1 00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:03,040 Forgiveness, though, is not natural. 2 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:06,920 The reason I so smoothly wove that in there is because I 3 00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:11,320 forgot to say that first. But listen, what makes sense to 4 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:14,440 us when we're wounded? For some of us, it's revenge. 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:16,760 Some of us, well, they heard us. Well, I want to make sure they 6 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,200 know how I felt. And most of us don't want to 7 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,800 admit that and say that revenge sounds good to us, but it does. 8 00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:23,520 And we watch enough of it, don't we? 9 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:26,120 We watch enough TV and movies where people get that really 10 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,280 snappy comeback. They slam that door and you 11 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:30,760 watch that person cry and you're like, that's what I want. 12 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:33,520 That's what I want. I want them to realize how much 13 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:35,440 they hurt me because then they'll change. 14 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,920 That's for some people. For some people, they don't want 15 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:42,440 exact revenge, except it is still a form of revenge. 16 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,440 They just want to go and they want to get sympathy from a 17 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:47,080 bunch of other people and feel justified in feeling the way 18 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,960 that they feel. It's a really difficult thing, 19 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,080 no matter which way you slice it. 20 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:52,840 It's all about us, isn't it? It's not even about peace, but 21 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,640 this whole series has been about building uncommon unity in the 22 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:58,640 church. And if there is one section of 23 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,800 humanity that should get forgiveness right, is it not the 24 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:05,519 Christians? I mean, we are forgiven. 25 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:08,920 That's our whole thing. We put it in the art that's on 26 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:12,040 our decorative tables and walls about how forgiven we are. 27 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:16,720 Scripture says that those who are forgiven much what we love 28 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:19,800 much and we forgive much. How many of us know that we're 29 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:23,160 forgiven by God, but we struggle to feel like we love much or 30 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:25,760 like it is easy to forgive because I'm telling you, it's 31 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,560 not natural. Good thing we live a 32 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:32,400 supernatural life. As a Christian, one of the 33 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:35,240 biggest moments I've ever seen, one of the most famous modern 34 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:39,080 moments of forgiveness happened in 2006, and this was a horrific 35 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:40,440 moment. Those that may remember it, 36 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:43,760 there was a small Amish community in Pennsylvania and 37 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:47,640 there was a man who walked into a one room Amish schoolhouse in 38 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:51,480 Nickel Mines is where it was called and committed a horrific 39 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:55,760 act where he opened fire and the nation watched in shock as 40 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:59,640 children were killed, all of them from the ages of 6 to 13. 41 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:02,400 And then he took his own life at the end. 42 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:07,720 That was a shocking moment that happened in 2006, but almost as 43 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,759 shocking was what happened afterwards. 44 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,840 Because as the news media tried to process the grief and tried 45 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:16,600 to process all of this, what you saw was a lot of forgiveness 46 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,840 that flowed out of this Amish community. 47 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:23,400 Almost immediately, and I mean this almost immediately, members 48 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,800 from this community started speaking out publicly to the 49 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:29,240 news, not about how much they were upset of, although of 50 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:31,400 course they were and still are to this day. 51 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:35,960 But they started speaking about, what do you think, forgiveness. 52 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:41,440 Not months later, immediately, fast enough that some of them 53 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:44,200 went to visit the gunman's family that week. 54 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:46,720 Some of them attended his funeral. 55 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:51,760 Donations were taken up in the Amish community to help support 56 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:56,160 his widow and children. So when the media, and I don't 57 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,560 care what channel you watch, tried to process this, a lot of 58 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:01,240 people outside of the church, outside of Christianity 59 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,920 struggled to understand it because it feels reckless to be 60 00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:06,520 so kind to somebody who's taken so much from you. 61 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:10,080 But to be clear this morning, I want you to know that their 62 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,440 forgiveness does not mean that what happened was OK. 63 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:16,000 It doesn't erase the grief or remove any of the consequences. 64 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,480 It doesn't magically take away pain when you forgive. 65 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:22,080 A lot of these families carried that heartbreak for the rest of 66 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,600 their lives and still do. If you ever heard the saying, 67 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,160 forgiveness isn't for them, it's for you. 68 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:29,440 It's wrong. It's for both of you. 69 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:34,720 They need it and so do you. It's wrong to teach forgiveness 70 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,080 is not for them, it's for you. Because then it becomes back 71 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:38,800 about you and now it's a selfish thing. 72 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:42,440 Well, I'm not going to forgive you because of you, I'm just 73 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,320 going to do it because it's healthier for me. 74 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:49,800 Go ahead and treat yourself. Listen, Jesus didn't have to 75 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:56,400 forgive us, but he did. As Christians, we've got to rise 76 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,360 above our base human interactions. 77 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,480 This forgiveness didn't make it OK, but what it did do was stop 78 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:07,560 hatred from becoming the defining force in these families 79 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,040 lives. There was one Amish grandfather 80 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:12,880 who later on spoke about the danger of refusing forgiveness. 81 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,160 Listen to what he said after what happened in that little 82 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:19,480 schoolhouse. He said if we don't forgive, we 83 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:22,880 lose two kinds of people. We lose them and we lose 84 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:27,080 ourselves. It's a powerful statement 85 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:29,240 because it recognizes something that most people don't really 86 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:31,920 think about. Unforgiveness never stays 87 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:36,000 contained in the original wound. It always spreads into 88 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,400 everything else. If you are struggling with 89 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,160 unforgiveness, I'm warning you today. 90 00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:43,240 It affects how you see people, it affects the way that you 91 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:46,240 interpret situations, and eventually even how you see 92 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,960 yourself over time. Bitterness has a way of turning 93 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,920 pain into your identity. Here's the difference between 94 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,680 unforgiveness and bitterness. Unforgiveness is when it first 95 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,480 happens and you're wounded and you're offended. 96 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:00,520 Bitterness is when you sit on it and you cycle through it and it 97 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,480 goes over and over and you replay it and you talk about it 98 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,200 and talk about it and talk about it, and you relive it and relive 99 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,280 it. And now it's probably not even 100 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:11,640 the same situation it initially was, but now it's bitter because 101 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:15,880 now it's got roots. Anybody here say that's how I 102 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:20,520 want to live? Then why do we, the Amish 103 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,160 community, understood something that a lot of people don't? 104 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,520 Forgiveness is not pretending it didn't hurt. 105 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,800 It's choosing that the hurt will not become the thing that 106 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:30,880 defines your future. And that's what makes 107 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,480 forgiveness so important to real unity, because unity can't 108 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:36,400 survive in an environment where everybody keeps score forever. 109 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:40,280 Don't, Don't move your eyes to anybody when I do this, OK? 110 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,760 But put your hand up. If somebody in this church has 111 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:49,760 ever hurt you or wounded you, that's probably not even 112 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,000 everybody who's willing to do it. 113 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,680 Of course it's happened. Anytime you have people in a 114 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,520 group, there's going to be a wound. 115 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:58,400 You'll get wounded. If you're part of the Moose 116 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:02,280 Lodge, promise you, I don't know, some of you are like, 117 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:09,320 why'd you have to bring that up? Listen, unity is important, but 118 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,640 it will never happen if we don't master forgiveness. 119 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,760 This is true in families and in friendships. 120 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,760 It's true in marriages and it is absolutely true in the church, 121 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:20,800 the longer people stay close to each other. 122 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,560 By the way, how many of y'all have like some long term 123 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:25,440 relationships? It's beautiful to have those. 124 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,520 But the longer that you stay close to each other, the more 125 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:33,160 opportunities you have for hurt. Misunderstandings happen, words 126 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,680 get spoken poorly, expectations aren't met, and sometimes the 127 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,000 wounds are accidental and sometimes they're very real and 128 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,360 very intentional. But if unity is going to 129 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,920 survive, then at some point somebody has to learn how to let 130 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:46,760 go of what they have every right to hold onto. 131 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:50,000 And that is literally what I'm asking you today. 132 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,600 I'm asking you to think about things that in this world and 133 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,920 the natural, you know, you have a right to hold on to. 134 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:58,000 And I'm asking you to consider today letting go of it. 135 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,320 And we'll talk about how and we'll also talk about how it's 136 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:05,240 not as easy as it sounds. By the time we arrive here in 137 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,920 Second Samuel 16. I want you to understand 138 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:09,400 something. This was yesterday's Bible 139 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,240 reading plan. How cool is that? 140 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:12,920 Like, we planned this a while ago, and I didn't even really 141 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:16,200 put that together. But by the time we get here, 142 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:20,080 he's collapsing in grief. This is King David, a man after 143 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:23,640 God's own heart, His own son, Absalom has stolen the hearts of 144 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:25,840 the people, launched A rebellion against him. 145 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,160 And now David is leaving Jerusalem. 146 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:31,120 He's publicly humiliated, emotionally exhausted. 147 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:32,840 He has no clue what's going to happen next. 148 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:35,040 As a matter of fact, he says maybe God's done with me. 149 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:39,280 His leadership is under attack. His family's falling apart, and 150 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:42,080 the weight of betrayal is already sitting heavy on him. 151 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:45,960 It is right here, when David is walking out of this city in 152 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:49,320 shame, that a man called Shimi comes out to meet him. 153 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:53,480 Starting in verse 5, as King David came to Bahurim, a man 154 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,200 came out of the village cursing them. 155 00:07:55,560 --> 00:08:00,440 It was Shimii, son of Gira, from the same clan as Saul's family. 156 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:04,000 And if you're following some of this biblical history, Saul was 157 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:07,040 the first king of Israel. So his loyalty was obviously to 158 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,800 the old king. He already didn't like David, 159 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,560 and now he's gloating in the fact that David is falling 160 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,160 apart. It's one of the nastiest things, 161 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,640 isn't it, when we rejoice in somebody's downfall. 162 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,760 It says in verse 6, he threw stones at the king and the 163 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,720 King's officers and all the mighty warriors who surrounded 164 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,040 him. Get out of here, you murderer, 165 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:26,720 you scoundrel. He shouted at David. 166 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,440 The Lord is paying you back for all the bloodshed in Saul's 167 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,480 clan. You stole his throne, and now 168 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,480 the Lord has given it to your son Absalom. 169 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:38,000 At last you will taste some of your own medicine, for you are a 170 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,600 murderer. Isn't it crazy how often God's 171 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,440 will lines up with what we assume is happening? 172 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:50,040 Anyway, here comes Abishai. Why should this dead dog curse 173 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:53,360 my Lord the king? Abishai, by the way, is David's 174 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:57,120 nephew, the son of his sister Abishai, the son of Zoraya. 175 00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:00,160 His sister demanded and he said, let me go over and cut off his 176 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,280 head. Probably sounded pretty good. 177 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,240 No, the king said. He said, who asked your opinion, 178 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:09,400 you sons of Zoruai? It feels like a sick burn and I 179 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,160 don't know why. We'll get more to that in a 180 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,920 moment. He said, if the Lord has told 181 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,760 him to curse me, who are you to stop him? 182 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:19,400 Who here has that maturity? I heard this person said this 183 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,000 about you. Well, maybe the Lord told him to 184 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:28,040 put a curse on me. I'm sorry, David also knew that 185 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:31,160 a curse that has no legitimacy won't stick. 186 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:34,400 But listen. Then David said to Abhishai, to 187 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,760 all his servants, My own son is trying to kill me. 188 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,320 Doesn't this relative of Saul have even more reason to do so? 189 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,880 Leave him alone, let him curse, for the Lord's told him to do 190 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,760 it. And perhaps the Lord will see 191 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,120 that I'm being wronged and he'll bless me because of these curses 192 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:50,720 today. Well, there's a perspective. 193 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,800 So David and his men continued down the road, and Shimiai kept 194 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,640 pace with them on a nearby hillside, cursing and throwing 195 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,520 stones and dirt at David. I assume that's when the stones 196 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,520 were running out. Emphasis mine. 197 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,920 The king and all who were with him grew weary along the way, 198 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:08,480 and so they rested. When they reached the Jordan 199 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,200 River. I bet they were weary. 200 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:13,520 So I want you to notice this. Shimiai is not attacking David 201 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,400 at the height of his strength, he is attacking him at his 202 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:20,040 lowest point of his life. David is already grieving, he's 203 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,320 already embarrassed, he's already carrying this weight 204 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:25,040 from this betrayal that came from his closest relative. 205 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:28,120 And this is all happening publicly. 206 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,840 And now here comes someone literally throwing stones, 207 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:34,400 casting stones at him, shouting curses and publicly humiliating 208 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,920 him even more while he walks away from the city. 209 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:40,280 And the entire time, David had the ability to stop it. 210 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,800 I want that to be how you look through the lens of this 211 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,120 biblical story. To begin. 212 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:49,040 It was when he was the most weak and most vulnerable, and David 213 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:52,760 had a way to stop it and didn't. Have you ever had the ability to 214 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:55,240 crush somebody's reputation? When you heard they spoke about 215 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,880 you in somebody's eyes, but you didn't do it. 216 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:02,560 It's a godly move. Listen, David refuses to do it. 217 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,320 But do you blame Abishai for what Abishai said? 218 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,400 This goes back, doesn't it, to we talked about a few weeks ago, 219 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:13,120 David runs into Saul in the in The Cave and he's like, I 220 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:14,320 shouldn't have touched the Lord's anointed. 221 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,880 He's upset because he messed up his kingly robe and he 222 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,640 apologizes. He said I touched the Lord's 223 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,600 anointed. But people were like, obviously 224 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,000 God put him there so you could kill him. 225 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,520 Obviously that wasn't it. But David knew something that 226 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,080 they didn't know. Now you arrive here, he's 227 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,560 already established as the king, but now you've got some drama 228 00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:34,000 happening. So do you blame Abishai? 229 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,960 As you look back on this historical story, you can almost 230 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,720 feel the frustration in him while you're reading it. 231 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:41,440 He watches this man curse the king. 232 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:44,560 He has great loyalty for David and he's watching this person 233 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,640 tear down somebody who helped build up this Kingdom into a 234 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,080 healthier place. And have you ever noticed how 235 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,160 difficult it is when you have second hand offence? 236 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,160 Abishai is not the one being attacked. 237 00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:57,600 But you're coming against my guy, my king. 238 00:11:57,880 --> 00:11:59,560 I'm number one for him. I love him. 239 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:03,440 You're coming against him. Let me go over cut off his head. 240 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:08,000 I better be quiet then. He didn't even call him Abishai. 241 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:11,600 He's like, you stupid nephew. That's how that's how I read it. 242 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:15,160 He's like, no, just let it be. Let it be. 243 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,920 He was a saw guy. Don't you think that he's upset? 244 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,720 He's got reasons to be upset. Maybe the Lord will bless me 245 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,000 because of this. We're not going to take it into 246 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:25,760 our own hands. But the rebellion eventually 247 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,280 ends. Go ahead and go to chapter 19 248 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,960 now. And it's a horrific, 249 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:33,480 heartbreaking story. David's son who who rebelled 250 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:36,840 against him, Absalom, he dies and David begins returning to 251 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:40,360 Jerusalem and suddenly the entire situation shifts. 252 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,480 The man who was fleeing in humiliation is now returning to 253 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,480 his authority. Listen to this starting in verse 254 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:47,440 18. They crossed the shallows of the 255 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,440 Jordan to bring the King's household across the river, 256 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:50,960 helping him every way they could. 257 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:55,160 And as the king was about to cross the river, shimmy eye fell 258 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:57,920 down before him. He said whoops. 259 00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:01,640 I don't know what the word in Hebrew is for, whoops, but in 260 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:05,880 verse 19 Shimei says, My Lord the king, please forgive me. 261 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,400 Forget the terrible thing your servant did when you left 262 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:11,960 Jerusalem. May the king put it out of his 263 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:15,040 mind. I know how much I sinned. 264 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:19,200 That is why I have come here today, the very first person in 265 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,920 all Israel to greet my Lord the king. 266 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:29,080 Then Abishai, the son of Zariah said Shimei should die, for he 267 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:33,200 cursed the Lord's anointed one. Who asked your opinion, you sons 268 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:36,000 of Zoraya? David exclaimed. 269 00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:38,280 Why have you become my adversary today? 270 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:41,600 Isn't that interesting? Not Shimmy Eye his nephew who's 271 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,480 trying to get him to do something that he feels 272 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:45,440 justified. And he looks at his nephew and 273 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,760 he says you're actually not helpful. 274 00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,200 Why have you become my enemy today? 275 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:52,600 He says this is not a day for execution. 276 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,440 For today, I'm once again the king of Israel. 277 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:58,160 And then turning to shimmy eye, David vowed your life will be 278 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:01,800 spared. Abishai is not wrong for feeling 279 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,560 protective. He loves David, he's loyal to 280 00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:06,360 David. He hates watching someone 281 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,000 dishonor someone he cares about. And most of us, if we were 282 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,840 standing there, we would have felt very similarly. 283 00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:14,480 But David keeps stopping him from making a mistake. 284 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:18,280 He doesn't allow the bitterness of second hand offense grow into 285 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,000 bitterness of first hand offense. 286 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,360 And that takes a lot of wisdom and maturity. 287 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,600 Abishai's instinct is essentially, let me handle this, 288 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:28,000 let me fix this for you, let me remove this problem. 289 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:33,520 And David said that's God's job. So David keeps stopping him. 290 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:36,960 It's almost like what he's saying to him is your instinct 291 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,720 doesn't match what God is doing right now. 292 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,760 Have you ever wondered if the instincts that we feel don't 293 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,560 match what the Lord is doing? Sometimes in a situation? 294 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,760 It's an important thought because there are moments in 295 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:50,400 life where our emotions are understandable, our anger is 296 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,400 even justified, but our reaction seems reasonable to us and 297 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:57,240 unreasonable to the Lord. That's what makes forgiveness so 298 00:14:57,240 --> 00:15:01,400 difficult in the natural. You know why, right? 299 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:06,240 Because it's not natural. Everything in US wants balance. 300 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:10,440 We want the scales to even out. But the Kingdom of God operates 301 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:13,160 differently. So David Dud says he does 302 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,560 something that's incredibly difficult. 303 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:18,600 He refuses to let his pain decide his direction, and he 304 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,720 refuses to let somebody else's sin dictate his responses. 305 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:24,560 So for us, that's where forgiveness begins. 306 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,120 You don't have to wait until the memory of what happened 307 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,600 disappears, and you don't have to wait for the wound to 308 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,000 suddenly stop hurting. And you sure don't have to wait 309 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,560 until the other person finally deserves forgiveness. 310 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:39,280 Your forgiveness journey can begin the moment that you decide 311 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:41,680 your reaction will no longer sit on the throne of your life. 312 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:45,320 Two things we're going to learn about forgiveness today. 313 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,040 The first one is this, and you've probably heard it, but 314 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,360 forgiveness is a decision. It's a choice. 315 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,360 It is never something that's just going to come to you 316 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:54,280 naturally. You will have to choose it. 317 00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,760 You may say, I don't want to. I feel like I'm losing a part of 318 00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:59,320 myself. And it's because you are. 319 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:02,680 It's because you are. It's as simple as this. 320 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,000 I want you to imagine if you bought something for somebody 321 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:10,160 100 bucks and they said I'll pay you back and then they never do. 322 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,640 You have two choices. You either force them, take them 323 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,040 to court or whatever. You get that 100 bucks out of 324 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:21,160 them or you eat the loss. Either way, one of you is out 325 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:23,600 100 bucks. Forgiveness cost something 326 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:29,640 always from one party or the other, but you have to choose it 327 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,600 before ever you feel like wanting to forgive someone. 328 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,280 You can go to Luke 23. That's where we'll be in a 329 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,800 moment. I want to say this pretty 330 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:40,000 carefully because the moment you say forgiveness is a decision, I 331 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:43,080 think sometimes people can hear it as though I'm making 332 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,160 forgiveness sound overly simple, Like it's just a switch that you 333 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,680 flip. Like if you are spiritual enough 334 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,960 or mature enough or strong enough, one day you can decide 335 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,760 once to forgive them and then you feel clean and you never 336 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,400 struggle with it again. That is not what I mean. 337 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,680 Forgiveness may begin with a decision, but it doesn't mean 338 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:03,120 the decision is easy, and it doesn't mean the pain disappears 339 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,560 the moment that you make the decision. 340 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:08,400 What it does mean is that forgiveness will almost never 341 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,319 come naturally, so you have to choose it. 342 00:17:10,839 --> 00:17:14,200 Retaliation or rehearsing the hurt comes naturally. 343 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,040 How about this? Imagining what we should have 344 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:19,760 said in that conversation. We love thinking of that. 345 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:23,079 Oh, I should have said that. But forgiveness usually has to 346 00:17:23,079 --> 00:17:26,319 be chosen before it's felt. If you wait until forgiveness 347 00:17:26,319 --> 00:17:28,359 feels natural, you're going to wait forever. 348 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,440 If you wait until the memory stops haunting you or hurting 349 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:35,160 you, you will never move on. This. 350 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,680 If you wait until the other person fully understands exactly 351 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:42,120 how much it hurt you, or fully apologize and fully owns it and 352 00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:45,560 changes, your heart is still tied to their response for the 353 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,880 rest of your life. And that's a terrible way to 354 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,080 live. Because that means now the 355 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:52,560 person who hurt you still gets to control the condition of your 356 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,680 soul. So when I say that forgiveness 357 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:59,320 is a decision, I'm saying that at some point, with God's help, 358 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:02,360 you decide that you are no longer going to demand payment 359 00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:05,640 from that person. You are going to decide that you 360 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,040 are no longer going to keep collecting interest on the wound 361 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:11,120 and you're no longer going to look at them through the lens of 362 00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:14,200 what happened to you before. That's the decision that David 363 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:17,360 made with Shimmy Eye. He's not saying Shimmy Eye was 364 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:18,720 right. He was not saying his words 365 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:20,720 didn't hurt. He's not pretending the offence 366 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,680 never happened. As a matter of fact, on his 367 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:25,160 deathbed later, he's talking to King Solomon and he's like, 368 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,840 Shimmy Eye is not a good dude. You should probably whack him. 369 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:33,480 I'm paraphrasing it even at that, by the way, Solomon goes 370 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,120 to him and he says, hey, look, I don't trust you. 371 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,080 Stay here. If you ever leave this town, 372 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:39,200 I'll kill you. And he's like, sounds good. 373 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,240 Thanks for your mercy. And then three years later 374 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,880 wanders out of town. Done right. 375 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:47,600 So that's the rest of the story. But the decision that David made 376 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:50,760 with Shimmy eye on that day was to forgive him and not demand 377 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:54,040 payment from what he did. Now, if you've made your way 378 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:57,400 over to Luke 23, when we look at Jesus, we see this decision in 379 00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:01,040 its purest form. He says this just just three 380 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,720 verses, two others, both criminals were let out to be 381 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,640 executed with him. And when they came to a place 382 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,080 called the Skull Golgotha, they nailed him to the cross. 383 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,760 And the criminals were also crucified, one on his right, one 384 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:13,040 on his left. And Jesus said, Father, forgive 385 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:14,760 them. They don't know what they're 386 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:16,920 doing. And the soldiers gambled for his 387 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:20,080 clothes by throwing dice. I know we talked about the thief 388 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:21,960 not long ago on Resurrection Sunday. 389 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:26,320 That's not the focus here. The focus is that Jesus asked on 390 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:30,240 behalf of them that the Lord would forgive them and what was 391 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:31,480 his reasoning? What did we just read? 392 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,360 They don't get it. They don't understand how heavy 393 00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:37,360 this is. I'm convinced and many 394 00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:39,800 theologians are convinced he's not just talking about the 395 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,240 people that are there crucifying him, but he was talking about 396 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:45,240 you and I there too. God, they don't understand the 397 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:46,840 gravity of this. They don't understand the 398 00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:48,880 magnitude of this. They don't understand how petty 399 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,280 their own differences are in light of what is happening right 400 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,640 here at the cross. God, please forgive them. 401 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:58,880 They don't understand how merciful is Jesus that he 402 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,840 doesn't wait for you and I to fully grasp the depth of our sin 403 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:04,680 before he chooses to forgive us. He says, God, they don't get it, 404 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:09,920 please give them forgiveness. How hard is it for us with our 405 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:13,360 much smaller offenses when somebody says something, we're 406 00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:14,800 like, I don't know what they meant about that. 407 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:17,760 How different would it be if we just went to our prayer closet? 408 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:21,360 We said, God, I don't think they understand how that hurt me. 409 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:23,600 So would you please forgive them? 410 00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:27,320 No, because you know what we do? We convince ourselves that they 411 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,920 know exactly how much it hurts us, that they should know better 412 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:31,200 by now. How long have they known us? 413 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,960 And they still speak like this, Or they still do this so we then 414 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,560 feel justified in holding a grudge. 415 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,280 Maybe they don't get it. Maybe they're not as aware of 416 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,560 your emotions as you are. Most of us are not even as aware 417 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,120 of our emotions as we think we are. 418 00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:46,160 How about the next time that something wounds us? 419 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:48,200 God forgive my husband. He doesn't. 420 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:52,360 That sweet knucklehead, he didn't get it. 421 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,000 God please forgive my wife who is highly intelligent and 422 00:20:55,000 --> 00:21:00,160 beautiful and I honor on Mother's Day, but she doesn't 423 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:03,400 know what she just did. God forgive my friend. 424 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,560 God forgive my boss. God forgive my Co worker. 425 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,360 They don't get it. And the reality is most of the 426 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:11,560 time they do understand that something hurts, but they don't 427 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:12,760 understand the depth of it. Right. 428 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:17,000 That's the model that Jesus laid out for us while he's bleeding 429 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:22,160 to death on a cross. It's something to chase after. 430 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:30,040 Jesus is asking the Father to deal with people through mercy 431 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:33,400 before judgement. That's not what we want. 432 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,920 We want judgement, but then mercy. 433 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:38,960 God, would you break the teeth of the wicked? 434 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,360 And also, I don't really want them to go to hell, but would 435 00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:44,360 you please make them suffer and realize what they did? 436 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,240 Give me some justification. And then one day when we're all 437 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,800 in heaven, we'll be OK. No, no, no. 438 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:54,120 Jesus requested that while he couldn't stop God's judgement 439 00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:57,480 from coming, he wanted to go through a filter of mercy. 440 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:00,960 That's what our prayers ought to be. 441 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,760 God, they don't. They don't really understand it. 442 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,800 I know, I know in the, in the great cosmic scale of justice, I 443 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:06,920 know you're going to do what you do. 444 00:22:07,120 --> 00:22:11,080 I know that you're the judge. But for whatever voice I have in 445 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:15,200 this situation, I don't think they understood exactly what 446 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,360 they were getting themselves into. 447 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:22,720 Prayer for judgement, right? Jesus doesn't wait until we felt 448 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:23,960 sorry. He doesn't wait until we 449 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,240 understand. We still don't really 450 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,400 understand. So he didn't just teach 451 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:29,040 forgiveness. He modeled a pattern that his 452 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:30,840 followers would later live out themselves. 453 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:35,640 Go to Acts Chapter 7. Years later in the book of Acts, 454 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,240 we see another man standing in front of an angry crowd being 455 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,440 condemned unjustly. His name is Steve, and he is 456 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:43,080 known widely as the first Christian martyr, meaning he was 457 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:48,920 killed for his faith. And in verse 54 it says the 458 00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,560 Jewish leaders were infuriated by Stevens accusation. 459 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,000 This is after he just goes through the whole gospel story 460 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,400 and they shook their fists at him in rage. 461 00:22:56,720 --> 00:23:02,880 But Steven, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed steadily into 462 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:06,720 heaven and saw the glory of God, and he saw Jesus standing in 463 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,640 place of honor at God's right hand. 464 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:10,240 I bet you that was a great reminder. 465 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,080 And I bet you that's how he had the strength for what comes 466 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,560 next. And he told them, Look, I see 467 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,080 the heavens open, and the Son of Man standing in the place of 468 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:20,400 honor at God's right hand. And then they put their hands 469 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:21,880 over their ears and began shouting. 470 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:24,640 They rushed at him and dragged him out of the city and began to 471 00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:27,720 stone him. The accusers took off their 472 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,400 coats and laid them at the feet of a young man named Saul. 473 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:36,760 And as they stoned him, Stephen prayed This Lord Jesus receive 474 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:38,920 my spirit. And he fell to his knees 475 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,480 shouting, Lord, don't charge them with this sin. 476 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:48,080 And with that, he died. I don't, I don't know the 477 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,000 offense you're dealing with. I don't know the unforgiveness 478 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:53,720 in everybody's life here. But if I can have an educated 479 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:56,920 guess, for most of us, it's not because we were nailed to a 480 00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,360 cross. And for most of us, it's not 481 00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:01,920 because we had somebody throw rocks at us hoping we would die. 482 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:06,120 Although if you've been through that, please let me know. 483 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:08,360 We do offer counselling. That sounds very traumatic. 484 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,960 Listen, what Stephen said is he was dying as his body was 485 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,320 failing, as he was being crushed to death because these were not 486 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,440 pebbles that they were throwing. They would have gotten big 487 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:19,920 rocks. They were aiming for the head. 488 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,800 This was a a public execution method in that day. 489 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:26,120 When you read this, it is impossible not to hear the echo 490 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:29,560 of Jesus, isn't it? Stephen is being crushed to 491 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:32,880 death, the crowd is screaming at him, and he does the least 492 00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:36,240 natural thing that you can think of and says, God, don't hold 493 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,120 them accountable for this death. I'll see you soon. 494 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:42,560 And with that, he's gone. Where did he learn that? 495 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,920 From our Lord? From the one who makes all 496 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:49,000 things new. From the one who overcame death 497 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,880 itself. Stephen believed that if you 498 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,240 don't believe that Jesus overcame death itself, that 499 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:56,280 there's new life in the resurrection and the cross, it's 500 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:58,120 harder to give people more grace. 501 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,920 Stephen believed it, and he walked it out to the very end. 502 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:04,960 Acts gives us a detail that's easy to overlook. 503 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,000 Also, if you read too quickly, it's one of my favorite things 504 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,080 to teach about forgiveness. It tells us that a young man 505 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:11,160 named Saul was standing there watching and they laid their 506 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,680 coats at his feet. Many of us know it. 507 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,320 Not all of us know it, but this young man, Saul would eventually 508 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,760 be called Paul, and he would be known as kind of the apostle of 509 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,680 grace in the New Testament. As a matter of fact, he's the 510 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,000 one that we have this Scripture. My grace is sufficient for you. 511 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,000 My power is made perfect in weakness. 512 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,840 But originally he wanted to kill anybody that was coming against 513 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:33,360 the traditional view of Judaism. I would submit to you that not 514 00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:38,280 only did the forgiveness help absolve them from judgement that 515 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:42,040 could have fallen on them, I would also submit to you that 516 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:45,000 maybe the forgiveness that Stephen asked for opened the way 517 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:49,280 for blessings to cleanly flow to Paul so that he could still 518 00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:52,440 achieve the goal that God wanted to accomplish in him. 519 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:56,160 What I'm trying to get across to you today is why forgiveness is 520 00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,920 not just for you. When you forgive someone else, 521 00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:02,760 you actually open a channel for blessings from the Lord to flow 522 00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:04,920 there. He is righteous, He's a judge 523 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,320 and sometimes people wrong us and they owe a debt. 524 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,840 But when you say I'll waive my right to it, it opens a cleaner 525 00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:13,840 and faster channel there and you may say, well, I don't want 526 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:15,000 that. I'm still on my journey. 527 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:16,680 I don't want them to have God's blessings. 528 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,440 Do you want them to have God's blessings if it results in God's 529 00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:23,000 results in God's Kingdom? That's the question for the 530 00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,400 Christian. I told you it's uncommon unity. 531 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:28,120 This is not normal. Do you want somebody to be 532 00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:31,040 forgiven if it truly means that God's will is going to be done 533 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,120 on this earth? Or do you just want to hear, I'm 534 00:26:34,120 --> 00:26:39,160 sorry. Forgiveness is not just for them 535 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:44,640 and it is also not just for you. Forgiveness sometimes breaks 536 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,000 free a path for God to equip and use someone in a way that He 537 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:48,800 desires. And I would also submit to you 538 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:51,000 one final thought on this. It's not just them. 539 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,560 Sometimes you letting go of that debt means now you've got a 540 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,400 little more room to carry what He wants you to carry because 541 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:57,960 you're not carrying your own stuff. 542 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:01,600 It doesn't mean it's easy. And I want to give you the full 543 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,200 picture. Stephen did still die. 544 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:07,440 Even after that wonderful prayer, Jesus still suffered and 545 00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,360 Jesus died on that cross. David still remembered what 546 00:27:10,360 --> 00:27:12,880 shimmy I said. Forgiveness doesn't erase the 547 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,360 wound in their stories, and it doesn't erase the wound in your 548 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,640 story. Last year I had this moment I'd 549 00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:20,280 been waiting to do for almost 20 years. 550 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,800 And I mentioned it briefly at one point, but I just called an 551 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,040 old DJ that I worked with and I asked for his forgiveness 552 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:28,040 because of the stupid decisions I made when I used to work in 553 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,480 Top 40 radio, I got fired. And when they fired me, they 554 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,920 fired a lot of the upper management as well because I was 555 00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:38,120 doing pieces of their job. And this person was very bitter 556 00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:39,720 at me for years. And I knew this because of a 557 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:43,720 great many mutual friends. And I don't blame him. 558 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:45,720 We never talked after it happened. 559 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,360 He's still in radio. So I looked up the radio station 560 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:54,040 where he is. I sent him an e-mail and I said, 561 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,560 hey, it's been many years. I would love to call and 562 00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,360 apologize if I could. Please have your phone number 563 00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,440 for how things went down. And he wrote me back. 564 00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,480 He said this is my phone number, I'll give you 5 minutes of my 565 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,440 time and that's it. I'm like OK, he's still holding 566 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:14,960 on to it and I called him. Here's the thing, he lost his 567 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:18,360 job. Why would he not be upset? 568 00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:21,760 Even if it's not 100% the cleanest view of everything that 569 00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:25,160 happened, why would he not be upset? 570 00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:28,920 So I just ate it. I answered his questions about 571 00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:30,320 everything that happened. It was not a 5 minute 572 00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:32,520 conversation, it was about a 35 minute conversation. 573 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:34,600 At the end he was laughing. He was like, hey, if you ever 574 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:36,640 visit, blah blah blah, let me know, we'll grab lunch. 575 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:40,320 And I thought not a chance, but this is really nice to hear. 576 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:45,600 And then over the next two weeks after our conversation, I heard 577 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,400 from many a person that I used to work with because he had 578 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:50,400 reached out to them after not talking to them for years to 579 00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:52,480 say, just so you know, Blake called me and he apologized. 580 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:55,040 He he was involved and he really was part of this. 581 00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:57,160 And he said he was sorry and I could have been upset. 582 00:28:57,160 --> 00:29:01,040 And I'm like, who cares? Who cares? 583 00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:03,920 You would think that the cleanest resolution would be 584 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:05,720 like, he said, sorry. Now we're best friends. 585 00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,000 Now we've got a plan to do lunch because God is so great. 586 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:09,960 And now we're close. That's not the way that things 587 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,400 happen. But I do feel cleaner. 588 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:16,560 That's an apology that was long overdue and it didn't even get 589 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:18,960 me the the courtesy of silence after that. 590 00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:21,800 He took that moment to go to other people and be like, I told 591 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,880 you, who cares? Who cares? 592 00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:27,920 You know what it actually did? It resulted in me having a 593 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:30,080 couple conversations with people I hadn't talked to in years and 594 00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:31,360 it was cool to hear how they were doing. 595 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:33,720 So thanks God for the chance to catch up with people I care 596 00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:37,400 about. Forgiveness is a decision, but 597 00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:38,560 how do you come to that decision? 598 00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:42,880 How do you get there? It sounds really good. 599 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:44,680 It preaches well and it lives difficult. 600 00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:47,840 I think the first step is to be honest about the wound instead 601 00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:50,240 of minimizing it. I give you permission to stop 602 00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:53,800 doing something. Stop saying I should be over 603 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:58,000 this by now. Stop saying this shouldn't have 604 00:29:58,000 --> 00:29:59,400 hurt me, this shouldn't be a big deal. 605 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:02,560 The emotions are what the emotions are. 606 00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:06,240 By the way, you might be correct when you say it shouldn't be a 607 00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:09,320 big deal to you, but emotions still give you information about 608 00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:11,200 something going on in the state of your spirit. 609 00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:13,480 Listen to them. You can have permission for 610 00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:16,800 this. Real forgiveness never requires 611 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,400 you to pretend that something didn't hurt or that it couldn't 612 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,000 have gone better. You can't forgive something that 613 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,960 you don't acknowledge happened. So some of us are trying to 614 00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:27,280 forgive somebody while simultaneously trying to 615 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,520 convince ourselves that there's really nothing to forgive. 616 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:31,680 And it's no wonder that you never really achieve 617 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:34,840 forgiveness. Acknowledge that it was wrong 618 00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,320 and that it wounded you, and it shifted you, and it changed the 619 00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:40,480 way that you look at things. Now move on to the next step. 620 00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:43,840 From there, you have to decide that revenge is not your 621 00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:46,400 responsibility. Most of us wouldn't use that 622 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:47,960 word. Most of us wouldn't say, well, 623 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:51,120 I'm plotting and I'm waiting my right time for revenge, but we 624 00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:53,400 are waiting for that sweet moment where something bad will 625 00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:54,920 happen to somebody who wounded us. 626 00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,120 We're waiting. We're saying, well, I see what 627 00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,480 everybody else doesn't see, and one day they'll see it and then 628 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:02,840 I'll be justified. There's nothing less godly than 629 00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:08,120 that, thought. The real battle underneath 630 00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,760 forgiveness is this. It's the internal desire to try 631 00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:13,880 to make things even. But we're bad judges of that. 632 00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:16,240 We don't know when things are even. 633 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:22,680 So for most of us, you'll know that you're chasing some form of 634 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:26,080 revenge if you find that this conversation comes up in 635 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,480 coldness, distance, bitterness, rehearsing conversations in your 636 00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:31,680 head, or secretly wanting somebody else to fail. 637 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:35,680 And the last part is this. And honestly, this is where most 638 00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:37,520 people struggle. And you're like, this is where 639 00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:42,080 they struggle. You have to keep returning to 640 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:43,720 the decision when the feelings come back. 641 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,040 And we're going to talk more about that in just a moment. 642 00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:48,240 But wounds rarely completely go away. 643 00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:50,560 Some memories resurface out of nowhere. 644 00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:53,160 Maybe it's a conversation reminds you a season reminds you 645 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,200 a song reminds you a name reminds you. 646 00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:59,440 Unforgiveness has a way of chaining us to moments that we 647 00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:02,440 can't change. I want to be free. 648 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:05,480 How about you? Forgiveness is a decision, but 649 00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:06,640 it's important that you also know this. 650 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,720 It's a process too. It is a process. 651 00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:11,680 You might have to forgive them forever. 652 00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:16,960 Congratulations. But that should be a little 653 00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:19,280 freeing also, because if you've wondered, I feel like I've 654 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:21,480 forgiven them three times. If you've ever done one of those 655 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:23,440 things, you write a name or something on a plate, you break 656 00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:24,400 it. Or you write something on a 657 00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:26,960 balloon, you release it into the sky and hope that a bird doesn't 658 00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:28,840 choke. Or like we have all these 659 00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:31,480 different like cathartic things or we write something down and 660 00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:33,360 we burn it. They're all great. 661 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,520 You might have to do it again. It's OK. 662 00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:38,080 And we're going to talk about why. 663 00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:42,600 It doesn't necessarily mean that forgiveness never happened. 664 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,320 So when you have to forgive them again, quit being so down on 665 00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:47,120 yourself for it. Sometimes it just means the 666 00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,360 wound was deeper than one moment could fully heal. 667 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,360 Could you imagine breaking a bone and going to the doctor and 668 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,560 then 5 minutes later you're like, oh, glad that's healed. 669 00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:57,800 I'd love that. Doesn't happen. 670 00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:03,280 There's a better way to say it. Sometimes it's like this. 671 00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:06,160 There are people that you have to forgive forever because if 672 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,920 you don't, you're still chained to them forever. 673 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:13,720 And that doesn't make you immoral or less spiritual or 674 00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:16,560 weak. It just means that sometimes 675 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:19,640 healing happens in layers. The deeper the wound, the more 676 00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:21,720 opportunities there are for the pain to surface. 677 00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:24,480 It's sort of like a spiritual scar tissue that remains. 678 00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:28,160 That's why in Matthew 18, Peter asks Jesus this question that he 679 00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:29,760 asks him, and it's a very famous 1. 680 00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:32,520 He says Peter comes to him and he asks, Lord, how often should 681 00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:34,240 I forgive someone who sins against me? 682 00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:37,760 7 times. And Jesus says no, not 7 times, 683 00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:39,640 but 70 * 7. That's how many times. 684 00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:44,320 Math nerds, Wow, you're here. OK, God bless you. 685 00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:49,040 All right, yeah, that's not the number that Jesus is giving him. 686 00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:51,840 And by the way, keep a good record because once you hit 491 687 00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:54,160 or whatever, like once you hit that one, then you're like 688 00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:59,120 you've run out of forgiveness. May this be like a heap of coals 689 00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:02,240 on your head to bring you shame. No, that's not what he's saying. 690 00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:05,840 It's interesting when I read this every time because Peter 691 00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:09,159 probably thought he was being really generous. 7 Forgiving 692 00:34:09,159 --> 00:34:11,480 somebody 7 times is generous today, isn't it? 693 00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:14,120 He's like, what if I do it 70 * 7? 694 00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:18,000 I'm so forgiving Jesus. I'm so much more forgiving than 695 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:21,600 the other guys in this group. And Jesus isn't like, wow, 696 00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:28,920 you're impressive. Jesus is not giving Peter a 697 00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:32,280 number because then Peter would keep track of a number. 698 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:35,080 Instead of cultivating forgiveness in his heart, he's 699 00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:37,600 dismantling the whole mindset that we have of score keeping. 700 00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:41,199 That's what we naturally do when we're hurt. 701 00:34:41,199 --> 00:34:42,880 We keep counting. We may feel like we don't. 702 00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:45,560 In fact, we feel like these small things go away, but we've 703 00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:47,679 not fully forgiven them. So then when something else 704 00:34:47,679 --> 00:34:49,239 happens, you know what pops up in your mind. 705 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:52,199 And three months ago they said this. 706 00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:57,280 And I bet when they said this, it meant that oh, we are like 707 00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:00,560 Sherlock Holmes. Once that happens, oh, now I 708 00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:02,360 understand everything about them. 709 00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:06,760 You understand nothing. Only God knows the heart. 710 00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:08,720 And you've got to be more concerned with the state of your 711 00:35:08,720 --> 00:35:12,120 own heart. I would just tell you this, if 712 00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:15,080 you're not careful and you don't continue to choose forgiveness, 713 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,880 every new interaction starts carrying the weight of every 714 00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:22,120 previous interaction. Married people, listen to me on 715 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,480 this. This Wednesday, we're starting a 716 00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:27,320 brand new Bible study. It's around Song of Songs, and 717 00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:29,320 if you have read through it, there are parts of that. 718 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:32,920 A little saucy, All right? It's not a saucy Bible study. 719 00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,640 It is a Bible study on how to love well and love biblically. 720 00:35:37,720 --> 00:35:40,440 And this matters for all relationships, but especially 721 00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:43,760 for those that are married. But I will tell you this, for 722 00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:46,080 the saucier parts, we are going to have a date in June where we 723 00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,040 have an evening service on a Sunday where we talk about 724 00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:52,040 biblical sexuality. I won't live stream it, but 725 00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:55,440 we'll answer whatever you want. All right, so it's been really 726 00:35:55,440 --> 00:36:02,280 great being your pastor too. After that, I want to encourage 727 00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:04,160 you. Married people, listen, 728 00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:09,160 hopefully nobody knows you better than your spouse, but if 729 00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:12,200 you're not careful, because you know each other so well, every 730 00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,880 time they do or say something that offends you, you attach it 731 00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:17,440 to what they do or said three days ago, two weeks ago. 732 00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:19,800 And before you know it now you start to build up some 733 00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:22,280 resentment with the person that you're supposed to be 1 flesh 734 00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:24,960 with. And most of us, we already 735 00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:27,880 struggle to love ourselves well, but now you've got another 736 00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:30,320 person added to it who is now 1 flesh with us and now we're 737 00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:33,240 struggling to love them. Well, we're really in a in a 738 00:36:33,240 --> 00:36:37,080 pickle there, aren't we? So stop attaching what's 739 00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:39,240 happened now to everything that has come before. 740 00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:42,440 I want you to have some freedom on this today. 741 00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:44,560 Healing is not always linear. You're going to have days that 742 00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:47,000 you feel completely free of it, days that you don't. 743 00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:48,440 Yesterday I was talking to a good friend of mine. 744 00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:52,080 I said, honestly, I feel like I'm clean of any unforgiveness 745 00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:53,760 right now. And he was like, no. 746 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:56,000 And I said no, I no, I do feel that now. 747 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:57,720 A week and a half ago it would have been different. 748 00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:01,520 And I'm not saying it flip flops every week, but I'm just saying 749 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:03,000 I know seasons where I struggle with it. 750 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:04,920 And right now, praise God, I feel clean of it. 751 00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:08,840 It's OK. You have mountaintops and 752 00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:12,880 valleys on this process. Sometimes forgiveness, this is a 753 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:16,600 more modern thing that people do, but sometimes forgiveness 754 00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:18,960 feels a little bit like when you clean out old photos on your 755 00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:21,520 social media or on your phone. Maybe there's a breakup or you 756 00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:22,680 don't hang out with somebody anymore. 757 00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:24,400 So what do you do? You go through and you start 758 00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:27,320 deleting all of them. You delete all these pictures or 759 00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:29,280 you disconnect them off of social media because you don't 760 00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:31,840 want to see them again, right? Anybody ever do that? 761 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:33,560 Come on, tell the truth. Anybody ever do that so that you 762 00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:34,520 got some Peace of Mind? OK. 763 00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:36,640 All right. Have you ever then had where 764 00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:38,640 like technology and all of its kindness and all of its 765 00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:41,360 graciousness says, hey, we thought you'd like this memory 766 00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:46,600 on this day 13 years ago. Thank you. 767 00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:52,200 I was living free and clear. I forgot to delete this one. 768 00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:55,800 And it pops up all of a sudden, and maybe it's a harmless one, 769 00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:57,760 maybe maybe they're not in the picture, but it's from a 770 00:37:57,760 --> 00:37:59,600 Thanksgiving meal. And you're like, I remember that 771 00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:02,000 moment exactly. And he was standing right there. 772 00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:07,680 And then you're, and then you start getting in your head. 773 00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:11,440 I thought I was over this. I thought that I was free and 774 00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:13,720 clear of this. Why am I still struggling with 775 00:38:13,720 --> 00:38:15,800 this? Because you are a human being. 776 00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:19,960 I give it to you in another way, just in case you don't 777 00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:26,880 systematically delete people out of your phone. 2020, I broke my 778 00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:30,280 ankle and I did it bravely defending a group of orphans. 779 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:32,640 I didn't. I stepped in a pothole in my 780 00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:36,200 backyard and it had a tree root when I was trying to grill pork 781 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:39,080 chops. But I thought it was just 782 00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:40,200 sprained. And it turned out that it was 783 00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,120 broken and you would not know it. 784 00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,040 I mean, to see me now because I play pickleball. 785 00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:46,040 I, I try to walk a few miles every day. 786 00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:47,520 I'm not walking around with a limp. 787 00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:51,120 But the reality is what you can't see is what I feel on the 788 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:54,080 inside right now. I feel nothing, but every so 789 00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:58,440 often I'll get this random jolt of pain, never happened before 790 00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:01,600 but now it does and I don't know what it is and the doctors say 791 00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:03,720 I'm fine. Have you ever broken something 792 00:39:03,720 --> 00:39:06,280 or had surgery somewhere and for the most part you feel good, but 793 00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,200 every so often something pops up? 794 00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:10,880 Are you willing to say you're not healed from it? 795 00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:15,720 I'm healed, but I'm not the same as I was before the injury or 796 00:39:15,720 --> 00:39:18,800 the wound either. This is where forgiveness comes 797 00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:20,320 in. OK, so when it comes to how 798 00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:23,480 people interact with one another, you can be healed from 799 00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:26,640 the interaction and still be changed on the other side of a 800 00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:29,720 wound. That's why it's also a process. 801 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,400 There are wounds that genuinely heal, but every once in a while 802 00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:38,160 we still have to go back and forgive them again. 803 00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:40,800 So what's that actually look like? 804 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:42,880 Well, I'll make it quick for you. 805 00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:46,080 In Matthew 614 and 15, Jesus said this. 806 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,360 He said if you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly 807 00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,960 Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive 808 00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,600 others, your Father will not forgive your sins. 809 00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:56,680 And I've heard people get all creative in how they teach this 810 00:39:57,240 --> 00:39:58,880 kind of think it's exactly what it sounds like. 811 00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:05,120 You want your sins forgiven. No, no, but everybody's good. 812 00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:10,920 Forgive them, guys. They don't even get it. 813 00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:13,280 They don't really know exactly what they've done. 814 00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:17,160 Let it go. Build unity by letting it go. 815 00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:22,120 Not only is it a benefit to them, Jesus's words say if you 816 00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:24,040 forgive those that sin against you, I'll forgive you. 817 00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:27,280 Does that mean they don't have consequences or judgement? 818 00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:29,640 Absolutely not. It just means it's now fully 819 00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:32,320 released to the only one who can purely hand out judgement. 820 00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:34,880 If you and I got to decide judgement for everybody who 821 00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,480 wounded us, it would not be fair, nor would it be just, and 822 00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:40,320 I think we all agree on that. Smite him. 823 00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:44,680 Here's how you do this. The first thing you have to 824 00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:46,920 understand is that forgiveness and trust are not the same 825 00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:48,880 thing. A lot of us are afraid to 826 00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:50,680 forgive because we're afraid that we're going to usher them 827 00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,560 back into a history or a place where we don't feel safe. 828 00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:57,240 Ain't the same thing, OK? Forgiveness is releasing that 829 00:40:57,240 --> 00:40:59,360 debt. You don't have to trust them in 830 00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:01,760 the same way. Now, it might be good to work on 831 00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:04,360 building trust. That's a different thing, but 832 00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:06,680 it's not the same thing. So don't use trust as an excuse 833 00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:09,920 to not pursue forgiveness. And the second thing is this we 834 00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:11,120 talked about a little bit earlier. 835 00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:14,760 Stop feeding the wound. You have to forgive them forever 836 00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:17,840 anyway. But what I mean by that is some 837 00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:20,880 people unknowingly keep the pain alive by constantly returning to 838 00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:23,840 it, constantly replaying it, constantly talking about it with 839 00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:25,360 people. The more attention something 840 00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:27,440 receives, the more space it occupies in your heart. 841 00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:30,160 So do you want to talk about the wound or do you want to talk 842 00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:32,240 about the healing? Do you want to talk about the 843 00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:34,520 wounder, or do you want to talk about the healer? 844 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:37,920 That's what's going to gain space in your heart. 845 00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:41,520 And the last thing is this. I give you permission to give 846 00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:44,520 yourself permission to heal gradually. 847 00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:48,200 You may have to forgive them forever, which means you may be 848 00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:49,600 healing from it forever. It's OK. 849 00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:51,520 You're different on the other side of it. 850 00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:54,080 Don't be down on yourself because you should be over it. 851 00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:56,120 You should be such a super Christian that you don't ever 852 00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:58,640 feel offense from anything. Anytime somebody said that 853 00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:00,000 they're never offended over anything. 854 00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:02,240 I'm like, you're probably offended over 13 things right 855 00:42:02,240 --> 00:42:05,720 now, and I'm a little offended that you lied to me. 856 00:42:05,720 --> 00:42:10,280 No, I'm just kidding. Over time, I want you to know 857 00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:11,960 this. It's gradual. 858 00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:15,480 God wants to build in you not just the ability to survive 859 00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:18,000 pain, but the ability to move through your life without being 860 00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:20,640 hardened by the pain. That's what real freedom looks 861 00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:23,240 like. And I just think one of the 862 00:42:23,240 --> 00:42:25,880 hardest parts about forgiveness, we'll just call it out for what 863 00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:28,640 it is. It normally is from wounds that 864 00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:30,880 don't come from strangers. It's normally from people that 865 00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:34,320 are close, somebody that you trusted, someone that you loved 866 00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:36,320 and open your life to. That's why forgiveness feels so 867 00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,800 difficult. And King David, who we started 868 00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:42,000 with, will return to in one of his famous ones, Psalm 55. 869 00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:45,840 He says this in verse 12 through 14. 870 00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:48,240 He said it is not an enemy who taunts me. 871 00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:53,080 I could bear that. It's not my foes who so 872 00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:55,520 arrogantly insult me. I could have hidden from them. 873 00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:59,960 He said. Instead it is you my equal, my 874 00:42:59,960 --> 00:43:03,920 companion and close friend. He said what good fellowship we 875 00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:06,720 once enjoyed as we walked together to the House of God. 876 00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:10,320 Is that not real? Isn't that one of the most real 877 00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,800 prayers that he's ever written? I could have handled it if my 878 00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:14,520 enemies came against me. I could have handled it if it 879 00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:18,360 was people I don't know. But we were close. 880 00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:21,240 So David is honest about the pain. 881 00:43:21,240 --> 00:43:23,480 He doesn't minimize it. He doesn't over spiritualize it 882 00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:25,280 away. He doesn't pretend betrayal 883 00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:29,080 feels small. But it's also important for you 884 00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:31,000 to know that David doesn't stay trapped there because in verse 885 00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:35,120 22 of the same Psalm, Psalm 55, he says, give your burdens to 886 00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:36,920 the Lord and he'll take care of you. 887 00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:40,440 He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. 888 00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:45,400 Same verse, same chapter, sorry. And that's ultimately what 889 00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,040 forgiveness is. It's not pretending the burden 890 00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:48,960 never existed. It's finally placing the burden 891 00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:51,520 in the hands of someone who can actually carry it better than 892 00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:53,720 you can. And I'm just afraid that some 893 00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:55,880 Christians have been carrying their burdens for so long that 894 00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:58,000 it started to influence the way that they love and the way that 895 00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,240 they trust and the way they worship and the way that they 896 00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:02,440 see other people that are made in the image of God. 897 00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:06,840 Over time, pain has a way of convincing yourself that 898 00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:09,880 protecting yourself is better than opening yourself to people. 899 00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:13,480 But Jesus never intended for the wounds that you carry to be your 900 00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:17,520 identity. This matters a lot for real 901 00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:20,320 unity, church unity, but marriage unity and family unity 902 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:23,560 and friendships. Eventually every meaningful and 903 00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:26,160 deep friendship and relationship that you have will require 904 00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:30,240 forgiveness somewhere. Parents, children, spouses, 905 00:44:30,240 --> 00:44:33,680 friends, whatever. The longer people stay close, 906 00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:35,640 the more opportunities you've got to be disappointed. 907 00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:39,360 But that's one of those reasons that I'm excited for what we're 908 00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:41,200 tackling here today. I believe this is a real 909 00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:43,960 challenge. You can choose it, but you're 910 00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:46,960 also going to have to continue to walk through that process. 911 00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:49,640 If you don't continue to walk through the process, the choice 912 00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:52,320 will feel like it didn't work. But the choice was just the 913 00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:54,640 beginning of the process and.