Hello lesbians. I want to start off today a
little bit differently. It's Freya speaking, and I feel
like everyone wants to talk about this one thing that has
obviously happened within the USI think it's pretty clear
where we stand. We do not support Trump and we
were obviously rooting for Kamala Harris to be the next
president. I think now what's happened is
this really horrendous man has managed to get into power,
someone who you probably wouldn't trust to hold your
drink for you. I mean, I know that I certainly
would not be trusting him to hold my drink.
A man who has been convicted of multiple sexual assaults, fraud,
felonies, you name it. I mean, all hopes that can't
just go straight into jail. Do you know what I mean?
And just stays there. But regardless of whether he's
gotten in or not, I and I know that Scarlett feels the same.
We want you to know that we as the Lesbian Supper Club, we are
here for you. If you are in the States right
now and this was against your decision and you're feeling it
very, very hard like the rest of a lot of LGBTQ plus individuals
and also not to mention women, then fucking hell on this
podcast. And we will be as gay as
possible for you and try and shed some light on this
horrendous man getting into power.
And as much as people like to say it's just because you hate
Trump, it's based on facts. It's an opinion based on facts.
I'm not making up facts. You cannot possibly do that.
I as Auk citizen, I believe that I actually do have more
knowledge on the bills that he is looking to pass and the laws
he is looking to pass and already has passed that is
against the LGBTQ plus community and also women.
And that's the best case scenario.
The worst case scenario is I know exactly the same if not
less and they still voted him into power.
It is absolutely incomprehensible and I feel for
all of you who just didn't want this asshole to dictate your
bodies, your lives, your freedom.
And when people say to me and Scarlett, they say this is a
lesbian supper club page. Why are you getting political?
This is on Instagram. I don't know how else I can say
this to you. Being a lesbian, being a woman,
being anything under the LGBTQ plus umbrella.
We unfortunately are heavily impacted by politics.
Heavily. Not only that, it is also there
to build laws that restrict our freedom because we are gay,
because we are a woman. So you want to ask me why I'm
political on a lesbian podcast or a lesbian page?
That is why. Because the whole purpose of our
podcast is for equality. It's for representation.
You want to I, I just, it baffles me.
It baffles me. But sometimes you just cannot
argue with thick. You cannot, like it is
impossible to argue with Dick, but I think just like in this
time now, you can't change what has happened.
You just can't. OK, let's let's just OK, park
that to the side we go. How are we going to ensure I,
like myself and my friends and my family, are safe, happy,
secure? And I think that by sticking
together tighter than ever within the LGBTQ plus community
or the allies and the women that are all on the same page, that
is the most unbreakable thing that you can do.
Because as soon as you will start pointing fingers at one
another, it's just going to get so much worse.
And they also want you to be hysterical, These right wing
bigots, not a fucking tooth in their head.
People love seeing liberal people get up and there's a
fucking good reason why we're upset.
Yeah, of course there is, but they they love it.
They thrive off it. They think that we are
uneducated. They probably don't have one
singular GCSE between the whole family.
That's you know, but it's fucking it's a classic and it
happens everywhere. It happens everywhere.
But the main thing to do is just yet we we stay together.
I really hope that these laws and bills is trying to pass,
especially within Project 25, which of course he will love to
say that he has no involvement in, even though 25 of his
administration wrote it and 140 of his employees work on it.
So he's got dementia, he's got severe cognitive like
dysfunction, or he's lying. Which one do you fucking think
it is? OK.
We've just got to hope that those don't get passed.
And in the meantime, be so kind to yourself.
Be so kind to other people. Don't let this make you wish
that you were any different than you are, please, because there
is nothing better than living your truth and feeling that
freedom. This is something that people
like that are never going to feel, never going to feel
because they are not one either brave enough or they just lack
that empathy. Imagine living a life where you
lack empathy. You're a miserable human being
and talk about miserable human beings.
I really want to talk today about mental health.
I know that me and Scarlett have like spoken about mental health
quite a bit on this podcast because I feel like it's super
relevant and also having better help as our sponsor.
I mean, come on, it's great and we love talking about mental
health. But recently I've just been
working a lot more on my mental health and kind of understanding
actually the impacts that it's had in my life.
And I only really want to talk about the areas that I've
personally like struggled with mental health because I feel
like, you know, I can definitely lend an ear and have some kind
of advice for people who, you know, suffered with something
that I don't that I have never gone through.
But I think it's always best to hear it from someone who's
actually gone through it or is going through it.
I think you all know, I mean, I've mentioned it before, like
how bad my anxiety, it's like I have like a generalized anxiety
disorder. It's more like a panic disorder
where it will, I will spiral into panic attacks and some days
obviously much better than others.
But when I tell you it's so fucking exhausting, it is
sometimes just debilitating. And not only does it make me
feel kind of, it makes me feel like I want to jump out of my
own skin. It makes me feel like I don't
want to be here. It makes me want to completely,
I mean, just erase myself, like get out, get out.
It becomes so overwhelming. But also then I feel sorry for
people who are around me and people who have to deal with it.
You know, whether that be Scarlet, whether it be family,
friends, I, I feel terrible within those moments because and
by the way, no one's made me feel terrible about it, but it
makes you feel really the way that I can put it is like
pathetic as it makes me feel pathetic.
And I think my ADHD has quite a lot to do with that because
obviously I think it's got to do with that and also like
rumination. So if you've got a DHDI think
it's a lot easier to spiral. It's harder to talk yourself out
of a spiral when you have ADHD because your brain just is wired
so differently. And some people suffer in
different areas, like struggling different areas with ADHD, But
for me, a big part of mine is rejection sensitivity dysphoria
and that like emotional dysregulation.
And so therefore it's hard to kind of understand those
feelings and walk through them and get out the other side.
And instead, sometimes I'll be like the fucking Tasmanian devil
in my head. And there's too many thoughts to
even to even grab one to like understand what that is or where
that's come from. And also, it'll just make me go
to point blank, worst case scenario at all times.
It is a miserable, miserable existence.
And the same goes for depression.
I think for a while I didn't really think that I suffered
with it. And I think a lot of it does
have to do with the fact that I have anxiety.
I think the anxiety came first before the depression.
And I think that the amount of times where I feel like anxiety
has ruined just about every amazing thing in my life.
It doesn't mean that those things weren't still amazing and
I didn't enjoy them, but that anxiety was still there.
And the only time when I've ever really been able to enjoy
something is so why the fuck am I crying?
It's like in the past. So.
So I think about that, that thing and be like, oh, yeah,
that that holiday was really fucking good.
And like, I had a great time. And then I'm like, oh, why
couldn't I felt like that when I was there?
And I think it's because when I know it's because the whole time
that I'm there, there's that worry that something is going to
happen and my body is fucking rearing itself like ready to go.
So when it's in the past already, I'm like, nothing bad
happened. It was great.
So I kind of can just see that for what that is.
It's tiring. But yeah, I think it's that.
I know that a load of you guys agree.
And so many of you have asked me about this and This is why I'm
going into the detail. But you know, you have that
anxiety that stops you from enjoying the things that you
love. And then that builds this kind
of like resentment in your body. Your your brain learns behaviors
really not words. It learns those behaviors.
It learns. I won't like that if I go there
because I had a panic attack the last time and it was quite
literally a pub. Do you know what I mean?
Or it like it wasn't a dangerous space.
I had all my friends there. It was great.
But my anxiety was saying go the fuck home.
And the amount of times I have to force myself to stay in
situations because I understand as well that going at home, it's
just telling your body that, yeah, you were completely right
with the anxiety shit. Like 100% I had to get the fuck
out of there. You have to feel the fear and do
it anyway. And that is one of the hardest
things to do. And that goes for anxiety and
depression. And then depression, I think is
like a whole other ball game because it it makes you lose
love out of your life and lose that light and it changes who
you are for, by the way, not forever, but it changes your
perception and you start to second guess yourself.
You no longer trust yourself. You don't want to be in your own
skin. You want everything to just be
over. You want the struggle to be
over. It doesn't mean that you
necessarily are like suicidal within those moments, but you
just want it to be over. You don't want to feel those
things anymore and you get kind of desperate.
You want it to just go away. And then when those that when
you are like a ruminator, but like me, it's like you will like
hang on to those thoughts and you will have a circuit of
thoughts that just kind of go around and around and around.
And it's because you're trying to control something that you
don't have any control of. And you're trying to make sense
out of things and you're almost trying to think that it's going
to give you like a justification, but it just
won't. Like you will never gain
anything from ruminating. You'll never gain anything from
going over the same scenario 100,000 times.
What you can do, you can build on your present and your future.
You can build on that. And it is hard.
And let me just say, like if you even managed to get out of bed
today, fucking well done. When you are depressed and
obviously people deal with depression so many different
ways and so many different tactics work for different
people and obviously there are different levels as well.
But that massive hurdle of that day could have been just getting
out of bed for somebody else. That massive hurdle could have
been going to work. The other person could have been
going out for dinner with a friend.
And and it can also fluctuate as well, right?
It can always be different. But if you have done those
things, you need to congratulate yourself every single time.
You can't say fucking hell wise it's so hard to do this thing.
God, I just wish it was easier, blah, blah, blah.
No, no, no, you go, I'm going there.
I'm so proud of myself for doing that.
I'm so proud of myself for getting out.
I'm so proud of myself for having a shower.
I'm so proud of myself for brushing my teeth.
You have to. Even though you don't love
yourself within this moment of depression, you need to force
yourself to tell yourself affirmations of love and
kindness. It is so hard.
It is so hard and it makes you flip out and it's so hard trying
to love yourself when the depression has made you feel
like an entirely different person, a person that you don't
recognize. So in your head you're thinking,
how the fuck am I supposed to love this?
Because I don't love what's going on right now and I don't
love this person. This person isn't me.
But you need to show that person love because that person, you
are still there, right? And that person, the more that
you shed that love on it, you're just kind of washing away,
washing away, washing away and bringing back your core, your
person, who you are. And depression takes the most
lightest, beautiful souls. It has no mercy.
It doesn't matter who you are, doesn't matter how much money
you have or how many friends you have or success, family, house,
whatever it might be, it doesn't matter.
It has no type. Depression is basically like the
mental health version of a slag. It doesn't really matter who you
are, what you got. They'll fuck you anyway.
Do you know what I mean? Like, like the depression will
fuck you anyway. And I think that sometimes in
those moments of lightness, and it could just be that you saw
something really cute. You saw a dog earlier when you
were getting a coffee that really, like, warmed your heart
or you watched a film that made you feel better.
You know, those things you need to, like, be like, fucking.
Yeah. Like, there is.
There is goodness. And we've and we've been in that
good place before. It's so trust me, you'll really
saying Freya, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up.
And I and I get it. I get it.
I fucking get it honestly. Like fuck, it's exhausting.
It is fatiguing. It makes you hate everything in
your fucking life. But Jesus Christ, please just
listen to me as the voice of reason, as someone who knows
exactly how it feels that you kind of raise this.
You can get over it. And you will have your moments
of flipping out and say you've had a few weeks where you're
feeling so much better. You've been able to do normal
things again. And you're like seeing your
friends. You're managing to laugh and
you're and then you have that one day on a Thursday and you
fucking break down in tears and you can't leave your room.
It doesn't mean it's coming back.
It's because healing isn't linear.
Healing doesn't just go whoop, let's fucking go.
It's not like a plane. It's basically like a turbulent
plane, actually. It's like you will get up there
and you will have some rocky moments.
It doesn't mean that the plane is going to crash.
It just means that you are still on your journey to reach this
destination that you can't wait for, but you're up in the air
and you've managed to get off the runway and you're up here
and you're doing the best that you can and you are carrying all
of those problems. So depression is like a plane
now that I've decided you are carrying all those problems,
you're carrying all that baggage, you are lifting the
load. You are a fucking heavy machine
and you're supposed to fucking fly when you're a machine, a
metal machine on the ground and someone's saying you need to
fucking fly now. And you're going, no, because
I'm literally like 20 tons. I don't even know how fucking
heavy is a plane. I don't know.
You're like, I am literally, I am this huge fucking thing with
some little wheels. How on earth am I supposed to
get up there? And the more and more
encouragement, the more engineers work on you and you
finally realize that you've got these, like you've got these
turbines behind you and some wings.
And those wings can be the people that really fucking help
you and who are just or even just there for you or even your
own thoughts that are there for you.
And those turbines is the power. That's the power that you need
to push yourself. And not too much by the way, but
you need to give yourself that like healthy encouragement.
And then you find yourself slowly gliding up.
And then when you are up, you will have those moments of
turbulence where it feels like you're going to fail and you
feel like you're going to crash because you've still got all
these people on board. You still got all these problems
on board, but whilst you're up in the air, those problems are
so much lighter than they were when you're on the ground and
you are about to reach that beautiful destination that's
going to make you feel warm and happy again and be able to enjoy
your life. But it takes time.
And some people's flight could be to fucking Santorini.
The next person's flight could be to Bali.
Like it's a we all just process things differently and that's
absolutely OK. I think comparison is the thief
of joy. Don't compare yourself to
anyone. And I think sometimes as well,
that's what's hard. Like people find depressed
people, right? And then they compare themselves
to that person and then that person might start feeling
better before you do. And then you're like, what the
hell, Right now I'm alone. I think The thing is with mental
health as well, it's such a lonely feeling like you, you
feel alone. You could be in a room full of
people. You feel so alone.
And it's something that when I was younger, like the only way
that I can really put it, it is like I've always felt like my
life has been like a very like long struggle.
I've struggled a lot in my life with so many different things.
And I really, I really tried, like I spent so many years
trying to better, whether that be myself or my career, partner,
friendships, family issues. And I pushed and pushed and
pushed like against all odds. And I did finally get to a spot
where I, you know, I get to plenty of spots where I feel
better. Like I'm so I'm so proud of
everything that I've managed to achieve.
And that's why sometimes it can be so frustrating that I still
feel this way because I thought that once I achieve everything I
wanted and I have more money, more friends, that I'll feel
better and that the anxiety will just wash away.
And that kind of depression, those past issues that I haven't
actually dealt with properly will just go away.
And that's not how it works, unfortunately.
I wish someone told me, no, it doesn't work.
I mean, I'm in a way I'm kind of glad for it because I'm like,
that is what strived me to do as well as I could in my life.
And I'm, by the way, I'm still going.
I don't feel like I've reached the peak, but like, that was
what strived me was that I was like, I will feel better.
So I'm kind of glad that it was there in a way, you know,
because I feel like I probably wouldn't have achieved as much
as I have so far at the age of 30 then I would have done had I
not had those issues. You know, I think it's like
trying to see the Silver Linings maybe.
But it does. It does get better and I know
that it gets better and I've definitely had moments in life
where I felt 100 times better than I feel today, for instance.
And I've had days where I felt 200% worse.
So I think it's about remembering those things that
you can put that effort into. But fucking hell, like, I don't
know about you guys, but I also feel like intro prospection.
I think that's the word introspection is where you is
basically where you where you are always thinking about your
mental health in the sense where and just the person that you are
because you're trying to like continually like better things.
You're trying to analyze things and sometimes we don't need to
analyze everything. Not everything can be put down
to an attachment type. Not everything can be put down
to a mental health illness. Not everything can be put down
to a neurodivergency. Sometimes we are just who we
fucking are and we are all humans and you can't just shove
a fucking label on everything because it's just not how it
fucking. It's just not how it works.
Like you need to be able to have more like compassion for just
the person that you are and be like, I said no to that because
I just didn't want to fucking go or I, you know, and just own
your shit and be like, yeah, I got angry.
You know, I don't want to maybe I don't want to have to talk
about like all the fucking triggers which got me to that
point. Like I just say like something
angered me and I got angry because we're still animals.
We still have that like animalistic instinct that's
within us, right? To have that like right out,
like to have that thing that goes that like protection.
You know, I don't know. I think I think as well, like
obviously with mental health issues, I don't know if it's
because people within the LGBTQ community are more open.
We talk about it more, but I do actually think that we similarly
just kind of suffer with a lot more in our lives, a lot more
adversity where we face homophobia every day, whether it
be microbe, we face it. We worry about telling a
stranger that we've got a girlfriend.
We worry that any person really just won't accept you for who
you are and true truly just based on your sexuality.
So it's no longer got to do with your personality.
It's got no longer to do with the way that you look.
You know that your your worth is up to debate with just about
anyone just purely based on your sexuality.
So basically just be a cunt because they're going to hate
you anyway. And sometimes you can't kill
people with kindness. Sometimes you just can't.
Like I feel like people, people don't like what they don't
understand. People don't like what they're
scared of because potentially it triggers a little something
inside of them. It's not much you can do, but I
think everyone is like deserving of a different answer.
Some people I will go full on complete, I will humiliate you
mode and another time I will just literally laugh and just
walk away because it's just not worth my energy.
You know, if that's your if that's your thought, I'm not
here to convince you. I'm not here to convince you to
be a decent human being. That's not my job.
And this is another reason as well, guys, why I fucking
obviously, if you're in a safe space to do so, I lead with
telling new people that I meet that I have a lesbian podcast,
I've got a girlfriend, etcetera. I lead with that because it's
gonna give me an answer as to whether I continue on that
conversation or not because if they react weirdly, I will
remove myself. I have no fucks given and people
say you have no shame. It's like no, they have no
fucking shame. And they also just don't deserve
to be in my fucking company. That they don't deserve to be in
my company. They don't deserve to have that
conversation. They don't deserve to fucking be
in the air that I breathe. I will leave.
I don't deal with that anymore because I find it pathetic.
And I think that especially when it comes to lesbians, I think
that women are like forced and ingrained to appease men.
And so as soon as a man like says that like, oh, can I join
or whatever. I know a lot of women,
unfortunately, because they are trying to appease men and
because they don't want to upset them, they don't want to make it
awkward. They'll make a joke out of it
or, you know, they'll feel uncomfortable, but carry on that
conversation. And I think for me, I have to
look them up and down and be like, even if I was straight,
there is no fucking way I'd go near you.
People who say jokes when you come out are so little.
They're like little small men or a little small women.
But let's be real, it's usually men.
And also like circling back to the Trump thing, obviously it's
terrifying that there's our boys in school saying your body my
choice. But what I can't wait for, I
can't wait for the gay men to say it.
I can't wait because if it's all men that are going to go around
saying your body my choice, please let it be the gay ones
and see what happens. OK?
You see how it feels when a big old burly gay comes your way
with a your body my choice Do you puny little man?
I don't understand why men believe that they have power
over women's bodies. They certainly fucking don't.
You don't owe men shit. I mean people say not all men.
I can't be asked you know who you are if you're not that guy,
right? That I'm talking about may not
be not all men, but it is all men that are doing this shit.
OK. And unfortunately now there are
female supporters of Trump even with all of this anti female
laws and they're pro-life. I'm pro-life, I'm pro-life.
I'm pro existing lives too. No, God, I'm not pro-life.
Fuck, no, I don't No, I mean, like I'm, I know no, I'm
pro-choice. I'm pro-choice.
I'm pro-choice, but I'm pro-life for the person carrying that
baby. I'm pro-life for the person that
got fucking raped and they are now carrying a baby that they do
they cannot categorically have. It will be trauma.
I'm pro-life for the women that are suffering with multiple
years of abuse or they then get pregnant and then the the the
fetus is, is decaying inside of them.
And this recently happened in Georgia.
This recently happened in Georgia as a 28 year old woman
and she took Plan B, but it left some of the fetal composition
within her body and it started to cause an infection within her
body. So she went into the hospital in
Georgia, in Atlanta. They couldn't physically remove
that dead, decaying fetus inside of her.
So they waited and they waited and they waited until she got
sicker and sicker and sicker and then they performed the surgery
and she died. And this is the reality that
sadly, we are now facing. This was a procedure that would
have been quite routine and these doctors would potentially
have faced 10 years in jail for performing it.
And she has a six year old little boy that now doesn't have
a mom, a 28 year old. She's two years younger than me
and this is what you're after when you're going pro-life?
pro-life, Fuck off. Just fuck off.
Educate yourself, get some education.
Why? Like also, why the fuck do you
care? Why do you care what other
people do about their body? Why do you care whether they are
bought a baby or not? So literally, it's the furthest
thing that has got to do with me.
But yeah, I think, can you tell I'm fucking wound up today?
I just think that honestly, the education system needs a revamp,
but it's not going to get it because Trump wants to ban a
load of books too, honey, a load of very important books.
But God, fucking hell, Freya, this is a depressing episode.
I'm sorry, guys, I am sorry. I think that I haven't I haven't
been in the best space this week.
It's been a hard week for me. And I'm just trying to be honest
because I felt like I felt, I felt a little bit less alone
when I'm like sat here and I'm talking to you, I feel like I'm
able to actually talk to people and, and I don't feel incredibly
judged. I think it's kind of easier that
you're not sat in the room with me.
I'm going to be honest. But it's, it's good.
It's good and it's therapeutic. And I promise, not every single
episode is going to be depressing.
So if this is the first one that you're listening to, I'm sorry,
but I need to sometimes be fucking real.
And sometimes we need to talk about the hardship and sometimes
you need to be encouraged. Sometimes you need to hear
what's going on with people's lives because it's just real
life. And I mean, I know that I, I
find solace like hearing someone who I listen to normally, like
talk about their issues in their life and their mental health
struggles because I'm like, OK, so yeah, I, I'm really not
alone. I know I put on the best front
ever. I know that people never guess
that there's any mental health issues apart from being like
clinically insane. No, I, I think it's weird.
It's funny because, yeah, I'm a very outgoing person.
And so I think that there's this kind of stereotype that I, well,
you don't really suffer from that.
And it's like, no babe, I do. I do.
And so it comes in all different shapes and sizes.
Guys, I didn't even fucking, I didn't even find a Horror Story
to read out because I'm literally a well, I will say one
thing though, guys, Oh my God. If you do have ADHD and you
suffer with like depression, take your meds or get prescribed
some meds that are good at regulating emotions.
Because I didn't take it Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and I was in a
hole, a spiraling hole. I was literally like I couldn't
even walk on the Wednesday morning.
I took my pill that I remembered.
I went to go and get a coffee and like whilst I was going to
get a coffee. By the way, guys, this was a
struggle. I bumped into my friend whilst I
looked like something deranged. She looked at me like, Oh my
God, OK. And I'm like, yeah, I know.
And then I went to go and get my coffee, came back still
depressed, tried to do some work.
And then it went like, Ding. I was like, oh, oh, oh, yeah,
OK, that's better, that is better.
And I was like, oh man, I'm a fucking idiot.
I actually am. I've just lost three days.
I'm a fucking idiot. I cleaned my house, I went over
to Westfields, bought a new Hoover, picked up our new
phones. Oh my God, I could eat again.
Christ, fuck, what a fucking idiot.
Anyway, we'll be doing that again.
And yeah, I think, I don't know what I was thinking by not
taking them. It was stupid.
It was dumb. But anyway, guys, speeds you
say? Oh by the way, also God Jesus
Christ, I did actually take my meds today.
I don't feel like they're working on the 22nd of this
month. We've got another lesbian pub
night which I cannot wait for. The one last month was just a
fucking hilarious Oh my God, and you guys bring it every single
time. So if you want to come have a
look at the link in the bio 22nd.
It's on a Friday, which is great.
And also I'm going to pop in some links in there as well
because like if anything I've said is like resonated with you.
Obviously I always advocate for therapy through better help, but
also you feel that you really need that like severe help and
like right now, like emergency care.
I will put those links in there. So you have access.
I'm here for you reach out. I love talking about this kind
of stuff and I promise you I'll be happier next time.
But I love you all and I'll speak to you next week.
Bye.