1 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:14,400 Hello, lesbians. I'm actually telling Liv off at 2 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:17,040 the moment because as soon as I've decided to record, she's 3 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:20,040 like, here we go, let's have a fucking packet of what's it? 4 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:23,960 And then I've also got myself a really large can of Coke, which 5 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:26,320 I've just noticed on the floor. It's Diet Coke. 6 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:28,760 When I say the ginger loud, I mean loud. 7 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:32,119 Like I know how loud they are. Yeah, ginger shots. 8 00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:34,040 Great. Well, they're just loud, aren't 9 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:35,440 they? Look, you're not going to be 10 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:41,880 able to open annoying, listen to that annoying take a sip. 11 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:48,000 I hate that Delicious. I hated that anyway. 12 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:52,560 Anyway, I'm starting to get onto the Diet Coke hype. 13 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:55,400 I do get it, although I don't know if like this is the same 14 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:56,920 with anyone else. Like it always makes me feel 15 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,920 really weird afterwards. I thought you were going to say 16 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:03,360 something else. What Gassy? 17 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,480 Well, yeah, it does. It makes you burp so much. 18 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:11,040 But also like I don't know I'll drink it and I don't think it's 19 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,360 the caffeine because I can drink caffeinate to stuff and not feel 20 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:14,760 this way. Probably doesn't have. 21 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:16,960 That's why someone told me there's no caffeine in that. 22 00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:18,520 Yeah, that was cushion. He was lying. 23 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:20,680 There's so much in there. There's more caffeine in that 24 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,600 than a coffee it. Doesn't give me heart 25 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:24,920 palpitations like a coffee would. 26 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,840 No, I don't understand why, but anyway it makes me feel really 27 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,800 funny, like it makes me feel like really like sugar lowy like 28 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,080 if I have it and then I need to like eat. 29 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:36,360 Why are you drinking it? I don't know, because I really 30 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,920 enjoy it. This is the story of my life. 31 00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:41,200 I just enjoy something, so I do it, even though it hurts me. 32 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,920 Like me in that fucking Indian last night. 33 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:46,680 Oh my God. I've been in a bad way, guys. 34 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,880 Bad way. Freya has been we've all been 35 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:51,520 craving Indian food at the minute. 36 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:55,080 And then Scarlett and I like, OK, great, let's get it. 37 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:58,640 But then the day after phrase like, Oh, my tummy, my belly, 38 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,920 OK, well maybe don't have it again. 39 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:05,000 Then last night. But I saw her out and she was 40 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,880 like, I'm ordering a Curry. And I was like, why? 41 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:10,000 To be fair I didn't order a Curry though because like I'm 42 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,400 not toast intolerant so I would understand like a Curry would 43 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,000 set me off but. Still had a saga Lou and doll 44 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:16,720 that's quite intense for a tummy. 45 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,960 Talk about talk about my behaviour today. 46 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:27,000 ADHD Now So many of you have asked me to discuss ADHD. 47 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,400 By the way, Scarlett is in Manchester right now. 48 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,360 Oh. Yeah, that's why. 49 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:35,160 Manager is on the mic with me because I this is what I mean, 50 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,320 there is no structure within my brain like I would have happily 51 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,320 have said that right at the end, whereas it's something that I 52 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:45,680 should say at the beginning. Anyway, I has spoken about it on 53 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:49,160 one of our subscribed episodes about ADHD, but a few people 54 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:52,200 have messaged me and I really want you to talk more now that 55 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:55,520 you have been diagnosed, now that you are still trying to try 56 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,240 out your treatment, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. 57 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:01,920 Now there's so many things, but I want to say first before I go 58 00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:05,880 any further, that if you are considering the fact that you 59 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,520 might have ADHD or you have just been diagnosed or you're kind of 60 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,160 like going through the journey, figuring out whether you want to 61 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,920 take medication or not. There is not a 62 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:17,680 one-size-fits-all. Like my experience is going to 63 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:22,600 be so different to yours. And also stop punishing 64 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:24,280 yourself. I think that that's the one 65 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:28,320 thing that is good about getting the diagnosis is that you're 66 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:32,280 suddenly validated and you're like OK, I always knew that my 67 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:35,240 brain marked a different way. I knew I wasn't XYZ. 68 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:41,040 It is just this kind of way. But that being said, they say 69 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,440 that people with ADHD suffer from rejection sensitivity 70 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:48,480 dysphoria and I'd be interested to know if it's part of the 71 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:53,720 neurodivergency or if it's due to learned behaviour that you're 72 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:57,760 more likely to be rejected as an ADHD person, therefore you're 73 00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:59,360 going to be more sensitive to it. 74 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:03,240 So I would say I've been fired from more jobs. 75 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,440 Sorry, I was going. To say my mum's got the exact 76 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:08,080 same thing, Yeah, she's got ADHD but then also has that. 77 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:12,200 Rejection sensitivity dysphoria Rejection sensitivity dysphoria 78 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:16,079 RSD so I. It'd be interesting to see the 79 00:04:16,079 --> 00:04:17,920 link. I I don't, yeah. 80 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:21,959 So I don't know whether I was born that way or whether it's 81 00:04:21,959 --> 00:04:27,200 because Born This Way. I I don't know if I was born 82 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:32,400 that way or I have been rejected so many times due to my ADHD. 83 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,960 So I've continuously been told off my whole life. 84 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:40,480 I've always been told that I'm not the same as everybody else, 85 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:44,400 that why can't you just do this like everyone else, all that 86 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,680 kind of thing, always. Getting like compared to other 87 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,480 people. Always Oh my God what is it with 88 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:53,520 parents comparing you? Oh the people stupid love my mum 89 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,800 but like oh mate I love my mum too. 90 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:59,320 Annoying, annoying. My my mum would always compare 91 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:02,160 me to this one family that lived in our village. 92 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:04,240 It was like they weren't doing that. 93 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:08,080 And it's like they're boring. Like, I don't know what to tell 94 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:09,800 you. They are so boring. 95 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,920 Just like you never hear Brenda's kids screaming it. 96 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,160 So I was like, yes, because they, they're weird. 97 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:18,160 Like what kid doesn't play up? I never hear a peep. 98 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,600 I never heard a peep. A peep, not a peep. 99 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:22,920 Not a whistle from those children next door. 100 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:26,120 Never drop, no pen, not yeah, literally I never heard 101 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,880 anything. And I find that bizarre. 102 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:29,160 That is weird. Yeah. 103 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,480 And they couldn't even look you in the eye like something. 104 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:32,840 I don't know. I don't trust it anyway. 105 00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:35,240 Anyway, side tracking, side tracking. 106 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:37,320 Yeah, so I've been rejected in that way. 107 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:40,320 I've been fired for more jobs than the average person. 108 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:47,640 I'm also just like, because I wasn't able to commit, it was 109 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,200 boring, so I didn't want to do it. 110 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,840 What else? Oh, I've also obviously, like, 111 00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:57,600 maybe I don't know, I, I, I think that people who have ADHD 112 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,040 are always told that they're too much. 113 00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:03,440 Yeah, fuck that, honestly. Especially when you're younger 114 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:06,640 you're always deemed as like the hyper out of control kid. 115 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,000 You just can't relax. Ever. 116 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:13,240 I think that's more for boys. I think with girls it's more so. 117 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,320 Bit naughty? Don't get no don't get me wrong 118 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:19,560 like I was, I was hyperactive at some points. 119 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:23,760 I'm sorry you're hyperactive, not there's no way as a kid you 120 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:27,320 were not hyperactive. I see the way you hyperfixate on 121 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:31,080 cleaning sometimes and that is. Quick yeah, well, I'd even get 122 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:34,680 told off for that as a kid. My mum would be like, you just 123 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:37,920 want to control everything and you're cleaning the kitchen. 124 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:39,480 That's. A separate issue to do I. 125 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:43,360 Think that's insane? If my child started cleaning the 126 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:44,760 kitchen, I'll be fucking crack on. 127 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,840 Keep going. I'd be like and that room and 128 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,920 that room and that room. You've actually missed a spot. 129 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,760 You're back. Oh, someone cleaned in here. 130 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:55,000 Doesn't look like it. Yeah, I I don't know. 131 00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:57,440 What was I saying? Oh fucking hell. 132 00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:59,760 So guys, this is actually the worst because I'm trying to do 133 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:02,160 this episode whilst I'm. I'm medicated right now because 134 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,240 they're taking forever to send my next prescription. 135 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:08,000 So. You can also so phrase. 136 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,560 So you've been on your medication since August and this 137 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,880 is the first time you've had? No, I haven't been on it since 138 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,720 August but I got diagnosed in August. 139 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:17,800 But you've had a month's worth, OK. 140 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,520 I've had a month's worth, so September I. 141 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:23,640 Was on so in September for I got the medication and you've now 142 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:26,720 been off it for a week because there's obviously been a delay 143 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:30,920 in the medication coming and you can really tell the difference. 144 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:32,680 No help me. Not in a bad way like. 145 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,120 Help me, Lord. Like you can see like it's 146 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,880 almost like I can see how your brains working and like ticking 147 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:41,080 constantly, even like when we're walking around or even like now 148 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,680 I know you're thinking about a million more things. 149 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,280 But then as soon as you take that tablet on the morning, it's 150 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:48,720 kind of like it all just disappears and you're more like. 151 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,200 Centered. Mellow, not stoned, but like, 152 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:53,920 you know what I mean? Well, yeah. 153 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:56,240 And you know what's funny? It's a really telling sign that 154 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,360 you definitely do have ADHD when you take the medication and it 155 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:02,680 makes you mellow because people who don't have ADHD and take it 156 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,000 because I'm on, I've been prescribed Alvance. 157 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,960 If you don't have ADHD and you take that, it's literally like 158 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,000 you're on crack cocaine. Well it's like why people take 159 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,640 Adderall. Yeah, to like, whereas for me it 160 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,880 just makes me like, not like hello. 161 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:20,640 And I, yeah, I've definitely noticed my ADHD more now that 162 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:23,080 I've been off the pills after being up because I was like, are 163 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:25,520 they even working? And now I'm like, they fucking 164 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,880 work. They fucking are working. 165 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:31,480 I keep saying defray every day. Where's your prescription? 166 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,919 When's it coming? But it does. 167 00:08:33,919 --> 00:08:36,919 It does drive me insane and I think obviously we all have 168 00:08:36,919 --> 00:08:41,640 different variants of ADHD. We're all on a spectrum. 169 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:45,640 Some people have it mixed with autism because it's all part of 170 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:49,480 this neurodivergent family. I think I'll probably have like 171 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:51,520 a smidgen of autism like the rest of us. 172 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:53,880 But I was actually speaking to a psychiatrist about this the 173 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:57,120 other day and she was like, you could look into any symptoms for 174 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,480 anything. And you could be like, I've got 175 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:02,440 that because we've all got little bits. 176 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:06,400 But it's whether that thing is really impacting you and if it's 177 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:08,760 quite a large presence within your brain. 178 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:14,480 Like I feel with the ADHD, it does start to get to the point 179 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:18,400 where it, it really wears me out because I'm continuously 180 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,320 thinking of so many different things. 181 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:24,760 I just want to be able to like focus on one thing without 182 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:28,200 thinking of everything else in my life and then getting 183 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:31,200 severely overwhelmed. And then I'm like, I need a 184 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,360 decompression nap. Like I literally will say to 185 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:35,320 anyone, like I need a decompression nap. 186 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:38,800 I'm going into the other room. Or like today I know that I'm 187 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:44,960 seeing my friend for a tattoo at 5:00 and it's in Shoreditch and 188 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:46,040 what's the time now? It's like. 189 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:48,960 Almost 1:50. Right, all I've been thinking 190 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,720 about all day. Is how you need to go. 191 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:54,600 Yeah, and I feel paralyzed, even to the point where I wasn't even 192 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:58,840 going to record this episode and I've got hours until I'm going 193 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,800 and no other plans. No, but I was like, well, I 194 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,360 can't possibly record the episode because I'm going to 195 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:08,600 Shoreditch from five hours. It just doesn't make any sense. 196 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:13,000 So I think that that's when I was like, OK, I want to be able 197 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,960 to make a difference with this. And I think as well that it that 198 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:19,440 it has been a contributor, like a big contributor to my anxiety 199 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:22,840 over the years, where psychologists would diagnose me 200 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:25,680 with anxiety. I'm not saying I don't have 201 00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:29,120 anxiety, but I'm saying my life could have been so much easier 202 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:33,440 had they had told me or diagnosed me with ADHD when I 203 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,600 was a kid. And when I told my mom, she was 204 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,720 like, Oh well, I did get you tested and they said that you 205 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:42,360 were borderline Jilly. Cheers mum. 206 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,440 Fuck, does your mum listen to this? 207 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,880 I hope not. Hey, Jilly. 208 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:53,080 No, I love my mum, but fuck me. And I just. 209 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,400 I think that. Yeah, had that. 210 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:56,440 I've been pushed when I was younger. 211 00:10:56,440 --> 00:11:01,320 I feel like I've lived my life on such a difficult mode that I 212 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:03,480 it really would have made a big difference for me. 213 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,280 It would have made studying easier for me. 214 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:08,880 I've never, I don't know if this rings a bell to anyone, never 215 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:12,760 revised a day in my life. Homework I always used to do on 216 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,080 the bus on the way to school because there was no fucking way 217 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,360 I was going to like, spend my time doing that. 218 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,560 I hated homework. I think homework is a scam. 219 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:25,320 I also think it's just stupid, like you spend the whole day in 220 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,400 school and what you're meant to go home and do more. 221 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,000 Well, the school day is already too long. 222 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:32,880 Yeah, far too long. Like what, 9 until like 334? 223 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,800 Like that's a long day from. I didn't leave school till 4. 224 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:37,960 That's a joke. Pathetic. 225 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,280 Give them a life. It's the only time in your life 226 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,680 when you don't have responsibilities. 227 00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:43,840 Give them a fucking life. And I don't remember a thing 228 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:48,160 from school well. None of it is relevant to what I 229 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,760 do now in my working life. Well, they didn't have a fucking 230 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:54,320 podcast room, that's for sure. Oh. 231 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:56,440 No, they didn't have a class of talent management, I'll tell 232 00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:56,920 you. That for free? 233 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,600 No, but I, I tell you what they did, it did teach me how to talk 234 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,320 a load of shit because let's get through that day somehow. 235 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:06,640 Keep me on the tracks. I should have written notes. 236 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,640 I should have written notes, but I didn't write notes. 237 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,000 This is all going to come from the heart. 238 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,720 If you have been diagnosed, that's my first thing to say is 239 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:17,240 you're not wrong, it's just that your brain just works 240 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,080 differently. Give yourself a bit of grace, 241 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,320 stop punishing yourself. You're not annoying and you're 242 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,360 not too much. We can be annoying, everyone can 243 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:28,280 be fucking annoying, but it doesn't mean that you're an 244 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,920 annoying person because you have it. 245 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:34,000 More so than that, if you're now going to the point where you are 246 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,040 getting diagnosed or you have been diagnosed, think about the 247 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:41,480 ways in which you want this to benefit you as well and use your 248 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:45,040 ADHD as a strength and find the areas where you may be want to 249 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,760 tackle to make your life a lot easier. 250 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,840 And where the medication is a part of that is completely up to 251 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:52,720 you. I personally went down the 252 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:59,800 medication route because I find it really hard to even focus on 253 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:03,160 getting that solution without it, and I wanted to just see 254 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:10,400 what it felt like to feel this calming energy and be able to 255 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:15,240 focus on things that really matter and to stop winding 256 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,200 myself up because I wind myself up a lot with it. 257 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:21,600 That's the thing that gets to me the most. 258 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:26,760 And then you start to hyperfixate on yourself and you 259 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,480 start to think all these things and it can be really damaging. 260 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:33,360 There is also a weird link which I'd like to look into, which is 261 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,280 neurodivergency and queer people. 262 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,240 Yeah, I was just going to say this. 263 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,520 It's very prominent. It is. 264 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:43,680 But why? But why? 265 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:48,880 So before I look it up, not yet. OK, so before you Google and you 266 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,880 talk, I'm going to try and think of why this is. 267 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:56,240 One thing could be that our brains aren't structured in the 268 00:13:56,240 --> 00:14:03,440 neurotypical way, so we are more likely to maybe discover more 269 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:06,800 about ourselves. Maybe be the types to think a 270 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:11,840 bit more about our sexuality, more so maybe than a 271 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:16,600 neurotypical person would. I also think that it can be 272 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:22,480 damaging when you have ADHD and you're trying to figure out your 273 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:29,560 sexuality because we are so used to gaslighting ourselves and not 274 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:33,480 trusting our gut anymore because we feel like our brains are too 275 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:37,480 erratic that we're thinking, is this really who I am? 276 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:40,040 Or have I just hyper fixated on it too much? 277 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:44,280 And, and now I think I am, which by the way, guys, I really don't 278 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,520 think that you can do that with your sexuality. 279 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:47,840 Like I really, really don't think so. 280 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:51,320 So what's the answer? So what's, So what is the 281 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:55,000 answer, Liv? Because I just gave my educated. 282 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:59,360 Your educated guess. I'll just, I'm going to read the 283 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:02,240 points on this article. So the recent research from the 284 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:05,960 University of Cambridge found that people with ADHD are 8 more 285 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:10,520 times likely to identify as LGBTQ plus and the brain Charity 286 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:12,840 reports that in the wider New York divergent communities 287 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:18,160 significantly. Actually, I'm not going to say 288 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,440 that. It says people exploring their 289 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:23,680 sexuality or gender can also be more open to discover to 290 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,880 discovering other parts of themselves, such as 291 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:29,240 neurodivergence. This can lead to more diagnosis. 292 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:31,800 Of oh wait, so maybe it's the opposite way round to what I 293 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,200 said to be. Honest, I wasn't listening to 294 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:35,400 you because I was Googling. OK. 295 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:36,160 Sorry. Carry on. 296 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,640 Says LGBTQ plus individuals often face stress and 297 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,840 discrimination due to their identities, which could lead to 298 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,800 a trigger or intensify neurodivergent traits. 299 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,920 So I think because you're quite open in yourself anyway, because 300 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,000 you're open to the idea of like, you know, you're queer. 301 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:58,200 So then maybe you are more open to the fact of like, oh, I could 302 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:00,560 have this. Interesting. 303 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:04,600 So I said when you went this thing you said the other way 304 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:05,640 round. I said the other way round. 305 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,400 So I thought that I'm going to. Keep breathing. 306 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,880 That because you've got a neurodivergence and you might be 307 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:14,840 a bit more likely to look more into other parts of yourself. 308 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,200 So it's kind of like the same thing really, but the other way 309 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:21,840 round. But maybe is it, is it that the 310 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:25,680 fact that there's actually a link between genuinely more 311 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,200 neurodivergent people being queer? 312 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:31,720 Or is it just the fact that you're more likely to get it 313 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:35,480 diagnosed? So another says some research 314 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:39,240 studies found that people with ADHD are more likely to be non 315 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,880 heterosexual. For example, one study found 316 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:44,600 that people with ADHD were more likely to report previous 317 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:47,640 homosexual experiences than neurotypical people. 318 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,800 See now I think that this is more of a problem on the 319 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,760 reporting than it is on the genuine facts. 320 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:59,400 Yes, it also. Says ADHD can cause 321 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:03,040 hypersexuality, which can which is when a person's sex drive is 322 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,640 unusually low. Sex drive is unusually low. 323 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,200 Yeah, fuck me, I don't have it then. 324 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:12,640 Oh, interesting. Yeah, very. 325 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:16,599 Yeah. You just think about it too much 326 00:17:16,599 --> 00:17:18,280 and then you're like, well, I've already thought about it now, so 327 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,680 don't you have it? I've spent the whole day 328 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,599 thinking about sex and I don't. There's a 30. 329 00:17:22,599 --> 00:17:25,240 Percent overlap between Neo Diversity and members of the 330 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:30,040 LGBTQ plus LGBTQ plus community. Spit out. 331 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:38,280 Yeah, okay, look, I think everything, everything that's to 332 00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,680 do with research can be, well, this type of research can be 333 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:43,520 taken with a pinch of salt because there really hasn't been 334 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:47,120 much research within neurodivergency and within 335 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,160 homosexuality. Maybe we should do our own 336 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:50,280 study. I'll do my own study. 337 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:54,560 I do it myself. I don't know. 338 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,760 But yeah, I think, I think it's like a mixture of the two. 339 00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,120 It's like you might be more open. 340 00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:01,560 If you are gays, then you're more likely to discover that 341 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:02,040 about. Yourself. 342 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:05,160 I feel like that makes sense. Also the fact that ADHD can 343 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:08,680 actually be triggered by trauma, which is what they said there 344 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,400 too. I think that there is something 345 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:13,160 within that, that you're more likely to suffer from trauma if 346 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:18,800 you're a gay person. Yeah so but isn't it interesting 347 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:22,120 that trauma can trigger a neurodivergency? 348 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,600 Because ADHD isn't a mental illness? 349 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:29,240 The fact that it can quite literally change the the, the 350 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:33,440 brain waves like change the pattern within your brain, your 351 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,640 cognitive function. It's called executive 352 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:40,560 dysfunction, which is the fucking layman's terms for you. 353 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:42,440 Seem lazy and shit at everything. 354 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:45,720 Layman's terms? I don't even know if that was 355 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,200 right. Layman's terms. 356 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,040 But yeah, there. But the executive dysfunction is 357 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:54,320 what really gets me. And it's when you think of so 358 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,920 many things that you need to do to the point where you then can 359 00:18:56,920 --> 00:19:01,080 no longer do it. And that little task that should 360 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:06,320 have taken you 5 minutes, it's now been two months and it's 361 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,240 crippling you every single day that you think about. 362 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,680 So do you think people with ADHD, when they like select, 363 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,960 receive some news that's like unexpected? 364 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,600 Do you think that really throws them? 365 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:19,600 Oh my, are you joking? So this can segue on to the next 366 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,040 thing that we're actually I don't. 367 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,360 Know if you. I was terrified that you were 368 00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:25,640 going to tell me something that I don't You're pregnant, like 369 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:26,760 you said about me. Yeah, you're. 370 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:31,000 Seven months pregnant. No, no, just because. 371 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,080 We spoke about this last time when we were talking about doing 372 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:36,640 the podcast, but this could be quite a nice link when I came 373 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:41,800 out, obviously my mum. Was horrendous and that's 374 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:43,040 probably why she didn't deal with it. 375 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:45,240 Very well. And do you think, well probably 376 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:48,160 that, but do you think it's that's a contributing factor? 377 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:52,120 I do actually. Because now the honestly, the 378 00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:53,280 penny just dropped when I thought about. 379 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:57,480 That I do because right? And then I will tell my story. 380 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:01,760 There is a reason why and and this is coming from my 381 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:07,480 experience if you. You have ADHD, you find solace 382 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:11,520 within your routine, within the things that are the norm to you. 383 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:16,720 And because you can react so largely to certain things, 384 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:21,120 because maybe that routine is disturbed, you are so terrified 385 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:24,640 that it's going to throw you off your your course of your 386 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:29,040 trajectory because you put so much of your safety and your 387 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:33,920 sanity within that trajectory. So you coming out to your mum, 388 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,840 you know, I'm not saying that this is like wholly an excuse, 389 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:39,160 but she probably was like, hold on a fucking minute. 390 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,360 I didn't know that this was what was going on. 391 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:45,000 And that's now freaked me the fuck out because everything that 392 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,240 I had in my brain now feels like a lie. 393 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:51,280 And everything that I was thinking of for you and your 394 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,120 future. I thought your future was. 395 00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:57,240 Changing like, and that to me, I feel like it's changing my life 396 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:58,440 even though it's not. Do you know what I mean? 397 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,480 Yeah, she probably was like, you know. 398 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,480 And what a light bulb moment. A light bulb messenger. 399 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:07,000 Now shall we be like Lisa? Do you think you were so mean to 400 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,560 me because of your aliens? Yeah. 401 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,320 Do you know what, Olivia? I think that's what it is. 402 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:13,840 I didn't mean to see all that horrible stuff. 403 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:15,320 It was just me. ADHD. 404 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:19,440 Shut up, Lisa. Really quickly before we go on 405 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,280 to that story, just to finish off the ADHD thing because you 406 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,120 guys wanted me to talk about the medication a bit more 407 00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:27,080 specifically. So I have had my first month 408 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:30,240 already on the Elvance and I started on 20 milligrams. 409 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:34,560 I then went up to 30 milligrams and it started to make me feel a 410 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:38,000 little bit weird later on in the day. 411 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:41,600 So around like 3-4 if I'd like to take it in the morning and it 412 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:44,200 would also, you know, that weird sugar low feeling I was saying 413 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:45,880 about the Diet Coke, I would get that. 414 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,720 Another thing, it suppresses your appetite massively. 415 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,760 So since I haven't been on it for like a week, I've like 416 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,160 gained all the weight back that I've lost, which really sucks. 417 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:58,040 But yet you literally cannot. Like it's like Ozempic for 418 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:00,040 neurodivergent people. It's crazy. 419 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,360 And I'm not saying that I would recommend that, but for me, I 420 00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,400 was like, because people are like, you should have your 421 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,480 breakfast before you take it because you're not going to be 422 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,760 hungry. And I'm like, fantastic, I will 423 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,240 not eat my breakfast. Goodbye. 424 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:15,400 And that is just because I I am the way that I am. 425 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:16,960 So yeah. So it's suppressed your 426 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,840 appetite. Some people can't sleep on it. 427 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:20,640 I never really had a problem with that, but I think it's 428 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:22,120 because I wasn't on a very high dose. 429 00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:23,720 I. Don't give anything you've slept 430 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,680 better. What in the evening? 431 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:29,080 Yeah. Like you normally would be awake 432 00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:33,120 till like 12:31 and then I'm cutting out by cutting out by 433 00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:35,960 11. So because the crash is worse on 434 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:40,040 the higher dose from the 20 milligrams, I have now requested 435 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:43,840 these booster pills that you can take around that crash time, 436 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:46,440 which is like a very, it's a little bit different to our 437 00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:50,200 Vance, but it's like 5 milligrams and it stops you from 438 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:52,880 having that crash and can continue throughout the night, 439 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,200 which is really good. But I didn't want to take a 440 00:22:55,200 --> 00:23:00,960 higher dose of our Vance before I had that because I knew that 441 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:02,960 the crash was going to be worse the higher up the medication 442 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:04,640 was, and I didn't want to do it to myself. 443 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:07,920 You didn't. And also on the higher doses, it 444 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,920 does give me like a bit of anxiety because I'm already 445 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:15,080 prone to that, that like too much kind of stimulant with them 446 00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,000 within my body, like really isn't good. 447 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:21,320 So yes. And also last but not least, I 448 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:25,800 went through my Pace, which is an online prescription service 449 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:29,160 and they link you up with a psychiatrist within quite a 450 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:32,880 short amount of time. You have a FaceTime with them 451 00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:36,080 and it's about like an hour, an hour and a half assessment. 452 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,600 And they will ask you all the questions that a normal 453 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,200 psychiatrist would ask if they were going to diagnose you with 454 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,000 ADHD. At the end of that session, they 455 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:44,960 will tell you whether you have or you haven't got it. 456 00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,840 And then they send you a report. And then you have to have 457 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,280 another call to discuss whether you want to go on ADHD 458 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:54,720 medication or not. Obviously, if you don't think 459 00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:57,760 you you want to go on ADHD medication, I wouldn't pay to 460 00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:59,760 have that other call. Just if you're just happy enough 461 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,920 with the diagnosis, that's where it can end, you know, and you've 462 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:03,920 got the report and it's all good. 463 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,120 So yeah. And then you have to pay again 464 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:09,520 for a fucking prescription. Like it is expensive but my pace 465 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:11,880 is the cheapest one that I found so. 466 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,200 It was very speedy. It was a very quick turn around 467 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:15,920 as. Well, yeah, really good, really 468 00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,720 good. Whereas like I've seen like so 469 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:25,600 for instance, it cost me £400 to have the assessment, 190 lbs for 470 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:31,640 the the call fucking joke. And then I think 140 lbs for the 471 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:35,040 prescription and the titration, which is where they will put you 472 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:38,920 on like a certain amount of days for each medication and they'll 473 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,120 make you fill out a form at the end of every single week. 474 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:44,200 Which you mean, like, I mean, I know you, Scarlett and I were 475 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:45,360 having this conversation in the day. 476 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:48,520 Like, obviously you're in such a fortunate position to be able to 477 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:50,920 do this, but it's so. In fact, I think it's. 478 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,200 The people who can't afford it and then you end up being on a 479 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,680 waiting list for years and years and years just to get a simple 480 00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:59,360 diagnosis. It's no, it is absolutely 481 00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:01,920 disgusting, needs to change. I think especially because of 482 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:05,640 how easy it is to diagnose. I think that, you know, 483 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,480 obviously from a trained professional, I think that it's 484 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,480 really damaging to not have that readily available. 485 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,440 It also, you know, if you were to get that simple diagnosis, 486 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:16,480 you could then take, if you've got a psychologist, you could 487 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,400 then take that to your psychologist and they can amend 488 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,040 the way that they treat you versus a neurotypical person 489 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:24,760 because it is different, because we all react differently. 490 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:27,240 It gives you grace. It gives you the ability to be 491 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:30,880 able to tell people, look, I have ADHD and I don't process 492 00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:34,840 XYZ very well and I know that therefore I'm going to make 493 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:38,080 changes. So it really is a shame. 494 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:41,680 And the same goes for I had another thing as well, like, 495 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,200 like I've had all this other treatment like EMDR, 496 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,720 hypnotherapy, like all of these things cost me minimum like 140 497 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:50,600 lbs a session, which is wild. It's wild. 498 00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:55,960 So it's but, but it's discussing and it shows why the mental 499 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,640 health within our country has gotten so bad. 500 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,400 And they wonder why people end up turning to like, drugs and 501 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:02,920 alcohol. Drugs and alcohol is so much 502 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:04,760 cheaper. Yeah, like it really is. 503 00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:07,240 It really is not recommending it, but it is. 504 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:10,040 And that's what's so wrong is that that's not the way that 505 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,040 this should, this should be Drugs should be a lot more 506 00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:15,920 expensive than therapy one. 100. Percent like it's, it's insane 507 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:17,920 to me. But yeah, on that note, if if 508 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:22,360 you can afford it, if not, I think or maybe I should set 509 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:24,800 something up. Sorry, fair. 510 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,520 And I are talking on the sidelines because we've come up 511 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,480 with a good business idea. Fantastic business idea. 512 00:26:30,360 --> 00:26:35,560 But yeah, moving on from our mental health is expensive chat. 513 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:39,040 Let's go back to your coming out story. 514 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:42,880 But we haven't spoken about this on here, have we? 515 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:45,040 No, very loosely. I don't think I've told the 516 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,720 whole tale and we can do a bit of reveal. 517 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:58,080 So I came out when I was 17, which I do feel is quite young, 518 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:02,240 especially because so I, I grew up in Newcastle. 519 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:04,920 For those who don't know, Newcastle's like north of the 520 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:10,280 UK, went to an all girls school. I met my first girlfriend at the 521 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:14,720 time in school in sixth form, which you lot know and we will 522 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,160 say who it is at the end. I'm going to keep people on 523 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:20,160 their toes here. So I met my girlfriend in 524 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,040 school. We started dating. 525 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:27,920 I'd come out to anyone. We would, you know, we'd go to 526 00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:31,760 the locker room, make out, go to the business studies classroom. 527 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:32,960 I. Did not have any of that when I 528 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:34,960 was at school. I don't think we had sex in the 529 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,200 business studies classroom, but we were like making out under 530 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,560 the tables like after school, which is pretty. 531 00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:41,320 Fun. I would have gone to school if 532 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:44,600 it was like that. What about? 533 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,040 She turned up. We were literally the only gay 534 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:49,680 people there at the time. And then people, I think we 535 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:51,720 started a movement, started a trend. 536 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:54,480 I think so. So we were together, I think, 537 00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:57,920 for four months. And her family knew, didn't know 538 00:27:57,920 --> 00:27:59,400 she was gay. She hadn't come up. 539 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,040 But they just kind of guessed. And I think her dad was like, 540 00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:05,600 just subtly dropped in, like, oh, your girlfriend, Liv. 541 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,240 And she was like, yeah, Oh, yeah. 542 00:28:07,360 --> 00:28:08,880 Oh wow. God, how easy? 543 00:28:09,360 --> 00:28:10,880 I know, right? Lucky girl. 544 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:14,840 And then her friends knew. My friends didn't know. 545 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:16,160 Bear in mind, we're all at the same school. 546 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:17,840 We're all in the same common room. 547 00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:20,360 They're in the year above when? The wait how old were you? 548 00:28:20,360 --> 00:28:22,480 Because you say school but no one like you could be 10. 549 00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:28,040 Sorry I mean 6 so 64 so 1717 so we were all in the same common 550 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:29,600 room. They were like 2 booths down 551 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:33,960 from us every lunchtime and like I'd be texting her like Missy 552 00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:37,520 Chatman CT that all her friends do but all my friends didn't 553 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:39,840 know. Yeah, good. 554 00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:43,240 It sounds like heart stopper. I was always cringe whenever I 555 00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:46,600 watch heart stopper but then I realized what I was like at that 556 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,400 age and it's just. Cringe. 557 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,280 Yeah, it is cringe. And then I think I got to the 558 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:54,720 point where I was like, I want people to know, like I'm 559 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,400 comfortable. I really like this. 560 00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:57,840 I'm really happy. I'm content. 561 00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,800 Like I want my friends to know. I want my family to know. 562 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:04,280 Also didn't think my mum would have an issue because my mum has 563 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:13,440 a lot of gay men friends, gay male friends and you know, you 564 00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:16,920 know, always go to pride was very within the community. 565 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:20,240 So I was thinking. Two faced bitch stupid. 566 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:23,960 I just side note, I love my mum like we're great now. 567 00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,080 So anything I'm gonna say now? It's all like, yeah. 568 00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:27,960 And by the way, I love her so much. 569 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:29,680 Yeah. Lisa put that in Scarlett and 570 00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:31,280 Freya. So, like, I love her a lot. 571 00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:33,520 And no, Freya Fancy is my mum. I do, yeah. 572 00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,040 She's gorgeous. So I was like, fuck it, I'm 573 00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,240 gonna tell her. And she was at my grandma's 574 00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:41,680 house one time. Grandma, my grandma's house. 575 00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:44,160 Grandma. Grandma, sorry I'm a bit 576 00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:49,400 hungover and I just text her and I just sent her this. 577 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:51,600 Huge paragraph. Have you still got it? 578 00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:56,560 Oh, I beg you. Find it, I beg of you. 579 00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:00,280 How would I find? It I don't know, was it on 580 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:02,960 iMessage? Yeah, but like this message is 581 00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:05,680 from years ago. Can you say it in like a Geordie 582 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,000 accent? Mom, I'm gay. 583 00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:10,640 I basically text her. I was like hi, I just need to 584 00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:14,960 tell you that me and beep. She's actually me girlfriend and 585 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:19,040 has been for like 4 or five months now and I just really 586 00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,520 wanted to tell you because I love you so much and I just 587 00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:25,440 really want you to know and I hope nothing changes and blah 588 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:26,680 blah blah blah. And. 589 00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:31,000 I was like scent and I was like shitting myself. 590 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:33,440 I'm actually like sweating a little bit. 591 00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:35,560 You telling me this? My older brother as well was in 592 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,880 his bedroom, none the wise to anything that was going on. 593 00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:39,360 He didn't he probably fucking yeah, I was gay. 594 00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:41,840 He's not stupid. And I didn't get a reply. 595 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:46,520 And I was like, oh, and then I kept going on the message and 596 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:49,040 I'd see like, you know, an iMessage when you see like the 597 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:52,280 typing thing come up and then it would stop and then it would 598 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:53,320 happen again. Then it would stop. 599 00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:55,800 I was thinking. Fuck, I'd be out of the house. 600 00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:58,840 I. Was shitting myself all of a 601 00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:06,160 sudden boom door opens and she comes like Thunder and I'm like. 602 00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:08,760 What the fuck? Have I done here? 603 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:13,400 She went mental. Really. 604 00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,840 Oh my God. Like what is in like straight 605 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:17,880 from the get go, straight through the door she. 606 00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:22,480 Was screaming at me. She was like how can you fucking 607 00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:24,320 do this? You're a disgrace. 608 00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:28,280 Like you're never going to have kids, like you're never going to 609 00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:32,320 get married, all this stuff and was going how could you do this 610 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:34,440 to me? What the fuck do you think 611 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,400 you're doing? And I was obviously just crying 612 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:38,680 because I was like what the fuck? 613 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:40,000 That was like me when my mum was. 614 00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:41,560 She was just screaming at me. You just. 615 00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:43,160 Cry, don't you? Because you don't have. 616 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:44,000 But what? Can you say what? 617 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:46,520 What can you say? You just feel so but. 618 00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:48,840 I felt sad because I kept saying I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 619 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:51,480 I'm like in hindsight I'm like, what am I sorry for? 620 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:53,720 You're sorry for nothing, but I understand why you said it 621 00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:56,080 because I was the same. And then my older brother 622 00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:59,520 obviously had the arguments. He clearly put two and two 623 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:02,880 together, came downstairs, he screamed at my mum as well and 624 00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:04,800 was like who the fuck do you think you're talking to? 625 00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:06,520 Like don't it's. Really good that he was there. 626 00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:09,200 Oh yeah, yeah, thank God he was there. 627 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:13,120 Did he stay then for the rest of the conversation? 628 00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:15,000 Yeah. But like, you know, when like an 629 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,480 argument's kind of happening, like all around the house, like 630 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:20,720 we just kept moving around. It was like in the kitchen, then 631 00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:22,080 the lounge and I'd go. So what? 632 00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:23,720 Let me give you trauma in every room here. 633 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:25,160 Yeah. Then I'd go into my room and 634 00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:27,400 then like she'd come in and then like. 635 00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:29,760 I'd go. Into her room and then start 636 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:30,960 shouting at her because I was like, you're a. 637 00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:32,920 Bitch, because you'd think about it for a second and then you're 638 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:35,640 like, hold on a fucking minute. Yeah, Did Did your girlfriend 639 00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:37,040 know at the time that all of this was going on? 640 00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:39,680 Like did you message her at the? Time I messaged her because very 641 00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:41,640 much she was meant to come over that night. 642 00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:44,360 Don't, don't come over. So I messaged her be like, I've 643 00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:46,080 just told my mum and she's like OK. 644 00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:49,080 And then I was like, Oh no, it's really not good. 645 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:51,960 And she was like fuck. And I was kind of texting her, 646 00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:54,920 but I was like, don't come over, abort mission. 647 00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:58,400 Do you feel like she would have? No, no, no, no, no. 648 00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:00,200 I mean, I don't think that that would have been the right. 649 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:03,040 No, absolutely not. At least I probably would have 650 00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:04,880 lobbed something at her head as soon as she walked in. 651 00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:09,720 Kind of the best and this was just going on all night. 652 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:11,520 My grandma came round. She didn't. 653 00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:14,320 Like her, though, did she? No, she never liked her. 654 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:18,080 No, and I don't even think that had to do with you being gay. 655 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:19,520 I think she just didn't like her. 656 00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:20,800 No. She didn't like her from the get 657 00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:22,640 go. She always had a weird thing 658 00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:26,000 about her. Which made the end of this story 659 00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:27,360 even funnier. Sorry. 660 00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:31,120 Carl yeah, it's hilarious, but I think my mum always knew that 661 00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:34,280 this person was gay. And maybe that's why she's like, 662 00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:38,280 you're grooming my daughter. Because when I first became 663 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:41,000 friends slash dating her and I stayed at hers for the first 664 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,760 time as friends because we were friends at that point. 665 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,360 I came home in her hoodie and in a normal sense I've said to my 666 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:50,240 friends so many times and went home in their clothes like in 667 00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:51,680 hoodies jumper. But she just knew. 668 00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:54,120 And she'd never have. She'd never said it but she made 669 00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:56,240 a comment being like why you wearing her hoodie? 670 00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:57,560 Yeah. Because she would have already 671 00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:00,240 have felt suspicious and then that would have like tipped her 672 00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:01,120 over the edge. Yeah. 673 00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:04,920 And I think it's, I think as well like the grooming 674 00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:08,639 narrative, this is used so much by parents being like that 675 00:34:08,639 --> 00:34:10,440 person groomed you and all this kind of stuff. 676 00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:12,440 This isn't you. It's just that person. 677 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:16,600 It's so dangerous because it's like if grooming, look, grooming 678 00:34:16,639 --> 00:34:20,560 obviously happens in life, but usually from a more influential 679 00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:24,000 older person to a young person and they will manipulate them, 680 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:28,520 blah blah blah, blah, blah. When you are just typically gay 681 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,360 doesn't mean that you've been groomed to be that way. 682 00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:35,679 No, you. Because if that worked, I mean, 683 00:34:35,679 --> 00:34:38,480 I was in plenty of relationships with men where that could have 684 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:40,719 seemed like grooming and it didn't make me straight. 685 00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:42,880 So let's just fucking not go there, you know? 686 00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:46,560 But how long did it take her to get over it? 687 00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:50,040 Ages how when I like we're talking. 688 00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:54,239 So what happened was because my mum and dad aren't together, as 689 00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:58,680 you know, and my mum, it was really funny, like the day after 690 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,440 she was like, wait till your fucking dad hears about this, 691 00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:03,760 like he's going to kick off. And I was like, call him. 692 00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,640 Then I was like, tell him I don't fucking care, go for it. 693 00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:09,120 I was like, go on. Then she called him. 694 00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:13,360 He Andrew, wait, you hear what I've got to tell you about 695 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:14,600 Olivia? And he was like, what? 696 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:16,200 She's like, you just won't believe it. 697 00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:17,800 She's 17. I can't believe she's. 698 00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:20,240 And he thought I was pregnant. Right. 699 00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:22,280 I mean, especially saying she's 17. 700 00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:23,880 I can't believe it. As if you're, like, really 701 00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:24,360 young. Yeah. 702 00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:27,880 Yeah, he, yeah, he, he honestly thought I was pregnant, which is 703 00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,560 so funny. And no, actually, Dad, the 704 00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,320 opposite. She told my dad and my dad was 705 00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:36,280 like, OK, what's your problem? So that filled her even more. 706 00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:39,720 So that started more argument and it would, it was just 707 00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,480 ongoing every day. At the same time that I told my 708 00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:45,520 mum, I also told all my friends, people, all amazing, obviously 709 00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:47,840 definitely had suspicions because they saw me and this 710 00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:50,080 person hanging out all the time. Really random, like all of a 711 00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:51,320 sudden. So probably was like. 712 00:35:52,720 --> 00:35:54,240 That's good that your friends which was good though. 713 00:35:54,240 --> 00:35:56,160 Because then I had they were like a sounding board at the 714 00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:57,960 same time when my mum was. Because they were kind of like 715 00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:59,720 the popular girl group as well, weren't they? 716 00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:00,880 So. They were with the popular. 717 00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:03,640 Girls, yeah, but I feel like you're you're less likely to 718 00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:07,000 kind of get accepted into this with but I feel like when me and 719 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,800 you went to school I think a lot of changed within the five years 720 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,160 that we're we're. Apart my school was very 721 00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,880 understanding, like the teachers knew I had a couple. 722 00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:18,960 I had actually a couple issues with some girls at school by 723 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,280 someone who was four years younger than me. 724 00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:26,520 What do you mean? Issue as in like obvious to the 725 00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:29,560 school obviously knew we were gay because like social media 726 00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:33,000 whatnot and we were like the first gay couple in these 727 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:36,680 private schools in Newcastle everyone was like wow like 728 00:36:36,720 --> 00:36:41,520 that's cool and one time I was getting what we call a Newcastle 729 00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:46,000 the metro, which is like the. Tube, the Tube Metro, he said. 730 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,680 I was getting the metro home after school after sixth form 731 00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:53,920 and I was walking the headphones and this little fucking rat. 732 00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:58,880 I and I hear this agitating, graving voice. 733 00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:04,080 I hate her as I walk by should ha stupid lesbian. 734 00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:08,960 I was like I like my friends and I was like what the fuck. 735 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:10,920 But This is why my friends were amazing. 736 00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:13,720 They were fuming good. I went straight to my head of 737 00:37:13,720 --> 00:37:18,360 year the next morning, told her she was not having it. 738 00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:20,520 Shout out Miss Harrison. Go on Miss Harrison. 739 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,120 Miss Harrison went straight to. Her head of year, Yeah. 740 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:25,120 She got suspended straight away. Good. 741 00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:26,840 Yeah, boom. Fucking it. 742 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:27,640 I bet she's gay now. Oh. 743 00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:29,920 Fuck knows, I've blocked off everything so that you're a 744 00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:30,480 psychopath. Should we? 745 00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:33,400 Oh my God, should we find her? Yeah, we will find her after 746 00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,480 this. So yeah, just to have a little 747 00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:39,080 story. So with my mum, this went on for 748 00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:41,840 months. Probably every yeah, I'd say we 749 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:44,440 had a really, really rocky relationship. 750 00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:46,040 We couldn't. I was. 751 00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:50,960 I've always been close, always been close with my mum, but in 752 00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:53,160 that aspect. Such a shame though that it took 753 00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:57,240 her so long and like such a formative year of your life as 754 00:37:57,240 --> 00:37:59,200 well. Like it is hard, but I mean she 755 00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:00,760 did. She did see the light in the. 756 00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:04,240 Air I think of what I think. I think what helped was after 757 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:07,600 like a year after I came out, I moved to London for uni. 758 00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:10,680 So it kind of allowed that distance where we went on top of 759 00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:13,920 each other and I could be my own person. 760 00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:19,120 That definitely helps and also your ex. 761 00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:23,240 Which one? The first one, the first one so 762 00:38:23,240 --> 00:38:25,560 lives X is L divine. I don't know if you guys know 763 00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:29,200 this musician, but she then. Wrote so so no, no so. 764 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:32,760 Do you guys know the song? Daughter Yeah, no, this is what 765 00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:36,480 I was going to say. So she so L divine is lives X 766 00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:42,240 and she wrote the song Daughter about live because of how badly 767 00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:45,280 your mum. Yeah, so if you guys like that 768 00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:47,600 song, just please think of me next time. 769 00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,920 I am the daughter. I think it's iconic. 770 00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:53,400 It's such a good song. I hope she's. 771 00:38:53,720 --> 00:38:58,240 Against everything that you taught her, but I'm sorry being 772 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:00,880 someone. I wonder, I wonder if I should 773 00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,320 message her be like, by the way, I've just outed myself as 774 00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:06,600 daughter on the podcast. She's probably be for you, man 775 00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:07,720 You. Should have a top that says I am 776 00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:10,400 daughter. Yeah, when that's really fun. 777 00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:12,160 When that song came up, my mum was. 778 00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,960 I mean, I bet she absolutely. Oh my God, she was a. 779 00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:18,320 Raging Banger. And also, it's true. 780 00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:20,960 I mean, she was like, she did react badly. 781 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:22,880 Like, you can't say much that you like. 782 00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:27,160 Fuck, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's good that she's good 783 00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:28,360 now. And she's, like, super 784 00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:29,840 accepting. She comes here, she asks you 785 00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:32,400 about girls. Like, she loves a group of 786 00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:32,920 friends. Yeah. 787 00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:35,840 Hangs out with me and Scarlett, and she loves Leo. 788 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:37,520 Yeah. It's just great. 789 00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:39,360 Loves Polly. Never met Polly, but loves 790 00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:40,080 Polly. Yeah. 791 00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:43,600 Weird Polly in my mum probably met Polly, she's just not 792 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:45,680 talked. I bet you. 793 00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:47,240 Anything. I bet you anything. 794 00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:49,760 What Polly gets up to, we'll never know. 795 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,440 For a normal person, there are 24 hours in the day. 796 00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:55,800 For Polly, there's 48 like. Yeah, how she. 797 00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:58,880 Fits in her skedaddling. She's a she's a she's like it's 798 00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:00,960 a skedaddler, she's a skedaddler. 799 00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:03,440 Like she's everywhere. She's noodling around this city 800 00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:05,720 like it's no one's business. Love a good noodle. 801 00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:08,240 Yeah, noodling around. What that's. 802 00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:10,360 I mean, look, that's fucking tea. 803 00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:12,560 I love that it's such a good song. 804 00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:15,840 And well, she seems to be doing well, so good for her. 805 00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:16,440 I. Think. 806 00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:18,480 I mean, we've got no bad blood. No, exactly. 807 00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,840 I love her music. I also like her new album Is 808 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:24,280 Sick, Sorry. What's that song we like again? 809 00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:27,080 If I don't laugh, I'll cry if I don't. 810 00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:30,880 Laugh, I'll cry about it. And then the push it, push it, 811 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:34,520 push it, Yeah. And then Scarlett literally 812 00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:37,080 always puts that song on just volume. 813 00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:40,400 Oh, she loves Scarlett. Loves that shit. 814 00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:43,320 Push it. Yeah, I'm a bit annoyed that 815 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,640 Elle Devine didn't invite us to a most recent show. 816 00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:47,040 Actually, I think that's a bit rude. 817 00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:49,440 Knock knock bitch, I want to come to the show. 818 00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:53,240 And last but not least, sidetrack again, Liam Payne. 819 00:40:53,240 --> 00:40:55,000 I cannot believe that he's passed away. 820 00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:58,680 Like, I was never really like a massive One Direction fan. 821 00:40:58,720 --> 00:41:00,000 What's up? Your ear was that. 822 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:04,480 I mean, they're all my age. So yeah, I think it was all the 823 00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:06,640 younger girls that loved him. Yeah, I was in year 9, but that 824 00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:07,800 first up when they. Started. 825 00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:11,200 So yeah. But I mean, it's still super, 826 00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:13,560 super sad. I mean, let this be another 827 00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:17,120 lesson like it happened with Caroline Flatt before the way 828 00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:20,240 that people because I mean this guy has been bullied online for 829 00:41:20,240 --> 00:41:23,600 so long now, like hilariously attacked for everything that he 830 00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:25,920 did. Don't get me wrong, guys, some 831 00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:28,040 of the videos and stuff and like the dancers and that were 832 00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:31,040 cringed like the way that he would switch up his accent in 833 00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,280 interviews and stuff like this. People are like what the hell is 834 00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:34,040 going on? But. 835 00:41:34,240 --> 00:41:38,840 Clearly been suffering for years and we've kind of all been 836 00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:41,640 subconsciously laughing. I think it's so easy online as 837 00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:46,880 well to see someone taking the piss out of someone and there's 838 00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:49,720 one jumping on the trend and it just keeps happening becomes it 839 00:41:49,720 --> 00:41:51,480 becomes a trend basically to bully someone. 840 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,960 It does because they're like, well, this is funny, 'cause I 841 00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:56,920 saw somebody else write it, so somebody else wrote it, so I 842 00:41:56,920 --> 00:42:01,560 find it funny. Now there's there's zilch 0 843 00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:05,480 fucking individuality anymore. No, everything now has to be a 844 00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:10,480 trend and we're literally just creating this fucking factory of 845 00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:12,760 cunts online. And that I just hate when 846 00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:15,400 everyone jumps in the train like oh, like I'm so sad. 847 00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:17,720 It's like, I guarantee you were taking the piss out of them last 848 00:42:17,720 --> 00:42:18,160 week. But. 849 00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:21,600 Also they straight away do a TikTok or or an Instagram post 850 00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:24,000 because they know that they're going to get the likes I 851 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:28,120 support. You know, you know the, you know 852 00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:29,440 Max Belagde. Yeah. 853 00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:33,840 He posted quite a lot of like tick tocks back in the day or 854 00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:36,280 like maybe the last year, like taking the piss out of Liam 855 00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:38,160 Payne. He took them down straight away 856 00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:41,040 today. Really, shot Cora. 857 00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:43,280 It's just, it's just really sad, I saw. 858 00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:47,040 One thing that I would say, never upload anything that if 859 00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:49,360 you knew that person died you'd have to take down. 860 00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:53,280 Don't be that person. Think before you post it and 861 00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:55,960 think if this person died. But I still keep this video up 862 00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:57,600 and if the answer is no, take it. 863 00:42:57,600 --> 00:42:59,840 The fuck Don't put it up. Don't put it up. 864 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:03,840 Stop doing this shit because you think it makes you. 865 00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:06,240 Popular. Just the fact he was 31. 866 00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:10,000 He's got a 7 year old son which is now going to have to be told 867 00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:11,960 that his dad's died. With your Cheryl. 868 00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:13,720 My Cheryl will call me local hero. 869 00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:18,080 No, it is. I saw TikTok this morning of 870 00:43:18,120 --> 00:43:20,200 some fans meeting him in Argentina which I literally 871 00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:22,920 think they met him yesterday because in the comments they're 872 00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:28,200 saying he was wearing the same outfit and you can just see in 873 00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:31,440 his eyes like he was. Sad, like, but that's what's so 874 00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:33,920 bad about TMZ or TMZ where I come from. 875 00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:38,840 Fucking disgusting photos of his arm and his stomach. 876 00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:42,200 Yeah, disgusting from him lying on the floor because they were 877 00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:44,640 like, this is definitely Liam because these are his tattoos 878 00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:48,920 and that for me is horrendous. Also, the hotel workers 879 00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:51,320 apparently went straight into the room, took photos, sold it 880 00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:55,360 and. TMZ are scumbags, absolute 881 00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:56,880 scumbags. They're they're always the first 882 00:43:56,880 --> 00:44:00,080 ones to report on a celebrity's death and they always get access 883 00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:04,000 to photos because they'll pay anyone shit amount of money and 884 00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:05,600 people sell it and it's disgusting. 885 00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:07,760 The lowest. Form of journalism. 886 00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:08,560 Ever. It is. 887 00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:10,880 It's not journalism, it's it's exploitism. 888 00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:13,440 Like what is the world coming to? 889 00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:15,600 Literally, what is the world coming to? 890 00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:18,960 I was saying this poor guy, Yeah, I was texting our friend 891 00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:22,640 about it last night and I was like, this just keeps happening 892 00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:25,600 with celebrities more and more. Just keep dying. 893 00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,720 Have you noticed? So how people get they, they get 894 00:44:27,720 --> 00:44:30,640 a bit desensitized now, like when a celebrity dies, I mean, 895 00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:33,520 obviously people are shocked, but it's like, I was another 896 00:44:33,520 --> 00:44:35,640 celebrity, of course they're young because they're always 897 00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:37,680 young. And oh, was there drugs 898 00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:38,840 involved? Oh, it's that then. 899 00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:42,000 And it's like, no, it's the way that this industry is. 900 00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:45,000 This guy went into the industry when he was like what, 13? 901 00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,520 He. Didn't 1414 he went on X Factor 902 00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:51,040 but. 14 year old he didn't know we had ahead of him when he went 903 00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:54,360 for this. And you're literally just 904 00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:58,080 putting yourself up for public scrutiny for anyone and and 905 00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:02,560 you've got no life experience. And you know, it's fine for the 906 00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:08,040 likes of Harry Styles, who gets fame and can do no wrong. 907 00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:12,120 But if you found yourself down the rabbit hole of someone, 908 00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:14,560 what, just a few people taking a disliking to you and then making 909 00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:16,880 it a trend, yeah, it's really sick. 910 00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:20,280 I also hate how people straight away are like Oh my God like 911 00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:22,920 what are the boys going to say? Like what the rest I'm like why 912 00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:24,600 do you care? Like why are you waiting? 913 00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:27,120 They were like, Oh no. Our One Direction reunion is now 914 00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:31,000 going to be at Liams Funeral. I'm like, why he's bothered. 915 00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:34,200 Like that's not the like, no sick of it. 916 00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:35,880 Why? Why are you waiting for Harry 917 00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:37,040 Styles? A statement on it? 918 00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:38,880 Like what? It's going to be a paragraph and 919 00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:40,120 it's only going to be written by him. 920 00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:41,600 No, it's going to be saying he's sad. 921 00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:44,480 Sending love to the family and friends and his son. 922 00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:45,720 And that he's going to need some time. 923 00:45:45,720 --> 00:45:48,880 At this point, you guarantee you we could probably actually write 924 00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:50,040 it, right? Yeah, I could try all three. 925 00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:53,200 Guests I could write. It all four of them right now. 926 00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:55,400 He's going to say that he was such a beloved member of the 927 00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:57,360 group and that he is so incredibly shocked and 928 00:45:57,360 --> 00:45:59,680 devastated for his family. He's going to, he's going to 929 00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:01,920 appreciate some time at this moment. 930 00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:06,080 To sending his condolences to his friends and family, loved 931 00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:09,080 ones and his son Bear Kiss. He's going to need some time to 932 00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:10,840 process. This It's all going to say that. 933 00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:12,440 They'll all be waiting for Cheryl Cole to say something. 934 00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:14,400 They'll be waiting for Simon Cole to say something. 935 00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:16,240 It's weird. Why do you? 936 00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:20,360 Simon is going to say such a loss to the music industry. 937 00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:22,680 I saw the talent with him in day one. 938 00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:25,960 No, but I think it's just, it's just toxic. 939 00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:28,320 It's toxic as hell. So let this be, you know, a 940 00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:31,120 lesson to anyone who writes messages like that. 941 00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:33,120 I mean, I know you guys are fucking sick. 942 00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:34,480 Like I know none of you will be doing that. 943 00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:36,040 It's sick. All of you are great. 944 00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:38,080 I feel like you're not the types to do it, but there are. 945 00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:40,800 If you see any of your friends doing that, maybe encourage. 946 00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:43,920 You not to and talk about you lot being fucking great. 947 00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:46,920 Last but not least, the event that we held at the cock. 948 00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:51,840 Oh my God, it was it was great. And honestly, it was so vast the 949 00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:56,400 way I was howling at like so many conversations with everyone 950 00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:59,400 and we that was having a conversation with that amazing 951 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,040 woman who was then like you need to talk about ADHD more. 952 00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:03,920 We all want it and I was like, OK, it's coming. 953 00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:04,360 It's. Coming. 954 00:47:04,360 --> 00:47:07,400 I'm sorry, but can we please shout out Tessa? 955 00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:10,240 I mean, so many of you are actually hilarious. 956 00:47:10,240 --> 00:47:12,520 Like I don't think there was one person that I spoke to that 957 00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:14,040 night where I was like, oh God, they're boring. 958 00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:16,520 I mean, like everyone was hilarious. 959 00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:18,880 We felt like, I never know. I never have that thought our 960 00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:22,720 events, but I really was like, I'm fucking pissing myself. 961 00:47:22,720 --> 00:47:26,080 Like you're not hilarious. Racing out some conversations. 962 00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:28,520 I was, I was crying. Yeah, Tessa. 963 00:47:28,720 --> 00:47:33,520 Tessa is hilarious. Tessa shout to you because I was 964 00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:36,920 talking to someone and I saw Freya and Tessa chatting away 965 00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:38,440 giggling. I thought I need getting on this 966 00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:44,160 conversation and you are so funny and I can't wait to see 967 00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:44,920 it. Breath of fresh air. 968 00:47:45,240 --> 00:47:48,000 She lives in the Netherlands. Book your flights. 969 00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:49,400 Book your fucking flight now bitch. 970 00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:51,240 And that on. I'll give you a free ticket if 971 00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:54,560 you book your. Flight. 972 00:47:54,560 --> 00:47:57,200 On that note, I do hope everyone has got on a ticket for the 973 00:47:57,200 --> 00:47:57,880 event next week. Oh. 974 00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:01,800 Yes, so we have our lesbian Halloween night on the 26th. 975 00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:05,720 We're also going to have a karaoke machine, which I'm is 976 00:48:05,720 --> 00:48:07,560 breaking news right here because I haven't told anyone this 977 00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:09,280 right? Breaking news. 978 00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:12,120 Mic Drop. Manager Liv will be manning the 979 00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:13,400 karaoke stand. So. 980 00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:17,680 I'm so excited the way no one's going to get a turn me next it's 981 00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:19,760 going to be. Freya on the mic the whole time, 982 00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:21,840 so. Basically just my own concert. 983 00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:25,680 And also we've said to everyone to dress up as your lesbian 984 00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:27,760 icon, dead or alive. So yeah, super exciting to. 985 00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:30,480 Be honest, I'm slightly annoyed about it because Scarlett put a 986 00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:34,240 poll on the story and 26% of you said that you're not dressing up 987 00:48:34,240 --> 00:48:35,080 and I'm. Sorry. 988 00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:37,200 There's going to be a punishment, that's all I'm 989 00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:38,040 saying there. Is a punishment. 990 00:48:38,040 --> 00:48:40,040 It's a punishment if you don't come dressed up. 991 00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:43,360 And I'm going to ask, I met someone last night who is 992 00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:44,800 coming. She told me she's coming in. 993 00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:47,720 Ellen DeGeneres fucking. She better follow through I. 994 00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:50,120 Will message. Her I hope that she comes in 995 00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:55,920 like dancing right on that note guys we hope to see you there 996 00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:58,880 the link will be in the bio and we love you and we will speak to 997 00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:05,640 you soon bye bye goes against everything that you. 998 00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:10,920 Told Fuck's sake, I'm sorry. Miss I'm in love with Olivia and 999 00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:14,800 kids. Yeah, so she actually said it. 1000 00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:19,640 What about kids? I hope you have 4, that's what 1001 00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:20,840 she said. That's yeah. 1002 00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:24,200 Well, yes, if anyone selling tickets to Charlie XCX to show 1003 00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:26,480 in London, please send me a message because I need to go. 1004 00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:28,800 Thank you. Art imitates life. 1005 00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:35,480 Final word, bye. Bye bye.