1 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:14,480 Hello lesbians. Hello lesbians. 2 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:19,320 Oh my God, guys, I don't think you even understand how excited 3 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,360 I am to have this guest on with us today. 4 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:25,240 She is a huge, huge reality TV star. 5 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,080 You might have seen it if you were one of the five that did 6 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:29,320 see it. It was called Stranded on 7 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,080 Honeymoon Island. Huge show. 8 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:32,200 Massive. I actually had. 9 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,120 To fight through paparazzi to get into the door. 10 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:36,560 Did you? Yeah, I'm not surprised. 11 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:40,680 Big, big effort to be here. I'm actually I got you here so I 12 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:45,320 can take your autograph guys. Anna Stordy, I want to introduce 13 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:47,880 you guys to have a four. She starts talking with me. 14 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:52,000 Anna is a great friend of mine and we met God. 15 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,200 When did we even meet now? Probably at the pub. 16 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,680 Probably at the pub. No, that's be real, yeah. 17 00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:58,440 I think over a year and a half ago now. 18 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:02,040 Started as we meant to go on, Yeah, just over a year ago. 19 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:06,160 And I, when I met Anna, I just instantly fell in love with you. 20 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,400 Like I needed you as my friend immediately. 21 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,440 And, and I feel like I've made that happen. 22 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:12,760 So I'm getting there. Are you my friend? 23 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:14,280 Absolutely. Thank you so much. 24 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:18,880 And Anna has a really interesting story. 25 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,240 I think that we're both lesbians. 26 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,960 You're gay, right? As I'm coming out right now. 27 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:26,360 You're coming out right now. This is your coming out big. 28 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:27,880 Moment. OK, everyone listen up. 29 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,760 I am a homosexual. Fuck. 30 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:32,080 Wow. I see. 31 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:33,880 I knew it. I had an inkling. 32 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:37,200 I had an inkling. I Anna, introduce yourself. 33 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,360 How old you. I'm joking. 34 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,280 Please don't say your age because then it outs me for how 35 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:40,640 old? So what? 36 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,600 About 3 fun facts. 3 Fun facts Do you even have three fun 37 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:46,080 facts? Yes. 38 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:47,040 Go on. Ready. 39 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,840 So first one is actually let's do 2 truths and a lie. 40 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,960 Let's do that. I'm watching you like, yeah, OK. 41 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:55,680 I'm on edge. First one is I speak in Spanish, 42 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:58,600 second one is I'm tall and beautiful and the other one is 43 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:02,800 I'm straight. But the lie is obviously that 44 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,960 you speak Spanish. Yeah, actually. 45 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,680 Gracias. Gracias como estas. 46 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,880 Oh God, it's so sexy that you speak Spanish. 47 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:11,680 I actually forget that you're Spanish. 48 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,000 I know because it's really weird because I look so Latin and 49 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,120 Spanish. Obviously you can't see me, but 50 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,520 yeah, I look very tired. Long brown hair. 51 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:21,880 Yeah, long brown hair, massive arse. 52 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,880 Hips are Shakira. Hips don't lie. 53 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,520 Yeah, and it's amazing because you sound like Princess Diana. 54 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:32,000 However, yeah, However, you are a Spaniard, which is incredible. 55 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,680 I have you on today, obviously to speak about some of the 56 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:39,160 things that we usually speak about over a pint, multiple, 57 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,920 multiple, multiple times. And now I feel like it's ready 58 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,520 to bring you to the mic to give it to the masses because I and 59 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:46,760 the maskers. Oh, good one. 60 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,880 Good one I do. And I'm ready to mask explain. 61 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:53,440 Oh. I like that I Anna with your 62 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,680 experience it's it's very different to mine and obviously 63 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:59,400 I know that this is audio only, but you guys also need to check 64 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,640 out Anna's Instagram and TikTok which I will link in the 65 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,320 description but. Again, massive. 66 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:05,560 Massive, huge. It's interesting because we're 67 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,720 both gay and these are the conversations that we have where 68 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:13,480 I look at Anna and I know that, you know, you wear your 69 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,720 sexuality outwardly because you are mask presenting like I 70 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:20,680 would, I would call you a soft mask, you know, but you're very 71 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,920 tall and you have shorter hair and you dress more masculine. 72 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:30,120 And I, I have like a very stupid little story of mine, which I 73 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,320 remember saying on the podcast before where I had an experience 74 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:35,080 of coming across as mask one day and it honestly the reaction. 75 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:39,400 Not stupid, not stupid. No, but the way in which I cried 76 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:43,000 because I finally actually realised just how masked 77 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:46,200 lesbians are looked at and are treated in comparison to how I 78 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,920 walk through the world. And we have similar struggles 79 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,400 and struggles and also like success and the fact that we are 80 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:56,760 both gay women. However, my experience is 81 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,960 different to yours and I feel like it's something that I can't 82 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,240 talk about on the podcast. I can talk about it, but not 83 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:05,400 from like relating to me. So I wanted to ask you kind of 84 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,560 how you have dealt with that. But we can go right from the 85 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:10,840 beginning. Like what was your your gay 86 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:14,520 awakening? Yes, I also want to get onto 87 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,480 like privileges that I have as a mask lesbian because I think you 88 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:20,480 and I always talk about that and I don't really see that in in 89 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,079 the space either. But yeah, in terms of a bit of 90 00:04:22,079 --> 00:04:25,000 an intro, a bit of a back story, I have always been gay. 91 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:29,120 I have loads of memories of like fancying my best friends, 92 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:32,200 teachers at summer camps, all of that but. 93 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:33,560 Did you do anything in the summer camps? 94 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:36,480 Be real. Apart from fantasize, no. 95 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,600 Was there like kissing? Or I was a hardcore Justin 96 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,560 Bieber fan. Okay, that checks. 97 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:42,960 Out. Yeah. 98 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,000 To the point where I went to his concert and wasn't chosen as one 99 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:49,440 of the one little early girls and cried on my mummy's lap for 100 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:50,680 two hours. Yeah. 101 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,680 Saying to her mummy, yeah, I actually. 102 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,040 I'm still calling mummy. Yeah, no, I used to. 103 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,360 OK, OK, good. She's about to be an 104 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,440 intervention. As mummy, she's not. 105 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:03,880 My dad is not saved as daddy. Anyway, I was on her lap and I 106 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:07,480 was crying my eyes out and I was like, for me, he's everything 107 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,320 and for him I'm a dot in the crowd. 108 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,760 And then she was really surprised when I came out two 109 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:14,400 years later, four years later, four years later. 110 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,480 So this is when you were 25? Yeah. 111 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:21,280 So you basically, you probably just wanted to beat him, let's 112 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,520 be real. No 100% and I dress like him 113 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,440 now. Yeah, you are cosplaying 114 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:28,600 genuinely, but it's funny that there is. 115 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,720 What is that connection between Justin Bieber and lesbians? 116 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,360 Is it because it was the safe option? 117 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,680 Like the safe option for a boy that they fancy and get obsessed 118 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,800 with because he was so feminine? It was like the Leonardo 119 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,160 DiCaprio. Exactly. 120 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:41,280 I think as he was feminine at the beginning, he looked a bit 121 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:45,720 gay when he was a teen, and now everyone wants to look like him. 122 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,000 If you're kind of a mass presenting, that's because he's 123 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,040 so cool. Yeah. 124 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,080 And I think he's also married to a very beautiful woman, which 125 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:52,880 everyone's probably jealous of. Oh my gosh, she wants to 126 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:56,040 manifest so beautiful. But yeah, I came out when I was 127 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:57,800 16. How did that go? 128 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,520 Probably one of the most iconic coming out stories you've 129 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:03,080 probably ever gonna hear on this podcast, and it's very 130 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,320 revealing, but I'm gonna go for it. 131 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,640 I my friends threw me a surprise birthday party when I was 16. 132 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,360 I had cut all my hair off 2 months before. 133 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:13,640 Yeah, because and you can can't you can get rid of this if it's 134 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,600 too much. But energy generous. 135 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,000 Yeah was my idol. Ohh. 136 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:24,800 Listen, I know it's very controversial, especially today, 137 00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:26,080 right now. I'm not going to say what. 138 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:27,200 I am. Oh, this is staying in. 139 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,040 Yeah, this is staying in. This is so. 140 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,920 Also sorry to side note, I have my brain just all over the 141 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:33,720 place. When we first met I went to the 142 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:38,080 Halloween version of the LSC pub night dressed as Ellen DeGeneres 143 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:40,600 and you were one of the only people that found it funny. 144 00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:43,320 And then I realised, OK, we're going to be friends because she 145 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,960 gets my. Humour that's so funny. 146 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:46,480 But I did have girls that were like what the hell. 147 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,680 Which I do understand, but anyway. 148 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,920 Come on, have a laugh. Do you know what I mean? 149 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,000 I also used to love Ellen like I used to love The Ellen Show, 150 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,160 like all the dancing, and I was all about it. 151 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,360 And I grew up in Madrid in a very kind of like very 152 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,240 conservative part of Madrid. Madrid obviously is open minded, 153 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,200 but I lived in quite a right wing conservative part where I 154 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:08,920 didn't have any sort of example. None of my friends had gay 155 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,320 parents, no. Gay friends No. 156 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:13,040 Representation. You went to a Catholic school, 157 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:13,960 right? I did. 158 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:17,080 I did eventually as well. So nothing really around me to 159 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:18,720 show me that being gay was even an option. 160 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,720 And then I would go home and I would watch Ellen on YouTube and 161 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,760 it would be like my hour of like, OK, that's OK. 162 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:26,520 And you know, so that's why she was my idol. 163 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:28,760 It makes sense because she was the only one. 164 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:30,720 It wasn't like you had other things to look up to. 165 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:32,080 Yeah, you. Know, and even now, I mean, we 166 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,680 have like you, we have this podcast, we have the amazing 167 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,600 events you run. We have so much online. 168 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,520 We didn't have that 10 years ago, but yeah, so I cut all my 169 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,240 hair off. It's kind of looked like her. 170 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,000 Yeah. Did you wear like the suits that 171 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,240 she used to wear and. Probably, probably. 172 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:48,240 I danced like her. It's so embarrassing. 173 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:50,480 I need reference photos. I need reference photos. 174 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:52,080 Now I can. Probably find them, actually. 175 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,600 And then my friends threw me a surprise birthday for my 16th. 176 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,840 It was the first time I'd ever drunk alcohol. 177 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:00,880 Nice. God mine was like 14. 178 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:04,920 You were doing better than me. And I got really, really drunk. 179 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:08,200 My mum ended up having to come and rescue me from the party. 180 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:12,280 It was very embarrassing and actually came out when I was 181 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:16,320 drunk to her and my dad, so I don't actually fully remember 182 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:17,480 it. All I remember is turning to 183 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:21,240 them and saying I'm gay. And it was the first time I'd 184 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,680 ever said those words. It was obviously like my body. 185 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,240 Your body had to. Release it. 186 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:26,640 I don't. I've been thinking it for the 187 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,600 past year because I fell in love with one of my best friends, who 188 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,880 now we're still friends actually, and she walked me 189 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:33,840 through everything and she's an amazing woman. 190 00:08:33,919 --> 00:08:36,960 So that was a baptism of fire because I woke up the next day 191 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:38,840 and then remembered what had happened. 192 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,760 But at least I got it out, because who knows how long I 193 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,039 would have kept it inside if I hadn't got it out that way. 194 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,280 And it starts to become like poison in your body. 195 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:48,360 The more you keep it in, the bigger and bigger and bigger it 196 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,320 gets. So kind of thank fuck you got 197 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:53,080 wasted without yourself to your parents. 198 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,000 Exactly. That is really interesting. 199 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,760 I actually didn't know this about you so. 200 00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:02,400 And then obviously continued being gay. 201 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,600 Wait, just really quickly, how did your parents actually react 202 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:06,600 to that then? So in the morning, what was 203 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,520 their reaction to this? I think because we didn't have a 204 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,360 lot of representation around us, the next couple of years, sort 205 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:15,120 of one to two years were a little bit difficult in terms of 206 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,200 understanding what my future looked like. 207 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:21,160 It sounds mad saying it now, because future for a gay person 208 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,640 is quite clear now. We have same rights, we can get 209 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:27,000 married, we can have children. Back then that really, really 210 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,760 wasn't clear. I mean, in many countries it 211 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,680 wasn't legal. I think it wasn't legal to get 212 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:32,560 married. In it wasn't even. 213 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,440 It wasn't legal over here. Exactly. 214 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:37,040 So it was just, I can't describe how different, different it was. 215 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,040 And it took a lot of kind of conversations. 216 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:43,240 And I think it wasn't until I learnt that my parents are also 217 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,680 people living for the first time, judging from their 218 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,320 upbringings and their environments themselves, and 219 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,040 sort of relaxed with my expectation. 220 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,640 Then we began to understand each other. 221 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:58,320 And then when I had my first girlfriend, that's when they 222 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,440 really began to understand that everything was going to be OK. 223 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:03,880 I was 20. Yeah. 224 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,440 So loser. Yeah. 225 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:09,680 Quite late actually. I've had many since. 226 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:12,040 No, actually, I'm kidding about that. 227 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,080 One, you've actually got a new girlfriend every week. 228 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,640 Every time I see you like another one. 229 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:16,440 Yeah. You can't keep up. 230 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:18,200 It's every time. No, it's funny. 231 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,560 That's actually quite respectful. 232 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:21,640 I really wish I was more like that when I was younger. 233 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:24,440 I wish that the first time I got drunk was at my 16th birthday 234 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,560 party. But actually, to combat that, my 235 00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:29,840 first ever lesbian kiss was at my 16th birthday party. 236 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,760 Oh well, there you. Go Everything seems to happen 237 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:33,800 around the Sweet 16. It's a good mark. 238 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:37,120 Exactly. But yeah, and then when I met my 239 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:39,600 first girlfriend, and then she began to go on with my parents, 240 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:43,800 everything became easier. I think parents just worry about 241 00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:47,520 their kids being happy, and if you can't see a route for them 242 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,360 being happy and not having a hard life, then it's hard to 243 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:51,920 accept. But now I think it's easier 244 00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:54,720 because there's much more representation, not just for us 245 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,560 but also for parents. That 100% that's why I always 246 00:10:57,560 --> 00:10:59,680 say to people that are saying that they're struggling coming 247 00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:02,000 out and like give them this podcast to listen to as well. 248 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,880 It's not just for the lesbians. It's like an actual, like, it's 249 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:08,200 a little insight into how we live. 250 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:11,960 And it is a cult, yeah. Yeah, you do sign Ndas. 251 00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:17,600 We sign Ndas, blood on the line, but it is is different. 252 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,360 Like the lived experience is so different for a queer woman, a 253 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,920 queer person, than it is for a straight person. 254 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,800 We do just have a different experience of life because 255 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,120 everything is different. We have to come out pretty much 256 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:31,640 every day and, you know, we have to go through so many different 257 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:33,920 ebbs and flows of acceptance. And then suddenly you get this 258 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:36,160 hate and you're like, hold on a minute, you know, and you kind 259 00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:38,800 of carry that. And so your, you had your 260 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,720 girlfriend and your parents started to become more 261 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,640 accepting. And I've seen older photos of 262 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:45,560 you where you didn't look as masculine. 263 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:49,320 And did you ever feel like you were treated differently then 264 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:51,360 because you were like an adult at this point? 265 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,360 You know where you treated differently then to how you are 266 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:55,880 treated now, you say. I think it's so interesting 267 00:11:55,880 --> 00:12:00,000 because I came out 10 years ago and I would say I'm my happiest 268 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:02,720 this year. So I think although that might 269 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,680 sound quite scary for listeners that haven't come out yet, it's 270 00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:09,200 actually should be comforting because it shows that you will 271 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:14,360 eventually get there and it's kind of come together with this 272 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,440 year. I dress my most sort of 273 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:20,400 masculine and feel my most myself so that's kind of come 274 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:23,640 together also I think growing up I imagine the same for you. 275 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,320 Just takes time to find your style. 276 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:29,200 Oh my God, it takes so long to figure out like who you kind of 277 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:33,800 how you want to portray yourself as a mirror of your inner 278 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:37,280 person. And it is an important thing, is 279 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,200 that self-expression is obviously very important 280 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,000 actually within the queer community because we have 281 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:48,200 different stereotypes within our own already very niche small 282 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,400 bubble of us. Yeah, there's so many different 283 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:52,080 stereotypes. You know, you don't only have 284 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:53,480 the fems. You've got like the black cat 285 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,680 fems. You've got the one of my, I'm 286 00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,200 the golden retriever fem or something. 287 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,080 The fuck? I don't know. 288 00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,920 I think you're definitely black cat fem. 289 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:04,240 Do you look at it? Which is a positive thing, a 290 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,960 strong personality. I tend to go for black cat fems. 291 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,200 That's like my. True, you do have blonde hair, 292 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,320 but like the personality wise, strong personalities. 293 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:12,880 Oh, thank you very much. Right now. 294 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:14,840 I'm not like a I'm not like an alley cat fem. 295 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:17,520 Yes, scrapping in the yes exactly. 296 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,480 Exactly. And but we have so many, like I 297 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:22,720 don't even know how many terminologies there are anymore. 298 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,840 Like too many. Yeah, I've given up account, but 299 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:26,840 I'm just gonna leave it to like the fems and the masks. 300 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:30,320 And obviously you then finding your style and knowing that 301 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:32,880 there is more masculine. I would say in terms of like 302 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,280 energy though, it's always a different thing. 303 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,480 Like with your energy is very feminine to me. 304 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,040 Like I would say that you have more of a feminine energy than I 305 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:39,720 do. Yeah. 306 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,120 No, definitely. And I think what I just said, 307 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:46,320 I'm my happiest this year. It's when I see to your question 308 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,400 a few questions earlier where you were saying how you treated 309 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,680 differently. I would say for mass presenting 310 00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:55,160 lesbians or for me it's been I probably get misgendered like 311 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:56,360 once a day. Once. 312 00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:58,760 Really. So actually should have said 313 00:13:58,800 --> 00:13:59,880 pronouns. Is she her? 314 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:04,000 Yeah, at the beginning. So I identify as a woman. 315 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:07,120 Very happy identifying that way. Very proud of being a woman. 316 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:11,400 But I think as I've gotten more confident, cut my head shorter 317 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:14,760 and shorter, worn sort of men's clothes, and felt more confident 318 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:18,720 in my sexuality, it's made society question my gender and 319 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,640 at times made me question my gender. 320 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,080 But what I've been grappling with is actually, we just need 321 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:26,800 more women to be confident in dressing however they want to 322 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,120 dress, regardless of whether that means they identify. 323 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:34,480 And that's not to say that it's unbelievably valid for for 324 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:37,520 someone like me to say they identify as non binary or or or 325 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:39,560 whatever. But me personally, I think 326 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:44,080 finding confidence in in that has been like really important. 327 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,800 And owning being a woman while stressing more masculine, I 328 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:49,320 mean, because androgyny exists, you know? 329 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:53,520 And I do think that this isn't obviously the case for so many 330 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:56,680 people. And I am all for trans rights, 331 00:14:56,680 --> 00:15:01,680 of course, and I think people who are non binary, again, 332 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,160 completely valid. But I do wonder if there's like 333 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:07,800 a small portion that might just think I can't be a woman and 334 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:12,240 also dressed this way, you know, because I think as women anyway, 335 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:15,560 we're always, we've got such a high expectation, right? 336 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:19,720 Women are supposed to be the sexiest, the most beautiful, 337 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,600 this that, the other, the standards are so ridiculously 338 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,560 high that I do think that if anybody feels that they don't 339 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:28,040 match that, they then feel like, well, it's actually going to be 340 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:31,920 less pressure for me to not even label myself as a woman. 341 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:35,440 And so it actually all stems from societal fucking bullshit 342 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,080 of like how women are treated and misogyny, right? 343 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,360 So everything is rooted in misogyny. 344 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,800 At the end of the day. Anything bad just swings right 345 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,560 back down to misogyny. I'm so fucking sick of it. 346 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:48,680 But like, I also love the fact that yes, you know, you're, 347 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:51,680 you're like, well, no, I, I am a woman, but I dress more 348 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,040 masculine. I have shorter hair. 349 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,760 Doesn't help. You're like 6 foot. 350 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:57,760 Five No, no, no. And also like very muscly and 351 00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:59,400 strong and fit because I gym a lot. 352 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,520 Joe, what you are actually. Non. 353 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:05,160 Ironically, muscly and fit like I don't know what has happened. 354 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,280 To you my laugh. How feminine is my laugh? 355 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:12,360 No, you're like no, obviously that is an ick. 356 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:18,520 You have to cut that out. No, we're not I I yeah, you're 357 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,920 you are fit. You are must be at all and 358 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:26,320 obviously that now for people just by maybe seeing you for 359 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,040 like a split second exactly do they say like he or. 360 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:32,680 Same or so often if I'm ordering coffee or like ordering in a 361 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:34,280 restaurant. But it's all the split second 362 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:37,160 and then what happens is they'll see my face, realise they've 363 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,880 made a mistake and apologise and then suddenly the pressure is on 364 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,080 me to make them feel better. It's not though. 365 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,000 That's the only kind of tricky, tricky moment. 366 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,240 And there are some days where I quite like it because I quite 367 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:50,320 like looking different in like a way of like, OK, I'm special. 368 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:54,080 Other days where I really feel calm and actually I go, it's not 369 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,560 their fault. I'm wearing a hoodie, a hat, I'm 370 00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:59,880 6 foot tall, my head shaves. Like, you know, got to 371 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:01,640 understand. And there are other days, like 372 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:03,760 for example, the other day I was coming home from the gym 373 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:07,040 obviously, and I was thinking about this whenever I go into 374 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:10,560 the gym, I don't know if I told you this, if I'm wearing a hat 375 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,079 or a hoodie, because obviously it's the winter. 376 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:15,480 As I step into reception, I'll take my hat off and and I put my 377 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,839 hoodie down and take my jacket off because I know when I walk 378 00:17:18,839 --> 00:17:22,720 into the changing room if I'm showing as much body as possible 379 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:24,920 AK in my chest for example, like if. 380 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,040 You can take my T. Shirt. 381 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,600 Not that I have massive boobs or anything. 382 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,040 You actually just take off your top and you've got a push up 383 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:35,840 brow on. Mini skirt. 384 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:38,560 Mini skirt to push up bra. No, genuinely, that hoodie. 385 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,880 I know that if I'm showing as much body as possible I will get 386 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,640 less looks. If I walk in not doing that then 387 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:48,400 I get at least literally 6 or 7 double takes And I And I'm not 388 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,000 blaming them because if a man walked into the changing room 389 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,480 from a safety perspective you'd be alarmed. 390 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:56,280 But my question is where am I supposed to go? 391 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,360 Like I can't walk into the men's changing room because they'll 392 00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:00,920 see my chest. But the difference is you're not 393 00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,120 a threat, though. And that that is the main thing. 394 00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:04,240 Right. And you are a woman. 395 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,080 Like you're not a threat. It's all OK. 396 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,600 It's like, I think it's. Yeah. 397 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,680 That's another added thing of something that you've got to 398 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,360 think about because I suppose I never, I never think about that. 399 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,240 Do I always feel like a pervert in a change of room? 400 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,680 Yeah. Do I do I sweat a little bit? 401 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,000 Yes, I do. I that's another. 402 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,640 Point that I've got, I've got another point on your pervert. 403 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:26,000 I validate the your perversion. Thank you. 404 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,080 Who's that word? Yes, 'cause everything is valid 405 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,320 and and peace and love and everyone's OK and valid. 406 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,520 However, I was changed in the change room, right and I've been 407 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,240 going to the women's changing rooms my whole life. 408 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:39,720 Never once have I seen a woman getting changed and sexualised 409 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:40,840 her. Yeah, like. 410 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,840 Just it's just no, no, no, I actually haven't. 411 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:46,280 No, no, it's really quickly. I'm like, no, I. 412 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,240 Haven't. Not saying that you would. 413 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,360 Have I looked to the floor? This is my exactly exactly. 414 00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:50,760 We all look. I think all lesbians are 415 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:51,880 actually lesbians. All lesbians. 416 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:53,880 Are your masks? Fame or a little bit of a freak, 417 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:55,680 which they do exist. Actually, they do. 418 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:56,580 You look down. Mm. 419 00:18:56,580 --> 00:18:59,040 Hmm. Whereas men, when women walk 420 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,600 into an office wearing a tight blouse, they go. 421 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,280 That's distracting. Insane, but we have. 422 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:07,680 You and I as lesbians have the same sexual desires for women 423 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:11,480 than a man, so why are we able to like, control ourselves even 424 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,960 though that's the wrong word? Yeah, but yeah, because they, 425 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,400 they say they can't control themselves. 426 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,640 It's fucking bullshit. That's exactly why. 427 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:19,840 Because they've been given every excuse under the sun. 428 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:21,440 Exactly. The thing is, is that we 429 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,200 shouldn't have to look down in the change rooms. 430 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,280 Like we should be able to just like, not obviously be like, 431 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,680 hello, tips, but like just look around like a normal woman. 432 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:30,360 But it's more of the inner thing with me where I'm like, I know 433 00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:32,600 I'm gay. So I feel really guilty right 434 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:33,280 now. Yeah. 435 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,440 Even seeming to be looking at you just in case you might 436 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:40,320 slightly be objectified or feel objectified or whatever that it 437 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:41,520 is. Like it just goes through my 438 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,680 head. Because straight women, not just 439 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,240 to master, also femmes, think that if you're not all straight 440 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:49,440 women, but many think when they meet a gay woman that they're 441 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,440 immediately going to like them, they're immediately going to 442 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,920 want to snog them. They always think that so and 443 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,880 they literally are so fugly. The ones that think that are so 444 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,080 butt ugly. And I'm like, do you not see the 445 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,360 girls that I get with you think I wanna get with you? 446 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,400 Because I'm fine actually. But I'm actually alright. 447 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,000 Yeah. Be like, you've literally got 448 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,800 the worst split ends I've ever seen. 449 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,080 Yeah. Bad teeth. 450 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,600 Yeah. First off, yeah. 451 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:13,440 Nah, I'm over it. I'm over it. 452 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,000 I'm fucking. That was the same with girls at 453 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,200 school. But do you fancy me? 454 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,960 And I'll be like, do I fuck? No, exactly. 455 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,280 Look at you. Exactly. 456 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,480 Rather Justin Bieber. Actually, I'd rather Justin 457 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:25,040 Bieber rather lick Justin Bieber out, thank you so much. 458 00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:28,840 Yes, yes, actually. But with but with the changing 459 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,520 rooms and with the bathroom. So have you ever had any issues 460 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:34,920 where women have been funny? I have a really funny story 461 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,240 actually. Go on, hit me. 462 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,080 So I was skiing in the French Alps. 463 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,240 I can also ski another USP of mine. 464 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:42,480 Yeah, I love this. No, you could ski. 465 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:43,400 Do you not? No. 466 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:44,760 I talk about it all the time. It's like I of course. 467 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,040 She could. I mean, listen to her, Of course 468 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,720 she can ski. She's got that accent as she 469 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,240 grew up in Madrid. Of course she can see. 470 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,520 I'm pretty sure I've shown videos at the pubs you know 471 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,280 after a couple of pints. Showing off well. 472 00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:55,800 Well, I've been missing out on this, sorry. 473 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:56,920 I'll get them out. Listen, yeah. 474 00:20:57,040 --> 00:21:00,560 But so I was skiing and bait, obviously I was wearing a hoodie 475 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:04,120 and a hat because the ski resorts who were in a club and I 476 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:09,000 walked into the women's changing room and the bouncer, literally. 477 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:12,720 So what I can only describe was like a fishing rod fished onto 478 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:16,360 like latched onto my hoodie and he yanked me out. 479 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:21,120 I I flew shut the fuck up and it was a big bouncer because he 480 00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:23,840 thought I was a bloke in a club at 2:00 in the morning walking 481 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,720 into the loos. I completely understand why he 482 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,840 would have done that. He did then see my face and he 483 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,440 did then buy me a drink. It's just so brutal for you. 484 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,120 Though, But it's brutal and it's obviously visually it's quite 485 00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:35,600 funny. We need to get you a hoodie that 486 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,240 says I'm a lesbian for from the back. 487 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:42,320 Yeah, please let me embroid every hoodie of yours what 488 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,240 people say to. Me is like maybe like don't wear 489 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,440 hoodies in dark environments so I do understand. 490 00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,520 That don't look like you're about to kill someone. 491 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:50,880 But it was cold. Yeah, in the club in. 492 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,400 The club, but I think yeah, like a lot of my maths friends have, 493 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,160 it's a very universal experience. 494 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,640 The main thing is having to take a hat off if you're walking into 495 00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,840 a loo because I mean, getting machine to buy a coffee or 496 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,880 ordering food is fine. It's more people thinking you're 497 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:06,720 a threat. I think that's what feels quite 498 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:11,000 difficult because we as gay women mascot firm, you spend 499 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:15,560 your your adult life relearning that you are natural and not 500 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:19,240 scary and beautiful normal. So I think in those many moments 501 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:21,960 where you're made to feel like a threat, everything can kind of 502 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:22,960 rush back. Yeah. 503 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,120 How do you feel? Like how does that genuinely 504 00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:28,840 what is your like knee jerk emotional reaction to that 505 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,400 happening? I think speaking really open and 506 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:34,240 honestly, I've really struggled with my with accepting my 507 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,240 sexuality, not because of my family. 508 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:41,560 My mum and dad could not be. They're fantastic allies. 509 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:43,680 I mean, like they're really, they're all over my social 510 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:44,920 media. I talk to them every day. 511 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,960 I talk to them about every time. I'm heartbroken. 512 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,680 I my mum is the first person I call. 513 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:51,960 Mummy. My yeah, yes, actually, yes. 514 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,120 Add a few more tears. My brother's the same, like he's 515 00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:56,680 unbelievable. Cloda, his his wife is the same. 516 00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:59,720 But it's more like, because I grew up with no representation, 517 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:03,360 I think I absorbed an enormous amount of internalized 518 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:07,120 homophobia and I was also quite viciously bullied at school for 519 00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:09,400 like a year or so for being gay. So I. 520 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:09,960 Think. Really. 521 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,680 Even though I've done. Was this before? 522 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,640 Sorry, was this before you were out or was it? 523 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,320 After. After Yeah. 524 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:17,520 What? What would happen to you at 525 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,120 school if you don't mind talking? 526 00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:23,600 So when I was at that Catholic school, I told a girl that I 527 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,920 liked her, expecting her to react normally, but because we 528 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:29,800 were all young and didn't understand what any of that 529 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:34,040 meant, she got really freaked out and within a day I lost all 530 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,760 of my friends. Literally everyone turned 531 00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,160 against me. It sounds dramatic, but it's 532 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,360 genuinely true. I mean, well, that is dramatic. 533 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,920 Yeah, yeah. And I made friends in the year 534 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,840 below and the year above, but like the friends that I had 535 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,720 close to me just dropped me. I suddenly had no one to eat 536 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:52,120 meals with and that. That is that in boarding school 537 00:23:52,120 --> 00:23:54,000 just really quickly, yes. So that's stuck there. 538 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:57,600 To add to my unbearable visual of skis, speak Spanish. 539 00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:00,680 Also went to boarding school but I did get bullied so that's you 540 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,080 can't. We've got Judge Me for that 541 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,200 exactly. We've got some characters. 542 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:06,120 Development. And it was actually in that year 543 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:08,240 that I got really close to my parents again because they were 544 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,880 so helped, they were so kind of with me, and it was obviously a 545 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,600 Catholic school. What were they doing in terms of 546 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:15,920 bullying? So people threw food at me. 547 00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:19,320 So. So these girls were friends with 548 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,960 very popular boys. They'd ring me at night. 549 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,880 I had I had short hair, so they'd walk up to me and call me 550 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,720 the names of the boys that looked like me. 551 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:28,960 All these things are small, but they're so imprinted. 552 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:32,000 They were threatened because you're way better than them. 553 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:36,160 And I think now it's almost like cool to be gay back then, like 554 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,680 now. And I'm sure people of course 555 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,840 look at bullied at school, obviously, but I think back then 556 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:45,040 it was just like, and because it was a Catholic school, nobody 557 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:46,840 wanted to use the word homophobia. 558 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:48,400 None of the teachers wanted to really use it. 559 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,680 In the end, people did help me and everything got resolved. 560 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:55,480 But I think from experiences like that, I still even today, 561 00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:58,520 carry a lot of internalized homophobia. 562 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,920 And I think I moved to Notting Hill two years ago. 563 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:04,600 Praise be praise, praise be the Lord, praise be the cock and 564 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:08,640 bottle. And I remember, I remember 565 00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:09,960 saying this to you a few days ago. 566 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,200 I said, I remember being on TikTok and seeing a video of you 567 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,360 and like a few of your friends. And you were like so openly, so 568 00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:17,480 happily gay and like, and I'm looking at video and going like, 569 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:21,880 I'm never going to be that happy in myself, have friends. 570 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:25,800 And then within that past year and a half, I finally joined a 571 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,800 few queer groups and made friends, and it's really helped. 572 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:31,840 Nice and my queer group. Thank you very much and let's no 573 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:34,040 but. No, but I you're, you're a very 574 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,480 welcome addition. Yeah, we needed to up our roster 575 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:38,640 a little bit with a mask. But it's like I was, I was 576 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,200 saying to you, if I'd had a podcast like this to listen to 577 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:45,400 in those nights where I was being bullied or where I knew I 578 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:46,800 was gay, but I hadn't come out yet. 579 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:50,120 And you literally feel like A, you don't understand what's 580 00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:52,400 going on because your hormones are all over the place. 581 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,880 B, You don't feel like it's OK. C, you can't tell anyone. 582 00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,960 D, you have no one that looks like you and is happy. 583 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:02,120 If I'd had your podcast, I think I would have been a lot, lot 584 00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:04,960 happier. And genuinely, jokes aside, like 585 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:08,680 club nights, wine nights, just hanging out with you and and 586 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:12,080 like Liv and and Annabelle and and other lesbians. 587 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:13,600 By the way, Liv and Annabelle are in the room. 588 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:16,280 Those are the two mentioned names. 589 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:18,600 It's it's life changing. It is it's life. 590 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:21,720 Changing, well, I think I definitely, yeah, really 591 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:23,520 struggle for those same reasons as well. 592 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:26,720 But I think that my experience in general. 593 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:31,920 So I maybe I am a bit of a black cat because when my sexuality is 594 00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:37,160 outward to the public, IE when I'm with a girl, is the only 595 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:40,560 time when my sexuality is prevalent, right? 596 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,520 Other than that I'm walking down the road, no one knows that I'm 597 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,560 gay, although I do have swag. Yeah, I got swag. 598 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,400 Yeah, only gay people have swag. Swagger. 599 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,640 Yeah. And so I do walk like a 600 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:52,440 gangster. Sometimes. 601 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,480 I watch myself back and I'm like, why the fuck am I walking? 602 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,720 Like, who told me to walk? Clearly no one. 603 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,360 Like literally, I don't know why I walk the way that I do. 604 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:02,720 Do you walk? Fast or slow, I can't. 605 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,720 I can't visualize it. Fast yeah, yeah, with, with a 606 00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:07,400 coffee and. Ziggy. 607 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:11,680 And Ziggy, yeah, but yeah, unless I'm with a girl. 608 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:17,080 So because me walking around with a girl happens less than me 609 00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,200 walking alone or with my friends, whatever that is, or, 610 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:23,040 or outwardly, obviously with a girl that's in like a 611 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,920 relationship sense. When I then get people talk 612 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:31,520 about my sexuality, I am libid. Like I am ready to fight and 613 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:35,160 you've seen me fight. Yeah, fight Physically I will. 614 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:36,280 Yell. I will. 615 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:39,920 Unfortunately, you when we do arm wrestles, you do tend to 616 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:41,840 win. Yeah, well, that is coming. 617 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:44,280 This has to go on Instagram please. 618 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:45,440 No, no. Yeah, please let. 619 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:46,640 Me run the street cred. Yeah. 620 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:48,400 I Yeah. What street cred? 621 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:52,200 I have no problem. If a man is hitting a woman, I'm 622 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:53,640 hitting him back. I'm so sorry. 623 00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:55,640 I hate to break it to you guys. I'm hitting him back and I have 624 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:57,120 done it. I've got a taste for it now, 625 00:27:57,120 --> 00:28:00,480 though. The only problem, but also when 626 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:03,520 men are taking photos, they're yelling out their car. 627 00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,080 They're saying which you've had you've had that fuck you, fuck 628 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:07,920 you, fuck you, fuck you. I've had all of these things 629 00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:10,040 right, and I'm gonna interrupt your freedom. 630 00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:13,880 They do and I'm fighting and then I think, Oh my fucking God, 631 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:17,560 the way in which I will one burst an ovary and have an 632 00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:20,520 aneurysm If I was a mask lesbian, because if I had to 633 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:26,440 deal with it every day, I genuinely but but I I it'd be 634 00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:28,080 awful. It'd be so bad. 635 00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,160 I disagree. I think you'd be perfectly 636 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:32,960 equipped for it. And I think you, your, your 637 00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:34,920 confidence is no, but it's infectious. 638 00:28:35,360 --> 00:28:37,160 Yes, but it's not nice is what I'm saying. 639 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:42,120 What I hate is how, and This is why I get annoyed for you and 640 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:44,240 for other, you know, mass presenting lesbians that are 641 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:46,520 listening or mass presenting people that are listening to 642 00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:50,040 this podcast is that this is unfair. 643 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:54,480 Let's just call it what it is. It is unfair to make so many 644 00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:57,320 assumptions about people that you don't know and judgements 645 00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,640 people as humans, we naturally make judgements. 646 00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:01,920 I think isn't it within the 1st 8 seconds that you meet someone, 647 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:05,880 you make a judgement. But to think that you have a say 648 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:09,600 into somebody else's sexuality. Exactly. 649 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:17,320 And I think that they deem mask lesbians as the weaker. 650 00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:20,120 I don't mean this in the way that you are weaker, but I mean 651 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:22,560 in the way that I do believe that they feel like you are the 652 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:25,400 easier target. Yes, because it is the more 653 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:28,800 stereotype of the lesbian. It is something that they've 654 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:32,960 been taught was wrong, which is so fucking stupid. 655 00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:35,120 You and I are the same. We are both gay women. 656 00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:36,840 The only difference is you have short hair and you wear more 657 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,160 masks and clothing. That is literally the only thing 658 00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:43,440 that is different, right? But I think that obviously I am 659 00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,480 more palatable to them, and this is what makes it so fucked up. 660 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:50,520 So you'll accept me more because I look more to the standard of 661 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:52,520 what you believe a woman should look like? 662 00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:54,320 Yeah. So fuck yourself. 663 00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,600 And I think on that, that kind of goes back to what I said 664 00:29:56,600 --> 00:30:00,160 about me having privilege. But I'll just say one one thing 665 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:01,640 which might be useful. You go for it. 666 00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:05,920 Speaking about growing up with internalized homophobia, I so 667 00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:07,800 lucky I have access to regular therapy. 668 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:10,920 It's changed my if if I hadn't done a therapy, I wouldn't have 669 00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:14,240 been able to be confident enough to join queer groups, to go to 670 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:17,160 LSC nights, to meet you, etcetera, and to be myself in 671 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,960 those environments. But every time I'm misgendered 672 00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:24,080 or something like that happens, depending on how I'm feeling, it 673 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:27,520 can bring those feelings back. But I think what I've worked out 674 00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:30,600 over the past couple of weeks is that just because I feel that 675 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,760 again, doesn't mean I haven't made the progress I've made over 676 00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:35,600 the past decade. I feel feel like we have kind of 677 00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:39,080 muscle memory in our brains. Oh, we do trauma and pain, but 678 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:42,760 refilling it doesn't mean that you're back where you used to 679 00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:44,520 be. So that kind of gives me a lot 680 00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:47,360 of a lot of comfort. But what I was going to say in 681 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,480 terms of how I have privilege and it all goes back to how, 682 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,760 like, really, the patriarchy and the male gaze controls 683 00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:55,080 everything. Unfortunately, yeah, I get 684 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:56,600 misgendered. Yes. 685 00:30:56,600 --> 00:31:00,400 Perhaps people don't think or know you're gay immediately. 686 00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:04,960 However, I haven't been cat called or inappropriately 687 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:07,760 flirted with by a man in a bar for years. 688 00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:09,040 Pick. Your poison. 689 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:12,080 Exactly so. And I, I'm so like, I've got 690 00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:16,280 lots of wonderful femme lesbian friends who like have to deal 691 00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:20,600 with being sexualised by men and then have to deal with rejecting 692 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:22,600 them because they're gay or because, you know, even if they 693 00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:24,360 weren't gay, why, why should they entertain? 694 00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,320 Them still having to explain yourself, like how you have to 695 00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:29,720 explain yourself exactly, yeah. People I haven't really seen 696 00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:32,200 that be talked about. And that's again, another kind 697 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,200 of, to your point of like, oh, you look like the kind of woman 698 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:37,640 I'd want to sleep with. Why it's not fair that you're 699 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,320 gay kind of makes them angry. So that's kind of the privilege 700 00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:41,880 that I have. I can also walk home. 701 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:45,280 I hope no one like my parents don't listen to this. 702 00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:46,920 They'll tell me off. I can head home at night. 703 00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,880 Me and daddy don't listen. Mummy and Daddy turn it off now, 704 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:53,040 darling, I'll. Send you my Uber receipt later. 705 00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:57,680 Please say it. Yeah, exactly. 706 00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:01,000 That's, you know, genuine perks if you think about it that way. 707 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:05,600 That is a genuine perk. Obviously men are much more 708 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:09,040 respected in society. And yes, and if they're going to 709 00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:12,480 sexualize a woman, then regardless of either way, I 710 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:14,440 mean, to be fair, it still happens at mask lesbians. 711 00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:16,960 I've heard it quite a few times where they've been sexualized. 712 00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:19,080 Yes, of course, by men. And I'm like, are you gay? 713 00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:21,960 Like why are you specializing like in this way? 714 00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,360 To be fair, no, that's to do with gay men. 715 00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:27,000 How I told you that when I go to gay class. 716 00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,320 I think you're a twink. A lot of men approached me 717 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:32,240 thinking I'm a twink and because it's been a while since I've 718 00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,880 felt love not to get, you know, I do consider it sometimes, you 719 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:41,000 know, because listen, it's at the end of the day, it's still 720 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,280 contact. You're like, just please hold 721 00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:44,760 me. So there was a time at Dalton 722 00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:46,440 Superstore. Horrific place. 723 00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:47,800 I don't know. Whenever I'm there, I'm like, 724 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:49,520 why am I there? I might go, might be there on 725 00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:52,400 Thursday. So, yeah, so you're in Dalton. 726 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:56,200 Yes, Dalton Superstore. To very different experience to 727 00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:58,960 me. I've weirdly though had gay men 728 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,120 grope me as well. EW, I know. 729 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:02,760 Don't. No one should grope anyone. 730 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:04,800 That's what I'm saying. Can we all just stop? 731 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:06,960 Groping. No, I mean yes. 732 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,000 More groping. More groping, please. 733 00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:13,400 Advocating for toxic masks everywhere. 734 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:15,200 Really hot. They're just fucking go for it 735 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:15,680 now. I'm joking. 736 00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:19,400 I'm joking. Oh my God, No, I I think that 737 00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:21,520 yeah, gay men. I mean, they fucking love it and 738 00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:23,800 they love mask looking Les. They love it as well. 739 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:25,360 Apparently they like them pegging them. 740 00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:26,800 Interesting fact. Have you tried it? 741 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:29,480 I mean, to what I was saying earlier. 742 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:32,480 It's been a while, so nothing's off the table, but he approached 743 00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:34,840 me. This man shimmies across. 744 00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:38,240 It's very sweaty in the bottom part of Super Dolson Superstore. 745 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:42,120 All the gay men are topless. It's it's a certain environment. 746 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:43,360 And he approaches. Me. 747 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:44,600 Yeah. Oh. 748 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:48,400 He approaches me and he goes, hi, you're absolutely gorgeous. 749 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:50,920 I'm thinking great, like I haven't heard that in a long 750 00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:54,200 time, lapping it up. And he goes, what's your name? 751 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:59,200 And I almost said Adam, just to see what would happen, but I 752 00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:01,560 said Anna. And then he just turned around 753 00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:03,320 and walked off. But he would have stalked me if 754 00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:04,120 I said I. Don't, darling. 755 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,080 I think the voice was a dead giveaway. 756 00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:07,680 It's either that or you're like a 14. 757 00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:09,400 Well, maybe because you're that just grew fast because. 758 00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:12,080 You're like, I mean kind of also twinks have kind of high pitched 759 00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:13,920 voices. Not. 760 00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:16,639 Not like a female. Yeah, I don't know. 761 00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:18,000 I don't know. I don't. 762 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:20,360 Know maybe or maybe or maybe he. Hasn't written in the stars. 763 00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:22,560 No, no, I can do better than that. 764 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:24,199 I I. Think you can? 765 00:34:24,199 --> 00:34:25,920 Yeah. I'm looking at you like you can. 766 00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:28,199 Please please please don't do it. 767 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:30,480 Support anything you do. Yeah, it's not that. 768 00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:31,760 Not that. No, no. 769 00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:35,199 No, no hate crime. Hate crime if you do that. 770 00:34:35,199 --> 00:34:36,280 OK. Homophobic. 771 00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:38,159 Yeah. Like that's so gay that it's 772 00:34:38,159 --> 00:34:38,800 homophobic. Yeah. 773 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:39,800 You're a lesbian. He's a gay man. 774 00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:42,080 That's like way too queer. Way too queer. 775 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:43,000 It's homophobic. Yeah. 776 00:34:43,159 --> 00:34:45,880 Yeah. So you bringing it back as well 777 00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:50,560 to your your your girlfriend that you had, how does it make 778 00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:51,840 you feel that she's with a man now? 779 00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:57,560 Like I did a really good job. Like, I really was good in bed. 780 00:34:59,240 --> 00:35:03,640 I satisfied her enough. And yeah. 781 00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:06,040 She was bisexual. The only great thing is she's 782 00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:07,680 never going to be an LFC event, is she? 783 00:35:07,720 --> 00:35:09,560 Well. No, not unless that ends and 784 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,040 then she has a full. Although she was pan or 785 00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,160 something so maybe. But but I mean the whole pan 786 00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,200 thing is fun until you're actually with a bloke. 787 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,440 But you, your relationship, and this is some of the first 788 00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:22,720 conversations that you and I had and you won me over instantly 789 00:35:22,720 --> 00:35:25,840 with it. You are so funny, Anna. 790 00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:28,440 I've been begging. It comes from. 791 00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:30,120 Depression. Comes from trauma and. 792 00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:33,040 Depression, yes, and wanting to kill yourself, yes, but they're 793 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:34,680 not doing it. But they're not doing it and 794 00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:37,000 then forming a stand up career and getting loads of money. 795 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:40,440 That hasn't happened yet. But it might and that's what we 796 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,120 hold on to. But I the way that you deliver 797 00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:47,200 things is just so fucking funny. And I remember you talking about 798 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:51,160 how you one try to cheat, which is one of the funniest things 799 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:54,600 I've actually ever heard. Can you please relay the story? 800 00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:58,240 Twice. Not into great detail because 801 00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:01,600 this is so funny to me. I honestly it tickles me every 802 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:03,440 time I think about it. If I'm ever sad, I think about 803 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:05,760 this. So I think back to the point of 804 00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:08,960 like what people think. People think masks are scary, 805 00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:10,760 they think toxic. They're toxic. 806 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:12,040 They're players. And they are. 807 00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,200 And they can be. I wasn't blessed with that 808 00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,080 ability. No, they're definitely not that 809 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,120 Is this. I tend to just scream I love you 810 00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:23,280 at women too early and show my anxious attachment style and 811 00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,920 they run away. But no, so I'd towards the end 812 00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:28,360 of the relationship I did try and cheat twice. 813 00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:30,920 It's the try to cheat. I tried so. 814 00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:34,840 Me is so funny. And on both occasions failed so. 815 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:40,080 See now if I had a girlfriend and she tried to cheat not only 816 00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:44,960 once but twice, that is giving me the egg that is straight up 817 00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:48,520 that is worse than cheating because then I'm like, oh I'm 818 00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:50,880 I'm with this, I think. They don't even want I think. 819 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:53,680 Even wanna she tried, the intention was there. 820 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:55,840 She didn't even succeed. It's worse than cheating. 821 00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:59,440 Them reject them rejecting me probably gave them the ick about 822 00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:04,360 me I think because I was so not but. 823 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,480 You were trying, you were trying to get out this relationship. 824 00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:10,160 And obviously, let me, let me preface this by saying that 825 00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:12,720 obviously when we're in young relationships, we don't really 826 00:37:12,720 --> 00:37:14,440 know how to navigate things very well. 827 00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:17,400 I, I've outed myself for cheating in past relationships. 828 00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:22,400 It happens. OK, Well, not my latest one by 829 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:26,760 the way, but I have advocated for, advocated for the cheaters. 830 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:30,200 No, I've said that obviously that when you when you're young 831 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:33,680 and you're figuring it out and relationships are not easy even 832 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:36,880 for like full blown adults have years and years of experience, 833 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,720 let alone people whose prefrontal lobe has not fucking 834 00:37:39,720 --> 00:37:41,200 developed context, whatever the hell it is. 835 00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:44,240 Like it's not developed and you're just trying to figure out 836 00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:46,680 what the fuck to do. And that is fair enough that you 837 00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:49,240 did that. It's just really funny that you 838 00:37:49,240 --> 00:37:51,800 got rejected. And I think as well not to get 839 00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:54,880 deep again that that relationship because I had such 840 00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:58,320 a hard time when I came out in my head, it really gave me 841 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:01,280 identity and being gay. And she, I mean, unfortunately, 842 00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:02,440 we're not in each other's lives anymore. 843 00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:05,040 I would, I would love to be. But again, she doesn't want to 844 00:38:05,240 --> 00:38:07,360 be another embarrassing fact. But. 845 00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:09,680 No, that's not embarrassing. Some people can't hack it. 846 00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,200 Yeah, exactly. She without her, I wouldn't be 847 00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:14,920 who I am today because she helped me love myself to the 848 00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:18,160 point where I suddenly was confident enough to want to be a 849 00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,080 gay woman on my own. So it's that weird kind of irony 850 00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:24,000 with in queer relationships where you can complete each 851 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:27,040 other and you get to a point where I think as a queer person 852 00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:29,080 that you have to experience life on your own. 853 00:38:29,240 --> 00:38:32,080 You cannot tie your identity to being in a relationship. 854 00:38:32,240 --> 00:38:35,240 So many of us do, which is beautiful, but I but. 855 00:38:35,240 --> 00:38:36,320 You can't. You can't. 856 00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,120 We are individuals at the end of the day. 857 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,320 I would almost say everyone should have periods of being 858 00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:44,640 single but especially queer people because you need to find 859 00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:46,080 that self love from good luck and. 860 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:47,320 Lesbians. Jesus Christ. 861 00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:49,520 But I think that's why people are you all. 862 00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:53,520 That's why people are in relationships for 15 years and 863 00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:56,320 then stop having sex, but then can't leave each other. 864 00:38:56,680 --> 00:39:01,080 I've obviously just don't know. I've simplified it a lot. 865 00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:04,240 It's obviously more complicated. I think that's why the bond is 866 00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:07,040 so intense, because it's like, oh, that person gives me 867 00:39:07,240 --> 00:39:09,760 identity and because of that person I'm correct. 868 00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:13,280 And it's a shared thing, right? I think there is almost this 869 00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:16,360 weird natural trauma bond with queer people in relationships 870 00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:20,800 because we've got that shared thing that so many millions of 871 00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:23,800 people on this earth despise. Exactly. 872 00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:26,240 And we are unified within that. And you found someone that, 873 00:39:26,240 --> 00:39:30,520 like, you're attracted to who is nice to you or like, whatever it 874 00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:32,800 might be. And obviously, I think this 875 00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:35,840 probably happened a lot more when the dating pool was a lot, 876 00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:40,120 lot smaller. But you are then unified in 877 00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:42,240 that. And there is that shared thing. 878 00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:45,120 And it might not be love. It might just be the fact that 879 00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:47,280 you're going through the fucking trenches together. 880 00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:50,920 Because honestly, the world, as much as reputation has 881 00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:54,560 increased, the hate is still there. 882 00:39:54,720 --> 00:39:56,440 What? The only thing that's helping us 883 00:39:56,440 --> 00:40:00,840 is not acceptance from anywhere else because we're not really 884 00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:05,600 getting much of it. It it's the unifying act. 885 00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:11,680 Of more queer people coming out, expressing themselves, putting 886 00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:16,120 themselves on bigger platforms and not, I mean, but just so 887 00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:18,920 many people now, which is which is incredible and creating more 888 00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:23,600 spaces and having that's that people feel safe because we 889 00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,040 wouldn't need those safe spaces if the world was more 890 00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:27,200 progressive. It isn't. 891 00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:32,000 We are just louder and we have more platforms to put ourselves 892 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,240 on. TV still aren't really showing 893 00:40:34,240 --> 00:40:37,280 us, if you think about it, that we had heated rivalry, which is 894 00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:40,920 great for gay men. Yeah, but again, it's gay men. 895 00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:42,800 Yeah, exactly. And we had the Hunting Wives, 896 00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,920 but it was more. Of a but the storyline was. 897 00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:47,360 Horrific. It's just taboo lesbian. 898 00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:48,920 It's not. No, no, I don't want to use the 899 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:51,400 word lesbian. It's just taboo women on women, 900 00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:54,000 basically like a bit of porn, like, yeah, yeah. 901 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:55,760 Well, shooting. It's so for men. 902 00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:58,200 It's like guns, guns, guns. You know, I have a story about 903 00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,760 that actually. Not to change subject, no, but 904 00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:05,280 remember normal people. Have you watched with Paul 905 00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:07,560 Mezcal and that amazing female actress? 906 00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:09,880 I haven't seen it I. Don't know if they watched it, 907 00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:13,280 but like I remember watching it and it was groundbreaking 908 00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:16,440 because of the sex scenes. Like they were really like 909 00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:19,800 beautiful but like reveal and what's the word explicit sex 910 00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:21,960 scenes. And it was like groundbreaking I 911 00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:24,920 remember and everyone fell in love with it and not because of 912 00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:26,120 the sex scenes but just everything. 913 00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:30,880 And I remember, I would think I must have been like, 19 or 18 or 914 00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:31,760 so. I can't remember. 915 00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:34,480 But back to how my family is so brilliant. 916 00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:37,960 I, like, watched it all in one go and then couldn't stop 917 00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,160 crying. And I went into my brother's 918 00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:42,600 room and it's a really, like, important moment. 919 00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:45,040 And I just couldn't stop crying. And I was like, Kieran, like, 920 00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:48,120 everyone loves that show. I love that show. 921 00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:50,360 But I don't want to have sex like that. 922 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:52,440 I want to have sex in a different way. 923 00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:55,320 But I don't know how. I don't know what it looks like. 924 00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:57,120 And my brother works in television. 925 00:41:57,120 --> 00:41:59,280 And even back then, he was really passionate about being in 926 00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:03,840 that space and he just talked me through it and was with me and 927 00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:06,160 kind of explained everything would be OK. 928 00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:10,160 But like you and I were saying, oh, because we have lesbian 929 00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:13,000 friends, we in our in our circle, everything's OK. 930 00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:15,560 But for someone like how I used to be when I was 18. 931 00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:19,520 Which is the majority of people? Having access to media is like 932 00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:23,040 life changing, yeah. Because it makes you feel 933 00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:25,960 normal. Yeah, no hate on Paul Mescal. 934 00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:30,840 I also kind of widely fancy him. Penis because I think it's. 935 00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:36,800 Because of his chain, but yeah. No, I, I think that that that's 936 00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:38,640 heartbreaking. First of all, it is. 937 00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:42,040 And I remember feeling that way, but more so not so about sex, 938 00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:44,480 more so in the love sense. Like when I'd see like, I would 939 00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,200 always like cry at things like the notebook and things like 940 00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:49,400 that, because like love is love is love. 941 00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:53,360 And I'm such an emotional person, but still these women 942 00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:55,880 talking about their marriages and they've got their husbands 943 00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:58,640 inside. And it just didn't do anything 944 00:42:58,640 --> 00:42:59,800 for me. And I thought that there was 945 00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:03,960 just something intrinsically wrong with the way in which I 946 00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:05,880 couldn't get it. Like the girls would talk about 947 00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:08,320 their boyfriends at school. I couldn't understand why they 948 00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:12,320 wanted to stay over. Like I was so confused genuinely 949 00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:18,600 and without any kind of rationale as to why you then 950 00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:20,880 just go, I'm wrong, I'm wrong, I'm wrong, I'm wrong, I'm wrong. 951 00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:23,720 And and imagine that you are telling yourself that every 952 00:43:23,720 --> 00:43:27,080 single day, kind of pushing it right back to when you said 953 00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:29,400 before that you still get those triggers or those moments. 954 00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:32,480 Healing is never linear, ever. You will have those moments 955 00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:37,400 where you'll feel like, oh fucking hell, I am such an out 956 00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:42,000 and proud lesbian woman. What I I know it's coming out 957 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:44,320 again. 2 coming outs in one episode. 958 00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:50,160 I'm out and proud lesbian woman. There are sometimes where I feel 959 00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:56,000 bad for telling a man that I am gay because I fear that I have 960 00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,360 led him on because of my flirty personality. 961 00:43:58,720 --> 00:44:01,360 I say flirty personality. It's just kind of who I am. 962 00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:04,440 It's warm and friendly and like I'm flirty, I'm charming or 963 00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:08,560 whatever. I feel bad when he then will 964 00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:12,760 suggest a drink or my Instagram handle or whatever it is or my 965 00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:16,640 number and I've got to break the news to him as if I'm like 966 00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:22,640 killing his first born that I am gay and it makes me feel like an 967 00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:25,960 imposter. But I'm like no, I know I'm gay. 968 00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:30,240 I like and I and I find it really, really difficult to 969 00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:33,600 sometimes put myself in that space because the awkward people 970 00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:36,800 please run me then takes over. And that then pisses me off 971 00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:39,640 because I was like, oh, why was I so outward lead? 972 00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:44,520 Like, you know, and I get annoyed at myself and I went 973 00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:46,560 through so much internalized homophobia when I was growing up 974 00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:50,640 to the point where I just wanted to run away entirely. 975 00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:53,240 Like I didn't want to be associated with anyone. 976 00:44:53,240 --> 00:44:55,640 I didn't want anyone to be associated with me because I 977 00:44:55,640 --> 00:45:00,200 didn't want them to, one, know that I was gay and two, let them 978 00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,360 down. And three, make them associated 979 00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:08,680 to me as a gay person. And to have come all of that way 980 00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:13,280 now where if I can't, if I suddenly became straight, I 981 00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:16,840 would do all the above. I'm off somewhere you will never 982 00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:19,640 find me. But it's it's really funny how 983 00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:22,120 that thing just suddenly goes. I was going to ask. 984 00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:26,040 You in your head what? And what has because obviously 985 00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:28,560 people look at your socials, they listen to the podcast, you 986 00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:33,000 are incredibly confident and you inspire others to be, but that 987 00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:34,960 won't have been your entire like what? 988 00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:38,520 What was the turning point? What when you wake up, what 989 00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:41,600 makes you confident? Well, I think going back to what 990 00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:45,440 we were saying before about, you know, when you said about your 991 00:45:45,720 --> 00:45:49,440 ex-girlfriend make you feel comfortable in your sexuality 992 00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:52,280 and then she kind of like fed you to the to the wild, like 993 00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:55,000 released you like, you know, it's like they raised them. 994 00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:58,240 They're like free. I was very much like that with 995 00:45:58,240 --> 00:46:01,960 my first girlfriend. She made me feel better about my 996 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:05,960 sexuality and I kind of feel bad because then I became number one 997 00:46:05,960 --> 00:46:08,720 lesbian after the breakup, which is all she ever really wanted. 998 00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:11,440 So that's actually really mean. That's a cunt move from me. 999 00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:12,760 Whatever. Sorry, Natalia. 1000 00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:18,080 But I then just started surrounding myself with more and 1001 00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:21,240 more and more queer people and having more relationships and 1002 00:46:21,240 --> 00:46:25,040 then more stuff coming out online and watching it and and 1003 00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:28,880 finding that and then the biggest turn of me really 1004 00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:30,840 accepting it. And I definitely accepted it 1005 00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:35,360 before the podcast, but was probably 1, being with Scarlett, 1006 00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:38,320 who was such a powerhouse and had already a group of lesbian 1007 00:46:38,320 --> 00:46:40,640 friends and we created more lesbian friends together. 1008 00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:42,400 I was like, fuck yeah, I fucking love this shit. 1009 00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:44,360 I'm so gay. I love it, I love it, I love it. 1010 00:46:44,720 --> 00:46:48,200 And then the Tik Toks and then the Tik Toks, which then burst 1011 00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:50,560 out the podcast. So by the time that we did the 1012 00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:54,280 podcast, then I was like, OK, I feel really fucking good now. 1013 00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:56,960 But even throughout that, it's been a journey. 1014 00:46:56,960 --> 00:46:58,800 I feel better and better as time goes on. 1015 00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:02,000 And This is why I was saying it to you as well, that you own a 1016 00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:06,400 power in something when you take control, like when you just take 1017 00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:10,600 that full control of that thing. And that is releasing the power 1018 00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:12,280 of your mind that it has over it. 1019 00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:14,560 You speak these words into existence. 1020 00:47:14,720 --> 00:47:17,800 And especially even if it's on a platform, whether you got hate, 1021 00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:20,440 whether you got whatever the fuck, it doesn't matter. 1022 00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:24,840 It's being able to know. And I think that for me to know 1023 00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:29,800 that I'm helping people that were in a situation like me or 1024 00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:34,400 maybe even worse or are in my situation now. 1025 00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:37,840 But it's nice to hear it. You know, I think for me, that 1026 00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:40,640 really further solidified that. And you won't have that thing 1027 00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:43,760 that's going on and on and on in your brain that is telling you 1028 00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:46,800 that it's wrong. And so, yeah, I don't know. 1029 00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:48,560 I feel like practice makes perfect. 1030 00:47:48,640 --> 00:47:51,040 And also fake it to make it. I say this about every. 1031 00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:54,480 It's almost like you seeing how many people you help has given 1032 00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:57,040 you confidence. That's definitely helped me. 1033 00:47:57,240 --> 00:48:00,920 I think being at the events as well, seeing some of the 1034 00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:03,400 beautiful queer women, having my gorgeous queer friends. 1035 00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:04,800 Especially in West London, by the way. 1036 00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:09,040 I mean, that's something talk about because obviously queer 1037 00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:10,240 events need something. They're epic. 1038 00:48:10,240 --> 00:48:13,360 But when I moved to to. Hey, I'm going to start a 1039 00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:16,480 rivalry. We're starting a turf war. 1040 00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:18,920 That's going to be completely a joke from us. 1041 00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:20,880 I don't know if they're going to understand if it's a joke or 1042 00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:26,360 not, but I'm starting a rivalry. It is West versus yes, and it's 1043 00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:28,200 going to be like Romeo and Juliet. 1044 00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:30,840 I'm supposed to make a joke? Bangs, we need gang signs. 1045 00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:33,200 A bit like the Diddy documentary, no? 1046 00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:35,080 Yes. Yes, basically that. 1047 00:48:36,280 --> 00:48:39,600 Basically that, yeah, it's going to be rough out here, guys. 1048 00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:40,240 Buckle up. Meet. 1049 00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:42,560 In Central. Just for a big fight. 1050 00:48:42,560 --> 00:48:45,080 We meet in Central for a ring fight. 1051 00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:48,960 Yeah, somebody at Trafalgar Square will put a ring. 1052 00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:52,240 Yeah, a boxing ring. And me and the West lesbians on 1053 00:48:52,240 --> 00:48:54,600 my side. But I can guarantee. 1054 00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:57,080 He's lesbians on that side. I. 1055 00:48:57,080 --> 00:48:59,760 Can guarantee that only lesbians involved are going to be femmes 1056 00:48:59,760 --> 00:49:02,280 because masks pretend to be strong. 1057 00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:03,680 Yeah. None of them actually want to 1058 00:49:03,680 --> 00:49:04,160 fight. No. 1059 00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:05,520 Agreed. Unless they're actually toxic. 1060 00:49:05,720 --> 00:49:09,880 Yeah, but you'll be fucking. I'll be, I'll be crying. 1061 00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:12,280 I'll be crying. Can't be asked to have you on. 1062 00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:14,880 No, no you're not. I'll be talking about my coming 1063 00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:16,520 out story. I'll be ripping someone's hair 1064 00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:21,640 out and you'll be in the corner like welfare. 1065 00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:22,920 Tent. No, genuinely. 1066 00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:24,920 Anna's in the welfare. Talking about my mental health 1067 00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:28,480 experience because I'm helping our people but also to want 1068 00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:30,520 myself. So Annabelle's saying that she's 1069 00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:32,400 a black belt. So Annabelle's going in West 1070 00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:35,920 Anna, you've got your workout for you in the welfare tent. 1071 00:49:36,240 --> 00:49:38,200 Good luck to. You good luck to me, good luck 1072 00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:40,040 to you. I find love in there maybe. 1073 00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:41,440 Yeah, you might. Maybe. 1074 00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:44,240 Yeah, that could be a story. But We Found Love in the welfare 1075 00:49:44,240 --> 00:49:44,960 tent. We found. 1076 00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:47,840 What's your type? Mentally unstable. 1077 00:49:49,720 --> 00:49:58,760 And weak, but going back to you as a mask presenting lesbian and 1078 00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:02,080 this internalized homophobia which you've opened up to me 1079 00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:05,000 about, but only recently. Yeah, only very. 1080 00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:07,640 Recently, recently and as soon as I know I'm like, come on the 1081 00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:10,120 podcast and talk about it. So many women. 1082 00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:12,240 I think it's really important to talk about internalized 1083 00:50:12,240 --> 00:50:14,400 homophobia. I think, especially from a mask 1084 00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:16,440 presenting lesbian. And I was saying just before we 1085 00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:21,320 started recording here, I do actually think that I've noticed 1086 00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:24,960 that some masked lesbians have more of the internalized 1087 00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:28,200 homophobia than I would say the fem, that the fems are just 1088 00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:31,840 like, we're just here, Like we're just like, I'm gay, I'm 1089 00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:35,240 gay and there doesn't really, I, if I'm honest with you, like and 1090 00:50:35,240 --> 00:50:38,040 this isn't obviously a blanket statement to all fems, but the 1091 00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:42,040 fems I've met, the fems I'm friends with, I never want never 1092 00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:44,840 once really having that issue. And I'm wondering with the 1093 00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:48,120 masked lesbians, I think there'll be a different reason 1094 00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:50,480 for each one. It could be the fact that, you 1095 00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:53,280 know, either you are walking the world differently, so you're 1096 00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:56,920 suffering more hate, therefore that's feeding into the 1097 00:50:57,600 --> 00:51:00,840 internalized homophobia. But what would you say for you? 1098 00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:04,480 Does it have anything to do with you being a mask lesbian, like 1099 00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:07,280 mask presenting lesbian? Or do you think it's entirely 1100 00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:09,480 separate and this is just the way you present yourself? 1101 00:51:09,480 --> 00:51:12,800 But that is a different thing. Yeah, really good question. 1102 00:51:12,800 --> 00:51:15,560 I think for me, it's a lot of different things. 1103 00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:19,040 I think something, you know, I were discussing it, it's 1104 00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:22,600 understanding that yes, I present masculine, I get my show 1105 00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:24,760 that it comes with complications, but I'm also 1106 00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:28,920 extremely feminine like, and something I'm working on is like 1107 00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:34,080 really loving that. And over the past year, as I 1108 00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:38,000 began to wear more men's clothes, have my hair short, 1109 00:51:38,360 --> 00:51:40,600 obviously there are many women that really enjoy that and are 1110 00:51:40,680 --> 00:51:43,280 really attracted to that energy at first. 1111 00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:47,080 And if you go on my Instagram, it's full of mirror self with I 1112 00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:48,440 look, I look like a bit of a Dick. 1113 00:51:48,640 --> 00:51:51,400 No, you go but like a sexy 1. Like it's like, it's a good 1114 00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:52,840 thing, Yeah. It's sexy dickhead. 1115 00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:56,200 But then, you know, girls get to know me and then obviously I 1116 00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:58,040 have anxiety. I've struggled depression in the 1117 00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:00,000 past. I'm extremely sensitive. 1118 00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:04,200 I work on being not too, too sensitive, but that's a huge 1119 00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:06,680 part of who I am. Like I love really loudly. 1120 00:52:06,880 --> 00:52:08,960 And love that about you. I grew up in Spain. 1121 00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:11,880 I express really loudly. That's that's also funny, yeah. 1122 00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:14,320 Because obviously you come across as so British because of 1123 00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:15,000 your accent. Yeah. 1124 00:52:15,080 --> 00:52:17,640 But the way in which you are is very Spanish exactly, because 1125 00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:19,120 obviously that was your upbringing. 1126 00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:21,440 That is who you are. And that I think that's a big 1127 00:52:21,440 --> 00:52:22,760 thing that really drew me to you. 1128 00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:25,440 Yeah, I've, I've, I mean, I didn't grow up in Madrid, but 1129 00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:27,560 I've had that kind of. Similar, but it feels like you 1130 00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:28,320 are. Latina. 1131 00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:30,480 Feels like I've always said to you, it feels like you're 1132 00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:33,960 European because you're so expressive and no hate on Brits, 1133 00:52:34,480 --> 00:52:37,760 but people, people that are Britain, they tend to, you know, 1134 00:52:38,720 --> 00:52:41,360 think stuff and not say it. Whereas closed off that's. 1135 00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:43,680 How we're taught to be. And I don't know, it's just 1136 00:52:43,680 --> 00:52:46,280 never, it's just never been me. And I've always really resonated 1137 00:52:46,280 --> 00:52:51,040 way more with the Latin culture, the music, food, the dancing, 1138 00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:53,520 everything about it, the communication, the way in which 1139 00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:55,160 they are with their families, the way in which they are with 1140 00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:57,560 their friends, the openness, like all of it. 1141 00:52:57,560 --> 00:52:59,880 I've really, really resonated when I think that's beautiful. 1142 00:52:59,880 --> 00:53:01,760 But yeah, so sorry. You're very sensitive. 1143 00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:03,720 Yeah, And so you feel like you've catfished them. 1144 00:53:03,720 --> 00:53:05,600 Basically, you're like, here I am, this mask. 1145 00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:07,520 Exactly. And now here I am, crying. 1146 00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:12,600 It's not only expectations from outside the community where the 1147 00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:15,240 struggles from being misgendered and not looking like a 1148 00:53:15,240 --> 00:53:18,080 stereotypical woman, but it's within the community when you're 1149 00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:21,920 dating or when you're going to know people that yes, masks can 1150 00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:25,560 be sensitive and can but also have feminine energy. 1151 00:53:25,680 --> 00:53:29,120 I think it's just basically as a queer person, although labels 1152 00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:33,440 are really, really helpful and they help us feel validated, 1153 00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:38,520 they can be really dangerous and they can confuse you and not 1154 00:53:38,760 --> 00:53:42,200 make you make it harder to love just yourself as a person. 1155 00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:45,920 So I think that's where I'm at at the moment is learning to 1156 00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:47,560 accept that. And something that might sound a 1157 00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:50,720 little bit controversial, I mean, that I'm kind of working 1158 00:53:50,720 --> 00:53:56,960 through is, am I presenting as masculine as I do as a way to 1159 00:53:58,200 --> 00:54:01,400 hide again? So I, I hid my whole sort of 1160 00:54:01,680 --> 00:54:04,440 childhood and, and teenagehood from being gay. 1161 00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:08,520 And I think something that my, I was, you know, a friend said to 1162 00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:10,760 me and my therapist said to me, and then I said to you, and you 1163 00:54:10,760 --> 00:54:14,480 kind of agreed, is am I more comfortable being mistaken for a 1164 00:54:14,480 --> 00:54:18,920 man than being seen as gay? So when I get misgendered it 1165 00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:21,040 does bother me sometimes, but there are other times it doesn't 1166 00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:22,760 bother me. And it's almost like am I 1167 00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:26,720 relieved because I'd rather be mistaken as a man then someone 1168 00:54:26,720 --> 00:54:29,920 see oh that's a lesbian because I've struggled so much with 1169 00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:33,120 being a lesbian not say I'm going to suddenly wear heels and 1170 00:54:33,120 --> 00:54:34,920 grow my hair. I want you to wear heels and. 1171 00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:37,520 Because if I if I did that, that, you know, I've. 1172 00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:38,880 Got a wig I can put you in actually. 1173 00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:42,840 I would look really quit but I'm saying like just trying to make 1174 00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:44,800 steps to be as firm in as possible. 1175 00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:47,080 No, I think that that is really interesting. 1176 00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:49,520 I think especially when it comes to actually dating a woman. 1177 00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:53,960 I think for you, and this is the conversation that we had, that 1178 00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:57,680 you'd feel more comfortable walking down the road hand in 1179 00:54:57,680 --> 00:55:00,000 hand with a woman because you'd look like a straight couple. 1180 00:55:00,120 --> 00:55:02,880 Exactly. To the unknowing eye, obviously, 1181 00:55:02,880 --> 00:55:04,960 like you have feminine features. I'm looking at you and I see you 1182 00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:06,880 as a woman, but it's like. Another another privilege. 1183 00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:11,160 But you will walk down the streets and people just think 1184 00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:13,280 that's a straight couple if they're not really looking. 1185 00:55:13,680 --> 00:55:16,520 Whereas if you walk down the street holding a woman's hand, 1186 00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:18,040 who is femme? Immediate lesbians. 1187 00:55:18,240 --> 00:55:19,640 Immediate lesbians. That's an all. 1188 00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:21,760 Invalidated as lesbians actually. 1189 00:55:21,760 --> 00:55:23,120 And be like, well, that's your friend. 1190 00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:25,600 True, true. You know, this happens a lot too 1191 00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:27,960 and they're like, you're not really together or they think 1192 00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:30,480 that we're making out because we want to get guys attention. 1193 00:55:30,480 --> 00:55:34,760 This happens all the time and I'm like I'm not making out with 1194 00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:36,960 a can. Also fucking straight woman 1195 00:55:36,960 --> 00:55:39,320 listening to this. Can you stop doing that weird 1196 00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:41,440 shit? Stop messing around with us. 1197 00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:44,480 Stop fucking getting with girls and get male attention you 1198 00:55:44,520 --> 00:55:48,240 absolute freaks. Experimentation is gay. 1199 00:55:48,240 --> 00:55:49,760 Experimentation is gay. You. 1200 00:55:50,040 --> 00:55:51,600 But tell me you didn't like that. 1201 00:55:51,680 --> 00:55:53,880 I'm just saying to you now. Or at least by. 1202 00:55:54,040 --> 00:55:57,320 Get with the girls, that's fine, but if you do it to get guys 1203 00:55:57,320 --> 00:55:59,000 attention, I'm fucking banning you. 1204 00:55:59,880 --> 00:56:02,160 I know I'm just so angry about it. 1205 00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:04,720 So cross because Oh my God, why the fuck did they do this? 1206 00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:06,440 But it's not actually just the women. 1207 00:56:06,440 --> 00:56:08,440 Women, I'll never blame you babies, I'll never blame you, 1208 00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:09,960 I'll take it back. I'll actually blame it on men 1209 00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:12,920 because so many men just believe that everything is designed for 1210 00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:14,560 them and that is where that has come from. 1211 00:56:14,560 --> 00:56:17,600 Oh, it does happen where girls do make up with girls for male 1212 00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:18,960 attention. It does, yes, totally. 1213 00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:21,400 Especially back in the day. I don't, I have not seen it. 1214 00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:23,720 I don't think I've been in like a club for a while though. 1215 00:56:23,720 --> 00:56:26,320 Like I'm in a club. I haven't been in a club for a 1216 00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:27,800 while people. I hate me a millennial for 1217 00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:31,040 saying that I am millennial, but I still don't want to be called 1218 00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:32,600 1. Yeah. 1219 00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:36,640 I haven't been to a club in a while, so don't know if maybe 1220 00:56:36,640 --> 00:56:38,120 women are still doing this. Now. 1221 00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:39,800 I know they do. They're straight women that 1222 00:56:39,800 --> 00:56:43,280 figure out that I'm gay and then they're up my ass, they're up my 1223 00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:45,480 vagina like a tampon all night. I'm like, girls, can you 1224 00:56:45,480 --> 00:56:48,400 actually fuck off? Like I'm what is up with this? 1225 00:56:48,400 --> 00:56:50,720 They're getting worse. No, it's again, it's kind of 1226 00:56:50,720 --> 00:56:55,240 like the way that men sexualized women has has has moved into 1227 00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:58,520 straight society in general, Yes, and straight women accept 1228 00:56:58,520 --> 00:57:01,920 it and it's, it's even like I've got friends, I think. 1229 00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:05,160 Porn as well. So I love straight people, so my 1230 00:57:05,240 --> 00:57:06,920 best friends are straight people, know no. 1231 00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:08,760 Straight. I like my straight friends. 1232 00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:12,120 However, however, I love my straight friends. 1233 00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:16,440 I do have a few who are engaged to men and and if they were in a 1234 00:57:16,440 --> 00:57:19,600 club and they snogged a woman, the fiance who's a man wouldn't 1235 00:57:19,600 --> 00:57:21,800 mind. But then he would mind. 1236 00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:24,520 If she snogged a man in my head, what's the difference? 1237 00:57:24,560 --> 00:57:26,920 Because for them, they're like, well, it's not actually valid 1238 00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:29,480 because it's a woman and because they can sexualize it. 1239 00:57:29,760 --> 00:57:33,440 I think it's just, it's the way in which media has betrayed 1240 00:57:33,920 --> 00:57:36,560 lesbians in general. So now it's even reached the 1241 00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:39,360 women, the straight women, and they see it on Pornhub. 1242 00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:42,240 They enjoy watching lesbian porn, they get off to lesbian 1243 00:57:42,240 --> 00:57:48,080 porn, they sexualize women. And I don't know, for me, I 1244 00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:54,080 think it's also because the patriarchy has gotten so bad and 1245 00:57:54,080 --> 00:57:57,200 women are now figuring out that they actually have a bit of a 1246 00:57:57,200 --> 00:58:00,440 choice, which they didn't really have before. 1247 00:58:00,800 --> 00:58:03,880 And I think that now they're getting their first hand 1248 00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:08,920 exposure as to what we did via TV, in person, because the 1249 00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:11,040 media, the media isn't showing it to them. 1250 00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:16,240 So when they now meet someone like me or Scarlet, whoever you 1251 00:58:16,560 --> 00:58:23,040 live, they come over to and they gravitate towards us because 1252 00:58:23,440 --> 00:58:26,160 this is their exposure. And they're like, hold on a 1253 00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:27,440 minute. I didn't know that lesbians like 1254 00:58:27,440 --> 00:58:29,360 you existed. And I didn't know that you guys 1255 00:58:29,360 --> 00:58:30,760 actually existed in the real world. 1256 00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:33,600 And you went to the places where I go and you look the way that 1257 00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:35,640 you do and you have the jobs that you do. 1258 00:58:35,800 --> 00:58:37,840 And like, what do you mean they get. 1259 00:58:37,840 --> 00:58:41,040 So I can actually see the penny drop in real time? 1260 00:58:41,040 --> 00:58:42,200 Yeah. Then they're like, I don't know 1261 00:58:42,200 --> 00:58:44,440 if I'm going to tell my boyfriend that was his and I and 1262 00:58:44,440 --> 00:58:47,080 I blah, blah. And it's like, OK, well, I'm not 1263 00:58:47,080 --> 00:58:49,400 here to be your experiment. You go figure that on your own. 1264 00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:52,880 OK, I'm not a museum. You go for it, but it's 1265 00:58:52,880 --> 00:58:55,240 happening. It's happening increasingly 1266 00:58:55,240 --> 00:58:58,680 more. They are mystified by it. 1267 00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:05,440 But I do think that it's really it's an amazing breakthrough of 1268 00:59:05,440 --> 00:59:08,920 yours to have had that with your therapist about, you know, 1269 00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:12,520 obviously presenting more mask and as a way to accept yourself. 1270 00:59:12,520 --> 00:59:17,240 But I just want to say from your friend is it doesn't matter how 1271 00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:22,120 you look. All of that side, you being gay 1272 00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:26,000 is a part of you. And who you are is beautiful. 1273 00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:28,000 Like you are one of the most amazing people that I've ever 1274 00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:29,920 met in my entire life. You really, really are. 1275 00:59:29,920 --> 00:59:32,680 And everyone that ever hangs out with you, who's my friend? 1276 00:59:33,080 --> 00:59:35,080 Yeah. Liv is raising her bottle and 1277 00:59:35,080 --> 00:59:38,920 Annabelle is flapping you. Whenever I, whenever I introduce 1278 00:59:38,920 --> 00:59:41,920 you to anyone, they love you straight away and you have such 1279 00:59:41,920 --> 00:59:44,800 a way about you. Your sexuality is just a part of 1280 00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:48,040 who you are. Your identity in how you dress 1281 00:59:48,040 --> 00:59:52,080 is just another part of who you are and, and it's fucking sexy 1282 00:59:52,080 --> 00:59:55,600 and it's cool and I love it. It doesn't need to be niche. 1283 00:59:55,600 --> 00:59:58,240 It doesn't need to be explained. You just dress a little bit more 1284 00:59:58,240 --> 01:00:01,320 masculine because we've created masculine and feminine labels to 1285 01:00:01,320 --> 01:00:03,120 shit that doesn't even fucking count. 1286 01:00:03,120 --> 01:00:05,160 Like it literally what the fuck is masculine? 1287 01:00:06,040 --> 01:00:08,000 Exactly. This is what's so crazy to me. 1288 01:00:08,000 --> 01:00:11,800 And that that's why when people are like, we hate all the trans 1289 01:00:11,800 --> 01:00:16,040 shit, I'm like, well, you want to hate the trans shit, but you 1290 01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:17,480 want to gender everything so much. 1291 01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:18,360 Yeah. Exactly. 1292 01:00:18,360 --> 01:00:21,000 Right. So if you stopped doing that, if 1293 01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:24,000 you stopped saying that blue was for boys and girl and girls. 1294 01:00:24,000 --> 01:00:27,720 You set everyone. Free you set everyone free and 1295 01:00:27,720 --> 01:00:31,160 then obviously we can have our like biological sex like I know 1296 01:00:31,160 --> 01:00:33,080 that I'm a woman. I'm happy to a woman and it's 1297 01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:35,800 powerful because we are so fucking oppressed and we have 1298 01:00:35,800 --> 01:00:40,080 been for so many years. But when you go to the shop, 1299 01:00:40,280 --> 01:00:43,000 you're not shopping for men, you're not shopping for women. 1300 01:00:43,440 --> 01:00:45,880 And the same goes for kids and whatever that is. 1301 01:00:46,040 --> 01:00:47,600 It's fucking material at the end of the day. 1302 01:00:47,600 --> 01:00:50,360 And if you really want to get historical about it, you could 1303 01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:52,160 see that with the Romans, how they used to dress. 1304 01:00:52,160 --> 01:00:55,240 They used to wear men used to wear makeup because that was why 1305 01:00:55,240 --> 01:00:57,360 makeup was invented and that's why. 1306 01:00:57,800 --> 01:00:59,960 Have you ever seen a masculine and a feminine duck? 1307 01:01:01,320 --> 01:01:06,960 Well, I'll tell you about it so and masculine duck is beautiful, 1308 01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:11,880 very colourful, very alluring, sexy some might say. 1309 01:01:12,800 --> 01:01:18,240 And the female duck is like more plain because it's all about the 1310 01:01:18,240 --> 01:01:21,240 masculine duck is the one that's all colourful and pretty because 1311 01:01:21,240 --> 01:01:24,480 it's there to court the female so that they can mate. 1312 01:01:24,640 --> 01:01:29,720 That is the job of the man is the man, like the male species 1313 01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:33,560 within any animal Kingdom actually is for them to entice 1314 01:01:33,760 --> 01:01:36,600 to fuck and then to leave. That's their job. 1315 01:01:36,760 --> 01:01:38,440 The men just need to actually just fuck off on leave. 1316 01:01:38,440 --> 01:01:40,800 But like, that's all they're really good for. 1317 01:01:40,800 --> 01:01:43,560 You'll actually find that, especially even if you were to 1318 01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:45,160 look. I'm going off tangent, but if 1319 01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:45,800 you were. To no, no. 1320 01:01:45,800 --> 01:01:48,160 It's so interesting. At a pride, so like a pride of 1321 01:01:48,160 --> 01:01:52,720 lions, the female and the mother is the boss of that. 1322 01:01:52,720 --> 01:01:57,240 And this is very often the case. The man is very subservient to 1323 01:01:57,240 --> 01:02:00,280 the woman because they are, sorry, I hate to say it, the 1324 01:02:00,280 --> 01:02:04,680 lesser species they are in terms of the the lesser, not gender, 1325 01:02:04,680 --> 01:02:08,480 but the lesser sex. They they're not as powerful. 1326 01:02:09,080 --> 01:02:13,400 And that is why women have been caged up for so long, because 1327 01:02:13,440 --> 01:02:16,200 you wouldn't try and tame something that wasn't going to 1328 01:02:16,200 --> 01:02:18,400 threaten you. Would you tame a lion? 1329 01:02:18,400 --> 01:02:20,320 Yeah, you fucking would. Would you tame a tiger? 1330 01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:22,520 Yeah, you fucking would. Because that tiger and that lion 1331 01:02:22,520 --> 01:02:24,320 is stronger than you are. And they know that. 1332 01:02:24,320 --> 01:02:27,280 And that is why they have to put women into such tight boxes. 1333 01:02:27,360 --> 01:02:30,360 All you have to do is look through history and look through 1334 01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:34,480 any different animal species and you'll see that the female is 1335 01:02:34,480 --> 01:02:36,680 the stronger sex. Exactly. 1336 01:02:36,680 --> 01:02:38,680 I think animals show us so much about how. 1337 01:02:38,720 --> 01:02:41,760 And they're all gay, yeah. They love gay Penguins. 1338 01:02:41,840 --> 01:02:44,640 They love gay sex. They love it. 1339 01:02:44,640 --> 01:02:47,680 They're all about it. OK, I'm going to give you the 1340 01:02:47,680 --> 01:02:51,840 mic, the floor. Yes, you're talking to young 1341 01:02:51,840 --> 01:02:54,120 Anna. We can pick an age if you want, 1342 01:02:54,600 --> 01:02:58,320 but what is something that you want to leave is like a lasting 1343 01:02:58,320 --> 01:03:02,400 impression on this pod to younger Anna you would want to 1344 01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:05,080 say. So this is not a plug, but last 1345 01:03:05,080 --> 01:03:07,560 year I was on the telly. I know we joked about at the 1346 01:03:07,560 --> 01:03:09,120 beginning. So I was on ABBC. 1347 01:03:09,240 --> 01:03:11,640 One show called Stranded on Honeymoon Island. 1348 01:03:11,640 --> 01:03:13,760 I was joking, by the way, when I was being nasty, no? 1349 01:03:13,800 --> 01:03:17,080 No, no, it honestly, it was the most amazing experience of my 1350 01:03:17,080 --> 01:03:19,480 life. But no one really watched it. 1351 01:03:19,480 --> 01:03:21,800 So it didn't really blow up like like we thought it would. 1352 01:03:21,800 --> 01:03:27,160 But not talking about this to plug it, but if I could go back 1353 01:03:27,160 --> 01:03:32,040 to being in the depth of like really thinking that my life was 1354 01:03:32,040 --> 01:03:34,880 going to be hard and I was just incorrect as a person. 1355 01:03:34,880 --> 01:03:38,080 It went that deep. And then I'd never really feel 1356 01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:41,480 peaceful and happy. But then last year, I said yes 1357 01:03:41,480 --> 01:03:46,040 to inexperienced to appear on a dating show in a small way, but 1358 01:03:46,040 --> 01:03:51,680 to appear. And they chose me for basically 1359 01:03:51,680 --> 01:03:54,480 no other reason. Not because I'm clever, which I 1360 01:03:54,480 --> 01:03:58,080 am, or because I'm pretty or nice to look at or have big 1361 01:03:58,080 --> 01:03:59,840 muscles, which you are, or speak in Spanish. 1362 01:03:59,840 --> 01:04:01,920 Always amazing things I can do. Yeah. 1363 01:04:02,280 --> 01:04:04,960 None of that just because I'm a lesbian. 1364 01:04:05,360 --> 01:04:09,160 That's the only reason why they flew me out to the Philippines 1365 01:04:09,160 --> 01:04:12,120 to appear in this show. And like, that is one of the 1366 01:04:12,120 --> 01:04:15,640 most powerful things I've ever done because not only did I 1367 01:04:15,640 --> 01:04:18,440 become the representation that I really wanted when I was younger 1368 01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:21,360 because I was on a show. Yeah, that was on TV. 1369 01:04:21,480 --> 01:04:23,880 That was on mainstream TV, that mainstream TV. 1370 01:04:24,080 --> 01:04:26,760 And BBC is kind of like middle-aged people that watch 1371 01:04:26,760 --> 01:04:29,400 it, so it's like a really important demographic to be 1372 01:04:29,400 --> 01:04:32,440 showing that to. 100%. And when I was out there, all of 1373 01:04:32,440 --> 01:04:36,760 the story producers, the casting team, the welfare team, no one 1374 01:04:36,760 --> 01:04:39,920 treated me differently. It it was just normal that I was 1375 01:04:39,920 --> 01:04:42,640 there as a lesbian character. Lesbian character, yeah. 1376 01:04:43,360 --> 01:04:44,960 And that was the only, that was only thing. 1377 01:04:44,960 --> 01:04:49,320 And I my whole life I've tried to get the best grades, work for 1378 01:04:49,320 --> 01:04:52,440 a big tech company that everyone knows, have loads of friends, 1379 01:04:52,440 --> 01:04:55,560 have everyone say they love me because I've always felt like 1380 01:04:55,560 --> 01:04:57,800 being gay is like, OK, that's the, that's, that's the bad 1381 01:04:57,800 --> 01:05:00,560 thing about me. Whereas this show only thing 1382 01:05:00,560 --> 01:05:04,640 they liked about me was that. So I think I've just calmed down 1383 01:05:04,640 --> 01:05:07,200 in terms of like. That kills me by the way. 1384 01:05:07,200 --> 01:05:10,280 I've calmed down since and it sounds silly because it's it's a 1385 01:05:10,280 --> 01:05:13,400 reality TV show, but the meaning behind it was like, immense. 1386 01:05:13,400 --> 01:05:15,840 I'm so grateful to Davina McCall. 1387 01:05:24,880 --> 01:05:26,400 This is why you need to do stand up. 1388 01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:29,200 She's why you need to do She's amazing. 1389 01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:32,640 I must be gay. She's got to be. 1390 01:05:32,680 --> 01:05:34,560 She's too a little. Bit, little bit. 1391 01:05:34,560 --> 01:05:37,360 She survived so many things. But this is but I was so proud 1392 01:05:37,360 --> 01:05:39,160 of you because I remember when you were talking about going on 1393 01:05:39,160 --> 01:05:40,640 the show, I was like, do it, do it, do it. 1394 01:05:40,640 --> 01:05:42,400 And I said to you, it's like even if it doesn't amount to 1395 01:05:42,400 --> 01:05:46,600 anything, whatever, like you are putting yourself you, and I've 1396 01:05:46,600 --> 01:05:49,480 seen you ever since as well, like push yourself continuously 1397 01:05:49,480 --> 01:05:52,280 out of your comfort zone because there is no success and there is 1398 01:05:52,280 --> 01:05:53,640 no comfort within the comfort zone. 1399 01:05:53,640 --> 01:05:55,800 It just stays that way and actually becomes very 1400 01:05:55,800 --> 01:05:58,000 uncomfortable to be there. I think you're a different 1401 01:05:58,000 --> 01:06:00,400 person since you've done the TV show Liver saying that she 1402 01:06:00,400 --> 01:06:02,680 thinks she's a different. I remember being in my kitchen 1403 01:06:03,480 --> 01:06:07,120 at 4:00 in the morning with Liv and other people going, should I 1404 01:06:07,120 --> 01:06:09,840 do this thing? And Liv being like, yes, Anna, 1405 01:06:09,840 --> 01:06:12,120 like. Liz had 10 to kilos, Anna's had 1406 01:06:12,120 --> 01:06:13,960 20. Anna Guinness. 1407 01:06:14,560 --> 01:06:18,960 And so, yeah, my advice to everyone was, you know, just say 1408 01:06:18,960 --> 01:06:22,200 yes to stuff. And what about little Anna Lana? 1409 01:06:22,200 --> 01:06:25,880 I would say everything will be OK. 1410 01:06:25,880 --> 01:06:28,200 You know, I'd, you know, sound that sounds simple, but 1411 01:06:28,280 --> 01:06:31,480 genuinely. Well, little Anna is very proud 1412 01:06:31,480 --> 01:06:33,960 inside of you right now, and so am I. 1413 01:06:34,000 --> 01:06:38,720 I honestly, I'm so I'm so glad to hear that. 1414 01:06:39,080 --> 01:06:43,080 I know that there's still some issues that go on throughout 1415 01:06:43,080 --> 01:06:45,360 your mind, but that you're pushing through it, that you're 1416 01:06:45,360 --> 01:06:49,240 brave enough to talk about it, and that you are owning who you 1417 01:06:49,240 --> 01:06:53,880 are. And you are definitely the type 1418 01:06:53,880 --> 01:06:57,960 of person to shout about and the right person to advocate for. 1419 01:06:58,520 --> 01:07:01,480 And you've got the biggest soul ever. 1420 01:07:01,480 --> 01:07:04,080 And I should have prefaced this actually when I was introducing 1421 01:07:04,080 --> 01:07:06,880 you, but Anna quite literally like saved me from the trenches 1422 01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:13,320 so many times last year via pints and me crying like you. 1423 01:07:13,800 --> 01:07:16,280 I honestly don't know what I would have done without you. 1424 01:07:16,680 --> 01:07:20,800 Literally grabbed me and pulled me out so many times from so 1425 01:07:20,800 --> 01:07:23,560 many bad situations, even to the point where you would leave 1426 01:07:23,560 --> 01:07:27,040 coffee on my doorstep or, you know, you would meet me with wet 1427 01:07:27,040 --> 01:07:29,680 hair at the pub because I told you that I was at the pub and I 1428 01:07:29,680 --> 01:07:32,320 needed someone. And you, you are the type of 1429 01:07:32,320 --> 01:07:37,240 person that deserves to feel so loved, not just from somebody 1430 01:07:37,240 --> 01:07:42,280 else, but from yourself, because you are the most lovable person 1431 01:07:42,760 --> 01:07:46,120 and you give so much. And I hope that even if you give 1432 01:07:46,120 --> 01:07:51,080 15% of you to you that you gave to me, you'll be a very happy 1433 01:07:51,080 --> 01:07:51,880 woman. So. 1434 01:07:52,400 --> 01:07:54,920 I love you and thank you to you for the space that you build. 1435 01:07:54,920 --> 01:07:56,680 My life and many others would be very different. 1436 01:07:56,960 --> 01:07:58,320 Well, no, it's just and you live. 1437 01:07:59,240 --> 01:08:01,160 It's just great to have the lesbians all together. 1438 01:08:01,160 --> 01:08:03,960 I feel and I feel and honestly I do genuinely, and me and 1439 01:08:03,960 --> 01:08:07,120 Scarlett feel very, very honoured that we get to do this. 1440 01:08:07,240 --> 01:08:09,080 It is a privilege in itself. You know, we talk about 1441 01:08:09,080 --> 01:08:10,720 privilege. This is my privilege. 1442 01:08:11,320 --> 01:08:13,440 It's the way in which that we get to do this. 1443 01:08:13,440 --> 01:08:15,680 We get to host these events. We're now going global with 1444 01:08:15,680 --> 01:08:16,760 this. We're going to Paris at the end 1445 01:08:16,760 --> 01:08:18,800 of the month and then we're going, we're going to drop some 1446 01:08:18,800 --> 01:08:20,920 other dates. I can't say it here, but all of 1447 01:08:20,920 --> 01:08:22,920 these things are happening which. 1448 01:08:23,080 --> 01:08:25,880 Is more important than ever. And it's like my biggest 1449 01:08:25,880 --> 01:08:27,920 weakness became my biggest strength, you know? 1450 01:08:28,000 --> 01:08:31,880 And I think that the same thing will happen to you, and it will 1451 01:08:31,880 --> 01:08:35,040 become the thing that you will actually love the most about 1452 01:08:35,040 --> 01:08:39,160 yourself because it comes with so many different umbrellas 1453 01:08:39,160 --> 01:08:41,560 under just the word gay. It's not just about being gay, 1454 01:08:41,800 --> 01:08:45,680 you know. And I love you and I've loved 1455 01:08:45,720 --> 01:08:47,200 having you on. Is there anything else that 1456 01:08:47,200 --> 01:08:50,760 you'd like to say before you go? Dobina McCall Give. 1457 01:08:50,760 --> 01:08:57,200 Me bless Ellen DeGeneres, you still have one fan. 1458 01:08:57,600 --> 01:09:00,800 You still have one fan. She's in the car, I know. 1459 01:09:00,840 --> 01:09:02,640 I've thought about that. Should we go Oh. 1460 01:09:02,640 --> 01:09:05,120 You've got the should we another one so I'll she. 1461 01:09:05,120 --> 01:09:08,640 Definitely goes oh fuck. Sorry, we should go. 1462 01:09:09,000 --> 01:09:14,200 We should go summary about. Me born in school, ski posh 1463 01:09:14,200 --> 01:09:17,720 spoilt, tried to cheat. Good summary actually. 1464 01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:18,760 Is it really good one? Really. 1465 01:09:18,760 --> 01:09:21,040 Good, lovely person. House membership You would 1466 01:09:21,040 --> 01:09:23,120 actually be the best girlfriend alive though. 1467 01:09:23,160 --> 01:09:25,520 Like I say this so many. Times and it's Valentine's Day 1468 01:09:25,520 --> 01:09:28,399 this week. So if message me, it comes out 1469 01:09:28,560 --> 01:09:30,720 like within OK, so what's the date today? 1470 01:09:30,720 --> 01:09:32,640 It's the 10th. Chill, who cares whenever. 1471 01:09:32,760 --> 01:09:35,200 Fuck it, I'm going to put this out on Valentine's Day and if 1472 01:09:35,200 --> 01:09:38,240 somebody doesn't DM you by the evening, it's fucking game on. 1473 01:09:38,479 --> 01:09:41,359 It's game on. But no, also, you have loads of 1474 01:09:41,359 --> 01:09:43,479 girls in your DM. Don't even fucking try me right 1475 01:09:43,479 --> 01:09:44,920 now. Don't even try. 1476 01:09:45,359 --> 01:09:46,920 I love you and thank you so much for coming. 1477 01:09:46,920 --> 01:09:47,840 On you too. Thank you so much. 1478 01:09:48,040 --> 01:09:50,000 Lesbians and we will speak to you next week. 1479 01:09:50,200 --> 01:09:51,439 Bye. Bye bye.