1 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:17,840 Hello everyone, welcome to this week's episode of the Lesbian 2 00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:21,920 Supper Club podcast. Today you were joined by 3 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:26,200 Scarlet. I am holding on by a thread. 4 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:30,640 I've had a chest infection this week and it's quite pathetic 5 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,240 actually that as soon as the weather changes even a little 6 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:38,280 bit, I combust. So we're in for a long winter. 7 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,480 I'm not looking forward to it. I've stacked up with vitamin D 8 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:43,600 already, sunbeds at the ready. Joking. 9 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,000 But yeah, it's not looking great. 10 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:51,360 I need some holidays booked in. Tell me where I can go over the 11 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:57,400 winter months so I can survive this awful British weather and 12 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,440 winter. And if you are the type of 13 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:07,800 person listening to this podcast and you enjoy winter, we can't 14 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,920 be friends. We're just not the same type of 15 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,400 person. And that's fine. 16 00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:16,160 But I don't need that negativity in my life. 17 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,240 Yeah, I don't get it. Why does anyone like winter? 18 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:23,240 What do you like about it being dark, Cold. 19 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:25,840 No offense. Why does anyone like Christmas? 20 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:29,760 It's just not for me. None of none of this season is 21 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,480 for me. But I'm hoping that LSE will 22 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:37,080 bring travel events elsewhere, which are underway now and in 23 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:41,920 planning, which is amazing. And yeah, I can escape for 24 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:46,320 hopefully relatively long intervals so I don't end up with 25 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:51,040 just constant chest infections. There's a few things I actually 26 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:54,960 want to discuss on this week's episode of the podcast. 27 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:59,400 The first thing that I just want to discuss, tackle, have a 28 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:04,840 little rant about is Betty Who. And I don't know if anyone knows 29 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:07,400 who Betty Who is. And if you don't keep it that 30 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,320 way. If you do, I'm sorry. 31 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:16,200 I didn't know until she recently done an interview on the Made It 32 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:19,160 Out podcast. And look, I haven't listened to 33 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:23,080 the whole episode. Funnily enough, I actually don't 34 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:26,720 really listen to podcasts, which I probably shouldn't admit 35 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:29,440 considering I literally host one, but I don't. 36 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:33,000 The same as I don't really listen to new music and the same 37 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:36,400 as I don't really watch TV. It's just I'm just not good. 38 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:40,560 I feel like my brain is just so busy in my internal dialogue. 39 00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:44,400 It's not often that I find the time or even like have a 40 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:47,560 conscious thought to follow something called watch something 41 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:49,800 or do something. So I haven't listened to the 42 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:53,360 whole episode, but I have listened to a large proportion 43 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,680 of all of the problematic shit that she said. 44 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,560 And I've listened and looked at a lot of people's reactions. 45 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:05,040 And basically it's just another person in this community. 46 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,880 And I say another. And I don't want to put this 47 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:12,240 under the umbrella of the Fletcher situation because I 48 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,600 think we've discussed the Fletcher situation at length. 49 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:19,600 And I'm not here to bypass anyone's experience, their queer 50 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,920 experience, their queer journey. And you know, going back to the 51 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:26,560 Fletcher situation briefly, that for me was a huge timing issue 52 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:30,720 and not about the situation itself, but what this person, AK 53 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:36,120 Betty who said on this podcast, I find highly, highly 54 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:39,960 problematic because this again is someone who has propositioned 55 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:45,840 themselves as lesbian focused queer for years now, all the 56 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:50,560 while having a male partner who I think from looking at 57 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:53,080 comments. And as I say, I didn't know much 58 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:56,240 or anything actually about this person before these episodes or 59 00:03:56,240 --> 00:04:00,480 this episode arose. But this person has now got a 60 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:04,040 boyfriend or has had a boyfriend for a long period of time and, 61 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,680 you know, was making comments about how it was basically the 62 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,640 best love that she's ever had. Great. 63 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,040 But you're literally on a lesbian podcast. 64 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:15,800 And again, we're getting battered left, right and centre. 65 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,720 Not really useful conversation to be honest. 66 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,079 Like, that's good, that's great for you. 67 00:04:20,079 --> 00:04:22,880 I'm very happy. But we don't really need you to 68 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,160 be saying this like, all good and well, say this to your 69 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:27,640 friends, but why are you coming on a public platform and a 70 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:32,800 lesbian podcast? And it is a lesbian podcast to 71 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,400 jump up and down and talk about how straight love is the best 72 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:39,520 love that you've ever found. Because like, not helpful, never 73 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,400 really helpful. Because generally people are 74 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:45,320 listening to these podcasts for community, for their voices to 75 00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:50,200 be heard and for understanding. And yet you're going on there 76 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,400 and choosing that of all the podcasts that you could choose 77 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,920 to say that on, you choose to do it on a lesbian podcast. 78 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:59,600 And you then go on and make really unhelpful comments about 79 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:03,440 other artists that have come out, For example, Renee Rapp, 80 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:07,720 and has been like such an amazing advocate for the lesbian 81 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:11,960 community and has been so forthcoming and grounded in who 82 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:16,840 she is in her label and how she wants to identify and how, like, 83 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:20,280 men just don't come into that in any way, shape or form for her. 84 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:22,760 And she had to go on her own journey to do that. 85 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:27,120 And you make unhelpful comments saying, oh, well, if in 10 years 86 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:30,480 Renee Rapp decides that she meets a man, then we hold space 87 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,640 for her. What are you talking about? 88 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:37,840 Like if she does come out in 10 years and meets a man, then 89 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:41,160 fine, but then she wasn't a lesbian, was she? 90 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:47,240 Like she has come to an arrival that she is queer or pan or 91 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:51,760 bisexual and isn't a lesbian. But right now and she's very 92 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,200 much like honed in and very much positioned. 93 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,720 And I think from her perspective, we'll continue to 94 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:59,280 position herself is like a lesbian. 95 00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:03,680 The same as I genuinely, genuinely can say to an absolute 96 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:08,840 near Infinity, if you ever catch me with a man that's not me. 97 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:12,880 Like if I ever come out publicly with a boyfriend that that ain't 98 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:14,720 me. Like I've been abducted and 99 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:18,320 replaced. Because I can say with absolute 100 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:25,600 certainty I am not attracted to men in any way, shape or form. 101 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:30,240 And I know so many people can argue, well, it's about the 102 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:32,320 person and it's about the emotional connection. 103 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:36,280 Great, good. But fundamentally, I am not in 104 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,880 any way shape or form attracted to men. 105 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,440 The male anatomy, the way that they smell, the way they feel 106 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:44,920 like, literally everything about them. 107 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:48,440 No offense guys, because I like men as people. 108 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:52,080 But I am not interested and never will be. 109 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:56,360 And that is absolutely fine. And I don't need anyone that 110 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:59,480 doesn't identify as a lesbian, which is absolutely fine in 111 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:04,160 their prerogative, telling me that that could change in a 112 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:08,600 society where we get told that and have been told that 113 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:13,120 basically as lesbians throughout our whole journey. 114 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:17,200 It's just unhelpful. And like, of all the things we 115 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:22,120 could be talking about for this community right now, your fear 116 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:27,800 of rejection in this current climate of how bad it is, it's 117 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:31,280 just just shut up. Like, I'm probably not saying 118 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,800 this in a very politically correct way because I'm really 119 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:37,920 quite pissed off about it actually, but it's just not 120 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:41,720 helpful. Like, yes, it's everyone can sit 121 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:44,240 here and talk about their experiences and yes, the queer 122 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:47,600 community and the gay community and the LGBTQ plus community is 123 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,760 for everyone. And it's but right now your 124 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:57,400 effect of feeling, I can't even use the word fear potentially 125 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:03,720 like minutely outcasted by this community for dating a man or 126 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:07,280 having a boyfriend or whatever. It's not the same as like people 127 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:10,640 literally being killed, not being able to get married to 128 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:14,000 that other half anymore, their rights to have children being 129 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,880 taken away from them. Like can we just take a step 130 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:20,920 back and accept that sometimes things just aren't always about 131 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:24,640 us as in Betty who, like you talk about how much you love 132 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:29,080 this community and yet used also really harmful terms like the 133 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:31,880 alphabet society in this climate. 134 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,240 That's when you choose to do it in this climate. 135 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:38,960 And I don't want to come out publicly either and speak I'll 136 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:42,559 of or diss anyone in the media because like putting yourself 137 00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:45,960 out there in in whatever form publicly is super hard. 138 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,080 And I've spoken about this before and I've had my own 139 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:49,720 struggles with it and issues with it. 140 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:58,600 But to the host, you run a lesbian podcast and I can say in 141 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:03,640 very good faith that if that person was sat in front of me 142 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:07,160 saying the things that she was saying and talking about this 143 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:10,320 community in the way that she was talking about it, just not 144 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:11,840 on my books. I'm sorry. 145 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,360 Like that was very poorly handled. 146 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:18,800 And again, it's just doing so much harm to this community in 147 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,720 a, in a time where we are literally getting kicked from 148 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:25,320 every angle whilst being someone that you put yourself out there 149 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,760 in the media is super difficult and you don't ever want to 150 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:31,360 offend people, of course. And you're, you're hosting this 151 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:34,360 podcast and you don't want to upset anyone and she's in front 152 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,840 of you. But like, if you're going to put 153 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:40,440 yourself out there as a lesbian podcast, then fight for your 154 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:43,360 this lesbian group and like fight for the lesbian community 155 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,400 primate. Like if you're a lesbian, I love 156 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,800 this that I love this community. I speak all the time about how 157 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:50,360 much I love this community wholly and fully. 158 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:53,920 But this is a lesbian podcast because I'm a lesbian. 159 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:57,640 This is my experience and and I want to give a voice to 160 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:01,840 primarily lesbians. And I couldn't sit opposite 161 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:06,040 someone who was able to shit on this community and basically 162 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:09,760 invalidate us again, like tell us that our sexuality just isn't 163 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:13,440 real and just kind of nod long. I first would have challenged 164 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:18,600 the shit out of it A&B if she doubled down, told her that she 165 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,120 wasn't welcome on the podcast anymore. 166 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,320 And that's not the LGBT community or the lesbian 167 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:26,360 community outcasting you for having a boyfriend. 168 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:28,200 No one gives that much of A shit. 169 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:32,880 We care when you can't just have a boyfriend and shut the fuck up 170 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:35,880 about us. You have to have a boyfriend and 171 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:40,840 then make it about you and make it about how it's an issue that 172 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:45,760 this community may not look at you in the same way if they feel 173 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:49,120 that they've been taken advantage of because again, they 174 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:51,840 have been. And yeah, I probably, again, 175 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,480 didn't make a great point there about what I was trying to say 176 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,560 about any of this. But it is just fucking 177 00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:59,040 disappointing in the current climate that we're living in. 178 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:02,720 And I can promise you all that the guests that we get on, I 179 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:06,400 always trying to make sure I do due diligence and check and make 180 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:10,120 sure that they are people that reflect lesbian supper club 181 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:13,040 values under any time of the LGBTQ plus flag. 182 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:16,040 And you know, even there's been people now that I'm talking with 183 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,800 that are quote UN quote, you know, straight or or 184 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,960 heterosexual that I want to get on this podcast because I think 185 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,120 that they could bring a lot in other lenses. 186 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,080 Like Freya, for example, last week had one of our best friends 187 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,960 either on massive ally for the community. 188 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,320 Love her like it doesn't. You don't even really need to 189 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,520 queer, but you still have to have, you still have to sit on 190 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,080 the right fucking side of things, right? 191 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:41,400 And sometimes people can left field you during interviews. 192 00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:45,160 But if you're going to host a podcast, it's on your shoulders 193 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:48,120 to make sure that you put this community first. 194 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:51,080 And if you can't do that, then don't speak up on behalf of this 195 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:52,920 community. Because I may not always say it 196 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:56,480 right, but I'm always grounded in fighting for this community. 197 00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:58,920 And that goes for everyone as well, but lesbians first, 198 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:01,160 because this is what this podcast is. 199 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,960 And if you can't do that, put down the mic or if you make a 200 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,920 mistake, as far as I've seen, there's been no apology. 201 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:10,400 And I think sometimes that could go a really fucking long way. 202 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,600 So I'm sorry to have one that, again, listened to that felt 203 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,200 disheartened, felt let down by. But King Princess done a really 204 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:19,200 great job of breaking it down and basically laughing in the 205 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:23,120 face of this person, as did Renee Rapp, as did other amazing 206 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,760 people in the media. You're not alone and you're 207 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,480 upset about it and you're anger about it. 208 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,160 It doesn't make you an angry lesbian. 209 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:33,800 It makes you solid in who you are and it makes you want to 210 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:37,000 defend the person that you are and the label that you are and 211 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,000 the person that you've had to fight to become as well. 212 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:43,160 And don't let anyone shame you for that and make you feel like 213 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:46,960 you're not an accepting individual for simply calling 214 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,240 out. Well, it's homophobic rhetoric 215 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,640 basically, whilst you're sat there in a in a heterosexual 216 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:56,960 relationship and just shut the fuck up and stay away and don't 217 00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:02,800 get involved in queer or lesbian focused predominantly podcasts 218 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:06,360 if you can't come on and even at the very least go on your own 219 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:10,600 journey but still be an ally. So that was my little mini rant. 220 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,120 I love to I've just complained of and I've picked up the mic 221 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,760 and I've complained about the weather and I've complained 222 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:18,880 about someone. But both important things to me 223 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:24,920 on today's episode I wanted to talk about. 224 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:28,920 Well, first of all, I just want to say thank you so much for 225 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:31,840 everyone's responses and comments to my last episode 226 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,760 about living in the closet. It was. 227 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:38,960 It's so nice to hear your responses and to understand how 228 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:42,400 things land because you kind of sometimes are always walking 229 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,200 through the dark when you decide to. 230 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:47,480 Well, when I decide to do an episode on something, can I 231 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:52,440 choose a topic? I don't really think much about 232 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:55,600 it before I turn on the mic. I try and make it as kind of 233 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:59,760 authentic to me and how I think about things and how I approach 234 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:04,240 things, but it is always a bit terrifying because obviously the 235 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,280 topics are generally quite sensitive. 236 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:10,600 So I'm really grateful that it landed well and that it has an 237 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,280 impact. And I've said it before and I 238 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:16,000 say it again, that is why this podcast means so much to me is 239 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,320 that hearing from you guys and getting your responses about how 240 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:23,720 it's had a positive impact is like really, really rewarding 241 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,320 for me. And despite all of the struggles 242 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:29,920 sometimes I have in this world, and when I say this world, I 243 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:34,360 mean in the media world, that kind of stuff is what keeps me 244 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:37,200 going and keeps me focused and keeps me wanting to push on. 245 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:41,080 So I am super grateful and please don't stop D Ming me. 246 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,240 I tried to get back as much as possible. 247 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,600 Don't stop commenting on the podcast and giving feedback and 248 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:49,400 commenting on the episodes because it really does mean a 249 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,200 lot and it really does make a difference. 250 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:56,520 So off the back of my kind of living in the closet podcast 251 00:14:56,520 --> 00:15:01,320 episode, I wanted to talk about the flip side of that, which is 252 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:04,480 the the kind of lesbian side of that and which again, is a 253 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,120 universal experience. So I think we could say that a 254 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,720 universal experience of being in the closet has happened to a lot 255 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:16,320 of us for some period of our journey, some for a lot longer 256 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,960 than others. But it's something that we can 257 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:23,360 all likely understand of realizing that we're gay and 258 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:27,080 having to go through the absolute emotional turmoil that 259 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:31,680 generally it causes most of us to be able to step outside of 260 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,960 that closet and become who we are and then become confident in 261 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:36,840 who we are. But on the other side of that, 262 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:41,080 you've then got the lesbians who are having to deal or not having 263 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:44,400 to deal, although I suppose yes, having to deal, who find 264 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:50,240 themselves madly in love with a quote UN quote straight woman. 265 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:55,840 And I want to start this conversation off by saying if 266 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:59,240 you have ever found yourself in love with a quote UN quote 267 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:04,160 straight woman who has kissed you multiple times passionately, 268 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:08,320 done more than kiss you multiple times passionately, has said 269 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,920 things to you that you wouldn't say to a friend and you know 270 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,040 sure as shit they wouldn't say to one of their friends, AKA 271 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:18,560 straight friends, then you haven't fallen in love with a 272 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,280 straight woman because that doesn't happen. 273 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:27,560 You have fallen in love with someone who can't accept or 274 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,760 doesn't want to accept or isn't able to accept who they are. 275 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:34,680 And I really want to dig into this and what that does to a 276 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,600 person because it is excruciating. 277 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:41,120 And actually it happened to me and I think shock, I'm a lesbian 278 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:42,960 and it happened to me. Of course it did. 279 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,840 Again, universal experience. I challenge most people 280 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,760 listening to this to tell me that it hasn't happened to them. 281 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:49,720 And if it hasn't happened to them, you don't understand the 282 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,800 level of lucky that you are. It happened to me. 283 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:55,280 But even my circumstance in which it happened to me, looking 284 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,440 back now, was probably a relatively easier circumstance 285 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,320 because at the time that I was in love with a quote, UN quote, 286 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:05,760 straight person, I also was kind of toeing the line of pretending 287 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:09,960 that I was straight. And yes, I got to myself. 288 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:14,599 Like, yeah, I got to myself faster than this other person. 289 00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:21,079 And I think that I at the time was more open and able to 290 00:17:21,079 --> 00:17:28,040 explore who I really was. And therefore it was painful to 291 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:32,080 love someone who wasn't in the same space as me. 292 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:36,360 But I was also really young and it was also an experience and it 293 00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:39,400 was a learning curve. And looking back now, it shaped 294 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,360 me. And it, you know, it was a great 295 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:44,920 experience overall and I don't regret anything. 296 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:49,200 But it was like a really fucking excruciating 4 years of being in 297 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,640 love with someone who just wasn't able to love you back in 298 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,440 the way that you needed them to. Or rather was able to love you 299 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,840 back and did love you back in all the ways that you wanted 300 00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,680 them to, but couldn't be the person. 301 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:04,040 It couldn't be that person for you was never going to become or 302 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,800 or come out in the way that you wanted them to. 303 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:10,520 And you would never be able to live and experience a 304 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,080 relationship with them in the way that you so desperately 305 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:16,720 wanted them to because they just weren't on the same trajectory 306 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,560 as you. And I remember that like 307 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:24,440 absolute obsessive pain that that would cause me of 308 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,480 desperately and deeply loving someone. 309 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:32,000 And I was young, but like I loved this person hugely. 310 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,880 I've spoken about it before, like we're friends now and I 311 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,280 still love this person massively. 312 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:38,480 Obviously the love is very different, but at the time it 313 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:41,960 was like first love, groundbreaking. 314 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:45,200 Also realizing that like This is why I didn't feel the same as 315 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:49,480 all my friends because I was gay so hugely like emotional time. 316 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:52,800 But I was super young and obviously I still had a life to 317 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:56,240 lead and it was just the, the, it couldn't have happened at a 318 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,240 better time. I think as a lesson for me, 319 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,600 because I was so young that everything was a lesson for me. 320 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,520 And I was going through so much change, you know, like 321 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:08,680 university or moving to London, discovering who I was as a 322 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,160 person, a young adult. So it was kind of wrapped up 323 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,600 into all of that. So it wasn't like just a 324 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:17,760 singular hyper focus. But even outside of all of those 325 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:24,200 other things I had going on, it absolutely still consumed me 326 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,360 from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep. 327 00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:33,000 Like I was obsessed with her. And I genuinely thought one day 328 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:37,360 it will be us and everything will be good and the sun will 329 00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:40,000 rise and we'll be together on a beach and it will be 330 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:43,280 spectacular. And obviously this never 331 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:49,680 happened because I am a raging lesbian and she actually isn't 332 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:53,280 and wasn't, but was, you know, obviously on the spectrum in in 333 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:59,240 a slightly different way. And it was so painful to watch 334 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:03,120 someone that you love so desperately and you just want 335 00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:06,440 them to like just give you everything that you want from 336 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:10,320 them and they can't because they have this massive blocker in 337 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:13,040 their life. And then on top of that, usually 338 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:17,280 it then comes with the absolute fucking distress of having to 339 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:22,880 watch them with guys. Or get boyfriends or have 340 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:26,720 partners. And it's a really fucking shitty 341 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,640 place to be. And I don't think we speak about 342 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,400 it enough because I think in the community, we kind of like 343 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:37,640 nuance it and turn it into a bit of a joke because like it is 344 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:43,160 funny in a way that we all kind of find ourselves absolutely at 345 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:47,080 some point in our journey, utterly obsessed with someone 346 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:52,120 who is in the closet, identifies or or labels themselves as 347 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,880 straight because that's as far as they can go. 348 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:59,240 And can't, you know, obviously be what we want them to be. 349 00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:04,440 And then we know that going into it, obviously it never really 350 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,360 ends well. I'd like to hear some stories 351 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:08,280 actually where it has ended about ended well. 352 00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:12,160 And we put ourselves through complete emotional turmoil for 353 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:15,120 as long as it needs really. I think we're lesbians are 354 00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:19,120 concerned years, centuries wouldn't be long enough. 355 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:22,240 Actually, if we wanted it enough, we would kill ourselves 356 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:25,280 that the happy ending is there 9 times out of 10. 357 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:30,040 It's not these people find us for a reason, but it is. 358 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:33,560 And we all joke about it, I think because it is actually a 359 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:38,840 really quite like upsetting and for some a little bit traumatic. 360 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:43,280 But we kind of have to turn it into a joke because it's like if 361 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:46,280 you don't really laugh about it, you will just cry. 362 00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:49,040 And it may just be the final thing that sends you over the 363 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,760 edge because it is so utterly consuming. 364 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:54,440 And I think the problem with it is or the reason why this 365 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:59,800 happens is because usually these people, as in straight people 366 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:03,640 and from a lot of you have written in today and again, like 367 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,560 I'll read them out at the end, Some of them, the experience is 368 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:10,640 the same for everyone, which is generally you meet these people 369 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:15,000 in all these these other women in relatively basic 370 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:19,320 circumstances, you know, work colleague, friend of a friend, 371 00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:24,080 random meet somewhere. And you get this for some 372 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,360 reason, instant connection with them. 373 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:30,240 And the instant connection, let me tell you is because these 374 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:33,680 women obviously aren't straight. Like, let's just cut to the 375 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:35,680 chase of obviously what I'm going to say at the end of this 376 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,800 episode. Like, clearly they're not 377 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:45,280 straight because respectfully, no straight person is doing the 378 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:46,800 business. You know what? 379 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,480 Like, it takes, like, it takes a lot. 380 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,560 That's like me saying I'm a lesbian, but I could still do 381 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:56,200 the business with a guy, right? I ain't doing that because I'm 382 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,800 gay. And the thought of it literally 383 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:05,360 makes me feel violently unwell. So First things first, whatever 384 00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:08,720 they've told you or whatever they've told themselves clearly 385 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:13,560 isn't the fucking case, Is it? Because no straight person wants 386 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:18,160 to sleep with a woman, full stop, end of Whether you're the 387 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:21,760 first, the last, the first of the 50th, that they may go on 388 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:24,320 and still hide and tell themselves they're straight. 389 00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:30,480 Clearly that's not the case, but we almost go along with that 390 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:35,440 narrative because that gives them reason and gives us reason, 391 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,200 right? But generally, yes, we meet them 392 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:43,160 in relatively organic circumstances and we think we've 393 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,280 built such a great connection with this person. 394 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:49,520 And look, you may well do actually not may well do. 395 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:53,080 Of course, of course, you've built such a great connection 396 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:54,760 with them. And of course everything that 397 00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,520 you've experienced generally will be very true unless they're 398 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:01,440 a narcissist. But a lot of the time, why these 399 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,200 connections come about and the fire comes about with them so 400 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:11,520 much so is because when these people live so in the darkness, 401 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:16,400 in their own understanding of themselves, and they meet gay 402 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:20,680 people who are happy to be outward about their sexuality, 403 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:22,400 be confident about it and own it. 404 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:27,560 They almost like latch on to us. And I know that's quite a 405 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:30,040 negative way of speaking about this other party. 406 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,960 And I don't mean it in that way. I mean it in a way of it's like 407 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:37,560 almost kind of it's like inspiring to them, I think. 408 00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:39,840 And that I don't think they even consciously realise this. 409 00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,720 But I even see it all the time now, like sometimes when I meet 410 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:46,560 people, those straight girls, and these are girls who could 411 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:48,240 also absolutely be straight, by the way. 412 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:53,880 And I can see that they don't really have any gay friends or 413 00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:55,400 don't really know any gay people. 414 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:59,720 That when I say I'm a lesbian, you kind of see the like the 415 00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,760 eyes widen a bit and not in a negative way, in a way of being 416 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:06,360 like, oh, fuck. Like this is a like gay woman 417 00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:09,400 stood in front of me. And I think when you're in the 418 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,320 gay community and we kind of surround ourselves with each 419 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:15,160 other as much as we can, if we are able to find that community, 420 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:21,080 we forget that like, that is not most people's experience. 421 00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:23,640 And actually a lot of people can go through a large proportion of 422 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:27,720 their life not having really any queerness close to them. 423 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:32,400 And so I think the first kind of step in the connection is them 424 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:39,640 meeting us and being like, fuck, you're cool because you are gay 425 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,320 and you're outwardly saying you're gay and that's 426 00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:44,320 attractive. Like someone who is able to 427 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:47,920 stand up in who they are, whatever that may be, like gay, 428 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:51,760 straight, queer in the job, religion, like whatever is 429 00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:55,240 confidence is cool. And so I think that is always 430 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:59,240 the initial spark. And then what comes off of that 431 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:04,720 is intrigue because they won't know it, but obviously they're 432 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:07,440 probably gay or queer or bi or pan. 433 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:12,320 And they come at you with the questions and the intrigue and 434 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:17,040 you watch them watch because they are obviously like have 435 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:20,600 that innate thing inside of them which they don't understand. 436 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:25,960 But there is like this kind of emotional happening where they 437 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,400 want to then know everything. And this is again like a classic 438 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:29,800 experience, right? We all get it. 439 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:33,080 And some of them are just like fucking nosy straight women. 440 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,360 I'm not even going to talk about how men approach it. 441 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:37,800 I don't the least airtime I can give them at the moment, the 442 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:39,760 better. And some women just ask out of 443 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:44,280 genuine curiosity because again, as I've just said to a lot of 444 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,880 people, they don't they they're not around gay people. 445 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,400 So I understand, like I personally couldn't think 446 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:51,800 anything worse of asking a straight person how that 447 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:53,520 marriage is. But you know, each their own. 448 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:57,520 And so they come at you with the questions and then the questions 449 00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:01,400 lead into more questions. And then it's like they're 450 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,480 relating, not ever relating to the gayness, but being like, Oh 451 00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:09,240 yeah, like I I had this great friend or that's so cool. 452 00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:12,680 And so you start to kind of build that unique experience 453 00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:17,440 with this person. And generally when lesbians fall 454 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:22,800 in love with quote UN quote straight women, we are 9 times 455 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:27,120 out of 10, probably the first lesbian that they have been in 456 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,240 close dynamics to. I wouldn't say close proximity 457 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:32,440 because I'm sure you're not the first lesbian they've ever met, 458 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:36,080 but definitely within a circumstance of which they've 459 00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:40,080 been able to converse and open and ask those questions. 460 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:44,360 So they are then coming in quite strong. 461 00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,480 And again, this is what I don't think it's a conscious thing 462 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:50,600 from their side at all. This is like an innate like 463 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:52,760 something's rumbling inside of them. 464 00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:55,520 They don't even know what the fuck it is they will be telling 465 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,080 themselves. It's just because you're a 466 00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:00,320 really cool person. End of you're sat there telling 467 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:05,320 yourself, fuck, OK, I'll be their friend. 468 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,720 And deep down, you know, from the start, you've sat down 469 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:09,240 because you are attracted to them. 470 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:10,640 Like let's not all kid ourselves. 471 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:16,680 And so you end up initially in this friendship dynamic and the 472 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:22,120 friendship can be incredible. And you know, you can kind of 473 00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:25,720 span the real depths of of good friendships quite quickly 474 00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:31,280 because you will be attracted to them and you will therefore lust 475 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:34,640 after them as lesbians like to do even with other lesbians, let 476 00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:37,280 alone. And look, let's all be real. 477 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:43,080 Let's all be real, something a little bit unhealed in US wants 478 00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:46,560 to prove a point. And the chase is obviously fun 479 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:49,680 and it's like all of that serotonin and it's hot and 480 00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:51,080 whatever. So like you're going to be 481 00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:53,080 coming in it from that angle. They're going to be coming at it 482 00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:56,760 from an angle of like they feel seen whether they realise any of 483 00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,000 this or not. They feel seen. 484 00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,760 They've met someone who they can relate to more than their other 485 00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:02,840 friends, which they've probably told a lot of you as well. 486 00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:06,240 Like, oh, like I've had girlfriends my whole life, but 487 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,720 like, it's different with you. Yeah, babe, because I'm gay and 488 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:11,520 that you're, you're more attracted to me because of that. 489 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:16,080 And then so you build this like really lovely for a long time, 490 00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:18,080 I'm sure. Or for some of you, it will go 491 00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:20,680 zero to 100 quickly. Some of you will be slower 492 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:25,200 burners, but you build a really lovely friendship and then at 493 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:32,120 some point the tide changes on a night out at a restaurant, 494 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,880 toilets, what I don't know. Wherever it is, at some point a 495 00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:40,000 move will be made. And from what all of you kind of 496 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:43,040 have messaged me, the move usually comes from them as well, 497 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:48,720 which I like because obviously we are all respectful in this 498 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:53,000 community. And then it kind of starts from 499 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:57,360 there, like there'll be a kiss and you walk away being like 500 00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:02,320 fucking great, but also fuck. And they obviously walk away 501 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:05,960 with, I don't know because I've never been there, but I'm sure a 502 00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:10,200 whole host of really fucking troubling emotions and scary 503 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:11,800 emotions. And all they are saying to 504 00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:14,680 themselves at this point is like, what is it about this 505 00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:17,160 person? They're not sat there thinking 506 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:20,200 shit. The person that I thought I was, 507 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:23,040 even though deep down I knew the person that I thought I was, 508 00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:26,480 that I convinced myself as is maybe not that. 509 00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:29,520 And so that's too much to digest. 510 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:31,960 So what I'm going to do is I'm going to put all of these 511 00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,440 emotions and how I feel just onto this one singular 512 00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,240 individual because that is more digestible. 513 00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:42,720 And then you probably go through like a bit of a lull face of 514 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:45,880 back to friendship and then it happens again. 515 00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:53,360 And then you usually get into the I want this but or I love 516 00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:55,560 you, but La La, la, la, la, la, la. 517 00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:59,760 And this is where like we all have to laugh at ourselves 518 00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:05,840 because, oh, you said in that one month, 26, a year, two 519 00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:07,920 years, I'm sure some of you listening to this probably done 520 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:13,560 it for a minimum of five because I don't know why because of 521 00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:14,560 that. Actually, maybe that's a 522 00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:18,400 question for our therapists, but again, like you've met someone 523 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:22,840 who you love and who has like come in at you, like Pollard, 524 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,080 like they've they've hyper focused on you because you are 525 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,280 kind of everything that they think is incredible that they 526 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,640 don't have within themselves. And so they are being that like 527 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:36,920 absolute force and you to them are that insane comfort and 528 00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:40,640 giving them like understanding that they've never even had. 529 00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:44,120 So the connection is obviously like super amazing and 530 00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:49,040 impactful, but it's also torturous because then you know, 531 00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:52,880 if you're you have to see them with a boyfriend or you become 532 00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:55,760 really good friends and you go out clubbing together and they 533 00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:57,600 look at you and then they're kissing a guy at the bar, which 534 00:31:57,600 --> 00:31:59,720 happened to me. And it was that was hell. 535 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:07,400 That was actual hell. And you want you get so angry at 536 00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:09,920 the time as well. You get so it's like it's like a 537 00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:13,960 fire in your belly of like, what the fuck injustice. 538 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,160 And it doesn't feel like cheating. 539 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:21,920 It feels like not rejection. It feels like just complete. 540 00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,960 It feels like a stab and I think it feels like a stab because if 541 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:27,440 it's like a stab to the heart for you because this is someone 542 00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:29,120 that by this point you're deeply in love with. 543 00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:31,440 Come on, we're lesbians that you probably deeply in love after 544 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:33,920 like the first two times of meeting them that you've had to 545 00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:35,240 hide. And that's awful. 546 00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:38,240 I think it feels like a betrayal, but not a betrayal on 547 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,200 you, almost a betrayal on themselves. 548 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:44,960 Because if they are different, if you truly believe this 549 00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:51,040 person's bi or pan, but if you think that they are gay, it 550 00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:53,600 feels like a betrayal because you're almost looking at them 551 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,440 being like you, motherfucker, because you're taking advantage 552 00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:58,080 of me because you know that I can't say anything. 553 00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:02,600 I'm not going to do that and that shitty because you're 554 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:06,480 trying to perform to society and I've had to do so much inner 555 00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,360 work to not perform to society to be able to sit strong in the 556 00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:11,480 person that I am. So it's almost a bit of like 557 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:14,760 fuck you to them at that point. But then there's also that like 558 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:20,520 layer of sadness and also fury about the self betrayal that you 559 00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:24,000 watch someone do because it's like you're doing this as a 560 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,720 performance and this is hurting me and you're meant to care 561 00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:30,440 about me. But at the same time, you're 562 00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:34,000 hurting yourself and to watch someone that you really care 563 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:37,360 about hurt themselves and feel like they have to put themselves 564 00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:40,240 into situations that make them feel really uncomfortable 565 00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:42,280 because of what the world has taught them. 566 00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:44,760 It's like a really sad place to be. 567 00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:47,480 And it's a really hard place to be as a form of like self 568 00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:49,960 protection as well. Because obviously every part of 569 00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:53,360 you and your your friends or who any anyone that you may have 570 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:56,400 spoken to at the time will be saying to you cut the fucking 571 00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:59,560 cloth and run a mile. Because like this is going to go 572 00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:01,880 one way and likely they are correct. 573 00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:05,200 But at the same time, this is someone that you love and that 574 00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:08,920 you can see because you see them behind closed doors in a way 575 00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:12,560 that no one else sees them. And you see them behave in a way 576 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:16,600 and become a person around other people that is just not them. 577 00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:21,199 And it is fucking difficult and it is torturous. 578 00:34:21,199 --> 00:34:24,920 And again, going back to like 1415 sixteen 17 year old 579 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,480 Scarlett who used to be that person. 580 00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:32,320 Like even if I remember the feeling and I remember the like, 581 00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:37,920 and as I say, like this person now, like it, it isn't gay. 582 00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,840 But at the time I wasn't thinking about it that much in 583 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:42,639 depth. It just, I'm just going back to 584 00:34:42,639 --> 00:34:45,480 the kind of betrayal of the situation at the time, which was 585 00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:50,360 like, I know there was a deep shared love with this person and 586 00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:53,560 they weren't able to explore that. 587 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,159 So they betrayed themselves in that moment. 588 00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:59,000 Whereas a lot of you will be listening to this being like the 589 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,440 people that you have been in love with have just betrayed 590 00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:05,800 themselves wholly because of the way the world is and because of 591 00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:10,440 the internal homophobia that is like we've basically all been 592 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,960 nurtured into that. We have to then actively unpick. 593 00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:18,120 And then on top of that, they're obviously really hurting you. 594 00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:21,400 And then there's a lot of feelings thrown into that around 595 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:25,160 like if you love someone, why would you do that to them and 596 00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:28,040 blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. One thing I will say is that 597 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:32,840 people who love you and end up hurting you and when one way or 598 00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:36,840 another they don't often hurt you because they don't love you 599 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:41,160 or they don't often hurt you out of selfish reasons, people often 600 00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:44,480 hurt other people, whether it be right or wrong out of fear. 601 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,840 So it can be fear of being honest, it can be fear of not 602 00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:52,640 wanting to let you down. It can be fear of wanting to 603 00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:55,800 maintain whatever they have built for themselves, being 604 00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:59,360 scared of themselves, being scared of what the reality of 605 00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:01,440 their truth and your truth would mean. 606 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:06,000 And therefore people act in bad ways and it ends up hurting 607 00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,640 someone else. But I do believe that most 608 00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:11,480 people, particularly in these circumstances, even though they 609 00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:13,760 can act like shit bags, which we'll get to with some of your 610 00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:17,280 stories, aren't waking up in the morning and thinking about you, 611 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:19,520 someone that they probably do really love, and thinking I'm 612 00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:21,080 going to fuck this person over today. 613 00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:23,600 They're not thinking that. They're waking up thinking about 614 00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:27,760 you and like you're giving them a load of emotions that they 615 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:29,400 literally would never have felt before. 616 00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:32,920 And they will probably resent you for that a bit. 617 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:35,720 And it's not about you, it's about the situation. 618 00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:39,920 And then they will also go above and beyond to do anything to run 619 00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:41,720 from that. And you get caught in the 620 00:36:41,720 --> 00:36:44,800 crossfire of that, which is really shit and really hurtful. 621 00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:48,480 And I'm not trying to make excuses, but we also have to 622 00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:53,360 hold space for like where other people are at in their lives. 623 00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:58,120 And there also has to sometimes be a bit of self onus here of 624 00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:01,800 like, yes, OK, it started off and friends and you fell into 625 00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:03,200 it. But like deep down, guys, we've, 626 00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:06,840 we know, we know, we 9 times out of 10 know what we're getting 627 00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:09,240 ourselves into. And we have to take some form of 628 00:37:09,240 --> 00:37:10,960 accountability. Even though it's fucking 629 00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:13,040 painful. We have to take some form of 630 00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:17,320 accountability and understand that even though it's hard and 631 00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,480 even though it can be heartbreaking and it's like 632 00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:24,720 super almost traumatizing and it's up and down, it's back and 633 00:37:24,720 --> 00:37:27,120 forth and it's like really difficult. 634 00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:31,360 There's two things here, which is 1, we're all adults and at 635 00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:34,840 any point, even though it could be really fucking difficult, we 636 00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:40,000 all have a choice to walk away. And two, you have to be able to 637 00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,600 meet people where they're at if you want them in your life. 638 00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:50,200 And you can't force people into a situation or to becoming 639 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:51,600 someone that you can see for them. 640 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:54,440 And it is painful. It is, it is hard to watch 641 00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:57,760 someone that you love and you can see a lot of potential for 642 00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:01,720 and in that will come from them accepting their sexuality. 643 00:38:01,720 --> 00:38:04,440 Because once people accept who they are and love who they are, 644 00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:07,760 their life becomes abundant in other ways as well. 645 00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:10,720 And I truly believe that. And it's so it is hard and it is 646 00:38:10,720 --> 00:38:14,600 frustrating to have to sit and watch someone in that. 647 00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:19,720 But at the same time, you have to be able to take the higher 648 00:38:19,720 --> 00:38:23,960 ground as almost kind of like the more experienced person in 649 00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:29,600 this world, sorry, in this situation and be able to just 650 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:34,760 let them be where they're at. Because everyone has to just be 651 00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:37,120 on their own journey. And it is difficult when you've 652 00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:39,600 been caught up in the crossfire of it and of course, you've been 653 00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:41,520 hurt. But like, again, we are all 654 00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:46,080 adults and we can make a choice, even if it's difficult, we can 655 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:49,120 walk away or we can stay and cut the romance. 656 00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:52,840 If if you're able to do that and just become friends or you walk 657 00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:56,040 away or you know, however that looks for you, whatever is the 658 00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:58,000 most suitable thing for you, you do. 659 00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:01,480 But I don't think it's necessarily ever fair to punish 660 00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:05,200 these people, even if they've not reacted in the best way or 661 00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:08,840 acted in the best way sometimes, because we all kind of have a 662 00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,600 part to play in this situation at hand. 663 00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:16,160 And that's why, like, for me, the situation that occurred for 664 00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:18,360 me when I was a lot younger, Oh my God. 665 00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:21,000 There was times that like, yeah, like, I was furious, but I never 666 00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:23,920 hated this person. And then I went on to get a 667 00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:25,480 girlfriend. They went on to get a boyfriend. 668 00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:28,560 And, you know, whatever I went on to to be everything called 669 00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:31,880 like in myself, like my sexuality become everything that 670 00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:34,400 I always wanted to be. And I never held like umbrage 671 00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:37,200 towards that situation at all because like I said, it taught 672 00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,800 me a lot and I wouldn't change it. 673 00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:42,640 Like it was an amazing connection and it was an amazing 674 00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:45,360 person in my life and it set me onto the journey of where I am. 675 00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:47,680 And I do believe that like everything does happen for a 676 00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:49,320 reason, as cliche as that sounds. 677 00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:52,120 And you're allowed to be angry. But I don't think that we should 678 00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:57,280 be necessarily ridiculing people in this space because we often 679 00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:59,800 do go into it with our eyes open. 680 00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:03,480 Yes, glossed with a fuck load of hope, which we need to. 681 00:40:04,240 --> 00:40:07,280 To learn from each other on but like we have to be responsible 682 00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:11,760 for ourselves and understand that everyone's just trying and 683 00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:15,360 it's not always about us as much as it can be hurtful. 684 00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:18,600 Hello lesbians, this is Freya interrupting Scarlets episode 685 00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:20,720 with a sponsorship from Better Help. 686 00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:23,600 You know how sometimes we end up sharing our deepest problems 687 00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,440 with the wrong people? A barista, a random stranger in 688 00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:28,560 the bathroom or even a mate at the pub. 689 00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:31,520 They do mean well, but they're not trained to help us work 690 00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:34,720 through real struggles, and that is where Better Help comes in. 691 00:40:34,720 --> 00:40:37,400 They've been helping people find their right therapist for over 692 00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:40,400 10 years and with thousands of qualified professionals, they 693 00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:43,160 make it easy to get matched with someone who actually understands 694 00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:45,720 what you're going through. It's all online, so you can 695 00:40:45,720 --> 00:40:48,160 message, call or video chat from anywhere. 696 00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:51,360 And if you don't click with your therapist, you can switch at any 697 00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:55,240 time for no extra cost. Better Help makes therapy 698 00:40:55,240 --> 00:40:58,680 flexible and accessible. And our listeners get 10% off 699 00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:02,760 their first month at betterhelp.com/LSC. 700 00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:07,800 That is Better Help help.com/LSC. 701 00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:10,480 Give it a go guys, and let us know what you think. 702 00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:11,760 Thank you very much. Better Help. 703 00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:14,160 We love you. And then I want to go on to the 704 00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:19,920 second part about that as well, which is let's talk now about, 705 00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:22,200 OK, so you've gone through this whole situation with this 706 00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:24,640 person. It's lasted for however long 707 00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:27,000 it's lasted, it's been amazing. You're in love, you think 708 00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:29,920 they're in love. And and then one day the kind of 709 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:35,560 the fire erupts and it ends in whether you've called it because 710 00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:38,080 you can't do it anymore or they've told you that they're 711 00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:40,560 straight and they've walked away. 712 00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:44,640 And you, it's just like, it's just fucked. 713 00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:46,680 Like everyone's hurt, everyone's upset. 714 00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:50,560 And I'm going to be speaking now to my lesbians and advocating 715 00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:52,960 for you because I feel like I've given you a bit of a shit show 716 00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:54,760 that being like, oh, you're in love and you're heartbroken. 717 00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:59,600 Well, it's your fault. There is a lot to be said if 718 00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:03,160 you're currently still heartbroken or in this situation 719 00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:06,920 or going through heartbreak around this kind of person that 720 00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:10,000 has come into your life and been an absolute whirlwind and 721 00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:12,360 promised you the world and not been able to deliver or 722 00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:14,200 backtracked or whatever it may be. 723 00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:17,880 And you're kind of SAT there now being like, fuck, this is shit. 724 00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:21,320 Like they've just going to go on and pretend that I never existed 725 00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:24,000 because they do do that. Like they'll just pretend you 726 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,200 never existed or they'll get another boyfriend or they'll 727 00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:30,440 just go back to their old lives. And you hear by conversations 728 00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:33,960 through friends of friends or on social media or wherever it may 729 00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:36,600 be. Oh great, they're fine and I'm 730 00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,600 left here heartbroken. They aren't. 731 00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:40,920 No one. Again, this goes back to like 732 00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:44,120 the very first part of this conversation, which was like, no 733 00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:48,440 straight person, no straight woman is having sex with another 734 00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:51,400 woman, full stop. Literally nothing else to be 735 00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:54,240 said, right? So there is no question about 736 00:42:54,240 --> 00:42:55,720 that. Whenever you question yourself 737 00:42:55,720 --> 00:42:58,200 about that, there is no question about that. 738 00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:02,680 Let them. Let them go back to the version 739 00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:04,400 of themselves they were before you. 740 00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:07,880 Let them go back to the life that they had before you. 741 00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:12,560 Let them go on to meet other people that aren't you and have 742 00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:14,840 generally of going to be of the opposite sex. 743 00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:19,240 Let them. Because I can absolutely promise 744 00:43:19,240 --> 00:43:24,360 you that every day, multiple times a day, there will be a 745 00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:30,880 quiet whisper in that deep in their gut and in their brain 746 00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:36,200 about you and not only about you. 747 00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:41,080 About what that experience meant for them and what reality that 748 00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:43,840 holds up to them. And whether they choose to 749 00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:48,320 accept it, acknowledge it, eventually come into their 750 00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:50,760 truth, or never come into their truth. 751 00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:56,920 This is kind of sadistic, but you can sit safe in your current 752 00:43:56,920 --> 00:44:01,800 suffering, which is, I'm heartbroken, but your life will 753 00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:04,960 go on like you're living in your truth, which is the most 754 00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:08,320 empowering thing a person can ever do. 755 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:15,360 And therefore you will go on to have more amazing, authentic, 756 00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:21,320 incredible experiences both with yourself and with other people. 757 00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:27,040 And they will go on to have nice experiences, I'm sure, and good 758 00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:32,960 experiences and good times. But there will always be a bit 759 00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:39,080 of jaded narrative in anything they do around who they are and 760 00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:41,680 who they're failing to show up to themselves as. 761 00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:44,120 And therefore you will be layered on top of that because 762 00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:48,080 you will be the association to that. 763 00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:52,920 And it is kind of deep and dark to be like, well, I'm suffering 764 00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:57,120 now, but you're going to be suffering for quite a long time 765 00:44:57,520 --> 00:45:01,280 unless you step into your truth. But that is the reality. 766 00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:05,560 And so there's no point in getting angry at yourself or 767 00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:09,640 getting angry at them and questioning the why or this shit 768 00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:10,640 happens. All that. 769 00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:13,040 Like the amount of you that have come into my DMS and on the DMS 770 00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,920 of the lesbian supper club podcast page as well, literally 771 00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:19,160 all saying the same thing because again, like this is a 772 00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:24,800 universal experience. They like they have to live in 773 00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:27,760 that. And that is like, I'd rather be 774 00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:29,680 me. Like I'd rather sit in the 775 00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:30,680 heart. I'd rather be us. 776 00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:33,040 I'd rather be on that side and sit in the heartbreak of like, 777 00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:37,000 oh fuck, you know, this is someone that I could have seen 778 00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:38,880 this with and it's been taken from me and blah, blah, blah, 779 00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:40,960 blah, blah, shit, whatever. It's awful. 780 00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:43,200 It's hard to want someone as well and never get them in the 781 00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,400 way that you want them. Argue worse than a breakup, 782 00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:49,560 blah, blah, blah, blah. But they have to go on and 783 00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:52,120 pretend to be people that they're not and hide that from 784 00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:54,960 themselves in the world. And like, I can't imagine. 785 00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:57,720 And again, this kind of like why it goes on to the living in the 786 00:45:57,720 --> 00:46:02,040 closet, like the weight that that must be because I even get 787 00:46:02,040 --> 00:46:04,840 it now sometimes where I feel like I need to say something to 788 00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:07,960 say to someone and it could even be menial, but I don't feel 789 00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:10,480 comfortable saying it or I don't feel confident saying it or I 790 00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:12,760 feel like I'm going to get attacked if I say it and it will 791 00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:16,720 like it will eat me up. It will, it will literally eat 792 00:46:16,720 --> 00:46:18,280 me up. I'll wake up at 3:00 AM in the 793 00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:21,320 morning thinking about it, catastrophizing it, having 794 00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:23,120 anxiety. It will play on my mind all 795 00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:26,560 during the day until eventually I, you know, and this is menial 796 00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:29,440 things, bury it enough eventually disappears because 797 00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:35,000 I'm talking about minor conversations or I say it. 798 00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:37,960 And when I say it, even if the outcome is not always want what 799 00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:41,680 I want, I generally feel better. But that feeling of having to 800 00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:44,920 carry that around is like a really heavy, horrible feeling. 801 00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:47,720 And I can only imagine how it feels to have a feeling like 802 00:46:47,720 --> 00:46:53,440 that times 1000 and have to just live with that. 803 00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:57,080 And it is, again, like living in the closet, like knowing 804 00:46:57,080 --> 00:47:02,280 intrinsically who you are and feeling like you can't live. 805 00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:06,400 That is a form of fucking torture in itself. 806 00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:10,520 And so as much as I think in the community, we kind of like give 807 00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:14,080 a bad name to these experiences and to the people involved in 808 00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:17,320 turn it into a bit of a joke and a bit of a facade. 809 00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:21,440 It is actually just like a really fucking sad and shitty 810 00:47:21,440 --> 00:47:25,360 situation for all involved. And there are no winners, but 811 00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:32,760 certainly the straight person or the living straight person or 812 00:47:32,760 --> 00:47:34,560 the hiding straight person, should we say? 813 00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:39,040 Like they're the real losers here. 814 00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:40,400 And I don't mean they are losers. 815 00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:42,760 I mean, like, they lose more than anyone else. 816 00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:46,840 Like we lose because we lose love and we lose a potential 817 00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:48,840 that we saw in someone, which is really difficult. 818 00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:56,560 They lose who they are every day and that's really fucking shit. 819 00:47:57,360 --> 00:48:01,000 And if you're listening to this as the lesbian and you've been 820 00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:03,480 caught up in this, it is shit. And I'm sorry. 821 00:48:05,280 --> 00:48:07,080 And there aren't really any words. 822 00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:09,160 It is just a really difficult situation. 823 00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:11,160 And it's one that plays on your mind and it's one that you 824 00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:14,800 replay and go over and it there you're trying to find the 825 00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:16,880 answers. And a lot of the time there 826 00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:20,200 aren't always the answers. And you just have to make peace 827 00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:23,360 and understand and maybe even take a bit of solace. 828 00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:27,240 And like, even if it didn't end the way that you wanted it to, 829 00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:31,440 you have had an important part in someone's life, even if it 830 00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:34,200 ends in tears. And there's a lot to be said 831 00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:35,720 about that. And there's also just a lot to 832 00:48:35,720 --> 00:48:39,080 be said about experiences that we have with people that end. 833 00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:43,120 Even if you had a relationship with this person, it could end. 834 00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:45,000 Things generally do end. I don't want to sound 835 00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:48,000 pessimistic, but that is just actually life. 836 00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:51,280 And so take it for what it was and take it for the amazing 837 00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:53,840 experience it was and take it for the love that you found in 838 00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:57,320 that person. And then you pick yourself up, 839 00:48:57,600 --> 00:48:59,680 you walk forward and you move the fuck on. 840 00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:01,920 And that's my advice to the lesbians. 841 00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:05,400 Leave people where they are. Let them be where they are. 842 00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:08,160 You can have the conversation once and give them the keys. 843 00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:10,680 You could have maybe the conversation a second time or a 844 00:49:10,680 --> 00:49:12,640 third time. Give them the keys, show them 845 00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:14,760 the doors. It's up to them to walk through 846 00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:16,280 it. If they don't want to, they 847 00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:18,560 aren't able to, they don't feel confident or they want to stay 848 00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:21,680 where they are, let them. Hate to sound like Mel Robbins, 849 00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:23,880 actually I do love Mel Robbins, but just let them. 850 00:49:24,080 --> 00:49:28,960 Let them be where they are and you go on and live your life and 851 00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:32,080 become an even better version of yourself having lived this 852 00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:34,120 experience. And to the quote UN quote 853 00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:38,120 straight person listening who maybe is in this or is listening 854 00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:41,240 because you have done this to someone and it does haunt you. 855 00:49:41,240 --> 00:49:44,240 I'd love to hear from you. Or if you're in this and you 856 00:49:44,240 --> 00:49:48,280 don't know what the fuck to do because you're terrified and you 857 00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:53,480 don't feel ready to show up for this person, but you love them 858 00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:57,400 and you don't want to leave wherever you're at or you're 859 00:49:57,400 --> 00:50:02,880 scared or whatever it may be. I don't think honesty can be 860 00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:05,520 underserved here. And you just have to be honest 861 00:50:05,520 --> 00:50:09,920 always about where you're at. And if you're with or the person 862 00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:12,960 that the gay woman that you're in love with, if you're all you 863 00:50:12,960 --> 00:50:15,720 can be is honest because it is a really difficult situation. 864 00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:20,720 And if they're not able to meet you with love, and when I say 865 00:50:20,720 --> 00:50:24,000 meet you with love, they can even say, look, I love you, but 866 00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:26,160 this isn't going to work for me, but I respect you and I 867 00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:28,280 understand and I'm going to let you be. 868 00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:30,920 That's still meeting someone with love, even if they can't 869 00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:33,960 sit on the sidelines or if they decide to sit on the sidelines 870 00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:35,600 or whatever. That's a good response. 871 00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:37,440 If you're scared of telling this person because they are 872 00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:38,920 ridiculing you. And this goes out to the 873 00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:40,440 community as well. If you've ever done this to 874 00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:42,440 someone, don't because it makes you a Dick. 875 00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:45,960 If they're ridiculing you or pressuring you or pushing you 876 00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:48,600 towards something, irrespective of their sexuality of them 877 00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:51,480 being, that's not, that's not a good person and that's not 878 00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:53,440 something you should want to be with irrespective of the 879 00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:56,240 situation of your sexuality. And yes, there's always layers 880 00:50:56,240 --> 00:50:59,240 to it in emotions and people react sometimes in bad ways. 881 00:50:59,240 --> 00:51:03,160 But if they can't roll back on sometimes ignorant comments that 882 00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:05,560 they may say, oh, you may feel pressured or you may feel 883 00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:08,800 responsible, don't because everyone is responsible for 884 00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:10,320 themselves and it is not your job. 885 00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:14,360 Yes, they can be hurt. Yes, it can be sad, Yes, people 886 00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:17,080 can get frustrated, of course, but there is a way of handling 887 00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:18,560 it. And sometimes, even if we handle 888 00:51:18,560 --> 00:51:20,600 it wrong, there's a way of apologizing. 889 00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:23,880 And if this person in your life that you love and it's your 890 00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:26,320 first woman experience and you absolutely adore, but they 891 00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:30,160 aren't showing up for you in those ways, irrespective of the 892 00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:33,320 sexuality side of it, that's just probably not someone that 893 00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:38,840 you should be with, full stop. If they are showing up well and 894 00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:41,480 they're holding space for you, but you're still terrified, 895 00:51:42,080 --> 00:51:44,840 you're allowed to sit in a space for as long as you need to sit 896 00:51:44,840 --> 00:51:48,160 in a space, and you're also allowed to set someone free with 897 00:51:48,160 --> 00:51:49,680 love. And that was all. 898 00:51:49,720 --> 00:51:53,920 That's all I'll say on that is like, yes, with a lot of these 899 00:51:53,920 --> 00:51:55,520 situations, you can't have it all. 900 00:51:55,840 --> 00:51:59,520 So you do often have to make a choice, even if it's the hardest 901 00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:02,920 choice you'll ever make. One way or another, you can set 902 00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:06,080 someone free with love and maybe they come back around in years 903 00:52:06,080 --> 00:52:09,480 to come and you just become incredible friends and you 904 00:52:09,560 --> 00:52:12,280 become who you are and actually go on and meet someone else or 905 00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:14,080 you end up together or whatever that may be. 906 00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:15,680 That's fine. You can hold love for that 907 00:52:15,680 --> 00:52:18,880 person, but be honest and honour yourself. 908 00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:24,160 Take the time that you need, but also it won't go away. 909 00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:27,480 And that's all I will say is you. 910 00:52:28,240 --> 00:52:31,560 You can't pray it away, you can't distract yourself away 911 00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:33,240 from it. You can't convince yourself, you 912 00:52:33,240 --> 00:52:36,520 can't tell yourself stories. You can't it just, it will sit 913 00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:40,440 there. And maybe there are external 914 00:52:40,440 --> 00:52:42,960 circumstances that prevent you and permit you. 915 00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:45,840 And if that's the case, then I'm really sorry and I hope one day 916 00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:50,120 those circumstances will change. If it's yourself or just a bit 917 00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:54,240 of fear, take the time that you need, but you eventually will 918 00:52:54,240 --> 00:52:55,640 one day have to come to yourself. 919 00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:59,760 And if you don't, then that will be a pretty sad way to live. 920 00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:09,040 And as the good old Chapel Rome did say, good luck, babe. 921 00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:12,880 Is that a really awful way to end this conversation? 922 00:53:13,080 --> 00:53:15,960 But what else can be said? Because that song is so true 923 00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:19,560 for, like, all parties involved. It is so true. 924 00:53:19,560 --> 00:53:23,000 And again, there is a bit of a narrative there of, like, poking 925 00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:25,440 funnel, like sticking it to the man of being like, yeah, fuck 926 00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:26,800 you. Because like go back to that 927 00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:29,880 life and like you've got to sit in that and suffer. 928 00:53:30,200 --> 00:53:33,280 And there is that kind of thing that we all get if we're 929 00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:35,280 heartbroken where we're like, well, we do want that person to 930 00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:37,080 suffer for a bit because we are heartbroken. 931 00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:38,760 And I can completely understand that. 932 00:53:38,760 --> 00:53:41,000 I don't think it's a nice feeling to carry towards someone 933 00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:42,600 who's literally suffering long term. 934 00:53:42,840 --> 00:53:44,320 But we can sit in that for a bit. 935 00:53:45,240 --> 00:53:48,600 But it quite literally is like, if that's what you're going to 936 00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:51,920 do and that's how you're going to go on and convince yourself, 937 00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:56,760 just good luck because it won't go away. 938 00:53:57,800 --> 00:54:00,560 And that is all I have to say on that. 939 00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:04,640 And I'm going to read some of your stories on this now instead 940 00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:09,400 of doing horror stories, just so you know, we all feel a little 941 00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:13,320 bit more in it together. So story number one, I love the 942 00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:15,360 opening of this. Being victimized by a straight 943 00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:18,480 woman is my speciality. Neither of us are out. 944 00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:21,080 So we had a secret relationship, but she'd publicly hook up with 945 00:54:21,080 --> 00:54:23,160 guys we knew. And I couldn't react to anyone, 946 00:54:23,160 --> 00:54:25,800 which is literally what I was saying earlier when she'd tell 947 00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:29,040 me she had sex with them after she'd already done it and I'd 948 00:54:29,040 --> 00:54:31,000 cry. She'd call me dramatic and say 949 00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:34,000 she knew I'd react that way. This was my first relationship 950 00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:36,480 and it went on for four years. This is what I mean. 951 00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:41,040 Like we we are dedicated For four years until she left me to 952 00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:44,280 start dating one of the guys and would ask me to have threesomes 953 00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:46,520 with them. I'm gay and obviously I said no. 954 00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:48,520 The perks of growing up in a conservative town. 955 00:54:49,240 --> 00:54:52,840 I didn't actually touch on this during my my conversation. 956 00:54:54,520 --> 00:54:56,440 What? Don't, don't do that. 957 00:54:56,720 --> 00:55:00,360 Don't ask lesbians to have sex with men to make it easier that 958 00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:03,480 you have to have sex with men. Like, we've made a choice and 959 00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:05,480 we've come out and we've had to deal with that. 960 00:55:05,840 --> 00:55:09,640 And it might not be easy for you to do that and that's fine, but 961 00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:12,440 let us be like that. That's fucking shitty. 962 00:55:12,440 --> 00:55:15,920 That's shitty. Like don't ask gay women to have 963 00:55:15,920 --> 00:55:20,920 sex with men to make it easier for you to have sex with men and 964 00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:24,600 live out your fantasies and toe the line because that is really 965 00:55:24,600 --> 00:55:27,840 fucking shitty behaviour. Love this one. 966 00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:30,680 And this is again like when I say good luck babe. 967 00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:33,680 One time I made out with a girl in a club and then two days 968 00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:36,640 later she changed her Instagram bio to include her new 969 00:55:36,640 --> 00:55:39,920 boyfriend's initials. It's been 7 years and she still 970 00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:41,880 likes my Instagram stories to this day. 971 00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:43,440 And this is exactly what I'm saying. 972 00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:48,360 Like good luck babe, you can do literally anything you can try 973 00:55:48,360 --> 00:55:52,960 to do to make it OK for yourself, but like it will 974 00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:54,880 fucking haunt you. We will haunt you. 975 00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:57,920 This is this is the kind of karma and I don't want to say 976 00:55:57,920 --> 00:56:01,920 that, but for some of you who need to hear it, that's what 977 00:56:01,920 --> 00:56:05,880 they have to go on to do whilst we go on and live our fucking 978 00:56:05,880 --> 00:56:08,120 lives. Like this is exactly what I'm 979 00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:10,800 saying. So just let them. 980 00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:12,800 Good one. Had a massive crush on a friend 981 00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:14,880 who basically used me as her ego boost. 982 00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:18,480 She dropped lines like you'd be the perfect boyfriend so cut the 983 00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:20,280 attention. Even had me agreeing to a 984 00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:22,960 threesome with her and her guy just to be close. 985 00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:26,200 Sorry you had to do that or felt like you had to do that. 986 00:56:26,680 --> 00:56:29,120 After years of her playing games, one night she couldn't 987 00:56:29,120 --> 00:56:32,720 pick up anyone at the bar and so I finally got my one-on-one. 988 00:56:33,120 --> 00:56:36,360 She told me it was her first real orgasm and from then on I 989 00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:39,040 just felt pity. Years with dudes and she'd never 990 00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:41,440 even known what pleasure was. Far as I know, she's still 991 00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:46,320 straight. And again, it's just like, it's 992 00:56:46,320 --> 00:56:48,920 fucking sad. It's sad for us because like 993 00:56:48,920 --> 00:56:51,920 this poor person who's written in again, like clearly like this 994 00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:55,160 person enough, they've fucking put themselves in an awfully 995 00:56:55,360 --> 00:56:58,520 uncomfortable, traumatizing situation and had a fucking 996 00:56:58,520 --> 00:57:02,320 threesome with a guy for someone that they loved, which no one 997 00:57:02,320 --> 00:57:05,680 should ever have to be doing. And then the girl goes on to 998 00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:08,160 tell them that she's literally never come from a man before. 999 00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:11,520 Again, universal experience of what these girls say and go 1000 00:57:11,520 --> 00:57:12,920 through. We've heard it all. 1001 00:57:12,960 --> 00:57:15,920 And then they go on to continue to date guys. 1002 00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:19,720 Like I'm literally I wish you could. 1003 00:57:19,960 --> 00:57:23,320 I should have been videoing this because I'm just frantically 1004 00:57:23,320 --> 00:57:28,400 rubbing my fucking forehead. Make it make an ounce of fucking 1005 00:57:28,400 --> 00:57:32,120 sense. Please someone someone, because 1006 00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:36,360 if you're like this person, for example, like is clearly out 1007 00:57:36,360 --> 00:57:40,400 enough to be able to have at least threesomes and include a 1008 00:57:40,400 --> 00:57:41,040 woman. I don't know. 1009 00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:43,800 I know it's so much more socially acceptable and they can 1010 00:57:43,800 --> 00:57:46,200 hide behind the fact they do it for their man gag. 1011 00:57:46,200 --> 00:57:48,520 Disgusting. Grow the fuck up. 1012 00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:54,840 But like still, like you know, you're you're you're entering 1013 00:57:54,840 --> 00:58:00,640 into that space and yet you to have sex with a woman, it's 1014 00:58:00,640 --> 00:58:03,320 undoubtedly going to be the best sex you've ever had in your 1015 00:58:03,320 --> 00:58:05,000 life. Let's not get into the 1016 00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:08,080 technicalities over if women or men are better in bed, although 1017 00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:09,120 I've got a lot to say about that. 1018 00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:11,640 But like that will piss a lot of people off. 1019 00:58:13,160 --> 00:58:18,760 Let's just keep it down to like if you're probably gay or women 1020 00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:22,120 leaning that you're obviously going to enjoy sex more with a 1021 00:58:22,120 --> 00:58:25,480 woman despite if she's better in bed or not because she will be. 1022 00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:33,120 And then you think, no, I'm just going to go back and just spend 1023 00:58:33,120 --> 00:58:37,480 the rest of my years having to lay there and punish myself 1024 00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:39,320 probably three to four times a week. 1025 00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:45,560 Why? Like why one of you just said 1026 00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:50,560 war flashbacks and honestly fair what else to be said? 1027 00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:53,640 This one's great. Sorry I shouldn't laugh but it 1028 00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:59,320 just you guys literally I didn't read a lot of these until now. 1029 00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:02,440 So I've done this whole episode talking all of this stuff and 1030 00:59:02,440 --> 00:59:05,280 then you're literally all reiterating and validating me. 1031 00:59:05,280 --> 00:59:08,360 Thank you. This person said got a boyfriend 1032 00:59:08,360 --> 00:59:11,200 introduced us and then pulled me aside to say she's stood in love 1033 00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:19,320 with me. Guys, I was advocating for you 1034 00:59:19,320 --> 00:59:22,600 girls, as in just the quote UN quote straight girls, but these 1035 00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:25,400 this these submissions are making it a little bit 1036 00:59:25,400 --> 00:59:28,520 difficult. They are, but it does go back to 1037 00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:31,600 the fact you're in a situation with your boyfriend who you're 1038 00:59:31,600 --> 00:59:34,520 probably fucking parading around being like, oh, he's so good to 1039 00:59:34,520 --> 00:59:37,040 me, blah, blah. And you've got to pull this girl 1040 00:59:37,040 --> 00:59:39,120 aside and tell her you're in love with that because that's 1041 00:59:39,120 --> 00:59:41,000 where you are. That's where your heart is and 1042 00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:43,920 that's where your head is. And that shit on that girl 1043 00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:47,560 because you're playing with her fucking head, but not to 1044 00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:51,120 anywhere near enough the degree of like the internal playing 1045 00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:52,520 that you have to deal with every day. 1046 00:59:53,320 --> 00:59:56,680 Oh this one, this is a good one and this one pisses me off. 1047 00:59:56,680 --> 00:59:59,320 And I've spoken about this I think before but I'm going to do 1048 00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:03,200 it again. 2 drunk straight girls fighting over me at a friend's 1049 01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:05,040 wedding. Then messaged my friend the next 1050 01:00:05,040 --> 01:00:09,400 day saying how funny is pretending to be gay yesterday 1051 01:00:09,400 --> 01:00:12,240 with like a like laughing face. I think she means that. 1052 01:00:12,240 --> 01:00:14,320 How funny was it pretending to be gay yesterday? 1053 01:00:15,040 --> 01:00:17,600 And this girl then said, bearing in mind I have a girlfriend and 1054 01:00:17,600 --> 01:00:19,440 literally wasn't reciprocated at all. 1055 01:00:19,440 --> 01:00:21,600 Odd behaviour. Why do they fucking do this? 1056 01:00:22,400 --> 01:00:27,880 Why? Like for me, again, contrary to 1057 01:00:27,880 --> 01:00:30,160 this whole episode, 1 of the hottest things to me when I'm 1058 01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:34,440 attracted to someone is like, if you're gay, like I fancy you. 1059 01:00:34,440 --> 01:00:39,040 If you fucking love girls, like that's a huge thing for me. 1060 01:00:39,880 --> 01:00:44,160 And if you are out there looking, sorry, there's no other 1061 01:00:44,160 --> 01:00:46,720 way to put it, but if you're out there behaving cock hungry, I 1062 01:00:46,720 --> 01:00:49,680 don't fancy you. Like if you're one of those 1063 01:00:49,680 --> 01:00:52,880 girls that performs for men and this this isn't like the 1064 01:00:52,880 --> 01:00:55,440 straight women who have like got themselves into relationship 1065 01:00:55,440 --> 01:00:58,040 with guys because of like external circumstances and you 1066 01:00:58,040 --> 01:01:00,160 can see the pain in their eyes. Like that's different, right, 1067 01:01:00,400 --> 01:01:04,440 But the girls that like love to like do it because they'll just 1068 01:01:04,440 --> 01:01:08,040 do it probably again, like severe, severe homophobe, like 1069 01:01:08,040 --> 01:01:11,840 internalized homophobia, but then they like perform for men. 1070 01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:17,760 We don't want you like literally, it's so unattractive 1071 01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:20,360 to me that you fancy men that much. 1072 01:01:21,320 --> 01:01:23,000 I'm sorry, I'm probably offending a lot of people here, 1073 01:01:23,000 --> 01:01:25,320 but it is it's true. It's like my preference. 1074 01:01:26,560 --> 01:01:29,520 I don't just I don't want you. We don't A lot of us just don't 1075 01:01:29,520 --> 01:01:31,240 want you. We you could literally be the 1076 01:01:31,240 --> 01:01:32,760 most attractive person in the world. 1077 01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:37,480 And but if that's kind of like the way that you are, trust me, 1078 01:01:38,480 --> 01:01:40,600 we don't want you. You don't need to perform for us 1079 01:01:40,600 --> 01:01:43,440 or like come to us or pretend that or tell yourself that we 1080 01:01:43,440 --> 01:01:45,640 want you because we're gay. And therefore some of you think 1081 01:01:45,640 --> 01:01:48,200 we're desperate, which is weird because, like, you're still 1082 01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:49,200 ugly. I'm joking. 1083 01:01:49,440 --> 01:01:51,320 That was bad. You know what I mean? 1084 01:01:53,680 --> 01:01:55,880 Yeah. Why did just don't just don't do 1085 01:01:55,880 --> 01:02:00,400 that stop again, a wasted Karen called my wife and I such hot 1086 01:02:00,400 --> 01:02:02,280 lesbians and tried to kiss us both on the lips. 1087 01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:06,480 What? What the fuck? 1088 01:02:06,480 --> 01:02:10,200 Like who are giving like who's giving these people the rights? 1089 01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:12,360 But again, like, that's because she's got to go home to her 1090 01:02:12,360 --> 01:02:20,080 husband who probably stinks and his beard is like just and yeah, 1091 01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:23,200 he probably doesn't brush his teeth and farts all night long. 1092 01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:26,280 And just. And so I'm not excusing this 1093 01:02:26,280 --> 01:02:29,800 behaviour, but like sometimes when straight women do act like 1094 01:02:29,800 --> 01:02:32,760 animals in this way, you can kind of understand because like 1095 01:02:32,760 --> 01:02:36,160 they are basically caged with a man and they don't fancy them. 1096 01:02:36,920 --> 01:02:41,240 Just hot take love this person. I was a straight woman with a 1097 01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:43,400 husband and now I'm getting divorced with a girlfriend. 1098 01:02:43,480 --> 01:02:46,680 I probably shouldn't read this without because I don't think a 1099 01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:49,840 lot of you need that hope because I don't think that's 1100 01:02:49,840 --> 01:02:52,160 great advice actually, because I think we will just need to like 1101 01:02:52,440 --> 01:02:53,800 as I said, leave people where they are. 1102 01:02:53,920 --> 01:02:57,280 But this does tie into the feeling we'll never go away. 1103 01:02:57,520 --> 01:02:59,320 So they'll either stay and just be unhappy. 1104 01:02:59,320 --> 01:03:00,800 That's shitty to say, but it's the truth. 1105 01:03:01,240 --> 01:03:04,920 Or girls, some of them, they do have an awakening and they do 1106 01:03:04,920 --> 01:03:06,760 come out the other side. So there is a teeny bit of hope, 1107 01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:08,640 but you still have to go on and live your fucking life and don't 1108 01:03:08,640 --> 01:03:11,680 wait for them. OK, Literally so many of these 1109 01:03:11,680 --> 01:03:14,960 that I'm going to screenshot all of them and I think probably do 1110 01:03:14,960 --> 01:03:18,600 another episode on this and maybe try and find a guest who 1111 01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:22,760 was the straight girl and screenshot all of your responses 1112 01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:26,840 and read them out on the next episode because I am running out 1113 01:03:26,840 --> 01:03:31,520 of time. But this just read like, like I 1114 01:03:31,520 --> 01:03:33,720 said, I've read some of them this morning when I put this out 1115 01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:37,440 there and then I'm literally reading through them all now 1116 01:03:37,440 --> 01:03:40,640 properly whilst I'm literally recording this. 1117 01:03:41,520 --> 01:03:44,720 And there are so many and a lot of them like I can't do justice 1118 01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:48,200 to now just in this kind of part of the podcast. 1119 01:03:48,520 --> 01:03:53,000 And so let me know if you have found this at all helpful. 1120 01:03:53,040 --> 01:03:58,040 And if you would like to have me have someone on who maybe can 1121 01:03:58,040 --> 01:04:01,040 come at it from the other lens and speak about their journey 1122 01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:05,040 actually going through this. And then we can go through some 1123 01:04:05,040 --> 01:04:09,080 of your stories in more detail, more as like a back and forth 1124 01:04:09,080 --> 01:04:12,200 conversation because I'm actually not depressed, but it 1125 01:04:12,200 --> 01:04:14,520 is actually quite sad now reading how many of you are 1126 01:04:14,840 --> 01:04:18,760 replying to this. And I want to be able to keep 1127 01:04:18,760 --> 01:04:21,120 kind of coming back to these conversations. 1128 01:04:21,720 --> 01:04:24,720 And I'm not repeating topics of the Lesbian Supper Club podcast, 1129 01:04:24,720 --> 01:04:31,440 but I will always revisit these key conversations because things 1130 01:04:31,440 --> 01:04:33,800 evolve in society. I think every time we visit them 1131 01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:36,480 and all of our experiences evolve as listeners and as me 1132 01:04:36,520 --> 01:04:39,120 and like as me kind of talking about it as well. 1133 01:04:39,720 --> 01:04:43,320 And I think it's just super important to always shed light 1134 01:04:43,400 --> 01:04:47,040 on these types of things because they are just, they are really 1135 01:04:47,040 --> 01:04:49,120 shitty situations for both parties. 1136 01:04:49,520 --> 01:04:52,800 And I think sometimes just even hearing someone talk about it is 1137 01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:54,560 just nice and a little bit refreshing. 1138 01:04:54,880 --> 01:04:57,520 So yeah, I am sorry that I actually can't go through all of 1139 01:04:57,520 --> 01:05:01,480 your submissions today because there are really a lot and I 1140 01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:02,920 don't just want to skim past them. 1141 01:05:02,920 --> 01:05:05,240 I've kind of the ones that I've touched on have been ones that 1142 01:05:05,320 --> 01:05:07,760 we can kind of just canter through and, you know, give a 1143 01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:10,080 quick back. But there are some of you that 1144 01:05:10,080 --> 01:05:14,080 have gone into more detail and spoke more specifically, and I 1145 01:05:14,080 --> 01:05:16,200 really want to be able to actually break those down. 1146 01:05:16,440 --> 01:05:20,320 So please do let me know if you'd like me to kind of revisit 1147 01:05:20,320 --> 01:05:23,240 this topic. And if you have anyone that you 1148 01:05:23,240 --> 01:05:26,920 know that you see online that has kind of told this story from 1149 01:05:26,920 --> 01:05:29,680 their perspective of being in the closet and then coming out. 1150 01:05:30,280 --> 01:05:32,760 Wouldn't it be fucking great if I could get Chrishell on, for 1151 01:05:32,760 --> 01:05:34,960 example? That would be really cool, I 1152 01:05:34,960 --> 01:05:37,480 think, and it would make for a really good episode. 1153 01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:42,080 But anyway, I've chatted your ears off today and it's a Friday 1154 01:05:42,080 --> 01:05:45,920 evening and I'm ill, but maybe I would like a beer. 1155 01:05:47,240 --> 01:05:50,160 I love you all so much. I'm sorry for both sides if 1156 01:05:50,160 --> 01:05:52,400 you're going through this because there are there's not 1157 01:05:52,400 --> 01:05:54,120 really any winners here to be honest. 1158 01:05:54,120 --> 01:05:56,720 It's just shitty. But it is always an experience. 1159 01:05:56,720 --> 01:06:00,760 And I think no matter how things turn out, if you're able to find 1160 01:06:01,480 --> 01:06:05,240 an honest love with someone And when I say honest, like I love 1161 01:06:05,240 --> 01:06:09,800 that behind closed doors is honest and real and raw, then 1162 01:06:10,280 --> 01:06:13,840 that's never a bad place to be, even if the outcome isn't always 1163 01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:17,200 great and what you wanted. But I do love you all so much 1164 01:06:17,520 --> 01:06:22,880 and I hope that you have an amazing week and I will see you 1165 01:06:22,880 --> 01:06:25,960 very soon. Do not forget to follow us on 1166 01:06:26,000 --> 01:06:29,560 the Lesbian Supper Club podcast page which is at Lesbian Supper 1167 01:06:29,560 --> 01:06:33,280 Club Pod on Instagram. Please follow us on Spotify or 1168 01:06:33,280 --> 01:06:34,960 Apple or wherever you listen to us. 1169 01:06:35,400 --> 01:06:37,680 Please always comment on episodes and let us know what 1170 01:06:37,680 --> 01:06:40,000 you think. Give us a rating like it does 1171 01:06:40,000 --> 01:06:41,400 already help. It really helps with the 1172 01:06:41,400 --> 01:06:45,080 direction of this podcast and helping us understand you better 1173 01:06:45,080 --> 01:06:49,200 and where better we can kind of the voices for this community. 1174 01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:52,200 So it's always super useful and I'm really grateful for that. 1175 01:06:52,640 --> 01:06:54,880 And if you haven't yet, check out our events. 1176 01:06:54,880 --> 01:06:57,320 The link is in our bio and Instagram. 1177 01:06:57,480 --> 01:07:00,600 And for those of you who aren't in London and who aren't able to 1178 01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:03,440 get to London, I promise you in the next few months, we are 1179 01:07:03,560 --> 01:07:07,800 spreading our wings and we'll be going further and wider and I 1180 01:07:07,800 --> 01:07:09,280 can't wait to see you all very soon. 1181 01:07:09,640 --> 01:07:11,160 Love you guys, goodbye.