Get your therapist on speed dial.
Get your better help on speed dial.
I'm not actually joking. And make sure you know where
your local delulu bin house. Welcome to episode 38 of The
Lesbian. Subcup, I think it is 38.
God, why does it feel like we've done 2000 but also 10?
Like I yeah, there's no in between.
Yeah, it's just, it feels like I felt Joe.
What? It makes me feel so lazy,
though, because I go on other people's podcast channels and
they're like #840 and like fog. Yeah, but.
Freya, we've only been doing it a year.
We physically couldn't fucking fit in it.
These people have been doing it for years. 840 episodes in a
year, that's more than 32A day. Yeah, no.
That's no, I know, darling, but it's just that thing, you know
when you look at it and you're like.
No, I don't care because I look at my 38 episodes and I go, I'm
fucking smashing it, motherfucker.
I've absolutely smashed. Well, do you know what's so
funny? Talk about smashing it.
Fucking hell, talk about smashing it.
We had. To smash some pussy last night.
Did you Boo? It's yours.
Yeah, with a razor after not shaving for two weeks.
Oh, I need to buy a new razor. Anyway, we put out a video last
week which has gone viral because we are putting our very.
Interested judge of a lesbian? That's right.
Yeah, we love. To work out for lesbian as a
lesbian, it is one of the the funnest things I'll ever do in
this sad little life. Sad little life Jane.
So we basically put up everyone's names and we got
everyone to guess whether they are straight or gay.
The funniest bit about this that after 3.3 million views, the
amount of comments that are going live, live, live, live's
got that heteroface live. Do you have anything that you'd
like to say? I'm fucking sick of it.
Liv's fuming because Liv is 100,000 million percent gay.
So the amount of people that have been like, oh, it's
definitely live, definitely live a definitely live.
It's giving you a crisis. It has given me a crisis, but
it's also quite funny because all of their gay dolls are
terrible then terrible lesbians. True.
You do look straight. In their defence.
In their defence, you don't give off you.
Yeah, that is, we are going to do a whole episode on this, but
you don't give off any gay until you're in the mood of but.
Well, you should. Care.
Because that's not. Hitting people's gay dars.
That's their. Problem.
No, it's not. It's your problem.
Up. You're gay.
Up. You're gay, Liv.
She would have been tired. I said what that what let Liv
down was the fact that she was holding a wine glass.
If you'd have been doing that pose with a beer, you would have
been all right. No, do you know what it was?
It was the pose as well. And loads of people have said
that it's the pose because. She done the little sweet smile
with the eyes rolling up. Yeah.
So that I know. But the eye rolling up OK.
But I'm a big I'm a big lesbian. Would you ever see me doing that
pose? No.
Never. I would never shame shame
myself. But the comments were saying,
and I've said this to Liv before and it is because the male
species is fucking disgusting. But with big eyes that look up
and big lips. What are they thinking of?
Blowjob. And that is why a lot of girls
do that pose, the straight pose. Lip has got them blowjob lips.
And those blowjob eyes. Sorry, love.
Don't go anywhere near a Dick though, all right?
Anyway, never, never, never. So that has been giving us a lot
of entertainment because every time I look at my phone I just
say live, live, definitely live, 100% live.
We can confirm she's gay. But everyone else, you're going
to have to wait for the reveal because there might be some
shockers in there. You never know.
It's actually me and Scarlett. We are straight.
I'd actually have to come out as straight and it would be more
terrifying to come out as straight now as it were to come
out as gay. Well.
We've said it, said it, won't say it again.
If I woke up tomorrow and suddenly was heterosexual, my
life wouldn't be worth living. I would dive straight off a
building, the highest building I could find.
I just wouldn't want to live that lifestyle and it is a
lifestyle. It's not for me.
That lifestyle is not for me. It is.
Not for me. Imagine that sperm looked like
tadpole. It does.
No, but like actually in real life like.
Oh, if they were big. Well, under a microscope it
does. Microscope.
I'd love to have a microphone.
Anyway, we digress. Yeah, So if you don't know what
we're talking about, Ari, the video, check it out.
Go and follow us on our Instagram, which is at Lesbian
Supper Club Pod. That is at Lesbian Supper Club
Pod. Today we are talking about the
infamous lesbian breakup timeline.
So we were chatting the other day like always, and I can't
remember who we were talking about.
We're talking about someone it might have been in our actual
life or on online going through a breakup.
And we were like, how long have they been together?
And we worked out. I think it had been around 13
months. 13 to 14 months. And this is something me and you
have discussed previously, isn't it?
Is that we find that lesbians, if you can make it past the 15th
month, you're likely in it for quite a long time.
If you can't get past the 13th, 14th and 15th months, which is
the make or break months, you will break.
But if you get through it, you will be make because those
months are critical in the lesbian timeline, because we all
move so fast that the first year we've, let's be honest, we've
probably shagged over 1000 times we've moved in together.
We've done all family introductions.
A dog is likely we you've probably set up a business
together. That's a classic.
You've got tattoos of each other.
You've gone the whole hog. You've done in we've done in 12
months. What takes straight couples at
least five years, right. So in straight timelines, they
usually do all the marriage stuff and then get divorced
quite quickly. Yeah, we don't usually make it
there because we do often hold back on the marriage a little
bit. More we don't hold back on the
engagement. But we hold back on the.
Marriage a bit more, yeah. So we've already lived 1000
lives within the first year, so we've already lived 1000 lesbian
years within the first year. And then you get to the 13th
month and you've got your dog, you've got your house together,
you've got them tattooed across your asshole for all I know.
And you start to see the cracks because we've all got them.
And your name is within the crack because you've gone to the
tattoo parlour. And you've got her name.
You've got it. Stitched across your anus anus
Uranus. So you get to months 1314 from
15 and you start to think, do you know what who I thought this
person was might not be an accurate representation of?
My imagination. That sweet smelling puss is
starting to smell sour. I was nose and love blind.
Ain't smelling a honey no more, darling.
So we've got a couple of theories as to why we think this
happens. Hit me, Freya.
Honeymoon period is over, that moment where you would do
anything to please your partner and you have so much fun
together and no jealousy. Real, real.
You know, shit has crept up yet and you haven't really shown
them many of your flaws. And then by this point you
really are like, OK, OK, this is reality.
I think that the reality suddenly kicks in and and it's
not cute anymore to not go to work because you're too busy
having sex. It's not cute anymore to give
each other's flowers every time you see each other.
Shit like this. Right?
So all of the external really flamboyant acts of love are most
likely going down the fucking drain and their ex has probably
messaged them by this point. And the dopamine, the dopamine
rush has gone. And that does make you quite
literally love and Fanny blind. Yeah, it does.
I've had it right where I've had the dopamine.
And when I tell you it doesn't just curve off, it falls off a
fucking Cliff, particularly with lesbians.
So what I would imagine in hat world your dopamine is it
gradually goes up, it coasts at the top for quite a while, and
then it starts to drop gradually until you meet a sensible
plateau. Lesbians.
You're bolting up like a fucking rocket up your ass right at the
top of Mountain Everest. You get to the top of Mountain
Everest and the peak is quite literally less than a metre wide
and then you're promising back down and you're in fucking
Australia. And that's why I think it's such
a hectic departure at that time as well, because you do go quite
literally from one to the other. And I think in our worlds,
because we don't or haven't previously or in gay world
haven't previously had many or many good role models to look up
to. We've spoken about this.
We don't have a lot of good representation and healthy
relationships to go off of, so we've all got really warped
views of how queer relationships should look, feel, act sensibly,
get together sensibly, break up. And again, that's why I think
the the 13th, 14th and 15th month drop off happens, because
the vision of what we thought this person could be for us is
not real. And that's on us.
That's not on the person. It could also be on the person.
It could be, but. Because they can really like,
fuck with you. People can really give you an
idea of something. I think we all ignore red flags
until we can't ignore them anymore as well, specifically in
the first year. And then again, it gets to that
over one year anniversary mark and you start to realise that
the red flags aren't just like momentary lips, like they are
part of this person's makeup and you start to detest them.
OK. I think it's a few more things
as well. I think it's when you this is
when you start to really argue. And I think that arguments are
really explosive. Patient gets tested at this
point. Yeah, because you do have to.
It's like having a fucking toddler.
You start like creating boundaries with these people and
you start pushing boundaries to see.
Come out of that love bubble. I think the boundaries comes
from you. You're in the love bubble and
you're happy to spend all your time with them and no one else
really exists. And you get to that point point
you're like, actually I fucking neglected myself.
I've neglected my friendships a bit.
Yeah, I've neglected my work. Like I need to start just doing
a little bit something for me again.
And that's where I think the argument we.
Had a fucking blow up of an argument around the 13th or 14th
month of our relationship and that was a fundamental point in
our relationship where we could have been through it.
Make or break at that. Point 13th, 14th and 15th month.
There was so much testing us both within ourselves, within
our relationship, that we're both to blame for and externally
as. Well, but maybe maybe you're
more likely to come across more external stuff once you've been
together longer, right? So like 14th month that you you
are probably finding something. Yeah, life starts to happen.
Starts to test you and then test your relationship.
I remember at that 13th, 14th, 15th month where you hadn't
specifically, I mean, we'd been arguing and we'd had those blow
ups and external things were happening, but on the
day-to-day, neither of us were really doing anything wrong.
Like you weren't particularly doing anything.
But I remember having this constant feeling of being like
is this a long thing? Like is, Is this a long?
Thing. But I think I sensed that in
you, so it made me feel really insecure and I remember this
feeling and it was horrible. See, I really felt like I was
hiding. It no, you didn't hide it
because I I. Felt like I was hiding it
because I felt guilty for even thinking it because even though
I was having these thoughts I knew I didn't want to leave.
Yeah, no, I, but I. Was having these intense
thoughts of being like, I really don't want to leave, but is this
right? No.
Is this the right thing for both of us?
It wasn't like I said, it wasn't about you as a personal thing.
It was just like, shit. No, I sensed it in you.
So it made me really anxious. Like I was in a really bad way
at that point, which then and again, like you weren't in the
wrong for having those feelings either, but it made me more
explosive in arguments because I just was like, so like such an
anxious person at that time. And I'm not blaming you for
that, but I mean like I was feeling really really anxious.
So then anything would just like tip me off which isn't good
either. Yeah, but like my defence, at
this time in your life you weren't working.
No, you'd had really awful job situations.
Your family dynamic was going really bad.
At this point, you were you and your mum.
I like I said, I'm not baby, I'm just, I'm just, I don't blame
you for feeling like that is all I'm saying.
And it was just, it was just testing or as I feel like, I
mean, I'm a difficult person, so that's enough.
But at least for the first two years of our relationship, there
wasn't any. I didn't bring anything
external, no. I fell out of my dad, remember?
Yeah, but it was a. Start but that was just like I
cut him out for a few months and whatever.
Didn't impact that life. My job was really stable, my my
mental health was pretty stable, like my living situation was
stable. So I don't feel like I was
bringing that side of things. No, you were probably just.
Being me, which is hard enough. You.
Were had a lot of external things which were really
difficult and they were testing you as a person as well and
making you maybe behave in a way that you wouldn't usually
behave. And like I said, it was an
amalgamation of things. It wasn't like anyone
specifically just being an asshole directly to the other
for no reason, but it was a really difficult time.
Dude, it was fucking hard. Yeah.
But we got through it and I'm really glad we came through it
and I'm glad we didn't throw the towel in.
But I think at the time, and if you're going through this or if
you've been through this, the only bit of advice I can give
here is that, as I mentioned a little bit previously or just a
few minutes ago, is that as much as I was having this niggle, I
know myself enough to know when it it would have been enough to
walk. Yeah, right.
And I didn't, it wasn't big enough.
No. So I held on.
And that's not to say that I could have held on and actually
we could have ended up breaking up, but I'm glad I did hold on
because obviously we're now together over five years later,
and I'm not going to say it's absolutely fine.
I mean, we still fucking go at each other sometimes like cat
and dog, but we don't have those communication not like it was
then. I mean, people, again, like no
one's perfect. We have communication issues
regularly. We communicate really well.
Sometimes we communicate really badly.
Others. It's a constant.
A relationship is a constant job that you have to fucking
dedicate yourself to. You have to nurture it.
Don't. You you have to question if the
juice is worth the squeeze. But in saying that, if you're
going through it, ask yourself about the long term.
So not the moment be like, if I could come, if this could come
good, could it truly come good? And if the answer is not really,
don't keep doing it. And I think that's what, but I
don't think a lot of queer relationships are doing that.
I think it breaks because what happens is you usually get two
people who, I don't know, emotionally immatures are
potentially first relationships plural because I think you have
to have a few before you get the right one.
And age potentially or sometimes even like 40 year olds regress
in age. So sometimes their emotional
capability is actually worse than a fucking 20 year old,
particularly if they've been with the men and man and.
They're even worse. They're like kids, Yeah.
And I think we break as a community at this point so
quickly. We snap because it does go from
zero to 100 and no one is ready to even fucking put the brakes
on a little bit and just slow the roll and try and like talk.
It gets toxic and then people just crash and burn and walk
away from each other. For sure.
And I think as well, like, truly being in love with that person
makes a big difference because if you can look at yourself and
think, could I genuinely see myself living without this
person, you will get an answer of yes or no.
You will. And if that answer is a bit
like, do you know what? I probably, I probably could
then sack it off. Yeah.
That's just, you know, like if you're going through a really
hard time and then that's what you can, that's what you think
of. You're like, yeah, do you know
what? Or like, give yourself a bit of
a moment. But yeah, I also think that
relationships sometimes are definitely really worth fighting
for. I do think that people throw in
the towel way too fucking easily sometimes, which I think is a
real shame, but ultimately it is.
Well, if you're with someone who's willing to throw in the
towel that quickly and easily, then they are not the person.
For you, yeah. If you're willing to throw in
the towel, then OK, you, you know that that's not going to
work with that person. If you've been on the other end
of someone suddenly throwing in the towel, don't grovel.
Say it's a say. It's a fucking blessing.
If someone's quick to want to do that, then thank the universe
for not letting that person waste any more of your time and
go out and live your fucking life.
Well, if you'd broken up with me right and said, look, you know
it's not you because I do love you, but you know I need you to
get your shit very much sounding like someone I need, but this is
true. Isn't this what your ex said to
you? Yes, it is actually.
You can get yourself together then, like you know, we'll come
back together. This is different because that's
a conditional love. No, but that's what that's not.
That's not true love because. I could have left you at that
point for selfish reasons, right?
So. This is the yes you could have.
If I'd have communicated with you at that time and said,
actually, do you know what? There's so many things are
surrounding this relationship that actually are not your
fault. I just can't cope with that's
it's OK as well to be selfish. That's not a terrible thing.
What would have been terrible is if I'd have gone.
If you fix all of these things, then it'll work for me because
that's not fair. Because you're then saying to
that other person, I can then only love you when when it's
comfortable love, yes. Right, Right.
And I think that when you are with someone, you never know
what's going to happen in your life.
And this works for both of you. It doesn't just mean one of
you's fucked up your whole fucking life.
You know, you can go through shit, you know, you never know.
You need to be with someone who's actually going to fucking
be there for you. Yeah.
Because if they are like, well, do you know what?
Get yourself sorted and maybe we'll be.
Fuck that. Yeah.
But then also, if you're sorry, this is like we're not giving
constructive advice. It's just so many different like
avenues that this can go. Is it?
Also though, if you're with someone and from the other
person's perspective, it has been a constant upward battle
and something is the stick to break the camel's back.
And they walk away. They're not always the Dick head
either. No, it doesn't mean they're a
Dick head. It's OK for people to get to
their threshold and walk. And even if they walk at a
really bad time, it doesn't always mean that they are trying
to hurt you or like they're spiteful.
It's just sometimes their thresholds got mad and they
can't give anything to you and it's a really horrible.
Thing it's not a crime to break up with someone right, but I
think in the moment of that like that feeling of betrayal you're
like, oh you fucking cunt. Well, it just that is just how
it feels. It just.
Depends on how they communicate it.
It is like it is. It's the message of I don't
think it's the right time for us and I don't think we're that
compatible. Therefore, time walking versus
if you get yourself together and you change things, then I will
be with you. 2 very different, 2 very, very different narratives.
Because also you cannot expect other people to change for you.
They can only have a change for themselves.
And if they want to as well. Even if you could see that they
could be so much fucking happier on the other side of quitting
their job or taking up a fucking hobby that they used to love and
be really good at and they won't do anymore.
Or, you know, losing weight even.
Not to say that anyone should lose weight, but a lot of people
get unhappy when they gain weight in relationships and then
it makes them insecure and it makes them jealous.
But you still can't force people to do that, people.
By the way, we love a curvy girl.
Just putting that one out there before the fucking people come
forward. To say no, it's not about.
You know what? Now I know but.
Not about my view on anyone. It's about what what triggers
other people. Yeah, to not be themselves or
have breakdown of communication. And sometimes it can be.
I've seen, I've seen people say it a lot.
They get together both sides or one side puts on quite a bit of
weight. They then don't see themselves
how they saw themselves when they got into the relationship
and it can then make them a version of themselves that they
don't like and then they start blaming the other person.
I don't care if you're fucking size 50 or a size 4, it's got
nothing to do with me. I'm talking.
I don't forget what my ex blamed me for making her fat.
I was like bitch you ate. Do you want to know what my ex
did? What most recent one I I did put
on like, you know, like relationship weight, obviously
you scan a bit more and whatever.
And then I don't think we were having sex for a while and like
whatever. And I think I made a comment to
him and she was drunk at the time and she's like, well, you
don't look like what you did when we first met.
And I was like, I started crying and I was like, what the fuck?
But yeah, she was like, you don't let like.
Yeah, but I think we can all come to the conclusion that your
ex is a cunt. Your ex is a top tier top cunt
cunt. So, want to hear your thoughts
as to why we think the stick that breaks the camel's back of
the gays and lesbian relationships happens usually
around this time. And if you're going through it.
Well, if you're going through it, we want to know.
If you experienced it and you got through it, we want to know
and we want to know how because we think a lot of it is down to
just like being honest communication.
Do you know what? I'd love to see the reaction of
all these people sat in their cars listening to this in the
kitchen with their girlfriend, knowing that they've been
together for six to eight months, thinking, fuck, what's
on route? What is it is coming?
And now look at each other and go, yeah, but that would be us.
Oh, but it will. Oh, it's coming.
It's undeniable force.
It is coming. It's a lesbian war badge, baby.
It's one of them. You've got to get through it.
Send in the troops. Yeah, because you're going to
fucking need it. Release the hounds, bitch.
Get your therapist on speed dial.
Get your better help on speed dial.
I'm not actually joking. And make sure you know where
your local delulu bin house is because you may need it at the
13th, 14th and 15th month. It's a whole new meaning to 13
reasons. Yeah, 13 months, babes.
So that is our insight on the lesbian hump breakup period, how
we think it happens, why it happens, and how you can get
through it. I also want to talk today about
mansplaining. Because it's been.
Really fucking me off recently more than normal.
It's fucked me off since the day I was born.
I came out of the fucking pussy, finding the surgeon in the room
and spitting it in. How do you think it felt growing
up in a house full of girls and one man?
Poor guy. I was like, don't tell me
anything. Mansplaining.
If men aren't bad enough, they also then find ways to make
themselves worse by telling us how to live and what to do.
And I've noticed it more. Touchwood.
Literally I'm fucking laying on the ground in the Levi studio.
Touchwood. Our algorithms now on social
media genuine generally do us quite a bit of justice
considering how many pieces of shit there are out there in the
world. I would say 95% of our response
is the strong queer community flooding we love.
You. Flooding our pussy and it's
great, but you do get the odd prick, you really do and we've
had it recently on our own videos, which I'm not even going
to give these fucking Neanderthals the time because I
actually. Just can't be bothered.
But one thing that what I wanted to spark this, but sparked today
I was wanting to talk about this was, I don't know if any of you
have seen it, but basically there's a pro female golfer who
goes to a golfing range to practise.
I forgot the girl's name. I'm going to have to look it up.
And she sets up a camera while she's at the golfing range to
obviously watch herself back to make sure that, you know, she's
standing. Yeah.
Just all of that stuff, I'm assuming.
So she's that minding her own fucking business like we usually
are, or actually like we always fucking are.
And she's practising different shots at this golfing range.
Suddenly you want to straighten your back up a bit more over
there where you live. And she's like oh sorry, this
fucking old cunt has swanned his way over to her.
Starts mansplaining to a professional female golfer how
to golf. Like the actual fucking audacity
of men. No, it's insane.
Has. Got into like, I think it's
because this is the problem, right?
There's a lot of liberation happening in the world.
There is that's it's undeniable. Greece have just legalised
marriage. Gay populations are on the
uprise, that's all Fucking. Although Ghana has actually made
it illegal. This is what I'm this is what
I'm saying. For as much as places are
getting liberated, there's other places where then the bigots are
getting angrier. So the right wing, right wing,
what do you call these people? Cunts.
Inbreds are getting bigger. Yeah, right.
So it's a trade off because as much as we're getting liberated,
we're also getting shot on in. Other areas, yeah.
You know why? It's because it triggers them.
They can't fucking. Yes.
Then they have to go a step further.
So they can't just be like homophobic in their own house
anymore. They have to be homophobic out
on the street. Or what was it when they?
Patriarchal. They're fucking life.
Misogynistic, racist, they have to be all of that now.
They can't just do it behind closed doors anymore because
they're so angry that we may be getting to a point of even
fucking 4060 fairness. Not even that that they've now
got to go and fucking shout it in the streets.
Mad slaining is just, I don't tolerate it anymore.
And do you know what's sad is that growing up, for a long time
I didn't even realise when I was getting mansplain too, I used to
thank them. Yeah.
Oh, thank you. Oh.
Like, I used to be so bound by the patriarchy, a man would
advise me on something. But it was subjective, right?
Because this is the thing, a lot of mansplaining is usually when
it's something subjective. So it's like, I don't know how
to fucking get out of your car. Some people will swing both legs
round and step out. Some people will put one leg
out, grab onto the steering wheel and step out.
A man will tell you you've got to shove your finger up your ass
and jump out the fucking window to be doing it right.
Do you know what I mean? And I'd sit there and go, oh, do
you know what? Thanks.
Yeah. And now I look back and I'm
like, hey, you're a fucking idiot.
And B. Now if men do it to me, I will
literally just call it out and be like, is that an objective
fact based opinion? But you can't have fact based
opinions. Is that fact, or is that your
little fucking insecure opinion? Because if it's the latter, get
the fuck away from. Me.
Why is it that they feel like they have to?
Oh, I know why. It's because they believe that
they're superior. So anything that I could be
doing, of course a man will know how to do it better.
You know, that is just law. I am convinced that if a man
could wake up during surgery and see a female surgeon, he'd tell
her how to operate on the rest of his body.
Like they are so incredibly ignorant and I, and this isn't
to say I could be doing something completely fucking
wrong, right? Fair enough.
If you want to walk over and you are experiencing something, say
it's something to do with the fucking car because I don't know
how to change a wheel right Properly.
I mean, I do kind of OK. Say I was having a problem with
my car engine and a man came over because he saw that I was
struggling and then tried to help.
That's an incredibly different situation, right?
What I've noticed memo mansplain to you, right?
And then you'll say, why have you got a mansplain for, for
fuck's sake, on something that is, like we said, like
completely objective, whatever. They then turn around and be
like, you won't let men be men anymore.
We're not allowed to do anything.
We're not allowed to do this. Whatever happened to wanting to
wanting a real man? Whatever happened to gender
wrong? Yeah, right.
It's a social construct, you. No, no.
But what I say back to those cunts, right is that chivalry is
fucking dead. Yeah, no water.
So when it actually benefits us, you're not here for it.
Like, but it's annoying, right? Because men used to open up
doors for women, They used to open up car doors for women.
They used to give them their jackets and they used to be
really chivalrous. Get me wrong, I don't even
fucking want them to. No I don't.
But if they're not doing that, don't do the other.
Stuff. Don't do the shitty fucking male
misogynistic bullshit without all of the really nice things
that came with being a gentleman and being chivalrous, because
chivalry is fucking dead. The amount of times I've had a
problem opening up a fucking door because I've got things in
my hands, men will just stand there and do nothing.
Will a woman help though? Fucking yes.
Yes, thank you very much women, because I love you.
I'll be struggling with really fucking heavy boxes.
Will they help? Fuck no.
Would they tell me that I was carrying it wrong?
Yeah. And you know what?
I don't want them to help because I think they're a big
strong man. Because best believe I just need
a pair of hands. I don't care if you're a fucking
size 6 woman or you're a fucking 6 foot six man.
Like if you're carrying a box, you're carrying a box.
But you're right. It's the fact that like in those
moments, they don't give a fuck. Like.
I watch fully able bodied men not give up their priority seat
on the tube to an 80 year old. Woman, Oh my God, all the time.
I have to. I stand up for like pregnant
women. That's fine.
Because you can. Yeah, but it's annoying.
The choice, But it's fucking annoying because yeah, you know
that at the same time, that same man who couldn't have that
fucking even level of audacity, like decency will then be like,
but I am going to show you how to drive a car, Yeah.
Or tell you that you can go 80 in a 70.
Because I know someone from the local speed awareness department
fucking have told me. Is it actually if you go 80
miles an hour and break slightly just before the camera, you'll
get missed. Do you know what I mean?
That now? Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fuck off. Shut up.
Shut the fuck up. Shut the.
Just shut the fuck. And do you know what there's my
point in us saying on this podcast because not really any
men listen and the ones who do actually have contacted.
Us, you're nice. You seem like really fucking
decent beings, so I know that this won't apply to you anyway.
Sadly, this is this little rant is falling on Deaf Sears because
you're all either queer lesbians part the LGBTQ plus community in
one way or another. So you know that you're not
doing this shit, you're not feeling into it.
Yeah, but also can I just say it's good to fucking hear it
though? Like whether it you know,
because it still effects you. All the people that are
listening to this you all know and you have all been
mansplained to. I know for a fact you fucking
have because it is one of the most infuriating things.
Just honestly, I give you permission if, if something like
this happens to you again, just go fuck off.
Thanks. Whilst we're on the subject of
men and then ruining stuff for us, we've got a we've got a new
Horror Story for you guys today. And I loved how this person
submitted this one with the title I'm the Cunt because do
you know what? You have me in a fucking
instant. I love that girls, just going
forward, when you send in your little horror stories, can you
just put like a creative title because it really just gets the
juices flowing for when I open that e-mail.
Yes absolutely. Let's go.
So this is titled I'm the cunt. Thank you.
I debate sending this because I'm going to look like a massive
bell end, but cunty behaviour attracts attracts cunty
behaviour. So this is from one anonymous
cunt because I am ashamed of myself for you girl.
I was dating a girl for four years.
She was bi. We had a great relationship.
I thought she was the love of my life.
We'll call her Tanya. Oh, this is so our word.
Tan. Fucking tan.
Fucking hate it, Tanya. Tanya and I were living
together, we had a dog and everything was great.
Until one day I walked into the bedroom to find a phone on
charge, wrapped in a T-shirt. Odd noticing she was playing on
her phone apparently. Oh.
I started noticing she was always on her phone, apparently.
Playing Candy Crush is what she used to say.
She was coming home from work later than usual.
She was spending more and more time with friends.
Spidey sense gone wild. I was convinced she was
cheating. Rather than do the normal thing
like ask her, I decided to be a detective.
I feel you babe, because this is my kind of shit.
I tried to sneak a glance at her phone.
No luck. I perused our share computer.
Nothing. She was clever.
Then one day I came across our old fitness tracker watch.
We both had the same. I still use mine.
It was one of the ones that your messages come light up on.
Light bulb moment. I would use a fitness tracker,
change this trap to mine and pretend like it was mine all
along and be able to read her messages when they came through.
I know, I know, what a Dick, but I was going wild with insanity
golden as I knew there was something going on.
Fuck it. Where there's a way, there's a
lesbian. Where there's a will, there's a
gay. It was a few days before
Christmas and I've been patiently me waiting when
Jackpot a message from David appears.
A filthy message. I can't believe what I was
reading at this point. I'm sat upstairs and she's
downstairs messaging him. No, I'm sorry, you're not the
cunt. Now I'm only getting his side of
the story pop up on the watch, but I got the picture.
I decided to call her out on it and March downstairs ready to
confront her. I asked her she was seeing
someone else, She denied it, played totally innocent, told me
I was crazy, but I couldn't tell her how I'd found this out.
I decided to just wait until Christmas was over and then
figure out a plan to get her to fess up.
Instead she beat me to it and walked out on me on Christmas
Eve saying she couldn't deal with breaking her homophobic
parents heart any longer. Pathetic.
I was livid, heartbroken, shocked.
What the fuck had just happened? I told her I knew about David.
She had no idea how I'd found out.
Still to this day, she has no clue they're now living
together, but he has no idea of her little gay past four.
Years. 4 fucking years. So.
So yeah, am I the cunt? Either way, glad I busted her.
Love the podcast. No.
You're not the. Fuck my.
God, you've got to do what you've got to do.
I don't understand your title of the cunt babe.
You had to. Find you're a better fucking
person than I am because I would have zero that would not be
keeping me up at night. Ohh trust me, that Apple, that
fucking fitness watch would have gone straight to the forehead.
Just swing. I'm joking, I do.
I do not advocate violence. We're only joking.
PSA but this is fucking insane. I OK when I first initially read
that I kind of felt a little bit sorry for the girl who cheated
though because she says about that she's obviously got major
internalised. I don't feel bad for her.
No, but. She's not after 4 fucking years
if they've been dating for six months and her her internalised
homophobia I got came on in and she decides to point her off
with a man. Carry the fuck on.
Do not waste four years of someone's life that makes you a
piece of shit. I don't care about your internal
anything. Deal with your stuff, and if you
can't deal with your stuff, stay fucking single and don't
implicate another. You know what?
Actually, I took that back because I think that she
probably just used the parents as an excuse me, I can't break
my homophobic parents heart. And you were with a woman for
four years. You don't think you've already
broken the heart? Fucking grow up like you.
Well, I don't know if she'd hidden, hidden the relationship
for four years and then got to a point where I was like, I can't
hide anymore and I can't break their heart.
I think that's what. She was, yeah, but she didn't
have to be fucking texting and flying and sexting David whilst
you were in that fucking relationship, David and Tanya,
you fucking assholes. You know what?
You've done nothing wrong, and if the opportunity arises where
you have to do it again, fucking do it.
I think that is, you know what, an Apple Watch, I'd never even,
it would never even cross my mind.
I don't own 1 so I couldn't do it, but I think it's fantastic.
And I also think that you probably should have told you.
I would have been like, no, do you know how I fucking know?
Because I've got your fitness watch up.
Your messages are popping up. So I'm not just being crazy.
I see this fucking evidence. I would literally.
Watched yeah, watched the watch and would have watched the
colour drain out of her. Fuck, I would have.
Literally said dangled it in front of her.
Face, I've literally got your fucking got it right monologue.
Dick head twat. I probably because she gas lit
her. She was like, no, what you want
about Who's David? Fuck you.
Yeah, literally. Fuck you're.
Not you're really not the cunt in this.
It was, it was very, very sneaky, but sometimes.
Sometimes you got to do what you got to do and and your gut
instinct is huge, right? So there is, there's there's a
difference between being the type of person who is jealous
and twisted and controlling. And so everything your other
half does, you're accusing them. No, no, no, you need therapy.
What we're speaking about here is someone who clearly seems
very emotionally like on a good plane, has been with this person
for four years, They've never had an issue to this point.
And suddenly she gets a gut feeling she knew she wasn't
wrong. So I don't think going out of
your way to find out the fucking truth of the person that you're
with cannot give that to you is a bad thing.
It's like me, like when I was with my ex, I hacked into her
Instagram account. Yeah.
Did I did I guess the password in one day?
Yes, I did. Is that my problem?
No. Maybe she should have had other
passwords. Did I open up her Instagram and
within 2 seconds found exactly what I was looking for?
Yes I fucking did. So do I regret that?
No, because the relationship ended after that and I set
myself free. I think by the time that you
feel like you have to reach those levels, though, the
relationship is over because. No, because it's hard to walk
away when you don't have proof. No, it is.
Even if you know in your. Heart, it is hard, but if you've
got to see it. Looking at you.
If you've got that gut feeling and you know that you will not
get the truth if you genuinely ask them, you're not in a very
good relationship. Agreed, but I still think
finding the evidence for your own closure Oh yeah is
absolutely yeah necessary. I am sorry that you have to go
through all that shit. Just like the girl that went
down on her girlfriend after she'd fucked the guy I mean she
wanted to get. Come in the mouth, yeah.
If she hadn't have slept with her after and literally tasted
his semen. She would have known, no?
No, no, I think she would have in the weeks following suspected
something that would have been signs, right, But she would have
been gas lit into thinking that she was crazy.
Oh, we were just having a drink, just blah blah blah whilst
you're away. No, he did have to leave because
he had to go and also. Be like what the fuck he's gay.
She's questioning, yeah. And she's questioning herself,
right. Like you do need the evidence
sometimes to give you that final push.
Like I said, that's difference between knowing yourself as a
generous, toxic, controlling person and questioning
everything your partner does all the time versus having a healthy
quote, UN quote, normal relationship with someone.
Yeah, over quite a long period of time, and sensing with your
Spidey lesbian senses that something does not fucking add
up. And if you know that person's
lying to you, do what you got to do.
Yeah, bank statements. Yeah, do it.
I think it's I I do think that once you get to that point,
yeah, the truth is better because you will end up feeling
insane and they will make you feel insane.
I'm just glad you're out the other end, babe.
On the fact that she walked out on her own Christmas Eve, for
fuck's sake. I hope she's found someone new
and nice or she's just thriving shagging really hot girls.
Yeah, you go, girl. But yeah, sorry about that.
You can take it from. You're not the cunt, don't worry
about it. You.
Can take it from the lesbians voice of reason, AKA us.
You're not in the wrong, she's in the wrong, and we hope you're
happy. Yeah, Amen to that, sister.
That is all today for the Lesbian Supper Club episode 38.
We are actually off to Renee Rap this evening, which I can't
believe we haven't actually spoken about this whole fucking
episode. Renee Rap lesbian queen.
We are, yeah. Before she has come out as a
lesbian. She's.
Come out as a lesbian woo. And my tummy hurts.
He's in love with her. Well, I may as well not even go
now. That was amazing, thank.
You so much when you've got me. We are very much looking forward
to it, so hopefully we'll see you all there by the time this
goes out. Would have been a week ago and
we would have seen you either way.
Yeah, but let's go Renee Rapp, let's go lesbians, and let's go
using Apple and Fitbits to catch a cheating exercise.
Yeah, let's hope this gave you all a brilliant idea.
See you next week. Love you.
Bye.