Good morning, good evening, good afternoon, good mid morning to
wherever you are in the world. I hope that you're feeling near
dear and queer to us today because we've got quite a lot to
run through. We are back in the Levi studio
after not being here for a good while actually just due to
Christmas and then illness and just general.
Way to brighten the mood inability to get our.
Shit together, but I'm really grateful to be back.
I love the vibe in the studio. I hope they keep us here
forever. Please don't get rid of us
Levi's. Please, please.
I love my jeans. Wear your token dikes.
They better not find anyone else, yeah?
No one else come for them. No.
Very upset. Very.
Upset they don't want you anyway so it's fine.
I don't want myself. Talking about wanting things
though I want to see G flip perform again.
Me too. Because they were amazing.
They were incredible, like I was mesmerised stood in that
audience. Yeah, we went with a group of
friends and everyone was a little bit worried about Freya
because I bought Freya the tickets for our anniversary last
year. And I like we've we've we really
like G flip, but like I didn't think that they're not like your
absolute go to artist. In all fairness, Freya like we
love them, but they've not been your go to artist.
So I was like when I bought them, I was like, I know that
she'll enjoy it because we enjoy live music anyway.
Didn't know you'd enjoy it to such extent to the point where
we were just like stood on one of the balconies.
So the concert place that we go to is called Coco and it's
almost like a theatre. So you have the like main floor
at the bottom and then you have basically like theatre boxes.
And sorry, I'm just watching Freya really.
I'm getting really annoyed at the.
Standardly, just like moving her stand around, and it's highly
distracting. Down.
That's why it's winding me. Up and it's got like loads of
kind of like balconies that then swirl around.
So we were on one of the balconies and Freya was just
like one of those kids watching Disney for the first time.
Like, didn't move, didn't interact.
We have a group we. Were like dancing.
You obviously kind of like chat as well to be like I'm.
Oh mate, no, I was getting so annoyed.
Freya was turning around, being that kid in class going.
Yeah, I was like, no, I turned around, shut the fuck up.
And then I turned around to you and said shut the fuck up,
because if I want to talk mid song and acknowledge that
they're really good or a drumming riff that they just
done was really good, then I'm going to do that.
OK. If you didn't like it, you could
have gone and stood somewhere else.
You could have gone down in the front line with the rest of
them. That would have been obsessive
and just gorging. But you didn't.
You decide to stay up there with us.
You have to put up the consequences of all of us acting
out of control. I loved it so much, incredible.
But I also, I just get mesmerised by music, you know
what I'm like? Like.
And one thing that was also really nice, we did not expect
to have so many of you. Oh my God.
Come up to us and say hey, which was really nice and we loved and
in future if you see us and you question whether to come up to
us or not, yes, I am a nasty piece of work, but I will put on
a false presence to. Make sure you're up.
Shut the fuck up. No, we really liked it.
I mean, I mainly, I don't even really go up to people that I
know. So I get it.
Sometimes I just don't want to have small talk.
Like if I if I've left the house and I don't have it in my head
that I'm seeing or meeting or talking to specific people, I
don't want to see or talk or see anyone.
I get really uncomfortable if I bump into people.
Have you noticed this about me? Of course I have.
I bump into people. Yeah.
I find. I don't know why, but I think
because in my brain I haven't planned it out.
I can't cope with it. No, but let me tell you, I'm the
same. So I was.
You handle it better than me. I handle it better than you,
just mainly because I've just got that face that everyone kind
of warms too when I put on this big smile.
But really, deep down inside, I want to die like I and it's not
because I don't want to see them.
I love to see. Them but you haven't planned
out. But I'm also cautious that it
might look like I don't want them to be there.
So then I overcompensate because I don't want them to feel
awkward that they bumped into me and I'm like oh.
Yeah, I think that's why we then start both, like going into the
weirdest tangent. Your shit mate, the shit that
comes out of our mouth when we jump into something.
Honestly I fucking hate SO. Weird.
It's actually really weird behaviour I think.
I know, but I told better help plug better help.
I told my therapist yesterday that, by the way, I'm loving
having a therapist. It is so good because I just
love to talk as it is and to talk to someone who then will
delve into everything that I've said.
I'm like, wow, I didn't even think.
I know this is so inappropriate but I would love to speak to
your therapist fair without you. Maybe what you should do is a
couples therapy and then you could.
No, because they have to keep it professional and I want your
therapist to come to me and be like.
She'd probably love to have a good old chat because I saw at
the end of that call she looked like she wanted to fucking.
I said, have I given you a headache?
She was like, she laughed and she was like, no, I was like, oh
God, I have no, but I said that I get really bad paralysis in
the day if we've got something to do in the evening.
So the fact that we've got an event to do tomorrow.
The fact that you went, you managed to go through this, you
managed to go through your family problems, you managed to.
Did you talk about your school fit phobia when you were?
Very briefly, I haven't got your mental abuse yet, OK?
Did you? Speak about your emetophobia.
No, not yet. Did you speak about your
generalised anxieties? Yes.
Did you speak about your illness Fear?
Yes. So you did actually bombard that
poor. Mate, I get the most of my
money. Yeah, that was like what
happened to me when I was seeing that psychiatrist when I went a
little bit loopy loo after that last breakup.
I sat there 300 lbs recession. So I ripped off so fucking
quickly. I was like on three times speed,
he said. Wow, I really rate you for being
so honest with me. I was like.
I can't afford not to. Be cannot afford not to be.
Let's just keep going, shall we? And then I was like, what can
you give me? What can you give me?
Because he's a psychiatrist. I was like, what diazepam have
you got? Yeah, Diazepam or the we have
started our better help journey and I genuinely I'm so impressed
not even just like the therapy itself, so beyond the therapy
session that we both had already really, really positive
experiences with, I mean I did bombard mine a bit as well.
I think I, I think I left her a bit speechless because me and
you just fucking go balls to the walls, don't we?
We just thank fuck we've got a podcast, nothing's off the
table. Well, can just chat.
This is the thing. This is our problem.
Nothing's off the fucking table. Ask me anything.
I can't. I probably won't be offended and
I will give you the truth. Yeah, we are a PR nightmare.
Yeah, don't ever put us in an interview because I will have
myself either cancelled one way or another, or on the news for
exposing the deepest depths of my inside brain, which will
probably end me up in a fucking psych ward.
I'll. Probably tell them that I'm
bleeding, that I've got bad endometriosis crap.
You could tell them a lot worse than that, my darling.
Let me go back, though, to what I was saying is the paralysis.
I got onto this with the therapist.
I said, look, it's a paralysis that I get throughout the day.
I know that I've got an event tomorrow, and this could be any
event. It doesn't matter.
I know that that event starts at 7:00 PM So in my head I'm like,
right, that starts at 7:00 PM Let me not do anything the whole
day or like, if somebody tries to make plans with me in that
day, it's not going to happen. I'm going to have to move it.
Yeah. For me, because you can only
focus on that one thing. I will be waiting all day.
Yeah, I'm yeah, I will still rush to get ready.
Yeah. Oh yeah, you're always honestly,
this is getting worse though of yours and this is something that
maybe we will have to go to couples therapy for is that your
lateness is increasing and I'm worried it's because you're
growing older and you're but growing more into your mum.
And no offence to your mum, love her.
Don't say that to me. Sorry, but it's true.
No. It is true.
Let me tell. You.
What it is is the fact that I'm like way busier now.
Like in my brain, Freya, I am. No, I am.
No, I'm not having it. You're telling me that I'm not
way busier now. You.
Are way busier, but you could still but don't tell me on some
days you are do it, don't do it and live shaking her head as
well sat in the studio you. Can fuck off.
You can. It's the.
Truth. I'm not.
It is you are. Leave now.
No, you leave. You leave if you can leave on
time. Oh, don't worry, Don't worry.
The exit plans being drafted, don't you fucking worry.
Oh my God. But it is.
Increasing I'm not I I don't know what it is.
I swear to God I have ADHD if I can get on medication.
Yes. But Freya, what I'm saying is
that's fine. That's fine.
Things like this that. You've got worse over the last
year. This is what I'm saying.
So your your ADHD symptoms have always been around.
Your inability to leave the house on time now has gotten out
of control. So even if you had half an hour
versus 2 1/2 hours, you'd still be late.
I don't this is not weird, This is why it's.
Got nothing to do with your. Brain, I couldn't even answer
you. I couldn't answer you.
I. Don't want you to answer me.
It's really actually stressing me.
I know that there's nothing you can offer me that will make me
feel better about the fact that I know I'm always going to be
stood at that me and the dog literally stand in the fucking
doorway of the flat looking at each other.
Like Ziggy's looking at me like I'm probably going to shit and
piss myself any second now. And I'm looking at him being
like, mate, I'm probably going to shit and piss myself as well.
And you're still Fanny. Do you know what it is, Stefani
arsing around? And this is again what your mum
does because it's I look at you and I'm like, right, she's not
ready, but what is she doing right now?
Like you'll never physically doing anything.
So whilst I'm still laid in bed, yes, you get up earlier than me
and yes, it's really good that you will start to go round and
tidy up and things. Although I always tidy up,
finish the tidy up, do most of the hoovering and stuff when we
get back after coffee before you start saying I do XY and Z, yes.
So that's great. But then I'll start to get up
and you'll be getting ready the same time as me, and yet you're
still late. I just can't.
Not late. You're just still not ready.
I can't work it out. And then you still manage to
leave the house looking like a fucking crackhead in the
morning. So it's not even like you're
doing your makeup, your hair. Fucking hell man, is this
therapy shit? I leave the house looking like a
crackhead as well. Leave.
It for better help, better for help better for you.
I need I leave the base looking like a crackhead as well, but
the difference between me and you is I get up 7 minutes before
I'm leaving the door, you get up 45 minutes before you leaving
the door and we're still somehow on the same path.
Look, it is really fucking annoying.
But yeah, but better help, clearly there's multiple avenues
that we need to be exploring. Today's episode is brought to
you by Better Help. We mentioned last episode that
we are on our Evolved, evolving therapy journey and we promise
to keep you updated. We know you guys are always
asking us how to accept yourself, whether it be with
past issues or how to get through those horrendous lesbian
break UPS or even accepting your LGBTQ plus identity.
I've used my first Better Help session to discuss how my past
has affected me and already found it so helpful to speak to
someone that's completely removed from my day-to-day life.
Better help me navigate it completely by an app.
You can message, call, and FaceTime your therapist so you
can communicate in the best way that works.
There are also group therapy sessions that focus on an array
of topics, which we've actually already signed up for.
Better Help, as Freya said, is entirely online.
It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your
schedule, which we've already found has been like, so true to
us. We've been able to fit it in.
We get reminders, it's great. You just fill out a brief
questionnaire to get matched with the licenced therapist and
you can switch therapist anytime for no additional charge.
And they also link you with an LGBTQ plus therapist, which we
think is really important. Celebrate the progress you've
already made and visit betterhelp.com/LSC today to get
10% off your first month. That's better help help.com/LSC.
Let's become the best evolved group of.
Quiz they've ever seen. History has ever seen.
Thank you. Better help.
We love you. Therapy's all about letting
things go. It's all about moving on.
It's all about accepting the past, accepting yourself in all
of your forms. And talking of letting go, we
were having a really funny conversation the other day and I
know every fucker listening to this podcast will be able to
relate is we all know that lesbians go on if the date has
gone well, four day dates, right?
And we also all know that when you first enter into a
relationship or you're in the honeymoon phase, you bring over
the best version of yourself. So that version will be the
happiest version of yourself, the most caring version of
yourself. It'll also just be the least IBS
gassy farty version of yourself. So during your four day
saxathon. Yeah, you're getting pumped.
It's good you know when sometimes that you're getting
penetrated quite hard, it can literally pump up you stand up
like especially if you've been pumped from behind.
Can you not use the word hump? You know why I was saying pump?
Because I mean like they're pumping you, yes.
I know, but it's still an awful word.
So that's either happening. I'm surprised I haven't gone
floating some nights because you sometimes.
Happening during sex is that it's going to creep up on you.
Or when the date finally ends and you get in your car, you and
you start to relax. You then suffer the worst
fucking stomach pain known to man because it's trapped.
So I know this is a universal thing.
I know. It's oh, I know it's.
Straight girls, everyone. And it's, it's that moment.
What? Do gay men do I mean?
I'm. Going to have to get one on to
ask. If they're a bottom, I feel like
it probably just. Goes.
I can't. Look at you whilst you're.
Doing these faces, I am actually so grateful that right now this
podcast is not being afforded. Yeah, I do.
Look. I look quite corporate today,
which wasn't really intentional, but I've got you.
Do you look? Like you've just come from a
business meeting. Fucking twat.
I've actually got a change of clothes in the bag I've.
Got no, it looks. You look good, Tom.
You're on very different vibes I've got on fucking desert bags.
Really, really baggy 2000 jeans and a white dyke vest top with a
tight cardigan over the top. And you're wearing heeled boots,
black trousers and a blue shirt. It's very you, though.
I mean that outfit is just very on brand.
Yeah, but I do feel a little bit like corporate wanky wanky wank
anyway. Yeah, but me and you just have
quite different styles. That's.
Not true though. So actually really like.
Me and you, Our first date initially lasted just the one
evening, didn't it? Because I had to go back to
London. I think we were lucky because
our first dates actually didn't go on for that long because we
were both. I was 24 hours.
Yeah, 24 hours, but that's all right, especially when you're
not eating. You don't eat out much. 2
minutes. Yeah, but when you're on a first
date, you're not eating that much and stuff.
I do feel like it's more, it's easily, more easily achieved.
Our first date also wasn't 24 hours.
It was. No, it wasn't.
I got to you about 7:00 PM on the Friday or Saturday night and
I left the afternoon after. Like quite late afternoon, like
evening time, yeah. No, I didn't.
Yeah, you did. It was dark because it was
winter. I left about four all right for
the sake it was about. 21 it was about 29 being facetious.
You are being facetious. So I yeah, but we did have that
brunch and that and I did think, God, I'm not going to have
anything like. Did we go to go go's?
Yeah, I was like, I'm not going to have anything too spicy.
Nothing that's going to fuck me up right here.
I'm on a high right now. The D is fire, the V is fire.
That's a Gypsy Rose. So Gypsy Rose reference for all
of you that. Aren't following the Yeah, I was
very worried about it. Yeah, but you've got you.
The difference is you've got IBS and I don't, I don't remember
being that worried about it because there's as this is what
I'm saying. So our first date, 21 hours, I
think that's quite a bearable time to hold it in.
To be fair, I don't really remember really struggling.
No. And then the second day I met
you in the evening as well, didn't I?
We went to Sebastian, plugging Sebastian's in Windsor.
We love it. By the way, if you live local or
around London, Windsor, really good.
So we went there and then the next morning I had work.
Didn't you drive me to work? That sounds like something.
In London, yeah, you did. So again, very short turn
around. Yeah.
So I think by the time we had quite long term exposure to each
other, I was more comfortable not to fight in front of you,
but to be relaxed. So I wasn't tensing my stomach
to get yet. Anyway, I didn't want this
podcast to be talking about things like that because Full
disclosure, it's very and they're very much not my fucking
vibe after them trying to call me a non lesbian because I
apparently looked too fem for them when they met me.
So I don't want to be the farty lesbians, but I do just want to
know if it is a universal experience of the sheer pain of
holding in your gas on the first few dates with your girl.
Do you know what my worry was More of anxiety attacks.
Well, it's again very. Very me.
So I get really bad. Controversially, it was me.
That had it was you that had anxiety attack, which is great
actually, because it's something for me to not have to deal with
on my own. I because I get bad anxiety
attacks. I never want that with someone
that I've just met and I don't want to put that on them either.
Like I never want to be the one that's like never like what's
wrong with you and be like nothing.
You know, it's just like, that was a really, really cautious
thing for me to think about. That's just not every day of our
life, though. It's not every day it's 80.
Percent of the days. Well, that's why I'm in therapy.
Look, I actually don't mind it like it.
It really doesn't bother me that much.
It's like it's part of sadly and it's not.
I'm not saying that in a horrible way.
It's part of who you are. Hopefully I hope for you it gets
better over I feel. Like it doesn't suit my
personality. It doesn't.
It's not very on brand. Actually IBS is very on.
Brand IBS is so on brand but like anxiety isn't very on
brand. But it doesn't bother me.
It bothers me when I can't help you.
So if you've got anxiety of a thing that I know that could be
fixed, I I don't mind it as much.
I just find it weird because I've never met anyone in my
life. With the type with anxiety like
how you I haven't either. No no and it feels very lonely
because I feel like I'm just like going through the shit
constantly and no one else around me does either and it
just sucks. Yeah, it's a very specific type
of anxiety that you have. I think it's very physical, my
anxiety. Yeah.
So like there's sometimes no
rationale, which I know a lot of people listening to this.
This podcast will say, well, that's how mine is.
But again, genuinely from from being with you for five years
and witnessing it, it is very, it's a very nuanced.
Yeah, I just want to tell the people, though that are
listening. If you do suffer from any kind
of anxiety, it doesn't matter whether it's like mine or
whatever, we're all unique. You can still do and achieve and
push yourself to do the things that you really, really want to
do, regardless of how debilitating sometimes it may
feel. And a lot of the time you'll
feel that it makes you feel better for doing so.
So take that as a little bit of advice from Freya.
We've gone real hectic today already.
We were struggling today to think of an idea of what topic
to discuss, depict. As we've said in the past, we
usually just decide on the way here.
We're usually quite good at being creative and being like,
right, we're going to talk about this, We're going to talk about
that. So I've done the classic thing
that people do when they struggle about stuff is I
literally typed into Google lesbian topics and whilst it
didn't give me a single lesbian topic to depict, what it did do
was basically brought up. You know when it's like top
things people asked into Google, it's done that all lesbian
related. So we thought what we would do
is run through the top questions that lesbians or questioning
lesbians, or by girlies, queer girlies and gays, ask Google and
give our hot take on the answers to these hot topics that get
asked. So the first question is what to
talk about with a lesbian. Women's football is the first
thing that comes into my brain strap.
No fryer, because you can't, right?
What we're saying is you've just met a lesbian in the coffee shop
on the street, bumped into each other.
You somehow ended up in conversation and you're just
casually falling into casual conversation fright and not the
fucking strap or you're or you're on a first date.
Picture that. OK, what do I talk about?
There's got to be lesbian specific the L word.
I was going to say a lesbian show of some kind.
So the L Word, all of the lesbian films shows Cate
Blanchett women's football. I think I'm the worst person to
answer this Travel. I'm not a quote on travel.
Lesbian lesbian. Yes, you.
Well, actually you're not actually.
I'm not. I'd plug the pot actually.
That is. What you could talk about, that
is all we do when we meet lesbians Now we just, Fred, do
you know who Freya plugged the fucking podcast to the other
day? Which I just sat there and
thought, what is actually wrong with you?
Which I think, yeah, the guy that came up, yeah, we were
having a drink and some guy came up to the table and was like,
can I have a cigarette? By the way, everyone that
replies to us whenever we have like a cigarette in a photo or
video was like smoking sick face.
I don't care. I'm not.
Smoking for you to find me attractive?
Yeah, I'm smoking. I don't.
Care if you want to fuck me or not, I enjoy it.
We don't. We actually don't smoke very
often. We smoke socially.
It's what I want to do. Get off my back.
My mum don't even fucking give me shit in my DMS about this.
Why, certainly you don't want any of you dykes doing so.
OK, moving on quickly. So this crackhead comes up to
the table, asks for a cigarette. Freya had originally said no
without realising. We had like basically a whole
pack of cigarettes open on the table.
So I was just like, I can't be fucking bothered mate, have a
cigarette, take care. So he takes it and she offers
him the lesbian supper club lighter, which by the way, is
coming very very, very, very soon.
Along with some other really fucking exciting lesbian supper
club shit. Big up Catherine pick up you
fucking legend who's been helping us get our shit
together. So Freya hands in the lesbian
supper club lighter and he starts using it and she just
goes. It's my podcast.
No, I went lesbian supper club. Oh yeah, it's obviously the
engraving is like, not minimal, but to a crackhead who's just
trying to light a cigarette, he ain't looking at it right.
Well. The least he could do after
taking one of our cigarettes in this cost of living crisis is to
go on to Spotify and listen to the Lesbian Supper Club podcast
and rate it five stars. Is that that's not asking too
much. Also, can I just say that I
heard these two girls? So I don't want to make
assumptions, but I don't want a middle-aged straight man who's a
crackhead. I completely agree, I am taking
the piss. Secondly to that, apparently
cigarettes are going up to like 18 lbs a packet by April.
Fuck. Fuck off.
Yeah. Fuck.
SO topics like sidetracking again is the theme of today.
Talk about the podcast, Talk about podcasts, talk about I.
Think talk about like you're coming out trauma dump.
What I think is really important is to know what stage they are
in their coming out. Have they come out yet to
people? Are they comfortable with coming
out? I know that might be a bit too
intense for a first meet. Really.
Yeah. Freya I feel like I feel out of.
Control. Today I'm not being funny.
I feel like I'd want to know that on the first date because I
wouldn't go to the second date if they weren't out.
You'd want to know if they were out.
I don't think we can. You.
You'd want to go into the depths of it.
Don't. Go into the depths, but you can
be like, oh God, yeah, my mum was fucking awful.
Yeah, so. This is a good one.
Who who pays on a lesbian first date?
Whoever invited you? So I think whoever initiates the
date or split. If the other person insists on
splitting, you should split. But if you were the one that
initiated and invited, yes, it's whoever initiates.
Page and it's whoever no not only initiates, but it's whoever
chose the bar or pub or. How to ask a lesbian on a date?
See, this is where I just ask. Yeah, I think just be straight
up. I just can't be bothered with
the fucking pussyfooting around. Just ask I also.
For a drink next. Week again, we've spoken about
this briefly before, but like the way that society is now and
the way that lesbians act now when it's trying to be this like
fuck boy energy of like asking and not asking and I find it so
fucking cringe. I think it's just really nice to
be upfront. I think it's really nice to just
be like, respectful. Honest, mature, direct.
I don't, yeah. And then if they say no, they
say no, I mean. That's just the most attractive
thing to me is that if me and you ever broke up and I found
myself single and someone tried to like give it the cheek
initially chatting or like play games we're.
Going to go for a drink then I'd be like oh fuck off, no we're
not now well. When am I seeing you then?
Yeah, that. No, just like me and you are not
compatible. Get away from me.
Just message me and be like, hey, I'd really love to take you
out for a drink, get you to know you better or hey, what's your
favourite bar in London, Can we grab a drink?
Like, yes, things like that. I would really, even if, do you
know what, even if I wasn't massively into the person, if
they asked me in the right way, it would interest me to go
because I'd be like, oh, you've really like attracted me in the
way that you've asked this. Because I've noticed that a lot
of them now have tried to get really cocky, to try and seem
like attractive and it is so unattractive and people are
really cocky because there is a difference, people.
They act like men. Yeah, there is a difference
between being cocky and being confident.
You don't want to be cocky, but you do want to be confident
enough to be like, hey, I'd love to take you out.
Yeah, agreed. So one of the questions on here
is how can I tell a girl I want to have sex with her as a
lesbian? And this is.
So I was going to jump then and say well take the same.
No, don't take the same approach as you would have asking them on
a date, which is basically just looking them square in the eye
and saying I want to have sex with you.
However, there are circumstances where that would work, but I
would say it more like not I want to have sex with you.
It would be more like I want to fuck you.
But it would, I would have to be very, very confident that the
signs were to fuck me. Yeah.
So with this one, you have to be very assured that they're
definitely on the same wavelength, the dates going to
probably well what what's the best way for you?
Yeah. So what I would do in a
situation like that. Now, you do have to be confident
for this to happen. I'm actually really scared about
what you're going to say. The date is going really well
and you're both starting to make out by this point because like,
you're hot, she's hot. It's great you're there making.
Out can I just disclaim her really quickly?
If anyone's listened to episode 3 of this podcast where I go
into detail how Freya approached me within seconds on our first
date, do not take this advice as verbatim.
Please carry on my love the. Listener, which is you is the
one on the date with me, So we're making out me and you.
Scarlett's looking at me like she wants to kill me, but it's
fine. I was looking at you trying to
make sense of what the fuck you were saying then.
Put yourself in the dates shoes so the listener is now the day T
OK, OK, we're on an amazing date.
We're making out. Why have you put on your sex
voice? No, because I'm doing the I'm
laughing, I'm laughing, we're making out, we're making out and
I whisper in your ear, but it has to be like mid make out and
then you go for the ear. See now and then you go I want
to fuck you. I can see in principle that
would work, but sat here now picturing it and watching you
reenact this. I'm doing this.
I'm holding the stand for my dear life.
It's making me crawl and I go. I and I want to fuck you.
Please fuck me. I'm gonna hang right now.
Can't nobody put me down. Finger me.
I literally. No, just be taking.
Advice from us No, I would ask the first date was I would just
be like horrifically, I want to fabulous.
I would just say I want to fuck you.
But as you've got to know, the vibe is right.
Yeah, but if you're making out hot and heavy.
If not wait until the end of the day, see wait for the kiss to
happen, see how passionate the kiss is then be like do you want
to come back to mine or see if they offer you or.
Or do what you did where you went. 10 out of 10 would fuck in
my DM. Yeah, but that, no, that was
not, that was good form, but I didn't actually mean at that
time I would just jump straight into bed with you.
It's just, it was just kind of like a euthanism.
That's a shame. Yeah, because we went on to talk
for a long time after that. Or you keep your vagina
relatively dry, wait until date 2, and don't go in on the first
date for a shag, which I know no one's going to listen to.
Everyone's going. This is the thing with lesbians
that I really find hilarious versus straight people is that
straight people, 9 times out of 10, they'll either go home
together or they'll wait for a second or third date, right?
There's like a thing in like the straight world where it's like,
don't fuck on the first date, blah blah blah blah.
Lesbians are either walking out on the date, never speaking
them, getting through the first date and never speaking to them
again, or fucking on the first date.
There's no waiting. There's no chivalry.
Also though. We're all out of control.
I men are dangerous, so I think that's why.
Well, statistically, yeah. Yeah, men are straight, women
are a. Lot more careful.
Men are women's natural predators, so if they're going
on a date, they're sharing their find friends with all their
friends. They've stalked them to the high
heavens. They're wondering whether
they're a serial killer or a rapist.
So they probably won't want to shag on the first date for fear
of the men talking of men. I can't talk about this.
Yeah, you can. We're talking.
No, don't. Petition vile for anyone in
London with the resources money. And you know what?
I don't care if you have never fucking set foot in a gym in
your whole life, if you've got the cash, set up a women only a
non binary gym I. Please.
I can't do this. I can't do it any longer.
I've decided I hate and I know that rule.
Actually, I know that we're all about like equal rights and all
that stuff. I'm all about that.
Do you know what? Sometimes they want my equal
rights. Sometimes I want to be in my own
gym. The girlies are saying this on
TikTok now, thinking about Rishi drafting the women for war.
Because we've all fought. For put me back in the kitchen,
I don't care. Yeah, like everyone saying it,
there's some things. Do you know what?
I do want the best of both worlds and I don't want to share
a fucking gym with a man I'm. Sick periods so.
I'm sick to death of paying so my gyms been our gyms been
pissing me off recently anyway because we we it's fucking
expensive because where we live and there's literally no other
choice. Yeah, we pay £100 a month.
An extortionate amount of fucking money on a gym, which I
hate anyway. Walk into the gym yesterday, it
fucking stinks of Bo. And I'm sorry but women's Bo and
men's Bo is very fucking different and it was men's Bo.
The whole gym fucking stinks of Bo because men go in there, have
no fucking basic hygiene rules and therefore stink the place
out. They take over the whole
weightlifting section, which pisses me off because
controversially, although it shouldn't be controversial, I
don't want to go and fucking do some AB routine on a Pilates
mat. I want to sit on a bench with
the weights, with my weights and they fucking take over the whole
weight section of the gym. There's never any women over
there because they just fucking dominate, which pisses me off.
They love to stare as well, and they love to stare and also
they're just disgusting. They are lechy.
It's not all men in the gym. I shouldn't even have to say
this. Yes of course we know it's not
all fucking men but it is most of you.
It pisses me off and can anyone else relate?
Oh my God it's actually making me angry.
You could be. So my gym routine I always go in
do like 20 minutes on a bike and then I I will go and do like 2
muscle groups right? That's that's my gym routine.
That's what I like to do. Yesterday for example, there is
about 8 bikes in our gym and they were all free.
Literally every single fucking one.
And I go on to the very end bike because I was trying to get away
from the fucking Bo smell that that was elevating the whole of
the gym. I couldn't escape it.
So in the end, I just had to accept my fate.
After three minutes maximum of sitting down, I look to my left.
There's a fucking old man next to me.
Why go next to me? And there's so many other bikes
like. Why like I if if your sweaty
butt crack away from me just get the fuck.
Away from me. Also, why do you want to be next
to another person if you don't have to be?
Like even if I walked into the gym and I saw a really fucking
hot girl on a bike, I still wouldn't sit still, wouldn't go
next to her, no. No, because we're not.
I'd still leave at least one bike in between if there was a
whole row of three bikes because no matter how hot she is, I want
to be on my in my own fucking space as much as possible.
Not only that, The Dirty bastard after fucking insisting on
sitting next to me whilst I'm trying to work out.
I shit you not, girls, for the whole fucking 20 minutes I was
on this bike, was picking his nose to a point where I would
literally look at him and then he'd pretend that he was
scratching his face and then I'd look away and I could see him
picking his nose out the corner of my eye.
And it's actually made me want to cancel my gym membership
because there is always someone. We go to it like a really nice
gym, a gym that like advertises themselves, like is like a good
gym. Fuck off.
There are always people. Literally.
Didn't a man like fucking snot gobble?
On the floor, Talk about. That I can't be talking about
that it's out of control. So petition for women only for a
women only non binary gym because I can't do this any
longer. I actually can't.
First world problems. I can't.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And I don't blame you, you know,
I've realised that I'm so gay that I'm practically allergic to
men. The smell of men's Bo, it makes
my stomach turn. But you know how straight girls
are like, oh, I love the smell. How also straight like or like
girls love the scent of like man smell, not even Bo but like man
smell when it's mixed with their Cologne.
I hate, I hate. It does nothing for me.
I did test it, I hate it so much.
Like I wear a pretty masculine perfume, but I know I'd hate it
on a man. I'm also like allergic to semen
so that's another thing. That's so funny, the fact that
your vagina literally rejects semen.
My vagina was like, and I was like, I know, same.
And she was looking at me, like up at me and like, you know what
I mean, Freya. The voices that you've like the
the sound effects you come out with on this podcast today, like
I don't know what the fuck is going on.
Do you want to go into voice effects or something?
Yeah, you sound like. That I've started doing
impressions of literally everyone.
So help me. I hate this.
Oh, me. But yeah, if any of you guys
want to know any of my voice effects that I've been up to
recently, just give me a call and I'll call you and I'll do a
few down the phone for you and then I'll just hang up
awkwardly. What were you saying, Scarlett?
Is there any more on that list? We'll do one more.
But I think we've been so hectic today.
What's wrong with us? I think obviously apologies in
advance. Don't you regress.
Yeah, don't give us a bad fucking review for today's
podcast, please. Please.
I actually still feel like we've been fucking.
Legendary. No, we're just ping ponging this
episode, OK? It's less structure than.
Usual. We're just unmedicated Queens,
OK? Well, I've been not taking my
citalopram out of nowhere for weeks now, I think.
And you've started giving it to me again.
And I was thinking, I've think I've got through the hump of not
being on it, so I wasn't going to take it.
But then I couldn't be bothered to have the discussion slash
argument with you last. That's why my head's gone a
little bit funny over there, because I'm back to taking it
again and I have gone a little bit.
I'm pretty sure to our listeners, every single fucking
time we do this podcast, we say we've not been taking it, which
is what I mean about us. Like just giving up the fact of
just not. Fucking just whatever.
Just we need our money. I'm just extending the parking
just to add to the chaos. Just to add to the chaos,
girlies. I've got to extend the parking
before we get another ticket. And every time I've got so much
trauma from us not paying our fucking parking fines because
we're so fucking hectic. We lose them.
Forget that they even exist. I have literal PTSD now that
every time our fucking doorbell goes early in the morning I
think it's the bailiff. I think it's the bailiff coming
who have fucking towed our car because we are so irresponsible
that a 35 LB fucking parking sign turns into 1000 lbs.
Which is why we can't afford to progress this podcast.
I. Fucking hate us.
Yeah, it's bad that we're both like it as well.
We needed one person in the relationship we've got like
this. We've got to live now.
Lives in the relationship. Thank you, Lev.
Love you, I love you, baby. And we've ran out of time today
for a Horror Story. So sorry.
Joe what? This is a.
Horrible story. We got to the Studio Lakes.
We're fucking our souls. We couldn't find the mikes
because we're fucking ourselves. We didn't set out a structure
properly today because we're fucking ourselves.
Yes, Freya's had chronic anxiety all day, which has thrown her
off. I've now tried to overcompensate
because you've had chronic anxiety, which is throwing me.
Fine, darling, don't say you've been fine because you haven't
been. Yes, silence is deafening.
We love you and we'll see you next week and we'll come back
with more refined shit, but some of you love the really fucking.
Let this just kind of almost calm you down with how chaotic
is, yeah. And a lot of you are nurses that
have to drive home after your long shifts, and I hope this
keeps you awake because we sound like we've do.
You know, I've crapped it. What?
We had a fucking coffee on the way here, which we don't usually
do. Oh, that will do it.
That will do it. You should only have one coffee.
A. Day fucking spiked up blood
sugar. Is that really shy girl and buns
at home? She's just fucking spiking us
now. Probably with a bit better.
I think she hates. Me, and I don't blame her.
Fair enough, right? We love you guys, love you, and
we'll speak to you next week. See you next week.
Bye bye right now, the V is fire.