Hey guys, today we're going to be discussing getting knocked
down by cars, excellent sandwiches, and Hanky the Grill.
He looks to me for help. You're like help me help.
Hey guys, this week we're going to be talking about egg salad
sandwiches. Hanky the Christmas.
Poo and getting knocked down by cars.
It's got one. Stay tuned.
Alright, yeah, bye. No, you're not saying.
Boy, we're only starting into a podcast.
Ohh hi, how are you? How's it going?
How's you slither on into the room without me?
Knowing I like a ninja I hate the way you don't like the way
slither cause litter is amazing. In your voice message.
No, I'm not gonna slither anywhere with you.
Thanks very much though. Being I wasn't being like, I
wasn't propositioning you just like, I don't care, you know,
Randall. From I do not care.
It's just moist. It's just like a not.
It's ohh, you hate moist like shit.
Millennial like trope is like you've got something on your
face. Ohh, you're getting me back now
for giving out to you. So it's like mascara.
Yeah, great. Anyway, slithering, I like your
look today. Thanks.
Do you like a button up? Yeah, it's cool.
So. Like 1 boob out the middle, my
middle one. One boob I actually came out of
nightclub in town once. I was rang like a boob tube
calculator here and nothing else underneath.
Obviously it was like no pants or nothing, just.
And a pair of flip. Flops.
It was a weird advice and the weird voice.
I went into a shop, went into the shop and I would walk.
Around too early. I went hi guys tampon string.
I went too far too. Far ohh so.
I was walking around. I was getting popcorn.
Or ever, like before the taxi. You know, you're starving after
the nightclub. Yeah.
And I was. Your man looked at me really
weirdly. You can tell where this is
going. And I looked down both boobs
just completely. I didn't have much boob at the
time, so I didn't. Like it was just a band around
you like a. Little hair band.
Yeah, yeah. Holding them up underneath,
that's what I guess. So funny.
Ohh, idiot. Anyway, I thought today, just to
lighten the mood, we could talk about death.
We started off on a banger. Didn't we did?
Yes. It went went from boob flashing
to death. Ohh.
Going to be a long half hour. Let's get stuck in, shall we?
So have you ever experienced death in your life?
I know I did. A car did knock me over once.
Oh my God, I've been knocked. Down by a car before get out of
town. Shut up.
How old are you? 18?
OK, you're probably a bit more serious.
I was 12. I was knocked down.
Broke my leg really badly. That you.
Thought that because younger I would think that.
Well, I was, I like was your. Everything less bouncing back.
I don't know. So I kinda I was getting off the
door I'm. Thinking younger body more.
Spelt, if you will, I don't know yeah, maybe I don't know.
I just like, okay, we're going really broke my legs.
I got getting off the dark. I wanna hear about yours next.
I was getting off the dart, walking in Bray Dart station,
walking across the road. Just didn't look and I
essentially walked. I bounced off the bonnet and
then my foot, my leg went into the wheel bubble and I was lying
there said there was a moment I was like, what do you do?
Like was really awkward. I was like, what do I do here?
Like I am the victim. So I was a bit kind of healthy.
Can someone help? There's a great embarrassed
cause I'm so shocked. I didn't feel the pain and I was
like, I don't know, it's just happened there.
So like I had the coats over me and you know, the ambulance.
Sorry, where was your leg inside the my leg went underneath the
wheel of the car and bubble like you went around went around
under the thing. So I was lying there kind of
shocked and I was just like, Oh my God, what?
Like what do I do here? And because when it happens to
you, but this is how kind of people please Rio was the guy
who knocked me down came up and he was like, ohh, God.
And he lifted up the coats and saw my leg and he went pale and
fuck. And he was just like, oh God.
And I was like, ohh, I'm really, really sorry.
You can where you go? Where are you going?
He's like, I'm going to grace. It's like I lived there.
You can go on ahead. I'm sorry to delay your morning
and my sister this is. Actually, no, you're alright.
I'm. Fine, I know.
And my twin sister, The Irish embarrassment.
No good bleeding. Yeah, yeah.
No, no, don't mind. That's only scratch.
My leg was hanging off and then I went down.
No, sorry. My school is down the road at
the time and my sister was in the school, my twin sister,
Dancer, And she heard an ambulance going past and she was
like something wrong with Laura. So you have telepathy?
Yeah, well, there was new. And so she went down and she
found me and said it was all it was great crack because I was up
with the ambulance and there was loads of people gathered around
at the station, you know what's going on.
And they said it was great because she was all like out of
my way. Me invite younger banter the,
you know, into the ambulance and I remember.
Look like her. Get out.
Of my way, it's clearly, but it's not, it's not hurt me, you
know, but we were on the IT was very, very painful and we were
in the ambulance going past school.
It was the year we were being very badly bullied and um, I
remember looking at the school is going past gone.
Thank God I don't have to go there.
You know, it's not awful. And apparently this is lovely
now apparently, um, when they were told that I was knocked
down by a car, they all started chanting dead, dead, dead, dead.
So that was nice. Thanks for that guys.
And what actually happened your? Leg So Danielle said she looked
at us when we got to Lachlan's town emergency room and it was
like she said it was like a rainbow.
It was just completely so that the big bone is at the tibia.
The fibia can never remember was snapped completely into and it
had pushed the little bone out through the.
Scales. God and I was in a cast for like
3 or 4 months it was hell and my leg was like green and tiny and
covered in hair and had mushroom leg mushy.
He was a really small like mushrooms growing in the heel.
It was just looking disgusting. Yeah, it's the skin.
So tell me about your knocked out.
I can't believe you're knocked down as well.
Yeah, ironically outside the main exit to Watford.
A&E. Really just on the.
Roundabout just go back into Waterford that and then.
Alright, no, I'll tell you what happened.
Mine was lost. Much less dramatic than yours.
So I was cycling. I used to cycle BMX a lot.
Yeah. And like, do them up and, like,
remake them and put the wheels back on and spray them.
You're very cool. So I had this bike that I loved.
It was cycling to my friend's house in the dark, no lights and
a BMX. And a BMX is like lower down
than a normal bike, so it's just under the eyeline of the car
that was getting on the roundabout.
And I think that he was trying to get ahead of the traffic.
Yeah. So he sped up, but from about 50
metres away, I knew that he was going to hit me.
So I was just like, this is it? I'm gone, I'm done.
He's gonna like, bam. And it was like bang on.
So I was already on the roundabout.
So I was like, pedalled as fast as I could.
I closed my eyes and I knew that I was going to go.
And he hit like the back. I'm even talking about it now.
It's like, yeah, even talking about it now.
Like I think the tyres are really small, is 22 inch tyre.
He hit the back of the tyre and didn't touch me.
So literally there was a space of about this much that could
have like. Nothing happened to.
You. Yeah, I fell on my right side.
I spun. Yeah. 5 cars stopped and I
remember doing the same. Sorry.
OK, I'm terrible.
I've got out. Of his car and he was like ohh
fuck like. Really making a?
Bigger scene than I could ever imagine.
That's the way it was in my head anyway.
He was probably like ohh God. What have I done?
What pick me up? Don't be so embarrassing.
Like stop it. So he was like, Oh my God, I was
like, ohh, no, honestly, I'm OK. It's like I was like, how's my
bike like thinking? And I realised this entire was I
got back on the bike and fucking cycled off.
All my right side just ripped. I didn't go to hospital
anything. The first thing I did was when
the shock set in and I felt the pain, rang my dad and I was
like, dad, really weird. So dad, don't tell mom.
Yeah, knocked over and he said I can't hear you speak up.
It's like I got knocked over by a car and he's like, yeah, no,
I'm okay. I'm cycling my bike.
I'm halfway down to Art Keane, just come and pick me up.
And I was like this when he came.
But like not, didn't, didn't end up going to hospital for
anything. And I like, I had a scratch from
like there, all the way down there right side.
It was like, you know, tarmac bruise.
Yeah. Bruised for a long, long time,
but like, absolutely fine. Is weird that shock does that
doesn't. Answer so fucking.
Strange. So I I had Lou and we were going
to the zoo. Loom was about 1 1/2 two maybe
and we were parked up in Phoenix Park along the grass.
It was when you could park along the grass and I was carrying
them. Stand me.
We just stepped down. I just stepped down onto the
road and whatever way, you know, your ankle kind of goes out from
under. That happened.
But we both fell and I fell with Luan in my arms and Lewin's
head. You could just hear like that,
you know, And I always got such because it was little head.
And luckily Loom was born with a deformity because of his head.
His head got stuck in the birthing canal, my birthing
canal. His head was misshapen.
Yeah, he had this calcified kind of big bump on his head, which
he's just then had to go for surgery for her.
But, um, that actually saved him.
He landed on that. She was very thick bone.
So I was so freaked out by that and I was like, no, my leg is
quite sore. But Fergus like grandly stop and
I called an ambulance straight away.
I was like, I need to get ambulance for my son Virgos.
Like look like he's fine. He's grand.
You're grand. Fargo's like you're you're fine.
Like kind of stuff make you see. Now he didn't mean to be like
that, but I I kind of his panic was his panic is yet his panic
is to don't overreact. My panic is probably overreact.
But then it was more about Lou and loom was okay and I was
like, okay, maybe I can move, maybe my my.
But I remembered the feeling of breaking something like this
feels weird. So we walked around the zoo and
I was limping and I could feel my foot getting bigger and
bigger and bigger. But I was in such shock after
what had happened because it was 1 moment walking, second moment
worrying I'd killed my child. It was so scary.
And as he continued on, walked around the zoo, 45 minutes, my
bastard, you know, Chuck again, you know, and I was like, okay,
I'm going to think we need to go home.
I had to drive home for didn't drive at the time.
So I drove from Phoenix Park to Greystone.
So like an hour. And literally as soon as the
front door closed, I started screaming.
I was like my leg, it's not OK. Turns out it was broken the
ankle and torn ligament and you know, I was on crutches for a
few weeks. Then and then you wonder like
because there's personality types.
Well, is it like the dramatisation of stuff?
Because there's people that like I've been today and plenty of
times and there's triage nurses going so you fucking couple of
stitches. Yeah, I've been here down the
road. Like they know that in the.
PEDs like a child not crying and then he isn't going into ICU.
But I think it's shock. I think shock does that to you.
I mean, I think it's actually something like if like if I had
a finger flapping off and I wasn't in shock about it, I'll
be ohh nail. Like I nearly caught my nail in
the. Drama or like or like even on
the topic of death at a funeral. You know, the one who hardly
knew the person, but they're making the most amount of noise
about. It ohh yeah big chief chief
mourner that's a man she really. Yeah, that's for real.
Ohh yeah, that's a. First hand experience of that
and everyone's like she fucking hated her ohh.
She doing No, I was joking with you.
Sorry, you actually actually saw Banshee.
But no, like she was wailing around the place and everyone
knew like, ohh, sure, like, you know, obviously the deceased was
wasn't that close to her, but she was the one at the front of
the room making the biggest scene.
So they did used to hire women back in the day.
No way. How much would they be paid?
I don't know, but they were good tax back now on the scale of of
the of the jobs that we're talking about.
Where are you? What, Laura?
Women were hired. Yeah, back in the day.
To funerals. What?
Yeah, to follow the coffin and cry because they'd want to like
more pomp and ceremony for the kind of the mourning.
Of it, this one definitely wasn't hard.
But I'll tell you now at my mum's funeral, so my mum was
diagnosed with leukaemia on the 28th of November 1998.
So we were 13 and she died 4 weeks later.
So she was, yeah, it was very, very, very quick.
So sorry. She was diagnosed on the 25th,
died on the 28th of December. So it was hideous.
And, you know, she's only just come back to live with dad four
years prior. And then all of a sudden she was
sick. And then she was, she was dead.
And at my mum's funeral, the weirdest thing, I couldn't stop
laughing. And again, shock and the
weirdness, I was crying. Yeah, I was kind of going, this
is the worst place to laugh. And me and my sister were like,
if we laugh now, we're fucking weirdos like you.
Know I'm one of those people. But my mum really leaned into
the death thing. That sounds so weird but like I
remember. Playing right into that.
She got over heels into the fucking thing, got to plan her
own funeral, and she kind of got, you know, like she
obviously hated the fact that she was dying.
She was only 41, same age. I'm turning, which is weird, but
she, she, she got to kind of, she was a dramatic person.
She got. I mean, it's like, I know I
would be if I was dying. I want everybody to, like, come
and pay their respects before, before I die.
So I get to see the kind of thing, you know.
And she, she, I remember she was lying on the bed once with the
cat demon cat on her on her lap and the dog as well.
And she was like this so therapeutic, you know, when
you're going through things like this and then always like this.
Yeah. Jumps up and attacks the dog.
The dog runs off. And she was on a waterbed.
So it was all like flailing, but she she did say to us that this
is actually really helpful. I've said it many people who've
lost parents in the past and she said, look, you know, when I die
and I will, I will always live on myself.
My sister like, yeah, okay, new age is small, you know, alright,
okay, cosmic debris Kumbaya mum. She was like, no, I mean, it's
like half my DNA is in you, half of it is in Danielle, half of it
is in the boys. So I will live on like
technically, you know, there's and I, I loved that it was
really comforting and I have. Said this to me.
Parents, Oh my Like I would think about her
everyday and I was and it's such a long time ago, but I think we
we can we can kind of get caught up in this idea.
Not caught up. So it's very natural of grief
and grief hits you. Yes, whoa, it's the Cliff edge.
It's it's like that person's now gone.
No matter how I felt about them. It's that in the finite mind
kicks in because I think we just can't.
We just we put child death on a shelf until until we have to
deal with. It How do you feel?
About you for me. And after, that's amazing,
amazing way to think about it. I think what your mum said, she
was really fucking beautiful and I've never thought about it like
that either. How do you feel?
About it for you, I feel probably a lot more aware of
dress. I think having had mum, someone
close to us die at such a young age.
Um, you're, you kind of go round and I'm sure it happens to
people now when someone close to you dies, you, you kind of just
expect everybody to die and you're so aware of mortality.
And I think that doesn't go away now.
It's not like I'm picturing myself dying everyday, but I
think I am aware of it. But that trickles down.
Like my kids are kind of aware of people dying at a young age
because they know Grandma Fiona died when I was 13 as well.
So it's I, I think I'm not afraid to talk about death.
I'm not afraid. Of you scared of it for
yourself? No, neither.
Have you planned your own funeral?
Like in your head? What what, what do you want?
Because mine is definitely. Want someone to turn up in one
of those giant blow up T Rex costumes?
Okay, just one person out of the.
Hole not explained and. Completely unexplained.
Nobody knows who's going to do it, but someone is going to do
it. So for listening guys.
What's your song? I'd have chosen a song, but I
have imagined just a joyous occasion.
Like I have imagined like, yeah, just people being people as they
were to me. Yeah, I don't exactly so hard.
I don't expect and like, I don't want it to be like almost a big
deal like. I know and it's just so hard to
say that because actually the death is for death is for the
living, you know, and grief is for the living.
So it's hard to say that because mum, she did get a planner
funeral and she's. All the laughing.
All the crying, she wanted that. Yeah, not necessarily the.
Alcohol. Yeah, like you.
Know mum was like and maybe an egg sandwich.
No, actually I don't. Fuck them.
They can have an egg salad sandwich.
Like something really obscure like sushi, Yeah.
Yeah, pizzas. Yeah, like slices.
Yeah, exactly. Pizza slices.
Yeah. No, my mum got plan her funeral
and she said I want everyone wearing white.
You know, I don't black. I want this to be a celebration
of my life. Not not I don't talk about my
death, which I get, but it is kind of also hard.
It's not up to the dead, It's up to the living.
The kind of is up to the living, you know what I mean?
And I I think it's but fine. You do need to serve out wishes
as well. Mum said I'm just going to have
a piss piss up in the house and it was on New Year's Eve was her
funeral and I remember, but my only memories of that night was
like, and so one was at my my oldest brother's best friend
Downing a pint of Guinness in three seconds.
That was amazing. Whoa, me and all of my friends,
like very close childhood friends.
We. All slept puking up by us.
Sat in the front room, we all had a sleepover there.
It was great fun and the the their mum's funeral was apart
from the burying part, on the church part.
But like the, the half, the wake was just really good fun and it
was such a relief to kind of have it done.
Do you know what I mean? And then another memory.
Is who took who took, Um, the management of.
My dad through my dad. My dad, yeah.
And have gotten back. Together, they've gotten back
together. They were married.
Yeah. That's so beautiful.
Yeah. And so, um, the other memory is
my, my one, one guy who was in the church, he was a family
friend basically. He was, he's a black guy, but
he's from Donegal, speaks Irish. And he was in talking to my
granny who lived in the granny flat.
Now this is the territory. Alcoholic turtle.
Do you know the back? Yeah.
And she was in in on the bed and obviously she didn't go up to
the funeral and she was, you know, dosed up with sleeping
tablets and stuff. And a few people came in to to
pay their respects into her little Chateau fume and then her
her little smoke room. And Jim was in there for a good
while talking to her. And he was playing the piano or
piano, the guitar and singing her songs.
And she was like, ohh, I love him.
He's brilliant. Thank you, Jim, you're
fantastic. And then you got to say goodbye,
right, Peggy? I'm going to have to go.
And he leaned in to give her a kiss goodbye and said, ohh,
you're black. Only just realised what he's.
Far away, yes, she said to be over there.
Yeah. So that was that's that's
another nice memory of my. So any funerals you've been to
that have been particularly strange or?
That. Ohh wow OK broken the beast.
No, I haven't been to many funerals.
I really haven't been to many funerals.
But two women in my life, my grandmother and my great
grandmother, have both told me on their approximate death bed
in one way or another that there were so ready.
And I think that is a beautiful thing.
Like I, I don't care what age I am.
I don't even care like who they knew who they were talking to or
not. But to say, I think it's my
time. With the dream is not.
It it really is to like and it's hard.
It was hard for me and I, I told my grandmother that no, it
wasn't please stay here because I need you to be here.
I got a bit emotional now and but like, yeah, for for her to
tell me that she was ready, It's she knew, she knew that.
And the last thing to go is her hearing and like everything like
that. But she knew that it was her
time to go. I'm sure your mother did too,
but it was such a shorter space of.
Time 41 one thing she said one thing she said to my dad was
like, I know it's all it's all well and good for you guys being
upset losing me, but I'm losing all of you.
And I do think that and she kind of in her head had a second
chance at being her mum because she had left when we were 4-5
years later, she got married to dad and she was just kind of
settling into that life. I want to go back to you talk
about grandmother though. What made you emotional about
that there? Because I miss her I guess.
You miss her? Yeah.
Yeah, I really miss her. Like, but we're not like a tight
knit family. Like I wouldn't have seen her
every week. She lived in Longford first
since not joking joking family. I love you all.
Joking again. Joking, joking.
Long forgotten county. The county with no immediately
amenities um. What's the traffic likes?
Oh does that. I've put it on the map centre.
Parks in Longford isn't. It don't ask her if she knows
nothing to Google it. Yes.
Don't ask questions. It has one set of traffic lights
I hear. Yeah, ohh, just great memories.
She was brilliant. I loved her laugh.
I think that there's a lot of her in me as well, so I felt
that bond. But yeah, telling me that she
wanted to go and I was holding her hand and maybe I sang our
song. I'm sure the singing, but maybe
I sang our song or something. And that's like, I don't know,
it's just like. Mr. Deeply emotional it was.
It was very. Like I think that she was.
I think that I could feel her fear and her telling me that she
wanted to go. Another close person dying.
And I'm so grateful that you. Did you just?
One and a half, 1 1/2 When Audrey's grandfather died and
you loved him and we used to always go visit him in the in
the old folks home. And I have a really nice picture
and I think it all encompasses death and life and death and
life and the circular the way of things.
Dude is just about walking but holding on to the Zimmer frame
at the end and Ben was sitting on the chair like this, holding
the Zimmer frame, looking down at him and it's just the two of
them holding it because baby needs a Walker and an old.
Needs Walker and are you? Ohh, my paint.
So fucking beautiful. So, um, so yeah.
And seeing his whole entire family around the bed,
everyone's singing songs and laughing sporadically laughing
and crying. But being so say and they they
gave him awake like some of the family members stayed there till
the next morning until like the removal or whatever.
But like seeing that your body is truly a vessel because I've
never seen that in depth before. Like I think I only saw one of
my friends when I was like 15 and I didn't.
Know, Oh my God. Yeah, and my she was actually my
next door neighbor. Um, but seeing the difference
and in the such a short space of time being at the.
Bedside just being. Gone just, and it's not the
person anymore and it's so definitively not the person.
And then you realise that they were filled with something and
this is just a vessel like so clear as day that they've gone
somewhere else and they're happy being somewhere else because
they know that their families all around and they know that
they had a good life. I want I, I feel, I feel like
I'm not scared of death now, but knowing this, that you're like,
no, come on, like nobody wants to die alone now.
Do you know, nobody wants to like, you know, God bless all
those fucking if there's a God or whoever you are, whatever you
are. Okay, yeah, yeah, countdown.
Hardcore atheist, no deal. Okay, but like God bless all
those people in in COVID who were separated and everything
like that. And I think that it's just a
really fucking beautiful thing. It's the most beautiful thing in
the world apart from. Giving birth or birth, yeah, I
know. It is like wow.
I was blown away. I was so delighted that you got
to see it. Jude went over and patted him on
the head and everything. Like, no, no.
And but like, just seeing the stark difference of life.
Yes. And you're like, holy shit.
I didn't. Like, you hear people talking
about it, but I haven't experienced it until, like,
until two years ago. I think it's nearly 2 years, a
year and a half since he died. But like, the difference of
visually seeing a vessel where once something lived inside and
now it's gone somewhere else. And this is not it without that.
I think another thing that was beautiful about what you're
describing there is, is how death brings us together.
Yeah. I mean, obviously, as you spoke
about the COVID thing, that was absolutely horrendous.
So inhumane. The people couldn't be together
when people lost loved ones was absolutely horrendous.
I've seen a couple of friends go through that actually.
But, um, this, this bringing people together, my mum's wake,
this kind of, this, this beautiful piece of it.
But actually, when my mother died, um, the day she died, we
were brought into the hospital and we weren't expecting this
because it was so sudden and she was upstairs and we went up to
say her goodbyes because we were told, look, she probably is
going to die days. And then we went downstairs on
myself, my sister and my 3, three older brothers were
sitting in, in one place And, and up until then we had been
quite scattered. So we had lived, we had lived
together. Then two of the boys left and
then they came back and, you know, so we never really been
all in one room for quite a while at this point.
My brother had been living in Australia for a while and we
were sitting together and we were talking about South Park
and Hanky the Christmas poo was big black Christmas.
Love that guy. And we were all talking about it
when we were trying to explain, I think one of one of the guys
hadn't seen it or. And we were trying to explain
them dancing Christmas poo. Yeah.
And we were talking about it. So we were all laughing about
this and all of us were laughing.
And just as we all laughed, I knew it happened because I was
like, ohh. And then my mum's best friend
Mabel came up to me and said, do you wanna go upstairs, sweetie?
And I said apart. He said I don't want to cause I
know she's dead. And the other part of me said I,
I need to. And I went up.
I'm getting goosebumps thinking and getting out of emotional
thinking about it. I haven't in years.
I'm so used to talking about it. But yeah, I said no, we'll go
up. And I went up and she was dead.
And I I did choose Squid and see her and exactly that that
someone you know, that's that's just a vessel.
As you said, it's it's. Thought it would be scary.
Did you think it was gonna be scary?
And that's why you're here now. I have seen dead bodies since
I've been fucking freaked out by it.
But I think it was Mum. It was, I knew it was something
I needed to do. Um, interestingly, this is a
strange kind of more spiritual part of it.
But when mum was sick for those four weeks, we could never hug
her that much. And I, we, I would always try to
get onto her lap and hug her because she had left us and then
come back. I was always kind of trying not
to take for granted that she was there.
So I would be very, very needy child and cling on to her.
But we couldn't hug her that much because she was frail or
she was. Yeah.
She, her lines, all the bloods going later, veins very sore and
it was just difficult on hospital bed.
And um, I remember praying before I went into the hospital.
I just wanna hug her. I just wanna hug her one more
time. That didn't happen.
She, she died. And that night I went home
again. The shock piece.
I don't think I slept like a baby that night.
And, and I woke up because in the middle of a dream was in the
middle of a dream about nothing. And out of nowhere, my mom
appears in the, in the dream and she walks from the periphery.
She's looking to head out or something.
And I said mum and she said, hmm.
I said but sure, I was about to say, but you're dead grandma.
And then nothing. And then the two of us hugged
Jesus. And she was wearing this is the
weirdest car I know. She was wearing what I didn't
pick for her, but her two best friends picked for her to bury,
to bury her in. So she's wearing this you
already? Knew.
That it was again, only copped a few days later, like that's what
that's what she was wearing, that's what she wants.
And it was it was absolutely. Now look, you could just say it
was amazing and it was such a strange dream.
I've I've I've analysed it so many times.
It was there, the silence was deafening.
It was like when you put your ear up to a shell.
It was such a spiritual piece, you know, and it was it was just
unbelievable, but it was it was really comforting, you know what
I mean? And whether that was memory or
actually spiritual or whatever you want, we do have the power
to get through death. We we do have the strength.
We can draw it from within. We can draw from the person
we've lost. And I think we can definitely
draw from, you know, our our brother's friends Downing a pint
of Guinness or, you know, you said you patting him on the.
Head no fucking fit a laughter 100.
No reason, no reason. You want that though. 100% I'd
like we were laughing. I know for a fact we were
laughing at the Christmas poo. That is when she died because it
is exactly when she died. She was 139.
I think it was in the. Afternoon cooking class, though.
It's amazing and I thank you so much.
But also, like, I grew up thinking that was scary.
Like, you know, I remember my childhood Guinea pig died and I
didn't want to pick it up because I was scared.
It's dead body. Like, you know, there's all
these, like, you know, movies about ghosts and like, coldness
and finally finality. It's it's, we're taught to be
scared of it. We are taught in our society,
our culture. Running that separation, that
immediate knowing that the body is just there to hold us and
there's something inside is what makes us, but there's something
inside is is not tangible. It's like this subjective
energy. It is literally all it is.
Is, I mean, I suppose we're talking about those situations
where death is expected and we like they're there are people
taken well before their time and really tragic incidents, cancers
that around and say it was beautiful and stunning, you
know, and I don't want to detract from anybody who's lost
someone, ohh, of course, or anything like that.
But I think I think we need to what we want to do is we just
explore death and and that idea when you talked about nearly
being knocked down in the car. I thought I was.
Gone 100 lbs so strange. I don't know that I've ever, I
think the clothes I've ever felt to death was was being in
labour. Not that I thought was death,
but I didn't have the epidural on Ray.
And I remember that feeling of when I was going through the
transition, which I didn't realise I was then, which is
when your body goes from 9:00 to 10:00.
And me just anyone who doesn't know, ohh, God, they call us
transition because that's when the woman just goes, it's just
leave the drugs. And the only way I would
describe it is it's not corporal anymore, corporeal anymore.
It's, it's, it's, it's not physical.
It's, it is spiritual. You're like, I, I like, I'm
standing at the corner of the gates of heaven and hell.
That's what I felt like I was, I had to be moved from the pool
room up to another room. And I remember thinking a hole
had opened up in front of me and I was like, just fucking I wanna
die. Like I want to die because you
really wanted. I don't know why and actually
would love to know the the actual enterprise.
The GMT probably in the brain. Thing it is, but it is.
And you're begging for death. A lot of women beg for death.
They close the windows because they're like, women try and get
out the doors. And I don't know, Katie, did you
beg for death at one point? Yeah.
Yeah, what? I wanted.
The scalpel to cut your hands and my God, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You. That was on summer, was it?
Yeah. I mean, it's just like it is
just it, it's true insanity. It is.
And would you agree with that, the heaven and hell thing as
well? Yeah, It's, it's spiritual, like
you're moved like it's, it's just anyway.
So that's. Yeah, but like you're putting
words to it as best you can, but really it's just, it's mind
boggling. I know it's, it's, it's just
incredible. It's like it's a miracle.
The it's the only way you can describe it.
It's so and so and so is death in that same regard.
And being on the precipice and you know, you having been
through, you know, going, having such struggles with your mental
health and stuff and being on the verge.
I've never been that close to wanting to end end at all like
or foreseeing it. Like, you know, obviously
everybody's rock bottom looks different.
Well, I heard a really good saying actually recently.
Your rock bottom is when you decide to stop digging.
Which I love. Well, it's like it's so
profound. I was like, ohh, like I'm gonna
keep that because it is. It actually is.
And it actually really nice motivational piece.
Like your rock bottom is when you decide to stop you taking
you put the shovel down because you can still go further or you
can stop. You know, it's your, it's your
usage will stop. That is my rock bottom.
Yeah, exactly. My funeral.
I want, um, I want to be, I'd like to be on display in some
sort of like, yeah, some sort of tapping taffeta.
Yeah, Adam put me in a shitty fuck off in a fucking car work
well, not a cardboard coffin. Could be frightened then that I
would RIP and I. Forgot what?
Exactly. The juices.
Yeah. So like a Wicker Wickers grand.
I want, I do want to have. I am the greatest mother fucker
that you're ever gonna meet. Ohh.
And John Grant GMF John Grant. I'd like people to laugh and
walk in the forest. And if they want to cry, have a
good cry. Yeah, but I do want more.
I do. I do.
I'd love to see people take. What's it like a little piece
apiece? Yeah, I'd love.
Yeah. Bangers going off just by one
person in the back. I'd love someone.
To be like God. She was very attractive woman or
something like that, you know what I mean?
She was. Speaking into a.
Microphone mistake on breakfast. Oh my Sorry, Danielle.
What The funny thing is we, I think our very first episode, we
both admitted to flying out the womb looking for attention.
Ohh yeah. And this is the fucking thing
that I think it's, it's, it's really, um, it's really amazing
that you, you want that little piece because like we both, I, I
know you have as well gotten messages on social media.
And this is the fucking weirdness and beauty of, um,
having a big head from strangers.
I've literally got messaged from people like their third round of
cancer in hospital thanking me for making them laugh every
single day to tune in. Like, you know, your midwife
experiences. Yeah.
Like we are literally changing people's lives and we don't even
fucking know it. And then you're like, with the
death, you're bringing people together of those most important
people, but also, ironically, the people that can hurt you the
most. Right?
Yeah. Because you got this familial
attachment, and families are fucking complicated.
But that, as you said, the coming together of those people
doesn't matter what they've said to each other in the past.
They wanted to be crying and laughing.
Together. Death is the great leveller.
Isn't it stunning? Yeah, Death is the great
leveller. It's the great uniter, it's the
great leveller. It is also it takes away so
much, but it also it, it gives us all fucking perspective
because that's how I am since last year.
I am like only for today, like it is today.
I have it is all I have. I don't have yesterday's gone.
I know this sounds kind of live, laugh, love, but it's not
because when you start to apply that to your daily life, I like
ohh, God, like, you know that the finances of the car we're
gonna move house. Like what about my job and you
know, I was aquatic. Kids be like when they're older.
Just fucking don't worry about it because what can you do
today? Like literally walking You do.
Just do do your best. Just do your best to be sound to
yourself. Put yourself first.
Could I ask you a question about your belief in God?
Okay, it's not it's not going to get hot and heavy, don't worry.
Do you think that we go somewhere?
Yeah. Yea.
So you think it's eternal? Yeah, you live on no matter
what. Yeah.
What do you think? Undecided.
Agnostic, I think they call it. Now on that rambling, I would
like to thank you very much for talking about that.
That was a bit of a heavy. Thank you.
That was a bit of a heavy one
this week. So if you are affected by any of
that, please look at the numbers below or reach out to somebody.
If you need a talk you can always chat to us but I don't
think much good. No, probably.
Yeah, we'll be chatting to you next week anyway, and in the
mean time to yourself. Yeah, that's the best I have
really just. Book up, will you?
Book up. Pull your socks up now.
Then pull it out together man. Stop it.