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You're feeling a bit like Alice 
tumbling down the rabbit hole. 

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Aren't you ashamed? 
No, I'm not. 

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You think you are, lady. 
You take the blue pill, the 

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story ends. 
You wake up in your bed and 

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believe whatever you want. 
You take the red pill, you stay 

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in Wonderland and I show you how
deep the rabbit hole goes. 

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I think. 
I'm entitled. 

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You want answers? 
What? 

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The truth? 
You can't handle the truth. 

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I'm awake. 
Are you? 

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Let's go now to our new episode 
of The Unfiltered Rise With Me, 

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Heidi Love. 
And welcome to another episode 

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of The Unfiltered Rise. 
Today I have a special guest 

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with me. 
How you doing today? 

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I am good. 
How are you? 

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Good Sean. 
Chris is with Kill the 

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Mockingbirds podcast. 
Why don't you tell us all about 

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that? 
Well, kill the mockingbirds. 

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We're news, paranormal and 
conspiracies, meaning we try to 

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touch everything, and we come at
everything from a different 

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angle. 
Sometimes people aren't always 

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ready for that. 
Like we love to challenge ideas.

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We think that we're against 
idolizing people, we're against.

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Like we tell people don't 
idolize us, don't idolize 

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anybody. 
And sometimes, you know, what we

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like to say on the show is we 
can get people's butt cheeks a 

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little tight because we say 
stuff that challenges their 

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belief system. 
And they don't like that. 

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So we will. 
That's pretty much what we do. 

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But with paranormal, with 
conspiracies, hidden history, 

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news. 
Like we try to touch a little 

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bit of everything, but we put 
our own and we do our own 

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research. 
We look into everything and then

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we put it from our perspective. 
We go, we don't think 

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necessarily we're right, but 
this is how we see it right now 

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and like this. 
Is your spin on it? 

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Yeah, our spin on it. 
It resonates with some people. 

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And some people get angry and 
they write us long emails that 

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we don't even read. 
You're like, so waste your 

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finger, finger spasms and don't 
write me that long e-mail 

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because it ain't going to work. 
But we're also very lucky and 

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fortunate. 
There's a lot of great people 

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too that reach out to us and and
thank us or sometimes they 

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challenge us which we like. 
We go, yeah, challenge us. 

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Maybe I am wrong maybe we have 
some evidence that I don't know 

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about. 
So I think keeping it open 

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mainly our show is like focused 
on challenging critically 

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thinking and. 
Really building your own self 

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like we tell and breaking this 
whole idol worship. 

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People worship celebrities, 
people worship politicians, they

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worship sports teams. 
Like, I mean, I love football, I

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watch all kinds of sports, but 
I'm like, you shouldn't let that

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dictate your whole life, your 
day. 

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Like you shouldn't be angry 
because your team lost. 

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But maybe I'm just saying that 
because my team always loses. 

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So I'm just used to it and I'm 
just trying to get everybody on.

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My Who's your team? 
I'm a Raider. 

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Fan Oh boy. 
So I'm a Niners fan. 

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We'll get. 
Got out of the way. 

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Don't hate me. 
I'll tell you why I'm not even 

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that into football anymore since
the whole kneeling because it 

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just it. 
I was just done and then of 

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course it had to be the schmuck 
on my team. 

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I'm not even going to say his 
name because it doesn't even 

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deserve it. 
But The thing is, is my dad and 

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me when when we were young, he 
said. 

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Pick your team on a Super Bowl. 
And it was my stepdad and he was

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really mean. 
And so I was, he was going for 

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the Broncos. 
And it was when the Broncos 

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played the Niners in the 80s and
I said whoever you're not going 

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for, that's who I and they've 
been my team ever since. 

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So and they won. 
And I was like, yeah, and they 

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killed him. 
Like they killed him and I was 

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like like that. 
That's so That is how I. 

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Got. 
Always show love, yeah. 

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See, I thought a lot 
differently. 

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I was talking about web to 
Webber's way about that too. 

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Like me and him disagree on 
that. 

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But like the whole kneeling 
thing, like I like, I understand

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like Kaepernick and the end 
people stands against him. 

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And I understand like the the 
propaganda when they see BLM, 

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but I think people forget about 
the purolism that Americans 

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have. 
Like it's the war machine like 

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and I'm not saying us Americans,
I mean us the the our government

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is like throughout the world and
when you see the stuff like we 

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see that the NFL merged with 
like the military industrial 

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complex and I think it was like 
in 99, two thousand. 

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I was wrong. 
I told him it didn't start 

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saying the pledge allegiance, 
but I was. 

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It was more of like having that 
everybody out there together. 

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Saying it was like you said it 
with the like crowd. 

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The players weren't out there at
the time, but then ever since 

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they had that contract, because 
the Army, the Navy, etcetera, 

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etcetera, Marine Corps, they 
pay. 

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Advertising fees to the NFL. 
And that's why we always see, 

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like, hey, let's honor this 
veteran. 

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And to me, that's a continuation
of propaganda, whether like, hey

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man, we gotta go to war, man. 
You know, like, look at these 

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poor guys. 
His legs are gone, man. 

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His legs are gone. 
Like, all right. 

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And you don't even know like how
that happened. 

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He could have just got ran over 
because he didn't watch where he

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was going. 
And I always explain it like 

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this like and my son, he was the
first one to bring this to my 

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intention when we got really 
into. 

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I will say spirituality, not 
religion. 

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When we started breaking away 
from that, he came home one day 

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and he said, mom, I'm, I'm not 
saying the pledge anymore. 

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And I was like the hell, you're 
not like everybody in our family

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was in the military, you know? 
And he said no, because you you 

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pledged to somebody other than 
God. 

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He's like and I don't feel good 
about that but I'll stand. 

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I said, well, your ass better 
not sit is all I know because I 

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will make it raised because like
my uncle was a Green Beret and 

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my brother was in the Navy who's
past and like we everybody like 

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my whole family and yeah. 
My whole family is pretty, Not 

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everybody, but pretty much I 
have. 

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Like my dad was in Vietnam. 
He was a Marine. 

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Yeah, my grandpa was in World 
War 2. 

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My grandma was in World War 2 
like. 

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Wait, go grandma. 
But I still think there's a lot 

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of propaganda that is like 
pushing in people in like I 

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study a lot of propaganda, like 
people's expertise are 

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different, like a lot of people 
are cold or mine leans more to 

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geopolitical slash propaganda 
and all that. 

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So that's where I'm That's my 
realm. 

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That's what I'm good at. 
So you're all about the Edward 

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Bernays? 
I was just gonna say Edward 

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Bernays and just like all the 
stuff that we do and like. 

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I understand, like having the 
military. 

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I'm not saying like, oh, we 
shouldn't have military. 

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But I think that sometimes us as
Americans, we're foolish and 

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we're like, yeah, we just just 
gotta support the troops and 

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you're like, OK, look, like I'm 
not saying shit on the troops. 

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Like everything that happened, 
especially like my dad came back

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from Vietnam and then how he 
told us like you know, how they 

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were treated and this and that. 
But it's like why we're in 

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Vietnam in the 1st place, like 
because. 

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We shouldn't have been there. 
And you know who started that? 

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Do you know who started that? 
What the golf of Tonkin? 

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Yeah, Do you know? 
It was B Johnson, right? 

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But the person that helped 
execute it was the guy from the 

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door's dad. 
Yeah, yeah. 

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Jim Morrison's. 
Jim Morrison's father. 

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Yup. 
Yup. 

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And I was blown away. 
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 

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So. 
It's just tough because I'm 

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like, look it I've always been 
under the belief is there needs 

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to be a declaration of war. 
If we're going to go to war, it 

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has to be a declaration. 
Congress needs to say Congress 

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then to the same. 
In it, yes. 

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Yes. 
But after 9-11, after we had all

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that BS happened. 
What? 

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What happened? 
The the Patriot Act. 

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And then Now the president gets 
to decide when we go to. 

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Oh yeah, so bad. 
I don't agree with that at all. 

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And it doesn't mean I'm any less
patriotic. 

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Like, I absolutely love the 
troops. 

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I absolutely love this country. 
I absolutely love, you know, 

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everything that that represents.
But it represents something 

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different now. 
So it's hard to. 

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Well, I I would. 
Argue that it always have, 

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right? 
But like so many personally 

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like, people always think like 
for me like, oh, you must say I 

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don't hate America. 
Let's not say that I love 

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America. 
I'm from here like I'm proud to 

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be an American. 
But to close our eyes to the 

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propaganda that has, like, 
rained upon us. 

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For decades and centuries since.
Our initiation when we started. 

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And if you don't, if you look 
into the secret societies that 

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are involved in stuff and to. 
That's 100% Freemason right 

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there, 100%. 
Well, this country, this country

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was founded on Freemasonry, 
period. 

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And people think it was founded 
out of religious freedom. 

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But that was just a a show. 
That was just the vice that they

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put it under so that it could 
look good. 

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It was actually about the 
Freemasons wanting their 

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religious socalled, religious 
freedom to practice what they 

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were doing and. 
I mean, there's not a place in 

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the United States. 
I mean, I think every big city 

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has a Mason's lodge. 
Like it's very widespread. 

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Oh yeah, they're everywhere, 
man. 

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I see. 
I see I'm going to work all the 

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time. 
But my my cohost is a former 

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Mason. 
He was in that and he he there 

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is a lot of insight to like. 
I think that's again where we 

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get trapped in these cycles and 
what we call them, like these 

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sheep mentality of where like 
you follow one thing you heard. 

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Everybody thinks like of COVID 
and they're like, oh, people 

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were in master sheep. 
I'm like, well, you watching 1 

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00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:04,970
documentary on Flat Earth. 
Or where did you get your 

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information? 
Yeah, exactly. 

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And not letting it be 
challenged, you're like, oh, 

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this is how it has to be like 
the people I like is like, 

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you're not going to get around. 
I'm not going to get around. 

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I'm going to get it wrong most 
of the time. 

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But when we're constantly trying
to learn and figure it out and 

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be like, OK, I could see this, I
could move things around. 

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There's a lot of people that are
deep rooted and whether it be 

200
00:10:24,770 --> 00:10:27,200
Flat Earth. 
Where, whether it be patriotism,

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00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,520
there's people that like a lot. 
I was criticizing a lot of the 

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conservatives because they were 
like, oh, I can't believe all 

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00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:33,920
these liberals are wearing 
masks. 

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00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,960
I said I can't believe that you 
guys didn't make a fuss when TSA

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took over. 
Now we all have to go through 

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00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,360
metal detectors and have to get 
patted down. 

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You didn't say nothing then. 
It's because at that time they 

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use that fear against them. 
And I'm not mad at them either 

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00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:50,560
because I understand it was fear
to manipulate you to get to this

210
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:51,160
point. 
But. 

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The fact that you can't see that
you did that and this, they're 

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00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,700
doing the same thing to somebody
else and you're getting angry 

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00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:58,540
over it. 
That's where I have an issue. 

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00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:01,460
I'm like you're doing the same 
thing and they, but they. 

215
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:03,860
Can't for a different for a 
different reason. 

216
00:11:04,020 --> 00:11:05,780
A different fear because they're
going to they're going to 

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00:11:05,780 --> 00:11:08,460
manipulate you off your fear. 
I mean, that's what the devil 

218
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does. 
That's why to me, I always tell 

219
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people too, because there's a 
lot of people that give a little

220
00:11:12,340 --> 00:11:14,270
bit. 
Too much credence to the devil, 

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00:11:14,270 --> 00:11:15,630
like they're like oh. 
Man, just. 

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00:11:15,870 --> 00:11:18,350
Like I'm like I don't care I'm 
not scared of that like why 

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would you man if you believe in 
God like how could you possibly 

224
00:11:21,470 --> 00:11:24,070
be scared of it. 
I'm not scared of any demon like

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00:11:24,070 --> 00:11:26,150
I tell them all like they could 
all catch these hands. 

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00:11:26,150 --> 00:11:30,830
An ephalum Alistair Crowley like
a demon the devil like they 

227
00:11:30,830 --> 00:11:33,390
could all catch the hands like 
because at the end of the day 

228
00:11:33,710 --> 00:11:36,550
I'm protected and and to me 
there's even like. 

229
00:11:37,190 --> 00:11:39,150
These people that go to church 
every Sunday, like, I don't go 

230
00:11:39,150 --> 00:11:40,710
to church. 
That's just not my thing. 

231
00:11:40,710 --> 00:11:42,310
I don't, I don't criticize 
people. 

232
00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:43,990
I think everybody finds their 
own way. 

233
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:45,710
But I'm like if you believe in 
God. 

234
00:11:46,110 --> 00:11:47,390
Don't be scared. 
Man, you should be. 

235
00:11:47,510 --> 00:11:49,910
You should be like I'm. 
Not. 

236
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,230
I'm scared. 
Where's your faith? 

237
00:11:51,550 --> 00:11:53,750
Where's your faith? 
If you believe, where's your 

238
00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:55,750
faith? 
You know, if you believe. 

239
00:11:55,750 --> 00:11:58,710
And even even on the flip side 
of that, like a lot of people 

240
00:11:58,990 --> 00:12:01,390
will say, oh, I'm an atheist, 
but I believe in demons. 

241
00:12:01,390 --> 00:12:04,590
I'm like that's not possible. 
Because if you don't believe in 

242
00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:06,110
God, you can't believe in 
demons. 

243
00:12:06,190 --> 00:12:07,910
You know, like, what? 
Wait. 

244
00:12:08,230 --> 00:12:11,310
And and I, I mean, I've been in 
arguments with different people,

245
00:12:11,310 --> 00:12:15,030
but I'm always like, here's my 
thing, this is like an analogy 

246
00:12:15,030 --> 00:12:17,910
for nursing. 
I've been a nurse 24 years and I

247
00:12:17,910 --> 00:12:21,270
always anybody that's been a 
nurse that long will tell you 

248
00:12:21,270 --> 00:12:25,270
the scariest nurse there ever is
is a nurse that thinks she knows

249
00:12:25,270 --> 00:12:28,110
everything. 
Same with people, when your mind

250
00:12:28,110 --> 00:12:31,460
is so set. 
That you cannot be changed. 

251
00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:34,700
No matter how good the argument 
is, no matter how much study 

252
00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:39,500
somebody presents that you are 
not growing anymore, you're 

253
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:42,260
stagnant and you have to be able
to be. 

254
00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:46,100
Things change, the world 
changes, we change, life 

255
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:48,460
changes. 
You have to be able to learn. 

256
00:12:49,540 --> 00:12:51,780
Always. 
Or you're burnt out, I tell 

257
00:12:51,780 --> 00:12:54,780
like, like because with nurses, 
teachers, cops. 

258
00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,960
There's a couple other fields 
that like deal with public, you 

259
00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,960
know, like social workers, 
you're constantly dealing with 

260
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:04,160
people, you get burnt out. 
You you get Nurse Ratchet, yeah.

261
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:08,880
Is. 
That on on One Flew Over the 

262
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:10,800
Cuckoo's Nest, you know. 
Yeah, that's right. 

263
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:14,360
That's right, nurse. 
Ratchet, once you get to that 

264
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,280
point, you got recognizing, you 
got you got to try. 

265
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,390
To step back yourself because. 
You're not. 

266
00:13:18,390 --> 00:13:20,230
You're doing more harm than 
good. 

267
00:13:20,310 --> 00:13:23,830
And that's and that doesn't mean
that you were always thinking 

268
00:13:23,830 --> 00:13:25,470
that way. 
It's because of circumstance. 

269
00:13:25,470 --> 00:13:28,470
Or maybe you need to go to a 
different facility or you need 

270
00:13:28,470 --> 00:13:31,270
some kind of change because your
rut that you're in and you're 

271
00:13:31,270 --> 00:13:32,790
getting the same type of 
patience. 

272
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:35,870
Cops, the same thing happens 
with cops, like they they get 

273
00:13:35,870 --> 00:13:38,110
into this like cycle and then 
they hate their job. 

274
00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:40,110
They hate their areas and then 
they're angry and then they 

275
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,470
abuse their powers. 
And that's not the only issue. 

276
00:13:42,470 --> 00:13:43,830
But I'm saying that's one of 
them and. 

277
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:45,990
I always tell people like, you 
gotta recognize it. 

278
00:13:45,990 --> 00:13:48,550
It's not easy though, like you 
have to constantly work. 

279
00:13:48,550 --> 00:13:51,590
If you're like, oh man, I'm 
kinda, I can see that I'm kinda 

280
00:13:51,590 --> 00:13:55,710
not acting right right now, but.
People are, people are like, 

281
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:59,270
fearful to change too. 
And that's the problem is, I 

282
00:13:59,270 --> 00:14:02,030
think that people are so scared 
to change sometimes they'll stay

283
00:14:02,030 --> 00:14:05,990
where they hate, like absolutely
hate when you don't know what's 

284
00:14:05,990 --> 00:14:08,790
gonna open for you. 
Like, I mean, that's a 

285
00:14:08,790 --> 00:14:11,310
completely different. 
Like a podcasting. 

286
00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:13,830
I never thought that I would do 
podcasting. 

287
00:14:13,830 --> 00:14:16,470
I I didn't know how to do the 
computer things. 

288
00:14:16,870 --> 00:14:18,830
None of it. 
It fell on to me. 

289
00:14:19,230 --> 00:14:22,630
It was I felt like it was 
called, you know, so I stepped 

290
00:14:22,630 --> 00:14:25,710
up. 
But The thing is, is like, if I 

291
00:14:25,710 --> 00:14:28,150
had been scared and just been 
like, well, I don't know how to 

292
00:14:28,150 --> 00:14:30,550
do that, then I wouldn't be 
talking to you right now. 

293
00:14:31,110 --> 00:14:33,510
Yeah, that's true. 
You know, yeah, that you just 

294
00:14:33,510 --> 00:14:35,560
gotta like, do it, but. 
That is true. 

295
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:38,640
People are stuck with change cuz
and people get into this 

296
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:41,760
miserable like rut. 
Not even just like in those 

297
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,520
fields, in every field, like 
even in my field in warehousing 

298
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,240
and like people get mad at me 
cuz I'm like a positive person 

299
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:50,000
like and that doesn't mean that 
I'm not like like mad so. 

300
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,960
Everybody has a bad day. 
But I'm always like when people 

301
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,080
ask me like, how are you? 
I'm like, good, always good. 

302
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:58,160
Like, I'm always good. 
And like, they're like, oh, I 

303
00:14:58,160 --> 00:14:59,960
used to say like, it'll be all 
right. 

304
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:01,240
Like it'll be all right. 
Like there's. 

305
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:02,040
Oh man. 
You. 

306
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,320
You've got like 50 pumps. 
We need to pack. 

307
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,480
We only got. 
It'll be all right. 

308
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,280
Like to me. 
I'm not going to stress over 

309
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:08,600
something I can't control like 
that. 

310
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:12,080
Doesn't make sense to me, but. 
People also don't like, to me, I

311
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:14,800
think they're lame, like I think
they don't have anything else in

312
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,760
their lives. 
So they put so much into this, 

313
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:21,200
like drama at work and I'm like,
man, just go get like a hobby or

314
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,280
like. 
You're you're. 

315
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:25,080
Going to make it worse? 
You're going to make it worse? 

316
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,000
Yeah. 
You have nothing else because 

317
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,880
you're you're especially people 
that are in a miserable 

318
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:32,640
relationship, whether it's like 
married or boyfriend, 

319
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,240
girlfriend, and then you're at a
job you ate. 

320
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,960
It's like you have no in 
between. 

321
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,350
It's a double. 
You know, you're like, I guess 

322
00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:44,190
taking a shower or using the 
restroom is your only piece, if 

323
00:15:44,190 --> 00:15:45,510
anything. 
And I'm like, man, you got to 

324
00:15:45,510 --> 00:15:47,110
get out of that. 
But you are right. 

325
00:15:47,110 --> 00:15:50,590
People are so fearful of change.
I see it constantly like. 

326
00:15:51,140 --> 00:15:53,660
Like right now my company is 
closing. 

327
00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:54,820
I don't know. 
Well, I haven't signed any 

328
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:56,140
contracts because they said I 
couldn't. 

329
00:15:56,220 --> 00:15:57,620
I'm not talking bad about them, 
right? 

330
00:15:57,980 --> 00:16:00,460
No, but it's stuff is changing. 
Right. 

331
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:01,620
No, they're closing. 
Right. 

332
00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:03,980
And like, to me, I'm like, I 
don't care, man. 

333
00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:05,980
I've been there five years. 
I'm just like, it is what it is.

334
00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:08,500
I'm trying to get out as much 
money out of it as I can at this

335
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:10,540
moment. 
But my boss, on the other hand, 

336
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,420
he's been there 17 years, He's 
freaking out. 

337
00:16:12,780 --> 00:16:15,060
He's like, oh man, like he's so 
mad. 

338
00:16:15,060 --> 00:16:17,940
Like, I can't believe that 
because he saw today, they 

339
00:16:17,940 --> 00:16:21,060
emailed and they were like, oh, 
Karen, da da da like I don't. 

340
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:26,700
Somebody's somebody's retiring 
and she's there for 25 years and

341
00:16:27,380 --> 00:16:29,540
they're having a party for her 
and he's like, nobody's having a

342
00:16:29,540 --> 00:16:31,540
party for me. 
And like he wants them to like 

343
00:16:31,900 --> 00:16:35,180
like he's just so mad about it. 
And I'm just like, who cares, 

344
00:16:35,180 --> 00:16:36,940
man? 
Like I don't care like. 

345
00:16:37,180 --> 00:16:39,220
If you want to party, throw your
own party. 

346
00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:42,700
Yeah, I was like, man, I'm 
trying to like, hopefully, like 

347
00:16:42,980 --> 00:16:44,860
get this because they're giving 
us a little severance package, 

348
00:16:44,860 --> 00:16:47,540
which is nothing because it's 
like we have to work for it. 

349
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,820
Like we literally have to move 
the whole warehouse to get the 

350
00:16:49,820 --> 00:16:51,340
money, but. 
It is what it is. 

351
00:16:51,580 --> 00:16:54,580
I'm like, I'm trying to find it 
so I can like, hey, this might 

352
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:56,380
be a great thing. 
Maybe I don't have to go back to

353
00:16:56,380 --> 00:16:59,300
work after this and I just 
continuously just do podcasting.

354
00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:03,100
That would have no yeah cuz it 
pushes you against in a corner 

355
00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:05,859
where you're like whoop you 
gotta sink or swim, you know 

356
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:06,660
what I mean? 
Yep, that's. 

357
00:17:06,700 --> 00:17:08,579
You gotta well, there you. 
Have that mentality. 

358
00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:12,150
There's nothing like you said if
you can't do anything about it. 

359
00:17:12,150 --> 00:17:15,390
Like my dad used to say things 
to me, like I used to think he 

360
00:17:15,390 --> 00:17:19,109
was a real jerk, like, but now I
know that and he's passed and 

361
00:17:19,109 --> 00:17:22,630
now I know he was like one of 
the smartest people I ever knew.

362
00:17:22,630 --> 00:17:24,910
His favorite thing was it is 
what it is. 

363
00:17:25,230 --> 00:17:29,430
The other part was he would say,
well, you'll either either get 

364
00:17:29,430 --> 00:17:32,670
over it or you won't because 
it's all about your mental. 

365
00:17:32,670 --> 00:17:36,070
You know you can choose to let 
this bother you all day, like 

366
00:17:36,070 --> 00:17:38,770
you said at work. 
Or for the next however long you

367
00:17:38,770 --> 00:17:41,170
have at that place. 
Or you can be proactive. 

368
00:17:41,410 --> 00:17:42,730
Maybe you're going to get a 
better job. 

369
00:17:42,890 --> 00:17:45,850
Maybe you're going to have a 
better, you know, whatever you. 

370
00:17:45,850 --> 00:17:47,850
Have no clue. 
That's why you say that, cuz 

371
00:17:47,850 --> 00:17:49,130
like, that's what I showed my 
boss today. 

372
00:17:49,130 --> 00:17:52,370
I don't know if you know this 
Navy SEAL dude, Jocko Jocko. 

373
00:17:52,370 --> 00:17:54,010
He has a podcast. 
I don't know if you've ever seen

374
00:17:54,010 --> 00:17:55,730
this podcast. 
Well, he has this little 

375
00:17:55,730 --> 00:17:57,530
segment. 
He's been on like Joe Rogan and 

376
00:17:57,530 --> 00:17:59,450
stuff. 
He's like a Navy SEAL from SEAL 

377
00:17:59,450 --> 00:18:03,250
Team Three, I think. 
And he's really motivational 

378
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,210
like and he was just saying 
like. 

379
00:18:05,870 --> 00:18:08,910
That one of his, like, you know,
like guys under him was always 

380
00:18:08,910 --> 00:18:12,190
coming up with problems and he'd
be like, aw, man, you know, car 

381
00:18:12,190 --> 00:18:13,310
broke down. 
He'd be like, good. 

382
00:18:13,790 --> 00:18:16,070
And then he was like, tell me 
nothing and he'd be like, good. 

383
00:18:16,390 --> 00:18:19,550
And then he would be like, he 
came again with another big 

384
00:18:19,550 --> 00:18:20,670
problem. 
And he's like, how did he even 

385
00:18:20,670 --> 00:18:21,910
want to tell you? 
And he's like, why? 

386
00:18:21,910 --> 00:18:23,510
He's like, because I already 
know what you're going to say. 

387
00:18:23,830 --> 00:18:24,790
He's like, what am I going to 
say? 

388
00:18:24,790 --> 00:18:26,270
He's going to say it's good. 
Why is it good? 

389
00:18:26,270 --> 00:18:30,030
He said, you know, the mission 
got postponed. 

390
00:18:30,070 --> 00:18:31,790
Good. 
Gives me more, gives me more 

391
00:18:31,790 --> 00:18:34,870
time to prepare. 
Hey, we didn't get this tactical

392
00:18:34,870 --> 00:18:36,060
shit. 
OK, good. 

393
00:18:36,060 --> 00:18:39,580
Now I can go focus on this. 
You're looking at the negative 

394
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:42,780
aspect of it of like, oh, now I 
can't go here, but you're not 

395
00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:45,420
able to see. 
With hindsight it's easier to 

396
00:18:45,420 --> 00:18:48,900
see, but it's driving you into a
direction and through time in 

397
00:18:48,900 --> 00:18:52,940
your experience we should learn 
like when we're in our 20s and 

398
00:18:52,940 --> 00:18:55,540
our teenage, like I get it like 
everything's end of the world 

399
00:18:55,540 --> 00:18:58,660
like, but now that once we get 
some experience like we're like,

400
00:18:58,660 --> 00:19:00,640
OK. 
Let me try to change for that 

401
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,520
And then that's part of the 
problem too is people are not 

402
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:05,280
learning from their their 
lessons in life and they're 

403
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:09,520
focusing on the negativity. 
They have to really be like it's

404
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,480
going to get better. 
That doesn't mean that you 

405
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,760
losing your job like the next 
day you're going to get the your

406
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:18,360
dream job. 
No, but it could go somewhere 

407
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,760
into that direction. 
You're you're going to find this

408
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,760
and find that and is if you're 
looking for it and you're 

409
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,440
looking in that negative way of 
like oh, I'm never going to get 

410
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:26,800
anything. 
You're not. 

411
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:29,530
You're you're going to get back 
into a miserable hole and it's 

412
00:19:29,530 --> 00:19:33,850
going to suck you down there. 
It just got to be positive, 

413
00:19:33,850 --> 00:19:35,290
like, and I get it like, it's 
not easy. 

414
00:19:35,290 --> 00:19:37,250
Like I don't wake up and be 
like, oh, I love my job. 

415
00:19:37,250 --> 00:19:39,330
I I don't like. 
I mean, but I don't hate it 

416
00:19:39,370 --> 00:19:41,730
either though. 
I'm just like, it's a place I go

417
00:19:41,730 --> 00:19:43,770
to get money. 
It's not like where I want to 

418
00:19:44,130 --> 00:19:45,210
do. 
It's not your. 

419
00:19:45,330 --> 00:19:47,690
It's not your dream, yeah. 
Yeah, not at all. 

420
00:19:47,690 --> 00:19:50,330
It's not my end point. 
And then you got to establish in

421
00:19:50,330 --> 00:19:53,410
your mind of where you're like, 
this is just the place I get 

422
00:19:53,410 --> 00:19:55,550
money. 
I am not loyal to this company. 

423
00:19:55,550 --> 00:19:58,390
This is not my company. 
My company is me, Sean. 

424
00:19:58,710 --> 00:20:02,270
That's it. 
So as they can choose to fire me

425
00:20:02,270 --> 00:20:04,030
anytime I can. 
Also choose to leave. 

426
00:20:04,030 --> 00:20:07,190
At anytime, you know, just 
people get stuck in this 

427
00:20:07,230 --> 00:20:09,670
oldfashioned way and that's why 
I think it's part of the 

428
00:20:09,670 --> 00:20:12,550
propaganda and we pass it down 
through time where they're like,

429
00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:16,030
you got to give your two weeks 
notice, you know, don't job hop,

430
00:20:16,030 --> 00:20:19,030
you know, you got to stay with 
no, you don't like go where the 

431
00:20:19,030 --> 00:20:20,670
money's. 
At I don't even think that 

432
00:20:20,670 --> 00:20:25,480
matters anymore because now. 
Nowadays they don't even look at

433
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:29,520
that stuff like, I mean, like 
you would think they would, but 

434
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:33,400
they don't. 
And I mean, I think that people 

435
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:37,480
have to start seeing, see, this 
is all part of what they want us

436
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:40,880
to feel trapped. 
And they want us to feel 

437
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,200
hopeless and they want us to 
feel like anxious. 

438
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,160
And all this all the time. 
So then what does it do? 

439
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,920
It creates suicidal patterns. 
It creates anxiety patterns. 

440
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:53,320
It creates misery patterns. 
It. 

441
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,360
And then the same person that 
won't leave their bad job, won't

442
00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:58,200
leave their bad wife or 
girlfriend. 

443
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,160
And I'm not saying you should 
just do that like on a drop of a

444
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:05,240
hat, but I mean, if you really 
have been at something, like, 

445
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,960
say you've been with somebody a 
good three years and it is 

446
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,440
miserable and not getting 
better. 

447
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:13,440
It's not going to get better. 
Like unless you go to therapy or

448
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,920
do something and see a real 
change and set a goal. 

449
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:21,640
Like by this day, if crap is not
done and different, not perfect,

450
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,680
but different, then we're we're 
stagnant. 

451
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:27,960
What are you doing? 
Like you're sitting your wills. 

452
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:31,080
If you're going and they're not 
growing with you, it's 

453
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:35,440
impossible for you guys to have 
a fulfilled relationship 

454
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:37,880
because. 
And you don't hate the person. 

455
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,320
That's the thing too is there's 
people still resentment of like 

456
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:43,480
look I don't I'm not hateful for
anybody That because I know I've

457
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:45,640
done my part. 
I'm not an Angel. 

458
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,680
I've done plenty of stuff like, 
you know it goes back and forth.

459
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,800
We all have our like moments of 
being mad. 

460
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,400
They're being mad. 
Yeah it takes 2. 

461
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:55,240
But you also have to recognize 
OK that's cool. 

462
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:58,280
But this person taught me this. 
Hey this showed me there's three

463
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,320
qualities in this person that 
I'd wanted somebody else and 

464
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,000
then there's five. 
I would never wanted somebody 

465
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,040
there. 
Each person is giving you some 

466
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:07,770
more data to put in your. 
Well, everybody wants to find 

467
00:22:07,770 --> 00:22:09,530
love and they're like, I love my
soul mate. 

468
00:22:09,530 --> 00:22:11,490
And I'm not saying that there 
isn't no such thing as soul 

469
00:22:11,490 --> 00:22:12,930
mate. 
I have no idea but what I'm. 

470
00:22:12,930 --> 00:22:17,850
Saying is, well, sometimes soul 
mates are toxic, Sometimes you 

471
00:22:17,850 --> 00:22:21,890
can love everything about the 
person and they are slowly 

472
00:22:21,890 --> 00:22:24,250
killing you. 
Or fast depends. 

473
00:22:24,610 --> 00:22:30,770
But you can step apart from it 
and say OK, I am ride or die for

474
00:22:30,770 --> 00:22:33,170
this human being. 
I'm everything to this human 

475
00:22:33,170 --> 00:22:34,650
being. 
And sometimes there's just not. 

476
00:22:35,900 --> 00:22:38,700
Sometimes, well, it's also the 
not only that you're not growing

477
00:22:38,700 --> 00:22:41,340
together, but the timing, right?
So they're timing. 

478
00:22:41,340 --> 00:22:44,740
They're time for them to hit 
these certain plateaus. 

479
00:22:44,740 --> 00:22:49,060
You're already ahead of them, 
and it's hard to, it's hard to 

480
00:22:49,060 --> 00:22:51,020
mix together because then 
they're resentful for you. 

481
00:22:51,020 --> 00:22:55,260
It's for being either ahead of 
them or behind them. 

482
00:22:55,620 --> 00:22:56,820
Each person is getting 
resentful. 

483
00:22:56,820 --> 00:22:58,540
And then what? 
It's people have terrible 

484
00:22:58,540 --> 00:23:01,040
communication. 
And some of the stuff that's. 

485
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:03,080
Huge. 
That's you have to be able to 

486
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:04,520
be. 
Good at communicating. 

487
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:08,440
And I any of us can be like, but
if you consciously make sure 

488
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,080
like, hey, I need to communicate
whether they like to hear it or 

489
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,000
not, you gotta be like, hey, set
up your boundaries, you know? 

490
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,600
Hey, I don't like when people do
this. 

491
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:16,960
I don't like this. 
I like to be. 

492
00:23:18,010 --> 00:23:19,610
Set all your boundaries, do your
things. 

493
00:23:19,610 --> 00:23:21,570
And just like, stop taking it so
personal. 

494
00:23:21,810 --> 00:23:24,130
It's not personal. 
We get so full with emotions 

495
00:23:24,130 --> 00:23:25,370
where we're like, oh, they're 
hurting me. 

496
00:23:25,490 --> 00:23:27,690
It's not that it's not that deep
even. 

497
00:23:27,770 --> 00:23:30,690
It's even. 
If it is, even if it is that 

498
00:23:30,690 --> 00:23:34,330
deep, here's the thing, People 
oftentimes deal with it passive 

499
00:23:34,330 --> 00:23:37,010
aggressively because we 
especially men here. 

500
00:23:37,010 --> 00:23:40,290
This is for men. 
I'm not a man, but I I am a 

501
00:23:40,290 --> 00:23:43,610
psychology nurse and have been 
for six years now. 

502
00:23:44,510 --> 00:23:47,710
Most of my career has been in 
medical, like trauma, all that 

503
00:23:47,710 --> 00:23:50,030
stuff. 
But, but the last six years I've

504
00:23:50,030 --> 00:23:53,910
been psych. 
So I see people say okay, well, 

505
00:23:53,910 --> 00:23:55,390
you're unhappy in this, this and
this. 

506
00:23:55,390 --> 00:23:56,630
Did you tell them? 
Well, no. 

507
00:23:56,670 --> 00:23:59,030
Well, why not? 
I'm afraid they'll leave me, or 

508
00:23:59,030 --> 00:24:00,870
I'm afraid of this, or I'm 
afraid of that. 

509
00:24:00,870 --> 00:24:04,150
Or they're passive aggressive, 
which is worse because then 

510
00:24:04,150 --> 00:24:07,310
you're literally making the 
other person wonder what's 

511
00:24:07,310 --> 00:24:10,270
really happening, and then 
they're unsure of themselves, 

512
00:24:10,310 --> 00:24:15,220
and it leads to infidelity. 
It leads to lies, and not every 

513
00:24:15,220 --> 00:24:17,980
time because some people are 
truly loyal, which is great, 

514
00:24:17,980 --> 00:24:19,060
because they should. 
Be yeah. 

515
00:24:19,060 --> 00:24:20,780
But it could lead to domestic 
violence. 

516
00:24:20,780 --> 00:24:23,980
It could lead to and in 
situations that people would 

517
00:24:23,980 --> 00:24:25,340
never be in. 
Right. 

518
00:24:25,580 --> 00:24:29,020
Because it it's a ticking time 
bomb and and I agree that a lot 

519
00:24:29,020 --> 00:24:30,980
of men and I've been one of 
those people that were like 

520
00:24:31,580 --> 00:24:34,140
you'll put up with stuff so 
you're like what happens is. 

521
00:24:34,410 --> 00:24:36,130
Is you're putting up with 
certain things, right. 

522
00:24:36,130 --> 00:24:37,650
Little things, right? 
Like, oh man, I hate when they 

523
00:24:37,650 --> 00:24:39,530
put the toothbrush over here, 
but I'm not going to say 

524
00:24:39,530 --> 00:24:41,330
anything. 
And then and then you you have 

525
00:24:41,330 --> 00:24:43,890
all these little things stack up
and then they come to you like 

526
00:24:44,570 --> 00:24:47,130
they're telling you they're but 
you haven't told them your 

527
00:24:47,130 --> 00:24:48,770
boundaries. 
But then they go, hey, I don't 

528
00:24:48,770 --> 00:24:50,690
like when you put the toothpaste
over here and you're like and 

529
00:24:50,690 --> 00:24:53,330
then you're in your head like, 
really, man, I've been putting. 

530
00:24:53,690 --> 00:24:56,130
Aside this whole. 
Time all the crap that you've 

531
00:24:56,130 --> 00:24:59,370
been doing right instead of 
openly having the conversation 

532
00:24:59,370 --> 00:25:01,970
and being like, well, this. 
This kind of bothers me even 

533
00:25:01,970 --> 00:25:03,950
though. 
Like now I'm really like I'm. 

534
00:25:03,990 --> 00:25:06,670
It's not a favor. 
It's not a favor to them. 

535
00:25:06,990 --> 00:25:10,830
Like, if people only understood,
like in their heart they're 

536
00:25:10,830 --> 00:25:13,750
thinking, look, I did this as a 
favor to you. 

537
00:25:13,790 --> 00:25:16,510
I didn't say anything. 
Well, you just sabotaged your 

538
00:25:16,510 --> 00:25:19,070
own self. 
Because if that really bothered 

539
00:25:19,070 --> 00:25:21,870
you and I didn't know for four 
years, that's stupid. 

540
00:25:22,030 --> 00:25:24,830
That's literally stupid. 
If it is something you. 

541
00:25:24,830 --> 00:25:25,870
Really. 
Yeah, because how can? 

542
00:25:26,030 --> 00:25:28,830
You adjust. 
If you can't, how can you? 

543
00:25:28,830 --> 00:25:32,350
Somebody adjust to things of 
that nature, but I think also to

544
00:25:32,390 --> 00:25:34,310
men. 
And feel like if they say stuff,

545
00:25:34,310 --> 00:25:37,390
they're weak like, oh, I have to
like just let the woman do this.

546
00:25:37,390 --> 00:25:41,270
There's there's this unwritten 
rule of where men are supposed 

547
00:25:41,270 --> 00:25:45,030
to be like, hey, like, you know,
you have happy wife, happy life.

548
00:25:45,030 --> 00:25:45,950
You know what I mean? 
Like that's. 

549
00:25:45,950 --> 00:25:49,350
So I think people get too much 
into that And just like, no, 

550
00:25:49,350 --> 00:25:51,390
let's communicate, hey, stop 
doing this. 

551
00:25:52,430 --> 00:25:55,430
And sometimes could it be a 
little bit of aggressive like as

552
00:25:55,430 --> 00:25:57,510
they get take a person, we take 
and then we go, hey. 

553
00:25:58,330 --> 00:25:59,490
Let's stop. 
Let's chill. 

554
00:25:59,970 --> 00:26:02,690
We'll come back to this like, 
obviously like and and and not 

555
00:26:02,690 --> 00:26:04,850
get into heated moments. 
But to me, that's all with 

556
00:26:04,850 --> 00:26:06,690
experience and learning. 
Like, I get it. 

557
00:26:06,690 --> 00:26:09,050
When you're if you're 17 and 
you're 20 years old, you're 

558
00:26:09,050 --> 00:26:11,970
probably gonna encounter some of
that stuff, unfortunately. 

559
00:26:12,290 --> 00:26:14,290
Like, unless you've already done
the work. 

560
00:26:14,530 --> 00:26:16,770
Because if you haven't done work
for yourself, you have to look 

561
00:26:16,770 --> 00:26:19,890
within yourself. 
Because the problem is, maybe 

562
00:26:19,890 --> 00:26:23,900
that stuff bothers me, right? 
I It bothers me. 

563
00:26:23,900 --> 00:26:26,100
I have to fix it. 
I have to figure what, like 

564
00:26:26,420 --> 00:26:28,460
that's what's wrong with society
right now is they're like, oh, 

565
00:26:28,460 --> 00:26:30,580
that triggers me. 
Then you need to work on your 

566
00:26:30,580 --> 00:26:32,620
triggers. 
That's not my job to figure out 

567
00:26:32,620 --> 00:26:34,940
your triggers. 
You have to figure out why 

568
00:26:35,060 --> 00:26:36,860
triggers you and what you could 
do to stop it. 

569
00:26:37,300 --> 00:26:40,620
And they use that word far too 
much, because a true trigger, 

570
00:26:40,700 --> 00:26:46,100
like a true like a PTSD trigger,
you cannot control. 

571
00:26:46,380 --> 00:26:49,060
So it's different. 
You couldn't say to them. 

572
00:26:49,180 --> 00:26:50,980
That triggers me, because you've
already. 

573
00:26:51,290 --> 00:26:55,250
Gone into you're weird. 
I work with people that have 

574
00:26:55,250 --> 00:26:59,290
come out of the military or are 
in the military actively, and I 

575
00:26:59,290 --> 00:27:03,410
myself have actual real PTSD. 
When that happens to you, 

576
00:27:03,410 --> 00:27:05,970
there's no warning. 
You don't get to warn somebody 

577
00:27:05,970 --> 00:27:08,530
like you triggered me. 
It's already done. 

578
00:27:08,810 --> 00:27:09,930
Sign. 
Totally. 

579
00:27:09,970 --> 00:27:10,730
You know. 
Because. 

580
00:27:10,770 --> 00:27:15,210
Yeah, I'm like bipolarish or 
less diagnosed like, but I don't

581
00:27:15,210 --> 00:27:18,130
know if that's, it's really hard
to figure out diagnosis, but I 

582
00:27:18,130 --> 00:27:20,690
do know that I have like times 
where I can. 

583
00:27:21,550 --> 00:27:24,430
Just like as and I don't know 
that it's coming exactly. 

584
00:27:24,430 --> 00:27:27,830
Well you can start seeing a 
little bit if you train yourself

585
00:27:27,870 --> 00:27:31,150
at over time of like, hey, I 
think I don't know what's coming

586
00:27:31,150 --> 00:27:33,830
but something's weird like once 
you start hey, something's off. 

587
00:27:33,910 --> 00:27:36,230
Once you get into that mindset 
of like, hey something, I'm off 

588
00:27:36,230 --> 00:27:37,550
right now. 
And I've been like. 

589
00:27:37,870 --> 00:27:40,670
Yeah, I've been way more 
conscious of myself in the last 

590
00:27:40,870 --> 00:27:44,830
probably like 5-6 years where 
I'm like, OK, wait a second, 

591
00:27:44,830 --> 00:27:46,190
what are you doing? 
Why are you doing that? 

592
00:27:46,190 --> 00:27:48,150
Hey, you're kind of leaning this
way. 

593
00:27:48,150 --> 00:27:49,350
What? 
What's going on like? 

594
00:27:49,950 --> 00:27:52,390
I'm having conversations with 
myself because I'm looking at 

595
00:27:52,390 --> 00:27:54,870
myself and be like, hey man, at 
the end of the. 

596
00:27:54,870 --> 00:27:58,110
Day I have to we need. 
To yeah, we need to all do that.

597
00:27:58,110 --> 00:28:01,230
And then there's rules like you 
said about boundaries like with 

598
00:28:01,230 --> 00:28:05,750
me and my husband says I do have
that PTSD that can trigger, but 

599
00:28:05,750 --> 00:28:09,310
it's rare triggers are not as 
off unless you're just fairly 

600
00:28:09,310 --> 00:28:13,070
out of combat or something. 
But like, I'll tell him hey. 

601
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:15,120
You can say whatever you want to
me. 

602
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,720
You can yell at me, do it from 
this far away. 

603
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:20,560
Because if you get in my face to
the point where I feel 

604
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:23,800
threatened, that's where we're 
going to have a problem, you 

605
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,120
know, because I'm a child of 
abuse. 

606
00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:29,840
So you can't do that to me 
because then I go into fight or 

607
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:32,320
flight mode and and you don't 
know what's going to unleash. 

608
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:34,520
So let's not do that like. 
You. 

609
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:36,480
Well, that's you think. 
Yeah, that's like it. 

610
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:39,560
Yeah, he used to think. 
Oh well, you just. 

611
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:41,120
Can say whatever you want and I 
can't. 

612
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:44,740
I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. 
You can say as crappy because I 

613
00:28:44,740 --> 00:28:47,580
I'm the queen of shit talk when 
I'm mad. 

614
00:28:47,940 --> 00:28:52,060
So I'm like, you can say it from
over there and be as just as 

615
00:28:52,060 --> 00:28:56,180
negative, whatever. 
But also like you have to make 

616
00:28:56,180 --> 00:29:00,980
it feel safe, you know, like and
then I'm fine, then I'm fine. 

617
00:29:00,980 --> 00:29:04,420
Like, yeah, I'm still going to 
be mad, but I'm not like crazy 

618
00:29:04,420 --> 00:29:08,590
like PTSD trigger crazy like. 
You don't want to see that me, 

619
00:29:08,710 --> 00:29:11,510
you know that's. 
I've worked, see, I used to be 

620
00:29:11,510 --> 00:29:15,390
like that big time, like 
literally like to a point where 

621
00:29:15,390 --> 00:29:18,830
I would black out and be like 
like who knows what's going to 

622
00:29:18,910 --> 00:29:22,070
happen. 
But been working like I had, I 

623
00:29:22,070 --> 00:29:24,070
had like worked on it for a lot 
in the last. 

624
00:29:24,070 --> 00:29:27,710
Like 10, even 15 years. 
But like it was going good and 

625
00:29:27,710 --> 00:29:31,310
then like probably about seven 
years ago, like I had like kind 

626
00:29:31,310 --> 00:29:33,990
of close to that and then that's
when you I had to reevaluate and

627
00:29:33,990 --> 00:29:35,990
be like, OK, what am I now? 
I'm just more conscious. 

628
00:29:36,390 --> 00:29:38,950
And I'm trying to like not stay 
down. 

629
00:29:38,950 --> 00:29:41,270
Like the problem is too is that 
people stay down too long. 

630
00:29:41,270 --> 00:29:44,590
You'd be like, hey, yeah and 
what would it give me? 

631
00:29:44,590 --> 00:29:46,510
So now I analyze and it was cool
and. 

632
00:29:46,510 --> 00:29:48,190
Communicate it. 
Communicate. 

633
00:29:48,230 --> 00:29:49,510
It's why I. 
Communicated. 

634
00:29:49,510 --> 00:29:54,110
Like I tell them, yeah, I'm 
like, hey this, if you spit on 

635
00:29:54,110 --> 00:29:58,030
me, we're gonna have a problem. 
You know, like even. 

636
00:29:58,430 --> 00:29:59,910
Yeah, I can't. 
I can't. 

637
00:29:59,910 --> 00:30:03,820
And then if you. 
Because I was raised in a 

638
00:30:03,820 --> 00:30:06,700
physically mentally abusive 
home, and he was raised like 

639
00:30:06,700 --> 00:30:09,620
Beaver Cleaver, and nobody ever 
even called each other a bad 

640
00:30:09,620 --> 00:30:11,180
name. 
So, like what? 

641
00:30:11,500 --> 00:30:17,460
My idea of bat bad. 
Is very different from his idea 

642
00:30:17,460 --> 00:30:20,300
of bad. 
So like you have to put that 

643
00:30:20,460 --> 00:30:23,180
that into it because, like, I 
didn't understand that because 

644
00:30:23,180 --> 00:30:24,540
I'm like, So what if I called 
you name? 

645
00:30:24,540 --> 00:30:26,700
I'll make up 10 new names. 
I don't care. 

646
00:30:27,060 --> 00:30:30,180
And like I was called out seven 
times before I was 4. 

647
00:30:30,180 --> 00:30:34,100
You know, like, to me it's 
irrelevant, but to him it isn't.

648
00:30:34,100 --> 00:30:38,940
And so I still have to make that
in my mind like, oh, that, that.

649
00:30:38,980 --> 00:30:42,900
Yeah, but you you will change it
and then like where you go, OK, 

650
00:30:42,900 --> 00:30:44,860
my bad. 
I, I And then there's going to. 

651
00:30:44,940 --> 00:30:47,180
Times that you're still going to
like, you might go great and not

652
00:30:47,180 --> 00:30:49,780
say and you're conscious of it, 
and then you might do it again. 

653
00:30:49,820 --> 00:30:52,380
But then that's when you step 
back and be like, hey, that is 

654
00:30:52,380 --> 00:30:54,660
my fault and in a true sincere 
apology. 

655
00:30:54,700 --> 00:30:56,940
And there is a we have to 
account for emotions. 

656
00:30:56,940 --> 00:30:59,580
It happens like and that's why 
it's a work in progress. 

657
00:30:59,580 --> 00:31:02,700
Like no marriage or any 
relationship is not just going 

658
00:31:02,700 --> 00:31:04,180
to last. 
You have to work at it. 

659
00:31:04,180 --> 00:31:06,260
You have to. 
Both parties have to. 

660
00:31:07,220 --> 00:31:08,260
Actively. 
Work to try. 

661
00:31:08,420 --> 00:31:10,900
To make it happen or it's going 
to win. 

662
00:31:10,900 --> 00:31:12,540
One lacks off. 
That's what happens. 

663
00:31:12,540 --> 00:31:15,540
Like that's why it falls apart 
or with because when one's like 

664
00:31:15,660 --> 00:31:18,660
I'm over it, then the other 
one's going crazy, like why are 

665
00:31:18,660 --> 00:31:20,300
they, what's going on with it? 
What are they doing it? 

666
00:31:20,460 --> 00:31:22,780
And then, you know, they have 
their different ways of like 

667
00:31:22,780 --> 00:31:25,660
maybe they're out more or maybe 
they're just like not, you know,

668
00:31:25,660 --> 00:31:28,900
like whatever, Like, you know. 
Or locked up like in their. 

669
00:31:28,900 --> 00:31:30,380
In their room? 
Yeah, like. 

670
00:31:30,940 --> 00:31:33,540
Which some of us that's like a 
trigger for me, like if I don't 

671
00:31:33,540 --> 00:31:37,880
know what's wrong and I'm like. 
Okay, cuz cuz when you come from

672
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:41,240
unpredictable background, you 
wanna know what's up. 

673
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:43,840
Like I don't wanna hear like 
you're mad at me and we'll talk 

674
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,440
in four days. 
Like that's gonna kill me, you 

675
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,360
know? 
But you have to also that's 

676
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:50,600
their boundary. 
Then you have to like accept 

677
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:52,880
that and but you know then you 
mean in the middle like, right. 

678
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:54,840
You were like yeah, that really 
drives me crazy. 

679
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,480
Can we. 
So then you go, maybe we don't 

680
00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:00,960
wait four days, but can we wait 
24 hours a day, 12. 

681
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:02,200
Hours or something? 
You know what I mean? 

682
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:03,800
Like, whatever. 
Let's cool down. 

683
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:07,240
We need a cool down period, but 
then you go, I need a cool down 

684
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:08,560
period. 
But then we won't make it 4 

685
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:10,120
days, right? 
We'll be like, hey, we'll make 

686
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:11,840
it in a day or whatever. 
That works for us. 

687
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:16,280
It's just a work in progress. 
And I think too many people want

688
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:18,920
this instant gratification, so 
it's with everything. 

689
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:22,440
So much because of social media,
because what do we get? 

690
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:25,930
It's a dopamine release. 
You get that, like, you get that

691
00:32:25,930 --> 00:32:28,050
share, you get that this, you 
get that that. 

692
00:32:28,410 --> 00:32:32,090
And even though here we are as 
podcasters, I mean on social 

693
00:32:32,090 --> 00:32:35,250
media, I use it now mainly for 
networking. 

694
00:32:35,570 --> 00:32:39,370
Like I'm not all about like, oh,
I got. 14 likes and I feel so 

695
00:32:39,410 --> 00:32:41,690
special. 
Like now I'm trying to get a 

696
00:32:41,690 --> 00:32:43,530
message out. 
I hope people get it. 

697
00:32:43,850 --> 00:32:47,290
I'm trying to spread love, you 
know, understanding. 

698
00:32:47,570 --> 00:32:50,170
I'm trying to talk about what 
happened to me or whatever to 

699
00:32:50,170 --> 00:32:52,690
help and why not. 
Not for myself. 

700
00:32:53,130 --> 00:32:55,130
I totally just want to help 
people. 

701
00:32:55,130 --> 00:32:59,410
That's like my whole thing is 
like okay. 

702
00:32:59,410 --> 00:33:01,650
All these bad things have 
happened in my life. 

703
00:33:02,070 --> 00:33:03,950
Like you said, how can you learn
from it? 

704
00:33:03,950 --> 00:33:06,350
How can you change it? 
How can you help it? 

705
00:33:06,590 --> 00:33:10,950
And one of the biggest catalysts
for my changes was getting out 

706
00:33:10,950 --> 00:33:16,870
of a really horrible, cultish 
religion and then also the death

707
00:33:16,910 --> 00:33:20,230
of some family members of mine 
that were just so bad. 

708
00:33:20,230 --> 00:33:23,950
And then I almost died myself. 
So I think when you and I don't 

709
00:33:23,950 --> 00:33:26,590
know if you've almost died, 
because you seem like you maybe 

710
00:33:26,590 --> 00:33:31,860
might have. 
Because I have people, I get 

711
00:33:31,860 --> 00:33:34,660
that. 
People, people that have done 

712
00:33:34,660 --> 00:33:38,700
that, gotten close to the like 
death, have some kind or it was 

713
00:33:38,700 --> 00:33:41,540
some earth shattering thing. 
They change mentally. 

714
00:33:41,540 --> 00:33:44,180
They're completely different 
afterward, I feel. 

715
00:33:44,260 --> 00:33:47,820
Because you get to that point 
where you're like really at that

716
00:33:47,820 --> 00:33:51,260
day when I had radiation, like 
none of this other stuff 

717
00:33:51,260 --> 00:33:52,460
mattered. 
Facebook. 

718
00:33:52,460 --> 00:33:55,940
All this other crap like 
friends, like, I just wanted to 

719
00:33:55,940 --> 00:34:00,180
live, you know? 
Or when I got sick last year and

720
00:34:00,180 --> 00:34:03,180
I almost died again. 
I'm I'm really ineffective at 

721
00:34:03,180 --> 00:34:04,820
dying, but I've almost died a 
lot. 

722
00:34:06,580 --> 00:34:10,620
And I'm alright, right? 
I'm like, OK, I'm OK. 

723
00:34:10,620 --> 00:34:13,860
But like even when it's 
happening, I'm like, OK, I'm 

724
00:34:13,860 --> 00:34:16,940
kind of like you, like everybody
last year was like, this is 

725
00:34:16,940 --> 00:34:21,380
really serious and I had a PICC 
line in, I had an infection go. 

726
00:34:21,580 --> 00:34:23,380
I had back surgery that was 
pretty. 

727
00:34:23,850 --> 00:34:26,889
Like routine back surgery and it
and it didn't go good. 

728
00:34:26,889 --> 00:34:31,330
And I got actually an infection 
inside my spinal cord, which is 

729
00:34:31,330 --> 00:34:35,130
like I got osteomyelitis in my 
in my spine. 

730
00:34:35,530 --> 00:34:41,730
And so I had over like 1200 Cc's
of infection drained from inside

731
00:34:41,730 --> 00:34:45,330
my spinal cord. 
And so it was bad. 

732
00:34:45,530 --> 00:34:50,730
Really scary, really scary and 
everybody was freaking out. 

733
00:34:50,730 --> 00:34:54,040
I mean, I get it. 
But I was like one day I just 

734
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:56,880
had enough and I just looked at 
both of them and low key, I 

735
00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,560
wrote notes to everyone because 
I was like maybe I'm going to 

736
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,680
talk, you know. 
But I was like I was like, 

737
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:06,040
listen, until it's for sure, 
we're just going to wake up 

738
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:09,200
every day and do our best that 
day because there's nothing else

739
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,800
we can do. 
Like everything we can do is 

740
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:14,200
happening and and we can't do 
anything more. 

741
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:17,080
So just stop. 
Like you guys are stressing me 

742
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:19,200
out and I don't need that right 
now. 

743
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:22,480
You know, like if you're yeah, 
if you're already sick and. 

744
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:25,600
Stuff like that's the last thing
you need to hear is like, oh, by

745
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:28,680
the way, you might die like, 
yeah, I I fucking like, excuse 

746
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:32,640
my language, I know, you know? 
That that is that is like 

747
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:35,120
detrimental because like I've 
said it before, but like my. 

748
00:35:36,390 --> 00:35:39,870
One of my old good friends 
growing up, his dad had Ms. and 

749
00:35:39,870 --> 00:35:41,630
he was fighting and he was doing
great. 

750
00:35:41,630 --> 00:35:43,350
And then they were like, man, 
you got a week to live. 

751
00:35:43,350 --> 00:35:47,430
He literally died the next day 
because they broke his. 

752
00:35:47,550 --> 00:35:50,430
It broke his will because he was
doing everything to like fight 

753
00:35:50,430 --> 00:35:52,350
it and then like they broke his 
will. 

754
00:35:52,350 --> 00:35:56,430
Now there's other people though.
Like I had another friend, Joe 

755
00:35:57,030 --> 00:36:00,470
Jose, he passed away and like I 
was in there, but I heard about 

756
00:36:00,470 --> 00:36:02,790
it. 
He like, was he had. 

757
00:36:03,030 --> 00:36:05,520
What's it called? 
Like stomach cancer. 

758
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:07,520
It's like one of the worst. 
Like he was already staged like 

759
00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:09,720
4. 
Like when he found out he died. 

760
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:12,320
He died at home. 
They said that like it took him 

761
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:15,000
like 3 days to die. 
They're like he would, like they

762
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:16,800
thought he was dead. 
No pose, he'd come back. 

763
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:19,120
Still fight? 
Yeah, he's such a stuff. 

764
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:21,440
Like knowing him, he's one of 
the most stubborn people. 

765
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:24,240
Like he's just like that. 
And he's it's funny because he's

766
00:36:24,240 --> 00:36:27,600
like, he's like she was short 
but like really stocky and he's 

767
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:29,320
just like a bull, like a bull 
strong. 

768
00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:32,200
Yeah, he's just a strong guy, 
but. 

769
00:36:32,750 --> 00:36:35,270
I think, like, I don't 
necessarily think that me being 

770
00:36:35,270 --> 00:36:37,350
close to death, but I've been 
around death my whole life. 

771
00:36:37,350 --> 00:36:40,350
I've seen from like from the 
early age. 

772
00:36:40,350 --> 00:36:42,830
My my sister died when I was 
like 11. 

773
00:36:42,990 --> 00:36:47,670
My dad died when I was 12. 
Like I had like uncles, aunts, 

774
00:36:48,110 --> 00:36:51,350
friends. 
Like before I was probably 21, I

775
00:36:51,350 --> 00:36:55,390
had already been to over 20 few.
So you you've been through it 

776
00:36:55,390 --> 00:36:58,590
and that's what it it's like 
that change in you that. 

777
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,400
I mean, after you go through 
something earth shattering like 

778
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:06,520
that, like it really does make 
you, I think, easier to forgive 

779
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:09,440
because you don't want to, you 
don't want to hold on to things 

780
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:11,640
that, you know, maybe this 
person won't be here tomorrow. 

781
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:14,920
Like, I don't want to have these
kind of feelings, you know, or 

782
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:17,720
or maybe this or maybe that. 
And it changed the way I thought

783
00:37:17,720 --> 00:37:20,680
mentally. 
Like, I think after my brother 

784
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,840
died, it really hit me because. 
And so we'll talk about that. 

785
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,920
My brother died of an accidental
overdose. 

786
00:37:27,340 --> 00:37:31,180
I wanted to share this story and
actually it was related to 

787
00:37:31,180 --> 00:37:37,260
Ssri's funny enough because he 
actually was an addict. 

788
00:37:37,460 --> 00:37:41,180
And then he was an addict 
because he hurt his knees and 

789
00:37:41,180 --> 00:37:44,580
had been going to the VA and all
the things that they gave him 

790
00:37:44,820 --> 00:37:48,460
plenty of medication. 
Well then they cut him off 

791
00:37:48,460 --> 00:37:53,180
because he went to work loaded 
and they were like and they they

792
00:37:53,180 --> 00:37:54,980
reported it. 
So okay, they cut him cold 

793
00:37:54,980 --> 00:37:56,580
Turkey, which is not a good 
idea. 

794
00:37:57,070 --> 00:37:59,910
They didn't sub him off, they 
didn't send him anywhere, all 

795
00:37:59,910 --> 00:38:04,590
this stuff. 
So like they he was doing Okish.

796
00:38:04,590 --> 00:38:07,270
He would get things from people,
but it was never his drug of 

797
00:38:07,270 --> 00:38:10,550
choice because it was Oxy that 
was his drug of choice. 

798
00:38:10,550 --> 00:38:15,030
However, Oxys are freaking 
expensive if you don't have a 

799
00:38:15,030 --> 00:38:18,630
prescription. 
And so he was having to, you 

800
00:38:18,630 --> 00:38:21,190
know, reach for whatever he 
could get his hands on. 

801
00:38:21,190 --> 00:38:25,030
Which led him into a I feel I am
really passionate about this. 

802
00:38:25,150 --> 00:38:29,850
I I feel like. 
OK, the narcotics get a bad rap.

803
00:38:29,850 --> 00:38:33,770
Because here's the thing, even 
when he was doing 430, smashed 

804
00:38:33,770 --> 00:38:36,850
up his nose at a time, he was 
pretty safe. 

805
00:38:37,010 --> 00:38:40,130
Like I never seen him, not off. 
I never seen him weird. 

806
00:38:40,130 --> 00:38:43,370
I never seen him any of that 
until the benzos got involved. 

807
00:38:43,770 --> 00:38:47,490
And as soon as the benzos got 
involved because they are cheap,

808
00:38:48,250 --> 00:38:50,530
then things started getting 
weird. 

809
00:38:50,790 --> 00:38:53,590
You know, and he was doing the 
nods and all the weird stuff. 

810
00:38:53,630 --> 00:38:56,550
And here's the problem, the 
ambulances, now, I don't know 

811
00:38:56,550 --> 00:38:59,670
about where you're from, but 
here where I'm at, they don't 

812
00:38:59,670 --> 00:39:03,870
carry the reversal agent for the
benzos, which is called 

813
00:39:03,870 --> 00:39:07,030
Romazecon. 
Everybody knows about Narcan. 

814
00:39:07,070 --> 00:39:09,390
It's been pushed like nobody's 
business. 

815
00:39:09,390 --> 00:39:13,670
You can go to a pharmacy and get
some right now and it's no big 

816
00:39:13,670 --> 00:39:16,630
deal. 
But the Romazecon is extremely 

817
00:39:16,630 --> 00:39:19,490
expensive. 
And they don't routinely carry 

818
00:39:19,490 --> 00:39:22,850
it on EMS unless they've changed
it in the last six years. 

819
00:39:22,850 --> 00:39:25,450
So they found him down at home, 
gave him Narcan. 

820
00:39:25,450 --> 00:39:28,890
Of course, that didn't work 
because he had other things in 

821
00:39:28,890 --> 00:39:32,450
his system now. 
He didn't even die of his drug 

822
00:39:32,450 --> 00:39:35,370
of choice. 
He went to the hospital and they

823
00:39:35,370 --> 00:39:39,930
gave him some Remeron for sleep.
And it's actually an 

824
00:39:39,930 --> 00:39:42,210
antidepressant and it's not a 
very good one. 

825
00:39:42,210 --> 00:39:45,130
And they quit using it for that 
years ago, but they use it for 

826
00:39:45,130 --> 00:39:48,910
sleep now. 
And it's not so good, just like 

827
00:39:48,910 --> 00:39:51,510
the Benzos because it builds up 
in your system. 

828
00:39:51,870 --> 00:39:56,910
So the Benzos, you could take a 
Xanax today, and if you took one

829
00:39:56,910 --> 00:40:00,030
four days ago, it can hit you a 
lot different than it did that 

830
00:40:00,030 --> 00:40:02,990
first time. 
So you can have a completely 

831
00:40:02,990 --> 00:40:05,990
different experience and seem 
like completely out of it, even 

832
00:40:05,990 --> 00:40:08,470
though you were fine the last 
time you took it. 

833
00:40:08,790 --> 00:40:11,830
So it just has that cumulative 
effect. 

834
00:40:12,220 --> 00:40:15,620
So he took that and he took the 
pill to go to sleep. 

835
00:40:15,620 --> 00:40:19,060
And then I bet he could. 
Now I'm guessing here, but it 

836
00:40:19,060 --> 00:40:22,300
wasn't enough to kill him. 
Like he didn't take a bottle. 

837
00:40:22,340 --> 00:40:24,660
He took two. 
They counted them, you know, 

838
00:40:24,660 --> 00:40:26,660
because they have to do an 
investigation because he was 

839
00:40:26,660 --> 00:40:30,740
young, he was 37. 
And so they checked it all out. 

840
00:40:30,780 --> 00:40:35,140
And not nothing in his system 
would have killed him, but all 

841
00:40:35,140 --> 00:40:39,100
of it together killed him. 
And then on, yeah. 

842
00:40:39,100 --> 00:40:41,140
And then on top of it, he only 
took two. 

843
00:40:41,140 --> 00:40:44,540
But then he had a pulmonary 
valve defect that he didn't know

844
00:40:44,540 --> 00:40:47,340
about. 
He was a heavy smoker, and he 

845
00:40:47,340 --> 00:40:49,380
had COPD, so he went to sleep 
and never woke up. 

846
00:40:49,700 --> 00:40:52,940
You know, Which I'm not saying 
is a horrible way to die, but it

847
00:40:52,940 --> 00:40:54,780
was sure bad for all of us. 
You. 

848
00:40:54,780 --> 00:40:58,140
Know of course, yeah, that's the
the hardest part like is the 

849
00:40:58,700 --> 00:41:00,820
people afterwards, because 
obviously like. 

850
00:41:01,420 --> 00:41:04,100
In retrospect, you could be 
like, yeah, well, they we're 

851
00:41:04,100 --> 00:41:05,620
going through a lot. 
Or, you know, when people are 

852
00:41:05,620 --> 00:41:08,380
sick and they're like pain. 
I think what some of the worst, 

853
00:41:08,740 --> 00:41:12,700
the hardest deaths are like car 
accidents just because they're 

854
00:41:12,700 --> 00:41:15,740
so or heart attacks even 
sometimes because they're so 

855
00:41:15,740 --> 00:41:17,380
sudden and you're like, wait, 
what? 

856
00:41:17,380 --> 00:41:20,460
Like when someone's sick, like 
even that, for instance, you 

857
00:41:20,460 --> 00:41:23,340
weren't expecting it, right? 
Like when someone's sick and 

858
00:41:23,340 --> 00:41:25,020
they're like, man, like 
unfortunately. 

859
00:41:25,020 --> 00:41:27,500
They're at the hospital. 
We knew he had an issue. 

860
00:41:27,740 --> 00:41:29,380
You knew what, There was a 
possibility. 

861
00:41:29,580 --> 00:41:32,340
But again, it's not the same as 
someone in bed rest where you're

862
00:41:32,340 --> 00:41:35,780
like, hey, it's in any minute, 
two months, three months, four 

863
00:41:35,780 --> 00:41:38,620
months from now, it's going to 
happen right at yours. 

864
00:41:38,620 --> 00:41:41,380
You still have like a lean of 
hope, like maybe not, you know, 

865
00:41:41,380 --> 00:41:43,420
hey, maybe you could turn it 
around any second. 

866
00:41:43,420 --> 00:41:46,020
You could turn because it's just
as easy as we could turn bad, we

867
00:41:46,020 --> 00:41:48,300
could turn it around. 
So yes, I think that. 

868
00:41:48,620 --> 00:41:52,700
But my dad died of a sudden 
heart attack, like what you're 

869
00:41:52,700 --> 00:41:54,300
saying. 
And he was sick. 

870
00:41:54,300 --> 00:41:55,900
Ish. 
He was young, though. 

871
00:41:56,180 --> 00:41:59,140
He was only 62. 
And but he was diabetic his 

872
00:41:59,140 --> 00:42:01,820
whole life and since he was like
8 years old. 

873
00:42:02,180 --> 00:42:06,180
But even though I knew he was 
like it, ill, he, I mean, he 

874
00:42:06,180 --> 00:42:10,220
functioned, you know, and that 
heart attack hit me so hard. 

875
00:42:10,220 --> 00:42:13,220
Like, I mean, one night he was 
there and I missed his phone 

876
00:42:13,220 --> 00:42:16,100
call, and the next day he was 
just dead, You know, that was 

877
00:42:16,260 --> 00:42:20,250
terrible. 
And I mean, it just messes with 

878
00:42:20,250 --> 00:42:23,930
you mentally, to the point. 
And then actually my dad, my 

879
00:42:23,930 --> 00:42:26,610
brother, we had a whole bunch of
people die that year, kind of 

880
00:42:26,610 --> 00:42:30,730
like what you said. 
So And then my exhusband and me 

881
00:42:30,730 --> 00:42:34,970
are pretty tight and cool. 
His wife died very suddenly. 

882
00:42:34,970 --> 00:42:37,850
She was sick, but she had a 
muscle disorder and they were 

883
00:42:37,850 --> 00:42:40,290
like working on it and no big 
deal. 

884
00:42:40,290 --> 00:42:44,170
I mean it was like they knew she
was sick but not like dying, you

885
00:42:44,170 --> 00:42:49,530
know, And they did a tap of her 
muscle and then she drove home 

886
00:42:49,770 --> 00:42:53,050
and I think the amount of time 
it just she threw a clot because

887
00:42:53,050 --> 00:42:55,650
she didn't even call for 911. 
He went to work that day and 

888
00:42:55,650 --> 00:42:58,330
came home and she was dead like 
on the cat, like. 

889
00:42:58,610 --> 00:43:03,610
And no, no, I mean that's 
completely that was so hard. 

890
00:43:03,610 --> 00:43:06,770
Even though she wasn't close to 
me, she was my friend. 

891
00:43:07,210 --> 00:43:10,330
But my children really loved 
her. 

892
00:43:10,850 --> 00:43:12,610
And they called. 
Yeah, it was. 

893
00:43:12,650 --> 00:43:14,610
And then my brother died 2 weeks
later. 

894
00:43:15,130 --> 00:43:18,570
And so and then it was just a 
cascade. 

895
00:43:18,570 --> 00:43:20,650
And that's one thing that I 
don't think people always 

896
00:43:20,650 --> 00:43:25,930
realize with like his wasn't a 
suicide, but like it, it really 

897
00:43:25,930 --> 00:43:29,410
messes people up. 
Because then see what happens is

898
00:43:29,410 --> 00:43:31,730
he and you don't think about 
this when you're using, you 

899
00:43:31,730 --> 00:43:33,450
don't think about this when 
you're suicidal. 

900
00:43:34,290 --> 00:43:36,890
Here's the thing that happened. 
His daughter found him. 

901
00:43:37,370 --> 00:43:40,810
She was 12 then. 
That messed her up. 

902
00:43:40,970 --> 00:43:44,090
Then she had to go live with her
mom, who she didn't even know. 

903
00:43:44,170 --> 00:43:47,410
Her mom hadn't been in her life 
since she was 10, and she's 12, 

904
00:43:47,890 --> 00:43:50,530
So she gets ripped away from her
whole family. 

905
00:43:50,770 --> 00:43:53,170
She has to go back there. 
Well, that puts pressure on the 

906
00:43:53,170 --> 00:43:54,970
mom. 
And she already had like 

907
00:43:54,970 --> 00:43:58,010
psychiatric stuff. 
And she felt guilty about my 

908
00:43:58,010 --> 00:44:00,990
brother because they didn't make
it work in their marriage or 

909
00:44:00,990 --> 00:44:03,590
whatever. 
And she kills herself within a 

910
00:44:03,590 --> 00:44:08,470
year, you know, So, like this 
pain gets passed down from 

911
00:44:08,470 --> 00:44:14,110
person, whether it's purposeful 
or not, Death is, is something 

912
00:44:14,110 --> 00:44:17,590
that goes throughout more than 
one person. 

913
00:44:18,270 --> 00:44:21,920
You're going to hurt somebody 
for sure and suicide though. 

914
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:26,440
It's kind of you got to. 
But you got to remember like I 

915
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:28,200
always try because I have 
friends like you know they have 

916
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:29,400
commit. 
Suicide and the other friends 

917
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:31,080
are like. 
Man, they were so selfish. 

918
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:32,560
They were. 
So I'm like, yeah, but you got 

919
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:34,800
to remember, like suicide is. 
Like that it's a split. 

920
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:37,640
Thought like it's. 
Not it's not like if you had us 

921
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:39,680
more time to think about it, you
wouldn't do it. 

922
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:42,560
But at that moment, like if you 
put a gun to your head, if you 

923
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:45,200
take this certain amount of 
pills or you get you drive it 

924
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:49,040
to, it's it's a split decision. 
You made it and it's over and 

925
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:50,840
over. 
Like you don't get a chance to 

926
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:54,320
like cuz you're like feeling 
whatever sadness or whatever. 

927
00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:57,760
Like if I do this this solves my
problem and you just do it. 

928
00:44:58,080 --> 00:44:59,840
You you didn't give yourself. 
You're not thinking. 

929
00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:02,760
About it, well, you're already 
mentally and not a good place. 

930
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:05,760
So I always tell people, like, 
it's not necessarily selfish, 

931
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:09,360
but I always tell people 
remember this because my uncle 

932
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:12,770
passed away. 
It was either suicide. 

933
00:45:12,930 --> 00:45:15,850
They they either had a fight 
over the gun or it was suicide. 

934
00:45:15,970 --> 00:45:19,530
I'm saying from the trajectory 
of the gun, because my uncle was

935
00:45:19,530 --> 00:45:21,050
a Sundowner. 
Do you know what that is? 

936
00:45:21,650 --> 00:45:24,130
So he was like a Hell's Angel. 
Yeah. 

937
00:45:24,530 --> 00:45:27,290
And he was like a top top. 
So when I watched Sons of 

938
00:45:27,290 --> 00:45:29,490
Anarchy, I'm like that. 
That really happens. 

939
00:45:29,610 --> 00:45:34,810
You know, and so he was at the 
top, top for a long time and so 

940
00:45:35,010 --> 00:45:36,890
he wouldn't have missed, is what
I'm saying. 

941
00:45:36,890 --> 00:45:39,730
If he was going to shoot 
himself, he wouldn't know how, 

942
00:45:39,890 --> 00:45:42,680
you know. 
So I think they were arguing and

943
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:45,760
the gun went off, in my opinion,
you know, whatever they ruled 

944
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:49,360
it, however they ruled it. 
But then, you know, shortly 

945
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:53,400
after that his exwife dies of an
overdose because she's sad 

946
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:55,920
because she's still kind of 
probably loved him and some. 

947
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:57,880
They had a child together and 
everything. 

948
00:45:58,120 --> 00:46:03,280
And then after that his, his 
current wife dies of a drug 

949
00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:05,440
overdose within another year 
after that. 

950
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:09,720
And then here's his children 
left to hold all the pain, all 

951
00:46:09,720 --> 00:46:12,040
the stuff, and they did not deal
with it well. 

952
00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:15,720
Addiction comes into play, all 
these things come into play and 

953
00:46:15,720 --> 00:46:17,520
then they have kids and same 
thing. 

954
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:21,240
So I'm like, you really have to 
get through to people. 

955
00:46:21,240 --> 00:46:23,080
It's not about the split 
decision. 

956
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:28,450
We have to educate beforehand 
that hey, This is why we care. 

957
00:46:28,690 --> 00:46:31,330
You may not care, but This is 
why. 

958
00:46:31,450 --> 00:46:34,170
The one thing that people don't,
so everybody's like, hey, we got

959
00:46:34,170 --> 00:46:37,090
to watch and make sure that 
they're OK and and not people 

960
00:46:37,090 --> 00:46:38,810
feeling sad. 
But the one thing I think is 

961
00:46:38,810 --> 00:46:42,490
that it's impulse control, 
because it's an impulse. 

962
00:46:42,490 --> 00:46:45,490
It's not like you're not 
thinking this out, You're just 

963
00:46:45,650 --> 00:46:47,570
going there and like, boom, it's
over. 

964
00:46:47,810 --> 00:46:50,170
So like, it's more working on 
impulse control. 

965
00:46:50,170 --> 00:46:51,410
And they don't teach that kind 
of stuff. 

966
00:46:51,410 --> 00:46:54,810
They're just like, hey man, take
some pills or hey, you're sad, 

967
00:46:55,050 --> 00:46:58,730
Don't be sad, be happy. 
You got to figure out what's 

968
00:46:58,730 --> 00:47:01,010
making you upset and why you're 
like that. 

969
00:47:01,010 --> 00:47:07,170
But if you have poor impulse 
control of that, yeah. 

970
00:47:07,170 --> 00:47:08,210
There you go. 
Control. 

971
00:47:08,690 --> 00:47:11,610
You're going to probably be more
susceptible to be in that kind 

972
00:47:11,610 --> 00:47:13,650
of situation because you're 
going to feel bad. 

973
00:47:13,890 --> 00:47:17,490
You're going to feel bad at 
times and and you're right, like

974
00:47:17,490 --> 00:47:20,650
sometimes that can't help maybe 
to with the impulse because I 

975
00:47:20,650 --> 00:47:23,890
was very impulsive, but like. 
Especially like see for me it 

976
00:47:23,890 --> 00:47:25,610
was different because a lot of 
this happened when I was 

977
00:47:25,610 --> 00:47:28,330
younger. 
So right I I didn't not. 

978
00:47:28,570 --> 00:47:32,290
I have now the the, the 
appearance of like Oh yeah, you 

979
00:47:32,290 --> 00:47:33,850
know I have the experience I 
learned. 

980
00:47:33,850 --> 00:47:36,450
But I had to go a long messed up
problem because. 

981
00:47:36,900 --> 00:47:39,980
It was not even like to the 
point where like I told people, 

982
00:47:39,980 --> 00:47:41,860
like I was at a point where I 
didn't even kept like you know 

983
00:47:41,860 --> 00:47:43,060
how people are like, oh, I'm 
atheist. 

984
00:47:43,060 --> 00:47:44,420
I don't believe it. 
I wasn't even like that. 

985
00:47:44,420 --> 00:47:47,460
I was like, I hated God. 
Like, I don't feel like I would 

986
00:47:47,460 --> 00:47:49,620
pray just to cuss them out. 
Like, oh, just don't think that 

987
00:47:49,620 --> 00:47:51,380
I had something to say you. 
Know what I mean? 

988
00:47:51,380 --> 00:47:53,220
Because I feel you're going to 
listen today. 

989
00:47:54,220 --> 00:47:56,620
Yeah, I felt like everything was
intentional. 

990
00:47:56,620 --> 00:47:59,180
Like, oh, you must hate me. 
Like just just like. 

991
00:47:59,460 --> 00:48:02,860
Just out of like. 
Pure. 

992
00:48:02,860 --> 00:48:06,460
Like, not just sadness, but 
like, aggravation and anxiety. 

993
00:48:06,460 --> 00:48:08,340
Yeah. 
Not knowing like, one of the, 

994
00:48:08,500 --> 00:48:11,180
for me personally, one of the 
craziest things I did say in one

995
00:48:11,180 --> 00:48:15,260
of my songs before, but the 
craziest thing to me is imagine 

996
00:48:15,260 --> 00:48:17,460
being 12 years old. 
And like my dad, he had 

997
00:48:17,460 --> 00:48:19,100
hepatitis C so he was sick for a
while. 

998
00:48:19,100 --> 00:48:21,340
Like it was in the hospital. 
Like, you know, it was going 

999
00:48:21,340 --> 00:48:24,660
back and forth and he, he 
finally like was like kind of 

1000
00:48:24,660 --> 00:48:26,900
like probably a few weeks before
it passed or something. 

1001
00:48:27,140 --> 00:48:30,180
I go in to visit him. 
He doesn't even know who I am. 

1002
00:48:30,860 --> 00:48:33,520
He's like, who's that? 
Like telling my mom like, hey, 

1003
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:35,200
who's that like? 
And then you're just like, what?

1004
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:39,600
Like, even though obviously, 
like in my respect, like I'm 

1005
00:48:39,720 --> 00:48:40,840
like. 
But. 

1006
00:48:41,720 --> 00:48:45,600
I I mean, of course, like, I 
would not want, like all those 

1007
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:48,720
people that I cared about to go.
But I understand that I wouldn't

1008
00:48:48,720 --> 00:48:51,560
be the person I am today if 
these things didn't happen. 

1009
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:54,520
Even like relationships I had. 
Like, like I said, like, I 

1010
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:56,920
really have no hate for any of 
those people because. 

1011
00:48:57,940 --> 00:48:59,700
They didn't really do anything 
to me, like, right. 

1012
00:48:59,700 --> 00:49:02,340
It was really me doing it 
because at any point I could 

1013
00:49:02,700 --> 00:49:04,660
have talked. 
I could have spoke up or I could

1014
00:49:04,660 --> 00:49:07,340
have said I don't like this or I
could have left right? 

1015
00:49:07,380 --> 00:49:09,420
Or I could. 
It's because I was. 

1016
00:49:09,420 --> 00:49:14,540
So for me that I learned, is 
that like because so many people

1017
00:49:14,540 --> 00:49:17,130
died when I was young. 
Relationships. 

1018
00:49:17,290 --> 00:49:20,570
It was like detrimental, like if
you're gonna leave because I'm 

1019
00:49:20,570 --> 00:49:23,130
like, I can't have another 
abandonment. 

1020
00:49:23,130 --> 00:49:26,650
Cuz I'm like, it's one thing if 
you die because then there's 

1021
00:49:26,650 --> 00:49:28,450
nothing we could do, but you're 
just gonna leave. 

1022
00:49:28,770 --> 00:49:32,010
And sometimes I wouldn't. 
And the weird thing to me that I

1023
00:49:32,050 --> 00:49:34,920
learned over the years is like. 
It's not even necessary that I 

1024
00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:36,200
would want to continue this 
relation. 

1025
00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:37,840
It's just like, I couldn't have 
them leave. 

1026
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:39,760
It's just like a weird thing. 
And I think it was just all 

1027
00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:41,680
psychological. 
And then you grow through it, 

1028
00:49:41,680 --> 00:49:42,800
right? 
You go through the growing pain 

1029
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:44,880
because I'm like, I need this 
person because I know I'm 

1030
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:46,320
nothing if I don't have this 
person. 

1031
00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:49,920
And then you realize, well, I 
need to do that for myself. 

1032
00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:52,320
I need to think about those and 
like how I think of those 

1033
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:53,760
people, but also think of myself
like that. 

1034
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:56,600
And and that's part of the 
problem that I had was that I 

1035
00:49:56,600 --> 00:50:00,040
didn't have a lot of like love 
for myself, which I had to Start

1036
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:02,240
learning how to do like because 
then. 

1037
00:50:02,700 --> 00:50:04,860
I'm just chasing it, right? 
Like I'm just like, well, 

1038
00:50:04,860 --> 00:50:07,780
hopefully they could love me 
enough and I'm good, right? 

1039
00:50:07,780 --> 00:50:10,060
They'll fix it like I don't have
to do anything else. 

1040
00:50:10,340 --> 00:50:12,780
They'll love me and I and I 
don't have to worry about it. 

1041
00:50:13,220 --> 00:50:15,900
But as you get older, you start 
realizing like nothing you can 

1042
00:50:15,900 --> 00:50:17,180
have. 
You might meet somebody at 18 

1043
00:50:17,180 --> 00:50:20,100
and be with them forever, but if
you don't love yourself, I don't

1044
00:50:20,140 --> 00:50:21,500
think that you can have a 
sustained. 

1045
00:50:21,500 --> 00:50:26,740
I believe that my relationships 
didn't last because I was unable

1046
00:50:26,740 --> 00:50:29,900
to love myself with would hinder
the relationship. 

1047
00:50:30,380 --> 00:50:34,010
You didn't process your trauma 
so anytime. 

1048
00:50:34,010 --> 00:50:37,770
So me and my brother, we both 
went through the same things our

1049
00:50:38,170 --> 00:50:41,250
our mid teenage. 
Well I guess he was younger than

1050
00:50:41,250 --> 00:50:46,810
that but so we both grew up in 
this abusive horrible family 

1051
00:50:46,970 --> 00:50:50,130
that his dad was the real dad. 
So he did have it a little less 

1052
00:50:50,130 --> 00:50:53,010
than me on that part. 
And he slept downstairs, which 

1053
00:50:53,010 --> 00:50:56,010
was like a blessing for him 
because it a lot happened 

1054
00:50:56,010 --> 00:50:58,250
upstairs because their bedroom 
was upstairs. 

1055
00:50:58,870 --> 00:51:02,270
But so we both go through that 
and they say your siblings are 

1056
00:51:02,270 --> 00:51:05,590
the one person that know exactly
how you feel about your 

1057
00:51:05,590 --> 00:51:09,310
childhood because unless you're 
raised different homes, you were

1058
00:51:09,310 --> 00:51:11,950
raised together by the same 
people, even if you have a 

1059
00:51:11,950 --> 00:51:15,950
different thought process about 
the raising, they still know and

1060
00:51:15,950 --> 00:51:19,390
can relate. 
So he goes into the well. 

1061
00:51:19,390 --> 00:51:23,710
We both end up getting taken 
away from our mother by the time

1062
00:51:24,120 --> 00:51:27,520
I'm 12 and he's like 9 and he 
ends up having to go to the 

1063
00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:30,600
abuser, OK? 
That's how bad the current 

1064
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:35,400
situation was and he never got 
really much better. 

1065
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:38,600
I think he just quit doing those
things cuz of the law. 

1066
00:51:39,060 --> 00:51:42,540
Not because he was a better 
person, but he still had all the

1067
00:51:42,540 --> 00:51:46,220
problems that the drinking, the 
drugs, the violence, all of it. 

1068
00:51:46,460 --> 00:51:49,820
So he went to that and I went to
my grandparents who were pretty 

1069
00:51:49,900 --> 00:51:52,740
good, but really indoctrinating 
and religion. 

1070
00:51:52,740 --> 00:51:55,420
And if you didn't do certain 
things, they didn't love you. 

1071
00:51:55,460 --> 00:51:58,300
And I was like you. 
I was like, I have to be the 

1072
00:51:58,300 --> 00:52:00,620
best because then they won't 
love me and then I won't have a 

1073
00:52:00,620 --> 00:52:02,460
home and then I don't know what 
I'll do. 

1074
00:52:02,860 --> 00:52:07,960
So I look at our paths in life 
and like one time I told this 

1075
00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:13,160
therapist at my job, I said just
like four or five things, 

1076
00:52:13,240 --> 00:52:18,560
nothing major K about my life. 
And he said how are you here and

1077
00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:21,680
not here like in the psych 
facility. 

1078
00:52:22,560 --> 00:52:28,160
And I said, well, because I 
decided I wasn't going to do 

1079
00:52:28,160 --> 00:52:30,320
that. 
Like my brother kind of fell 

1080
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:32,960
into the same patterns. 
He started drinking too much. 

1081
00:52:32,960 --> 00:52:38,060
He started doing drugs. 
He well, and he didn't want to 

1082
00:52:38,060 --> 00:52:42,900
process it, so he went into the 
military and he did great and 

1083
00:52:42,900 --> 00:52:46,340
with all that structure and 
control, 100% amazing. 

1084
00:52:46,540 --> 00:52:48,820
But he still wasn't processing 
anything. 

1085
00:52:49,060 --> 00:52:53,300
I went into nursing, which 
helped me inadvertently process 

1086
00:52:53,300 --> 00:52:58,720
it because they teach you things
and you're like, oh, oh, that's 

1087
00:52:58,720 --> 00:53:03,640
why that I do or whatever. 
And then I went to therapy and 

1088
00:53:03,640 --> 00:53:05,040
had some different things 
happen. 

1089
00:53:05,040 --> 00:53:08,680
So we went to different paths. 
And I was never into, like, 

1090
00:53:08,800 --> 00:53:11,600
being very LDS at that time. 
I didn't drink. 

1091
00:53:11,600 --> 00:53:14,320
I didn't smoke, I didn't do 
drugs, like nothing, you know? 

1092
00:53:14,720 --> 00:53:19,280
So I didn't do any of that. 
In fact, I never even tried one 

1093
00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:21,160
puff of marijuana until I was 
25. 

1094
00:53:21,470 --> 00:53:22,630
Like, at all. 
Period. 

1095
00:53:22,670 --> 00:53:24,630
I never did anything. 
Else your brain was fully 

1096
00:53:24,670 --> 00:53:27,670
developed. 
Yeah, I was scared and it makes 

1097
00:53:27,670 --> 00:53:31,150
me crazy, so makes me have bad 
PTSD. 

1098
00:53:31,590 --> 00:53:36,110
So I just stay away from that. 
But either way, he gets out of 

1099
00:53:36,110 --> 00:53:40,590
the military and starts just 
just hanking because he has this

1100
00:53:40,590 --> 00:53:42,830
more freedom to choose these 
other paths. 

1101
00:53:43,270 --> 00:53:46,390
And I'm like, I'm the type of 
person that I'm like, what is 

1102
00:53:46,390 --> 00:53:48,920
wrong with you? 
You know, why are you doing 

1103
00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:51,080
this? 
And then he'd want it out of all

1104
00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:53,480
the things he'd been through. 
He was in the Navy. 

1105
00:53:53,720 --> 00:53:56,920
He was in the Gulf War. 
He was in the burn pits at the 

1106
00:53:56,920 --> 00:53:59,040
Gulf War. 
Like, that was some freaking 

1107
00:53:59,040 --> 00:54:04,960
gnarly, like, horrid stuff that 
they did OK with women, 

1108
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:08,440
children. 
My brother was like, actually, I

1109
00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:10,920
always joke like, I should have 
gone in the military and he 

1110
00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:14,080
shouldn't have because he was 
soft and I was not soft. 

1111
00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:19,560
I've always been like a hard ass
kind of, you know, And so I I 

1112
00:54:19,560 --> 00:54:22,240
was always worried about him, 
but he never processed it. 

1113
00:54:22,240 --> 00:54:26,800
And even when we drink or hang 
out and he'd get too much, the 

1114
00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:30,920
first thing he'd bring up wasn't
that wasn't the Army or Navy, 

1115
00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:34,080
wasn't any of that stuff. 
It was our parents. 

1116
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:37,800
And I'm like, bro, this is like 
so long ago and I really can't 

1117
00:54:37,800 --> 00:54:40,240
discuss this with you because 
this is separate trauma. 

1118
00:54:40,480 --> 00:54:43,600
And I would like explain to him 
like you need to go to somebody,

1119
00:54:44,010 --> 00:54:46,250
you know, you can vent to me, 
but I'm not going to like, 

1120
00:54:46,250 --> 00:54:49,970
discuss my part with it because 
it's not healthy for you, you 

1121
00:54:49,970 --> 00:54:52,370
know? 
And he didn't understand that. 

1122
00:54:52,370 --> 00:54:55,290
And in retrospect, I guess I 
should have been less hard 

1123
00:54:55,290 --> 00:54:58,090
headed because he wasn't going 
to go get help and that's just 

1124
00:54:58,090 --> 00:55:01,970
how it was, you know. 
But because he's a man and and 

1125
00:55:01,970 --> 00:55:06,010
the person that raised us had 
that weird, you got to be a man.

1126
00:55:06,210 --> 00:55:09,960
And he wasn't like that. 
He was actually like a sweet 

1127
00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:12,160
teddy bear. 
And my son reminds me of him, 

1128
00:55:12,160 --> 00:55:15,640
like my son plays hockey, but he
also crochets, OK? 

1129
00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:21,480
So like he he's more soft 
hearted, you know whereas some 

1130
00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:24,520
of my girls are like my one 
girl's a welter and she could 

1131
00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:28,940
probably go to war, you know, 
like I mean she she's tough and 

1132
00:55:29,060 --> 00:55:32,460
but it's just your personality. 
It really isn't about what sex 

1133
00:55:32,460 --> 00:55:36,340
you are but men get put it in 
their head like you can't be 

1134
00:55:36,340 --> 00:55:38,220
soft, you can't be this, you 
can't be that. 

1135
00:55:38,220 --> 00:55:41,420
I mean it's a little different 
nowadays, but it's still, you 

1136
00:55:41,420 --> 00:55:45,940
know they don't go and get help 
they that's why they have such a

1137
00:55:45,940 --> 00:55:49,180
high rate. 
Yeah, I I only, I think I would 

1138
00:55:49,180 --> 00:55:51,380
tell like a psychiatrist like 
once. 

1139
00:55:51,420 --> 00:55:54,220
And I was like bro like. 
I can't be. 

1140
00:55:54,540 --> 00:55:58,060
I can't be telling you. 
Like, how to do this? 

1141
00:55:58,060 --> 00:56:00,660
Like, you know what I mean? 
Like, right, I can't be like, 

1142
00:56:00,700 --> 00:56:03,500
better at this than you. 
But I think that everybody's 

1143
00:56:03,500 --> 00:56:05,300
different and obviously I'm 
totally different. 

1144
00:56:05,300 --> 00:56:10,620
Like to me what helped me is 
because I could revert to my 

1145
00:56:10,620 --> 00:56:14,380
childhood and that I could be 
like, So what I the way I 

1146
00:56:14,380 --> 00:56:17,500
process like my dad's death is I
was like, you know what? 

1147
00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:20,320
Cuz I used to get mad like 
people would be like oh man, my 

1148
00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:21,800
dad died. 
I'm like, man, shit he was. 

1149
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:25,520
Alive, but you had him. 
So you were like 30 or like, you

1150
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:27,360
know, I'll be like, what are you
crying about, man? 

1151
00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:30,600
Like that. 
But then I was like, when you 

1152
00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:33,400
see it through a different 
perspective and you're like I 

1153
00:56:33,400 --> 00:56:36,630
had 12 years. 
Of a better dad than people have

1154
00:56:36,630 --> 00:56:38,790
had nine months of, like, you 
know what I'm saying? 

1155
00:56:38,790 --> 00:56:42,070
Like someone could never even 
have seen their dad or met their

1156
00:56:42,070 --> 00:56:44,350
dad. 
Like my parents installed a lot 

1157
00:56:44,350 --> 00:56:47,710
of good things and good values, 
and they were able to teach us 

1158
00:56:47,710 --> 00:56:49,750
about empathy. 
And we're like all empathetic. 

1159
00:56:49,750 --> 00:56:53,510
Like we're loving others but 
still being tough and like, not 

1160
00:56:53,510 --> 00:56:54,670
allowing people to walk all 
over. 

1161
00:56:54,670 --> 00:56:57,350
So there was a lot of good 
things that I learned. 

1162
00:56:57,550 --> 00:57:00,030
And when you get to see like, 
OK, maybe it's because. 

1163
00:57:00,920 --> 00:57:04,400
That 12 years was way more than 
like most people would ever have

1164
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:06,160
like because you would think 
that that wouldn't have an 

1165
00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:09,160
impact. 
But from being born to seven is 

1166
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:12,040
the biggest impact is when 
you're being built the character

1167
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:16,220
of who you are so. 
When I got, I think what helped 

1168
00:57:16,220 --> 00:57:19,420
me and why, like maybe I would 
be in that booth, like I was 

1169
00:57:19,420 --> 00:57:21,820
partying, drinking, do whatever 
I want, not caring. 

1170
00:57:22,060 --> 00:57:24,940
But I think what drew me like 
what was helped me to be able to

1171
00:57:24,940 --> 00:57:27,340
get back is because I already 
had stuff implanted. 

1172
00:57:27,540 --> 00:57:29,540
Like there was already this. 
You had a good. 

1173
00:57:29,540 --> 00:57:31,900
Deep rooted, Yeah. 
My foundation was there. 

1174
00:57:31,900 --> 00:57:34,300
It's just that it was foggy and 
murky from all the things that 

1175
00:57:34,300 --> 00:57:37,300
went through and then this 
slowly, like trying to realize 

1176
00:57:37,300 --> 00:57:40,460
like what you're doing, like, 
you know, like and process your 

1177
00:57:40,460 --> 00:57:42,860
process. 
I'm still processing a lot of it

1178
00:57:42,860 --> 00:57:46,540
like an understanding. 
I have come to understanding of 

1179
00:57:46,540 --> 00:57:48,580
some things, but then there's 
other things I don't have 

1180
00:57:48,580 --> 00:57:49,980
understanding and I'm getting 
there. 

1181
00:57:49,980 --> 00:57:53,380
And now that I'm telling people 
my boundaries, whether friends 

1182
00:57:53,380 --> 00:57:56,660
or, you know, significant other,
you go, hey, these are my 

1183
00:57:56,660 --> 00:57:58,500
boundaries. 
Hey, now I speak up. 

1184
00:57:58,500 --> 00:58:00,860
But I mean, there's still 
situations because I've always 

1185
00:58:00,860 --> 00:58:03,420
spoke up, but I also kind of 
like know when and where to 

1186
00:58:03,420 --> 00:58:05,540
speak up. 
Like, one thing I tell people 

1187
00:58:05,540 --> 00:58:09,060
was like my boss right now he's 
like my test, like him working 

1188
00:58:09,060 --> 00:58:11,060
with him. 
He's not a bad person, but he's 

1189
00:58:11,060 --> 00:58:14,180
constantly like this mopey and 
Moody and like. 

1190
00:58:14,500 --> 00:58:16,300
I'm always like he. 
He comes for me. 

1191
00:58:16,540 --> 00:58:19,300
With problems, yeah. 
And he, but he also stabs me in 

1192
00:58:19,300 --> 00:58:21,540
the back and like, makes himself
look better. 

1193
00:58:21,860 --> 00:58:25,500
And I've been able to go through
it and like, I just kind of tell

1194
00:58:25,500 --> 00:58:28,860
him, but like without it helped 
me learn how to tell somebody 

1195
00:58:28,860 --> 00:58:31,460
off without cussing them out. 
Like, you know what I'm saying? 

1196
00:58:31,460 --> 00:58:34,180
Like, yeah, no get your point 
across and without like just 

1197
00:58:34,180 --> 00:58:36,940
like hey you stupid like I'll be
like hey look man. 

1198
00:58:37,660 --> 00:58:39,900
Do you want me to help you like 
I have sometimes it's weird 

1199
00:58:39,900 --> 00:58:43,260
because he's he's 52 and I'm 40 
and I have to talk to like a 

1200
00:58:43,340 --> 00:58:45,540
child. 
I'm like, hey, yeah, I'm like, 

1201
00:58:45,540 --> 00:58:48,740
hey man what are you doing? 
Like or now I know how to 

1202
00:58:48,740 --> 00:58:51,660
approach him. 
I just like now I'm embracing 

1203
00:58:51,660 --> 00:58:54,980
everything that has a lesson as 
something to to make me better 

1204
00:58:55,220 --> 00:58:58,820
and it's not easy like I'm I, I 
I have a lot of empathy for 

1205
00:58:58,820 --> 00:59:00,860
people. 
I hate when people are like, oh 

1206
00:59:01,020 --> 00:59:02,540
man he's just a drug addict. 
I'm like, what? 

1207
00:59:02,540 --> 00:59:04,940
You don't know why, man? 
Or just like, oh, he's home. 

1208
00:59:05,060 --> 00:59:08,590
You don't know why. 
Like you're you're judging. 

1209
00:59:08,950 --> 00:59:11,550
You're judging. 
We should never will. 

1210
00:59:11,550 --> 00:59:15,950
The problem no with the problem 
with society too, is you think 

1211
00:59:15,950 --> 00:59:18,590
you've got it figured out. 
But actually you don't. 

1212
00:59:18,910 --> 00:59:23,310
And here's the thing. 
What maybe drives one person to 

1213
00:59:23,310 --> 00:59:26,350
homelessness is completely 
different or whatever it is than

1214
00:59:26,350 --> 00:59:29,670
another person. 
Like my brother had the best 

1215
00:59:29,670 --> 00:59:32,870
heart, the best everything. 
And when somebody starts talking

1216
00:59:32,870 --> 00:59:35,030
about drug addicts, like, I get 
pissed. 

1217
00:59:35,360 --> 00:59:37,480
And that's why I work a lot of 
times with drug addicts. 

1218
00:59:37,520 --> 00:59:40,160
And you know what? 
They could be the worst come 

1219
00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:42,640
down. 
They can be the hardest patient.

1220
00:59:42,960 --> 00:59:45,920
And with the exception of 
probably 2 patients in my full 

1221
00:59:45,920 --> 00:59:49,680
six years where I've been 
working in this, they they 

1222
00:59:49,680 --> 00:59:53,280
relate to me because they know 
I'm not there to point my finger

1223
00:59:53,280 --> 00:59:56,760
at them because I've had that 
happen to me and I don't like 

1224
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:59,680
it, You know, I don't like when 
people do that. 

1225
01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:03,920
And so I always try and put 
myself in that position and say.

1226
01:00:04,520 --> 01:00:07,480
OK And even sometimes they'll 
tell you go F you right to your 

1227
01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:11,120
face, you know and and it's hard
to not get mad, but at the same 

1228
01:00:11,120 --> 01:00:14,040
time you have to say he's in a 
different place than I am. 

1229
01:00:14,080 --> 01:00:17,240
Like you and your boss, it 
doesn't matter how old he is, 

1230
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:22,160
you you're ahead mentally. 
And this has happened with 

1231
01:00:22,600 --> 01:00:25,760
husband, so husbands and exwives
for me. 

1232
01:00:26,440 --> 01:00:32,710
So the first one was named 
almost the same name with the 

1233
01:00:32,710 --> 01:00:39,110
exception of one letter as the 
one now okay and and it was like

1234
01:00:39,110 --> 01:00:44,270
the same situation, like we got 
married and within a year and I 

1235
01:00:44,270 --> 01:00:49,430
was 17, he was 25 and I didn't 
know how to be a wife, let alone

1236
01:00:49,430 --> 01:00:51,710
a mother. 
But within a year, that little 

1237
01:00:51,710 --> 01:00:54,550
girl came to live with us and I 
had to step that crap up and she

1238
01:00:54,550 --> 01:01:00,120
was like 5, you know? 
And so I I was nice to her mom 

1239
01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:03,480
and I I was taught. 
I think I was tolerant is the 

1240
01:01:03,480 --> 01:01:06,760
better word. 
But in my heart, I still held 

1241
01:01:06,760 --> 01:01:09,440
her accountable for what she 
wasn't doing. 

1242
01:01:09,440 --> 01:01:13,440
I was very finger pointy. 
I was very should, should, 

1243
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:19,040
should in my brain, not to her. 
And so in my mind, I had all 

1244
01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:23,020
these feelings against her. 
And it wasn't helpful to the 

1245
01:01:23,020 --> 01:01:26,820
little girl, because no matter 
if your parent is the worst 

1246
01:01:26,820 --> 01:01:31,820
human on earth, a killer, like 
serious kids still want the love

1247
01:01:31,860 --> 01:01:36,100
of their parent. 
And so with the second one, 

1248
01:01:36,540 --> 01:01:38,700
well, that one, when when I 
found out I was getting 

1249
01:01:38,700 --> 01:01:41,820
divorced, I just let it rip. 
One day she caught me on a bad 

1250
01:01:41,820 --> 01:01:46,390
day and I lit into her like you 
wouldn't even believe. 

1251
01:01:46,750 --> 01:01:49,910
And she was shook because she 
was going through some hard 

1252
01:01:49,910 --> 01:01:54,190
times of her own, like she had a
stroke, like she was sick, you 

1253
01:01:54,190 --> 01:01:56,510
know, and I shouldn't have done 
that. 

1254
01:01:56,590 --> 01:02:01,790
And and in retrospect, I I felt 
so justified because I was right

1255
01:02:01,790 --> 01:02:03,750
and she was wrong and blah blah 
blah. 

1256
01:02:03,790 --> 01:02:07,630
And I was, you know what I was? 
But at the end of the day, who 

1257
01:02:07,630 --> 01:02:10,950
did I hurt? 
A that little girl, but she was 

1258
01:02:10,950 --> 01:02:15,350
like 14 at that point and BI 
never saw her again because she 

1259
01:02:15,350 --> 01:02:19,550
ended up going back to her mom 
and all the years I spent 

1260
01:02:19,550 --> 01:02:22,070
bonding with that little girl 
where I thought she would be in 

1261
01:02:22,070 --> 01:02:24,870
my life forever. 
She's in her 30s and I never 

1262
01:02:24,870 --> 01:02:29,020
seen her again. 
And then so the next one comes 

1263
01:02:29,060 --> 01:02:31,420
and we do the same thing. 
We're battling. 

1264
01:02:31,420 --> 01:02:33,540
She's got almost the same name 
and I don't want to say the 

1265
01:02:33,540 --> 01:02:38,380
name, you know, but so we're 
battling over children, 

1266
01:02:38,660 --> 01:02:41,580
differences of opinion. 
And she was my person, like your

1267
01:02:41,580 --> 01:02:45,540
boss is your person. 
And I was like, this person 

1268
01:02:45,540 --> 01:02:48,140
drives me crazy. 
Like she thinks completely 

1269
01:02:48,140 --> 01:02:50,620
different than me. 
But honestly, some of it was 

1270
01:02:50,620 --> 01:02:52,340
detrimental and needed to be 
fixed. 

1271
01:02:52,340 --> 01:02:55,140
But some of it wasn't. 
Some of it was just like me 

1272
01:02:55,140 --> 01:02:58,780
being a jerk, you know, me being
like, well, my favorite color is

1273
01:02:58,780 --> 01:03:01,020
blue and so everybody should 
like blue. 

1274
01:03:01,020 --> 01:03:02,860
And you know, it was just 
stupid. 

1275
01:03:03,140 --> 01:03:04,900
Not really, but you get what I'm
saying. 

1276
01:03:05,540 --> 01:03:11,060
So as a mom, I was super 
judgmental and I and then I 

1277
01:03:11,060 --> 01:03:14,540
stopped when I when I started 
going through all these problems

1278
01:03:14,540 --> 01:03:17,180
with my daughter who is 
estranged from me. 

1279
01:03:17,660 --> 01:03:21,700
She's 27 now and this happened 
four years ago. 

1280
01:03:22,020 --> 01:03:26,430
So she was my best friend for 
for everything and she was my 

1281
01:03:26,430 --> 01:03:28,110
idol. 
Actually. 

1282
01:03:28,230 --> 01:03:31,710
I made her an idol in my life 
and we can cuz that. 

1283
01:03:31,710 --> 01:03:33,870
You're kind of, yeah. 
Well, that's a little different,

1284
01:03:34,950 --> 01:03:37,830
but you shouldn't do it, cuz 
I'll tell you why, cuz it made 

1285
01:03:37,830 --> 01:03:42,590
my husband less than, it made my
other children less than and it 

1286
01:03:42,590 --> 01:03:46,590
wasn't healthy behavior. 
And so when she ended up going 

1287
01:03:46,590 --> 01:03:52,270
to go get married, this guy that
she picked, he, I mean, I he's 

1288
01:03:52,270 --> 01:03:55,830
probably a narcissist. 
OKI can't guarantee that. 

1289
01:03:55,830 --> 01:04:00,190
But some of the behaviors that 
he has exhibited are very 

1290
01:04:00,190 --> 01:04:03,230
strange. 
So I go into panic mode full on,

1291
01:04:03,230 --> 01:04:05,590
and I'm, like, freaking out. 
And what happens? 

1292
01:04:05,670 --> 01:04:09,030
She just full on cuts me off, 
like, of everything. 

1293
01:04:09,030 --> 01:04:10,750
I'm all of a sudden toxic 
member. 

1294
01:04:10,750 --> 01:04:13,750
We're best friends, like now I'm
toxic bad person, blah, blah, 

1295
01:04:13,750 --> 01:04:15,630
blah, blah, blah. 
So OK, I'm. 

1296
01:04:15,710 --> 01:04:19,430
I'm shook, you know, I'm at home
crying like every day for a 

1297
01:04:19,430 --> 01:04:24,570
year, you know, wanting to 
almost die, not kill myself but 

1298
01:04:24,650 --> 01:04:30,690
like die, you know? 
And she calls me and she this 

1299
01:04:30,730 --> 01:04:36,370
exwife and she says I wanted to 
know if you were okay and okay. 

1300
01:04:36,370 --> 01:04:39,490
So we had already had C, PS:. 
Involved and gone through a 

1301
01:04:39,490 --> 01:04:42,130
whole thing about taking the 
kids and everything. 

1302
01:04:42,130 --> 01:04:44,250
And yes, we were right legally, 
everything. 

1303
01:04:44,250 --> 01:04:46,970
We were right okay. 
But it wasn't right. 

1304
01:04:47,170 --> 01:04:50,440
And here's the thing, it could 
have been handled better. 

1305
01:04:50,560 --> 01:04:52,000
It could have been handled 
different. 

1306
01:04:52,360 --> 01:04:55,600
We it just wasn't. 
It wasn't good for the kids. 

1307
01:04:55,680 --> 01:05:00,320
It scarred them for life, like. 
And so at the end of the day, 

1308
01:05:00,320 --> 01:05:03,520
instead of making that same 
mistake twice, and I even told 

1309
01:05:03,520 --> 01:05:06,720
her, you should probably tell me
to go F myself and laugh because

1310
01:05:06,720 --> 01:05:10,200
now my kids gone, you know, like
what happened? 

1311
01:05:10,560 --> 01:05:14,360
And so she said to me, what kind
of Christian would I be? 

1312
01:05:15,920 --> 01:05:20,200
That is so humbling, bro. 
I was like, oh, my gosh. 

1313
01:05:20,200 --> 01:05:23,960
Like, at first I thought, like, 
there's no way this is real, you

1314
01:05:23,960 --> 01:05:26,200
know? 
So we became really good friends

1315
01:05:26,200 --> 01:05:28,600
after that. 
And we forgave each other and we

1316
01:05:28,600 --> 01:05:33,160
forgave each other together with
my husband and her exhusband and

1317
01:05:33,160 --> 01:05:34,840
the other her husband at the 
time. 

1318
01:05:35,280 --> 01:05:41,920
And the kids got to see it all. 
And those kids, we're so happy 

1319
01:05:42,080 --> 01:05:46,160
and so blessed from that. 
Even though I can disagree with 

1320
01:05:46,160 --> 01:05:50,240
some of the things she does, I 
had to learn that I could love 

1321
01:05:50,240 --> 01:05:53,080
someone even though they really 
pissed me off. 

1322
01:05:53,320 --> 01:05:56,840
You know? 
Like, like you can love them and

1323
01:05:56,840 --> 01:05:59,360
don't like what they do. 
You can love them and don't 

1324
01:05:59,360 --> 01:06:01,840
agree with what they do. 
You can like them and think that

1325
01:06:01,840 --> 01:06:04,400
they're wrong. 
And and sometimes she wasn't 

1326
01:06:04,400 --> 01:06:05,760
wrong. 
Sometimes it was just a 

1327
01:06:05,760 --> 01:06:08,280
difference of motherly opinion, 
you know? 

1328
01:06:08,820 --> 01:06:11,140
And everybody thinks that 
they're right when it comes to 

1329
01:06:11,140 --> 01:06:13,060
kids. 
Like, oh, we got to do this for 

1330
01:06:13,060 --> 01:06:16,900
the kids, the kids, the kids. 
But sometimes it's not what they

1331
01:06:16,900 --> 01:06:19,220
need. 
Sometimes they need that little 

1332
01:06:19,220 --> 01:06:23,340
bit of a different perspective. 
And we weren't, like, allowing 

1333
01:06:23,340 --> 01:06:25,940
that kind of like. 
And later when I stepped away 

1334
01:06:25,940 --> 01:06:30,540
from it, all I could think of 
was the story of King David, how

1335
01:06:30,940 --> 01:06:35,660
OK, he had a nickname for him. 
God called King David his 

1336
01:06:35,660 --> 01:06:38,610
beloved. 
OK, but King David was a 

1337
01:06:38,610 --> 01:06:40,850
murderer. 
He was a blasphemer. 

1338
01:06:41,130 --> 01:06:44,490
He was a torturer. 
He was an adulterer. 

1339
01:06:44,650 --> 01:06:48,090
He had so many wives. 
And no matter how many times God

1340
01:06:48,090 --> 01:06:51,330
came to me, he messed it up so 
many times like he would just, 

1341
01:06:51,330 --> 01:06:54,970
like, mess it up again, you 
know, It was like it was like on

1342
01:06:54,970 --> 01:06:57,050
and on. 
And yet he still called him his 

1343
01:06:57,050 --> 01:06:59,930
beloved. 
And that taught me unconditional

1344
01:06:59,930 --> 01:07:01,450
love. 
Now she's not a King, David. 

1345
01:07:01,450 --> 01:07:03,130
Well, that's what I was going to
tell you. 

1346
01:07:03,290 --> 01:07:06,490
That's like what my. 
Like my mom taught me right. 

1347
01:07:06,490 --> 01:07:10,090
Like, and that's what I the same
approach that I use with my 

1348
01:07:10,090 --> 01:07:13,370
daughter like because it makes 
it a lot easier and obviously 

1349
01:07:13,650 --> 01:07:17,250
it's different circumstances. 
So like my daughter was able to 

1350
01:07:17,250 --> 01:07:20,490
retain the information a lot 
faster than I was able to. 

1351
01:07:20,850 --> 01:07:24,410
But it's because no matter what 
I did no matter going in trouble

1352
01:07:24,410 --> 01:07:26,130
going to jail. 
No matter getting in trouble 

1353
01:07:26,130 --> 01:07:29,930
like not coming home for months.
I no matter what, like people 

1354
01:07:29,930 --> 01:07:32,530
could be like. 
I I one of my friends was like 

1355
01:07:32,530 --> 01:07:36,400
telling me how her mom is like. 
Like just toxic and horrible and

1356
01:07:36,400 --> 01:07:37,960
like going off. 
And then there's this movie 

1357
01:07:37,960 --> 01:07:40,240
called Due Date. 
I don't. 

1358
01:07:40,240 --> 01:07:42,080
Know if you've ever seen it with
Zach Galifianafius. 

1359
01:07:42,080 --> 01:07:44,160
And Robert Downey Jr. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

1360
01:07:44,840 --> 01:07:47,520
Well, there's a scene where he's
like, Robert Downey Jr. is like 

1361
01:07:47,520 --> 01:07:51,200
breaking down. 
And he's like, my dad asked me 

1362
01:07:51,200 --> 01:07:54,640
to wake him up early and my dad 
never talked to me really like 

1363
01:07:54,640 --> 01:07:55,960
that. 
So I was all excited. 

1364
01:07:56,000 --> 01:07:57,800
I got all ready and I woke him 
up. 

1365
01:07:58,230 --> 01:08:00,510
And then he saw, thanks buddy. 
And then he left and he never 

1366
01:08:00,510 --> 01:08:02,870
came back. 
And then Zach, let's start 

1367
01:08:02,870 --> 01:08:06,270
laughing. 
So my dad would never do that. 

1368
01:08:07,590 --> 01:08:10,190
So I would tell her that because
I'm fortunate that. 

1369
01:08:10,190 --> 01:08:13,030
So that's where I had to like. 
So when we, I look at my 

1370
01:08:13,030 --> 01:08:16,950
appreciation like I have a 
brother, I have a mom, a sister,

1371
01:08:16,950 --> 01:08:19,109
like my family. 
It's not a huge family. 

1372
01:08:19,109 --> 01:08:22,229
Like, I don't really talk to my 
aunts, uncles, and like my 

1373
01:08:22,229 --> 01:08:26,149
extended family, but my my 
daughter, like my certain 

1374
01:08:26,149 --> 01:08:29,350
friends, my circle. 
There, I I couldn't ask for 

1375
01:08:29,350 --> 01:08:31,109
anything better. 
Like a supporting cat said, 

1376
01:08:31,109 --> 01:08:33,830
Like, no matter what, like, 
they're not going to steal from 

1377
01:08:33,830 --> 01:08:34,710
me. 
They're not going to do me 

1378
01:08:34,710 --> 01:08:36,510
wrong. 
If I if I'm down and out, 

1379
01:08:36,510 --> 01:08:37,670
they're going to help pick me 
up. 

1380
01:08:37,990 --> 01:08:42,510
So once I was able to realize 
that and appreciate it, that was

1381
01:08:42,510 --> 01:08:45,790
able to turn for me. 
So like, and for me, obviously, 

1382
01:08:45,790 --> 01:08:47,750
like, my daughter was a big 
impact on me too. 

1383
01:08:47,750 --> 01:08:49,590
Like, because I'll be like, OK, 
I got to do this. 

1384
01:08:49,630 --> 01:08:51,870
I mean, she seen she visit me in
jail. 

1385
01:08:51,870 --> 01:08:54,149
Like, you know what I'm saying? 
Like, I felt bad. 

1386
01:08:54,189 --> 01:08:56,189
That's not that's that's not a 
bad. 

1387
01:08:56,229 --> 01:08:59,109
I mean, I know this sounds 
terrible, but my dad went to 

1388
01:08:59,109 --> 01:09:02,670
prison when I was young, Yeah, 
And my mom kept me from him 

1389
01:09:02,710 --> 01:09:04,270
because she felt like it was 
better. 

1390
01:09:04,710 --> 01:09:07,670
And actually, it really hurt me.
So I oh, I. 

1391
01:09:07,750 --> 01:09:09,149
Mean. 
I think it's good. 

1392
01:09:09,470 --> 01:09:11,069
I know that's bad. 
And that wasn't him. 

1393
01:09:11,069 --> 01:09:12,470
For a long time. 
I wasn't like counting Joe and 

1394
01:09:12,470 --> 01:09:14,310
stuff, but like, she was just 
worried about and then she saw 

1395
01:09:14,310 --> 01:09:15,350
me. 
She's like, all right, you're 

1396
01:09:15,350 --> 01:09:16,750
good. 
Like she just thought. 

1397
01:09:16,750 --> 01:09:18,550
Like you're safe, she. 
Felt good. 

1398
01:09:18,550 --> 01:09:20,510
Yeah, like he's ain't gonna go 
nowhere. 

1399
01:09:20,990 --> 01:09:23,830
But that's one thing I do tell a
lot of my girlfriends, my 

1400
01:09:23,830 --> 01:09:26,590
friends that, like all my women 
friends, I go. 

1401
01:09:27,520 --> 01:09:31,840
I understand that you're scorned
by your ex or you have some kind

1402
01:09:31,840 --> 01:09:36,120
of resentment towards them. 
I was like, but if they want to 

1403
01:09:36,120 --> 01:09:38,680
be in the kids life, let them. 
I don't care if they're not 

1404
01:09:38,680 --> 01:09:40,880
paying your child support now, 
should they pay your child 

1405
01:09:40,880 --> 01:09:42,399
support? 
Is it expensive to raise a kid? 

1406
01:09:42,399 --> 01:09:45,600
Yes. 
But don't vote if you are doing 

1407
01:09:45,600 --> 01:09:48,439
fine though, like, right, like 
there's some some of my women 

1408
01:09:48,439 --> 01:09:51,680
friends, they're doing great. 
Like they're very successful and

1409
01:09:51,680 --> 01:09:54,290
they're able to. 
Sustain everything. 

1410
01:09:54,290 --> 01:09:57,090
But they get angry. 
Like, why am I paying for all 

1411
01:09:57,090 --> 01:09:59,290
the medical bills? 
Why am I paying for all her 

1412
01:09:59,290 --> 01:10:03,930
clothes if they're trying? 
The relationship with the father

1413
01:10:03,930 --> 01:10:07,730
and the and the kid is more 
important than the little petty 

1414
01:10:07,730 --> 01:10:09,450
war of hey, they didn't pay 
this. 

1415
01:10:09,450 --> 01:10:11,210
If they're trying, give them a 
break. 

1416
01:10:11,410 --> 01:10:13,250
And I get it that they should be
doing more. 

1417
01:10:13,290 --> 01:10:15,450
But the relationship. 
So money. 

1418
01:10:15,850 --> 01:10:17,170
Yeah, the. 
Money thing. 

1419
01:10:17,490 --> 01:10:21,090
The money thing is important, 
but I will tell you I begged. 

1420
01:10:21,330 --> 01:10:24,020
So my first husband, he took 
off. 

1421
01:10:24,020 --> 01:10:27,940
He got on meth and he was crazy 
and stuff and he moved back far 

1422
01:10:27,940 --> 01:10:32,060
away from me to the Midwest. 
Excuse me, my ass was kicking my

1423
01:10:32,060 --> 01:10:36,260
butts tonight but but he moved 
far away and I would beg him 

1424
01:10:36,260 --> 01:10:40,140
please just call them like he 
was such a twerp about paying or

1425
01:10:40,140 --> 01:10:43,740
anything and he would be like 
please, you know, please don't 

1426
01:10:43,740 --> 01:10:46,500
go after me and some at some 
point I just had to turn it 

1427
01:10:46,500 --> 01:10:48,140
over. 
Not because I wanted to, because

1428
01:10:48,180 --> 01:10:51,500
I needed help from the state and
they force it. 

1429
01:10:51,940 --> 01:10:53,420
And to this day, he tells 
PEOPLE. 

1430
01:10:53,420 --> 01:10:55,660
Like, she came after me. 
I'm like, I ain't come after 

1431
01:10:55,660 --> 01:10:57,820
nothing. 
I just needed food stamps, bro. 

1432
01:10:57,820 --> 01:11:00,820
Like I just had to have. 
Some, yeah. 

1433
01:11:00,820 --> 01:11:04,500
I also tell my friends, my guy 
friends, I'm like, hey, also 

1434
01:11:04,860 --> 01:11:08,940
stop nitpicking what they're 
doing with the money Like, oh, 

1435
01:11:08,940 --> 01:11:13,300
they just got new shoes or they 
yeah, well, this if now if 

1436
01:11:13,300 --> 01:11:16,140
that's happening and your kid 
doesn't have clothes and they're

1437
01:11:16,140 --> 01:11:19,100
not eating, OK, you have some 
ground stand on it. 

1438
01:11:19,100 --> 01:11:21,350
But if they have. 
All the food they need, they 

1439
01:11:21,350 --> 01:11:24,550
have a house being paid for 
rent, whatever it is, They got 

1440
01:11:24,550 --> 01:11:26,390
clothes on their back and 
they're getting to school every 

1441
01:11:26,390 --> 01:11:28,510
day. 
Then you have no argument of 

1442
01:11:28,510 --> 01:11:32,190
where that money's going well 
because it's like 20 something 

1443
01:11:32,190 --> 01:11:35,590
dollars a day when you break it 
down at like 700 and something. 

1444
01:11:35,750 --> 01:11:39,230
Dollars more, man. 
Yeah, it's like $23 a day. 

1445
01:11:39,470 --> 01:11:43,910
Yeah, at 750 a month, I think I 
broke it down and don't quote me

1446
01:11:43,910 --> 01:11:45,430
on the map, but this was a while
ago. 

1447
01:11:45,710 --> 01:11:49,510
It was like $23 a day and like 
you're going to feed them three 

1448
01:11:49,510 --> 01:11:52,150
times or even 2, but. 
Well, that's where I it was 

1449
01:11:52,150 --> 01:11:52,510
lucky. 
Yeah. 

1450
01:11:53,270 --> 01:11:57,390
My my daughter doesn't eat. 
She's easy. 

1451
01:11:57,390 --> 01:11:59,790
I could just now she eats a 
little bit more, but back then I

1452
01:11:59,790 --> 01:12:03,390
could just give her like a bag 
of Doritos and she's good. 

1453
01:12:03,990 --> 01:12:06,150
You would. 
It's so weird, too, because like

1454
01:12:06,150 --> 01:12:08,670
me, I gotta eat. 
Like, like, I gotta eat three 

1455
01:12:08,670 --> 01:12:09,950
meals. 
Like when we go, because she's 

1456
01:12:09,950 --> 01:12:11,670
going to come out here because I
live in Michigan now. 

1457
01:12:11,670 --> 01:12:14,270
We're originally from, I'm from 
California, but she's still in 

1458
01:12:14,270 --> 01:12:16,270
California. 
She's coming out here because 

1459
01:12:16,270 --> 01:12:18,710
we're going to watch a Raider 
game in next month. 

1460
01:12:19,730 --> 01:12:22,650
And like when we do go cuz we 
try to go and see, like cuz 

1461
01:12:22,650 --> 01:12:24,370
she'll turn. 
She turns 21 this year. 

1462
01:12:24,370 --> 01:12:26,650
She'll turn 21 in October next 
month to go. 

1463
01:12:27,250 --> 01:12:31,650
And what can I ask you? 
What day my I have a daughter 

1464
01:12:31,650 --> 01:12:33,090
in. 
October 15th. 

1465
01:12:33,530 --> 01:12:35,050
Oh my gosh. 
Like the 16th. 

1466
01:12:35,690 --> 01:12:38,010
Oh, really? 
Not the same age? 

1467
01:12:38,690 --> 01:12:39,690
They're close. 
She's. 

1468
01:12:39,890 --> 01:12:42,570
Yeah, she's gonna be 20. 
Yeah, she'll be. 

1469
01:12:42,610 --> 01:12:44,850
She'll turn 21 too 24. 
Gotcha. 

1470
01:12:45,490 --> 01:12:48,690
Yeah, and she when we go places 
I'll be like. 

1471
01:12:49,460 --> 01:12:50,500
Oh man, she's like, you got to 
eat again. 

1472
01:12:50,500 --> 01:12:52,460
I'm like, yeah, you got to eat. 
I got to eat three times a day, 

1473
01:12:52,460 --> 01:12:54,420
man. 
I'm just going to eat one time a

1474
01:12:54,420 --> 01:12:55,780
day. 
And you're good with that, Like,

1475
01:12:55,780 --> 01:12:56,500
Oh my. 
Gosh. 

1476
01:12:57,300 --> 01:12:59,900
I do think that unconditional 
love, but also men. 

1477
01:13:00,260 --> 01:13:03,340
It's it's this balance. 
It's not just women's fault, 

1478
01:13:03,340 --> 01:13:06,180
It's not just men's fault. 
It's a communicate lack of 

1479
01:13:06,180 --> 01:13:11,460
communication or upbringing 
sometimes, or bad influences. 

1480
01:13:11,660 --> 01:13:14,060
Like I go in a lot on. 
I know a lot of people. 

1481
01:13:14,060 --> 01:13:16,380
There's this water. 
Yeah, there's anger. 

1482
01:13:17,110 --> 01:13:18,870
Oh, anger. 
But like I'm saying like even 

1483
01:13:18,870 --> 01:13:20,710
just bad influences. 
Like there's this page called, I

1484
01:13:21,230 --> 01:13:24,830
think it's called The Milk Bar 
on Twitter and they did a real 

1485
01:13:24,830 --> 01:13:31,190
great expose on on Andrew Tate. 
So people are falling in line to

1486
01:13:31,190 --> 01:13:34,430
people like this guy Tate where 
they are saying some things that

1487
01:13:34,430 --> 01:13:37,150
are true, right? 
Like there is some. 

1488
01:13:37,870 --> 01:13:39,990
Ignorant women out there, 
they're like, man, I need a man 

1489
01:13:39,990 --> 01:13:42,990
that makes 500 K like good luck,
like good luck. 

1490
01:13:43,470 --> 01:13:45,830
Like all of you, you think all 
of you are going to find 

1491
01:13:45,830 --> 01:13:49,070
millionaires. 
Like, OK, good luck, But that's 

1492
01:13:49,070 --> 01:13:52,190
also saturated. 
Like a lot of these things are 

1493
01:13:52,350 --> 01:13:55,310
not fabricated, but when people 
have a camera in front of them, 

1494
01:13:55,550 --> 01:13:58,710
they're more likely to be more 
braggadocious. 

1495
01:13:58,710 --> 01:14:01,110
Or they're or. 
Exactly. 

1496
01:14:01,110 --> 01:14:03,230
They want to be. 
They want to be something. 

1497
01:14:03,510 --> 01:14:06,400
And depending on what? 
Just being asked like for 

1498
01:14:06,400 --> 01:14:08,280
instance. 
Well, I know I see a lot of 

1499
01:14:08,280 --> 01:14:10,800
people that were like when the 
whole abortion, Roe V Wade thing

1500
01:14:10,800 --> 01:14:12,040
like that. 
Don't even get me started on 

1501
01:14:12,040 --> 01:14:14,480
that, because people get that. 
To me, it's another Do you want 

1502
01:14:14,480 --> 01:14:17,280
to have it solved? 
Do you want to know my do you 

1503
01:14:17,280 --> 01:14:21,000
want to know my opinion on it? 
Actually, this is pretty, pretty

1504
01:14:21,000 --> 01:14:25,240
funny as a woman. 
So if you actually know the law,

1505
01:14:25,840 --> 01:14:28,200
it should have never been a 
federal decision. 

1506
01:14:28,520 --> 01:14:34,010
The laws are always made by the 
state for family law, federal. 

1507
01:14:34,010 --> 01:14:35,450
And people will say, well, what 
about guns? 

1508
01:14:35,450 --> 01:14:39,490
No, no, no, no, no. 
Guns are not a state law. 

1509
01:14:39,490 --> 01:14:43,010
Guns are federally protected by 
the Constitution. 

1510
01:14:43,370 --> 01:14:46,090
So that's the difference. 
And people get it twisted. 

1511
01:14:46,090 --> 01:14:49,930
Do I, am I against or for? 
I wouldn't do it personally, but

1512
01:14:49,930 --> 01:14:53,050
I'm not going to say I'm against
because I don't want to see 

1513
01:14:53,050 --> 01:14:57,570
women in the ER having bad 
situations because they were 

1514
01:14:57,570 --> 01:14:59,970
trying to do something at home, 
you know? 

1515
01:14:59,970 --> 01:15:02,170
Well, there's also like an 
aspect like. 

1516
01:15:02,710 --> 01:15:05,870
But I'm saying this is that's a 
problem that we've been fighting

1517
01:15:05,870 --> 01:15:09,750
about for like 60 / 60 years, 
but they're fighting about 

1518
01:15:09,750 --> 01:15:11,710
something that should have never
happened. 

1519
01:15:11,830 --> 01:15:13,350
It should. 
Never Benefedral. 

1520
01:15:13,430 --> 01:15:15,590
I understand that point. 
Yeah, of course, Like the States

1521
01:15:15,590 --> 01:15:18,110
are supposed to. 
My point is that, like, it's 

1522
01:15:18,110 --> 01:15:20,390
meant to be a argument that's 
forever. 

1523
01:15:20,550 --> 01:15:23,630
That's why the left The left is 
like, hey, you should be able to

1524
01:15:23,630 --> 01:15:26,030
kill the baby when it's like 2 
years old. 

1525
01:15:26,150 --> 01:15:27,470
Right. 
And then the right is like. 

1526
01:15:27,990 --> 01:15:30,900
Any kind of. 
Any kind of abortion is murder, 

1527
01:15:31,220 --> 01:15:33,060
and they don't. 
They have the same talking 

1528
01:15:33,060 --> 01:15:35,700
points for over 60 years. 
The this is the kind of things 

1529
01:15:35,700 --> 01:15:38,420
that we fall into these traps. 
That's why the Andrew Tates of 

1530
01:15:38,420 --> 01:15:42,100
the world are able to get into 
the minds of the youth, because 

1531
01:15:42,100 --> 01:15:44,980
nobody's actually having 
critical, real conversations 

1532
01:15:44,980 --> 01:15:47,020
like I've I've gone up against a
lot of people. 

1533
01:15:47,020 --> 01:15:48,460
A lot of people get mad at me 
because I'm like. 

1534
01:15:49,250 --> 01:15:51,010
I I'm with you. 
I don't really have a stance 

1535
01:15:51,010 --> 01:15:53,570
necessarily, but I tell people 
arguments they can have. 

1536
01:15:53,570 --> 01:15:55,410
I'm like, if you're 
conservative, here's an argument

1537
01:15:55,410 --> 01:15:58,570
that you can use that might go a
lot better instead of calling 

1538
01:15:58,570 --> 01:16:01,810
somebody a murderer because 
you're insinuating that they're 

1539
01:16:01,810 --> 01:16:05,170
intentionally trying to kill 
somebody, which that's not the 

1540
01:16:05,170 --> 01:16:07,250
situation. 
We all know that most people 

1541
01:16:07,250 --> 01:16:10,410
that are getting abortions are 
stuck in a weird spot, like 

1542
01:16:10,410 --> 01:16:13,210
whether it's like from 
infidelity or whether they're a 

1543
01:16:13,290 --> 01:16:15,330
really young age and their 
parents are going to be, they're

1544
01:16:15,410 --> 01:16:16,850
out of fear. 
So they're. 

1545
01:16:17,920 --> 01:16:19,440
Already in fear. 
And then they're walking and 

1546
01:16:19,440 --> 01:16:21,360
these people are protesting and 
calling the murderers. 

1547
01:16:21,360 --> 01:16:23,800
They don't know what to do. 
And then the people inside are 

1548
01:16:23,800 --> 01:16:25,560
not even giving them the full 
scope of things. 

1549
01:16:25,920 --> 01:16:28,400
I know plenty of women that have
had abortions. 

1550
01:16:28,600 --> 01:16:31,080
The one thing that people don't 
talk about enough is the 

1551
01:16:31,080 --> 01:16:33,920
psychological thing that works 
in a woman's brain. 

1552
01:16:33,920 --> 01:16:37,120
When that happens, like it's 
it's detrimental. 

1553
01:16:37,120 --> 01:16:40,040
Like it doesn't go away. 
Like and I feel that like I had 

1554
01:16:40,200 --> 01:16:43,840
women have abortions with my kid
and I was pissed like at them, 

1555
01:16:44,520 --> 01:16:47,480
but over time I was able to work
through it because I obviously 

1556
01:16:47,480 --> 01:16:49,400
didn't have. 
An actual physical attachment to

1557
01:16:49,400 --> 01:16:50,560
it, right? 
Right. 

1558
01:16:50,720 --> 01:16:52,760
Because I did. 
The big was a born, but you 

1559
01:16:52,760 --> 01:16:55,360
still knew. 
And I think at the end of the 

1560
01:16:55,360 --> 01:16:59,200
day, like the argument isn't 
they do these things on purpose 

1561
01:16:59,200 --> 01:17:02,800
because they know the laws. 
They knew that that law should 

1562
01:17:02,800 --> 01:17:04,640
have never been federally 
protected. 

1563
01:17:04,640 --> 01:17:07,600
They knew when they put it into 
place that it was wrong and they

1564
01:17:07,600 --> 01:17:10,720
knew and kept it in their back 
pocket for one day. 

1565
01:17:10,920 --> 01:17:14,080
They could stir the pot. 
That all, not even one day they 

1566
01:17:14,280 --> 01:17:17,000
leave it open-ended because it's
an argument. 

1567
01:17:17,380 --> 01:17:19,100
Because it has to do with life, 
right? 

1568
01:17:19,260 --> 01:17:21,180
They play on the strings of. 
Morality. 

1569
01:17:21,340 --> 01:17:23,740
People's emotions. 
So like the hardcore 

1570
01:17:23,740 --> 01:17:26,580
conservative people are like, 
you just have to have the baby. 

1571
01:17:26,580 --> 01:17:28,700
But then the left make a good 
point. 

1572
01:17:28,700 --> 01:17:32,500
They go, so are you, If we have 
all these babies, are you going 

1573
01:17:32,500 --> 01:17:36,260
to pay more taxes for welfare? 
Are you going to pay more taxes 

1574
01:17:36,580 --> 01:17:39,660
for foster care, things of that 
nature? 

1575
01:17:39,820 --> 01:17:42,790
And then that's another thing. 
Is it a good thing for them to 

1576
01:17:42,790 --> 01:17:44,950
have the baby and then they get 
the baby up and it goes into 

1577
01:17:44,950 --> 01:17:46,590
foster care? 
When we know how the foster care

1578
01:17:46,590 --> 01:17:51,630
system works, it's not an easy 
question, but what we should buy

1579
01:17:51,630 --> 01:17:54,390
now because it's intentionally 
made to drag out forever. 

1580
01:17:54,390 --> 01:17:56,150
And I get it. 
Like, I I don't understand the 

1581
01:17:56,150 --> 01:17:57,470
whole state. 
Like, I'm with you. 

1582
01:17:57,470 --> 01:17:59,550
Like, I I don't think the 
federal government should run 

1583
01:17:59,550 --> 01:18:01,430
anything because, like, it goes 
by state. 

1584
01:18:01,430 --> 01:18:03,310
That's the whole reason why 
we're a union. 

1585
01:18:03,310 --> 01:18:05,150
Like, you know what I mean? 
United States. 

1586
01:18:05,150 --> 01:18:09,350
It's not like, oh, we're a 
Republic of people can't hear 

1587
01:18:09,350 --> 01:18:19,350
me. 
HM now. 

1588
01:18:20,190 --> 01:18:21,350
Couldn't connect. 
Come on. 

1589
01:18:21,990 --> 01:18:23,590
There you go. 
Now I can hear you good. 

1590
01:18:24,950 --> 01:18:26,750
There we go. 
I don't know what happened but. 

1591
01:18:27,950 --> 01:18:30,150
It happens sometimes. 
That's what sometimes happens 

1592
01:18:30,150 --> 01:18:32,870
with zoom. 
But yeah, the argument is to 

1593
01:18:32,870 --> 01:18:36,110
continuously have this argument.
It's not like I'm just going 

1594
01:18:36,110 --> 01:18:38,550
away from the whole state thing.
The the problem is is because 

1595
01:18:38,550 --> 01:18:41,510
they want to not find solutions.
The solution should cause 

1596
01:18:41,510 --> 01:18:43,390
division. 
There there should be a 

1597
01:18:43,470 --> 01:18:45,790
solution. 
Even my mom, who is hardcore 

1598
01:18:45,790 --> 01:18:48,750
conservative, that's super 
against the death penalty, super

1599
01:18:48,750 --> 01:18:52,590
against abortion. 
She even understands that at 

1600
01:18:52,590 --> 01:18:57,310
some point she goes, OK, where? 
Let's work, let's work it out. 

1601
01:18:57,350 --> 01:19:00,340
Where's the Where's the deal? 
Is where's the cutoff? 

1602
01:19:00,540 --> 01:19:01,620
Is it two months? 
Three months? 

1603
01:19:01,780 --> 01:19:03,460
That's where we should be 
arguing right now. 

1604
01:19:03,700 --> 01:19:07,140
But instead, we're at the same 
point that we were sixty years 

1605
01:19:07,140 --> 01:19:09,660
ago. 
And even if it becomes back to 

1606
01:19:09,700 --> 01:19:13,460
state law, I still feel it 
should be universal across the 

1607
01:19:13,460 --> 01:19:15,500
board. 
Because too many people playing 

1608
01:19:15,500 --> 01:19:17,380
games. 
Like you get the conservative 

1609
01:19:17,380 --> 01:19:20,340
states that are doing this and 
that, and then you get the, you 

1610
01:19:20,340 --> 01:19:23,140
know, Democratic states that 
are, like you said at 2 years 

1611
01:19:23,140 --> 01:19:25,180
old. 
It needs to be universal. 

1612
01:19:25,180 --> 01:19:25,700
It's. 
I mean, I. 

1613
01:19:25,780 --> 01:19:26,940
Exaggerate a little bit, but it 
is. 

1614
01:19:27,180 --> 01:19:29,620
You get what what I'm saying it 
can be almost at. 

1615
01:19:29,620 --> 01:19:32,380
Birth well in Portland they had 
they in Portland they have a 10.

1616
01:19:32,380 --> 01:19:34,860
Like a 10. 
Day wars or like it was like I 

1617
01:19:34,860 --> 01:19:38,140
forgot something weird. 
Like it was wild and that that 

1618
01:19:38,140 --> 01:19:41,220
can't happen. 
But they should be universal and

1619
01:19:41,220 --> 01:19:42,900
it shouldn't have never been 
federal. 

1620
01:19:43,100 --> 01:19:45,980
But they they prey on our 
feelings. 

1621
01:19:45,980 --> 01:19:49,820
So anything that has to do with 
race or morality, they're going 

1622
01:19:49,820 --> 01:19:53,620
to constantly make an issue 
constant because they can, 

1623
01:19:53,860 --> 01:19:55,620
because they know what they 
fight about it. 

1624
01:19:55,990 --> 01:19:57,430
Yeah, that goes back to what 
we're talking about, the 

1625
01:19:57,430 --> 01:19:58,830
beginning. 
They did the same thing with the

1626
01:19:58,830 --> 01:20:03,270
Patriot, like with patriotism. 
They play on the strings of 

1627
01:20:03,270 --> 01:20:05,390
people in the like, World War 2,
for example. 

1628
01:20:05,390 --> 01:20:07,550
Now we could go all the way. 
Like, I don't know what happened

1629
01:20:07,550 --> 01:20:11,070
with I I think that a lot of the
stuff is real. 

1630
01:20:11,070 --> 01:20:13,270
There's some people that may 
think that some of that stuff 

1631
01:20:13,270 --> 01:20:14,870
was fake. 
I don't know but. 

1632
01:20:15,220 --> 01:20:17,700
In general, the way that we got,
they got us into the war was 

1633
01:20:17,700 --> 01:20:20,780
through propaganda, through 
cartoons, telling us we're the 

1634
01:20:20,780 --> 01:20:23,940
hero, we need to save them. 
That's how we got into involved 

1635
01:20:23,940 --> 01:20:25,860
in all these things. 
Why did we get involved in 

1636
01:20:26,020 --> 01:20:27,860
Vietnam besides the Gulf of 
Tonkin? 

1637
01:20:28,020 --> 01:20:30,740
Because we needed to help. 
Communism is going to take us 

1638
01:20:30,740 --> 01:20:32,740
over and it's this endless 
cycle. 

1639
01:20:32,980 --> 01:20:36,290
So that's why I find it funny 
when now conservatives are 

1640
01:20:36,290 --> 01:20:38,450
coming out and they're like, 
man, all these kids are 

1641
01:20:38,450 --> 01:20:40,210
indoctrinated. 
You think that we haven't been 

1642
01:20:40,210 --> 01:20:42,770
indoctrinated. 
Did Rockefellers just start 

1643
01:20:42,850 --> 01:20:46,810
putting the education syllabus 
together and 20 years ago? 

1644
01:20:46,810 --> 01:20:50,450
No, it's been for a long time. 
And they don't want to admit 

1645
01:20:50,450 --> 01:20:51,850
that stuff that they've been 
brainwashed. 

1646
01:20:52,090 --> 01:20:54,970
People don't want to make 
understand that they've slipped 

1647
01:20:55,090 --> 01:20:57,530
me fortunate for me. 
I didn't go to school. 

1648
01:20:57,850 --> 01:21:00,090
So like, I was like, I'm not 
going to school, man. 

1649
01:21:00,090 --> 01:21:02,130
I hate school. 
I think that was probably one of

1650
01:21:02,130 --> 01:21:05,110
the best choices. 
Only because I didn't get. 

1651
01:21:05,110 --> 01:21:07,910
I had no way of getting 
indoctrinated, which could have 

1652
01:21:07,910 --> 01:21:11,870
possibly happened because after 
911, everybody like that week, 

1653
01:21:11,870 --> 01:21:13,550
man, I was like 18 years old and
we're like. 

1654
01:21:13,830 --> 01:21:16,110
So go to the Marine. 
But they wouldn't accept me 

1655
01:21:16,390 --> 01:21:18,710
because I wasn't in. 
I didn't go to school for like 

1656
01:21:18,710 --> 01:21:21,950
you had to be in school from 
10th to 11th grade, which I 

1657
01:21:21,950 --> 01:21:23,870
wasn't at all. 
I wasn't even never enrolled. 

1658
01:21:24,070 --> 01:21:26,470
So they didn't accept me and I 
was like, I was all pissed, but 

1659
01:21:26,750 --> 01:21:28,470
probably the best thing that 
probably wouldn't. 

1660
01:21:28,590 --> 01:21:32,940
Ever be a good thing. 
Well, and I just think that 

1661
01:21:33,060 --> 01:21:36,380
anything like that, they're 
always going to use to divide us

1662
01:21:36,380 --> 01:21:40,300
because they know if we all come
together, they're in deep crap. 

1663
01:21:40,780 --> 01:21:44,220
They know that if all of us 
like, work our problems out or 

1664
01:21:44,220 --> 01:21:48,020
stop making it the race card, or
stop making it, you know, the 

1665
01:21:48,020 --> 01:21:51,380
morality card or the religion 
card or whatever card you want 

1666
01:21:51,380 --> 01:21:55,620
to play, if we all come together
and we're a lot more alike than 

1667
01:21:55,620 --> 01:21:58,640
we are different. 
Then, and especially now, it's 

1668
01:21:58,640 --> 01:22:01,720
like men and women like they're 
they're trying to D masculate 

1669
01:22:01,720 --> 01:22:04,760
men and make women this big 
thing and and that's another 

1670
01:22:04,760 --> 01:22:07,640
thing. 
So it's just always something 

1671
01:22:07,640 --> 01:22:11,560
that they want to push and it's 
because it keeps us apart. 

1672
01:22:11,960 --> 01:22:14,040
It doesn't keep us unified, 
yeah. 

1673
01:22:14,320 --> 01:22:17,120
And that's the breakdown of the 
family, which is like the whole 

1674
01:22:17,120 --> 01:22:20,320
Hegelian dialect. 
Like if you know anything about 

1675
01:22:20,320 --> 01:22:23,560
that, like you know for a fact 
that's what they're trying to 

1676
01:22:23,560 --> 01:22:25,800
do, you know it's it's to 
demoralize. 

1677
01:22:25,800 --> 01:22:28,880
People don't even know what that
means to divide the working 

1678
01:22:28,920 --> 01:22:32,200
class because like the working 
class, that's like my most 

1679
01:22:32,200 --> 01:22:35,340
passionate thing is I always 
tell people like, even like, for

1680
01:22:35,340 --> 01:22:38,620
instance, right now I'm in 
Michigan and there's a strike. 

1681
01:22:38,620 --> 01:22:40,860
EU, the UAW is striking right 
now. 

1682
01:22:40,860 --> 01:22:45,500
The Chrysler buildings, now they
want to have four day work weeks

1683
01:22:45,500 --> 01:22:47,580
and they're asking us. 
But there's other people that 

1684
01:22:47,580 --> 01:22:49,260
are like, that's insane. 
They should. 

1685
01:22:49,380 --> 01:22:50,740
Why? 
Why? 

1686
01:22:50,740 --> 01:22:52,940
When these people make a lot? 
Because they are like, we as the

1687
01:22:52,940 --> 01:22:55,900
public are going to pay more. 
Look, why do we pay more? 

1688
01:22:55,900 --> 01:22:58,660
You don't even understand why we
pay more for cars, do you? 

1689
01:22:58,820 --> 01:23:00,700
Because I worked in some car 
facilities. 

1690
01:23:00,860 --> 01:23:04,090
There's one plant that just 
makes bumpers and these these 

1691
01:23:04,090 --> 01:23:06,410
companies have no affiliation 
with Chrysler. 

1692
01:23:06,410 --> 01:23:08,890
They sell it to them. 
So since you're piercing it all 

1693
01:23:08,890 --> 01:23:12,850
around, it's going to cost more 
and it's more things that that 

1694
01:23:12,850 --> 01:23:14,690
they're they're not looking at 
the bigger picture. 

1695
01:23:14,810 --> 01:23:16,970
They're looking at like, for 
instance, I always since I were 

1696
01:23:16,970 --> 01:23:18,130
talking about football earlier 
too. 

1697
01:23:18,530 --> 01:23:21,570
Yeah, I always see work like 
they don't consider football 

1698
01:23:21,570 --> 01:23:23,410
players working class people, 
right, because they make 

1699
01:23:23,410 --> 01:23:26,230
millions of dollars and they go,
I can't believe he wants this 

1700
01:23:26,230 --> 01:23:28,270
contract. 
Well, you do realize that. 

1701
01:23:28,790 --> 01:23:31,830
And the average NFL player is 
like 5 years. 

1702
01:23:31,870 --> 01:23:33,630
A running back is like two to 
three years. 

1703
01:23:33,990 --> 01:23:38,110
So why should they not maximize 
that small window that they have

1704
01:23:38,550 --> 01:23:41,910
and you're going to come for a 
lifetime of work? 

1705
01:23:41,950 --> 01:23:44,550
Or you could be you, you could 
be damaged forever. 

1706
01:23:44,550 --> 01:23:48,230
You can bust blow out. 
Into the market well and the 

1707
01:23:48,270 --> 01:23:50,390
brain injuries. 
Like, yeah, the brain injuries. 

1708
01:23:50,930 --> 01:23:53,490
Yeah. 
Then you get into a point where 

1709
01:23:53,490 --> 01:23:55,810
you're like, oh man, I can't 
believe this guy's asking for 

1710
01:23:55,810 --> 01:23:58,330
300 million, but you're not even
considering the billions that 

1711
01:23:58,330 --> 01:24:01,490
are being made by the owners. 
You don't even care because it's

1712
01:24:01,490 --> 01:24:03,490
not something you're seeing 
every day and you're not 

1713
01:24:03,490 --> 01:24:06,370
thinking, hey, who's making all 
these news reports talking crap 

1714
01:24:06,370 --> 01:24:08,170
on the players? 
Oh, it's probably coming from 

1715
01:24:08,170 --> 01:24:11,130
the organization because the 
organization doesn't want to pay

1716
01:24:11,130 --> 01:24:13,010
them. 
So they're making you, the fan 

1717
01:24:13,010 --> 01:24:16,170
base, turn on them so that they 
go, oh man, maybe they'll ask. 

1718
01:24:16,490 --> 01:24:17,690
They don't see the games they 
play. 

1719
01:24:17,970 --> 01:24:19,690
And that's why we're always 
divided. 

1720
01:24:19,690 --> 01:24:23,550
Because people are so selfish. 
And. 

1721
01:24:23,630 --> 01:24:28,710
So leadable I I look at some 
things that I'm just like, no, 

1722
01:24:28,870 --> 01:24:32,070
I'm not going to do that. 
And if you stand up, even if 

1723
01:24:32,070 --> 01:24:35,310
it's a good friend, which I've 
had this happen this last week, 

1724
01:24:35,830 --> 01:24:40,830
we had a difference of opinion. 
And I really believed in what I 

1725
01:24:40,830 --> 01:24:43,670
said and she really believed in 
what she said. 

1726
01:24:43,950 --> 01:24:47,830
And instead of us just sitting 
down and talking about it, you 

1727
01:24:47,830 --> 01:24:50,490
know? 
It was trying to be like, you're

1728
01:24:50,490 --> 01:24:54,610
going to do what I want or else 
I'm going to be angry and that's

1729
01:24:54,610 --> 01:24:56,050
all. 
And I'm like, that's not going 

1730
01:24:56,050 --> 01:24:59,370
to help anything, like at all 
because I'm never going to 

1731
01:24:59,370 --> 01:25:02,010
change my opinion and you're 
never going to change your 

1732
01:25:02,010 --> 01:25:04,370
opinion. 
So we can agree to disagree and 

1733
01:25:04,370 --> 01:25:07,690
still continue with our 
friendship and love, but but 

1734
01:25:07,690 --> 01:25:10,410
that's not how it goes. 
And you know that that's what 

1735
01:25:10,410 --> 01:25:13,530
causes division in things you 
know, and people can't. 

1736
01:25:13,530 --> 01:25:16,130
Well, for most people. 
We have different brains. 

1737
01:25:16,330 --> 01:25:21,060
Yeah, for me, like, I like when 
people were like, man, I hear a 

1738
01:25:21,060 --> 01:25:23,820
lot of podcasters said this, I'd
be like, man with the politics, 

1739
01:25:23,820 --> 01:25:26,300
like because people that were 
big on Trump, they're like, man,

1740
01:25:26,300 --> 01:25:28,020
I lost family members through 
Covila. 

1741
01:25:28,140 --> 01:25:30,740
I personally didn't lose anybody
because I've always been the 

1742
01:25:30,740 --> 01:25:35,100
same for such a long time that 
people know how I am and they 

1743
01:25:35,100 --> 01:25:37,420
got cut out. 
Or like, we separated a long 

1744
01:25:37,420 --> 01:25:40,260
time ago before any of this 
stuff, because I weeded people 

1745
01:25:40,260 --> 01:25:42,620
out. 
And if you're going to lose a 

1746
01:25:42,620 --> 01:25:45,600
friendship, if you're going to 
lose a family member over 

1747
01:25:45,600 --> 01:25:47,840
something so trivial, that's 
crazy to me. 

1748
01:25:48,120 --> 01:25:50,160
Like people were like ending 
friendships because they're 

1749
01:25:50,160 --> 01:25:52,280
like, he's voting Biden or he's 
voting Trump. 

1750
01:25:52,280 --> 01:25:54,760
Like at the end of the day, 
they're both a uni party. 

1751
01:25:55,080 --> 01:25:59,720
But yes, that I'm like one step 
away from anarchy because it's 

1752
01:25:59,720 --> 01:26:02,760
all selected. 
It's all selected, not elected. 

1753
01:26:02,760 --> 01:26:05,000
And it's not that I don't care 
about our country. 

1754
01:26:05,000 --> 01:26:08,680
When I say anarchy, people 
immediately think, oh, well, she

1755
01:26:08,680 --> 01:26:10,480
doesn't love America. 
No, no, no. 

1756
01:26:10,480 --> 01:26:11,960
I'm all about the Ryan 
Christian. 

1757
01:26:11,960 --> 01:26:14,950
I don't know if you listened to 
the last American Vagabond He's 

1758
01:26:14,990 --> 01:26:19,670
oh, yeah, yeah. 
He's amazing and he does all of 

1759
01:26:19,670 --> 01:26:24,390
his throw and he has open. 
Sources James Corbett is also a 

1760
01:26:24,390 --> 01:26:25,990
good one. 
Too, yes, I would listen. 

1761
01:26:26,150 --> 01:26:29,510
And so when this all started, 
the thing from 2020 that will 

1762
01:26:29,510 --> 01:26:34,670
never go away, What I did as a 
nurse is educated myself and 

1763
01:26:34,670 --> 01:26:36,830
therefore started educating 
others. 

1764
01:26:36,830 --> 01:26:40,510
And I was literally shut down by
every healthcare professional 

1765
01:26:40,830 --> 01:26:42,510
because they're like, no, that's
wrong. 

1766
01:26:42,510 --> 01:26:44,670
And I'm like, no, no, I'm not 
just telling you. 

1767
01:26:44,790 --> 01:26:48,430
This because it's my opinion. 
I'm going to show you some JAMA 

1768
01:26:48,430 --> 01:26:50,110
studies. 
I'm going to show you some math 

1769
01:26:50,110 --> 01:26:51,750
studies. 
I'm going to show you this stuff

1770
01:26:51,790 --> 01:26:54,590
and they don't want to see it. 
And at some point you just 

1771
01:26:54,590 --> 01:26:57,510
banging your head against a 
wall, you know, it's so 

1772
01:26:57,510 --> 01:26:59,270
frustrating. 
Well, you got to find the right 

1773
01:26:59,270 --> 01:27:02,270
people to breakdown evidence. 
So like, yeah, one thing that I 

1774
01:27:02,270 --> 01:27:04,950
like to point out in another 
podcast that I love a lot of 

1775
01:27:04,950 --> 01:27:06,990
people that followed me know is 
no agenda. 

1776
01:27:06,990 --> 01:27:09,790
No agenda is one of my favorite 
no agenda. 

1777
01:27:09,870 --> 01:27:12,070
And when they were breaking 
stuff down, like when they were 

1778
01:27:12,070 --> 01:27:16,370
showing exposing propaganda, so 
they remember they were saying 

1779
01:27:16,650 --> 01:27:20,890
the morgues are over flooded, 
they had to bring trucks in with

1780
01:27:20,930 --> 01:27:24,650
ice bags to to preserve the 
bodies, which was true. 

1781
01:27:25,090 --> 01:27:29,530
But the reason that that was 
happening is because people 

1782
01:27:29,530 --> 01:27:33,970
couldn't have funerals, so a 
more can only fit so many 

1783
01:27:33,970 --> 01:27:36,530
people. 
Like before we start burying 

1784
01:27:36,530 --> 01:27:38,370
things. 
Yeah, and if you're not burying 

1785
01:27:38,370 --> 01:27:40,050
them, then they. 
Have they have nowhere else to 

1786
01:27:40,050 --> 01:27:41,730
go. 
You're you're having people so 

1787
01:27:41,730 --> 01:27:45,290
it gave the illusion of these 
body stacking on body. 

1788
01:27:45,290 --> 01:27:49,010
So people are like, Oh my God, 
again with the mask, things like

1789
01:27:49,660 --> 01:27:52,820
people would see studies and 
they'll be like, it doesn't 

1790
01:27:52,820 --> 01:27:55,900
matter how much you showed. 
One of my favorite things was 

1791
01:27:56,340 --> 01:27:58,660
people. 
I would show people and even 

1792
01:27:58,660 --> 01:28:00,420
online it would happen. 
But like I would show people, 

1793
01:28:00,420 --> 01:28:04,260
I'll be like, well, how do we 
know that this PCR test is good?

1794
01:28:04,260 --> 01:28:07,500
Because even Fauci said, if you 
were, if you have it so much 

1795
01:28:07,500 --> 01:28:10,260
cycles ramped up that it's dead.
Carrie Mullis. 

1796
01:28:10,620 --> 01:28:11,340
Yeah. 
Like, yes. 

1797
01:28:11,420 --> 01:28:13,780
Well, that's what I would show. 
I would show them the Carrie 

1798
01:28:13,780 --> 01:28:17,130
Mullis video and then they would
go, where'd you find that? 

1799
01:28:17,130 --> 01:28:20,810
You and he hated invented it. 
He hated invented it. 

1800
01:28:21,010 --> 01:28:23,050
Yeah. 
And he got a Nobel Peace Prize 

1801
01:28:23,330 --> 01:28:25,210
for this. 
And you're telling me, oh, he's 

1802
01:28:25,210 --> 01:28:27,810
just some guy on YouTube? 
I'm like, no, he's the inventor.

1803
01:28:28,090 --> 01:28:31,050
No, it's not like he just don't 
smoke like me like is. 

1804
01:28:31,090 --> 01:28:33,490
It was just me saying it, OK, I 
get it. 

1805
01:28:33,810 --> 01:28:36,170
But he said, if you ramped it 
up, he said we all have 

1806
01:28:36,170 --> 01:28:38,970
molecules of all of these 
viruses and different diseases 

1807
01:28:39,130 --> 01:28:40,530
if you. 
Wrapped it up, you can find 

1808
01:28:40,850 --> 01:28:42,330
anything. 
Yep, he said. 

1809
01:28:42,330 --> 01:28:44,130
You can find anything and 
anything. 

1810
01:28:44,690 --> 01:28:47,850
And so and then he went off 
about Fauci. 

1811
01:28:48,090 --> 01:28:51,330
And there's this podcast, and 
it's tiny and it's mostly about 

1812
01:28:51,330 --> 01:28:53,690
surfing, but it's called the 
Surfers Path. 

1813
01:28:54,010 --> 01:28:56,930
And he has an episode on this 
because he was a big surfer. 

1814
01:28:57,370 --> 01:29:00,850
And so I watched it and I 
thought, Oh my gosh. 

1815
01:29:00,890 --> 01:29:02,450
And like, you would show it to 
people. 

1816
01:29:02,450 --> 01:29:05,570
But what it is, is clips of him 
speaking himself. 

1817
01:29:06,130 --> 01:29:09,810
Him himself speaking and some of
the funniest stuff is on there 

1818
01:29:09,810 --> 01:29:13,730
because he's like I told him, 
Fauci, I'd debate him anytime 

1819
01:29:13,730 --> 01:29:15,330
and he won't debate me. 
And I said. 

1820
01:29:15,570 --> 01:29:17,690
Right now. 
He's an idiot, you know? 

1821
01:29:17,690 --> 01:29:18,930
And I was like, well, I got 
that. 

1822
01:29:19,010 --> 01:29:20,450
I sampled that for one of my 
songs. 

1823
01:29:20,490 --> 01:29:22,890
So he goes, and I was saying to 
his face. 

1824
01:29:25,530 --> 01:29:29,290
And I'm just, I'm just like why 
is everybody so negative about 

1825
01:29:29,290 --> 01:29:33,530
this like you try to say 
anything and and before this all

1826
01:29:33,530 --> 01:29:36,160
happened. 
Before everything kicked off, 

1827
01:29:36,200 --> 01:29:40,200
every nurse knew that if you 
wear a mask in surgery, because 

1828
01:29:40,200 --> 01:29:43,720
they always bring up surgery and
you touch it, once it's 

1829
01:29:43,720 --> 01:29:45,600
contaminated, that's it, it's 
done. 

1830
01:29:46,080 --> 01:29:48,160
How contaminated were these 
things? 

1831
01:29:48,160 --> 01:29:51,400
And they didn't bring up the 
studies where the children were 

1832
01:29:51,400 --> 01:29:55,080
getting worms and I'm talking 
about parasites in their bum 

1833
01:29:55,360 --> 01:29:57,720
because they wouldn't wash their
hands at school because their 

1834
01:29:57,720 --> 01:30:00,960
kids and go to the bathroom and 
touch their mask and. 

1835
01:30:01,280 --> 01:30:04,440
Touch everything and and then, 
you know, put it back on and 

1836
01:30:04,440 --> 01:30:06,840
reuse the same one every day. 
And I'm like, that is 

1837
01:30:06,840 --> 01:30:09,480
disgusting. 
Literally the the thing that 

1838
01:30:09,480 --> 01:30:12,080
like I found interesting because
I listen to, like because what 

1839
01:30:12,080 --> 01:30:15,680
I'm going to do is if I am not 
aware of a situation, I'm going 

1840
01:30:15,680 --> 01:30:18,080
to go talk, listen to other 
people that know in that field. 

1841
01:30:18,520 --> 01:30:21,120
Well, what I've heard a lot of, 
a lot of nurses were saying 

1842
01:30:21,920 --> 01:30:25,360
really the whole point of a 
surgical mask is not necessarily

1843
01:30:25,360 --> 01:30:28,690
to protect from a virus. 
It's so I don't spit or like 

1844
01:30:28,690 --> 01:30:32,250
let. 
My actual, like, fluids get all 

1845
01:30:32,250 --> 01:30:34,370
over the patient and go into 
their open room. 

1846
01:30:34,690 --> 01:30:36,450
Like, you know what I mean? 
I'm cutting somebody open. 

1847
01:30:36,610 --> 01:30:39,290
It's not about they lost the 
whole thing, yeah. 

1848
01:30:39,570 --> 01:30:44,410
Unless she said that they. 
An N95 and even then the problem

1849
01:30:44,410 --> 01:30:47,850
is with an N95 and most people 
don't know this, but the guy 

1850
01:30:47,850 --> 01:30:52,290
that did the OSHA for masks came
out and spoke out about this 

1851
01:30:52,290 --> 01:30:54,690
because of the schools. 
He was so upset because they 

1852
01:30:54,690 --> 01:30:59,130
were doing this to children. 
He said even if you wore an N 

1853
01:30:59,130 --> 01:31:05,530
95, the particulate is too small
for the N 95 because it's so 

1854
01:31:05,530 --> 01:31:08,930
much smaller than tuberculosis 
and it barely filters that. 

1855
01:31:09,490 --> 01:31:12,170
So he's like, unless you have 
the crazy, my husband works in a

1856
01:31:12,170 --> 01:31:14,290
mine. 
Unless you have those kind of 

1857
01:31:14,450 --> 01:31:17,650
fitted with the crazy like 
things in the front, it's not. 

1858
01:31:17,890 --> 01:31:19,250
Going to work? 
Yeah. 

1859
01:31:19,250 --> 01:31:22,370
And the second you touch it now 
it's dirty and you'd have to 

1860
01:31:22,370 --> 01:31:25,730
change it 100 times a day like 
it's not going to happen. 

1861
01:31:26,200 --> 01:31:28,200
And they're just dirty and 
gross. 

1862
01:31:28,280 --> 01:31:32,920
And I mean, I was so naughty, 
but at work I just, I just would

1863
01:31:33,120 --> 01:31:36,840
pull it in and cons because they
were going to fire us, you know,

1864
01:31:37,200 --> 01:31:39,280
and save. 
I mean try and be a nurse and go

1865
01:31:39,280 --> 01:31:40,600
through that. 
Year. 

1866
01:31:41,400 --> 01:31:48,520
And I luckily luckily me trying 
to die all my life save my ass. 

1867
01:31:48,970 --> 01:31:51,130
Because I have such bad 
allergies and asthma. 

1868
01:31:51,130 --> 01:31:53,690
They were like, she might die if
if we give her this. 

1869
01:31:54,570 --> 01:31:57,490
Yeah, I got the only note. 
My doctor told me too. 

1870
01:31:57,490 --> 01:32:01,010
He's like, you are the only 
patient I have wrote a letter 

1871
01:32:01,010 --> 01:32:02,810
for because you might actually 
die. 

1872
01:32:03,370 --> 01:32:06,650
And I'm like, cool. 
Like, I didn't care why. 

1873
01:32:07,050 --> 01:32:08,650
I was like, cool. 
I don't care. 

1874
01:32:08,930 --> 01:32:10,490
Like, that's awesome. 
Like he really. 

1875
01:32:10,490 --> 01:32:13,530
Believes in it, yeah. 
Another nurse was talking about 

1876
01:32:13,530 --> 01:32:16,490
the N95 mask and this is like 
during the whole thing, she said

1877
01:32:16,650 --> 01:32:21,060
yeah, she said when we get one, 
first of all like to test it, 

1878
01:32:21,060 --> 01:32:24,020
they would put like a box over 
their head and spray Lysol and 

1879
01:32:24,020 --> 01:32:26,060
she goes, I would go through 
like 5-6. 

1880
01:32:26,260 --> 01:32:28,460
I would go through 5-6 until we 
found the one because you would 

1881
01:32:28,460 --> 01:32:31,980
have to keep putting it on until
I didn't smell Lysol and she was

1882
01:32:31,980 --> 01:32:34,900
like it could be 5610 and then I
finally find one. 

1883
01:32:35,540 --> 01:32:38,750
It's just people want these, 
like, reassurances. 

1884
01:32:38,750 --> 01:32:41,230
And again, they played off the 
fear in the beginning. 

1885
01:32:41,230 --> 01:32:44,470
They showed that what seemed to 
be bodies falling everywhere in 

1886
01:32:44,470 --> 01:32:46,110
China. 
So people were like, Oh my God. 

1887
01:32:46,110 --> 01:32:48,910
It scared me at first. 
I was scared as a nurse. 

1888
01:32:49,070 --> 01:32:50,350
Bet your butt. 
I was scared. 

1889
01:32:50,350 --> 01:32:52,990
I was like, I'm going to work in
this, you know? 

1890
01:32:53,470 --> 01:32:56,230
But here's the thing. 
I also knew the science. 

1891
01:32:56,230 --> 01:33:00,790
I knew like, okay, even if I 
wear this mask for you, for you,

1892
01:33:01,310 --> 01:33:03,270
I'm breathing out. 
It's not helping you. 

1893
01:33:03,670 --> 01:33:05,670
And even if you get that 
injection. 

1894
01:33:06,240 --> 01:33:08,880
It doesn't matter. 
You're not not going to spread 

1895
01:33:08,880 --> 01:33:12,320
it like and then the whole super
spreader talk and all this stuff

1896
01:33:12,320 --> 01:33:15,840
and I'm like okay you guys and 
that's why I finally started 

1897
01:33:15,840 --> 01:33:18,320
doing what you did looking For 
more information because I was 

1898
01:33:18,320 --> 01:33:20,960
like none of this makes nursing 
sense in my brain. 

1899
01:33:21,120 --> 01:33:23,400
None. 
And everybody else is just like,

1900
01:33:23,400 --> 01:33:27,400
yeah, let Cheek to the wolves. 
You know I I wasn't down like. 

1901
01:33:28,140 --> 01:33:31,540
I I I mean, I stand by what I 
said then I I'll stand by it 

1902
01:33:31,540 --> 01:33:35,460
again if it's coming on up 
because it's always planned. 

1903
01:33:35,580 --> 01:33:38,220
They're planned by each election
year. 

1904
01:33:38,220 --> 01:33:42,060
There's a plan demick. 
A plan demick and it and it's 

1905
01:33:42,100 --> 01:33:44,500
completely bold. 
I think like there is 

1906
01:33:44,500 --> 01:33:46,580
possibilities of all that. 
But I also think of like the 

1907
01:33:46,620 --> 01:33:48,660
Henry Kissinger. 
I think sometimes these things 

1908
01:33:48,660 --> 01:33:52,600
come along that they're not. 
It's don't let a good crisis. 

1909
01:33:52,640 --> 01:33:54,800
Use it. 
Yeah, don't let a good crisis go

1910
01:33:54,800 --> 01:33:57,000
to waste. 
I think that's the mentality of 

1911
01:33:57,000 --> 01:34:01,120
a lot of people I don't know. 
This one was created, I think, 

1912
01:34:01,120 --> 01:34:03,320
yeah, well, we know that there's
bio weapons and things like 

1913
01:34:03,320 --> 01:34:07,120
that, but we don't know the the 
full story of what they're 

1914
01:34:07,120 --> 01:34:09,480
trying to do. 
But at the end of the day, it's 

1915
01:34:09,480 --> 01:34:10,640
like, well, what can I worry 
about? 

1916
01:34:10,840 --> 01:34:15,110
And you can only tell people, 
like I told a lot of people, you

1917
01:34:15,150 --> 01:34:17,070
guys, Catalyst, I used to tell 
him, because we did a lot of 

1918
01:34:17,070 --> 01:34:18,790
podcasts together and he would 
be like. 

1919
01:34:19,230 --> 01:34:21,070
Oh man, they're sheep. 
They're sheep, I said. 

1920
01:34:21,070 --> 01:34:22,510
Man, you got to show them 
compassion, bro. 

1921
01:34:22,510 --> 01:34:24,230
Like they're people just like me
and you. 

1922
01:34:24,390 --> 01:34:26,630
And you know what happens when 
you start yelling at them or 

1923
01:34:26,630 --> 01:34:27,950
telling them that they're 
idiots? 

1924
01:34:28,670 --> 01:34:32,470
Right away you're reinforcing 
what the media is saying about 

1925
01:34:32,470 --> 01:34:35,430
people like me and you that are 
not disagreeing with the 

1926
01:34:35,430 --> 01:34:38,910
socalled science. 
It has to just be like a 

1927
01:34:38,910 --> 01:34:41,870
presentation. 
And like, here's one or two 

1928
01:34:41,870 --> 01:34:43,710
facts. 
You can't just bomb them either.

1929
01:34:43,910 --> 01:34:46,110
No, it has to be like, you don't
even have to tell them anything.

1930
01:34:46,190 --> 01:34:48,070
I'm talking about. 
You show like what I would tell 

1931
01:34:48,070 --> 01:34:49,470
them was. 
Like, show them facts. 

1932
01:34:49,870 --> 01:34:51,430
I would. 
No, not even like, I'm talking 

1933
01:34:51,430 --> 01:34:53,430
about just like you're going to 
the gas station, you're going to

1934
01:34:53,430 --> 01:34:54,750
the liquor store and someone's 
wearing masks. 

1935
01:34:54,790 --> 01:34:56,110
I'm gonna hold the door for 
them. 

1936
01:34:56,150 --> 01:34:57,390
Just like I was hoping to. 
Yeah. 

1937
01:34:57,390 --> 01:34:58,950
Yeah. 
But you would see. 

1938
01:34:58,950 --> 01:35:00,470
That's what I'm saying. 
I go talk to them. 

1939
01:35:01,320 --> 01:35:04,480
I'm not talking to them because 
usually you're not going to 

1940
01:35:04,480 --> 01:35:06,680
change their mind unless you 
know them. 

1941
01:35:06,680 --> 01:35:09,000
If I know them. 
But no, no, but you're 

1942
01:35:09,000 --> 01:35:10,240
misunderstanding what I'm trying
to say. 

1943
01:35:10,280 --> 01:35:12,680
I'm not talking about tell. 
I'm not going to go tell them 

1944
01:35:12,920 --> 01:35:14,400
that hey, you shouldn't be 
wearing a mask. 

1945
01:35:14,400 --> 01:35:17,600
I'm saying don't do that. 
Talk to them like a normal human

1946
01:35:17,600 --> 01:35:18,360
being. 
Be like hey how? 

1947
01:35:18,760 --> 01:35:21,680
Would you do that? 
Yeah, that's when you when you 

1948
01:35:21,680 --> 01:35:25,280
have these conversations. 
What I noticed through me being 

1949
01:35:25,280 --> 01:35:28,440
just, hey, what's going on, blah
blah blah, Not even remember, 

1950
01:35:28,480 --> 01:35:30,920
like not even thinking about 
their masks, not even care, not 

1951
01:35:30,920 --> 01:35:33,040
talking about COVID, whatever. 
You know what would happen? 

1952
01:35:33,240 --> 01:35:35,640
They would end up taking off the
mask because I would make them 

1953
01:35:35,640 --> 01:35:39,240
feel so comfortable that they're
not even thinking and and and 

1954
01:35:39,520 --> 01:35:42,400
unconsciously they're taking it 
down like oh like hey, no, you 

1955
01:35:42,400 --> 01:35:45,200
know what I meant is blah blah 
because I'm making them feel and

1956
01:35:45,200 --> 01:35:48,040
I'm not like bashing them. 
I have no idea. 

1957
01:35:48,160 --> 01:35:50,480
And when people did bring in 
like I had ups drivers come and 

1958
01:35:50,480 --> 01:35:52,000
I go. 
Look bro, if that's what you if 

1959
01:35:52,000 --> 01:35:53,440
that makes you feel better. 
I'm not. 

1960
01:35:53,880 --> 01:35:54,920
I'm not. 
It's not up to me. 

1961
01:35:55,160 --> 01:35:57,640
I'm not going to argue with you 
because I'm not going to wear 

1962
01:35:57,640 --> 01:35:59,640
one, but I'm not going to. 
I'm not going. 

1963
01:35:59,680 --> 01:36:03,400
To I don't think we should ever 
force like if they want to do 

1964
01:36:03,400 --> 01:36:07,120
it, they can do it if we if. 
But I never treated anybody 

1965
01:36:07,120 --> 01:36:10,680
worse or anything. 
And even recently, because at 

1966
01:36:10,680 --> 01:36:14,520
the grocery store as of late, 
I'm seeing them pop all up all 

1967
01:36:14,520 --> 01:36:17,520
over again and I'm like, uh oh, 
so I finally haven't read them 

1968
01:36:17,600 --> 01:36:18,360
out here. 
Really. 

1969
01:36:18,440 --> 01:36:22,070
Oh, it's so bad already. 
Like, and I, I said to one girl 

1970
01:36:22,070 --> 01:36:23,790
because it seemed to be all the 
employees. 

1971
01:36:23,790 --> 01:36:25,670
And I just said, can I ask you a
question? 

1972
01:36:26,030 --> 01:36:28,430
And she said, yeah, I said, are 
they making you do that? 

1973
01:36:28,430 --> 01:36:30,990
Are you choosing to do that? 
She said no, no, I just don't 

1974
01:36:30,990 --> 01:36:33,230
feel the best today. 
And I said I I don't mean any to

1975
01:36:33,230 --> 01:36:36,350
disrespect to you. 
I was just curious, you know, if

1976
01:36:36,350 --> 01:36:39,750
it was like a new mandate 
because I'm concerned for me as 

1977
01:36:39,750 --> 01:36:42,390
a nurse And she was like, Oh 
yeah, blah, blah, blah. 

1978
01:36:42,470 --> 01:36:44,830
But you know, I don't know. 
But what you got to understand 

1979
01:36:44,830 --> 01:36:50,330
too, is that the first message. 
So say someone's accused of 

1980
01:36:50,330 --> 01:36:52,770
something, right? 
They're falsely accused of 

1981
01:36:52,770 --> 01:36:54,330
murder. 
It's everywhere. 

1982
01:36:54,330 --> 01:36:59,850
It's on every every newspaper, 
every magazine, every news 

1983
01:36:59,850 --> 01:37:03,770
station. 
Turns out it's phony charges. 

1984
01:37:04,570 --> 01:37:06,610
You're not going to see that 
same blasted out. 

1985
01:37:06,610 --> 01:37:08,210
And that's the same thing that 
happened with this. 

1986
01:37:08,210 --> 01:37:12,090
So it was blasted. 
I wear a mask, say, be, say, 

1987
01:37:12,250 --> 01:37:13,810
man, be like, you know, don't 
kill grandma. 

1988
01:37:13,810 --> 01:37:17,650
So like, even there's nobody 
really challenging Now we'll say

1989
01:37:17,650 --> 01:37:21,290
CNN did recently half out you 
on, they did challenge him on 

1990
01:37:21,290 --> 01:37:22,970
mask. 
They go, well, what about this 

1991
01:37:22,970 --> 01:37:24,090
study? 
What about that study? 

1992
01:37:24,370 --> 01:37:30,730
I think that to me like whether 
it's Illuminati, fallen angels, 

1993
01:37:31,170 --> 01:37:33,330
Freemason, whatever, it it 
doesn't matter. 

1994
01:37:33,690 --> 01:37:37,050
It doesn't matter. 
Like at the end of the day, if 

1995
01:37:37,050 --> 01:37:39,050
you believe in God or you don't 
believe in God, if you believe 

1996
01:37:39,050 --> 01:37:43,640
in yourself, if you believe in 
the mother, the nature or the 

1997
01:37:43,640 --> 01:37:45,520
earth being, whatever you 
believe in. 

1998
01:37:46,440 --> 01:37:51,720
All that matters is do you be a 
better you try your best to not 

1999
01:37:51,720 --> 01:37:53,200
challenge it. 
Because we need these people. 

2000
01:37:53,200 --> 01:37:56,360
They're on our team, and in the 
end, us fighting with them does 

2001
01:37:56,360 --> 01:37:59,320
us no good. 
So do your best to be like, OK, 

2002
01:37:59,840 --> 01:38:03,360
if you have an opportunity and 
they're willing to talk about it

2003
01:38:03,360 --> 01:38:05,400
and they would like some 
information, give it to them. 

2004
01:38:05,640 --> 01:38:07,880
If not, just treat them like 
with compassion. 

2005
01:38:07,880 --> 01:38:09,640
Be like, hey man, I got nothing 
below for you, man. 

2006
01:38:09,760 --> 01:38:11,000
I hope everything's good with 
you. 

2007
01:38:11,630 --> 01:38:15,750
That's what is going to be way 
more effective than us yelling 

2008
01:38:15,750 --> 01:38:18,750
at them and be like you hate. 
Yes, you're you're making us all

2009
01:38:18,750 --> 01:38:21,470
like because they're not doing 
it to hurt us. 

2010
01:38:21,470 --> 01:38:25,270
Well, it makes their fear. 
Crazy and too, because then we 

2011
01:38:25,270 --> 01:38:28,670
look like what they say. 
We are like, oh, they're crazy 

2012
01:38:28,910 --> 01:38:31,910
and they're not doing this 
because they're crazy and look 

2013
01:38:31,910 --> 01:38:34,270
at the crazy people and then we 
act crazy. 

2014
01:38:34,550 --> 01:38:37,750
And I don't do that. 
I just try to little by little 

2015
01:38:37,750 --> 01:38:41,430
say things if it's appropriate, 
but if it isn't, I don't. 

2016
01:38:41,630 --> 01:38:44,590
You know, I'm not gonna bring it
up out of the blue. 

2017
01:38:44,590 --> 01:38:46,590
I'm not gonna be mean or 
disrespectful. 

2018
01:38:46,590 --> 01:38:50,030
I'm just gonna do what I would 
normally do, you know, like the 

2019
01:38:50,030 --> 01:38:54,310
great philosopher Jackie Moon 
from the Flint tropics would 

2020
01:38:54,310 --> 01:38:56,230
say. 
Everybody love everybody. 

2021
01:38:56,430 --> 01:39:00,630
Yeah, yeah, exactly. 
Because at the end of the day. 

2022
01:39:01,090 --> 01:39:03,650
At the end of the day, we're all
going to be in this literally 

2023
01:39:03,650 --> 01:39:07,610
together, just like they said. 
So at the end of the day, we all

2024
01:39:07,610 --> 01:39:13,210
have to choose how we're in it, 
how we act, how we respond. 

2025
01:39:13,490 --> 01:39:17,250
And that's all goes back to that
whole what you were saying about

2026
01:39:17,250 --> 01:39:21,770
controlling your emotion and not
being just reactive, reactive, 

2027
01:39:21,770 --> 01:39:24,610
reactive. 
And I'm a very reactive person. 

2028
01:39:24,610 --> 01:39:28,930
Or maybe I used to be more and 
now I'm just like hey. 

2029
01:39:29,250 --> 01:39:31,890
You know, and somebody even said
to me, I'm going to give this to

2030
01:39:31,890 --> 01:39:33,570
God. 
And still they were mad at me. 

2031
01:39:33,570 --> 01:39:36,050
And I said, well, me too, 
because I'm not God and I don't 

2032
01:39:36,050 --> 01:39:39,330
have the answers, you know, And 
I didn't and I don't. 

2033
01:39:39,370 --> 01:39:42,490
And so at the end of the day, 
sometimes that's really all you 

2034
01:39:42,490 --> 01:39:47,050
can do, you know, is give it up 
to whatever you said, like 

2035
01:39:47,050 --> 01:39:49,890
power, God. 
For some people, whatever that 

2036
01:39:49,890 --> 01:39:53,090
is, sometimes you're never going
to get the answer, maybe not 

2037
01:39:53,090 --> 01:39:56,520
even when you die. 
Like, we don't know. 

2038
01:39:56,600 --> 01:39:58,800
We don't even know so but if you
I. 

2039
01:39:58,880 --> 01:40:01,320
Mean. 
I believe we do, but you know, 

2040
01:40:01,680 --> 01:40:04,520
that's a different subject. 
Yeah, that's our own little, our

2041
01:40:04,520 --> 01:40:06,640
own little world of it. 
But I I totally agree. 

2042
01:40:06,640 --> 01:40:08,640
And I just think that's how we 
move forward, man. 

2043
01:40:08,640 --> 01:40:13,720
Like compassion, empathy and 
understanding and communicating 

2044
01:40:13,840 --> 01:40:15,080
proper. 
Cure because it's coming. 

2045
01:40:15,120 --> 01:40:20,080
With each other and whether we 
like it or not, something's up. 

2046
01:40:20,830 --> 01:40:24,550
Because something's changing. 
And so we all need to be better 

2047
01:40:24,550 --> 01:40:29,790
prepared this time to not be 
like that, not to be the 2020 

2048
01:40:30,470 --> 01:40:32,870
horrible. 
We, I saw some really horrible 

2049
01:40:32,870 --> 01:40:34,870
things come out in people during
that year. 

2050
01:40:34,870 --> 01:40:37,750
And I just, I don't think that's
a good way. 

2051
01:40:37,990 --> 01:40:40,510
You know, I think we need to, 
like you said, be more 

2052
01:40:40,510 --> 01:40:46,430
compassionate, be less reactive.
Even if you're extremely like, 

2053
01:40:46,430 --> 01:40:48,870
believe in something, that's 
your belief. 

2054
01:40:49,440 --> 01:40:52,120
That doesn't have to be my 
belief, but don't come at me at 

2055
01:40:52,120 --> 01:40:54,080
it now. 
If somebody comes at me, though,

2056
01:40:54,120 --> 01:40:58,400
if you come for me, I'm I'm 
going to tell you why I choose 

2057
01:40:58,400 --> 01:41:00,200
what I choose. 
Not in a mean way. 

2058
01:41:00,520 --> 01:41:02,280
I'm just going to tell you This 
is why. 

2059
01:41:02,400 --> 01:41:05,720
And you can't force me either. 
You know, well, don't I know 

2060
01:41:05,720 --> 01:41:09,040
everybody thinks that, like, 
it's going to be COVID and it's 

2061
01:41:09,040 --> 01:41:10,480
going to be these viruses all 
the time. 

2062
01:41:10,680 --> 01:41:12,640
There's going to be a little 
play of all that stuff. 

2063
01:41:12,640 --> 01:41:15,450
That's not what's next. 
What's coming up next is we've 

2064
01:41:15,450 --> 01:41:16,970
seen it for down the pipeline 
for. 

2065
01:41:17,010 --> 01:41:20,130
Project Bluebeam is coming and 
climate no I. 

2066
01:41:20,330 --> 01:41:22,450
Like we can see all that. 
You don't think they're climate 

2067
01:41:22,450 --> 01:41:24,090
change? 
Climate change? 

2068
01:41:24,410 --> 01:41:27,810
Climate already is the real fear
that they could cuz look the 

2069
01:41:27,850 --> 01:41:31,130
alien thing that's like all fun.
Like we we talk about it a lot 

2070
01:41:31,130 --> 01:41:36,970
like like Joel my cohost. 
He he's like all about nephalem.

2071
01:41:36,970 --> 01:41:38,930
Like he's like he's your 
nephalem expert. 

2072
01:41:38,930 --> 01:41:44,000
He's like, he's all about 
Nephalem and we talk about it 

2073
01:41:44,000 --> 01:41:46,800
and he's always saying like, I 
think the Blue Beam crap, all 

2074
01:41:46,800 --> 01:41:48,440
the people talking about Blue 
beam, I think it's a bunch of 

2075
01:41:48,440 --> 01:41:51,640
bogus bullcrap. 
Because what's going to happen 

2076
01:41:51,640 --> 01:41:54,880
is people are going to think 
it's this fake invasion, but 

2077
01:41:54,880 --> 01:41:58,680
it's not a fake invasion. 
It's really fallen angels that 

2078
01:41:58,680 --> 01:42:01,360
are coming down and like so and 
then he will. 

2079
01:42:01,680 --> 01:42:04,160
Get the truthers used to it. 
Nobody. 

2080
01:42:04,160 --> 01:42:06,360
He's saying that like, what's 
going to happen is like, so all 

2081
01:42:06,360 --> 01:42:09,320
the people that critically think
and that push against a lot of 

2082
01:42:09,320 --> 01:42:11,680
stuff are now so focused. 
Blue beam, Blue beam. 

2083
01:42:11,680 --> 01:42:14,490
Blue beam, blue beam that when 
they see that they're going, ah,

2084
01:42:14,530 --> 01:42:17,730
that's fake that's the hologram.
But maybe it is a hologram but 

2085
01:42:17,730 --> 01:42:19,930
maybe there's a a fallen Angel 
in there. 

2086
01:42:19,930 --> 01:42:23,370
Maybe it is something. 
But again that's not to me. 

2087
01:42:23,570 --> 01:42:27,170
I think that's more farfetched. 
Right. 

2088
01:42:27,170 --> 01:42:28,490
Like there's there's 
possibilities of it. 

2089
01:42:28,490 --> 01:42:30,970
I leave it open for all kinds of
possibilities because I don't 

2090
01:42:30,970 --> 01:42:35,130
know but what can we see right 
now we can see right now climate

2091
01:42:35,130 --> 01:42:38,650
change has been huge like they 
got the sunrise movements back 

2092
01:42:38,650 --> 01:42:41,770
and active. 
They're they they got people in 

2093
01:42:41,770 --> 01:42:44,670
fear of like, hey, we're going 
to die. 

2094
01:42:44,670 --> 01:42:46,710
We only have 10 more years. 
Even though they keep saying 

2095
01:42:46,710 --> 01:42:48,630
that like every 10 years, that's
what. 

2096
01:42:48,790 --> 01:42:51,790
We have to like, and back in the
80s it was we're all going to 

2097
01:42:51,790 --> 01:42:53,430
freeze to death. 
Remember it. 

2098
01:42:53,430 --> 01:42:58,310
Was the Ice Age the 70s with 
Leonard Nimoy and? 

2099
01:42:59,190 --> 01:43:02,590
They kept saying oh it's going 
to it's going to be another Ice 

2100
01:43:02,590 --> 01:43:04,790
Age and now they're like oh 
we're going to burn to death. 

2101
01:43:04,790 --> 01:43:07,510
And I'm not really as concerned,
but the problem with climate 

2102
01:43:07,510 --> 01:43:11,870
change is, is it's on, it's non 
like the carbon. 

2103
01:43:12,430 --> 01:43:14,870
And all the stuff they're 
talking about is they can't 

2104
01:43:14,870 --> 01:43:17,110
unprove it. 
It's like so it's such. 

2105
01:43:17,110 --> 01:43:18,910
It's like a virus. 
It's like a. 

2106
01:43:19,190 --> 01:43:21,470
Virus. 
Yeah, because they can virus 

2107
01:43:21,470 --> 01:43:23,430
you. 
Keep it forever because like, 

2108
01:43:23,870 --> 01:43:25,950
also like, that's why COVID 
extended. 

2109
01:43:25,950 --> 01:43:28,150
And this is the same reason how 
they'll get some of the climate 

2110
01:43:28,150 --> 01:43:29,350
change. 
Like, so COVID, right. 

2111
01:43:29,550 --> 01:43:31,630
People were like, oh man, I 
think I got COVID. 

2112
01:43:31,830 --> 01:43:33,070
Oh, you can't go to work for two
weeks. 

2113
01:43:33,270 --> 01:43:35,830
I remember the FedEx driver was.
Like, yeah, I had COVID, man. 

2114
01:43:35,870 --> 01:43:38,350
I was out for two weeks. 
He's telling me that. 

2115
01:43:38,350 --> 01:43:39,790
Almost like you're out for two 
weeks, huh? 

2116
01:43:40,250 --> 01:43:45,290
They had a temperature of 100 
and 506 for a week. 

2117
01:43:45,370 --> 01:43:46,690
You're dead, bro. 
Like. 

2118
01:43:47,410 --> 01:43:50,090
Dead like that's, but because 
they would use that because they

2119
01:43:50,090 --> 01:43:52,210
were, they were talking to their
bosses, they don't want to go to

2120
01:43:52,210 --> 01:43:53,530
work. 
I got COVID. 

2121
01:43:53,530 --> 01:43:56,090
I was super. 
Sick, but it depends on the 

2122
01:43:56,090 --> 01:43:57,650
person. 
I had to go to work still. 

2123
01:43:58,210 --> 01:44:00,530
Like I was pretty sick. 
I still had to go to work 

2124
01:44:00,530 --> 01:44:01,530
because nobody was there to 
work. 

2125
01:44:01,530 --> 01:44:04,650
My boss was on vacation. 
I got COVID from someone that 

2126
01:44:04,650 --> 01:44:07,930
got my buddy that took the jab. 
He went to New York, came back, 

2127
01:44:08,250 --> 01:44:11,110
got a so sick and I don't know 
because I didn't take the test, 

2128
01:44:11,110 --> 01:44:13,230
but my brother took a test and 
he took a test. 

2129
01:44:13,230 --> 01:44:14,710
They both came back positive. 
COVID. 

2130
01:44:14,750 --> 01:44:18,950
And I had to take a test because
I'm a nurse and I got sick. 

2131
01:44:19,030 --> 01:44:22,990
And so then I got, I got sick at
work because everybody was 

2132
01:44:22,990 --> 01:44:26,510
getting, you know, the shot. 
And then I got sick because I 

2133
01:44:26,510 --> 01:44:28,830
didn't. 
I think because they they, 

2134
01:44:29,030 --> 01:44:32,910
they're so funny. 
People are so gullible that they

2135
01:44:32,910 --> 01:44:35,990
believe, oh, that can't happen. 
It can't spread from person to 

2136
01:44:35,990 --> 01:44:38,410
person. 
Yes, it can, because they have a

2137
01:44:38,410 --> 01:44:42,330
rabies shot that spreads from 
dog to dog and they've had it 

2138
01:44:42,450 --> 01:44:45,890
for a long time. 
They shed it off and the other 

2139
01:44:45,890 --> 01:44:49,850
dog get some immunity from it. 
So don't tell me they don't have

2140
01:44:49,850 --> 01:44:51,850
the you know. 
Capability. 

2141
01:44:52,130 --> 01:44:55,010
Yeah, that's why like. 
No, the back, the shot. 

2142
01:44:55,170 --> 01:44:56,810
Yeah, that's shocking about this
sneezing. 

2143
01:44:56,930 --> 01:44:58,810
Yeah, you still sneeze it out. 
It still comes through. 

2144
01:44:58,810 --> 01:45:03,250
You're like, it's your daytoday 
stuff, like you shed it like Dr.

2145
01:45:03,250 --> 01:45:04,330
McCullough talked about it a 
lot. 

2146
01:45:04,450 --> 01:45:08,170
He was talking about like, yeah,
I like Doctor McCullough and I 

2147
01:45:08,170 --> 01:45:10,130
thought he said it could because
a lot of people get into the 

2148
01:45:10,130 --> 01:45:12,530
panic mode. 
He goes to me, if you took the 

2149
01:45:12,530 --> 01:45:15,930
VAX after a year, it's out of 
your system. 

2150
01:45:16,730 --> 01:45:18,250
The problem? 
Quit reading. 

2151
01:45:18,250 --> 01:45:20,450
The reason we're yes, the reason
we're seeing so much 

2152
01:45:20,690 --> 01:45:23,130
monocarditis and stuff of that 
nature is because you keep 

2153
01:45:23,210 --> 01:45:26,690
boosting every six months. 
Now you're increasing the 

2154
01:45:26,690 --> 01:45:28,330
chances of. 
Something bad to happen, It's 

2155
01:45:28,330 --> 01:45:31,930
just how it goes. 
Well, and it seems to me that if

2156
01:45:31,930 --> 01:45:34,810
people really understood about 
viruses. 

2157
01:45:35,380 --> 01:45:37,860
If you believe in them, some 
people don't with your in theory

2158
01:45:37,860 --> 01:45:40,100
I get that. 
But if you are a believer in the

2159
01:45:40,100 --> 01:45:45,220
regular way, okay everyone knows
that as a virus, when it first 

2160
01:45:45,220 --> 01:45:47,340
comes out it's the worst it's 
going to be. 

2161
01:45:47,460 --> 01:45:49,300
That's why the plague was so bad
at 1st. 

2162
01:45:49,340 --> 01:45:53,300
And then what happens? 
It gets more transmissible, but 

2163
01:45:53,580 --> 01:45:58,300
it's not as serious okay. 
So every year it should be less 

2164
01:45:58,300 --> 01:46:02,060
serious, more contagious, which 
is like the cold, the common 

2165
01:46:02,060 --> 01:46:04,480
cold. 
But now they're trying to ramp 

2166
01:46:04,480 --> 01:46:06,600
it up that all these, oh, it 
mutated. 

2167
01:46:06,600 --> 01:46:09,960
I'm like, every virus mutates. 
What are you talking about? 

2168
01:46:10,200 --> 01:46:12,320
Like this happens. 
This is normal. 

2169
01:46:12,480 --> 01:46:14,560
This is normal. 
And they act like it's not 

2170
01:46:14,560 --> 01:46:16,680
normal. 
That was my first clue that 

2171
01:46:16,680 --> 01:46:19,560
something was up, because I was.
Most people don't know that, 

2172
01:46:19,560 --> 01:46:20,720
though. 
That's The thing is you're 

2173
01:46:20,800 --> 01:46:23,520
you're talking to people. 
It's a foreign language to 

2174
01:46:23,520 --> 01:46:26,200
people that don't ever deal with
anything like that. 

2175
01:46:26,320 --> 01:46:28,400
Nurses. 
These were nurses. 

2176
01:46:28,400 --> 01:46:32,810
Being killed and I'm like, dude.
You know better, like you know, 

2177
01:46:32,970 --> 01:46:35,890
or doctors even. 
And I would tell them like you, 

2178
01:46:36,010 --> 01:46:40,010
you know, and they were like, 
no, no, that's not gotta. 

2179
01:46:40,290 --> 01:46:43,610
Cover it all and do the things 
and I'm like, that doesn't even 

2180
01:46:43,610 --> 01:46:46,370
make any sense. 
And I kind of got into it one 

2181
01:46:46,370 --> 01:46:48,770
time and he's like, you send me 
the information with the doctor 

2182
01:46:48,810 --> 01:46:52,010
and I was like, I was like on 
the button to send it. 

2183
01:46:52,010 --> 01:46:53,570
And then I was like, do you like
your job? 

2184
01:46:53,610 --> 01:46:54,890
I. 
Was like. 

2185
01:46:55,410 --> 01:46:59,570
Maybe I shouldn't send that. 
You know better Shut up. 

2186
01:46:59,690 --> 01:47:02,010
Yeah. 
I mean. 

2187
01:47:02,450 --> 01:47:06,250
Yeah, sometimes I I did still 
tell him what I what I wanted to

2188
01:47:06,250 --> 01:47:07,730
tell him. 
I just didn't want to send it, 

2189
01:47:07,770 --> 01:47:12,370
like in writing my butt in 
trouble, you know? 

2190
01:47:12,890 --> 01:47:15,090
But yeah, we can't control this 
world. 

2191
01:47:15,090 --> 01:47:18,530
Nobody can control this world. 
Not even the people that think 

2192
01:47:18,530 --> 01:47:21,010
they control this world, can't 
control this world. 

2193
01:47:21,010 --> 01:47:26,050
So we have a fight in this game.
We're not down unless we don't 

2194
01:47:26,050 --> 01:47:28,010
stick together. 
That's the thing. 

2195
01:47:28,490 --> 01:47:32,130
I think that's the biggest 
message that it should should 

2196
01:47:32,170 --> 01:47:36,210
have given to people is that if 
you're such a fool that you 

2197
01:47:36,210 --> 01:47:39,770
think that those people that are
at the high elite are going to 

2198
01:47:39,770 --> 01:47:42,650
take care of you, you think the 
government cares about you, 

2199
01:47:43,610 --> 01:47:47,290
That's hilarious to me. 
They don't, you know, or they 

2200
01:47:47,290 --> 01:47:50,490
would change a lot of things, 
but they don't do that. 

2201
01:47:50,810 --> 01:47:53,050
And so why don't they give up 
for insulin? 

2202
01:47:53,210 --> 01:47:55,210
Why don't they do other things? 
You know? 

2203
01:47:55,330 --> 01:47:56,250
No. 
They don't care. 

2204
01:47:57,250 --> 01:48:00,490
They don't care about you. 
And so the quicker you figure 

2205
01:48:00,490 --> 01:48:04,690
that out, and especially baby 
boomers, they really trust the 

2206
01:48:04,690 --> 01:48:06,450
government. 
And I mean. 

2207
01:48:06,850 --> 01:48:08,810
I looked at no man, you people 
just. 

2208
01:48:09,170 --> 01:48:10,690
Kind of trust them. 
Pretty great, man. 

2209
01:48:10,970 --> 01:48:13,650
Yeah, it's wild to me. 
It is pretty. 

2210
01:48:13,730 --> 01:48:15,130
Crazy. 
I'm like, I'm Gen. 

2211
01:48:15,130 --> 01:48:17,730
X, so I'm like, uh, uh, we hate 
everything. 

2212
01:48:17,890 --> 01:48:21,130
We're like, no, I also, I got a 
bona pick with a lot of Gen. 

2213
01:48:21,130 --> 01:48:23,730
Xers because they always try to,
they try to get a pass on 

2214
01:48:23,770 --> 01:48:25,330
everything. 
They're like, man, we didn't do 

2215
01:48:25,410 --> 01:48:28,010
anything. 
The world spoke and I'm like, 

2216
01:48:28,410 --> 01:48:30,850
man, are you telling me, man, I 
was like, you guys raise kids 

2217
01:48:30,850 --> 01:48:33,370
too, man. 
Like, don't I be like blaming it

2218
01:48:33,450 --> 01:48:34,810
on them? 
I'm just like take. 

2219
01:48:35,530 --> 01:48:39,490
Everybody's involved. 
Everybody, We're all complices 

2220
01:48:39,490 --> 01:48:40,810
in this. 
It is what it is. 

2221
01:48:41,450 --> 01:48:45,290
But but we can all change it. 
How we react the next time. 

2222
01:48:45,770 --> 01:48:49,290
I understand the fear, but we 
all saw that everybody around 

2223
01:48:49,290 --> 01:48:50,730
you didn't die. 
There were some. 

2224
01:48:50,930 --> 01:48:53,860
There were some. 
And I don't know, I have some 

2225
01:48:53,860 --> 01:48:57,860
weird little coincidence, just 
coincidences, like it hits 

2226
01:48:57,860 --> 01:49:00,420
certain races different. 
And I'm sorry, as a nurse, I 

2227
01:49:00,420 --> 01:49:05,380
recognize that that scares me. 
That terrifies me to know like 

2228
01:49:05,660 --> 01:49:07,500
that because my family's all 
mixed. 

2229
01:49:07,500 --> 01:49:11,820
So I'm like, you know what? 
That scares me, you know? 

2230
01:49:11,820 --> 01:49:15,900
But we just have to go from here
on out because they're never, 

2231
01:49:15,900 --> 01:49:17,940
you're never going to be able to
prove this. 

2232
01:49:18,340 --> 01:49:20,810
Never. 
Never, never, never, never, 

2233
01:49:20,810 --> 01:49:22,330
never. 
It's going to be just like 

2234
01:49:22,330 --> 01:49:26,290
Tuskegee and it's going to be 
shoved under a rug and you don't

2235
01:49:26,290 --> 01:49:28,770
trust the government. 
That's when people try to talk 

2236
01:49:28,770 --> 01:49:30,010
to me about trust the 
government. 

2237
01:49:30,010 --> 01:49:34,370
I'm like go read about the 
Tuskegee whole situation and and

2238
01:49:34,370 --> 01:49:37,930
other it's that's not alone. 
You know if you're a Native 

2239
01:49:37,930 --> 01:49:40,090
American and you took that, 
you're insane. 

2240
01:49:40,410 --> 01:49:42,890
You're insane. 
Like, do you know what they did 

2241
01:49:42,890 --> 01:49:45,640
to your people? 
Like, do you have any idea like 

2242
01:49:45,640 --> 01:49:46,960
you're going to trust the 
government? 

2243
01:49:46,960 --> 01:49:51,520
Like I'm not trusting anybody 
except for people I know. 

2244
01:49:51,960 --> 01:49:55,480
You know, that's for sure. 
You're close knit people and 

2245
01:49:55,480 --> 01:49:58,280
eventually if there were 
anything that happened serious, 

2246
01:49:58,640 --> 01:50:01,720
those people are going to branch
out into little communities and 

2247
01:50:01,720 --> 01:50:05,080
you'll, you'll figure out who 
your people are just like we do 

2248
01:50:05,080 --> 01:50:07,400
in podcasting. 
And I've noticed it. 

2249
01:50:07,480 --> 01:50:10,600
I'm like immediately they know 
who's BS and. 

2250
01:50:11,040 --> 01:50:13,120
Who's not, Who's truthful, Who's
not? 

2251
01:50:13,120 --> 01:50:16,760
Who's real, who's not. 
And I've watched it happen, you 

2252
01:50:16,760 --> 01:50:19,520
know, and and eventually you see
it. 

2253
01:50:19,840 --> 01:50:22,200
And so those people will band 
together. 

2254
01:50:22,240 --> 01:50:24,880
But if they think we're gonna 
lay down and let them roll over 

2255
01:50:24,880 --> 01:50:28,560
on us, it ain't gonna happen. 
No, not just not Rob. 

2256
01:50:28,800 --> 01:50:30,360
Well, not. 
There's always gonna be some of 

2257
01:50:30,760 --> 01:50:33,910
us that are going to stand up 
against stuff and people will 

2258
01:50:33,910 --> 01:50:36,670
see overtime. 
Like, well, I mean in general of

2259
01:50:36,670 --> 01:50:39,870
the world, yeah, like them 
trying to take guns or them 

2260
01:50:39,870 --> 01:50:41,950
trying to do this. 
And that's the thing that 

2261
01:50:41,950 --> 01:50:47,070
everybody wants America to fall 
because we have guns and guns 

2262
01:50:47,430 --> 01:50:50,750
when they disarm a population. 
You can look this up and we 

2263
01:50:50,750 --> 01:50:55,870
won't go into because we're long
right now, but guns give people 

2264
01:50:55,870 --> 01:50:58,420
power. 
They just do. 

2265
01:50:58,420 --> 01:51:01,460
And I'm not talking about using 
them irresponsibly or any of 

2266
01:51:01,460 --> 01:51:03,540
that, but just the fact that 
they know that they're 

2267
01:51:03,540 --> 01:51:07,900
accessible or that maybe your 
grandpa had one or whatever. 

2268
01:51:08,180 --> 01:51:10,300
They know you're not just gonna 
roll over. 

2269
01:51:10,420 --> 01:51:12,460
You know Texas ain't rolling 
nowhere. 

2270
01:51:12,660 --> 01:51:14,340
Yeah, you look at Australia, 
man. 

2271
01:51:14,340 --> 01:51:16,260
Like Australia, they're easy to 
take over. 

2272
01:51:16,260 --> 01:51:19,500
They have no guns. 
And the reason why Japan never 

2273
01:51:19,500 --> 01:51:22,840
invaded America, they say it. 
They said because if we invade 

2274
01:51:22,840 --> 01:51:25,680
America, there will be a barrel 
behind every blade of grass. 

2275
01:51:26,160 --> 01:51:32,680
Because we are a well armed 
Sicilian civilians, not just the

2276
01:51:32,720 --> 01:51:34,440
military, which the military is 
that. 

2277
01:51:34,800 --> 01:51:36,720
And Sicilians are well armed as 
well. 

2278
01:51:39,280 --> 01:51:42,360
But yeah, I agree. 
Like it's it's got to become a 

2279
01:51:42,360 --> 01:51:46,040
point where we all like if the 
crap really did hit the fan and 

2280
01:51:46,040 --> 01:51:49,480
we all had to have more of a 
nomadic society or whatever, 

2281
01:51:49,720 --> 01:51:52,040
you're gonna. 
I don't want to be able to find 

2282
01:51:52,040 --> 01:51:56,240
those people without driving 
people away because you have 

2283
01:51:56,240 --> 01:51:58,960
like you, it goes back to that 
communication and it goes back 

2284
01:51:58,960 --> 01:52:01,320
to not scaring people. 
It goes back to just treating 

2285
01:52:01,320 --> 01:52:03,440
that person that had to wear it 
for that job. 

2286
01:52:03,440 --> 01:52:06,440
And, you know, maybe they didn't
have to, but maybe they 

2287
01:52:06,560 --> 01:52:08,040
literally would be on the 
street. 

2288
01:52:08,040 --> 01:52:10,800
I don't know. 
You know, it's all about you 

2289
01:52:10,800 --> 01:52:12,720
inside. 
Some people would say that's 

2290
01:52:12,720 --> 01:52:15,200
enough and I'll go for that. 
And that's okay too. 

2291
01:52:15,520 --> 01:52:19,120
You know, I support. 
I support both so. 

2292
01:52:19,620 --> 01:52:22,020
If you feel like you can't do 
that, then that's you. 

2293
01:52:22,020 --> 01:52:24,300
And if you feel like you should 
do that, I mean, I was going to 

2294
01:52:24,300 --> 01:52:29,820
quit, you know, and that's me. 
But you can't make people do 

2295
01:52:29,820 --> 01:52:32,780
anything, you know, I totally. 
Agree. 

2296
01:52:33,580 --> 01:52:35,900
Yeah, we all just have to work 
on ourselves. 

2297
01:52:35,900 --> 01:52:37,820
I think that you mentioned that 
quite a bit. 

2298
01:52:38,460 --> 01:52:43,180
That's usually my my main, my 
main key is just like work on 

2299
01:52:43,180 --> 01:52:47,460
yourself, make yourself better. 
And then you will in turn make 

2300
01:52:47,460 --> 01:52:50,020
the world better because you 
will put more of that energy out

2301
01:52:50,020 --> 01:52:51,500
there and it will spread to 
people. 

2302
01:52:51,500 --> 01:52:54,220
Just like negative energy 
spreads, a positive energy will 

2303
01:52:54,220 --> 01:52:56,020
spread. 
And that's how we slowly but 

2304
01:52:56,020 --> 01:52:58,500
surely fix the world, little by 
little. 

2305
01:52:58,980 --> 01:53:04,540
Yes I agree 100% and try and be 
that person that is there for 

2306
01:53:04,540 --> 01:53:07,660
others that might be struggling 
because at the end of the day. 

2307
01:53:08,300 --> 01:53:11,740
You know, that's sometimes what 
little tiny thing a person 

2308
01:53:11,740 --> 01:53:15,820
needs, you know, that maybe 
might change their their whole 

2309
01:53:15,820 --> 01:53:18,820
thing, like if they were 
suicidal or whatever that day. 

2310
01:53:19,340 --> 01:53:22,340
I mean, we can't just say Oh 
well, they're degenerate of 

2311
01:53:22,340 --> 01:53:26,260
society or oh, they don't matter
or oh, that's a deadbeat dad or 

2312
01:53:26,260 --> 01:53:28,540
whatever. 
You don't know, you don't know 

2313
01:53:28,540 --> 01:53:30,420
what they went through, 
etcetera. 

2314
01:53:30,420 --> 01:53:32,700
Like we don't have to know to be
human. 

2315
01:53:33,620 --> 01:53:35,980
Get back to being human, you 
know? 

2316
01:53:36,710 --> 01:53:39,550
Stop and stop with this whole 
male bashing and drives me 

2317
01:53:39,550 --> 01:53:42,710
insane. 
Like, that really gets to me 

2318
01:53:42,710 --> 01:53:45,750
because men are supposed to be 
men and they're not supposed to 

2319
01:53:45,750 --> 01:53:48,470
think like us, but they're not 
sorry. 

2320
01:53:48,830 --> 01:53:51,230
They don't understand us either.
Well, I'm kind of a guy. 

2321
01:53:51,230 --> 01:53:55,710
Most guys do understand me. 
In my brain, I'm like, yeah, I 

2322
01:53:55,710 --> 01:53:57,910
get it. 
But like, I get that there's 

2323
01:53:57,910 --> 01:54:01,830
other people that are different.
So that's my soapbox on that. 

2324
01:54:01,830 --> 01:54:03,830
Definitely let them be part of 
their children's life. 

2325
01:54:03,830 --> 01:54:06,810
That hurts everybody. 
Whether mom or dad, doesn't 

2326
01:54:06,810 --> 01:54:08,130
matter. 
Don't hurt your kids. 

2327
01:54:08,130 --> 01:54:12,810
So that's all me. 
I don't know any other last 

2328
01:54:12,810 --> 01:54:16,650
words for you. 
Just like I said, ELE everyone 

2329
01:54:16,650 --> 01:54:19,130
love everyone. 
Yes, let's be. 

2330
01:54:19,290 --> 01:54:21,890
That let's be the change. 
Be the change. 

2331
01:54:22,490 --> 01:54:24,210
All right. 
Well, this has been wonderful. 

2332
01:54:24,210 --> 01:54:26,250
Thank you so much for talking to
me tonight. 

2333
01:54:26,770 --> 01:54:28,850
I think that's when a good way. 
I think that's when. 

2334
01:54:29,410 --> 01:54:32,490
Where it was supposed to come. 
Yeah, I love it. 

2335
01:54:33,130 --> 01:54:35,370
All right, well, I won't take up
your whole night and I know it's

2336
01:54:35,370 --> 01:54:39,250
probably getting late where you 
are, so we'll cut off there and 

2337
01:54:39,250 --> 01:54:43,130
then tell the next time and want
to plug all your things, all 

2338
01:54:43,130 --> 01:54:46,010
your socials, all your good 
stuff so they know where to find

2339
01:54:46,170 --> 01:54:48,540
you? 
Kill the mockingbirds.com, you 

2340
01:54:48,540 --> 01:54:51,940
can find everything. 
All our socials, our podcast, we

2341
01:54:51,940 --> 01:54:54,900
have a disinformation section 
where we actually put up 

2342
01:54:54,900 --> 01:54:59,260
material, different papers, 
studies, things that we think 

2343
01:54:59,260 --> 01:55:00,820
are important for people to read
on to. 

2344
01:55:01,060 --> 01:55:03,180
Go check out the Birch. 
And don't forget to check out 

2345
01:55:03,180 --> 01:55:06,580
the music. 
Sean, Chris SEANCHRIS on all 

2346
01:55:06,580 --> 01:55:08,960
music streaming platforms. 
Awesome. 

2347
01:55:08,960 --> 01:55:11,480
Definitely. 
I follow those, so I can attest.

2348
01:55:11,480 --> 01:55:13,280
Go check them out. 
You're going to like it. 

2349
01:55:13,560 --> 01:55:15,960
And I really appreciate you 
coming on tonight. 

2350
01:55:16,280 --> 01:55:18,720
Thank you again. 
All right. 

2351
01:55:18,920 --> 01:55:19,960
Thanks so much.