Hello, lesbians. I'm actually telling Liv off at
the moment because as soon as I've decided to record, she's
like, here we go, let's have a fucking packet of what's it?
And then I've also got myself a really large can of Coke, which
I've just noticed on the floor. It's Diet Coke.
When I say the ginger loud, I mean loud.
Like I know how loud they are. Yeah, ginger shots.
Great. Well, they're just loud, aren't
they? Look, you're not going to be
able to open annoying, listen to that annoying take a sip.
I hate that Delicious. I hated that anyway.
Anyway, I'm starting to get onto the Diet Coke hype.
I do get it, although I don't know if like this is the same
with anyone else. Like it always makes me feel
really weird afterwards. I thought you were going to say
something else. What Gassy?
Well, yeah, it does. It makes you burp so much.
But also like I don't know I'll drink it and I don't think it's
the caffeine because I can drink caffeinate to stuff and not feel
this way. Probably doesn't have.
That's why someone told me there's no caffeine in that.
Yeah, that was cushion. He was lying.
There's so much in there. There's more caffeine in that
than a coffee it. Doesn't give me heart
palpitations like a coffee would.
No, I don't understand why, but anyway it makes me feel really
funny, like it makes me feel like really like sugar lowy like
if I have it and then I need to like eat.
Why are you drinking it? I don't know, because I really
enjoy it. This is the story of my life.
I just enjoy something, so I do it, even though it hurts me.
Like me in that fucking Indian last night.
Oh my God. I've been in a bad way, guys.
Bad way. Freya has been we've all been
craving Indian food at the minute.
And then Scarlett and I like, OK, great, let's get it.
But then the day after phrase like, Oh, my tummy, my belly,
OK, well maybe don't have it again.
Then last night. But I saw her out and she was
like, I'm ordering a Curry. And I was like, why?
To be fair I didn't order a Curry though because like I'm
not toast intolerant so I would understand like a Curry would
set me off but. Still had a saga Lou and doll
that's quite intense for a tummy.
Talk about talk about my behaviour today.
ADHD Now So many of you have asked me to discuss ADHD.
By the way, Scarlett is in Manchester right now.
Oh. Yeah, that's why.
Manager is on the mic with me because I this is what I mean,
there is no structure within my brain like I would have happily
have said that right at the end, whereas it's something that I
should say at the beginning. Anyway, I has spoken about it on
one of our subscribed episodes about ADHD, but a few people
have messaged me and I really want you to talk more now that
you have been diagnosed, now that you are still trying to try
out your treatment, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
Now there's so many things, but I want to say first before I go
any further, that if you are considering the fact that you
might have ADHD or you have just been diagnosed or you're kind of
like going through the journey, figuring out whether you want to
take medication or not. There is not a
one-size-fits-all. Like my experience is going to
be so different to yours. And also stop punishing
yourself. I think that that's the one
thing that is good about getting the diagnosis is that you're
suddenly validated and you're like OK, I always knew that my
brain marked a different way. I knew I wasn't XYZ.
It is just this kind of way. But that being said, they say
that people with ADHD suffer from rejection sensitivity
dysphoria and I'd be interested to know if it's part of the
neurodivergency or if it's due to learned behaviour that you're
more likely to be rejected as an ADHD person, therefore you're
going to be more sensitive to it.
So I would say I've been fired from more jobs.
Sorry, I was going. To say my mum's got the exact
same thing, Yeah, she's got ADHD but then also has that.
Rejection sensitivity dysphoria Rejection sensitivity dysphoria
RSD so I. It'd be interesting to see the
link. I I don't, yeah.
So I don't know whether I was born that way or whether it's
because Born This Way. I I don't know if I was born
that way or I have been rejected so many times due to my ADHD.
So I've continuously been told off my whole life.
I've always been told that I'm not the same as everybody else,
that why can't you just do this like everyone else, all that
kind of thing, always. Getting like compared to other
people. Always Oh my God what is it with
parents comparing you? Oh the people stupid love my mum
but like oh mate I love my mum too.
Annoying, annoying. My my mum would always compare
me to this one family that lived in our village.
It was like they weren't doing that.
And it's like they're boring. Like, I don't know what to tell
you. They are so boring.
Just like you never hear Brenda's kids screaming it.
So I was like, yes, because they, they're weird.
Like what kid doesn't play up? I never hear a peep.
I never heard a peep. A peep, not a peep.
Not a whistle from those children next door.
Never drop, no pen, not yeah, literally I never heard
anything. And I find that bizarre.
That is weird. Yeah.
And they couldn't even look you in the eye like something.
I don't know. I don't trust it anyway.
Anyway, side tracking, side tracking.
Yeah, so I've been rejected in that way.
I've been fired for more jobs than the average person.
I'm also just like, because I wasn't able to commit, it was
boring, so I didn't want to do it.
What else? Oh, I've also obviously, like,
maybe I don't know, I, I, I think that people who have ADHD
are always told that they're too much.
Yeah, fuck that, honestly. Especially when you're younger
you're always deemed as like the hyper out of control kid.
You just can't relax. Ever.
I think that's more for boys. I think with girls it's more so.
Bit naughty? Don't get no don't get me wrong
like I was, I was hyperactive at some points.
I'm sorry you're hyperactive, not there's no way as a kid you
were not hyperactive. I see the way you hyperfixate on
cleaning sometimes and that is. Quick yeah, well, I'd even get
told off for that as a kid. My mum would be like, you just
want to control everything and you're cleaning the kitchen.
That's. A separate issue to do I.
Think that's insane? If my child started cleaning the
kitchen, I'll be fucking crack on.
Keep going. I'd be like and that room and
that room and that room. You've actually missed a spot.
You're back. Oh, someone cleaned in here.
Doesn't look like it. Yeah, I I don't know.
What was I saying? Oh fucking hell.
So guys, this is actually the worst because I'm trying to do
this episode whilst I'm. I'm medicated right now because
they're taking forever to send my next prescription.
So. You can also so phrase.
So you've been on your medication since August and this
is the first time you've had? No, I haven't been on it since
August but I got diagnosed in August.
But you've had a month's worth, OK.
I've had a month's worth, so September I.
Was on so in September for I got the medication and you've now
been off it for a week because there's obviously been a delay
in the medication coming and you can really tell the difference.
No help me. Not in a bad way like.
Help me, Lord. Like you can see like it's
almost like I can see how your brains working and like ticking
constantly, even like when we're walking around or even like now
I know you're thinking about a million more things.
But then as soon as you take that tablet on the morning, it's
kind of like it all just disappears and you're more like.
Centered. Mellow, not stoned, but like,
you know what I mean? Well, yeah.
And you know what's funny? It's a really telling sign that
you definitely do have ADHD when you take the medication and it
makes you mellow because people who don't have ADHD and take it
because I'm on, I've been prescribed Alvance.
If you don't have ADHD and you take that, it's literally like
you're on crack cocaine. Well it's like why people take
Adderall. Yeah, to like, whereas for me it
just makes me like, not like hello.
And I, yeah, I've definitely noticed my ADHD more now that
I've been off the pills after being up because I was like, are
they even working? And now I'm like, they fucking
work. They fucking are working.
I keep saying defray every day. Where's your prescription?
When's it coming? But it does.
It does drive me insane and I think obviously we all have
different variants of ADHD. We're all on a spectrum.
Some people have it mixed with autism because it's all part of
this neurodivergent family. I think I'll probably have like
a smidgen of autism like the rest of us.
But I was actually speaking to a psychiatrist about this the
other day and she was like, you could look into any symptoms for
anything. And you could be like, I've got
that because we've all got little bits.
But it's whether that thing is really impacting you and if it's
quite a large presence within your brain.
Like I feel with the ADHD, it does start to get to the point
where it, it really wears me out because I'm continuously
thinking of so many different things.
I just want to be able to like focus on one thing without
thinking of everything else in my life and then getting
severely overwhelmed. And then I'm like, I need a
decompression nap. Like I literally will say to
anyone, like I need a decompression nap.
I'm going into the other room. Or like today I know that I'm
seeing my friend for a tattoo at 5:00 and it's in Shoreditch and
what's the time now? It's like.
Almost 1:50. Right, all I've been thinking
about all day. Is how you need to go.
Yeah, and I feel paralyzed, even to the point where I wasn't even
going to record this episode and I've got hours until I'm going
and no other plans. No, but I was like, well, I
can't possibly record the episode because I'm going to
Shoreditch from five hours. It just doesn't make any sense.
So I think that that's when I was like, OK, I want to be able
to make a difference with this. And I think as well that it that
it has been a contributor, like a big contributor to my anxiety
over the years, where psychologists would diagnose me
with anxiety. I'm not saying I don't have
anxiety, but I'm saying my life could have been so much easier
had they had told me or diagnosed me with ADHD when I
was a kid. And when I told my mom, she was
like, Oh well, I did get you tested and they said that you
were borderline Jilly. Cheers mum.
Fuck, does your mum listen to this?
I hope not. Hey, Jilly.
No, I love my mum, but fuck me. And I just.
I think that. Yeah, had that.
I've been pushed when I was younger.
I feel like I've lived my life on such a difficult mode that I
it really would have made a big difference for me.
It would have made studying easier for me.
I've never, I don't know if this rings a bell to anyone, never
revised a day in my life. Homework I always used to do on
the bus on the way to school because there was no fucking way
I was going to like, spend my time doing that.
I hated homework. I think homework is a scam.
I also think it's just stupid, like you spend the whole day in
school and what you're meant to go home and do more.
Well, the school day is already too long.
Yeah, far too long. Like what, 9 until like 334?
Like that's a long day from. I didn't leave school till 4.
That's a joke. Pathetic.
Give them a life. It's the only time in your life
when you don't have responsibilities.
Give them a fucking life. And I don't remember a thing
from school well. None of it is relevant to what I
do now in my working life. Well, they didn't have a fucking
podcast room, that's for sure. Oh.
No, they didn't have a class of talent management, I'll tell
you. That for free?
No, but I, I tell you what they did, it did teach me how to talk
a load of shit because let's get through that day somehow.
Keep me on the tracks. I should have written notes.
I should have written notes, but I didn't write notes.
This is all going to come from the heart.
If you have been diagnosed, that's my first thing to say is
you're not wrong, it's just that your brain just works
differently. Give yourself a bit of grace,
stop punishing yourself. You're not annoying and you're
not too much. We can be annoying, everyone can
be fucking annoying, but it doesn't mean that you're an
annoying person because you have it.
More so than that, if you're now going to the point where you are
getting diagnosed or you have been diagnosed, think about the
ways in which you want this to benefit you as well and use your
ADHD as a strength and find the areas where you may be want to
tackle to make your life a lot easier.
And where the medication is a part of that is completely up to
you. I personally went down the
medication route because I find it really hard to even focus on
getting that solution without it, and I wanted to just see
what it felt like to feel this calming energy and be able to
focus on things that really matter and to stop winding
myself up because I wind myself up a lot with it.
That's the thing that gets to me the most.
And then you start to hyperfixate on yourself and you
start to think all these things and it can be really damaging.
There is also a weird link which I'd like to look into, which is
neurodivergency and queer people.
Yeah, I was just going to say this.
It's very prominent. It is.
But why? But why?
So before I look it up, not yet. OK, so before you Google and you
talk, I'm going to try and think of why this is.
One thing could be that our brains aren't structured in the
neurotypical way, so we are more likely to maybe discover more
about ourselves. Maybe be the types to think a
bit more about our sexuality, more so maybe than a
neurotypical person would. I also think that it can be
damaging when you have ADHD and you're trying to figure out your
sexuality because we are so used to gaslighting ourselves and not
trusting our gut anymore because we feel like our brains are too
erratic that we're thinking, is this really who I am?
Or have I just hyper fixated on it too much?
And, and now I think I am, which by the way, guys, I really don't
think that you can do that with your sexuality.
Like I really, really don't think so.
So what's the answer? So what's, So what is the
answer, Liv? Because I just gave my educated.
Your educated guess. I'll just, I'm going to read the
points on this article. So the recent research from the
University of Cambridge found that people with ADHD are 8 more
times likely to identify as LGBTQ plus and the brain Charity
reports that in the wider New York divergent communities
significantly. Actually, I'm not going to say
that. It says people exploring their
sexuality or gender can also be more open to discover to
discovering other parts of themselves, such as
neurodivergence. This can lead to more diagnosis.
Of oh wait, so maybe it's the opposite way round to what I
said to be. Honest, I wasn't listening to
you because I was Googling. OK.
Sorry. Carry on.
Says LGBTQ plus individuals often face stress and
discrimination due to their identities, which could lead to
a trigger or intensify neurodivergent traits.
So I think because you're quite open in yourself anyway, because
you're open to the idea of like, you know, you're queer.
So then maybe you are more open to the fact of like, oh, I could
have this. Interesting.
So I said when you went this thing you said the other way
round. I said the other way round.
So I thought that I'm going to. Keep breathing.
That because you've got a neurodivergence and you might be
a bit more likely to look more into other parts of yourself.
So it's kind of like the same thing really, but the other way
round. But maybe is it, is it that the
fact that there's actually a link between genuinely more
neurodivergent people being queer?
Or is it just the fact that you're more likely to get it
diagnosed? So another says some research
studies found that people with ADHD are more likely to be non
heterosexual. For example, one study found
that people with ADHD were more likely to report previous
homosexual experiences than neurotypical people.
See now I think that this is more of a problem on the
reporting than it is on the genuine facts.
Yes, it also. Says ADHD can cause
hypersexuality, which can which is when a person's sex drive is
unusually low. Sex drive is unusually low.
Yeah, fuck me, I don't have it then.
Oh, interesting. Yeah, very.
Yeah. You just think about it too much
and then you're like, well, I've already thought about it now, so
don't you have it? I've spent the whole day
thinking about sex and I don't. There's a 30.
Percent overlap between Neo Diversity and members of the
LGBTQ plus LGBTQ plus community. Spit out.
Yeah, okay, look, I think everything, everything that's to
do with research can be, well, this type of research can be
taken with a pinch of salt because there really hasn't been
much research within neurodivergency and within
homosexuality. Maybe we should do our own
study. I'll do my own study.
I do it myself. I don't know.
But yeah, I think, I think it's like a mixture of the two.
It's like you might be more open.
If you are gays, then you're more likely to discover that
about. Yourself.
I feel like that makes sense. Also the fact that ADHD can
actually be triggered by trauma, which is what they said there
too. I think that there is something
within that, that you're more likely to suffer from trauma if
you're a gay person. Yeah so but isn't it interesting
that trauma can trigger a neurodivergency?
Because ADHD isn't a mental illness?
The fact that it can quite literally change the the, the
brain waves like change the pattern within your brain, your
cognitive function. It's called executive
dysfunction, which is the fucking layman's terms for you.
Seem lazy and shit at everything.
Layman's terms? I don't even know if that was
right. Layman's terms.
But yeah, there. But the executive dysfunction is
what really gets me. And it's when you think of so
many things that you need to do to the point where you then can
no longer do it. And that little task that should
have taken you 5 minutes, it's now been two months and it's
crippling you every single day that you think about.
So do you think people with ADHD, when they like select,
receive some news that's like unexpected?
Do you think that really throws them?
Oh my, are you joking? So this can segue on to the next
thing that we're actually I don't.
Know if you. I was terrified that you were
going to tell me something that I don't You're pregnant, like
you said about me. Yeah, you're.
Seven months pregnant. No, no, just because.
We spoke about this last time when we were talking about doing
the podcast, but this could be quite a nice link when I came
out, obviously my mum. Was horrendous and that's
probably why she didn't deal with it.
Very well. And do you think, well probably
that, but do you think it's that's a contributing factor?
I do actually. Because now the honestly, the
penny just dropped when I thought about.
That I do because right? And then I will tell my story.
There is a reason why and and this is coming from my
experience if you. You have ADHD, you find solace
within your routine, within the things that are the norm to you.
And because you can react so largely to certain things,
because maybe that routine is disturbed, you are so terrified
that it's going to throw you off your your course of your
trajectory because you put so much of your safety and your
sanity within that trajectory. So you coming out to your mum,
you know, I'm not saying that this is like wholly an excuse,
but she probably was like, hold on a fucking minute.
I didn't know that this was what was going on.
And that's now freaked me the fuck out because everything that
I had in my brain now feels like a lie.
And everything that I was thinking of for you and your
future. I thought your future was.
Changing like, and that to me, I feel like it's changing my life
even though it's not. Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, she probably was like, you know.
And what a light bulb moment. A light bulb messenger.
Now shall we be like Lisa? Do you think you were so mean to
me because of your aliens? Yeah.
Do you know what, Olivia? I think that's what it is.
I didn't mean to see all that horrible stuff.
It was just me. ADHD.
Shut up, Lisa. Really quickly before we go on
to that story, just to finish off the ADHD thing because you
guys wanted me to talk about the medication a bit more
specifically. So I have had my first month
already on the Elvance and I started on 20 milligrams.
I then went up to 30 milligrams and it started to make me feel a
little bit weird later on in the day.
So around like 3-4 if I'd like to take it in the morning and it
would also, you know, that weird sugar low feeling I was saying
about the Diet Coke, I would get that.
Another thing, it suppresses your appetite massively.
So since I haven't been on it for like a week, I've like
gained all the weight back that I've lost, which really sucks.
But yet you literally cannot. Like it's like Ozempic for
neurodivergent people. It's crazy.
And I'm not saying that I would recommend that, but for me, I
was like, because people are like, you should have your
breakfast before you take it because you're not going to be
hungry. And I'm like, fantastic, I will
not eat my breakfast. Goodbye.
And that is just because I I am the way that I am.
So yeah. So it's suppressed your
appetite. Some people can't sleep on it.
I never really had a problem with that, but I think it's
because I wasn't on a very high dose.
I. Don't give anything you've slept
better. What in the evening?
Yeah. Like you normally would be awake
till like 12:31 and then I'm cutting out by cutting out by
11. So because the crash is worse on
the higher dose from the 20 milligrams, I have now requested
these booster pills that you can take around that crash time,
which is like a very, it's a little bit different to our
Vance, but it's like 5 milligrams and it stops you from
having that crash and can continue throughout the night,
which is really good. But I didn't want to take a
higher dose of our Vance before I had that because I knew that
the crash was going to be worse the higher up the medication
was, and I didn't want to do it to myself.
You didn't. And also on the higher doses, it
does give me like a bit of anxiety because I'm already
prone to that, that like too much kind of stimulant with them
within my body, like really isn't good.
So yes. And also last but not least, I
went through my Pace, which is an online prescription service
and they link you up with a psychiatrist within quite a
short amount of time. You have a FaceTime with them
and it's about like an hour, an hour and a half assessment.
And they will ask you all the questions that a normal
psychiatrist would ask if they were going to diagnose you with
ADHD. At the end of that session, they
will tell you whether you have or you haven't got it.
And then they send you a report. And then you have to have
another call to discuss whether you want to go on ADHD
medication or not. Obviously, if you don't think
you you want to go on ADHD medication, I wouldn't pay to
have that other call. Just if you're just happy enough
with the diagnosis, that's where it can end, you know, and you've
got the report and it's all good.
So yeah. And then you have to pay again
for a fucking prescription. Like it is expensive but my pace
is the cheapest one that I found so.
It was very speedy. It was a very quick turn around
as. Well, yeah, really good, really
good. Whereas like I've seen like so
for instance, it cost me £400 to have the assessment, 190 lbs for
the the call fucking joke. And then I think 140 lbs for the
prescription and the titration, which is where they will put you
on like a certain amount of days for each medication and they'll
make you fill out a form at the end of every single week.
Which you mean, like, I mean, I know you, Scarlett and I were
having this conversation in the day.
Like, obviously you're in such a fortunate position to be able to
do this, but it's so. In fact, I think it's.
The people who can't afford it and then you end up being on a
waiting list for years and years and years just to get a simple
diagnosis. It's no, it is absolutely
disgusting, needs to change. I think especially because of
how easy it is to diagnose. I think that, you know,
obviously from a trained professional, I think that it's
really damaging to not have that readily available.
It also, you know, if you were to get that simple diagnosis,
you could then take, if you've got a psychologist, you could
then take that to your psychologist and they can amend
the way that they treat you versus a neurotypical person
because it is different, because we all react differently.
It gives you grace. It gives you the ability to be
able to tell people, look, I have ADHD and I don't process
XYZ very well and I know that therefore I'm going to make
changes. So it really is a shame.
And the same goes for I had another thing as well, like,
like I've had all this other treatment like EMDR,
hypnotherapy, like all of these things cost me minimum like 140
lbs a session, which is wild. It's wild.
So it's but, but it's discussing and it shows why the mental
health within our country has gotten so bad.
And they wonder why people end up turning to like, drugs and
alcohol. Drugs and alcohol is so much
cheaper. Yeah, like it really is.
It really is not recommending it, but it is.
And that's what's so wrong is that that's not the way that
this should, this should be Drugs should be a lot more
expensive than therapy one. 100. Percent like it's, it's insane
to me. But yeah, on that note, if if
you can afford it, if not, I think or maybe I should set
something up. Sorry, fair.
And I are talking on the sidelines because we've come up
with a good business idea. Fantastic business idea.
But yeah, moving on from our mental health is expensive chat.
Let's go back to your coming out story.
But we haven't spoken about this on here, have we?
No, very loosely. I don't think I've told the
whole tale and we can do a bit of reveal.
So I came out when I was 17, which I do feel is quite young,
especially because so I, I grew up in Newcastle.
For those who don't know, Newcastle's like north of the
UK, went to an all girls school. I met my first girlfriend at the
time in school in sixth form, which you lot know and we will
say who it is at the end. I'm going to keep people on
their toes here. So I met my girlfriend in
school. We started dating.
I'd come out to anyone. We would, you know, we'd go to
the locker room, make out, go to the business studies classroom.
I. Did not have any of that when I
was at school. I don't think we had sex in the
business studies classroom, but we were like making out under
the tables like after school, which is pretty.
Fun. I would have gone to school if
it was like that. What about?
She turned up. We were literally the only gay
people there at the time. And then people, I think we
started a movement, started a trend.
I think so. So we were together, I think,
for four months. And her family knew, didn't know
she was gay. She hadn't come up.
But they just kind of guessed. And I think her dad was like,
just subtly dropped in, like, oh, your girlfriend, Liv.
And she was like, yeah, Oh, yeah.
Oh wow. God, how easy?
I know, right? Lucky girl.
And then her friends knew. My friends didn't know.
Bear in mind, we're all at the same school.
We're all in the same common room.
They're in the year above when? The wait how old were you?
Because you say school but no one like you could be 10.
Sorry I mean 6 so 64 so 1717 so we were all in the same common
room. They were like 2 booths down
from us every lunchtime and like I'd be texting her like Missy
Chatman CT that all her friends do but all my friends didn't
know. Yeah, good.
It sounds like heart stopper. I was always cringe whenever I
watch heart stopper but then I realized what I was like at that
age and it's just. Cringe.
Yeah, it is cringe. And then I think I got to the
point where I was like, I want people to know, like I'm
comfortable. I really like this.
I'm really happy. I'm content.
Like I want my friends to know. I want my family to know.
Also didn't think my mum would have an issue because my mum has
a lot of gay men friends, gay male friends and you know, you
know, always go to pride was very within the community.
So I was thinking. Two faced bitch stupid.
I just side note, I love my mum like we're great now.
So anything I'm gonna say now? It's all like, yeah.
And by the way, I love her so much.
Yeah. Lisa put that in Scarlett and
Freya. So, like, I love her a lot.
And no, Freya Fancy is my mum. I do, yeah.
She's gorgeous. So I was like, fuck it, I'm
gonna tell her. And she was at my grandma's
house one time. Grandma, my grandma's house.
Grandma. Grandma, sorry I'm a bit
hungover and I just text her and I just sent her this.
Huge paragraph. Have you still got it?
Oh, I beg you. Find it, I beg of you.
How would I find? It I don't know, was it on
iMessage? Yeah, but like this message is
from years ago. Can you say it in like a Geordie
accent? Mom, I'm gay.
I basically text her. I was like hi, I just need to
tell you that me and beep. She's actually me girlfriend and
has been for like 4 or five months now and I just really
wanted to tell you because I love you so much and I just
really want you to know and I hope nothing changes and blah
blah blah blah. And.
I was like scent and I was like shitting myself.
I'm actually like sweating a little bit.
You telling me this? My older brother as well was in
his bedroom, none the wise to anything that was going on.
He didn't he probably fucking yeah, I was gay.
He's not stupid. And I didn't get a reply.
And I was like, oh, and then I kept going on the message and
I'd see like, you know, an iMessage when you see like the
typing thing come up and then it would stop and then it would
happen again. Then it would stop.
I was thinking. Fuck, I'd be out of the house.
I. Was shitting myself all of a
sudden boom door opens and she comes like Thunder and I'm like.
What the fuck? Have I done here?
She went mental. Really.
Oh my God. Like what is in like straight
from the get go, straight through the door she.
Was screaming at me. She was like how can you fucking
do this? You're a disgrace.
Like you're never going to have kids, like you're never going to
get married, all this stuff and was going how could you do this
to me? What the fuck do you think
you're doing? And I was obviously just crying
because I was like what the fuck?
That was like me when my mum was.
She was just screaming at me. You just.
Cry, don't you? Because you don't have.
But what? Can you say what?
What can you say? You just feel so but.
I felt sad because I kept saying I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm like in hindsight I'm like, what am I sorry for?
You're sorry for nothing, but I understand why you said it
because I was the same. And then my older brother
obviously had the arguments. He clearly put two and two
together, came downstairs, he screamed at my mum as well and
was like who the fuck do you think you're talking to?
Like don't it's. Really good that he was there.
Oh yeah, yeah, thank God he was there.
Did he stay then for the rest of the conversation?
Yeah. But like, you know, when like an
argument's kind of happening, like all around the house, like
we just kept moving around. It was like in the kitchen, then
the lounge and I'd go. So what?
Let me give you trauma in every room here.
Yeah. Then I'd go into my room and
then like she'd come in and then like.
I'd go. Into her room and then start
shouting at her because I was like, you're a.
Bitch, because you'd think about it for a second and then you're
like, hold on a fucking minute. Yeah, Did Did your girlfriend
know at the time that all of this was going on?
Like did you message her at the? Time I messaged her because very
much she was meant to come over that night.
Don't, don't come over. So I messaged her be like, I've
just told my mum and she's like OK.
And then I was like, Oh no, it's really not good.
And she was like fuck. And I was kind of texting her,
but I was like, don't come over, abort mission.
Do you feel like she would have? No, no, no, no, no.
I mean, I don't think that that would have been the right.
No, absolutely not. At least I probably would have
lobbed something at her head as soon as she walked in.
Kind of the best and this was just going on all night.
My grandma came round. She didn't.
Like her, though, did she? No, she never liked her.
No, and I don't even think that had to do with you being gay.
I think she just didn't like her.
No. She didn't like her from the get
go. She always had a weird thing
about her. Which made the end of this story
even funnier. Sorry.
Carl yeah, it's hilarious, but I think my mum always knew that
this person was gay. And maybe that's why she's like,
you're grooming my daughter. Because when I first became
friends slash dating her and I stayed at hers for the first
time as friends because we were friends at that point.
I came home in her hoodie and in a normal sense I've said to my
friends so many times and went home in their clothes like in
hoodies jumper. But she just knew.
And she'd never have. She'd never said it but she made
a comment being like why you wearing her hoodie?
Yeah. Because she would have already
have felt suspicious and then that would have like tipped her
over the edge. Yeah.
And I think it's, I think as well like the grooming
narrative, this is used so much by parents being like that
person groomed you and all this kind of stuff.
This isn't you. It's just that person.
It's so dangerous because it's like if grooming, look, grooming
obviously happens in life, but usually from a more influential
older person to a young person and they will manipulate them,
blah blah blah, blah, blah. When you are just typically gay
doesn't mean that you've been groomed to be that way.
No, you. Because if that worked, I mean,
I was in plenty of relationships with men where that could have
seemed like grooming and it didn't make me straight.
So let's just fucking not go there, you know?
But how long did it take her to get over it?
Ages how when I like we're talking.
So what happened was because my mum and dad aren't together, as
you know, and my mum, it was really funny, like the day after
she was like, wait till your fucking dad hears about this,
like he's going to kick off. And I was like, call him.
Then I was like, tell him I don't fucking care, go for it.
I was like, go on. Then she called him.
He Andrew, wait, you hear what I've got to tell you about
Olivia? And he was like, what?
She's like, you just won't believe it.
She's 17. I can't believe she's.
And he thought I was pregnant. Right.
I mean, especially saying she's 17.
I can't believe it. As if you're, like, really
young. Yeah.
Yeah, he, yeah, he, he honestly thought I was pregnant, which is
so funny. And no, actually, Dad, the
opposite. She told my dad and my dad was
like, OK, what's your problem? So that filled her even more.
So that started more argument and it would, it was just
ongoing every day. At the same time that I told my
mum, I also told all my friends, people, all amazing, obviously
definitely had suspicions because they saw me and this
person hanging out all the time. Really random, like all of a
sudden. So probably was like.
That's good that your friends which was good though.
Because then I had they were like a sounding board at the
same time when my mum was. Because they were kind of like
the popular girl group as well, weren't they?
So. They were with the popular.
Girls, yeah, but I feel like you're you're less likely to
kind of get accepted into this with but I feel like when me and
you went to school I think a lot of changed within the five years
that we're we're. Apart my school was very
understanding, like the teachers knew I had a couple.
I had actually a couple issues with some girls at school by
someone who was four years younger than me.
What do you mean? Issue as in like obvious to the
school obviously knew we were gay because like social media
whatnot and we were like the first gay couple in these
private schools in Newcastle everyone was like wow like
that's cool and one time I was getting what we call a Newcastle
the metro, which is like the. Tube, the Tube Metro, he said.
I was getting the metro home after school after sixth form
and I was walking the headphones and this little fucking rat.
I and I hear this agitating, graving voice.
I hate her as I walk by should ha stupid lesbian.
I was like I like my friends and I was like what the fuck.
But This is why my friends were amazing.
They were fuming good. I went straight to my head of
year the next morning, told her she was not having it.
Shout out Miss Harrison. Go on Miss Harrison.
Miss Harrison went straight to. Her head of year, Yeah.
She got suspended straight away. Good.
Yeah, boom. Fucking it.
I bet she's gay now. Oh.
Fuck knows, I've blocked off everything so that you're a
psychopath. Should we?
Oh my God, should we find her? Yeah, we will find her after
this. So yeah, just to have a little
story. So with my mum, this went on for
months. Probably every yeah, I'd say we
had a really, really rocky relationship.
We couldn't. I was.
I've always been close, always been close with my mum, but in
that aspect. Such a shame though that it took
her so long and like such a formative year of your life as
well. Like it is hard, but I mean she
did. She did see the light in the.
Air I think of what I think. I think what helped was after
like a year after I came out, I moved to London for uni.
So it kind of allowed that distance where we went on top of
each other and I could be my own person.
That definitely helps and also your ex.
Which one? The first one, the first one so
lives X is L divine. I don't know if you guys know
this musician, but she then. Wrote so so no, no so.
Do you guys know the song? Daughter Yeah, no, this is what
I was going to say. So she so L divine is lives X
and she wrote the song Daughter about live because of how badly
your mum. Yeah, so if you guys like that
song, just please think of me next time.
I am the daughter. I think it's iconic.
It's such a good song. I hope she's.
Against everything that you taught her, but I'm sorry being
someone. I wonder, I wonder if I should
message her be like, by the way, I've just outed myself as
daughter on the podcast. She's probably be for you, man
You. Should have a top that says I am
daughter. Yeah, when that's really fun.
When that song came up, my mum was.
I mean, I bet she absolutely. Oh my God, she was a.
Raging Banger. And also, it's true.
I mean, she was like, she did react badly.
Like, you can't say much that you like.
Fuck, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's good that she's good
now. And she's, like, super
accepting. She comes here, she asks you
about girls. Like, she loves a group of
friends. Yeah.
Hangs out with me and Scarlett, and she loves Leo.
Yeah. It's just great.
Loves Polly. Never met Polly, but loves
Polly. Yeah.
Weird Polly in my mum probably met Polly, she's just not
talked. I bet you.
Anything. I bet you anything.
What Polly gets up to, we'll never know.
For a normal person, there are 24 hours in the day.
For Polly, there's 48 like. Yeah, how she.
Fits in her skedaddling. She's a she's a she's like it's
a skedaddler, she's a skedaddler.
Like she's everywhere. She's noodling around this city
like it's no one's business. Love a good noodle.
Yeah, noodling around. What that's.
I mean, look, that's fucking tea.
I love that it's such a good song.
And well, she seems to be doing well, so good for her.
I. Think.
I mean, we've got no bad blood. No, exactly.
I love her music. I also like her new album Is
Sick, Sorry. What's that song we like again?
If I don't laugh, I'll cry if I don't.
Laugh, I'll cry about it. And then the push it, push it,
push it, Yeah. And then Scarlett literally
always puts that song on just volume.
Oh, she loves Scarlett. Loves that shit.
Push it. Yeah, I'm a bit annoyed that
Elle Devine didn't invite us to a most recent show.
Actually, I think that's a bit rude.
Knock knock bitch, I want to come to the show.
And last but not least, sidetrack again, Liam Payne.
I cannot believe that he's passed away.
Like, I was never really like a massive One Direction fan.
What's up? Your ear was that.
I mean, they're all my age. So yeah, I think it was all the
younger girls that loved him. Yeah, I was in year 9, but that
first up when they. Started.
So yeah. But I mean, it's still super,
super sad. I mean, let this be another
lesson like it happened with Caroline Flatt before the way
that people because I mean this guy has been bullied online for
so long now, like hilariously attacked for everything that he
did. Don't get me wrong, guys, some
of the videos and stuff and like the dancers and that were
cringed like the way that he would switch up his accent in
interviews and stuff like this. People are like what the hell is
going on? But.
Clearly been suffering for years and we've kind of all been
subconsciously laughing. I think it's so easy online as
well to see someone taking the piss out of someone and there's
one jumping on the trend and it just keeps happening becomes it
becomes a trend basically to bully someone.
It does because they're like, well, this is funny, 'cause I
saw somebody else write it, so somebody else wrote it, so I
find it funny. Now there's there's zilch 0
fucking individuality anymore. No, everything now has to be a
trend and we're literally just creating this fucking factory of
cunts online. And that I just hate when
everyone jumps in the train like oh, like I'm so sad.
It's like, I guarantee you were taking the piss out of them last
week. But.
Also they straight away do a TikTok or or an Instagram post
because they know that they're going to get the likes I
support. You know, you know the, you know
Max Belagde. Yeah.
He posted quite a lot of like tick tocks back in the day or
like maybe the last year, like taking the piss out of Liam
Payne. He took them down straight away
today. Really, shot Cora.
It's just, it's just really sad, I saw.
One thing that I would say, never upload anything that if
you knew that person died you'd have to take down.
Don't be that person. Think before you post it and
think if this person died. But I still keep this video up
and if the answer is no, take it.
The fuck Don't put it up. Don't put it up.
Stop doing this shit because you think it makes you.
Popular. Just the fact he was 31.
He's got a 7 year old son which is now going to have to be told
that his dad's died. With your Cheryl.
My Cheryl will call me local hero.
No, it is. I saw TikTok this morning of
some fans meeting him in Argentina which I literally
think they met him yesterday because in the comments they're
saying he was wearing the same outfit and you can just see in
his eyes like he was. Sad, like, but that's what's so
bad about TMZ or TMZ where I come from.
Fucking disgusting photos of his arm and his stomach.
Yeah, disgusting from him lying on the floor because they were
like, this is definitely Liam because these are his tattoos
and that for me is horrendous. Also, the hotel workers
apparently went straight into the room, took photos, sold it
and. TMZ are scumbags, absolute
scumbags. They're they're always the first
ones to report on a celebrity's death and they always get access
to photos because they'll pay anyone shit amount of money and
people sell it and it's disgusting.
The lowest. Form of journalism.
Ever. It is.
It's not journalism, it's it's exploitism.
Like what is the world coming to?
Literally, what is the world coming to?
I was saying this poor guy, Yeah, I was texting our friend
about it last night and I was like, this just keeps happening
with celebrities more and more. Just keep dying.
Have you noticed? So how people get they, they get
a bit desensitized now, like when a celebrity dies, I mean,
obviously people are shocked, but it's like, I was another
celebrity, of course they're young because they're always
young. And oh, was there drugs
involved? Oh, it's that then.
And it's like, no, it's the way that this industry is.
This guy went into the industry when he was like what, 13?
He. Didn't 1414 he went on X Factor
but. 14 year old he didn't know we had ahead of him when he went
for this. And you're literally just
putting yourself up for public scrutiny for anyone and and
you've got no life experience. And you know, it's fine for the
likes of Harry Styles, who gets fame and can do no wrong.
But if you found yourself down the rabbit hole of someone,
what, just a few people taking a disliking to you and then making
it a trend, yeah, it's really sick.
I also hate how people straight away are like Oh my God like
what are the boys going to say? Like what the rest I'm like why
do you care? Like why are you waiting?
They were like, Oh no. Our One Direction reunion is now
going to be at Liams Funeral. I'm like, why he's bothered.
Like that's not the like, no sick of it.
Why? Why are you waiting for Harry
Styles? A statement on it?
Like what? It's going to be a paragraph and
it's only going to be written by him.
No, it's going to be saying he's sad.
Sending love to the family and friends and his son.
And that he's going to need some time.
At this point, you guarantee you we could probably actually write
it, right? Yeah, I could try all three.
Guests I could write. It all four of them right now.
He's going to say that he was such a beloved member of the
group and that he is so incredibly shocked and
devastated for his family. He's going to, he's going to
appreciate some time at this moment.
To sending his condolences to his friends and family, loved
ones and his son Bear Kiss. He's going to need some time to
process. This It's all going to say that.
They'll all be waiting for Cheryl Cole to say something.
They'll be waiting for Simon Cole to say something.
It's weird. Why do you?
Simon is going to say such a loss to the music industry.
I saw the talent with him in day one.
No, but I think it's just, it's just toxic.
It's toxic as hell. So let this be, you know, a
lesson to anyone who writes messages like that.
I mean, I know you guys are fucking sick.
Like I know none of you will be doing that.
It's sick. All of you are great.
I feel like you're not the types to do it, but there are.
If you see any of your friends doing that, maybe encourage.
You not to and talk about you lot being fucking great.
Last but not least, the event that we held at the cock.
Oh my God, it was it was great. And honestly, it was so vast the
way I was howling at like so many conversations with everyone
and we that was having a conversation with that amazing
woman who was then like you need to talk about ADHD more.
We all want it and I was like, OK, it's coming.
It's. Coming.
I'm sorry, but can we please shout out Tessa?
I mean, so many of you are actually hilarious.
Like I don't think there was one person that I spoke to that
night where I was like, oh God, they're boring.
I mean, like everyone was hilarious.
We felt like, I never know. I never have that thought our
events, but I really was like, I'm fucking pissing myself.
Like you're not hilarious. Racing out some conversations.
I was, I was crying. Yeah, Tessa.
Tessa is hilarious. Tessa shout to you because I was
talking to someone and I saw Freya and Tessa chatting away
giggling. I thought I need getting on this
conversation and you are so funny and I can't wait to see
it. Breath of fresh air.
She lives in the Netherlands. Book your flights.
Book your fucking flight now bitch.
And that on. I'll give you a free ticket if
you book your. Flight.
On that note, I do hope everyone has got on a ticket for the
event next week. Oh.
Yes, so we have our lesbian Halloween night on the 26th.
We're also going to have a karaoke machine, which I'm is
breaking news right here because I haven't told anyone this
right? Breaking news.
Mic Drop. Manager Liv will be manning the
karaoke stand. So.
I'm so excited the way no one's going to get a turn me next it's
going to be. Freya on the mic the whole time,
so. Basically just my own concert.
And also we've said to everyone to dress up as your lesbian
icon, dead or alive. So yeah, super exciting to.
Be honest, I'm slightly annoyed about it because Scarlett put a
poll on the story and 26% of you said that you're not dressing up
and I'm. Sorry.
There's going to be a punishment, that's all I'm
saying there. Is a punishment.
It's a punishment if you don't come dressed up.
And I'm going to ask, I met someone last night who is
coming. She told me she's coming in.
Ellen DeGeneres fucking. She better follow through I.
Will message. Her I hope that she comes in
like dancing right on that note guys we hope to see you there
the link will be in the bio and we love you and we will speak to
you soon bye bye goes against everything that you.
Told Fuck's sake, I'm sorry. Miss I'm in love with Olivia and
kids. Yeah, so she actually said it.
What about kids? I hope you have 4, that's what
she said. That's yeah.
Well, yes, if anyone selling tickets to Charlie XCX to show
in London, please send me a message because I need to go.
Thank you. Art imitates life.
Final word, bye. Bye bye.