1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:08,080 Ephesians 521 through 33. It says, Submit to one another 2 00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:12,400 out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your 3 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:15,120 own husbands as you do the Lord. For the husband is the head of 4 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:18,680 the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, his body of which 5 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,520 he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to 6 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:25,920 Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in 7 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:29,280 everything. Husbands, love your wives, just 8 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:32,520 as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to make 9 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,880 her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the 10 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:39,720 Word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, 11 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:43,840 without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and 12 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,760 blameless. In this same way husbands ought 13 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:49,160 to love their wives as their own bodies. 14 00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:51,960 He who loves his wife, loves himself. 15 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:55,240 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed 16 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:59,480 and care for their body, just as Christ does the Church, for we 17 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:03,160 are members of His body. For this reason, a man will 18 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,440 leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the 19 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:10,120 two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery, but 20 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,720 I am. But I am talking about Christ 21 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:15,880 and the Church. However, each one of you also 22 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,680 must love. Sorry, love his wife as he loves 23 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,480 himself and the wife must respect her husband. 24 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,000 Amen. This is the word of the Lord. 25 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:31,280 Thanks be to God, there is this growing trend that's taking 26 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:33,920 place specifically more on social media. 27 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,920 It's this trend called trad wives. 28 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:39,640 As any of you any of you heard of this before, which is short 29 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,920 for traditional wives. Basically, they're these women 30 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,920 who are getting on social media and they're showcasing a more 31 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:50,840 domesticated style of life. OK, so this means they're 32 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,280 getting on on social media, showcasing themselves, making 33 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:59,320 homemade food, raising their kids, cleaning their house, even 34 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:02,960 being willing to put on a make up and a dress for their husband 35 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:04,880 even though they're staying at home. 36 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:10,000 Now, as you can imagine, this is growing some controversy out on 37 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,000 the Internet. Some people are criticizing it, 38 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,280 saying it's a step backward for women. 39 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:19,640 Others, they just say it's an unrealistic sort of nostalgic 40 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:24,240 view of a bygone era and that we don't want to go back to that 41 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:27,800 time frame. Others, however, maybe even in 42 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:31,440 some Christian circles, are celebrating the more traditional 43 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:34,280 gender roles. They're emphasizing the the 44 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:37,800 beauty of motherhood, they might say, which by the way, we would 45 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,760 all agree is one of the highest and most beautiful callings 46 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:44,080 ever. So what we're seeing is 47 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:47,000 especially with younger generations that they are 48 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:51,000 becoming women more and more are becoming open to the idea of 49 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:54,560 more traditional gender roles. There was an Australian study 50 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,920 done by The Conversation. What they found that was that 51 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,640 young women significantly increased their support for 52 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:05,720 gendered roles with the proportion who are disagreeing 53 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,440 with disagreeing with the idea of of poor gender roles. 54 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:15,160 Basically 5057% in 2010 used to think that traditional gender 55 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:20,000 roles were were no good. That's down from 57 to 43% in 56 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,840 2024. Isn't that interesting? 57 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,960 Gen. Z women are more and more into 58 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:28,040 the traditional gender roles now. 59 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,440 What's alarming, and what's alarming for a lot of different 60 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:36,200 people is that this comes at the same time that there's a spike 61 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:40,280 in the conversation around men's role in the society. 62 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:42,360 There's this thing out on the Internet. 63 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:45,240 It's called the manosphere, and you've ever heard of this? 64 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:48,040 And what it is, is it's basically a collection of 65 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:52,760 websites, blogs, and online forums that are promoting 66 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:58,800 masculinity, promoting misogyny, and promoting opposition to 67 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,480 feminism. So the manosphere includes 68 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:05,920 groups like Men's Rights Activists in Cells or which is 69 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:11,040 short for Involuntary Celibates and Pick Up Artists or Puas for 70 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:12,320 sure. Here's what's happening. 71 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:17,240 These men in the manosphere are claiming that they are now the 72 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:21,800 oppressed gender as led by men like Andrew Tate and a few 73 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,520 others. So here's what's happening in 74 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:29,080 the culture with these trends. The manosphere tells young men 75 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:32,000 they are losing a rightful status and can get it back 76 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:35,760 through hardness, discipline, and dominance. 77 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:40,280 Meanwhile, the trad wife culture tells women that freedom from 78 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:43,600 the rat race can be found in beauty, dependence and a 79 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,560 domestic order. And what we think is happening 80 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:50,000 is that because there's been so much confusion out in the 81 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:54,120 culture surrounding gender politics, because there's been 82 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:58,080 so much noise out there in regard to this conversation, 83 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,040 we're seeing that people are looking elsewhere for a sense of 84 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:04,720 structure and stability within chaos. 85 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:10,760 These two kind of different and opposing streams that we're 86 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,280 seeing, they provide a certain level of certainty and chaos. 87 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:17,120 It's sort of like saying I want control over my life, often 88 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:18,840 times pointing to a common enemy. 89 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:23,920 So the question for us today, does the Bible, does 90 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:29,040 Christianity have anything to say about men and women in 91 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:32,440 marriage, about how we should treat each other in our posture 92 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:36,760 towards one another? Are women designated to be in a 93 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:40,720 subordinate role forever to men? And are men meant to rule over 94 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:43,560 their wives and their kids and their employees? 95 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,480 That's the question we're going to address today. 96 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,920 And many of you are thinking, wow, Ben, bold choice on 97 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:50,840 Mother's Day to preach on this topic, right? 98 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,760 We had this plan before I realized what day it was because 99 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,720 we're working through an Ephesian series today. 100 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:02,840 So go easy on me. All right, No, I know today's 101 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,520 going to be encouraging for all of us today. 102 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,400 So we're going to be in Ephesians chapter 5 today. 103 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,200 We always encourage physical Bibles, but it'll be on the 104 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,280 screens as well. Just try and get this in front 105 00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:13,920 of you. It's helpful to get the whole 106 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,920 text in front of you, especially today as we're going through the 107 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,880 different passages and jumping around a bit. 108 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:23,720 OK, we've been going through an Ephesians series and the first 109 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:28,400 half is all about the victory that Christ has won for all of 110 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,880 the believers. His church talks about the 111 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:34,640 beautiful family that God is bringing together and building 112 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:37,640 now through the resurrection and victory of Christ. 113 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:41,360 So chapters one through three are basically demonstrating. 114 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:43,160 They're highlighting what has been won. 115 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:47,280 But chapters 4 through 6, where we're going to be today, it's 116 00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:51,680 emphasizing the practical nature of how we should now live. 117 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:55,160 So we're going to be in Ephesians chapter 5, and we're 118 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:59,000 going to begin in verse 15. Verse 15 it says this. 119 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:05,880 Be careful then how you live, not as unwise but as wise, 120 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,760 making the most of every opportunity, because the days 121 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:12,160 are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but 122 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:14,080 understand what the word Lord's will is. 123 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,960 Do not get drunk on wine which leads to debauchery. 124 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:22,120 Instead, be filled with the Spirit. 19 This is what it looks 125 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,840 like to be filled with the Spirit speaking to one another 126 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:27,720 with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. 127 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:31,440 Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving 128 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:35,080 thanks to God the Father for everything in the name of our 129 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:40,080 Lord Jesus Christ. So Paul begins here by saying he 130 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:46,480 he gives a series of not but statements, not as unwise but as 131 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:51,120 wise, not drunk on wine, but filled with the Spirit. 132 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:54,240 And so when Paul talks about being filled with the Spirit in 133 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:58,640 the Greek, it's the idea of he's saying be being filled with the 134 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:01,640 Spirit. This is a continual ongoing 135 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:05,520 filling of the Holy Spirit. Now, sometimes an encounter and 136 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:09,160 filling with the Holy Spirit is radical and it's powerful. 137 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:12,880 You can feel it. You feel maybe a moment of peace 138 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:15,200 or warmth or power come over you. 139 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,960 Maybe in a time of desperation. You feel a supernatural comfort 140 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:20,840 within you. And those are all wonderful 141 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:22,080 things. We encourage that. 142 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,720 We believe that the Holy Spirit moves in real and mighty ways 143 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,920 even today. He still heals, He still gives 144 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:31,280 gifts, etcetera. But Paul here gives a list of 145 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:35,240 five participles of what it looks like for the Christian to 146 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:39,360 be filled with the Spirit. The five are these speaking, 147 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:45,920 singing, making music, giving thanks and then finally our our 148 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:50,120 focus today submitting to one another. 149 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:53,080 OK, so do you see how this passage is kind of laid out, 150 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,840 Paul saying be continually filled with the spirit. 151 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:59,120 This is what this looks like. It's not always in like, you 152 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:02,720 know, tingles down your back or goose pimples or anything like 153 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,120 that, but rather being filled with the Holy Spirit is 154 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:09,400 exhibited by these things, including submitting to one 155 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:12,800 another. You with me so far, Harold 156 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:17,800 Honour puts it this way with the indwelling meaning like the the 157 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,840 Holy Spirit living in us. He says with the indwelling, 158 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,360 each Christian has all of the Spirit. 159 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,920 Amen. He says, but the command to be 160 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:31,760 filled with the Spirit enables the Spirit to have all of the 161 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,280 believer. Wow. 162 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,440 So when we have when we have the Holy Spirit, we have all of the 163 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:39,400 Holy Spirit, but being filled with the Spirit is allowing the 164 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:43,040 Spirit to have all of us. You with me, OK, I hear you. 165 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,120 I hear you a little bit. That's good. 166 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,720 And so Paul specifically, he gets into three different, three 167 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:51,480 different sort of relationships in which this is lived out. 168 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,720 He talks about submission to wives, to husbands, husband to 169 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:58,200 wives, children to parents, parents to children, slaves to 170 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,720 masters, masters to slaves. Ephesians 5, verse 21. 171 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,080 Take a look at it. Ephesians 521. 172 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,200 This is the banner text. This is the most important thing 173 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,800 we are going to cover today. Paul writes this. 174 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:19,040 Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ, submit to 175 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:22,400 one another out of reverence for Jesus. 176 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,760 In the Greek, this is the word hypotasomanoe. 177 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,160 It's in the present passive participle. 178 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:33,840 So again, it's the idea of an ongoing willing yielding to one 179 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:39,280 another, yielding to your spouse and whatever relationship you're 180 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,600 in. And so the command to be 181 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:46,440 submitted to one another in verse 21 is the banner 182 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:50,560 instruction over this entire passage all the way through 69. 183 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:55,520 So this is sort of the umbrella by which everything else falls 184 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,480 underneath it. Does that make sense? 185 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:02,040 And So what we see here is Paul is commanding and instructing 186 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:05,240 the believers in the churches of Ephesus to practice something 187 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,680 called mutual voluntary submission. 188 00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:11,120 It's mutual because it involves both parties. 189 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:15,240 It's together, it's voluntary, and that it's freely done or 190 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,080 it's consensual if you want to use that word. 191 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,560 And it's also submission, meaning there is a humble 192 00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:23,600 yielding happening with one another. 193 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:29,200 So if someone were to come up to me and say, hey, Ben, how would 194 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:32,640 you describe your relationship with Susan Susan's my wife? 195 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,320 How would you describe the relationship between my wife and 196 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,560 I? We would likely say something 197 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:41,120 like this. Susan and I are continually 198 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:44,880 submitted to one another. Right, babe? 199 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:45,840 We would say something like that. 200 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:48,920 OK, She's nodding her head. Let the record show she's 201 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:50,920 nodding her head. Took a risk there. 202 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:52,200 It paid off. We did not plan that. 203 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:56,520 OK, continually submitted to one another. 204 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,400 But this is so difficult in a marriage, is it not? 205 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:04,080 As a matter of fact, since the since the beginning of time, 206 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,520 since the beginning of man, this has been a problem for men and 207 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:09,960 women. In chapter 3 we see already how 208 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:13,680 difficult it is. Genesis 3 we see that beginning. 209 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:16,360 God had made everything good. He made it beautiful, He made it 210 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,760 perfect. He made man and woman to be in 211 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:21,240 relationship with one another and with Him. 212 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:26,280 But then man rebelled and he sinned and entered in the curse. 213 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:32,320 And part of this curse, part of the part of the byproduct of 214 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:36,200 man's sin, is found in chapter 316 in Genesis. 215 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:41,440 The curses, your desire will be for your husband and he will 216 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:45,800 rule over you. This is not God's intended 217 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:49,000 design for marriage. Rather, this is the natural 218 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,840 consequence of a broken and fallen world. 219 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,320 This is the curse. Does that make sense? 220 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,800 Human beings, you and I believers in Christ. 221 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:59,600 We are designed to reverse the curse through Christ likeness. 222 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:03,920 More and more we see the battle of the sexes playing out all 223 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:07,040 over in our culture. It's been going on since the 224 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:12,040 dawn of man. Now, in Paul's day, no surprise, 225 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:15,880 there was also power plays taking place to which he was 226 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:19,560 likely addressing. In fact, in the Greco Roman 227 00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:22,280 society, there was these things called household codes. 228 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:25,800 It was basically the ethic and the rule of the day. 229 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,040 So this is a quote from Aristotle. 230 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,880 You maybe heard of him. Great guy, pretty smart. 231 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:36,080 This highlights the thinking and the understanding of how 232 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,840 households should run in their day. 233 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,240 This is what he says of household management. 234 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:44,560 We have seen that there are three parts. 1 is the rule of a 235 00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:50,080 master over slaves, another of a father and 1/3 of a husband. 236 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:56,040 A husband and father rules over wife and children. 237 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,840 Sheesh. Kind of harsh there, Aristotle. 238 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:02,200 OK, notice how he's only addressing the men here. 239 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:04,960 He's addressing the masters, the fathers, and the husband. 240 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:08,240 Notice the language he says they are to rule over their 241 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:11,960 respective partners there. He's only addressing the men. 242 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,920 Aren't we glad we followed Jesus and not Aristotle? 243 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:20,240 OK Paul, on the other hand, is subverting this. 244 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,400 He flips this completely on its head. 245 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:29,680 Instead, he addresses everyone as equal moral agents, starting 246 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:32,520 with the wives first, That's significant. 247 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:36,320 Paul is doing something here in this passage that we're 248 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,040 addressing. Ben Witherington, the third. 249 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,520 He's a scholar. He puts it this way. 250 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:45,560 Paul, by placing this verse here, is critiquing the normal 251 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:48,160 understanding of household relationships, where only a 252 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:51,520 certain members of the household are doing the submitting or 253 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:55,520 serving. Not in the Christian Church, 254 00:14:55,720 --> 00:15:01,560 says Paul, where everyone should submit to and serve everyone 255 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,360 else out of reverence for Christ. 256 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:10,760 Paul's subverting it on purpose. So then what he does next is 257 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,440 Paul's saying, hey, I'm doing something different. 258 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,360 I know you've been told it's one way in the culture, but watch 259 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,680 this. So he begins by addressing each 260 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,920 individual, beginning with the wives, giving them dignity and 261 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:26,040 priority. Ephesians 522 wives submit to 262 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:29,560 your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 263 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,920 So he begins by addressing specifically how the wives are 264 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:37,880 to submit to one another. First we need to understand 265 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:42,720 something about 22 is that 22 doesn't make sense except for 266 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:45,280 when you look at the verse right before it, 21. 267 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:49,160 In other words, that word submit isn't actually in the Greek. 268 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:53,520 So it should say something like this, submitting to one another. 269 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:58,600 That's 21 wives to your husband's, and so he's 270 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:02,760 illustrating how the submission should look in each individual 271 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,040 context. The new Living Translation 272 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,520 actually gets this right and communicates it quite well. 273 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:10,720 It says submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 274 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,560 For wives, this means to your husbands. 275 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,320 For husbands this means love your wives. 276 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,440 So does that make sense? So again, the banner 277 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:24,320 instruction, submit to one another out of reverence for 278 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,880 Christ, submit to one another. Here's how it looks in each 279 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,040 individual context for each person. 280 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:34,880 So the instruction then to the wives flows from the previous 281 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:38,600 thought in verse 21. In other words, they're 282 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,640 inseparable. You can't just start preaching 283 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:43,560 verse 22 without preaching 21. That's significant. 284 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:49,720 In other words, verse 22 submits to verse 21. 285 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:51,440 That's an easy way to remember that. 286 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:54,200 You're welcome. This matters when it comes to 287 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,760 controversial passages when let's say wives submit to your 288 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:57,720 husbands. Does that make sense? 289 00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,760 This is why we're taking time to address this. 290 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:03,880 He continues on Paul in verse 23, verse 23. 291 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:08,400 Wives submit to your husbands for the husband is the head or 292 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,280 or sorry is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the 293 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,119 church, his body of which he is the Savior. 294 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:18,280 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should 295 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,520 submit to their husbands in everything. 296 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:24,440 Now there's some controversy over the word head of the wife. 297 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,520 What exactly does that mean? There's a little bit of debate 298 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:31,360 over this, but the scholarship leans towards interpreting the 299 00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:34,680 word kephalae, which is the Greek word for head. 300 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,760 Kephalae is commonly most literally translated as a 301 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:44,360 literal head, as in a crown of thorns on Jesus's kephalae. 302 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,280 Does that make sense? So it's often times it's a 303 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:50,600 literal head, but when it's used metaphorically in the ancient 304 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:54,640 Greek, it means the origin or the source of something. 305 00:17:55,200 --> 00:18:01,120 So for instance, the spring or a fountainhead is the source in 306 00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:04,120 the beginning of a river. We see this is how it's used 307 00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:06,600 contextually in Greco Roman societies. 308 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,960 That make sense. So the head then is the source 309 00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:12,880 or the origin. The scholars over at the Bible 310 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,640 Project, whom I love, they write it this way. 311 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:20,320 The physical head in ancient Greek thought was assumed to be 312 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:23,880 the source of the body's functions, the source of 313 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:27,560 information, perception and provision for the entire body. 314 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:33,240 In Ephesians 522 and 23, Paul portrays the husband as the head 315 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:38,960 of the wife, primarily in terms of source, as an allusion to 316 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:42,840 Adam and Eve and as the story shows, where the woman was made 317 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:47,160 out of the man. So if you've been in church long 318 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:51,720 enough, you've heard about how Eve came from Adam's what rib, 319 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,720 right? Better translation is Adam's 320 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:57,520 side connotating equality, connotating nextness. 321 00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,920 OK. And So what what we're seeing 322 00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:03,880 here is that woman, it's her source. 323 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:07,080 And the story of Adam and Eve woman's source was literally 324 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,960 Adam. Does that make sense? 325 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:12,120 He is the head in this terminology. 326 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:17,520 We see in the in the beginning that when God created man and 327 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:20,320 woman, He created them to be equal leaders. 328 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:23,720 Genesis 218 the Lord said it is not good for man to be alone. 329 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:27,440 I will make a helper suitable for him. 330 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,600 In the Hebrew this is the phrase azare connecto. 331 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:37,400 Azare is used for military might, as in a rescuer military, 332 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:41,240 military aid, and it's also used 16 times for God. 333 00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:45,120 The word azare is used to describe God as Israel's rescuer 334 00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:48,160 and helper. The word connecto is the idea of 335 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:51,080 a face to face equal. There's the idea of there's 336 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:52,920 difference in gender and sexuality. 337 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,760 Yes, there's difference, but there's a quality. 338 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:57,840 They're standing face to face with one another. 339 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:02,640 So helper suitable isn't maybe the best translation. 340 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:05,240 For this, it's not strong enough. 341 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:09,680 Perhaps a better paraphrase is God is saying this when it comes 342 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,640 to woman being made from man. God is saying I will make a 343 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:17,680 partner equal to him and that a beautiful picture. 344 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:22,640 And what's their job? What's their role to rule over 345 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:26,000 creation together. This is the calling for men and 346 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:30,000 women, wives and husbands, to rule over creation as equals 347 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:34,520 with one another. Doctor Cynthia L Westfall puts 348 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:38,360 it this way again, going back to the idea of men being head over 349 00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:41,200 their wives. She says Adam is appropriately 350 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:45,760 Eve's head by virtue of being her origin and source, and Eve 351 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:50,360 is in turn his body by virtue of their unity as one flesh. 352 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,840 From here, Paul finds an interpretive correlation between 353 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,080 Eve created from Adam and the traditional cultural 354 00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,800 relationship between husbands and wives in the Roman world 355 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:03,400 where the husband is the benefactor and patron of the 356 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:07,400 wife from whom she derives her identity and the necessities of 357 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:09,760 life. During the Greco Roman society, 358 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:14,320 women very much relied on their husbands for provision, for 359 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:17,240 status, etcetera. They didn't have the ability to 360 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:20,440 be legal witnesses, they didn't have rights in this case, and so 361 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,720 the husband was very much to take care of the wife. 362 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:29,040 So 3 verses, 3 verses here about wives submitting to their 363 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,080 husband and what that looks like in their context. 364 00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:35,520 Now, 9 verses dedicated to the husbands. 365 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:40,080 OK, here we go husbands, how are we supposed to be submitting? 366 00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,240 Verse 25? This is what it says for us. 367 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:46,960 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and 368 00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:50,160 gave himself up for her, to make her holy by cleansing her by the 369 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,080 washing with water through the Word, and to present her to 370 00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,920 Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any 371 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:59,680 other blemish, but holy and blameless. 372 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:03,640 What a vision, verse 28. In the same way, husbands ought 373 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:07,080 to love their wives as their own bodies. 374 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,720 He who loves his wife loves himself. 375 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:12,800 After all, no one has ever hated their own body, but they feed 376 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:16,240 and care for their body, just as Christ does the Church, for we 377 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:20,360 are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave 378 00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:25,280 his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two 379 00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:28,680 will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery, but 380 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:34,160 I'm talking about Christ and the Church, so here. 381 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:38,880 The instruction for husbands, then, is to love, love your 382 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:44,160 spouse as Christ loved the church, to lay down your life 383 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:48,440 for your wives, to be willing to sacrifice, to be willing to give 384 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:52,480 yourself up, to take care of your spouse as if you're taking 385 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,480 care of your own body. We all take care of our own 386 00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:56,960 bodies, right? We feed it, we clothe it. 387 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,200 You're here today. You look great, by the way. 388 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:02,120 In the same way, we're meant to be taking care of our spouses. 389 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:08,000 Now we see verse 33, which is sort of the bottom piece of 390 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,200 bread on the submission sandwich. 391 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,160 OK. This is the kind of the summary 392 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,200 verse here for what we just read. 393 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:21,040 However, each of you must also love his wife as he loves 394 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:26,440 himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 395 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,680 So the summary verse is here. Let me summarize it. 396 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:36,320 Husbands love your wives. Wives respect your husbands. 397 00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:40,040 This is the intention that Paul is trying to communicate here. 398 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:44,840 All under the banner of submit to one another out of reverence 399 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:46,320 for Christ. Here's the point. 400 00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:53,680 This passage is not about enforcing submission on others, 401 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:59,480 but Paul is calling all believers to willingly adopt 402 00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:04,760 Jesus's posture of submission. Jesus himself was willing to 403 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:08,480 submit himself to the Father's will to come to earth and and 404 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,200 pay the ultimate price of death on the cross for your sins and 405 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,320 for my sins. That all who believe in Him put 406 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:16,400 their faith in Him and confess Him as Lord will be saved. 407 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,440 He was willing to submit Himself to the even the authorities over 408 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,880 Him being nailed to a cross for you and for me. 409 00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:27,440 If Jesus can do it, so can we. This is the posture that we are 410 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:30,600 meant to adopt. Paul was intentionally 411 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:34,200 challenging the oppressive ruling power dynamics of men 412 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:39,120 over women in his time. There are many people who look 413 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:41,960 at Christianity Today and they look at us and they say, oh, the 414 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:46,720 Bible really that antiquated ancient texts that does that 415 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:49,520 really have any say over my life today? 416 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:54,680 Isn't the Bible used to domineer over women and keep us stuck in 417 00:24:54,720 --> 00:25:00,200 the past? Well, potentially, And yes, 418 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:03,320 certain verses have been used to do just that. 419 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:09,120 However, the science tells a different story about the role 420 00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:11,120 of religion and marriage satisfaction. 421 00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:15,160 Here's a study. The 2019 study by the Institute 422 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:19,240 of Family Studies found that highly religious couples 423 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:23,320 actually have the most marital satisfaction and the most sexual 424 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,240 satisfaction. By the way, kind of interesting. 425 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,640 Just a little heads up. If you want to have great sex, 426 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:30,720 be religious, I guess. OK, strike that from the record, 427 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:35,040 OK, The National Survey of Families, check this out. 428 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:38,920 The National Survey of Families and Household also found that 429 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,040 check this out. Church going. 430 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:45,400 Evangelical Protestant husbands were the least likely to be 431 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:49,640 engaged in domestic abuse. OK, so pause here for a second. 432 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:55,040 Church going evangelical Protestant men were the least 433 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:58,280 likely to engage in domestic violence. 434 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:00,360 So that's that would be us here today. 435 00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:04,840 We're in church Protestant non Catholic evangelical men least 436 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:09,120 likely to engage in domestic abuse scientifically, the data 437 00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:13,840 shows. Now here's the caveat to this. 438 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:18,640 The opposite is actually true for the men who don't actually 439 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:22,760 go to church. Meaning men who claim to be 440 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:27,640 Christian but don't actually go to church are some of the worst 441 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:31,640 offenders when it comes to domestic abuse, evidently. 442 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:36,680 Evidently, if you take passages like these and you use them to 443 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,880 domineer over your spouse, problems happen. 444 00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:43,960 If you take passages like these, but you're not actually 445 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,440 following in the way of Jesus in your real life by attending 446 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:50,240 church and being discipled and being in community and learning 447 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:53,960 what the text actually says. Evidently that is damaging to 448 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,760 women and relationships and damaging to the reputation of 449 00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:58,240 Christians out in the broader world. 450 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:01,160 Would you agree? Listen, this is important, guys, 451 00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:04,520 when it comes to passages like these, you cannot just preach 452 00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:06,760 verse 22, wives, submit to your husbands. 453 00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:11,160 You have to preach verse 21, submit to one another out of 454 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,200 reverence for Christ. Does that make sense? 455 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:16,600 So husbands, keep coming to church. 456 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,000 Way to go, man, You're here. Keep going to church. 457 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:22,520 Wives, respect your husbands and love them. 458 00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:27,760 Well, you hear the passion here because a lot of damage has been 459 00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:32,080 done by men claiming to be Christian who cherry pick 460 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,400 certain passages to mean certain things that they did not mean 461 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:36,680 that Paul did not intend for them to mean. 462 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:40,160 We have to get clear about some of the stuff and what the text 463 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,800 actually says and what Paul is trying to do. 464 00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:48,480 Husbands, love your wives. Wives, respect your husbands. 465 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:53,480 The text does not support any kind of male dominance or 466 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:55,800 domestic abuse. The text does not support 467 00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:59,360 telling that women must submit in silence or discouraging women 468 00:27:59,360 --> 00:28:01,320 from using their gifts and leadership in the church or 469 00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:03,240 teaching in the church. That's not what the text says. 470 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:09,080 So the question becomes then, what does submission actually 471 00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:13,680 look like in each of these various dynamics that Paul is 472 00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:16,960 mentioning? So under under again the banner 473 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,600 of submitting to one another, there's various different 474 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:21,840 instructions that Paul gives. We just mentioned two of them. 475 00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:25,480 So wives, submission means yielded respect to your 476 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:27,720 husbands. For husbands, this means 477 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:30,080 submission through sacrificial love. 478 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,440 Later on next week, we'll talk about children submission 479 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:36,480 through honouring obedience. For parents this means 480 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,760 submission through non provoking training. 481 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:43,400 For slaves this means submission by respectful obedience unto the 482 00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:44,600 Lord. Pause here. 483 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:47,280 This is not an endorsement of slavery at all. 484 00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:49,640 And matter of fact, Paul elsewhere says if you can get 485 00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:51,320 free from slavery, please do that. 486 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,920 What Paul is saying if you find yourself in a circumstance like 487 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:56,800 this, this is how you are to submit. 488 00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,960 Does that make sense? And so for masters, same thing, 489 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:05,320 submission to your slaves by non threatening equity and respect. 490 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,920 So Paul's saying submit to one another. 491 00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:10,800 Here's how it looks. Wherever you find yourself, 492 00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,560 whatever context you find yourself in, whatever 493 00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:17,000 circumstance you find yourself in, this is how it should play 494 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,240 out. Whether you're a married, 495 00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:21,240 whether you're parenting, whether you're a slave, and 496 00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:23,640 each. Paul's goal here is not to 497 00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:27,520 reinforce or codify the hierarchical or domineering rule 498 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:31,120 of law for his day. Rather, he subverts it, 499 00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:37,360 acknowledging, dignifying, and giving credit to each member of 500 00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:44,240 the relationship, women and men, children and parents, slaves and 501 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:47,360 masters. All right, So what does this 502 00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:50,440 look like for us here today? Some application points #1 503 00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:54,840 believers are called to continually yield to one another 504 00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:59,080 regardless of cultural norms. And the church said Amen, Amen. 505 00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:02,240 Regardless of what's going on in the culture around us. 506 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,480 In other words, it doesn't matter if like, you know, the 507 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:07,200 Internet and the manosphere is saying men, we got to take back 508 00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:10,480 our rightful, rightful place and domineer women, they're 509 00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:12,680 oppressing us now. It doesn't matter, you know, if 510 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:16,800 the trad wives are going back to sort of a 1950s version of 511 00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:20,640 gender roles regardless of cultural norms any anyway the 512 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:24,000 cultural swings, it doesn't matter because in other words, 513 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:28,000 the focus isn't on who's in power, who's better, or who's in 514 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,840 control. What Paul is saying here is that 515 00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:34,160 all are equal under Christ Jesus. 516 00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,480 All are equal. He reiterates this in Galatians 517 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:40,000 3. There is neither Jew nor 518 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:45,400 Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female. 519 00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:51,040 For you are all read it with me one in Christ Jesus. 520 00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:55,480 The focus instead is how to submit within your unique 521 00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,960 relational context wherever you find yourself in submit. 522 00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:05,920 So what is Christian submission and what is it not #1 being 523 00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:10,240 submitted in marriage is not obedience, subordination, 524 00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:15,560 passivity, or neglecting your leadership responsibilities. 525 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:19,240 The older generations, you know, the boomers and above, they've 526 00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:20,800 gotten a little bit of criticism. 527 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:22,800 First of all, we want to honour that generation. 528 00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:24,880 A lot of great came out of that, especially the greatest 529 00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:27,160 generation. But the criticism was that for a 530 00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:30,440 lot of the men, they were detached from parenting and 531 00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:33,360 child rearing, right? And so studies show that 532 00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:36,840 actually millennial men's or millennial dads are some of the 533 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:40,360 most engaged in changing diapers and hanging out with their kids, 534 00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:42,800 which I think we can take a moment to celebrate, right? 535 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:46,400 That's a good thing. Moms are more engaged than ever. 536 00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:49,200 There is a beautiful thing that's happening where men are 537 00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:53,760 no longer saying that's the woman's role, that's her job to 538 00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:55,920 take care of the kids and be affectionate and change their 539 00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:57,760 diapers. There is a there's a swing 540 00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:59,200 happening, which is a good thing. 541 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,880 And so being submitted then are these things. 542 00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:08,280 It's releasing of control. It's choosing humility and it's 543 00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:12,000 being others focused. In other words, it's mutual 544 00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:17,720 voluntary submission. Now, there's a caveat here, 545 00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:19,280 right? We got to have a disclaimer here 546 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:23,240 when we're talking about this. There are in fact limits to 547 00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:27,680 submission, OK? Obviously, in cases of domestic 548 00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:31,680 abuse, in the case where your spouse is trying to lead you to 549 00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:35,440 do something that is ungodly and directly counteract scripture, 550 00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:37,720 of course there are limits to that. 551 00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,880 Does that make sense? So I share that to say like, 552 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,120 like this isn't just a blind, blind submission. 553 00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:46,680 There are certain limits in particular cases. 554 00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:51,120 So the question obviously becomes, and I hear it a lot. 555 00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:53,360 OK, Ben. So then who leads in the 556 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,640 marriage? Who leads? 557 00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:59,520 And we need to be careful here because sometimes what people 558 00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:03,160 are actually asking is who's in charge in a marriage, OK? 559 00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:04,840 This is a different, different question. 560 00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,680 We need to be reminded that marriage is a covenantal 561 00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:12,120 relationship, not a hierarchical, hierarchical chain 562 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:15,520 of command. An overemphasis on the power 563 00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:19,720 dynamics often times is a sign of a deeper issue going on. 564 00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,960 Maybe, for instance, it's a sign of emotional neglect. 565 00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:28,880 Maybe a husband is neglecting a wife's emotions and they're not 566 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,080 loving them and supporting them in the way that they need to. 567 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:35,440 Or the inverse, maybe maybe the spouse is withholding some 568 00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:38,640 respect from her husband. He's feeling degraded and so on, 569 00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:40,760 so forth. So usually when couples are 570 00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:42,880 like, well, yeah, but yeah, but who makes the call? 571 00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:46,600 Often times there can be something going on deeper there. 572 00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:51,200 OK, but who leads in your marriage, Ben? 573 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:54,560 OK, here's what I would say. Here's who leads in my marriage. 574 00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:59,600 Jesus leads in our marriage. OK, Hang with me. 575 00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:03,000 Hang with me. Jesus is the one that ultimately 576 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:07,160 leads. We both follow and in doing so, 577 00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:10,199 we both lead our family together. 578 00:34:11,199 --> 00:34:13,679 This is what I believe Paul is presenting before us. 579 00:34:13,679 --> 00:34:16,719 We are both leading in our family as we follow the true 580 00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:20,400 leader, as we follow his model of servant leadership, which is 581 00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:24,400 laying down his life for others. Practically speaking, this means 582 00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:27,520 that Susan and I have agreed upon roles and responsibilities 583 00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:31,400 and they're not based on gender specifically, OK, We each have 584 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,880 different giftings and callings. We each have different passions, 585 00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:37,920 OK. So for instance, this is, this 586 00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,800 is maybe an inverse for a lot of families or traditional family 587 00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,360 values. So, for instance, my wife 588 00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:45,600 handles all of the finances in our home. 589 00:34:46,199 --> 00:34:48,360 She tracks every single transaction we make. 590 00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:52,040 She puts it in our budget. She sends off checks for the tax 591 00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:53,520 and IRA. She collects all of those 592 00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:55,840 documents. She does a phenomenal job. 593 00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:58,400 Yeah. Bimbo, why don't why don't you 594 00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,360 take care of that? Here's why. 595 00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:05,720 When we were both in college, I was studying Greek words and 596 00:35:05,720 --> 00:35:08,360 Hebrew, and she was studying business management. 597 00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:11,000 OK. Does that make sense to people? 598 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:15,880 OK, we use our, we use our God-given giftings, our passions 599 00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:18,960 or whatever. And then we define the roles not 600 00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:21,800 around gender, but around giftings as God leads. 601 00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:23,560 Does that make sense? And so that's going to look 602 00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:26,320 radically different for each of your individual contexts. 603 00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:30,920 But the point is we lead together because we are on 604 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:34,680 mission together. We're on mission together. 605 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:36,400 We're heading in the same direction. 606 00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:41,840 So many petty squabbles and power plays are usually 607 00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:45,480 diminished when the couple has a common vision and a common 608 00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:47,440 mission for what their marriage is and where their family's 609 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,760 headed. All the petty stuff just kind of 610 00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:52,240 goes away. Same is true in a church, by the 611 00:35:52,240 --> 00:35:54,720 way, right? We, we spend very little time 612 00:35:54,720 --> 00:35:57,880 when there's like little, little complaints or little comments 613 00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:02,160 about like preference oriented things in the church, like the, 614 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:05,280 the, the volume of the music or what kind of coffee we use, 615 00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:07,720 right? We don't really care about some 616 00:36:07,720 --> 00:36:10,160 of that stuff. It's not because we're mean, 617 00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:13,200 it's because we're on mission to make disciples and that's what 618 00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:14,480 matters most. Does that make sense? 619 00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,280 And so in the marriage, the same thing has to be true. 620 00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:20,280 What are you aiming at? What are you headed towards? 621 00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:23,360 Because all the little petty stuff can can diminish and 622 00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:25,720 decrease as long as you're following Christ together, 623 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,600 making disciples and leading your household towards him. 624 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:31,440 You need mission alignment in a marriage. 625 00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:34,960 You with me? We got to have it, John. 626 00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:38,320 Mark Homer says that this way, couples who exist simply for one 627 00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:42,520 another are doomed to failure. Marriage is a means to an end. 628 00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:45,760 It exists for something larger than itself. 629 00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:49,680 So for the singles in the room, first of all, welcome. 630 00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:52,600 We're glad you're here. In no way do I mean to elevate 631 00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:54,920 marriage as a better or higher status. 632 00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:57,400 As a matter of fact, Paul would almost indicate the opposite, 633 00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:00,600 which is kind of cool. Singleness is a high calling. 634 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:03,280 And it's it's wonderful. But you may be asking the 635 00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:05,480 question like, OK, so who should I marry then? 636 00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:10,360 And I would say this, marry whomever has mission alignment 637 00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:13,040 with you. Marry someone you love being 638 00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:15,240 around, but it has to have mission alignment. 639 00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:18,000 And yes, there's natural chemistry and desire that takes 640 00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:20,240 place. But are you pointed towards the 641 00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:22,400 same thing? I was recently in my 642 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:26,040 discipleship band and one of my members is very, very wise. 643 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,600 And he basically posed this question. 644 00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:32,320 Like when it comes to choosing a spouse, you have to ask, is she 645 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:36,400 on your team, right? Is she your ride or die? 646 00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:40,520 Is he on your team? Is he going to go with you for 647 00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:42,520 thick or thin chasing Jesus with you? 648 00:37:42,720 --> 00:37:45,480 Why? Because if, if you're on mission 649 00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:50,520 together, you can both share the yoke together as you're working 650 00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:55,200 towards the same mission, equally yoked, not tilted one 651 00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:58,080 way or the other, not fighting one another, but equally yoked 652 00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:00,960 towards Jesus, towards the Master. 653 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:04,360 Now I'm preaching to myself as I say all of this. 654 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:06,160 Let me just let me just stop for a second, OK? 655 00:38:07,720 --> 00:38:10,600 As I was writing the sermon, there was a moment where I had 656 00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:13,960 to pause and be like, oh crap, I forgot to do the dishes. 657 00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:16,920 You know what I mean? And I had to go and do the 658 00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,480 dishes, right? Because I'm yielded to, to what 659 00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:23,640 we agreed on, right? And a little more seriously, 660 00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:25,960 there was a moment I was writing the sermon. 661 00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:28,120 I'm like, Oh my goodness, I don't know that I'm, I'm 662 00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:29,600 yielding at all. I don't know that I'm doing well 663 00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:30,720 at this. I don't even know if I have a 664 00:38:30,720 --> 00:38:32,200 right to preach this this weekend. 665 00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:38,160 And so honestly, I just took a moment where I sat down with 666 00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:42,720 Susan and we sat on the bed and I just said, how are we doing? 667 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:45,520 How are we doing at this yielding thing? 668 00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:49,040 And she was so gracious and she reassured me. 669 00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:51,560 She's like, Ben, you can, you can preach this sermon with 670 00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:53,400 integrity this week. And we had a good talk. 671 00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:56,360 And it was just like a really cool moment of coming together. 672 00:38:57,160 --> 00:38:59,040 Not because we we're doing it perfectly. 673 00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:01,640 Like we would be the first to say that like we got, we have a 674 00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:04,840 lot of work to do, but it was just cool to have that level of 675 00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:08,040 unity. And I just so appreciated having 676 00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:09,320 that. But I wanted to preach this with 677 00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:11,800 integrity. But please hear me still trying 678 00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:16,560 to figure out how this works, Philosopher and theologian 679 00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:20,080 Dallas Willard said. Submission is a putting of 680 00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:23,920 ourselves under the interest of another person. 681 00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:27,800 And at first that's terrifying, right? 682 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:32,040 Like putting myself under the interests of another person. 683 00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:36,120 But but marriage provides this beautiful framework where the 684 00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:40,800 unconditional love prevails, unconditional grace prevails. 685 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:45,480 Like we can put ourself in the interest of another person 686 00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:48,000 because we know we're going to be met with unconditional 687 00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:52,160 commitment and love. And when we do that, it's scary 688 00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:58,280 at first, but we find is it's incredibly freeing for us no 689 00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:00,400 matter what the relationship is. Here's why. 690 00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:03,520 No matter the relationship we find ourselves, we can put 691 00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:05,680 ourselves under the interest of another. 692 00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:07,960 Why? Because we have a true master 693 00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:11,160 that's above all of it. In other words, a posture of 694 00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:15,720 Christ like submission brings. Freedom, because ultimately our 695 00:40:15,720 --> 00:40:21,120 trust is in Jesus alone. It's in Jesus, Richard Foster 696 00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:23,680 says what freedom corresponds to submission. 697 00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:29,160 It is the ability to lay down the terrible burden of always 698 00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:33,440 needing to get our way right. Would any of you like to lay 699 00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:35,920 down the burden of always needing to get your way? 700 00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:38,960 I hope you would. Freedom is not having your way 701 00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:43,360 because life is not about you. Freedom is trusting that even if 702 00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:47,480 the circumstances are rough, even if the idea or the partner 703 00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:50,520 isn't ideal and he's not perfect or she's not perfect, we can 704 00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:53,880 still trust in King Jesus, Casey's ruler over it all. 705 00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:58,760 Ephesians 51, the beginning of this chapter says, follow God's 706 00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:02,600 example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the 707 00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:10,680 way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for 708 00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:16,000 us. Giving yourself up for others is 709 00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:20,480 only possible through the filling of the Holy Spirit. 710 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:25,720 To be yielded to one another is to be surrendered to the Holy 711 00:41:25,720 --> 00:41:30,880 Spirit 1st. And so as we wrap up this 712 00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:35,880 sermon, a couple practical next steps for you #1 there's a book 713 00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:39,200 that Pastor Patrick and I love. I use it every time I go through 714 00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:40,840 premarital counselling with couples. 715 00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:43,320 It's Tim Keller, meaning of marriage. 716 00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:45,920 Incredible theologian. I don't even fully align with 717 00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:49,120 him on certain views, but it's just too good to not recommend. 718 00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:52,200 Secondly, I'd encourage you and your spouse to find hobbies 719 00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:55,280 together. Find ways that you connect. 720 00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:58,640 Find ways where you just enjoy going and having fun together. 721 00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:02,000 The demands of life are heavy. Demands of parenting are heavy. 722 00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:08,640 Go have fun, go reconnect. I encourage you all, parents or 723 00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:11,640 parents and couples, I encourage you to do some work on 724 00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:13,680 identifying your family of origin. 725 00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:16,800 What are some of the patterns you saw in your parents 726 00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:20,760 marriage, grandparents marriage, the roles that you've identified 727 00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:24,120 for them and for you? Encouraging weekly check 728 00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:25,480 insurance. There's a couple in our church 729 00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:27,880 that goes through a marriage journal every single week. 730 00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:30,920 They just check in weekly and go through a series of questions 731 00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:33,160 like clockwork and just check on check in on each other 732 00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:35,720 emotionally. And finally, I want to turn you 733 00:42:35,720 --> 00:42:38,480 on to this free resource. This is a prepare enrich 734 00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:40,200 workbook, which I go through with couples. 735 00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:43,600 You can go to presence dot city slash workbook. 736 00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:48,000 So just our website slash workbook free PDF download. 737 00:42:48,240 --> 00:42:51,280 What this is, it's a series of exercises you can run by 738 00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:54,600 yourself with your spouse and you can just work on very 739 00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:58,000 practical tools for getting better at marriage because 740 00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,680 marriage is a skill, right? Marriage is a skill and we all 741 00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:06,320 have to get better at it. You guys have been amazing and I 742 00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:09,520 know this sermons a little bit long but I want to close by 743 00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:13,120 sharing with you. I kept praying this week. 744 00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:16,480 God just give me a word for the people on Sunday. 745 00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:20,920 What is your word like? What do you want them to hear? 746 00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:28,760 And the thing that just kept coming up over and over and what 747 00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:33,160 I believe God kind of maybe maybe whispered at me to, to 748 00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:36,880 give to you today because I believe God is just basically 749 00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:40,560 saying this. Tell him to try again. 750 00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:48,880 Tell him to try again. There may be people in here who 751 00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:54,120 you've, you have forgiven your spouse and you've forgiven them 752 00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:56,840 over and over and over again and you're not sure you can forgive 753 00:43:56,840 --> 00:44:00,800 even one more time here today. Maybe the Lord is just saying to 754 00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:06,400 you, try it again. There may be some of you who are 755 00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,880 like, I've tried building connection, I've tried building 756 00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:12,000 intimacy with my spouse, we've tried reconnecting and it just 757 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,520 seems like it's going the opposite direction. 758 00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:17,360 And I wonder for some of you today, the Lord is just saying 759 00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:23,360 try it again. We've tried to figure out our 760 00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:26,040 relationship dynamics, our roles, our household order. 761 00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,320 We've tried doing that before. It just leads to failure. 762 00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:30,960 It just leads to frustration. So we don't even talk about it 763 00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:32,360 anymore. And maybe the Lord's inviting 764 00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:40,600 you and he's just saying try again, try again, forgive, show 765 00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:48,120 grace, work on it, practice the skill, go on a date night, 766 00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:55,240 whatever it is, try again. Because marriage isn't 767 00:44:55,240 --> 00:44:59,000 ultimately about you. Marriage is a signpost pointing 768 00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:02,480 to Christ and the church. This entire passage we just read 769 00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:06,240 is not about wives and husbands, it's about Jesus, It's about 770 00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:09,200 Jesus. We must learn, each of us, to 771 00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:13,760 look through our spouse in order to see Christ. 772 00:45:14,240 --> 00:45:17,520 We have to learn to look through our spouses failures, their 773 00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:20,360 inadequacies, their imperfections, and their sins 774 00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:23,960 and instead see Jesus. We have to see Jesus's 775 00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:26,760 forgiveness and the forgiveness that he's given you and see 776 00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:31,440 Jesus's forgiveness for them. We have to be able to have a 777 00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:34,160 vision for who God is creating them to be. 778 00:45:37,240 --> 00:45:43,520 So finally, each one of you must also love his wife as he loves 779 00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:46,960 himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 780 00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:52,080 The battle of the sexes may be raging on out in our culture. 781 00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:55,520 Out there, there may be trad wives and manosphere in all 782 00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:58,560 sorts of confusion about dominance and who's right, who's 783 00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:01,640 on top, who's on the bottom, and may be raging on out in our 784 00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:05,840 culture. But in here, in God's holy 785 00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:11,680 Church, we will submit to one another out of reverence for 786 00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:12,400 Christ. Amen. 787 00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:13,320 Amen.