What's going on, everyone? We are the All In podcast.
We're three guys in our late 20s who are all in to being too
scared to ask for help. Amen.
I mean, we're all in on asking for help.
All the time. All the time helpless.
We're we're guys that are figuring out how to be adults,
how to be dads, how to fix things.
And we don't know what the heck we're doing.
Yeah. Do you where you guys at in your
in your housing journey? Are you?
What do you mean? By Do you live in a home?
I do live in a home. That's good.
That's good, you know, Yeah, it's it's our, it's our first
home ownership experience. That's awesome.
Yeah. Which has been great.
It's been about nine months or so.
We we live in a we live in a new build house, which is kind of
nice because there's not a whole lot of things.
Nothing's broken. There's nothing, there's nothing
broken. I will say.
I mean, there's like some projects that we want to do
because you move into a new build.
Yeah. And it's like they just kind of,
you know, they put the white walls up and kind.
Of a blank slate. It's a blank slate.
So there's a lot of ideas that we've had and in the nine months
that we've been there, we've done a couple things.
I built some garage shelves. But I will say there's we had a,
one of our kitchen chairs that we got off of Amazon.
A family member was sitting in it and a family member a family
member. Not to be named.
Not not to be, not to be named was sitting in it and it snapped
and one of the one of the legs went straight into the wall.
So it was like mine was. This like did it Pierce the
drywall? Yeah, yeah.
It was like it was, I mean, it was kind of, we all kind of
laughed about it. Oh my, that must have been some
force to Pierce the drywall. Well, yeah, the the chair, I
mean, it's like the chair, you look online and it's got like a
200 LB weight limit or something like that, you know?
So even when I sit in it, I get in and really that's it.
Yeah, that that feels a little. I mean, it feels it's pretty.
You better. You better leave a review That
said, hey, make sure to weigh yourself before you sit.
Yeah, well, very accurate person was they were spot on.
They were two O 1. It snapped, they collapsed onto
the ground and then the leg just was like sticking in the wall.
And that happened probably six months ago.
That's and I bought all the stuff to try and.
Fix. It but I just haven't it's kind
of hidden behind the curtains, you know so we put some tape on
it so that the hole is I mean you can still see it's clear
tape you can still see the hole but.
That's one of my favorite things, but Dave bought it.
I think it's so funny. I don't know if you guys can
relate to this, but like growing up, when you break something and
you just like, I don't know what to do.
And so you kind of like put it back together just enough so
that maybe the next person that uses it will break it.
Maybe I'll shoot. I broke.
Yeah. Be like, oh, you broke that.
How could you do that knowing full well that I broke it, you
know? Oh my gosh, the the best part
about being married is no longer living with other same age
males. I kind of miss that.
I don't know if that's the best part.
Decorations was how many flags do you have?
How many nails can you put in in a?
Yeah, the the house does look a lot better.
And how many mattresses can we put on the ground with no bed
frames? In the corner.
In the corner, always. Never always in the corner a
single. Like someone before they get
married in their 20s that doesn't have the bed in the
corner. It's a get groundbreaking
concept. It's a can of every bed in my
life was in the corner, yes, and it and honestly when I first got
it. Opens up so much room.
Scared when I first got married. I'm like, where's the safety of
the wall? Yeah.
Oh yes. Am I gonna roll off?
That's the thing, yeah. Am I gonna roll onto my wife?
Yeah, I don't know your .1 of the things I'm super scared of
having a newborn coming up in a couple months is falling asleep
and rolling on top of it. Yeah, you know.
That's it's I mean I'm gonna go. Are you guys gonna Co sleep with
the baby? No.
OK, I don't know. Well, then what?
What are you gonna you just. I don't know.
I'll just jump in the crib. And he's gonna roll off the bed
into the. Pack and play.
Hey check the weight limit on the on the back.
Of the way, what is that weight limit?
No, it's just like, I mean, you see people like they like take
naps, you know, and the baby falls asleep on the chest.
They're like things like that. And I'm like, what if I like
roll over and just like, kill this baby?
I used to wait. I mean, we did, we we Co slept
for a little bit and I used to wake up when I mean Joseph was
probably four or five, six months old and he used to wake
up drenched in sweat. Yeah, drenched in.
Actually this was even I did, this was even before he was
sleeping in the bassinet. And I would just, I would wake
up drenched in sweat and like run up and like go check on him
to make sure he was alive, you know, and then but the bed would
be soaked. I don't know what, I was so
anxious and didn't even realize it.
And that's what like, I mean, we got, we probably got a lot of
guys, you know, tuned in who young dads.
So many guys about. Thousands, millions who were,
who were either young dads, maybe they just graduated
college, maybe they were in college, maybe late high school.
But you know, when you when you get in that first home, like
there's that feeling of like, it's, it's mine.
Like you're telling me I can just destroy something and
there's not a landlord to call to come fix it.
Like when we moved into our first house, the refrigerator
didn't work. Yeah.
And I just sat there and I was like.
What do I do? What do I do?
So I bought another one and we had two fridges in the case.
That's where you go to YouTube. Well, The thing is, you watch
those YouTube videos. Yeah.
And they make it look so easy. It's like, all right, do this,
pull this out, take a wire, cut it.
You're done. Yep.
And it's always like, it's always an electrician who's
filming the video. Yeah.
It's like, well, no wonder it took you 2 minutes.
You went to tech school for this, you know.
An electrician by. Train an electrician by train I.
I just had that experience. I built garage shelves.
We needed we needed storage in the very complicated.
Well, OK, well. It's so much more than you'd
think. Actually, yeah.
So I looked online and it was like the way that these shelves
were built was like you, instead of it kind of being
freestanding. What are you laughing about?
I'm laughing. About when we built my bunk bed.
I'm sorry. Well, you finished the shelves.
Bunk bed is a loose. You were able to put a bed on
it, but that was. Couldn't put two beds on.
It Yeah. So, so we were, I was building
these garage shelves and I looked online, I found it was
like an 8 step thing. And instead of it being kind of
free standing, what you did was you put like the backside of the
shelves, you screwed them into the the studs, the studs in the
wall. And then you kind of build the
shelves out and it was like 8 steps.
It was like find the studs, put the things in there.
Was it was it in a box or did was it like 2 by fours in
plywood? Like was it a a set?
No, no, wasn't. I just found plans online.
OK. And then I bought, you know, the
materials that I needed and I just started, you know, trying
to trying to build it. But the first time I cut the
wood because it was like, you got to have these, you know the
what? I don't even know what you call
it, but it's like the, the slats that come out or, you know,
you're putting the plywood on top.
And I was like cutting all this wood and I didn't have a, what's
it called a miter saw, the one where you just go straight down
and it cuts a straight line. So I was like, I'll just use my
circular saw, which is, you know, you just, you know, use
your hands and but it the, and I thought I was doing everything
correctly, but I cut all the pieces of wood like between 1/4
of an inch and 1/2 an inch difference like with with each
one. So I didn't fit.
So it didn't fit. So all of them were different
sizes. So I needed to redo it.
So then I borrowed a friend's miter saw and then I was kind of
wood and, and I built all the pieces and then Reagan and I, my
wife and I were trying to put up on the wall, but the entire
thing just, it kind of bent funny.
So the entire thing just collapsed and I had to redo it
and it took me like 6 days. But you read the plans like you
look at people doing it and you're like. 7 This is 7 easy
steps. Two hours.
Yeah. Couple screws and we're there.
Yeah. I mean I, I, I have a funny
story. Recently my dad shout out dad
gifted us a grill which is great.
Father's Day, Little Grill. Was it Father's Day gift?
It was a wedding present. Yeah, it's great.
And would you get George Foreman?
Couldn't even tell you. Just a grill and a.
Grill. You know, it's always, it's one
of those things that I'm like, I want to, I want to grill things,
you know, I want to be the dad that wings, you know, my kids
bring their their friends and I just like grill food for all of
them, right? Oh yeah.
Or I want to host like cookouts, things like that.
It's like, yeah, it's just like a thing that I want to learn how
to do. Yes.
And so I get this grill and I don't know what I expected, but
I open it and it's just like all the parts.
Why are these things not come put together?
You have to pay extra fee, apparently, which I totally
would have if it wasn't like a gift that was given to me.
So I, I was like, I can't be that hard.
I saw the instruction manual and it was a little tough to read.
You know, it has like pictures and you can tell someone took
the pictures with their phones and they're all kind of grainy
and black and white on the instruction man.
So it was like kind of difficult, but I was like, yeah,
it shouldn't be that hard to put a grill together.
Well, it took me about 10 hours to put this grill together.
And consecutively Or did you break it up?
Consecutive no. I was like, I just need to lock
in yes. And tell me me I need you to go
as far away as possible. Well, I need, yes.
Because we started, she's like, hey, why don't you build the
grill today? I want like, and we can like
grill something tonight. And then I was like, sure.
How about in two? Weeks.
Well, yeah. And she would come out and check
on me and was like, I don't want to talk to you.
Yeah. Like, I was so frustrated by
this girl, Like, I don't talk to anyone.
Yes. Of course.
And worst mood ever. Yeah.
And then by the time I finish, I was like, I'm not grilling
tonight. I I still haven't used the
grill. It's been two months and I'm
scared because I have to like, you know, mess with the spark
plug and like connect. I'm like, what if I did that
wrong? And the gas is just leaking.
You know, with the gas and it just blows up and I die, right,
You know, and I orphaned my child like that is my I'm so
scared. Use this grill.
I don't even know what it is. I am so scared to use my grill
because since I put it together, Yeah, I you know, but I didn't
want to ask for help, so I didn't want.
You what do you think the next step is?
I think the next step is to grill.
Are you gonna commit to that right now?
Yeah. Let's make a commitment.
Let's make a commitment right now.
I wanna grill. I wanna grill.
Last week we hosted two of our friends over.
They're getting married this weekend, actually.
Shut up them they came over and the guy is super into grilling.
Yep. And so I kind of teed it up was
like, hey, you should check out the new grill.
Can you you know, I I was having trouble.
You wanna make sure it works? Like, yeah, sure.
You're really good at grilling. So he went out and was like
looking at the grill and I was like kind of hiding behind the
wall in case it like blew up. He was kind of like my.
Might that be manslaughter? Like what would happen?
You know, I don't know, Would I be liable for?
It depends on I think if it. Came out that you were like
that. You were hiding like you
anticipated it blowing up well. Right, but nothing happened, so
we're. Good, I'm saying in the case
that it did, but anyways, continue.
No, that's it. So now I know that it works and
it won't blow up. OK, so now I couldn't use it.
Yeah. But you haven't grilled yet.
When did they? That was last week.
That was last week, yeah. The the thing I want to know is
like, I have men in my life who when I need help, I call.
So I got a buddy Dave. I got a buddy, Dominic I.
Got a car, guy. Yeah, I got a.
But it's like, how did they get to where they are?
And how did I get to where I am, which is to be about as handy as
this table. Yeah, and and what you what 4?
Feet. No.
Hands, Yeah. What you tell what, what you
always hear from these guys. Like one of these guys came over
and he taught me how to take off the popcorn from my ceiling.
It's like the, you know, that texture.
Yeah, took a long time, but he's really good at it.
And I'm like, oh, where? How'd you How'd you learn how to
hear? It you're so good at removing
popcorn. Where did you learn?
Possibly. And guess what He said.
YouTube no no his trade school. Yeah, always right.
His dad. Oh, but we did.
We did stuff like this growing up.
He was the oldest at 9, which is, you know, crazy in and of
itself. And they're like, you know,
tight financially because they didn't have, you know, they had
nine kids, a lot of mouths to feed.
So it's just like, hey, when the toilet's broken, don't call the
plumber. You know, we'll figure it out.
So I'm like my dad. I mean, I, I, we just didn't do
a ton of that stuff growing up. Like we, we had someone who
came, we can't had someone who mowed the lawn.
First lawn I ever mowed was when I bought my house.
Really. Are you serious?
You've never felt more out of place than not knowing how to
turn? I'd never mowed a lawn.
Ever. Did your your dad mowed it or
where'd you say no it? Paid.
You just had a service. They had a, they had a service
that came. But like leaves, raking leaves.
Yeah, very basic human functioning.
Did you have to call someone for that?
No. I, I I.
Figured it out after staring at. It what do we like?
I've got all these. Blisters on my thumbs now.
But it's just like if you're if you didn't know, if you didn't
learn these things, now you become a dad, you become a young
man, you're put in a world where you don't really know what
you're doing. And, you know, that's the that
you rely on friendships, You rely on ChatGPT.
We were. I mean, I've tried to do house
projects because I want to try to learn this kind of stuff.
Yeah. And we've accomplished a variety
of them, some well, some not so well, but it is fun.
I think that's the crazy thing is like whether it's the grill,
but you finish something. You feel good.
Even if it's twenty hours and you dropped, you know so many F
words in the process. I am the worst person when I'm
building something Emily's like I cannot.
All the worst parts of me come out.
But you finish and it's a great, it's an amazing feeling.
Yeah. Absolutely, like I built an IKEA
dresser with particle board. Built this with my bare hands
and wood dowels that are holding this thing together.
Hey, what's going on guys? This is John Michael Lucido and
I am the main host of the All In podcast brought to you by Focus
and I just want to take a second to personally invite you to join
us at Seek 26. Seek 26 January the 1st through
January 5th. We are going to be in three
locations. That's how big Seek has gotten.
I'm going to be the mainstage MC hosting our conference in
Columbus, OH. Our other main host of the
podcast, Jose Clayton will be down in Fort Worth, TX and then
we'll have our third location in Denver, Co January the 1st
through January 5th. You are not going to want to
miss this. The link to register is in the
description. Can't wait to see you guys.
Let's go all in on SEQ 26 have. You ever built, have you guys
ever built a bench or just anything to a bench?
No. From scratch, no.
I had in college 1 summer. I had a maintenance job and I
was asked to it was at some summer camp and I was asked just
like hey before all the campers get here, this bench broke.
Can you build a new bench? How'd you get put on maintenance
duty? And so was like.
How do I build a bench? 4 legs in a slack.
You would think no, no. And so I'm an engineer.
Well, I'm not an engineer. I studied engineering.
Biomedical that has nothing to do with building benches.
Engineering. You still have to go through the
basics of engineering. Prosthetics benches, yeah.
I don't load bearing. I don't think the normals.
Math design, there's so much that goes into it.
Yeah, absolutely. But I just, no, I'm not saying I
use like, okay, you know, the fluid dynamics of the blood
flowing through the body is good.
Really gonna help me with this bench.
But it was just like learning like, OK, how do I design
something right? What is load bearing on a bench
so that I don't make a chair that breaks when someone that's
over 200 lbs sits on it? You know, you please remove your
phone wallet before you sit down.
There's just someone standing next to the bench at all times.
You have to be this short to sit on this bench.
I mean, you're making fun of yourself for.
Being an engineer when you were the ultimate fake engineer.
Prot engineering, yeah, I mean. Industrial.
District I would never, I would never claim that that was actual
engineering. But you made the claim.
This is a real engineering. I'm just saying this.
Is not a hot take. I, I, I would agree with you
that you were an engineer. I, I, I was in the engineering.
I wasn't an engineer. I I studied engineering.
You studied engineering and graduated with an engineering.
I had a major that was in the engineering college.
That was the farthest thing possible from engineering.
Yeah. All I'm saying is that you said
you you, you were talking about the benchmaking and thinking
that your biomedical engineering degree was going to help you
with. That No well, I didn't have a
degree back then. This is my sophomore year in
college, but I just finished all the Gen. engineering classes you
had taken, you know, and so. High level calculus.
They had this computer that could draw on it, and then I
could, like, measure things on it and like, kind of make like a
3D model. Yeah.
And I could test like, OK, if you sit on now, why did I do
this for a bench? I don't know.
Yep. But it took me about two weeks
to build this bench, and you better believe that this is the
nicest bench I've ever. Seen it was.
Look at that bench. But I I spent so much money of
this poor camp's budget for that summer, just like going to the
store to get wood, to get the right material.
I was like filing things down. I rented all this equipment like
all this. Money.
We have money in the budget for music, for adoration.
Nope. Jose spent.
It on the bench, it's a bench. Not enough.
Food to feed the. Kids to this day.
That was 10 years ago. It's still there and it's still
there. And it's a wonderful bench it
it, you know, it's thanks to this bench, a lot of campers
have been able to have great experiences.
They they have great memories on this bench for sure because of
how. Comfortable people come to
crash. And I think, I think you just
shared the really relatable experience when you're trying to
build something for the first time, which is the amount of
Home Depot runs that you have to have before you actually have
the materials that you need to build.
Some less than or equal to 6. I mean, I would say her building
the garage shelves. I mean, I probably.
Went several times, yeah, I mean, but minimum, yeah, at
least five times. You ever seen your dad?
You ever seen your dad at Home Depot or, or, or yourself?
They're like, Oh yeah, what part do you need?
He's like, yeah, it's, you know, the one that screws in.
They're like, Oh yeah, you're talking about the, the hex
wrench. Oh, yeah, absolutely.
That's the one. Yeah.
It was right on the tip of my tongue.
Or like, you go to the car shop and it's like, hey, what's wrong
with your vehicle? And it's like, yeah, I don't
know, something's crunchy. And they're like, yeah, we, we
did some research. Your, your belts are a little.
Oh, that's what I thought it was.
Yep, that was. Right.
Yeah, I I knew that was it. I knew it was the struts, you
know, don't know where they are, but I thought that was it.
Yeah, you know. I think you know the Home Depot
guys. They're always ready to ask you.
So cool. But I think that because they
know, I think they know. They're like, yeah, they're like
this guy. The average guy will not ask for
help. And he has a polo down.
He has no idea where the wrench is or what screws.
In the light bulb section. Yeah, he's wearing Chacos in
Home Depot, and there's no way he knows.
Well, I mean that that's kind of what I think went into this
bench. Like I said, it took me, I don't
know how long it actually take me, but it took me at least at
least a week, like 7 full days of just like trying to figure
out this bench because I was so scared of doing it wrong yes and
I was so scared of I don't know how to build a bench and I don't
want to admit that to anyone maybe.
That's the point. Yeah.
And I think, I think that's the big fear is the fear of not
knowing what to do. Yeah, absolutely.
And feeling like you should know what to do, even though no one's
ever, you know, taught you before, like the experience of
like the, the anger that I've felt trying to hang a picture
frame on the wall. Let me tell you get like
picture. Like if you're doing like a
gallery of photos, you got to you got to measure everything
out and you just, you just think like I'll just, you know, I'll,
I'll, you know, put a nail on the wall and I'll hang it up.
There's so much measuring and pre work that has to go into it.
I think one of I had a really humbling experience with my
father-in-law. So the dining room table that we
have right now, it's. Really nice by the way.
Yeah. I mean, it's, it's for those of
our listeners that. Haven't eaten up the Caldwell
house. Yeah, it is sturdy.
It's sturdy. Over £200 load bearing.
Yeah, it's very load bearing. It's very load bearing.
But it was so we, it was kind of fun building it.
We took, I'm trying to remember, it was like some wood from my
wife's dad's parents house that they that they built and then
from the other side of the family some extra.
So it was like, you know, kind of, I mean the whole the point
was not to make it sentimental, but it was kind of cool.
It's like, you know, it comes from the grandparents houses or
whatnot. But we were building it together
and I'd never really. I'd never built a table before,
but my father-in-law owns a construction remodeling business
that. Great father-in-law to have.
Oh absolutely. That's so handy.
And his father was the one that started the company.
So it's, it's been around for 55 years or whatever in San
Antonio. But we were going to here's a
garage, obviously with every tool imaginable.
And we were going in there to to cut some wood for the table and
the legs, you know, had to be cut at a certain angle.
And so we're cutting this wood and we cut it at the wrong
angle. And if that were me in that
moment, having never done this before, cutting the wood at the
wrong angle, I would have been so upset and frustrated.
Myself. Because now I'm like, I got to
get any wood, you know, what am I going to do now?
I mess this up like blah, blah. But his reaction was like, you
know, would you look at that? You know, we cut, we cut this
thing at the at the wrong angle. He always, he has a line.
He always says, let's get some light on the subject here.
And he was just like, let's fix this problem that we created.
And it, it actually, it really struck me in the moment.
So I was like, here's this guy who's been doing this his entire
life and we're building a table. And he, you know, he built his
own dining room table. He's built other dining room
tables before for other family members.
And he messed up, right? And his reaction was like, let's
figure out how to fix it. There's no anger.
And I was like, wow, I, why am I putting so much pressure on
myself to get it right? Perfectly the first time that
I've ever told you. You know, I mean, yeah, it's
impossible. Not just that but I am always
like why am I so scared of not knowing how to do something that
I've never done before Or why am I so scared to ask for help like
my cars AC just went out last weekend.
Welcome to the club baby. For for those of our listeners,
Clayton's been driving in a totaled 2008 Toyota Camry in
since 2010. It's been total since 2010.
This. Thing still moves is insane.
You've been without AC for 10 years now.
The entire time I've owned it, when I got it when I was 16, it
was my dad's car. My favorite, my favorite story.
They have a lot of great stories of Clayton's Camry.
Yeah. The best 1 though is is when he
started working, he was going around and meeting with people
to tell him about the work he was doing.
And it was, it was the Texas summer.
So it's like, you know, as hot as hell down there 120° yeah, no
AC. He would bring 3 to 4 pairs of
clothes per day, and he would park far away before the meeting
just to try to. Cool, off to.
Try to cool off and change polos.
I thought you would show up early and like go to the
bathroom at like a. Coffee shop?
No that just spray the boy. I would have like multiple
towels in my car and I'd put it down and take my shirt off and
put it like a extra for sure that I had on.
That's ridiculous. Wipe everything down.
But yeah, actually this car is special to me.
Well, at this point it's special shared sweat together.
When I was living in Stillwater, OK at Oklahoma State, I was
working as a missionary there. My, I brought my car in because
it was really, you know, bumpy on the road.
I was going, I was like, this does not feel safe, you know,
and I needed new struts on the car or shocks if you will,
struts or shocks, you know, the same thing.
I I shocked, I'm nodding my head.
I don't know what the point. Well I think this is my limited
understanding is that shocks would be more for like a larger
car. And not a hybrid.
Camry Yeah, and and the and the strut is basically what connects
the the wheel to the the frame of the car.
You know, lousy. It's like your suspension
system, you know as well. So it's like you need new I.
Was going to say that you need the struts.
You need new struts and you know, it was like a $5000 bill,
which this thing, I would have to pay someone $5000 to take
this car away from me. I mean, it is worth, it's worth
nothing. And but I, you know, I was at a
point where I was like, I don't want to buy a new car.
You know, we were having kids, we didn't have a whole lot of
money. And so I was like, I just need
to figure out how to fix this myself.
So I started looking up all the parts and all the tools that I
needed and I think I spent a total of like $900.00 for.
A 5K fix? Yes.
That's kind of, so I got the different parts and it was like
there was other things that I need to do too, like different
fluids and things need to be flashed.
And so I was like, I'm just going to try and figure this
out. It can't be that hard.
And I found some YouTube videos and it took me it took me like 2
weeks or so because and my car was just jacked up on my
driveway the the entire time. You were that neighbor.
Yeah, but I had friends come over to like kind of, you know,
trying to help me. There was an engineer that came
over and kind of knew what he was doing, but I finally got the
struts replaced and the first time driving the car to the
driveway was kind of scary, terrifying.
It was, it was terrifying. But the funniest thing was that
probably like a year and a half, well, this is like 2 1/2 years
later. I was moved out here, was living
in Denver, Co and my tires were really bad.
I was coming down the mountain and I was like slipping and
sliding everywhere and I was like, I just got these, you
know, all weathered tires, you know, like this, what's going
like what's going on here? And so I, I looked at my tire
and I was like, oh wow, two of these tires are completely bald,
like no tread whatsoever. I decided to even looked at.
It, you know. Yeah.
Yeah.
And so I was like, oh, I need to get get a new tire.
So I went in and got new tires. And the guy was like, hey, I
think, you know, you need to get your alignment checked.
Have you done that? And I was like, no, I'm.
Perfectly aligned so. Then I brought it into another
store and the guy was like, hey, have you have you replaced any
parts on your car? And I was like Nope.
And definitely not the stress he.
Was like your, your car, like your, your alignment was so bad
that your, your tires were, you know, completely stripped.
But because of it, essentially he's like, at any given moment,
all four of your tires could have fallen off your car.
And he was like, Are you sure you didn't replace any parts?
And I was like, I do not that I can remember.
I was too embarrassed to admit I replaced the Shruts, but I
didn't know what I was doing. Yeah.
So I didn't even think like, hey, I should get this.
Well, that that was exactly my. Story my biggest That's the
biggest fear. Yeah.
Is that why? Why are we so scared of being
found of that? Right, right.
Like what do you think? Why is that I?
I mean, at the end of the day, part of it, I think for US
married men is our wives probably don't have the space or
time to be able to go fix the struts.
Like they're, they have, you know, they're taking care of
children, they may be working. And so we know like it's on,
it's on us. My wife wants us to, to build a
chicken coop this summer so that we can be HOA homesteaders.
But the HOA says you can only have 6 chickens though, which is
just funny because why 6? So no Roosters under 6 or under
chickens. And I'm just like, she's like, I
need you to build a chicken coop because I want chickens.
And I'm like, I want to give that to her.
I want to give her that experience of, of, you know,
being able to have free, free range.
And by free range, I mean 1/4 of 1/4 of an acre quarter lot.
But I'm like, I want to, I want to do that for her.
And I think it'd be, she'd be so she would feel so loved if I was
able to do it. And so the reality is the fear
is like, if I fail, I'm not failing to build a coop, I'm
failing my wife, I'm failing my kids having to eat, you know,
the Kirkland browned free range eggs instead of the lucido free
range eggs. So anyways, I think that I think
that's most of it. And I think for guys, you know,
who are, who are afraid to jump in there, it's like at the end
of the day, if you're not willing to to lose a little bit,
both money miles on your car driving to Home Depot.
I've actually switched Ace Hardware because they have free
popcorn. That fits with the HOA chicken.
Just eating my Ace Hardware pop. It's amazing.
So my part of my HOA also has 10% off at the Ace Hardware.
Yeah. So you feel like you're, you
feel like you're. Hey baby, you want have a moving
that? Yeah, I'll run over to Ace
Hardware Grouse and Popcorn. But it's also, there's something
about Ace, It's a little bit more.
It's, it's less scary. You walk into Home Depot, it's
very overwhelming. I don't what do you mean by
that? The Ace Hardwares are smaller
and they're more more often in strip malls.
It's like right now it's Papa Murphy's Ace Hardware always
right now. And then you got like Papa
Murphy's Ace Hardware. There's like Cricket Wireless
and and it's right in between them.
Boost Mobile. And anyways, I've switched, I've
switched ACE because it's just it's not as intimidating.
It's not as intimidating. In popcorn.
Yep, can't forget the popcorn. That's it.
Yeah. I just, I feel like there's an
element of do I have what it takes?
You wanna be a provider. And then there's these
situations that you get into where you're kind of out of your
element. No one's ever taught you to do
this. I mean, this, this that might
even go beyond just like fixing things, you know, just in
general. I mean, just being married,
having children, you know, work, you know, being in your, in your
job and trying to figure things out.
Just an element of like, you know, I've been tasked with some
responsibility and I don't know, I don't know what to do, you
know. And I think, I mean, that's
something that I feel like, you know, I've had to grow.
I still have to grow. And it's like this ability to
allow myself to be, to be weak and to ask and to ask for help,
you know, I mean, growing up well.
Even then, I'm like, I wouldn't necessarily say that's a weak
thing. Well.
Well, that, well, that's what I mean.
It's just like showing some sign of.
Like part of the problem. For saying you're, you're weak
for having to well, no, well, that's not, that's not what I
mean. It's like, you know, to, to say
that I don't, I don't know everything.
No, I know, I know. You know what I'm saying.
It's not just you know that I would, you'd probably say that's
a strength, you know, being willing to ask for help.
My biggest weakness is my biggest strength.
I care too much about it. I care too much.
I work too hard. I work too hard.
I'm on integrity PTO but I don't take any days off.
Are you have you guys gone to birth classes?
Yes, we just finished them a couple of weeks ago.
How were they? They were long.
It was. We went to this course.
It was. Over the course, This isn't the
absent Father episode. It was it was 4 weeks long and
it was 3 1/2 hours per sitting. So four classes over 4 weeks, 3
1/2 hours each. So it was just a lot.
And the style of teaching, like wasn't too engaging.
It was very helpful. Yeah.
Because before going to this birth class, I thought when my
wife goes into labor, I'll go to the hospital.
We'll just kind of hang out for a little bit and then we'll
leave with a baby. Yeah.
Like that's all I thought there was to it.
So it was helpful, I think for well for both of us, but for me
special like there's so much more that I can be doing to make
sure my. It's the same feeling trying to
build a bookshelf. Yeah.
As it is when the nurse leaves the room after the baby comes.
It's like I went to 42 hours of birth classes and they never
covered holding it. Oh yeah.
Or swaddling it. Yes or what?
No, just. Don't shake, don't shake, don't
shake the baby well. When, Yeah, when it's when you
haven't slept. And I'll never forget we had
Eden. And the nurse is there and, you
know, they're with you and they're like, showing you, you
know, changing the diaper, things like that.
And then they leave and I was like, wait, wait.
Where you going? Where you going?
There's no DVDs. There's no manuals, DVDs.
All there is is you, your wife and a baby.
And all of a sudden you're faced with the reality.
I don't know what to do. Yeah.
I don't know how to support her. Yeah.
I don't know how to take care of her.
Yeah. When she just went through a
crazy situation. Now she's going to be trying to
nurse the baby in the middle of the night.
I'm. I'm supposed to step up and I,
you know, can't even wake up at my alarm.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm supposed to be this
man. And it's the exact same
experience, right, that you were talking about of do I have what
it takes in this situation? Yeah.
So I mean, what do you think the solution is there?
Because we don't, we don't obviously know everything.
Is it just like, is it being willing to try new things and
not get mad at yourself, or is it being willing to ask for help
when you need help? Is it a combination of both,
like for, you know, if you're talking to me or someone like me
who gets angry when he tries to hang up a famous photo on the
wall? You know, like, what do I need?
Do I need to call my neighbor and ask him to help me hang out
my picture? Do I just need to chill out a
little bit? Hey, Jimmy.
Can you help me? Hey 911, I can't hang this
picture. I can't find the stud.
I, I've been thinking about this a little bit.
I don't know, to answer your question, I think it is a little
bit of both, but I also think there's something else to it.
Like I'm thinking I'm about to have my first kit, right?
We're having a son and I'm thinking like, how can I make
sure he's nothing like me when it comes to like fixing things,
right? And it's like, yeah, it's not
like I can just take my kid through an 18 year course of how
to fix absolutely everything. Yeah, but I definitely want to
at least make him a little bit familiar with fixing things.
Yeah, with taking a little bit of ownership.
You don't know what you're doing.
Well, yeah, that's why I don't know.
And that's where like maybe I was going to ask y'all of how
you guys are approaching this with your kids.
I think, I think kind of all what, what all of us are saying.
It's just, it's like, it's the fear of messing up.
It's, it's the fear of messing up.
And so I'm like, if there's something that I could teach my
kids, I might not be able to, you know, teach him how to, you
know, change the struts on his scar.
Maybe I could, you know, I wouldn't.
I still wouldn't be very good at it because I've only done it one
time. But maybe what I could teach him
is like a mentality of like, it's OK to try new things.
Yeah. It's OK to not know what you're
doing and like, you get to be with Dad and maybe doing it
because he doesn't really know what he's doing either.
And I'm OK with that. Yeah.
And let's figure this out kind of, let's say, with your
father-in-law. Yes, exactly.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, let's say what is it?
Let's shed some light on that. Let's let's get some light on
that. Let's.
Get some light on this subject. Yeah, I, I think that might be
the first place to start of like, yeah, you might not know
what you're doing, but you're just getting them familiar
around these things by doing it together and just discovering
together. Yeah.
And in that way, you're also teaching them ideally,
theoretically, what it looks like for someone to be OK with
failing, with not knowing what they're doing right with.
Hey, actually I'm a little out of my depth here, but let's take
the car to the shop. You know, I think it's time to
take the car to. The shop, you say it out of my
depth. Yeah, I like that You've heard
that. Come up with that.
It's a. Common saying.
Pretty common saying I'd say I've.
Never heard that. Have you heard that?
Yeah, I definitely have. Out of my depth, out of my
element. Yeah, out of my element.
Let's shed some light on that that you haven't heard.
That I mean, at the end of the day that I still want my kid to
know how to do stuff. Yeah, but it's not like I have a
ranking system of they need to a first thing they're gonna learn
is how to make a bench, you know, Second thing is let.
Me tell you about this bench we're gonna we're gonna go visit
this summer camp that I worked at my sophomore year college so
I can show. You.
So do you see that bench over there?
Oh yeah, I know you're thinking I built it load bearing.
That's that's our family heirloom that's gonna be passed
down to you and you're gonna pass down to your son one day,
Tom. Yeah, I think maybe that's you
hit it right. The nail right on the head.
That's exactly. How you do it with your kid, you
failed together. You do it together, you're OK
with it. Yeah.
And they'll slowly become familiar with those things too.
And hopefully you have a father-in-law on construction
remodeling who can actually. Teach him stuff too.
Yeah, that's a little safety. Net, that's a first date.
That's a first date question right there.
What is your what is your dad? I'm.
Curious. My dad's actually on the PGA
Tour. Yeah, not gonna work.
He doesn't fix things, does he? Only my you.
Know you can come with us to Augusta National, watch the
Masters. I'm sorry, cut it.
Can't do that. Doesn't have a pair of pliers.
That's great. You know, my my father-in-law,
every single time he comes over to my house, he buys me new 2
like so nice, which is kind of it's.
Amazing. Yeah.
Because that's my that's probably one of my biggest
problems. I don't own anything.
Yeah, to help me fix. Something and I don't even know.
I got 2 hammers and an automatic drill.
Yeah, that's it. Yeah.
You can do a lot. And then actually I'm kind of
embarrassed. I have all electric lawn mowing
equipment, which is just when you have to plug in your lawn
mower to an outlet. You just plug it in, or like a
battery, you charge it. There's two different ways, so
you can either plug it in or you have the Ryobi.
Like you plug it in as you. Push it.
Can you plug in the Ryobi directly?
Where? Wow, I got I have the one.
I mean I charge the battery and then I put the battery in there.
So you can you, I have that, but then there's also a cord based
system that you can run to a power outlet.
Interesting. That's very interesting.
Free Range Free range 10 feet from your house.
That's great. Well, I think we'll close out
there. Yep.
Thank you guys for tuning in. Thank you guys for discovering
how to fix things, how to build benches with us.
Make sure to like this to subscribe and to share with some
friends. This is the All In podcast.