying like sometimes
the top of the top, it gets kind of messed up.
Like we're talking about the Vatican, you know, and I think
as many Mormon top of the tops are bought, so are the
Catholics. So are all of them.
This, this has to happen for the world to come about to a full
fall. They all.
The church has to come against us all.
They're going to side with Lucifer.
They're going to be part of the problem.
If you read your scriptures, you already know that.
And on top of that, like I said, God called King James to write
that Bible and put it, not write it, but put it together.
He must have called him on the demon book as well, because why
the heck else was it published? Why the heck else was it made?
Like, what was that about? And that got shoved under a rug
like, I mean, there's a lot of things that we do not
understand, but I know this as much as we can prepare and stay
close to God. Like, I get up.
I read my scriptures and I don't read them.
Like, this is this day and that's that.
No, throw it out the window. I pray and I open that thing and
the message is the living word for a reason, because it could
mean something different today than it meant to me yesterday.
I could read the same verse today as yesterday and have it
apply completely different to my life.
So sometimes now, I'm not saying if you've never read it in its
entirety, I mean get a basis. But if you've read it two or
three times, this is what I do. Open it up, Pray about it 1st
and see what that message is for the day.
And you don't have to spend hours doing this.
That's irrelevant. Hear the message from God.
Where are you going to get your message if if everything's so
closed off and we don't go on trips to go find God?
We don't do any kind of journeys anymore.
We don't go within ourselves or have some kind of suffering.
OK, so where the heck are you going to find God?
You have to open yourself up to get that line.
People say, well, I've never heard God, I'm like, have you
really tried, really dedicated yourself and really been so down
and out that you would open yourself up to that?
Because a lot of people haven't no judgement, but it's just the
way it is. You know, I've almost died a
couple times so and wanted to die once because of my daughter,
and that one was the one that broke me.
Ironically enough, the mental torture that I went through was
far worse than any physical torture that I have suffered
because that I always look at Job, I always look at the
suffering that Job went through and people say, well, why would
God do that to Job or why would God do that to people if he
loves us so much? God didn't do anything.
He's not the ruler of this world.
That has been made clear time and time again.
God gives us our free agency #1 and #2.
He is not the ruler of this world.
And that is why I think who answered the prayer in the
temple was the God of this world.
Because it makes sense. OK.
And so I don't know, it's just it's interesting to me, it's
interesting to me that that isn't brought to sometimes my
Bluetooth just like randomly disconnects.
So anyway, I am back. It was off for a minute, but I
just think it's interesting that people don't realize God doesn't
do any of that. And also our bodies are just
bodies. And this isn't our home.
This isn't our home. We're not supposed to love it
here. You're not supposed to be so
comfortable. You want to stay here like the
elites that need new bodies. Like we aren't supposed to like
it that much here. I'm not saying hate your life,
not saying that. I'm just saying sometimes if
you're uncomfortable, it's for a reason and it's not God's
reason. That's somebody else.
He was left in charge. Yeah, he was left in charge.
God is just there for when we need him and call upon him to
see if we can make that better. And I know for a fact for me
that God has helped me through things that I wouldn't have made
it through. I I was supposed to have died at
least twice, and once was last year.
I had osteomyelitis in my spinal cord.
That doesn't just go away. That's a disaster.
And even as a nurse, I knew what I was facing and I knew that God
would have me. I, like knew I just, and I kept
telling my family, can you guys just stop it, 'cause they were
like, whoa, and I get it. I mean, it was scary and they
were. I mean, this was months.
I had a pick line going to my heart.
Like I was very sick. And I just told him, like, we
got to stop this because it's just stressing me out and it's
useless anyway. Whatever is meant to happen will
happen. That's what's going to happen.
I'm going to do my part my best to, you know, eat well, take the
medication, do the things I'm supposed to do, and then the
rest is out of your hands. Which is why people are so weird
about God. They don't like shit out of
their hands, you know? Not at all.
And we have to learn to let that go.
When people say I give it to God, mean it, then mean it, then
let it go. Take a breath and figure out
what exactly he can do for you. But you can't just be like, I
need this and I need that and I need this.
How would you feel if that was you?
And you, you never heard praise, You never saw dedication.
You never saw anybody come to you unless they needed
something. I don't like that.
I don't like when people do that to me, You know?
It's something to think about. Definitely.
Definitely, Yeah. So did I teach you a lot about
Mormons? Yes, actually there was a lot of
things I I was not aware of before.
Do you have any questions that you may be saved up or anything
I didn't get? I do.
I do not off the top my head and that's always how I that means I
did a good. Job it will be, it'll be later
on. It will be like 3 days later and
then I'll be like, and then I'm gonna have to ask you, send me a
Yeah, well and I'm hoping to do that.
I'll do some research and I would love to get with you and
do one on that book because so few people talk about it.
Yes, I I just like I said that's the first time I've ever heard
anything about that. So very, very, very curious.
Yes. And then it's there.
And then something else that's kind of kind of strange and and
funny. So I was recording an episode
last night and I was talking about different kinds of
paranormal things. Stuff like that was talking
about how I have activity in in my home.
And so while I was talking about that, I was unaware of something
that was happening outside of. This room that I'm in, and it
wasn't until this morning when I found out.
So me and my girlfriend were sitting in the the kitchens
before I'm going to work and everything and we're we're
talking and she was like, hey, did you come out of the the room
last night? And I was like, you're like
what? No, Why?
And she was like. Well, I I'd heard what I thought
was like the the door open and I never see you come out or
anything. I was like, no, I wasn't.
I wasn't in there. And so she ended up getting up
and she had like the lights off and almost walked into a a door
in the in the hallway. And it turns out the closet door
that sits just to the left of this door right here had opened
wide up on its own. Because I'm sitting here talking
about spirits being in my really weird stuff, really weird stuff
happens. And especially OK, I went
through a lot of things to get rid of the weird stuff when I
came out of Mormonism, and I think they liked where they
lived. And if you try to get rid of
them and you don't do a good job, what does it say?
It says 7 will come in their place, right?
And so I did make a video about spiritual warfare, which I think
might help you. And the closer you get to where
you just might believe more in God, like how you said you now
know that there can be a God, you know, along with other
things that you believe. And it's changed your mind a
little bit. The more open you get to that,
the more things are going to start happening.
Because if they do like to not inhabit you but like, follow
you, there's difference. You know they're going to be
mad. And especially where you're you
were getting ready to talk to me because I'm very all about like
this is what you should do. This is what you need to listen
to blah, blah, blah. I'll send you some stuff but and
and people you know, people are like, oh that got worse And I'm
like, oh, it will, it'll get worse and then it will get
better. It doesn't get better all at
once. And even still, when I did a
podcast with somebody, a couple like, it was about a week ago
and I would have thought I was actually losing it if my son
hadn't been there because. And he's 15, he's not five.
So he's reputable, like enough to get it.
We went upstairs and he's like, do you smell that?
And I was like, yeah. And then he's like, I think it's
the dog. And I'm like, yeah, I think it's
the dog. And then my dog is there and my
dog, I'm in the bedroom and then I see the dog come in.
So it wasn't the dog because he, he wasn't over where he normally
is. And the dog stopped.
He didn't turn around. He backed out and left.
And I was like, oh, and so and it was right after I had talked
to someone, a whole bunch of people on a Tavern about God and
about how how God really is. Like, God isn't this thing that
they make him into. That's ridiculous.
It's it's it's literally ridiculous.
Like. And so I was explaining grace
and love and all these things. Not that I'm saying people
aren't punished for their sins. I'm not saying that, OK.
I'm just saying like God, it is is just like you or I as a
parent. There are a few things I can
imagine in my life that I wouldn't forgive my child for,
OK. It's he loves us way more than
that. And so that's amazing to people,
to open their eyes. And that's kind of what I was
discussing. And so anyway, my son said it
smells like rotten meat in here. And I was like, yeah, it does.
So we are looking all over and I'm a nurse.
I'm super weirdo, clean OCD lady.
Like everything's perfectly placed all over my house.
Like, I'm very like that. And so he's like, yeah,
especially your room, 'cause you're like wild about your
room. And I mean changing sheets every
three to four days. Like, I am really diligent.
And so I was like, looking. And as we were looking, it's
moving and I'm trying to get the dog to come back.
And the dog's like, heck, no, I'm not going back in there.
Not. I had a jerky, A jerky treat,
Duck jerky. He loves duck jerky.
He was like, no way, no way. He would not come back in that
room. And then we started praying and
praying and then it finally stopped.
But then my dog finally came back in the room, went straight
to a chair. And then that smell was
everywhere on that chair, but not just the chair below the
chair, like on the dress that was hanging on the chair, on the
shoes underneath the chair. Like it wasn't just one spot,
like on a bad chair or something.
And it was literally my son looked at me and he goes, it's
literally like it sat there and I was like, so yeah, we're just
praying we're not going to go there.
And So what I'm telling you is if you're opening your mind more
to being more, you know, accepting of God, it's going to,
it probably will ramp up because.
Oh yeah, and even even before that, over the the weekend, I
was to go onto a podcast Sunday night and when we had got on
there, we started having. Issue after issue and it was
just like you know we started having issues to where like you
know only one person in in the group was telling me that.
Was able to, you know, was having to hear it and and
everything. So we end up calling it at night
Monday night instead. And like, I walked out and I
immediately sat down and I just kind of started laughing.
And I'm just like, there was something, clearly, you do know,
the devil is has dominion over the Airways.
So that's part of what he has dominion over.
He has dominion over specific things.
And people need to, like, understand those things so that
they can better prepare themselves.
So before you go on air, say in God's name in Jesus Christ name.
I take dominion over my Airways, over my electrical things blah
blah blah. Because honestly and you'll
notice like if you sit down to study the Bible or watch a Bible
something you'll get 1000 distractions.
But you can watch TV all day and never get A1.
But then if you start doing something that's God centered,
it doesn't have to be just studying the IT could be a song
you put on to worship or whatever and you'll notice like,
oh, you'll get a phone call, oh the dog will bark, oh the kids
need something, oh you know, blah blah, blah, blah.
And and it's all distraction. It's all a distraction.
So definitely, definitely, I would definitely pray.
Pray lots. All right, will do.
Anyways, we are about 2 1/2 hours down, so I figured this is
probably a good. That's awesome stopping point
for us. So I.
Think we've covered where they can find you at and all the
things that they wanna. They wanna listen to you and get
into touch with you, whatever it may be.
Awesome. So I am at the unfiltered rise
on all of the socials on Instagram.
Most, most of the time. I do have a TikTok.
I have. I'm on all the platforms.
Spotify. Let's see what else iHeartRadio.
I'm on. Apple I'm on.
All the things in YouTube, all the all the big ones, all the
little ones. So you should be able to find me
there at Unfiltered Rise. And also my e-mail is
unfilteredrise@gmail.com. If you have a story you'd like
to share with me or get in touch with me, that is how you do
that. So awesome And it was great
having you on. I can't wait to have you on
again and definitely do this, this demon book or just get that
we'll. Teach people how to be armed
because nobody is coming to save you like they did in Jesus's
day. Nobody does it anymore.
Nope, not at all. Let's arm up some people.
Exactly. All right, guys.
And that will end tonight's episode of The Big Ramowski.
It's weird. Y'all.