1 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:13,800 Hello everyone, welcome to the lesbian supper club podcast. 2 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:18,360 Another day, another dike, Another. 3 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:28,960 Dollar, but we do this for free. Yes, hello everyone, how are we 4 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:32,479 today? I am sweating my fucking little 5 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:35,240 tiny egg fried tits off because I've decided to come to the 6 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,560 Levi's studio in a full vintage Levi's set. 7 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,720 It looks good, I love and I recently posted it on my 8 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:44,080 Instagram. But when you're sat in a quite a 9 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:50,680 hot studio in quite a thick double denim set, it's not the 10 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:53,320 best decision I've ever made. Particularly because as well, 11 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:57,360 whenever we come to the studio we're arseholes and always drive 12 00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:01,480 here, which is in central London and somehow we're shocked every 13 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:04,599 week to discover we can't find a fucking parking space. 14 00:01:04,599 --> 00:01:08,760 Which today meant that I had to park a good 15 minute walk from 15 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:12,240 the studio and then walk in this very thick two piece to the 16 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,920 studio in. I wouldn't call it Sun because 17 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,760 this summer has been fucking horrendous. 18 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,840 Who else is just fucking sick of it? 19 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:24,400 But it's it's hot like mugginess, stickiness. 20 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,720 So I'm I'm sweating but I'm good. 21 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,680 I don't actually sweat because I'm a little snake so I don't 22 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:34,120 actually perspire just get hot so I don't sweat from my body. 23 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:36,080 Which is weird and I should probably get that looked into. 24 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:40,760 But ignorance is bliss. It is weird because I although I 25 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:44,520 have been so generally I never feel thirst either. 26 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,280 But I have been feeling quite a bit of thirst recently. 27 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:51,280 But now Freya has diagnosed me of diabetes so I've gone from 28 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:55,480 some weird kind of snake reptilian disorder to being a 29 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:58,760 full blown diabetic. As per phrase diagnosis. 30 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,320 Yes. But she's called me and 31 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,800 diagnosed me with much worse, so I'll take what I can. 32 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:08,360 Diabetes is just the least of your worries at this point, I 33 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,000 wouldn't worry about that. It's probably the least of 34 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,120 yours, actually, because you have to live with me. 35 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:16,400 Yes, so true and Scarlett is also wearing her brand new shoes 36 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:19,720 that I got her yesterday, which are I think, are they gazelles? 37 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,400 What are they the? Munichs, aren't they? 38 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,000 No, I don't even think they're Munichs. 39 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:27,440 They're like Adidas something, but they're fucking cool. 40 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:28,600 They're they're. Really cool. 41 00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:31,640 They're yellow, like a vintage yellow colour. 42 00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:34,600 It's like a 70s, yeah. Oh, they're sick. 43 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:35,680 No, I love them. Thank. 44 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,800 You. But I'm very glad Scarlett's had 45 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:41,000 a bad couple of days. So I'm on girlfriend duty and I 46 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,920 thought. Freya's made them worse, but. 47 00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:44,680 I have made them worse. Than the trainers. 48 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:48,640 Instead of making it even worse, I will get us some trainers to 49 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:50,400 make her love me again. Thank you. 50 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:51,560 Has it worked? No. 51 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:55,480 Oh, but I do appreciate them. So you're just they're, they're 52 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:58,720 now fresh trainers for you to run away from me in. 53 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,440 Exactly. Lovely. 54 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,920 Yeah, I love that for. Me, but I'm not going to do it 55 00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:04,840 too soon because I don't want it to be obvious. 56 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:08,000 Adidas more like Adios. Yeah, exactly that. 57 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,360 Could be a new marketing plug for them. 58 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,960 It's just to have a load of lesbians running away from each 59 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:17,360 other. Oh my God, be like adios Adidas 60 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:20,400 supporting the lesbian breakup. Yeah. 61 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:24,880 And talking of lesbian breakup, actually I've never, we've never 62 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,720 segwayed into a topic so fucking perfectly before. 63 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:29,680 Look at that. I feel like Ellen. 64 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,400 Today's episode we actually want to talk about breakups again, 65 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,280 but not heartbreak breakup in a different sense. 66 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:41,320 So last week's episode we spoke about narcissists, controllers, 67 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:45,520 manipulators, and sorry guys but it didn't surprise me. 68 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:51,760 So many messaged, so many of you messaged us to say wow this 69 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,200 fucking hit home. I'm either in this situation, I 70 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,840 didn't realise how bad it was until I've heard someone say it 71 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,080 out loud or I was with someone like that. 72 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:03,280 And first of all I'm not surprised but I am really sorry 73 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:06,760 to hear that. And second of all, if you're 74 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:10,080 still there, get the fuck out. Yeah. 75 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:13,040 And I know it's not that easy, and I think we're going to talk 76 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:18,399 about why it's not that easy. So break UPS, break UPS, two 77 00:04:18,399 --> 00:04:21,680 things. Breaking up with someone being 78 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:25,000 the breaker upper being the broken up with Freya. 79 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:27,760 What is your advice? For breaking up, go crazy. 80 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,840 Just go absolutely Benchy. Considering your history, I 81 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:32,120 don't think you're a good person. 82 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,200 Just maybe, just like, cry all the time. 83 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:39,360 No, not being the broken upper. What is your advice for being 84 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:40,320 the one to walk? Away. 85 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:45,360 Oh, OK. I think honestly it just comes 86 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:49,880 down to the point where you really start to put yourself 87 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,000 first if you're in a relationship that isn't serving 88 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,640 you. Not only that, if you feel like 89 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:57,280 you can't put yourself first. So if you're not like happy in 90 00:04:57,280 --> 00:05:01,400 the relationship, put the other person first by by doing them 91 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,040 the favour of breaking up with them. 92 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:04,280 If you're not in love with them anymore. 93 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,800 Like if you're genuinely breaking up with someone because 94 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,920 you're like, I'm not in love with this person anymore, I 95 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,800 don't want to be with them. You're not doing them any 96 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:15,320 favours by staying with them. Like that is just so cruel. 97 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:19,320 And you can just RIP off the Band-Aid and let them have some 98 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,600 time to like figure out what they need in. 99 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:23,040 Life. Wow, that's quite brutal. 100 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,160 You're taking a grouch stance on that today because I was going 101 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:29,240 to go in way softer, but you've done it for me, so I'm going to 102 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,520 play innocence. Yeah, but but I think that it's 103 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:32,720 good. I think that you've got to be 104 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,480 cruel to be kind in situations like that. 105 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:38,160 I think the way that you actually do it is different 106 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,360 depending on the type of relationship that you're in. 107 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:42,760 Say that you're in like a healthy relationship, right? 108 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:46,360 You can definitely have that conversation in person sat down. 109 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,240 You owe it to that person. Wouldn't do it in a public 110 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:52,080 space. No, I've I've had someone do 111 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:55,400 that to me before and that's just psycho psychotic. 112 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,640 I was just wailing my if you're calling off. 113 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:02,280 A situation ship or you're calling off anything pre well 114 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,840 it's lesbian terms pre three months. 115 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,920 I think a public like sitting down for a coffee. 116 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:12,240 This isn't working is fine and you think post six months if 117 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:13,480 you're breaking up? Public. 118 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,680 I'm all brutal. I know this sounds bad, guys. 119 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:18,080 It's probably controversial. I'm for a tax breakup. 120 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,440 So am I, because you know what you saved. 121 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,480 Them the embarrassment. Yeah, if you actually not. 122 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:24,920 Them you can always meet them afterwards, yes, but you give 123 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,840 them the message and say look, this is how I'm you wanna. 124 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:29,880 Say, in a really well contrived way. 125 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:33,040 You're on your own right now. So like, maybe that's better 126 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,640 because you're not gonna like, cry in front of me. 127 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:37,000 If, if, if it's not even very long and you don't want them to 128 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,120 like, cry in a cafe or whatever it might. 129 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:41,040 Be So you're saying if I want to break up with you I can just 130 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:45,960 shoot you a text? Definitely not from you, not in 131 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:46,880 a relationship. That's you. 132 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:49,280 Can't be advised that you wouldn't take yourself No, no 133 00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:50,560 no. Hold on, this is what I'm saying 134 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,000 though. It's like short term. 135 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:55,080 Relationships because I I controversially think I think. 136 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:58,440 Even a long term one, yeah. But I agree entirely of what you 137 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:03,680 were saying in terms of kind of plant the seed, say what you 138 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:07,960 want to say in the best way you can possibly say it. 139 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:15,280 Give that person 2448 hours to actually take that, digest it, 140 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:19,640 conjure up what they want to say, you know how they want to 141 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,920 approach the situation, and then meet up. 142 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,920 Yeah, I think that the the good thing is to be like, look, I 143 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:28,840 want to speak about this more in like more detail in person, but 144 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:33,040 I feel like I, I owe you this right now and like send over 145 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:36,720 like an explanation. I think text that only works 146 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:39,360 though as well. Thinking about it more, if you 147 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:42,320 think as the person who's breaking up the other person, 148 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:45,160 that the other person is going to think it's come out of the 149 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:49,400 blue because there's a lot of ways of when you're breaking up 150 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,480 actually. You can. 151 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,600 Sense both parties can see it, yeah. 152 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,880 It's just who kind of takes that leap. 153 00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:00,160 Because comfort in a relationship is a massive thing 154 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,560 and the unknown is horrible and scary, right? 155 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,280 Yeah, but if. Yeah, but if you got yourself a 156 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,960 crazy on your hands, shoot them and text block them. 157 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,960 Oh, yeah, if you've got yourself a crazy, yeah, go to the police 158 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,880 station first. Yeah, warn them. 159 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:17,000 Yeah, warn friends and family. Find a safe house. 160 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,960 Send everyone your address. Slowly put the things in the 161 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:25,800 car. Train the dog on a houseboat 162 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:27,960 out. Oh yeah. 163 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:31,960 Drop the bomb and fucking run. Actually we had an argument 164 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:35,559 yesterday and Scarlett. Fuck off. 165 00:08:36,039 --> 00:08:40,080 Scarlett did manage to get Ziggy out of the house very quickly. 166 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:44,120 Now that you've just said a trained dog bolt out, have you 167 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:47,160 been doing fire drills? Yeah, of course I have you. 168 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,240 Were out of that house like a fucking flash. 169 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:53,080 You pretty much lassoed the the lead on the lead. 170 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:56,320 Ran Ziggy's neck yeet. Into the car. 171 00:08:56,320 --> 00:09:01,280 I heard a bit of silence and then I hear that Addy Dash bags 172 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:02,600 everything up and I'm like, oh, she's off you. 173 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:06,360 Want me dog the dog? He's always going to give it to 174 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:06,640 you. He's. 175 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,880 Looking back at me like what the fuck is going on? 176 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:14,280 Big argument over something really quite ridiculous that 177 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,040 didn't need to escalate, but it did because, you know, we don't 178 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:18,520 always communicate in the best way. 179 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,400 We've actually not communicated very well recently. 180 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:25,400 I think there's been a lot of external stressors which have 181 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:27,400 taken. From us, I think recently we've 182 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,680 been communicating shockingly actually. 183 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:33,760 And I will own that as well. But I think it's because there's 184 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:37,480 been a lot of external things which have kind of driven our 185 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,840 usual roots of communication out the fucking window, quite 186 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,480 literally. And the dogs come with it where 187 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,600 I'm concerned. But I do have to. 188 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,200 Laugh. But The thing is, for me, I'm 189 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,320 all for when it comes to, you know, it. 190 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:52,880 It gets to a point during an argument or a conversation where 191 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,400 nothing else can be said. And all you're doing is 192 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:58,720 nitpicking, biting. I'm all for walking out the door 193 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:01,080 for a few hours and some people are like, oh, you're only 194 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:04,320 sleeping or you leave. And it's like, no, I literally 195 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,040 have nothing else. I've gotten better at less than 196 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:06,800 you have. Yeah. 197 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,200 Because before I would really, really panic. 198 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,600 And that was really not good of me, no. 199 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:14,200 And you try and keep me and. I'd try and keep you in the 200 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,480 house because I'd be like, no, this is ridiculous because then. 201 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:18,000 You've also got a lot of abandonment. 202 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,840 I've got a lot of abandonment issues, but I'd also just like 203 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:22,840 not in like a violent way, but I try and keep her in the house 204 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:25,840 and I'd I'd because I just thought if she left that was. 205 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:28,400 It wouldn't come back. Whereas now you know that like 206 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,640 it's so much better to give each other that space. 207 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:33,880 And then if it gave me time, sometimes we come. 208 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,440 Back over to Selfridges by your fucking shoes. 209 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,560 Sometimes we come back and then have a calm conversation about 210 00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,920 it and sometimes we realise it doesn't need fucking talking 211 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:44,240 about at all because it's pathetic. 212 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,480 There's one thing about us is that we get over things 213 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,120 ridiculously quickly, but I think it's good because it's 214 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:50,920 because it's nothing really monumental. 215 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,360 If it was something big, I wouldn't be getting it, but we 216 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,680 do. Get over like arguments very 217 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:57,920 quickly. I hate grudges. 218 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:02,760 Not even just grudges. I say this to you all the time, 219 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,920 and it's such a simplistic thing to say. 220 00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:08,720 I just want an easy life. And I'm, you know, me. 221 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,640 And I think people, you know, listening to this podcast know 222 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:16,320 that if I've got something to say, I'll say it, but only if I 223 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:18,760 feel really necessary. There are a lot of things in my 224 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:22,800 life that I just swallow and get on with because I can't be 225 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:23,880 bothered. Yeah, but so do I. 226 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,440 This comes to the same with, you know, arguments with you or 227 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:29,800 anyone else that I don't want to drag it out, say what I've got 228 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,320 to say, and I move on because life, it is such a cliche. 229 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,440 Life is too short. I don't have the energy, nor do 230 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:37,280 I care enough. No, you know, And that's not to 231 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:40,040 say if it wasn't a big thing, yes, of course I wouldn't just 232 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:43,800 bury it and put it under the carpet, brush it under the rug. 233 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,720 Put it under the carpet or brush it under the rug. 234 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:49,080 Maybe I could do both? Yeah, no, I do. 235 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,960 You know what I mean. I'm on your, I'm on your page. 236 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,000 But yeah, but that's the kind of very quickly, yeah, the breakup 237 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,240 thing is like there are multiple. 238 00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,720 You need to analyse the person that you're with. 239 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,000 You need to analyse why you're breaking up with them. 240 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,680 So you can still be in love with someone. 241 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:07,440 You talk about falling out of love, You can still be in love 242 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:09,760 with someone, but know that it's just not going to work for you. 243 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:14,080 And again, I think that warrants a text and then an in person 244 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:17,440 conversation. If the relationship is toxic and 245 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:21,200 you're looking for an out. I, I, you know, call me an 246 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,040 asshole for this. If the persons treated you a 247 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,920 certain way for a certain amount of time, I have no qualms of 248 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:28,600 sending a text blocking. I don't think there's anything 249 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,480 wrong with that. You do not owe anyone who has 250 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:35,800 done you dirty in life any explanation or time for the day 251 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,160 you find. Any more time about you know 252 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:40,040 what I actually I'm saving myself? 253 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,640 And The thing is, and we mentioned this in the last 254 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,160 episode, you can't reason with these people anyway. 255 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,480 So you're not doing yourself or them, just you. 256 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,640 Just go around in conversation. You know what, guys? 257 00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:49,480 You'll just go around in circles until they find someone else. 258 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,240 Yeah, Yeah. And that can take any amount of 259 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:53,480 time. Usually we'll be quite. 260 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,320 Quickly because they need They can't be alone and they. 261 00:12:56,400 --> 00:13:00,600 Feed off blood of their victims. But yeah, no. 262 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,760 But what not to do when you want to break up with someone is 263 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:09,560 don't start to cheat because a lot of us don't are scared to be 264 00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:13,480 alone and So what we do when we know the relationship is ending 265 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:15,640 is try and find something else before it. 266 00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:17,640 Ends I think though, that maybe cheating. 267 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:21,200 I know this again controversial. Do you think that maybe cheating 268 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,520 might actually aid your relationship? 269 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,760 So say for instance, you're in a relationship and you're kind of 270 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,640 like thinking is the grass green kind of thing, and then you 271 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:30,960 cheat and then you're with someone. 272 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,280 In the house and you realise that it's not. 273 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:34,200 No, this is not what I want actually. 274 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:37,360 Do you think that that can? I agree, but then I think if 275 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:39,920 you've got to that point anyway, just because the grass isn't 276 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,040 greener with the new relationship or the fling, the 277 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,680 grass still isn't green enough with your current relationship 278 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:47,520 to go and explore if the grass is green. 279 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:48,640 I think it's like, do you? Know what I mean? 280 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,520 There is a lack of respect, but then also I feel like people 281 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,320 cheat because of themselves. They don't cheat because. 282 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:56,120 Of that, no, it is completely. It's not about it's so cliche, 283 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:57,400 but it's not about the purse. Yeah. 284 00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:58,560 No, it's, I really don't think it. 285 00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:00,960 Is look, I have no idea I'm just I'm just wondering. 286 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,840 Yeah, it's just we're speaking openly. 287 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:05,280 We, we've said it before, we come into these conversations 288 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:07,200 completely. So we are quite literally 289 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,680 spilling our thoughts as they're coming out onto these masks. 290 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,640 Not to do. Don't get somebody else to do 291 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,480 it. For me, no, don't get anyone 292 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:15,080 else involved. No, no. 293 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:19,200 You can speak to other people, but you trust be careful who you 294 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,080 talk to. Yeah, because there's a lot of 295 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:23,960 people in this world who feed off of other people's 296 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,240 unhappiness. Oh, they love it. 297 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:27,840 They love it. And then they're all over you. 298 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,480 Like right on rise. They you know that they want to 299 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,040 help you. They can't do enough for you. 300 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,680 They're the best friend ever. And then best believe that very 301 00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:37,240 same person when you eventually find someone else or find 302 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,440 happiness. You won't hear from them because 303 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:44,120 misery loves company. So think about the right people 304 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:47,600 to talk to and ask advice on. Don't just go to your knee jerk 305 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,760 people, think about who's actually going to help you. 306 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:54,760 Also, yeah, don't like shrug off accountability for shit. 307 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:59,040 Like The thing is, is that when you're breaking up with someone, 308 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,680 they're most likely going to get angry and they are most likely 309 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:03,960 going to start saying. I disagree with you. 310 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,400 Here, no. But if you genuinely think, 311 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,520 yeah, do you know what they're right, you can say yes. 312 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:11,080 Yes, but if you're breaking up with someone, going over the 313 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,720 history of the relationship and that person then getting angry 314 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:15,480 of you and having to but. That person is going to do it. 315 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:18,040 They are, but I don't think you have to stand there and accept 316 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,520 the responsibility because the relationship is ending. 317 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,640 I think you can. Responsibility to help them heal 318 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,400 because you could be like, yeah, do you know what that will 319 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:26,560 shave? And that's why we're not 320 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:27,680 together. That's why we're not together, 321 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:28,920 yeah. No, I do agree. 322 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:31,600 But I also don't think that if you break up with someone, it 323 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,800 doesn't give that person permission to just hot 324 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,640 constantly fucking her abuse at you. 325 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,200 Yeah. And then talk about you like 326 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:38,960 you're the biggest piece of shit in the world just because 327 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:41,880 they're angry that and upset they've been broken up with, and 328 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:43,200 then suddenly you're the worst person ever. 329 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:44,920 And it's like, yeah, but you've just been with me for eczema. 330 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:47,720 Another thing not to do is to carry on communication as 331 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,880 normal. This happens in lesbian 332 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:51,160 relationships. You'll break. 333 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:53,280 Out well the merge to friendship instantly. 334 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:56,600 But not even that it's like still the same like text 335 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,600 everyday or like Paul, I do think that's. 336 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:02,040 Right. It's it's very common and I I do 337 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,240 think it's possible for lesbians to become friends with their 338 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:05,720 exes, yes. For sure proof in the you've. 339 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:09,600 Spoken about this before, but it needs a big time gap in between. 340 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,560 You both need to go away, live independently, live separately, 341 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,560 and then come back and form the friendship. 342 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,840 Don't just go from the relationship to the friendship 343 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:21,520 for for instant comfort because it's going to tarnish it in the 344 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:22,000 long run. The thing? 345 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,200 Is though in a lesbian relationship, you do literally 346 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,120 become like 1 fucking person, right? 347 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,320 Yeah. And that person is your like 348 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,480 safety blanket for so many things. 349 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:33,320 The one person that you would go to when something monumental 350 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,960 like this happens in your life is that is happening with. 351 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:39,880 So that is so hard. And no, no, I, I'm saying I'm 352 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,400 not saying you should, but what I'm saying is it's so easy to 353 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:45,320 then be like, Oh my God, I feel so alone and I can't talk to 354 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:49,240 them or her about this. Yeah, so the whole urge to merge 355 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:52,800 thing, you know, I know it's easily done, but I don't 356 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,520 necessarily. And I think we in the community 357 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:59,320 kind of glamorise it in a way. And I don't think that's right 358 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:02,400 because I do think it gives people a loss of self identity, 359 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:04,640 which then does create these issues when they break up 360 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,839 because they suddenly don't have the friends they want once had 361 00:17:07,839 --> 00:17:11,000 or they have stopped doing the hobbies that they have loved. 362 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,720 And I've even said that to you recently. 363 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:16,079 You know, we now, we've always spent a lot of time together, 364 00:17:16,079 --> 00:17:18,040 but we do have separate friendship groups. 365 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:19,640 We have our same friendship group. 366 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:24,839 We have separate friends, you know, we, we do do do things 367 00:17:24,839 --> 00:17:26,599 alone properly. And I'm going to be honest, not 368 00:17:26,599 --> 00:17:29,800 as much as I think we should just because of the nature of 369 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,320 how much we need to be together now. 370 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,600 We work together, we, we have the dog, we live together, you 371 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,680 know, and I think that's a priority. 372 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,200 Like I said to you recently that I want to start getting into 373 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,480 motorcycling again. Yeah. 374 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,160 And I love that because. I want to do something for 375 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,600 myself and it's the same, you know, for you, like you love 376 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:50,360 going to the gym and I think you need to find your outlet again. 377 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,520 Like what does that look like for you, your personal outlet? 378 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:53,760 At the moment, we're just so busy. 379 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,040 It's not as easy said as said than done. 380 00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,000 But I do think generally we're very good about. 381 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,200 Good. That's why it's good to have 382 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,680 comment, because you can just go out. 383 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,560 Exactly. And it's your own private time. 384 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:09,000 And going back to what you were saying then, yeah, around, you 385 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,120 know it, the breakup becomes even more scary because you 386 00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:15,120 don't have anyone to turn to or that person is your person. 387 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:21,120 I do think we all need to make a really conscientious decision. 388 00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:23,760 Sorry, not decision. A conscientious. 389 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:25,760 Yeah, it's kind of decision. It's a decision. 390 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:28,600 Within ourselves and within the relationship and be honest about 391 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,440 the need to remain separate people. 392 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,800 I think you can just like speak to your girlfriend and be like, 393 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,760 this is like, this is a bit much. 394 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:39,840 I feel like you can even say that sometimes it can be a bit 395 00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:41,520 like suffocating. If you're like, God, I just need 396 00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,640 and it isn't because of you. It's not, you know, people. 397 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:48,120 People need to start a. Normal person yes I'm not saying 398 00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:51,600 that those relationships where you are super close and you do 399 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,120 do most things together are necessarily bad. 400 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,480 I'm not saying that at all I think they can work. 401 00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:59,440 I think they're very Those relationships are beautiful when 402 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,640 that person is your best friend, you do everything together. 403 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:03,520 That's not what I'm saying at all. 404 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:08,120 What I'm saying is if you don't have pockets of outside of that, 405 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:12,680 I can't see how it is wholly good for anyone, any 406 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:17,360 relationship or then creating any sense of self if the 407 00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:19,080 relationship ends. Yeah, for sure. 408 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:20,240 You. Found yourself to that. 409 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:24,160 Person so much to me when. When I had my breakup, my last 410 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:28,280 breakup, I lost everything like who I was. 411 00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:32,240 What the fuck am I gonna do now? Is how I felt like I I didn't 412 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,280 know right? I I take it because you made 413 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,000 that. Relationship, everything, yeah. 414 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,800 And that isn't and you've said this mean you've started 415 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,520 inexperienced. Also. 416 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,360 And also that person's fault, you own that that was your 417 00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:44,960 fault, right? And this is the thing we all 418 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,120 have to take onus of ourselves. And you know, we can't always 419 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,520 blame the other person for as tempting as it. 420 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:53,160 Is 'cause I love blaming other people and not myself, Yeah. 421 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:54,840 For being like. Oh, well, I didn't do this 422 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:56,480 because of you. This is it's like, no, no, no, 423 00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:59,320 you're in control of yourself. You have to set the narrow of 424 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,880 your own boundaries and just say that you have. 425 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:04,840 Control at any any given point, you girlies that are in your 426 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:08,160 toxic relationships. A, I'm so sorry to hear that so 427 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,880 many of you actually resonated with it, but B, you know you've 428 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,960 got your lesbian bodyguards right here and we're going to 429 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,280 coach you through the way of being able to manage that. 430 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:19,600 You know, when it comes to breaking up with a toxic person, 431 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:23,760 you do need to set yourself very clear away from this person. 432 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:27,640 You need to be like strategic as fuck and sneaky. 433 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,720 But even if it's a good. Break up again. 434 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,480 You still need that separation. Oh yeah, you totally do. 435 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,680 No, but also it's like it's healthy to just like them be a 436 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:39,640 part. As much as it sucks, you need 437 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,320 to. And that's the only true way 438 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:42,800 that you're going to find out who you really are. 439 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,160 Yeah. And what you want and everything 440 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:48,560 else and and so. Then on the flip side, how do 441 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,400 you best deal with being the one that's been broken up with? 442 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,040 Fuck me talk. About your last. 443 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:56,160 Breakup then Frey and say what not to do OK. 444 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,720 Like Drive. An hour to their house with just 445 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:03,000 one drag of an item of clothing. Literally. 446 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,600 There's an opportunity to see them. 447 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,640 Literally. I'd stash a little Polaroid or a 448 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:11,480 little letter in the back just with my perfume on it. 449 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,120 And you know what? There's nothing fundamentally 450 00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:16,680 wrong with that. It's actually just really sad. 451 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:20,560 And I understand that level of desperation, yeah, but it's just 452 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:22,280 no good for anyone. Don't don't wake up in. 453 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:25,280 The morning have a black coffee at 8:00 AM and have a really 454 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:28,200 shitty rolly with no filler in it and just fucking hate your 455 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:29,840 life. I was acting like something out. 456 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:34,200 A girl interrupted. I really should have been on a 457 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,520 psych ward. There's no doubt about it. 458 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:42,200 I was fucking loopy as shit. Like I, Oh my God, the crazy 459 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,040 shit that I would do. I remember at the time I worked 460 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:49,600 in a Cafe and, and any song that came on just made me cry. 461 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,560 It could be a happy song and I'd be fucking bawling my eyes out. 462 00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:57,360 And I was like stood on like dishwasher duty because clearly 463 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,200 I was mentally unwell. You couldn't face a. 464 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:01,960 Customer, A customer actually couldn't face you? 465 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,880 No, no, no. And I got so desperate to the 466 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,120 point where, like a customer would ask me how I was and you'd 467 00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:10,120 give them the honest truth. Do you know what? 468 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:11,680 Not good action. They just want you. 469 00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,080 To say, yeah, good thanks, yeah, you start crying into their 470 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:15,200 coffee. No, literally I'd be like. 471 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,880 No, I'm actually not great. I'd like stand over the the 472 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:19,800 dishwasher and just like bawl my eyes out. 473 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,240 My tears are just dropping into the water. 474 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:26,360 I was just in such a bad way I could not regulate my emotions. 475 00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:27,240 Horrendous. It just no. 476 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,440 But do you know what though? I ended up pissing myself off 477 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,080 because I could. Like, I want to stop this but I 478 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:33,880 don't know how to. Yeah, and I couldn't. 479 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:36,280 Stop being so sad you were coming off. 480 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:37,720 Antidepressants. I was. 481 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,960 That was bad timing, man. You should have got. 482 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,240 Straight back on those you should have known. 483 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,760 Yeah, but I wanted to take control of my emotions. 484 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,160 Sertraline makes you the numbest. 485 00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:49,360 Like person. Ever. 486 00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:51,000 It made me a bit. Yeah, we're both big. 487 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,600 Citalopram girlies, aren't we? Citalopram's brilliant. 488 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:56,080 Citalopram is my fucking. Kink, baby. 489 00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:58,280 Oh my lover, I think. I think. 490 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:00,920 It could be actually put into role play, you know, a bit where 491 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,560 you like, slide your fingers into my mouth and then get the 492 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:05,480 citalopram no and pop it on the tongue. 493 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,560 No, no. And then spit down my mouth for 494 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:10,400 me to swallow. So hot. 495 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:14,760 So no. We are two. 496 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,440 People sat on this podcast. We are. 497 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:20,440 Two people sat on this podcast today talking about how to deal 498 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,960 with breakup in the best way possible. 499 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:26,800 And you know, I threw shade at Freya at the start of this and 500 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,400 I'm throwing shade it myself because I haven't dealt with a 501 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:32,080 breakup. Well, no, actually my last 502 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:35,800 breakup I was the breaker upper and I I do think I dealt with 503 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:36,160 that. Really. 504 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:36,880 I do. I think I. 505 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,120 Dealt with that breaker, Upper agreed. 506 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,520 Because you ultimately do. Have control? 507 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,840 Great. Once, even if you weren't even 508 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,160 into that relationship anymore and somebody breaks up with you. 509 00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:49,880 It's like it's classic human. Psychology isn't isn't bruised 510 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,880 to the ego as well. We are all egotistical beings 511 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:55,880 and having someone let you go is fucking painful and knowing that 512 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,360 you don't have you. Suddenly want something? 513 00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:58,920 You've get told you can't have something. 514 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,400 You'll want it more, but I think. 515 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,240 What we're trying to do now? Is set a better trajectory for 516 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,600 us all going forward, right. So we're not talking about the 517 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,840 history, we're talking about the present and we're talking about 518 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:12,760 the future. I think it's honestly. 519 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:16,560 Distraction, Distraction. First, acceptance. 520 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:22,760 If someone doesn't want to be with you, you have to accept and 521 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:24,680 let that also change the narrative. 522 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,880 Like I said earlier, if they I'm like, if you don't want to be 523 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,920 with me, I don't want to fucking be with you. 524 00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,200 Yeah, yeah. Because you have to have that 525 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:36,120 level of self love which isn't easy to achieve and obtain, but 526 00:24:36,120 --> 00:24:37,720 you have to. So you have to straight away 527 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,960 start working on accepting and loving yourself and not taking 528 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:42,600 the break up as a rejection of you. 529 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,840 It's just a break up and the person wants something else for 530 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,120 them. It's not about you, and I think 531 00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:50,320 it is. Stop romanticising to stop 532 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,160 thinking it would. Be better second time around, it 533 00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,480 wouldn't stop thinking that you can win them back. 534 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:56,240 You may be able to, but it wouldn't work. 535 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:57,680 You'd go back down the same route. 536 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:01,120 I do truly believe that. So it's acceptance and like 537 00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:04,640 inner work, I think about loving yourself, building up your own 538 00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:06,640 confidence. And then I I think I agree with 539 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:11,200 you, second step or coming coinciding with first step is 540 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,960 distraction and surrounding yourself with your friends, your 541 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:19,680 family and doing things that you love as much as you possible, 542 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:22,320 even if that. Is just going to the pub and 543 00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:23,960 crying over a pine with a friend? 544 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,160 With a friend, yes do that. 100% agree. 545 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,720 Don't bring it. To the girl that's broken up 546 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:30,720 with you, do not bring it to learn to keep. 547 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,880 That separate because also. That's your way of gaining about 548 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:37,160 the control in a way, because she will be expecting you to be 549 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,440 calling, to be messaging, to be begging, to be doing every well, 550 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:41,960 assuming that the person. That's broken up. 551 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:43,800 Is not a good person. Not in all cases. 552 00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:45,040 Not in all cases, but it's pretty. 553 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,680 It's pretty normal. Like I feel like quite a lot of 554 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,280 people expect that their partners probably going to do 555 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:50,760 that. Maybe. 556 00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,000 Maybe. They like that. 557 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,240 The chase, yeah, I wouldn't want that personally. 558 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:59,040 But so then actually. You take that control and you're 559 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,920 like, right, Well, you don't want to be with me. 560 00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:04,120 What more is there to discuss exactly? 561 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,760 You've already said what you've. Got to say you don't want to be 562 00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,000 with me then I can't be with you. 563 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,000 Obviously. Clearly because I have a choice 564 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:14,560 anyway, but like, I wouldn't choose to be with someone that 565 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,400 didn't want to be with me. What kind of life is that 566 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:17,720 exactly? Shit. 567 00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,720 So yeah, surround. Yourself with friends, family 568 00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:24,200 and then I think thirdly, challenge yourself to something 569 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:27,760 new, yes, that you didn't do pre relationship, that you didn't do 570 00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,720 during the relationship. So it may be a hobby, it may be 571 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,800 exploring something new about yourself. 572 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:38,600 It may be, you know, picking up something intellectual that you 573 00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:42,720 always wanted to challenge your find something else to distract 574 00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:46,320 you and challenge you in a different way and girlies we. 575 00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:49,800 Know that you've got your finger on the fucking pulse when it 576 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:51,800 comes to that Hinge button field or Tinder. 577 00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:53,800 Don't go back. Don't you dare. 578 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:57,280 This is me talking right now and I it'll make you worse. 579 00:26:58,040 --> 00:26:59,920 Don't do it you're. Actually over the breakup. 580 00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:02,320 Do not go back and dating apps won't make. 581 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:05,200 You feel better, especially because of the comparison thing 582 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,600 that we all have like you. You get broken up with and then 583 00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:11,080 you suddenly go on to Hinge and you're and you're flicking 584 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,080 through all the girls and you're none of these are like my 585 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,240 girlfriend that you start to. That's because you can't. 586 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:19,040 Be with someone after a breakup, you go for a sense of self 587 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:24,560 rediscovery and you become a new person or a newer version of 588 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:29,840 yourself and you then only find someone once you've found that 589 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,280 newer version of yourself and you're ready to open yourself 590 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:35,200 back up in that way. I think trying to you'll be 591 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,520 damaged from the break up. A damaged person going on a 592 00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:42,160 dating app, a plaster and a pretty deep cut is not going to 593 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:45,240 work, however. If you go to a bar and there's a 594 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,040 really hot girl and she wants to make up with you, yeah, do it, 595 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:51,520 Do it. 100%. That's brilliant. 596 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:52,960 Do that. So yeah. 597 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:56,560 Find it. And then I think like the 4th 598 00:27:56,560 --> 00:28:00,320 and final set step is kind of touching what we've just 599 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:04,040 discussed there then is like how do you step back out there? 600 00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:08,160 We've had a lot of people actually message about this, I 601 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,240 think. Honestly people are getting more 602 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:12,960 and more into like the organic way of dating but it's harder to 603 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:15,160 do that as a lesbian because like especially if you're in a 604 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:16,600 small. Town etcetera. 605 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:20,720 It is harder, right? But I think once you know fully 606 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:23,600 who you are after that breakup, you've really enjoyed doing the 607 00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:24,720 things that you really want to do. 608 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,640 And maybe that's like travelling or getting a new job that you 609 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,240 really want or whatever it might be, right? 610 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:30,960 You're really rock climbing. Hiking. 611 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:32,680 Yeah, hiking. You filthy. 612 00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:36,400 Lesbians what else biking love doing Building a fire? 613 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:39,840 Yeah helping. Helping women yes, all given 614 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:43,760 times by. Rediscovering yourself, I would 615 00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:48,120 be surprised if you didn't find a a new group of people and B 616 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:51,440 potentially your new person. Yeah, somewhere that's actually 617 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,280 suited. To you, and again, it's such. 618 00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:57,160 A cliche, but I don't believe in massively looking for it, no. 619 00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:00,200 I do. Think that if you're you just 620 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:04,280 have to put yourself out there in the world anyway yeah not to 621 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,960 look for someone you need we all need to do this more is just put 622 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:11,320 ourselves out there challenge ourselves to do like I've been 623 00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:14,640 talking about for example getting my bike licence again 624 00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:18,200 yeah I still haven't gone on and booked the CBT we're doing it 625 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:19,360 after this I. Need I've been? 626 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,720 Talking about it for three weeks and I still haven't done it. 627 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:24,400 And the only person that's a dickhead for that is myself. 628 00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:28,040 Because I, I'm not even scared. I don't know what it is that 629 00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:31,040 holds me back, but every day that goes by, I'm like, why have 630 00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:33,080 I not done it? Oh, it's like me with a haircut. 631 00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:35,240 Though, Yeah, right. I've literally I I need to get 632 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:36,360 my haircut. Have I booked it? 633 00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:37,440 No, no, I think. And. 634 00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:40,160 And those things aren't the easiest stuff to do is putting 635 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:41,840 yourself out there, trying something new. 636 00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:46,000 But I do think it is the most rewarding thing you can do. 637 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:47,640 Find the bullet. Yeah, just buy. 638 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:49,760 Just like to do it. Fucking do it. 639 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:52,600 Don't give yourself any more excuses if you think about it, 640 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:55,040 and no matter what you're doing, just fucking do the thing. 641 00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:56,680 Book the thing, whatever it might be. 642 00:29:56,920 --> 00:30:01,120 And you know when you have that level of confidence, the right 643 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:03,320 people, like you said, will be attracted to you. 644 00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:05,760 And it energy is real it. Will be like fucking. 645 00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:09,200 Melted butter going back into that field as a new built 646 00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:13,520 confident woman energy is. Real and what you put outcomes 647 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:16,040 background Oh yeah I. Believe this. 648 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,200 So phrase to say it to me all the time and I never really 649 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:21,240 believed it. I believe it. 650 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:24,840 I truly believe what I speak comes back to me. 651 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:28,400 It does in the sense as well that if I speak negative, it 652 00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:31,520 comes back and it bites me on the ass if I speak positive and 653 00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,880 I keep. It's not always easy, but really 654 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:38,680 challenge myself on keeping a positive mindset and speaking 655 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:43,200 positive things into the world. They come back tenfold. 656 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,840 Yeah, but I. Want to hear if you guys are 657 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:48,000 kind of like trying to get back on the bandwagon. 658 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:51,160 Tell me what your blockers are, because has worked actually. 659 00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:52,800 Or what's worked because? I think we know what the 660 00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:53,560 blockers. Are. 661 00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:56,520 But if there's any of you that have has done something that's 662 00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:58,680 worked, yeah, also. Online. 663 00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:00,560 Communities. Yeah, the lesbian sub. 664 00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:03,600 Club yeah see people that follow this see the people who comment 665 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:05,840 or like or whatever and you never know you might find we 666 00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,240 could be like a little matchmaking so eventually one 667 00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:09,720 day we. Will be and we will be in the. 668 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:15,400 But going off of this, we did this a few months ago on our 669 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:18,280 TikTok. But the rate game, talking about 670 00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:21,360 girls and talking about different types of girls, the 671 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:24,240 rate game. So basically the rate game is 672 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:30,520 for those who don't know, you will say like an amazing woman, 673 00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:33,920 like a 10 out of 10, right? But she poos herself. 674 00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:35,880 Three times a day? Yeah, exactly What does it mean? 675 00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,640 And then what does that make her to you right out of 10? 676 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,280 So some of. You might have a poo fetish then 677 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:42,440 that might make. You a 20. 678 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:44,920 Out of 1020, out of 10, some of you might be like, don't care 679 00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,720 how hot she is, I wouldn't touch her foot with a 10 foot barge 680 00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:48,200 pole. Yeah. 681 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:49,720 OK. Freya hit me first. 682 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,480 OK. She's a super hot girl, looks a 683 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:56,600 bit like Jodie Coma but when she kisses you she does cat bum lip. 684 00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:00,240 I think you've asked me this one before I. 685 00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:03,480 Haven't OK. Maybe I've just got trauma, Cat, 686 00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:06,240 bum, lip, a four. I couldn't deal with that. 687 00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:10,080 I couldn't deal with that. It would give me the biggest. 688 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:13,160 Ick in the fucking world you lean in for a. 689 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:16,200 Very slow kiss and then all of a sudden cat bum. 690 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:17,600 Lip, because I've got a funny one for you. 691 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:21,320 OK, OK. She looks like Angelina Jolie. 692 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:23,240 Yeah, lovely. But every time. 693 00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:27,000 She comes. She meows like a squealing cat 694 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:32,880 but just sounds like me. I was going to say that sounds 695 00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:36,200 like you. What is she look? 696 00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:40,320 She turns like full feline earplugs. 697 00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:44,520 Were made for a reason OK she looks like and she put your hand 698 00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:48,480 over her mouth and she's meowing meow for me all fucking OK she's 699 00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:52,440 still a nine out of 10 fair OK yeah, I'll take. 700 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:59,760 That to be fair. OK, she it is so hot. 701 00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:03,680 She looks like Charlize Theron. However, every time. 702 00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,840 That you go to have sex with her, she pulls her ass sheets 703 00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:11,040 apart and you see that she has braided her bum hair. 704 00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:17,360 Braided hair. She's braided. 705 00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:20,920 Her bum hair and she pulls her ass sheets apart every time, but 706 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:22,080 you pause her ass sheets for what? 707 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:27,320 Just to show me yes, to show how long for how long for? 708 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:31,640 For a good like for a good minute. 709 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:33,720 So she makes me like. Look at it and admire. 710 00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:41,480 Nah, no -10 I'm not doing that. I'm simply, no, I'm not doing 711 00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:43,440 that. I might be a bad, I'm not doing 712 00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:46,160 that, I might be a bad lesbian. I'm just not doing that. 713 00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:50,360 OK? She looks like Zoe Kravitz. 714 00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:54,560 But. When you go out to dinner 715 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:59,040 together, she orders a Coca-Cola with a glass of wine, like a 716 00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:04,560 large Coke. And she sits down and it's like 717 00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:08,920 a ritual that she has to down the whole pint of Coca-Cola and 718 00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:12,400 then the Coke's like all round her mouth, like bubbling. 719 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:16,199 And she like grabs her sleeve from her elbow down and just 720 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:20,920 wipes it and then goes. Really loud. 721 00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:23,040 At you. This is every time you go out 722 00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:25,760 for dinner or lunch or anything. I don't know, I might. 723 00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:28,040 Be weird, but I would actually probably find that quite 724 00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:30,239 endearing because I feel like honestly, when you're talking 725 00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:32,800 about it sounds like something you'd do yeah, it quite. 726 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:35,920 Is to be fair, so I was going to say burped and I was like but 727 00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:38,520 that I do actually do that so I can't even babe. 728 00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:41,120 You do a lot worse than that. What? 729 00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:44,560 Just any amount of food on you will be wiped on your top. 730 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:49,120 It doesn't matter what it is and even you'll always like grab the 731 00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:51,080 tea towel and like wipe your nose with that. 732 00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:53,679 No, I. Don't do that. 733 00:34:53,679 --> 00:34:56,920 I wipe my lip and you always think I'm wiping my nose. 734 00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:58,960 It's weird. OK. 735 00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:09,080 She looks like. Who do I want to look like? 736 00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:14,240 OK, hold on. She looks like Megan Fox, but 737 00:35:14,240 --> 00:35:18,800 every time she goes to eat she has to spit on the food really 738 00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:22,240 aggressively on her fork. I know, but she. 739 00:35:22,240 --> 00:35:27,560 Looks like Megan Fox, yeah. That's hard, isn't it? 740 00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:33,200 I think I'd get used to it. I'm only knocking her down 1 so 741 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:34,720 you go out for like a. Really nice man. 742 00:35:34,720 --> 00:35:36,680 And she said that I don't actually. 743 00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:38,400 Care about everyone else? Yeah, I know. 744 00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,520 But that does because I don't care about anyone else looking 745 00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:42,120 at me. I'm just like, it's if I can 746 00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:44,200 deal with it, OK. I think. 747 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:45,240 I think. It would put me off my. 748 00:35:45,240 --> 00:35:46,960 Food, if I'm honest with you, yeah, but you're more funnier 749 00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:48,240 with. Stuff like that than me, I'm 750 00:35:48,240 --> 00:35:49,760 more vulgar. What is she then out? 751 00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:51,600 Of 10 so she Megan. Fox. 752 00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:54,120 I'd give a solid 9 out of 10 anyway. 753 00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:56,440 She'll go down to an 8. That's it. 754 00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:58,320 That's fair. I wouldn't knock her down. 755 00:35:58,320 --> 00:35:59,880 That hard, I'd knock her down to a four. 756 00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:01,760 Really. She did that. 757 00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:04,920 Interesting. I'd be like, I love to eat. 758 00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:12,080 OK, She. Looks like Margot Robbie but 759 00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,880 every time you so she makes you go to Sunday lunch with her 760 00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:18,520 family every week is. It Christian. 761 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:20,680 No, it's not Christian. It's just. 762 00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:22,080 I had to just. Think about that. 763 00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:24,320 No, they're not Christian. It's just a Sunday lunch. 764 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:27,280 OK, makes you go to a Sunday. Lunch with her family every week 765 00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:30,120 and every time she walks through the door and sees her brother, 766 00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:33,800 she runs up to him. He picks her up in his arms, 767 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:38,360 swings her around and they kiss on the lips and she thinks it's 768 00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,280 absolutely fine and she, like, gets. 769 00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:42,760 Annoyed at me if I bring it up. If you're like, that's weird. 770 00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:46,600 She's like, no it's not. Yeah, Oh dear. 771 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:52,160 But it's Margot Robbie. But it's Margot. 772 00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:55,840 Robbie and maybe I could forgive her on the God's day. 773 00:36:57,160 --> 00:37:02,960 I OK, I've got Monday to Saturday, Monday to Saturday. 774 00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:06,520 She's 10 out of 10 on a Sunday. You can't have it all. 775 00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:10,040 She's a two, Yeah. What do you know what I'd do? 776 00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:14,400 I'd always stall in the car. So I'd be like, you run on in. 777 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,600 I'm just gonna or I'll make it weird. 778 00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:21,200 They can't do. It as well. 779 00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:23,800 They kiss and I go. Yeah, no fryer. 780 00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,640 Fryer No. They go, they kiss, and I go. 781 00:37:25,720 --> 00:37:27,680 Oh, no, no. We're not doing that. 782 00:37:27,720 --> 00:37:30,680 You're not doing that. Yeah, no, maybe just out. 783 00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:34,120 Crazy. Then no if you if you've just 784 00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:37,000 gone from A6 to a minus. 2 for me Out crazy. 785 00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:40,360 No, out crazy every time. No, no, that's not. 786 00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:45,760 Exactly. Talking of unacceptable. 787 00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:47,720 Can you bring up the Horror Story for me to read please 788 00:37:47,720 --> 00:37:50,280 because I haven't read this one and you chose it today. 789 00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:54,040 Those rate games really make me question both of our sanity 790 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:58,280 honestly. I'm just, I'm, I'm just as long 791 00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:00,000 as a woman is just letting me touch her boobs. 792 00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:04,280 Honestly, she's a 10 out of 10. This is short and. 793 00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:06,800 Sweet, but I feel like it's an interesting one to talk about. 794 00:38:07,240 --> 00:38:11,080 OK so this person written Hello I love the podcast thank you 795 00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:14,000 very much. OK so this story tied into the 796 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:19,180 latest episode about casual sex. So I had a Co So I had a Co 797 00:38:19,180 --> 00:38:22,560 worker asked me to walk her home and she asked if I wanted to go 798 00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:24,760 inside. I knew what she wanted but I 799 00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:27,440 hadn't had sex in six months so poor judgement there. 800 00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:31,160 We get to doing it and she wouldn't let me leave. 801 00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:34,880 Became almost a hostage situation for two days. 802 00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:37,680 When it was over I wanted nothing to do with her. 803 00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:40,920 Fair enough. She on the other hand called me 804 00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:44,360 her girlfriend. Oh God and became crazy. 805 00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:49,160 Made work awkward as fuck. Now almost six to seven years 806 00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:53,760 later she still contacts me via vague accounts on social media 807 00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:58,240 and even paid to get my e-mail address to send me emails. 808 00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:01,000 And now I'm a bit traumatised to do a one night stand with 809 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:02,280 another. Nuts. 810 00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:05,760 Wow, nuts. Wow, that. 811 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:08,560 Is it's giving Joseph? Fritzl, that is. 812 00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:11,520 Crazy, yeah. Right. 813 00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:16,680 So we've said this before, I'm not a fan of the whole Co worker 814 00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,840 thing anyway. I don't think anyone is meeting 815 00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:22,400 the love of their life as a Co worker in their office. 816 00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:25,160 They might, but. Statistically it's going to be 817 00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:27,040 very low. Is it worth? 818 00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,360 Although I don't know what their handle is. 819 00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:34,000 Just quickly off topic, but there's these two lesbians that 820 00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:39,200 I came across on TikTok the other day that met at work, like 821 00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,920 fell in love at work and still work together and they kind of 822 00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:44,400 film now. They're like, cute. 823 00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:46,520 Them getting ready. To go to work together and 824 00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:49,160 they're like in the elevator and stuff, and they look like the 825 00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:53,880 cutest lesbians in the world. So they've given me hope, yeah. 826 00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:56,480 But that giving you hope generally. 827 00:39:56,720 --> 00:39:59,480 OK, look the hostage. Situation, yeah, generally it's 828 00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:00,120 not gonna. Work. 829 00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:03,400 So I don't think we should be fucking with or or fucking full 830 00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:06,320 stop. But this ain't even the problem. 831 00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:08,360 That's not the issue. The Co workers not even the 832 00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:10,680 issue. The issue is the she's crazy. 833 00:40:10,720 --> 00:40:12,680 She's. Just crazy. 834 00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:15,320 What did she think? Was going to happen when she 835 00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:16,920 didn't let you leave for two days. 836 00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:23,040 I I can't answer that because I would like to think that I'm not 837 00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:26,000 that level of insane. No like it would just never 838 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:29,320 cross my mind. I would be so embarrassed to 839 00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:33,320 hound and harass someone who was clearly giving me signals. 6 840 00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:36,880 didn't 2 seven years later. Still, yeah, but this is what I 841 00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:39,840 mean. Clinical insanity has to be gaol 842 00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:43,840 has to be like severe, severe psychological problem there. 843 00:40:44,240 --> 00:40:46,400 So would I'd go straight, I'd be straight to the police. 844 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:47,880 I've got no qualms for doing that. 845 00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:51,560 That is harassment. Straight injunction, yeah, 846 00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:54,960 protect yourself as far as possible because yeah, these 847 00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:56,600 things. Can wrong and this is again. 848 00:40:56,600 --> 00:41:03,080 Mentioned it last week. If this was a man, we would, and 849 00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,080 I'm not giving men any kind of leeway. 850 00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:09,200 Very much deserved. I do think we give women more 851 00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:11,640 leeway with these kinds of situations than we do men 852 00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:15,240 because they they generally aren't statistically aren't as 853 00:41:15,240 --> 00:41:18,520 threatening, but physically. Our situation is giving very 854 00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:21,520 much Jeffrey Dahmer like it's it's yeah, she needs. 855 00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:24,440 I mean, I, I hope you have already and if you have and it 856 00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,640 hasn't worked, I'm really sorry, but the police need to be 857 00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:29,720 involved in that. She needs an official warning, 858 00:41:29,720 --> 00:41:31,480 but. Babes, OK. 859 00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:33,560 You're saying that you're still scared for a one night stand and 860 00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:36,480 this was like 6-7 years ago. You're going to be fine. 861 00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:39,480 Yeah, that is rare as fuck. Exactly. 862 00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:41,440 Again it goes. Back to the probability, right? 863 00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:45,040 Yeah, Now it's happened to you. It's not going to happen again. 864 00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:47,280 Well, maybe you're just. So hostageable. 865 00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:49,960 Maybe the people just look at you and think oh God I just want 866 00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:51,440 to keep you in my house and lock you in. 867 00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:53,240 Maybe not. Let you if you're. 868 00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:55,800 Oh, I've got an idea what you should do if you're worried 869 00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:57,040 about it. Hotel. 870 00:41:57,640 --> 00:41:59,000 Yeah. They can't keep you hostage in a 871 00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:01,320 hotel. No, because you can bang on the 872 00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:03,880 walls, there's people next door, you can have your own key card, 873 00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:07,120 et cetera, et cetera. So maybe Or have the person back 874 00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:10,320 to your house because someone can't keep you hostage in your 875 00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:11,760 own house, really, can they? All right. 876 00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:12,360 Thank you. I love. 877 00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:15,760 Do things that. Make it easier for you to get 878 00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,360 back into the sex in the car. As long as it's not public 879 00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:21,000 indecency, I'm all for. Just don't go back to the 880 00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,720 person's house first and foremost until the trauma is 881 00:42:23,720 --> 00:42:27,360 broken or until you know that you can trust the person, which 882 00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:29,280 I don't actually. I'm not going to give that 883 00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:31,280 advice because then there's always 1 going back to another 884 00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:32,880 house. And if we're not going back to 885 00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:34,880 another's house, it's public sex, right? 886 00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:37,200 But for this person, particularly if you've got a bit 887 00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:39,320 of trauma, take control of the situation. 888 00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:44,760 Maybe don't sleep on the first date, try and get to second or 889 00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:47,040 third date just to ease yourself back in. 890 00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:50,360 If you desperately do want to do a one night stand after a night 891 00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:51,520 out. Yeah. 892 00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:54,320 Not in the car if you've been drinking. 893 00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:57,800 If you haven't been drinking in the car or hotel. 894 00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:01,040 Lesbians have a toilet. Or, yeah, toilet. 895 00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,320 There's nothing wrong with a bit of a toilet as long as the 896 00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:06,160 toilets are half sanitary. Yeah, there's some gay club 897 00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:09,320 toilets are, well, actually really all gay club toilets. 898 00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:11,000 Why are they? So gross. 899 00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:13,000 The Devil's Pit. Do you know what? 900 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:16,840 When we have our lesbian bar, the toilets are going to be so 901 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:18,240 lesbian. Sex friendly, yeah. 902 00:43:18,240 --> 00:43:21,120 And like, probably the bougiest part of the whole place, because 903 00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:23,560 that's going to get them, and that's where the most fun is 904 00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:26,720 going to happen, right? Yeah, it is. 905 00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:29,040 It's like going back to all of the other things. 906 00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:32,360 Like, you know, the previous horror stories where people have 907 00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:35,800 said the same thing, They're traumatised #1 if it's happened 908 00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:39,600 once, it's very, very unlikely to happen again #2 the longer 909 00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:40,680 you leave it, the worse it'll get. 910 00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:43,120 But girl, I am sorry because. That is PTSD, right? 911 00:43:43,240 --> 00:43:45,320 That's horrendous, giving trauma. 912 00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:47,400 It is. I'm really sorry because that's 913 00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:49,240 really shit, but you can move on. 914 00:43:49,240 --> 00:43:51,720 From it, but yeah, no. We're we're here for you girl. 915 00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:55,600 I'm sorry when you do go on your other one night stand adventure 916 00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:57,120 another. Fantastic idea. 917 00:43:57,120 --> 00:44:00,480 Send me if you're planning on so not if you've met the person, 918 00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,120 obviously out on a night out, don't do that. 919 00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:06,520 But if it's if you're planning a date with a Tinder, A hinge, a 920 00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:12,360 field, a dating app type date, send me their fucking profile. 921 00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:15,400 Because I'll tell you QuickTime just by looking at them if 922 00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:17,120 they're crazy or not. Oh my God, yeah, because. 923 00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:20,280 Not only if I got a Stella. Gator, I've got a fucking 924 00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:22,680 fantastic Stella crazy Dar girls, it's in the. 925 00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:24,240 Eyes, it's in that. Yep. 926 00:44:24,240 --> 00:44:26,040 It's not just the eyes. It's a whole compliment of 927 00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,480 thinking I'm not going to give away my risk assessment skill. 928 00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:32,680 Send me the profile. I will vet these motherfuckers. 929 00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:37,400 And I will tell you from their bio particularly, particularly, 930 00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:39,440 you know, one Hinge where they do the voice notes. 931 00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:42,960 Oh, definitely. I can tell with one second of a 932 00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:44,400 voice note if she's crazy. Yeah. 933 00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:46,920 So if that's going to, if that will make you feel better, let 934 00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:48,520 me vet them first. Send us your crazies. 935 00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:53,080 Lesbians, as always, it was. Lovely to speak to at you. 936 00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:57,080 I hope you enjoy this episode, and I hope we've brought up a 937 00:44:57,080 --> 00:45:00,160 little bit more trauma for you and made you think about some 938 00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:01,840 other things. I think we're all just giving 939 00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:04,320 you a slight existential crisis at this point. 940 00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:07,520 But that's kind of why you tune in, right? 941 00:45:08,240 --> 00:45:10,200 You're looking for the answers to the unknown. 942 00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:12,440 Like I love, I love. Talking about women and I love 943 00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:14,960 talking about girlfriends. I love talking about breakups 944 00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:21,040 and lesbians in general, and we're in the Levi studio again 945 00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:23,280 today as well, which has been. We're back in Levi Studio, which 946 00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:24,240 is. Really nice because we were I 947 00:45:24,240 --> 00:45:26,120 fucking home last week. I love it here. 948 00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:28,360 I love it here. We've it's so good. 949 00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:32,080 Some really exciting things coming up, by the way, super 950 00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:33,640 exciting. We've got some really exciting 951 00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:37,280 guests lined up, which I think you guys are going to really 952 00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:39,280 love. And I'm really excited because I 953 00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:42,040 think these people are going to really teach us a lot as well 954 00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:44,800 and give us a lot of insight on this community that, you know, 955 00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:48,200 even we don't have experience or understanding of to the degree 956 00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:49,480 that I would like. Yeah. 957 00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:52,680 So you guys honestly the support from the start, I want to just 958 00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:55,720 say this again, has been we love you so much. 959 00:45:56,120 --> 00:46:00,040 Unfathomable. I'm all yeah, I just can't say 960 00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:02,320 it quick. You're all incredible. 961 00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:07,080 Generally I am blown away by the level of support and just the 962 00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:12,080 genuinity of the people that we have conversations with is so we 963 00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:16,800 have the best heartfelt yes, 100% you guys are so please keep 964 00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:20,160 messaging us. We do see I think nearly most of 965 00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:22,000 them. We don't always have the time to 966 00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:26,880 come back, but we love you and we love the messages and you 967 00:46:26,880 --> 00:46:28,840 guys fill our conversations most days. 968 00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:31,600 And single handedly keeping this relationship alive because we 969 00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:33,320 ran out of everything else to talk about. 970 00:46:33,720 --> 00:46:37,800 Okay, love you, love you guys. Bye bye.