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OK, I got a sermon here. 
There we go. 

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And we got a lot to go over 
today. 

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Go to Matthew 18. 
Matthew 18 is where we're going 

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to start today. 
Man, as we talk about this, the,

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the, the sermon today is called 
Stop Keeping Score. 

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And I got to tell you, I mean, 
I, I joked about it earlier, but

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man, it is not the same standing
there and teaching without 

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having y'all here. 
So God bless you. 

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I missed you so much last week. 
It was, it was very difficult. 

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But man, I'm so grateful that 
Erin and Sarah and my wife were 

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here. 
It was so funny. 

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I, I was talking to Erica and 
she watched the sermon at home 

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as, as, as I guess we all did. 
And she said her daughter said, 

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hey, that joke was funny. 
Why isn't anybody laughing? 

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It's like, well, honey, there's 
almost nobody there. 

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Gosh, it is so difficult. 
But today when we talk about 

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stop keeping score, really at 
the heart of it, the subject is 

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forgiveness and, and what that 
really looks like. 

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And this is none of the 
scriptures I normally like to 

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teach when it comes to 
forgiveness. 

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Before we get there, we need to 
talk about what the sermon is 

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not. 
First of all, it's not about 

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like when you play games, 
unfortunately. 

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I mean I've used a lot of names 
today already, but like I'm down

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like 9 games in Bananagrams to 
Pastor Autumn. 

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No, don't clap for that either. 
Guys are clapping at the wrong 

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time. 
Pastor Autumn, I challenge you 

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to a game this week and I'll 
give an update next week. 

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OK All right, nine games. 
What is our here? 

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Hang on, this is how long we've 
done this. 

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The score right now is OK, I'm 
only down 8, the scores 49 to 41

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games. 
That's how long we've been 

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keeping track of this. 
I have to do that because if I 

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don't, I won't remember where 
the score is. 

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How many of you are good at 
doing that? 

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But not with games, with 
relationships. 

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How many of you are good at 
saying, oh, but this person did 

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this, this, this and this to me.
You don't have to like it about 

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you, but how many of you are 
good at it, right? 

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It's hard. 
Isn't it interesting how 

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sometimes we forget some of the 
very best things and we remember

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the the very worst things? 
So before we talk about 

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forgiveness, we need to talk 
about debt, relational debt. 

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Because forgiveness only becomes
difficult when there is 

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something real that is owed. 
When somebody wrongs you, when 

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somebody ignores you, when 
somebody does something that 

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they shouldn't in your life, it 
wounds you. 

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And the reality is we feel like 
there is a debt that is owed. 

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And so in the 1950s, to tell you
the story, there was a man who 

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became convinced that he could 
build something that nobody had 

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ever seen before. 
And it wasn't just a business 

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idea. 
It was a vision. 

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And so this was a place that he 
wanted to have built on, like 

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great imagination. 
There was nothing like it. 

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And so he went and he cast this 
vision to a bunch of investors, 

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and every single one of them 
walked away. 

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He had to work really, really 
hard to get any of them to buy 

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into his vision. 
So he kept going to them over 

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and over and over again. 
Finally got some of them to 

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help, but he borrowed against 
everything that he had. 

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He mortgaged his home in order 
to do this and he accepted money

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from anybody that was willing to
take the risk. 

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He did not care who they were 
and over this process, while 

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this was being built, this 
vision of his heart, deadlines 

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were missed. 
All of his budgets, when I say 

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this, I mean 100% of his budgets
for this building project. 

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They were all blown and 
construction problems piled up 

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and at several points the 
project was 1 bad decision away 

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from a collapse. 
By the time that the doors 

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opened, the debt was 
overwhelming. 

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And not only that, but on the 
first day, this was the first 

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amusement park that really the 
world had known. 

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All the rides broke down, they 
ran out of supplies. 

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There were critics there that 
were watching people get out of 

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line because nothing was working
and most people assumed that 

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they were going to close within 
a few weeks. 

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But if that had happened, the 
debt would have crushed him and 

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there was no realistic way he 
could have repaid what he owed. 

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So instead of pulling the plug, 
there were some people that had 

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backed him financially and even 
though he had missed his dates 

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to pay them back, they decided 
to offer him something instead 

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of a past due bill. 
They offered him patience. 

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They believed that he could fix 
these things, fine tune it. 

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So they restructured their 
initial deadlines. 

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They extended what we would call
in the church world grace. 

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They allowed time for that 
vision to really take hold. 

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And the project survived. 
And then it grew and then it 

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flourished. 
And that project was Disneyland 

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and that man was Walt Disney. 
And now, I mean, Disneyland or 

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Disney World may not even be 
your favorite amusement park to 

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go to. 
What are other places you like 

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going to? 
Busch Gardens, King's Dominion, 

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Carowinds. 
There's so many of them, right? 

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But it was unheard of. 
Every other amusement park that 

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we've been to or that we have 
enjoyed has been because one 

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man's vision became real. 
And then it was something that 

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influenced and inspired a bunch 
of others. 

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So all of that being said, what 
saved that dream wasn't perfect 

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vision. 
It was patience. 

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It wasn't accounting. 
It was the mercy of other people

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that allowed something to grow. 
Something that I've been really 

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convicted on as we've been going
through the series is wondering 

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how many times I have withheld 
mercy from somebody and I've 

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actually stunted the growth of 
something that God was looking 

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to grow, whether in my life or 
theirs, typically both. 

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And So what we're going to do is
we're going to act out this 

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scene from Matthew 18. 
I've asked for George and Daniel

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and Michael to come on up here. 
So if the three of you would 

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come up here, there is a 
backdrop right in that hallway. 

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If you guys would very gently 
and carefully bring it out and 

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maybe set it right here in the 
light. 

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And I'll give you guys a little 
bit of a backdrop for where we 

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are. 
By the time we arrive here in 

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Matthew 18, Jesus is not 
speaking to his critics. 

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He's not even speaking to the 
multitudes or the crowds. 

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He is speaking to who his 
disciples, if we modernize this,

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let me just tell you this, He's 
speaking to church folk, He's 

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speaking to us. 
And these people are learning 

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what life together is supposed 
to look like in the Kingdom of 

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God. 
So in the middle of all of this,

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Peter comes to Jesus with a 
genuine question about 

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forgiveness. 
And underneath all of that is 

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something that we all feel. 
And this is the question, at 

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what point does forgiveness stop
being wise and start feeling 

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unfair? 
It's very official. 

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You can see their feet when 
they're in jail. 

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But I want to ask that again, 
think about this, because we've 

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all struggled with this in some 
way. 

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At what point, at what point 
does forgiveness stop being wise

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and start feeling unfair? 
And I'm going to answer you 

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before we read the scripture. 
Never, never. 

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I want you to think about the 
people you're having trouble 

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forgiving right now. 
Forgiving doesn't mean putting 

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them back in the place. 
Forgiving doesn't mean allowing 

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them to do whatever they did 
before. 

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Forgiveness is something 
altogether different. 

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So when Peter asks in a moment 
is 7 times good, that seems 

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pretty generous. 
Listen to what Jesus says. 

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Peter comes to and he says, 
Lord, how often should I forgive

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someone who sins against me? 
7 times? 

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He's probably looking to get wow
Peter, I can't even get 2 times 

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out of some people. 
You're really, you're a godly 

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man. 
Jesus says in verse 22, no, not 

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7 * 70 * 7 before anybody here 
is like, OK, so that's no, no, 

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no, that's not what he's saying.
He's saying stop counting. 

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You forgive them over and over 
again. 

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There is no end to how you 
forgive people. 

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And this is difficult. 
I understand this because I know

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the stories for many of you. 
I know the stories for many 

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people that aren't even in this 
building or watching this live 

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stream right now. 
And so I understand that there 

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are things that have happened to
people that are horrific that 

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feel unforgivable. 
But I'm telling you, as 

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challenging as this sounds, in 
the Kingdom of God, nothing is 

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unforgivable when it's done to 
you. 

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Now again, do you want to still 
be in close relationship to 

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somebody? 
Do you still want to allow 

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things to happen? 
It doesn't mean there's not 

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consequences. 
It doesn't mean there's not 

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conversations. 
It doesn't mean that there's not

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things that happen sometimes. 
But to get that feeling of 

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relational debt out of your soul
is priceless and it's worth the 

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hard journey. 
Jesus understood that. 

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Peter still didn't understand 
this when he said 7 * 70. 

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So we're going to do something 
that I used to do when Cassie 

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and I were leading Elevate 
Student Ministries. 

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We called it Elevate Masterpiece
Theatre. 

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Michael Fletcher, would you come
forward, please? 

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Today, you will be playing the 
king. 

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It's because of your mustache. 
It looks very regal. 

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So, King Michael. 
All right. 

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You guys just vibe with it. 
Just go with it. 

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I have not asked them to do 
anything in specific. 

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Yeah, I didn't. 
I'm of a different Kingdom. 

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Sorry. 
Therefore Jesus says the Kingdom

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of heaven can be compared. 
Oh, there you are, to a king who

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decided to bring his accounts up
to date with servants who had 

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borrowed money from him, and in 
the process one of his debtors 

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was brought in who owed him 
millions of dollars. 

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Daniel, you owe King Michael 
millions of dollars. 

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He couldn't pay, So. 
So the king ordered that he be 

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sold, along with his wife, his 
children and everything he owned

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to pay the debt. 
Straight to jail. 

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Go ahead. 
Straight to jail. 

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Yeah. 
It'd be so hard to break out of 

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there, wouldn't it? 
But the man fell down before the

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master, and he begged him. 
Please be patient with me and 

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I'll pay for it. 
But the master was filled with 

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pity for him, and he released 
him and forgave his debt. 

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Straight out of jail, Michael. 
There you go. 

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King Michael coming over here. 
How's that feel, man? 

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You owed millions of dollars. 
Yeah, that's awesome debt 

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relief. 
But when the man left the king, 

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he went to a fellow servant. 
Come on over here. 

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George. 
George. 

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Well, George here. 
He owes a couple $1000 to 

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Daniel. 
It says he grabbed him by the 

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throat and demanded instant 
payment. 

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His fellow servant fell down 
before him and said, give me a 

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little more time. 
Yeah, be patient with me and 

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I'll pay it. 
But the creditor wouldn't wait. 

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He had the man arrested straight
to jail until the debt could be 

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paid in full. 
And just so you know, that's a 

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real hard place to earn the 
money to pay it off. 

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When some of the other servants 
saw this, look, we have a lot of

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witnesses here. 
They were very upset. 

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King Michael, they went to the 
king and they told him 

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everything that happened. 
What do you guys think about 

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what Daniel did? 
Verse 32? 

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So then the king called the man 
in who had been forgiven, and he

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said, you evil servant, I 
forgave you that tremendous debt

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because you pleaded with me. 
Shouldn't you have had mercy on 

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your fellow servant just as I 
had mercy on you, George, 

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straight out of jail. 
And then the angry king sent the

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man back to jail to be tortured 
until he had paid his entire 

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debt. 
Now listen gentle Jesus, the one

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who leaves the 99 for you, verse
35, he says that's what my 

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heavenly Father will do to you 
if you refuse to forgive your 

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brothers and sisters from your 
heart. 

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I get so quiet. 
Y'all didn't clap then thank 

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you, thank you, thank you. 
I think I'll leave this up here.

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Jesus said that is what my 
Father will do to you if you 

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refuse to forgive somebody from 
your heart. 

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That's a hard teaching. 
How many of y'all struggle with 

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that? 
OK, now listen, he doesn't say 

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that's what my father will do to
you if you struggle to forgive 

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somebody. 
He said what if you refuse? 

228
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,000
If you refuse, No, I'm not going
to. 

229
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,080
I'm not going to forgive them. 
They're going to pay. 

230
00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:49,600
First of all, your unforgiveness
generally doesn't affect the 

231
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,800
people that you struggle with 
the most. 

232
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:57,400
Second of all, even if it did, 
it's not your job. 

233
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:03,160
Vengeance belongs to the Lord. 
He is the only one that can hand

234
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:07,480
it out, even handed to anybody 
in any situation. 

235
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,760
And by the way, in almost every 
relational situation I've ever 

236
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,680
seen, I say almost. 
I don't even know why I said 

237
00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:16,120
almost in every relational 
dilemma I've ever seen. 

238
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,480
It's never been 100% one 
person's fault. 

239
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:24,280
They may have 9999.5, I don't 
know, They may have like 1 big 

240
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:27,560
thing that set it off, but there
was always something that got 

241
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:29,920
them there. 
And so when you hear a story, 

242
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,240
the way that Jesus tells it, the
way he describes this, it 

243
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,920
becomes almost impossible to 
miss what he's doing here, 

244
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,720
doesn't it? 
He's not simply giving you a 

245
00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:40,800
moral suggestion. 
Hey, you could live your best 

246
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,280
life now if you just learned to 
be a little unencumbered by 

247
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:46,160
unforgiveness, wouldn't you like
to live lighter and freer? 

248
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:51,560
That's not the way he puts it. 
We, our Daniel, there, we are 

249
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:55,600
the one who owed the king of 
kings millions because of our 

250
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,840
sin, and we were forgiven and 
given a blank check to cover 

251
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:01,120
that debt. 
And then somebody on this earth,

252
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,520
somebody else made in the image 
of God sins against us. 

253
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,520
And we're like, until they 
grovel, until they make it right

254
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,840
to me, I'll withhold my 
forgiveness. 

255
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:12,760
Are you not grateful that God 
never made you do that to gain 

256
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:15,960
his? 
As a matter of fact, I know 

257
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,480
we've got some tenured, seasoned
Saints in this building, but 

258
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,840
none of us were there when Jesus
was hanging on the cross, when 

259
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:25,160
Jesus said forgive them, Father,
they don't know what they're 

260
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:28,040
doing. 
And so many times when I talk 

261
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,960
with people who struggle with 
forgiveness, many times when I 

262
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,520
talk with somebody because I 
struggle with forgiveness, 

263
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:36,800
somebody will say to me, and 
I'll say to other people, what 

264
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,880
would they have to do in order 
for there to be resolution? 

265
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,160
A lot of times I just need them 
to recognize what they did. 

266
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,120
I need them to recognize it and 
to tell me that they're sorry. 

267
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:50,360
Ain't going to happen, Captain. 
Most of the time when it does 

268
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:53,840
happen, it's beautiful, it's 
restorative, it's wonderful. 

269
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:55,560
This is why we talked about this
not long ago. 

270
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:58,640
This is why Jesus said if you're
at the altar going to worship 

271
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:02,600
and you remember that someone 
has something against you, go to

272
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,040
them and make it right. 
He didn't say if you remember 

273
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:06,240
that you have something against 
someone. 

274
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:07,960
He said if somebody has 
something against you, go to 

275
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,000
them, fix it. 
Relationships are important 

276
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,400
because before there was ever 
sin in the garden like we just 

277
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,360
talked about, God said it's not 
good for man to be alone. 

278
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:20,240
So it's no wonder that the devil
loves to find ways to shove his 

279
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:23,480
foot in the door to keep it 
open, to try and wedge some sort

280
00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:27,800
of difference between people. 
Now listen, if you guys are 

281
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:32,280
married, this is of the utmost 
importance to you because there 

282
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:36,280
is not a more sacred 
relationship human to human than

283
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:39,800
marriage. 
But all relationships in the 

284
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,600
Kingdom of God are sacred. 
All of them. 

285
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,800
In the end, it's really only the
roles of brother and sister that

286
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,280
remain when we step into 
eternity because we've got one 

287
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:52,560
father and one king. 
And so a lot of times we put all

288
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:56,440
this emphasis on being the best 
parent or being the best spouse,

289
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:59,000
and those things are important. 
But one day those roles fade 

290
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:03,200
away and God's going to look at 
you and say, how did you get 

291
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,800
along with the brothers and 
sisters I gave you? 

292
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:12,320
Keeping score always begins with
having a sense of being owed 

293
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,280
something. 
It feels like something was 

294
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:17,760
taken, something was said, 
something was withheld from us, 

295
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:22,280
something was broken. 
It might be an apology that was 

296
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,240
never gained. 
It might be respect that we felt

297
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,800
like we were never given. 
We may feel like somebody stole 

298
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,360
our time. 
They dishonored. 

299
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:33,320
They dishonored us with a lack 
of honesty, loyalty, effort, 

300
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:37,000
affection, trust. 
Some of us just struggle feeling

301
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:42,680
recognized and whatever it is, 
Christian, your heart keeps a 

302
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:45,520
Ledger. 
And in case you don't know what 

303
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:49,280
a Ledger is, it is how you 
balance your budget or your 

304
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:50,760
bills. 
Maybe you don't use a paper 

305
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,880
Ledger. 
Maybe you use every dollar from 

306
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:56,000
Dave Ramsey, or maybe you just 
check your bank account once a 

307
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,240
week and hope and pray, and 
that's when you also pray. 

308
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:01,480
I don't know, But your bank is 
keeping a Ledger of what's in 

309
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,280
there. 
The Ledger is what's going out 

310
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,880
and what's coming in. 
And whether you know it or not, 

311
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,240
we all have a Ledger in our 
hearts that keeps a record of 

312
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,440
wrongs. 
It keeps a record of things that

313
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,440
have been done to us and things 
that we've done for other 

314
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,040
people. 
And isn't it amazing that a lot 

315
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:17,720
of times when somebody has 
wronged us, What are some of the

316
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,839
words that come out of our mouth
when we're talking to a safe 

317
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,680
person? 
After all I've done for them, 

318
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,720
you just called your 
relationship transactional. 

319
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,240
After all of the credits I've 
put into their account, Can you 

320
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:31,920
believe they would take this out
of mine? 

321
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:37,600
Real love has no credit or debit
involved in it. 

322
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,920
We have got to be better than 
transactional with our 

323
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:43,680
relationships. 
We have to. 

324
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:48,160
What we often don't realize is 
that keeping score does feel 

325
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,640
like control. 
It feels like we're being wise 

326
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:53,120
and saying, you know what, I'm 
going to make sure that nobody 

327
00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:55,680
does this to me again. 
But it actually produces bondage

328
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:58,200
for your own life. 
It doesn't affect the other 

329
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:02,800
person hardly at all, if at all.
The person who hurt you often 

330
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:06,360
moves on, sleeps well, forgets 
about it, and you're the one 

331
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:10,160
that's left there with your eyes
open at 10:30 or sorry, that's 

332
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:13,880
really late for me. 1:00 in the 
morning, 1:00 in the morning, 

333
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:17,880
OK, with your eyes open, 
replaying the moment, rehearsing

334
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:21,080
the wound, carrying that weight 
into every new conversation and 

335
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:24,000
every new relationship. 
How many of you ever found 

336
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,880
yourself going back in time in 
your mind and saying, this is 

337
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,800
how I wish the conversation had 
gone? 

338
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:32,320
I wish I could have said this. 
If I could go back, I would make

339
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,040
sure that they knew this. 
Some of us, we don't have to do 

340
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:36,600
it. 
Years later, we walk out of the 

341
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:39,240
conversation, get into the car 
and go, oh, shoot, I should have

342
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:43,840
said maybe you shouldn't have. 
Maybe that was God's mercy. 

343
00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,360
Have you ever been so angry with
somebody for so long that you 

344
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,760
recognized that you started to 
feel what we call bitter? 

345
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:55,120
Bitterness is exhausting. 
Why would you want that? 

346
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,200
It's the ongoing work of keeping
an account open. 

347
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:03,480
You could close the account and 
lose the bitterness, but because

348
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:07,240
you're so intent on holding this
open for so long, it exhausts 

349
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:08,600
you of your energy and your 
time. 

350
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,680
And honestly, it depletes you of
the emotional capacity to start 

351
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,840
a brand new, healthy 
relationship with other people 

352
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:18,240
as well. 
This is why when I do premarital

353
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:21,040
counseling, I always cover 
baggage first. 

354
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,440
It's part of what made you who 
you are, and you carry it 

355
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:26,920
everywhere you go unless you do 
the hard work to lay it down. 

356
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,680
So what is forgiveness not? 
Forgiveness is not pretending 

357
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:34,440
that nothing happened. 
Forgiveness is not calling evil 

358
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,040
good. 
I would never ask that of you. 

359
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,480
Forgiveness is not minimizing 
your pain. 

360
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,480
So if you've ever been wronged 
and then you've said to 

361
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,800
somebody, I shouldn't feel bad 
that this happened to me. 

362
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,080
So many people have had so many 
worse things happen to them. 

363
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:49,040
Stop it, stop it. 
Nobody's nominating you for 

364
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,000
sainthood. 
You don't need to make your 

365
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:55,360
case. 
All wounds are real wounds, OK? 

366
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,560
Even a perceived wound feels 
like a wound. 

367
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,000
So if you're hurt, it's OK to 
call it what it is. 

368
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,040
But when you do forgive, hear me
on this. 

369
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:08,160
When you do forgive, you are not
declaring that what happened was

370
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,000
acceptable after all. 
You're declaring that what 

371
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,960
happened will not be ultimate in
your life. 

372
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:17,240
Big difference. 
You're saying that God's justice

373
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:20,000
and God's grace are more 
trustworthy than your 

374
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:23,040
resentment, and that your future
will not be chained to somebody 

375
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,360
else's past. 
Theologically, this is the 

376
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:28,600
center of the gospel. 
Christianity is not a faith 

377
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:31,080
that's built on God keeping 
score against sinners. 

378
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,320
It's a faith that is built on 
God cancelling the debt that we 

379
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,000
could never repay through the 
cross of Jesus Christ. 

380
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,280
That's why Jesus places this 
parable in front of his 

381
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,480
disciples. 
This was not something that 

382
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,640
would be easily grasped by 
somebody who wasn't open to 

383
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,680
hearing the truth of God. 
This was something that only 

384
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:52,480
those who are actively pursuing 
what God has for them would want

385
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:53,880
to grab a hold of. 
And why? 

386
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,120
Because we are supposed to look 
different than the world. 

387
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:59,400
But I'm going to tell you what, 
I've seen some of the worst 

388
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,960
grudges I've ever seen in my 
life held by Christians. 

389
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:08,960
Sometimes I will have people 
come to me and say, well, it 

390
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,920
took me a while to talk to you 
because I have some church hurt,

391
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:12,920
which is a specialized form of 
people hurt. 

392
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:14,920
I'm not minimizing it. 
It's real. 

393
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,400
Happens in churches, but happens
in churches because churches are

394
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:22,080
full of people. 
So then I'll say, well, I got 

395
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,600
church hurt too. 
And they're like, really? 

396
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,840
When did that happen? 
And I'll say, well, in 2022. 

397
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,120
And they're like, wait, wait, 
wait, weren't you working here? 

398
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:33,440
Yes, yes, I was. 
It's going to happen because 

399
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:38,720
people are messy, but there is 
something that God can do to 

400
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:42,320
equip you to live in freedom. 
So my question before we move on

401
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:49,520
is, do you want that freedom or 
do you just walk yourself in 

402
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:54,640
here and say, I know I won't be 
here forever, but I will be here

403
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,080
until Daniel feels sorry about 
what he did to me. 

404
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,400
Somebody said, yeah, somebody's 
got to score to settle with 

405
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,760
Daniel. 
Isn't it crazy? 

406
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:08,800
You can walk yourself right into
that prison, but you can also 

407
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:12,080
walk yourself right out if you 
want to. 

408
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:15,720
Most of us don't want to because
we've become really used to what

409
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,080
it looks like in there. 
It feels safe. 

410
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,280
People aren't going to come to 
me in there and wound me all 

411
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,800
over again. 
No, but you will be alone. 

412
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:28,800
So there is that. 
The early church in the first 

413
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,840
couple, 100 years after Jesus 
ascended back to the Father. 

414
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:35,440
They believe that unforgiveness 
was spiritually dangerous. 

415
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,320
Why? 
Because unforgiveness 

416
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,280
contradicts the mercy that 
Christians claim to have 

417
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:45,760
received from Jesus. 
And so Jesus is trying to make 

418
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:49,040
sure we know that if you receive
mercy, you become a conduit for 

419
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:51,800
mercy. 
When you stop that flow and you 

420
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,760
become greedy and selfish and 
you want all of the mercy just 

421
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:58,160
to settle here For me, it's not 
Christianity. 

422
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:02,760
It's just not. 
At the same time, the early 

423
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,880
church also understood something
that we tend to confuse today. 

424
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,600
Forgiveness and reconciliation 
are connected, but they're not 

425
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,360
identical. 
And This is why some of us hold 

426
00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:13,520
up on it. 
We're like, I'm not ready to 

427
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,600
forgive them because I'll have 
to let them back into my life. 

428
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:18,920
Not always. 
Reconciliation is extra. 

429
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,840
It's the frosting on top or the 
gravy on top there. 

430
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:23,880
If you got a sweet tooth or you 
like salty stuff, you're good. 

431
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,360
It's the extra stuff. 
And if you can reconcile with 

432
00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:30,040
somebody, oh man, God loves it. 
We'll talk about that in a 

433
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:32,440
moment, but it's not always 
possible. 

434
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:35,360
And that's why this parable 
challenges every believer who 

435
00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:37,800
takes it seriously, because it 
confronts the part of us that 

436
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,280
wants mercy for us and justice 
for others. 

437
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:45,000
I want to be somebody who wants 
mercy for me and mercy for 

438
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,040
others. 
And this is the harder one. 

439
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,680
I do want to be somebody who 
wants justice for others. 

440
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,600
I also want somebody who wants 
justice for me. 

441
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,360
And that's when I have to sing 
for joy at the work of his 

442
00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:59,000
hands, even when it hurts. 
But if you want to walk into 

443
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:00,680
forgiveness, we tend to forget a
couple things. 

444
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,720
I just want to talk about two 
things that we tend to forget. 

445
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:06,600
The first thing that we tend to 
forget that stops us from real 

446
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:08,440
forgiveness is we forget what we
owe. 

447
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:11,280
Think about Daniel in this 
illustration. 

448
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:13,640
As soon as he got his debt 
forgiven, he turned around. 

449
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,440
He's like, hey, you pay up that 
man in that parable, he 

450
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:19,800
completely forgot what he owed. 
Go ahead and turn to the book of

451
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,760
Philemon. 
It's towards the end. 

452
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,960
It's one of the the really great
illustration, scripturally 

453
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:30,520
speaking, because one of the the
quiet dangers that relationships

454
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,640
have is that over time we lose 
our sense of perspective. 

455
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:37,280
We remember very clearly what 
was done to us, but we slowly 

456
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:42,000
forget what was done for us. 
When this happens, our view of 

457
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,240
grace begins to shrink and 
scores score. 

458
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,480
Keeping always feels justified 
when you don't remember the 

459
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,880
grace of God. 
If you remember well, they 

460
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:52,120
forgot to take out the trash 
again, they never remember to do

461
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:53,400
this. 
They never buy me something on 

462
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,600
my anniversary or my birthday or
like these things. 

463
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:58,560
If you start to keep score on 
that, but you're not remembering

464
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:00,840
everything God has done for you,
it's a dangerous blend. 

465
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,840
The book of Philemon gives us 
one of the most personal and 

466
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:08,480
emotionally charged pictures of 
this kind of problem anywhere in

467
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:10,840
the New Testament. 
Let me tell you about Philemon. 

468
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,160
Philemon was a very well 
respected Christian believer. 

469
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:17,520
He was wealthy, wealthy enough 
that in the Roman system he 

470
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:21,080
owned slaves. 
He was large enough to influence

471
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:25,240
the area for Christianity. 
He hosted a church in his home. 

472
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:26,880
They didn't have church 
buildings. 

473
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,080
There were synagogues, but it 
wasn't the same. 

474
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:32,600
So most Christian churches 
started in homes, not in 

475
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:36,160
synagogues initially. 
And Onissimus was one of his 

476
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:37,720
slaves. 
That's a fun name. 

477
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:40,480
At some point, Anissimus ran 
away. 

478
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:43,120
And that was not just 
inconvenient, it wasn't just, 

479
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:46,480
oh, bummer, you know, one of my 
workers, one of my slaves ran 

480
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,600
away. 
It was going to be costly 

481
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,680
because now he had to go and 
find somebody new to work there 

482
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,160
or whatever. 
But most importantly, because of

483
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:57,960
the Roman system where it was 
all built upon appearance and 

484
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,840
your status and things like 
this, it was publicly and 

485
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,480
culturally humiliating. 
It showed that you weren't in 

486
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:06,200
control of your household. 
And because of that, whenever a 

487
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,400
slave ran away in the Roman 
system, whenever they were found

488
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:13,560
or or captured or returned, they
would be publicly humiliated. 

489
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:15,920
It was their way of getting 
revenge. 

490
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:17,800
Why? 
Because you wronged me. 

491
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,280
So you owe me. 
So I will take it out of you 

492
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:23,120
this way. 
This is the exact mindset that 

493
00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:24,800
we are trying to come against 
today. 

494
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:29,080
Now, somehow, while Odysseus is 
on the run, and I really don't 

495
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:32,160
know how it, it would be 
fascinating if I could find out,

496
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:36,600
Onissimus encounters the apostle
Paul while he's a runaway slave 

497
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:41,000
from Philemon. 
And this is wild because Paul's 

498
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:44,840
in jail during the time that he 
writes this letter to Philemon. 

499
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:49,480
How did he encounter Christians?
How did he encounter Paul? 

500
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:53,680
I don't know, but he did. 
And Onissimus comes to faith in 

501
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,760
Christ. 
His life has genuinely been 

502
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,480
changed, and Paul describes him 
as someone who was once useless 

503
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,120
but has now become useful. 
In this book, we're going to 

504
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:04,400
start in verse 15. 
But Paul knows this. 

505
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,760
Onissimus can't just disappear. 
He's going to get caught or 

506
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:09,680
found by somebody. 
And he also knows that as a 

507
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:12,280
Christian, reconciliation 
matters when it's possible, 

508
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,400
because they're all Christians 
now at this point. 

509
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:18,520
So Paul sends Onissimus back to 
Philemon, carrying a letter that

510
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:22,640
puts Philemon face to face with 
the gospel in one of the most 

511
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:27,840
personal ways possible. 
Listen to this, he says in verse

512
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,280
15. 
Imagine Philemon reading this 

513
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,440
letter that's just been handed 
to him by Onissimus, who just 

514
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:36,240
ran away from him and came back.
It seems you lost Onissimus for 

515
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,880
a little while so you could have
him back forever. 

516
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:41,160
He's no longer like a slave to 
you. 

517
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:45,880
He's more than a slave, for he 
is a beloved brother, especially

518
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:49,560
to me. 
Now he will mean so much more to

519
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,160
you, both as a man and as a 
brother in the Lord. 

520
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,760
So if you consider me your 
partner, welcome him as you 

521
00:27:56,760 --> 00:28:00,920
would welcome me. 
Paul says if he has wronged you 

522
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:04,760
in any way or owes you anything,
charge it to me. 

523
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,760
How many of y'all are reading 
along on a phone or a Bible? 

524
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:09,440
Is it in all caps in this next 
verse? 

525
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:13,600
I, Paul, write this with my own 
hand. 

526
00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:18,440
I will repay it and I won't 
mention that you owe me your 

527
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:22,960
very soul. 
Oops, did I mention it? 

528
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:27,480
OK, yes, my brother, please do 
this. 

529
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:29,440
Do me this favor for the Lord's 
sake. 

530
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:31,880
Give me this encouragement in 
Christ. 

531
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:35,600
I'm confident as I write this 
letter that you'll do what I 

532
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,480
ask. 
And even more, one more thing, 

533
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,040
please prepare a guest room for 
me, for I'm hoping that God will

534
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:43,920
answer your prayers and let me 
return to you soon. 

535
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:45,880
In other words, I'm praying I 
get out of prison and I get to 

536
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:48,680
come visit you again. 
And then he mentioned some other

537
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:50,640
people there. 
Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in 

538
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,120
Christ Jesus sends you his 
greetings. 

539
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:55,080
So do Mark, Aristarchus, Dimas 
and Luke, my Co workers. 

540
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:57,520
May the grace, there's that word
for the year. 

541
00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:01,760
May the grace of the Lord Jesus 
Christ be with your spirit. 

542
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:05,280
When Paul says if he's wronged 
you in any way or owes you 

543
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,400
anything, charge it to me. 
He's mentioning, if that's 

544
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:11,400
really how you want to play it, 
you owe me a whole lot. 

545
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:14,840
He's not just trying to cover a 
debt. 

546
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,760
He's trying to model what 
theologically people call the 

547
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:21,560
doctrine of substitution, which 
is pretty cool sermon for a 

548
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:24,280
different day. 
But Paul reminds Philemon of 

549
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:25,920
something that is even heavier 
than this. 

550
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:28,760
He points out that Philemon 
himself owes Paul his very life.

551
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:31,840
Philemon would not have known 
the Lord if Paul hadn't led him 

552
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:35,320
to the Lord. 
And then Paul wrote it with his 

553
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:36,960
own words. 
It was very common in that day 

554
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:38,920
to have your scribe write down a
letter. 

555
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:40,960
You would dictate the letter and
they would write it down for 

556
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:42,800
you. 
But very often Paul would write 

557
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:45,360
at least one line in his own 
handwriting to make sure that it

558
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,520
could be confirmed it genuinely 
came from him. 

559
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,560
And the one line he chose to 
write with his own was, I won't 

560
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:52,400
even mention that you owe me 
your very soul. 

561
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:55,040
That's the heart of the issue, 
right? 

562
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:57,720
We forget what we owe, so we 
become rigid in what we demand 

563
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,520
from other people. 
We forget about all the free 

564
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:02,800
chances that God has given us. 
And we demand such high 

565
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:05,320
standards from other people 
because we've been wounded. 

566
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,960
And so we'll say, well, I've 
been wounded before, so I have 

567
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,000
these high standards for people 
to meet if they're going to be 

568
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:13,600
in my life. 
But the reality is God doesn't 

569
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:15,680
have such standards for you to 
enter into His Kingdom. 

570
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:20,160
Remember this. 
Grace forgotten always leads to 

571
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:24,600
grace withheld. 
Grace forgotten always leads to 

572
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:27,480
grace withheld. 
And Paul believes that Philemon 

573
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,360
will let the gospel do its work.
He believes that remembering 

574
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:33,280
mercy will produce mercy. 
He believes just by Philemon 

575
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:36,600
reading this letter, that he 
will be moved to do things 

576
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:38,200
different than culture would 
have him. 

577
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:41,800
And so I'm going to ask for 
Daniel and Victoria to come up 

578
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:43,000
here. 
So now we got a husband and wife

579
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:44,960
here. 
Paul believes this. 

580
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,560
I want you to hear this. 
He believes that this is going 

581
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:49,440
to make a difference because he 
understands how important 

582
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:51,120
relationships are. 
And I don't know where your most

583
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:54,160
tense relationships are, but 
I'll tell you this. 

584
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:57,000
Marriages begin to fracture when
grace gets replaced by score 

585
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:58,880
keeping. 
And the longer you're married, 

586
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:02,920
the easier it is to score keep. 
Friendships get weaker when 

587
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:04,640
someone's memory becomes 
selective. 

588
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:07,840
Family struggle when love is 
conditioned on repayment. 

589
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,800
And the moment we forget what we
owe to God and to other people, 

590
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,440
forgiveness starts to feel 
optional. 

591
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:15,680
Your relationships are not meant
to be transactional. 

592
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:19,640
So, Cassie, would you grab 
these? 

593
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:21,400
And we're just going to do these
brick by brick. 

594
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:24,240
I borrowed these yard bricks 
from my kids this morning. 

595
00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:26,120
So just a couple questions 
coming up here. 

596
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:28,040
Yeah, it's great. 
OK. 

597
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:30,040
How how long have you guys been 
married? 

598
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:35,520
14 years. 
Married 21 years together. 

599
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:40,160
Who in here is younger than 21? 
You weren't alive when they got 

600
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,440
together. 
How does that make you guys 

601
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:43,720
feel? 
You don't know. 

602
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:44,640
It's all right. 
That's a Yeah. 

603
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:47,240
We'll talk later. 
That's a long time. 

604
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:51,840
And how many kids, 44 kids, I 
mean, they're building a family 

605
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:54,160
here. 
So have you had like, good 

606
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:57,480
seasons and bad seasons, rough 
moments? 

607
00:31:58,160 --> 00:31:59,720
Daniel said. 
You guys have never argued. 

608
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,160
Lord, we're just kidding. 
Just kidding. 

609
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:12,360
Some seasons, some seasons. 
Think about this. 

610
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:15,080
Some seasons you can work 
through an argument like that, 

611
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:18,160
and some seasons you're like, 
why are we fighting about the 

612
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:22,200
same thing for the 18th time? 
Right. 

613
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:24,440
Different seasons. 
There's always grace for the 

614
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:25,600
moment. 
So here's what I want you guys 

615
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:27,240
to do. 
I want you to turn face each 

616
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:28,520
other. 
There's nothing better than 

617
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:30,680
looking into each other's eyes. 
I want you to hold hands. 

618
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:34,440
There you go. 
Oh, look, right, Dearly Beloved.

619
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:35,680
No, I'm just kidding. 
All right. 

620
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:40,480
Fun fact, I've never started one
with dearly beloved. 

621
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:44,360
OK, we'll do them one at a time.
All right, so I just want you to

622
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:46,400
place 1 brick between them long 
ways. 

623
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:49,600
OK? 
Yeah, this way. 

624
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:51,760
Yes. 
Look at that brick. 

625
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:55,800
OK, we're going to call this 
brick a comment that was said 

626
00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:57,480
really quickly but never walked 
back. 

627
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,960
So then we'll say Daniel said it
because I was already picking on

628
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:04,040
him later or earlier. 
So you said a comment you never 

629
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:05,680
walked it back. 
Now she's over here like titty 

630
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:07,760
really mean that. 
So they got a brick here in 

631
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:11,120
their relationship. 
You might trip over that, but 

632
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:12,680
it's probably not super 
dangerous. 

633
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:14,520
But it is a stumbling block. 
Would you agree? 

634
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:18,040
What about a promise that felt 
small at the time but it stung 

635
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,200
because it wasn't kept and 
follow through matters? 

636
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:26,160
OK, what about a moment when one
of you needed support and the 

637
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:28,040
other one didn't show up the way
you really needed? 

638
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:34,560
Just hypothetically, what about 
an apology that came late or 

639
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:38,320
felt insincere? 
Nobody has ever done that 

640
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:41,000
before. 
How about a decision that was 

641
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:42,880
made without really talking it 
through together? 

642
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:48,880
OK, how about a season where 
communication got replaced by 

643
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:53,480
assuming? 
It's getting pretty tall there. 

644
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:58,120
How about when you avoided a 
conflict because it felt easier 

645
00:33:58,120 --> 00:33:59,480
to move on than to work through 
it? 

646
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:06,480
How about when one of you became
defensive and that made an 

647
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:08,280
honest conversation feel like a 
gamble? 

648
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,800
How about a moment when sarcasm 
covered something that actually 

649
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:19,239
hurt? 
We don't allow sarcasm in my 

650
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:24,440
house. 
No bricks over here, please. 

651
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:27,199
All right. 
How about a time when you felt 

652
00:34:27,639 --> 00:34:30,040
compared to somebody else 
instead of appreciated for who 

653
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:34,360
you are? 
How about a boundary that was 

654
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:36,159
crossed, even if it didn't feel 
intentional? 

655
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:42,360
Look at that. 
Now, here's the problem. 

656
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:44,800
A lot of us say, sure, no 
marriage is perfect. 

657
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:46,600
No relationship is perfect. 
We've got issues. 

658
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:53,840
But everybody does got issues. 
Get tissues all right, but look 

659
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:57,800
at them, OK? 
A lot of times we don't give it 

660
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,200
the seriousness and the 
attention that it requires. 

661
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,040
Why? 
Because we don't feel like we've

662
00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:04,520
drifted that far apart. 
So I'm asking you honest 

663
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:08,160
question, not a trick question. 
Have they drifted apart at all? 

664
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:11,640
But has something grown between 
them? 

665
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:16,000
And we let it go brick by brick 
by brick. 

666
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:18,720
And before you know it, if we 
were to continue to build this 

667
00:35:18,720 --> 00:35:20,800
up, it would be in between. 
They're even holding the hands 

668
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:23,720
around it. 
But if it were to go and go and 

669
00:35:23,720 --> 00:35:26,480
go, eventually, there's no way 
for them to be united on 

670
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:28,480
something. 
They didn't move away from each 

671
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:30,720
other. 
They've been together 2 decades.

672
00:35:31,240 --> 00:35:35,400
They got 4 kids, right? 
So they have not moved away from

673
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,480
each other. 
But these things have to be 

674
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:40,960
addressed, right? 
So thank you, guys. 

675
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:45,200
Have a seat. 
Thank you. 

676
00:35:47,720 --> 00:35:51,000
Oh, you can leave them there, 
taking the tissues. 

677
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:57,280
You take the tissues for all 
your issues, she said. 

678
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:03,000
There you are, keeping score 
builds things brick by brick. 

679
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,080
It builds walls between you. 
It doesn't mean that you drift 

680
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:07,920
away from people. 
And yes, sometimes people do 

681
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,400
drift away, but more often if 
they drift away, it's because 

682
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:11,760
they can't see each other 
anymore. 

683
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:14,600
How would you be able to see 
somebody even if you're holding 

684
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:16,800
their hand, but there's a wall 
here and you can't see them? 

685
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:19,440
One of my favorite pictures from
when Cassie and I got married 

686
00:36:19,720 --> 00:36:23,200
all those years ago was a door 
over in the hallway of the other

687
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,840
building that was open. 
I had not seen her in her dress.

688
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:27,440
And if you've ever been to my 
house, you see it. 

689
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:30,720
It's in the living room. 
She's on one side with this hand

690
00:36:30,720 --> 00:36:32,560
like this. 
I'm on the other side with one 

691
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:34,240
hand like this. 
And we're holding hands, but we 

692
00:36:34,240 --> 00:36:36,600
haven't seen each other yet. 
It's an awesome picture. 

693
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:37,440
Yeah. 
Oh, it's great. 

694
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:39,720
It's cute. 
It's great for the day you're 

695
00:36:39,720 --> 00:36:41,000
married. 
It's not great for when you've 

696
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,640
been married almost 16 years, if
that's still the way you 

697
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:47,200
interact and see each other. 
Yes, we're united. 

698
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,280
Yes, we work together. 
Yes, we're married, but we don't

699
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:53,640
really see each other. 
I have to remember what I owe 

700
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:56,920
first of all to the Lord. 
Always. 

701
00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:59,720
First and foremost, I owe him my
allegiance. 

702
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:02,160
I owe him my love. 
I owe him my dedication, my 

703
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:05,520
devotion. 
I owe him in every single 

704
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:07,880
imaginable way. 
Why does that matter? 

705
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:11,720
Because when you genuinely live 
your life that way, let me just 

706
00:37:11,720 --> 00:37:14,320
talk to the husbands here. 
What happens when the Lord says 

707
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:19,960
tell her you're sorry? 
You better do it, Lord. 

708
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:22,680
I'm not sorry. 
Well, then get sorry and go tell

709
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:31,600
her that you're sorry. 
Wives, same question. 

710
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:33,080
What happens if the Lord tells 
you? 

711
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:35,760
Tell him you're sorry. 
You better do it. 

712
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:39,920
You better do it. 
First and foremost. 

713
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:41,880
I also have to remember what I 
owe to her. 

714
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:45,600
I owe her a lot. 
She trusts me. 

715
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:47,800
She put her life in my hands in 
a lot of different ways. 

716
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:49,200
And yeah, I did the same thing 
for her. 

717
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:51,600
But that's not the perspective I
need to have. 

718
00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:53,080
It's not after all I've done for
her. 

719
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:54,720
It's after all she's done for 
me. 

720
00:37:56,160 --> 00:38:00,280
How could I not try and focus on
those instead of the few things 

721
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:03,480
that maybe sometimes sort of 
perturb me? 

722
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,280
We have very honest 
conversations and I'm sorry, is 

723
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:11,720
not a foreign thing for either 
one of us to say to each other, 

724
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:15,400
and I'm very proud of that. 
I don't want something to grow 

725
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,160
between us. 
We're going to go through hard 

726
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:19,560
times and when a hard time hits 
US, I don't want to have a wall 

727
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:21,560
between us while we're trying to
fight together. 

728
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:24,240
We need to have complete 
contact. 

729
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:30,560
So what do you do here? 
Start by asking a simple but 

730
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:32,280
uncomfortable question of 
yourself. 

731
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:35,440
Which one of the bricks did you 
contribute to the wall? 

732
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:41,720
Maybe you look at this and 
you're like, look at all that he

733
00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:45,160
contributed to this wall. 
You can't do a thing about his 

734
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:47,280
bricks. 
What about this one? 

735
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:49,280
What about this one that you put
there? 

736
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,640
What about this one time that 
you were unforgiving? 

737
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:55,600
This bad example that you set? 
You're so focused on why he 

738
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:57,720
won't do these. 
This has been sitting here the 

739
00:38:57,720 --> 00:39:03,600
whole time. 
Love covers a multitude of sins,

740
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:05,840
wrongs. 
It doesn't forgive them. 

741
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:07,720
Only God can do that, but it 
covers a lot of it. 

742
00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:10,080
Why? 
Because yeah, these things 

743
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:14,120
exist, but I believe that he'll 
take care of them the same way I

744
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:15,600
hope he believes that I'll take 
care of this. 

745
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:20,680
Right. 
So you have to start by knowing 

746
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:24,040
which ones did you place there. 
If you don't look at the ones 

747
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:26,720
that you've contributed to the 
wall, you will only focus on 

748
00:39:26,720 --> 00:39:28,760
their bricks. 
And the more you focus on 

749
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:31,320
theirs, the less you'll be 
focused on fixing yours. 

750
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:33,480
You need to both make sure you 
take care of yours. 

751
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:36,960
Forgiveness can't begin where 
denial lives. 

752
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:41,960
Secondly, I want you to remember
what you've received like I was 

753
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:45,720
just talking about. 
This is where the gospel will 

754
00:39:45,720 --> 00:39:47,200
reshape the way you look at 
everything. 

755
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:49,520
Paul didn't ask Philemon to 
forgive by minimizing the 

756
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:51,160
offense. 
If you notice, if you read 

757
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:53,840
through that whole book of 
Philemon, it's 1 chapter, you 

758
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:55,320
should do it today. 
It's a great book. 

759
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:58,720
If you notice, Paul doesn't say,
come on, Onessimus didn't really

760
00:39:58,720 --> 00:40:00,760
do that big of a deal. 
You really think God would 

761
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:03,480
approve of people having to be 
enslaved to other people anyway?

762
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:07,680
He doesn't say that. 
He just says, hey, I know you 

763
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:11,280
feel wronged, why don't you 
charge what he owes you to me? 

764
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:15,520
I wonder what Jesus would say to
you the next time that you look 

765
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,000
at something and you feel like 
you're owed something from 

766
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:20,800
somebody else. 
Remember what you've received. 

767
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:28,640
The third thing there is release
before you reconcile, or else 

768
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:31,240
you'll repeat #4 there shouldn't
be there. 

769
00:40:31,240 --> 00:40:32,960
That's from last week. 
Don't worry about that. 

770
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:37,600
But it's still good advice. 
Here's what I mean, choosing to 

771
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:40,920
release something before you try
to reconcile, many of us, this 

772
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,800
is where we get tripped up. 
So if you are in a system or a 

773
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,760
cycle of problems with a 
relationship, hear me on this. 

774
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:51,400
If you continually reconcile 
with somebody, but you've never 

775
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:54,040
released what the wrong is, 
you're just going to cycle 

776
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:55,880
around and you're going to do it
again. 

777
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,000
And we have all sorts of ways 
that we do this. 

778
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,240
Well, maybe it was my fault. 
Maybe I didn't understand, 

779
00:41:02,240 --> 00:41:03,960
maybe. 
But you know, if you don't 

780
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:07,200
really release the fact that it 
happened, you'll feel temporary 

781
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:09,520
relief because now you're being 
all sweet and nice to each other

782
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:12,560
again. 
But eventually, as time goes on,

783
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,760
something will happen and it'll 
trigger you into that issue and 

784
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:17,600
it'll cycle right back around to
it again. 

785
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:20,800
Learn to release something to 
the Lord before you try to 

786
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:24,600
reconcile with the person. 
Otherwise, you're just going to 

787
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:26,840
be on a merry go round. 
And it's a really crappy merry 

788
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:28,960
go round. 
Yes, I said crappy. 

789
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:33,120
Now I do want to address one 
thing that can be a bit 

790
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:36,880
uncomfortable. 
We talked about this before a 

791
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:39,560
little bit, but some of you 
might need to forgive someone 

792
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:43,080
who is not safe. 
Some of you might need to 

793
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:45,760
forgive somebody who's not 
present or will never be 

794
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:49,240
repentant for what they did. 
And maybe you need to hear this 

795
00:41:49,240 --> 00:41:51,440
today. 
Forgiveness does not require 

796
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:56,440
their participation. 
Forgiveness requires your 

797
00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:59,800
release, and it doesn't let them
off the hook. 

798
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:04,760
Vengeance is the Lord's. 
Do you really trust the Lord? 

799
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,440
If you do, He'll make sure 
things are right. 

800
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:11,640
Release it. 
You are not excusing their 

801
00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:13,200
behavior. 
You're freeing your heart from 

802
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:15,000
carrying what was never meant to
control you. 

803
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:18,840
And just like we spoke about 
last week, remember to remain 

804
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:21,480
committed to relational 
maintenance more than repair. 

805
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:26,880
Walls are a lot harder to tear 
down than bricks, so why don't 

806
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:29,560
you just start with the bricks? 
For couples, this means setting 

807
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:32,440
aside some intentional time to 
talk about what's been stacking 

808
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:34,160
up. 
But here's just a thought. 

809
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:35,880
Instead of sitting down and 
saying, hey, this has been 

810
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:38,280
bothering me for a long time, 
why don't you sit down and say, 

811
00:42:39,240 --> 00:42:41,280
I don't know if this has been 
bothering you or not, but I 

812
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:43,240
shouldn't have fill in the 
blank. 

813
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:46,040
Could you imagine that? 
What do you normally feel when 

814
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:47,040
they're like, hey, we need to 
talk. 

815
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:51,600
You're like, oh, I have to work 
late tonight. 

816
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:54,560
Hey boss, can I pull some 
overtime? 

817
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:58,040
No, we need to talk. 
Could you imagine that? 

818
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:02,280
Hey, can we talk? 
And then it becomes, I just 

819
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:03,520
don't. 
I just don't think I handled 

820
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:05,920
that the right way. 
I hope you know how much I love 

821
00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:06,920
you. 
And I didn't mean it the way it 

822
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:08,760
came out. 
Could you imagine the relief? 

823
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:11,200
What if every time we said we 
need to talk, it was about our 

824
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:14,160
own bricks, man? 
The next time you go to your 

825
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:15,800
spouse or your friend or 
something, you're like, hey, we 

826
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:19,080
need to talk. 
They'd be like, oh, what are 

827
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:20,360
you? 
What are you going to apologize 

828
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:25,200
for this time? 
And as silly as that sounds, 

829
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:28,840
what if you were both doing it? 
Oh, we're about to make our 

830
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:31,200
relationship better. 
Let's do it. 

831
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:33,240
We've got to shift our 
perspectives on it. 

832
00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:36,800
A lot of times we forget what we
owe, but we also forget what 

833
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:39,280
we're worth. 
And this is hard because there 

834
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:41,520
are a lot of churches that teach
a lot of things that are 

835
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:44,440
designed to tell you how much 
you're worth and how special you

836
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:45,920
are and blah, blah, blah, or 
whatever. 

837
00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:48,480
And this is not an episode of 
Barney, so I'm not here for 

838
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:49,960
that. 
But let's go ahead and go to the

839
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:51,360
next slide. 
We forget what we're worth. 

840
00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:53,240
I want you to turn to 1st 
Corinthians 13. 

841
00:43:53,240 --> 00:43:55,840
Where do you normally hear Love 
is patient, love is kind 

842
00:43:56,920 --> 00:44:00,480
wedding? 
Keeping score doesn't only 

843
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,640
happen in the direction of other
people. 

844
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,680
This is where finally some of 
you be like, oh, I didn't think 

845
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:09,280
this sermon was for me, but it 
just hit me. 

846
00:44:10,240 --> 00:44:13,160
Sometimes that Ledger turns 
inward and instead of tallying 

847
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:16,280
what was done to you, you've 
been tallying what must be wrong

848
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:18,800
with you. 
For a lot of people, especially 

849
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:21,400
those that care a lot about 
relationships, the default 

850
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:24,960
assumption after conflict is not
they hurt me, it is this must be

851
00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:29,480
my fault and that way of 
thinking feels humble. 

852
00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:32,480
It's a false humility though. 
Statistically relational 

853
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:35,920
breakdowns are never one sided 
emotionally. 

854
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:38,560
Your conflict rarely has one 
single source. 

855
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:41,640
So I just want you to know the 
constant self blame does not 

856
00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:43,760
align with the way that God 
speaks of his people. 

857
00:44:44,240 --> 00:44:47,080
Even when they were in deep sin,
even when they they had that 

858
00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:50,080
golden calf, God never said they
weren't his people. 

859
00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:52,920
He was upset with them. 
He never disowned them. 

860
00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:56,720
So when we automatically assume 
that we are always the problem, 

861
00:44:56,720 --> 00:44:59,880
we actually forget our worth. 
God created us for connection. 

862
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:04,240
He declared that isolation is 
not good. 

863
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:07,560
So healthy relationships are not
optional extras for a Christian 

864
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:09,520
life. 
So if you're watching on the 

865
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:11,600
live stream, I'm OK with you 
watching the live stream. 

866
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:13,280
I love it. 
By the way, if you're the person

867
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:16,000
that watches from New York, can 
you send me an e-mail at 

868
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:19,040
blake@libertync.org because I 
have no idea who you are, but 

869
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:21,080
you're so consistent. 
I would just love to know who 

870
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:22,480
you are. 
Blake at libertync.org. 

871
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:27,120
Every week we're like, oh, New 
York is back. 

872
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:29,200
I wonder who they are. 
Thank you for watching. 

873
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:31,760
I have no problem if you're 
watching on the live stream. 

874
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:34,240
I have no problem if you're 
watching this afterwards, unless

875
00:45:34,240 --> 00:45:37,160
you're doing it so that you 
don't have to be around people. 

876
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:40,240
I know it can be hard and it can
be challenging, so I'm trying to

877
00:45:40,240 --> 00:45:42,280
speak to somebody who's scared 
to be around people. 

878
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:44,440
Isolation is not good for your 
soul. 

879
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:47,720
It weakens your discernment. 
Come home to some people who are

880
00:45:47,720 --> 00:45:51,320
flawed but will love you, and 
we'll forgive you if you also 

881
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:55,600
agree to forgive us. 
When relationships breakdown, it

882
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,520
hurts because something that God
intended for good has been 

883
00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:00,360
strained and your soul can feel 
it. 

884
00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:04,560
So when a relationship goes awry
and it goes off the rails, it is

885
00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:07,040
something that you feel deeper 
than just in your chest. 

886
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:09,800
You feel it in the core of who 
you are because something God 

887
00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:11,520
created for good is now not 
good. 

888
00:46:12,240 --> 00:46:14,680
That's God's whole problem with 
the sin that's running rampant 

889
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:17,240
through creation. 
And so some of you in this room 

890
00:46:17,240 --> 00:46:19,760
I recognize, are carrying a 
weight that you were never meant

891
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:21,200
to carry. 
And you are the people who 

892
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:24,360
replay conversations and analyze
the tones from other people and 

893
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:26,360
search your memory for the 
moment that you ruined 

894
00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:28,360
everything. 
You want the confirmation that 

895
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:31,040
you were the reason it fell 
apart, Because, shoot, at least 

896
00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:33,880
then you'll have an answer. 
But what if it's the wrong 

897
00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:36,240
answer? 
What if you believe a lie? 

898
00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:39,240
Scripture speaks directly into 
that line. 

899
00:46:39,240 --> 00:46:42,280
First Corinthians 13. 
I just put First Corinthians 13 

900
00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:44,520
there because you could, you 
could just read the whole thing 

901
00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:46,720
and it speaks to it. 
But what it does is it sets the 

902
00:46:46,720 --> 00:46:49,600
scene where it says, man, if I 
could speak in the tongues of 

903
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:52,960
the angels, that'd be amazing. 
But I'd have nothing if I didn't

904
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:54,200
love. 
But I could do this. 

905
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:56,080
I'd have nothing if I could do 
all of this. 

906
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:59,280
He complaints it to a noisy 
gong, to some sort of noise 

907
00:46:59,280 --> 00:47:01,000
disturbance. 
He said if I could do all of 

908
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:05,320
these things, but I didn't love,
I would be nothing. 

909
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:10,040
Eventually he says prophecy and 
speaking in tongues and words of

910
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:12,160
knowledge, words of wisdom, 
they'll all be useless, but love

911
00:47:12,160 --> 00:47:16,160
will last forever. 
And listen to this in verse 11. 

912
00:47:16,240 --> 00:47:20,640
Christians, when I was a child, 
I spoke and thought and reasoned

913
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:24,400
as a child, but when I grew up, 
I put away childish things. 

914
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:26,640
You know why I love that verse 
so much now? 

915
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:29,280
Because I got children. 
And when I say, hey, kids, 

916
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:31,720
sometimes they come in and 
they're like, what did we do? 

917
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:35,560
Not every time. 
But when they do that, I 

918
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:37,720
instantly go internal. 
Have I made them feel that way? 

919
00:47:37,720 --> 00:47:40,000
And then I have to remember it's
not about me. 

920
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:42,000
Kids are constantly wondering if
they're going to get in trouble 

921
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:44,080
because odds are they did do 
something they weren't supposed 

922
00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:46,840
to, and they don't know if 
that's why you're calling them 

923
00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:49,320
in. 
So when the Lord tells you to do

924
00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:50,840
something, what do you normally 
think? 

925
00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:54,360
Did I? 
We're his children, aren't we? 

926
00:47:57,040 --> 00:47:59,440
When I grew up, I put away 
childish things. 

927
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:03,040
Now we see things imperfectly. 
So you have to know that instead

928
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:05,400
of constantly assuming that 
you're the one at fault as well.

929
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:10,560
You look at it and you say I see
things imperfectly, I see things

930
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:13,320
incompletely. 
I cannot see the whole picture. 

931
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:15,400
I cannot see what's going on in 
the other life. 

932
00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:17,920
I can't even see what's 
happening in my own life. 

933
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:20,120
How can I be expected to 
understand all of it? 

934
00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:24,360
Paraphrase mine, verse 12. 
Now we see things imperfectly, 

935
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:27,800
like puzzling reflections in a 
mirror, but then we will see 

936
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:30,040
everything with perfect clarity.
This is talking about when we're

937
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:32,600
united with the Lord again. 
And all that I know now is 

938
00:48:32,600 --> 00:48:35,080
partial and incomplete. 
But then I will know everything 

939
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:37,960
completely, just as God now 
knows me completely. 

940
00:48:38,720 --> 00:48:40,600
And then he says this three 
things will last forever. 

941
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:41,600
What are they? 
Christians? 

942
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:47,760
Faith, hope, and love. 
And the greatest of these is 

943
00:48:47,760 --> 00:48:51,040
love. 
That's not some sort of random 

944
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:52,760
thought. 
That's how God loves you. 

945
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:55,320
I remember the first time I 
discussed that scripture with a 

946
00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:58,040
pastor and he said, you know, 
it's a good sermon. 

947
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:00,240
It's a good, it's a good 
scripture to use in a wedding. 

948
00:49:00,240 --> 00:49:03,080
He said, but just so you know, 
it more describes the love of 

949
00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:05,920
God than the love that we have 
for husband and wife. 

950
00:49:07,160 --> 00:49:09,920
But he said, but I like it in a 
wedding because wouldn't that be

951
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,200
a perfect love to have for your 
husband or wife if you could 

952
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:13,840
attain it? 
I'm like, oh man, that's so 

953
00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:17,360
good. 
Your worth is not defined on how

954
00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:21,640
consistently you get a 
relationship right, whatever 

955
00:49:21,640 --> 00:49:24,520
that means. 
Your worth is determined by the 

956
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:26,760
one who desires a relationship 
with you. 

957
00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:31,920
The value of something or 
someone is always decided by the

958
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:33,920
person who wants it and desires 
it. 

959
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:37,000
When we forget what we're worth,
we'll start accepting 

960
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:38,880
relationships that don't reflect
God's heart. 

961
00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:42,760
And you'll normalize neglect and
you'll excuse disrespect in your

962
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:45,040
life, and then you'll 
internalize the blame. 

963
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:48,680
But first, John chapter 3, I'm 
actually reading this in the NIV

964
00:49:49,120 --> 00:49:53,040
first verse, it says you see the
great love that the Father has 

965
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:58,280
lavished upon us, that we should
be called children of God. 

966
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:02,360
God wants you to have healthy 
relationships, and not because 

967
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:04,440
they make life easier, but 
because they reflect his 

968
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:06,760
character. 
And listen, if you have some 

969
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:10,080
healthy relationships and one of
them goes sideways, you're going

970
00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:12,440
to need a couple other healthy 
relationships around you to help

971
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:14,200
stabilize you while you deal 
with that. 

972
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:17,680
If you only have one or two, 
you're in real trouble when it 

973
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:22,480
comes because where do you lean?
Most of us have heard about 

974
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:23,680
famous paintings like the Mona 
Lisa. 

975
00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:25,720
I got a picture of the Mona Lisa
for you, but most people 

976
00:50:25,720 --> 00:50:28,240
probably know this painting. 
You know, the Mona Lisa. 

977
00:50:28,240 --> 00:50:29,920
Is she smiling or not? 
How many of you say she's 

978
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:32,360
smiling? 
Is she not smiling? 

979
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:35,040
I don't know. 
I just tell you this. 

980
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:37,880
If I had that look on my wife's 
face, I would say what did I do?

981
00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:45,120
Art prices are not measured by 
something and what it looks like

982
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:46,320
on the surface, believe it or 
not. 

983
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:48,920
How many of y'all think that 
that would be a cool thing to 

984
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:50,840
own? 
How many of y'all think that 

985
00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:55,240
because you'd sell it, it is 
insured for over a billion 

986
00:50:55,240 --> 00:50:57,480
dollars. 
If it gets stolen, they get a 

987
00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:02,120
billion dollars. 
And I'm not neglecting the power

988
00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:04,160
of painting or art, but I just 
want you to know it. 

989
00:51:04,240 --> 00:51:09,640
It is paint and canvas and wood.
It is a dead tree, right? 

990
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:12,520
And it is paint, chemicals. 
And it's, I mean, that is what 

991
00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:15,240
it is. 
If if aliens were real and they 

992
00:51:15,240 --> 00:51:17,880
came to this Earth and somebody 
said, look, it's the Mona Lisa, 

993
00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:21,320
they'd be like, what is that? 
It's just stuff. 

994
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:24,600
But we have assigned value to it
and now it's worth over a 

995
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:26,720
billion dollars. 
Isn't that crazy? 

996
00:51:28,200 --> 00:51:30,440
How many of you would be willing
to get rid of every single piece

997
00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:32,720
of artwork your kids ever made 
for you if you could have that? 

998
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:36,840
No, because they're more 
valuable to you. 

999
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:39,880
But you're the one that assigns 
the value to that artwork. 

1000
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:44,600
You decide how much it matters. 
Value is not decided by how many

1001
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:47,640
people appreciate something, 
Values decided by who wants it 

1002
00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:50,640
enough to pay for it. 
And I want you to understand 

1003
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:54,440
something today, Christians. 
God said you are worth more to 

1004
00:51:54,440 --> 00:52:00,880
me than the cost of my own life.
When he hung on that cross, He 

1005
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:04,640
thought you were worth it over 
his own life that he could have 

1006
00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:10,520
lived. 
Show me the other Mona Lisa. 

1007
00:52:11,280 --> 00:52:13,800
That's how valuable. 
That's how valuable you should 

1008
00:52:13,800 --> 00:52:17,120
be feeling. 
That one is a smile, in case 

1009
00:52:17,120 --> 00:52:21,040
you're wondering. 
Listen, I do that to be kind of 

1010
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:23,120
silly because I don't want it to
be too heavy, but I do want you 

1011
00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:25,600
to sit with this fact. 
That's the way that God views 

1012
00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:27,840
you. 
And anytime that you prioritize 

1013
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:31,560
your own view of yourself over 
God's view of you, you are in 

1014
00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:41,000
sin and God loves you that much.
Now that being said, let me give

1015
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:42,440
you a couple things to try to 
grow in this. 

1016
00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:45,120
The first thing is you have to 
interrupt automatic self blame. 

1017
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:48,160
When a conflict happens, you 
need to pause long enough to ask

1018
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:51,120
one of those questions. 
Is this truly all on me or am I 

1019
00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:52,840
carrying something that doesn't 
belong to me? 

1020
00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:55,880
Humility means owning your part 
but not theirs. 

1021
00:52:56,360 --> 00:53:00,160
Interrupt the self blame. 
Interrupt the self blame. 

1022
00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:02,880
One of the the quickest ways 
that I get upset in counseling 

1023
00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:05,560
and I try my best to mask it, 
but quickest ways I get upset is

1024
00:53:05,560 --> 00:53:07,200
when somebody's like, well, it 
is all my fault. 

1025
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:12,240
OK, I'm going to have to ask 
some more questions. 

1026
00:53:13,080 --> 00:53:15,480
Don't deny the value that God 
has declared over you. 

1027
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:18,280
Why would God create somebody 
who literally gets it wrong 

1028
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:22,640
every single time? 
Would he, would you say that 

1029
00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:26,560
about him? 
He wouldn't say it about you #2 

1030
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:28,840
this is very important. 
You have to re evaluate what you

1031
00:53:28,840 --> 00:53:31,520
tolerate in your relationships. 
And what I mean by that is this 

1032
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:35,520
chronic disrespect or emotional 
neglect, 1 sided efforts, 

1033
00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:38,840
constant guilt. 
Remembering your worth does not 

1034
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:40,880
make you a demanding or a high 
maintenance person. 

1035
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:42,840
Healthy love always reflects 
God's love. 

1036
00:53:42,880 --> 00:53:47,280
OK and finally, you have to live
like you know that your worth 

1037
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:50,040
means finding your identity in 
what Jesus did at the cross. 

1038
00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:52,400
It's a simple thing but man is 
it hard. 

1039
00:53:52,920 --> 00:53:54,680
This is why we have to remember 
what we owe. 

1040
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:57,360
We have to remember this dead of
love that we owe to the Lord and

1041
00:53:57,360 --> 00:53:59,960
to one other, one another. 
This is the last thing I want to

1042
00:53:59,960 --> 00:54:03,080
say about this because this last
thing does need to be said 

1043
00:54:03,080 --> 00:54:04,400
clearly. 
Because I really do hate the 

1044
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:06,840
greasy grace that sometimes 
people will talk about and just 

1045
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:08,920
say you're like God's special 
little butterfly and you don't 

1046
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:11,840
do anything wrong. 
The answer to your wounded 

1047
00:54:11,840 --> 00:54:14,920
relationships and fragile 
identity is not self love. 

1048
00:54:16,640 --> 00:54:19,160
It is not having another treat 
yourself day. 

1049
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:22,760
It is not loving yourself more. 
I don't like it when I hear 

1050
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:25,440
somebody say that you have to 
love yourself before you can 

1051
00:54:25,440 --> 00:54:27,240
love others. 
And when it says, you know, love

1052
00:54:27,240 --> 00:54:30,160
God and love people and you 
have, you know, no, no, no, the 

1053
00:54:30,160 --> 00:54:34,320
answer is loving God first. 
If you can love God and you can 

1054
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:37,880
get that down, you can recognize
his love and manifest that kind 

1055
00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:41,440
of love for yourself, for for 
him, then you're welcome to love

1056
00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:43,920
yourself and others out of that.
It's an overflow. 

1057
00:54:44,520 --> 00:54:47,400
So this perfect love in First 
Corinthians 13 is the goal. 

1058
00:54:48,160 --> 00:54:50,400
It's not just loving yourself or
liking yourself. 

1059
00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:52,840
It's still pride. 
If it's only about yourself, 

1060
00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:58,720
don't let it be about you. 
As I bring today to a close the 

1061
00:54:58,720 --> 00:55:02,000
challenge today, I just want you
to hear this. 

1062
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:04,000
And this is whether you're 
married, single, dating, 

1063
00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:06,880
whatever. 
This is not really a challenge 

1064
00:55:06,880 --> 00:55:09,080
that can be delayed. 
Don't let later become never. 

1065
00:55:09,400 --> 00:55:12,560
This challenge is personal and 
it's immediate and I understand 

1066
00:55:12,560 --> 00:55:14,840
there's things going on tonight.
I'm excited to watch the 

1067
00:55:14,840 --> 00:55:18,880
commercials too. 
Go Whoever's playing the 

1068
00:55:18,880 --> 00:55:23,120
Patriots at all times. 
That's my personal thing. 

1069
00:55:25,720 --> 00:55:28,880
Here's the challenge, guys. 
Listen, Somewhere in your life 

1070
00:55:28,880 --> 00:55:32,280
right now, there is a Ledger and
it might be against someone else

1071
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:33,680
and it might be against 
yourself. 

1072
00:55:34,160 --> 00:55:37,000
There are bricks that have been 
stacked and scores that have 

1073
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:39,200
been kept, and there are 
assumptions that have been made.

1074
00:55:39,760 --> 00:55:42,240
Let me read you one final 
scripture before we close. 

1075
00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:47,000
Micah 7, verses 18 and 19. 
It's not about you. 

1076
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:50,320
Who's it about? 
Come on, VBS answer. 

1077
00:55:50,320 --> 00:55:52,200
Come on, who's it about? 
All right, all right. 

1078
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:56,880
Where is another God like you 
who pardons the guilt of the 

1079
00:55:56,880 --> 00:56:00,120
remnant, overlooking the sins of
His special people? 

1080
00:56:01,160 --> 00:56:04,000
You will not stay angry with 
your people forever because you 

1081
00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:07,920
delight in showing unfailing 
love once again. 

1082
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:12,040
I love that. 
Once again you will have 

1083
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:15,400
compassion on us and you'll 
trample our sins under your feet

1084
00:56:15,760 --> 00:56:17,560
and throw them into the depths 
of the ocean. 

1085
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:19,720
That is the God that we serve, 
guys. 

1086
00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:23,240
A God who does not keep score 
and He doesn't rehearse our 

1087
00:56:23,240 --> 00:56:26,520
failures. 
He delights in mercy, not in how

1088
00:56:26,520 --> 00:56:28,160
right he is, even though he's so
right. 

1089
00:56:29,080 --> 00:56:32,040
So this is your challenge. 
Do 1 intentional thing before 

1090
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:34,080
you go to bed tonight. 
Do 1 intentional thing before 

1091
00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:40,320
the game, identify 1 brick, one 
unresolved hurt, one assumption,

1092
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:42,640
and choose one action that 
removes it. 

1093
00:56:43,080 --> 00:56:45,280
If you look at the whole wall, 
it's going to feel impossible to

1094
00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:46,800
tear down. 
But if you look at it brick by 

1095
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:49,880
brick, you can do this. 
And this room is full of people 

1096
00:56:49,880 --> 00:56:52,640
who also love the same God, have
the same father, and we want to 

1097
00:56:52,640 --> 00:56:55,240
help you get there. 
Don't try to tear down every 

1098
00:56:55,240 --> 00:56:56,840
wall today. 
Just stop adding bricks. 

1099
00:56:57,280 --> 00:56:59,440
Next week, we're going to 
continue this with a message 

1100
00:56:59,440 --> 00:57:05,200
called Stop trying to Fix 
Everyone and we'll talk about 

1101
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:09,160
how control often masquerades as
care for other people and how 

1102
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:11,680
learning to love people without 
managing them brings freedom on 

1103
00:57:11,680 --> 00:57:15,880
both sides of a relationship. 
But before we dismiss, I just 

1104
00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:19,120
want to remind you that we will 
have no midweek service because 

1105
00:57:19,120 --> 00:57:22,480
of the carpet. 
A long time ago, I saw a sermon 

1106
00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:25,120
where somebody was teaching on 
how, hey, this is just a 

1107
00:57:25,120 --> 00:57:26,680
building, don't too much stock 
in this. 

1108
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:28,240
And he poured out his coffee on 
it. 

1109
00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:32,080
And I was talking to a really 
good friend earlier this week. 

1110
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:39,800
Had a better idea than coffee. 
This carpet will be gone. 

1111
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:41,920
But I want you to know that 
underneath this carpet, when 

1112
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:44,240
they built this building, this 
area, they called it the glory 

1113
00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:47,520
zone because the people that 
were part of this church, they 

1114
00:57:47,520 --> 00:57:51,360
wrote scriptures and prayers on 
the concrete and the very 

1115
00:57:51,360 --> 00:57:54,280
foundation of this before carpet
was ever here. 

1116
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:57,480
And God will and we'll write and
we'll add some more stuff this 

1117
00:57:57,480 --> 00:57:59,320
week as soon as they get it torn
up. 

1118
00:58:00,680 --> 00:58:06,400
But instead of coffee, we're 
going to pour this oil out. 

1119
00:58:19,460 --> 00:58:21,660
Guys, I know I'm talking about 
carpet, but don't lose the heart

1120
00:58:21,660 --> 00:58:24,140
of this message. 
Sometimes God gives you a 

1121
00:58:24,140 --> 00:58:28,740
valuable, beautiful gift and you
have it for so long, you take it

1122
00:58:28,740 --> 00:58:31,700
for granted and it takes 
maintenance. 

1123
00:58:31,980 --> 00:58:34,340
We have to take care of things, 
keep them updated. 

1124
00:58:35,060 --> 00:58:37,100
If we can do that for a 
building, can we do that for the

1125
00:58:37,100 --> 00:58:41,080
people that God has given us? 
Would you all stand up? 

1126
00:58:41,800 --> 00:58:46,280
God, thank you so much. 
Providing the means that we can 

1127
00:58:46,280 --> 00:58:48,600
do this. 
To be honest, I can't speak for 

1128
00:58:48,600 --> 00:58:49,800
everybody. 
I can speak for me. 

1129
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:51,920
I'm so humbled that this is even
possible. 

1130
00:58:52,480 --> 00:58:55,120
So we thank you for this. 
We thank you for the fact that 

1131
00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:57,920
we'll walk in here in one week's
time and it will look so new. 

1132
00:58:58,080 --> 00:59:01,200
May it be a reminder that you 
are the God who makes all things

1133
00:59:01,200 --> 00:59:03,600
new, but that you yourself never
change. 

1134
00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:06,600
We're so grateful that you don't
change, but that you never give 

1135
00:59:06,600 --> 00:59:08,560
up on the fact that you believe 
we can change. 

1136
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:11,520
So change us, God. 
We lift up this building in 

1137
00:59:11,520 --> 00:59:14,720
every one of our relationships 
to you for your use and your 

1138
00:59:14,720 --> 00:59:17,960
purposes. 
In the name of Jesus, Amen.