Coming live from the HQ, this is the All In podcast.
I'm Clayton Caldwell. In 6th grade I had a friend ask
a girl out for me because I was too scared to do it.
Have you? Ever been in a conversation you
just didn't know what to say? Most of our it's just really
awkward. Yeah.
So, Michael, you're you're a great conversationalist.
Who, who would you say is, is one of the better
conversationalists that you've ever met?
So we'll go celeb shot, OK, And then we'll we'll just go back to
the table. So celeb shot here.
We, we pride ourselves on being, you know, Joe Rogan juniors.
What I mean by that is not our political stances or our, you
know, skin care routines. Substance intake.
Substance Intake. Certainly we do not participate,
but his, his manner of having a conversation has in a lot of
ways revamped the art of conversation.
And what I mean by that is the problem with conversations
nowadays is, and, and we, what's funny is we're kind of
hypocritical in this scenario because what I was about to say
is that conversationalists are full of just people telling
stories back, back to each other, which is the extent of a
lot of our podcast. But I think what what he does so
well is he takes information and he has a spirit of curiosity
about him to where he just, he has this amazing ability like
let the other person go and then cut in at the right points and
then give that person a softball to keep going.
And he's he's, I mean, his best qualities probably is curiosity.
Like he is just a curious person about anything on the spectrum,
whether it's it's politics, whether it's technology, whether
it's MMA, whether it's rap or comedy.
He's so well versed in conversation that he just I
mean, he's he's re taught. I think this, this lost art in a
lot of ways in terms of people. Gosh, I frankly this and this is
a little bit of a cop out, but I do have a seminarian friend
named Luke who's actually he's moving to Rome.
He's going to go study to be a Catholic priest in realm.
And, and he, what he's so good at is similar to Rogan in terms
of he's just a great question asker.
And, and so you're having a conversation and then you're 10
minutes in, I don't know if you guys have ever had someone like
this and you realize that you haven't asked a question back
because they've just done as such.
It's, it's some ways it's kind of frustrating sometimes because
you're like, I want to learn about you too.
But he's just so good at that being curious.
And he does this really well with my wife.
Like he as a seminarian, obviously he's not married, so
he doesn't know a ton about, you know, a woman's role in terms of
the family. And he's just so curious into
her life to where he's asking great questions.
How does that, like, how does being at home make you feel?
What's your experience of being a homemaker?
So lot to gain from that. And I think, I mean, we were all
blessed. Like we were surrounded with
people and undergrad that I think taught us this skill.
Absolutely. Super well, and I think it's
helped us in our careers a lot because our careers are
basically just communication full time, either with our
thumbs or with our mouths. Oh, it is literally that's our
whole job is communicating full time and it's it's powerful.
And and my, my question and, and my wondering recently has been
where do we go wrong? Not us, but where do we go wrong
culturally to where you go on a college campus, You go to
workplace, you go to a dinner with Co workers and it is like
stale as a bag of chips that's been left open.
Yeah, yeah. It's brutal hearing people.
I mean, people don't talk to each other anymore, in person at
least. Where do we go wrong, fellas?
I think at least recently, like over the last 10, maybe 15
years, it it's my experience has been that people are scared to
disagree with each other. Yep.
Yeah. And so I think that in itself
kills a lot of curiosity or a lot of questions that maybe
would be asked because I don't want to disagree with you and I
don't want you to convince me right about something I
disagree. With, right.
So I'm not going to inquire. Yeah, because that would get you
going on something. Yeah, I mean, that's been my
experience a lot with, you know, we, we have some friends that
maybe don't believe in the Catholic teachings.
Sure. And it's like they, they Just
Dance around anything relating to our lives because they, they
disagree with it and they're not willing to like, have a
conversation. Yeah, about it.
Because they ask. About it.
Yeah, even like, yeah, not knowing how to disagree with
someone and not turn into a conflict, right.
That I don't. That's my quick take.
I don't know if you have anything to add, Clayton.
Yeah, I don't know. I, I, you know, when you were
saying that, John Michael, my first thought was that just
people are generally uninteresting these days.
Yes. You know, I mean, you could you
could talk a lot about the invention of the iPhone and
YouTube and, you know, you know, YouTube Shorts and and TikTok
and just people not really, yeah, attention span, but then
also just like people not really having much to share about
themselves. I don't know, maybe that's a
really harsh judgment, but they haven't really thought out a lot
of things themselves and they don't really have things to
share. I think maybe one of the things
in my own experience kind of to what you were you were saying,
Jose, I think just things in our culture are generally just so
polarized these days. I was talking about this with,
with my wife recently and it's just like you say one thing and
you're immediately put into a certain group of people, a
certain camp of people. You've been branded, you've
been, you've been labeled. You know you must.
Be in that camp. You must think this, this, this,
and this as well. And I feel like, I mean,
personally, I've been in situations where I'm like either
afraid to ask certain questions. Or like.
Yeah, or just kind of dodge certain questions and it just,
it keeps the conversation shallow, you know.
But then if I'm in a conversation with people that I,
you know, could assume agree with me on things or think
similarly, it's easier to, to share my opinion.
That's my my own experience. And, and I think it in a way,
it's kind of like, it's just this like spiral because you're
not wanting, whether it's out of laziness or out of fear, right?
You're not wanting to engage with people that might disagree
with you and you're only willing to engage with people that you
think agree with you. So now you just kind of put in
this echo chamber, you know, of like opinions that are like talk
about YouTube Shorts, TikTok, whatever Facebook calls their
their things. It's made, the algorithm is made
to get to know you in a way that you're only listening to things
that agree with you, Right. And so, yeah, we're just getting
so used to only being in echo chambers of our own opinions, of
our own likes that we just. Yeah.
I think that's, I mean, I think that's why podcasts have blown
up. Yeah.
I mean, do you remember when podcasts were cringy?
Yes. Like there was a time where, you
know what, 5-6, seven years ago where if you're like, I'm
starting a podcast, people are like, what the, Are you kidding
me? No one listens to those.
And now it's like every business, yeah, in the country
has podcasting built into their marketing budget because it's
what people are tuned into. It's what people are listening
to. And I think the reason is
because they're not having conversations in their life.
And so they want to be a part of a conversation.
And so you're driving to work and you're not going to have a
ton of conversations at work. You know, you're, you're tuned
into your, your computer, laptop, webcam, whatever.
And so you want on your way to work and on your way home from
work to be a part of a conversation to where like you,
you know, some podcasters better in terms of their life.
Did you do your own friends lives?
Yeah. And I think about that.
I'm like, I mean. It's so true.
Nick Bear is my my influencer crush.
Yeah. And I'm embarrassed.
Say I know way too much about this guy's life and embarrassing
about it. I'm like waking up in the line.
I wonder what he's eating right now, Wonder what time he's
getting up. Does he use dial or is he an
old? Spicy.
Is he up right now? Yeah.
But it's weird. Are we looking at the same moon?
Yeah, it's. Weird because you know, is it a
man crush? Maybe.
But it's weird that I know so much about someone that I've
never met in my life and probably will never meet.
Although I hope, I hope Nick one day.
Maybe if you're listening, we. Could share some miles together,
but I do think we know so much about people that we never know.
And I don't know necessarily if relationally we're supposed to
be built for that world. Yeah.
So are, are you saying people are listening to podcasts where,
you know, there's three guys sitting at a table having a
conversation because they don't have conversations like that in
their life and it's like something and fill in a hole.
Yeah, fill in a hole. Maybe a part of something
They're they're being vulnerable on a podcast.
And now I feel like I'm connecting with them.
Yeah, like I'm hearing what they're saying and I'm like, oh,
that's I get you, dude. Yeah, yeah, I hear you.
Yeah, but maybe you don't feel safe or good or close enough to
people around to to be able to. Do do you think podcasts are
teaching people how to have conversations?
Like are people listening to podcasts and and thinking to
themselves how do I have conversations like that or.
I'd say some people are right. I I think it just depends on the
person, the natural curiosity or intentionality behind that,
yeah. I, I wonder if, I mean, there's
a good there. There's a good that they're
finding connection and we don't want to.
I mean, we, we hope people, yeah.
We hope people find. Connection with this too, and a
relatability. But I also think there's
probably the flip end where if you're tuning in, tuning into a
podcast for a sense of relational connection, you're
not satisfying it in the way that's meant to be.
Which true conversation, person to person, face to face over a
coffee drink, whatever breeds that.
But you ever think about how women, they're like, their idea
of a good time is just sitting and talking, you know?
And for guys, we actually enjoy that, but we just don't say it.
So it's like, my wife's like, oh, I can't wait to go talk with
Katie. Yeah.
And I'm like, oh, I can't wait to go drink a beer with Drew.
Yeah. And it's like, I'm not, it's not
drinking a beer that I'm looking at, although I am.
Yeah. It's, I'm excited to connect
with Drew. But yeah, we, we always use the
euphemism of like, oh, we're going to have a drink.
Yeah. We're going to watch a game.
And it's like, we're not going to watch a game.
We're going to be together. Yeah.
And the game is just an excuse for us to actually have a
relationship with each other, you know?
Hey, what's going on guys? This is John Michael Lucido and
I am the main host of the All In.
Podcast brought to you by. Focus and I just want to take a
second to personally invite you to join us at SEEK 26, Seek 26,
January the 1st through January 5th.
We are going to be in three locations.
That's how big Seek has gotten. I'm going to be the mainstage MC
hosting our conference in Columbus, OH.
Our other main host of the podcast, Jose and Clayton, will
be down in Fort Worth, Texas and then we'll have our third
location in Denver. Colorado, January the 1st.
Through January 5th you are not going to want to miss this.
The link to register is in the description.
Can't wait to see you guys. Let's go all in on C26.
So I think what we're talking about in the question that we're
trying to ask is like, how do you, how do you, we're not
necessarily looking at like, how do you have really deep
conversations with somebody? You know, and that's, that's an
element of, of conversations. And, and you're for sure going
to go deep with some people and other people you aren't, you
know, I think what the question that we're asking is like, how
do you have that middle ground? How do you do it between small
talk and, you know, a heart to heart conversation?
Yeah, 'cause at the same time on the other end, like it can be
exhausting if every conversation with someone is heart is like
super deep and you. But it's also exhausting if
every conversation is just small talk.
Absolutely, there's got to be. I might be more exhausted by
small talk than I am deep conversations.
I think it depends for. Me, I love small talk.
Yeah, I I enjoy some real small talk.
A good small talk. What would you like?
What are small talk like the weather?
You know. Big weather Cowboys game No.
Just like, you know, like when you're talking to like a 50 or
60 year old man. Yeah.
And it's just this great, like small talk, banter back and
forth. You're not really getting
anywhere. Yeah.
But you're enjoying the fact that you're kind of mutually
pushing each other around a little bit.
That's what I enjoy. I would agree with that, just
like the the poking of each other a little bit.
Yeah, I guess, I guess that's fair.
So if you're if you're trying to find that middle ground in a
conversation, well, like what would you say are some general,
I don't, I don't want to say, you know, techniques or tips,
but just like what does it take to actually engage, engage at
that level for someone that's maybe struggling to figure out?
Like, how do I you know, I'm not just trying to like pour my
heart out to someone, you know, but I'm just trying to have a
genuine meaningful connection. I.
Wonder if, I mean, we've, we've experienced this from we were
all missionaries and and we were working on college campuses.
So like our full time job was meeting new people.
So I feel like we got really good at this and I wasn't, I
mean, some of us are probably better.
We have more natural ability than others.
But what I always leaned on was like, there's there's a couple
acronyms, but there's there's an idea of first of all, just in in
an invitation. So you start shallow, right?
Hey, where you from? And then from there, that's an
opportunity to build connection right away.
Where you from? Are you from San Antonio?
Oh, no way. Tell me about that.
What San Antonio? You like the Spurs?
Yeah. Oh, you know, I went to Antonio
once, Yeah. For with my family and yeah.
San Antonio is great. We used to go for vacation.
Yeah. Did y'all take vacations growing
up? Yeah.
And so you're, you're starting at the level of shallow and then
you move into a shared experience.
Yep. So can you?
You always got to connect. You always have to find the
connection, and even in small talk there's opportunities for a
connection. Yeah.
Where are you from? Where'd you go to college?
What do you do for a living? Yeah, most people.
Oh, what do you do for a living? Engineer.
And it just stops there. Yeah, right.
But it's like, oh, what? Why are you?
Why are you an engineer? Yeah.
And then you move down to the level of values.
So you start showing, you move to valley.
So just like what? What's your values?
Yeah. With engineering.
So it could be simply as oh, why do you why do you enjoy that?
Yeah. You know what?
What made you want to be an engineer?
I like solving problems. Yeah.
Oh, really? What's what have you been
working on at work? And that right away moves to
meaning. So you go, you go entry level,
then you go values and you can move to meaning.
Oh, why do you, why do you find that meaningful?
What's meaningful to you about solving problems?
And then it's like right off the bat, you've established
connection. Now you've moved to values, now
you've moved to meaning, and then you move to the level of
beliefs. And this is not, this could be
something for evangelization when you're like sharing faith
with people, but it could also just be like.
Forming friendships. Forming friendships.
Like, oh, your your belief that solving problems is a good
thing. I agree.
I also like solving problems, like how to not make people go
to hell, you know? So I think there's there's those
tips and tricks that even for someone that's a little uncomfy,
can make it easier, but just takes practice too, you know?
Do you, do you think we've are people still genuinely curious
about other people or do they want to be curious?
Do you think there's like a level of just like anxiety going
into conversations that blocks the ability to like, actually,
you know, I'm so caught up in like, how, you know, how are
people seeing me? What do people think about me
that it blocks kind of that ability to ask a good question
and to be genuinely curious about the person in front of you
without just like, thinking about yourself the whole time?
I mean, I think when people are insular in terms of their
lifestyle, yeah, that almost it it, it like breaks the very
foundation of the the thing I was just talking about is that
you have to have interest in someone to even get to that
meaning beliefs, values, to even to even open it up.
And so that's where I'm I'm struggling is like, how do you
give someone an interest that they may or may not have in the
other what? Do you think is that?
I think in my experience, a lot of times when, when meeting
someone for the first time, right, whether it's at work, at
a work event, right, where you meeting someone because you
generally want to get to know them, but you realize that they
don't want to get to know you. Yeah, usually you got to find.
You just got to find enough connections.
Yeah. You know, with connections,
eventually someone's going to want to get to, you know,
someone's going to be a little curious.
I think connections spark curiosity, yeah.
But yeah, I, I think if both parties are not curious, then
yeah, it's not going to go anywhere, right.
And I don't, I don't know if I would say that people are less
curious. Actually, I would say that I
would say people are less curious.
But I think it's just driven from a place of what we were
talking about. Like with social media, I think
it's just done so much damage to to younger people.
How do you see these ways in I need to like fully fledge out my
my thoughts here, but thinking of like Instagram, right.
We we all know that no one's lifestyle is perfect.
Yeah, right. That it doesn't look exactly
like what you see on social media.
Yeah, but you were content with just seeing what's on social
media and that's OK. That's that's that's all I
needed to know. You know, it's like I, I don't
need to, you know, and I'm not saying this about me, but just
this is maybe what I encountered, like, oh, I don't
need to know about. They're hunting too Italy, which
is what my wife and I did. Like I could just see that they
posted some pictures and that's fine.
Yeah. That's all I need to know.
Yeah, I'm fine with that. The curiosity's been quenched.
By Yeah, it's like enough of that has been quenched with like
a little tease on social media and I don't really want to ask
questions. I was, I was on an airplane last
week. So we all, we all travelled
decent bit for work and life and stuff.
And airplanes are like the best place to people watch.
And if you want a microcosm of the world, get on an airplane.
It's amazing. And the other thing about
airplanes are you, you're never with that group of people in
your life. When else would you be with a
cross section of America in a small enclosed space for three
hours with no Wi-Fi depending on what air airline you fly where
you actually are forced to connect with people and and most
people don't connect with people.
But I sit on an airplane last week and my my Co worker was
behind me and she is very devout and to her faith.
And right next to her was seated a a gal who covered in tattoos.
My Co worker is about as clean cut as it gets.
Yeah only wears one pair of earrings.
You know, would think the idea of double piercings is
idolatrous. And this woman covered in
tattoos, head to toe, very interesting haircut, very
interesting method of dress. And you look at these two people
and you're like, they have nothing in common.
You have a clean cut, you know, deeply religious individual.
And, you know, forgive me if I'm guessing covered in tattoos with
interesting clothes. You know, I, I, I'm going to be
honest, I judged her a little bit and I'm sitting right in
front of them. It's a four and a half hour
flight from Florida all the way West to Denver.
And they talked for three hours about the best question that our
colleague asked was so tell me about your tattoos.
Like that was like one of the first questions.
And that launched into a values beliefs conversation that was
amazing because it's like, oh, this tattoo was.
This tattoo was like my, my grandmother who passed away from
breast cancer. And this tattoo is for a
brother. And this is from when I studied
abroad in Thailand. And this is when I was teaching,
teaching for she did TFA in Philly.
And so it's right away like boom.
Oh, tell me about your, your grandmother passed away.
Oh my gosh, like tell me about that.
And that launched into values and that launched into beliefs.
It's amazing. It was beautiful, yeah, but it's
like 2 people, nothing in common, probably would have
never met. Yeah, anywhere, but they're
seated right there at United flight.
I have a hot. Take about travelling when I'm
on an airplane. Are you?
Are you in Airpods only? I don't want to talk to you.
I don't. Now, I'm not going to be rude
about like, if someone talks to me, I'll talk and sure, I'll
enjoy a conversation. Yeah.
But airplanes are like the one place where I'm like, I don't
want to get. To know for me it's the neck,
the neck, the neck what? Do you mean?
Say that again. It's so hard to have a
conversation with someone on an airplane because you have to go,
like, for three hours and you land and you're like, forcing
your head back to the front or you're looking straight ahead
trying to talk. And they're like, what'd you
say? Yeah, that's the awkward.
Part I I think mine comes from what my wife calls my useless
superpower, which is I can fall asleep before the plane takes
off and wake up when it lands. You can sleep on planes.
Oh yeah, the whole the whole way it freaks.
Me out. I mean, I I just fall asleep
very easily. I could sleep anywhere.
If we put you on the clock right now, I.
Could probably be asleep in the next three.
No, I mean, right now we're talking, right?
I'm stimulated. But yeah, I mean, if you guys
leave the room, turn off the lights, I could be asleep in 10
minutes. In your chair.
Maybe not this chair, but like, yeah, in general.
And so on an airplane, it's like, that's just what I what I
that's like the place where I take naps.
Yeah. I you.
Know and I'm not a big. Napper, I cannot sleep knowing
that there is a person touching my thigh with their thigh that I
have never met before. Have you ever thought about
that? Yeah, I am in my most vulnerable
position. Which is why it is part of the
reason why I always wear pants on airplanes, because I don't
want to. Feel their legs.
I just can't do it. It's weird.
No, I love it. I always get the window seats I
can lean against the wall. You know, going back to that
tattoo question, Yep, I think a lot of people would be scared to
ask that question. Totally.
Yeah. Someone that's clean cut doesn't
have any tattoos. Someone has a lot of tattoos.
I just feel like it's kind of, you know, I mean, personally, I
would kind of be scared to ask that question.
I wouldn't be scared because then they would have to ask us.
Clayton, do you have any tattoos?
Do you have a singular? 1A Singular 1.
We we have matching tattoos. My for the for the listeners,
I'll just share that my my 4 year old son asked me why I have
the Aggies on my butt and. These have matching bumper
stickers, right? That would be an accurate
statement, yes. Now let's just say that tattoo
was what, gosh, nine years ago, No. 8 Probably.
Yeah, and Texas looks a lot more like California eight years
later than it's supposed to. It looked really good.
And now I don't know if it's Illinois or Texas because of
aging. Yeah, well.
I don't know if I would ever ask someone on a plane, hey, do you
have any butt tattoos? But if they if they were visible
and I don't know if I would lead a conversation with, hey, did
you know I have a butt tattoo? It's the best practice.
But I think a lot of people would be, would be scared to ask
that question. I think also, you know, we are
missionaries, we're evangelists, you know, we're, we're trained
to share the gospel, share the good news of Jesus Christ, to
invite other people into a relationship with Jesus.
And there's there's an art to that, you know, and for, you
know, a new missionary or someone who's, you know, really
into their faith and asking the question, how do I share the how
do I share this? You know, I think what we're
trying to say here is that you're not just going to start
with, you know, you never start a conversation with what do I
want to talk about? Oh yeah.
You know, what do I want to talk about and how do I do I?
Shuts. It shuts them down.
It's just a conversation down, you know, and like you were
saying that that tattoo question opened up a world of, you know,
a conversation of values and beliefs.
And and it's great that it got there, but it's OK if it does.
It's OK if it. Doesn't.
Yeah, and she could have shut it down.
Like, what a weird question no one has ever ask me why I'm
totally ink dreamed up. Yeah.
What's your what? If you had to get a tattoo right
now, what would you get? I've struggled with this.
Little baby feet. Little baby feet on the forearm.
I think for a while there was a point in my life where maybe
high school and full angst that I couldn't wait to go to
college. I could get tattoos and I wanted
to kind of have not a not a sleeve, yeah, but a good amount,
you know. But then I got to college and I
was like, finally I could do it. And then I could never think of
what I wanted. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I think that's how people get started is they get a
purposeless one. Yeah.
And then from there. Yeah, I got a cousin with a
tattoo of a pizza on her forearm.
Yeah. And it's like, you know, you can
only go up from there in terms of meeting, you know, I.
This pizza saved my life. Do you think people are getting
more tattoos? Probably less if you don't.
I guess you don't. See many 60 year olds with
sleeves. Sure, but you also don't see
that many 20 year olds with sleeves anymore.
I think more people are getting tattoos.
I think this is similar to some of the things I've I've seen
recently of Gen. Z.
Like, you know, I don't know if our generation, the generation
had before us whatever you or right after.
Us, we're like right on the line, yeah.
We go either way of how they drink less.
Yeah. I think it's kind of tied into
that of like. They're just doing less stuff in
general. No, it's just they're saying, I
think there may be more, which I wouldn't say tattoos are
unhealthy. So I don't want to group it into
that. Yeah.
But I think a lot of like Gen. Z sees alcohol is like
unhealthy, Like, why would I want to do that, right?
It causes inflammation. It causes this causes that.
It's extra calories. You don't want to drink your
calories. And I think part of that is
like, they're a little more cleaner cut.
Yeah. You never thought about going
sober I. Mean.
Like no. Alcohol, I wouldn't say I'm not
sober. You know what I mean?
Yeah. Yeah.
Sober in the sense of I'm cutting it out.
I haven't fully thought about it.
I don't know about you all. I mean, right now I drink like
if I'm not an event, maybe the one beer a week.
Yeah. So it's not to me.
It's like it doesn't make a difference, you know?
Now at an event, yeah, I'll have more drinks at a party or
hosting people, whatever it is. Yeah, but just like never really
thought about it. Too much, I know, you've
thought. About it, maybe.
I've only thought about it on the sober thing.
Yeah, like the health benefits. Yeah, yeah, because woop woop.
Tracks your alcohol intake. Yeah, and how it affects your
sleep. And bourbon.
The brown dirty water. Yeah.
Kills my sleep. It's bourbon and red wine.
Really. Those are the two that just like
Jack up my sleep, I. Always heard it's blended.
Blended wine. Really.
Yeah, I remember I. Was because it's not.
It's not like. Pure I, I, I don't know why, I
just feel like I, I particularly remember I went to a buddy's
wedding and I had two glasses of blended wine.
I woke up hungover and I had, I had my, my brother-in-law and a
couple of friends were the same way.
And we all, we kind of was. It a red?
Was it a blended it? Was a blended.
It was a blended red. Wine.
Yeah, yeah, I've heard it has to do with the sugars in wine.
Maybe. It depends.
Probably. What you what type of?
Wine I'm drinking? Who knows?
I'm drinking Costco, you know, $1212.00 bottles, which probably
doesn't help. Yeah.
What are you all's? You're in a conversation, you're
at a happy hour, you're at a a cocktail event.
What are you ordering at a networking event?
I mean I could I probably in a network Michelob ultra skinny
Cam. For a skinny man.
You're of athletes. Oh yeah, you're of.
Athletes exactly I I feel like I mean at a networking my my
favorite drink is Manhattan. Yeah, but you can't.
Order that at networking. Exactly.
The bartender gets mad. Exactly.
I feel like I would just probably do a light, a light
beer. Yeah, you know.
Yeah, probably same. A light beer or if I see a lot
of people have liquor, I'll do. I like tequila.
Soda with lime. Oh.
Yeah, keeps. It light.
Keeps it light. Yeah.
You don't feel bloated. You don't have all this sugar
from tonic. I'm sure you have the sugar and
tequila, right? Sure, but that's good.
Soda is better than tonic. I mean, Cliff soda is a
carbonated water. Yeah, tonic is like actual soda.
OK, here's a here's a networking question.
Yeah. I love.
Now this is this is kind of where I struggle.
Yeah. And I would love to get you
all's opinions on this. John Michael, actually think you
do this really well. So I'm excited to hear what you
have to say, Jose. I'm sure you do it well, too.
I've seen. But John Michael, I think is
kind of notorious for this. But no, no, no.
At a networking event, you know, you you grab the beer, you go
and stand in the group. Yeah.
And then it's like, how do you accept the conversation?
Well, John, Michael's notorious of this because you, you you're
turning and I'm talking to Jose like this.
And I turn back around. John Michael's just gone.
That's why I'm doing that. Irish was how.
Do you, I think that's personally something that I
struggle with is like, how do you, you know when a
conversation is over, how do you exit, exit the conversation
appropriately? Well, networking events are the
worst for that because you don't want to talk like 4 to 5 minutes
is like you're topping out. Yeah.
Like, you've covered plenty of ground, and it's not necessarily
the the world in which you're you're going into a deep
conversation. It's like a wedding reception's
a great example. Yeah.
Like, your wedding reception was incredible.
Louisiana weddings, if you guys have never been to one, are so
great. So fun.
'Cause there's no, there's no sit down dinner.
Yeah. And so you.
Just usually there's a band. There's a live band instead of a
DJ. There's Jose's brother-in-law
dancing with the broom on stage. I still don't what is the story.
There I think from my understanding that.
Was the highlight of the. Wedding.
Yeah. So my wife's from Thibodeau,
Louisiana. Bayou, a small town right on the
Bayou. Bayou Lafourche.
Yeah. How how would you guys spell
that? Bayou.
Yeah, LEFU. Starts with FU.
Let's see. PHEUGE.
OK, so what's your OK? What'd you say?
Pepe le Pew? Yeah.
Bayou Lafourche. Baca de Beppo.
How? How would you spell Lafourche
Lafourche? LE Apostrophe.
FU EGE. I I'm I want to come out clean
and say that I might also be pronouncing it wrong here, but
what what are your thoughts? Say it again.
Bayou Lafourche. Bayou.
Yeah, don't, don't worry about Bayou.
Bayou Lafourche. It's actually LAFOURCHE
Lafourche, which we could. We could have a whole episode
talking about Louisiana weddings or Louisiana words that are just
spelled. There's an R.
Yeah, there's a hidden R in there, silent R, if you will, R,
which is common in Louisiana. All that to say, my wife's from
Thibodaux, Louisiana and. Is there an R in Thibodaux?
No. But it's also spelled kind of
funny. Yeah.
And, and I think, and I don't know if it's a typical thing of
this, just like her family, because I know her cousins did
it too. But for whatever reason, if the
younger sibling, especially the sister, gets married before the
older brother, the older brother then has to dance with a broom
at the reception. Really.
Yeah, which my my brother-in-law killed it.
Oh, he. He didn't.
I didn't pick up on that. I just thought he was being
dumb. No, no, no, he, he totally
killed. I mean, they're not going to
announce that. Yeah.
You know, like, hey, there's actually he's.
Unmarried. Yeah.
Any women in the room? Anyone.
Which he is engaged, you know. Oh, really?
Yeah. Jean Paul.
That's right, Jean Paul. But he did a great job, I think
because you can easily go into that just being like kind of
either pissed off or a little embarrassed.
He like fully bought in made it really fun and.
Well, liquid courage. Helped some great pictures from
that moment. But you you were saying about
wedding receptions. Oh, it's just, I mean, wedding
receptions are the ultimate awkward exit.
Yeah. Especially if you know a lot of
people at the wedding because you don't want to spend too much
time with one person because you got 50 other friends you're
trying to catch up with. We were talking off air about
how to exit conversations and Jose, you said the funniest
line. Well, I, I mean, cuz you're
talking we, we were just talking about how you like to just Irish
goodbye. For sure just go my.
Go to and I wouldn't say this is something I'm known for.
I wouldn't say I'm great at this, but my go to is either
hey, it it was great catching up.
I'm going to go get another drink or hey, it was great
catching up. Loved seeing you, you are great
getting to know you. I need to go to the bathroom
right? Smart the little boys room.
Now which what the mistake I've made plenty of times is, hey,
I'm going to the bar, you need another.
Yeah, you got to be careful. Because I've done that and now
you're back in the conversation and you can't bring him another
MC Ultra and then be like, hey, I'm out.
Yeah. Yeah.
You're locked in until he's half a beer in at that point.
Yeah. So yeah, you can't offer sadly
at these events. We're trying to get through a
little conversations. It might be a little rude, but
you got to keep keep your drinks to yourself.
What I what I always say is, is if I don't just leave, is hey,
really enjoy talking. I'm I'm gonna try.
I got a buddy I'm trying to connect with.
I'm gonna go. I'm which that's fine too.
People understand that. Yeah.
So what, what would you guys say?
I'd love to hear from from everybody at the table here.
You got a guy and he's just wondering how do I, how do I go
a little bit deeper in my conversations with people?
This probably isn't you know, you're not talking about your
your buddies. You know, we're hopefully, you
know, you're having small talk, having fun.
You're also asking deep questions, but you're sitting
next to a guy in class. You know where your Co worker
sitting next to you or you're on an airplane.
If you could just say, you know, what are what are one or two
things to think about of how to engage better in conversation?
What do you think you'd? Say Husby, I would say I mean we
we've been saying this all episode, right of you got to be
curious. You got to genuinely want to
know lead with questions about the lead with questions, but
actually like pay attention. Open-ended questions.
And and don't be afraid to make a connection, right?
Don't be the guy that's making connection every other sentence
they make. But don't be afraid to make a
connection, as silly as it may be, you know, Oh, you're, you're
from, you went to text A&M. You know, I always hated Anna.
Obviously you're not saying that with like anger, but you're
saying like, oh, you know, I always made fun of Eminem, my
dad and I did like, I don't be afraid of making a connection
like that, you know, Cuz I think as long as you've been curious
and you're still making that connection and continue to go,
cuz, you know, if someone told me, I'd be like, tell me more
like what, why did you guys dislike it so much?
You know, what did we ever do to you?
Right. You know, and then it could just
get kind of funny and you can start making more connections
there. Yeah, I would say don't be
afraid to to swing someone else in the combo.
Yeah, that's like my favorite thing to do when things are
getting a little stale is just say, hey, Clayton, come over
here. I want you to meet.
I want you to meet a new friend of mine, Josh.
Yeah, that's typically where you dip.
Yeah, it's, it's perfectly where you.
Dip, I call it the hand off. You just hand them off and you
go, yeah, but like when you there's something about so
there's there's kind of rules of numbers when it comes to combos.
It's like 6 or more. It's awkward.
Six people in a group. Yeah, 6 people in a group it's.
Six or more, yeah. Now it's individual like it's
smaller groups it breaks off into.
Smaller groups, you can't have one conversation with like 7
people at 7. You have to splinter.
So it's like 3 and 4, two and five.
But 1/3 or 1/4, it kind of breeds life into a combo.
It's like, hey, you know, Clayton, come over here.
I want you to I want you to talk to this guy Clayton you he's
actually from Dallas. You're from Dallas.
Like I want you. I want you all to meet the next
thing you know, you got new life in the conversation.
And now a three-way combo is I mean, this podcast is like if it
was just me and you, Jose, it would be different.
Pretty stale, pretty quick because we'd be going back and
forth. You need me?
More than ever, Clayton, I need you.
No, but like having 3 makes it to where he's I mean, he just
did it right. He's like, hey, what do y'all
think? And now all of a sudden we have
multiple people answering a question and it's just so much
more natural. Yeah, so.
Yeah, I think you're right. I think what we're trying to say
is, you know, take your own eyeballs off yourself, you know,
and look at someone else and engage, engage other people in
conversation as well. So this is the All In podcast.
We're going to cut this because I got to go grab a drink.
Thanks y'all. Don't forget to like subscribe.
Comment Click the bell. And Irish goodbye, Irish
goodbye.