1 00:00:00,630 --> 00:00:03,380 Hello and welcome back to another episode of OHH Right? 2 00:00:03,770 --> 00:00:05,580 Yeah. And this one was called 3 00:00:05,590 --> 00:00:08,850 Goldstone and the little guy. Ohh yeah, gallstones and the 4 00:00:08,860 --> 00:00:10,840 little. Guy, you always had that. 5 00:00:10,890 --> 00:00:11,920 Ohh, no, but you're gonna repeat. 6 00:00:11,930 --> 00:00:14,730 Also, sorry, sorry, sorry. No, no. 7 00:00:14,740 --> 00:00:15,860 You handle it. No, no. 8 00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:18,300 No, no, welcome back to another episode of OHH, right? 9 00:00:18,370 --> 00:00:21,100 Yeah. So you throw. 10 00:00:21,110 --> 00:00:22,490 You've thrown me now, you fucking bitch. 11 00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:24,060 This week. We're going to be taught this in 12 00:00:24,070 --> 00:00:25,140 this episode. This is going to be. 13 00:00:25,490 --> 00:00:27,740 In this episode we are going to be talking about getting stuck 14 00:00:27,750 --> 00:00:31,280 in your jumper gallstones and twin telepathy. 15 00:00:31,290 --> 00:00:33,080 Twin telepathy. Stay tuned. 16 00:00:41,410 --> 00:00:43,200 Welcome back. Hello there. 17 00:00:43,250 --> 00:00:46,560 Can you believe that, Ross? I think it's episode 10. 10 18 00:00:46,570 --> 00:00:50,360 million uh, welcome back to another episode of gold stones 19 00:00:50,370 --> 00:00:53,040 and the Little. Guy, yeah, got my little mate. 20 00:00:53,050 --> 00:00:55,540 My little mate here is that guy. That little guy. 21 00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:58,780 I'm still laughing about the the the height difference between me 22 00:00:58,790 --> 00:01:01,770 and you and Mirren. Same. 23 00:01:01,780 --> 00:01:03,360 Hard to say. We were different. 24 00:01:03,370 --> 00:01:06,820 Well, I mean gallstones, my new nickname, because I have 25 00:01:06,830 --> 00:01:09,590 gallstones. Yeah, congratulations, I guess. 26 00:01:09,890 --> 00:01:12,360 I mean, it's just like I can't. How many is there? 27 00:01:12,410 --> 00:01:13,900 I don't know. She said boys, girls. 28 00:01:13,970 --> 00:01:17,660 No, so I went in and went in on Monday morning with like the 29 00:01:17,670 --> 00:01:20,930 most like, I mean the most severe pain I've ever had in my 30 00:01:20,940 --> 00:01:23,230 life. Like I I would put up there with 31 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:27,100 my worst contraction and child bearing with no drugs. 32 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,070 Oh my God, I know it. Was and it's just like a small 33 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:31,170 stone. Well, I don't know. 34 00:01:31,180 --> 00:01:35,270 So I went into the hospital, waited for ages and they, your 35 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:39,050 man looked at the kind of wheelie in, um, ultrasound and 36 00:01:39,060 --> 00:01:41,020 he was like. Ohh Willian, Ohh, the thing on 37 00:01:41,030 --> 00:01:42,990 the little microphone. He is only little one. 38 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,410 Yeah, we just see slowed. You'll be grand kind of thing 39 00:01:45,420 --> 00:01:47,220 and go to your doctor, flares up again. 40 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,840 But then the following day it's like, no, this like it was Saint 41 00:01:49,850 --> 00:01:51,310 Patrick's Day. I was like, this isn't right. 42 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,650 I'm not like, I can't. The pain is so bad and I'm 43 00:01:53,660 --> 00:01:55,350 really, really, really sick with it. 44 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:58,590 So like, my energy might be low, just to warn you, but mine also 45 00:01:58,690 --> 00:02:00,860 no harm, no harm, no harm, no harm done. 46 00:02:00,930 --> 00:02:03,510 We'll get on to. Different kind of vibe if you 47 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:05,740 will, maybe less funny. I don't. 48 00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:10,830 Know but I went back I went back in I realised I I actually had 49 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,410 private health insurance I was like fuck let's go back in and I 50 00:02:13,420 --> 00:02:15,630 went back and I was like just can you do more tests is 51 00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:19,050 something wrong Yeah and yeah they found multiple gallstones 52 00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:22,360 but you look great Well do you get to keep them in a jar and 53 00:02:22,370 --> 00:02:24,830 I've no I say I don't know actually, I wonder like 54 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:28,180 listening to where you can. Keep one of my teeth and he said 55 00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:30,710 no because there's a lot of bone hanging off it or it was like 56 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:33,150 they had to cut it into too many parts to take it out. 57 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:36,580 I also wanted to keep um, a fibroid of mine, but it was too 58 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,920 small. Lovely collection there. 59 00:02:38,930 --> 00:02:42,560 Yeah, no, I look nice because of the wonder of showers and 60 00:02:42,570 --> 00:02:45,950 makeup, so I would liken myself to a polished turd actually at 61 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,380 the moment because I feel shit on the. 62 00:02:47,390 --> 00:02:49,600 Inside you look fab. Thanks. 63 00:02:49,610 --> 00:02:51,820 It must be there's gradual fake tan you told me about. 64 00:02:51,990 --> 00:02:54,840 No, but that's actually worn off going on to my next Wow. 65 00:02:54,910 --> 00:02:57,620 I've I've worked my way through about 6 different gradual fake 66 00:02:57,630 --> 00:02:59,920 towns outside. I like Vogues one. 67 00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:02,260 Drop some brand names there. I like Vogues one. 68 00:03:02,430 --> 00:03:03,940 I like Vogues 1. Vogue. 69 00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:05,960 Fair play to you, yeah? Well done Vogue, well done 70 00:03:05,970 --> 00:03:07,540 Vogue. And if you're ever looking for a 71 00:03:07,550 --> 00:03:11,820 plug, but but that brings me onto the topic of what we're. 72 00:03:11,830 --> 00:03:14,810 Going to Men are Bears by Vogue. Men or bears? 73 00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:16,240 Bear by Vogue. Ohh, Bear. 74 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,080 Yeah, yes, it's not gonna be funny podcast and brings me on 75 00:03:21,090 --> 00:03:23,300 to the topic of our podcast today. 76 00:03:23,310 --> 00:03:24,580 Yeah. Okay, which is? 77 00:03:24,710 --> 00:03:26,770 Pain. Ohh yeah. 78 00:03:26,780 --> 00:03:28,630 Because wow. Yeah, because we've been going 79 00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:30,920 into like deeper topics and you're actually finding their 80 00:03:30,930 --> 00:03:33,740 shooting us a lot. More emotional pain or physical? 81 00:03:33,750 --> 00:03:34,460 Pain. I think we can. 82 00:03:34,470 --> 00:03:37,160 Call how I wasn't briefed. Yeah, I'm just catching up. 83 00:03:37,170 --> 00:03:38,950 I think we can cover both. I mean, I've gone into the 84 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,080 gallstones, but I will say one thing, right. 85 00:03:41,090 --> 00:03:44,570 So I was doing a lot of talking around my midwife reels last 86 00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:46,380 week. A lot of a lot of mums getting 87 00:03:46,390 --> 00:03:48,770 in touch to be like so pissed off. 88 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,150 They weren't hard, horrible diagnosis. 89 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:54,790 He's getting dropped at the bedside like really Blase and 90 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,780 the midwife storms off or walks off or whatever and they're 91 00:03:57,790 --> 00:04:01,300 feeling ignored and unheard. Then there's a tidal wave of 92 00:04:01,310 --> 00:04:03,620 midwives coming back to be like, well, we're under pressure, 93 00:04:03,630 --> 00:04:05,880 We're not like we're not paid enough, we're working. 94 00:04:05,890 --> 00:04:07,620 So you've opened up a huge conversation. 95 00:04:07,630 --> 00:04:09,970 Huge conversation that's amazing, which it is really 96 00:04:09,980 --> 00:04:13,880 fascinating, but the only thing kind of on the undercurrent that 97 00:04:13,890 --> 00:04:17,600 seems to be thematic through the whole thing is that women aren't 98 00:04:17,610 --> 00:04:19,700 feeling hurt. And it is specifically women, 99 00:04:19,810 --> 00:04:22,350 not that I'm talking about here, because there has been the drop 100 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,390 of the term patriarchy and we can get into that another 101 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:26,690 episode. But this patriarchal system that 102 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,760 has been run by men for hundreds of years, it's it's still kind 103 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,420 of apparent there and women just aren't being hurt. 104 00:04:31,430 --> 00:04:33,780 So I had this in the back of my head when I was going in, but 105 00:04:33,790 --> 00:04:37,270 the gallstones like, because I could hear myself feeling like I 106 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:40,010 don't know, I'm grand, shouldn't mind me, you know, And then he I 107 00:04:40,020 --> 00:04:41,950 said, Ohh, look, I'm a bit of a wuss when it comes to pain. 108 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,630 And the doctor stopped me. He's like, you've given birth 109 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:45,470 twice. Like I don't. 110 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:46,670 And I'm looking at your records here. 111 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,410 A lot of us was like. Was it a man or a woman out of. 112 00:04:49,420 --> 00:04:52,820 Interest a man the first time. Hmm, interesting woman the 113 00:04:52,830 --> 00:04:54,480 second time who got me the gallstones. 114 00:04:54,490 --> 00:04:57,060 Found an ovarian cyst as well which is lovely. 115 00:04:57,150 --> 00:05:01,300 Yeah, you see the the negative chat around the power dynamic 116 00:05:01,310 --> 00:05:03,940 and the patriarchy exists through experience. 117 00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:06,140 It doesn't exist because I'm jumping on the bandwagon. 118 00:05:06,150 --> 00:05:06,960 Ohh. It's a man. 119 00:05:07,190 --> 00:05:11,840 We I've also me and Audrey have also had experiences where a man 120 00:05:11,850 --> 00:05:15,400 specialist was ready to send her home in a midwife stepped in and 121 00:05:15,410 --> 00:05:18,220 said, look, I hate to do this. It's embarrassing for me. 122 00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:20,990 It's embarrassing for him. She was she was like, I had to 123 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,930 go against what he was saying. You're definitely staying in and 124 00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:25,330 she ended up being on on an IV for two days. 125 00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:30,510 And I'm like, okay, like the recognisable negativity or bad 126 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:34,660 experiences are there, but when the, when the average overpowers 127 00:05:35,380 --> 00:05:39,450 the reality of the situation or the, you know, the, the male or 128 00:05:39,460 --> 00:05:42,540 female dynamic, then, then you've got, then you've got 129 00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,350 something to back it. You've got first hand experience 130 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:45,110 to back it. Yeah. 131 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:47,630 And I, I, I like to play devil's advocate. 132 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:51,190 I'm a little bit overreactive. Maybe it's just the energy and 133 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,290 my passion and the way I approach things. 134 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:57,930 And, but I will, I will definitely try to like listen to 135 00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:00,950 every side of every situation. I love playing devil's advocate. 136 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,450 It's a new, it's a new game that I'm playing at the moment in my 137 00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:06,780 own head when it comes to my No, no, no, no, but I wouldn't put 138 00:06:06,790 --> 00:06:09,460 it past me. But no, in my own life, 139 00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:13,010 personally, I like I I'm learning to step back and see 140 00:06:13,090 --> 00:06:14,500 the world. The wood from the trees, the 141 00:06:14,510 --> 00:06:16,520 birds from the trees. I don't know, the rabbit from 142 00:06:16,530 --> 00:06:17,740 the trees. Yeah, yeah. 143 00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:22,380 So, um, but yeah, no, it's, it's, it is kind of in 144 00:06:22,970 --> 00:06:25,200 personally speaking, it's a little bit overpowering. 145 00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:28,720 Than ever negative experience and then your brain can't 146 00:06:28,730 --> 00:06:31,680 unattach itself from that. Yeah, because it's a man that 147 00:06:31,690 --> 00:06:33,480 says yeah, Homan said you were fine. 148 00:06:33,490 --> 00:06:36,090 No, I think it's more the the power dynamic. 149 00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:38,730 That's what I feel from for me and and generally that that does 150 00:06:38,740 --> 00:06:41,380 come from there's a lot of men in power, you know, and a lot of 151 00:06:41,390 --> 00:06:43,780 women in power, but I think it is it does generally generally 152 00:06:43,790 --> 00:06:45,150 come from men. I kind of feel this. 153 00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:48,280 I'm not hysterical. I'm not gonna be hysterical, you 154 00:06:48,290 --> 00:06:49,890 know, I, you know, I'm not being over dramatic. 155 00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:51,760 I don't want to be winger. I don't want to put anyone out 156 00:06:51,770 --> 00:06:53,260 here. And there's that kind of feeling 157 00:06:53,270 --> 00:06:55,740 like I also had in the back of my head to make it really dark. 158 00:06:55,890 --> 00:06:59,960 My mum died at 41 from something that went undiagnosed for four 159 00:06:59,970 --> 00:07:02,160 visits to the doctor. So she went to the doctor. 160 00:07:02,250 --> 00:07:03,940 Ohh, no, it's a floating rib they called it. 161 00:07:03,950 --> 00:07:05,720 Ohh, no, it's a you've done something to your ribs from 162 00:07:05,730 --> 00:07:08,220 coughing too much. Ohh, no, you're just, I think 163 00:07:08,230 --> 00:07:11,100 malnourished or post viral. So the fifth time she went back, 164 00:07:11,110 --> 00:07:14,770 they did her bloods and that's when she found out she took five 165 00:07:14,780 --> 00:07:16,880 times to do bloods. So this was in my head. 166 00:07:16,950 --> 00:07:17,670 Nice. Fuck it. 167 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:19,530 When I went back in, I was like, look, my mother died of 168 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:22,380 leukaemia at 41, which I didn't realise, but it does put you at 169 00:07:22,390 --> 00:07:25,320 a higher instance of, of, you know, getting leukaemia, which I 170 00:07:25,330 --> 00:07:27,780 don't think it's a big instance, but I was like, I'm going to 171 00:07:27,790 --> 00:07:29,880 fucking say it. And like, and, and, and you know 172 00:07:29,890 --> 00:07:33,720 what, Nobody was like, oh God, there's a hysterical one in baby 173 00:07:33,730 --> 00:07:35,240 number 2. They were just like, yeah. 174 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:37,370 And I. Think the eye rolling that we 175 00:07:37,380 --> 00:07:39,910 expect doesn't even happen, even with men or women? 176 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:43,670 Or maybe even do you maybe think it's a thing that you feel safer 177 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,900 to talk to a woman the way you wouldn't talk to him? 178 00:07:46,910 --> 00:07:49,210 I think so. I definitely think it's down to 179 00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:53,060 confidence of dialogue or knowing that they can 180 00:07:53,070 --> 00:07:55,560 empathetically listen because they're a woman too and you're 181 00:07:55,570 --> 00:07:58,130 just presumed that there's this mutual understanding. 182 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:02,190 Like I went to on the topic of pain and internal pain. 183 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:07,150 I've been like I've officially diagnosed now with the ADHD and 184 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:09,560 severe. Severe was in the diagnosis on 185 00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:13,380 the chart, Severe not. Like profound or severe? 186 00:08:13,390 --> 00:08:15,470 Just just severe one. Yeah, that's a bad one. 187 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:20,030 She's off the Richter scale brackets, but yeah, no, um, and 188 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,410 I went to like, I've been struggling with mental health 189 00:08:22,420 --> 00:08:25,550 for about a year now. Really, really hard. 190 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:29,610 And like, I don't know, it's like, you know, being a female, 191 00:08:29,690 --> 00:08:31,970 well, you're able to talk about your cycle and how it affects 192 00:08:31,980 --> 00:08:35,360 you and people knowing what you talk, what you're talking about 193 00:08:35,370 --> 00:08:37,340 when you talk about the anger and something that takes over. 194 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:40,860 And you just want to be like, you know, that, that, that like 195 00:08:40,909 --> 00:08:43,460 feeling that rises in you. Like, for like some people get 196 00:08:43,470 --> 00:08:46,000 it for two days of the month. I get it for 10 to 12 days at 197 00:08:46,010 --> 00:08:46,500 the moment. You do. 198 00:08:46,510 --> 00:08:47,480 Yeah. So, yeah. 199 00:08:47,490 --> 00:08:49,720 And you've known me to be complaining about this, like 200 00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:53,020 absolute rage that you cannot see in front of you because of 201 00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:54,950 anger reactivity and all the rest. 202 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,630 So I did, um, got the diagnosis first. 203 00:08:57,670 --> 00:09:00,770 And then I was like, I wonder, should I just chance going to 204 00:09:00,780 --> 00:09:05,050 the VHI women's clinic to talk to a female about hormone, 205 00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:08,370 hormones and that area of my life that I've been really 206 00:09:08,380 --> 00:09:11,150 struggling with it. And I will, I will say pain, but 207 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,670 maybe not, maybe more of a struggle than pain. 208 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:15,970 But honestly, I was battling with something and I didn't know 209 00:09:15,980 --> 00:09:19,060 what it was. So it's like logically, I mean 210 00:09:19,070 --> 00:09:22,400 with my relationships with work, with every, every, every single 211 00:09:22,410 --> 00:09:25,960 thing felt like it was just a horrific burden and all the 212 00:09:25,970 --> 00:09:28,760 guilt fell on me. So yeah, in, in essence, it 213 00:09:28,770 --> 00:09:31,680 ended up being pain. So went to chat to her and I 214 00:09:31,690 --> 00:09:34,340 just opened up and I felt so accepted. 215 00:09:34,350 --> 00:09:37,280 But stuff conversations that I've had with my GP, who's a man 216 00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:40,700 and I'm not here to men hate. And I know the manosphere stuff 217 00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:42,600 is all coming out now. I'm not at all. 218 00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:46,140 But I think that I'm we've, I've now come to the bottom of it. 219 00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:48,160 And I'm glad that I asked you the question, but I really think 220 00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:50,420 that it was an openness talking to a woman. 221 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,730 And even if she had opposing opinions to me, I'd still feel 222 00:09:53,740 --> 00:09:56,450 comfortable to say more to her. Yeah, and maybe that's a me 223 00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:56,910 thing. And none. 224 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:58,390 Of them. No, I think, no, I think that 225 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:01,720 that is, I mean, I'd say sometimes a lot of men would say 226 00:10:01,730 --> 00:10:04,390 feel more comfortable talking to men and I think there's a reason 227 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,830 for that. Yeah, it is like it is a weird 1 228 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,760 though, isn't it? Because the power dynamic 229 00:10:08,770 --> 00:10:10,630 though, it's kind of a sisterhood thing. 230 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,620 And I think it's, this is the one thing I've noticed with the 231 00:10:12,630 --> 00:10:16,430 midwife parents conversations that I've kind of, you know, 232 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:19,590 unexpectedly found myself in the middle of a little bit, Um, is 233 00:10:19,730 --> 00:10:22,820 kind of okay. The infighting needs to stop 234 00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:25,240 now, guys, and we need, we need to kind of band together and 235 00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:28,380 figure out what's systemically wrong here that women are going 236 00:10:28,390 --> 00:10:31,180 in on a daily basis to thousands of women. 237 00:10:31,250 --> 00:10:34,290 I had a midwife on live last week and she said they were 238 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,650 expecting 4000 babies in the come in one year and they got 239 00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:38,640 8000. So 8000 in one hospital. 240 00:10:38,890 --> 00:10:43,100 That's 8000 labours like that's and the pain and the trauma and 241 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:45,540 the post Natal depression and the danger and the potential 242 00:10:45,550 --> 00:10:48,340 suicide, all of everything that comes out of that. 243 00:10:48,630 --> 00:10:51,310 It's just so run-of-the-mill. It's brush your teeth another 244 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,450 male and women are just expected to lump this because ohh, it's 245 00:10:54,460 --> 00:10:55,790 better to do it without paying getters. 246 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,030 Yeah, I like, I agree. We can do what we can. 247 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:00,370 But when you look at the the labours that go wrong, and I 248 00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:03,350 have had hundreds and I mean hundreds of messages from women 249 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,480 with really heart breaking stories that I couldn't turn 250 00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:06,730 into a real because it wasn't funny. 251 00:11:06,780 --> 00:11:08,890 Yeah, going through this horrendous pain. 252 00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:12,070 And what I'm seeing from all of this is that ohh, God, finally 253 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:15,370 people are talking about this. It's okay to say it wasn't okay. 254 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:17,810 Yeah. And, and that's what I feel like 255 00:11:17,820 --> 00:11:20,450 it's so heart breaking that women are finally able to go, 256 00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:22,020 okay, we can actually talk about this now. 257 00:11:22,090 --> 00:11:24,700 Ohh, God, mine was hell. And, and I've had women nesting 258 00:11:24,710 --> 00:11:26,270 me though, not sure if you're going to read this, but I 259 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,250 haven't told anyone else about this yet. 260 00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:30,540 And they go on to tell me a horrible labour story and they 261 00:11:30,550 --> 00:11:32,850 go, you know what, even if you don't read the read this, it was 262 00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:35,430 really cathartic or therapeutic writing it. 263 00:11:35,610 --> 00:11:39,270 And so there is something in it like women need to be, we need 264 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:42,490 to collect ourselves together and go, guys, it's okay to not 265 00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,290 be okay. And we need to hold our own in 266 00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:47,330 that and not kind of have this best kept secret like. 267 00:11:47,380 --> 00:11:49,850 It's almost like a hunt for advocacy and. 268 00:11:49,860 --> 00:11:51,510 Advocacy, advocacy, advocacy. Yeah. 269 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:54,700 You know, exactly, yeah. And unlike, you know, you do 270 00:11:54,710 --> 00:11:56,980 think about it, my brain goes to what's the solution? 271 00:11:57,030 --> 00:12:00,240 Yeah, always like immediate solution, fast fix, quick fix. 272 00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:02,410 Even if the plaster like, you know, even the medication with 273 00:12:02,420 --> 00:12:04,840 the ADHD, I don't know if I'm going to be out for a long time, 274 00:12:04,910 --> 00:12:07,680 but if it fixes something for now, life's too short to 275 00:12:07,690 --> 00:12:09,280 struggle with what I've been struggling with. 276 00:12:09,390 --> 00:12:13,210 Um, so like, yeah, but like that's, it's a really amazing 277 00:12:13,220 --> 00:12:14,900 conversation and to get some many messages. 278 00:12:14,970 --> 00:12:17,940 Oh it was insane. I like I I found myself kind of 279 00:12:17,950 --> 00:12:20,480 like, I'm like dreading opening my Instagram because I know 280 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:23,480 there D be at least 30-40 at a time of the year. 281 00:12:23,650 --> 00:12:25,250 This is something. Amazing started something 282 00:12:25,260 --> 00:12:27,850 amazing and I just hope I don't know what the next thing is. 283 00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:31,370 Um, but going back to just just our own pain and experiencing 284 00:12:31,380 --> 00:12:32,900 pain. I was just thinking of something 285 00:12:32,910 --> 00:12:35,100 when you were talking about the way we don't want to share it 286 00:12:35,110 --> 00:12:38,120 with other doctors when I was 12 and I broke my leg after being 287 00:12:38,130 --> 00:12:40,270 knocked down by a car. What happened? 288 00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:42,430 So as I said, the big bone was snapped. 289 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:43,850 The little bone come out through the skin. 290 00:12:43,860 --> 00:12:45,630 I had to go into an internal operation. 291 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:50,260 Disgusting. And I had to go into it, a 292 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,580 theatre to get it fixed. And I woke up that night. 293 00:12:52,590 --> 00:12:54,600 There was two other people in the room, you know, two other 294 00:12:54,610 --> 00:12:57,520 patients. And I'm assuming you've had a 295 00:12:57,530 --> 00:12:59,080 muscle spasm before. Yeah. 296 00:12:59,250 --> 00:13:02,060 So I was getting that in my leg on the broken leg. 297 00:13:02,070 --> 00:13:04,290 And I say that was one of the most painful things I've ever 298 00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:06,060 experienced. Like, definitely up there. 299 00:13:06,070 --> 00:13:08,740 It gets probably the bronze medal from the pain Olympics. 300 00:13:09,250 --> 00:13:12,200 But I remember just sitting there crying and I and trying 301 00:13:12,210 --> 00:13:13,840 not to make a noise and biting my looks. 302 00:13:13,850 --> 00:13:15,500 I didn't want to upset anyone else in the world. 303 00:13:15,510 --> 00:13:18,540 Finally a nurse came around and I said to them an hour in, but 304 00:13:18,550 --> 00:13:20,840 this is weird thing that we just don't want or like when I was 305 00:13:20,850 --> 00:13:23,410 knocked down by the car was like hello, hello. 306 00:13:23,420 --> 00:13:25,340 Like you don't want to put people out by your paint or is 307 00:13:25,350 --> 00:13:26,680 that just me? Do you know? 308 00:13:26,690 --> 00:13:29,080 I think. I know, me too. 309 00:13:29,090 --> 00:13:30,260 But I think it's a cultural thing. 310 00:13:30,330 --> 00:13:33,380 I think it like really thinking long and hard about it. 311 00:13:33,790 --> 00:13:35,820 I think it's an Irish cultural thing. 312 00:13:35,870 --> 00:13:37,880 Yeah, yeah, I think it is. And you do a lot of this on your 313 00:13:37,890 --> 00:13:39,230 Instagram. Yeah, like, no. 314 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:40,900 No, no, no, don't mind me. Sorry. 315 00:13:40,910 --> 00:13:43,460 Now I'll just like, you know, I'll let myself out like that 316 00:13:43,470 --> 00:13:46,660 kind of thing. I've like a lot of my friends 317 00:13:46,730 --> 00:13:50,240 all through all the jobs that I've ever had, not even in their 318 00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:53,000 professional realm and the professional realm of all, a lot 319 00:13:53,010 --> 00:13:55,980 of them haven't been Irish. So multicultural even like my, 320 00:13:56,030 --> 00:13:58,770 my good mate, she's lives 2 doors down. 321 00:13:58,780 --> 00:14:02,470 She's Polish right? Uh, I, and I absolutely adore 322 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:05,510 that. But they're straightforwardness 323 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,860 is so palpable. Like you're like, holy shit, you 324 00:14:07,870 --> 00:14:10,300 just say it to someone, not a bother. 325 00:14:10,370 --> 00:14:13,270 Don't think twice about it. They what if they want 326 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:16,290 something, they ask for it. And I, it's also something that 327 00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:18,120 I can't get my head around because it's so apparent and 328 00:14:18,130 --> 00:14:20,530 I've experienced in my life that they are like this and they were 329 00:14:20,540 --> 00:14:22,610 born like this. And we are like this because we 330 00:14:22,620 --> 00:14:24,900 were born like this. But why, why can't we, if we 331 00:14:24,910 --> 00:14:26,620 know that it's there, how can we change it? 332 00:14:26,710 --> 00:14:29,620 And it's like the advocacy with the whole midwife stuff. 333 00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:32,040 If you're born with it, how can you change it? 334 00:14:32,050 --> 00:14:35,360 And like you've, you've, you've brought so many people together 335 00:14:35,370 --> 00:14:37,160 now and it's like, what's the next step? 336 00:14:37,170 --> 00:14:39,180 You have no idea. As long as you keep talking 337 00:14:39,190 --> 00:14:42,620 about it, keep, keep, keep creating this conversation. 338 00:14:42,710 --> 00:14:45,120 It's really, really important not to be silenced. 339 00:14:45,170 --> 00:14:49,050 But I do really feel like it's an amazing, it's an amazing 340 00:14:49,060 --> 00:14:52,920 topic because now you have to think about asking for what you 341 00:14:52,930 --> 00:14:55,930 want or asking for what you need, telling people what you 342 00:14:55,940 --> 00:14:58,330 need, thinking people watching that you're putting someone out. 343 00:14:58,340 --> 00:15:01,290 Yes, that's, that's it. And a deep breath before you go 344 00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:03,250 into the GP every single time you go. 345 00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:05,420 No actually disagree with your Google search. 346 00:15:05,430 --> 00:15:07,660 Listen to Carmina Burana on the thing. 347 00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:10,200 Yeah, sworn in. Right, the Valkyries. 348 00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:11,490 Yeah, have a. Little flag. 349 00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:13,330 Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. Ohh. 350 00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:18,580 What's the most pain you've been in physically? 351 00:15:20,570 --> 00:15:23,380 Can't remember getting off down that doesn't is not in my memory 352 00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:27,860 as physical pain at all. Uh, probably a wisdom tooth or 353 00:15:27,870 --> 00:15:29,990 sciatica. Ohh yes, Sciatica's bad. 354 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,600 That's the one We're going in the hip, isn't it? 355 00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:34,360 Yeah, it's like a squashed nerve. 356 00:15:34,410 --> 00:15:36,320 Yeah. So you're just like this all the 357 00:15:36,330 --> 00:15:37,720 time and you just have to lie flat? 358 00:15:37,890 --> 00:15:40,470 No, actually, hang on. I think there's something worse. 359 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:45,530 Uh, my knee caught out frequently going, popping out of 360 00:15:45,540 --> 00:15:48,860 place and hopping back in again. And then like, you know, but 361 00:15:48,870 --> 00:15:51,880 also I would use to go back to work the next day, even though I 362 00:15:51,890 --> 00:15:54,090 would be limping and I'd have to like bandage it up. 363 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:58,970 So in that moment it's very sharp and short but like chronic 364 00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:01,610 back pain. But it's not like ohh I can't 365 00:16:01,620 --> 00:16:05,060 believe it's just is. So you're doing it now, knows 366 00:16:05,070 --> 00:16:06,420 me. You're actually apologising for 367 00:16:06,430 --> 00:16:07,170 your pain. There you go. 368 00:16:07,180 --> 00:16:08,800 Ohh you know, coming back pain, but you know. 369 00:16:08,850 --> 00:16:10,640 No, no, no, no, I'm not apologising for it. 370 00:16:10,650 --> 00:16:13,370 I'm saying I'm saying that I don't know any different. 371 00:16:13,990 --> 00:16:17,140 So I'm not, I'm not apologising for it at all because like, you 372 00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:21,700 know, like I'm just saying it's, I wouldn't really say that I've 373 00:16:21,710 --> 00:16:25,450 experienced something incredibly sore. 374 00:16:25,460 --> 00:16:27,210 Ohh. Audrey threw me off the side of 375 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:29,390 her bed once and she I will literally have a chip happy. 376 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:32,800 Calm down, Jacks. Our first time producer here. 377 00:16:32,810 --> 00:16:34,640 Jackson won't hear about the sex Olympics here. 378 00:16:34,650 --> 00:16:40,910 Now she threw me off to bed. We were just setting that's taxi 379 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:42,280 won't show. Might be you've talked. 380 00:16:42,290 --> 00:16:47,590 About it may have been OK leave it open to the viewers A sex B 381 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,670 nonsex C could have been. Tickling. 382 00:16:50,740 --> 00:16:55,290 So yeah, little tickle. Oh my God, do you have tickles? 383 00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:00,330 Ohh, it's just even even like yeah, you have ticket. 384 00:17:00,340 --> 00:17:01,430 Do you have tickets? That was the. 385 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,700 Go to. Crushing. 386 00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:10,920 You maybe we were messing around and I think it was holding her 387 00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:13,349 down. Oh my God. 388 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:17,910 And then she's got like, you know, really strong legs, so 389 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,290 strong that we didn't know how strong they were until I went 390 00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:21,750 flying up into. The air. 391 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:25,329 At least 4 feet into the air and fell down on the side of the bed 392 00:17:25,339 --> 00:17:28,060 and literally chipped the bone in my shin. 393 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:31,670 Like there's a dent, there's a, there's a dent about that big. 394 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:35,730 And I, I think that's a, come to think about that the worst pain 395 00:17:35,740 --> 00:17:37,230 I've ever been. It didn't go to the doctor, 396 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:38,650 didn't go to the hospital, nothing. 397 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,610 It is just a severely dented bone. 398 00:17:41,340 --> 00:17:44,450 I've never broken a bone in my life, but that was horrific. 399 00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:46,050 She was just like, what do we do? 400 00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:49,670 What do both naked? Like panicking, like, what do we 401 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,360 do? Do you have to go in the 402 00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:52,850 ambulance? I was like, I don't know. 403 00:17:52,860 --> 00:17:54,770 I couldn't even speak. I was in so much pain. 404 00:17:54,980 --> 00:17:58,730 But also maybe being dramatic about it for just the effect to 405 00:17:58,740 --> 00:18:01,490 make kind feel a little bit bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 406 00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:02,560 yeah. Do you know what? 407 00:18:02,570 --> 00:18:04,970 Like if you go on a date, the dairy today painful. 408 00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:07,470 Like I standing on an upturned plug or a Lego. 409 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:09,890 Piece, I'd say you. Know like you can't put that 410 00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:12,750 anger anywhere like fucking annoyed it like you want you 411 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:15,740 want to give out the kids for really painful though it's it is 412 00:18:16,190 --> 00:18:19,160 awful pain, obviously waxing horrendous. 413 00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:23,500 Never done this. Laser and um, I would say, you 414 00:18:23,510 --> 00:18:26,490 know when you start going out with someone trapping in farts. 415 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,050 Pain. Ohh, I've never done this. 416 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,120 I've never. Gotten a fart tomboy. 417 00:18:32,130 --> 00:18:34,010 You know bad tomorrow when you got into the car. 418 00:18:34,020 --> 00:18:34,970 This. Morning full of them. 419 00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:38,800 I didn't tell you. The car was full of full of the. 420 00:18:39,110 --> 00:18:41,660 I didn't. Like the caramel like gone off 421 00:18:41,670 --> 00:18:43,110 and on the side you'd left something. 422 00:18:43,850 --> 00:18:46,800 No rotten milk. Ohh but yeah, full of them. 423 00:18:46,930 --> 00:18:49,200 That would be the protein. No, I've been trapped in. 424 00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:51,120 Trapped in. Forests or like the pain. 425 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,640 I just went back to the gym guys. 426 00:18:53,170 --> 00:18:55,060 Ohh, here we. Go delighted with myself. 427 00:18:55,070 --> 00:18:58,440 The pain of going up the stairs or trying to sit on the loo 428 00:18:58,830 --> 00:19:00,990 after you've done a bit of They're all legs and bum. 429 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,020 There's a toilet. Yeah. 430 00:19:02,190 --> 00:19:03,920 Or when you leave and you're trying to be cook. 431 00:19:03,980 --> 00:19:05,510 Yeah. Could you leave? 432 00:19:06,030 --> 00:19:08,080 The toilet, Yeah, yeah. Yeah, try not to pass out. 433 00:19:08,150 --> 00:19:10,530 When you do try, there was only two people in the room. 434 00:19:10,540 --> 00:19:11,910 I. Literally went last in your. 435 00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:14,020 Garden last in my jumper. Yeah. 436 00:19:14,060 --> 00:19:15,870 It was terrible. There's like, there's a whole 437 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,110 walkway. So it's like the gyms in Wexford 438 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:20,210 and the hotel as well, but there's a walkway to the pool. 439 00:19:20,380 --> 00:19:23,400 It's glass. Like, it's glass like all the 440 00:19:23,410 --> 00:19:25,360 way down. And there's this one room where 441 00:19:25,370 --> 00:19:27,770 you do your, your, the like the kettle bells are in one room and 442 00:19:27,780 --> 00:19:29,030 all the machines are in the other. 443 00:19:29,110 --> 00:19:32,470 And I was just like kept trying to get off the rowing machine 444 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:36,670 while undecided as to whether I want to take it off this way or 445 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:39,190 this way. And one arm was in the other 446 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:42,730 arms and just my T-shirt was just all up and it got caught on 447 00:19:42,740 --> 00:19:45,380 the back of my neck. And I messaged you in a panic 448 00:19:45,390 --> 00:19:48,620 after but like. At least two now like least 449 00:19:48,630 --> 00:19:50,310 three. Or four people walked by just 450 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:52,690 like. I just get like punctuations of 451 00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:55,890 your day, like I've done the game, got lots of did a great 452 00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:58,070 poo, like I just get out. I got trapped in my. 453 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:00,570 Are you still in the jumper? Are you still trapped in jump 454 00:20:00,580 --> 00:20:02,210 help? Yeah, no, there's something 455 00:20:02,220 --> 00:20:04,830 weird about like embarrassing about pain as well, or like just 456 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,300 stupid, like when you fall. And you're lucky you're looking 457 00:20:07,310 --> 00:20:10,330 to blame the like, ohh, watch, look at that. 458 00:20:10,430 --> 00:20:13,080 There's a stone. Ohh, Put that Bloody Current 459 00:20:13,090 --> 00:20:14,860 affair. That's how you're totally so 460 00:20:14,870 --> 00:20:16,040 embarrassing that this happened to me. 461 00:20:16,050 --> 00:20:19,270 I was coming out of work in town as my 20s and I was wearing my 462 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:21,910 mum's boots from the 80s so that the, the, they were soulless, 463 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,250 they were shiny, clickety click. And then I was walking along. 464 00:20:25,260 --> 00:20:29,020 Yeah, I was walking along and I slayed and fell into kind of 465 00:20:29,030 --> 00:20:32,140 like a proposal pose, like, and smack. 466 00:20:32,410 --> 00:20:35,170 And I was like so embarrassed that I started to get up and I 467 00:20:35,180 --> 00:20:37,500 started to pretend there's loads of pain because it was on 468 00:20:37,510 --> 00:20:41,600 Wicklow St. and it was fucking rammed people like and then I 469 00:20:41,610 --> 00:20:43,890 saw something smack me on the head and I looked up in a pig 470 00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:45,420 and I pigeon had chat on my head. 471 00:20:45,430 --> 00:20:47,510 Ohh, that was a dignified moment. 472 00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,970 Looking around to see who's looking as though I think it's 473 00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:53,450 possibly like the worst feeling ever or like trying to look and 474 00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:55,730 see if it's the curbs fault or not your own. 475 00:20:55,740 --> 00:20:57,770 Yeah, or like you have ever seen someone fall onto the darts? 476 00:20:57,780 --> 00:20:59,610 Fucking brilliant. And they're all like. 477 00:20:59,660 --> 00:21:03,870 I remember. Ohh, who put that door there? 478 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:04,890 Stupid. Step. 479 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:11,370 I remember I looked up to Dawn French and Mr. Bean as a kid 480 00:21:11,380 --> 00:21:14,270 very much same with the slapstick stuff and the kind of 481 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:18,310 silent comedy stuff, and I was trying to replay such a weird 482 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,110 kid. Oh my God, I was trying to 483 00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:24,480 replay one of Mr. Bean skits where he has his eyes closed and 484 00:21:24,490 --> 00:21:26,330 he's doing the hand gestures and everything. 485 00:21:26,340 --> 00:21:27,390 Just like trying. To do. 486 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:28,640 I don't remember that. Sketch. 487 00:21:28,650 --> 00:21:31,040 I can't remember what it was, particularly about what he's 488 00:21:31,050 --> 00:21:32,240 all. Like I can picture it. 489 00:21:32,250 --> 00:21:34,520 Yeah, yeah. Trying to replay that and I am 490 00:21:34,570 --> 00:21:37,140 slammed on the way back. And it was all really 491 00:21:37,150 --> 00:21:39,300 embarrassing as well because we were being collected by my mom's 492 00:21:39,310 --> 00:21:41,360 friend so it wasn't even my own parents or my own sister. 493 00:21:41,370 --> 00:21:43,380 It was like other people witnessing it. 494 00:21:43,390 --> 00:21:46,680 It's just me walking around with my eyes closed, backed into the 495 00:21:46,690 --> 00:21:48,860 wall of their garden, but on my lip. 496 00:21:48,930 --> 00:21:52,870 So both of my lips started to blue, blue knock. 497 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,590 And we were going on a school tour and I had to explain to 498 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,130 everybody they're like, what happened? 499 00:21:57,140 --> 00:21:59,910 I was just like, I was trying to be Mr. Bean. 500 00:22:00,180 --> 00:22:02,070 And that's literally all that I could say. 501 00:22:02,140 --> 00:22:04,570 This is walked into a wall. This is kind of unrelated but 502 00:22:04,580 --> 00:22:07,270 myself and Kathy, my friend growing up, we were sitting on 503 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,830 the dart facing each other and he used to always be like this. 504 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:11,610 Imagine from a stranger games we always play. 505 00:22:11,620 --> 00:22:15,390 It was like we were about 17 * a bit weird and um we were sitting 506 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,400 opposite each other and I was like okay imagine I'm a stranger 507 00:22:18,410 --> 00:22:20,450 and you're staring at me. So I was pretending to be asleep 508 00:22:20,460 --> 00:22:22,870 and then I started like giving her the finger and she was like 509 00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,580 ohh hahaha actually funny I said OK you do to me now you're the 510 00:22:25,590 --> 00:22:28,260 stranger fall asleep and then you start giving me And as soon 511 00:22:28,270 --> 00:22:30,720 as she did it I ducked around and head. 512 00:22:30,770 --> 00:22:33,080 So then, so then she was just closing her eyes, giving the 513 00:22:33,090 --> 00:22:34,500 finger to the rest of the carriage. 514 00:22:36,710 --> 00:22:38,900 Then she is lying on. She opened up. 515 00:22:38,910 --> 00:22:41,960 She like sorry, sorry. Did you used to play? 516 00:22:41,970 --> 00:22:44,350 Would you be friends with me if. You ohh. 517 00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:45,860 Would you be friends with your walk like this? 518 00:22:45,910 --> 00:22:50,250 Yeah, go on, give me one. Would you be friends with me if 519 00:22:50,300 --> 00:22:55,830 I and had to count backwards from 10 every time we hang out 520 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:59,110 together at least five times? Yeah, yeah, that's not a good 521 00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:01,370 one. Would you be friends with me if 522 00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:05,790 I like kind of had a constant smell of human shit on my 523 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,990 pressing your own just you would you? 524 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,560 There was never explained. It was never explained. 525 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,980 It was the kind of. Avoid hanging out with you. 526 00:23:14,030 --> 00:23:15,980 I got really defensive every time you brought you wouldn't 527 00:23:15,990 --> 00:23:16,480 do. Podcast. 528 00:23:16,490 --> 00:23:17,740 No, I'd never bring it up. Yeah. 529 00:23:17,750 --> 00:23:20,180 Jesus, don't bring it up. Could be hurtful. 530 00:23:20,390 --> 00:23:24,010 Um, would you be friendly? Whoops, Sorry, sorry there. 531 00:23:24,410 --> 00:23:27,820 Would you be friends with me if I ate other people's toenails? 532 00:23:28,770 --> 00:23:30,780 No, cause you're definitely something wrong with you that 533 00:23:30,790 --> 00:23:33,790 hasn't gone diagnosed. So I would like, I don't really 534 00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:35,180 like one of those weird mental health. 535 00:23:35,190 --> 00:23:38,120 Shows my my weird addiction. Yeah, how you drywall? 536 00:23:38,790 --> 00:23:41,660 Okay, would you be friends with me if Okay, bringing it back to 537 00:23:41,670 --> 00:23:46,040 pain? If, if if I no even people's 538 00:23:46,050 --> 00:23:48,410 telling. If you were hypochondriac, no. 539 00:23:48,700 --> 00:23:53,400 No, Are you trying to fucking imply that my gallstones that is 540 00:23:53,410 --> 00:23:55,810 like, but that's also a fear is that people don't believe me. 541 00:23:55,820 --> 00:23:59,090 Are you have gallstones relieved when they have proof. 542 00:23:59,140 --> 00:24:01,630 I was so relieved like that. They took pictures of them. 543 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:03,210 They did. They took little cute pictures. 544 00:24:03,220 --> 00:24:06,670 I'll try and post if I get them. Or is it like it around? 545 00:24:06,740 --> 00:24:08,340 I don't know. I picture them like pebbles. 546 00:24:08,350 --> 00:24:09,430 I don't know. Yeah, me too. 547 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,530 Like misshapen pebbles? Thing is, so the flare up is 548 00:24:12,540 --> 00:24:15,800 like the contraction pain and it's absolutely horrifying. 549 00:24:15,810 --> 00:24:17,420 As I said, how did it get out of you? 550 00:24:17,660 --> 00:24:21,750 I think they go out through the bile duct and then into your 551 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,560 intestines, I think. But like, I've a friend who hit 552 00:24:24,570 --> 00:24:26,160 off her liver and she was in hospital for it. 553 00:24:26,170 --> 00:24:28,360 So I'm just waiting for something like that to happen. 554 00:24:28,370 --> 00:24:30,890 So I like last night's going to bed and I'm like, I feel you're 555 00:24:30,900 --> 00:24:32,060 ready for. Something to get stuck and. 556 00:24:32,070 --> 00:24:34,930 I'm waiting for a serious pains. Oh my God. 557 00:24:35,620 --> 00:24:37,840 But then you get on to like emotional pain, obviously 558 00:24:37,850 --> 00:24:42,560 something I suffered hugely last year and I think I don't know. 559 00:24:42,570 --> 00:24:44,180 I don't know if I'd prefer physical pain. 560 00:24:44,190 --> 00:24:46,600 Like when I'm in the throes of it, I'm like just end it now, 561 00:24:46,690 --> 00:24:48,870 you know, end it now. But when it's in your head, when 562 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:52,100 the pain is there, like people who are going through heartbreak 563 00:24:52,230 --> 00:24:56,010 and loss of loved one, loss of child have you know, people miss 564 00:24:56,020 --> 00:24:59,310 carrying breakups, all these kind of things. 565 00:24:59,370 --> 00:25:02,790 For me, the only times I've felt these extreme, it was is my 566 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:06,490 major anxiety and depression and subsequent breakdown last year 567 00:25:06,500 --> 00:25:10,020 and then the loss of my mum. And it's the same feeling like, 568 00:25:11,220 --> 00:25:13,870 how do I get out of this? How does this end? 569 00:25:13,940 --> 00:25:16,630 So with my gallbladder pain at the moment, it's like it's 570 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,690 there, but I can manage it. It's it's there and I can, okay, 571 00:25:19,700 --> 00:25:22,210 I can lean into it and feel, think about it, but I can kinda 572 00:25:22,220 --> 00:25:23,620 try and ignore it. Yeah. 573 00:25:23,670 --> 00:25:26,210 But when I had the contraction pain on the attack pain on 574 00:25:26,220 --> 00:25:28,010 Monday, I was just like screaming. 575 00:25:28,020 --> 00:25:29,750 I actually said I think I'm dying at one point. 576 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:34,150 Like not dramatic at all, but but like that kind of like, how 577 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,520 do I, how do I escape this? How do I escape this? 578 00:25:36,530 --> 00:25:38,810 Yeah, yeah. And so with the mental pain, 579 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,300 that's that, that horrible, that's what you're facing. 580 00:25:41,310 --> 00:25:43,990 You're like, but I don't, do not see a way around this. 581 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,500 And it is so hard. And that's why with both 582 00:25:46,510 --> 00:25:49,520 physical pain and mental pain, we have to ask for help and 583 00:25:49,530 --> 00:25:52,040 because if we don't, we won't don't see a way around this 584 00:25:52,050 --> 00:25:52,870 pain. You know what I mean? 585 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:56,140 Yeah, yeah, like, and also like, I guess the physical is just 586 00:25:56,150 --> 00:25:57,980 like, you know, what's going to come to an end when it gets 587 00:25:57,990 --> 00:25:59,590 fixed and. Painkillers will kill it, you 588 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:00,800 know what I mean? Yeah. 589 00:26:00,860 --> 00:26:03,880 Yeah, you know, maybe they were more work on you or maybe it's a 590 00:26:03,890 --> 00:26:05,540 bigger thing or maybe it's shameless. 591 00:26:05,550 --> 00:26:07,960 Like there's there's that aspect to it as well. 592 00:26:07,970 --> 00:26:12,840 But the internal stuff is like you can so abstract it. 593 00:26:12,900 --> 00:26:17,030 It's abstract, but it's also like very fluid insofar as you 594 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:19,510 can make yourself feel on top of the world one day. 595 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:22,260 Yeah. And then you do not have a clue 596 00:26:22,620 --> 00:26:26,050 why it's going to plummet, how it's going to happen, what's 597 00:26:26,060 --> 00:26:28,440 going to make it happen. So it's entirely unpredictable 598 00:26:28,500 --> 00:26:31,390 and in a lot of ways entirely out of your control. 599 00:26:31,470 --> 00:26:35,000 So, yeah, I mean, as an unless you're like, you know, like way 600 00:26:35,010 --> 00:26:38,950 down, like you were like self harming and at the at the rock 601 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:40,290 bottom. And you said, you know, rock 602 00:26:40,300 --> 00:26:41,930 bottom stops when you stop digging. 603 00:26:42,060 --> 00:26:46,390 But I think the way to deal the inherent and fundamental way 604 00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:49,810 that we deal with pain is is to is to keep digging. 605 00:26:50,140 --> 00:26:53,040 Unfortunately we have a self destruct like I I don't, I don't 606 00:26:53,050 --> 00:26:54,150 know. How the brain works, right? 607 00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:57,610 Weird like, and I think I've always had like anxiety all in 608 00:26:57,620 --> 00:27:01,030 my whole life and I and I, I've went from when I was 19 to about 609 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:02,650 25. I just didn't really talk about 610 00:27:02,660 --> 00:27:04,530 it at all because it just wasn't a thing. 611 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,700 And like, was it? Can I ask you a question? 612 00:27:06,710 --> 00:27:09,270 Where was it what other people thought of you? 613 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:13,370 Or was it just about everything? Was it about natural disaster? 614 00:27:13,380 --> 00:27:17,180 Was it about world explode? So generally with my anxiety, 615 00:27:17,190 --> 00:27:18,960 and I think it's the same with a lot of people. 616 00:27:19,030 --> 00:27:21,520 You're just generally anxious and it's probably symptomatic of 617 00:27:21,530 --> 00:27:22,830 something greater. Yeah. 618 00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:24,950 I wonder what it could have been with me, possibly my weird 619 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,860 fucked up childhood, like, you know, this kind of stuff. 620 00:27:27,190 --> 00:27:29,630 But. But but then when it comes down 621 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,860 to the panic attack, it's generally about something 622 00:27:31,870 --> 00:27:33,850 irrational. So I'm going to have a heart 623 00:27:33,860 --> 00:27:35,640 attack, I'm going to faint. Really. 624 00:27:35,650 --> 00:27:36,620 So physical stuff. Yeah. 625 00:27:36,630 --> 00:27:39,590 For me, I was really scared of the spirits spirity, stuff like 626 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:42,060 that We touched on because obviously everything happened 627 00:27:42,330 --> 00:27:45,460 totally like that would leave me really, really panicked. 628 00:27:45,540 --> 00:27:47,290 If people start talking about we're going to do guided 629 00:27:47,300 --> 00:27:49,110 meditation, I'd be like and I'd have to leave. 630 00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,870 So I would save up When I have to go to a house where I didn't 631 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:54,030 know people, I'd save up toilet breaks because I'd be like, 632 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,250 okay, it didn't never half an hour and then I can go to the 633 00:27:56,260 --> 00:27:58,140 toilet. I wouldn't need to go to the 634 00:27:58,150 --> 00:28:00,070 toilet just just so that I could new I could leave. 635 00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,160 The room and there were all all this, all this like preparation 636 00:28:03,170 --> 00:28:06,030 and all this choreograph was around the fact that the topic 637 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:08,390 would come up. That you may have even used my 638 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,410 start I might have thinking of something that would make me 639 00:28:10,420 --> 00:28:12,970 anxious and be like okay, so at least I know I can go out and 640 00:28:12,980 --> 00:28:14,380 have a break. Do you know what I mean? 641 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,430 And so. It was scared of what's going on 642 00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:18,490 in your own head. The environment, I could just 643 00:28:18,500 --> 00:28:20,160 think of something, or someone could just say something. 644 00:28:20,170 --> 00:28:21,460 Wow. You know, like, something 645 00:28:21,470 --> 00:28:25,840 really, really scary happened when I was 11, Very, very scary 646 00:28:25,850 --> 00:28:28,480 at home. And I had completely forgotten 647 00:28:28,490 --> 00:28:29,840 about it. I was having dinner when I was 648 00:28:29,850 --> 00:28:34,140 15 and my dad brought it up and it just all came flooding back 649 00:28:34,150 --> 00:28:35,220 to me. And I was like, holy shit. 650 00:28:35,230 --> 00:28:37,840 So like, you know, and that just triggered the all these things. 651 00:28:37,850 --> 00:28:39,550 And so, yeah, we don't like, we don't know. 652 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,620 Especially when you kind of like mentally fragmented, like 653 00:28:42,630 --> 00:28:44,880 upbringing, these things can just come up out of nowhere. 654 00:28:44,890 --> 00:28:47,360 But what really helped was talking about it. 655 00:28:47,550 --> 00:28:50,080 The term anxiety, the term panic attacks became more, way more 656 00:28:50,090 --> 00:28:52,200 prevalent. And I'm here I am talking about 657 00:28:52,210 --> 00:28:55,630 on a podcast, I'm able to talk about these things and it makes 658 00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:58,000 it so much less terrifying. I'm seeing with the midwife 659 00:28:58,010 --> 00:29:00,870 stuff like, you know, this anxiety of am I can I say 660 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:02,820 enough? Can I actually go and say, do 661 00:29:02,830 --> 00:29:05,630 you know what childbirth, breastfeeding, you know, Perry 662 00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,230 perinatal stuff is absolutely horrific. 663 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:10,250 And I think it's okay for us to say that. 664 00:29:10,380 --> 00:29:11,930 Yeah. And it's, it's, it's funny, 665 00:29:11,940 --> 00:29:13,140 isn't it? Because you think about like 666 00:29:13,150 --> 00:29:16,030 what you blocked out. And that was that was, that was 667 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:19,250 your childhood brain going, you can't, you're not allowed 668 00:29:19,260 --> 00:29:22,570 everything about this again until you can or until you're 669 00:29:22,580 --> 00:29:24,180 told about it. And then it just hits you like a 670 00:29:24,190 --> 00:29:26,370 tonne of bricks. Yeah, it's absolutely crazy. 671 00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,650 And that's one of the reasons I'm scared to take psychedelics 672 00:29:29,660 --> 00:29:32,930 is what goes on in my brain and what my brain could present to 673 00:29:32,940 --> 00:29:35,870 me. And even if it is like, because 674 00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,990 a lot of a lot of memories, especially for recently I 675 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:42,570 learned for ADHD brains, a lot of your memories can be based on 676 00:29:42,580 --> 00:29:44,990 what other people have told you visually and it might not 677 00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:47,090 actually be a memory or vice versa. 678 00:29:47,100 --> 00:29:49,230 Wow. So you can, you may have 679 00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,400 forgotten loads of stuff that actually happened and then 680 00:29:51,410 --> 00:29:53,910 someone presents it to you but tells it in a different way and 681 00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:56,230 you only remember that version of it, not your own. 682 00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:59,280 So you haven't created. It's almost like you've masked 683 00:29:59,290 --> 00:30:00,880 and took on someone else's memory. 684 00:30:01,010 --> 00:30:01,920 Wow. Yeah. 685 00:30:01,930 --> 00:30:04,880 So, like, that's the only reason I've never taken psychedelics. 686 00:30:05,070 --> 00:30:07,020 I'll tell you something about actually when you talk about 687 00:30:07,030 --> 00:30:09,280 taking on someone else's memory, I was thinking about Danielle, 688 00:30:09,290 --> 00:30:11,000 my twin, obviously taking on her, her memories. 689 00:30:11,010 --> 00:30:12,490 We do that a lot. I like that happened to me. 690 00:30:12,500 --> 00:30:16,760 She like no fucking up to me and we don't know, but um, when 691 00:30:16,770 --> 00:30:19,720 Danielle is in pain, it has happened that I have, I have 692 00:30:19,730 --> 00:30:21,240 woken. So when I got knocked down by 693 00:30:21,250 --> 00:30:24,680 car, something had happened. Um, I was in Canada and it 694 00:30:24,690 --> 00:30:26,600 generally happens somewhere far apart from each other. 695 00:30:26,650 --> 00:30:28,930 And I'm really not lying about this. 696 00:30:28,940 --> 00:30:30,500 We were in. We were in Canada. 697 00:30:31,020 --> 00:30:32,840 Amazing. You know, I woke in the middle 698 00:30:32,850 --> 00:30:35,780 of the night and I was like, something's wrong with Danielle. 699 00:30:35,790 --> 00:30:38,500 It's something to do with her boyfriend, What's going on? 700 00:30:38,570 --> 00:30:41,150 So I text her in the middle of the night and said, is that 701 00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:42,920 what's going on? And she just said, yeah, me and 702 00:30:42,930 --> 00:30:44,320 my boyfriend have just broken up. 703 00:30:44,390 --> 00:30:47,060 And I was like, and there is no way that I could have known 704 00:30:47,070 --> 00:30:48,590 that. And that's happened a few times 705 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:52,140 and physical pain, not so much. But I do like there has been 706 00:30:52,150 --> 00:30:55,790 times when when she got pregnant unexpectedly, I missed my 707 00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:57,460 period. And you know, we've we've had 708 00:30:57,900 --> 00:31:01,050 strange, like kind of that is In Sync thing. 709 00:31:01,060 --> 00:31:02,510 Sure. What you were made together. 710 00:31:02,860 --> 00:31:06,970 Yeah, same, same DNA, which I think is trick twins are fucking 711 00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:10,250 weird. Like it's one egg, one sperm 712 00:31:10,260 --> 00:31:13,470 split in two with one person. And then you got all these like 713 00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,340 stereotypically like, ohh, they must have the same brain on my 714 00:31:16,350 --> 00:31:18,920 first cousin twins and my granny, my grandmother was a 715 00:31:18,930 --> 00:31:23,080 twin. Um, so like just ohh have always 716 00:31:23,090 --> 00:31:26,650 found a fascinating, but I could always tell the my cousin's 717 00:31:26,660 --> 00:31:28,820 apart. Like like even though they're 718 00:31:28,830 --> 00:31:31,930 identical, but um, yeah, it's strange as well because I think 719 00:31:31,940 --> 00:31:33,960 you have the same brain. It's like one of them gay, one 720 00:31:33,970 --> 00:31:35,420 of them is not, you know, like you hear these. 721 00:31:35,430 --> 00:31:38,880 Stories of the. Separate the separated for like 722 00:31:38,890 --> 00:31:42,170 and then knowing enable being able to finish each other 723 00:31:42,180 --> 00:31:45,220 sentences and like growing up in different families, but being 724 00:31:45,290 --> 00:31:47,870 this in in a lot of ways. Your brain chemistry is the 725 00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:48,550 same. Yeah. 726 00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:51,230 And and yeah, that that that is definitely nature. 727 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,210 Nurture comes into it, right. Nurture comes into it. 728 00:31:53,220 --> 00:31:55,020 Yeah. Because basically, like my panic 729 00:31:55,030 --> 00:31:58,030 attacks and anxiety were all around like demons, spirit 730 00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:00,070 world, Danielle's were all around fainting. 731 00:32:00,140 --> 00:32:02,770 So we had different we have the same childhood, but different 732 00:32:02,780 --> 00:32:04,060 anxieties. You know what I mean? 733 00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:07,300 We both interestingly hate getting waxed bikini waxes, like 734 00:32:07,310 --> 00:32:09,430 we both have the same. And my friend who does the 735 00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:12,110 waxing, she's just like, we both scream in pain. 736 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,050 And so we're both like weirdly like he's. 737 00:32:14,060 --> 00:32:15,590 Romantic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 738 00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:17,330 Equally as dramatic as one another. 739 00:32:18,150 --> 00:32:19,840 Do you know what I mean? Something both have the same 740 00:32:19,850 --> 00:32:22,713 kind of but then she'd have different like she gets this Oh 741 00:32:22,713 --> 00:32:26,290 my God, she gets this itch on her soft palate and I'm going to 742 00:32:26,300 --> 00:32:29,770 lean away from the mic for this. She goes like this but it's 743 00:32:29,780 --> 00:32:31,030 itching her. Does this ever happen to you 744 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:32,660 cause you get histamine? Nobody here. 745 00:32:32,990 --> 00:32:34,440 Eat that that that. And she does. 746 00:32:35,370 --> 00:32:39,630 God does she ever get in the office if you ohh. 747 00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:41,840 Don't ever do beside me, yeah. I will smack you. 748 00:32:41,900 --> 00:32:44,870 It is so I don't ever do that, you know, I mean, but we do have 749 00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:47,690 like different different things that we kind of why. 750 00:32:47,700 --> 00:32:49,890 Does your soft palate itch? I've had it. 751 00:32:49,900 --> 00:32:51,960 A couple of times. But it's very strange. 752 00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:54,040 Allergies. That's another thing I was going 753 00:32:54,050 --> 00:32:56,970 to go on to about pain is like, Oh my God, have you ever had 754 00:32:56,980 --> 00:33:00,190 like rashes and stuff? I think I'd take, I take pain 755 00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:02,810 over like a rash or have you ever had prickly sunburn? 756 00:33:02,820 --> 00:33:06,860 What's it called? Basically, he's terrific. 757 00:33:06,930 --> 00:33:11,500 Im actually, I've been all my life allergic to sun cream and 758 00:33:11,510 --> 00:33:14,910 my skin isn't like translucent, translucent white. 759 00:33:15,130 --> 00:33:20,540 But I put an after song on that actually made my sunburn 10 760 00:33:20,550 --> 00:33:22,680 times worse because of the answer. 761 00:33:22,690 --> 00:33:24,740 This happened all over and it might drop. 762 00:33:24,810 --> 00:33:27,180 Yeah, yeah, yeah. All over me for two days. 763 00:33:27,190 --> 00:33:30,020 I was like lying flat, couldn't move. 764 00:33:30,090 --> 00:33:33,880 My skin was like pulled tight. It was like really bad. 765 00:33:33,890 --> 00:33:34,980 Yeah. So all of that happened 766 00:33:35,310 --> 00:33:36,030 actually. Ohh. 767 00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:37,240 So I've been in physical pain like. 768 00:33:37,250 --> 00:33:39,380 That, yeah, I mean, that's because it's not, it's not like 769 00:33:39,390 --> 00:33:41,150 how you say pain. It's just it's high. 770 00:33:41,370 --> 00:33:43,350 Energy, and it's rash. Just gone discomfort. 771 00:33:43,420 --> 00:33:46,370 Dancer had prickly heat once and she was going crazy around the 772 00:33:46,380 --> 00:33:47,780 house. This is so juicy for Jack cause 773 00:33:47,790 --> 00:33:49,510 Jack works for dancer. So this is like I'm getting 774 00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:51,860 loads of tea on my bus. Hey, Danny, remember that time 775 00:33:51,870 --> 00:33:57,620 you had prickly heat? Like I've seen it all. 776 00:33:58,710 --> 00:34:00,740 So she had this and she was going mad. 777 00:34:00,750 --> 00:34:04,390 She going buckwild by 23. She like ohh awful actually 778 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:07,010 happens in her face. Like slap her in the face and 779 00:34:07,020 --> 00:34:09,949 she's like. OK, just need the freezer. 780 00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,070 I actually like one of those moments out of Western. 781 00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:13,889 Or you know, the fucking old black and white movies. 782 00:34:13,900 --> 00:34:15,510 Put it all. Together, it's like someone's 783 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:18,000 putting. It's not doing your entire. 784 00:34:18,010 --> 00:34:20,690 Body, it's just I don't mind tattoos actually do. 785 00:34:20,699 --> 00:34:21,610 You. No, me neither. 786 00:34:21,620 --> 00:34:22,639 I like it. Yeah, I kind of. 787 00:34:22,650 --> 00:34:24,280 Like it, it's weird. What's wrong with us? 788 00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:27,310 A lot of people could. A lot of people could agree, I 789 00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:29,929 think. Yeah, when it gets to the point 790 00:34:29,940 --> 00:34:31,449 of no return and you're like, I can't. 791 00:34:31,460 --> 00:34:32,830 Like it's three hours and I can't. 792 00:34:32,900 --> 00:34:36,170 It is a three hour mark though, cause I think after two hours 793 00:34:36,179 --> 00:34:39,489 your body kind of the adrenaline wears off because anytime I've 794 00:34:39,500 --> 00:34:42,310 had on longer than two areas that is where it starts to go. 795 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,730 OK, this is about this is. Like Tomorrow's Bar and have a 796 00:34:44,739 --> 00:34:47,040 bottle of Lucozade. And party tomorrow, paracetamol, 797 00:34:47,050 --> 00:34:48,750 There you go. There's party's more the answer 798 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,000 to everyone's fucking problems. Yeah, yeah. 799 00:34:51,010 --> 00:34:53,690 And it's like going back to the emotional pain, like anxiety. 800 00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:56,820 I, I would like an anxiety to kind of the rash discomfort and 801 00:34:56,830 --> 00:35:00,050 then depression to like a pain like in my head. 802 00:35:00,060 --> 00:35:03,160 Like anxiety is so terrifying and unpleasant and up there and 803 00:35:03,170 --> 00:35:05,300 you're like, it's just so constant, like the prickly heat. 804 00:35:05,310 --> 00:35:08,750 Whereas depression is like this agonising pain that you can see 805 00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:10,820 and deal with and how we're not deal with. 806 00:35:10,830 --> 00:35:13,110 Like where do I go around? And I don't know if that makes 807 00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:14,500 any sense, but that's kind of how I see. 808 00:35:14,510 --> 00:35:20,400 It yeah, but like you you you you had the courage and like. 809 00:35:20,450 --> 00:35:22,540 I would say I had the fear. I was so scared. 810 00:35:22,550 --> 00:35:24,100 Would you? How did you get yourself out of 811 00:35:24,110 --> 00:35:26,460 it? But I, I was so scared that I, I 812 00:35:26,470 --> 00:35:28,440 was like, it's, it's this or death, you know? 813 00:35:28,450 --> 00:35:30,870 So like I had to get myself. Vulnerable to go there in the 814 00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:32,810 1st place and admit yourself and like. 815 00:35:32,820 --> 00:35:34,500 You're really in a way. Strength comes out of it. 816 00:35:34,510 --> 00:35:37,470 I think, I think we, I think we need it because I think we, I 817 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:42,820 think we need physical and, and mental, mental pain, heartache. 818 00:35:42,950 --> 00:35:47,430 We need it all to feel something else because there has to be, 819 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:50,190 there's, there's, there's a, there's a positive and negative 820 00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:53,160 and a pro and a contract to everything, everything on this 821 00:35:53,170 --> 00:35:55,890 universe. And I think that I think that 822 00:35:55,900 --> 00:35:59,320 all I can say that is I, I, I know myself more and I feel like 823 00:35:59,330 --> 00:36:02,500 I can be a better person because I've done shitty things. 824 00:36:02,890 --> 00:36:05,560 I've been shitty to people. People have been shitty to me. 825 00:36:05,650 --> 00:36:08,640 I've gone through, I wouldn't really call it depression. 826 00:36:08,830 --> 00:36:13,250 Maybe in the last 12 months I got as close to what I thought 827 00:36:14,020 --> 00:36:16,450 as described by other people to me was for me. 828 00:36:16,500 --> 00:36:22,010 But I've got such an energetic and, um, impulsive personality, 829 00:36:22,020 --> 00:36:23,730 then nothing ever stays for too long. 830 00:36:23,740 --> 00:36:25,550 And I'm told I'm really, really stubborn. 831 00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:28,930 So I was convinced that if I was feeling down, that like doing 832 00:36:28,940 --> 00:36:30,290 something very practical will help. 833 00:36:30,300 --> 00:36:33,930 And oftentimes it did, but it didn't actually solve the bigger 834 00:36:33,940 --> 00:36:35,750 picture. The bigger picture was that I'd 835 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:38,510 go up and then straight back down again, up and straight back 836 00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:39,990 down again. So it was more like a yoyo 837 00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:41,530 effect. So it wasn't down. 838 00:36:41,540 --> 00:36:45,090 I was never, would never have been bedridden close to but not. 839 00:36:45,390 --> 00:36:47,700 Not feeling like I couldn't get up in the morning and that's 840 00:36:47,710 --> 00:36:49,020 when I knew that something was wrong. 841 00:36:49,070 --> 00:36:50,440 But like, yeah, I think it has to. 842 00:36:50,450 --> 00:36:51,940 I think the shitty things have to happen. 843 00:36:52,230 --> 00:36:54,030 I was, yes, thought that was kind of what you're saying. 844 00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:55,960 Is she things happen? Well, yeah, they do have to 845 00:36:55,970 --> 00:36:57,430 happen. If I hadn't gone into hospital 846 00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:59,280 last year, I wouldn't be who I am today. 847 00:36:59,370 --> 00:37:01,500 We do need, I think we need pain to form us. 848 00:37:01,510 --> 00:37:03,610 If if I hadn't gone through what I went through last year, I 849 00:37:03,620 --> 00:37:05,600 wouldn't be where I am, which is the happiest I've ever been in 850 00:37:05,610 --> 00:37:07,600 my life. Life is still fucking hard. 851 00:37:07,690 --> 00:37:09,920 Both cars have broken. Cat got bitten on the fucking 852 00:37:09,930 --> 00:37:11,620 goldstones. I got gallstones. 853 00:37:12,050 --> 00:37:14,620 Like the two kids are just going through a lot with them with 854 00:37:14,630 --> 00:37:17,120 diagnosis and stuff like that. So it's just been non-stop. 855 00:37:17,210 --> 00:37:20,240 But you know, all that I'm still, my underlying self is 856 00:37:20,250 --> 00:37:22,520 happy. And I haven't drank for a year, 857 00:37:22,530 --> 00:37:24,280 which is like, so liberating as well. 858 00:37:24,290 --> 00:37:27,290 Like I'm finding so much happiness in having gone through 859 00:37:27,300 --> 00:37:29,040 that pain. Unfortunately, it keeps us in 860 00:37:29,050 --> 00:37:30,180 check, right? Yeah, it does. 861 00:37:30,190 --> 00:37:32,570 It does keep us in check. And it gives us, for me, it's 862 00:37:32,580 --> 00:37:35,440 like the downward comparison. Well, I'll never be there again, 863 00:37:35,450 --> 00:37:37,480 so I can get better from this. And it also helps. 864 00:37:37,490 --> 00:37:40,650 But I think the most important thing about it is, is that if we 865 00:37:40,660 --> 00:37:44,960 don't talk about it, we, we, we allow everybody to just continue 866 00:37:44,970 --> 00:37:47,060 on martyring. My friend said to me today. 867 00:37:47,070 --> 00:37:48,680 Yeah, Yeah. I was like, you know, I don't 868 00:37:48,690 --> 00:37:50,560 drink anymore, so I don't really know if I could be taking 869 00:37:50,570 --> 00:37:52,700 painkillers if they give them to me because she's given me some 870 00:37:52,710 --> 00:37:55,680 codeine painkillers. My friend was like, Laura, there 871 00:37:55,690 --> 00:37:57,100 are graves full of marchers out there. 872 00:37:57,110 --> 00:37:59,340 And I was like, that's true. And I think when I look at, you 873 00:37:59,350 --> 00:38:00,610 know what I look. Totally. 874 00:38:00,620 --> 00:38:02,860 Yeah, Wife. Piece look at the Perry Natal 875 00:38:02,870 --> 00:38:06,910 depression and eight women died of suicide, I think in the last 876 00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:09,500 year or three years, I'm not sure, because of perinatal 877 00:38:09,570 --> 00:38:13,280 depression. So I am a firm believer that 878 00:38:13,290 --> 00:38:15,490 that post Natal question needs to be talked about more and more 879 00:38:15,500 --> 00:38:17,100 and more because that's perinatal depression. 880 00:38:17,110 --> 00:38:19,270 Post Natal depression, same thing, same thing. 881 00:38:19,310 --> 00:38:22,810 And so like I and I and I was in hospital with the woman, as you 882 00:38:22,820 --> 00:38:25,300 know who post Natal depression. And the more we spoke about it, 883 00:38:25,310 --> 00:38:28,210 the easier it became. Yeah, well, if we continue to 884 00:38:28,220 --> 00:38:32,070 martyr nobody else knows that it's it's it's okay to be in 885 00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,670 pain. So if I hadn't, if I had, if I 886 00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:37,590 had taken on the kind of don't mind me on one day and I went 887 00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:40,000 into the emergency room and just sat with it, I'd be sitting here 888 00:38:40,010 --> 00:38:42,930 talking to you confused as to why I'm not better worrying 889 00:38:42,940 --> 00:38:44,630 about the pain. Probably would have had a worse 890 00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:46,780 flare up last night because I wouldn't have given the pain. 891 00:38:46,790 --> 00:38:48,510 Yeah, yeah. And I wouldn't have said, fuck 892 00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:50,980 this, I'm going into advocate myself and I'm going to ask for 893 00:38:50,990 --> 00:38:52,540 help. The same with me in the mental 894 00:38:52,550 --> 00:38:55,700 hospital last year. The same with you with your near 895 00:38:55,710 --> 00:38:57,860 depression and the last year. You need to talk about it. 896 00:38:57,870 --> 00:38:59,530 And the same with us in this podcast, right? 897 00:38:59,540 --> 00:39:02,290 Because we're getting messages all the time from people saying 898 00:39:02,300 --> 00:39:04,940 thank you for being so open about this because it's making 899 00:39:04,950 --> 00:39:07,500 it easier for me. Stop being a fucking martyr. 900 00:39:07,510 --> 00:39:09,450 Don't be a winger, but like, okay martyr. 901 00:39:09,460 --> 00:39:10,880 About. So if you're, if you're, if 902 00:39:10,890 --> 00:39:14,190 you're to think about the sorry, if you're to think about the 903 00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:18,340 demographic, do you think the martyrdom is of a generation? 904 00:39:19,090 --> 00:39:20,860 Because it's getting worse. Great. 905 00:39:20,870 --> 00:39:22,880 So it's getting better. Well, I don't know if it's 906 00:39:22,890 --> 00:39:26,990 social media making it worse as. Well, no, because social media 907 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,290 is giving people a platform. It's giving people a voice. 908 00:39:29,300 --> 00:39:33,220 It's the only reason that I went to get my ADHD diagnosis. 909 00:39:33,230 --> 00:39:34,830 Yeah, in that. Sense and there's a there's 910 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:37,960 there was literally a path to becoming more compassionate, 911 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:39,950 more compassionate towards myself. 912 00:39:40,220 --> 00:39:43,010 That's proof. Okay, then that's one way. 913 00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:45,430 But then there's the other way. When you look at mother's 914 00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:48,690 jumping out of bed after 2-2 days postpartum, being like I'm 915 00:39:48,700 --> 00:39:50,340 breastfeeding. Like ohh I can get a body like 916 00:39:50,350 --> 00:39:52,920 hers again. Again, I'm absolutely fine. 917 00:39:52,930 --> 00:39:54,600 My house is perfect, I'm doing great. 918 00:39:54,610 --> 00:39:57,720 And yeah, I had gallstones, but of course I'm going to go back 919 00:39:57,730 --> 00:39:59,490 to work. There's definitely that, I mean, 920 00:39:59,500 --> 00:40:02,320 and all the manosphere shit like there's, there's, there is stuff 921 00:40:02,330 --> 00:40:05,080 happening in the world that's making us think I need to be 922 00:40:05,090 --> 00:40:06,440 better than, I need to be more than. 923 00:40:06,450 --> 00:40:08,300 And therefore I can't own up to my failings. 924 00:40:08,310 --> 00:40:12,150 And my failing is. Or the pressure of needing to 925 00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:15,440 not be the martyr is also terrifying the shit out of 926 00:40:15,450 --> 00:40:16,600 people. You think? 927 00:40:16,610 --> 00:40:17,780 Yeah. I think so. 928 00:40:17,850 --> 00:40:21,770 Like it's everything in moderation, like, but this, this 929 00:40:21,780 --> 00:40:24,690 society is just now society now is not moderate. 930 00:40:25,060 --> 00:40:28,330 Nothing about it is moderate. All the news is not moderate. 931 00:40:28,500 --> 00:40:31,050 All the news is not evenly left and right. 932 00:40:31,060 --> 00:40:35,470 It's it's veering so far from democracy that you find a 933 00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:39,550 spokesperson and if you're not 100% with them, you get 934 00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:42,680 cancelled and you get left like left, left. 935 00:40:42,690 --> 00:40:44,170 Does that come in the pain piece? 936 00:40:44,260 --> 00:40:46,290 That comes in the pain piece to that? 937 00:40:46,300 --> 00:40:48,010 I think it comes back to the martyring thing. 938 00:40:48,020 --> 00:40:49,950 Yeah. Like to not be in pain anymore, 939 00:40:50,010 --> 00:40:53,220 you have to not Marty yourself. So therefore, you can't keep 940 00:40:53,290 --> 00:40:55,750 yourself down. Therefore you need to talk. 941 00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:59,250 It's really easy to talk because it's easy to talk now. 942 00:40:59,260 --> 00:41:01,250 It's easier than it was. And my question was originally 943 00:41:01,260 --> 00:41:03,870 about the millennial thing, the generational thing, 100%. 944 00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:06,100 If you look back at boomers, Yeah, sure. 945 00:41:06,110 --> 00:41:07,730 How often did your parents go to the fucking? 946 00:41:07,740 --> 00:41:09,510 Doctor like yeah, exactly. You don't know if you. 947 00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:10,650 Go from boomers then to millennials. 948 00:41:10,660 --> 00:41:13,980 But then I think again, Jensen, and this is again how Genz 949 00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:16,770 Melton, Jack our our paving the way for opening the top 950 00:41:16,780 --> 00:41:19,570 conversation about anxiety be a gender, gender. 951 00:41:21,420 --> 00:41:23,240 What's the term like SO and gender? 952 00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:25,310 Gender. Fluidity, gender fluidity, 953 00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:29,790 identity and political stuff. And I'm just they're opening the 954 00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:32,110 conversation even more. And so you'd look at boomers 955 00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:34,790 looking at Jen's years going off everyone, bunch of Whingers. 956 00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:37,310 But actually, in fact, there is a bravery in opening up and 957 00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:38,590 talking about. It I hear you. 958 00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:41,150 Ohh, yeah, like you hear someone like ohh, you can't say anything 959 00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:42,550 these days. Everyone's too sensitive. 960 00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:44,750 I think that's like and you hear the term woke. 961 00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:47,310 Snowflakes. Woke like that's, they're all 962 00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:50,770 fucking terrible. Well, woke is actually I I, I 963 00:41:50,830 --> 00:41:52,990 claim to be. I would like to be, I would like 964 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,660 to be more woke than I already am because I wanted to be as 965 00:41:55,670 --> 00:41:57,480 awake as I can. It shouldn't be other people's 966 00:41:57,490 --> 00:42:00,100 difference. Like, come on, think about it. 967 00:42:00,110 --> 00:42:02,330 Yeah, I want to be as knowledgeable as I can. 968 00:42:02,410 --> 00:42:05,920 I don't want to like I don't want to over exert myself in not 969 00:42:05,930 --> 00:42:08,480 offending anybody because I want to stay true to who I am. 970 00:42:08,490 --> 00:42:11,170 But at the same time, there is this thing that like you're, 971 00:42:11,330 --> 00:42:13,840 you're going to offend someone in your life and that's okay. 972 00:42:13,890 --> 00:42:16,440 But as long as you can come and sit at a table and go, I'm 973 00:42:16,450 --> 00:42:19,140 really sorry if that offended you, but here's what I believe. 974 00:42:19,210 --> 00:42:22,340 As long as it's not preachy like everything in moderation, but 975 00:42:22,350 --> 00:42:26,270 like how, how can you do that when there is this like there is 976 00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:30,570 still a huge silence in all of this, in all of and especially. 977 00:42:30,580 --> 00:42:33,180 Women's pain, yeah, that's, and I think that's why that's why 978 00:42:33,190 --> 00:42:35,920 we're coming to in that like, yeah, yes, people talk about, 979 00:42:35,930 --> 00:42:38,640 talk about everything so much, but also maybe that's creating 980 00:42:38,650 --> 00:42:42,740 some sort of massive vacuum of people that we can't cut through 981 00:42:42,750 --> 00:42:44,970 the noise. But in women's pain, I think 982 00:42:44,980 --> 00:42:47,250 there is there. We need to find voice and we 983 00:42:47,260 --> 00:42:49,970 need to stop infighting. We need to stop creating this 984 00:42:49,980 --> 00:42:52,450 ideal of perfect. And I think we need to kind of 985 00:42:52,460 --> 00:42:55,650 get together and go, it's okay for us to talk like the pain 986 00:42:55,660 --> 00:42:58,180 that we are expected to put up with on a daily basis. 987 00:42:59,720 --> 00:43:01,570 We also need advocacy from the other side. 988 00:43:01,620 --> 00:43:05,370 We also need teenage boys not to be creating Epstein file floats. 989 00:43:05,380 --> 00:43:12,210 For Paddy's day King hell Oh my How was that loud into the 990 00:43:12,220 --> 00:43:15,390 parade? And who said yes to that? 991 00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:18,790 Give me their number. Immediately show your pain.