1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,080 So Song of Songs is kind of known for being one of the 2 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:08,440 saucier or racier, you know, books in the Bible. 3 00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:10,960 And there certainly are parts, but that's really not all of it. 4 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:16,760 So let's go ahead and and jump into this this subject together, 5 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:21,080 shall we? When a man and a woman decide 6 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:25,800 that they want to have a baby, I'm just, I'm just kidding. 7 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,480 I'm just kidding. Although, although there's 8 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:32,119 probably at least one person who's like, so close. 9 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,800 Here's the thing. Relationally, most people do not 10 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:41,800 begin relationships by asking the deep questions about wisdom 11 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:44,920 and timing or their character or what it would be like to enter 12 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,960 into a covenant with somebody. You hear things like, are they 13 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,000 husband material or wife material? 14 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,360 Usually relationships begin with attraction. 15 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,480 So tonight it's all about love that awakens. 16 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,840 It's it's about the beginning. But there is something here for 17 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:00,440 everybody, regardless of your stage station in life. 18 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:04,480 For most people, if there's chemistry or there's excitement 19 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:07,520 or there's curiosity or an emotional connection, we start 20 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,760 to feel confident. And that part of love feels 21 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:13,160 natural to us because attraction itself is not unnatural. 22 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,480 In fact, Song of Songs opens immediately with desire on full 23 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:17,800 display. We'll get there in just a 24 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:20,920 moment. Tonight is all about what you do 25 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:22,720 when attraction or desire wakes up. 26 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:27,600 For a lot of people, we've grown up with two unhealthy extremes. 27 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:30,000 Normally one or the other. And we'll, we'll review this 28 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,480 again in a moment. But for some people, it's like 29 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:36,040 they can't not be alone and they're constantly feeling like 30 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,640 they have to fill this void. And then for other people, the 31 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,360 issue is they almost feel shameful every time that there 32 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:44,880 is one second of attraction or draw to somebody or something. 33 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,240 But you should know, just in case this gives you some 34 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,920 freedom. It is natural to be attracted to 35 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,240 beauty. Now, what's beauty that's 36 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:53,760 different depending on who you talk to. 37 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:57,160 It is unnatural to look at beauty and decide to use it for 38 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,960 self. Does that make sense? 39 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,800 What's the saying about art? Art is in the eye of the 40 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,400 beholder, right? You could have a piece of art 41 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,400 that sells for millions of dollars and you could look at it 42 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,800 and say, I think it's a blank piece of paper, and they'd say, 43 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,240 no, it's a rabbit in a snowstorm. 44 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,880 But it's the same thing when it comes to what attracts you or 45 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,960 draws you. The balance of this, of trying 46 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,760 to find the happy medium. Attraction is a gift. 47 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,720 It shows you things that you're drawn to, but what you do with 48 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:26,080 it matters is something that is very important for all 49 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:29,360 believers. Here's why love matters so much. 50 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:31,120 And one of the things that you're going to hear frequently 51 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:34,200 throughout this six part study is that we should not awaken 52 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,520 love until the time is right. Why does that matter so much? 53 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:40,720 Because awakened love changes people. 54 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:44,000 You ever have a friend and once they got into a relationship, 55 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,360 you thought they're not the same? 56 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:54,040 In the Hebrew they would say duh, relationships, they change 57 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:56,920 people. Are you the same after you got 58 00:02:56,920 --> 00:03:00,560 into a relationship? And if you are we do counselling 59 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:04,760 awaken. Love changes people. 60 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:08,080 It affects your emotions and your priorities and your desires 61 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,360 and your decisions and it affects your whole identity. 62 00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:14,440 Love has the ability to change the direction of somebody's life 63 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,920 for the good or the harm depending on how it is 64 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,720 approached. And I said this in the pre 65 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,840 reading, if you got this in your e-mail, but Song of Songs 66 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,960 traditionally was treated as a sacred and very mature text by 67 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:28,360 the Jewish people. They were not allowed to read it 68 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:29,840 until they had achieved adulthood. 69 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:33,400 And you may think, well, you know, bar mitzvah, bar mitzvah, 70 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,680 you know, when they were 13, they were considered a man or a 71 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:37,320 woman. Yeah, for some of them, some of 72 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:40,120 them, they didn't allow some, some cultures there would not 73 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,480 allow people to read it until they were somewhere around the 74 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:51,640 age of 30. Now listen, they understood that 75 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,640 once this was studied, it would be better understood when you 76 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:56,760 had some life experience under your belt. 77 00:03:56,760 --> 00:04:00,000 But the perspective that they have here that relationships are 78 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,080 so important and they change you is vital. 79 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,480 And it's something that Jesus echoed. 80 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,080 And so I just want to read you a brief scripture. 81 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,560 It's not in your notes, but it's from the lips of Jesus. 82 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:10,280 If you need the fill in the blank notes, we have them at 83 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,880 those two tables right there by the by the door and we'll start 84 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,200 them shortly. But here's what Jesus says in 85 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,560 Matthew chapter 5. He says, you've heard the 86 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:19,680 commandment that says you must not commit adultery. 87 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:23,480 But I say anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already 88 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,480 committed adultery with her in his heart. 89 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,520 I mean, in other words, he's saying, yeah, don't do it. 90 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,800 But here's how you stop from ever even getting to the place 91 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,720 that you could do it. He goes on to say, this gentle 92 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,760 Jesus who leaves the 99 to find the one. 93 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:42,440 He says, so if your eye, even your good eye, causes you to 94 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,400 lust, gouge it out and throw it away. 95 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:47,280 It's better for you to lose one part of your body than for your 96 00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:49,000 whole body to be thrown into hell. 97 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,400 And if your hand, even your strong hand, causes you to sin, 98 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:55,240 cut it off and throw it away. It's better for you to lose one 99 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,600 part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into 100 00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,920 hell. Jesus was not lowering the value 101 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,440 of love or relationships. And in case anybody is 102 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:04,880 wondering, this was not a literal command. 103 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:09,120 Man, I can't believe I did that. Time to get rid of the the love 104 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:15,920 worth desiring. This is Solomon's song of songs 105 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:19,360 more wonderful than any other. You ready? 106 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,440 Kiss me and kiss me again. For your love is sweeter than 107 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:26,000 wine. How pleasing is your fragrance? 108 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,600 Your name is like the spreading fragrance of scented oils. 109 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,520 No wonder all the young women love you. 110 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:34,120 Take me with you. Come, let's run. 111 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,440 The King has brought me into his bedroom. 112 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:38,880 How happy we are for you, O King. 113 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,080 We praise your love even more than wine. 114 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,200 Now, in case you're worried that the inner middle schooler in you 115 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,760 is going to giggle every time I read a scripture, I'm not going 116 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:49,640 to read every single scripture, but some of them you really need 117 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:53,920 to hear. There is no slow introduction in 118 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,160 this book with the theme of love. 119 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:56,560 OK? There's no careful set up. 120 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,440 They are not worried about how they're writing this. 121 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,160 They're not worried somebody's going to say, oh, that's a 122 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,120 little inappropriate. This book begins with desire. 123 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,760 Immediately after saying it's like the greatest song that 124 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:09,760 Solomon's ever written, it says kiss me and kiss me again. 125 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,920 So immediately you're pulled into this relationship that is 126 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,960 filled with affection and longing and pursuit, that tells 127 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,640 us something right away. And it's important for us to 128 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:19,680 understand this, even if we're uncomfortable with it. 129 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:23,040 Scripture is not uncomfortable acknowledging human desire. 130 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:27,800 Scripture is not uncomfortable acknowledging human desire. 131 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,120 And the very first verse that I just kind of skipped over also 132 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:32,960 reminds us it is Solomon's Song of Songs. 133 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,120 Depending on the translation of the Bible you read, sometimes 134 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:38,240 it's listed as Song of Songs, sometimes it's listed as Song of 135 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:40,640 Solomon. Well, it's Solomon's Song of 136 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:43,320 Songs in the same way that Jesus is listed as the king of kings. 137 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,680 In other words, there's not a greater king than this King 138 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:47,920 Solomon is saying. Out of all the songs he's 139 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,680 written, this is the one, This is the best 1. 140 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,360 So that phrase means the greatest song. 141 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,400 It means the greatest song. It's the finest among many. 142 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:01,440 And so as I was saying that phrase, kiss me there carries 143 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:02,880 more depth than it first appears. 144 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,440 It's not just, hey, do you want to make out? 145 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:08,320 In Hebrew culture, as I'm sure many of us know, a kiss 146 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:09,960 represented a lot of different things. 147 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:14,680 It could represent affection or honor or loyalty or intimacy, 148 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,800 depending on the context. If you've ever been reading 149 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,760 through the New Testament and it says greet one another with a 150 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,000 holy kiss and you're like, well, we don't do every tradition 151 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:24,720 today at church. But in the context here, the 152 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:28,080 language clearly communicates it is romantic desire. 153 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:30,880 That's your blank there. It is romantic desire. 154 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,400 What is important is not simply the physical expression of this 155 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:37,080 romantic desire, but the openness behind it. 156 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:39,520 So the relationship that's going to be described throughout this 157 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:43,080 book begins with honesty rather than any sort of competition. 158 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,240 There are no secrets in this relationship, and that's 159 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:46,920 something we'll talk about in a few minutes. 160 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,440 This woman continues by saying that your love is sweeter than 161 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:54,000 wine and the Hebrew where this translated love there is dodem. 162 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,440 It's dodem. It's a word that's connected to 163 00:07:56,440 --> 00:08:00,520 affection or physical love. This would have not been a word 164 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,600 used in their culture for any other kind of love other than 165 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,360 physical love, intimacy and relational delight. 166 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:10,400 But when when comparing to wine, wine throughout Scripture was 167 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:14,480 always associated with like joy or celebration or abundance or 168 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:17,040 like a shared fellowship. It was something that brought 169 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:19,640 people together. Wine was not normally present 170 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:22,640 for somebody drinking alone in the ancient days that this was 171 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,840 written. It was always for gathering and 172 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:29,080 bonding together. So in other words, she's saying 173 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:31,920 that this relationship carries a kind of joy and delight that 174 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:35,640 surpasses temporary pleasures. I want you to think about this 175 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:39,799 culture teaches people to pursue excitement without ever asking 176 00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:41,480 if the relationship itself is healthy. 177 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,520 And when that happens, chemistry, like we talked about 178 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,320 earlier, becomes the foundation and people's feelings become the 179 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:50,120 authority they go by. And Song of Songs immediately 180 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:53,000 begins by connecting desire to something deeper than physical 181 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,640 appearance alone. And here's what it is this, I'll 182 00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:00,080 never read this, this book the same next it says how fragrant 183 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,920 your Cologne or your perfume, your name is like it's spreading 184 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:06,000 fragrance. So the word that's translated as 185 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,800 fragrant comes from the Hebrew word rayok. 186 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,880 Rayok. It means an aroma, aroma, a 187 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:15,760 scent or a fragrance just like you would think, but it has a 188 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:19,160 deeper meaning. So in the ancient world, 189 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,280 fragrance was valuable because it lingered. 190 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:24,360 Nobody had signature sense. We've all got a Cologne or a 191 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,920 perfume that we prefer, but that just was not a thing back then. 192 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:30,960 There wasn't even an Axe body spray, so any kind of fragrance 193 00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:33,360 you were going to put on you was going to cost you something. 194 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,960 And because of that, it had to be very pungent. 195 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,760 It had to be something that would stay behind when you left. 196 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:43,400 And that's what she says. The perfumed oil was expensive 197 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,040 and precious. So, so, so catch this. 198 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,840 What grabs your attention to the most here is not the appearance. 199 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:51,280 It's his name. The Hebrew word shame. 200 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,520 Shame. It translates his name. 201 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,960 It carries more meaning than just like an identifier. 202 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:58,920 In the Hebrew thought, somebody's name represented 203 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,960 their reputation. It represented their character, 204 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:05,240 their identity, and the kind of person that they truly were. 205 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,920 So when she says that his name is like fragrance poured out, 206 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,920 she's saying that there is something about his character 207 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:16,560 that attracts people toward him. His reputation precedes him, and 208 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:20,360 when he leaves, it lingers. She's saying that his integrity 209 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:23,520 leaves an impression behind him, like the same way a fragrance in 210 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,520 a room does. So this is not just, hey, I'm 211 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:29,960 hot for you or whatever. This is somebody with an actual 212 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,640 attachment. That's what it's trying to 213 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,560 convey there. And that shifts the whole 214 00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:35,880 conversation about attraction for the rest of this chapter. 215 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:39,160 A relationship can begin with physical beauty or emotional 216 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,480 chemistry, but healthy love never survives on attraction 217 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:45,160 alone. Eventually the character or the 218 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,960 integrity, they come into play and I think we'd all agree that 219 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,640 matters. So that also becomes important 220 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,760 in a world where people are taught to prioritise that 221 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:54,680 chemistry or attraction before character. 222 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,600 What is the old advertising slogan? 223 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,800 It's sex that sells. And that's why sometimes you're 224 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:04,560 like, what am I watching? Why is this on a commercial for 225 00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:08,120 cat food or whatever it is? They want what they think is 226 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,400 going to seem appealing or attractive to you because if 227 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,440 they can catch your eye long enough to hear what they're 228 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:14,040 saying, then they'll try to catch your wallet. 229 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:18,920 So it's a method that is older than any of us fragrance, though 230 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,960 remember this fragrance fades if there's no substance beneath it. 231 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,440 So as much as we all hate when somebody douses themselves with 232 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:28,720 three bottles of Axe, Axe does not last as long as a lot of the 233 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,400 more important colognes and perfumes. 234 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,920 So the woman says, you know, come on, take me with you, let's 235 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,680 run. Love moves towards connection 236 00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:37,320 intentionally. This is where you start to see a 237 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,720 little bit of pursuit and the desire to get closer. 238 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:41,720 But even here, this is important. 239 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,720 Hear me on this. Their love is not isolated from 240 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:48,080 the community. Listen how happy we are for you, 241 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:49,760 O King. We praise your love even more 242 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:51,200 than wine. That's at the end of it. 243 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:54,720 Other voices appear in the song, and they purposely appear in the 244 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:57,280 song that was written because they're affirming what they see. 245 00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:01,040 Why does that matter today? Well, it matters because as much 246 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,960 as we don't like people in our business, healthy relationships 247 00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:07,400 do not only look good in private, they carry integrity 248 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:10,520 publicly as well. Love that is built wisely can 249 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:13,320 withstand being seen clearly. Truth is never afraid to be 250 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:16,160 seen. One of the dangers of unhealthy 251 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:19,120 love is that it often survives only And here's a couple blanks 252 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,240 for you. One of the dangers of unhealthy 253 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:27,120 love is that it often survives only in secrecy or fantasy or 254 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:31,960 isolation. Secrecy, fantasy, or isolation. 255 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,960 But all throughout Scripture, wisdom is consistently pulling 256 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,880 relationships into honesty and accountability and integrity 257 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,920 instead of being hidden. Real love of any sort has 258 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:44,320 nothing to hide. So renewing our minds in this 259 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,040 Bible study means that we learn that desire itself is not the 260 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:48,720 enemy. God created affection and 261 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:51,280 attraction in all of it. But when your desire is 262 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,520 disconnected from wisdom, it's dangerous really fast. 263 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,720 I didn't read a lot of the personal insight questions 264 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:00,560 before, but I'm just going to go through them quickly in 265 00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:03,200 tonight's session. These are just for you. 266 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,400 These are not things that get discussed at the table, but in 267 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,760 case it's helpful for you, what qualities have I been taught to 268 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:11,840 value most in relationships? And do those priorities reflect 269 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:15,080 wisdom or only attraction? Ask yourself a hard question 270 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,320 there. And the second one is what kind 271 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:21,080 of fragrance does my life leave behind through my character, my 272 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,040 reputation, or the way that I treat others? 273 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,920 Second section, it's called dark but lovely. 274 00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:30,320 Dark but lovely. Well, Song of Solomon the the 275 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:32,200 verses 5 through 8, it says this. 276 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:37,400 This woman says I am dark but beautiful, says O woman Women of 277 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,680 Jerusalem. Dark is the tents of Kedar. 278 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:41,800 Dark is the curtains of Solomon's tents. 279 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:43,920 Don't stare at me because I'm dark. 280 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:49,000 The sun has darkened my skin now. 281 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:53,560 As soon as the relationship begins to unfold, the tone here 282 00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:57,760 shifts from all of this open passion and openness to 283 00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:02,560 admiration and vulnerability. I never read this until I 284 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:05,320 started doing a deeper study and understood that she is purposely 285 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:08,200 being vulnerable. In these verses, the woman who 286 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,720 spoke so boldly about desire and affection a few verses ago is 287 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,960 now speaking about her insecurity. 288 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,200 She's talking about comparison and how she sees herself. 289 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,280 And that's important because attraction might awaken love 290 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:25,400 quickly, but intimacy? Intimacy eventually exposes the 291 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:29,200 places where people feel the most vulnerable, where they feel 292 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,680 vulnerable. Because, she says I'm dark but 293 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:34,880 beautiful, or dark but lovely. Depending on your translation. 294 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:38,040 Both ideas carry the same issue. She's communicating that she 295 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,400 knows she looks different than what others may expect. 296 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:43,960 She says my brothers were angry with me and they made me go work 297 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,160 out in the field. So I'm darker than most of the 298 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:48,960 girls like me. But because I had to work in the 299 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,520 vineyard for the family, I could never tend to my own vineyard. 300 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,200 And we'll get to that in a moment. 301 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,240 She is self-conscious. She's saying that her skin is 302 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:58,760 darkened by being out there. And she's saying don't stare at 303 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,960 me because I'm dark. In other words, she already 304 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,640 feels the weight of comparison. Comparison before anyone else 305 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:07,080 says a word. And we're talking about what 306 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:10,000 love awakens. That word that is translated as 307 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,280 beautiful or lovely. It comes from the Hebrew word 308 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:17,280 Nava Nava. And it means beautiful, fitting, 309 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:19,960 pleasing, or worthy of admiration. 310 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:25,080 Worthy of admiration. What makes this pretty powerful 311 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:28,080 when you think about it, is she speaks both realities at once. 312 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,400 And I'll speak a little extra to the ladies here because this 313 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,960 seems to be something I hear from you all as a struggle more 314 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:37,320 than the guys. But she is acknowledging what 315 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:40,480 she believes other people might judge about her while also still 316 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,720 declaring that she possesses value and beauty in the same 317 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,880 sentence. I am dark, but I'm beautiful. 318 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,960 Don't judge me because of this. I am still lovely. 319 00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:53,080 And so exposing those insecurities is something that's 320 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,360 important to her because she's building a healthy relationship 321 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:58,040 and it naturally puts us in a position of vulnerability. 322 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,680 When we do that, it puts us in a position of vulnerability. 323 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:05,160 When those insecurities get exposed, it reminds us that to 324 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,480 be known on a deeper level is also to risk rejection on a 325 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,640 deeper level. Now, This is why a lot of times 326 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,560 when people get into a relationship, they don't like to 327 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:14,800 go deep. They don't want to have the deep 328 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,800 talks because if they do, they might get rejected for who they 329 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,840 really are. It's a lot easier to be rejected 330 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,520 for what you represent or what you project or put out there 331 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:25,160 than it is to be rejected for who you actually are. 332 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:28,600 That woman explains that her brothers forced her to work in 333 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,080 the vineyards and in the process she neglected her quote. 334 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:34,400 Is my own vineyard. And the word Karem, there 335 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,480 meaning vineyard, becomes symbolic. 336 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:40,880 It becomes symbolic throughout Song of Songs because vineyards 337 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,360 represented fruitfulness. If you've ever had a vineyard or 338 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,600 you've seen them, then you understand they require a lot of 339 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,800 care and investment. You have to tend to the ground, 340 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,360 you have to put the seeds in, you have to water, you have to 341 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:52,840 make sure that you know, pests don't get in. 342 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,960 So here we can see that the vineyard actually reflects her 343 00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:00,360 own life and her own condition. What she's actually saying is 344 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,040 she has spent so much time labouring for others that she 345 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:05,040 feels like she has neglected herself. 346 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:11,880 She's neglected herself. So that reality kind of reaches 347 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:14,000 a little bit deeper than physical appearance, doesn't it? 348 00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:16,680 I don't know if there's anybody here that knows what it feels 349 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:19,000 like, but a lot of people knows what know what it feels like to 350 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:23,200 pour into your responsibilities and expectations and your work 351 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:27,920 and family pressures or even ministry or the needs of others 352 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:30,760 while also neglecting your own emotional and spiritual health. 353 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:36,160 That's basically what she's saying, her own emotional and 354 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,360 spiritual health. It is possible. 355 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,440 I hope this is a good warning to somebody. 356 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:44,040 It's possible to appear productive externally while 357 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:48,440 internally feeling exhausted, unseen, or disconnected from 358 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:56,040 your own worth worth. But what's really beautiful here 359 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:58,600 is the man doesn't respond by criticizing her insecurity or 360 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,360 dismissing her her vulnerability. 361 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,680 There, the relationship continues moving towards 362 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,320 reassurance. And that's because healthy love 363 00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:07,240 does not weaponize vulnerability. 364 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:09,920 It does not weaponize vulnerability. 365 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:15,120 It creates safety for honesty. And for us in our relationships, 366 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:17,280 anytime somebody says something to you that they're worried 367 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:20,040 about or anxious about, anytime we laugh at them or make fun of 368 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:23,160 them for it or make light of it or trivialize it, they're going 369 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,320 to think two or three times before they ever bring up an 370 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,400 insecurity to you again. And all of a sudden, before you 371 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,800 know it, now there's division. Now there's some distance. 372 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:36,280 OK, Then this woman asks where to where he takes his flock to 373 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:39,240 graze and rest at midday because she does not want to wander 374 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,880 aimlessly among the flocks of his companions. 375 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,480 You know what it means when she asks about his flock grazing, 376 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,360 talking about his flock and where they eat their food. 377 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:50,760 Guys, get your mind out of the gutter. 378 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:56,240 So beneath the surface though, this is not just about location, 379 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:57,880 it's about direction and belonging. 380 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,080 She wants to know if she would be accepted if she could 381 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,720 accompany him. Where do you take your flock? 382 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,800 Because I have to take my flock somewhere and maybe we're going 383 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,360 to the same place. She wants confidence that she's 384 00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:10,400 moving towards the right person instead of wandering into 385 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,800 confusion. And that word that's translated 386 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,960 as wander is something that obviously carries the the idea 387 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,080 of drifting or roaming without a clear direction. 388 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:20,800 But is that not modern right there? 389 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,200 I mean, how many people move through relationships 390 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:26,440 emotionally wandering and hoping to stumble into love, but 391 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:29,040 they're not praying or seeking wisdom or discernment in it. 392 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:34,240 So the response she gets is a pretty clear the man says this. 393 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:38,480 He says, if you don't know O most beautiful woman, follow the 394 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,520 trail. Well, sounds like he's into it. 395 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,480 He's he's picking up what she just threw down, right? 396 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,720 Notice the affirmation there. Even in her insecurity, she is 397 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:51,480 still called beautiful by him. And her vulnerability doesn't 398 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:54,800 reduce her value to him. And that reminds us that one of 399 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,680 the greatest threats to healthy love. 400 00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:58,880 This is good for all of us. One of the greatest threats to 401 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:02,040 healthy love is unresolved insecurity. 402 00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:06,760 Unresolved insecurity and here's why. 403 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:09,640 Insecurity can cause people to settle for unhealthy 404 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:11,360 relationships. It can cause them to seek 405 00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:14,720 validation from the wrong places, it can sabotage healthy 406 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:17,080 connections. And it can make them constantly 407 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,880 question their own worth when identities, unstable 408 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,720 relationships become attempts to gain worth instead of 409 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,880 expressions of the worth they already have. 410 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:30,280 So a couple insight questions. What areas of our lives do 411 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:33,400 insecurity or comparison most often shape the way you see 412 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:37,200 yourself or others? And secondly, are you looking to 413 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,920 relationships to give you identity or are you allowing God 414 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:43,240 to shape your identity first? It's an important question. 415 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:45,400 Relationships. It's impossible not to have them 416 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,880 attached to your identity in some form. 417 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,120 If you're a parent, if you're a spouse, you get this. 418 00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:51,480 It's part of your identity. It can't be central. 419 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,240 Verses 9 through 17, this is called the power of honour. 420 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,600 If you attend on Sundays. We talked about honour just a 421 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:02,800 couple of weeks ago. And all of this back and forth 422 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:07,360 is them honouring each other. As I look at this, I can see 423 00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:09,640 that the man is continuing to to speak here. 424 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,800 He says you are as exciting, my darling, as a mare among 425 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,960 Pharaoh's stallions. This is one of my favorite 426 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:16,640 things when we look at biblical compliments. 427 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,800 Have you ever seen where people will print this now on coffee 428 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,680 mugs and shirts? And they're like, baby, your 429 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,880 hair is like a flock of goats, right? 430 00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:26,320 And I get it, like, it's funny by today's standards, but but 431 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:29,760 all of this is very intentional. He says, how lovely are your 432 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,280 cheeks, your earrings? Set them afire. 433 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:36,440 Try that with your wife later, guys, He says, how lovely is 434 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,760 your neck? Enhanced by a string of jewels. 435 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:42,320 We will make for you earrings of gold and beads of silver. 436 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,000 The woman says. The king is lying on his couch 437 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,000 and chanted by the fragrance of my perfume. 438 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:50,560 So here, here it comes, right? And so they go back and forth. 439 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,840 So listen to this. How they speak to each other is 440 00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:57,440 completely honouring. It is completely honouring. 441 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,720 He's not just saying how beautiful she is. 442 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:02,800 He's saying you deserve a necklace on that neck. 443 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,640 He's saying your earrings bring up the natural beauty of you, of 444 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,720 your cheeks when he's talking about the mirror. 445 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,360 That's important. And I'll, I'll get to that in a 446 00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:12,520 second. But I want you to understand 447 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,320 that the relationship that they have is also built through 448 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:19,720 words. Compliments are spoken, value is 449 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:23,440 expressed from one to the other, and they're both not assuming 450 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:25,200 that the other one knows how they feel. 451 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:29,200 It's communicated to each other. My pastor told me about a story. 452 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,000 I don't know who it was that he talked to somebody one time and 453 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,120 they said, well, I told her I loved her on the day we got 454 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:35,640 married. And if I ever changed, I'd tell 455 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:39,880 her, I don't know if anybody's ever actually said that or not, 456 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,920 but that's awful. If you said that, go say you're 457 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,320 sorry. They need to know it. 458 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:48,720 Don't build them into somebody who has to come back to you over 459 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,680 and over again and say, do you still love me? 460 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:52,680 I can't tell. What do you still think of me? 461 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:57,280 The man starts by saying you are as exciting as a mare among 462 00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:59,720 Pharaoh's stallions. And at first glance, that does 463 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,240 sound like an unusual compliment. 464 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:05,000 But in the ancient world, Pharaoh's horses represented 465 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,840 beauty, and they were also very rare and very valuable. 466 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:11,240 It wasn't just a wild horse. He's not like, you'll see those 467 00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:14,080 horses down at the beach. You're like one of them. 468 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,000 He's saying this rare and valuable prize that the average 469 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,640 person could not afford to have in their life. 470 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,120 You are rare and valuable. This is what he's trying to 471 00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:25,920 communicate to her. And the point is not merely 472 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,760 physical beauty. The point is that she stands 473 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,360 out. And the word that's translated 474 00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:33,680 as darling there comes from a Hebrew word roya. 475 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:40,120 Roya means companion or beloved or close friend. close friend. 476 00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:44,280 So when he says darling, it's not even romantic exclusively. 477 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,040 And that makes sense when you think about it because we call 478 00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:51,160 kids darlings sometimes, right? That's important because even in 479 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:53,800 the romantic language of Song of Songs, love is not reduced to 480 00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:55,840 physical attraction at any point in this book. 481 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,600 Inside of the affection is companionship. 482 00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:01,240 Real love is not built just by desire. 483 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,040 It has to be strengthened through your friendship and your 484 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,120 closeness with one another and trusting each other. 485 00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:10,640 So the man continues describing her cheeks, the jewellery, her 486 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:13,200 neck with strings of jewels. In the ancient Hebrew culture, 487 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:16,640 by the way, the neck and the neckline symbolize dignity and 488 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:20,080 and and strength of character. So he's also saying that you 489 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,640 have high esteem and value in addition to your beauty. 490 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:25,560 That's one of the defining characteristics also of healthy 491 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:28,840 love. It speaks of it speaks life 492 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,000 instead of constantly tearing someone down for some sort of 493 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:36,080 relational authority structure. I think a lot of times in modern 494 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,000 relationships, we get into arguments because we say, when 495 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,680 you do this, you make me feel like you don't care about me. 496 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,880 But if our entire filter was am I making you feel loved? 497 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,840 And their entire filter was am I making you feel loved? 498 00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:53,480 Guess who's feeling loved? Both of you. 499 00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:57,240 And so the book of Proverbs says that the power of life and death 500 00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,120 is in the tongue. And song of Song shows us what 501 00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:02,600 it looks like when it's used to heal rather than to wound. 502 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:07,680 So a lot of people carry scars from relationships where words 503 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:09,560 became weapons instead of gifts to them. 504 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:14,080 Things like criticism or silence or manipulation, comparison or 505 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:17,960 just constant negativity, they all erode connection over time. 506 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,240 I want you to know one of the fastest ways to drain health 507 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:25,560 from a relationship is to make honor rare and criticism 508 00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:31,200 constant is when you make honor rare and criticism constant. 509 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,560 I want you to think about this. I've heard somebody say, well, I 510 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:36,920 don't want to compliment her too much because then it won't mean 511 00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:38,760 anything when I do compliment her. 512 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,680 And I went, let me know how that works. 513 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,720 Because what he was trying to say was, I'm doing this for her. 514 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:51,160 I don't think you are. The woman responds by describing 515 00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,680 the King's presence like perfume resting close to her heart. 516 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:58,760 And yes, she says like the myrrh or the perfume lying between my 517 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:00,680 breasts is what she says in the Scripture. 518 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,120 But in this case, it's not even meant to be a sexual moment. 519 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,920 It's meant to be that it's close to our heart because the myrrh 520 00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:10,320 was a costly fragrance that was associated with beauty and 521 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:13,960 preparation and celebration. And, and basically back then 522 00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:16,000 when you knew it was going to be one of those times, that's 523 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,320 something that you would adorn yourself with The Hebrew word 524 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:21,800 more there, it means myrrh, very close. 525 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,760 It has the whole idea of something that is precious, 526 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:26,600 something that is precious and valuable. 527 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:28,400 Remember what we were just talking about. 528 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,200 Fragrance is very rare and very expensive in these days, but it 529 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:36,240 has a presence that lingers. Then she goes on to compare him 530 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:39,600 to a bouquet of sweet henna blossoms from the vineyards of N 531 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,600 Getty. N Getty was an Oasis that was 532 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:45,440 near the Dead Sea, but it was known for beauty and gardens and 533 00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:48,560 water and life that was in the middle of an otherwise harsh 534 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:52,720 landscape, surrounded by desert and dryness and death was this 535 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,080 little garden. It still is that way today, by 536 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,840 the way. Why does that matter? 537 00:26:56,840 --> 00:27:00,400 Because healthy love often becomes a source of refreshment. 538 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:02,760 Refreshment and difficult seasons. 539 00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:06,440 I'll tell you what I mean. I know I'm kind of known for 540 00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:08,200 sarcasm. When you get to know me and I, I 541 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:09,560 like to pick on the people that I love. 542 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,000 But in the hardest seasons that I've had in my life, I don't 543 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,960 know what I would have done if I didn't have an Oasis in my wife. 544 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,520 To be able to go to where I felt safe and I could process things 545 00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:20,760 and talk through things. I'm so grateful. 546 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,840 The two continue going back and forth with words of affirmation. 547 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:26,960 It is an ancient version of no, you stop. 548 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:31,120 No, you, you hang up first. How beautiful you are, my 549 00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:32,960 darling. You're so handsome, my love. 550 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:34,960 But you see that it is mutual, right? 551 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,240 It's not just, well, she's the one with the words. 552 00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:39,200 It's not really my thing. Make it your thing. 553 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:43,320 Make it your thing. If it matters to her, make it 554 00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:45,640 part of your thing. We're all teachable, right? 555 00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:51,200 And so the way that I look at that is this, this relationship 556 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,600 is not built on one person constantly giving while the 557 00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:58,040 other one only receives healthy love, learns how to both express 558 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:02,720 value and receive it. Express value and receive it. 559 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:05,720 Side note, if you've never done it, I know a lot of churches, a 560 00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:09,760 lot of Christians have done it. It's not, it's not like a sure 561 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,760 thing, but man, look up, look up the five love languages. 562 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,720 It's a great place to start. If you're worried about how to 563 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:16,440 communicate with one another. It's a good tool. 564 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:18,840 The word that's translated is beautiful. 565 00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:22,160 There comes from the Hebrew word yafe, and that means pleasing, 566 00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,720 lovely or delightful, delightful. 567 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,360 In Hebrew poetry, beauty was connected to more than 568 00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:29,120 appearance. And so this is the admiration of 569 00:28:29,120 --> 00:28:31,720 the whole person and the repeated affirmations that are 570 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:35,120 happening here in the section, they're showing that honour pays 571 00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:38,880 attention. Honour pays attention, it 572 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:42,240 notices things and it speaks and it values being intentional 573 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,600 instead of just assuming that people already know how loved 574 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,520 they are. They didn't even have cell 575 00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:48,400 phones back then and they're already distracted. 576 00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:51,120 And, and I just told you how much I love my wife, but there's 577 00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:53,080 plenty of times that she's been talking to me about something 578 00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:55,720 and I feel in my heart of hearts that I can multitask it because 579 00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:57,280 there's a lot of things I can multitask. 580 00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,360 And there's been more than once where I've asked her to repeat 581 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:05,280 something once or twice and then I go, I'm so sorry, go ahead. 582 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,720 Because when you have to repeat yourself over and over again, 583 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,760 not only is it sort of annoying, it also communicates. 584 00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:15,160 He's not really listening. He does not really care. 585 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:18,320 I do, though, just for the record. 586 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:23,480 All right, Song of Songs reminds us that your words actually 587 00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:26,080 build environments within your relationships and within your 588 00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:28,160 home. Honor always creates security 589 00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:30,320 and encouragement strengthens your intimacy. 590 00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:33,920 Consistent affirmation will build a connection over time. 591 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:36,720 And I have also had people say, well, I tried complimenting her 592 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:38,520 and it hasn't worked. And I'll be like, well, we just 593 00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:43,160 met last week, so keep going. Don't quit. 594 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:46,920 And I want you to know this. This applies not only to 595 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,160 marriage or dating relationships, but it applies to 596 00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:52,200 friendships and to families and churches. 597 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:55,520 And it applies to the way that believers speak to one another. 598 00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:58,520 Overall, healthy relationships flourish where honour is 599 00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:03,080 practiced on a regular basis. So your questions there. 600 00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,880 Do my words consistently create life and honour and security in 601 00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:08,000 my relationships, or do they create distance or 602 00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,320 discouragement? And when is the last time that I 603 00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:13,600 intentionally expressed genuine appreciation to someone who 604 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:17,640 matters a great deal to me? We're now at Song of Songs 605 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:19,960 Chapter 2 and we're only going to go over the 1st 7 verses 606 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:23,240 tonight, but the first six are in this section. 607 00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:25,320 The last one gets its own section. 608 00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:33,320 This says his banner over me. She says, this I am the spring 609 00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:35,280 crocus blooming on the Sharon Plain. 610 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:37,440 There's another one. Guys going to say you're like a 611 00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:39,720 spring corcus girl. Crocus. 612 00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:42,320 Sorry, not corcus. I don't know what that is. 613 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:46,120 And listen, she says, the Lily of the valley. 614 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:47,680 You ever heard that in a song before? 615 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:49,720 Lily of the valley? It's been in many a worship 616 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:51,760 song. But the young man responds to 617 00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:55,600 her and says, like a Lily among thistles is my darling among 618 00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:57,920 young women. So she says, I'm like the Lily 619 00:30:57,920 --> 00:30:59,640 of the valley. And he says, yeah, Lily among 620 00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:00,680 thistles. We'll get to that. 621 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:04,920 She then says, like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my 622 00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:08,120 lover among other young men. And she says I sit in his 623 00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:11,240 delightful shade. She says I taste his delicious 624 00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,440 fruit. He escorts me to the banquet 625 00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:15,520 hall. It's obvious how much he loves 626 00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:18,480 me. Wouldn't it be great to know 627 00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:21,160 that your wife or your husband said to somebody else like it is 628 00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:25,960 obvious how much they love me? Strengthen me with Raisin cakes 629 00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:28,640 and refresh me with apples, for I'm weak with love. 630 00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:31,960 And it says here his left arm is under my head and his right arm 631 00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:34,680 embraces me. Well, obviously this imagery 632 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,280 becomes softer and slower and a little more intimate, doesn't 633 00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:39,400 it? This relationship is no longer 634 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,160 focused on just attraction or the compliment war that they 635 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:43,960 were going through. Now there's this growing sense 636 00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:46,640 of closeness and physical bonding that's happening. 637 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:48,760 And love is beginning to feel less like excitement and more 638 00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,000 like rest. One of the most beautiful things 639 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,520 when you're in a healthy relationship is how restful it 640 00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:55,920 can feel. There are times I do not feel 641 00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:58,240 like talking about my day. I don't feel like getting it 642 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,800 out, I don't feel like venting, I don't feel like filling her in 643 00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:02,800 or anything. I just want to go and be at home 644 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:06,440 and be around her. And that alone is helpful. 645 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:10,640 The woman here starts by saying I am the spring crocus blooming 646 00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:12,320 on the Sharon Plain, the Lily of the Valley. 647 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:16,040 And so again, at first glance, that sounds like an odd 648 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:18,880 statement to describe yourself. It also sounds like a bold 649 00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:21,680 declaration of her beauty. Because when I hear it through 650 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:25,280 my 2026 filter of this ancient scripture that says Lily of the 651 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:27,400 Valley, that sounds like a beautiful picture. 652 00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:29,440 Is it? Is that the way it sounds to you 653 00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:32,200 also? Well, it's actually more humble 654 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:35,320 than people realize because the flower she's describing referred 655 00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:39,360 to a common field flower instead of something that was rare or 656 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:41,120 royal. In other words, she's not 657 00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:43,840 presenting herself as extraordinary or untouchable. 658 00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:48,040 She sees herself as ordinary or simple or easily overlooked. 659 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,960 Easily overlooked. Think about all the times that 660 00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:54,040 the kids will run up to you and give you that yellow flower that 661 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:55,280 they just picked out of your front yard. 662 00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:57,040 Look what I found for you. And you're like, thank you. 663 00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:02,760 My allergies have already noticed it, but the man responds 664 00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,560 like a Lily. Among thistles is my darling 665 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:07,520 young woman. He takes what she sees as 666 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:09,600 common, and he speaks value over it there. 667 00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:12,600 So she's saying I'm just the normal everyday flower. 668 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,000 And he's like, well, if you are, then everybody else around you 669 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,200 is a Thistle. Now, if you want something 670 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:21,840 serious, you can tell your woman that I'm not interested in any 671 00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:23,160 of them. It's like I'm looking at a bunch 672 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:28,160 of thistles. She'll love that, OK, What he 673 00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,720 sees her think as common, he speaks value over it. 674 00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:33,360 Thorns and thistles throughout Scripture always are associated 675 00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:35,840 with brokenness and hardship and the effects of sin entering the 676 00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:37,280 world. And here in the middle of a 677 00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:39,880 broken world, he's saying, I see how beautiful you are, and you 678 00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,440 stand out. One of the healthiest things 679 00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:44,680 that love can do is to help people see value in themselves 680 00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:46,640 when they struggle to recognize it on their own. 681 00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:52,080 That word, translated as Lily comes from the word shushan. 682 00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:56,920 It's a flower associated with beauty and purity purities, your 683 00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:58,840 blank there delicacy or even life. 684 00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:02,760 All throughout Hebrew poetry, flowers would represent both 685 00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:05,560 beauty and fragility because blossoms are beautiful, but they 686 00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:08,080 also require care and they don't last for long, do they? 687 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,880 The woman responds with another comparison, saying like the 688 00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:14,639 finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young 689 00:34:14,639 --> 00:34:17,639 men. And that word to puak, it's 690 00:34:17,639 --> 00:34:20,080 translated as an apple tree, just literally as apple tree. 691 00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:21,920 But again, it's one of these areas that's a little more 692 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:24,560 symbolic. Maybe not literally an apple 693 00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:27,040 tree, but it would be a fragrant fruit bearing tree that was 694 00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:30,920 valued for two reasons, both for nourishment and for shade. 695 00:34:31,639 --> 00:34:34,440 For nourishment and for shade. In other words, she's saying 696 00:34:34,639 --> 00:34:38,400 it's healthy for me to be around you and it's restful for me to 697 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:42,960 be around you. Attraction alone can't sustain 698 00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:43,880 closeness. Over time. 699 00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:46,239 Eventually people begin looking for something more than 700 00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:48,440 excitement. They look for peace and 701 00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:51,800 emotional safety and trust. And one of the signs of a 702 00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:54,440 maturing love through two people is when someone's presence 703 00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:56,719 becomes restful instead of emotionally exhausting or 704 00:34:56,719 --> 00:35:00,960 draining. Then we arrive eventually at one 705 00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:04,720 of the most famous lines in the entire book where it says his 706 00:35:04,720 --> 00:35:08,680 banner over me is love. The Hebrew word translated 707 00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,720 banner is degel. Degel. 708 00:35:11,240 --> 00:35:15,880 It means a military standard or a flag, A flag that is carried 709 00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:21,960 visibly above a group of people. Banners represented identity and 710 00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:26,640 belonging and protection and who someone was was associated with 711 00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:29,440 publicly. If you if you walk down the 712 00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:32,040 street carrying the American flag, somebody knows what you 713 00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:35,480 stand for. And again, that's part of what 714 00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:37,480 makes this powerful. She's not describing any sort of 715 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,360 hidden affection or a secret attachment. 716 00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,840 Love is being carried openly above her life, like a banner 717 00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:45,400 that people can see. So there's security and 718 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:48,480 confidence in this, and that stands in a direct contrast to 719 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:51,320 relationships that are built in confusion or secrecy or 720 00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:55,400 emotional inconsistency. Healthy love does not constantly 721 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:57,360 leave people questioning where they stand with you. 722 00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,920 It always communicates belonging clearly. 723 00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:04,880 Now, one thing I want to say before we move on to this last 724 00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:06,800 verse, and I know we're going a little long, it's the first 725 00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:08,800 night. There's another layer here that 726 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:11,320 has caused this verse to be something that resonates so 727 00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:13,000 deeply with believers throughout the years. 728 00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:15,560 This is one of the moments through this song where a lot of 729 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,240 people see this image not only as romantic love, but a 730 00:36:18,240 --> 00:36:20,600 reflection of the love that God has for his people. 731 00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:23,960 All throughout Scripture. God's love is not hidden and he 732 00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:27,200 identifies his people openly and he covers them and protects 733 00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:29,360 them. The Lord is my banner is one of 734 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:31,800 the names for Jehovah. And so this is a great 735 00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:34,680 connection there. And the section closes with 736 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:37,720 closeness and tenderness when he says my, his left arm is under 737 00:36:37,720 --> 00:36:39,480 my head and his right arm embraces me. 738 00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:42,320 And I ain't trying to give you all too, too much information 739 00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:44,400 here or whatever, but it is one of the best feelings in the 740 00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:47,360 world for both of us to have my arm under her head. 741 00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:50,200 And most wives say something along those lines. 742 00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:53,840 As a matter of fact, every so often I'll snuggle with my son 743 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:56,040 or my daughter and they're like, oh, I feel so safe here. 744 00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:58,280 And she'll be like, yeah, great kid, but it was mine 1st. 745 00:36:59,920 --> 00:37:02,760 And you won't be here forever. It'll be mine again, right? 746 00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:04,280 So there's something safe about it. 747 00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:06,800 Let's go ahead and go on to the last verse. 748 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:12,000 Do not awaken love too soon. So in verse 7, this is all it 749 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:15,520 says the the woman says this promise me, O women of Jerusalem 750 00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:19,240 by the gazelles and wild deer to not awaken love until the time 751 00:37:19,240 --> 00:37:22,680 is right after all of the language here of attraction and 752 00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:25,000 they're admiring each other and they're intimate in all of this. 753 00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,680 This woman now pauses. They've been talking back and 754 00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,160 forth to each other, the man and the woman and these other people 755 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:32,360 are just in the background saying, yeah, we love love and 756 00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:35,160 you guys are doing great. And she turns and she starts to 757 00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:39,640 speak to all the other women and she says do not awaken love 758 00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:43,360 before the time is right. It's not a passing statement. 759 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:45,160 This is one of the central themes throughout the entire 760 00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:46,440 book. You'll hear it again in future 761 00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:49,120 lessons. That phrase awaken love has the 762 00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:52,480 whole idea of stirring up or arousing or exciting or 763 00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:55,640 activating something before the time is right. 764 00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:59,680 That Hebrew word is or. It's pronounced or, and it means 765 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:03,640 to stir up or incite, incite or rouse from sleep. 766 00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:07,360 Would you picture like a sleeping giant and you don't 767 00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:10,960 want to wake them up? Love is described almost like 768 00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,000 something that is sleeping peacefully until the proper 769 00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:15,880 moment arrives. The warning here is not that 770 00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:18,680 love is bad, it's just that love is powerful and when you wake it 771 00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:20,640 up at the wrong time, it's not a good thing. 772 00:38:21,720 --> 00:38:23,800 That's an important distinction. I think a lot of people have 773 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,400 only heard conversations about relationships that have been 774 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:29,400 framed negatively before. Think about this when they say, 775 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,920 well, the old ball and chain, or they talk about her nagging, or 776 00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:35,640 sometimes we'll talk about mourning our singleness or 777 00:38:35,720 --> 00:38:37,480 having no freedom once you get married. 778 00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,440 These are all things that speak negative things over a beautiful 779 00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:44,120 connection of marriage. And song of songs does not shame 780 00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:45,880 any sort of desire or attraction. 781 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:48,720 It teaches that good things can become dangerous when they're 782 00:38:48,720 --> 00:38:50,640 forced outside of their proper timing. 783 00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:53,960 So that phrase until the time is right comes from a Hebrew word 784 00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:58,560 that is cafetz kafetz, and it means delight, desire, pleasure, 785 00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:03,680 or proper intention. Proper intention, In other 786 00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:06,440 words, this is not merely about waiting for a random moment. 787 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:09,240 It's a little about love unfolding with the right purpose 788 00:39:09,240 --> 00:39:12,320 and the right maturity under the right conditions. 789 00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,080 And this is where wisdom becomes so important. 790 00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:18,760 Emotional maturity and trust and building a covenant with people 791 00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:23,160 are always built slowly. And so the reality that extends 792 00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,600 far beyond dating relationships here that I want to get across 793 00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:29,120 to you is this. People can awaken emotional 794 00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:33,320 dependency, emotional dependency too quickly in friendships. 795 00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:38,080 Sometimes they can force trust before it's been earned. 796 00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:41,680 Sometimes we rush intimacy before stability exists 797 00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:44,680 underneath it. And in every area of life, 798 00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:47,400 wisdom understands that some things have to develop gradually 799 00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:50,080 or they're going to remain unhealthy at some point. 800 00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:52,800 This woman has given a warning to these other people, not 801 00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:54,800 because love should be feared, but because it should be 802 00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:56,360 respected. Think about it. 803 00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:59,000 Fire that's in a fireplace brings warmth and life, and we 804 00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:00,600 love to be there. But fire outside of its 805 00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:04,280 boundaries is destructive. And so the power itself that 806 00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:06,960 love has is not the problem. It's the lack of wisdom that 807 00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:08,280 becomes the problem.