Hello everyone, welcome to the lesbian supper club podcast.
Another day, another dike, Another.
Dollar, but we do this for free. Yes, hello everyone, how are we
today? I am sweating my fucking little
tiny egg fried tits off because I've decided to come to the
Levi's studio in a full vintage Levi's set.
It looks good, I love and I recently posted it on my
Instagram. But when you're sat in a quite a
hot studio in quite a thick double denim set, it's not the
best decision I've ever made. Particularly because as well,
whenever we come to the studio we're arseholes and always drive
here, which is in central London and somehow we're shocked every
week to discover we can't find a fucking parking space.
Which today meant that I had to park a good 15 minute walk from
the studio and then walk in this very thick two piece to the
studio in. I wouldn't call it Sun because
this summer has been fucking horrendous.
Who else is just fucking sick of it?
But it's it's hot like mugginess, stickiness.
So I'm I'm sweating but I'm good.
I don't actually sweat because I'm a little snake so I don't
actually perspire just get hot so I don't sweat from my body.
Which is weird and I should probably get that looked into.
But ignorance is bliss. It is weird because I although I
have been so generally I never feel thirst either.
But I have been feeling quite a bit of thirst recently.
But now Freya has diagnosed me of diabetes so I've gone from
some weird kind of snake reptilian disorder to being a
full blown diabetic. As per phrase diagnosis.
Yes. But she's called me and
diagnosed me with much worse, so I'll take what I can.
Diabetes is just the least of your worries at this point, I
wouldn't worry about that. It's probably the least of
yours, actually, because you have to live with me.
Yes, so true and Scarlett is also wearing her brand new shoes
that I got her yesterday, which are I think, are they gazelles?
What are they the? Munichs, aren't they?
No, I don't even think they're Munichs.
They're like Adidas something, but they're fucking cool.
They're they're. Really cool.
They're yellow, like a vintage yellow colour.
It's like a 70s, yeah. Oh, they're sick.
No, I love them. Thank.
You. But I'm very glad Scarlett's had
a bad couple of days. So I'm on girlfriend duty and I
thought. Freya's made them worse, but.
I have made them worse. Than the trainers.
Instead of making it even worse, I will get us some trainers to
make her love me again. Thank you.
Has it worked? No.
Oh, but I do appreciate them. So you're just they're, they're
now fresh trainers for you to run away from me in.
Exactly. Lovely.
Yeah, I love that for. Me, but I'm not going to do it
too soon because I don't want it to be obvious.
Adidas more like Adios. Yeah, exactly that.
Could be a new marketing plug for them.
It's just to have a load of lesbians running away from each
other. Oh my God, be like adios Adidas
supporting the lesbian breakup. Yeah.
And talking of lesbian breakup, actually I've never, we've never
segwayed into a topic so fucking perfectly before.
Look at that. I feel like Ellen.
Today's episode we actually want to talk about breakups again,
but not heartbreak breakup in a different sense.
So last week's episode we spoke about narcissists, controllers,
manipulators, and sorry guys but it didn't surprise me.
So many messaged, so many of you messaged us to say wow this
fucking hit home. I'm either in this situation, I
didn't realise how bad it was until I've heard someone say it
out loud or I was with someone like that.
And first of all I'm not surprised but I am really sorry
to hear that. And second of all, if you're
still there, get the fuck out. Yeah.
And I know it's not that easy, and I think we're going to talk
about why it's not that easy. So break UPS, break UPS, two
things. Breaking up with someone being
the breaker upper being the broken up with Freya.
What is your advice? For breaking up, go crazy.
Just go absolutely Benchy. Considering your history, I
don't think you're a good person.
Just maybe, just like, cry all the time.
No, not being the broken upper. What is your advice for being
the one to walk? Away.
Oh, OK. I think honestly it just comes
down to the point where you really start to put yourself
first if you're in a relationship that isn't serving
you. Not only that, if you feel like
you can't put yourself first. So if you're not like happy in
the relationship, put the other person first by by doing them
the favour of breaking up with them.
If you're not in love with them anymore.
Like if you're genuinely breaking up with someone because
you're like, I'm not in love with this person anymore, I
don't want to be with them. You're not doing them any
favours by staying with them. Like that is just so cruel.
And you can just RIP off the Band-Aid and let them have some
time to like figure out what they need in.
Life. Wow, that's quite brutal.
You're taking a grouch stance on that today because I was going
to go in way softer, but you've done it for me, so I'm going to
play innocence. Yeah, but but I think that it's
good. I think that you've got to be
cruel to be kind in situations like that.
I think the way that you actually do it is different
depending on the type of relationship that you're in.
Say that you're in like a healthy relationship, right?
You can definitely have that conversation in person sat down.
You owe it to that person. Wouldn't do it in a public
space. No, I've I've had someone do
that to me before and that's just psycho psychotic.
I was just wailing my if you're calling off.
A situation ship or you're calling off anything pre well
it's lesbian terms pre three months.
I think a public like sitting down for a coffee.
This isn't working is fine and you think post six months if
you're breaking up? Public.
I'm all brutal. I know this sounds bad, guys.
It's probably controversial. I'm for a tax breakup.
So am I, because you know what you saved.
Them the embarrassment. Yeah, if you actually not.
Them you can always meet them afterwards, yes, but you give
them the message and say look, this is how I'm you wanna.
Say, in a really well contrived way.
You're on your own right now. So like, maybe that's better
because you're not gonna like, cry in front of me.
If, if, if it's not even very long and you don't want them to
like, cry in a cafe or whatever it might.
Be So you're saying if I want to break up with you I can just
shoot you a text? Definitely not from you, not in
a relationship. That's you.
Can't be advised that you wouldn't take yourself No, no
no. Hold on, this is what I'm saying
though. It's like short term.
Relationships because I I controversially think I think.
Even a long term one, yeah. But I agree entirely of what you
were saying in terms of kind of plant the seed, say what you
want to say in the best way you can possibly say it.
Give that person 2448 hours to actually take that, digest it,
conjure up what they want to say, you know how they want to
approach the situation, and then meet up.
Yeah, I think that the the good thing is to be like, look, I
want to speak about this more in like more detail in person, but
I feel like I, I owe you this right now and like send over
like an explanation. I think text that only works
though as well. Thinking about it more, if you
think as the person who's breaking up the other person,
that the other person is going to think it's come out of the
blue because there's a lot of ways of when you're breaking up
actually. You can.
Sense both parties can see it, yeah.
It's just who kind of takes that leap.
Because comfort in a relationship is a massive thing
and the unknown is horrible and scary, right?
Yeah, but if. Yeah, but if you got yourself a
crazy on your hands, shoot them and text block them.
Oh, yeah, if you've got yourself a crazy, yeah, go to the police
station first. Yeah, warn them.
Yeah, warn friends and family. Find a safe house.
Send everyone your address. Slowly put the things in the
car. Train the dog on a houseboat
out. Oh yeah.
Drop the bomb and fucking run. Actually we had an argument
yesterday and Scarlett. Fuck off.
Scarlett did manage to get Ziggy out of the house very quickly.
Now that you've just said a trained dog bolt out, have you
been doing fire drills? Yeah, of course I have you.
Were out of that house like a fucking flash.
You pretty much lassoed the the lead on the lead.
Ran Ziggy's neck yeet. Into the car.
I heard a bit of silence and then I hear that Addy Dash bags
everything up and I'm like, oh, she's off you.
Want me dog the dog? He's always going to give it to
you. He's.
Looking back at me like what the fuck is going on?
Big argument over something really quite ridiculous that
didn't need to escalate, but it did because, you know, we don't
always communicate in the best way.
We've actually not communicated very well recently.
I think there's been a lot of external stressors which have
taken. From us, I think recently we've
been communicating shockingly actually.
And I will own that as well. But I think it's because there's
been a lot of external things which have kind of driven our
usual roots of communication out the fucking window, quite
literally. And the dogs come with it where
I'm concerned. But I do have to.
Laugh. But The thing is, for me, I'm
all for when it comes to, you know, it.
It gets to a point during an argument or a conversation where
nothing else can be said. And all you're doing is
nitpicking, biting. I'm all for walking out the door
for a few hours and some people are like, oh, you're only
sleeping or you leave. And it's like, no, I literally
have nothing else. I've gotten better at less than
you have. Yeah.
Because before I would really, really panic.
And that was really not good of me, no.
And you try and keep me and. I'd try and keep you in the
house because I'd be like, no, this is ridiculous because then.
You've also got a lot of abandonment.
I've got a lot of abandonment issues, but I'd also just like
not in like a violent way, but I try and keep her in the house
and I'd I'd because I just thought if she left that was.
It wouldn't come back. Whereas now you know that like
it's so much better to give each other that space.
And then if it gave me time, sometimes we come.
Back over to Selfridges by your fucking shoes.
Sometimes we come back and then have a calm conversation about
it and sometimes we realise it doesn't need fucking talking
about at all because it's pathetic.
There's one thing about us is that we get over things
ridiculously quickly, but I think it's good because it's
because it's nothing really monumental.
If it was something big, I wouldn't be getting it, but we
do. Get over like arguments very
quickly. I hate grudges.
Not even just grudges. I say this to you all the time,
and it's such a simplistic thing to say.
I just want an easy life. And I'm, you know, me.
And I think people, you know, listening to this podcast know
that if I've got something to say, I'll say it, but only if I
feel really necessary. There are a lot of things in my
life that I just swallow and get on with because I can't be
bothered. Yeah, but so do I.
This comes to the same with, you know, arguments with you or
anyone else that I don't want to drag it out, say what I've got
to say, and I move on because life, it is such a cliche.
Life is too short. I don't have the energy, nor do
I care enough. No, you know, And that's not to
say if it wasn't a big thing, yes, of course I wouldn't just
bury it and put it under the carpet, brush it under the rug.
Put it under the carpet or brush it under the rug.
Maybe I could do both? Yeah, no, I do.
You know what I mean. I'm on your, I'm on your page.
But yeah, but that's the kind of very quickly, yeah, the breakup
thing is like there are multiple.
You need to analyse the person that you're with.
You need to analyse why you're breaking up with them.
So you can still be in love with someone.
You talk about falling out of love, You can still be in love
with someone, but know that it's just not going to work for you.
And again, I think that warrants a text and then an in person
conversation. If the relationship is toxic and
you're looking for an out. I, I, you know, call me an
asshole for this. If the persons treated you a
certain way for a certain amount of time, I have no qualms of
sending a text blocking. I don't think there's anything
wrong with that. You do not owe anyone who has
done you dirty in life any explanation or time for the day
you find. Any more time about you know
what I actually I'm saving myself?
And The thing is, and we mentioned this in the last
episode, you can't reason with these people anyway.
So you're not doing yourself or them, just you.
Just go around in conversation. You know what, guys?
You'll just go around in circles until they find someone else.
Yeah, Yeah. And that can take any amount of
time. Usually we'll be quite.
Quickly because they need They can't be alone and they.
Feed off blood of their victims. But yeah, no.
But what not to do when you want to break up with someone is
don't start to cheat because a lot of us don't are scared to be
alone and So what we do when we know the relationship is ending
is try and find something else before it.
Ends I think though, that maybe cheating.
I know this again controversial. Do you think that maybe cheating
might actually aid your relationship?
So say for instance, you're in a relationship and you're kind of
like thinking is the grass green kind of thing, and then you
cheat and then you're with someone.
In the house and you realise that it's not.
No, this is not what I want actually.
Do you think that that can? I agree, but then I think if
you've got to that point anyway, just because the grass isn't
greener with the new relationship or the fling, the
grass still isn't green enough with your current relationship
to go and explore if the grass is green.
I think it's like, do you? Know what I mean?
There is a lack of respect, but then also I feel like people
cheat because of themselves. They don't cheat because.
Of that, no, it is completely. It's not about it's so cliche,
but it's not about the purse. Yeah.
No, it's, I really don't think it.
Is look, I have no idea I'm just I'm just wondering.
Yeah, it's just we're speaking openly.
We, we've said it before, we come into these conversations
completely. So we are quite literally
spilling our thoughts as they're coming out onto these masks.
Not to do. Don't get somebody else to do
it. For me, no, don't get anyone
else involved. No, no.
You can speak to other people, but you trust be careful who you
talk to. Yeah, because there's a lot of
people in this world who feed off of other people's
unhappiness. Oh, they love it.
They love it. And then they're all over you.
Like right on rise. They you know that they want to
help you. They can't do enough for you.
They're the best friend ever. And then best believe that very
same person when you eventually find someone else or find
happiness. You won't hear from them because
misery loves company. So think about the right people
to talk to and ask advice on. Don't just go to your knee jerk
people, think about who's actually going to help you.
Also, yeah, don't like shrug off accountability for shit.
Like The thing is, is that when you're breaking up with someone,
they're most likely going to get angry and they are most likely
going to start saying. I disagree with you.
Here, no. But if you genuinely think,
yeah, do you know what they're right, you can say yes.
Yes, but if you're breaking up with someone, going over the
history of the relationship and that person then getting angry
of you and having to but. That person is going to do it.
They are, but I don't think you have to stand there and accept
the responsibility because the relationship is ending.
I think you can. Responsibility to help them heal
because you could be like, yeah, do you know what that will
shave? And that's why we're not
together. That's why we're not together,
yeah. No, I do agree.
But I also don't think that if you break up with someone, it
doesn't give that person permission to just hot
constantly fucking her abuse at you.
Yeah. And then talk about you like
you're the biggest piece of shit in the world just because
they're angry that and upset they've been broken up with, and
then suddenly you're the worst person ever.
And it's like, yeah, but you've just been with me for eczema.
Another thing not to do is to carry on communication as
normal. This happens in lesbian
relationships. You'll break.
Out well the merge to friendship instantly.
But not even that it's like still the same like text
everyday or like Paul, I do think that's.
Right. It's it's very common and I I do
think it's possible for lesbians to become friends with their
exes, yes. For sure proof in the you've.
Spoken about this before, but it needs a big time gap in between.
You both need to go away, live independently, live separately,
and then come back and form the friendship.
Don't just go from the relationship to the friendship
for for instant comfort because it's going to tarnish it in the
long run. The thing?
Is though in a lesbian relationship, you do literally
become like 1 fucking person, right?
Yeah. And that person is your like
safety blanket for so many things.
The one person that you would go to when something monumental
like this happens in your life is that is happening with.
So that is so hard. And no, no, I, I'm saying I'm
not saying you should, but what I'm saying is it's so easy to
then be like, Oh my God, I feel so alone and I can't talk to
them or her about this. Yeah, so the whole urge to merge
thing, you know, I know it's easily done, but I don't
necessarily. And I think we in the community
kind of glamorise it in a way. And I don't think that's right
because I do think it gives people a loss of self identity,
which then does create these issues when they break up
because they suddenly don't have the friends they want once had
or they have stopped doing the hobbies that they have loved.
And I've even said that to you recently.
You know, we now, we've always spent a lot of time together,
but we do have separate friendship groups.
We have our same friendship group.
We have separate friends, you know, we, we do do do things
alone properly. And I'm going to be honest, not
as much as I think we should just because of the nature of
how much we need to be together now.
We work together, we, we have the dog, we live together, you
know, and I think that's a priority.
Like I said to you recently that I want to start getting into
motorcycling again. Yeah.
And I love that because. I want to do something for
myself and it's the same, you know, for you, like you love
going to the gym and I think you need to find your outlet again.
Like what does that look like for you, your personal outlet?
At the moment, we're just so busy.
It's not as easy said as said than done.
But I do think generally we're very good about.
Good. That's why it's good to have
comment, because you can just go out.
Exactly. And it's your own private time.
And going back to what you were saying then, yeah, around, you
know it, the breakup becomes even more scary because you
don't have anyone to turn to or that person is your person.
I do think we all need to make a really conscientious decision.
Sorry, not decision. A conscientious.
Yeah, it's kind of decision. It's a decision.
Within ourselves and within the relationship and be honest about
the need to remain separate people.
I think you can just like speak to your girlfriend and be like,
this is like, this is a bit much.
I feel like you can even say that sometimes it can be a bit
like suffocating. If you're like, God, I just need
and it isn't because of you. It's not, you know, people.
People need to start a. Normal person yes I'm not saying
that those relationships where you are super close and you do
do most things together are necessarily bad.
I'm not saying that at all I think they can work.
I think they're very Those relationships are beautiful when
that person is your best friend, you do everything together.
That's not what I'm saying at all.
What I'm saying is if you don't have pockets of outside of that,
I can't see how it is wholly good for anyone, any
relationship or then creating any sense of self if the
relationship ends. Yeah, for sure.
You. Found yourself to that.
Person so much to me when. When I had my breakup, my last
breakup, I lost everything like who I was.
What the fuck am I gonna do now? Is how I felt like I I didn't
know right? I I take it because you made
that. Relationship, everything, yeah.
And that isn't and you've said this mean you've started
inexperienced. Also.
And also that person's fault, you own that that was your
fault, right? And this is the thing we all
have to take onus of ourselves. And you know, we can't always
blame the other person for as tempting as it.
Is 'cause I love blaming other people and not myself, Yeah.
For being like. Oh, well, I didn't do this
because of you. This is it's like, no, no, no,
you're in control of yourself. You have to set the narrow of
your own boundaries and just say that you have.
Control at any any given point, you girlies that are in your
toxic relationships. A, I'm so sorry to hear that so
many of you actually resonated with it, but B, you know you've
got your lesbian bodyguards right here and we're going to
coach you through the way of being able to manage that.
You know, when it comes to breaking up with a toxic person,
you do need to set yourself very clear away from this person.
You need to be like strategic as fuck and sneaky.
But even if it's a good. Break up again.
You still need that separation. Oh yeah, you totally do.
No, but also it's like it's healthy to just like them be a
part. As much as it sucks, you need
to. And that's the only true way
that you're going to find out who you really are.
Yeah. And what you want and everything
else and and so. Then on the flip side, how do
you best deal with being the one that's been broken up with?
Fuck me talk. About your last.
Breakup then Frey and say what not to do OK.
Like Drive. An hour to their house with just
one drag of an item of clothing. Literally.
There's an opportunity to see them.
Literally. I'd stash a little Polaroid or a
little letter in the back just with my perfume on it.
And you know what? There's nothing fundamentally
wrong with that. It's actually just really sad.
And I understand that level of desperation, yeah, but it's just
no good for anyone. Don't don't wake up in.
The morning have a black coffee at 8:00 AM and have a really
shitty rolly with no filler in it and just fucking hate your
life. I was acting like something out.
A girl interrupted. I really should have been on a
psych ward. There's no doubt about it.
I was fucking loopy as shit. Like I, Oh my God, the crazy
shit that I would do. I remember at the time I worked
in a Cafe and, and any song that came on just made me cry.
It could be a happy song and I'd be fucking bawling my eyes out.
And I was like stood on like dishwasher duty because clearly
I was mentally unwell. You couldn't face a.
Customer, A customer actually couldn't face you?
No, no, no. And I got so desperate to the
point where, like a customer would ask me how I was and you'd
give them the honest truth. Do you know what?
Not good action. They just want you.
To say, yeah, good thanks, yeah, you start crying into their
coffee. No, literally I'd be like.
No, I'm actually not great. I'd like stand over the the
dishwasher and just like bawl my eyes out.
My tears are just dropping into the water.
I was just in such a bad way I could not regulate my emotions.
Horrendous. It just no.
But do you know what though? I ended up pissing myself off
because I could. Like, I want to stop this but I
don't know how to. Yeah, and I couldn't.
Stop being so sad you were coming off.
Antidepressants. I was.
That was bad timing, man. You should have got.
Straight back on those you should have known.
Yeah, but I wanted to take control of my emotions.
Sertraline makes you the numbest.
Like person. Ever.
It made me a bit. Yeah, we're both big.
Citalopram girlies, aren't we? Citalopram's brilliant.
Citalopram is my fucking. Kink, baby.
Oh my lover, I think. I think.
It could be actually put into role play, you know, a bit where
you like, slide your fingers into my mouth and then get the
citalopram no and pop it on the tongue.
No, no. And then spit down my mouth for
me to swallow. So hot.
So no. We are two.
People sat on this podcast. We are.
Two people sat on this podcast today talking about how to deal
with breakup in the best way possible.
And you know, I threw shade at Freya at the start of this and
I'm throwing shade it myself because I haven't dealt with a
breakup. Well, no, actually my last
breakup I was the breaker upper and I I do think I dealt with
that. Really.
I do. I think I.
Dealt with that breaker, Upper agreed.
Because you ultimately do. Have control?
Great. Once, even if you weren't even
into that relationship anymore and somebody breaks up with you.
It's like it's classic human. Psychology isn't isn't bruised
to the ego as well. We are all egotistical beings
and having someone let you go is fucking painful and knowing that
you don't have you. Suddenly want something?
You've get told you can't have something.
You'll want it more, but I think.
What we're trying to do now? Is set a better trajectory for
us all going forward, right. So we're not talking about the
history, we're talking about the present and we're talking about
the future. I think it's honestly.
Distraction, Distraction. First, acceptance.
If someone doesn't want to be with you, you have to accept and
let that also change the narrative.
Like I said earlier, if they I'm like, if you don't want to be
with me, I don't want to fucking be with you.
Yeah, yeah. Because you have to have that
level of self love which isn't easy to achieve and obtain, but
you have to. So you have to straight away
start working on accepting and loving yourself and not taking
the break up as a rejection of you.
It's just a break up and the person wants something else for
them. It's not about you, and I think
it is. Stop romanticising to stop
thinking it would. Be better second time around, it
wouldn't stop thinking that you can win them back.
You may be able to, but it wouldn't work.
You'd go back down the same route.
I do truly believe that. So it's acceptance and like
inner work, I think about loving yourself, building up your own
confidence. And then I I think I agree with
you, second step or coming coinciding with first step is
distraction and surrounding yourself with your friends, your
family and doing things that you love as much as you possible,
even if that. Is just going to the pub and
crying over a pine with a friend?
With a friend, yes do that. 100% agree.
Don't bring it. To the girl that's broken up
with you, do not bring it to learn to keep.
That separate because also. That's your way of gaining about
the control in a way, because she will be expecting you to be
calling, to be messaging, to be begging, to be doing every well,
assuming that the person. That's broken up.
Is not a good person. Not in all cases.
Not in all cases, but it's pretty.
It's pretty normal. Like I feel like quite a lot of
people expect that their partners probably going to do
that. Maybe.
They like that.
The chase, yeah, I wouldn't want that personally.
But so then actually. You take that control and you're
like, right, Well, you don't want to be with me.
What more is there to discuss exactly?
You've already said what you've. Got to say you don't want to be
with me then I can't be with you.
Obviously. Clearly because I have a choice
anyway, but like, I wouldn't choose to be with someone that
didn't want to be with me. What kind of life is that
exactly? Shit.
So yeah, surround. Yourself with friends, family
and then I think thirdly, challenge yourself to something
new, yes, that you didn't do pre relationship, that you didn't do
during the relationship. So it may be a hobby, it may be
exploring something new about yourself.
It may be, you know, picking up something intellectual that you
always wanted to challenge your find something else to distract
you and challenge you in a different way and girlies we.
Know that you've got your finger on the fucking pulse when it
comes to that Hinge button field or Tinder.
Don't go back. Don't you dare.
This is me talking right now and I it'll make you worse.
Don't do it you're. Actually over the breakup.
Do not go back and dating apps won't make.
You feel better, especially because of the comparison thing
that we all have like you. You get broken up with and then
you suddenly go on to Hinge and you're and you're flicking
through all the girls and you're none of these are like my
girlfriend that you start to. That's because you can't.
Be with someone after a breakup, you go for a sense of self
rediscovery and you become a new person or a newer version of
yourself and you then only find someone once you've found that
newer version of yourself and you're ready to open yourself
back up in that way. I think trying to you'll be
damaged from the break up. A damaged person going on a
dating app, a plaster and a pretty deep cut is not going to
work, however. If you go to a bar and there's a
really hot girl and she wants to make up with you, yeah, do it,
Do it. 100%. That's brilliant.
Do that. So yeah.
Find it. And then I think like the 4th
and final set step is kind of touching what we've just
discussed there then is like how do you step back out there?
We've had a lot of people actually message about this, I
think. Honestly people are getting more
and more into like the organic way of dating but it's harder to
do that as a lesbian because like especially if you're in a
small. Town etcetera.
It is harder, right? But I think once you know fully
who you are after that breakup, you've really enjoyed doing the
things that you really want to do.
And maybe that's like travelling or getting a new job that you
really want or whatever it might be, right?
You're really rock climbing. Hiking.
Yeah, hiking. You filthy.
Lesbians what else biking love doing Building a fire?
Yeah helping. Helping women yes, all given
times by. Rediscovering yourself, I would
be surprised if you didn't find a a new group of people and B
potentially your new person. Yeah, somewhere that's actually
suited. To you, and again, it's such.
A cliche, but I don't believe in massively looking for it, no.
I do. Think that if you're you just
have to put yourself out there in the world anyway yeah not to
look for someone you need we all need to do this more is just put
ourselves out there challenge ourselves to do like I've been
talking about for example getting my bike licence again
yeah I still haven't gone on and booked the CBT we're doing it
after this I. Need I've been?
Talking about it for three weeks and I still haven't done it.
And the only person that's a dickhead for that is myself.
Because I, I'm not even scared. I don't know what it is that
holds me back, but every day that goes by, I'm like, why have
I not done it? Oh, it's like me with a haircut.
Though, Yeah, right. I've literally I I need to get
my haircut. Have I booked it?
No, no, I think. And.
And those things aren't the easiest stuff to do is putting
yourself out there, trying something new.
But I do think it is the most rewarding thing you can do.
Find the bullet. Yeah, just buy.
Just like to do it. Fucking do it.
Don't give yourself any more excuses if you think about it,
and no matter what you're doing, just fucking do the thing.
Book the thing, whatever it might be.
And you know when you have that level of confidence, the right
people, like you said, will be attracted to you.
And it energy is real it. Will be like fucking.
Melted butter going back into that field as a new built
confident woman energy is. Real and what you put outcomes
background Oh yeah I. Believe this.
So phrase to say it to me all the time and I never really
believed it. I believe it.
I truly believe what I speak comes back to me.
It does in the sense as well that if I speak negative, it
comes back and it bites me on the ass if I speak positive and
I keep. It's not always easy, but really
challenge myself on keeping a positive mindset and speaking
positive things into the world. They come back tenfold.
Yeah, but I. Want to hear if you guys are
kind of like trying to get back on the bandwagon.
Tell me what your blockers are, because has worked actually.
Or what's worked because? I think we know what the
blockers. Are.
But if there's any of you that have has done something that's
worked, yeah, also. Online.
Communities. Yeah, the lesbian sub.
Club yeah see people that follow this see the people who comment
or like or whatever and you never know you might find we
could be like a little matchmaking so eventually one
day we. Will be and we will be in the.
But going off of this, we did this a few months ago on our
TikTok. But the rate game, talking about
girls and talking about different types of girls, the
rate game. So basically the rate game is
for those who don't know, you will say like an amazing woman,
like a 10 out of 10, right? But she poos herself.
Three times a day? Yeah, exactly What does it mean?
And then what does that make her to you right out of 10?
So some of. You might have a poo fetish then
that might make. You a 20.
Out of 1020, out of 10, some of you might be like, don't care
how hot she is, I wouldn't touch her foot with a 10 foot barge
pole. Yeah.
OK. Freya hit me first.
OK. She's a super hot girl, looks a
bit like Jodie Coma but when she kisses you she does cat bum lip.
I think you've asked me this one before I.
Haven't OK. Maybe I've just got trauma, Cat,
bum, lip, a four. I couldn't deal with that.
It would give me the biggest.
Ick in the fucking world you lean in for a.
Very slow kiss and then all of a sudden cat bum.
Lip, because I've got a funny one for you.
OK, OK. She looks like Angelina Jolie.
Yeah, lovely. But every time.
She comes. She meows like a squealing cat
but just sounds like me. I was going to say that sounds
like you. What is she look?
She turns like full feline earplugs.
Were made for a reason OK she looks like and she put your hand
over her mouth and she's meowing meow for me all fucking OK she's
still a nine out of 10 fair OK yeah, I'll take.
That to be fair. OK, she it is so hot.
She looks like Charlize Theron. However, every time.
That you go to have sex with her, she pulls her ass sheets
apart and you see that she has braided her bum hair.
Braided hair. She's braided.
Her bum hair and she pulls her ass sheets apart every time, but
you pause her ass sheets for what?
Just to show me yes, to show how long for how long for?
For a good like for a good minute.
So she makes me like. Look at it and admire.
Nah, no -10 I'm not doing that. I'm simply, no, I'm not doing
that. I might be a bad, I'm not doing
that, I might be a bad lesbian. I'm just not doing that.
OK? She looks like Zoe Kravitz.
But. When you go out to dinner
together, she orders a Coca-Cola with a glass of wine, like a
large Coke. And she sits down and it's like
a ritual that she has to down the whole pint of Coca-Cola and
then the Coke's like all round her mouth, like bubbling.
And she like grabs her sleeve from her elbow down and just
wipes it and then goes. Really loud.
At you. This is every time you go out
for dinner or lunch or anything. I don't know, I might.
Be weird, but I would actually probably find that quite
endearing because I feel like honestly, when you're talking
about it sounds like something you'd do yeah, it quite.
Is to be fair, so I was going to say burped and I was like but
that I do actually do that so I can't even babe.
You do a lot worse than that. What?
Just any amount of food on you will be wiped on your top.
It doesn't matter what it is and even you'll always like grab the
tea towel and like wipe your nose with that.
No, I. Don't do that.
I wipe my lip and you always think I'm wiping my nose.
It's weird. OK.
She looks like. Who do I want to look like?
OK, hold on. She looks like Megan Fox, but
every time she goes to eat she has to spit on the food really
aggressively on her fork. I know, but she.
Looks like Megan Fox, yeah. That's hard, isn't it?
I think I'd get used to it. I'm only knocking her down 1 so
you go out for like a. Really nice man.
And she said that I don't actually.
Care about everyone else? Yeah, I know.
But that does because I don't care about anyone else looking
at me. I'm just like, it's if I can
deal with it, OK. I think.
It would put me off my.
Food, if I'm honest with you, yeah, but you're more funnier
with. Stuff like that than me, I'm
more vulgar. What is she then out?
Of 10 so she Megan. Fox.
I'd give a solid 9 out of 10 anyway.
She'll go down to an 8. That's it.
That's fair. I wouldn't knock her down.
That hard, I'd knock her down to a four.
Really. She did that.
Interesting. I'd be like, I love to eat.
OK, She. Looks like Margot Robbie but
every time you so she makes you go to Sunday lunch with her
family every week is. It Christian.
No, it's not Christian. It's just.
I had to just. Think about that.
No, they're not Christian. It's just a Sunday lunch.
OK, makes you go to a Sunday. Lunch with her family every week
and every time she walks through the door and sees her brother,
she runs up to him. He picks her up in his arms,
swings her around and they kiss on the lips and she thinks it's
absolutely fine and she, like, gets.
Annoyed at me if I bring it up. If you're like, that's weird.
She's like, no it's not. Yeah, Oh dear.
But it's Margot Robbie. But it's Margot.
Robbie and maybe I could forgive her on the God's day.
I OK, I've got Monday to Saturday, Monday to Saturday.
She's 10 out of 10 on a Sunday. You can't have it all.
She's a two, Yeah. What do you know what I'd do?
I'd always stall in the car. So I'd be like, you run on in.
I'm just gonna or I'll make it weird.
They can't do. It as well.
They kiss and I go. Yeah, no fryer.
Fryer No. They go, they kiss, and I go.
Oh, no, no. We're not doing that.
You're not doing that. Yeah, no, maybe just out.
Crazy. Then no if you if you've just
gone from A6 to a minus. 2 for me Out crazy.
No, out crazy every time. No, no, that's not.
Exactly. Talking of unacceptable.
Can you bring up the Horror Story for me to read please
because I haven't read this one and you chose it today.
Those rate games really make me question both of our sanity
honestly. I'm just, I'm, I'm just as long
as a woman is just letting me touch her boobs.
Honestly, she's a 10 out of 10. This is short and.
Sweet, but I feel like it's an interesting one to talk about.
OK so this person written Hello I love the podcast thank you
very much. OK so this story tied into the
latest episode about casual sex. So I had a Co So I had a Co
worker asked me to walk her home and she asked if I wanted to go
inside. I knew what she wanted but I
hadn't had sex in six months so poor judgement there.
We get to doing it and she wouldn't let me leave.
Became almost a hostage situation for two days.
When it was over I wanted nothing to do with her.
Fair enough. She on the other hand called me
her girlfriend. Oh God and became crazy.
Made work awkward as fuck. Now almost six to seven years
later she still contacts me via vague accounts on social media
and even paid to get my e-mail address to send me emails.
And now I'm a bit traumatised to do a one night stand with
another. Nuts.
Wow, nuts. Wow, that.
Is it's giving Joseph? Fritzl, that is.
Crazy, yeah. Right.
So we've said this before, I'm not a fan of the whole Co worker
thing anyway. I don't think anyone is meeting
the love of their life as a Co worker in their office.
They might, but. Statistically it's going to be
very low. Is it worth?
Although I don't know what their handle is.
Just quickly off topic, but there's these two lesbians that
I came across on TikTok the other day that met at work, like
fell in love at work and still work together and they kind of
film now. They're like, cute.
Them getting ready. To go to work together and
they're like in the elevator and stuff, and they look like the
cutest lesbians in the world. So they've given me hope, yeah.
But that giving you hope generally.
OK, look the hostage. Situation, yeah, generally it's
not gonna. Work.
So I don't think we should be fucking with or or fucking full
stop. But this ain't even the problem.
That's not the issue. The Co workers not even the
issue. The issue is the she's crazy.
She's. Just crazy.
What did she think? Was going to happen when she
didn't let you leave for two days.
I I can't answer that because I would like to think that I'm not
that level of insane. No like it would just never
cross my mind. I would be so embarrassed to
hound and harass someone who was clearly giving me signals. 6
didn't 2 seven years later. Still, yeah, but this is what I
mean. Clinical insanity has to be gaol
has to be like severe, severe psychological problem there.
So would I'd go straight, I'd be straight to the police.
I've got no qualms for doing that.
That is harassment. Straight injunction, yeah,
protect yourself as far as possible because yeah, these
things. Can wrong and this is again.
Mentioned it last week. If this was a man, we would, and
I'm not giving men any kind of leeway.
Very much deserved. I do think we give women more
leeway with these kinds of situations than we do men
because they they generally aren't statistically aren't as
threatening, but physically. Our situation is giving very
much Jeffrey Dahmer like it's it's yeah, she needs.
I mean, I, I hope you have already and if you have and it
hasn't worked, I'm really sorry, but the police need to be
involved in that. She needs an official warning,
but. Babes, OK.
You're saying that you're still scared for a one night stand and
this was like 6-7 years ago. You're going to be fine.
Yeah, that is rare as fuck. Exactly.
Again it goes. Back to the probability, right?
Yeah, Now it's happened to you. It's not going to happen again.
Well, maybe you're just. So hostageable.
Maybe the people just look at you and think oh God I just want
to keep you in my house and lock you in.
Maybe not. Let you if you're.
Oh, I've got an idea what you should do if you're worried
about it. Hotel.
Yeah. They can't keep you hostage in a
hotel. No, because you can bang on the
walls, there's people next door, you can have your own key card,
et cetera, et cetera. So maybe Or have the person back
to your house because someone can't keep you hostage in your
own house, really, can they? All right.
Thank you. I love.
Do things that. Make it easier for you to get
back into the sex in the car. As long as it's not public
indecency, I'm all for. Just don't go back to the
person's house first and foremost until the trauma is
broken or until you know that you can trust the person, which
I don't actually. I'm not going to give that
advice because then there's always 1 going back to another
house. And if we're not going back to
another's house, it's public sex, right?
But for this person, particularly if you've got a bit
of trauma, take control of the situation.
Maybe don't sleep on the first date, try and get to second or
third date just to ease yourself back in.
If you desperately do want to do a one night stand after a night
out. Yeah.
Not in the car if you've been drinking.
If you haven't been drinking in the car or hotel.
Lesbians have a toilet. Or, yeah, toilet.
There's nothing wrong with a bit of a toilet as long as the
toilets are half sanitary. Yeah, there's some gay club
toilets are, well, actually really all gay club toilets.
Why are they? So gross.
The Devil's Pit. Do you know what?
When we have our lesbian bar, the toilets are going to be so
lesbian. Sex friendly, yeah.
And like, probably the bougiest part of the whole place, because
that's going to get them, and that's where the most fun is
going to happen, right? Yeah, it is.
It's like going back to all of the other things.
Like, you know, the previous horror stories where people have
said the same thing, They're traumatised #1 if it's happened
once, it's very, very unlikely to happen again #2 the longer
you leave it, the worse it'll get.
But girl, I am sorry because. That is PTSD, right?
That's horrendous, giving trauma.
It is. I'm really sorry because that's
really shit, but you can move on.
From it, but yeah, no. We're we're here for you girl.
I'm sorry when you do go on your other one night stand adventure
another. Fantastic idea.
Send me if you're planning on so not if you've met the person,
obviously out on a night out, don't do that.
But if it's if you're planning a date with a Tinder, A hinge, a
field, a dating app type date, send me their fucking profile.
Because I'll tell you QuickTime just by looking at them if
they're crazy or not. Oh my God, yeah, because.
Not only if I got a Stella. Gator, I've got a fucking
fantastic Stella crazy Dar girls, it's in the.
Eyes, it's in that. Yep.
It's not just the eyes. It's a whole compliment of
thinking I'm not going to give away my risk assessment skill.
Send me the profile. I will vet these motherfuckers.
And I will tell you from their bio particularly, particularly,
you know, one Hinge where they do the voice notes.
Oh, definitely. I can tell with one second of a
voice note if she's crazy. Yeah.
So if that's going to, if that will make you feel better, let
me vet them first. Send us your crazies.
Lesbians, as always, it was. Lovely to speak to at you.
I hope you enjoy this episode, and I hope we've brought up a
little bit more trauma for you and made you think about some
other things. I think we're all just giving
you a slight existential crisis at this point.
But that's kind of why you tune in, right?
You're looking for the answers to the unknown.
Like I love, I love. Talking about women and I love
talking about girlfriends. I love talking about breakups
and lesbians in general, and we're in the Levi studio again
today as well, which has been. We're back in Levi Studio, which
is. Really nice because we were I
fucking home last week. I love it here.
We've it's so good.
Some really exciting things coming up, by the way, super
exciting. We've got some really exciting
guests lined up, which I think you guys are going to really
love. And I'm really excited because I
think these people are going to really teach us a lot as well
and give us a lot of insight on this community that, you know,
even we don't have experience or understanding of to the degree
that I would like. Yeah.
So you guys honestly the support from the start, I want to just
say this again, has been we love you so much.
Unfathomable. I'm all yeah, I just can't say
it quick. You're all incredible.
Generally I am blown away by the level of support and just the
genuinity of the people that we have conversations with is so we
have the best heartfelt yes, 100% you guys are so please keep
messaging us. We do see I think nearly most of
them. We don't always have the time to
come back, but we love you and we love the messages and you
guys fill our conversations most days.
And single handedly keeping this relationship alive because we
ran out of everything else to talk about.
Okay, love you, love you guys. Bye bye.