Wake up, it's another monthly warm in Monday and we're
actually doing it on a Monday for the first time in months.
This is paranoid. American here.
That's Heidi love over there from unfiltered rise.
How you doing, Heidi? Good welcome to family home
evening, your first one ever. I just learned about that last
night when I was doing some research and I was just trying
to find an older episode of ours and I just kept Googling monthly
Mormon Monday instead of going to wherever the hell the link
was and that was the 1st result. It was like a Reddit thread and
it said something about when is the taboo going to go away when
we get Monday nights back again and I was wondering like what
the hell? So what does this actually mean?
Are Mormons not allowed to go outside on Monday nights?
Well, that's not it. It's just that they keep you.
Remember how I said you're very busy when you're a Mormon?
And on Mondays it's family home evening.
Now they've changed it a little and they say you can do it
anytime now, any day of the week.
But everybody is stuck on it because it's been this way
forever. That Monday night is family home
evening night. So you stay home and you do, you
know, some family activity and usually not involving TV or
anything like that. It's it's usually like a
teaching about God thing. And so, yeah, Yep, you got to
stay home with your parents. How is that?
I mean, I'm not asking genuinely here.
How is that any different than any other night in a Mormon
household? I assume that after dinner they
just bring out the Bible or the Book of Mormon and then just
read from it, no? No, this is more like a, a
actual topic and they bring everyone together.
And most the time in Mormon households is super busy and
kids are running everywhere and the little ones are doing little
people things and the big ones are doing big.
So it's, it's always busy. And so this is a night that they
usually want you to be all together.
And then it used to be like, then women's meeting is Tuesday,
and on Wednesday it's, you know, your activities for mutual,
which is the teenagers. And then, you know, then there's
priesthood meeting. Then you got to go visiting,
teaching. There's so many things.
So yeah, you just got to stay busy all the time.
Just you're making it sound almost like it was a like a
podcast. Right, it is worst.
Family podcast, a bad family podcast about kind of what we're
doing right now. So maybe what we're doing is.
We are teaching. Family.
Yeah, we're teaching. We're talking about Mormonism,
and it's Monday night, so I was joking when you brought that up.
But does this mean that I'm somewhat a Mormon?
Am I like? 5% more, yeah, 5% more Mormon
than you were right now. You've been to family Home
evening. So if we really were at a family
home evening, we would pray and we would have a opening hymn and
we would sing and it's a whole thing.
So I'll. Let you take the lead, because I
don't know. The I'm not singing, Let's go.
Please, the floor is yours. Not singing, you know, I think
the scars alone plus. Popcorn tree No.
Yeah, I do. I did like that song and I never
understood it. I'm like, are you singing?
I'm not singing. The popcorn popping on the
apricot tree. I was always like.
Tidy will sing the popcorn. And I always smart enough as a
child to be like, those are flowers and I don't get it.
And and so I still had a fun time.
But like as your popcorn popping, I was like, this is
fake. Like even then I was a
conspiracy theorist. I was like, I'm black Pilling
the kid next to me. It's not popcorn.
It's not. So yeah, I ruined it.
Someone mentioned that the first beard, Thomas and all the So we
had Jacob Isbell was going to come on.
Andre Curtis was going to come on in about 15 minutes before
the show started. Jacob floated, and because his
beard is not magic enough, I guess he's still working on the
beard magic. But we're going to go on.
And what I'm thinking is that we'll have Jacob and Andreas
come on another version of this show, like a Part 2, and we're
going to call it like the Extreme edition or something,
and it'll have a does. Zurdus even have a beard, does
he qualify? He said he literally told me
that he was going to grow one in for the next time we do the the
episodes so and he can grow fast.
Really. He's so blonde I'm surprised.
Now he can grow a beard in facial hair very fast.
So they will be on the extreme edition of this episode.
So we're still going to talk about beards because I've got a
whole bunch of crazy beard photos.
I feel like I want to just jump off into the, I guess the, the
tongue in cheek version of this, but a beard is also a slang term
for a gay guy that gets married and the wife is then called the
beard or vice versa. But usually that's the guy
putting on a beard is him marrying a woman.
And I assume that this is probably something that's
popular in the Mormon community, right?
Like you can't just come out. They definitely would like you
better to not do that. Yeah, yeah.
Do you think it's overcompensation like the the
the gayer you are, the more wives you want to have to keep
putting on beards and beards and beards?
Too bad we can't ask Brigham because he didn't have a very
good child ratio. He he was lacking in the
children production phase. I'm just saying.
And Brigham Young, I guess that's a great point to start
out on because he is listed in Time magazines like Top 100
beards or whatever. He's #19 so here, here's what a
Brigham Young beard looks like. It actually look at the color.
Hold on, just look at. The color and look at the color.
Yeah. That's scary.
Are you sure you're not related? I feel like I again I'm growing
into Mormonism more each day like and I'm not trying to do
it, it's just happening automatically.
This is scary. What advice could you give me to
avoid slipping completely into Mormonism without realizing it?
Do not have 55 lives. Done.
I'm I'm already not doing that so I feel like I'm on a good
start. Or 57 children.
That's only like 1 point something per wife though.
He was a hit it and quit it. He must have sucked.
That's my thought. I like how you always dig at him
for not having more kids. Like I feel like deep down
there's a Mormon part of you that's like.
There is. Wasn't Mormon enough?
He was a bad prophet because you know, he, well, he was an
asshole. But also we're supposed to
multiply and replenish the earth.
And I know many Mormons that have one wife with like 1314
kids. So I don't know what he's doing
here. I don't.
Know I wonder too, in Brigham Young's like day and age if
taking another per non Mormon off the earth was also like, did
you have to replenish that person because you removed the
person or is it like that's one less resource needer out there
to compete with me and my drive? Well, if you're a guy that still
actually happens to your point in the FLDS.
So the FLDS will kick men out and then they will take all
their wives and reassign them immediately.
So it's actually done often. And also there's like a very
tragic situation with their boys that are younger.
They'll actually kick them out when they're just teenager kids
and be like, yeah, we don't need you because you're good looking
and young, so get out of here. And they'll just throw them out
of the community. They don't know how.
They've never been to real school.
They've never talked to like the outside world.
They're not allowed to. So yeah, that's a bad one.
How does the wife reassignment work?
So literally you OK, so my you know, my brother, my ex
brother-in-law was Warren, Jeff's nephew as well on both
sides. Like he was related on both
sides. And by the time he did a very
tiny he was working construction and they wanted him to build a
sewer uphill, which doesn't work.
So he was nicely trying to be like, Hey, uncle cuz like they
were on that level like a good level.
And he's like, hey, unk that's not going to work.
And he was like, the hell you say drive home right now.
He gave him like enough money to get home and took his phone and
took everything. And he's like, you, you're in
their vehicles. You're in because it's like the
construction company. And he said, by the time I got
home, I thought I was just going for a meeting.
My wives and kids were already gone so.
How many wives did he have? He had two and then his kids.
He just had three kids with his first wife because they just
barely got together with the second one.
So I guess, I guess someone, you might not have all the answers
here because this might be asking more back into the 19th
century even, but I'm wondering if you're Brigham Young or
you're someone adjacent and you've got 40 wives and you
either die, you get kicked out, you go to jail, something
happens. Do the 40 wives just flood the
market? Are they going through like a
liquidation outlet where it's first come first served?
Is there like a? Sign up where the the leaders of
the church get to like their first pick before the rest of
them are opened out into the rest or.
They are assigned. They do not get to pick unless
it's a very special circumstance, but it is quite
common for your brother to marry your wives.
It's kind of his job. But like, how does the
assignment work? Because I, I assume that at some
point preference plays in right, Someone up up high is like, hey,
I heard that there's going to be a new flood on the market like
reserve the model B for me or whatever.
And then they. Get you?
Yeah, you get them assigned. Like the higher up you're right.
The higher up you are, if you have some clout for whatever
reason, then you kind of get, you know, your little, your
little hands in there quicker, but also the family members get
to get in there fast. So it's so creepy.
Though you'd have to marry his brother, which is like your
brother-in-law. And yeah, it's all bad.
I guess it's better than their brother.
Oops. Who?
Who's brother? You know, sometimes they'd be
marrying up too close a relations.
So I guess brother-in-law is not terrible for that clan.
I mean, just in fairness, that's also what like British royalty
does. So isn't that just emulating
that the highest class people on the planet?
Well, they do do it for the same reason.
I mean, they do believe that they come from the line of David
with this whole Priory of scion business and genetics.
And Joseph Smith said he was related to Jesus Christ through
his wives. So.
There was, oh man, I don't know if I'm going to be able to find
the exact quote I had on here, but someone was mentioning that
their their, is it a Bishop? I guess in the Mormon church
their Bishop was trying to tell them that all the photos, or all
the paintings rather of Jesus was not the real Jesus.
Which actually I kind of agree with 'cause he was like a
Medici. Anyways, he was talking about
the long hair and the Bishop was like, that's not the real Jesus.
The real Jesus had short hair. His sideburns didn't go under
the middle of his like the the historical Jesus actually looked
remarkably like a modern day version of the Mormon
guidelines. The missionary.
The missionary, I don't know about that, but they do think he
was very white and delightsome and they actually say he had
reddish hair, so whatever. I think they're talking about
another Jesus in my opinion, but that's fine.
We as I was just looking around for some interesting Mormon
beards and graphics and I came across this one page and you
mentioned that you hadn't seen a whole bunch of the things on it.
You, you definitely. Have seen this one.
So this one's I mean this was not made by Mormons.
This was like an appeal to Mormons, which I assume we're
not reading non Mormon papers anyways, so would have fallen on
deaf ears. But they were saying like, hey,
if you try and go out West, you will die.
There are so many of you dying. And I guess American prime of
all kind of style where you're just sending these bumpkins out
into the wilderness and they have absolutely no idea what's
waiting for them. Or like the trials and
tribulations it's going to require.
Although, yeah, these are it's all wives and children.
There's no men in this scene. So was was that pretty typical
is that the guy would just leave all of his wives somewhere and
go out to Utah and then say come out and meet me 'cause I would
assume you travel with all your wives.
No, no, they rarely did. It was kind of really looked
down upon with the whole polygamy thing.
So they would often and to this day keep that on the DL and only
go out with my wife at a time. And then, you know, it's, it's
not ever the wives will go out together, like to the grocery
store or whatever and they'll just be like, oh, she's my
sister and 'cause they could say sister wife.
So they'll be together sometimes, but not the husband.
The husband will usually only be seen with one wife because they
used to prosecute them quite heavily.
So. I guess that's interesting.
Like even in modern day Salt Lake, it's not like you're gonna
go to a restaurant and see a guy taken out his nine wives in the
middle. Of the restaurant right no, they
only go out with one family at a time like when people think of
polygamy they think like it's a fun Charles Manson thing like
where everybody's in the bed together right it's not that for
sure what do you. Want like the Charles Manson for
your? Right, right.
Yeah, 'cause you know, but process church Mormon.
Oh, we better not go there anyways.
All society the Cincinnati, to be honest.
But wait, we better not go where.
With the process church and the Mormon church and their
parallels, let alone bull Society of.
I don't know. I'm interested what what are the
parallels between the process church and the Mormon church?
Well, you know very culty, very culty and the background of so
many of the process church being three letter agencies, the
Mormons 3 letter agencies. I just yeah, right.
Exactly, but there's none of the kinky.
Well, I won't say ever because clearly Warren Jeff's got in
trouble for some things. But normally it's this wife
lives in this house, this wife lives in this house, this wife
lives in this house. And on Mondays you go there and
on Tuesdays you and it and it just goes like that.
So they have like a calendar and everything.
If you're Brigham Young and you've got 40 plus wives, a
couple of them are going to have kings, right Just and a numbers
game. He had favorites.
He did have some favorites that got a lot more attention than
others. I will say.
Mm hmm. And she?
Didn't have any. Kids, one of them is really good
at cooking Italian, so like that's the favorite whenever he
like, really wants some spaghetti.
Right, my guess is it was something different 'cause she
was quite young. But yeah, I don't know, maybe he
was trying extra to have a baby with her and then it just didn't
work out. But maybe he didn't want another
baby to tote around. He he has been said that he
often times abandoned like the families, like they'd get
married and they'd have their night together and then like
he's like, go fend for yourself so.
I mean, again, if you've got 40 wives, you could only spend
what, like four or five days with each one of them?
And I assume that he never got a day to himself.
I don't know. I think he did what he wanted to
do. He seemed pretty able to just
blow off and, and honestly there was a lot of the wives that
became really close that kind of depended on each other so that
they could do something. Cuz back then they're not
working. Like they had to do something
for money. He would take off and leave them
like hundreds of miles away and not send money.
And these women would have like babies and stuff.
And he's just like, seems like a you problem.
Like he was a Dick. Like literally.
And so. Yeah, well.
I guess this isn't appropriate 'cause when I was looking at
this image too, I was thinking that these wives and their
children are the beard in this image, right?
You've got like the head and there's like that, that salt and
pepper beard in the car. I see it.
Spooky, right? Am I?
Am I the only one that saw? That I see that.
Right. That's totally a beard.
Oh yeah. Weird.
This one says the key to the mysteries of Mormonism.
But this is just Freemasonry, right?
That's all. We're looking at, I mean, they
let girls in. Other than that, yes.
This right here has got a priest getting really close to another
guy dressed as Adam. I guess Now what?
I assume that they're whispering something like don't be gay
here, but it's got like a weird look to it almost.
I mean, I'm not, I'm not trying to be crass.
I'm not intentionally doing this, but that Bishop is totally
spinning into that naked dude's mouth, is he not?
It's very strange. It's very, Yeah, I don't know
how much. Cold striking because I want to
make sure I'm not just like reading into this and revealing
like my own shadow self. But look, look at this.
Yeah, it looks exactly what's happening.
It looks like a. Lot what's happening here?
Is he like looking into his mouth or looking into his eye
or? I hope he's checking his teeth
because it looks kinky. Yikes.
I get you didn't get to go through this one because.
You. Were in the 20th century and I
assume different for girls and guys.
Thank heavens. And then we've got like a fat
Napoleon Bonaparte here or something.
With stretchy pants he has these stretchy pants.
And a FUPA, a Mormon he does have.
A He definitely has that. Yeah, that's not attractive on
that guy. Weird.
And it also seems that in every every one of these, oops,
there's some code. In case you want to really look
at some code, there's like a a Satan or like a trickster
figure. Like here's here's like a little
monkey looking one in the background and the trees.
Here's a creepy little guy that looks like he's the old man from
ninja scroll. That's like hiding up here.
But then as you go through each one of these little panels,
that's. What about the guy with the What
about the guy with the animal that was weird the first
picture? Look, he's with a horse or
something. I mean, he's just leaning on the
horse. I'm not going to look too much
into all of them like that guy is doing something weird with
that guy. The horse guy gets a pass just
because he's the least weird thing happening in this
particular part of the image, right?
Everything else is way weirder than that.
It's. Very.
Strange. This one's got a little devil.
And then if you look in the far background, there's like another
little devil over here on the right.
It's like talking to this guy by a tree and I'm assuming and then
here's like AI guess that's a lion.
At first I thought it was like the decapitated head of a lion,
but I think he's just petting a weird.
He's just petting the lion. They needed to cover his, you
know, business. So yes.
And then this What is happening here?
Why is this Bishop guy? Is he putting something on her?
Head, I think he's probably anointing her with oil.
That's my guess on that one. Remember how my great grandma
sent you to get the hole naked for it?
My guess is that is the alligator oil.
I mean the blessed olive oil in our church now.
Maybe it was alligator oil then? There's a little like Zombie Guy
too, coming out of the ground down here.
Yeah. I'm joking when I say zombie
like 'cause you can see that he kind of has bones or flesh that
are eating away on his arm, right?
Here, well, they're baptizing the dead and stuff.
They're doing stuff for the dead there, so they're coming up out
of the ground. There's more.
See, There's another one. Yeah, there's some guys coming
out of the ground. There's like a baby coming out
of the ground back here. Are there Mormon stories with
dead babies coming out of the ground?
Apparently, well, they, they say that, you know, we're doing all
this work for dead people. So OK, I mean I don't put it
past it, but this is all weird. There's a Mormon zombie movie
waiting to be made out there. Definitely this is.
And I hope no one's done this before my my good friend Spencer
Lukes, who is the main writer on Sam Tripoli's Chaos Twins.
And he wrote the Never a Straight Answer with me.
And he had put together this like really clever screenplay
for like a Netflix series or an Amazon series.
But it was about vampire Mormons because it would be the perfect
thing that you send these missionaries to people's houses
trying to convert them. But really they're just there to
like, turn them into vampires. You only.
Well, don't forget you. Only go out at night.
Stephanie Meyers, you know, she was a Mormon.
I guess the Twilight is already that series.
Right, definitely. And I mean, this all seems very
strange, but yeah, very lovely. So, and again, this one I think
is like an expose on Mormons. If you look really close on some
of these images, they're all numbered.
So I think a lot of the questions like why is she naked?
What's he pouring on her head? I know why she's naked.
They they are doing, I know that one.
They're doing initiatory on that one at least I know that one.
But the rest of these animals running around in their most
nicest celestial room, I don't know what that's about, but.
Because even if it's initiation, why does she have to be naked
exactly? Because that Bishop was like, I,
I think you just ought to be naked.
Fully naked. Fully.
Naked the guy. The guys are like, you could
just take off your shirt. Great.
Great grandma confirmed fully naked.
I had a poncho. Now you have a baptism suit.
It's very uncomfortable. Yeah.
This apparently was also a really popular motif of
Mormonism being this huge alligator or like a crocodile,
like some big reptile reptilian foreign thing that was invading
into the the States. Because this comes up a few
different times. And this one's called While the
Watchman Sleeps. So it's basically that Uncle Sam
is asleep at the wheel and he's letting Mormons into Congress.
So I maybe Mormons were not welcoming Congress, but they had
some cash, I assume to get them in the door.
Well, Brigham Young was very chummy with all the railroad
people. And actually, Promontory Point
is here in Utah, where the railroad was completed.
And they say, OK, he's running for his life because all these
polygamous wives and running away from the government.
And then he's like, hey, yo, I'll help you build the
railroad. Like, what?
Why are you contacting people that you're running from?
Did you never hear about? You're not supposed to do that.
But yeah, So I, I dare say there's been many infiltrations
forever. Yeah.
Since Joseph. They didn't like him messing
around with, trying to become the president.
They were not happy with that. This is one.
I assumed it was about equal rights and they were like, here,
pick up a gun. It says Brigham Young mustering
his forces to fight the United States troops.
So the joke here is that he was just marrying a bunch of women
to send them off into battle, which I don't think of her.
Did that happen? Did Mormons send their wives in
the battle? That I do not think actually
happened, but I will tell you I wouldn't doubt some of them
going out there regardless because there was some very wild
pioneering women. Not wild is in a bad way but
like they could hold their own so.
This also shows that I mean, back as far as you can go, this
is from 19 or 1857. It's that's always been the go
to joke about Mormons was about Brigham Young and his 40 wives,
right? 55. 55 Sorry I guess I'm just
I'm not considering the children that he married so I'm like
adding those up and those equal 1 together or something I don't
know. Yeah, it's a lot.
This is another version of Uncle Sam and this one says Mormon
vermin nest, which man, if if you were to apply this to other
religions, people would be in an uproar.
But it it is kind of wild that this was, I guess, one of the
main political talking points of this time.
And it's literally just a a nest of snakes that are Slytherin
into the the United States government.
I think they had it right. On stilts here.
I think they had that one right. For sure, for sure the Mormon
vermin. Yeah, I think there's something
up with that one for sure. They definitely infiltrated
government. Very snaky like.
And this is a supposed to be the Tabernacle in Salt Lake City, I
guess. And it says the only sure way an
armed Uncle Sam approaches the Tabernacle.
I mean, this is a call to violence if I've ever seen one
called. The only sure way is like, we
got to March into the nest and dot dot dot.
And I guess you just put the the last part together on your own.
Got to make sure you wear stilts.
Well, actually, I think those are bayonets on his rifles.
He's like using the bayonets as stilts, which is kind of a kind
of a badass image, to be honest. That's a good one.
Yeah, too bad they didn't stick by that one.
Definitely infiltrated. Oh, are they not gonna?
Oh, here we go. This one is called female
suffrage. Wouldn't it put just a little
bit too much power in the hands of Brigham Young and his tribe?
So again, it's just another joke about Brigham Young.
Like, yeah, we, we need women's suffrage because then I get 55
more votes. Well, then they also get like a
bunch of money if you can send them to work.
That's what they do now is like some women stay home and take
care of the kids and a lot of them go to work so.
Missing his beard and in this depiction.
Yeah, it doesn't. Have that right away.
This one was called the Apostle is going some, I'm not really
sure if that's an incomplete statement or what.
And then it says Journals of Discourse, Volume 10 journals.
And this guy's like running away from it.
And then then this guy's got like a little tomahawk hatchet.
My guess is Mormon testimony that might have to do with the
war with the Native Americans and the Fan Baker Fancher party
that we talked about. Not war, but the attack.
So anything. Moot whoever reads.
Moot. Apostle the Mormon church
fleeing the two volumes of the journals of Discourses, I guess
trying to to separate himself from some things that were said
in these. Any, any time they say something
bad that they want to change later, they put it in the
Journal of Discourses and go, there was no collab.
What are you talking about? So that's where it all goes.
That's where the fun stuff goes. Yeah, so.
So when they take something out of the Book of Mormon, it goes
into the Journal of Discourses for safekeeping or what?
It's more about things that have probably been said in like
speeches or conference or whatever, but they just, yeah,
they put it there and say, JK, he wasn't a prophet right then.
He he was not in his profiting. I think he was a little off.
So take that out. And that doesn't matter.
Like when Brigham Young said if you love your neighbor, love
your neighbor enough to kill him because you know some things you
can't atone for on your own. So you should, you know, if he
needs to have his neck slit, go slit it for him.
That's loving your neighbor. So that kind of stuff goes in
there because that's like very inconvenient and then.
Christians have the Apocrypha which is sort of the same thing
where everyone got together and they decided this part doesn't
fit so don't take this as Canon. But also, they only did that
once. And so this keeps happening.
There's tons of journal discourses.
It happens to this day, so. Again, this to me this is a
selling point of Mormonism because it's able to adapt and
keep up with times. Like how do you create a
religion? Imagine you created a religion
and you spent all the time putting it together.
Or a cult right before AI comes out and you never even consider
the implications and now you're stuck trying to reverse engineer
and like explain that, oh, no, technically this thing that we
said in this chapter that was about AI, But if you're Mormons,
you can constantly kind of rewrite, you know, new ideas and
new interpretations. And they definitely.
Do there are 26 volumes and these are thick books of Journal
of Discourses. These are a collection of
sermons and public addresses by early leaders of the church.
Primarily the Journal of Discourses includes over 1400
sermons delivered by over 55 speakers.
So all of that is like no more of that.
We can't be doing any of that weird shit anymore.
No more collab for you SO. The, I've heard that the Talmud
described the very similar way in Judaism, where some people
will confuse the Talmud with the Torah and think like, oh, if
it's written in Talmud, this is what?
And the Talmud has also been described as kind of this
archive of discussions and zany ideas that maybe at one point
we're mainstream, but then they get shelved into this other
Discourses sort of book. So which would make sense that
Mormonism would just keep borrowing from the same source
that it's been borrowing from, right?
Well, they like to change it all though.
I mean, it's kind of blasphemy from like the beginnings, like
the FLDS would never do that. So I don't know.
I'm mixes on that because I'm like, if it's really this
important and you really think that we should stick by all
these things that your prophet said and your prophet got the
living word of God, then why would you change it?
I don't know, I feel like we could have an interesting
conversation on this 'cause I 'cause I can see it maybe
through the lens of like a like fashion coming in and out,
right? Like no bottoms are are in, but
they're only going to be in for a decade.
And maybe you're pushing it if you're talking 2 decades, but
they're going to come back in the style just like every other
thing is eventually going to come back in style.
And if you understand that principle, you could be at the
height of the Mormon church and realize, oh, polygamy's going
out of style. We're going to go ahead and put
that one on the back burner. Magic hat, you're out.
Urim and Thummim, you're back in.
You know what I mean? Like think.
Both. Of these like there has to be in
the in the coming decades, if not century, but that Mormonism
will have to re embrace it's like new age philosophy and seer
stones and. But they that's, that's all of
the stuff that's in there. So I don't know that they ever
go backward when they when they put it in there, it's kind of
dead. And so that's kind of.
Sad the hat came back. Yeah, the hat came back.
I don't know. In your lifetime, you you you
personally start going from the hat's not real.
That's just slander made-up to make fun of us.
Don't. Look at that.
The hat's always been here. Look, it's right here on my
head. JK yeah, I know, I feel.
That that's like a very real possibility they bring and I
guess appropriate of the the original topic here, which is
the, the beards, the Mormon beards.
Because the idea is that still right now in 2025, I guess
you're still directed away from having facial hair.
If you're a missionary, you're supposed to be clean.
And has this changed? Not just the missionary.
So people need to know if you attend BYU, you may not have
anything but a clean shaven face.
If you are a missionary, if you hold a church position like a
Bishop or a stake president or any of that stuff.
Even the affiliates visiting BYU, like if you're just going
over there to visit, like as a visiting teacher, they encourage
it to, to have a clean shaven face.
Visiting faculty, cooperative professors, all all of them,
they like seriously say no temple workers can't.
Any of these higher up positions are a no.
And this ended after so 1951. George Albert Smith was the last
to have any facial hair. He didn't have a big beard.
He just had like a little goatee and after World War One, This is
why they say it changed. The invention of the safety
razor was out and they saw more clean shaven soldiers.
So this became normal. And the Mormons are like, we
should be soldiers too because we're in the FBI.
Oh wait, no, the FBI wasn't there yet.
But we want to be part of the government, so we should shave
our faces. And so they started doing it and
implementing it for others. So.
There was an FBN before the FBI and before the FBN there was the
Pinkertons I guess. So it kind of like goes on.
The Pinkertons were around when when Mormonism was still in its
beard face. There you go.
So they were like OK, let's just get rid of all that.
And not just the beard but long hair you had to have, you know
it, it can't be past your collar.
My my ex-husband was quite a little cowboy and he had a Fu
Manchu and a mullet and so it was a whole situation.
Well, let me ask you on this lineup we've got now.
Ignore the names. I know you.
You won't be able to ignore the names.
If you ignore the names, which one are you drawn to the most?
Drawn to as in which way like my grandpa and he's safe or.
Your your husband just got, you know, black blacklisted from
Mormonism and they're like, all right, we're reassigning all the
wives. Which one of these were your
like? I hope it's with this 10.
My gosh, they're all there's only one right answer.
I'll just let you know this is not freaking open.
This is a very much that has a right answer to it.
I mean Joseph Smith the only. 1 I mean, look, you've got JFK
here and then every other president, right?
And then we this is the guy that that had the last one.
This is last Joseph F Smith. George A Smith, yes, and he's
also the first one to be in secret societies.
He's also the first one to be very affiliated with the Rotary
Club, but we can't prove. And so he also ended up on Time
magazine. And many think that this was
kind of a nod, like, I'm playing ball, y'all.
And so, yeah, very interesting. Do you know do these Smiths all
claim to to be lineage of the original Joseph Smith?
That is his. This is his relative.
So Joseph F Smith in 19 O One, and then George Albert Smith,
and then we've got a Joseph Fielding Smith.
Yep. They all they all claim lineage
too. And is that real lineage or is
it just claimed lineage? No, no, they have, you know how
Mormons are with their genealogy.
I mean, it's definitely real do. You think we'll ever have a
young like head of the Mormon church?
Or is Joseph Smith the first and last I mean?
I don't know. It's always old guys now, right?
It's like, OK, you've played ball for long enough and you now
live at the Mount Olympus of the gods and your family's all
perfect and all their lineage. So yeah, put you up there like
it. It's not like some guy off the
street just is this great Mormon guy and he's going to get it.
No, no, no. This is all handed down through
genealogies and. And they know who's who of what.
It's very. This is one of the weirdest
parts of Mormonism is when you see look the first guy was like
this young clean shaven mysticist that was talking to
angels and deciphering hieroglyphics and then as soon
as he went away everyone else just caught an old fuddy Duddy
that was making up rules that they didn't follow for everyone
else. Out of all of these, Joseph
Smith seemed like the visionary. I mean, Brigham Young, even
though he was a complete jerk, came from a very magical family
as well. If we're talking about magic,
they were a lot darker magic. Yeah, he did have that, but he
also his family and his name alone in that time frame.
So there's a lot that's going on with him and, and like
accusations of magic, not the good kind, not just folky magic.
There's been some things said, but they also probably put that
in the Journal of Discourses. Who knows?
I will say this, oh, I forgot to tell you this about BYU.
If you have a actual problem, like I'm guessing the one that
causes tons of outbreaks or whatever, yeah, yeah, yeah, you
can get. You have to go through the whole
deal though and get the doctor's note and everything, so.
This is exactly how the US military still operates and how
Disney operates. If you are a cast member at
Disney that could ever be seen in the park, you follow the
exact same rules. It is clean facial hair.
Sideburns have to end halfway down the the ear, like every
single one beat for beat is, you know, Mormons, military, Disney,
All three of those are the same. And where does that come from?
The military, as I understand it, it's more of a hygiene thing
than anything else. And it makes it so that, hey,
someone can't grab you by the hair, by the beard, that lice
can start growing in your hair, beard and spread to other
people. And that also so if you have
some nasty gash or some weird gangrene thing going on, you
can't hide it under your beard or your hair.
So like there's all these these hygienic reasons and why it
makes you more battle ready to just have short hair.
That makes plenty of sense to me.
And, and, and you're honestly not supposed to or even allowed
to have a bald head. You have to have some kind of
hair on it. Again, it's more practical, it's
more strategic. But when it comes to Mormons and
Disney, the reason that Disney does it is because they want to
be timeless. They want it so that if your
grandparents went to Disney in the 1960s or 70s.
And then they bring their grandkid in the the twenty 20s
that if you look at a picture, the background of Main Street
USA, all the people look the same.
It looks timeless and the only thing changing is you because
you don't live in the magic. Disney is the magic.
So that makes me think in the back of my head like because the
Disney part makes sense. Modern day Mormons, I wouldn't
consider them like soldiers and warriors.
In fact, the most soldier slash warrior Mormons ever got was
probably in the early 19th century when they all had
beards. So the only other thing that
makes sense is it's a magical reason.
They want to feel like they're timeless somehow.
And I mean, if you told me that any of these guys from 1951
through 2008, it was just a picture of some old guy in the
1950s, I would say, yeah, I can see.
Right. Like, even if people would be
black glasses 1994, like, that guy is still living in the
1950s. So maybe there's a part of
Mormonism that is also trying to be timeless and we just don't
know the secret reason behind it.
Well, they were good buddies with a lot of the people you're
mentioning, so, you know, I mean.
Walt did Was Did Walt Disney have Mormon ties?
Disney had some Mormon ties, yes, Yep.
So and to be, I know that he was said to be very fond of them.
Then we've got the Wernher von Braun business, like it's all
very interesting. But then we know the affiliation
of Disney with the Masons. I mean, he wasn't one per SE,
that they said. Which is kind of, it's very
similar because I, I guess I had a discussion with Ike Baker a
few months ago and he is deep into a cult.
Like he's probably one of the the official words that I would
consider like it's hard to be official on occultism, but the
dude has been through. Yeah, he he is, Yeah.
He's like a, a proud Martinist. And I told you that.
And you're like, but I. I know I need to talk to him,
that would be great. I would love, I would love for
you guys to have a discussion. It would be a really good one.
I think because, because it surprised me that he didn't shy
away from any questions. And he was of kind of a, a
refreshing opinion that Masons don't really have secrets the
same way that most people consider it.
And that one, and I'm going to paraphrase him and butcher it a
little bit, but one of the things that really made an
impression on me was that joining the Masons because
you're into occultism, it would be like going to Walt Disney
World just because you like roller coasters or something
like that. Like there's better places that
you can go if roller coasters are your thing.
Disney is in its own thing that happens to have roller coasters
in it. And that was kind of the way,
that's my own analogy. But the way he was describing
Masonry was that, yeah, people join Masonry.
But if if you wanted to join Masonry didn't learn about like
magic and alchemy and like all this stuff, there's like 20
other groups that you could go into that's not Masonry that
would still get that done. So I kind of feel that like a
little bit like that about Mormonism in some ways.
Like there, although you're kind of born into Mormonism more than
anything else. But the the link being the Walt
Disney being in De Molay, if you go into De Mole and you pick up
on the occult aspects of it and you know how to apply those, you
never have to join the Masons. It's the, it's the kind of the
same reason that Masons will make someone like an honorary
Mason or an honorary 33rd degree or something that didn't
actually go through the whole process because they'll just be
like, oh, you already know everything that we have to
offer. So here, here's a fast track to
go to the front of the line. That's what happened to Joseph.
Yeah. Did you know that he I know
there's. Actually, a little bit of debate
about this depending on what your view on Mormonism is.
So in some of the examples, Joseph Smith was such an an
adept in Freemasonry that he understood enough of it that
they were just like to the front of the line, here you go, here's
your apron, you know, we'll sign a little certificate.
Other people that I've read that are critical of Mormons, but our
pro Mason say that he kind of set up his own fake lodge or
that like it was a midnight lodge that got set up just to
pass him. And it wasn't necessarily like a
a lodge and well, you know, reputation and that it hadn't
been established long. It was.
The Canadigua, it was the Canadigua Lodge.
I think it had been around for quite a while, at least, his
paperwork says. And even the church now has
changed their stance on it. They used to be like, was not a
Mason. And now they're like, JK, he was
a Mason. Really.
Yeah. So if you go to LDS dot org,
whatever and look up are Mormons Masons, they'll be like, well,
there has been a lot of Mormons that are Masons and they talk
about Joseph and Hyrum and I'm like, oh, well, all right, I
guess it's mainstream now. That's weird.
And they also took away the rule that you couldn't be in secret
societies anymore. And that was a big deal back in
the day. And so even though they broke
the law always because like this prophet right here, Spencer W
Kimball was actually noted talking about Rotary Club on
something and he wasn't supposed to be in it.
But, and you know, whatever they they get away with whatever they
want. But what I'm saying is, and I
think Hinckley as well, but they're all, I mean, half of
them are skull and bones. So they like recognizes, like
Long story short is I do know they are open about it now.
They give his lodge number. They give like all the details
of it. They're they're just like, Oh,
you want to know? Here it is.
And I was like, whoa, this is super changed but OK.
Would it be controversial to say that there would be no Mormonism
without Masonry? Oh, you could not.
No, no, it's mostly, I mean, come on, you know, it's based on
it for sure. Like I don't think it's 100%
because Joseph is. I mean, we've talked about this.
Joseph definitely was practicing salmonic magic and that is not
something all Masons do. That is pretty specific to
certain sects of masonry. That's.
Debatable. That's debatable.
I mean. Because the the the very
initiation rituals in Masonry itself, the very way the lodge
is even designed could be interpreted as as Solomonic
magic. I mean, King saw the the
fascination with Solomon's temple and how Solomon built the
temple using magic, you know, demons from from the sea to
build this temple, I mean. But you're not trying.
To rebuild Solomon's temple. You're not invoking something
twice a year, either on the fall equinox or the spring equinox
or. I mean, I mean the, the Masons
do have two different Saint John's days.
So I I don't know, I feel like again in do.
You have an HGA is is that what we're talking about?
Well, I'm gonna get them. I think you get the in the
mentality of like what Ike Baker had brought up, where you could
join the Masons and go to both of the Saint John's Day
celebrations, you know, 2 times of the year and never put two
and two together. You can go through lodge
proceedings for 40 years, 50 years and never realize, hey,
wait a minute, are we just doing Solomonic magic right?
Now are we doing magical stuff? Like you could be just the exact
way that you could be in the Mormon church for your entire
life and not realize, hey, do I have a square encompass on me or
do I have symbols that represent blood oaths that that are also
in Freemasonry pressed against my skin at this very moment.
A lot of people would never even have that thought go across
their head. But that's I mean that is what
it is, right? Is there any other explanation
for where those symbols come from?
Well, and Joseph was very purposeful and for people
commenting like, yes, there are things that we do their magic
like spelling and and different things all the time, right?
Like all of this stuff is is definitely true.
But we know that with the parchments that are available.
And if you guys haven't seen my episode 172 on Spotify, check it
out. This talks about all of this
stuff and I'm, I'm telling you guys like 100% he was invoking
spirits and he this wasn't an accident.
He was specifically invoking specific spirits with parchments
and magic. And and that's way more than
just, you know, porch Mason stuff in my opinion.
And do I think they still do it at a high level?
You bet your ass I do. Hi, Jeremy.
Porch Mason, how dare you? I did because, you know, there's
porch Mormons too. I just don't know what to call
them. I call them Goyim half the time
but. I just.
I, I feel like it's bad that you know, my main problem and people
always say, oh, you're always bashing the Mormons.
And I'm like, look, I'm not I love the Mormon people and
especially they're mostly my family and I was one forever
born into it, my whole heritage, everything.
But the point is, is when you know that they're using you for
something, I just feel like that's not OK without consent.
If they want to be used all day long and they're like, guess
what, We're this cool Harry Potter school.
We do, you know, the this all this magical stuff and we're
going to totally suck. You drive all of your magical
properties for our own health and benefit and somebody's like,
sign me up. Fucking do it then.
Like that's cool. But like, don't lie to people
and tell them about going to heaven.
That's just creepy. And I'll stand up for you here
because I don't think you're bashing, and I think the the
proof is in the pudding here that you make me want to become
more of a Mormon than anyone else.
Has failed. I realized that's not what
you're trying to do. But the more you talk about the
first time I heard you like Joseph Smith was just doing
magic and he had these talismans and they were, you know,
summoning angels to tell where treasure is.
Like I wanted to say sign me up if I was, if I was seven years.
Old you're like, was Asmodeus there 'cause I want to know.
I'm just, I'm like, I'm just trying to like what Imagine if I
had, you know, like a, a, a child's mind and eyes.
And I'm just learning about the world for the first time.
And I've gone to Catholic Mass, you know, for a few years and
it's like you're not allowed to talk.
You're not allowed us to laugh or have fun.
You're going to sit, you're going to kneel, you're going to
stand, you're going to walk. When we tell you do you might
get, you know, in trouble if you fidget too much.
And then you're like, and here's this other religion where we do
magic spells and look for treasure like.
And make parchments and. Then we we pretend that we can
understand hieroglyphics and speak in Egyptian and stuff.
I don't know, I feel like it will be such an easy sell for
me. I do too.
I don't understand why they hide it so badly other than, you
know, the witch thing. And that's where it all started.
To go wrong. Well, so great.
I thought I told you this. Maybe I didn't because we
haven't talked about serious. We've been silly a little bit.
And it's fun because we get to talk about weird stuff like
beards. But I've been diving deep into
the like all of this past history of Joseph Smith and his
great grandpa, Captain Samuel Smith, member Society of the
Cincinnati. I'm also organizer of the Boston
Tea Party. And I'm like, wait a minute,
Mormons are super patriotic. Why are they hiding this guy?
Right? I was so confused.
So I did a deep dive on him because I was thinking, this
doesn't make sense, you know, with what I know about
patriotism. And so Captain Samuel Smith, he
was this, you know, great patriot, whatever Boston.
Tea Party talking about is this? Is this the guy it says
revolutionary? Date.
Patriot, 1752 to 18. Let me find his date.
So the point is, is that I thought, oh, this is such a
great, you know, This is why would they hide this guy?
I'm going to find it right now. And then I found out he hung
some witches and I was like, oh shit.
That's probably why they don't want to talk about it.
Right. So Captain Samuel Smith, 1757, I
think is when he was elected as a selectman.
He was a selectman for actually, they're from Salem.
Like this is like right near Salem, Topsfield, Massachusetts.
And people will say that's not his real grandpa.
Well, I hate to tell people, I've looked at all the way
through and his dad that was born from this guy was born in
the exact same place. Like, it's pretty hard to to say
it wasn't it. It was.
So Samuel Smith, the second served 20 years in the
Massachusetts Colony militia, 27 years in town leadership
positions. They say these people are like
nobody and farmers. He was the chairman of the
Boston Tea Party and then all this great stuff, but then all
of a sudden got involved in the Inquisition and hung some
ladies. So I think that's probably where
things went wrong. And why would they want to pull
away from that? Well, if your dude's doing magic
and it looks kind of witch crafty, I can see why they did
that now. So.
Yeah, here we go. That's him that I know that
picture. Topsfield Selectman was a
Selectman Legislative representative, Committee
correspondent member. No beard FYI.
People still write about Samuel Smith because one of his great
grandsons, Joseph Smith, founded the Mormon church.
And he had a OK like presentation there until he hung
some ladies. And the only way I found him was
going up through the Uncle Jesse's line cuz I was like
what? Why can't I find the grandpa of
these people like the great grandpa?
And finally I did. But they obfuscate this because
he was involved in the Inquisition.
And then it makes you go methinks 1 protests too much,
right? And then you start putting two
and two together with the family parchments and this Solomonic,
you know, magic. And maybe he was the Martinist,
you know, I don't know. But I know he he was the Society
of Cincinnati member. I will tell you that I know.
This particular article is interesting because this this
blog, I guess, by JL Bell, who's a Massachusetts writer who
specializes in the American Revolution.
He makes it sound like in typical Mormon fashion, they
kind of stole someone else's story and dressed it up a little
bit because here in the IT says 1773.
And then there's a page at josephsmithsenior.com and it
says Samuel Smith was the ringleader of the Boston Tea
Party. So that was the height of the
myth. But he didn't.
Go right. No, it says.
It says under this, it says right here that the record shows
that in 1773, Smith and his fellow selectmen called the town
meeting. However, that town meeting did
not happen until the 27th of December, a week after the tea
had been destroyed in Boston. So there's no way that he could
have been the ringleader for the.
Boston Tea Party. That just means they didn't do
it. Like in the whole, like at, at
this meeting, I mean, I'm sure they were all in on it.
You know, I don't know. I don't know how important he
was. But I will say this.
Don't you think this is funny? What did they do at the Boston
Tea Party? They dressed up as what?
What did they dress up as? Native Americans?
And then they went and dumped it in the harbor.
OK, now we have an exact replay of this with Primeval and that
really happened. The Meadow Mountain match?
OK, name three times that Mormons dressed up like Indians
and massacred. Just saying.
I'm just saying. It only happened quite that
mean. Come on.
And then he and then he hung some witches.
So I and, you know, Long story short, they like to say these
people are uneducated. What not.
They've got cousins running Dartmouth.
They've got cousins that this is my favorite one, the cousin that
saved his leg, Doctor Nathaniel Smith.
OK, his mother writes about the doctor Nathan and doesn't put
his last name. She might have forgotten it even
though it's her own name. Oh weird.
OK, whatever. And she saw him like 27 times is
what's documented. And here's the funnier part in
case people say it. Could be a different one.
True. Could have been, but he marries
Joseph Smith's neighbor. So there's that.
Just saying. The lady that had the original
seer stone and where he stole the seer stone from that
property. Yeah, he marries her.
And so he sets up, you know, this medical school at Dartmouth
and gets ran out of town for stealing dead bodies.
I thought you might like this. No beard, by the way.
No beard that I saw. And they run him out of town.
So he runs and runs to go to Yale, and he sets up Yale's
medical school. And that's where we start
getting into why were the Mormons at Yale and setting up
Skull and Bones? Well, there was a few more
people than one or two there that were Mormon.
So yeah. And also experimenting on dead
bodies. It only has a recent taboo that
was like a very traditional. I mean, that's where Greek magic
came from. A lot of that was necromancy.
But the funny part is this tied it all together.
Remember when I told you that I was like, why would they run
this in the newspaper that they're sleeping by their dead
son's grave? All makes sense now.
I'm like, oh, they didn't want his body to get stolen, Right,
right, right. They were like, hey bitches,
we're here. And remember I was wondering why
they dug him up. Well, they dug him up to make
sure nobody dug him up. But I do think they they stole
his hands. I.
Do well, well, now, if if you were to ask someone, and I'm
just making this up as I go, but if you were just ask a random
person, why would you have a gate or a guard at a cemetery?
The modern reason was like, oh, so you don't dig someone up and
take their jewelry or take any of like the the gold or anything
that they were buried with. But the traditional reason that
you would have a watchman in the cemetery was because people were
digging up bodies and using the body parts for magical purposes.
That that's the real original reason to even have a watchman
because it wasn't very typical to bury someone with gold and
jewelry for a mass amount of people that was on a normal
thing. It is kind of now.
So like grave robbing used to be robbing the body, not things on
the body. Well, here's The funny thing
too. So don't forget that at that
time that all this is going down.
You know, they're treasure diggers, but they never find any
treasure. And apparently that pays well to
get the bodies. So it makes one wonder, just
makes me wonder that's. All.
Well, I guess if the body is your treasure, then you're just
not allowed to call it the treasure, but you're still
finding your treasure. And then they ran them out of
town. If you're smart and you actually
do find treasure, you're not going to go and advertise it
because you probably think there's more.
Wherever you found yours, there might be another box somewhere.
So also somebody is saying, I thought it was a school college.
The The college actually was considered a Native American
school. But the Native American school
wasn't for Native Americans. I did a deep dive on this,
'cause I'm a dork, but whatever. I did a show on it.
It's not out yet. But they, they called it that
because these guys were actually training to become clergy to the
Native American. So it was like a preschool.
And Hiram Smith was actually almost done.
And the whole family lived on campus during this time, which
they don't talk about at all. And then guess what?
Book goes missing. Oh, you're going to love this
one. I forgot to tell you this.
So this his other cousin teaches there and is a professor there.
He was a professor of languages and the rare books dealer in
town. He has this rare books like shop
and he is totally involved in all these rare languages.
But the Scott A Chronicon goes missing when Joseph Smith
bounces out of town, and I found that fascinating.
Just FYI, what was the name of it the?
Scott A Chronicon, which is a magical book.
It's not the Necromicon. It's not.
That, yeah, no, I get that. That one's from a from a fiction
book. Yeah, no, this is a real, like a
magical book. But also funny enough, if you
look up Professor Johnny Smith's information about what he's
teaching, he's the one that came up with the Church of Christ
ideas. He's the one teaching the same
theology Joseph Smith takes for his own and goes forward with in
the future. So, so, so interesting.
Yes. This is actually new to me, I'm
not sure if I've heard of this the Scottish Scott a chronic
home before. Yeah, So very interesting.
Anyways, I thought that it was fascinating and it was super
worth a lot of money then. And basically, you know, they
talked about how this was something that was even worth
money then and should have been at Dartmouth because it should
have like been in their their library.
It was a big deal. And then it just went missing
and I thought it was pretty funny but whatever.
I will be having a Dartmouth episode coming out that will
explain this in in a more in depth.
This is actually wild. This the Wicked movie article
makes it sound like this is the where you get the original story
of Robin Hood as well because it mentions that the the 1283 entry
for Robin Hood. But Bauer, I guess, Who wrote
this, placed Robin Hood in 1266. So I don't know that if there's
a connection now between Little John and Robin Hood and the
Mormon Church, I feel. Like these?
Episodes are just writing themselves.
You do know, you do know they definitely, you know, say
they're part, like I said, of the lineage and, and part of the
divine right to rule. And they say they are related
to, you know, kings and Queens and everything and, and that
whole weird story about stash and the kid here, Marie
Antoinette's kid and all this stuff.
And all I can say is you guys, I am definitely related.
Like right now my ancestry is all weird in general and I only
bring it up because of my pioneer roots because then it
matters for these old people I don't care about now.
Like it never, it was never Plus for me it's all bad.
It's all bad. Like Merovingians and and bad
people and the Orleans family and Medici's.
Like, none of this is good, just family curse after family curse,
I'm sure. So what I'm saying is some of it
had to have been somewhat right. If my family relatives are these
pioneer Mormons and I'm like my 10th grade grandpa to this day
is right now the king of England.
Why? That's weird.
Like, that's just weird to me. And so I've been bringing this
up on and on again, because they do talk about Jesus having three
wives, and then they do and they say Joseph Smith hailed from
that lineage. I did not hail from Joseph
Smith's lineage. I am a pioneer Mormon and
related to other people like Young's wife and and these other
people but always through the wives so I think.
If you're a a Trinitarian Christian, Jesus is allowed to
have three wives 'cause there's three of him.
Do you know you can't? Yeah, Well, you can't go to
heaven without three wives back in the day.
Just there's. There's also the three Marys in
in some interpretations of Christianity too.
Well I think 2 of the wives were supposedly Mary's and one was a
Martha so that's what I remember from I haven't deep dove this
whole thing with it's like the Priory of Scion and the what do
they call that name of? The Holy Blood Holy Grail.
That's that's. Yeah, but it it's different,
it's the real one, like the Templars talk.
Well, I don't know if it's real, but the real name for it, it's
got like a French name. Do you remember what is the?
Priory of Scion. No, I'll find it, I'll find it.
I always keep talking 'cause I know where it's at, 'cause I was
listening to something about it just barely all.
Right, I've got another a couple interesting notes on this one.
So this one. Rose dus Rex.
Yeah. What is it?
The REXDEUS Rex Deus. Rose Rex Deus.
That's. Latin, though not French.
Well, whatever that is. Well, Renee, the mystery of
Renee Chateau, which is where they found like where allegedly
some of these bodies are buried or the bones or I think this
usually brings in one of the chapels too, that had maize and
corn on it, proving that there was travel across the world
earlier on. It's a fun.
I mean, there's a reason why we get a movie with Tom Hanks in
it. Yeah, it's weird, but at the
same time, and it's not to be cool or special because
honestly, if you're a Christian, none of that is good.
Not a damn thing of that is good.
But I do think that there was some truth to some things with
this whole royal lineage hiding if if they're here.
I mean, clearly some of them made it here because I'm here.
So that's weird. You know, I, I don't know, I
don't know what the Mormons were up to, but something so.
This was, I think this is from the the 19th century, but there
was this note about Mormon missionaries in in Liverpool and
they were saying that I guess 2 Mormons got into an argument
over this and one of them mentioned that facial hair added
dignity. So that was Elder Lyman.
Elder Lyman had this approach. And then I guess Elder Grant or
President Grant said that he he was fearing right here, feigning
fear that a young man's whiskers might occasion a fire.
And I think that there's like a little bit of tongue in cheek in
there, but they're basically saying like, we don't want
Mormon faces to catch on fire. So let's just keep everyone
fresh shaved. Even if it adds dignity that it
that has some downsides to it. So that was and that was in like
a historical record between Mormons that are actually
struggling with whether or not they're allowed to have beards.
This is one of the conversations that gets factored into this.
OK, so I found this is 1. Like I went on a rabbit hole and
me and you were passing links back and forth because I was
trying to find a modern version of the guidelines of, OK, what
exactly are you allowed to have on your face?
Are you allowed to have a beard? And Mormonism?
And there is. It used to be
missionary.ldlds.org. So not all Mormons, just
missionaries, but they are kind of the representatives.
And I had to dig into the, the Wayback Machine as far back as
2019 because this page no longer exists.
And you mentioned that's because they all have apps now.
So then I started going down a rabbit hole of like, well, what
are these apps called? And I don't, I didn't get to
look far enough into these. I feel like we could have an
entire show on just Mormon missionary apps or something and
like rate and review them. But Preach My Gospel seems to be
the number one Mormon app on any of the markets. 518 reviews, 4.4
stars, 50,000 downloads. And for example, it says that it
helps you set goals, make plans, and record progress of the
people they've served. Work closely with local unit
leaders and members. Find and contact people
interested, keep track of appointments and activities, and
then navigate the area and plan time effectively so but.
There, this, this is more than that.
I'll tell you, 'cause my neighbor kid, he came and showed
me, 'cause he came home from his.
Mission that he has. I don't know if it was that one.
This is back. He's in the military now.
He's a Marine. He's like my other son.
So hi, Louise. But he showed me his and he said
no. They have direct answers for
things on here. Like if some if somebody says a
question that's like really screwed up and you don't know
what to say, you just and put it in and then I need this.
App. I want this app now.
They'll never give it to you. It's only through the church.
It you have to have like a number.
It's all on the, like, really locked up, yeah.
I don't know. I know some people.
I I feel like we could get a copy of this.
Could be. I don't know if that's it, but I
can ask. Him someone watching right now.
We've got over 100 people watching live right now and
probably another thousand after this doesn't go live if you have
access to. I don't know what the official
Mormon missionary app is, but I'm sure someone listening at
this exact moment knows someone that has this app and has got
access to and everything. I would love to just get a peek.
I want to just ask a couple questions and just see what's in
it. We don't have to like reveal who
you are or where we got it from. I just want access to this
thing. I think they kick him out of it
as soon as they're done with their mission because he only
had his on there still because he got COVID and he wasn't
technically released yet. And so it was at the very
beginning of 2020. And so that's why it was the
whole deal. But.
I mean, you could get this app and then air gap it, meaning
just never let it talk to the Internet again.
So there's probably a few copies of this thing floating around
and if it's if it's an app that Do Mormons use iPhones or
Androids? Well, I don't, I mean.
I feel like they would use the same word.
I don't know. I mean, I don't know.
I don't. Know iPhone people or Android
people? Microsoft or Apple?
They usually are Apple, but that makes sense because Bill Gates
is their number one money guy like that.
That's their number one portfolio choice, so meh.
But I'm sure they can use both. It's whatever they're asking
about gang stalking and Mormonism.
They're like call Andreas. But I did have, I mean the gang
stalking. I don't know when I first got
out my grandma came for me hard. But that I feel like it was a
personal thing and not. Find and contact people who are
interested, which to me that there's got to be a special gang
stalking folder where if you've run out of people on your street
and you've still got extra time in the day, go and gang stalk
these people. They're non grata.
Possible. It's, you know, you know my son.
Yeah, he's a teenager. And the Mormon missionaries were
coming by and walking just near the fence.
And they were like, hey, could we share a message with you?
And he's like, sure, what's up? And then they said something.
And he's like, that's OK, I'm on crack.
I got to go. I'm like, Oh my.
Gosh. As if it's not bad enough like
that, they they know we're apostates.
You're going to do that to me. Thank you so much.
My my dad used to to have some choice words for Mormons when I
was a kid. He thought he was hilarious.
I thought it was a little cringy, but yeah, he would.
He would say wild stuff to them. Like I got to go back to beating
my kids. Sorry.
But. He realized that they were like,
oh, you're already Mormon? OK, we we keep moving.
They're like, oh, he is white and delightsome.
Likely he's fine. Here was another one called the
my Mission app and some of these sound so official I don't like
maybe this is the official one that's on both of the but this
one didn't have as many ratings as the other one did because.
You're not supposed to talk about it.
The My Mission app, so maybe this, maybe this is part of it.
There was the Mission Call app which helps people and there's
like a game built into it. So we're going to have to just
do a Mormon app review at some point in the future.
I feel like it could be fun. Wow, I did not know there were
so many choices. And then there was this entire
thread that got naked called missionary approved phone apps.
Hey, I'm going to serve a mission next month and I'm
required to bring a Samsung phone.
So that's that's Android by. The way the primary official app
for Mormon missionaries is Preach My Gospel app.
Oh great, it's the one that has the most review because you have
to give it a five star otherwise.
Oh my gosh, really? I wanna, I wanna.
Are there any bad reviews we can read?
So funny. Remember the one about the guy
getting his bikes on? Oh, here we go.
I I want to just do one star. Let's see, I'm not allowed to
use the app because I don't have permission to use it.
I just wanted to learn more about the gospel and edge.
So they're mad that they don't have access to the Mormon app?
Which is legitimate. They lock down everything, Yeah.
As missionaries, we rarely have Wi-Fi to update and you can't
use it unless it's up to date. I could see that being
frustrating. I'm a ward mission leader.
It would be beneficial to allow me to see what my elders are
doing. Please give me access.
And then look at this. The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter Day Saints. Respond like you can get them to
talk to you if you give them a one star rate.
I'm not telling people listening right now that if you want a
direct conversation with the Church of Latter Day Saints that
all you have to do is find this preach my casual app and give it
a one star and you will get a response.
I'm not saying to do that, but I am saying it seems like this is
one way to get them to talk to you if you're if you're looking
for them, but it's to coordinate your efforts with full time
missionaries. You can use the progress record
in the member tools app. So maybe Mormons get their own
app. Even if you're not a missionary,
you have a member tools. App I was.
This was all like, not digital when I was in there.
So I I've been out of this whole mess since 2012.
So yeah, I don't. Know it's crazy that all of the
one star ratings are really just people that want access to it
and can't get it because it's only for missionaries.
Very interesting. Wild.
And there is there is a an app here called Member tools.
Look at this over 1,000,000 downloads.
So I guess if you are a Mormon that this is you just have this
app on your phone. This this is post Heidi being
Mormon I assume. Yes, definitely not.
Yeah, not a thing when I was there.
Wow, this has got a whole itinerary built into it.
When you need to go to temple it auto populates your calendar
directory of people. Oh, listen to this also Latter
day St. Missionaries are assigned a
church owned smartphone because you can't just be getting on,
you know, you, you can't even talk to your mom, like, or
anybody. It used to be that you could
talk to your mom on Mother's Day and then at Christmas, that was
it all year, like, except for writing letters.
But I know they've changed some rules, so I don't know.
But yeah, these are actually provided at the MTC Mission
Training Center. So Yep.
Look at this that they are even on the modern tools app you can
get the church to respond directly to you with A2 star
review. This is actually pretty
fascinating to me. I want to see.
They're very well, you do know that the Mormons are very up and
up on all the computer stuff. I mean, they were one of the
first people through Howard Hughes's company, Hughes
Dynamics, to start anything computerized with documentation,
especially for genealogy. And that's what William Gay,
known as Bill Gay, was doing. And, yeah, he left quite the
legacy of money for his kids. So if anybody doesn't know who
that is, his son's wife is currently on Real Housewives of
Salt Lake City. Heather Gay.
And Speaking of beards, no, I guess I just assumed that most
of those wives might might possibly be.
And here's another interesting I'm just putting this together
as I go, but that that Reddit thread about someone asking what
apps they were allowed to have as a missionary.
They said they had a Samsung. Now this this review says they
have a Samsung S8. Here's another reader that says
they just bought a new Samsung Galaxy.
So I wonder. They changed.
It they want, I wonder if the church wants you to have a
Samsung Android smartphone for some reason.
Honey, let's see, it says, how old is this?
Four years ago, they're saying that they had to buy a certain
phone, but some say they're like giving you the specific phone.
So I don't know which. But we'll do the I'll install
these on my phone and see what I can do, if I can poke and prod,
if I can get through the logins. Crack the code.
It can't be that hard. I've I've gotten into harder
systems than that before, although I don't know, maybe
I've, I've never, I've never actually tried to gain access to
anything Mormon yet. So we'll.
Find out if you crack. If you crack their code, don't
forget they have the FBI and CIA and IRS.
The IRS, that's the one you want to stay away from.
Holy moly. So OK, so this is all LED from
anyways, in 2019 was the last time that they published these
guidelines outside the app. So I guess anyone had access to
all the general guidelines and they were sick of getting made
fun of or getting quoted out of context or whatever.
So they're like, OK, that's gone.
Now. If you try and go to
missionary.lds.org/any of the guidelines, they all just go to
broken pages. So here's what it said.
And again, I'm, I'm not trying to be crass or like
controversial here, but as I was going through this page, I was
just like, OK, here's a white guy and a black guy and sort of
like, I don't know, a Hawaiian would make the most sense if it
were Mormon, but you know, someone that's not white.
So many Latins. They've got some diversity here.
And then as I'm scrolling, I was, it was like, OK, we've got
an Asian in this picture. And then all the other pictures,
they, they decided to stick a black guy in there.
And I was saying that there's not black Mormons or that there
can't be or that I was even looking for this.
But it was just weird that how often do you actually hear about
or see black Mormons out in the wild compared to the official
guideline of what you're supposed to look for?
And then every single one of these picture every more than
every other picture. It looks like.
The. Same guy.
I don't know if it's the same one or not because the
guidelines are supposed to make you all look like the same
person, right? So that maybe that's part of it.
Maybe instead of being magical, if they send one guy to your
door on a Tuesday and then a month later another guy to your
door on Tuesday, maybe you're like, oh, maybe it's the same
guy. It kind of looked that he's
wearing the same outfit, got the same haircut, so.
It oh, it will be they're assigned so they're assigned
quadrants by like where they live.
And so the same people will come to your house over and over and
over because unless you ask for a mission president or somebody
higher up, it will be the same people unless they get like
moved or somebody goes home because.
It's. Right.
It's all done like within zones they call it missionary zones.
So yeah, it's all it's very high tech, like the sounds like a
video. Game.
It sounds like Super Mario World a little bit.
Well, they don't mess around with their computer stuff.
I'm telling you, they really have.
Always. Even clear back when we got our
garments which would have been 1996, they already had your
stuff barcoded to go to the store and get your garments and
so just scan it. It's ironic that the Internet is
also what like started bringing them down a little bit.
That's what made them bring that.
More than a little. Yeah, it's already.
It's something else. Yeah, and and also just as
ironic with Scientology, it's Scientology didn't see the
Internet being like a a constant thorn in their side of exposing
their secrets, even though they were.
Zenu. Yeah, I mean the two religions
that believe in aliens and space travel, right?
Mormonism and Scientology. Elohim and Zenu, they're
probably friends, you know? They they live in volcanoes that
are next to each other. For all I know Zenu is the
Elohim because that's a title, not a name.
So something to think about. This this page, it says an
ambassador of the Lord and here it just states it right there in
the beginning. As an ambassador of the Lord,
you are to wear professional conservative clothing consistent
with your sacred calling that will clearly identify you as a
missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ, Latter Day Saints.
Appropriate dress and grooming will help you earn respect and
trust. This I mean, that's kind of what
con men do and I'm not saying that missionaries are con men.
I'm what I'm saying is that like this is a.
Porch Masons, that's. What's an NLP tactic that that
got classified by Grinder and Bandler, but that any social
interaction, if you're being sort of like like a sociopath
about it, I guess is that you're looking to raise your rapport
with the other person that you're talking to.
And sometimes that involves mirroring their patterns.
If they use certain phrases or words or a certain accent, you
maybe lean into a similar accent without sounding like you're
making it up. And the more that you can mirror
someone and appear consistent that you're just building
rapport. But if you go, and I guess this
is an interesting part of like the whole mind control and
manipulation and like cult leader stuff, like Jim Jones,
for example, almost every biography about Jim Jones, the
guy from Jonestown was written that said that he was born with
natural charisma. That even when he was like 5 or
6 years old, he was gathering crowds of children and preaching
to them and sort of instilling this.
And I doubt that he sat down and calculated out.
If I say this in this way, then they're going to respect me and
I'm going to build on that rapport and I'm going to
manipulate it. And then there's some people,
they just figure that out naturally on their own and
they're just kind of have this natural charisma.
So as a Mormon, that's. What they said about Joseph too.
I and I 100% believe it, that's, that's pretty much most what you
would call like a natural leader.
They usually have some form of natural charisma.
But it also means that now in the last two centuries at least,
that the patterns of, OK, well, what makes them have charisma?
How do you quantify that and write down a formula or a
recipe? And those kind of exist now,
even like was it Carnegie wrote, like the I'm going to make up a
number. It's like the seven habits of
highly effective people and then how to make friends and and win
influence and all this. All that is building up on this
exact premise of how do you earn respect and trust from a
stranger in the shortest in one interaction with them.
So the Mormon approach is just be clean cut, groomed in a very
specific way. And it's not just in me reading
this, It's not just looking clean cut.
It literally says here, dress yourself in a way that will
clearly identify you as a missionary.
So they're establishing an aesthetic look that separates
you from the rest of people. And I guess they've done that
very well, hence the whole like beard versus non beard now
because that's kind of where the whole topic.
Yeah, They have a whole, like, if you're going to go on a
mission and you're a kid here in Utah, you've got to go buy like
they've got a checklist. Like, you need this many suits,
this color, you need this many white shirts.
You need this, this, this. Like you can't just wear Willy
nilly anything you want at all. I mean, I guess I realize that
without realizing it, but they're only allowed to wear
white shirts. No yellow or pink or pastel,
just white straight up. And there's a lot of people that
complain about that still. Like when's the church going to
come around on just pure white shirts?
That was in some of the the pro beard forums that I was reading,
where modern Mormon men were like, I want my beard, and while
we're at it, I want to wear a blue shirt every once in a
while. Yeah, you cannot, and especially
you don't want to wear a black one because you'll definitely
get that evil eye for that one. Well then you also just look
like you're there to serve drinks.
I mean true. And it and about the checklist,
this one doesn't have like the the specificity of the
checklist, but it does mention this.
And this is when I was like, oh, this is Disney conservative
hairstyle. Keep your hair short and evenly
tapered on the top, back and sides.
Sideburns should reach no lower than the middle of the ear.
Facial hair is not allowed unless authorized by mission
president. And then it said, click here for
examples of appropriate missionary hairstyles.
So let's go ahead and do that. And this one shows you exactly
what you're allowed to look like as a Mormon missionary.
It says I found the list while you're pulling that up.
Two dark colored conservative suits, 10 to 12 white shirts,
some short sleeves, some long sleeve, 5 to 6, 6 pairs of dress
slacks, 5 to 6 conservative ties, 8 to 10 solid dark colored
socks. So they're very serious about
like exactly what you're bringing in, what color they
could be so. I almost felt like this orange
tie is maybe pushing the line a little bit.
I've never seen a missionary. In this, this is again from the
official missionary LDS website. So I feel like if anyone ever
gave you flak, you could be like, this guy's got an orange
tie and they're like, well, that's Devon and he gets special
rules. He it fits his color palette
better. Complexion.
But yeah, I mean, here you go. In case you wanted to know what
the Mormons say that you should look like, and this is a
standard. There it is.
And sure enough, no one has the sideburns that go down beneath
the middle of the ear. All white shirts, even this guy
at the bottom. I was thinking, like, get a
haircut, guy. Like, you're starting to look a
little bit, you know, a little bit like, Shaggy there.
Yeah. Unaccepted hairstyles include
faux Hawks, crew cuts, mullets, spikes, mess, messy or permed
hair. Do not bleach or dye your hair.
And then finally, your appearance should never distract
from your message. Which, oh, guess what it says?
Bike then. I just looked it up and it says
specifically in teaching areas, young men can now wear a plain
blue dress shirt with or without a tie.
Money, magic, blue booyah, you know that's what they're doing.
Also, I feel like it lets you sneak up on on the the prey a
little bit easier because if if they see you coming with the
bike and the white shirt, they already know, go to close the
door and don't answer it. But if they see some young
conservative kid wearing a blue shirt and a little goatee or
something, the first thought is like, oh, well, at least it's
not a Mormon. Let me go ahead and see what
they're selling. And then it's like, here's the
Book of Mormon in your face. And by the way, it's blue.
Give me some money. Yeah.
No, they totally know what they're doing with that one.
I I feel anyway, but whatever. Very strange.
I did not know that they changed that.
And then it says certain activities require you to dress
your best, or in other words, to wear your Sunday best attire,
including zone conferences, interviews, baptismal services,
ba da ba da baa. But essentially you're just
wearing suit and tie every day of the week as a missionary.
Except P day you have your day where you can go do.
It's a free day. Why did you call?
That doesn't mean you they call it that.
I can't remember why. It's it's your day.
Is that a joke or? Or is it really called P day for
a real reason? No, it's real.
I'll look it up. I don't know why.
Mormon P It sounds like a joke. It sounds like we're making fun
of Mormon's specific slacks. They even have like, here's
examples of slacks you're allowed to wear.
And none of this is surprising because again, as a missionary
and if the Mormon church is one of the richest, then essentially
it is just a very successful corporation.
And any successful corporation has a corporate dress code that
you usually adhere to. And I mean, it seems like if you
were to walk into a room full of Mormon missionaries, it wouldn't
be too much different than walking into some Fortune 500.
Corporate office preparation day.
That sounds. That almost sounds.
You have to go do your laundry, do your chores, go shopping at
the store, blah blah blah. It shouldn't be.
I mean, I don't even know what I'm looking for here, What They
have to be pleated, I guess. There's even some chinos in
here. Hopefully not.
There's chinos, it just they're just showing you the colors that
you can kind of wear. It's like.
Gray. Oh, I got it.
Yeah, there's no orange and green.
And yeah, they don't have one that says like apple bottom on
the back when like rhinestone. No, that's funny.
What else we OK, so I I kept going down this rabbit hole.
They're talking about LDS beards and then this one, it mentioned
that the Mormon church handbook does not provide specific beards
or hair guidelines, but somehow the missionaries get wrapped up
into this beardless look. So, and, and here here's the one
that I was looking for before about someone telling him that
Jesus was actually clean cut and was like clean shaven and had a
tapered haircut, you know, back in the day.
Back in the day when it was hard to get a haircut.
OK, whatever. You already mentioned this.
The last prophet to have facial hair was George Albert Smith in
1951 and then David O McKay change things by being the first
clean shaven prophet and the standard has remained for every
prophet since. So even as a prophet, I guess
you still need to not have facial hair, which is in
accordance with Joseph Smith. None of the quorum would be
allowed like the quorum of the 70 or or the 1st and 2nd
counselor. There's no way.
And then they do these fun little things like they're like,
we don't have any rules, but BYU does.
It's not our fault. Yeah, that's what they do.
So here was another take on it that I thought was interesting
and the question is why do current day LDS hate beards so
much? I don't get it.
Is it an obedience thing? Like half your profits sport
long flowing mains? Why is the LDS church so intent
on making its boys and men look like effing executives and Boy
Scouts and not the hooch swilling bloodthirsty M effers
that you all came from? I love the way that they sort of
phrase this. It's just like Napoleon Dynamite
if you've ever seen it. Well he the the first response
actually for the first time on Reddit had some insight.
Because beards were considered part of a counter conformist
movement of the 60s and 70s and the LDS church didn't want that
image applied to them so they banned what seemed uncouth
behavior. Groom and dress at BYU and
preach conservative nationalism from the pulpit.
They never grew out of that, and these policies morphed into an
obedience and conformity test of the membership.
Or what if it's because they're all in the CIA, and the CIA is
all clean cut until they have to go undercover, and so they don't
want everybody looking like they're undercover all the time?
I mean, the there's never anything that stops CIA agents
from growing their hair out and putting on beards.
If you look around in Laurel Canyon and the Manson and all of
that. Yeah.
So it makes it easier for them to be like everybody else.
You all look normal. OK, I see that.
I see that they had so many CIA agents that were coming in.
They just couldn't grow the beards fast enough, right?
They had to go the other direction.
OK, They. Were like, listen, you dirty
hippies get your hair cut so you can look like cuz don't you
think it's funny? The missionary outfit looks like
the quintessential CIA outfit? Like when you think of men in
black and like, you see, I mean, I'm just saying they look the
same. I'm saying even as a as a kid, I
always thought that the Mormons looked just like Michael Douglas
and Falling Down, the movie where he goes crazy because they
don't serve him breakfast at McDonald's and he gets like a
double bag full of you know what movie I'm talking about.
Yes, I know what you're talking. About I always assumed that he
was a Mormon because he had that same kind of look to him.
You're like, that's what it is. Totally going to lose it if
McDonald's isn't serving today. If I had an unlimited budget, I
would make a Falling Down Mormon edition where the guys just fed
up with no one wants to answer their doors, no one's listening
to him preaching this gospel, so now he's got a duffel bag full
of sawed offs and he's going to make you listen.
What's up? That's right.
He just wanted to have a beard, dammit, and he couldn't do it
and now it's ruined his life. Another good point.
Yeah, Satan has a beard, so you shouldn't.
Yeah, yeah. So I guess the, the consensus
though is according to like the surface level Reddit stuff, but
it was that they, they wanted to separate themselves from the
counterculture movement that was starting in like the 50s,
sixties, 70s. So that was part of it.
But then the other part, like you were mentioning was to make
the the normies and the CIA agents kind of inner blend a
little bit easier. And then also this sort of Skull
and Bones attitude where they realize not just being
counterculture, but that if we want to be taken seriously and
we want to take off some of that hard edge.
And the next time someone brings up that damn Meadow Mountain
Massacre thing, it's like that. It wasn't us.
That was the bearded Mormon. Exactly.
Those were the bearded ones. Oh my gosh.
Yeah, no. Kidding.
I think it's smart. It's really smart.
And I guess this is like. Scraggly western ones.
Whatever the the clean shaven Mormons start to get more and
more criticism, they're going to bring the beard back.
Because then it's like, we're not those clean shade.
We're not your grandpa's Mormons.
We're the new cool biker mountain Mormons.
That's right. They'll I think they're getting
real close to that bro. I think that one might pop in
here pretty soon. I.
Agree. I agree, I it also makes sense
that they would keep the same rules for missionaries like
missionaries. Sorry missionaries, but I don't
think you should have beards either.
I do think that you should keep that same clean cut look so
someone can see you coming. You know it's like your outfit.
But then after you're no longer a missionary, if you want to
become a prophet, now you have to grow a beard.
Man, that's a lot of rules. I think that all the
missionaries should protest together and grow Hitler
mustaches. It I mean, technically it's
within the guidelines I was looking as long as you have a
mustache that doesn't grow beyond the bounds of your upper
missionary. No, I've never seen one no of.
Course you haven't seen one, I'm just saying that if you were to
follow the guidelines to the letter, it's technically allowed
from from everything that I can see.
I'm sure if you just showed up someone would be like get that
thing off of the top of your lip right now.
I am certain too, unless it was a girl and then you know they
won't say anything because that's embarrassing.
But other than that. That's just a regular hair lip.
Yeah, they're like, oop, don't mention that one.
But yeah, I think they're closer than ever to bringing back the
old Western because the whole prepper thing and every.
I really think it's heading right toward that direction.
Yeah, but everybody has a beard right now.
Everybody has it. It's so trendy.
It's the most trendiest trend of all trends, I'm telling you.
But sorry, I know you like your beard.
I'm sorry. I mean this, this one's like 2
decades old at this point, so. Well, I'll see, I told my
husband. No, Absolutely.
Not. Nope, he has a nice face.
I like his face. I like to see it hides his
dimples. No way.
The one time I shaved my beard was because of Disney.
I had to go and get my my cast member photo taken.
And just on a quick tangent, I remember I was like, this is BS.
Like I'm, I never go in the park, no one's ever going to see
me. I work in this animation
building that no one has access to.
The only reason that they needed me to shave was just because it
like I fell into this category. Like technically you're a cast
member because you're a salary being paid directly by Disney.
So anyways, I just kind of kept putting it off and like finding
reasons to not get my past taken.
And at a certain point the the. The president of our animation
company, he came to me and was like, why did I just get an
e-mail from like Michael Eisner or Michael Eisner's office
saying, hey, why is this one employee refusing to like I was
like, OK, I get the top fucking facts now and I shave.
And after I did that, though, everyone in the office was like,
grow it back in immediately, like.
Everybody's like no, no, no, this does not look right.
I guess I just look like a like a huge baby.
I I think Baby Huey came up a few different times.
No. With a strong chin, but a baby
nonetheless. Hey, if you got a strong chin,
you don't need a beard. That's not true.
Look at. Look at.
That have to see the photo. The I'm sure he has a strong
chin. No.
He's You don't think so. No, I think he has a double big
chin. Here's another, I guess,
criticism. It's just all, it's all
polygamy, I guess. And then here's I guess a
catching point. If you remove the blatant abuse,
inherent ends like historical polygamy within this community,
but just the fact that your religion says that it's better
to have seven wives or something than one wife, that's not a turn
off for me. That doesn't make me think that
you're a weirdo or lesser than. It's not something for me.
But that's not the weirdest thing.
And it's weird to me that so many other people make that the
weirdest thing. I'm that's why I don't focus on
it. Yeah, that's why.
I don't like that's. I think that's the most
interesting weird version. Or well, I mean honestly, why
are you summoning demons like that?
One's more fun for me. Well, can I just throw out a
theory that maybe Mormons embraced polygamy because
polygamy can be the scapegoat of that's the weird thing.
Like we everyone knows that we're weird, man.
Look at how many wives I've got. By the way, don't pay attention
to the magic hat. Right man, maybe just like the
witchcraft thing. Oh look, I'm just a patriot.
Don't look at the hung women. Whoops.
I feel like that would get you more votes though, especially in
the time. Not back then.
Oh, I don't know, you know, part of part of the curiosity with
William Morgan and that whole situation.
I don't know if you know this, but there was a couple people
pointed at for him disappearing and one of them was Good Joe
from Vermont. And I've always wondered if that
had something to do with him rising to Master Mason all of a
sudden. What about because they took
care of that. Oh, yeah.
Well, William Morgan disappears and then he marries his widow
and then one of the guys. Smith had something to do with
William Morgan dying. There was a bunch of people,
like there was a bunch of talk about a, a bunch of men that
took him for a swim, you know, and good Joe from Vermont was
one of those. And I often wondered, maybe.
Maybe I just have to point out here that.
Married his widow. The last witch trial in the USA
was in 1878 and it was known as the Ipswich Witchcraft Trial
which just coincidentally was also in Salem, MA and it was
against Daniel Spofford who claimed he harmed a woman named
Lucretia Brown using mesmeric powers.
The judge dismissed the case. But 1878, I mean that is fairly
recent to have the last Salem witch trial about an actual
witch being brought to a court and maybe going through like a
legal consequences of having mesmerism.
So. And now they just be like, can
you teach a course on that please?
What's your Patreon? Yeah, let me know.
I want to know how you did that. Another Here's just another joke
of Brigham Young going to divorce court and his like 50 or
yeah, 55 wives in tow. Here was another example.
This time it's it's the Catholics get it too.
The like the now they're shots fired in all directions.
It says religious liberty is guaranteed, but can we allow
foreign reptiles to crawl all over us?
And on the left is a alligator slash crocodile that says Roman
church. And on the right is a huge
snapping turtle that says Mormon Church.
So I guess I'm right there in the trenches.
Tillian was raised as, yeah, Roman Catholic or Mormon.
We were both literal reptiles. Don't let David Icke see this.
And it's the Thomas Nass cartoon from the 1870s, so.
How funny. Here again, another version of
Brigham Young and all of his million wives, and you've got
the cook, the chambermaid, the nurse, the waitress, the
laundress, the seamstress. It's not it's not the dumbest
idea in the world if you're wanna run a whole society.
Here's another version where he's saying, come along, my
dears, and the door is the prophet's bedroom.
And it's just this long line of young women that are following
into his bedroom kind. Of kind of.
This one feels like it was meant to just trigger anyone that
looked at it. It's a picture of Uncle Sam in a
bed next to an Indian, a black guy, a drunk Irishman.
I assume that's what that is. On the far right.
He's kicking out a Chinese guy and then a Mormon, and you can
tell that he's a Mormon because he has a beard and he's holding
a paper that says polygamy on it.
So this was another thing like these are these are all the
people ruining America, which happened to be just anyone that
wasn't a Protestant, I assume I. Guess jeez that's a that picture
nowadays would be a a situation. There There's nothing in this
picture that isn't in a Bugs Bunny or a Disney cartoon from
the 1950s. And this is from the 1870s, so
we could we could pull up examples from Mel Blanc 1950s
all day long that would rifle that.
This one was kind of creepy too, just because again, is Brigham
Young, I believe. Brigham Young.
Brigham Young Mormon, is that a
real name? I think that they're, they're
having fun with his name. Mormon Elderberry.
That's not real. He's an elder.
But Elderberry with with his six year olds who take after their
mothers. And this is from Time Life
magazine, by the way, the same one that gave Brigham Young the
19th best beard in history. Oh boy.
Another the the Mormon octopus enslaving the woman of Utah.
And you've kind of got this sort of like a Promethean image, I
think of a get him, you know, that he's Mormon because he has
a beard. So there was a definite shift
there. I just saw every single cartoon
from back in the day, though. It was just all about Mormons
and their million wives and beards.
And then so this one is is pretty serious.
Look at this cutting gash above the knee.
So here. Oh, that was real.
Performing. Oh, no, that was real.
Yeah, That, that, that. This was not a symbolic.
This looks like he's actually. It was real.
No, because Emma Smith changed this for the women.
So as a Mason, I'm sure, I don't know if you guys, I'm sure.
Don't get me killed. Don't get me.
Killed. OK, so anyway, they the garment
became the garment when they would slash it above the knee
where the mark would go, but it would often cut you as well.
And they would go home and sew that piece up.
And that's how the mark would become there.
But she was like, bro, no, I am not getting my leg all messed
up. No, that's changing for girls.
And so I think at some point they did try to rally to not
have scars. And I guess for the guys, it was
kind of like, look at my scars on my knee.
But yeah, it changed for the women, so.
And, and just to clear up what I think I've from the last talks
we've had about this topic, that this is the origin of the magic
underpants, is that the magic underpants is commemorating this
moment in which you actually went through this initiation
ritual and you were cut above the knee.
And now you're going to put on these magic underpants that have
a little stitch right on the knee to remind you of this
moment in your initiation. That underwear was the that they
would cut that underwear to make the mark.
So they would go home with the hole and sew it up and that
would make the mark. Back in the day when they didn't
have pre marked markings, yeah. I wonder, did did you know ahead
of time? Like could you like I would?
Probably not. That I wore something nice and
comfortable and breathable. Like, what if you showed up and
you were like, why today of all days, I decided to wear my wool
undergarments and now you're gonna just be wearing wool
underwear for the rest of your life, essentially.
I think that they could do other ones themselves after the
original, but this was to like this was your carbon copy
basically like make your other underwear right like this, you
know, so. This seems like a secret that
you're not allowed to share, right?
This is something that's supposed to be kept inside the
temple. Well, definitely back in the
day, I don't think they ever would have shared that back in
the day, for sure not. And nowadays they would just
say, Thomas, that is not what we do.
They are made in China or wherever the hell they're made.
And I think they are now. Yeah, they would just lie and be
like that never happened. What is it all discourses #19
Maybe, maybe not, That's why. But the bad thing is, is you get
so many people that will say like to me, like I was telling
you before we, we rolled like I'm LDS and I've never heard
this once in my whole life. She's a freaking liar.
I'm like, you should do some more reading because I'm not a
liar. This is how it used to be.
Like just because it's changed doesn't mean I'm a liar.
And so it goes both ways, right? So, but yeah, this was
definitely how they used to make the markings, So and the men,
the men thought it was cool. Yeah, the men thought it was
cool. I don't think it's cool that
you're like cutting people, but I just think it's it's cool in a
way of like, oh, I didn't expect this to be this hardcore.
I figured it was just all symbolic and you just kind of
like magical underpants sound fun.
It doesn't sound like an old dude is literally cutting you
with a knife. Yeah, no, it was Yeah, until
Emma was like, listen, I know the women want to be Masons too,
but we are not cutting up our breasts and stuff.
You know, and, and little as you know in 2024, that's like back
in style now though. Probably, yeah.
And it is here JH Beadle, former editor of Salt Lake Reporter and
clerk of the Utah Supreme Court, wrote this expose of secret
rites and ceremonies of the quote, deluded followers of
Brigham Young and that this is the endowment ceremony.
And this, this image right here is from his 1882 book called
Polygamy or the Mysteries and Crimes of Mormonism.
And then there was another one. This one is actually a pretty
interesting one, has kind of this same.
I assume this is part of this endowment ceremony.
Close your eyes hopefully. Get naked in the bathtub.
This is what my grandma said. This is.
Historical so. I cried and she said guess what?
Shut up, I. Literally had to get into a
bathtub naked in front of a whole crowd of strangers.
She was very irritated with me. She was like, quit your whining.
Are you serious? And she told me that, and I
couldn't believe it. I didn't even know that was a
thing. Yeah.
And then there's the I'm going to, I'm just going to say Bishop
because I don't know what his rank is here.
But here's this Bishop from behind the curtain, which I
assume this is where the hand comes out and you have to do the
secret handshakes. And then here's a guy dressed in
all black with a black face and everything.
The devil comes. Yeah, they.
Is that the devil? The devil looks like the Tin
Man. I'm assuming that it yeah, that
it's representing. They changed it a whole lot.
And then here's a guy laying on his back with a knife to his
throw on a table in front of a bunch of guys and gals.
And then she looks like she's wearing this endowment veil or
something. So she probably, she probably
already went into the tub naked and now they get to watch this.
This would have been an action-packed day for a Mormon
that normally is just like doing laundry and all of a sudden
you're getting poked in the knee and you're watching your husband
with a knife against his throat doing like, weird, mystical.
Stuff. Could you imagine how?
Crawling around the ground trauma.
Like go home from that. Like the I was traumatized with
the little trauma I went through.
This is a whole nother level. This.
This, I would argue, is the point.
The point is that you would never forget this moment for the
rest of your life when you had a knife to your throat, which
isn't something that most normal people go through in their
average daily lives, but. Don't you think?
I don't, I don't know if they had more input back then, but I
think before you go and do all this stuff, there should be a, a
really good explanation before. And I know they can't give out
all their secrets, but like, they should kind of let you know
a little bit what's happening so you don't agree to something
that I wouldn't have agreed to had I known.
Right. Well, it's that that's the the
rub here, because if we're talking Masonry, you're not even
allowed to join until you're like 19 or 20 and it's
voluntary. You don't get drafted in, you
don't get like there's. They give you an idea like, hey,
some weird shit's gonna happen, man.
I don't think so, but in in the 90s through now, like chances
are you've heard of Mason conspiracy theory.
So you already know that it's not just going to be and here's
your, you know, your crackers and your cake or whatever.
Like, there's going to be something to it.
In Mormonism. You have absolutely no idea that
any of this is happening. And you're like, wait a minute,
we play with knives now. Like.
No, yeah, I was shook. And it wasn't even the knife.
I mean, just the whole thing. And I was like people always say
to me, yeah, but you broke you. No, my grandma did.
I, I miss the knife part, thank heavens.
But we still do all these OS, you know, we didn't do the ones
where we had to cut out our tongue and all that.
But my grandma did not my great grandma, my grandma.
And so I'm like, this is nuts. Like they should at least give
you some idea of what you're doing.
If it's, I mean, I just honestly thought like, no big deal.
You know, somebody is pounding on my door.
Oh, OK, the kids are getting it. Sorry, I think it's my neighbor.
They do the cop knock. Scary, we heard.
We heard you're giving away the secrets of endowment up there.
What are you doing? Thanks doc.
OK. And so I think that to be fair,
like I was told this is going to be the happiest day of your
life. You look forward to this since
you were like born. You're told like little songs
from the minute you can talk, like I'm going to go to the
temple someday. The prophet wants me to.
There's a whole song about it. You think you're going to just
be going to heaven. That's all You think about all
of this stuff like. And I always tell people, look,
I know you think I'm a bad person because I broke the
secrets, but I think they're bad people because they didn't tell
me what was up or I wouldn't have made the secret.
Like I'm not not a good secret keeper.
I just don't appreciate being lied to.
Like that's a lot, you know, I, I don't know.
This, this one I think was one of the more interesting and I
think this is the last one on this page.
And this one shows the endowment ceremony, I think from start to
finish, at least the 19th century version of this.
So it just has a room full of women sitting in these chairs
with like little hats on. And then it looks like they all
get called. It's like, hey, we're, we're
doing a thing now. So they all walk into the next
room and then the lady meets Satan.
I'm going to assume this guy, I'm assuming so she meets Satan.
Satan shows her a tree with fruit on it.
So I'm assuming this is the snake leading Eve into the, you
know, the garden and like, oh, here's the tree of knowledge,
good and evil. And then everyone gathers under
this big tree. And then this guy with a funny
little apron on is like, hey, you're wearing an apron too.
Chase them around the room. Yeah, this used to be like a
whole play. OK, I mean, this is interesting.
I never heard this before. So now, now they're playing
like, you know, chase down the the terrified Mormon women that
have absolutely no idea what's going on.
She was just talking to Satan. There's a bunch of them hiding
behind chairs as this one guy is like hunting them down.
And then finally here's Satan again crawling on the ground.
I'm not sure exactly what takes place on this one.
That is 1 limber Satan because usually they're like in their
70s and they just got a black. Apron and he he's wearing the
apple bottom jeans. I can see it from here.
Got his stretchy pants. And then finally they have this
grand wizard Bishop guy kind of like pushes them all out of the
temple and he's like, don't tell anyone what you saw here today.
And that was I'm. Assuming that might be God like
maybe God. Or yeah, actually you're right,
because the each of these have names.
So the very first step is listening to Elohim and Jehovah.
So that's what they're doing in the room, then appropriating an
Eve. So I guess they select one of
the. Mysteries.
They're showing the. Mysteries.
She's the one that's going to get chosen in this next Satan
tempting Eve. We got that right, tasting the
forbidden fruit in the garden of even putting on the fig leaf, so
that I guess this apron is the fig leaf.
We do that still. Version of.
That yes, we do that still, Yep. Which in in a cult book club
that I did with Juan Ayala. Shout out Juan.
Come on. Come on.
One of the come out of your hidey hole, Juan, after you're
done with your impoundment ritual.
The Masons have been linked. I think this was a Manley Palmer
Hall book that he wrote that the Masons put on the apron because
it was an ancient Egyptian practice that was supposed to
block your sort of sexual energies from interfering with
the rest of your daily work. So that you were.
And that's why it's a white apron.
It's supposed to be like this pure shield, like an RFID
blocker for your genitals I guess.
I don't think it worked for Joseph for any of them.
Yeah, well, yeah, it's because it was like made out of silk and
it kind of started rubbing him in a certain.
Way it was green and green is Satan's color, yeah.
Hiding from OK so this is Elohim like God is now chasing you
around like. Oh, because, Because, you know,
I know you. Yeah, 'cause you're hiding from
your shame. They still do that, but they
don't make you run around. Yeah.
Satan before Elohim and then finally the cursed and driven
from the Garden of Eden. So the, the whole, entire thing
played out as that you were, you know, going back through the
Garden of Eden, you're finding Satan and you're, you're
experiencing the tempted fruit and that this was part of the
endowment ceremony. For women, yeah, of course.
Well, no, it's for men too. We, they do the same thing.
I think it's just they separate the men and the women and then
they bring you together. Nowadays you're on one side and
they're on the other, but you're in the same room.
So I don't know, maybe they. Definitely see the in the fig
leaf scene where they're putting on the aprons 'cause they're
there away you got the the beards in the background.
Yep, there we go. Yeah, they're there, but they
didn't show like the true order of prayer.
There's a lot missing. But I mean, whatever, they're
not going to show everything. And then you got to go, you
know, learn all the handshakes to pass by the angels and
Sentinels or you won't go to heaven.
If you screw it up 'cause you just are forgetful.
You're just a deep shit. You are not going to heaven so.
I assume that this is one of those secret handshakes right
here, like a three-way handshake or something.
Did you have a three-way handshake?
We did not have a three-way, but I think what he's doing is
teaching those two to do it and then like he's moving.
There now Kius. There it is now, your sister
wives OJK. Again, again, just another
version of Brigham Young with an army full of old maids behind
him that are going to charge into this battle that are just
filled with and for some reason they're all wearing like, Marie
Antoinette wigs or something. I'm not really sure what the
aesthetic is of that. That I.
Do not know. Here's another example of blood
atonement. Actually, that's a true account
if I think I think that possibly is the Anderson case depicted
there and they really did kill him and funny enough for.
His own goods, though, for his own good.
Blood atoned in Cedar City, UT 'cause I think I've seen this
photo before. So but he went out there, he
dressed in his best clothes and he was like, OK, let's get this
shit done. Like he was fine about it.
I think they're killing him because he has a better beard
than either of these two guys. I think maybe.
I mean I also think it's funny like he got in trouble for
cheating on his wife. Why didn't he just marry her
like the other new wife? Like what Anyway?
Secret society. Mormon Danites aiming at West
travelling pioneers moving through Utah.
There we go, Matt Meadows. Considered a secret society.
I mean, people knew about them anyway.
They were the, you know, basically the ones taking care
of business, so. And then here's the yearbook of
his actual wives. There's some of them.
They couldn't fit all 55 on one page.
Obviously he's got some old maids in there.
They're really pushing Noah. The one on the bottom right kind
of looks like questionable. My one in the middle is more
questionable than that, but. We're not, we're not here to to
judge his taste in his 55 wives. No, there's.
Some strangeness. Like a like a conehead, but
this. This one right here is a Gray.
I mean, whatever. Sorry if that's your ancestors,
anybody just saying. Well, aren't Mormons all sort of
related if the timeline stretches back far enough?
Just like you're related to the game, right?
That means they're all related. To the game.
Yep, absolutely. Like I, I really honestly think
that, you know, with all of the whole mixing, be hard pressed to
find people that were from real pioneer heritage that weren't
related. Yeah, Well, we're going to have
another extreme version of this episode.
We will have Jacob, Isabel on. We will have Andreas on.
We left a little bit of extra talking points just for them
because I think they might also have some interesting takes on
this transition from the wild out W pioneer, you know, like
bloodthirsty sort of rugged individual versus the modern
clean cut Mormon like that was. I think we've proven in this and
in previous episodes, it was calculated.
It didn't just accidentally happen.
There was a transition. Someone sat down and said,
here's the new way. We need to shed ourselves of
this old image and adopt A new image.
And this new image is going to make it more approachable.
People invite you into their houses.
You know, they were going to take their, their money.
I mean, that's what it all came down to is the government was
like, look, we're not playing with you.
We'll come and take your shit. And if you don't cut it out,
we're going to take your temple that you're almost done building
and we're going to take all your money and we're going to take
everything you own. So do you want to be in the in
the United States or not? And PS, we bought Utah, ha ha,
it's not state of Deseret anymore, so clean it up, crack
whore. And I think that's what they
did. Like they were like, oops,
better get it together, you know, I mean, but also you have
to understand, like during that whole time frame, he helps them
with the railroads. And then the railroads are
helping by making their sugar, which was their huge commodity.
They were one of the first to produce one of the worst things
for us ever, which is beet sugar.
And so they're shipping their products as well.
So it all became part of business.
But I will tell you guys, Brigham Young was 110% in good
with a lot of the railroaders. And Joseph Smith himself was
part of the Rockefellers. He was cousins to the
Rockefellers. So like.
Well before cane sugar and way before high fructose corn syrup,
beet sugar was the main source of sugar for a lot.
And even the the red coloring from beets was one of the
original red pigments that got used in food as food coloring.
So. And they, they said, they said
we will finish this sugar company.
This is the prophet of the church at that time, whether it
even kills us, like basically, you're not a good Mormon if
you're not here to help us and we will finish it or bankrupt
the church. He was like, no, no joke, I'm
finishing it. So.
You, you mentioned something. I'll, I'll, we'll start winding
it down on this that Uncle Sam threatened.
Like, we'll take away all your stuff if you don't shape up a
little bit, right? So recently I put out this album
that's got the monthly Mormon Monday theme song, right, The
beginning of the album. You can stream this for free on
Spotify and everywhere else. It's called Modern Mormon music
by Sound Scientists. That's me.
That's my other name. And there's a song on here
called A Song of 1857, and I don't know if if it'll show me
the original artist. Let's see if I've got it in
here. Yeah, right here.
Utah Rebels. So if you search for Utah Rebels
Song of 1857, I wonder if it'll pop up right here.
It's about the Mormons mocking the government for making all
these threats and never delivering on them.
For example, this and I. I thought that this is such a
snarky, sassy little song for being from 1857.
Listen to some of these lyrics though.
When Uncle Sam first set out his army to destroy us, he said the
Mormons he will rout. They shall longer no longer
shall annoy us. The force he sent was competent
to try and hang us for treason. I mean, it would have been, but
do you know the reason? There's a great commotion in the
East and the Mormon question? The problem is, to say the
least, too much for their digestion.
And we're going to go up the the plot singing a musty little
ditty. We'll do this and we'll do that
when we get to Salt Lake City. This is like the the Uncle Sam's
army. Like we're gonna, we're gonna
kill those Mormons. We're gonna hang them.
And sure enough, when they got there, they made the Mormons
stir. Sir.
That is, I mean, they would have.
Oh, but they didn't get there. Like, it's a like every time.
This whole entire song. Is like.
Uncle Sam's gonna like, come in here and like, kill us, and he's
gonna do all this stuff, but you didn't actually make it.
And here's the other one, too. We'll hang each man who has two
wives. We've got plenty of rope handy.
I mean, they would have had, but Smith burned it on Sandy.
I don't know what that means, but I know.
That, I wonder. I wonder if that's who they
killed for witchcraft. Oh, Sandy, we'll have to.
Great, I'll have to look up her name.
But like the the entire song, I thought like, there we'll go.
We'll take on Brigham Young and Heber, his companion, that is.
I mean, they would have done, but we're afraid of Echo Canyon.
So again, it's like every single lyric of this song is just
absolutely mocking the fact that the US force is actually back
down now. I don't know how much of this is
consistent and how much of it is just like them coping and and
saying like we're harder than you, but.
I can't believe it there is a Mormon war documented with the
government and the Mormons were not to be messed with.
They were kind of scary and and so I mean, I kind of believe it
too. And for those who are asking on
Rockefeller through Nelson Rockefeller, seventh cousin 2
times removed, just FYI on that. So just I like to bring my
receipts because yeah, but I do know that they were worried and
they also were super close with a lot of the Native Americans
and they would use their help and ambush people clearly as
we've seen. So I think what they saw with
this whole especially the Baker Fancher party, like not I don't
think people fully realize like how brutal even the women were.
Like they took their children that were under 8 because we
couldn't kill the ones that were under 8 because then they can't
go to heaven. And so they're considered
innocents. And when they got the new
dresses from their husbands that were like the mothers, like
these kids as mothers, they would wear it in front of the
little kid and be like, do you like my new dress?
Like these people were not normal.
This is not normal. Like this kid is like 7 and
under. And so they didn't give their
kids back for years and years and years.
Yeah, it was just bad. Like they didn't care who
parades around in a dead woman's dress in front of her kid.
Mormons. Weird.
Just saying. They also I feel.
Like that would have been the perfect just ending.
They also married into those native bloodlines for their and
remember how I told you I I knew I was Mick Mack a little bit
Mick Mack native. And and I finally found a little
journal entry about this speaking about how they would
marry into Native American cultures because they knew that
they knew the magical properties the same like magic and they
wanted to pass that on through their bloodline like their sixth
sense or like ESP type stuff. Yeah, that was real.
So. Did you ever, when you were
Mormon, did you ever hear of the concept of indigo children?
Yes, yes, Yep. SO and my grandma, just FYI, was
obsessed with this that and genealogy and she had these
stupid Kachina dolls all over her house.
And I was like, bro, this is some dark shit.
Like I don't think you should have those here.
She was obsessed. She must have known she I'm
assuming she got the second anointing now that I know, but
my mom kept a couple of those dolls and I was like.
I thought that was men only. But for the no, for the no,
second anointing's for everybody.
I didn't know that. Yeah, you get to go to heaven
forever too. And I'll tell you, when she was
dying and this isn't made-up, we were praying for her.
And she'd been in like a coma for two days.
And my mom's like, all she said was she put her hand on her head
and said Jesus loves you. And the most guttural, scary
scream came out of her. She popped out of her weird
little coma. And I was like, that's it,
'cause I was already estranged from her, 'cause she did all
that weird shit to me. And I was like, Nope, we're
getting the Ativan. I am.
Duh. Uh, uh, I was, I was like, no,
I'm either going home or this lady's getting drugged.
One of the two. So yeah.
I told you a Mormon zombie movie is is overdue.
I'm telling you, I'm telling you there's something there.
It's not normal so. Well, you said that you've got a
pretty big show coming up. Do you have a date for it yet?
Oh yeah, I hope it happens. So the end of July.
Are we going to say what it is? I don't know.
Should we? I don't know.
I'll say it this way. I'll say.
It through scheduled to get through scheduled.
At the end of July, I'm supposed to be on, you know, that show
that has a three letters. That's the big, big show.
No TFH. So we'll see.
We'll see. I hope so.
It's scheduled, so we'll see. Long overdue.
I think it's going to be one of the more interesting ones.
I think it'll have a lot of comments.
So I would just feel like either don't read the comments at all
or go in with just like Chainmail.
I can't remember. I can't remember what the the
comment was that Juan kept sending me from my first
appearance on on Tinfoil, but it was like like, who's this like
fat baby with a beard or something like that?
That was like the the main comment on that.
Well, mine will definitely be very interesting, I'm sure
'cause there's a lot of people that are Mormon that definitely
have not heard about, you know, the mysteries or all the things
I speak of and think I'm totally bash it crazy.
So usually it's about some sort of comment like this is a nice
autism she has here and I'm like whatever OK wrong wrong
diagnosis, I have ADHD. You've also got some serious
receipts, so anytime someone brings up that criticism, you
can just show them like, well, here's my Mormon card.
I mean, you know, we do what we can, but I guess, I guess people
can decide for themselves and, and look at my work.
I mean, I have almost 200 episodes, I think.
And that's just with me, like on my show, not my appearances or
anything else. And I just think, you know, if
you really wanted to learn, there's a lot of stuff out there
you could look up and just prove me wrong.
Cool, prove me wrong. I mean, I highly recommend the
first few episodes of this show, Monthly Mormon Monday, where we
go through and you explain to me, a complete newcomer, exactly
about the toad and the stones and the amulets and the magic
underwear. And we've had pro Mormons and
anti Mormons and all sorts of different people on this show
and you've been able to hold up your end with all of them.
So kudos to that. And I think that it'll just be
more of the same on whatever show you go on.
Well thank you for that. I'm nervous about it but I hope
it happens. I don't know if I can bring my
receipts but I'm going to try. They said that Sam also has the
ADHD so just to bring lots of notes and I'm like that's fair,
I get it. But I'll have the reference
episode regardless so people can go check it out.
Because ultimately I came into this for a little bit of fun,
but to teach people the things they didn't know.
And I'm not one to judge. Like, I think that, you know,
you need to look at it yourself, research the things.
Don't just say Heidi has a big nose.
Like, OK, cool, cool story, right.
Whatever. So I'm excited for that.
What are we going to do next time?
Yeah, I'm. I'm in the middle of a Solomon,
King Solomon series right now with Robbie Marks.
Everybody's we're on the second one right now and he does a
really good job at explaining some of it.
So it made a lot more sense to me when we deep dough,
especially Zoroastrianism, I was like, right, this makes so much
sense now. I you know, it helps you if you
were Mormon, if you used to be a Mormon or are a Mormon, you
might be very interested in that one.
And other than that, always running around doing all kinds
of things. You never know with me whatever
strikes my fancy. But I will say my newest one for
the Howard Hughes is coming out soon and that is Onassis and it
is taking me exactly 3 times longer than I thought it would
because that cat, holy cow, I I wasn't prepared for all of those
rabbit holes. That was wild.
I'm on my Facebook. For a guy named Aristotle in the
20th century, yeah, he's going to be a little wild.
Yeah, his and his dad, all of them are named very strange.
So yeah, for sure, for sure. It was a lot. 5th book.
When I finished that book, I'll be ready just so I don't miss
anything if I can, you know? So what are we going to do on
our next one? Well, if if Jacob, Isbell and
Andreas are able to make it, we will do an Mormon Beard Extreme
edition. Otherwise, we have a whole list
of different Mormon topics that we've already kind of been
baking. So I'll, I'll let it be a
surprise, but we've got a schedule of a bunch of different
topics that we're going to work our way through.
And I think that you're going to be happy with them.
I think everyone's going to find them entertaining.
I I definitely liked all of the ideas presented, so I'm excited
to do this. So I think it'll be fun.
Much love to everybody out there in the chat.
Yeah, thank you guys. Heidi's busy.
I've got another documentary series that I've been working on
with Sean Chris from Kill the Mockingbirds.
It's called Under the Docks. Those ones come out on Tuesdays.
So tomorrow at about 3:30 Eastern, we're starting Alex
Jones Month, where we rewatch 3 classic Alex Jones
documentaries, see how they held up, give them kind of some
general ratings. We do a little bit of of
critique on them. And then after that, we were
doing like a Michael Moore month to kind of balance it out.
We figure if we went all in on Alex Jones and we go all in on
Michael Moore, it was interesting.
So I'm excited. For.
Everyone to come and see those. And yeah, and aside from that,
too, the Illuminati comic is finally out and available for
everyone. So if you've been waiting since
last December, which is when the Kickstarter campaign ended, now
is the time. You can go to
illuminaticomic.com and it'll bring you right to the page
where you can grab a copy. We've got I think like a few
thousand left and then they'll be gone for good.
And I think we pre sold like over 5000 of these things.
So they're out in the world, which is so cool to just imagine
there's like thousands of these floating around and someone at
some gas station at some point in the future is gonna walk by
and be like, did that say what I think it said?
And what's that? Kinky shit he was doing.
I did. I did that in the airport when I
was flying back from Alaska. I left one of those pamphlets
out on a table next to a Starbucks in a high traffic area
in the airport. And I saw a lady walk by and
pick it up and sit down and like was showing it to her friend
and, and I was just like, this is what I'm doing it for.
It's just to like spread it to some random normie in an airport
terminal somewhere. So they're going to like show it
to their friends and be like, what the hell did I just find?
What is this earless Yoda doing? Oh, wait.
All right. Well, thank you again, Heidi.
We'll see you guys on the next monthly Mormon Monday with guest
in tow. See you at the next one.
Bye bye. I scribbled my life away,
dripping the right page. Will it enlight your brain, give
you the flight McClain paper, the highs ablaze, somewhat of an
amazing feel. When it's real, the real you
will engage with your favorite. Of course, the Lord of an
arrangement. I gave you the proper results to
hit the pavement. If they get emotional hate,
maybe your language, your game, how they planned it well,
without Lakers evade them, whatever the course they are.
The shapeship snakes get decapitated matters The apex
execution. The flame you out.
Nuclear bomb distributed at war. Rather gruesome for eyes to see.
Maxim out. Then I light my trees.
Blow it off in the face. You're despising me for what,
though? Calculated.
You'd rather cut throat? Paranoid American.
Must be all the blood smoke. For real.
Lord, give me your day. Your way.
Vacate. They wait around.
They hate whatever they say. Man.
It's not in the least bit. We get heavy rotate when the
beat hits. So thank us.
You're well. Fucking *** for real.
You're welcome. They ain't never had.