What was it you just said? You're tired of me already.
I'm, I'm absolutely, I'm absolutely fucking exhausted.
I don't blame you because I'm actually tired of myself, but I
can't stop this alter ego that I've picked up.
It's darling, it's not an alter ego, it is just you.
Yeah, but now I've seen the embodiment of me and someone
else, it's making me worse. So if anyone is on TikTok, I'm
sure that you've all seen the small Chinese girl called Xiao
Zhao and then her friend Wolong that I'm sure that will jog your
memory. Freya and Liv both recognised
very recently that this person Xiao Zhao is me.
I am her. We are of 1.
Like the way that she kicks off. And it has.
If my behaviour wasn't bad enough as it is, it has made me
worse because I see her do it and I find it so iconic.
I'm like, well, I'm just going to be more of me.
I'm not going to say that it's not iconic, but.
But to live with it to live with.
It like, yeah, like, I mean, you're, you're very.
Imagine having to live in my brain.
No, but you're very lucky that I have a very good sense of humour
because I find a lot of that shit really funny.
I think other people would have eated you across the room
already, but when? Zhao Zhao.
Baby, you ain't eating me anywhere, darling.
Babe, you think that you're able to eat me?
You couldn't eat me. Two fucking centimetres I.
Might not be able to eat you, but I can't eat you.
No you can't. The only thing you could do is
toe pant me in the vagina. All right, you are like her and
especially when she has her tantrums so like she will sit
the food. Tantrum.
This is very good food tantrums. It's like that is so you.
It's so you. Like it is honestly like
looking. It's not even a joke.
Like I don't watch it. So that's a joke like that is
genuine. No, because the phrase doesn't.
Serve my dinner quite right, it really does give me an anger
that I know, and I know in the moment it's unacceptable.
I know it is ridiculous. I can't stop myself.
So when I see Zhao Zhao get served something that is not up
to Zhao Zhao Stand. Does it make you?
Angry. Now watch her kick off.
No, I feel a deep sense of recognition because this is what
you must see when you're looking at me.
I'm glad you found your soul twin.
If any of you are really good, and I know a lot of you are with
like art and IT etcetera, can someone merge my face with Xiao
Xiao? No, not merge your face, but
just put the Xiao Xiao haircut on scarlet.
Oh yeah, I'd. By the way it goes.
Fuck, I should've gone to Xiao Xiao for Halloween.
You. Should have.
There's always. I'm just going to say every day
is fucking Xiao Xiao day. We have also said that Liv is
Wolong. Wolong.
Because Freya's the interviewer that winds me up and like, geez
me up and. Then the one that stood behind.
Wolong, who's there to kind of calm me down and keep me
grounded. So it's like a whole thing
moving on from Xiao Zhao. Although I could sit and talk
about Xiao Zhao all day long. If anyone wants some Xiao Zhao
content, I've got a list of. We've got a lot of iconic videos
of hers. I want to talk about the first
ever lesbian suffer event. It was so good I.
Don't want to blow our own trumpet?
That was like the best party I've been to in a very long
time. There's.
I'm sorry, but it was. Very, can I just say, and I've
like literally told this to everyone afterwards everyone was
hot. Honestly like if you're single
don't go to dating. No events just come to a
lesbian. Everyone was attractive,
everyone had good crack. Fucking funny, but I did say
this though, I was like, they've got to kind of like get on a
level without crack if they listen to the.
Podcast I feel like you've already listened to this podcast
and find it enjoyable if you've got shit crack.
If you've got shit crack, you're just you're having a shit time
if you've. Got shit crack.
You're going to be put on your back.
Oh, that was so. Bad.
I'm so bad. I'm definitely keeping that in.
I think. I think that it was just so nice
to have a space where everyone was fucking queer and these
beautiful women were just having a good time and enjoying
themselves and being in an era I didn't have to cover my glass.
I. Actually, I literally didn't
even think about. It no, but nobody always do
that. Yeah, never.
I'm that's. What I'm saying I didn't.
Even have to think about it over my glass.
I've only realised now I didn't even.
Don't let this give any of you any fucking ideas.
Except for be that little shit it.
Was shoving fucking. Baby Guinnesses.
Have a shot, I don't want one. Have one I literally don't want.
One if anyone sees be at one of the other events.
Can everyone just laugh at her laugh please because I bullied
her about her laugh and now she's got a complex so I just
want to kind of keep. It I haven't heard her laugh.
Oh, like that. It's fantastic.
I hope she's not breaking that out on the first date.
I mean, no, I think, I hope she is.
She'll be one of the only gingers in the room, so she's
recognisable. I feel like she is.
We're in the Levi's studio and I think we're chatting.
Been really loud in the because of Bee's laugh anyway so yeah it
was it was fantastic and fun honestly like doing that was an
eye opener for me and it's kicked started something up I
asked I was really shitting myself out quite we.
Both had really bad anxiety and Freya described it in the best
way possible, which is the birthday anxiety you have when
you're throwing something and you want everyone to have a good
time. Put that on crack.
Like that's how we felt because we obviously we are responsible
for everyone having a good time. But there's also only so much
you can do. Like if the vibe's not there and
everyone's shit and the vibe. 'S not there.
Can we talk about Beth McCarthy? I love her so much.
She did us such a solid by performing as well which was
like a surprise for everyone. Beth is amazing and her newest
newest edition of the EP is I Don't Know How to Talk to Girls,
which is an amazing song like it is such a fucking.
Banger I like her whole thing is like her marketing around this
is her getting really bad gay panic because she does I've
never known anyone gets she. Genuinely does.
She's not even alive as. We, you know, as good friends
would do, we start to give her gay a panic mid performance.
And then, as Freya always likes to do, which is take it as too
far too far is Once Beth had finished singing.
I don't know how to talk to girls Freya shoved her tongue
down Earth right in front of the whole audience of people there.
I just don't have the words. I'm like Xiao Xiao.
I'm also like, really? I'm all about committing to the
bit, and that was purely committing to the fucking bit.
Babe, I, you know, it's not a personal perspective that I can
actually. Want a T-shirt that says commit
to the bit? Because I feel like so many
people do it. Everyone does something for the
bit, you know, you do something. You're like, this is so
ridiculous and I'm doing it for the plot.
Yeah. That you commit to the bit,
Yeah. So yeah, the event was amazing.
We're going to be doing loads more so if you didn't get chance
to come, hopefully you get tickets for the next.
Time I was saying the next. One, we're trying to make it
more monthly with the next one, we're trying to make more bigger
numbers. The next one we're no, we're
trying OK, but we don't want to make it too many numbers
because. Max 100.
We still want to have it to be
intimate and not like a club. So we don't want to club.
Yeah, people can talk. It can still be a bar.
Just whatever I think works. And I think that for us, we want
only the best for you guys. So we're we're keeping on,
keeping on. Bottoms.
We went to the screening. Warner Brothers invited us to
the screening of Bottoms which was released on the 3rd of
November if you haven't seen it. It is hilarious.
It's very quit it's, it's very our humour.
It's. So good.
What I loved it was just so non politically correct.
And don't get me wrong, people always take it a step too far
and just hate crime. I don't mean it that way, but I
mean in the sense that I feel like nowadays film is a joke,
so, so overly politically right that it just takes the funny out
of everything, right? It was.
Really good, but it was. So it was so good, the premise.
There was a line in it. Someone was like, the rest of
the school don't hate you because you're gay, they hate
you because you're gay and untalented.
And like and ugly just. PC things like that, that like,
yeah, a lot of people wouldn't say now in comedy or TV because
it would be like, oh, it's like, is that.
Honestly, I was raised on little.
Britain, it was so funny, like it was, honestly, it's amazing.
So if you haven't seen it, go and watch it.
I was, yeah, really pleasantly surprised.
So was I, because I didn't. I really wasn't expecting much.
I could. I wasn't.
Not to sound like an asshole, I just wasn't.
No. And it was really amazing.
It was one of my favourite films I've like seen in the past.
The last couple of years really, that's been a comedy.
So yeah, check it out. I am happy as well today guys,
Zhao Zhao is still Zhao Zhao ING, but happy Zhao Zhao because
I've been to the incredible injectual on Westbourne Grove
AKA Notting Hill and have my lips touched down.
They look amazing which. I'm really happy about Phrase.
Still not getting near him, but they're looking.
So I can look at the. And for my migraine girlies, I
have got some Botox as well. So basically my migraines are
all to the right hand side in the back of my head and down my
neck. So initially I consulted with
injectual because like basically they're all doctors in there.
So they're not just like aesthetic medical, They're not
just there to do aesthetics. Like a lot of them have come
from medical backgrounds. So I was speaking to them
previously about doing the Botox and at the time they had advised
me they didn't think Botox in my forehead, etcetera would be very
useful. And because of the amount of
Botox and then the size basically of the needles that is
needed for the type of migraines that I have down the back of my
head and down through my shoulders.
They were like, we're basically, we can't do it.
It has to be done by like a higher grade like medical
profession, which is great. Fine.
Like I really respect that. They weren't like, oh, let's
just do the forehead. But what I have noticed in the
last couple of months since having these load of migraines
is that obviously it creates tension all over your head.
So I've started to like clench my jaw more, frown more, if that
was even possible, and like hold a lot of tension in the front of
my head. So today as well as getting my
lips done, I have gone and got my grouch frown lines done.
I said that she's getting degrouched.
I'm getting degrouched and the like my foreheads and basically
like the side of my head so my temples and I am so excited to
see if this makes a difference. I really feel like it's going
to. I honestly think as well, and I
was saying this is Scarlet. I've noticed that when she just
talks, generally she just frowns like when she tries to think
about, so she'll just frown. So that can't be good for your
headaches. If you're always doing this when
you're talking, Can you imagine the amount of pressure that
you're putting on your head like?
Oh yeah, when so we we get our work done by a lady called
Chantelle. She's fucking amazing,
Chantelle. Love you.
She like, obviously has to mark. So they mark your head for the
Botox. And she was like, Oh, yeah,
yeah, the lines are deep on the frown.
I was like, Chantelle, I've literally got photos of me as a
fucking child with those frown lines show.
And that's. Just since birth, honestly.
So I know that they're there, OK, they're thriving.
So the frown lines are going to be gone.
But beyond the aesthetic side of it, I'm really excited to see if
it makes a difference to like the tension in my head.
So we'll keep you guys updated. And also as I know there's so
many migraine girlies in the DMS.
So if if we can all find a solution to get even a fucking
bit of. Also for pure aesthetic reasons,
because I've been telling everyone obviously about my
sauna trips, the Gwashah. By the way, the Gwashah is still
going fully fledged. I've actually really noticed the
difference, actually every day. Dedicated to something and kept
to it for once. But hasn't it made a difference?
And also my jaw looks way better.
Yeah. And also the supplements that I
take. So every single morning I take
probiotics, the proven ones, the women's Ant probiotics.
I take Coq 10. I take vitamin DA 1000, whatever
the hell it is and my antidepressants as well.
But now I'm doing that, the Gua Shah, and then next week I'm
going to get some work done on me face because there is no
shame in the game honestly, especially if you want things to
be preventative as well. Yep, Botox.
All about preventative baby. Exactly.
But then also when you see yourself being recorded all the
time, I've noticed how much I've raised my eyebrows.
I was like, I just don't want that anymore.
I mean. There's a really fine line in
doing things that make you feel better about yourself and then
getting dissociated. And I think that's where like I
am. So I'm really good, I feel and
being so I'm hypercritical of the way I look right to a
massive default, but I wouldn't, I know I would never end up
looking like a Geordie Shore in any ways Essex type person.
And that's that's up to them. That's fine.
But I know that I would just I could never and would never get
to that point. And again, with injectable, I
know they'd never let us get to that point.
No, they wouldn't. The first time I ever went
there, I had migrated filler on my lip and it was like a bit
like above my lip. And they were like, we're not
going to. It wasn't even that bad.
And they were like, yeah, we're not going to do it.
And they, like a lot of places, will just fill on top of that
and let you get on your merry way.
I know this. At some point, these guys would
be like, no girls, that's too far, you're not doing this or
you really don't need that one. We're going to refuse to do it.
And that's what I really like is that they are genuinely like
accredited trustworthy people, which makes a massive.
They're the real deal. They're the real deal and.
Joelle, the The Like owner is like one of the most captivating
people you'll ever be around. She is just stunning.
She's fucking beautiful. But she's just cool.
She's just got an air. You know when someone's just got
an air about them. But you know, someone's got star
quality. That's what I call.
It Oh yeah, for sure. You could see her on Selling
Sunset. She'd absolutely.
She's like Christine from Selling Sunset.
But wait. Nice.
Better but like a nice yeah, but like.
That kind of we. Should get her on Selling
Sunset. Yes.
So guys, yeah, we want to talk about closure today.
And I think this ties into a a lot of previous episodes that
we've done because we've spoken before about friendship
heartbreak, we've spoken about personal heartbreak, like
relationship heartbreak. We've spoken about cheating,
we've spoken about lying. We've spoken about people
treating you badly. And obviously part of all of
those experiences and the emotions that you take from that
closure comes into that at some point or another or sometimes
doesn't. So I think today it was really
important to kind of pick that apart and discuss what closure
feels and looks like for us. I.
Think it really does depend. Some people I feel like you
genuinely need closure from genuinely like I feel like you
need a moment where you can have a conversation with them and
they can say to you, right, I fucked up here.
We're no longer friends. But I just want to let you know
I'm sorry or say it be like an ex and say, you know, I've come
forward. I've thought about everything
that I did in our relationship and I in the clear light of day.
Upon reflection, that was bad, however, right?
So that can be good. It can also be triggering.
Like if you if you are a not ready to hear that conversation,
it's still, I don't think that's closure.
Does that make sense? I feel like you've almost got to
give yourself closure because somebody kind of definitely got
to get. Far away enough from it on your
own, yes. So to give a specific example of
that, one of my exes, it ended very badly and it was a long
time ago and I feel like I've really processed it at the time,
like I went through all the motions and then I moved on with
my life. But it always just niggled me.
It just so I've spoken about this before because I've had
another ex where like The Dirty was done and I just don't care.
Like no to the point where I could see this person out and
they could say hi to me and I'd say hi and I would feel nothing.
And I've never got an apology. I'll never get an apology.
I'll never get an acknowledgement and I do not.
Give a shit. Do you know what?
I don't actually think it'd make you feel any better.
No, I think if she reached out to you now and sent you a
paragraph. I just don't care.
You'd be like, oh, OK, it just. Like for some reason that it
just doesn't bother me, but the other one, whenever I would to
hear about this person or it just triggered me and it, it
made me feel a lot of emotions that I always kind of thought
that I'd got away from. So I recently had a scenario in
which I had an opportunity to discuss this with this person.
And I think this is a bit of advice for everyone.
It's like this person reached out to me and you have to be
really careful with the the questions that you ask yourself
when you enter into conversations with your past.
Because for me, I had to really ask myself what I would get from
that and what I'd want from it. So irrespective of if the other
person is coming at you with an agenda, so if they were to be
apologising to make themselves feel better or if they were
apologising to look good or something like that, right.
You kind of have to let go of any of that and ask yourself, am
I doing this for me? Yeah.
And that was the question that I asked myself when I went
through, like, is this the right thing to do?
I sort of said to myself, Scarlett, it's been years now
and something has still affected you by the situation.
And I had to ask myself, like, what am I going to get from
this? And I thought, irrespective of
whatever happens, if I can say my truth, get peace with that,
get acknowledgement, whatever that person's coming at it from
or whatever they're getting out of it.
And I'm not saying they were coming from and getting it,
trying to get anything out of it for personal gain by the way,
but I'm just saying for other people, if that were to be the
case, I had to let go of that potential and say to myself, I'm
doing it for me and anything else beyond that.
And you know what? It has made a massive
difference. Now if someone had come to me
and said you need to speak to that person, I straight away
would have jumped out the chair like someone had shoved the
fucking rocker up my ass and told them that I didn't need to
do that. That wouldn't do anything for
me. I definitely had to get there on
my own. I do think that you've matured a
lot though. Yeah, you really have and and
and there's less than. That than like Xiao Xiao.
Yeah, a little bit. I, I, I feel like maybe that's
why you do act like Xiao Xiao, because you spend all your time
trying to be emotionally mature and then it has to come out
somewhere. Yeah, it's relaxed.
No, I'm joking. No, but I do think that you, I
should give yourself two credit because I think that that was
actually quite a difficult situation that you were put in,
to be honest. And I think that you dealt with
it extraordinarily. Well, thank you.
So, yeah, and, and I got out of that actually what I needed.
And I, I can't even tell you what that was.
I think it was a series of things, but.
Feel a little bit better? I just, yeah.
And it wasn't, it wasn't a big thing.
It wasn't like this was like knocking on my door every day,
you know, causing me substantive problems in my day-to-day life.
It was just a little. Thing and I just don't feel that
anymore. So, yeah, I, I got from that
what I feel like I needed. And that's a really positive
kind of outcome. As I say, I feel like with my
other ex, I just genuinely, and this isn't even me trying to
convince myself that like, I don't need it.
And I think for you, definitely with your exes, we've spoken
about this, you're in really good places.
You've had that closure for a very long time.
And that's a very healing thing. I think there's a difference
though, between getting closure and genuinely being completely
over the things that someone's done to you.
And I don't, Oh, for sure. But I and I don't mean to the
sense where you're like putting it against them, but actually
being triggered by their past actions.
Some things you can't forget. Like there are certain things.
Yeah, there are certain things, right.
So I have closure with both of my with with my exes.
However, there will be moments within our relationship that
will trigger me. There's.
Certain things they could say or do that would completely snap
you back into. And then I'm like, well, it
reminds me of when I was with so and so.
And they did this. Yeah, yeah, this is how I felt.
And so it is like a triggering thing, but I also just think
that that's a completely different thing to.
Closure. I'm not sure if that's like
closure or just like. I think that you need the
closure yourself though, like you do need to be able to give
it to yourself. We had.
That therapy. It's kind of like, yeah, but
also like, talk to yourself. With so much kindness in an area
like this, you can't always drag on negative feelings.
It's not good for you. I'm so there are certain
scenarios in my life where like, and even back to my childhood,
like there was a woman from my childhood who was really awful
to my mum and she was like a really close family friend.
And this woman like was just awful, an absolutely
traumatising time. And she weirdly reached out a
few months ago because she'd like seen the podcast and things
and basically was like, you know, congratulations on doing
well. I just want you to know that
like, I always like, loved you guys and like miss you and blah,
blah. And I thought the message was
nice, but I thought in no way, shape or form would you ever be
anywhere near my life again. Like there is no forgiveness to
be had there because what this person done was so just awful.
Like there is just no forgiveness.
No, no. And, and do you know what
obviously say you can say cheers, but.
Yeah, exactly. I actually really respected this
person saying that it didn't negatively affect me for them to
just reach out, but there was definitely no conversation to be
had I from my. Side I think that it is.
I think that a lot of the time it's just them trying to clear
their own conscience. It makes them feel better, yes.
Did she genuinely write that because she wanted you to do
well? I don't know.
I think that it's that guilt that builds up in you and you
think, shit, because I've even had this with a girl that I was
telling. You know you've done something
wrong. Yeah, sure.
There was a girl that I was seeing a few years back and we
weren't anything serious. It was very on and off.
It was whatever and I definitely fucked around.
She fucked around but then I fucked around worse and I
definitely acted like an actual child because same as me because
I was just so like underdeveloped.
Quite same as me then as well. Like there was a, there was a
person in my past as well who we're we're friends now.
But yeah, I was really awful to her, not intentionally, but
because I was like going through so many different, like
emotional changes within my life and my relationship that every
time she kind of ended up being on the brunt end of that.
And it was so frustrating because I really loved and cared
for this person. They're like an incredible
person, but I carried a lot of guilt with.
That but now. I was like, actually, I gave all
my best parts to people who didn't deserve it.
If anything, you would have deserved that more than anyone.
And actually, you got the worst version of me, which was, you
know, not great. It's not like I ever done
anything nasty. But it was.
Like white lies to try and not make this person sad that then
always got found out and made this person feel sadder.
And I've apologised for it since.
And I agree, that was not only to kind of accept my
responsibility and hopefully give that person's like,
acknowledgement of like I've had my actions.
But also, again, yeah, selfishly I'd say of course we don't want
to have those horrible scenarios hanging over our head when we
know that we could have been better.
I think that's fine. It's how, but it's how much this
person is self. Serving, yeah, because, well,
look, listen, because if I were to apologise to this girl right
now and and give a whole spiel about how I was acting.
Didn't you try? And she was like, no thanks, you
did. Who did I?
Yeah, I think she she did. It was years ago, but oh, maybe
I did. Oh, fuck.
But Even so, would that really help her?
No, it wouldn't actually, I don't think.
No, but with my person it did because we actually.
Became like our friends different situation we're.
Talking So during being friends and all the conversations we
have now, I was like, look, I feel like it's really important
for me to acknowledge and just like tell you that I'm sorry for
the way that I made you feel at certain points.
It was never because I was trying to make you feel that
way. I was just fucking immature.
My ex kept really, you know, jading my my mind and I
prioritise that over being honest and truthful and being
genuine to you. Yeah, but I think.
Closure On the flip side, though, where we haven't got
closure is a lot of the friendship breakups that we've
spoken about previously. That's a weird. 1.
Would I feel better with an apology?
I think you would from a couple of people.
Yeah, I actually would. Yeah, I genuinely would.
Depending on the scenario. Am I carrying it around with me
every day? No.
Do they appear in my dreams though?
Yes, like for example, obviously you can cut the layman like
there's one person that would. Be we had a really.
Close relationship with it was only for about a year.
It was kind of like a lesbian U-Haul but with a friend.
I don't care about an apology. I really, really don't care.
Like that person exposed themselves far beyond.
Some longer friendships. I would.
I would appreciate it more. Yeah, you would.
And I think that also just like, opens up a door where you can be
completely truthful as well, because I feel like that's
another thing that you almost get annoyed about, that you're
like, do you know what? I didn't even tell you like, how
I felt or how what you did made me feel.
Upset me, yes OK you could tell them but I don't think it would
be healing or give you closure to do so because they think the
response. But then I think just an
apologise, but just an apology. I take an apology.
Not the type of not gonna happen.
Yeah. But then also you can make peace
with thinking, do you know what? I don't think that person's ever
gonna say sorry. And I'm just gonna have to
fucking be OK with that because ultimately it is somebody else's
decision. Yeah.
You do not own anyone. If they have not come forward
and apologise because for X, whatever fucking reason it is,
just let it be, let it go. Yeah.
And if that person is behaving that way and not accepting
accountability for anything and not apologising, they're going
to go through and have a repeat of relationships where they're
going to do that with people. And sadly, you probably will
never then get to a deeper level of friendship with anyone.
It will be very surface level. Things will happen and they will
screw themselves over, and you kind of just have to let that
happen. I mean, we had a scenario very
recently as well where a friendship breakdown quite
literally happened out of nowhere.
I mean, it shocked me. Shocked.
Me. A lot, yeah.
Like I did not expect this one. I think with the other the other
two friendships that we're referring to, we kind of knew
for a long time that something was going to break the camel's
back. Yes.
Something was going to be the stick to break.
The camel's back because there was like there were repetitive
things that at some point were going to like snap with this
recent one honestly took me completely like by by surprise
and I don't think that's one that we'll ever get closure for.
But that is 1 where I'm just really not interested in getting
it. I think I'm just like, wow.
Yeah, because there's. Not, there's not a lot of other
words that you can use, but it's just wow.
Yeah. The thing is, though, is that
you can never really tell how you're going to feel until that
person does actually reach out, though, because you may be
saying, no, I don't care. But then they might reach out
and be like, oh shit. You know, it depends on how like
this this. Scenario and this friendship
breakdown came so out of nowhere I would have anxiety it felt so
personal yeah. That I think it's not about the
apology because, yeah, I think you're absolutely right.
If they came forward with an apology, I probably would be
willing to at least have a discussion.
Yes. And I think it would make me
quite emotional because I loved these people.
Yeah. But you're absolutely right.
I think the problem with that is the the the anger and the
breakdown happened there so out of nowhere.
But maybe it still feels raw to us though.
You know when I said you really? Don't think it.
Does no. But you know when you've got to
be open to getting the closure. I just don't think they're open
to no. Because I'm getting open to
getting the closure. What I'm saying is I'm open to
having the conversation and the understanding from the other
side and the apology, but I don't think I'd ever rebuild the
friendship. No.
So there's like 2 parts of closure, isn't there?
Because there's the closure of the apology, which I think can
just like serve itself. And then you can walk away.
And then there's the part of you can get the apology and then
also consider if you want a relationship or friendship with
this person again. So like with your exes, you've
been able to do that. I can't think about it now, and
this is probably Grouch coming through.
There are people in my life that I would accept an apology and
OK, there has been people in my life before, like one of my
really good friends. I think you're really fair.
You put on this air of I don't give a fuck on whatever and once
they're dead to me, you're done. But actually you are a very
reasonable. Person I have actually forgiven
a lot in my life. You have forgiven a lot.
And I can I actually just say you are probably the most
forgiving person I've ever met. Yeah.
Because genuinely. For me, it's about respect.
So if someone's like, OK, I respect that.
I was like wrong. And I apologise if I think
they're a good person. Yeah, for sure this specific
scenario. And it's not because I don't
think they're a good person as you mentioned just a minute ago.
I think the closure would be nice to just walk away on like a
mature. Path.
I just don't know if you can ever get closure instantly
though. You know when people are like,
oh, we've had a breakup, but I've got closure.
I feel like you have the breakup and then it's got to be at least
a few months and then you have a real discussion about it and I
feel for you. Girlies are going going through
that because I know that in that period it is really, really
fucking tough. But I will say one thing, if
you're the one that's been wounded, so take and I, and I
mean you really are the one that you know that you would like
someone done dirty to you. I my advice would not be you
cannot be the victim and also be the person seeking foreclosure.
Yes, you cannot be there. Has to be.
It has to be the person who initiated the issues to come and
seek. Closure And if you don't?
Because otherwise that balance is off.
So like in all the scenarios where, and I'm not saying we've
always been perfect, me and you have had to apologise for things
before 100%, but in these specific scenarios we're talking
about, I will fight to the fucking death that there was,
that we didn't do anything wrong there.
Yeah. So I will never come forward and
ask foreclosure for something I didn't do.
No agreed. And I would say that to everyone
listening to this as well, you know that it was the other
person. You cannot get closure.
They have to take the moral high ground because that is part of
that person accepting that they've done something.
Wrong. And that is part of the closure,
yes. And The thing is for me is that
I have been the person who has done the wrong thing and I have
gone out there and I have apologised.
You're amazing at that, to be fair.
Like you are one of the best people.
I no it not always straight away.
Sometimes it can take you a little while, but that's better
than a lot of people. You to a default sometimes will
actually take the blame for things that you haven't even
done. Yeah.
But yeah, you are very, very good at actually swallowing your
pride. Yeah.
And saying no I done something wrong.
I just don't think that I gain anything from walking around
with my head held high when I know that I've done something.
Fact. And I no and and as much.
As I I feel like shit. Yeah, and as much as I'm a fiery
bitch, like I will do the same. That's the double edged sword
with closure. I think there's so many
different avenues with it and you have to do what's right for
you. You can't force people into an
apology, nor can you force people into a forgiveness.
And bitch, listen up, if you were the 1 in the wrong and you
feel like somebody deserves closure, pick up the phone,
you're probably blocked. Go through PayPal.
PayPal. Go send them something for my
cat, transfer a penny on Monzo and say I'm sorry.
OK, unless you've been harassing them, then maybe just let it go.
Right, the Horror Story. So it's not a Horror Story, but
I know it's again, something that people are still writing in
about all the time asking for advice on.
So we're going to go over it again, girls.
And. Quiz No, they don't deserve for
me to say it. Nice.
Xiao Zhao No title is I want to kiss my best friend badly.
In brackets, she is straight. Oh, here we fucking go.
Hello girls, I'm about to explain the situation with my
best friend. They go classic.
Let's start by saying that I'm a 20, I'm 23 and I think I'm
bisexual but I haven't admitted it to anyone yet.
All my relationships have been with men and I've been watching
myself for a while and I've moments where I wish or imagine
how I'm in a relationship with a particular girl friend or rather
acquaintance. We are not close, we have
written to each other a few times and we bump into each
other outside. I find her very interesting as a
person. I'm not sure if I just want to
be closer with her, be a part, be a part of my life, or I do
want a relationship with her. I mean, it's all free.
I think. Like you don't.
These are just the classic feelings that we've all had.
You're not alone. So on the essential part of this
e-mail, in the fall of 2021, I met a girl, the sister of my ex,
now boyfriend. He told me at the beginning of
the relationship that his sister did not like and approve of any
of his girlfriends. In my case, the exact opposite
happened. His sister and I really liked
each other. She's a year younger, our
personalities match very well and we get along great.
After a few months I broke up with her brother because the
relationship itself wasn't working and I wasn't getting
what I deserved. Me and his sister became very
close, started going out regularly, she even introduced
me to her friends and we were having fun.
Within two years we mutually managed to earn our trust to
such an extent and we would have so many moments together that
she is now one of my closest in bold friends.
She's one of your funny friends and.
One of our fingering friends an FF.
I'm not ABF and I am hers in brackets.
This is a serious title for me and it should be earned.
Don't think I'm giving it away just like that.
To this day we are inseparable in constant contact.
We share everything, repeat and show each other that we love
each other. Go.
My hometown is Varna, located on Black Seacoast.
God you're being so specific. You better hope she's not
listening. I know maybe she spent.
Almost the whole summer in my city.
One of the things we have in common is that we are both very
loving and love to show our love to those closest to us.
Our love language is physical touch.
Oh. But like, you just still don't
do that with. Friends like yeah, but yeah.
Because I love language. If it's your love language, it's
for the person that you're with. Right.
We are constantly hugging, cuddling, biting, which is
sexual like tension tenfold. We've got a biter, aren't we
holding hands or just touching in some way?
The rest of my girlfriends aren't into cuddling and we
genuinely have very generally have very little physical
contact and I'm super happy when someone else shows their love in
the same way that I do. I'm sure you don't want your
other friends though to be constantly hugging, cuddling and
biting you. When we are not together, we
repeat how much we miss each other.
Oh, this is so. It's just so.
Queer this is as I said, she spent almost the whole summer in
my city and most of the time she slept at home.
We have already slept in the same bed a lot of time and she
cuddles into me all night. And before that she says how she
can't wait to lie down and cuddle me.
So she says. So gay, she says.
I. This is just so gay.
It's literally my life, like my previous life, like my young
life. Gonna say which friend.
We draw things on our backs with our fingers or simply scratch.
She is not ashamed to be naked and change clothes and.
Are you taking? Just fucking ready.
Like honestly. Taking the fucking piss.
While I'm more shy, she has only seen me without a bra.
She is much, much more girly than me.
She regularly wears dresses, oh short dresses and likes to take
pictures. She has contacts with many men.
She likes men, she she wants sex with men.
I'd argue she's over sexualizing herself to keep herself in the
Hetch normative world, but here we are.
Sometimes I find myself getting annoyed when she talks about
someone who is texting her. Only fools are not serious for
relationship guys in my opinion. Well you better fucking hope
not. She'll be more heartbroken if
they are. I want her to be with someone
who will love her as she deserves, cherish her and give
her the world. Oh babe, you're in deep.
Oh no, I know she wants a relationship with a boy.
She never seemed to be interested in a girl.
Our personalities are quite compatible, we are a good duo,
we have similar thinking about most things and we care for each
other. We tease each other in a cute
way and we argue sometimes, but not in a negative way.
She has repeated many times that I'm one of the few people who
does not annoy her. Now this summer, every time we
cuddle in the evening I feel my heartbeat faster, I start to
breathe harder and I feel she does too and I just really want
to grow and kiss her face. Oh God this is giving me back
like. Yeah, deep memory.
Deep, yeah. I run my fingers down her back
more gently and sexually ensure I feel sexual tension.
I'm curious and I want to know what it's like to kiss her
initial kiss me back. Part of me feels she would also,
I imagine how I finger her sometimes she looks at me quite
dirty and we just sit and look at each other for sometimes.
Girl, she definitely wants a fuck.
She's giving gay. Yeah, you're giving gay as.
Well, she recently suggested that we make up our own
nicknames so that we could only call each other that.
As I mentioned, she's always been interested in boys and I
don't know how she will react to me kissing her.
I don't want to confuse her, ruin our friendship and make it
awkward. I'm afraid to do it because I
know I don't know what her reaction will be.
At this age, I do not tend to do anything different than before
and our relationship will remain the same.
That's torture. I want the best for her and I
think I can give it to her by character and attitude.
Unfortunately, she used to say she likes to feel a man's
presence, to feel smaller and tenderness to a man.
So hetch normative and boring. Just like this is society coming
in hard. And the rest of things that
we've talked about convinced me completely that she wouldn't
have a relationship with a woman.
No, I don't mind kissing or just playing with each other
sometimes if she was OK with it and we both agree and know it's
purely sexual and just for the moment thing.
OK, OK. What advice can you give?
I would make the first move because it sounds like right now
they she's probably thinking it is that same thing.
Someone just needs to make the first move.
I think she. Sounds more like the one in the
closet than yes, for sure. But that's that's always the
case, as we've gone through before.
Yeah, I don't think you can go wrong by kissing her.
All the signs of it makes you. Feel any better?
You know, and she says about like, feeling a man's presence
and that I remember telling my first ever girlfriend before we
did anything, that I love having sex with men.
No, you didn't. Yeah.
Why would you say that? Because I was so not because
like, that can't be true, but for you it's certainly not true.
So not me. I was just.
So, babe, when I tell you I was so in the fucking closet, I
would do anything to appear a straight.
So I would say, yeah, I don't really like the look of a penis,
but I like the feel of it. Yeah, exactly.
So just take that I think. Like, all the signs are there
that you should do this, right? Yeah.
OK. There is a percentage that
you're going to get rejected, but better know than live in the
fucking what if. And also, I've been there
before. This is exactly what happened
with my first love, my straight best friend.
I went through four years of literally what you were
describing now, OK. And I did not get the result I
wanted. Like, we kissed and stuff, and
then we pretend that it didn't happen.
And then she'd tell me how straight.
She was and blah blah blah blah blah.
Do things to protect. Your that did not kill me.
OK? At the time, I felt like it was
going to kill me to be rejected by this person.
It didn't. I went on to bigger and better
things. And now I'm with someone that
I'm very, very, very happy with. And at that time, that person, I
honestly, because it was my coming out as well, thought that
that was like the only person in the world.
No one else would ever compare. Like it was a feeling that I
can't even describe because it was like desperation of four
years of sheer build up. Yeah.
It felt amazing when I finally took the thing and I'd done it
and we made out and whatever. And then yeah, I got rejected
multiple times after and I would get told that she's like 100%
straight, she likes men, she's not interested in me, all of
this shit. And it fucking killed me.
But it made me who I am today. But I don't regret any of it
because like. It's a journey.
It's a journey and I'm glad I'd done that and went through the
heartache. Then staying is trying to just
be the gay best friend who's in love with her.
Watching her getting dicked down by a man, knowing what it was
like to feel like to kiss her is that I'm glad I went for it you
even if I got rejected. Like after maybe she needs a bit
more she's to see what lesbians are actually like.
Maybe you should send her like one of our videos or something
on Instagram and be like, oh, have you seen these girls?
Just see her reaction. Also another bit of side advice,
maybe what you need to do is become comfortable in yourself,
comfortable in your sexuality. Go on your own journey, go out,
date girls, get with girls, talk about it openly with her, see
how she. Reacts.
This is a very good idea. You go out because you're not
making peace with yourself, so you're trying to find peace of
your sexuality with this other girl who clearly doesn't really
understand her sexuality. It's not going to give you that
because you're not surrounding yourself with your people.
You need to go out and you need to find queer friends or go on
dates, kiss girls, have a bit of fun, discover yourself, think
about who you are, own who you are, be happy in it.
Present that back to her. It'll go one or two ways.
She'll either you'll create a path for her that she didn't
even know existed where she will be like actually maybe you know,
I do really like this person even if it's through jealousy.
Or you send her on her own path of discovery.
Or she turns around and goes that's great for you, really not
my vibe, Whatever. By that point, you're probably
having so much fun with loads of other queer people you won't
even give a share. Yeah, well, I'm just really as
soon. As I found my people mm hmm, the
the infatuation I had with my straight best friend dissipated
with an about. 3:00 And also you've just got other people to
just like talk about this kind of shit with as well.
And there is plenty more of a fish in the sea.
Oh, there is. There's plenty of.
There's plenty of pussy in the sea.
There's. Plenty of Puss in the Ocean.
There's plenty of there's plenty of minge in the Mariana Trench.
There is plenty of Puss in the Pond A.
Puss in the. Pond that took me a long time.
It did. There is plenty of no, I'm I'm
out, you're out, I'm out. I was trying to think of AO word
for vagina for ocean. Plenty of clit in the Pacific.
Pussy in the Pacific. Pussy in the Pacific there is
plenty of vagina. Labia.
But what's of? Labia in the labia in the the
stream. No plenty of labia in the land.
Wow, we are. Pathetic.
There is plenty of There's plenty of boob in the boomerang
tube, no? There's plenty of cunt.
What's that? Wait wait, what?
Rhymes a cunt? Front.
No. Cunt munt done 1 shunt Lunt.
No, you need to think of like world What rhymes of earth
girls. No, because that's men isn't it?
There's plenty of breast in the West.
What about those in the South? I think she's in West Varna, she
said. Oh, perfect.
OK on that. Note there is plenty vagina in
varna. I know it.
There's plenty of vagina. If you're in Varna, can you
reach out so we can give this baby Gay some initiation?
Please be kind. We love you guys, we will speak
to you. Oh, we've got a very.
We've got a. Very special guest.
The next episode which is actually in 2 days.
Yeah. So will this be out by then?
Yeah, you're going to get it out that quick.
I'm going to try. OK.
So should we just tell them before just in case, OK.
Just. You tune.
In I mean, you're all gonna know who you wait, You're not gonna
know who it is, but you're gonna know it.
Well, it's a reference to you and we cannot fucking.
Wait, I am pissing myself I feel like.
We've already reached the peak very soon in on this.
Podcast I can die now. Like I don't need to do it.
After that, no, fuck it, give up after that yeah right.
Love you guys and next event we will be putting on our YEAH.
It will be. Instagram very soon.
We're trying to work out venues at the moment.
We're trying. We're doing a.
Christmas clit edition. Christmas clits, Tinseltit.
Santa's shit. Elfie Minge.
Elfie polar purse, camel toe mistletoe.
Do do do do do do do. Santa's Grotto.
In my bottle.