Hello everyone, welcome to the Lesbian Supper Club podcast.
Today you are joined by Scarlett.
I feel like I haven't done this in a few weeks because I haven't
done this in a few weeks. One of the big reasons why I
haven't been around is because I decided to treat myself to a
last minute impromptu holiday to Fuch Ventura, which I'm sure to
the Spanish listeners will be very offended to hear me
pronounce that. I do apologise.
No matter how much I try, it doesn't get better and it
doesn't get easier. Languages is not my Forte as
much as I hate to admit it because I'd really love to be
able to speak multiple languages and I hate not being able to do
things, but it is just one thing that I genuinely suck at.
But my holiday was honestly incredible and it kind of led me
on to today's topic which I will get to in a bit.
But it was so nice to go away and get some sun.
Like the weather there was minimum 27° and reached like
3031° one day and it was just so nice.
I think it was amazing because it was beautiful there.
It was like the food was incredible.
The weather was lovely, the sea was amazing, My hotel was really
nice. It was cheap.
Like the people were lovely and it was just so nice to just get
away and do something. It was like I literally booked
it four days before I went. And it meant like a lot to me
for a couple of reasons that I done this.
And the first reason is being that I've been saying a lot
recently and thinking this to myself is that I really don't
want to be someone who says that they're gonna do something and
then doesn't do it. Like for example, says that I'm
gonna go to the gym everyday or three days a week for the next
six weeks and then I don't do it.
Or I say that I'm only going to have two drinks when I go out
and then I don't do it. And I don't think it's a big
deal. Like I think we're all allowed
to say things and then life happens and things changing.
We can't always keep to those commitments and that's
absolutely fine. But I do think if we do that on
a consistent basis, as in we don't fulfil the things that we
say that we're going to do, we, I think almost tell ourselves a
narrative or like we're speaking to ourselves and basically
saying that we are the type of person who doesn't keep our
promises to ourselves. And then when you're doing that,
you're kind of letting yourself down.
And I know that sounds probably quite a deep way of looking at
it, but I really find that with myself as like, I don't like
saying things to people or to myself if I'm not going to
follow through because it really kind of eats away at me.
Even if the other person who I may be letting down last minute
is fine and they understand and things happen, it still really
affects me. And I don't want to be someone
who says that they're going to do something and doesn't do it.
I'd rather just be someone who says I don't want to do that or
I can't do that. So honouring that for myself was
a huge thing because I've been saying probably every year for
the last five years, I want to get at least 2 winter breaks in
because I hate winter. It really affects me.
I don't like the cold, I love being by water, etcetera,
etcetera. And every year I just haven't
done it and I get frustrated at myself because we have to make
time for the things that we want to do.
And every year I say, well, I was too busy or this happened
or, but it's not really an excuse.
Like we have to prioritize ourselves and the things that we
want to do. So I was really proud of myself
actually, that I said on the Tuesday, I'm going to go away
this weekend. And I'd done it and I followed
through. And I think it's nice to kind of
set that narrative for ourselves.
So that was #1 #2 why it was so nice being there and realizing a
lot whilst I was there was there.
If you'd have told me six months ago, Scarlett, you're going to
go and spend all day every day on your own on an island you've
never been to before, I would have fallen to pieces.
Like there is no way that I would have been able to sit with
myself with no familiarity, distraction over A5 day period
and probably not lost my mind. And six months ago, it would
have frightened me even more knowing myself and knowing that
I couldn't have done that. Whereas I'd have liked to have
always thought that until that point in my life, I was always
someone who could and was happy to be alone.
But over the last, you know, 18 months, going through so much
mental change of ups and downs and some real downs, I found
myself not being able to be alone.
And if I was alone, really, really struggling with that
concept. And it was so hard.
It's hard for anyone if you can't be alone because it's not
a nice place to be. But it's hard for someone who
particularly has always been someone who actually quite
enjoyed the opposite. And I did go alone and I went
alone for five days literally on my own.
And it was probably one of the best five days I've ever had.
And I don't know what that says about me as a person.
Take from that what you will. But genuinely, it wasn't because
I don't love other people's company, because I really do.
I have people around me all the time and I have amazing friends
around me all the time. It's not about that.
It was just so nice to wake up in the morning and not even have
to discuss with someone like, oh, what should we do with
today? Should we go here and shall we
go there? I was having those discussions,
but obviously in my own head thinking, well, I'm going to go
and get breakfast and then, oh, I'll probably lay by the pool
for a bit and then I'll go down to the beach.
And it sounds again, so silly, like it's such a minor thing,
but I just lived in my own head and I was so proud at how far
I've come as a person and coming out the other side of where I've
been that not only could I sit in my own head, but I was happy
to sit there. Like I remember one day I was
laying on the beach with a corona being like, I'm genuinely
happy and content. And I've spoken before about not
searching for happiness and searching for peace.
And I really found in that moment that I had truly achieved
that. And it was such a nice feeling.
And then on top of that, I went on a motocross like dirt bike 2
hour cycle on the Wednesday, which was again probably one of
the best things I've ever done in my life.
Like I've never ridden a dirt bike before.
And let's just say that was a, that was a real experience and
that was a real test to the adrenaline in my fight or fly.
I don't know quite how I actually made it back in one
piece, but it was a lot of fun. I again want to revisit the
whole kind of motorbikes thing, probably on a different episode,
but I'll just say again, getting that license was one of the best
things I could have ever done in this life.
And I went out on a tour with this guy that's a family owned
company, I think they're called like motorsport Fortune Ventura
or something like that. And it was just me and him.
We just went out for two hours, like across the mountains,
across the coastal path. And I genuinely, I've been to
some beautiful places in this world, but I genuinely have
never seen sights quite like this.
Like the sand was genuinely like white, bright white.
And it was so nice to just be in a place again and come to myself
in the moment on that bike, learning something new, quite
literally in the moment of having to do it and having to go
through these pretty tough tracks and be scared, but also
so fulfilled at the same time. And that again, just signifies
to us all being able to find something that can bring us so
much joy and test us as well is so important in this life.
So yeah, that was my trip to Fuchventura and I had an
absolutely amazing time. And if you're thinking of doing
a solo trip and you're scared to do it because genuinely could,
didn't recommend it enough, I went for five days.
Maybe you start off doing 2. I only actually booked it for
three and extended, so I didn't feel like I was biting off more
than I could chew. So maybe that's kind of the way
that you take it first and foremost.
But if it's something you've wanted to do to challenge
yourself, I honestly couldn't recommend it enough.
And the worst case scenario is you go and you last a day and
then you come back and you just change your ticket and at least
you can say you've tried. And you might get out there and
actually totally surprise yourself like I did and really
kind of set a new precedent for yourself of being able to be
alone in those circumstances and prove that to yourself, which
makes you stronger in other areas of your life.
So that was my holiday. It was incredible.
And it kind of leads me on to what I want to talk to you guys
about today, which I put on Lesbian Supper Club Instagram,
which if you don't follow at the moment is at Lesbian Supper Club
pod on Instagram. And I basically said, do you
want to listen to me talk about life after depression, leaving
people where they're at and one other?
And actually the votes were pretty well spread, but I think
leaving people where they're at literally 1 by like 1%.
So I will do life after depression on my next episode
because I had a lot of you guys interested in that one as well.
But today I wanted to talk about leaving people where they are
AT. And as I say, I thought about
this topic when I was away and I thought about it when I was away
because it was so true to kind of how we all go through
different cycles in this lifetime, all at different times
in this life. And I think when we are sharing
our lives with with people, and it's something I've been
thinking about a lot recently about all different people in my
life and also actually myself. We all meet people in this life
at different times of our life and different times of their
life. And people's journeys are so
different and we experience things differently.
We experience every day differently.
We all see the world, I believe, in a completely different lens
because how we view the world is made-up of our literal,
day-to-day, second by second experiences which for no human
being can be duplicated. So therefore, how we all walk
through the world, react to things, internalize things,
understand things, project things, talk about things, is
just entirely different. And therefore, we also all walk
at a different pace amongst different areas of our lives,
whether that be in our professional life, in our
ability to build lasting strong friendships, in our ability to
show up for ourselves, in our ability to have meaningful
positive relationship tips, romantic relationships, how we
deal with family connection is just all very different.
And I think that's a build up of our pasts and our childhoods and
growing up into adulthood. And then also just a reflection
of our personalities and who we all are as people.
And so it's something that I've been thinking about a lot when I
think about the type of person that I am.
And some people close to me in this world may listen to this
podcast and think I'm chatting shit.
But this is my understanding of myself and I am by no means a
perfect person. I've got a lot of flaws, which
maybe actually is another episode where I just out all of
my floors and make myself completely unattractive in every
form. But I know my flaws.
But I also know what I bring to the table in this world, to my
friends and my family and in my relationships.
And I think I am genuinely someone who truly loves to show
up for other people. And I love to be able to be
there for other people. I love to be able to hold people
through difficult times in their lives.
I love be able to problem solve other people.
I love being able to physically fix things or do things if I
can. And I love being able to
emotionally show up with long conversations going over the
same thing if we need to. And having good advice sessions
with my friends is just something that really sort of
fulfills me Being able to help other people and someone say,
you know, I feel better after that conversation or I was so
glad that you were that able to be there to go through this hard
thing with me or to do this thing with me.
It does so much for me, like I'd rather help someone else than
help myself. For example, if you had a
parking fine that you needed to pay, I could do that for you, no
problems asked. I can't pay my own parking fines
though, because that just doesn't seem to be like, well,
that's just not on the key agenda item for me, but I could
do it for someone else, easy. That's a very stupid analogy of
what I'm trying to say, but also very telling is that it's just
even down to that level. Like I'd rather put my best foot
forward for someone that I love and deal with myself later.
Which if you're a therapist listening to this, you will know
that that's actually probably not always the best way to be.
And that's been a really tough lesson that I have had to learn
over and over in time in my life.
But it's only one that I've actually truly understood as a
lesson, probably in the last, again, probably in the last six
months. And that's probably why at the
start of the year around springtime, I was saying
comparatively to how I felt six months prior to that was better.
But I was still dealing with a lot every single day and really
having to, to fight with myself to put my best foot forward.
And now I'd say I probably fight with myself to put my best foot
forward around 20% at the time, whereas back in April it was
probably still 70% at the time. And back this time last year was
probably 100% of the time. And I think a big lesson in the
last six months of me is being able to let things fucking be
and let people be and let myself be where I am in this journey of
life as well. Because I think if you are
someone who wants to help and wants to fix, that is so good.
And in a lot of ways, you can do that.
You can do a thing which can have a clear output both
physically and emotionally for another person that you care
about in your life. And you can make a difference.
And if you are that person, and that really is something that
fulfills you so much, never stop being who you are.
Always be someone who wants to do that for other people because
it's a really lovely quality to have.
But if you're anything like me, you find it hard to not blur the
line. And it's something that I'm
really working on with myself in all aspects, effects of my life,
which is if I see something that I can help someone with, it
almost becomes for me something that I need to do for them to
make their life better. And I will pour everything I
have into trying to shine that light for someone else in my
life. Whether it be, you know,
encouraging them to potentially change careers because I know
they would be absolutely incredible at something else.
Or whether it would be encouraging them to walk away
from a toxic friendship or a relationship that wasn't serving
them anymore. Or to look at potentially some
habits in their life around repeated patterns that doesn't
necessarily serve them. And I am not saying again that
I'm some fucking like Messiah where my opinion is gospel, but
I do think a lot of us in life, we can sometimes see things
better for the people around us than what they can for
themselves. I definitely know that about
myself sometimes is that when you're in it, you sometimes
can't raise your head above water and work out what path to
take because you're having to live with it.
And sometimes it takes someone on the outside to be like, I can
see how this could be better for you.
Have you thought about this? And so I'd very much say that
I'm coming at it from that perspective.
And so I will spend an awful lot of time strategizing and
thinking about how this person could make their life better and
easier for themselves and how I could play a role in doing that
for them as well. And it's something I've done my
whole life. Even friendships, I think dating
back to like probably my earliest friendship where I know
that I'd done this was my best friend when I was 13, who still
happens to be my best friend now.
And I think I've briefly spoken about it before.
She went through more than any singular person should have gone
through by the age of 13 in this life.
And I remember 13 year old me genuinely scrambling nearly
every day to think about all the things that I could say or do to
help her and make her life better in that moment.
And I think she would look up and say that my friendship
because we were so close, like we lived to like she lived at my
house a lot at the time and we're literally like sisters.
And I've had conversations with her now we're adults and we
speak about that moment in time. And she does say, you know,
like, what would we do without each other?
Because she was also an incredible friend to me in so
many ways as well. And so I'd like to think that I
did help her a lot and we were able to have so much fun and
bring so much joy to each other's life in what was an
absolutely horrific time in her life.
But I do still remember scrambling every day to say the
right thing, do the right thing, and do more to try and fix the
fact of what she had gone through and help her healing.
And it didn't always work. And I used to really punish
myself and feel emotionally exhausted and actually really
dislike myself for not being able to really help that person.
And, and sorry, I'm actually getting a bit emotional, which
is really weird. And it took a lot from me as
well because I've really just wanted to help and I knew that I
couldn't do it all deep down, but my knee jerk reaction would
be to keep trying. And yeah, tracing back, that was
probably the start. When it comes to friends, I
think with my family, it's, you know, I was super young, but I
think I've always been this way. And then I've realized in my
adult relationships and life as well, I do it as well.
Like I can't just have someone come to me and say that they're
having a hard day without me straight away taking it
completely upon myself to try and fix every aspect of that for
them. And sometimes you can and
sometimes you really can't. And I think it's been showing up
a lot in my life again recently where you and it's a really
harsh saying, not a harsh saying, but it's a pretty direct
saying that my mum used to say to me all the time.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
And that basically means that you could layout every bit of
yourself for people, all the best sides of yourself and offer
that help in hand and be that ladder and literally bring them
to the water if they're thirsty. But you can't make the person
get in or drink that water or pick up those tools that you lay
out for them. That has to come from them.
And it's still a lesson that I am starting to learn, I think a
lot more, but not one that I've learnt fully.
And it's really hard actually to be someone who puts a lot of
yourself out there and wants to lay themselves on the line
because a lot of the time you end up getting let down.
And I'm not going to sit here and be like, oh woe is me, I've
been let down. No, no, no, no, that's on me
because because I need to. And if you're listening to this
and relating, we need to be able to put the fucking red line down
for ourselves. It doesn't make you a kind and
intrinsically caring and whole person to move your line
constantly to adjust, to try and bring other people up if they
are showing you they're not ready to do that.
Watch what people show you. Don't listen to what people say.
Watch what people do. And if you have people in your
life who have good intentions and love you back and need you
and want you and help you and bring things to your life as
well, but you know that the imbalance is off a little bit.
And that's a whole other kind of therapy term as well, where
relationships in your life are not always 5050.
Sometimes it'll be 77030 to you, sometimes it'll be 8020 to them.
Because we all go through different things at different
times. But let's just say on the
general, we're talking about a 5050.
But then you know that it slips into a consistent 8020.
You are responsible for that as well.
You have to take control. It doesn't make you a bad person
to say no. It does doesn't make you an
unforgiving person to say that you're not doing a thing
anymore. You have to let people work
through their issues in life for themselves because you cannot
fix other people. And you can try and you can help
along the way. You can be a really good helping
hand along the way. But if you sit with an intention
or a true belief that you can 100% pull people into the light,
you are very wrong and all you will do is pull yourself down,
down into the darkness. And as I say, it's something
that I think I've always known as facts, but something that I
don't think I've ever really taken the time to work through
and actually implement. Then my red line, and I do it a
lot more now, even if it pains me and I feel like a bad person
and I feel like I could be leaving people in darkness and
that makes me not a nice person. I also do now have a deep
understanding that sometimes it's actually not the kindest
thing to constantly prop other people pull up because you're
not helping them, you're just putting a plaster over things
for them and that's not helping them in the long run reach true
happiness and peace for themselves.
And also, you're tying weights around your ankles and basically
walking into water with no floats around you because you
just cannot be that to someone all the time.
It is impossible. It has to come from them.
And on the flip side, I've realized that there's been a lot
of times in my life where I needed to be left and there was
so much noise around me. Me at moments in my life where I
desperately needed and wanted to be left.
And I feel like coming from the other perspective, I had people
still demanding and needing things of me in work, my
friendships, physically, romantically, emotionally.
And I just wasn't in a place where I wanted to give it or
could give it. And these people didn't ask me
in my life. And the demands of life happened
whether we want them to or not. But it wasn't that I was being
forced into this. It was just that I felt that
around me, even by people wanting me to put my best foot
forward, I was not in a place that I could do it.
I had to sit on my own for a bit to workout how to do that for
myself. And there was a time that there
wasn't really, I don't think anything anyone could have said
or done to fully pull me out of that.
There were conversations in my life and obviously amazing acts
of service that people done for me that helped me hugely, but
not enough that would have fixed me.
I had to walk through that darkness and workout the kind of
why for myself before I could get myself to the best version
of who I am and get myself back to who I wanted to be on my
terms. And I couldn't have done that
with the noise of lots of other people around me.
And so I think that's why I'm saying as well, sometimes even
if it feels really unkind to leave people in cycles that
could be harmful to them and hurtful to you, to kind of have
to leave them in that space, it can actually sometimes work out
to be the best thing both for them and you, the best thing for
them. Because sometimes when people
are left exposed, they have to act A&B.
It's the best and kindest thing that you can do for yourself to
be able to protect yourself because you can't save other
people if you're not keeping yourself afloat.
And yeah, that's my hot take on leaving people where they are,
because it's something that I think comes up a lot, but one
that if you're anything like me, you don't ever put those
boundaries down for yourself. So you will just just exhaust
yourself emotionally and physically and end up basically
on the floor desperately wanting to pull someone out of something
and you've broken yourself down and they're still gonna probably
sit in the same place until they can decide to do it for
themselves. So if you aren't currently
experiencing that in your life, start doing little things to
protect yourself, you know, and that might be every time they
ring you pick up the phone, answer straight away and stop
everything you're doing. You can start saying, sorry, I'm
busy right now. I can call back in a couple of
hours or constantly checking in on them wondering if they're OK.
If you don't hear from them, trust that they'll reach out if
they need you. And if they're not reaching out,
then it's a good day and you can focus on yourself for not
changing your plans to accommodate for someone else and
saying I'm sorry I've already got plans.
It feels if you're anything like me, it goes against everything
and every fiber of who you are. But always being available
doesn't actually always mean that you are doing the right
thing as well. So I'd love to know if you
experienced this and what your hot take on my hot take is.
Sorry for the little like cry that I don't know what's wrong
with me because I can't even blame PMS ING.
I've been quite emotionally in the last couple of weeks.
Someone's going to DM me and say that there's a full moon, but I
feel like there's always a fucking full moon so can we
really use that as an excuse? I went back to being a non
emotional bitch for about two months and really struggled to
squeeze out a tear and now it's back again.
I don't know how I feel about it.
It's not because I can't show my emotions, but I just feel like
it's actually just a bit of a nag to cry, especially if you've
got makeup on and things. Do you know what I mean?
But it's nice to let it out. I didn't let it out fully then,
so maybe when I turn this off I'll revisit this in my brain
and let it out and then get on with my day.
Moving on to today's Horror Story though, I have actually
read this one briefly and I really like it, and it actually
does tie into this Horror Story quite well and it ties into my
Good Luck Babe episode from a few weeks ago.
So anonymous lesbian Horror Story because none of you ever
want to own how fucking chaotic you all are even though we're
all literally the same so why don't we just start naming and
shaming ourselves? Anyway, this one's titled
Lesbian Horror Story, which I like because it just gives
nothing away. So strap in, strap on.
Oh, this person says this in the e-mail as well lol.
We are literally all just the same fucking person, clones of
each other. Let's go.
Hi lesbians, anonymous lesbian Horror Story here from a lesbian
in the US during such a bizarre time period for us all.
It's a long 1, so strap in. Which, yeah, we need to do every
time. Several years ago I made friends
with this girl who, for the sake of the story, we all call
Bernice. I don't know why that name fits
the situation in my mind lol. Having read the story, I don't
think she sounds like a Bernice, but fine, we can deliberate that
another time. So Bernice, we were super close
for a long time and she started being a bit flirtatious with me,
like wanting to take baths together, skinny dipping,
kissing as a joke. A classic and I'll admit I
didn't hate it. However, she had a husband.
Another classic. I had a husband, another classic
at the time with whom I was in an open relationship with.
But I also respected their relationship so I never tried to
pursue anything with her. Fine, you're a good wholesome
lesbian. I could imagine that 90% of the
people listening to this couldn't say the same thing for
themselves. After we both moved states away
and both got divorced, we still kept in touch and we were always
there for each other when one of us needed a friend to talk to.
When I came out as a lesbian and left my ex, Bernice was a fierce
ally for me. Of course, that's really nice.
At one point, Bernice started dating a super beautiful masked
lesbian and I was so happy for her.
Then shortly after she told me how happy they were together and
how much she loved dating women, she called to tell me that her
girlfriend left her and was overreacting because she had
found men's underwear in Bernice's room.
I'm still unclear on the details, but I probably would
have freaked out if I was her too.
But again, I still tried to give Bernie's the benefit of the
doubt that she wasn't a liar. I don't know, I should have seen
that situation differently in hindsight, but Oh well.
I mean, the writing's on the wall really, isn't it?
I mean, to be fair, she's cheating one way or another.
She's cheating with a masked lesbian who likes to wear boxes
or there's been a man in the bedroom.
Obviously, to be fair, the former is preferable because the
latter makes me feel violent. But it's not great, is it?
I respect that you're a good friend and wanted to see the
best in her. But yeah, the writing's on the
wall. A year or two later, while
Bernice went back to dating men, she calls me in the middle of
the night having a complete good luck babe meltdown.
Of course she did. She's telling me she knows she's
a lesbian, is ready to finally face her truth.
I mean, fair. I'm glad that she it took her
two years, but could have taken her a lot longer.
And I like the fact that she called up and she owned it.
After hearing her talk about herself discovery.
I agree with her that it does sound a lot like she was
experiencing compulsory heterosexuality, which we've
touched upon on this podcast just like I had before, and that
I'm here for her if she needs a fellow lesbian to talk to her
about these feelings. After several hours of us crying
and laughing on the phone, I hung up, feeling proud of my
friend for finally trusting herself and feeling so confident
in her sexuality. A couple of months later, I see
Bernice change all of her profile pictures to
professionally shot portrait photos of her sitting on the lap
of a scruffy bearded blonde. Typical frat boy kind of dude
shot. I messaged her asking if
everything was OK because the last time we spoke she told me
that she was ready to unpack her trauma from being with CIS men
and never could go back to hiding her truth of being a
lesbian. She texted me and said she was
fine and she had found her future husband.
Fucking hell the lengths. The lengths some of y'all will
go to to just hide the fact that you like looking Percy.
Like I understand we are in a really difficult like political
climate time of the world which I've unpacked so many times on
this podcast. I really do see it from both
sides. But like personally I'd rather
just say single or join a convent.
Like I'm going to become quite graphic here but if you are gay
and you know that you are a hardcore lesbian, in what world
and for who are you putting yourself through the emotional
trauma of having sex with or sucking a penis?
Sorry to be graphic but it's just fucking true.
To prove what? Like just say single say say
maybe that like you just don't fill in an attraction to anyone
or like I said join a community or convent or something.
Like why would you want to put yourself through that?
I would love to hear from anyone actually listening to this who
does do it. Like why you do it Because I
understand if you were with a man before you realized and then
you stay because you don't know how to kind of get out.
I still think you need to eventually sort yourself out but
whatever depending on the situation.
But if you are with a man and then you realize you're a
lesbian, leave said man, have a lesbian relationship, come out
as gay, know all of that, and then go back in the closet.
And I know a lot of that is because of the political climate
in which we are living in right now and how people are
literally, again, being taught to hate themselves.
But how do you do it? Like, I'm genuinely interested
how you do it. Please let me know.
I'd love to, like, have an anonymous submission.
Sorry, back to the Horror Story. So yeah, she texted me and said
she was fine and had found her future husband.
I decided it was none of my business.
And if she's happy, then I support her until she started
posting pictures of her future husband's MAGA match.
And this is what I don't understand as well.
Not only have you gone back to men having said that you were a
lesbian, you are then going for like the worst type of person.
I think it is the the stain that American politics is having on
its citizens. But this is like 1 extreme to
another. So yeah, her future husband's
MAGA March. This shocked me even more than
the fact that she was with the whole ass dude because during
the presidential election she was very focal about being anti
MAGA, even posting several if you're a man voted for trump
dump him videos all on her socials.
So I decided to ask her if she knew he was a MAGA Republican
the whole time and if she was anxious about that at all.
To which she replied yes she knew and no she doesn't think
it's a problem. Now she's changed all of her
social media to Christian trad wife content in Bible verses
about turning away from lust. I'm sorry someone's got a hold
of your friend. Like it's actually relatively
worrying that she really fucking sad.
Like I know that I'm poking holes in it, but it's quite
worrying. Sometimes I still feel sad for
her knowing that she possibly is in one of the worst situations I
can think of. Yeah, literally being a closeted
lesbian in a relationship with a Mega Man.
However, we aren't friends anymore because I don't feel
comfortable around women whose husbands believe my wife and I
are fundamentally less human than them.
Also, now I feel completely uncertain about every aspect of
her friendship that she could have lied to me about, and I
don't even know who she is anymore.
If you read all of that, thank you so much.
You have no idea how comforting your podcast classes for me as a
lesbian living in the States at this time.
Well thank you, that's really nice.
I feel exactly the same as you on this.
Like as much as I can kind of poke fun at that and know that
in a way of like these women and former lesbians or not, former
literal fucking lesbian stepping back into that, I do kind of
think like, fuck you and good luck babe.
And I hope that you're awake at night because it does create so
much fucking harm for us in this community whilst they put on a
mask. And I know it's painful for them
to pretend. Not as painful as us having our
lives at risk by these narratives that they are then
publicly shoving down people S throats having known what it
feels like to suffer. So that side of it really
infuriates me and makes me angry and makes me hope that it does
haunt her. But as you say, the second part
of it is I actually feel sorry for her because she's haunted
enough because no person of sound internal strength would
put themselves through that every single day.
And it is actually quite worrying.
And if it's someone that you have loved, you know, you say
that you've been good friends with her for a long time and
stuff, and you were there for each other.
And then you're seeing someone put on this mask and you don't
recognize them. And you know that it is just so
fake. It's upsetting and infuriating
and it's actually just kind of like, it's a real disdain, to be
honest. But it does still create that
little thing in the back of your mind where you, you're worrying
about them. Because as much as it's harmful
what they're doing, you still live your life happy and free
and you're with your wife and you are who you are.
And even if that's not always easy, you are who you are.
And she's now spreading hate because she hates herself so
much. And she's probably waking up
every morning turning around and looking at him with a lumping
her throat, but now has kind of grounded herself in so deep she
can't roll it back. So it is really shitty.
It's funny, but it's shitty. But it is again, about, you
know, you say that you've removed her from your life And
it goes back to today's episode topic, which is like, you have
to just let her be where she's at.
And hopefully one day she has a fucking awakening and finds the
strength within herself to step outside of that and be who she
really is and live her life authentically and be free and
find happiness. Or she doesn't.
And if she doesn't, and that's really sad, but only she can do
that for herself. And that goes to everyone
listening to this as well, both on the side.
As I've said, if you are someone who needs to be left, you have
to walk through the storm and you can lean on the people
around you, but know that they can't save you.
It has to come from you, even if it's one of the hardest things
you'll ever do. You have to be that person who
saves themselves. And if you are someone who
constantly looks to pull the people around you up, be that
person always because that is an amazing trait to have.
Don't do it at the detriment of drowning yourself.
And that's it from me today. I'm going to wrap it up real
quick because I don't really think there's much else to say.
Have a think about it. I will say, New York is
literally 2 weeks away. What the fuck?
It's going to be incredible. I can't wait to come out and
party with all of you and just meet all of you and start
building community in America because there's so many of you
who listen and follow the pod and have wanted us to do these
events for so long. And now it's finally happening.
And that makes me really emotional as well because there
was genuinely a time where I didn't think I would ever to be
able to kind of come forward and stand up and do this again.
And I am. And not only am I doing it, I'm
doing it in one of the most like iconic places in the world.
And I know that this is going to be the start of more Lesbian
Supper Club all around the world.
And we've got some really incredible things happening
behind the scenes. And next year is going to
completely change everything for Lesbian Supper Club.
And it is going to be bigger, better, more accessible, cooler.
Although can we get cooler? Can we get cooler?
Can we get hotter? I think we can, but I think it's
then going to be like astronomical levels of heart,
which I'm all here for. And I'm so excited.
And it is so nice to finally be in a place where I know that I'm
going to be able to enjoy it as well.
Because me and Freya have held this together and broken our
fucking backs to keep this podcast together literally
basically by ourselves. Because really no one has helped
us until now. We've had help right at the
beginning and then it kind of got left, to be honest with you.
And we've done all of this ourselves and now everything is
rolling back in for us. And I'm so happy because it's on
our terms and it's on the terms of how we know this community
wants to see themselves represented, or I hope how you
like to see yourselves represented.
And if you want us to add things or you have ideas, please let us
know. But I'm so proud of that.
And I really cannot wait to just like have 2026 become full
visual. We've got some incredible guests
lined up. The plans are incredible.
The merch is going to be incredible, though I don't want
to call it that, but I'm not going to give away what we're
going to call it until I've IP Ed everything because that's a
whole other Tetla fish. We're not going to name any
names, but we see some of you just just letting you know.
We see some of you and yeah, it's going to be in fucking sane
and it's all because we have been able to keep on doing all
of this because you have all been so fucking incredible and I
say it so much, but keep supporting, keep following, keep
rating this podcast, keep talking about us, keep D Ming us
keep commenting. Tell us what you want.
Tell us how you want it. Tell us how you want us to show
up, what you want us to talk about who you want on.
We may not always get back to you, but seriously overflow us
because knowing you better helps us be better.
And now I will finish on that note.
So I love you so much, lesbians, and I will see and speak to you
again very soon. If I'm not seeing you at wine
night this Thursday, and if I'm not seeing you at pub night this
Saturday, I will see you via the mic soon.
You'll be able to see me via your screen as well.
I love you so much lesbians. Speak soon.
Goodbye.