1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,520 Gentlemen, here's the thing, you're sitting down with your 2 00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:05,800 wife at the dinner table and you make a noise, you go. 3 00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:11,840 All of a sudden, your eyes go wide. 4 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,520 You look at your wife and you know what just happened? 5 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:18,160 You just became your dad. This is the All In podcast. 6 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:21,520 We are three dads trying to prevent for as long as we can 7 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:23,680 becoming our own fathers. TuneIn, join in. 8 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:41,480 You're going to want to be here. All right, so fellas, here's the 9 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:44,080 deal. We are three men in our late 10 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:47,240 20s. One of us is in our early 30s. 11 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:50,600 Wonder who it could be? Various levels of hair loss, 12 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:54,480 various levels of becoming our fathers. 13 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:56,080 And so that's what we want to talk about. 14 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:58,840 Have you guys had a moment recently where you just sat back 15 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:01,120 and you're like, Oh no, it's happening. 16 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:04,720 I am the progressive commercial, Clayton, we're tossing it to 17 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:05,680 you. Hit lead off for us. 18 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,920 First thing I'm thinking of, and this is something I'm profoundly 19 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:12,080 guilty of, I would like to apologize publicly to my wife 20 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,720 and to my children. Hopefully that will be watching 21 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:18,800 this someday. I'm profoundly guilty of rushing 22 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:20,840 out the door for no apparent reason. 23 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,400 Like describe. Like you just wake up and Sprint 24 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:25,920 down. Well, it's just like, you know, 25 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,840 for instance, Sunday morning, you know how it goes with 26 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:29,840 children. It's there. 27 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,160 There's there's a little bit of stress in getting out the door 28 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:35,040 to go to Mass. So we have 9:00 AM Mass. 29 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:38,000 It's an 11 minute drive to get to the church. 30 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,560 And I had this conversation with my wife. 31 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:42,680 She's like, it's an 11 minute drive so we can leave it at 32 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:44,560 8:48. And I was like, no, it's 2 33 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,440 minutes to get in the car, 2 1/2 minutes to get out of the car, 34 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,480 you know, and then get into the church and then get into your 35 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:50,760 Pew. And we can get there 3 minutes 36 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:51,920 early. So we need to leave at 37 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:55,920 approximately 836. You know, if we leave, if we 38 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:59,520 have the absolute latest and if we leave at 8:36, we can 39 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,600 leisurely, you know, go about it. 40 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:05,960 But anyways, growing up, you know, it was like if we had a, a 41 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,479 9:00 AM flight, we're out the door at 4 O clock in the 42 00:02:08,479 --> 00:02:10,600 morning, you know, and we're, we're, we're getting to the 43 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,000 airport. And even if we're at the airport 44 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:16,400 multiple hours in advance, my dad is 20 yards in front of 45 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,320 everybody else, like sprinting. And we're like trying to catch 46 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,600 up with them. And so I just, I create undue 47 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:26,800 anxiety in the household with wanting to be on time or early 48 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,640 everywhere we go. It's like even if you leave with 49 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:31,120 plenty of time, you're still like rushing. 50 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:32,920 There's still part of me that's just like. 51 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:34,560 What could go wrong? Yeah, there's something that's 52 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:36,400 going to, there's something that's going to happen. 53 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,600 Tire blows out, car breaks down. It could. 54 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:41,120 Be it could be anything. 7 red lights in a row. 55 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,200 Sometimes my my middle child will. 56 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,440 He knows how to buckle himself, but then sometimes he complaints 57 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,760 that he can't buckle himself. So we got to pull over on the 58 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,360 side of the road, get back there, buckle him because he 59 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:53,520 doesn't like to be. I'm like, if you've got, you 60 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,200 know, the center 1, he got at least one of the bottom ones in 61 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,800 in the in the car seat. I'm like, you're getting fine, 62 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:01,760 you know, So we got to pull over and do that. 63 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:02,920 You just never know what's going to happen. 64 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:07,120 Yeah, our our family was was famous for never getting to eat 65 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:11,120 out like our go to restaurant as a family with super salads. 66 00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:14,600 You guys remember that place, yes, Probably didn't have them 67 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,000 you. Know where you're from in San 68 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:17,880 Antonio didn't. Have salad or soup? 69 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:22,240 We're not a big salad family. But it was basically like an all 70 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:25,160 you can eat buffet salad place. And it was like kids, you know, 71 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:29,360 eat for 399 or whatever. And I, I honestly, I told my 72 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,280 parents I was like, I feel like I've been abused. 73 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,880 You've never taken me to Chick-fil-A once in my life. 74 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:39,280 And so now it's funny because we took our kids to Chick-fil-A 75 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:43,040 like 3 days ago and my parents were famous for, you know, water 76 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:46,400 only family, no sides. We're only getting the entrees. 77 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,840 We'll buy chips, we'll buy vegetables. 78 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:52,440 No soft drinks. I snuck in my own Coke 0 from 79 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,920 the cooler in my car, hid it in my wife's backpack, ordered a 80 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:59,920 cup of ice, and then poured my my canned Coke 0 under the 81 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:01,880 table. Then we went to the movie 82 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:05,400 theater, and our family similarly never buy popcorn, 83 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:06,960 never buy soft drinks, never get you. 84 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,760 Just remember when we were kids, they had, like, those amazing 85 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:13,040 kid packs at the movie theaters. It'd be like popcorn, nachos, a 86 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:14,200 candy. Yeah. 87 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,440 And then a soda. Yeah. 88 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:18,279 Like I dreamed about those. If only we could get one of 89 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:19,839 those. And Lean Cuisine, the Lean 90 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:21,959 Cuisine meals, Those were the two dreams at the. 91 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:25,080 Movie theater No. Just like in general. 92 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:29,120 In general. But we we snuck in popcorn in 93 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:32,200 bags, we snuck in apple slices and then we brought bottles of 94 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:36,240 water and we sat in the seats that we didn't pay for because 95 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,920 they were better seats. Someone came in, kicked us out 96 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,960 as I'm like grabbing all the bags of popcorn and apples and 97 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,800 shoving them in my wife's purse. So I think just like being 98 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,880 cheap, you know, is, is something I'm like, Oh no, I 99 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:52,880 think we're becoming my parents. Yeah, I, I mean, I feel that one 100 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,920 a lot. I, I a big one that I've been 101 00:04:55,920 --> 00:05:03,080 laughing to myself about lately is I'll do this to my wife a 102 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:05,440 lot. So another public apology, but 103 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:09,360 also to anyone that has been affected, someone will ask me a 104 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:12,800 question about something. Hey, why? 105 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:17,760 Why do you like to put on the parking brake on your car? 106 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:19,840 You put on the parking. Brake. 107 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,480 I do. The short answer is I grew up on 108 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:28,920 a hill, but my natural inclination is to give him like 109 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:32,400 a 20 minute oral history of parking brakes, how they came to 110 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,640 be, why they're so important. So here's the thing, before I 111 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:38,160 even get into why I like to answering their question. 112 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,280 And I used to get so annoyed at my dad. 113 00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:43,120 I used to like get mad at him. I used to start fights with him 114 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:46,360 because he would do that. And it's like, man, I'm becoming 115 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,360 him, the other one. And I don't know, this is as 116 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,640 much becoming my dad specifically, just like becoming 117 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:55,920 a dad. Any time I travel, no matter how 118 00:05:55,920 --> 00:06:00,360 long my trip is, usually my, my work trips are two nights, three 119 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:04,240 nights, maybe I'll bring 17 pairs of underwear. 120 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:08,040 You know, like no matter what, you just never know. 121 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,400 And it's like I convinced myself that like all these things could 122 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,480 happen. I don't know if that's, I just 123 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:13,960 feel like that's a very dad thing. 124 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,000 Someone's like leaving 6 hours before your flight with all the 125 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,840 kids. But it's like 17 pairs of 126 00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:23,520 underwear and then you pack 1 polo like that is my dad in a 127 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,000 nutshell. Always over packed on socks. 128 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,040 One pair of shorts for the vacation. 129 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:33,160 Another one that I always thought was funny with my dad is 130 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:37,440 I feel like every single night when I go say goodnight to my 131 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:40,880 parents, my mom was in bed and my dad was reading a sports 132 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:41,880 article. Yes. 133 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:45,680 And you know, when I was big into soccer, Formula One, a lot 134 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:50,720 of European sports, and he just knew everything about every 135 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,320 single team player. He knew where they were from, 136 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:56,200 where they grew up, right, how big their family was. 137 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:57,760 But then he'd always forget, like. 138 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:01,880 A birthday or always? Forget like anniversary or like 139 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:05,600 that I have a football game this weekend and I would always be 140 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:06,800 like that. Why are you like that? 141 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:10,640 You know, and it's all of a sudden, it's like I'm always 142 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:14,600 rattling, rattling off stats about random things, but I'll 143 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,400 forget the most basic things in my life. 144 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:19,320 Like, Oh yeah, my wife asked me to do this this morning. 145 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:23,040 I don't remember that, but I do remember the Johnny Football was 146 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:26,360 born at this time on December 6th, you know, And it's like, 147 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:29,040 why do I know that? I. 148 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:33,000 I feel like budgeting is something that comes up for me 149 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,880 like I remember. Also my parents are listeners to 150 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,920 the podcast so shout out Mom dad I love you guys. 151 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:41,120 All good. Thanks. 152 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,200 Glad glad that I am the way I am. 153 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:46,560 Just want to make that clear before we dive into this, but 154 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:49,160 just budgeting. So like, I don't my parents 155 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,800 weren't like stressed about money, but I just think like 156 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,960 normal, maybe normal parents, they were, you know, we. 157 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,400 Usually go to private school well. 158 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,400 Right. And, and you know, thermostat, 159 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:02,520 yeah, we, we were able to go 1° cooler, Wow than most families, 160 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:04,760 right. But just like conversations like 161 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,720 that, you know, my dad, the word, the thermostat, my dad 162 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:11,840 always wanted it at 70. My mom always wanted it at 68 163 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:13,960 and my dad just be like, wait, you know, what do you think 164 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,760 we're going to? Going to heat air. 165 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:18,440 Condition the whole neighborhood, you know, like 166 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:20,800 things like that. Our conversations that me and my 167 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:25,200 wife have every winter my wife and I have the annual argument 168 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,920 about how long can we wait to turn the heat on and it's a 169 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:31,640 competition every year to see how long I can make it in 170 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:34,280 convincing her. So it's like, hey, just wear a 171 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,679 jacket the next, like, hey, just wear a pair of socks to bed. 172 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:38,400 Just wear a pair pair of pants to bed. 173 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,039 Just like grab your winter parka, go ahead and wrap that 174 00:08:41,039 --> 00:08:44,960 around you, grab a beanie. You know, but we are not going 175 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:48,160 to turn on the heat until the absolute last second when the 176 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:51,680 water pipes are about frozen. That's when we'll click it on. 177 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,520 So it's just little things like that. 178 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,960 And so it kind of makes you wonder, like, are these things 179 00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:00,360 that we joke about, laugh about, are these healthy habits, or are 180 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,560 these just things that we've kind of convinced ourselves that 181 00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:05,960 are normal? Or if you actually look under 182 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,560 the hood, maybe there's something deeper going on there. 183 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,400 Well, I think there's a distinction between perhaps the 184 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:17,040 vices and virtues that we've picked up from our our parents 185 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,640 or our siblings or the people that we've spent, you know, the 186 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,800 majority of our our time with in our life. 187 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:26,000 There's a difference between the vices and the virtues that we 188 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:29,520 have picked up on. And then just the the isms that 189 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,560 we picked up on at the at the same time. 190 00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:35,600 So for instance, Shawn Michael, we were roommates in college and 191 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:39,240 people have said for the last 12 plus years of our life that we 192 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:40,640 sound. Exactly alike. 193 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:45,080 Yes, yeah, exactly. And so that's not necessarily 194 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:48,360 something that's that's wrong. When I think about the getting 195 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:51,400 out the the door example, there was just, yeah, that was 196 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:55,320 something that was ingrained in me as a child is that, hey, you 197 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,800 should be anxious about getting places on on time. 198 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,640 So there's definitely a distinction between, you know, 199 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:05,680 me the way that I when I see my children, I say, hey, bud, you 200 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:07,960 know, or, you know, Joseph will do something great. 201 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,800 And I say excellent, excellent. You know, I'm like that. 202 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,000 When I hear myself say those things, I'm like, Oh my gosh, 203 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:16,440 without even thinking those things, those things come out, 204 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:19,240 you know? Yeah. 205 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:23,040 All right. The the whole time you you're 206 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,200 talking, I'm also thinking of like the opposite side of that 207 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:30,280 coin of what are the things we picked up in opposition over 208 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:32,840 parents. Like I'm not going to do that, 209 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:33,720 so. I'm going to do this and I was 210 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,240 thinking about that because of your example. 211 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,960 And then this is shout out to Hispanics in Hispanic homes. 212 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,040 I don't know why I don't want to say all, but most Hispanic 213 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:45,040 homes, for whatever reason, it's always really hot. 214 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:49,480 That's so true. We we went to visit my parents 215 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:52,840 over Christmas break and I I've known this for the long time. 216 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:56,520 I'm always come prepared as you bring a fan, but they keep our 217 00:10:56,520 --> 00:11:03,680 house at 757677 and so in my house now. 218 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,240 Is that a money thing or or or a comfort thing? 219 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:08,080 I think it's a comfort. Thing it's a comfort thing 220 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,400 that's. Just I keep, I keep them all. 221 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:12,960 Mimi and I keep our house at 7069. 222 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,240 Yeah. And any time my parents come 223 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:19,240 over, I mean my mom just came to visit us and and she brought 224 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,960 like 3 coats she brought us. She like her luggage was 225 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,320 blankets for which you go to make. 226 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,640 She's like this is unlivable. I guess do this. 227 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,600 It's like you keep that you're out at 80°. 228 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:29,360 You know. Yeah. 229 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,120 So I, I was just thinking, I'm laughing about like, what are 230 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,600 also some of the things that we picked up? 231 00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:41,520 Yeah, a lot of the isms are really fun and funny to kind of 232 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:46,040 laugh about. As we look towards, you know, 233 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:49,680 things that we swore that we'd never do to build off that 234 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:52,720 point, are there are there habits that your parents did 235 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:54,400 where you're like, I will never do that? 236 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,160 And, and maybe there are things you've actually held on to now, 237 00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,360 things maybe ways you were raised. 238 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:02,160 Also, you know, with all due respect to our parents, who we 239 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,400 all, you know, we, we, we have great respect for, but just 240 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,960 things that happen in the home that you're just like I, I 241 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,080 don't, I don't want that. I'd like to avoid that. 242 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,680 I'm trying to think back to my own experience. 243 00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:20,920 Honestly, that's not really quite. 244 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:26,880 It's not something that really thought much about about things 245 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:30,160 that I necessarily wanted to do differently from my parents. 246 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:34,360 One thing that I have thought about a lot though, is I'm so 247 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:38,600 curious about what my what the conversations between my parents 248 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,960 looked like when when I was growing up. 249 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,720 Like all these conversations that I have with my wife about 250 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:48,040 parenting and school and, you know, rhythm of life and what 251 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,440 they eat and how they spend their time and, oh, he's got 252 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,040 this behavior, you know, coming up. 253 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:55,720 And so for me, you know, I feel like there's still somewhat of 254 00:12:55,720 --> 00:13:00,240 a, of a mystery of just, you know, what did they, you know, 255 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,240 what did they, you know, my kids, maybe they'll know. 256 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,160 I'll share that with them when they become parents one day of 257 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,080 like, yeah, here's how we kind of like worked out some of these 258 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:07,960 things. These are the things that we 259 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,840 talked through. I don't necessarily know what 260 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,640 those conversations looked like with my parents. 261 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:16,960 I don't know if I can name besides just the, you know, the, 262 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:19,880 I would say, you know, I used the example of getting out of 263 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:24,320 the house on time. But I, I, I think that, you 264 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:30,080 know, my dad was, was very disciplined, very intentional 265 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,320 with a very forward thinking, which are all things that I've, 266 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,200 you know, I've taken on from him. 267 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:39,800 But then with that, there's the tendency to become, you guys can 268 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:42,680 attest this uptight and anxious about things at the same time 269 00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:46,280 that apply not just to getting out the door, but finances when 270 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:49,040 you don't necessarily need to be anxious about finances or, you 271 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:50,600 know, whatever else that that it is. 272 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,000 And so that's something that I'm really aware of in myself that's 273 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:57,480 kind of broad, not specific, you know, not anyone specific thing, 274 00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,640 but knowing that's something that I carry in myself that 275 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:02,600 comes with both good and bad. Does that make sense? 276 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:07,920 I think being a parent has certainly humbled me to maybe 277 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:10,280 many of the frustrations I had with my own parents. 278 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,560 So things. I felt like always my parents 279 00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:16,120 were the most strict of all my friends, whether it was 280 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:20,560 sleepovers, movies, you know, spending the night, lake houses. 281 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,360 Like I, I remember there was, you know, fun lake house trips 282 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,680 that all the boys were getting to go, but I wasn't able to go 283 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,600 or the amount of activities that we participated in. 284 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,800 You know, they always kept those two to a minimum to prioritize 285 00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:34,920 family time, family dinners, you know, that was big for our 286 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,560 family. And I was always frustrated 287 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,680 because I'm like, why can't we just watch the cowboy game 288 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:41,000 together and we don't have to sit down and eat together? 289 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,840 And so I think there was kind of a lot of commitments I made as a 290 00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:48,960 genius 141516 year old kid. I'm like, I'm not going to be, 291 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,800 I'm not going to be a strict like I would, I would 100% let 292 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,720 my kid do that. But now I look back on, I'm 293 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,960 like, thank the Lord that my parents did that. 294 00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,720 And, and I think my parents were, I felt like they were 295 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:03,120 tough on me, but I, I look back and realize that many of the 296 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,880 ways that they stepped in were super necessary. 297 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:12,360 My, my oldest daughter, she has a temperament similar to me in 298 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:16,600 that she has what my parents used to call in me, a steel trap 299 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,120 mind. So once I get an idea in here, 300 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:22,360 I, I can't focus on anything else until that thing gets done. 301 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,120 And I've watched my daughter have that same habit with 302 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:30,680 certain things and it is very frustrating for me as a dad to 303 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:34,600 watch that because she is extremely stubborn until she 304 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,400 completes that thing she wants to get done. 305 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:39,680 And there's been so many times I, I told my parents last week, 306 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:44,360 I feel like raising my daughter is penance for what I did to my 307 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:49,840 parents and my stubbornness and argumentative nature and need to 308 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,880 be right all the time. When your 6 year old daughter's 309 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,640 correcting you, you're just like, Oh my gosh, that's 310 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,080 probably how I was. Yeah. 311 00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:01,160 Mom and dad, I'm so sorry. Like I must have been such an 312 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,080 annoying little kid to have to parent. 313 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,120 So I as you make these commitments in life and then you 314 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:09,000 become a parent, there's, there's a beautiful humility of 315 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,600 maybe they actually didn't know what they were doing. 316 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:17,200 Have you guys seen that? Yeah, I think, you know, my, my 317 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,520 family's in a maybe different stage, right? 318 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:24,360 We only have one kid and I don't know, is he still a newborn? 319 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,840 He's five months, whatever that means, right? 320 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,400 He's he's out of alien stage and he's in cute. 321 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:33,080 Baby stage Oh he yeah I mean I'm biased, but he's been he's been 322 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:36,800 cute for a while so it's a little different, right, because 323 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,880 I'm not necessarily talking to him and seeing. 324 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,480 No spanking, no spankings. No, nothing like that. 325 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:47,800 But I think something that I've kind of been thinking about a 326 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:54,960 lot too is just I, I'm looking up to my parents a lot more now 327 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,440 that I'm going through this through the early stages of 328 00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:01,840 parenting, right? I'm also like, like just to even 329 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:04,119 the little things of just like changing diapers, waking up in 330 00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:06,800 the middle of the night to like shush them and they don't want 331 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,440 to go back to sleep. So you kind of hold them. 332 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:11,760 And I'm just like, man, my parents did that for me, you 333 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:14,839 know, like, how could I, I, my mom and I joke because 334 00:17:14,839 --> 00:17:17,520 apparently when I was like 3 or 4 years old, the biggest thing 335 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,319 that I would do is I would just go to him. 336 00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:21,960 Like you don't love me and I would just tell her that and 337 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,680 like walk away. How do I, I have no memory of 338 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,720 this, you know, but I'm just like even things like that. 339 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,480 But she she told me like the first time you said that, like 340 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,400 it hurt a lot when you were a three-year old. 341 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,960 But I'm just thinking like, man, like my parents love me so much 342 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,920 and like, it's, it's helping you realize those things of like 343 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:41,400 even the frustrating things, like they did so much for me. 344 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:45,360 That's a lot of what I've been realizing, even just as little 345 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:48,880 as like, you know, I'll stare at John Henry and I'm like, man, I 346 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:51,320 like I'll. I will move heaven and earth for 347 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,200 you. And I started thinking like my 348 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:58,760 parents took three kids under the age of 10, moved to a 349 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,720 different country of a language that didn't speak, you know, 350 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,240 just kind of put everything on the line to take a job that 351 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:07,120 maybe will work out just like did did all these things that 352 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,040 are like, so scary. I don't know if I like right 353 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,600 now, I'm like, I wouldn't want to move to a country that's 354 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,160 different from where I've everything I've known to a 355 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,200 language that I don't really speak to all these things. 356 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,600 Yeah, it's just making me appreciate my parents a lot 357 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:19,880 more. I. 358 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,600 Think when you have kids, there's two things that happen. 359 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:26,000 There's greater recognition of their strengths from when you 360 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,120 were a child that perhaps frustrated you, and also greater 361 00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:31,520 empathy for their their weaknesses as well. 362 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:36,480 So one example that I'm, I'm thinking of in, in my head is I, 363 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:41,120 I, you know, by no means was I always afraid. 364 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,560 You know, there's moments when you're afraid of your dad, you 365 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:47,680 know, and where he, he gets angry about something, you know, 366 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,440 and you're kind of scared, you know, you're scared of what he's 367 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,840 going to say. And you knew, you knew you 368 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,480 messed up or, you know, whatever it is, and you're, and you're 369 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,480 kind of afraid of your dad. And I remember feeling that way 370 00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:01,480 as a kid in certain scenarios, you know, whether, you know, it 371 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:04,680 was like, you know, cleaning, like I would need to clean the 372 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,480 house when I came home from school and like, help, you know, 373 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,280 put things away. But, you know, I'd be lazy and 374 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,680 like, would be watching TV. But then as soon as you hear the 375 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,000 garage door opening, you're like, oh, my gosh. 376 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,280 And you get up and you start frantically cleaning because 377 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,240 Dad's about to walk in the door. And you want to make it seem 378 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,680 like, you know, I've been working this whole time, you 379 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,960 know, or, or maybe when I've done something wrong, you know, 380 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,800 I'm like, oh, my gosh. And and mom says, you know, 381 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,200 Dad's going to talk to you when he gets home. 382 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,280 And you're just like. Between your. 383 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:32,760 Legs, my gosh, this is going to be so scary. 384 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,520 You know, and there's been little moments that I've 385 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:40,560 recognized with my five 5 1/2 year old where, you know, he's 386 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:44,920 maybe not being as responsive to his mother in in certain things. 387 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:49,080 And, you know, then dad, you know, I come in and I kind of, 388 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:52,360 you know, I'm not, I'm not yelling at him, but I'm speaking 389 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:56,320 firmly and trying to tell him like, Hey, this behavior is not 390 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,120 acceptable. And he'll respond. 391 00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:01,200 He'll kind of like look down at the ground and he'll go, yes, 392 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,240 dad, you know, and then and then, you know, the behavior 393 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:05,800 will change. And the thought has come up in 394 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:09,160 my mind of just. What is going through his mind 395 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:12,080 right now as a 5 year old? Does he respect me or is he 396 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,640 scared of me? And I don't want him to be 397 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:18,760 scared of me, you know, I want, I want him to respect my, my 398 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,920 authority, you know, and that's, I think that's something that 399 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,720 kind of scares me a little bit. And so there one thing I've 400 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:26,760 become more cognizant of recently is whenever I have to 401 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,000 be firm like that, making sure that at the end of the 402 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,280 conversation, I lower my voice a little bit and I speak more 403 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,520 gently. And I say, you know, son, like 404 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,560 dad loves you. You know, I, I love you even if 405 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:38,880 you, you know, you do something wrong. 406 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:41,680 You know, I need to speak firmly to you right now, but I just 407 00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:43,560 need you to know that that behavior is not OK. 408 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:46,320 You're not, you're not bad. You know, you're not in a whole 409 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:47,880 lot of trouble right now. I just need you. 410 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:51,000 I want to be clear with you and just having that, you know, get 411 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:55,720 on his level moment because I, you know, again, I don't, I 412 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,920 don't want him to be afraid of me in the same way that, you 413 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,400 know, I had experienced that as a child. 414 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,480 And again, it wasn't that I was afraid of my dad the whole time, 415 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:06,520 but it was just that, you know, I don't know if he if he got on 416 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:11,360 my same level like that after, you know, a behavior. 417 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:15,840 Change 100%. I think a lot of men say things 418 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,120 like, oh, I just want to be a better dad than my dad was. 419 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:22,520 Yeah, I hear that as a, as a pithy one liner for many men. 420 00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:27,640 And it's, it's always struck me as somewhat odd because the goal 421 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:31,480 should never be, I'll just be a better dad than my dad was. 422 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:36,800 Because one, I think it it shows a lack of gratitude for maybe 423 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:40,200 many of the hidden sacrifices that your dad probably did. 424 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,040 And yeah, maybe he wasn't perfect, maybe he was messed up. 425 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:46,240 Maybe he did some things that were were hurtful or, you know, 426 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,600 left left some marks that you had to deal with a little bit 427 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,760 later in life. But if the goal is just to be a 428 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:54,640 a better version of someone who was, you know, that you don't 429 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:58,120 have that you don't want to emulate, then you still don't 430 00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:00,400 have anything to go off of. Like what's your model? 431 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,680 Your model can't be not being this person. 432 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:06,920 Your model has to be. I want to be something and it a 433 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,320 lack of something doesn't create what you should be. 434 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:15,080 And so I'm wondering as we look at our parents, you know, it's 435 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:19,480 that there should be both the gratitude of becoming like your 436 00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,600 parents and then also a filtering out of things that 437 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,160 you're just like, yeah, I, I don't want to do that. 438 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,400 That's OK. You know, it's not a attack on 439 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:29,760 my own parents, but it's an inventory of what are some 440 00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,200 really awesome things that they did. 441 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,600 And I want to show gratitude to them for that. 442 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,520 And then what are some things that I don't want to carry over 443 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:42,000 into my family, not as an attack or a accusation of my parents, 444 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,760 but things that just for our family would like to do a little 445 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:47,560 bit differently. And so for for people who are 446 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,160 listening, it could be a interesting exercise to just 447 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,520 kind of think about that. And what are some of the things 448 00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:55,520 that you want to pull away? I think one, one thing just 449 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:58,840 naturally is like my family growing up, extended family was 450 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:00,920 a huge part of our life. So we were always spending time 451 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:04,440 with grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, weekly, sometimes 452 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,680 more than weekly. That had a huge precedent in our 453 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,320 home and was very important for our family. 454 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,400 It's not that it's unimportant, it's just that logistically, we 455 00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,400 live 13 hours from them. And so our kids are not going to 456 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,840 have that same upbringing where they're hanging out with their 457 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:22,600 cousins every weekend. And part of that I think is, is 458 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:26,360 somewhat healthy because we can control a little bit more who 459 00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:28,640 they're around. But another part of that is sad 460 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:32,040 for me because I, I want my kids to be around their grandparents, 461 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:35,040 aunts and uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins, so on and so forth. 462 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:38,120 So other things as you guys step into your fatherhood, your 463 00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:40,720 family that you're looking back at and you're like leave that, 464 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:47,280 take some of this, move forward. I think one of the big things 465 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:51,520 that I want to take at least from from my dad and my mom as 466 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:54,560 well. But my dad is a very generous 467 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,720 man. Like he just his way of showing 468 00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:59,320 love to people's by like giving them things. 469 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,920 And one of the things that he would always try to give us just 470 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,560 experiences. He was big on giving us 471 00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,440 experiences, whatever that was, whether it was going to a show, 472 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:11,680 going to a concert, going to a game, more than it was like 473 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,880 buying us anything. And then sometimes he did buy us 474 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:17,320 anything because we were brats and we would, you know, bug him 475 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,200 about it. But that I think that's 476 00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:22,280 something that so I look back, I'm like that. 477 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,000 That was great. Like he was always down to take 478 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:28,080 us on a trip before he was down to bias the next like the new 479 00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:31,600 PS2 game. And that's something that I that 480 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,960 I want to take away. It's something so little right. 481 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:38,680 But I think shaped me a lot into like, yeah, just being a lot 482 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,680 more aware of my surroundings of different cultures, of different 483 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,600 things like that. That was great. 484 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:47,240 I think keeping on the silly level for now before I I, I 485 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,640 bring it up. Another one thing that I don't 486 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:55,400 want to emulate is my dad cannot resist the sale or, you know, 487 00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:57,840 and that's something I definitely don't want to 488 00:24:57,840 --> 00:24:59,920 emulate. I mean, you go in our garage. 489 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:03,320 Just piled high. Just so many things and hey, 490 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:04,680 sometimes it works out of my favorite right? 491 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:08,200 Like he just gifted my wife and IA new Blackstone which is great 492 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,360 and it that. That was from a sale. 493 00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,360 And it's awesome. Well, it was it was from like a 494 00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:17,200 sale bulk by the he bought 3 and then he was like, oh, that's 495 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,000 great. I'll give one to me, one to my 496 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,080 brother, and then one for himself. 3 Blackstones. 497 00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:23,480 Yeah, it's, it's just like, again, like it's generous. 498 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,160 It comes from a good place, but it's like, I don't want to just 499 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:27,480 like always be spending money on things. 500 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:31,040 I think on a deeper level, something that I'm very 501 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:35,960 cognizant of is, and I don't think this was on purpose by any 502 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,080 means. I think it was just like a lot 503 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,960 of things going on and no one really knows how to parent right 504 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,720 until your parenting. They never asked us about like 505 00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:47,240 what we were feeling. That's something that that I've 506 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:51,600 made very clear of like we, we always want to like, and we, I 507 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:55,040 always told Mimi, if like we need to be aware of how we talk 508 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,280 about our feelings and we need to make sure we're talking about 509 00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,160 them in front of our kids, right? 510 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:01,680 And, and talking about what we're doing and how we're 511 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,520 processing emotions. Because my parents never talked 512 00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,560 about emotions in front of us, never asked us about our 513 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:07,720 emotions. And again, I don't think you 514 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:09,200 came from a bad place. If they care. 515 00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:11,760 They just didn't know, right? Growing up in Mexico, the 516 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:13,360 culture might have been different where it like that 517 00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:15,800 just wasn't a thing. Maybe it was a thing of the 60s 518 00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,720 and 70s where no one talked about emotions, but things like 519 00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:22,400 that that I'm like, I want to make sure I do that. 520 00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:25,760 Yeah. Because I I see little things 521 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:29,440 that I maybe like blame my parents about that could have 522 00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:32,280 been fixed if my dad or my mom would have just like asked me 523 00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,000 like, well, how does this make you feel and why does it make 524 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:35,800 you feel that way? Well, here's how you can process 525 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,240 that and just would have taught me those things. 526 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:38,680 I think that would have been really helpful. 527 00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:42,360 Again, not from a not only came from a bad place, it was just 528 00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:45,360 from like a there's also figuring things out and this guy 529 00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:47,520 kind of left on the wayside. We'll reclaim. 530 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,360 There's two things I was thinking of 1 something that you 531 00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:54,160 brought up, John Michael decision that that we made in 532 00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,760 the last few years is to move back closer to family. 533 00:26:57,160 --> 00:27:00,600 And, you know, being close to family has been a huge, huge 534 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,520 that, you know, I would say I'm, I'm, you know, we're ultimately, 535 00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:06,400 you know, trying to move close to my, my in laws. 536 00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:12,640 So my mother-in-law, my father-in-law, and then three of 537 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:15,280 my wife's brothers, you know, live in area, are about to live 538 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:19,480 in the area as well. And they're surrounded by, you 539 00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:33,120 know, the parents on my mother in They have a much larger 540 00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:35,600 community that they're a part of, but something that was 541 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:40,160 really normalized at my house was like my, my aunt was over 542 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,280 all the time, my uncle's over all the time. 543 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:45,120 My grandparents were coming over for dinner, you know, multiple 544 00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:47,880 times, you know, per per week. They live just down the street 545 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:51,760 in, in an apartment, you know, and, and so that, that was just 546 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:55,640 part of family life was that, you know, every weekend, you 547 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,000 know, we were having some sort of a family dinner. 548 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:02,120 And I want to give my children that that same experience of 549 00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:04,640 being raised by family and, and, and with family. 550 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:06,960 The other one that I was kind of thinking about. 551 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:08,880 That's that I think is is somewhat funny. 552 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:12,320 And I'm totally going to be this way when you know, my my sons 553 00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,400 are, you know, more competitive in athletics. 554 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:19,720 I remember my dad, you know, in middle school basketball, he had 555 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,720 this little, I don't even know what it's called. 556 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:24,280 It's so old school. You probably just do this on 557 00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:26,240 your iPhone now. But it was this, this little 558 00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,160 gadget where it had a, it was digital. 559 00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:31,360 It had a layout of the basketball court on it. 560 00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:36,080 And he would track all of my statistics throughout the game. 561 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:39,000 Tell, tell, tell Jose about the book that he made. 562 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:40,640 Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, he's got the, you 563 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:44,160 know, he would always different experiences in my life, like, 564 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:46,480 you know, my sophomore year, College in the summer, I went on 565 00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:50,240 a pilgrimage to Krakow, Poland for World Youth Day. 566 00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:54,000 And so he made a book with, you know, all, all of the pictures 567 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:56,600 that I took, which are some of them are just random iPhone 568 00:28:56,600 --> 00:29:00,480 pictures of like something random, you know, But then he 569 00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,960 also made a, a middle school basketball book for me. 570 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:07,160 So he would. With all of Clayton's stats. 571 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,040 With all of my per. Game from 5th grade to 8th 572 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:13,320 grade. The thing on this like little 573 00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:15,880 tracker that he had was like, it would show me, you know, how 574 00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:18,880 many shots I took, how many made, how many I missed, where I 575 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,400 made them and where I missed them so that I would know, you 576 00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:23,680 know, where on the court I need to practice my shot a little bit 577 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:24,280 more. It was. 578 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:28,200 Literally. And, and it was kind of a 579 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,520 ritual, you know, he was at every single one of my games. 580 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,400 And after the game, he'd hand me the tracker and I would look at 581 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,760 it and we would talk through my statistics together, you know, 582 00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:40,480 and that's just kind of the, the way that his mind works. 583 00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:42,160 And that's the way that my mind works too. 584 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,320 And honestly, that's the way that my eldest son's mind works 585 00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:46,880 as well. He's going to be totally into 586 00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:50,680 every statistic. And granted, you know, we all 587 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:55,360 know I'm a, I'm a average to slightly above average athlete, 588 00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,760 You know, in middle school, I had a slightly better, slightly 589 00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,840 better jump shot. I was the best player in on my 590 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:04,640 D2 basketball team. So not quite great, but better 591 00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:08,120 than most is is how I put it in. Middle school D2. 592 00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:10,080 Middle, middle school detail. Yeah. 593 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:11,880 Yeah, exactly. I was on the freshman year 594 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:13,920 basketball team until football got out and all the real 595 00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:15,720 athletes joined the team and then I got cut. 596 00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:19,600 So if that tells you anything. So I would say living my family 597 00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,040 kind of that that was something that we shared together. 598 00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:26,960 Was this like honestly like love of statistics and and sports and 599 00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:28,920 kind of like overanalyzing things that don't need to be? 600 00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:32,640 Overanalyzed doing doing their wins above replacement for fifth 601 00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:35,200 grade basketball in the savor metrics of it all. 602 00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:39,320 Defensive win shares of Clayton. 2/2 negative ones, one light 603 00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:42,960 hearted one a little bit more serious going back to buying 604 00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:45,080 stuff and being anxious about money. 605 00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:48,240 You know, we are, we our family was was fine with with money, 606 00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:52,120 but and you know, but things would feel tight or anxious and 607 00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:54,920 I could even like pick up on that as a, you know, 7th, 8th 608 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:57,960 grader, high schooler, tight, tight, tight, But then all of a 609 00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:01,760 sudden blow money on something that that you don't need. 610 00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:04,600 It was like we're tight, tight, tight and then we just explode 611 00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:09,000 with like a, a huge purchase on something, you know, and I. 612 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,600 Do that frequently, yeah. It's something that I feel 613 00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:14,160 guilty of because I'm like, you know, my wife and I are living 614 00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:15,720 on a budget. I'm like, hey, watch me or spend 615 00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:17,400 in, you know, and then all of a sudden I go buy something. 616 00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:18,360 She's like, I thought we were on a budget. 617 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:21,520 Well, you know, we needed this, you know, and I. 618 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:23,520 Can blow money on I can. Blow, you can't. 619 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:29,400 But I think 11 serious, one serious thing is just that, you 620 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:33,400 know, all of us are going to bring weaknesses into our 621 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,480 family. We're all going to hurt our 622 00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,400 wives and we're going to hurt our children. 623 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:43,480 And I think one thing that I wish my dad would have done a 624 00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:49,680 little bit better is owning up to that and apologizing like he 625 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:51,640 would, you know, it would. It would kind of be one of those 626 00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,160 things where like, maybe he knew he messed up, you know, and so 627 00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:57,360 he'd be, I don't know, extra nice afterwards, you know, or 628 00:31:57,360 --> 00:31:59,480 we'd go do something, you know, but never just like. 629 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:00,960 Just say hey. I'm sorry. 630 00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,600 Yeah, You know, And so that's something that I've tried to be 631 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:06,240 aware of in the raising of my children is like, yeah, I'm, I'm 632 00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:08,760 going to hurt them. I'm going to maybe scare them at 633 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,800 times. But how do I make sure that they 634 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:14,160 know always that Dad has weaknesses, that I'm not 635 00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:17,440 perfect, you know, and that, you know, when I do hurt them, 636 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:20,720 that's not who I want to be. And I'm, I'm sorry for that, so. 637 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:25,320 Yeah, it's cool. My, my, my daughter started 638 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,840 telling me to apologize because I think she's heard it from us, 639 00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:30,040 right? You need to apologize to your 640 00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:31,920 brother. And then when I do something 641 00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,720 wrong, now she's the one to say, dad, you need to apologize, you 642 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:36,640 know, apologize to me for the way you just spoke to me. 643 00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:40,360 And I'm like. I love this. 644 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:42,360 But I also hate it, so you're. Like Dang it. 645 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:48,040 My just thinking back on my relationship with my dad, one of 646 00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:49,640 the things we shared in common was baseball. 647 00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:51,520 So my dad played college baseball. 648 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:54,240 He's a great athlete and one thing I'm super grateful for is 649 00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:56,960 you just never pushed it on us. So he was always like, if you 650 00:32:56,960 --> 00:32:59,600 want to do theater, if you want to play piano, like if you want 651 00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:02,680 to play basketball, baseball, whatever you want to do, you do 652 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:03,400 it. I'm with you. 653 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:08,320 Luckily I chose baseball and as I went through my career, you 654 00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,120 know, as a middle school baseball player. 655 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:12,640 As a high school baseball. Player. 656 00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:18,120 My senior year I, I had a moment where I, I wanted to go to A&M, 657 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:21,320 but I had a few interests starting to come in from really 658 00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,640 small colleges. I'm talking like thousand person 659 00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:28,200 universities, you know, D3 NAI. Like multi directional? 660 00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:30,840 Is that interest or just marketing emails that you're 661 00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:34,440 getting? Look there, academic advisor 662 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:36,720 promised me I had a spot on the baseball team. 663 00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:43,160 It's an all women's school, but, but I was, and I considered it 664 00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:46,800 for, for a second and one of their coaches came out and 665 00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:49,960 talked to my coach and I sat down with my dad in like April, 666 00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:52,360 my Senior High School. And it was kind of one of the 667 00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:54,360 first serious conversations you have with your dad. 668 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,000 And I was like, dad, like, you know, should I go down this 669 00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:58,440 route? Should I not, should I go to 670 00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:01,280 A&M? Should I try to go down this, 671 00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:02,720 this small school baseball route? 672 00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:06,280 And my dad just looked at me in the eyes and he was like, at 673 00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:08,280 some point everyone's going to hang it up. 674 00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:13,520 And it was like out of like a, a PG movie where it's like slow 675 00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:15,480 music. And he's like, everyone's going 676 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,400 to hang it up. You can either quit now or you 677 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:21,440 can quit after college. Maybe you do really well and 678 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,400 maybe you play in the professionals, but you're going 679 00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:26,000 to have to quit at some point. And life moves on. 680 00:34:27,199 --> 00:34:30,960 And it's just like the first kind of powerful dad son moment. 681 00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:35,639 And looking back on it, it, it does seem a little funny, but I, 682 00:34:35,639 --> 00:34:39,040 I think back and I'm like, if, if my dad wanted to have given 683 00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:42,480 me that advice and said, no, I played college baseball, you 684 00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:45,400 need to play college baseball, I wouldn't have met you guys. 685 00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:48,159 I wanted to have met my wife, wouldn't have had my life 686 00:34:48,159 --> 00:34:51,520 transformed by Christ. And so as we sit back and, and 687 00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:55,400 look at our dads and, and look at our families, that becoming 688 00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:57,120 our parents isn't necessarily a failure. 689 00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:00,920 It's actually a sign that they had a deep impact on us. 690 00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:05,720 That formation works whether we one at 2 or not. 691 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:07,480 Our kids are going to become like us. 692 00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,600 That's a scary thought. It's also a beautiful thought. 693 00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:15,560 Speaking of beautiful thoughts, this is the All In podcast. 694 00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:18,280 We have a lot of those here. Please make sure to like, 695 00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:21,520 subscribe and make sure that share this episode with one of 696 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,960 your boys who is slowly but surely turning into a boomer. 697 00:35:25,240 --> 00:35:28,200 Maybe he's losing hair, maybe he's grunting all the time. 698 00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:31,840 Maybe he use a budget, two or three budgeting apps. 699 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,760 Whatever he's doing, make sure to share this episode with him. 700 00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:38,160 This is the All In podcast. We are John, Michael, Jose and 701 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:39,560 Clayton. I'm glad you're here. 702 00:35:39,720 --> 00:35:40,560 We'll see you in the next one.