Hi everyone, welcome to this week's episode of the Lesbian
Supper Club and Merry Christmas as this is our Christmas
Christmas surprise episode, but we've already spoken about
Christmas at home with families, so we didn't think that through
very well. So now we're struggling for a
relevant Christmas topic theme. But Bah humbug, I hope you're
all drunk and I hope you are all on your only sort of like 4th or
5th family argument. I could imagine this is
something that you listen to whilst you're getting ready to
amp yourself up to go downstairs and punch a Nan in the face.
Oh no, I don't think it's the Nan, it's usually the uncle.
Yeah. It's usually the men the nan's
normally like, right? Croaking in the corner,
coughing, spluttering on her way out.
Terrible because Liv just spoke about a nan dying on Christmas
Day. So not that how Nan has died on
Christmas Day but she was just saying like fucking Can you
imagine? The theme happened last week.
Does that make anyone feel better?
I don't have one. You don't, and I've never had
one. Oh, that's really sad, that.
Is sad you've. Got my Nan now.
Though I've got your Nan, yeah. She's got enough live, live,
she's got enough love to give around so.
She's got enough love and enough tips to go around for everyone.
She does. I love her vaginal hair.
Vaginal hair. Oh my God, I actually that
reminds you of that Marina Abramovic exhibition that we
went to the other day. And so, so basically, I don't
know if you guys know of Marina Abramovic.
She'd probably know her from this video that went viral where
she does a lot of live exhibitions.
She's an incredible artist and creator.
And one of them was where she sits opposite people, like she
sits opposite like 1001 people, like all in a row of just sat
there and just saying nothing and just staring at them.
But then it was like the guy that she was previously in love
with turned up out of nowhere after 30 years of not seeing
each other. So you probably would know her
from that. But basically, Long story short,
we went with my uncle who is fantastic and he's a bit of an
art bath as well. But they had the live exhibition
bit on there, which one of her exhibitions was two naked people
standing in this very narrow doorway.
Like Archway? Yeah.
Archway. So a man and a woman facing each
other and you had to basically kind of like squeeze past them.
With approximately no more than I'd say Max 40 centimetres
between them, if that actually, I mean like if he.
Got an erection, it would have touched her.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Real tight squeeze.
So my uncle, I was just watching this all unfold and I was
thinking. So that the premise was that as
part of the art, you had to walk through to get to the next part
of the exhibition, so people had to walk in between them.
And obviously it's all about confronting awkwardness and
having to kind of make yourself smaller in a way to be as least
offensive as possible. And what was really interesting
is 9 times out of 10 people face the women and not the man.
I'd say like 19 out of 20 actually.
Yeah, 9 times out of 10. 19 out of 20.
What do you mean 19 out of 20? That's a.
Isn't that higher? No, it's relevant.
Because it's not. Is 99 out of 10 the same as 19
out of 20? Yeah, because the sample size is
the same. Wait, no, Because it's still
only like one person. Yeah.
And then it's still only like. If you had a room of like 20,
yeah. But Faya, no one ever says 19
out of 20. People say 9 times out of 10
that's the fucking saying. Yeah, but what I'm saying is I
saw definitely more than 10 people walk through.
Yeah, well, obviously Faya, it's a figure of.
Fucking speech. No, that's what I'm saying.
God, you're not understanding me.
I'm on about the percentage of people.
It was actually less than that. Turn and face the man.
That's all I'm saying. It's just less.
Yeah, but. Still doesn't make.
Sense. No, it doesn't.
You know, because it's nine times out of 10.
If you wanted to make it relevant to A, to a closer
statistic, you would say actually I would have envisaged
it to have been 99% of people. No, because also that's the same
as 9 out of 10 by the way. 9 champs.
Yeah, but it's nine times out of 10. 19 out of 20 means.
That 19 times out of 20. It was only one person out of
20, not one person out of 10. Yes, because the sample size.
I know what you're saying, but the point is no one ever says 19
out of 20. The figure of speech is 9 times.
Out of 10 she just say what happened.
Fucking hell. So 9 times out of 10 people were
facing the woman, which I found really interesting because
obviously people view women in the world as less offensive,
less confrontational, easier to kind of move about, manoeuvre
like that was my kind of portrayal of it anyway.
You also, if you are weird like me or just solely uncomfortable
like me, there was like a side door.
So if you didn't want to walk through these people, you didn't
have to, you could just go round the side.
So yeah, I I took a fucking sidestep round, but Freya's
uncle didn't realise that there was a side entrance or a side
exit. Yeah, I didn't tell him.
I just watched him do it. So yeah, it was funny when you
were like. Squeezy dude then.
We went right then off I go. Yeah, right.
Then off I go because he's so ready to get into the next room.
And they were like, and he, he walked towards them with so much
gumption that they were then like, can you please take off
your bag? And he's like, oh, oh, oh, and
he's like trying to get. Past and obviously he's like in
his what, 70s and he's like he's a legend.
He's like a he's not the smallest of guys, like he's not
a big guy, but. He's like a good.
Size guy and he has on like 2 coats a bag so he was.
Like Morris? Wait, what?
What did the naked people do? They just stand there and not
allow. Each other so they don't.
They're not allowed to do it if. He like accidentally like if he
accidentally like brushes like against his deck or yeah.
But that's the whole point. People were so, so funny because
then when I went through the side bit, I go into the
exhibition room because you cop out.
And we were like, no too much enjoyment.
But it was so funny with Scarlett.
She was like, I don't want those wispy pubes just like brushing
against me that I just think. You imagine got caught on your
jacket? Exactly.
Like, I just think it's wildly unhygienic.
Yeah, but not the fact that she had pubes.
It was the fact that I didn't want them touching me.
No, it's just. Disgusting.
No, it was hysterical. Imagine if you got your zip
caught in that, in that. Oh my God.
And dragged her with you.
Or just RIP it out. You know, like you know and like
you'll know over the nipple piercing when that gets caught.
Oh yeah. Imagine if she had a nipple
piercing and then she didn't. Oh yeah, By the way, if you hear
another voice, it's Liv. It's Liv decided to bring her on
in. Bring her on is a little
Christmas present. Don't ask for anything else.
A. Christmas gift.
The gift that keeps on giving. But if you.
Are in London. Highly recommend going to that
exhibition because it was amazing.
It was brilliant, fantastic. Really, really good.
Talking of fantastic exhibitions, we had our own
fantastic lesbian and queer expedition on Friday, which was
the Christmas Lesbian Supper Club party.
It was so good. It was a lot of fun, Yeah, it
was better than the last time, I think.
Yeah, I feel like they're just always going to keep on getting
better. Yeah, that's what I think.
I was just. I also just think like with it
being Christmas, everyone's just in such a good.
Mitch, everyone was in a mood. But I also think like people,
we, we are getting better as time goes on because we are
understanding more kind of what to expect, what works better,
what doesn't work better, etcetera, etcetera.
And we feel I definitely felt a lot calmer before this one than
I did the one before. Yeah, it's really nice for us to
be able to genuinely speak to people who listen to us, who
have had their input like over the time, and they have followed
us since like day one, or even if they're just following us
like right now. But it's nice to connect in that
way because I feel like in the age that we are with social
media, everything is so just photos and videos, photos and
videos and captions. And there's no actual genuine
conversation. Like it's not even the same as
GM, It's not the same. So it is great to be able to
hear that first hand. And again, fucking beautiful
group. Stunning.
Also, what about the two women who came on their first date?
The two women that came. That was amazing.
That was so good. Yeah, I got fucking hate crime,
someone said. I was short.
She looked at me and she was like.
That's not a hate crime. That is a hate crime.
She looked at me and she said thought you'd be a lot taller.
And I was like, in what fucking world?
I thought my ex said to me when she first met me.
Also, why are people behaving? Why are people?
Pointed to the tattoo. Like I'm 5 foot fucking one,
yeah. 'Cause you, I mean, I love to
rinse you for the fact that you aren't you are not the.
Height of my attention, if that's what you want.
You're not short, but you're not.
You're not. The height that you envisage
yourself to be, but you're not sure.
Are any of us? Yeah, actually, because I
imagine myself to be about 6 foot 5.
I envisage myself to be about 5-10 and that's what I am for.
You. Yeah, it wouldn't be really
nice. When I first met MM Hmm.
Your ex. Just say your ex.
When she got off the train obviously gave her a hug and
stuff and we walked into all the taxi and just like looked at me
and went thought you'd be. Taller.
Isn't she short? Yeah, yeah.
But also she said that to instantly gain some control but.
I was just like. Gaining up a hand straight away
make you question yourself blah blah blah.
Blah, you're a lot taller than I thought you were going to be.
You know, you're, you're exactly.
Actually, yeah. When I saw you on social media,
I thought you'd be like, small. Yeah, like 5-4.
Really. Yeah.
Legit. Yeah.
Thank fuck I'm not.
I know, Can you imagine how embarrassing I'm joking I but no
shout out. Shout out to AG.
No, but shout out an apology to be as well who mentioned on one
of the episodes previously because she didn't laugh the
whole night. She actually didn't laugh like
she no, she did. She didn't do her laugh.
Do I laugh though? Oh.
And I genuinely think I've given her a comment.
It was funny when someone came up to her at the bar when I was
with her and was like, are you the laughing one?
And she was like, no, it's not me.
And I was like, be you're literally the only ginger in the
roommate. We told everyone you'd be a
ginger. Sadly for you, there's no other
gingers here. Everyone knows it's you, so you
can't deny. It pull out for more gingers to
come to the YEAH Supper club so she doesn't feel alone.
She's so fucking funny. She's.
So funny it is She's she actually has me like creasing
like she's really. He's a catch.
Beer is a catch, Yeah. She shovelled so many baby
guinnesses down my throat, thank God.
She always buys me drinks and I love that about.
Oh no, I feel bad. No, I told her that I'm going to
Paypala. Yeah, we've got to actually, I
want to talk about us being late to the game of watching the new
season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
I forgot how much I fucking love this show.
I fucking and the whole storyline of Chrishell and G
Flip 2.0 with Carl Richards. And Morgan Wade.
And Morgan Wade is fantastic to watch on the new season.
So for any of you queers who have never watched Real House of
Beverly Hills, it is the straightest ever version of the
L Word you will ever get, but at the same time somehow still
iconic. Yes, A&B.
They're for the first time in the whole actually, not the
first time the second time, but the first time.
Was really problematic. As well though.
Second time of the whole series. That's like Got how many fucking
seasons now? 9.
Well, night. Season 13 though, Wow.
Yeah, OK. It's churning them out.
Long time I've been a long time. There's a there's a lesbian
story evolving between Carl Richards and Morgan Wade which
we have posted a couple of times about previously on social
media, which obviously has been denied by the couple or the the
duo in question. It's literally like the poking
obvious when you watch it. It is their bullshitting.
It's literally like the Pope denying it is Catholic.
Like it is so fucking obvious. Like what she.
What do you mean they've done a live she?
Went and got a name tattooed on her so that.
Big day. Ever do that?
Kyle, when she's on FaceTime to her is like a giddy fucking
child. We've all been there.
So yeah, tuning to Real Housewives Beverly Hills, we're
not sponsored to say this. I fucking wish.
We. Were, yeah, but I hate you.
I think The thing is, is that I know that there's.
OK, let me tell you what I think is going to happen.
So the second part of the season hasn't yet come out, OK?
There's also been nil on the streets about Harry Morgan.
Wait, like nothing has been said?
Let me tell you, it's gone quiet, hasn't it?
Why cease and desist, baby? No, because, hey, you like all
of the platforms that they're streaming on and like their main
one with Bravo. I bet you anything they've given
her so much fucking money to announce it on the show and to
keep it fucking Sturm. She needs that now because we
all know the divorce is going through.
Yeah, between her and Mauricio. And he seems like the type of
fucker to have a prenup. AB even if not, yes, you'll get
50%, but I think she'll have to agree to keep the whole biz to
allow him to keep the whole business because yeah, that
business is him and. It's still going take she can't
take that away. No.
So I'm really interested because I have this is my theory.
That's an interesting theory. Interesting 1.
I don't, I don't know. Another theory, apparently
Sandra Bullock has a lesbian invite only bar in New York and
Taylor Swift has just been seen leaving it fucking.
I have never wanted to go to anything more in my whole entire
life. I'm going to hang outside of
there like a bad, but I'm going to have to.
Scale the walls and just climb. There.
How do you think that would ever work for you?
I just don't know, but it's worth a shot, you know what I
mean? I'm not exactly an invite, am I?
You never know I'm putting out there for 2024.
I'm man of Sandra Bullock. It's my Christmas wish.
Yeah, this is my Christmas wish, okay?
Sandra Bullock hand delivering me an invite to her A list
lesbian queer exclusive sex party.
Oh, I just. Love to know who else is that?
You walk in the majority. Gavitz is in there.
Shalise Theron, Taylor Swift, Angelina Jolie.
Nicole Kidman, Cole.
Kidman. Yeah, Who else?
Rihanna. Even though Reese Witherspoon.
Reese Witherspoon. Oh my God, with just Cameron
Diaz. Cameron Diaz for sure.
She Cameron Diaz is licking purse.
No one can tell me otherwise. I don't think Beyoncé would be
that, no. I don't want.
You know what? I don't fancy Stray.
No, I don't fancy. I'm not.
She's an icon but never have had the scissor.
Say scissor scissor. I mean Kelan.
So The thing is right is that Kelani is so obviously gay they
almost couldn't invite her because then it makes it look
even more obvious when she leaves.
What do you mean? Like, as in like, if Kelani is
seen leaving a place, they're going to assume, oh, this might
be gay. Yeah, but everyone thinks Taylor
Swift's. Oh, yeah, true.
She definitely is that. She's fruity.
Kalani is a bit though. So this is a yeah, let's just,
we'll have them all in there. Jodie Comer.
Oh, it would just. Oh my God.
Especially Jodie Comer because she's been doing prima facie in
New York. Oh.
My God, Can you imagine? Jodie, she's, she's there.
She's sure. Jodie Comer and Taylor Swift
getting it on. Oh, my days, I'd be.
I would. I don't know what I'd do with
myself. I don't fancy Taylor Swift.
I don't. I'd I, it would be I really.
Yeah. It would be iconic, wouldn't?
It. Oh yeah, of course.
You wouldn't you? But she doesn't really.
Do anything for me? Oh no, she she does something
for. Me, there's something.
I know what it is. Freya.
She sings country music. Yeah, baby, lap them doors and
turn them lights down low I've. Never heard Taylor Swift sing
that. Baby that's her song.
Baby, that's not it, is her. No, it's not.
Baby like them doors and that's her song.
No, it's. Not.
It is. She's just a tenner baby.
Like them doors? So strange.
Talking of iconic women, we went to the G Spot event yesterday,
so you'll be hearing this ten days after we've already posted
on social media that we were in the same, well within half a
mile of Gillian Anderson actually.
Not half a mile, but. What I'm saying is even if we
were within half a mile, that's impressive.
And yeah, we were she less than centimetres from her.
She is wonderful, touching her at one point, yeah.
She put her on my waist. And I put my arm around her
shoulder and I said, oh, it's Gillian sandwich.
She just. And she didn't react.
To that didn't need to, but. You did say one thing that was
very good fun from you that me and Liv were impressed.
Well, because it could have been a soak in my big could.
Have no it could have flopped. But just to preface this is this
was an event for like women's well-being and it's with an
incredible charity. Their whole main purpose is
exposure to women's Wellness and pleasure.
And so there was a massive board in one of the rooms where you
were supposed to draw and write just things that are positive
about your body. Vaginas, tits, the lot.
It's like. Affirmations to your body
wasn't. Yeah, so we get in there and
Gillian is drawing a vagina on the wall, which honestly is my
favourite sentence I've ever said in my fucking life.
She's there drawing away and then I'm like, I'm going to draw
a vagina. So now I get next to Gillian.
Freya bends down literally next to her.
Literally next she couldn't. Have gone anywhere by the way,
just just for visuals, this board is about 12 foot no more
Yeah, about 12 I. Don't even really think about it
if I'm honest with you 12. Foot by 10 foot high and Freya
placed herself 1 foot from Gillian Anderson.
She was thinking, Oh no fucking. Crazy.
Yeah. Is this crazy drawing a fucking
massive clit next to me? Jesus Christ.
So then I started drawing a vagina next to her and then she
was like jokingly like. Covering looked over and saw
that you were sitting during the same 1, so she like positioned
her body to cover her vagina and was like don't copy my vagina.
And then, then, and then I said, Oh, no, I, I.
You were like I don't need to copy.
Yeah, I said, I said I don't need to copy your vagina.
I said, well, my at least mine has a clip.
What has your No, you didn't you look, doesn't you went like you
were like? More importantly, why doesn't
your vagina have a clip And she. Looked at it and went actually,
and then and then Freya was like, what does that say about
you? And she looked at her own
drawing and went, what does that say about it?
She was like. What does?
What does that mean? And she did find it funny.
You've got a laugh, Yes. And that was.
Very proud moment. Everything.
I've never felt happier in myself.
I was so proud, Liv. Had the PR crisis comms in her
back pocket, knowing that it could have gone one or two ways
where Freya was concerned. Yeah.
I thought I could have been receiving an harassment order
the next day. But you don't have nice funny
flaps. Does yours look like?
Now draw your tick. Sorry, move out my way.
I want to take a photo, take it home with me.
No, you did. You did well.
No, she is really lovely. And you know, what it is about
Gillian is that she's such a, she's such an icon and so
genuine and so actually quite like not timid, but she's very
humble. Like she's just very.
So for me, actually meeting her, I was like, I really respect.
You, like you, are very empowered woman for sure.
One thing it did do for me was realise I've very much do have
my own version of Gillian Anderson in real life, which is
Louisa what? We've got our own Gillian
because. Louisa.
We, I don't, it wasn't, I don't know what it is because
obviously I've never been in the presence of this person before.
We've spoken on this podcast before about Louisa, who we
love, and there was something about watching Gillian obviously
in a space that is her own and advocate for something and isn't
playing, that isn't playing a character and isn't on screen.
And I was just looking at her and listening to her speak, and
I was like, wow, you sound and act exactly like Louisa.
Like, it was really weird to me. Like the way that they talk, the
way that they move, I don't think they look alike, but there
was the energy was like exactly the same.
So I didn't feel sad walking away because I thought I've got
my own Gillian. Do you know what?
Thank. You, Louise, She's.
So tiny. She's so tiny.
And she also went for a drink afterwards with Rhiannon and our
friend and I was like, because she's just so small in person,
you just never really know, she says.
Yeah, it's the same with all the other actors.
They've got to fit inside the TV.
So in an attempt to not talk about something mildly too
topical slash depressing, obviously we do that and always
put a sick and twisted spin on it, but we really are trying to
keep this one light. For Christmas we have decided to
take the arealme.com AM IA lesbian quiz, so we are going
to. Comes back, we're straight.
Yeah. We are going to answer it as a
group. So I'm going to read out the
question and read out the answer options.
We will agree on an answer and then we will get our overall
score, score at the end. So first question, are we ready?
Yeah. Have you ever watched a movie
slash TV series just because there are lesbians?
Yes. Yeah.
So it's. Yes.
Exclamation mark. Yes, but it's only because they
look so pretty. Exclamation mark.
No, that's not what I'm looking for.
Exclamation mark. Yes, exclamation mark.
Great. Do you admire any female
characters in the movies? Slash novels?
Yes. A lot.
Yes. Just one or two?
No. Yes, a lot.
Are most of your friends female, including those who identify as
females? Yes, all of them are females.
Not that many, maybe over 50%.
Not really. I think basically all are
females aren't there. Yeah, pretty much.
We have like a few guys, but if you were to like look at them
all in a room, it's majority women.
Yeah, yeah. Do you enjoy reading lesbian
love stories? Yes.
I love those stories so much. I don't mind if it's about
lesbian love. I will enjoy it as long as it's
a good story. No, I'm just thinking about and
it already makes me feel weird. I mean, I don't.
Read I was going to say I don't think back in the day I did used
to like search. Oh my God.
Yes, I actually. Did do that.
So you know, times are tough when like you couldn't access
anything naughty, so you'd have to like, read a book of some
sort. Terrible.
It's like going back into the fucking dark ages.
Oh my God, this these questions are so funny, but they are
relevant because we've all done it.
Will you somehow think about your female BFF all the time
when you are dating a guy? Yes.
Yes, but the answer is what's kidding me?
Yes, how do you know actually think of a constantly makes me
feel secure Yes, now and then and that's really confusing to
me. No, why would I do that?
Question mark Top one. The top one.
Yeah. Have you ever kissed a woman
before? Yes, and I blushed, but it was a
friendly kiss. No, never.
I like the tone she's reading the question.
Yes. And I blushed.
That, yeah. Heavy blush.
Heavy blush, I don't think any flush going back.
Going back to the start of this episode about our Sandra Bullock
sex room, think of your 3 favourite movie stars.
Answer. All of them are women.
Two of them are women, one is women.
They are all men. One of them are one is women.
Oh my God, I feel sorry for them.
Who? I feel sorry for a person that
thinks of celebrities and thinks of men.
I know. Oh.
This one's quite funny. What a waste this is.
This is where these quizzes are bad, right?
Because this one. Which statement describes you
best? I would not leave the house
without makeup on. I wear makeup most days, but not
to run errands or hang around the house.
I wear makeup when I socialise. I rarely wear makeup.
I don't own any makeup. So what they're saying in this
question is if you've been if you are a hyperfem, lesbian or
bisexual. You don't have a sexual person
you. Couldn't be gay if you are
really femme. Well, mine is like, I don't wear
it everyday, but I wear it when I kind of need to.
Yeah, I. Wear it when I'm going
somewhere. So basically I wear makeup when
I socialise. Have you ever had a romantic
rush on a woman? Yes, and it took me over a year
to get over it it. Really is a It is a woman that
wrote this though. Like yes, but only when we were
together. No, I can't remember feeling
that way. Yes, obviously it's.
Over it, yeah. Actually.
I'm still I. Don't think it's ever taken me a
year, but do you find yourself more comfortable with your LGBTQ
friends? Yes, always.
They are amazing. Yes.
Sometimes I don't think so. Yes, obviously, they're amazing.
How many questions are in this question?
No, that's amazing. A full psychoanalysis.
Isn't it? It is, yeah.
You'd pay good money for this if you were sat in a room with
someone. Would you?
What would you do if a really hot girl started flirting with
you? Flirt back and ask for a number.
I might blush and act clumsy, but deep inside I'm flattered.
Smile awkwardly whether I'm enjoying it or not.
No Smile awkwardly, unsure whether I'm enjoying it or not.
Not ones Leo. I'd flirt, and I mean obviously
if I'm single, yeah, flirt back, yeah, yeah, for.
Sure, Oh sure. Oh, sure.
Oh. My God this is so funny.
What celebrity best describes your fashion style?
Like she was saying last night at the pub, how much hatred I
have. Ellen DeGeneres.
I fucking hate her. Because Rihanna Rhiannon hates
her as well. We.
Just don't like her. No crazy, we don't claim her.
No, she's not welcome. So Kristen Stewart, Eva Green,
Evan Rachel Wood. Fucking.
Her Ariana Grande, Elliott Page, Taylor Swift.
Why? Why Elliot?
Yeah. Well, at least they haven't dead
named Elliot. Yeah, but also, Elliot's a
fucking man. Let's not bring Elliot Paige
into the mix. Wait, hold on.
Taylor Swift 1 I'm. Never.
You don't dress. Jeans in a nice top.
It's like, I don't know, I mean. All three of us certainly do not
dress like Ariana Grande. I'm gonna have to say Kristen
Stewart. Yeah.
Well, she's the closest. It's like more suits, yeah.
Also does the casual jeans T-shirt vibe a lot?
Caps Yeah. OK, we're going, Kristen.
She's quite cool out there. Oh hang on.
Right, so we are 91.67% lesbian, is that?
Because we wear makeup on occasion.
Yes, and we are 8.33% bisexual interest just because we wear
makeup. So we could be tempted by a man.
Exactly. Well.
That was insightful. That was riveting.
I'm not, I'm not sad that I didn't get 100% because
obviously it's all to do with the make up situation, which is
a load of fucking bollocks. We've just asked you ad hoc to
send in some questions. Can you tell that we've actually
just been consecutive? Well, I've for sure have
actually just been consecutive consecutively.
Consecutively. Consecutively pissed for the
last 7 days and I'm usually the topic creator.
And because I have been pissed for the last 7 days and also
lost my phone where I usually store the topics that today
we've been absolutely fucked for a topic because Frey and
everything. No, we're actually fucked for a
topic because we wanted to talk about something positive and
actually what topics are just. Depressing, depressing.
So I. Feel like we need a drink to
bring ourselves back to life or something.
On top of this. Merry Christmas.
Yeah, keep drinking, guys.
Keep having fun. So in an attempt to spice this
up, we've asked you to send some Rd questions and some of you
have already come forward. Pick your dream lesbian guests
for Christmas dinner, OK? So should we do it as like us
three at dinner and then we've got some additional?
Guests. Yeah, OK, so they said.
Lesbian guest. So yes, dream lesbian guests for
Christmas dinner be. Like someone who's not a lesbian
but probably is. No, I it needs to be lesbians,
OK? Or yeah.
Or if we think or if we have 90% sure that they're fruity.
So Sarah Paulson for sure. Oh, for sure.
Kate McKinnon. She's fucking hilarious.
Ellen DeGeneres. Ellen.
DeGeneres just so we can fucking lob a Turkey.
I would. Love.
She's the Do you know what? I'd make Ellen DeGeneres the
Turkey. Joe, what?
I would actually really rate Rosie O'Donnell at a Christmas
party. Yeah, because I think love my
softly funny. Yeah, so do I.
Who else? Cate Blanchett, obviously.
Oh my. I'd get her to re enact Carol.
I'd get her to dress up as Carol and pretend she's Carol The.
Whole you know what? I'd be the glove.
You come down just dressed as a glove.
Yeah. Who else Stuff?
Your hand in me, baby. Trying to they have to be
lesbians. Well, all like ones that we
think are fruity. Jodie Coma?
Because I think not. She have a good time.
Fruity, but she's got good crack.
You can tell. Liverpool crack.
Yeah, she's going to be scarcer. She's.
Got to have good crack, you know she fucks hard with a roast
potato and I'd love to show off my cooking skills to Jodie.
I bet she fucking loves a Yorkshire pudding.
Yeah. How much gravy do you reckon?
Haley Ki OK. Quite a lot.
Oh, I'd love Haley Ki. Yeah, obviously.
Like she's. And I also feel like Hayley
Kiyoko could cook. Help cook, Yeah.
Oh yeah, for sure. And obviously I need to be
thinking about that. Fletcher and Miley need to come
together. Miley.
Cyrus. Yeah, but they both need to come
together. No, because I want Miley.
I don't. Know it's kind of Fletcher, no,
but. Oh, we'd have to have some of
the football Jans, Katie McCabe, Leah Williamson.
This would be the best party ever.
Yeah, I feel like they would get.
Piss. Yeah, that's what I mean.
They're bringing another level. Obviously, our bisexual queen
Angelina. Imagine like Katie McCabe sat
next to Cate Blanchett. Do you know what?
And then, and then everyone sat down and Ellen comes in dancing
and everyone lobs a bit of food at her.
No, because I wouldn't want to waste my food.
Oh yeah, what my lovely Brussels sprout.
No, because you'd make the Brussels sprouts nice, and I
know you would. Oh, thank you, darling.
I'd lob like, I don't know. Sand the lover.
I'd probably bring a sand in of you to Chuck a sandal I had.
Got to. Stay on brand, got to stay on
brand. Most underrated activity in bed.
Scissoring. Think it's underrated?
No, Let me tell you why so many people say that's not even a
thing, and they don't even do it.
No. Oh, underrated.
Yeah, sorry I was thinking overrated.
It's definitely underrated. It's.
Surely underrated so many people say that it's like false.
Yeah, when people are like that doesn't happen.
It does fucking. Do it.
It's good. Bitch, OK, I play rock paper
scissor all day long. I'm just the rock.
I'm the flat paper. Fuck off.
I'm not going to lie, quiz your questions so far pretty fucking
boring. So now we'll keep checking, but
so far, fucking hell, you look tired.
Because Christmas has come round do.
You know what? That's how I feel right now
though. I was actually thinking when we
said ask us your own huge question.
I don't know what I would send in.
I think you'd find something to send.
In I'd be like what's your favourite?
What's the favourite vagina? I'd ask something being like was
your best. Fuck Scarlet.
Or Oh my God. That looks good.
Like stuff like that. So we're not going through that.
Here's some ideas for last time going through what again going.
Through what? Scarlett is the best fuck.
Yeah, there's never been any controversy about that.
It's no sense. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm not saying about that. I'm just saying we're not doing
questions like that again. Last time it ended in tears.
True, it did. Right.
So Liv has found us a would you rather set of questions from a
fucking pre populated Google machine because you lot can't be
trusted. But they're disturbing.
Would you are? They're sorry.
No. Freya's eyes have lip.
Beaming. OK, Scarlett, Are you ready?
Yes, let Freya go 1st and then I'll go.
Question one would you rather watch your parents have sex
every day for the rest of your life or join in wants to make
it? Stop.
Oh my God, I would watch it again for the rest of my life as
long as I could make myself fucking blind.
No, you can't. That's not part of the question.
I'm categorically I'm categorically not joining in
you. Just have to watch the rest of
your life, wouldn't you? But.
Not one more sort of my body that would survive.
After that, all of my blood cells would just give up.
No, I'd have to. Ohh, I'd have to watch it.
Would have to be. What about it I know.
You couldn't get involved. No, no, absolutely.
What would you do? Would you get involved?
No, I'd watch. I'd have to watch.
I'd have. Yeah, but I feel like if you
watch it enough times, you know, it might just become a bit
desensitised. Well this is the thing my mum
talks about her sex life all the time so I'm almost desensitised
anyway. But if you joined in, that means
you tasted your mum and your dad.
No stop Freya, stop live. Next question.
OK, Sophia, would you rather poo your pants every time someone
said your name or have maggots come out your nose every time
you sneezed? It's fucking horrible.
Oh. You'll be OK.
I would just tell everyone to like not call me by my name
anymore. Well, I was going to say I
choose the poo myself one. Let me tell you why you.
Can't do loopholes of a. Would you rather?
Yeah. But you guys all do call me
fucking Scaz Candy like no one's actually calling me Scarlett.
So if we're talking strictly within the rules, I would kind
of be safe anyway and having maggots come out of my nose
would. Can you imagine traumatization?
I would just wear a big like nappy thing and accept that on
the odd occasion I may shit my pants.
Fair enough. So I also though.
Shit their pants anyway so it'd be fine.
No, I don't. I would literally go up to you.
Like if you ever annoyed me though and I'd just go Scarlett.
That would be so funny. OK, prayer.
Would you rather Oh yeah, peel off all the scabs of a hobo?
Oh, or suck on socks that are full of feet sweat.
Suck on them. OK?
Oh my God, this is so bad. And I was like, what?
I'd rather do something with my hands because at least it's not
going into my mouth. I have to pick the scabs.
What was the second? I heard the hobo bit.
What was the second bit? Suck on a pair of socks filled
with feet. Spat.
I couldn't do that. Oh, no.
But I'm sorry, no disrespect to a, no disrespect to a homeless
person or. Anyone.
Well, just anyone. It's.
Just what about the scabs? Yeah, but he might not even have
many. Might just be a few.
Can you wear gloves? I don't think so, no.
It doesn't say it in the contract.
So yeah, I'm sure we could. I'd have to say pick off the
scabs because at least you could wash your hands.
You can't like. You can't take that.
Out your mouth instantly, it's already absorbed into your
bloodstream. No, that's vile.
Next one would you rather suck on a used tampon for a minute or
make out with a public toilet seat for a minute?
Suck on a tampon. My God.
Used tampon whose. We're going to say you found it
in the public toilet. That's worse.
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no.
Death. Death is.
The choice I couldn't. Or lick a toilet seat.
Make out with a public toilet seat.
No. No, I'm sorry, everyone's
probably listening to this either just before or just after
their Christmas dinner and we're going on like this.
I'm. Trying to make a nice Christmas
for everyone and this is where we've come to.
I hate I've done. I've answered this question
before. It's fucking vile.
Would you rather drink a cup of Jelly's period blood or Steve's
come? Oh my God, it'd have to be the
blood. Really.
Because at least the blood wasn't like, sexual.
It's like, you know, I was born in her room.
I I ate her blood in the womb. I'm not going to get my dad to
jizz in a cup in fucking naked. Yeah.
You could, you could. You'd have to do the period.
Blood. Yeah.
You would. You would.
That's fucking just.
No. What would you do?
I've just had the blood you'd have.
Yeah, I mean, I'd say the blood because my mum's had a
hysterectomy, so she. Doesn't have my mum's.
My mum's gone past menopause. So it's mine.
We're in the clear. No, this one, they go.
They go. Well, in that case, then it's
straight to the semen, right? This one.
Would you rather go down on your granddad or have your grandma go
down on you? Joe what?
Luckily, like I said, I don't have a grandma yet but would.
You not. Use it.
No. No.
So this is easier to answer. I'd rather I go down on me.
Fuck off. Yeah.
Because then at least I wouldn't have to have anything in my
mouth. Especially a lot of wrinkly
penis. I can't answer that.
Go on. Do you have your Nan go down on
you? No, and I would.
I'm not answering that. I'm not.
This is an interesting one.
Would you rather have sex with the hottest person you know
that's freshly dyed? Or.
Have sex with the ugliest and smelliest person, but they're
alive. OK, the ugliest and smelliest
person. I'm not going to fucking fuck a
corpse. Because if it's.
Just died. It started.
Nope, disintegrating. That is such a violation of
their body. They're fucking dead.
Yeah, but the ugliest and suppose no, you could not do
that. The ugliest.
That means that their ass crack could be filled with shit piss
like dried semen, bum sweat from.
Yeah, fuck it, I'll fuck the dead person.
This is horrendous. I love it.
Any who would you rather bite off someone else's armpit hairs
and swallow them or lick the floors in a public shower?
Bite off the armpit hair for sure.
What if they're really smelly? No, because again, not in the
contract. They can wash soup of hair.
Do you know what I mean? Like if they've had a shower
beforehand, I'd much rather that than lick the floor of a public
shower. Fuck no.
Would you rather every time you poo shards of glass come out and
make you bleed, or every time you pee you have to wipe with
shards of glass? Why?
Is all of this having to be about bodily functions?
Can I just say? Because that's what makes it
disgusting. I'd rather wipe with shards.
Of glass. Oh, imagine cutting.
No, I'd rather. Cut my bum hole than my vagina.
So yeah, very true for me, yeah. Would you would you rather have
a vagina on your forehead or have a penis go up and down your
back like a stegosaurus? What do you mean up and down
your back? You know, like a Stegosaurus
dinosaur and they've got like that.
I could probably find a sexual function for that, but could I
find a sexual function for a fucking forehead?
Vaginas? You could, yeah.
Everyone will see all the time, whereas with the penis you can
hide it. And I think that would be quite
funny. It's hysterical.
Yeah. Penis.
Would you rather or yeah a huge paper cut over your eyelids or
swallow 5 needles? Paper cut on my eyelid for sure.
That would hurt SO. Much.
Yeah, but for sure imagine swallowing 5 needles.
That would be impossible. Yeah.
But then also you would like cut the inside of your throat like
it'd be really painful for like ages and you wouldn't be able to
eat. Yeah, fuck that.
Would you rather eat an entire pie that someone has furiously
spat in? Or fuck, count me out or.
Eat powdered sugar mixed with dandruff.
Shavings. Oh.
I'd I'd have to do the the latter though.
That's a fucking viable. What a pie that someone spat in
no. Dandruff.
Shaving. You'd rather do that?
Yeah, but the other one was a pie that someone had spat in,
right? Furiously spat in, like
continuously. Oh.
My God, I just these actually making me feel quite.
Violent. Every single one of these I'd
kill myself. I think we're all gonna leave
here and just not speak to each other for a good hour, OK?
Would you rather pee dry sand for the rest of your life?
OK. Or it's not too bad.
Poo a big hard brick every year on your birthday.
On my birthday, I. Wouldn't mind weighing sand No,
but then are they saying it? No, no, no, no.
But this is the thing. Are they saying it because
obviously your wee hoe was so small that it would hurt to and
then. You, you would always feel like
your bladder was full, like it would take you forever.
Like imagine what those like timers are like with the sand.
It'd be like that. And it's.
Every single time, whereas 1 brick in the brick.
Why does it have to be on your birthday?
Because it's ruining your. I'd go for the brick and change
the date of my birthday. That's what I was going to say.
Brick and change the date. OK.
OK, right. I don't think I can do any more
of these. Well, had enough?
I want you to talk us through your Christmas dinner.
Me OK. How you're going to cook your
Christmas dinner. Talk about this.
So I love Christmas dinner and I love Boxing Day food even more.
I don't know where I love. Boxing Day food more and I love
the cheese board after dinner. So I don't know where any of you
are based. I know that we've got quite a
few in America and I know that you don't have Boxing Day
dinner, so I'm also going to talk you through this.
So on Christmas Day, I'm going to do vegetarian pigs in
blankets that I'll make myself and caramelise them with onion.
Onion. No, I'm fucking honey.
Honey, it's going. To say please don't do it,
Jesus, no. And then I'm going to do
homemade Yorkshire puddings. I'm going to do Rosemary and
garlic roast potatoes. I'm going to do Brussels sprouts
sauteed with chestnuts. I'm going to do my mum and your
dad a roast Turkey. Boring.
I'm going to do cabbage cabbage for you.
Just you love salted cabbage. Green salty cabbage for you
because that's really what you want.
I'm gonna do honeyed. I love that that's the only
thing that you've said too as well, because we have literally
the same we. Do have this Yeah, cabbage is
so. Salty cabbage, Yeah, I'm looking
forward to that. Because the only thing is with
Christmas dinner, right? Sorry to butt in.
I wasn't finished. But you can go overboard with
all of the flavours. I absolutely.
Agree with you. You can't.
Some people go too hard. Yeah, and it kind of ruins.
It a little bit because. You're you're already talking
about Rosemary and garlic, potatoes, chestnut and fucking
Brussels sprouts. You'll.
Love it though. Honey, pigs and blank.
OK, I don't have to do Rosemary and garlic potatoes to be fair.
No, no, definitely. That's the Rosemary.
And I think if we were to bin one off, it would be the
chestnut Brussels sprouts. Oh no, I was gonna say your.
Your honey pigs and blank no. Because I really want that.
Oh I won't do honeyed ones then I'll just do normal.
Normal ones, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just take the.
Honey, OK, fine girls. And then I'm also because I am
actually. Very well, I am the creative
director of cooking. Bearing that in mind, I am gonna
do honeyed parsnips and carrots like honey glaze like in the I.
Don't like parsnips and I'm a fan of.
I'm so love them both. I love do not have a parsnip.
I don't like parsnips very much and don't like carrots.
So I spoke to my mum about this other dangerment.
Do you want me to just go buy the Frozen?
I said fuck. Off Jill.
Why would she even ask you that? Does she know?
You at all, I thought. Jill, do you want me to get
angry? Also, she's not cooking, you
are, so why is she trying to cut corners?
Will you? Does she even know her own
daughter? Any starters?
Any desserts? No, I can't be asked with the
starter because it's just too much.
Oh I I always like a nibble cocktail.
I do like a breakfast brunch thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. A breakfast, brunch and then
have some nibbles, like nibbles and champagne and then obviously
dinner and then a cheese board later on in the evening.
Fantastic. And Chili's bought like sticky
top of pudding in that blesser. And.
On her own. Do you like sick?
You don't. She no, she bought it because
she knows that nobody else likes a Christmas pudding, so you've
got to eat. It a Christmas pudding?
Is that all I can say? Disgusting.
So Boxing Day food, I'm going to do bubble and squeak, which is
basically mashed potatoes with like the leftover vegetables
from the day before. So I only use Brussels sprouts,
So Scarlet doesn't like this, but whatever.
So I'm going to do bubble and squeak.
Jesus Christ, this is tough to get out.
Jacket potatoes is kind of like an additional thing.
People have any? Yeah, which is only to which
again, 10 is only traditional to your family.
This is this is where, you know, we all know that I'm a very fair
person. Yeah, give it to them.
OK, Delicious. Alright, add on.
Obviously cold meats, so we'll just probably have some like
vegetarian like sausage, maybe some more pigs and blankets like
that kind of thing. Oh, they the wicked now do that
like Turkey crown. So I want to buy that.
I want to see what. That is, now we can try.
That yeah, for sure. And and a big like salad and
homemade coleslaw, cheeses, pickled onions.
Your family do do a good. Boxing yeah.
So I'm that's the bit that I'm actually I'm, I'm beaming now.
It's a. Day food is just elite.
And then obviously you have all the like crisps, just all the
snacks as well. Cheese.
It's just cheese. Yeah, but I am gonna say I, I, I
think this year that I'm not gonna go overboard with buying
like the crisps and stuff 'cause I do think it gets like OTT.
And I do also think that it just like takes away for I.
I like to be hungry for Christmas.
Yeah, exactly. You don't ever be fucking around
like snacking the day, I think like the night before because
we're going to be down. Well, yeah, we're going to be
down in Cornwall where we will be in Cornwall when you're
listening to this, where Freya's mum lives and the 23rd or 24th,
she's going to have all of her friends around for Christmas
drinks and stuff. So obviously like the snack
element there with like breadsticks.
Dick and I think you should save your snacking for the cheese
boards. Yeah, agree when it.
Comes to like because Christmas Day is basically just going to
be me, Freya and my dad and Freya's mum.
I think between four people buying a shit load of snacks
it's just a waste. Chilly Bell, though, will she?
Yeah, she'll buy it. She.
Probably like spending money. No, she does for like Christmas.
She likes buying snacks. OK, fair enough.
Anyway, I think on that note, I think this is the end of the.
I'm hungry now. I'm.
I'm really hungry now. Yeah, I'm really, actually
really want a homemade coleslaw and a jacket potato.
Same. Should we do?
It the salad. No 'cause you were having your
Kalin chickpea. Salad, no, but I'm happy to have
a jacket potato. It's not like with.
What with what I'd have my Matuna sweet.
Corn. Oh, I was gonna do a homemade
coleslaw. I thought that was.
What? Yeah, but yeah, I could have
that jacket. I'd have that on the side.
Yeah, you can't just have a jacket potato and just shove a
bit of coleslaw in it. Really let yourself down for a
culinary cream on this episode. I don't fucking care what we
have. I really.
I would be happy for a jacket potato with tuna, sweet corn
and. What else could we have?
Beans and cheese, but that's a bit basic in it.
Let's go buy the bits. Let's go buy the bits.
Anyway guys, on that note, have an amazing Christmas.
If you're not celebrating Mary Lesnow, have an incredible day.
Happy holidays, Happy Holidays, we love you so much.
Mary Lesnas. Happy Clipmas.
Mary. Dykmas, Dyksemba and we'll see
you in the new year. We'll probably again, not
arranged, haven't thought about it, haven't got our shit
together. We probably will have a bit of a
break after this episode because we'll be back in London.
We. Need a little bit of summon?
Yeah, yeah, we'll be back in London on the 27th, no 28th ish.
And then obviously New Year's and then everything will be
shot. Need a few days to.
So don't expect us back until about the 10th of January.
Which is my birthday and don't shit what I've.
Not planned anything for free. No, I was speaking to Rhiannon
about this. We've got a plan.
About it. Oh fantastic.
We've got a local Yeah lives. Management has gone beyond the
workplace. So it's gone to everything.
Also manages day me as a person and B our relationship.
Love you too. We love you, lesbians quiz gays.
Whatever you are, we love you and whatever you whatever, Yeah,
whatever you want. No, we do love you and we will
speak to you soon. See you in the new year.
Bye bye.