Dating advice is everywhere. It's exhausting, it's confusing,
everybody's got an opinion. Today we're going to be talking
about how to get rid of your dating anxieties and what you
can do to get better at asking the girl out on a date.
This is the All In podcast. Gentlemen, we've been on our
fair share of dates in our life. Yeah, I mean, Jose took a while
to get married, so he went on way more than we did.
That's, that's fair, yeah. How old were you, 3540?
When I got married. Started dating when I I was 28.
Yeah, we're talking about dates with different women or just
dates, you know, like we've taken our wife out on dates.
Yeah, you know, just the the bachelor life, you know, feel
like we could we have some advice to offer here now in our
wise old years of being 29 1/2 and now 30.
Jose, congratulations. Thank you.
In the new decade of life. Yeah, for sure.
What what would you say? What are some pieces of dating
advice that you've received in your life that maybe just didn't
work? I mean, all of us, you know, you
go from high school where no one knows what the heck they're
doing to college where everybody thinks they know what they're
doing and everyone's got something to say.
Any any stories in there? I I've got one where it just
wasn't necessarily dating advice as like a general concept.
It was a wreck, a recommendation to do something with a specific
girl. I, I went to ask out and we'll
get into, you know, a lot of things that I've done that maybe
aren't great for, for dating, such as being too scared to ask
a girl outright and dragging it on for years and becoming good
friends and that whole, that whole thing.
Everyone knows what you're talking about.
But I remember at one point offhandedly this calling me to
call me like if you ever asked me how I'm going to slap you
across the face. Whoa, now that was, you know,
and it was kind of funny. She's flirting.
She's probably flirting. It felt flirty for sure.
But because you guys were were good friends, yes.
Very good. Friends and it was like she was
OK. You you could even say
inappropriately good friends. Yeah, not like in anything.
We're just like sweating off them together.
Yeah. Another friend told me he's
like, dude, it would be hilarious when you ask her if
you if you put on a football helmet before you ask her.
That would be a power move. And so I did, and it was just
kind of really awkward. Yeah, she's.
Like, where are you wearing a football helper?
That's like what you, you know, that was going to be like a
silly moment and you were going to like you.
Were going to be into. It that was going to be funny
and it was just like super uncomfortable.
I remember like the whole drive back I was just like, man.
I'm an idiot. Why did I throw with that?
Like, it's so cringy, you know? So it wasn't dating advice, but
it was advice to do something that I was going to like be
funny, and it was not. It was really awkward.
We didn't work out. The the best dating advice I got
was worst a worst Yeah, probably kiss on the first date.
Probably the worst dating advice I ever got.
Someone told you that? Yeah.
They're like, that's just, that's the way to determine if
you know, that there's going to be a second date.
And I was like, yeah, that kind of makes sense.
Like yeah, if, if. They're fireworks.
If they kiss back, then you, I mean, you're pretty much a lock
for #2 if they don't, well, you just kind of call it quits and
drive home right then and there. I did not take that advice, just
to be clear. I think I think one of the
weirdest things that's perhaps going on in the in the dating
world right now is the the talking face.
I just always thought that was so funny.
No, we're not dating. We're we're talking, we're
intentionally speaking, we're intentionally speaking with one
another, which I don't know what that means.
Maybe you're, you're texting a little bit and it's kind of like
if you're texting frequently, it's kind of showing that both
of you have potential interest than one another.
But I think one thing that you know, you know, I've definitely
been guilty of in, in my life and maybe all of us can say the
same. And that I see a lot in dating
culture is just a lack of clarity in dating, like trying
to keep things vague for as long as possible.
Why do you think, why do you think we do that?
Why do you think that's a thing in dating culture?
I mean, because we're scared. Fear of rejection?
Yeah, absolutely. It's just fear.
If you define things, then there's a risk that it's not
going to be the outcome that you desire.
And what does that say about me? Right, so if I just let it play
out, never define it, then I can't get turned down.
I remember there's a, a story from college, one of our, our
roommates, John Michael, he was, he was dating a girl, beautiful
girl. We all really liked her.
We're like, dude, you got it. It was clear that that she was
in him, he was in her. And you know, they were kind of
going through this, this talking face for a little bit and then
he didn't text her back for like 2 weeks.
Her name was Hope. Do you remember this?
And I. Had a lot of hope in her.
And our our friends, I, we were telling like, dude, like you
need to ask her on a date, like you need to keep talking to her
like she's awesome, you're awesome, You're both into each
other. This is going to work out.
And it had been so long since he he texted her back.
He didn't know what to do. And so he took a he took a
picture of himself. He put a a blanket over his head
and he wrapped it around like this and he texted her ET phone
hope from the movie and that was his way.
That was his, that was his way of trying to get.
Back starting I was like, look what I texted her.
I was like, dude, what foolproof plan?
What are you doing? Did she respond now?
They're married now. She.
Responds a clear way of knowing if someone is the.
If they if they like that, you're in, Yeah.
So I think, you know, you guys hit on some points, which is
just that when you, when you have clarity, there's either an,
an acceptance of that clarity or there's a, a rejection of that
clarity. And, and keeping things vague
allows you to kind of stay in that middle ground for a little
bit. You don't put yourself online,
if you will, And either, you know, allow yourself to be
rejected or, you know, have the possibility of, of, you know,
taking things further and actually stepping into a dating
relationship. I think perhaps something else
that exists just beyond even rejection.
You could even say this is probably just a the fear of
rejection is a cause of this, but ultimately just passivity in
life in general. Just kind of going through life,
maybe wanting something or not really knowing what you want and
just kind of being and just hoping that something happens
for you. Does that make sense what I'm
saying? I think, I think people confuse
kindness with that passivity. So if I determine and I try to
have an outcome in this relationship, then that
inherently creates a tension between us.
And so the nice thing to do is just to not rock the boat and
just keep things moving along, not knowing exactly what
direction we're heading. But at least I haven't rocked
the boat. What about being?
I would say on the flip side of this, have you seen guys who
have been overly like, you know how you're in a conversation
with someone and people are just like overly blunt almost to the
point of, of being aggressive? My question is, I'm wondering
from the from the girl's perspective, you know, they want
clarity, but in in this situation that you're talking
about Jose, like clearly there was a realization that you guys
had a friendship that was going beyond just friendship.
And it seems like she was trying to give some clarity to you
potentially by saying, hey, don't ever ask me out on a date.
Maybe kind of assuming that you were thinking that.
Does that make sense what I'm saying?
Like what is what is the what does the girl think?
Does she want directness? Does she not want directness?
Is that pressuring her? Is that not pressuring her?
I don't know, I think. I mean, I don't, I don't know
what girls want. Now that we're you're married.
Yeah, I think like that specific example, I don't think it was
that because that that had been like more of like a joke earlier
on in the friendship because you know, being like in college, we
would always talk about. And I think this just happens a
lot of when like guys are just when a guy and a girl are really
good friends, They can guys and girls be really good friends.
And I think at one point I kind of realized like, no, yes, but
no, right. It's just a different level.
And I think what helped me realize that was realizing this
friendship I had. If I was married and I had this
friendship with someone that was in my spouse but was a woman, my
wife would not be OK with that or vice versa.
You know, like if I was married and my wife had the relationship
that I have with this girl is like just friends, I would not
be OK with that. And that's when I don't, I'm
kind of like just blowing through your question.
Like, I don't really care what the girl wants.
Like there needs to be clarity. There needs to be like a, hey,
what are we doing here, you know?
I I think that with anything 2 extremes of the situation, one
extreme is the overly intentional guy that on the
first date is like hey where where's this going?
Hey, I'm only here to discern marriage.
That that's way too forward. Like don't, don't get into that
unless there's an opportunity where you see the next logical
step is the following, you know, have some micro intentionality.
Like, hey, I want to, I want to take you on a date.
I want to get to know you. I want to be able to have
someone on one time where we can actually foster a little bit
more of a relationship outside of a group.
And then on the first day, like, hey, I really enjoyed the first
day. Can we do this again?
You don't need that. That's the level of micro
intentionality you need. But the macro intentionality of
like, hey, I really want to go on three dates and after three
dates, I would like to have the opportunity to ask you out.
And then I see us dating for anywhere from 6 to 9 months, you
know, give or take a couple days.
And then I want to get engaged. Like that's just a little bit.
Too much, Too much. Or, or I, I was talking with the
guy and he was like, yeah, first date.
I just want to know like does does the woman want to work?
Do they not want to work? How many kids they want to have?
How many kids they not want to have?
Because those are deal Breakers for me.
And I'm just. Like on the first date you
can't. You can't do that on the first
date. I don't care how well it's going
that that is way too intentional.
I do also think it's like, well what is dating right and and
like. Jose asked them Real.
Questions. Because I do feel like early on,
whenever I was making all these mistakes where I was scared to
clarify things, right? I was scared to ask her a lot.
So I would just become really good friends with them and hope
that, like, through the friendship, they wouldn't
actually, like, I I wouldn't become friends with them because
of this. But, you know, become really
offensive. You, you realize you have
feelings. Yeah, well, maybe they'll also
have feelings, but I don't want to say anything is I think part
of my fear outside of being rejected was that dating meant
that, like, we were going to get married versus, like, dating
just to get to know someone. Am I making sense here?
Like, why are we dating? You know, and I do think, like
now I'm definitely on the side of ask girls out early, no
speeches. I always tell guys that no, no,
no spiel. No one wants to spiel when you
ask someone else, right? Save that for when you propose.
How would you ask a girl out? Hey, I think you're really cute
and love to get to know you better.
Couldn't take you. On a date?
Oh wow, short and sweet. Like you had that, you had that
just. Boom, well I learned there's
been just like. Also, if you do early before you
become really good friends, now you have boundaries too.
Because if this is no, A doesn't hurt as much, but B, there's a
lot of pressure that's off of the friendship and now you can
be friends. Well, I think to the to the
point of the conversation, what a men get wrong about dating.
They put way too much pressure on dating.
On dates. On dates, yes, like it is.
Going on dates means that your boyfriend, girlfriend.
That it is an exclusive relationship where we have to
make a decision on if we're going to get married soon.
And it's like the purpose of dating is to intentionally get
to know someone. To see if it would work.
To see if there's a possibility that you move into a more
serious dating relationship. We're then you know, we would,
we would use the term relationship at that point, you
know, there's dating, you're going to know someone.
There's a relationship where you're saying exclusively, I
just want to get to know you. I don't want to get to know
other ladies. I want to get to know you for
this period of time. And as we move through this
season of a relationship, we're moving towards more
intentionally discerning if we want to get engaged.
And then engagement is a serious discernment on do we want to get
married? There's a good friend of mine
that lives in the Houston area, works for ExxonMobil.
And right now they're, they just bought a house next to his in
laws and they're, they're remodeling the house right now
before they move in. And I was having a conversation
with him recently and he was like, you know, 10 years ago,
this would have really scared me because I'm, I'm moving into my
dream home right across the street from my in laws.
And he's like, I can he, they have, you know, 4 kids at this
point. And he's like, I can see the
next 35 years of my life. I can, I can, I'm going to be in
this house. Plan is to be in this house
until I die. He's like, so I can, I can
really see the next 30 years of my career and, you know, you
know, the next, you know, 60 years of my life in total.
This is where it's going to be, you know, definitively in this
direction. He's like 10 years ago, that
would have scared me so much because like, at this point in
my life, like that gives me honestly so much happiness.
And I walked away from that conversation.
I was like, that's really interesting because I think
that, you know, one of the things that I've struggled with
in my life just in general, this goes even beyond dating, is just
being noncommittal, like trying to keep options open at all time
because I'm afraid of making a mistake.
You know, I would say there's probably different moments in my
life where I've experienced decision anxiety, you know,
either, you know, when it comes to asking girl out.
I think one of the unspoken fears there, especially when
you're friends with someone, is that if I clarify my feelings
and I asked them out on a date and they say no, I'm going to
lose the friendship with them and it's going to be awkward
now. So I'd rather just live in this
Gray zone and be noncommittal because at least I can be, I can
be friends with this person. But that that idea of, you know,
when you're, you know, in college or in your early 20s,
you've got your entire life in front of you.
And it's like your, your life could go in a series of 50
different directions and you have no idea yet.
And that feels like a lot of freedom for you at the time.
But what I was seeing in this friend of mine that lives in in
Houston is that actually the freedom came for him when he,
you know, had the audacity to make decisions that set out, you
know, a path form over the next 50-60 years of his life until
the day that he dies. How have you guys seen that kind
of dynamic play out, particularly amongst young
people, perhaps even beyond dating?
Just the idea of being non committal in your life and not
being willing to set a clear vision and direction for where
you're going. I always need to have like a
three-year, five year picture in my head.
So I'm probably on the extreme of being hyper intentional to a
point where when the plan doesn't work, I get really
frustrated. But I think for for our
listeners, people probably in there, you know, late teens,
20s, maybe early 30s, Arthur Brooks, who is one of my
favorite kind of speakers authors, he talks about these
different decades of our lives. And he says in your 20s, your
20s is about decision making. So you are making decisions on
job, career, family, relationships, your humanity and
where you're going to live. That's how he defines your 20s.
In your 30s, you're settling in and living with the reality of
those decisions. You're kind of receiving the
consequences of the decisions you've made in your 30s and then
in your 40s and 50s you're helping those around you make
those decisions in their 20s and 30s.
I love how he breaks that down. I think most of our listeners
are probably in that stage where they're not yet at your friend's
stage where they're looking at a 10 year decision.
They're at a stage where they're looking at a six month to a year
to a two year decision. Where am I going to live post
grad? Who am I going to date?
Am I? Do I want to propose to this
person? What's the first job I'm going
to get? Maybe the second job, maybe the
third job. Those are all kind of six months
to one year to two year decisions.
I would almost argue those are more terrifying because if
you're just a little off kilter in that decision, you know, we
know the old analogy of if you're, you know, 5° off and
driving to DC, you'll end up in New York City.
And that's kind of where our listeners may be is that
decision. Fear of man, if I'm just a
little bit off here, if she isn't perfect in every way, then
when we're 40, we're going to have a marriage that's falling
apart. So I think I relate to you, to
our listeners, and in that fear having gone through that.
But I think the reality is if you don't make a decision at
all, you're therefore making a decision, which is to not move
forward. And sometimes, especially with
dating, the best way to figure out is to go on dates.
And I'll make a bold statement that I think guys should maybe
even date multiple women at the same time.
Now I'm not saying invite 2 ladies out to a dinner and only
talk to one of them, but take a girl out for coffee, have
another one scheduled the next day.
People think there's something wrong with that.
I think that's just a volume shooter.
Well, I think honestly, I think what people feel around that is
the reason they feel that way is because primarily this is how I
see it unless there's, you know, a lot of people are dating off
of dating apps right now through Hinge and things like that.
But thinking from, you know, from my college experience, I
wasn't asking a girl out on a date unless we had probably
flirted for like 5 months, you know what I mean?
And so it's like if you're dating.
Maybe not a best practice. Yeah, maybe not a best practice,
but I think that's the the the fear there is like if I'm going
to be taking multiple women out on dates, there's like this
build up to to the date even in the in the first place.
Well, I, I honestly feel bad for people who are dating post grad.
And here's what I mean. When you're in college, it's
really easy to meet a ton of different ladies.
You're, you're constantly in social situations where you're
just meeting new people. And so your ability to find
people that you're interested in is just a lot higher.
So I talked to people on dating apps and you know, first of all,
I was pretty anti dating app. Like, oh, you, you know, dating
app. That just means you can't, you
can't meet people in real life. But then I, I started hearing
them and they're like, dude, I just don't have a ton of
opportunities to like go meet women, you know?
And so I'm going to try to see if there's people I connect with
online and then I can get to know them in person.
And we have great friends that have met their spouse on dating
apps. I don't see anything wrong with
that. But I think when you're post
grad, where are you going to find those connections?
Church maybe? Church work, work but like and
then mutual friends. Mutual friends, people setting
you up. I remember in college getting
set up was the ultimate kind of dig that you can't actually meet
someone yourself. But now post grad, I love
setting people up. I got 2 great people, let's
connect them. So I think really what we're
kind of hitting on here is just that in, in life in general,
particularly at a young age, there's so many doors that are
open. And I think, you know, trying to
think back to where my mind was when I was 19/20/21 years old is
that every single door is open. And as I start.
Walking through those doors, some of them are going to close
and that's kind of a scary thing, especially if you see one
door close, 2 doors close, 3 doors close.
And then you're kind of wondering, you know, do I even
walk through any more doors because at least I can keep them
open and, you know, not have to know what's necessarily on the
other side of those things. But ultimately, you know,
stepping through those doors, making these little, you know,
if you want to call micro commitments, you know, a micro
commitment to, you know, going on a date or a micro commitment,
I don't know, even to like look like things like an internship,
like just, you know, you're trying to figure out a direction
for your life and the amount of options that you keep open
prevent you from actually taking steps to go in that direction.
So being willing to make these micro commitments, particularly
when it comes to dating of just like, dude, just ask the girl
out on a date, if the door closes, the door closes, at
least you know that that's not the one and you can move on and
you can go to the next one. And ultimately when you make
those decisions like that, that type of clarity, it while it
might be fearful in the moment, ultimately brings peace.
So my question to you guys is, do you think that this non
committal nature just in general and this non committal nature
and dating is something that breeds anxiety in young people
100%? Yeah, I mean, I think that's
what get, I think it was you that said it on my Cliff.
Indecision is a decision, right? It's like, OK, I don't want any
of these doors to close and so you know, I'm not going to make
a decision. But then you're not actually
living what's on the other side of any of those doors either.
So you're not enjoying what they're what's on the other side
of the doors anyway, You know, So it's like, it's the same
thing as I'm being closed because you're not actually
doing anything about it. And I think that's what brings a
lot of anxiety of like, well, you know, you can feel trapped.
I'm not saying it's a reality, but you can feel trapped like,
well, damned if I do, damned if I don't, if I go through a door
and close this. But if I don't go, then I'm also
stuck with nothing. And I think that you can really
spiral from there. Well, I think for men, you know,
we are, we are designed to be active.
We are designed to be the initiator.
But we fall frequently into the sin of Adam where we're just
totally passive and we're waiting for things to happen to
us. And it's not going to happen if
you're just waiting. It's not.
And so until you're consistently putting yourself out there, the
risk of rejection. I mean, I was talking to a
friend. He's he's been rejected the last
16 women he's dated. Props to him.
He hasn't even been able to get off to first aid.
In the last two years, he's taken 16 different women out on
dates, and now he has a girlfriend.
He he found one, but it's like, that's so hard.
Yeah. Like, I don't.
He was telling me he's like, I don't even want to ask any, any
girls out because I'm so sick and tired of being told no.
And he's like, I'm so confused because all my buddies are
telling me you're like the best looking guy among us like.
What is your? Problem.
What? Can't you figure it out?
You know, and anyway, so I don't blame people when they're just
like, dude, I've been rejected like 10 times in a row.
If I can, I can never figure it out.
So just got to keep shooting. Got to keep shooting.
What's your ideal first date? We got a guy out there who's
like, hey, I got a girl I'm interested in, you know, cute
little brunette. I want to take her out.
I need a playbook for first date.
What are you drawing up for? You know, we were in college,
John Michael, we were. There was a spreadsheet that was
going around. Do you remember this?
Oh, yeah. It was like good first date,
College Station, first date, first date, you know, ideas,
type of thing I think. We'll just hit water or glow.
In the dark, golf balls into Lake I.
Think you did that? I don't know if did I do how fun
you did. That's a colon.
It might have been. It might have been calling.
So I, I like stuff like that. My advice to people is first
date, have three things planned. OK, I know people may be scared
when I say 3 have an intentional time.
Maybe it's a short casual dinner, maybe it's a drink.
Happy hour, 5:00 PM short intentional.
So like don't make it an hour and a half long dinner.
Go in, grab a drink, then go do something fun so that you can
actually have some distraction to the conversation and then
leave that third option available.
But you don't necessarily have to plan it.
So it's like we're going to do happy hour.
We're going to go hit glow in the dark golf balls or do a, you
know, painting event or bowling or whatever.
And then have in your back pocket a post event, like an ice
cream, a walk, late night coffee, something like that.
If it's going really well, If it's going really well and
you're really enjoying it, throw that one out there.
But don't make it longer than like 4 hours.
Yeah, yeah, Max. What was I was going to ask?
What was your first date? With Emily.
Oh man. First date was ice skating.
No, it was it. We went to the Pro Museum in
Dallas. Fun activity and then we went
and gotcha bullet. I I have a memory of y'all going
to the alpaca farm. No, no, no, that was.
A different girl that was a different girl that was before.
Emily. Yeah.
Well, you know. It's funny, I have one of your
books at my house and it's theology insanity.
Oh, love that Frank she'd. Yeah.
And there's there's a a bookmark in there which is it's an alpaca
farm postcard. No, Yeah, yeah.
And I was like, I should give this to John Michael because I
think that was his first date with Emily.
No, don't, don't. Didn't work out.
It was a wonderful date. She wasn't the one.
I would say a lot of my date ideas because to your question,
I would always say like, OK, do something that's a little fun.
Maybe he has a little competition, but that could be
fun. But that's distracting enough
that you can still have a conversation, but you don't have
to look at each other. Yes, right.
And I'm like thinking through a lot of the ideas, things that
I've done or think like the ideas that I've given to people.
And a lot of them I'm like, I don't know if this would be fun
post college. Yeah, like I feel like a lot of
them are like college ideas, you know, like putt putt or like
that. 'D be fun.
I think we both use this date where you paint each other.
Well, OK, clarify. Where you get like a a small
little canvas and oh, OK, you're you, you like get some wine or
maybe some beer. Yeah, it sounds like a married
guy and you're you. Paint.
You paint. You can get like 30 minutes to
paint each other's faces. Yeah.
And then you like trade?
And you're kind of really fun and chatting because.
Unless you're a really good artist, but I'm like, would that
be fun? Is like.
Yeah, absolutely. No, it'd be.
It'd be awesome, right? My first day with Reagan was we
went to, I picked her up and we went to Chick-fil-A.
See. Perfect.
Yeah, easy cash, nice and easy. We were in San Antonio at the
time. And so then we, I drove her
over, went to the UTSA baseball game, which was super fun
because we just like walked around the ballpark for a little
bit, watched the game. Where were we going to fight
about this? I'll get into it.
In a bit we got into a fight like.
You were telling him that's a horrible.
Play. We'll get back to it.
We stayed for like 4 or five innings, You know, you're
watching the game, you're chatting.
And then it was going well. So we went and got a drink
afterwards and I took her home and then I went back to Jose's
house because I was staying at at his place.
That's a blueprint. So you had the third, you had
your third option. That was exactly you made me
think of it. Yep, but I don't remember
getting in a fight with you. So I remember because this is
the second time y'all went on dates right?
Yeah. I mean we went on like 2 days of
sophomore year. Right.
And then? And then we didn't.
Some homeless guy try to steal your date spot.
It was when he did the painting. Yeah.
Yeah, that did happen. Yeah.
But anyways, we I was having Clayton UPS like you need to go
ask right now. Right now.
And we are at your house and college and, you know, he's kind
of getting hot topic. And he goes and he comes back
and we celebrate. We, we smoke a cigarette, we
drink a beer. And then he's like, all right,
here's my plan. And he tells me this.
And now I don't know how much of our listeners know this, but I
think baseball is the worst, most boring thing of all time.
Like I can't stand. It kind of like golf, but you
can move. It's kind of like like if you
don't like being intellectually stimulated or having to like
think about things, like you might like base no.
And so I've actually come around to it because of you.
But I just remember thinking like, man, that sounds awful.
And also to our listeners, if you don't know this about me,
I'm very, I have very stoic expressions, even when I am
excited, like I don't show it much.
And so you looked at me and said, what do you think?
And I'm thinking like, I, I can't tell what I think.
I was like, oh, that sounds, that sounds good.
Clayton, I think you guys will have a lot of fun.
And you're like, you don't think that you think it's a bad idea.
Look, I don't think it's a bad idea.
I just it's not something I would do and I've never seen you
more angry with me. We like got into a yelling match
because you were like, well, this is a good idea and it's my
idea. This is my good idea.
This is my date. And I was like, I'm not trying
to tell you change it. And we just kind of went.
I just. Needed you to be a hype man.
That's what I needed from you in that.
Moment I know and I and I fell short, yeah, because I don't
like baseball. I will say that later on.
I did go, it wasn't a date, but I did go to a baseball game with
a girl and it was like really fun because there's something
that you can do, you can talk without having to I think, the
whole time. That's the, that's the most
important part of any first date because what you don't want to
do is you don't want to go to a nice Italian dinner and you've
got your salad, your main course and your dessert afterwards.
And that's a, that's an hour and a half to two hour long
commitment of sitting across the table from each other and
looking at each other in the eyes and asking questions too
much. And it, it, it could, I mean,
frankly, it could go well. Like, let's be honest, like it
could go really well. There's a possibility of that
happening. But I think on a first date, you
want to leave room for, OK, if this doesn't go well, I don't
want it to be extremely awkward. So if we can have an activity
somewhere in there. Not just that, but also for a
first date. If a goal is of going on these,
it's to get to know each other. There's an understanding that we
still don't really know each other.
And it is gonna be a little awkward, right?
By its nature, yeah. It just gives you something else
to focus on. You know, what we haven't talked
about is I don't know about y'all.
At least I feel like growing up I was always told that a date
was movie and a dinner or dinner and a movie.
Yeah, why is that? Like that's an awful.
Datable first. It's it's because people, men
are inherently uncreative for dates.
Like, was that just a thing in the parents generation?
I think people just want an excuse to cuddle.
Hey, I think you're really cute, I would love to sit next to you
and not talk to you for the next two or.
Three hours in a dark theater if you can't.
See you. Yes.
Where I can't see you or talk to you, but maybe our pinkies will
touch it. I I took a lot of girls to movie
dates in high school. Did you in high school?
I did. Too high school, Yeah.
In middle school, it was like the thing you were.
Dating in middle school. Oh yeah, public school and and
so. The thing with middle school
dating is you don't talk to each other.
No, you, you wouldn't I, you know how many?
I had a lot of girlfriends in middle school, but they were all
like 2 weeks, maybe a month. And it was like we were friends
and we would talk and then we'd become official.
And it would usually start from playing with 20 question, game
over text, you know, And then by the question #3 so one, who do
you like? Someone would say, who do you
like? And then you'd say, IDK, you :)
you know. And then next thing.
You know you're serious. Yeah.
Next thing you know, your boyfriend, girlfriend, and then
you stop talking to each other. I remember one girl in 7th
grade, we became official and then I found out she was at the
mall that my family was going to for like, some shopping that
day. And like, I, I turned off my
phone. I stopped replying to her.
And I was just, like, scared to run into her.
Yeah. And afterwards, I, like, call
her as a ham. So sorry my phone died.
Like, oh, you were at the mall too?
Like, that's crazy. We didn't.
I wish my phone wasn't dead because I was just so scared to
see run into people. I don't know what I'm talking
about movies. In 6th grade, we'd go to the ice
rink and that's where you would take a girl on a date.
That's a great date, which is a. Phenomenal.
I I took it. Was movies just every single
Friday? The thing about ice skating,
it's a great opportunity to, you know, grab the hand.
Oh, you're falling, boom, I got you.
Boom. Hand, Yeah, yeah.
Oh wow, hey, let me help you up. Oh, we turned into a hug.
Oh, next thing you know, making out in the middle of the ice
rink. While spinning.
Wasn't that your The worst piece of dating advice you heard was.
Kissing on the first date. That was the second.
It was the second date. Ice skating.
All right? When?
I don't know if we want to get into this.
When do you kiss? Colin Klein would say.
Not till you're married. That's that's true.
I my instinctual I don't even know if this happened on on my
third date with with Reagan, but my my thought was the third date
a light, a light Peck, a nice Peck, a good little Peck my.
My gut also tells me before you become official, because there's
still a little risk and it's kind of fun.
What if you hit teeth? What?
No risk of like what if she? What if she doesn't want?
Yeah. What if she doesn't want to kiss
you? Because once you become
official, there's no risk. She just want to kiss you.
OK, fine, whatever, we'll kiss later, you know?
But before you become official, the first one like you don't.
You don't know how she is thinking, you know?
I tried to kiss Emily two different times before we
started dating. I got turned down.
Both sides, really. Yeah, it's actually a great
story. I, I tried to, I had this one
move in college. I I pulled it with multiple
women. I take him to the academic
building, which was like looking out above campus, and I'll play
country music on my iPhone, and we start to stepping Did.
You have a song. 3 for 30, absolutely.
She's like Texas Josh Abbott Band.
So it's 3 for three up to that point, you know, kissed every
time, pulled that move on Emily where country dancing at a
country western bar said, hey, how about how about we let we go
on a walk? Let's get out of here and go to
campus. So we walked to campus, turned
on the song. She's loving it, right?
She gives you that look and you're like, let's go down,
baby. So I lean in, totally turned
down. And I was like, what?
The heck? What does that mean?
She. She said.
Or she. Turned.
No, she just kind of turned and she was like, I don't kiss.
I don't kiss unless we're in a relationship.
And I said, which I appreciate that my my response was, Oh my
gosh, I can't wait till Clayton. No.
You couldn't say that the first thing I said say.
That you can't ask her literally, I said, Oh my gosh, I
can't wait to go back and tell Clayton.
It's ridiculous. Can you imagine?
The girl's like what, Mr. Clayton?
What do you need to tell him? You just got rejected?
But anyways, I lost the battle. You know, the the growing theme
that I'm sensing here is honestly just honoring the woman
that's that's in front of you. You honor her at the beginning
by being being clear and asking her out on a date.
You honor her and the type of date that you take her out on.
Not one that creates immense pressure to just like hit it off
immediately and have amazing conversation.
You know, you want to the first day, ideally you're like,
there's a little bit, you know, left to be desired, you know, of
just like, yeah, that was great. And I really want to go on a
second date. There's more questions that I
want to ask ask you. I feel like we connected there.
We had fun, you know, and so you're not sitting down across
from each other at the dinner table.
I mean, if you choose to go on a date like that, that's fine.
But I feel like in our ideal world, there's some sort of an
activity. You're spending time with one
another, you're laughing, you're doing something together.
And then ultimately the, you know, the question of as things
are progressing, I really, you said something, Jose, that I
really liked, which is just that now you're dating, you've gone
on, you know, 1-2, three dates and it hasn't necessarily been
made official yet. And so there's something about
that, that risk that still exists there.
Like I love the fact that you tried to kiss Emily and she
rejected you. Like that's awesome.
Like you, you, you took that risk.
Granted, you didn't really think it was a risk because you were
three pies. There is no doubt in my mind.
Part of how things. Work.
I have her eaten out of my hand. But it's all about honoring the
woman that's in front of you and the way that you approach her
and the way that you date her. And then then you, the way that
you, you know, respect her when it comes to, you know her own
honestly boundaries when it comes to, you know, physical
affection in the in the midst of the dating process as well.
This was fun man. It's got me like, what's the?
So-called just briefly, what's the most fun date you've ever
planned and been on? So most fun date hands down was
I was planning to take Emily to a concert.
It was at a an Amphitheatre. It's well known in Bryan College
Station, TX Wolf Creek, Wolf Wolf Pen Creek Amphitheatre.
We're supposed to go to a concert there.
Can't remember the band. Things like Flatland or one of
those kind of like Texas red dirt country got rained out.
I was pouring rain and so I'm scrambling right.
I'm like, Oh my gosh, I had this whole thing planned.
It's going to be so fun. I went and got cardboard boxes
and we, in the pouring rain, slid down the hill at the
amphitheater over and over again on cardboard boxes.
It's so fun. And had the time of our we're
soaking wet. We're having the time of our
lives, you know, Might have been a little kissing in the rain
action Who's to tell? So you guys were boyfriend
girlfriend? Yeah, second date, actually.
But it was, it was just so fun because it was it was
spontaneous. We were laughing the whole time.
Get back in the car. You're freezing.
Went to Starbucks and got some hot chocolate.
Oh, it's just, it was a blast. And honestly, I'm sitting back
here. I need to do more fun things
with my wife. I was just thinking the same
thing. Like I have gotten, I was a
great boyfriend. I really was.
I've planned fun dates. I was creative.
I always had something planned, and all of a sudden I lost it
all and I'm like, all right, can we go to Breckenridge Brewery?
Yeah, sure. All right, great.
And that's just like over. And over here in the chat.
Dinner I'm like I got to get back to old to fun creative
ideas. Fun, spontaneous job, Michael.
That could be a great, you know, another episode topic.
It's like how to have fun with your wife, you know?
I will say sledding down a hill on cardboard boxes with a six
month pregnant wife might raise some questions as well, but I
need something like that. It's.
Probably going to change a little bit weekly.
Most fun date. I was trying to think back.
Honestly I was trying to think of dates, particularly with my
wife the most. Fun date is actually not with
my. Wife, not with your wife.
Go. Do you go ahead?
Yeah, you got this is. A date I, I think I'm very proud
of this one because I think in our friend we, we shared a lot
of dates in college date ideas. And, and this one, I like to say
it's an original and I've given it to a lot of guys that I
worked with post college. And there's a lot of marriages
out there that started with this date idea you for if there's a
first date idea, you go to a grocery store and you say, Hey,
we are going to go through every single aisle of the store once.
We can't go backwards. We're only going once and you
can only pick up five items and I'm only picking out five items.
At no point can you have more than five items in the cart.
So if you see something you really want and you have 5
items, you have to trade it for something else.
So we can't go back for it. And then we're going to go back
to wherever and we're going to see who makes like the best meal
out of these five ingredients. That's a blast.
And it's so fun. It's kind of competitive.
You're not having to look at each other.
No, it does take a little more maybe confidence to pull off
because you got to be OK with. It being.
Horrible. The food being awful, right?
But I'm like you could do if I'm doing that, I'm I'm doing like
tortillas, ground beef, Taco seasoning, cheese, lettuce.
I think I did. What?
That's great. I So what?
I do remember what we. Did is because you know, when I,
when I took the grocery, she's like, well, I feel like you've
had some time to think about what you want.
It's like, that's fair. So whenever we got back, we did
a, a, a draft. And so she went first and I went
second and she could steal any of my ingredients.
She didn't, but I ended up stealing her ingredients.
I ended up making like a it was like a pesto chicken pizza, like
mini pizzas on it and they came. You were showing off.
I don't know if they they were. I mean, that was, those were all
the ingredients. I didn't have any seasoning,
just chicken pesto. But we ended up having a blast.
You know, that's a great idea. She did say it was the best date
she's ever been on. What happened after that?
I think we went on another day and then we we stopped.
She broke up with you. Did you break up with her?
She. Got food poisoning pizza she.
Probably ended things with me if I had to guess.
I remember. Well, now you're.
Happily married. I'm happily married.
I haven't used that day with my wife yet.
Does she know about it? She does.
She can't recycle.
She's also one of the best cooks I've ever met.
And so it's also like, I'm not a good cook in general.
Yeah, yeah, it'd be fun for me because I get to eat her food,
you know. But anyways, that's, that's my
best date, most fun date. But I but I think I've been in
general. Let's let's take an action item
here. Let's take our wives on a fun
date. We'll report back.
To our listeners, Yep, sounds
good. We are all in on clarity.
We are all in on commitment. We are all in on honoring the
women that you're dating. This is the All In podcast.
Make sure to like, subscribe and share with your friends who are
maybe a little non committal on their dates thus far.
Thanks for listening.