Hello lesbians, No. I.
Can't you gotta say hello, lesbians?
You've gotta say it. What do I say?
Hello lesbians. Hello, lesbians.
Yeah. OK, I love it.
No. I'm fucking dead.
OK, first of all, so I have to preface this.
I'm gonna introduce Nyla in a minute, but like, I have to
preface this by saying that Nyla has told me that it gives her
the fucking ick to Holder Mike. She's really upset about this
and I'm really sorry. I want to apologise on behalf of
me. The community.
I'm going to get the community. Everyone needs to apologise to
Nyla right now, but we needed to hear your voice.
Therefore we need a fucking mic. Yeah, just OK.
No, I'm going. To have to keep moving this mic.
There we go. Closer.
No, but Nyla, we've got a very special guest with us today.
It is. Well, you go by Michelle Nyla.
Yeah, on Instagram everybody always approached me with
Michelle. Well, wrong name.
Can you, can you be surprised that they're approaching you
with Michelle? I am.
It's your first. Name.
Who would choose the worst name like you always choose about
her? Name.
It looks like Nayla as well. So for so long I was saying
Nayla. Yeah, I've really fucked this on
so many different occasions. I've literally only just asked
you today, like what's your name?
What's your name? What's your name?
Actually, what's your name? You never have a good friend
where like you have both that's knowing their last name, knowing
their job or having photos together.
Yeah, that is one thing that I would say we.
Don't have pictures? Together.
No, exactly. That's what I mean.
We didn't know your name. The list goes on.
Nya is a content creator. You are incredible by the way.
Like so fucking good. Like I'm in awe of everything
that she does. I also would say that just
trying to set up this setup right now with the light was
giving. She knows what she's doing and
then there's me that doesn't know what she's doing.
I. Brought all the goods.
Running around and I mean, how long have you been doing
Instagram and TikTok for? I don't really know about TikTok
because it used to be musically and I used to upload really like
little funny clips like it didn't feel that serious.
It still doesn't feel serious to be honest.
I struggle to take it seriously. Like TikTok is just like
whenever I have the shits and giggles, I upload something,
yeah. I think.
Yeah, you should usually upload the same thing that you do on
Instagram on TikTok. Well, I don't fit that category.
No, we are not consistent over here.
We are not consistent but still it works.
Which is really good. If you want to give people like
a bit of a lowdown as to like who you are, what's your main
purpose? The reason why I do social media
is kind of I want to feel like somebody has the biggest sister
they never had. That kind of takes away all
these big feelings about their body and that they should just
exist along the value of their body.
Because growing up I seen that so much with my mum and it's
still taking away so much of our lifetime.
And I found that exhausting for myself to see and be around
there and as well exhausting for her because there is so much
potential outside of the value of your body.
And I wanted to have an account where everybody feels like it is
possible to exist in a bigger body and have bigger dreams and
achieve things and dream and have friendships and all that
and have a partnership and feeling valued beyond that.
Yeah, that's, I mean, that's beautiful.
I mean, I think you do it so well because I obviously, I
mean, I saw your content like year years ago.
I think I've followed you for I've stored you for ages.
I finally got you. I saw I stored you for ages and
then it wasn't until like I know that you followed me back.
I don't know why. I think it's because you're a
base sexual. I've followed you for ages and I
always loved your content because I found it really,
really inspiring. Like I love the way in which you
don't give a fuck. Like you genuinely just don't
give a fuck, which I do love because also, why the fuck
should you give a fuck? That's more of what we're trying
to get at here. It's like you, I think the way
in which you put yourself out there and it's such a positive
light as well. You're hot and you've got this
like you've got this personality that shines through.
But This is why I also really wanted you on the podcast as
well, because you don't usually. I don't talk.
You don't talk. You don't hear me talking.
I feel like I'm so much better in person.
What this is what I mean. So when I I'd followed you for
all that time and then I was at Meisi Hoopla last year and you
were in the VIP bit with me and I ran over and I was like,
here's the girl. I've been following her for
years and I like saw you and I honestly as soon as I started
talking to I was like, oh, this is a funny bitch.
I had no idea that you were this funny and.
Then I knew how funny you were. That's why I follow you, because
it was like she's like my type of person.
Oh, thank you. Yeah, you.
You don't give a shit. I also don't.
Give a I like this a lot. I just can't put it on the gram
the same like I feel like you do it so authentic while I struggle
with that because I bounce off people more.
I think, I think it really does just depend on what format it's
in. You know what And like I, I feel
like with you and with me, we both have started and been on
like a social media journey because of a very similar
reason, even though it looks different.
Does that make sense? So it's like, I want to be the
voice and the person that I never saw when I was growing up
that like needs to make sure that this is OK and you're doing
it, but for a different reason, right?
I love that. And I definitely could have done
with you too when I was growing up because I was so
self-conscious. Like I had so many issues with
my body and we were in like the Kate Moss era of like, nothing
tastes as good as skinny feels like I'm.
So back in that. And we're so back in that
because we're zempic, which we'll get into as well.
But there is this whole thing of like, yes, skinny is better.
Nothing like you. Your worth is all tied to how
skinny you are. And to be fair, even now I will
think to myself, if, especially if I'm upset about something,
I'll think to myself, well, I'm going to lose more weight and
this is going to be better. I'm going to feel better.
Let me do this. Let me like not eat or let me
like, you know, And that's really bad and I have to stop
myself from doing that and I don't do that, but like it's
almost like a knee jerk because of what we were fed.
So it's really. Hard to not have that with when
you constantly hear everybody doing the same behaviour to not
have the same pattern I think. 100% and I think in the UK, I
mean, what was it like in Sweden?
Wrong country. Swedish.
No, not. Swedish, but I've been calling
you Swedish this entire time, no?
I've trust me, I would be holler now you almost like Swedish
people are one of the hottest people that ever walked.
This is actually fucking embarrassing.
I'm like Swiss and German. Wow, I take it I I believe I
celebrate all the Swedish celebrations like Midsummer
crayfish festival. Maybe I use context clues and
you've got like the skin of a Swedish person that you're
glowing. OK, So what was it like in
Switzerland then? So was that like a similar?
I think the reason why I'm don't live in Switzerland anymore is
exactly that they're still the same mindset as it's never
changed I feel. I think that's probably the
worst I feel within myself. I love the country so much and I
love the values we have and everything.
But whenever I'm there, I see parents pointing at me, telling
their kids that's that's why they shouldn't eat.
What? Yeah.
And people come point blank, come up to me and they say the
rudest stuff. And even when they don't tell
your. Face, Yeah.
Like I would be a dinner and there would be people talking
about me eating. Oh my God.
That I always. Like that actually makes you so
angry. And I was even gonna make a joke
and then I couldn't because it actually made me feel really
angry because I was gonna say when you point over and be like,
see, that's why you shouldn't eat.
They do that to me, but they go see, that's why you should eat
pussy. But no, no, this is no, this is
fucked up. This is really, really fucked
up. Well.
I feel like that's been. I had no idea it was that bad
over. In Switzerland, I feel like
maybe it's my experience. I can't speak for everyone else,
but that has been my experience in Switzerland.
I'm so sorry. Yeah.
And I feel like when as a country, Switzerland, you have
to imagine Switzerland is such a healthy country.
Like we move a lot, we swim to work, we swim after work, we
bicycle everyone everywhere. We eat seasonal, we try to eat
something called Demeter, which is even better than bio food.
So we take such great care of our bodies and the way of life.
It's not so much they grotesque out by the way I look.
It's more like, what do you do different?
It's like I don't have the same lifestyle because I exist in
this body even though I have the same lifestyle.
Even though you literally work out more than me.
Differently. So yeah, they can't really
understand it and I don't think they want to understand it
because as well all the companies where you could shop
close on. I can simply not shop like there
is no shop where I could buy clothes, maybe like an oversized
store, but in the shops generally don't have this size
range. Like when I moved over in the
UK, I felt really normal. Yeah.
Like I know everybody speaks about existing in a bigger body
here and being here. There's.
Definitely nothing more about. That yeah, when you come from a
country where it actually had such a big impact because there
are so little people of your size, especially young people.
We have bigger people in older ages, but not so much young
people. Okay, I didn't, I really didn't
know it was this bad, but I but I can imagine it.
I think what really interests me about the fact that you just
said that though, is that, you know, you kind of escaped this
country so that, you know, you weren't feeling so judged then
thinking one, you're fucking brave then to put yourself
online, you know, in that sense. But I feel like, do you feel
like it's more, this is the way that I would interpret it.
You can tell me if I'm wrong, but it's more in the sense of
like, but it's more in the sense of like you're then actually
serving a purpose by putting it online because you're like
combating something. Whereas I feel like when you're
just trying to exist your everyday life and you're getting
fucking points and stares and comments, do you feel like
that's the difference? Like.
I feel like now it probably is because I see the purpose and I
see like the aftermath of it and how many lives are affected by
the things I do in a positive way so it holds more value and
more importance. While before it was just a space
of expression because I just didn't fuck with the people to
be honest that didn't like me or had something to say about me
and I just lacked the way I look.
I like the way my body feels right now.
It's probably the worst I ever felt in my body because of the
ability of my body can do. But before I never felt limited
because. You had that disc problem.
Yeah, like I had the disc problem.
I have like the PCOS, there's so much health stuff going on, so
that's why I don't feel good in my body.
But before all that, I've been in a good body.
It never limited me. I would jump down a plane.
I would hike down, hike down. The fuck?
I would hike up a mountain. I would swim for hours.
I would bike to in the winter to school.
Like, yeah, it was fucking hard, but I did it.
Like you've literally just lifted me as if I weighed
nothing like because. You don't.
You are super fucking sure like you're way.
Yeah, I would say like isn't to look at like you and I, I would
know for a fact that you are fitter than I am.
Like I don't work out like I actually don't do not barely.
Well, I'm always like walking around.
No, but I'm always. Yeah, I don't walk.
If you walk with me somewhere, I will be a kilometer behind you.
Although I, I do walk, I walk a lot.
I, I do work out sometimes, but like I used to go to the gym.
I haven't been going to the gym more recently.
I'm very just active. You've seen me.
I'm fucking scatty bitch. Like I'm moving all the time.
So I think it's a bit of that and like I, I, I think I've got
a bit of like muscle memory just based on like what, And also
shagging. Shagging helps a very active
shagger over there. We've we've coined strap bleaks,
which is where your obliques come in, but it's from the
strap. It's like the the strap bleaks.
Yeah. New term, new terminology for
the lesbians, your strap bleaks. But yeah.
I've had that before. Well, no, no, you do because
it's just been invented. But what I was gonna say like
when you're so when you're putting it online, because one
thing that I've noticed that you do get hate comments, right?
And people love this is one major thing that I want to talk
about because it's like people love to talk shit online.
But what I did notice that they talk even more shit when you
post something about what you've eaten, which is healthy or about
you working out. And isn't it fucking ironic
because these cunts always like, I'm just thinking about your
health. No, you're not.
Because actually, when I upload something that's healthy, but I
don't look the way that you want me to look, you're you're even
more of a cunt to me. So pick a lane, right?
And like these anonymous accounts.
And if they're not anonymous, they're so.
The amount of videos that are made out of my videos.
So like fitness trainers make videos with my videos to.
Get views. And sometimes it's very positive
and sometimes it's negative, but it feels very performative in a
lot of ways because I feel like it's always, they raise the
question if that could be of value of what I have to say or
what I do because of the body I exist in.
Fucking hell. So it's like me not dieting 24/7
or fasting. And I'm saying that is because
your cortisol goes up in the morning, blah, blah blah.
No, I'm just justifying overeating.
Like there is always a combat to whatever I have to say because
of the body I exist in. And to be honest, I don't really
care because I think if you live for everybody else's opinions,
you will never have a life that fulfills you.
So all these comments a make me money be the I don't I couldn't
give less of a shit about it because if you come up to me in
real life, I will have something to say to you.
And if you don't value what I say to you, then you're not my
person. And simply you took more time
out of your life than I'm taking out of mine because you only
have so many minutes on this planet.
And I'm going to use them good. Yeah, fuck yeah.
Yeah, that's why you're off to Panama tomorrow.
That's why I'm off to Panama. No, no, you said it beautifully
because these people as well, I mean, I'm not being funny
anyone. And if you're listening to this
and you are that person that does shit like this, I know for
a fact you ain't got a fucking life.
Like you have not got a life, you know, and, and it all stems
from insecurity. But what makes anyone think that
it is OK to fucking do that? Like to me, it's insane.
I've I've lived in many different bodies and one thing
that made me feel really sad was just the difference in how I was
treated as soon as I lost weight.
Like, do you? Feel different?
Oh my God, babe, when I because I used to be AI used to be a
size 22 and. Oh, same size as.
Me. Look how she went, though.
So here's Freya from the past. I'm interviewing past me.
Oh my God. I was also bisexual then too.
Ohh look how the crumble this is.
Your future, honey. Ohh, Lord.
But that's the thing, it was like, I was, I was younger.
I was like I and I, I had so many, so many different things
going on. I mean, mine was very different.
I mean, I, I was going out and I was like boozing it like really,
really badly. So I was really unhealthy
because I really wasn't nourishing my body properly.
I wasn't exercising and I was drinking loads of shit.
OK, Like I'm talking like 8 pints of cider was easy, easy
down the gutter. And now I'm like 2 pints and I'm
out like I'm very not cider either anymore.
But like I, it's like I, so I've actually, I've, I've experienced
both, like I've experienced what it's like to be on the larger
end of the scale and like how I was approached, how people speak
to me, how men specifically would talk to me.
And then the difference in just the respect level going up when
I lost that weight. We're talking quite a bit
further back in time. So I don't know if maybe things,
I mean, I'm hoping that things have changed now.
This was very no, OK, it's fucked up.
It's fucked up. I think there is.
I think with men generally, and there's other sexualization with
bigger women, I think. I had that sometimes.
I had a lot of sexualization. Yeah, my tits were huge.
Just not respect them or like just, I don't know, I feel like
there is no value in you if you're not sexualized as a big
woman. For a lot of man, when it comes
from a woman, it's different. It's always a confidence yeah
when it comes to a man fucking fuck that get run over.
But yeah, no, I agree they'll do that on purpose because they'll
sexualize to justify your worth. Yeah, and I feel like a lot of
men feel embarrassed about it or curious about it.
I feel like it's like the taboo to like a bigger.
Woman. But a woman's body is a woman's
body. I'm sorry like.
Ultra femininity, isn't it? The bigger of guys see it as
like feminine, like curves and all that.
So like when you are bigger, bigger as the spectrum, it's
like the ultra feminisation and it feels like a taboo.
So lots of men, I want to explore it even though they're
not into it or they into it and I don't want to admit it because
there is the general taboo about it.
Because The thing is for me, like if I was like a bigger girl
and I'm like, she's hot. I'm like, well, she's hot, she's
mine, she's hot. Like this is this is who I'm
with. Do you know what I mean?
But that. It's much from your inner
confidence, Yeah, Because you are confident with who you are.
I feel like it says more about the person.
I think because like how you said, people tie their worth to
how skinny they are, a lot of people tie their worth to who
they're with. The amount of the amount of
stickers that we're gonna make from this video alone.
Do you know the amount of fucking stickers that Nyla sends
me actually on the? Sticker cream if there is an
emotion I have a sticker for. It no she does.
Like there'll be like 5 different stickers that come
rolling afterwards and it's usually just me.
Like saying that I've done something ridiculous just for
your entertainment. Yeah, I love it.
I live for a fryer's life. Yeah, you do.
You do. And you're free.
But I feel like men are crazy. Obviously.
That's a given. Do you feel like you get more
hate from men, or do you feel like you get it more from women?
Or do you feel like it's quite equal?
I probably get more hate from men, but I get a lot of hate
from women that are married. Really.
Yeah, and a lot of time they're religious, but what religion?
Whenever I check their profile, they usually tend to be.
Why is it religious in the mum? Yeah, it's a Bible verse
usually. And they usually taken like it
never usually comes from a woman that exists in the normal body
and has like just a single life. It's normally like someone
that's super extreme super Botox up, super like, like feels like
they have to have the body that everybody expects them to have.
And so therefore they project a hatred onto.
You. Yeah.
So I usually have that, or I have mums, or I have religious
women or like wives. There's no hate.
I don't really read for them that much.
Like there was one time and actually affected me and I had
to turn it off and that was when you know what is it called The
Shade Room shared me and which is like the biggest platform in
America. And it was like a fashion Nova
ad I did and they re shared a video because they paid them to
it because I always think of the rights away.
And on that video there was like millions of comments.
And usually I would say I have like 60% positive and then 40%
negative. And then as time goes on, it
usually goes more into negative. But then I don't check anymore.
I just see the cookie crumbling, which is money, so it just comes
in the more they hate me. Yeah, literally.
Keep on hating. Actually.
That's the moral of the story, actually.
Actually, if you've got any bigots in your family, tell them
to go onto Nyla's page right now and we'll get some money.
Sentence affected me because it was just negative and it was
like stuff like if I would sit with her on the plane, I would
rather bomb the plane and let everybody die instead of her
existing on this plane. I'm sorry that.
Was. No like.
Fantastic thing I've ever fucking heard.
Fucking wild shit. No, but that's so dumb like that
is. And I was about to go on a plane
that day. What the fuck?
Yeah, it was bad. Like it was such like ridiculous
comments how my partner should be embarrassed about me and my
friends are just like pretending to be my friends.
And it was like they tapped into actual insecurities that are
usually strength. So like when I go on a plane, I
do feel nervous sometimes of a fit in the seat.
So them talking about that and then talking about how I'm going
to die and how all my friends are just like friends with me so
they feel prettier and stuff like it was.
I was a lot younger by the way, I was like 20 or something.
So it hit it a bit different by now.
I wouldn't give a shit, probably.
Well, you just go back and be like I would just you would just
go back and be like, well, that's funny because I actually
don't sit next to anyone on a flight because I'm in business
class. Not with you in a quantity a
little bit They no. I'm I'm usually on a EasyJet
flight for £20 babe. Those haters don't need to know
or I'm getting desperate. They don't need to know.
You can just go back and be like see you in first class then
come. No, like it's not that bad.
It's I feel like what helps when you have haters online is when
you have hardship within family. I think my parents prepare me
for the worst time. So basically.
What we do to combat troll is more.
Trauma. Yeah.
My parents prepare me like I know what it feels like.
Do not feel welcome in the body you exist in.
So that has changed over time because they wolved over time.
But it's been a battle since. I think I've been confronted
about my bigger body since I'm four years old.
So what they have to say I probably heard before.
So it was pretty rough growing up with them then in that space.
Yeah, I feel like it's, it was rough for them because.
No, I mean rough for you. Yes and no.
Like I've yes, at times, but there I feel like it was rough
for them because everybody had an opinion about my weight and
my parents were quite young. So they were like 1719 when they
had me. Oh yes, I'm so many, everybody
says something about your child and oh, it's not healthy.
You should do this, you should do that.
And it was like everybody's opinion weighted down.
And then I don't think my mum's insecurities helped.
So she I think a lot of times she projected my value with
hers. A lot of moms do that.
It's the same with the gay thing too.
Yeah, 100%. My mom has to say, well, I have
to come out too. Is she gay?
No, but this is what I mean. It's like tying a worse and like
tying, like being like, well, you're doing this and you are
me. Like you're like an extension of
me, you know, and like, I, it sounds very similar to kind of
how I was raised, but for the gay thing, you know, and like,
but again, why I feel like I deal with hate quite well.
You know, if I get hate comments and stuff, I I mean literally
whatever. And I know that it's not on the
scale of what you get. I mean, you've got a lot more
followers than me. I can only dream to have as many
haters as you, but I dream. Was shared.
No, I want good people on that page.
I think. A bag, motherfucker.
But I feel like I like that was a very, very similar thing to
like the whole gay gay situation, you know, like you
grew up in a, in an instance like that.
So now when I, when I do get homophobic comments, whatever
that happens, I'm like, well, I've already heard all of them.
Like I've been resilient. We're so done.
I was so resilient and like, you know, like, I don't know what it
was like in Switzerland, but being gay was an insult over
here. So like at school it was like,
that's so gay. So like you'd say, oh, like what
would you say was gay? But like something's a bit lame.
So that oh, that's so gay. Like cringe.
I feel like cringe worthy. We wouldn't maybe say that, but
not so much in the actual context of gay.
Maybe I've not experienced. I don't.
I feel like I experienced my first gay friendship when I was
about 1516, so until then I've not met someone gay.
Not until again now. I feel like I'm the mother of
the gay man. I mean, look at you.
You are. Look at me.
You are like, I feel like the fats and the gays go together
hand in hand. It's like it's been written by
the gods. So yeah, I, I don't think it's
been so much an insult because we haven't been confronted with
it. But I don't know if that's
because of where I grew up. It's been quite like, rural,
like I've been on the border of Germany.
So also I went to a German school.
OK, cool. Yeah.
And when did you so to like reel it back as well?
Like when did you actually start creating content?
Like what kind of was the turning point for you?
And when did it go well, where you're like, oh, I can actually
do this for my job? I don't know if anyone remember,
it's the time of We Hearted and Tumblr where everybody did these
like creative photo shoots of where they would do like
bubbles, you know, when they blow bubbles.
What is it? With like with that bubble gum,
and they're back. No.
I don't mind. Bubble gum.
This is me doing bubble gum. What the fuck is my problem?
The fuck is wrong with that You? Do you put your tongue out?
Don't when you do it. That you took and put your
tongue in other things. Hey, God.
Can't even say otherwise, I got nothing to say.
I got nothing to say no when they would paint their faces and
stuff. And I always loved being
creative. So me, my best friend at the
time, we would do it all the time.
We just take pictures of each other and it was like a fun
thing. Like we were obsessed with it.
We literally wouldn't meet up for an idea and find a spot on
where we could take pictures before Instagram was really a
thing. Like Instagram was an app, but
it was not. The influencer world didn't
really exist. The algorithm uploaded and we
had fun with it. Like that is kind of the
friendship that we existed in. And then I met a friend from
America and she did it as a paid job.
And that kind of opened up my eyes to, oh, that is actually
possible. And from the moment I knew it
was possible, I knew I was going to have it.
Like there was no debate of. It like yeah, even if you don't
even know it's possible, it is I.
Got it, I got it. So I worked like I literally
done. I studied for a while because my
parents wanted me to study, and I stopped that.
Then worked for a model agency because that was always my dream
job. My dream job was to be a scout
and a model agent, and I was that for a while.
This is really interesting. I didn't know this about you,
Carrie. That was always my dream job and
with that I worked for another company that did like fashion
shows and then influencers were more of a thing.
So I was the one that was inviting all the people and like
I clicked with everyone really well.
And then from there I just kept posting and these people kept
posting me. So it created more curiosity and
I feel like I had a lot of people following me or watching
me because what I did was so different to where I was from.
Because everybody else is very comfortable and there is no need
to put yourself out of comfort zone because we have a very good
life there. Like you can have a normal job
and you have a great life. Like you don't need to put
yourself out of your comfort zone.
Whereas over here we're like, we need 5 jobs, two side hustles
just to survive. Yeah, yeah.
So it's kind of like that. So I feel like a lot of people
were curious of what I was doing.
And then I moved to Yeah, I had. For me, this list is long.
So I did a waitress job for two weeks and moved back with my
parents after I quit the job in the model agency.
I did the waitress job for literally 2 weeks at the time
and then travelled for two weeks and took all that money.
So every time I travelled I produced content and literally
three months later I decided to move to Barcelona.
And then the day I landed, I had signed my first contract.
Fuck yeah. Because I knew I was going to
have it. It's so weird.
Like I feel like everybody always talks about
manifestation, but I think it's just Lulu enough to believe that
you have it and. That's basically what
manifestation is by. It's like, no, I have it.
Yeah, I always say this all the time.
I'm like, I have it. No, I will have that.
It does work. Like manifestation is a huge,
huge thing, but I think as well because you're like putting out
the energy that you've already got it.
So therefore they want to give it to you like it kind of makes.
Sense that's what I feel like a lot of my life has been like.
I decided it was going to be like that and it happened, which
is very lucky in a way. Also, your content is really
like, I'm obviously not saying this as your friend.
Like it is really, really good and it is very empowering.
I know that like even just like me, I know that I have a
different body, but I still feel good watching it because I'm
like, I'm feeling more confident about myself because I think
that no matter what size you are as a woman and as a man, but
whatever, you're going to feel insecure at like different
points of your life. And it does.
It's it's ingrained because. It's a constant.
It's ingrained and it's always like everybody.
Always talks about the body. Everybody always talks.
I'm, I'm exhausted by it. Like, like in the sense of like
why? Why is there always a new thing
that you've got? And now obviously we've got
Ozempic, which like, how has this affected you?
Has. This affected do you think?
I feel like it affected my career in sense of brands are
not pushing to step out of their comfort zones to work with
bigger people. So I have noticed that.
I feel like since Monjaro as well has come into it, obviously
a lot of people take it, a lot of people around you take it and
everybody is autonomous to make those decisions.
The only time it really affects me is when I see people that
live in healthy bodies making these choices because they live
in an unhealthy mindset. But then there is people that
take it, that live in what we would declare as healthy, but
they're not the healthiest and they take it and they feel so
much better. And these are the people that
trigger the thought of, oh, should I do it?
Because I constantly go to the doctor about issues that I have.
And all I ever hear is this is going to be the fix for all all
your problems in your body. And yes, scientifically it would
be. But I don't want to depend on
something. It scares me.
And it scares me how many girls feel the need to give in because
I know I'm I'm in a strong mindset about it.
Even me wobbling from time to time affects me because I know
how many other women would feel so in like had despair with
themselves. 100 percent, 100% and I think that what it does is
it puts on another pressure to women.
Ozempic yes, OK, great. Alight.
Manjaro, great. If you feel like you want to do
that, you feel like this is going to help you, whatever it
might be. But it's one additional thing
now which also other people can use against you too to be like
well, you could just go on the job.
But then even if you did go on the job then.
Oh, you just did it because of the job.
Like there is no winning. Yeah, they're like, well, you're
actually a lazy piece of fucking shit and actually you did want
to lose weight this entire time. You weren't happy in your body,
yada yada yada. Like it will come.
It will come with so many different things that.
There is. No winning, therefore, when
there is no winning, you have to do exactly what it is that you
feel like is right for your body because it doesn't fucking
matter what these pricks have to say.
And and it does obviously it makes me it makes me cross that
this is the, this is the life that we're living right now.
And that is what's kind of brought back the heroin cheek,
like the cheekbones are sticking out the hip bones.
Make sure they're out, make sure the skinny jeans are on like
whatever. It is.
It's not gonna be trending long because now it's achievable.
Like I think there is like a thing about trend prediction,
obviously, and that happens with our bodies.
As soon as something becomes economically available for the
people that are of poorer class or like have no money, let's say
it like that, the trend shifts. Trust me, as soon as you will be
able to afford it, the trend will shift and it will shift
into and people already. Doing that because they're doing
black market shit. Yeah, it's shifting into
Wellness and fitter and stronger bodies.
This is going to be the next thing.
And I do think then it's going to be hard to attain.
So not only do you lose fat, you also lose muscle.
And when you have lost that, it's obviously it takes you a
lot more strength to retain or regain that muscle to then
follow another grand trend. And the moral of the story is,
just don't follow fucking bodies.
There is always going to be a trend that's always going to
change. You just need to love the body
that you're in and do what's best for that body to achieve
the dreams and things that fulfil you.
So if you think Monjaro is going to help you to exist in a body
where you can hike, and if you're strong enough to do that,
or you can like party without feeling exhausted, you can have
meals with your friends without feeling guilty.
And I think as well. That's the right decision.
I feel like any a decision like that just needs to feel best for
you and not around body trends because they're always changing
and you're always going to chase something and then you're going
to chase something for all your life, which is quite sad.
Yeah, you're just running and running and running and running
and constantly yeah, 100% bitch. So I so obviously you're on a
lesbian podcast now that you know that, right?
You don't know what happens on this podcast when the lights.
Go down apart from 1 scene that we.
Won't talk about it soon. So you've mentioned to me before
that you're bisexual and I know that this is not something that
you put out online either. I mean, I know that you've got
you've got a partner. So like you've got a, you've got
a male partner. So I feel like, do you feel that
stopped you from opening up about your sexuality online or
is it more the fact that you're like, well, I'm already doing
one thing? I don't know, I never really
felt like I needed to put it out there because I didn't feel like
I existed in a gay enough. So fun.
Yeah yeah. Dick I I don't know, I always
felt like when I would go to a gay club, I always felt like I
was going with my gay friends, even though I'm gay myself.
So yeah, I never really felt like something that will.
It felt nearly too vulnerable to have put it out there because I
don't even know where I belong in that spectrum.
Does that make sense? But I feel like in, in a way to
discover where you belong is putting yourself within it, you
know? And that doesn't mean fucking.
I mean, I've tried, I tried before.
Before I was with my boyfriend, I tried dating girls because I
knew I wanted to date girls and it just went.
It didn't go well and I left me over a year of suffering.
I mean, welcome to the lesbian. Experience yeah, welcome.
I just, it just didn't even happen for me.
So I felt like I didn't want to change the like I love existing
feminine, I love all that. And I felt like I would have to
change myself in order to be seen and accepted or liked and I
didn't want. That you're looking at me right
now. Like, I mean, I'm, I'm not as
feminine as you are, but like I exist in a feminine way and
there's a lot of other feminines as well.
This goes like completely against.
There is just such a trope and a stereotype of lesbians that you
have to look a certain way. Do you still feel like you would
feel too feminine to exist in that space?
No, I don't think it has so much to do with my appearance now.
I feel like now it's more like, I don't think I would feel
confident enough to make the approach if I were in that space
because I respect women so highly.
So I just I panic. Basically.
I gave man it's just so easy like there is not a lot in their
heads. I'm not, my partner is fine, but
the rest of the little bugs out there, it's not like I just
don't think a lot of them. So find it very easy.
Well, when you think so highly of a specimen, which is women,
it's quite hard. That's really interesting.
Do you feel like a part of that has to do with your femininity
or do you think that it's due to like lack of experience?
Like what is it? I mean, because you're saying
that it's about the other woman and it's about the respect and
it's kind of stuff, but is it more so because you respect them
more that if you were potentially rejected it would
hurt more? Whereas with manual I fuck off.
Not like it would happen anyway, but you know what I mean.
I'm not no interesting because I don't.
I feel like you're asking me questions I've never asked
myself. I have experience.
I don't think I have the
experience that I wanted. Like I never dated a girl.
I've never been in a relationship with a girl.
When I was at the stage where I opened up to the idea of
actually being in a relationship with a girl was quite late,
while before I was always sexually attractive, really
strongly to women. So my first few experiences
always been with women and then later on went into man and I
happened to be in relationship with a male species.
All of them, all of them. So and it just never happened to
me that I met someone where it actually like clicked and I felt
that mutual as well. Connection.
Yeah, Minds. Did you feel though that like,
you know, you were saying that when you when you were growing
up as well, that you felt so different and you know, you were
said and it was talked about. Do you ever feel like your
sexuality came into play with that as well?
Because you're like, well, not only are they judging me for
this, but also they don't know this other thing that I'm not
wearing outward, but it's in me. Yeah, in a way I feel the least
confident in the room full of women.
Really. Yeah.
Like I feel less confident in a room full of women than a room
full of men. And when I'm a room full of men,
I fully, it's good. That you're in a room full of
women. Yeah, shaking, shaking.
Like if I choose the woman and always say I know them, I'm
fine. But like the female gym is my
personal hell. Like you would never.
Get your biggest up. Yeah, because I feel like it's
the space where I know there are such such complex thoughts about
bodies and stuff and they're always projected.
So I just don't feel really safe in that space because I always
had the most experiences in physical form when I've been
confronted about my body has always been with a female or
female member of my family so. So it's a bit more triggering,
yeah, and maybe more of an expectation that you might be
putting on to them, even though they might not even be thinking
it. But This is why I need to get
you to one of our lesbian Why nights, like so bad Because I
feel like exposure therapy probably do it.
But I think in a sense of like, because even if you are, you
know, even if you have a boyfriend, it doesn't mean that
you are not allowed in queer spaces because you are a queer
woman. And I want you to be able to
feel accepted and be in a space. And I think that it's only by
doing those things that will allow you to open up your mind
to then be like, oh, actually that felt good, you know, and,
and I can do that. And and I know that it's really
daunting for like multiple, multiple reasons, but it's like
women and you and the way in which you can still discover
your sexuality without necessarily like being sexual
with somebody else. It's like a journey that like
maybe it's like untapped for you.
Like it's something that you can like discover.
And I think that that would be a really exciting thing for you.
I know you'd be the biggest fucking slut ever.
So God forbid. What do you think that?
I mean, I feel like you would thrive in that environment.
And yeah, you've been so nice to be like, I'm actually looking
forward and I'm gutted that I never made it because I feel
like I've never been in a gay space where I felt like I was
there for myself or representing myself.
Because I always felt like I had all my gay mates with me and I
just felt like I'm just the gay Mama.
Like I never felt like I was there for me even though I.
Share. Yeah.
But like, but you need to now be in a space where you do feel
like it is for you. Yeah.
Like I'm old enough. You're old enough.
I'm old enough now. It's time, but I feel like you
yeah, you would thrive in it and we would all love to have you
there. I think that what is really nice
about this community as well as that it is so accepting, I think
especially with the with the queer women, because we.
Feel like you're the king of the fucking queers.
You have such a nice community and I think that is very much
missing. Or is that?
We have a nice community, woman. Come on, you're already saying.
We. Yeah, we.
We have a nice community. No, but it's like you're in it
though. Like we have a nice community,
you know? OK.
That that baffles my brain now, no.
Well, so you look at me, including you.
Thank you. But I do think, yeah, that's.
What you're doing your job? Kind of I'm semi just like
lesbian mum. I always go to your lesbian
mother speaking. I do genuinely feel like a
lesbian mother sometimes but it's nice to spread the gay.
But I think the legs spread the legs.
Spread the legs. Quote from Fryer.
It is really nice to spread the legs and maybe 2026 ends is
spreading legs more, closing lips, spreading legs.
Please guys, do it for me. Just do it.
Tell me all the stories. So neither can live.
I live through. Write it in so I can talk about
it on the podcast and then just you can listen to it and just
cry in a corner of the summer. There was one thing that you you
could say to maybe like a younger you that, you know, when
you weren't so confident and was in the space that you're in,
like what is it that you think that you would want to leave
them with that's. Hard.
I feel like I've always been. That's probably the biggest
struggle for me is I've always felt quite confident, but like
the only space I haven't felt confident is probably the career
space. And I'm still to explore that.
But I think allow yourself to exist in places that you don't
feel like you belong and explored the possibility that
you could potentially belong, or not only belong, but also lead
the motherfuckers. I agree.
Yeah, it's fucking good. Yeah.
And also just be delusional as. Fuck yeah.
Be delusional as fuck, yeah. It will do it.
Honestly, you're fucking amazing to talk to.
I love talking to you anyway but I feel like I'm so.
Shy. I don't think we've ever been so
serious. No, this is the most serious.
Yeah, this is very serious talk. No, it's the most serious we've
ever spoken. She knows no more about me than
before. No, I love it, but we usually
whenever we talk about serious topic we kind of flood like in
and out and you can just RIP the shit into me, which you're not
going to do on here because you're scared of the lesbians
coming for you. Well, I let Freya choose a clown
outfit the other day. She did.
She literally sent me a little 33 clown outfits and then just
put underneath. Go ahead, pick one.
I might sell you one for the next night.
When I come, you will wear. It but yeah, yeah.
Well, I'm going to make sure that you come when you're back
from Panama. You're coming to the first
lesbian my night. That is whenever the part that's
going to be when you're back, you have to come.
Valentine's Day. Oh, yeah.
I love you so much. You're the best.
And we love you lesbians. We will speak to you next week.
Bye.