1 00:00:00,050 --> 00:00:07,360 I'm gonna do what is the matter? Welcome back to another episode 2 00:00:07,370 --> 00:00:09,460 of OHH, Right? Right. 3 00:00:09,470 --> 00:00:11,520 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 4 00:00:11,530 --> 00:00:13,040 How's it going? I'm Gallstones. 5 00:00:13,170 --> 00:00:18,190 And I'm the little guy. We're in. 6 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:20,730 That one's for you, babes. Thanks for taking me to the 7 00:00:20,740 --> 00:00:22,200 Debs, by the way. I really enjoyed it. 8 00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:25,360 Doctor can't remember your name. That one's for you because the 9 00:00:25,370 --> 00:00:26,510 gallstones, you found them during the. 10 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:29,540 Week well done you good find how many hours there? 11 00:00:29,590 --> 00:00:31,640 I don't know, but I don't. Have you named them the Little 12 00:00:31,650 --> 00:00:32,750 Family? Little family. 13 00:00:32,759 --> 00:00:35,620 It's a week on and there's still in your goal. 14 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:46,890 Yeah, how are you? Feeling I'm I'm actually the 15 00:00:46,900 --> 00:00:49,870 pain has subsided somewhat for just for this episode. 16 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:51,410 So hopefully we'll get a bit more energy. 17 00:00:51,420 --> 00:00:53,260 How are you feeling you? Tell them that we record them 18 00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:55,590 all in one bunch. So it's actually just like, is 19 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,240 it a week on? Have you been seen to, you know, 20 00:00:58,250 --> 00:01:01,310 the doctor that you've seen willing to take them out? 21 00:01:01,550 --> 00:01:02,420 What's? Happened. 22 00:01:02,490 --> 00:01:04,590 Do you have the future? It's the future now. 23 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,360 I know, I'm so confused. Yeah, no, we, we, we recorded a 24 00:01:07,370 --> 00:01:08,910 batch people. Okay, sweetheart. 25 00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:11,910 Um, so, Harry. Don't mind knowing that, do you? 26 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:15,790 I don't care. You've answered my question, so 27 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:17,490 I was going to say, are you still a Zen as you were in the 28 00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:19,290 last episode? But no, the energies come up 29 00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:20,790 again. No, I've had a little sweet. 30 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:22,990 I had some sugar. Really works. 31 00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:24,850 Surprisingly, it just goes straight to the brain. 32 00:01:24,860 --> 00:01:26,270 I think Anna did some Chinese flaps. 33 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,130 Yeah, you did. You know you needed those. 34 00:01:28,140 --> 00:01:31,490 Just jumped up and down four times and like, it's amazing 35 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,430 really. You were telling me about your 36 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:35,720 ADHD diagnosis, which is now official by the way. 37 00:01:35,730 --> 00:01:37,160 Ohh yeah. And you were saying there's 38 00:01:37,170 --> 00:01:41,030 potential for the mayors to make you horny or Andy baby? 39 00:01:42,460 --> 00:01:47,330 Funny, baby. Yeah, so I did a little, a 40 00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:49,950 little story time on my Oh my God, you know, it's so funny. 41 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,610 Sorry, I'm going on a side quest, but it's an important 42 00:01:52,620 --> 00:01:54,450 side quest. It's an important side quest. 43 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:58,250 Uh, my beautiful, stunning, amazing, gorgeous girlfriend, 44 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:01,570 um, doesn't have social media, but she was looking through my 45 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:04,610 stories because I wanted to tell her that I got so much positive 46 00:02:04,620 --> 00:02:08,380 reaction out of stories that I shared and I rarely shell share 47 00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:10,830 like stories of me talking about topics. 48 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,720 I only share really memes on my stories. 49 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:16,230 So I was like have a look at this and she was, I have loads 50 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,490 of other things around it but I wanted her to see my story 51 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,470 particular and then it went off my story and she was like who's 52 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:23,160 that? Why is it so short? 53 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:26,610 I wanted to see that clearly someone who doesn't have social 54 00:02:26,620 --> 00:02:30,200 media like asking who these people are in my stories and 55 00:02:30,210 --> 00:02:33,230 like being completely unattached from the social media world. 56 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,670 And it was mad and she was laughing her head off because I 57 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,480 was like why have you asked who that is like 5 times? 58 00:02:38,530 --> 00:02:41,290 I don't know this person. She made me laugh on social 59 00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:42,700 media so I shared it on her page. 60 00:02:42,710 --> 00:02:44,510 Okay and she was confused cause you were sharing? 61 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:49,620 Other people confused about why a woman laughing was on like my 62 00:02:49,630 --> 00:02:51,510 stories that she was like, who's that? 63 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,250 What's her name? Why did you like that? 64 00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:55,410 Did you share that? Why can't I see it all? 65 00:02:55,420 --> 00:02:57,430 Why did the video end so short? Why? 66 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,650 Why did the video end so fast? I was like, Oh my God, Randy, 67 00:03:00,660 --> 00:03:02,810 back to the story, back to the story. 68 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,810 So I shared something about me being proud of myself, not the 69 00:03:05,820 --> 00:03:08,010 fact that I got to the gym is the fact that everything 70 00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:10,550 happened in between. And This is why I want to get 71 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:15,970 medicated because the frantic nature of life that may not be 72 00:03:15,980 --> 00:03:19,550 frantic to other people is entirely frantic and erratic and 73 00:03:20,190 --> 00:03:26,510 anger inducing for me for for very yes, ohh, in context, 74 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:29,890 understandable reasons. But the whole the whole story is 75 00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:32,090 in like the reason I got all this positive information back. 76 00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:34,690 And this is where the randomness of the medication came into it 77 00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:37,570 was because I said that I was proud of myself and I had a 78 00:03:37,580 --> 00:03:40,100 little tear and really weird way I'm getting more emotional since 79 00:03:40,110 --> 00:03:41,910 we've had Jude and I came home mother. 80 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,350 But I was in the gym, got to the gym. 81 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:45,230 And it wasn't the fact that I did the workout was the fact 82 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:48,370 that I got past and deep breathed after everything that 83 00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:51,880 happened in getting to the gym. So the car on at the petal 84 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,150 brought the wrong card, had to go back, had to leave some 85 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:58,540 details like things that would have sent me home before didn't 86 00:03:58,550 --> 00:04:01,290 sent me home. And that's long story, short 87 00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:05,300 story made very long by my ADHD brain and and I shared this with 88 00:04:05,310 --> 00:04:09,920 people and the amount of people, I think, not joking, I think 89 00:04:09,930 --> 00:04:15,140 that a lot of our listeners have ADHD or are undiagnosed or are 90 00:04:15,150 --> 00:04:17,399 trying to find out something about themselves that very much 91 00:04:17,410 --> 00:04:19,220 resonates with them. Because even though it was on my 92 00:04:19,230 --> 00:04:21,209 word watercolours page, so many people got back. 93 00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:24,600 They're complementing the pod, but also feeling very much the 94 00:04:24,610 --> 00:04:28,520 same about the frantic nature of something that seems very, very 95 00:04:28,530 --> 00:04:32,140 day-to-day for other people and how much it can be affected by 96 00:04:32,150 --> 00:04:34,080 it. So one girl was like, yeah, the 97 00:04:34,090 --> 00:04:35,940 meds will change your life, you know? 98 00:04:35,950 --> 00:04:39,380 Um, she told me about dosage and it can make you very jittery. 99 00:04:39,390 --> 00:04:41,440 It can also make you lose weight really fast. 100 00:04:41,450 --> 00:04:43,370 So you have to kind of keep an eye on that. 101 00:04:43,510 --> 00:04:48,390 And, and as well, she said that the most noted feature for her, 102 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,620 and it's obviously different for other people for her and a 103 00:04:50,630 --> 00:04:53,780 friend of hers that also got diagnosed recently was, uh, 104 00:04:53,790 --> 00:04:56,320 horniness. So I'm kind of looking forward 105 00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,010 to that. I'm sure Audrey is too. 106 00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,550 Um. Wink wink nudge nudge. 107 00:05:00,660 --> 00:05:03,930 Um, but yeah, so like, I'm so looking forward to getting on it 108 00:05:03,940 --> 00:05:04,920 to see how it changes, I thought. 109 00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:07,190 You were gonna say looking forward to getting on it like 110 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:08,650 I'm. So, so looking forward to 111 00:05:08,660 --> 00:05:13,070 shagging Real. Yeah, but it's just so 112 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,610 interesting. The amount of the amount of 113 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:19,880 people messaging me was just insane about a really, really 114 00:05:19,890 --> 00:05:22,810 basic story about how I got to the gym and didn't freak out or 115 00:05:22,820 --> 00:05:25,130 didn't go home and let it take over. 116 00:05:25,220 --> 00:05:27,490 That, and I think that, that you were saying go look at the 117 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:30,200 really short story explained in a long way, but I think that 118 00:05:30,210 --> 00:05:33,680 that's the interesting thing about the ADHD mind, ADHD mind 119 00:05:33,690 --> 00:05:37,040 is, is that the battles that, that people face on a daily 120 00:05:37,050 --> 00:05:39,680 basis and the difficulties people with any kind of 121 00:05:39,690 --> 00:05:42,610 neurodivergence. Um, look, this is going to be 122 00:05:42,620 --> 00:05:44,440 really difficult. I want to, I want to give, give 123 00:05:44,450 --> 00:05:46,960 up and give in and actually fighting through is amazing. 124 00:05:46,970 --> 00:05:49,260 And it's, it's really weird that you and I have become friends 125 00:05:49,270 --> 00:05:51,440 since November, because I do feel like it's been quite a 126 00:05:51,450 --> 00:05:52,960 pivotal time in both of our lives. 127 00:05:52,970 --> 00:05:55,020 Huge. Like the most important time of 128 00:05:55,030 --> 00:05:57,020 my life, I believe in the last six months. 129 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,410 In last week's episode of. Martin's birthday. 130 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,530 Yeah, just perfect. Performance, performing Audrey 131 00:06:02,540 --> 00:06:04,070 and getting a dog. You know all those things. 132 00:06:04,460 --> 00:06:09,580 Was grand, but but you know, you you were saying in the last 133 00:06:09,590 --> 00:06:12,950 episode that you've kind of been battling with what you think 134 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,330 what you can probably openly call depression over the last 135 00:06:15,340 --> 00:06:17,870 year. And obviously I've had my just 136 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,550 my little fair share, my little stint. 137 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:20,870 More than your fair share. Actually. 138 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:22,810 And so we're both could have given someone else. 139 00:06:22,820 --> 00:06:24,130 Yeah. And we're both kind of finding 140 00:06:24,140 --> 00:06:27,850 our voice and our advocacy and our, you know, identity through 141 00:06:27,860 --> 00:06:30,190 all of this shit that your 40s is a female through. 142 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,080 That's actually sorry. That's the gallstones person 143 00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:33,880 said to me. She was like the gallstones 144 00:06:33,890 --> 00:06:35,500 person. The nurse in the emergency room 145 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,430 was, can I see the gallstones person? 146 00:06:37,870 --> 00:06:40,620 Is there a goal, Golar? Holly, hello, where are? 147 00:06:40,630 --> 00:06:45,920 You golly golly stones ohh for God's sake okay anyway the nurse 148 00:06:45,930 --> 00:06:50,560 was like ohh yeah yeah no we'll see that now if you're 40 fat, 149 00:06:50,630 --> 00:06:55,160 fertile, fair and female they are the things that will make 150 00:06:55,170 --> 00:06:57,960 you like you like that isn't that fucking fabulous because. 151 00:06:57,970 --> 00:07:00,150 You had five gifts for you. 5F for me. 152 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:02,670 Thanks a million freshly for calling me fat and secondly 153 00:07:03,350 --> 00:07:05,520 fair. Okay, yeah, I know I'm pale and 154 00:07:05,530 --> 00:07:08,770 try I'm trying to debate like, you know, avenge that with 155 00:07:08,780 --> 00:07:11,250 fucking. Or morally fair does she mean? 156 00:07:11,940 --> 00:07:14,330 Yes, it could have been put in a balanced balance moral. 157 00:07:14,340 --> 00:07:15,710 Kind. Fair person. 158 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,850 No, I hadn't really. Gradual fake tan thanks to 159 00:07:18,860 --> 00:07:20,360 Vogue. She's she's she's helping me 160 00:07:20,370 --> 00:07:23,250 battle the fairness there. But then, yeah, fertile. 161 00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:27,230 So like, but because I'm not quite menopausal yet, they just 162 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,470 have to nab me now with the fucking goal anyway. 163 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,730 Nearly there haha. But the HD thing, I think that 164 00:07:31,740 --> 00:07:33,820 that's amazing and you're you're on a journey and I'm on a 165 00:07:33,830 --> 00:07:35,850 journey and that's why it's so cool that we're kind of 166 00:07:35,860 --> 00:07:37,470 documenting this week on week with. 167 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,990 So it's amazing. It's so inspiring. 168 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,460 Audrey's, Audrey's our #1 fan. She listens to the episode. 169 00:07:42,470 --> 00:07:45,010 She gets so excited about. She asked me how it is everyday. 170 00:07:45,060 --> 00:07:48,530 She kind of like Segway segues into topics at home. 171 00:07:48,540 --> 00:07:49,210 Ohh. You could do this. 172 00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:52,390 You could do that. Like, um, she just is absolutely 173 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:53,570 delighted. Yeah. 174 00:07:53,580 --> 00:07:56,170 I got, I got to like, I've got to hang out with her a couple of 175 00:07:56,180 --> 00:07:58,650 Times Now, which is great. And you, you and Audrey and Jude 176 00:07:58,660 --> 00:08:01,760 came up to my sister's house. She lives with my dad. 177 00:08:01,830 --> 00:08:04,050 I was so nice. It was a day you came up, you 178 00:08:04,060 --> 00:08:05,260 were up and around when you came up. 179 00:08:05,270 --> 00:08:09,600 And we had, I roasted off a chicken with garlic and we had a 180 00:08:10,170 --> 00:08:13,140 brilliant as well and the hat packet hand. 181 00:08:13,350 --> 00:08:18,500 And that was the good hand though, and the non carcinogenic 182 00:08:18,510 --> 00:08:20,560 kind. The ones without fart on the 183 00:08:20,570 --> 00:08:22,460 inside. Yeah, yeah, actually you did say 184 00:08:22,470 --> 00:08:24,450 that you were like, why? Like do they just pay someone 185 00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:26,140 to? Fart and fart in the back of the 186 00:08:26,150 --> 00:08:27,200 hands. He's he's skit. 187 00:08:27,210 --> 00:08:31,450 Is that I think I've robbed? Though and popcorn we. 188 00:08:31,460 --> 00:08:34,549 Seemed a little does the the trying to open you know when? 189 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:39,030 The seal The seal and reseal. That'll make you lose your shit, 190 00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:40,650 yeah. Because you don't even have. 191 00:08:40,659 --> 00:08:43,510 To have a DHD for that or you know when you get to Don's ready 192 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,550 meal and the the really thin film does come off the. 193 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,990 Corners often like little frowns, yeah. 194 00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,240 Stripping away oven preheated around here. 195 00:08:52,250 --> 00:08:55,080 Just like how how? And then you just refuse to use 196 00:08:55,090 --> 00:08:57,030 a knife because you want the satisfaction. 197 00:08:57,110 --> 00:08:59,600 Maybe that's an ADHD? Is sharing her daily struggles 198 00:08:59,610 --> 00:09:03,100 here guys you know farty farty harm sealing resealing the Dunns 199 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:07,210 ready meals. I wanted to talk today about the 200 00:09:07,220 --> 00:09:09,480 Lurch. Tell me. 201 00:09:09,570 --> 00:09:12,300 OK, so the tell me the lurch is essentially the fear. 202 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,230 Um, so the lurch Lurch comes from. 203 00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:15,340 When? How does it differ from the 204 00:09:15,350 --> 00:09:16,600 fear? Because we all know what the 205 00:09:16,610 --> 00:09:17,640 fear. Is but the lurch is new. 206 00:09:17,650 --> 00:09:19,280 It doesn't really. It's just one of our words. 207 00:09:19,290 --> 00:09:22,730 So basically the lurch, Danielle was about 21 and she was coming 208 00:09:22,740 --> 00:09:25,500 back after a very heavy night out and she was saying, I keep 209 00:09:25,510 --> 00:09:27,960 getting that fear in your stomach, you know, and your 210 00:09:27,970 --> 00:09:29,720 stomach kind of lurches and fear. 211 00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,160 So, so that now it's like, oh, that's lurchy. 212 00:09:32,170 --> 00:09:36,050 But but you can you can talk about it in not just the fear of 213 00:09:36,060 --> 00:09:37,300 the hangover. It's like the lurch. 214 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:40,710 Did I say something wrong there? Ohh Lurch offended them or like, 215 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,700 you know, that child is walking very high on it. 216 00:09:42,780 --> 00:09:46,610 It's like a self-conscious glitch at the mind panic. 217 00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,780 Yeah, but no. But you can be lurchy like 218 00:09:48,790 --> 00:09:50,840 something else can be lurchy. Like a person can be lurchy and 219 00:09:50,850 --> 00:09:52,470 you're like. Ohh, that's how it differs from 220 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:53,710 the fear. Yeah, the fear is. 221 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,480 Inherently, I think in my mind, connected. 222 00:09:55,490 --> 00:09:59,290 To yeah yeah yeah yeah so like if if we were talking about like 223 00:09:59,340 --> 00:10:04,350 severe severe alert like I'll tell you 111 particular time 224 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:06,440 just getting this out of my head now hadn't actually prepared 225 00:10:06,450 --> 00:10:08,610 this myself and my. Sister, I know it's going to be 226 00:10:08,620 --> 00:10:10,440 juicy. My sister was going out with 227 00:10:10,450 --> 00:10:12,500 him. He's like a famous DJ at the 228 00:10:12,510 --> 00:10:16,540 time and someone he had been working with a Tiësto. 229 00:10:17,270 --> 00:10:20,820 It wasn't Tiësto no, and I won't name him. 230 00:10:22,190 --> 00:10:29,890 Yeah, no, anyway, and she was a, she was asked to go up and do 231 00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:31,980 narration on her. So I don't know, something like 232 00:10:31,990 --> 00:10:34,090 we had to go to a studio and she had and she said, Laura, you 233 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:35,680 come with me please. Like I've no money. 234 00:10:35,690 --> 00:10:38,220 We were about 20-3 at the times with no money come up to 235 00:10:38,230 --> 00:10:39,900 Belfast. So I'd sit in the studio while 236 00:10:39,910 --> 00:10:41,890 she recorded this thing and she was like, and he'll pay me 237 00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:44,540 because he paid her boyfriend loads for the thing he did. 238 00:10:44,550 --> 00:10:47,360 So the pay me loads and then there's a party that night, must 239 00:10:47,370 --> 00:10:49,660 stay in their house and then we'll drive home the next day. 240 00:10:49,710 --> 00:10:53,060 Now we had enough petrol money to get us up to Belfast, but 241 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:55,150 we've nothing to get us home. So we were banking on this 242 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:56,290 morning. So you can tell where this is 243 00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:57,000 going. Yeah. 244 00:10:57,050 --> 00:10:59,990 So we get home to his house. He hasn't paid, didn't give her 245 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,540 any money for it. We were like, what are we going 246 00:11:01,550 --> 00:11:03,420 to do? Then he started to make us. 247 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,280 We were like, we've no money. And they like we're gonna go to 248 00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:06,880 art friend's party later drinking. 249 00:11:06,890 --> 00:11:09,860 And he he he referred to as chemical warfare what was going 250 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,660 to happen in the house. Ohh. 251 00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:15,300 God, So we were like okay, so then he started making like this 252 00:11:15,310 --> 00:11:18,440 Chinese veg, Chinese veg dinner thing for us, which was bean 253 00:11:18,450 --> 00:11:20,960 sprouts and cabbage. That was it with some Chinese 5 254 00:11:20,970 --> 00:11:22,860 spice on us. So we were fucking starving. 255 00:11:22,930 --> 00:11:24,640 So we were like we go, we go for drive. 256 00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:26,940 So we drove down to the garage down the road and got fruit 257 00:11:26,950 --> 00:11:29,280 salad bar because that's all we had left money wise. 258 00:11:29,290 --> 00:11:32,520 Like no money fucking starving. So then went up and he was like, 259 00:11:32,530 --> 00:11:34,160 yeah, we'll give you loads of drink just to say thanks. 260 00:11:34,170 --> 00:11:35,940 We're like, I just, I don't want drink and drugs. 261 00:11:35,950 --> 00:11:38,270 I just want, I just want to go. I just want to go home and get 262 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,360 some money. Yeah. 263 00:11:39,630 --> 00:11:42,240 So went out to the party, partied very, very hard. 264 00:11:42,250 --> 00:11:44,600 Came back to the house, couldn't sleep because they brought the 265 00:11:44,610 --> 00:11:47,780 party back to the house. And I remember there was a song 266 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,200 that myself and they were like, there was no blinds or curtains 267 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,760 in the house were renovating and we were trying to sleep. 268 00:11:52,910 --> 00:11:55,580 And I remember I just drinking half of the bottle of wine to 269 00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:58,300 try so we could just try and see because we were in the middle of 270 00:11:58,310 --> 00:12:00,850 the kitchen on a pull out and everyone was partying angels. 271 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:05,160 And then we went upstairs and I was trying to fall asleep and I 272 00:12:05,170 --> 00:12:06,990 was like, yeah, you sleep. And she's like, no, I can't 273 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,660 sleep, I can't sleep. And then I open my eyes. 274 00:12:08,670 --> 00:12:10,630 I looked in the host of the house was standing in the 275 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,570 corner, leaning up against the window just dancing to himself, 276 00:12:13,580 --> 00:12:16,790 like just. And the music was coming up, 277 00:12:17,180 --> 00:12:20,720 coming up, coming down. That's the music. 278 00:12:20,730 --> 00:12:24,370 We were like, Oh my God here. So we tried to drive home myself 279 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,380 try to drive home. And then this sounds like we're 280 00:12:26,390 --> 00:12:27,680 like, what are we going to do about petrol? 281 00:12:27,690 --> 00:12:31,220 Like, so he's like, ohh, sorry, Danielle said have money to get 282 00:12:31,230 --> 00:12:32,760 home. So he gave her what looked like 283 00:12:32,770 --> 00:12:35,470 20 lbs drove the first garage, garage wouldn't take it. 284 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:38,330 Drove to the second garage. Um, they were like, that's, 285 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:42,660 that's 20 Australian dollars. So we were like, we have like go 286 00:12:42,730 --> 00:12:45,460 park up in a church car park, try and sleep there because we 287 00:12:45,470 --> 00:12:47,820 were so in bits and then got people wrapping at our window. 288 00:12:47,830 --> 00:12:49,840 So that was probably one of the best things ever happened to me. 289 00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:53,040 We made it home in ribbons, in absolute ribbons. 290 00:12:53,050 --> 00:12:56,540 That was pretty appalling. Ohh, gosh, ohh, that was lunch. 291 00:12:56,550 --> 00:12:59,540 That was large, let me tell you. Okay, I think I have a lunch. 292 00:12:59,590 --> 00:13:02,090 It's a good one. It's and that my friends still 293 00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:04,090 talk about to this day. There was a group of friends 294 00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:07,900 living in this town house in Ranelagh, some apartment dancer 295 00:13:07,910 --> 00:13:10,090 apartment upstairs. Bit of a party house already 296 00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:15,070 sounds um yeah like it was like it's where I had my 30th There 297 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,220 was loads of people there, there was kegs, everything. 298 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:21,240 It was just, it was just very mad at and any and any night of 299 00:13:21,250 --> 00:13:23,760 the week, a lot of lot of weed smoked in the evenings out of 300 00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:25,220 it. Yeah, no, not hell, but like 301 00:13:25,230 --> 00:13:27,070 good help because you were here with your mates. 302 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:31,060 But it's like just wretched in the mornings, like, you know, 303 00:13:31,130 --> 00:13:33,330 because you sometimes I'd be going to work and they'd be 304 00:13:33,340 --> 00:13:34,940 still partying and you're just like, hi. 305 00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:40,350 And so when I came home, wasn't partying with them, but there 306 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:45,190 was a party in the house, right. But uh, had gone to sleep or 307 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,260 maybe I was partying with him. I can't remember either way. 308 00:13:47,990 --> 00:13:51,310 Um, I was like what the fuck is that noise? 309 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:54,910 What the hell is happening? Woke up bolt upright. 310 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,860 I think it was the early hours because it was kind of getting 311 00:13:57,870 --> 00:13:59,030 right through the curtains or whatever. 312 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:01,610 A guy standing there going through my underwear drawer 313 00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:04,020 without any pants on. Oh my God. 314 00:14:04,030 --> 00:14:05,570 Like what the fuck? What the fuck. 315 00:14:05,580 --> 00:14:10,020 Like panicking but also immediately enraged because 316 00:14:10,030 --> 00:14:12,930 there was a lad who was younger than me like going through my 317 00:14:12,940 --> 00:14:16,180 underwear drawer in a house when the when the party was supposed 318 00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:17,970 to be downstairs, there was like, you know, upstairs. 319 00:14:17,980 --> 00:14:19,930 Like fucking. Weird, weird. 320 00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:22,550 Creepy. Yeah, so burst open the door to 321 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,180 the living room. There was like a sea of people, 322 00:14:25,590 --> 00:14:30,100 random duvets everywhere, just heads popping up when I slammed 323 00:14:30,110 --> 00:14:32,880 the door open and I was just like, where's that? 324 00:14:32,930 --> 00:14:35,960 It was that, What the fuck? Do you think that's okay? 325 00:14:35,970 --> 00:14:39,960 Standing there with your lad in your hand and just the room was 326 00:14:39,970 --> 00:14:43,740 like, like people trying not to laugh, like all my pals. 327 00:14:45,290 --> 00:14:47,790 Is he OK? Standing there like rifling 328 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,290 through my underwear, underwear drawer with their lad in your 329 00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:53,570 hand, something like this, like very like posh and conservative 330 00:14:53,580 --> 00:14:56,690 and surprisingly so. Um, but yeah, no, he had pissed, 331 00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:59,220 he had pissed on the chair and then I'd given out to him. 332 00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:01,500 But I don't know if the piss came before or after, though. 333 00:15:01,510 --> 00:15:04,480 He'd pissed on the chair. Emily was like Dave I think he's 334 00:15:04,490 --> 00:15:05,030 after. Pissing. 335 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,150 And then he just disappeared. And where he disappeared, too, 336 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,840 was the bedroom. There's always one of those of 337 00:15:08,850 --> 00:15:11,430 those parties, isn't there? He was really, and Knee felt 338 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,790 really bad for throwing him out because he was like, I'm so 339 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:14,450 sorry. Yeah. 340 00:15:14,460 --> 00:15:18,430 And like really kind and he was, he was just off his tits on all 341 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:20,880 the pills in the world just looking for some pants. 342 00:15:21,390 --> 00:15:25,260 And but the anger, but like, but the anger and me waking up and I 343 00:15:25,270 --> 00:15:27,620 I don't wake up easily either. So I was just like, ohh, what? 344 00:15:27,630 --> 00:15:31,370 The standing there, the yeah, the common, the common quote was 345 00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:32,800 standing there with your lad in your hand. 346 00:15:32,810 --> 00:15:35,640 And then I heard I kind of went back to bed, but I was older. 347 00:15:35,650 --> 00:15:37,940 I looked that I couldn't sleep and I heard neeve like walking 348 00:15:37,950 --> 00:15:39,820 him out and he's like, look, listen, I'm really sorry. 349 00:15:39,950 --> 00:15:41,420 And she was like, ohh, it's okay. 350 00:15:41,470 --> 00:15:45,390 But all of them fucking lost their shit, laughing at me, 351 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,370 getting angry. Adam and I was just like, I 352 00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:50,190 can't imagine. You being I couldn't seriously 353 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,440 pissed. Off no, but I couldn't get 354 00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,000 beyond the point that he was standing there. 355 00:15:53,010 --> 00:15:55,270 Like I was angry about it for ages, but all of them were 356 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:57,230 having fucking laughs at my expense or whatever. 357 00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,340 But like still to this day, standing there with your lad in 358 00:15:59,350 --> 00:16:01,470 your hand. In my bedroom there was going 359 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:02,850 through my underwear. There's always 1. 360 00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:04,790 And so you weren't the perpetrator of the lurch there? 361 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,860 No, but the lunch was my anger and the fact that all of them 362 00:16:07,870 --> 00:16:09,530 were like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, You know what 363 00:16:09,540 --> 00:16:11,290 I mean. Is always one, one goes off. 364 00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:13,550 The there was my my brother had been out of wedding and he 365 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,450 decided to bring everyone back to my dad's house. 366 00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:18,500 Osborne, person in the. Conways, but they're. 367 00:16:18,510 --> 00:16:20,930 Always kind and nice and not. Very nice, but they just get 368 00:16:20,940 --> 00:16:22,540 really fucked up and like shorts. 369 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:25,980 But this guy, there was a guy kind of who just kind of tagged 370 00:16:25,990 --> 00:16:27,680 along back to the party. And this was only a few years 371 00:16:27,690 --> 00:16:30,460 ago, so they know they would have been 3738 at the time. 372 00:16:30,530 --> 00:16:33,340 And he came back to the party after and they were all in the 373 00:16:33,350 --> 00:16:35,180 back garden. This is 1112 o'clock the next 374 00:16:35,190 --> 00:16:37,280 day. Sorry, 910 o'clock the next day 375 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,840 in the morning and my dad was asleep in bed. 376 00:16:39,850 --> 00:16:42,440 And then all of a sudden my dad wakes up to a guy. 377 00:16:42,450 --> 00:16:44,480 Complete random stranger just being. 378 00:16:44,690 --> 00:16:47,050 Yeah, yeah. Really made out of her face look 379 00:16:47,060 --> 00:16:50,350 got into the bed beside my dad like not in a pervy way, but 380 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,550 just completely not realising he's getting into the yeah. 381 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,630 And dad just said hiya and turned around and I was like to 382 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,530 go back to sleep. I have to go back to sleep. 383 00:16:57,540 --> 00:16:59,530 And he said no. I just kind of lay there for a 384 00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:01,750 while because it was a waterbed as well. 385 00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:07,089 Like bobbing with this like guys stinking of brewery was red. 386 00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:10,220 And then and then dads like and then I got up and then I had to 387 00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:12,180 ask him to get out. Like could you? 388 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,930 Could you? Really well spoken is the kind 389 00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:20,109 mind getting up and getting. The lurch imagine the lurch for 390 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:24,180 that person like again, I I got it got into a person's dad so 391 00:17:24,190 --> 00:17:26,740 large. We also just it was in our early 392 00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:29,980 20s at the lurch came the term the large came around and we 393 00:17:29,990 --> 00:17:32,810 were like talking about when the lurch attacks and stuff. 394 00:17:32,870 --> 00:17:35,740 And so we made-up this guy called Larry Lurch. 395 00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:41,540 Monster who? Who is he and what does he? 396 00:17:41,550 --> 00:17:43,690 Do he's the guy who brings the lurch to you. 397 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,810 So he looks kind of like the Grinch, but like dread, like 398 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:50,810 dread dreadlocks and kind of like dark, dark fur, matted fur 399 00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:52,530 and kind of like evil, evil eyes. 400 00:17:52,540 --> 00:17:53,990 Yeah. And he has all the festival 401 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,250 wristbands, all the ups and kind of like a hemp, A hemp smelling. 402 00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:00,630 Ohh the guy like the guy who thinks he's helping you on a bad 403 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,160 trip in a festival but he's actually making it. 404 00:18:02,170 --> 00:18:04,690 Worse 100% so but no, but he's he's evil. 405 00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:07,170 He wants to OHH, okay, so he's kind of encouraged. 406 00:18:07,180 --> 00:18:10,730 He'd be the one in the court after like go on, have the shot 407 00:18:10,740 --> 00:18:13,240 is not a bad idea. Or like, you know, I think I 408 00:18:13,250 --> 00:18:15,440 think he seems like a nice guy. He should go home with him. 409 00:18:15,450 --> 00:18:17,850 That that's that's Larry or like, you know, this is the 410 00:18:17,860 --> 00:18:19,450 perfect example. We would like you be sitting at 411 00:18:19,460 --> 00:18:23,180 the kitchen table going OHH. It's like the the the devil or 412 00:18:23,350 --> 00:18:25,300 totally demolished. Yeah, yeah. 413 00:18:25,310 --> 00:18:27,560 Go on. And then like, you'd be sitting, 414 00:18:27,570 --> 00:18:30,636 you'd be sitting at the kitchen table, like, you know, Oh my 415 00:18:30,637 --> 00:18:32,020 God, like what did I do last night? 416 00:18:32,030 --> 00:18:33,920 And then Larry would walk past the window, swinging her 417 00:18:33,930 --> 00:18:38,040 knickers in his hand. They're like, that's Larry. 418 00:18:38,090 --> 00:18:39,900 Larry, that's monster. He likeable? 419 00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,120 Is he lockable? Horrible. 420 00:18:41,130 --> 00:18:43,800 No more Larry like. And so we like we went through 421 00:18:43,810 --> 00:18:46,290 all of our 20s, my friends, my friends, friends at parties be 422 00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:48,500 like, no Larry tomorrow. And one of my friends country 423 00:18:48,510 --> 00:18:52,010 said I figured out a way to get rid of Harry Larry and I was 424 00:18:52,020 --> 00:18:54,120 like, how was like? So that makes like, well, yeah, 425 00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:58,330 you're a bit late to the game. Shut. 426 00:18:58,340 --> 00:18:59,830 Up and put up your nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 427 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:02,030 That's a long term Larry we're talking about there. 428 00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:02,940 Yeah, yeah. So. 429 00:19:02,950 --> 00:19:04,730 That's my God, that's so. Good. 430 00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:07,130 Then there's also lurchy situations you can get into 431 00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:10,040 which, you know, drinking, drugs or anything that isn't involved 432 00:19:10,050 --> 00:19:11,730 in at all. You can just kind of say or do 433 00:19:11,740 --> 00:19:13,630 the wrong thing or call someone by the wrong way. 434 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:17,150 I get largely situations all the time because people recognise me 435 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,990 as Danielle. They think I'm my. 436 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,300 Sister right, okay. And you're like ohh. 437 00:19:20,310 --> 00:19:21,470 Fuck yes. It's really panicky. 438 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,510 So I'm so lots of people would see me who they think is me and 439 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,050 it's Danielle because she's kind of weird and and just be like, 440 00:19:27,060 --> 00:19:29,240 hi, how's it going? Into the house blackmails kind 441 00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:31,690 of weird. She's she's a bit weird and she 442 00:19:31,700 --> 00:19:34,140 doesn't say hi to them so they think she I'm a bitch or else 443 00:19:34,150 --> 00:19:36,090 they think she's. In your worry about that all 444 00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:38,280 like ohh yeah they think that I'm most of them or. 445 00:19:38,290 --> 00:19:40,370 Whatever, I don't think I have like face blindness or any of 446 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:43,460 that, but I'm really really really bad at remembering faces. 447 00:19:43,470 --> 00:19:45,660 Ohh remember the person. The same as fucking Audrey. 448 00:19:45,670 --> 00:19:48,200 It's really, yeah, I remember the person. 449 00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:49,760 She doesn't. She's full of the time. 450 00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:51,760 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, go on a nice trip into 451 00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:54,320 town with you and come back with like 10,000 stories and I'm 452 00:19:54,330 --> 00:19:57,980 like, how did that happen? And yeah, I, I just don't know. 453 00:19:58,250 --> 00:20:00,350 It just does. Whether it's kind of story, I 454 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:05,590 don't know, like, um, like somebody handing off, needing to 455 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,350 help her with the boggy and then something falling out and then 456 00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:09,830 getting embarrassed about something. 457 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,410 And you're just like, it did. But it's not like, ohh, yeah, 458 00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,110 hahaha. Like that's what happened me. 459 00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:17,310 It was like that crazy. It ends up being like, ohh, 460 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:20,670 like, and she was like, I know you're just both like, what? 461 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:23,210 Why does this always happen? Around me, like you rang me 462 00:20:23,220 --> 00:20:25,720 during the week and you were like, ohh, I any crises and I 463 00:20:25,730 --> 00:20:28,370 was like, I'm actually an emergency, emergency room. 464 00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:31,230 I'm actually funnily. Enough like I we have a joke in 465 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,270 work that I like. I have the curse. 466 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,450 Like this is always something ridiculous in my. 467 00:20:35,460 --> 00:20:41,370 Life I I I guess I like maybe invite drama in my. 468 00:20:41,380 --> 00:20:42,500 Life. Yeah, I think invite. 469 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,030 Attracts drama in my life a little bit. 470 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:49,110 Um, but yeah, I think it's just like, you know, you're very 471 00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:50,930 similar when it comes to lurchy things. 472 00:20:50,940 --> 00:20:53,670 I think Audrey Lurch is at least four times a day. 473 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,630 Now, lurching and doing, learning things are different 474 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,200 things you could people can go through life using it there. 475 00:20:59,210 --> 00:21:01,740 Donald Trump goes through life doing actually things Like if I 476 00:21:01,750 --> 00:21:05,080 woke up after having done what Donald Trump does in an hour, I 477 00:21:05,090 --> 00:21:06,140 would be lurching out of my mind. 478 00:21:06,150 --> 00:21:08,870 But he doesn't lurch about them. So lurching is the kind of 479 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,620 physical reaction to doing something lurchy, if you get me. 480 00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:13,780 Ohh, yeah, no, but I think she's, I think she knows it, but 481 00:21:13,790 --> 00:21:16,120 she's embracing it now because she's also recently got a 482 00:21:16,130 --> 00:21:18,240 diagnosis for autism, ADHD. Yeah. 483 00:21:18,250 --> 00:21:20,400 So she's like, ohh, yeah, no, that's actually. 484 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,040 That's just what it. Is actually fine like um, we 485 00:21:23,050 --> 00:21:26,800 rang to get results and the doctor had put in her height 486 00:21:26,810 --> 00:21:29,460 wrong because you have to get results to get medicated for the 487 00:21:29,470 --> 00:21:33,230 ADHD and the doctor had put in her height wrong. 488 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:36,060 Not that it makes a difference to the ADHD medication, but she 489 00:21:36,070 --> 00:21:39,720 was like, no, I'm not 52, how dare you Ohh, but nothing like 490 00:21:39,990 --> 00:21:42,470 yeah, but like very like no, that is actually wrong. 491 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,570 And the woman on the end of the phone, she's not a nurse or 492 00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:46,850 doctor. She's just like admin going 493 00:21:46,860 --> 00:21:48,480 yeah, I don't really care. I don't really think that. 494 00:21:48,490 --> 00:21:50,850 Makes a difference is kind of raffles, raffles cages like 495 00:21:50,860 --> 00:21:51,650 yeah. Yeah, yeah. 496 00:21:51,660 --> 00:21:54,830 But like, sorry no one. But like, people are obviously 497 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,590 like, either they roll their eyes or accept her for who she 498 00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,640 is, but she's now embracing that of herself because she was like, 499 00:22:00,650 --> 00:22:02,530 that's right and wrong. And I was like, yes, I know. 500 00:22:02,540 --> 00:22:03,860 That's why I was. Talking to you about this 501 00:22:03,870 --> 00:22:05,890 actually recently about this cause because Leon is the. 502 00:22:05,900 --> 00:22:07,230 Same really nice way of it is it? 503 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:08,770 Is a really nice way of thinking of things. 504 00:22:08,780 --> 00:22:10,650 I read it. I read an excerpt about from an 505 00:22:10,660 --> 00:22:14,170 autistic person talking about neurotypical people being like, 506 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:17,170 they, they go around staring at each other in the eyes. 507 00:22:17,180 --> 00:22:19,090 They, they wear really uncomfortable clothes. 508 00:22:19,100 --> 00:22:20,660 They talk about their emotions all the time. 509 00:22:20,670 --> 00:22:22,890 They they let things go that are like right and wrong. 510 00:22:22,900 --> 00:22:25,040 And I really don't mind. It's, it's really interesting. 511 00:22:25,050 --> 00:22:26,530 It's like, ohh, yeah. Like there's like, they're, 512 00:22:26,540 --> 00:22:27,920 they're the freak. And it's like, yeah. 513 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,170 But you were saying about Audrey dropping things out of the pram. 514 00:22:30,180 --> 00:22:32,630 And it reminded me of very good, good slash actually story. 515 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,730 Myself and Fergal only got together after Lewin was born. 516 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,500 So we were in our kind of honeymoon slash drinking a lot 517 00:22:38,510 --> 00:22:40,210 phase. You know, when you kind of first 518 00:22:40,220 --> 00:22:42,010 with someone, you kind of drink clothes. 519 00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:43,830 Or maybe that's just me. No, no. 520 00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:49,210 And we were walking up the town and we bought, I think it was 521 00:22:49,220 --> 00:22:51,120 like Christmas times. We'd bought like a load of 522 00:22:51,130 --> 00:22:53,440 Bulmers for like 24 of 24 or something like that. 523 00:22:53,450 --> 00:22:56,370 So we put loads into the nappy bag, loads into the buggy. 524 00:22:56,700 --> 00:22:59,370 Fargo was carrying loads. And we were walking across the 525 00:22:59,380 --> 00:23:03,120 road in Greystones. You're welcome. 526 00:23:03,130 --> 00:23:04,830 Cross the road with the baby in the buggy. 527 00:23:04,950 --> 00:23:09,890 And it was a kind of like a non, like a tacitly agreed pedestrian 528 00:23:09,900 --> 00:23:11,210 crossing. So it wasn't actually the 529 00:23:11,220 --> 00:23:13,570 pedestrian crossing, but people kind of stopped for it anyway. 530 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,810 And we were crossing and then all of a sudden 2 cans roll out 531 00:23:16,820 --> 00:23:20,040 of the bottom of the buggy like it was dark and there was 532 00:23:20,050 --> 00:23:22,450 headlights on me both ways and traffic was waiting. 533 00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:24,700 And I was like, sorry, sorry. Of course, of course. 534 00:23:24,870 --> 00:23:27,810 Yeah, no, yeah, So fertile fucks all across the side of the road. 535 00:23:27,860 --> 00:23:29,770 I was like, sorry, sorry. So I started to run after the 536 00:23:29,780 --> 00:23:32,010 two cans that got away and then whoop out of the top of the 537 00:23:32,020 --> 00:23:33,930 nappy like 2 more concern. You. 538 00:23:35,210 --> 00:23:39,620 Spell out running around getting the four cans, a good mother 539 00:23:40,050 --> 00:23:41,980 told the Boogie. Like exactly like that. 540 00:23:42,090 --> 00:23:44,610 When in our honeymoon days as well, when we were drinking a 541 00:23:44,620 --> 00:23:50,000 lot in Dunmurry, myself and Audrey, um, I was just getting 542 00:23:50,010 --> 00:23:51,700 changed or getting ready for the day or whatever. 543 00:23:51,710 --> 00:23:54,980 And her dress couldn't and she had just been putting a scarf 544 00:23:54,990 --> 00:23:57,040 on, but she'd completely twisted her ankle. 545 00:23:57,050 --> 00:23:59,380 She was like, I was just standing here, like just 546 00:23:59,390 --> 00:24:02,300 standing. I can't even see how she fell 547 00:24:02,310 --> 00:24:05,300 over or what she did to it, but it went over that way. 548 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:09,110 And within like half an hour I was like, yeah, she'd really 549 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:10,640 hurt it. And I was like, what were you 550 00:24:10,650 --> 00:24:11,410 doing? Were you walking? 551 00:24:11,420 --> 00:24:12,970 Were you walking? Did you go up the steps? 552 00:24:12,980 --> 00:24:14,770 And she was like, no, I was just standing here. 553 00:24:14,820 --> 00:24:17,670 I was just like trying to figure out this is kind of yeah, she 554 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,150 gives herself that large because. 555 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,830 She was like. Why does this happen to me? 556 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:26,230 Like, yeah, it is kind of like, and also I shared real with her, 557 00:24:26,290 --> 00:24:29,730 a woman getting into a car with like a standard coffee cup, but 558 00:24:29,740 --> 00:24:32,490 it's full to the brim and just kind of balancing it on the 559 00:24:32,500 --> 00:24:34,770 gear. That type B personality kind of 560 00:24:34,780 --> 00:24:37,980 balancing it on the gear and like dropping all her makeup bag 561 00:24:37,990 --> 00:24:40,880 all over the floor and then something that is literally her 562 00:24:40,890 --> 00:24:44,160 whenever she arrives or leaves somewhere, something has to fall 563 00:24:44,170 --> 00:24:47,120 somewhere or she has to fall over or something around. 564 00:24:47,190 --> 00:24:50,440 But I think that's, um, isn't there a correlation between, um, 565 00:24:50,490 --> 00:24:52,000 clumsiness? There is and. 566 00:24:52,010 --> 00:24:56,820 Physical spatial awareness, yes. So, so, um, yes, somewhat as 567 00:24:56,830 --> 00:25:01,040 people have very kind of, they're challenged massively in 568 00:25:01,050 --> 00:25:04,930 their gross motor skills or fine motor skills and that would then 569 00:25:05,060 --> 00:25:07,470 there's the dyspraxia there as well, then there can be. 570 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,650 So like hand eye coordination and like radiation like yeah, 571 00:25:10,660 --> 00:25:12,660 guessing the distance. Or like, yeah, yeah, yeah, 572 00:25:12,670 --> 00:25:13,560 exactly. Yeah, yeah. 573 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:17,290 But I'll tell you what was Archie actually go on. 574 00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:19,390 Special Care award was a pretty, pretty fucking mercy. 575 00:25:19,620 --> 00:25:21,750 That was like, yeah, like, and that was. 576 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:23,430 Like you watching it, but were you watching? 577 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:25,120 Were you self-conscious? Were you watching everything you 578 00:25:25,130 --> 00:25:27,770 said or were you being very deliberately open because. 579 00:25:29,710 --> 00:25:31,950 Certain people you'd want to be careful with like because there 580 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,020 was just like some lucky people that would like to be your best 581 00:25:34,030 --> 00:25:36,940 friend and then that their nurse would come up to me and be like, 582 00:25:36,980 --> 00:25:39,060 keep yourself to yourself with him now, love, do you know that 583 00:25:39,070 --> 00:25:40,130 kind of thing? So you'd be like. 584 00:25:40,140 --> 00:25:41,460 Ohh why? What did he do? 585 00:25:41,510 --> 00:25:44,380 One guy asked me out on a date where you're in and I was like, 586 00:25:44,390 --> 00:25:46,320 I've told you my husband many a time, but why? 587 00:25:46,330 --> 00:25:48,920 In between telling me about how I was getting back with his ex 588 00:25:48,930 --> 00:25:51,760 and stuff like this too. And there was some people, uh, 589 00:25:51,770 --> 00:25:54,480 just very unwell in there. And you'd be like wool or like, 590 00:25:54,490 --> 00:25:56,510 you know, you'd hear an alarm go off and everyone would run off 591 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:57,980 in One Direction like fucking hell. 592 00:25:58,030 --> 00:26:00,600 So that was kind of like a constant lurch, like of being in 593 00:26:00,610 --> 00:26:03,150 there and also going, ohh, I'm in there with them, do you know 594 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,370 what I mean? That was very lurchy kind of 595 00:26:05,380 --> 00:26:06,610 thing. At the same time, the hospital 596 00:26:06,620 --> 00:26:08,930 was amazing. But yeah, mental health 597 00:26:08,940 --> 00:26:10,300 hospitals, quite, actually quite. 598 00:26:10,310 --> 00:26:13,190 Yeah, wow, that's, that's big time. 599 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:17,890 That's kind of like a real kind of like, uh, eye opener for 600 00:26:17,900 --> 00:26:21,150 yourself as well, because like even in like, okay, so you said 601 00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:23,650 you're at the bet, you know, the best stage you've ever been in 602 00:26:23,660 --> 00:26:24,970 your life. You've gone through all that 603 00:26:24,980 --> 00:26:27,880 shit last year, you come out the other end, you're in the best 604 00:26:27,890 --> 00:26:29,120 shape. You know, you're getting back to 605 00:26:29,130 --> 00:26:31,000 yourself, you're feeling everything goes. 606 00:26:31,010 --> 00:26:32,900 There's like, gallstones, all of them. 607 00:26:32,940 --> 00:26:35,960 All 17 of them, um, huddling up close anyway. 608 00:26:35,970 --> 00:26:41,910 The goal 17 now, Jeremy. Later we found out. 609 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:46,070 They're all boys know. Only joking. 610 00:26:46,570 --> 00:26:50,310 Because I can't talk girls. Can't remember what I was going 611 00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:51,740 to say there, but it was profoundly good. 612 00:26:51,750 --> 00:26:53,300 I mean, I was profound and. Beautiful. 613 00:26:53,310 --> 00:26:55,180 I'm in good shape now. Gone through all of it, but I've 614 00:26:55,190 --> 00:26:56,410 gone through that is what you're going to. 615 00:26:56,420 --> 00:27:01,790 Say, yeah, the lurch is entirely like, I've got this now, and it 616 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:04,550 kinda creeps up on you. It's like that little guy in 617 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:05,870 your shoulder, Larry, your sponsor. 618 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:07,810 But still it hasn't. Changed Larry. 619 00:27:07,820 --> 00:27:10,570 Larry is still around. Larry still Larry still lurks. 620 00:27:10,580 --> 00:27:12,380 He's a lurks. The little wink at a drink or 621 00:27:12,390 --> 00:27:16,450 alive just yet tiny moment in your brain that turns. 622 00:27:16,460 --> 00:27:20,380 Yeah, ohh, like I, I lurch regularly about like in my 623 00:27:20,390 --> 00:27:23,010 dreams about having gone back drinking now, cause I just don't 624 00:27:23,020 --> 00:27:24,680 want to ever go back drinking ever, ever, ever. 625 00:27:24,690 --> 00:27:27,900 I mean even they gave me painkillers for the gallstones 626 00:27:27,910 --> 00:27:30,180 and I was like ringing my friends being like, is this a 627 00:27:30,190 --> 00:27:32,130 good, you know, friends who don't know as well as a good 628 00:27:32,140 --> 00:27:33,390 idea. Like I don't want to take 629 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:34,660 anything. So I have to be very careful of 630 00:27:34,670 --> 00:27:36,590 that kind of stuff. That is a lurch that's always 631 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:37,110 there. Okay, and. 632 00:27:37,120 --> 00:27:39,540 Alert No defects effects your brain in a certain way. 633 00:27:39,550 --> 00:27:40,900 Yeah. And it's, you know, it's, it's a 634 00:27:40,910 --> 00:27:43,320 massive lurch that I, I don't drink anymore. 635 00:27:43,330 --> 00:27:45,800 I never thought I'd be. That person you know that 636 00:27:45,810 --> 00:27:49,450 identify with a sober person. It's like just, well, someone 637 00:27:49,460 --> 00:27:51,720 who needs to call themselves over rest, if you get me, you 638 00:27:51,730 --> 00:27:53,250 know what I mean? Like someone who's struggled 639 00:27:53,260 --> 00:27:57,080 with dependencies in the past. But it is it is it is it is it, 640 00:27:57,090 --> 00:27:59,580 um, self consciousness? Is it guilt? 641 00:27:59,590 --> 00:28:00,760 Is it shame? Is? 642 00:28:00,770 --> 00:28:02,860 It's all those things. It's, it's, you know, Granny. 643 00:28:02,870 --> 00:28:05,400 Is connected to your who you thought of. 644 00:28:05,450 --> 00:28:08,120 As yourself yeah, my my my mother was a severe alcoholic 645 00:28:08,130 --> 00:28:13,070 growing and my granny the shout out from May 1 was and turned on 646 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:16,560 the back turtle on the back that one and um once I've I've seen 647 00:28:16,570 --> 00:28:19,630 the really, really scary horrible side of alcoholism and 648 00:28:19,700 --> 00:28:22,950 so growing up at something I never wanted to like come into 649 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:24,390 my lexicon. I always thought I had under 650 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,070 control. So that that's been extremely 651 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,410 lucky for me to kind of come to terms with the fact that I can't 652 00:28:29,420 --> 00:28:32,450 use alcoholism medication for myself because I over use it. 653 00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:36,350 And so and that's why I have dry I I have dreams, I'd say 3 or 4 654 00:28:36,360 --> 00:28:38,860 times a week where I'm chatting away back. 655 00:28:38,900 --> 00:28:41,300 Yeah, but I have been drinking and I'm like, ohh, shit, no, 656 00:28:41,310 --> 00:28:43,870 okay, have I been drinking? Have okay, so okay, so this got 657 00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:47,520 reset my drink and just it always happy because you're so 658 00:28:47,630 --> 00:28:49,800 scared of of of relapsing. Well, I'm so scared of 659 00:28:49,810 --> 00:28:50,880 relapsing. So that's constant. 660 00:28:50,890 --> 00:28:55,800 You okay, so this is might be a controversial question or a bit 661 00:28:55,810 --> 00:28:58,920 of a thinker. Do you think that, do you think 662 00:28:58,930 --> 00:29:01,800 that people can handle moderation when it comes to 663 00:29:01,810 --> 00:29:06,940 intoxication, escapism, addiction or like drug use? 664 00:29:07,090 --> 00:29:10,920 Like, you know, even like even in the say in the same regard, 665 00:29:10,990 --> 00:29:13,300 keeping the question in the same regard, jamming. 666 00:29:13,710 --> 00:29:15,700 Like you've got people who go three times a week, but you've 667 00:29:15,710 --> 00:29:21,240 also got people who are totally locked in on needing to and. 668 00:29:21,250 --> 00:29:23,520 Also to the detriment of their mental health or to the 669 00:29:23,530 --> 00:29:24,880 detriment of their relationships. 670 00:29:24,890 --> 00:29:27,360 So that's the line, right? So firstly, Alan Carr, who wrote 671 00:29:27,370 --> 00:29:31,090 the books, not the comedian, uh, he, he talks about, um, he talks 672 00:29:31,100 --> 00:29:33,440 about in his book To Stop drinking Alcohol, which I tried 673 00:29:33,450 --> 00:29:36,160 and failed many times 20s he talks about. 674 00:29:36,310 --> 00:29:39,860 Is it a step by step guide? No, it's not it's just he just 675 00:29:39,870 --> 00:29:42,840 it's kind of like I I will I will convince you to stop 676 00:29:42,850 --> 00:29:44,780 drinking or something. Yeah, A lot of people have given 677 00:29:44,790 --> 00:29:46,930 up smoking on backwards book. But he thought he says 678 00:29:46,940 --> 00:29:48,800 everybody's alcoholic. Anyone who drinks alcoholic 679 00:29:48,810 --> 00:29:50,670 basically because it you shouldn't enjoy it. 680 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:51,980 You shouldn't. You know, it makes your mind 681 00:29:51,990 --> 00:29:53,220 foggy. It makes you sick of poisons 682 00:29:53,230 --> 00:29:54,200 you. I always think about this. 683 00:29:54,210 --> 00:29:57,160 If an alien came down from Mars or wherever, that'll be Martian 684 00:29:57,170 --> 00:29:59,820 then. And he said he was asking people 685 00:29:59,830 --> 00:30:03,470 what they drinking. God never made that connection. 686 00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:06,690 Katanic What? Mars and Martian, Yeah, but 687 00:30:06,700 --> 00:30:08,200 there you go. There's something you never. 688 00:30:08,210 --> 00:30:09,500 Know, right? Yeah. 689 00:30:09,510 --> 00:30:14,520 Yeah. Wow, 39 years young, nearly 40 690 00:30:14,530 --> 00:30:16,820 on Sunday and don't tell anybody. 691 00:30:16,830 --> 00:30:19,450 No, stop, stop. Don't send me any messages guys, 692 00:30:19,460 --> 00:30:21,730 please send your message and it will be last Sunday. 693 00:30:21,740 --> 00:30:24,360 Yeah, last Sunday. Well, yeah, yeah. 694 00:30:24,370 --> 00:30:26,370 Do the math, guys. Last Sunday was working. 695 00:30:26,690 --> 00:30:29,160 Yeah, I'm 40 now. Currently today I'm actually 40. 696 00:30:29,250 --> 00:30:32,590 We're seeing it as future. Ohh, God, Martian Martian came 697 00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:34,360 down and said what are you drinking? 698 00:30:34,370 --> 00:30:37,470 And I, you know, with vodka. Ohh, that's like I don't like 699 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:39,300 you like phase of it. No, what does the duty? 700 00:30:39,310 --> 00:30:40,970 It makes me stupid. It makes me do things I'll 701 00:30:40,980 --> 00:30:42,500 regret. It makes me feel a bit a bit 702 00:30:42,510 --> 00:30:46,730 okay for a while, you know? No, no, you're, you see, you're, 703 00:30:46,740 --> 00:30:49,990 you're already going in. To the extreme, to the extreme. 704 00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,070 Okay, fine. And I'm gonna have two drinks of 705 00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:53,770 it, right? So yeah, I have two. 706 00:30:53,780 --> 00:30:56,210 It'll take the edge off. It's not good for my liver. 707 00:30:56,220 --> 00:30:57,830 It's not good for my body. It's not good. 708 00:30:57,840 --> 00:30:59,670 Now I'm talking about Martians. If you're explaining this, 709 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,990 Martians, it can be addictive and it can. 710 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,530 Wait to bring you back even further, what's your limitation 711 00:31:05,540 --> 00:31:07,860 to sips? Right instead of 2 glasses? 712 00:31:07,870 --> 00:31:10,590 Yeah, two sips. It might make you feel a bit 713 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:16,000 dizzy, need to pee more and probably get a sentence out more 714 00:31:16,010 --> 00:31:20,340 calmly. Probably like gonna give me a 715 00:31:20,350 --> 00:31:21,800 little bit of a confidence boost. 716 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,410 Like if you're like, is it possible? 717 00:31:24,420 --> 00:31:26,500 And now you're reading into the guy who's probably right. 718 00:31:26,510 --> 00:31:29,570 Anyone who takes a drink is probably an alcoholic in that 719 00:31:29,580 --> 00:31:32,380 regard because there's no, there's no existing the 720 00:31:32,390 --> 00:31:33,960 measurement of a drink, for example. 721 00:31:33,970 --> 00:31:38,890 Yeah, exactly 3 point or what is it 35.5 mills and in other 722 00:31:38,900 --> 00:31:42,750 countries, the UK it's. Less yes yeah, so but my point 723 00:31:42,790 --> 00:31:45,290 to your answer your question is like, do I think those people 724 00:31:45,300 --> 00:31:47,710 who can have it moderation? Yes, I do, I think there's 725 00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,220 people who don't cross that line that you were talking about 726 00:31:50,230 --> 00:31:53,340 where, where things start to suffer because of this and, and, 727 00:31:53,350 --> 00:31:57,280 and it starts to take place, you know, over jobs, money, 728 00:31:57,290 --> 00:31:58,800 finances, family, whatever it is. 729 00:31:58,870 --> 00:32:00,940 So I think that there's, there's a certain, but I think there's 730 00:32:00,950 --> 00:32:03,760 people who can stay within that zone of tolerance of alcohol, 731 00:32:03,770 --> 00:32:05,980 Jim, whatever addictive behaviour might be. 732 00:32:06,050 --> 00:32:10,250 And, and kind of, you know, so like Fergal is, manages to drink 733 00:32:10,300 --> 00:32:14,530 at a normal level and he's, he's absolutely fine with that. 734 00:32:14,540 --> 00:32:16,170 I, I hated it when I was drinking. 735 00:32:16,180 --> 00:32:18,710 I hated drinking as much as I did and I didn't want to drink 736 00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:21,670 as much as I did, but I couldn't really find a way to stop. 737 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:25,920 So and it was doing like extreme damage to my mental health, to 738 00:32:25,930 --> 00:32:28,910 myself, worth all these things and I was just taking all my 739 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:30,370 energy. Consciously knowing for all that 740 00:32:30,380 --> 00:32:33,330 time or only finding out. Who consciously because I I've 741 00:32:33,340 --> 00:32:36,470 been aware of alcoholism since I was born. 742 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:39,720 So so my mum when she was drunk, when I was, I was sick and I was 743 00:32:39,730 --> 00:32:43,020 told that's that's the problem was so so no, I've always been 744 00:32:43,030 --> 00:32:45,540 aware of it and it's it's always that's something that's been 745 00:32:45,550 --> 00:32:48,370 lets me my whole life. But I I didn't really give a 746 00:32:48,380 --> 00:32:49,710 fuck for a while. I was just like, look, I'll 747 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:51,340 drink. And I was, I wasn't always 748 00:32:51,350 --> 00:32:53,600 drinking to excess, but you know, I've definitely. 749 00:32:53,610 --> 00:32:58,380 Did you, did you like, did you like hold on to the good faith 750 00:32:58,420 --> 00:33:01,420 things to gaslight? Yourself, you hold on you and 751 00:33:01,430 --> 00:33:05,070 then you kind of give yourself excuses like so okay like it's a 752 00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:07,960 terrorist I'm not gonna drink and okay but the Bolognese do 753 00:33:07,970 --> 00:33:10,880 ohh nice have a glass of wine with it and I'll just have the 2 754 00:33:10,890 --> 00:33:14,000 drinks tonight and you like it It's it's I mean this whole. 755 00:33:14,010 --> 00:33:17,060 Episode and and and like would you feel different about having 756 00:33:17,070 --> 00:33:20,540 2 drinks to having 17 drinks or would it always go over 2 757 00:33:20,550 --> 00:33:23,180 drinks? There was a point in the kind of 758 00:33:23,190 --> 00:33:26,820 final six months that I was drinking that I would I wouldn't 759 00:33:27,190 --> 00:33:30,640 too wouldn't be enough because I would want to get to a point 760 00:33:30,650 --> 00:33:32,860 where I knew I was going to my head was going to hit the pillow 761 00:33:32,870 --> 00:33:35,200 and I was going to go sleep because my mind did not stop 762 00:33:35,210 --> 00:33:36,480 racing. It just did not. 763 00:33:36,490 --> 00:33:38,620 And I wanted to get to a point where that would blow it out, 764 00:33:38,630 --> 00:33:39,880 but it's not working. So. 765 00:33:39,890 --> 00:33:43,830 So your ultimate goal was to oblivion to stop thinking, to 766 00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:47,870 stop it, just turn it all off. Because I was like, it was 9095% 767 00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:50,630 of the time. My mind was going 95%. 768 00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:53,430 Just answer. This is the only field turned it 769 00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:54,810 off. And I think you're very 770 00:33:54,820 --> 00:33:56,290 moderated in drinking now, you know. 771 00:33:56,300 --> 00:33:59,970 Yeah, but you see, The thing is, I I wasn't and I relied on it to 772 00:34:00,020 --> 00:34:02,720 quiet in my mind. And that's terrifying because 773 00:34:02,730 --> 00:34:05,970 like, to me it was like, ohh, she's up for a party. 774 00:34:05,980 --> 00:34:08,199 She's a mad laugh. I was getting all this positive 775 00:34:08,270 --> 00:34:11,630 detention for being able to drink anyone under the table or 776 00:34:11,639 --> 00:34:14,350 being last up at a party. Like I loved that. 777 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,290 And like, we'll keep on going back to this. 778 00:34:16,300 --> 00:34:17,830 We've said it many, many episodes. 779 00:34:17,940 --> 00:34:20,880 We came out of the womb looking for attention, undeniably so. 780 00:34:20,889 --> 00:34:23,590 And I'm I'm proud of that in myself because it's like, but 781 00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:25,510 actually it's kind of a false confidence. 782 00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:29,610 It's a huge mask for me. That's like, drink made me be 783 00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:33,889 the party piece. Drink made me able to be have 784 00:34:33,900 --> 00:34:37,330 enough confidence, have talked to anybody, make new friends, 785 00:34:37,540 --> 00:34:42,630 all all the stuff that I was scared of or had difficulties 786 00:34:42,639 --> 00:34:43,760 with. It made them go away 787 00:34:43,770 --> 00:34:46,380 temporarily. And but then it really did 788 00:34:46,389 --> 00:34:49,170 destroy my mental health very, very badly. 789 00:34:49,179 --> 00:34:51,440 And there was a point where I knew that it was happening, but 790 00:34:51,449 --> 00:34:54,139 I just did it anyway because I had so little respect for 791 00:34:54,150 --> 00:34:56,600 myself. It wasn't actually the fact that 792 00:34:56,670 --> 00:34:58,880 it wasn't actually a fact that it was drink at all. 793 00:34:58,890 --> 00:35:02,480 It's just I hated myself so badly that I just did it anyway 794 00:35:02,490 --> 00:35:05,620 because it was just like a hobby, you know? 795 00:35:05,630 --> 00:35:08,440 I mean, it's something that I. Like I like. 796 00:35:09,100 --> 00:35:11,710 You never really enjoyed it, you know, Say you can't. 797 00:35:11,720 --> 00:35:14,060 Say nothing you did no, because because, because the fallout was 798 00:35:14,070 --> 00:35:16,650 a lot worse than than than the actual what I was gaining from 799 00:35:16,660 --> 00:35:18,510 it. And I think that that's it Like 800 00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,750 I just didn't care enough about myself and I didn't know how. 801 00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:24,110 And so it's it's no surprise that a year down the line, over 802 00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:27,410 a year sober now, um, a year down the line is waiting for you 803 00:35:27,420 --> 00:35:28,710 to congratulate people. Whatever. 804 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:30,930 Thank you. Um, are you down the line that 805 00:35:30,940 --> 00:35:34,370 I'm, I'm about 3 1/2 four stone lighter than I was. 806 00:35:34,380 --> 00:35:37,390 I'm going to the gym everyday minus the gallstone days. 807 00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:40,290 I'm happier than I've ever been. I mean, I'm not saying it's all 808 00:35:40,300 --> 00:35:41,320 down to drinking and not drinking. 809 00:35:41,330 --> 00:35:43,640 It's obviously down to a lot of the mental health stuff and and 810 00:35:43,650 --> 00:35:46,660 getting, you know, medicated and all the right things and therapy 811 00:35:46,670 --> 00:35:50,200 and stuff. But by energy can now go into 812 00:35:50,210 --> 00:35:54,810 things like this podcast into my Instagram into and I I I hate 813 00:35:54,820 --> 00:35:57,570 myself so much less now. You know, I mean, I'm not going 814 00:35:57,580 --> 00:36:00,400 to say that everyday I love myself, but I'm understanding 815 00:36:00,410 --> 00:36:02,310 the going to bed early is, is self-care. 816 00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,910 I think, I think what self-care? You said I have a healthy 817 00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,530 relationship with it now. I think what's confusing to me 818 00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:12,690 is the fact I'm trying to still find out what I thought that I 819 00:36:12,700 --> 00:36:18,600 loved about it because safe to say that I maybe wasn't an 820 00:36:18,610 --> 00:36:22,200 alcoholic but there was a psychological dependency on it, 821 00:36:22,450 --> 00:36:25,100 maybe not physical. Well, I did go through the Dts 822 00:36:25,110 --> 00:36:30,570 when I was trying to stop, but like, um, so say, for example, 823 00:36:30,580 --> 00:36:32,210 social situation, yeah, I'll have one. 824 00:36:32,220 --> 00:36:35,640 Yeah, I'll have one that yeah, doesn't even happen anymore. 825 00:36:35,900 --> 00:36:37,910 Yeah, yeah, yeah. At all. 826 00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:42,090 It's like there is nothing that like, because I could have a 827 00:36:42,100 --> 00:36:45,030 hangover on one drink or I could drink 5 and have no hangover. 828 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:48,110 There's no guessing and I've got all these fucking weird 829 00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:50,330 allergies anyway, so it might not even be worth my while 830 00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:53,030 taking one sip and I'll just go red and I'll feel like I'm gonna 831 00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:54,720 faint. Yeah, yeah, You know what I 832 00:36:54,730 --> 00:37:00,340 mean? So like but the the danger has 833 00:37:00,350 --> 00:37:04,180 complete the danger in my mind of abuse me being my own worst 834 00:37:04,190 --> 00:37:08,280 enemy has completely dissipated. So yes, you're right in terms of 835 00:37:08,290 --> 00:37:13,090 the healthy relationship is there, but I have no urge for no 836 00:37:13,100 --> 00:37:16,450 reason at all, not even to let loose because I beat you plenty 837 00:37:16,460 --> 00:37:20,410 of sober gigs. I have no and This is why I 838 00:37:20,420 --> 00:37:24,870 think that maybe our addictions or dependencies were different 839 00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:30,320 because I know I have friends who are Alcoholics and ex 840 00:37:30,330 --> 00:37:33,970 Alcoholics as well. Um, outside of that, but I know 841 00:37:33,980 --> 00:37:36,680 that the danger element is still there and I think. 842 00:37:36,690 --> 00:37:39,950 That's entirely self destruct your need and it's about your 843 00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:41,900 need. It about maybe it's about where 844 00:37:41,910 --> 00:37:44,170 you are in your life. Yeah, how much you've done for 845 00:37:44,180 --> 00:37:45,920 you about the whole that you have in your soul. 846 00:37:45,970 --> 00:37:48,220 Basically, it's about the hold you have in your soul and, and 847 00:37:48,230 --> 00:37:50,840 what you try to fill that with. And you can fill it with self 848 00:37:50,850 --> 00:37:53,220 love and self-care and it has to come from you. 849 00:37:53,290 --> 00:37:55,650 Or you can fill it with things externally like the gym, blah, 850 00:37:55,660 --> 00:37:57,800 blah. But if those, if, if the gym 851 00:37:57,810 --> 00:38:01,900 make up plastic surgery, sex, uh, money, If those things are 852 00:38:01,910 --> 00:38:04,160 only gratifying and need that you think because you don't like 853 00:38:04,170 --> 00:38:07,840 yourself enough to you think you deserve more through through 854 00:38:07,850 --> 00:38:10,680 validation, external external validation, then you are filling 855 00:38:10,690 --> 00:38:12,900 that hole. It's going to keep going. 856 00:38:12,910 --> 00:38:14,900 Do you think the redline will be filling a hole? 857 00:38:15,150 --> 00:38:18,920 I think it'll be helping you to to, to level your thoughts and 858 00:38:18,930 --> 00:38:20,930 therefore compartmentalise them and send them in the right 859 00:38:20,940 --> 00:38:22,360 direction. So practising a bit of 860 00:38:22,370 --> 00:38:25,040 self-care, understanding when to slow down, understanding to slow 861 00:38:25,050 --> 00:38:28,000 your mind down and go okay, this isn't actually healthy for me, 862 00:38:28,010 --> 00:38:29,360 or okay, I actually do need to listen. 863 00:38:29,370 --> 00:38:31,770 To this I never well, I never thought about it thought about 864 00:38:31,780 --> 00:38:36,640 going on at long term, but maybe and it is a drug like it's it's 865 00:38:36,650 --> 00:38:38,820 essentially speed. So I know, but I think you need 866 00:38:38,830 --> 00:38:41,240 to just build a relationship with us and kind of figure. 867 00:38:41,250 --> 00:38:42,430 Out. Yeah, yeah. 868 00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:44,180 When you don't, why you do why you don't? 869 00:38:44,230 --> 00:38:47,240 Addiction is funny, isn't it? It's yeah, yeah. 870 00:38:47,470 --> 00:38:50,580 It is inherently collected. I think so. 871 00:38:51,500 --> 00:38:53,890 I, I people say you're you can be born an alcoholic. 872 00:38:53,900 --> 00:38:55,410 People say you can be born with Irish. 873 00:38:55,420 --> 00:38:57,310 It's nature, nurture. I don't fucking know. 874 00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:58,930 All I know is you just gotta understand. 875 00:38:58,940 --> 00:39:02,270 No know yourself what's what's good for you and and try and 876 00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:04,360 avoid the lurch, but Larry will be there. 877 00:39:04,460 --> 00:39:07,580 He'll be there waiting, waiting for you to fuck up and make you 878 00:39:07,590 --> 00:39:09,360 feel worse about it. And tell him to fuck off. 879 00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:13,630 Treat him like a piece of shit. Stop adding somebody get the 880 00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:14,490 last word in.