1 00:00:12,060 --> 00:00:17,580 Hello lesbians, Oh my God is the most wonderful time. 2 00:00:17,940 --> 00:00:20,700 Because Charlie's. Throne, this is this is fucking 3 00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:22,780 huge. I'm sorry I I can't even get 4 00:00:22,780 --> 00:00:26,620 into this episode yet without talking about the absolute 5 00:00:26,620 --> 00:00:30,780 goldmine. Never been seen before, never 6 00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:35,440 been done, never been explored. Explored by many, I'm sure, but 7 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:37,080 not by me. And that's what makes me feel so 8 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:38,400 sad. But I'm going to take it as a 9 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:39,800 good thing. Let's not turn this into a 10 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,160 negative. Frayer, Charlie Cerrone and 11 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:47,080 Angelina Jolie have been reported to be seeing women, not 12 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:51,640 each other. Which honestly good because. 13 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:54,440 I don't think I could. Physically recover. 14 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:58,440 From ever having that image in my head, from knowing that it 15 00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:02,280 exists, even though it's beautiful, I still want a chance 16 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:06,920 with either one of them. So what I'm saying is now that 17 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,600 obviously having their moment where they can explore. 18 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,240 I know that Angelina's been there before. 19 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:12,880 I think this is new. For Charlie's that's that's. 20 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:15,320 Fine, they can explore, they can go around. 21 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:17,280 They can see what's good. They can see what isn't. 22 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:19,440 Good. And then they can give me a call 23 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:22,200 because I am waiting. I've been waiting. 24 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,680 I'm so ready. I've actually never been more 25 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:26,680 ready than anything, actually. I've been training for this 26 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:29,920 moment my entire life and now it is coming to fruition. 27 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:33,680 I'm really excited and I think that this is honestly what we 28 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,320 needed. I knew, I knew it. 29 00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:37,320 I knew they both couldn't be that hot and be straight. 30 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:40,560 I'm sorry, I knew. It they're like hot, but they're 31 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:43,440 also like. Majorly into humanitarian work. 32 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:47,480 That is a lesbian. So happy about this. 33 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,600 Very glad. It is a great day to be gay. 34 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:51,880 It is always a great day to be gay. 35 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:54,720 Also on the news. Of the gays. 36 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,760 Oh wait, hold on. Who do we think would? 37 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:00,960 Be a really good match though for both Charlize and Angelina 38 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:04,800 because I feel like both of them need shorter girlfriends. 39 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,760 I feel like both of them need shorter girlfriends, preferably 40 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:08,960 with blonde hair and from London. 41 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,800 I don't know. I don't know who said that. 42 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:14,080 I don't know. I think I can see both of them 43 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:18,200 with shorter women. I can see Charlize with someone 44 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:23,720 slightly I think a femme, but I think a very like pretty femme. 45 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:26,440 I think she wants a Princess. I think Charlie's wants to be 46 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:28,880 daddy and I can see that for her. 47 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:33,200 With Angelina, I can see her leaning a bit more towards like 48 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:37,200 a little bit mask, definitely wearing a suit kind of vibe. 49 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:42,400 Definitely wearing some worker trousers I don't think either. 50 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:45,160 Of them would date famous. People However, I think with 51 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:49,200 with Angie, it's been rumoured that she's dating Alice Winica, 52 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:52,160 which is a French screenwriter and director. 53 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:56,440 She is 1 lucky, lucky woman. And Angie, if you're into the 54 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,760 long brunette hair with the bangs, I will do that for you. 55 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,960 It is OK. I will do that for you. 56 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:04,680 Oh God. It's just she's just won the 57 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,560 she's won the lottery. Alice has won the fucking 58 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:08,360 lottery. Hats off to you. 59 00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:11,520 You've done it, babe. You've absolutely cracked it. 60 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:15,520 I know that Angelina before was dating that beautiful model 61 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,280 Natris, which I can't remember the name of, but she was 62 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:20,120 amazing. But she was more on the mask 63 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:21,240 side. I don't know. 64 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,440 I just have this feeling that yeah, Charlie's wants to be 65 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:27,120 Daddy Angelina, I think, I don't know. 66 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,760 I think she needs to be taken care of like. 67 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,640 In a very nurturing way and I can. 68 00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:36,960 Do that I can 100% nurture the absolute shit out of Angelina. 69 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,800 Moving along from this, there's also, I know I'm late to this, 70 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:46,240 but Kyle Richards coming out finally on Rural Housewives of 71 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:48,200 Beverly Hills. We've been saying this for so 72 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,440 long, but what makes it so funny is that me and Scarlett have 73 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:54,560 been saying that Carl Richards is gay and queer since we first 74 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,200 started watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, which was like 75 00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:00,360 6 years ago. So that we've been known. 76 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:05,680 And I think that this is also a lesson, though, to let people 77 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:09,320 come out on their own terms because now she has, we don't 78 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,680 know what she was going through with Mauricio when the women 79 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:16,760 were cornering her, asking her about Morgan. 80 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:20,160 And it could have been, you know, maybe quite a potentially 81 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:23,280 dangerous situation for her to have gotten into or maybe 82 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:24,640 something to do with their divorce. 83 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:28,960 You have no idea that you cannot just bombard people. 84 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,240 But I think that this is where it's really bad and why I have 85 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,000 some, oh, I have a lot of respect for Carl anyway. 86 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,640 But you can see within these moments when these women are 87 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,480 making like these big accusations and they're going 88 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:43,680 for it, you know, that they've all got information stored up in 89 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,520 their brains from what these other women are up to because 90 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,160 she'll know all the dirt on them. 91 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,920 So they're paying with fire, pushing her to say something or 92 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:55,480 pushing her to come out basically, even though they 93 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:58,000 weren't necessarily doing it in a way where they were judging 94 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,200 her. They were just like, come on, 95 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,160 Dick on the table. Let's see what's going on. 96 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,320 Like, we don't care. It is what it is, you know, But 97 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:09,040 I think that within those moments, I reckon Kyle bites her 98 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,400 tongue so fucking hard. She's got Denmarks. 99 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,360 Like you must imagine the things that they want to say. 100 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:17,320 I mean, if if I was that I would be doing a Denise Richards, I'd 101 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:20,320 be going BBB. Like I would be going Bravo, get 102 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,000 me the fuck out. Like there's no way, because I 103 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,720 would never want him. Like I'm like a vault. 104 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,240 If you tell me something, I'm like a vault. 105 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:30,120 But there's nothing worse than when you know this thing about 106 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,960 someone and then they're coming for you publicly and you're sat 107 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,000 there like the information that I have that could take you down 108 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,280 right now, but I just won't do it because I would never like 109 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:41,800 lower myself to that. But fuck, like it must be hard. 110 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,640 Like I, I can see it in her eyes. 111 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:45,720 I could be completely wrong, but I can see it in her eyes. 112 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,880 And obviously now things have changed. 113 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,840 Obviously maybe not in the same situation. 114 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:53,080 And she said I could go Brad or I could go Angelina. 115 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:56,200 And I think that that is a really iconic way of putting it. 116 00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,240 She's basically saying, I could go very pretty feminine man, or 117 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:01,680 I could go the hottest woman on earth. 118 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:04,600 You know, it's basically she's just on the mask to femme 119 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:06,960 spectrum there. Like, I don't know what she's 120 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:13,760 what she's trying to say, but no, she I think for Kyle, this 121 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:16,360 has been a long time coming. And I also think good for 122 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:19,040 fucking you. Like you said it in such a 123 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:22,560 nonchalant way after all of this, but obviously now you feel 124 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:23,760 like you're in a space where you can. 125 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,440 And it could be situational, it could just be her own self 126 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,840 acceptance, which is what I want to get into today anyway. 127 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:33,920 But she's finally now at that level where she can just own it 128 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:36,640 and it is what it is. Obviously we haven't seen the 129 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:38,320 whole episode yet because it hasn't come out. 130 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:41,080 But you can you can tell like I know that the women are going to 131 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,960 are going to be fine. But this is also the first time 132 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:47,520 that we would ever have anyone kind of openly queer within Real 133 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:50,960 Housewives franchise for well, at least for Beverly Hills. 134 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,520 I haven't seen the other ones because Beverly Hills. 135 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,600 I will die on the fact that Beverly Hills is the best one, 136 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,000 even though I haven't watched the other ones. 137 00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:01,480 I just know it is. But I think that this is a 138 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:05,240 really, really good step in the right direction and I hope that 139 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:09,400 Bravo plays it well because I do also think that Bravo have just 140 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:13,760 like the angle and the edge for just like the male gay and not 141 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,800 female. I think obviously this is not 142 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,320 just Bravo. This is just fucking shows 143 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:22,440 networks everywhere. But if they can make this really 144 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:25,320 good and not problematic, because I think the only time 145 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,360 that they ever had anything like this was before was with that it 146 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,520 was Brandy and Denise. And Brandy was like, I fucked 147 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,320 Denise and Denise was like, no, you fucking didn't, She's crazy. 148 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:35,920 And Brandy said, well, I'm not crazy. 149 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,320 We fucked. Which also softer Brandy because 150 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:42,600 that's fucking hilarious. But it was like drama filled 151 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,240 again. So far it's been drama filled 152 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,600 because they're kind of almost like they were using it against 153 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,520 her as like ammo at the table. I think that this could be an 154 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:52,760 opportunity now to show a really, really positive 155 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,800 representation of queer women. And maybe if they show Kyle, 156 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:58,920 maybe if she is with Morgan or if she's going on like dates 157 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:01,360 with women and like a very respectful relationship. 158 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:05,400 And maybe you can see how she's exploring this entire new part 159 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,680 of her life, like, the kids have moved out, Mauricio's gone now 160 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:11,320 she gets to less it up 69 in the kitchen. 161 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,600 And that is the angle in which I think that they should take 162 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,800 care. I think that now is a better 163 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:21,760 time than ever to do this, especially under Trump. 164 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:27,040 Let's please try and get some gay shit pumping out there, 165 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,840 especially out over in the States. 166 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:32,400 There really isn't enough and we've been calling and crying 167 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:35,520 about it. I do hope that we're able to do 168 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:38,480 something more so within this space as well, because I do 169 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:43,000 think that mainstream media is so important for lesbian 170 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,160 representation. As much as we love doing the 171 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:49,840 lesbian podcast, the lesbian events, we have it all for our 172 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:52,120 beautiful community and our beautiful queer women. 173 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:57,680 But real representation is for not only for people to resonate 174 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:00,280 with it and say, OK, I can see a bit of me in that. 175 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,280 And I feel maybe a bit more comfortable with myself because 176 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,920 I can see that. But also for straight or quote 177 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,880 on quote, straight people who are watching this and with their 178 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:13,440 families and on bigger networks. And it's normalized because that 179 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:16,680 is when you really start to see a difference in the world. 180 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,840 Because we don't need to sell ice to Eskimos here. 181 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:23,360 We need to like really shock the fucking straights out of the 182 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,000 system. And we do have some straight 183 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,920 people listening, don't get me wrong, but it's obviously going 184 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:31,960 to be smaller. I think that if we can have that 185 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,280 suit, because you never know, like your, your kid could be 186 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,840 date if your fucking granddad could be gay, like you don't 187 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,600 know like anyone in your life. I mean, we all know one. 188 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:42,240 We all know at least one and there's always at least one in 189 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:44,480 the family. If you are in a big family right 190 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,120 now and you're listening to this and you're saying I'm not gay 191 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,760 and no one else is gay in my family, someone's lying. 192 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,480 It might be you. Someone's lying. 193 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,520 I don't know. It's just it it happens. 194 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,440 I mean, there's in my family, there's three sisters and two of 195 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:00,800 us are gay. So we've done pretty well with 196 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,760 the statistics there. Pretty sure my mom's gay, too. 197 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,720 But I'm not going to say it because she listens. 198 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:07,160 I'm joking. I'm joking, Gel. 199 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:09,560 I'm joking. We all have gay moms. 200 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:13,160 I think that, yeah, we we need to make something happen in this 201 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:14,920 space. If you guys have any ideas, you 202 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:19,480 think this is what we really want to see, please, because we 203 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,600 don't even have the hunting wives over here on Netflix. 204 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:25,200 And even that, by the sounds of things, isn't really like a good 205 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:28,480 representation of lesbians. Like it's not even really 206 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:31,400 lesbian, even though there's like lesbian things happening. 207 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,680 I don't fucking know. I honestly, and with the way 208 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:38,520 that the world is moving, I think if we can just, I think 209 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:43,920 sometimes it has to get so bad for it to get good and a new 210 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:46,040 kind of revolution needs to happen. 211 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:49,320 I'm happy to stand in the front line and wave my gay ass fucking 212 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:52,440 flag and do whatever it is to to make it happen. 213 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,560 And even if that's us like travelling to countries that 214 00:10:55,560 --> 00:11:01,040 aren't necessarily LGBTQ plus friendly and creating spaces for 215 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:04,200 queer women out there too. I, I would honestly love to do 216 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,520 that. I know that doesn't sound like 217 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:11,120 the safest thing to do, but I want to be able to show that we 218 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,640 can't just hideaway. And just because you live in a 219 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,080 certain place, you know, obviously some are a lot worse 220 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:17,600 than others. But just because you do live in 221 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:21,880 a certain place doesn't mean that we should just abide by 222 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:25,560 maybe what might be the rhetoric or that there will be a lot of 223 00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:29,240 people there that are accepting or that are gay, of course, that 224 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:32,200 are gay that are there. And it honestly breaks my heart 225 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,880 because we obviously don't choose where we are born, what 226 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:39,800 access we have to things. So if there's any ideas in that 227 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,520 space too, I would obviously more than happily do that. 228 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,920 I think that's why me and Scarlett really liked it when we 229 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:48,040 went out to Warsaw for Levi's with Pride. 230 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:51,120 Because, you know, Poland is not exactly the most accepting 231 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:55,200 country for LGBTQ plus rights. But being a part of a movement 232 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:56,480 there, that's the whole point about Pride. 233 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,800 You're there to to spread the word, spread the agenda. 234 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,440 We've also got some incredible things coming up. 235 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:09,440 We've got New York's shitty New York shitty this week. 236 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:15,480 So on the 3rd and the 4th we are hosting 2 events, which honestly 237 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:18,000 I'm, I'm shitting, I'm shitting myself. 238 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:22,120 I am dude, I am. I get so nervous for things like 239 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:23,960 this. Like I, I get nervous before 240 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:27,320 every event, even in London alone doing one, our first ever 241 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:30,760 global one, which is just like uncharted territory for us. 242 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:33,920 And also you New York lesbians look so fucking cool. 243 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,200 What the fuck? What the actual fuck? 244 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,240 I'm really, really excited for it, don't get me wrong. 245 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:41,160 And I can't wait to meet everyone and just like have a 246 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:42,840 good time. I think the main thing is with 247 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,760 our events, it's just that it's like that. 248 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:48,280 There is no pressure. It's that you come fully as 249 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:52,040 yourself and you connect and you're in this space full of 250 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:54,680 queer women and it is always just a different vibe. 251 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,840 And we hear it a lot, like people always say to us, they're 252 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,280 like, this is a completely different vibe to any other 253 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:03,120 queer event that I've ever been to, which is honestly just one 254 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:04,840 of the nicest things that people can say. 255 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,600 But I also see women just having a fucking laugh. 256 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,000 Like people are just always laughing. 257 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,400 I look around and there's women smiling and you know why? 258 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:14,040 It's because there's no men. There's no men there. 259 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:17,200 So the women are happy. And I do also think that there 260 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:20,000 is just this thing like when you are within your own community 261 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:23,200 like that and you feel so safe because you, I don't think 262 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:27,240 people realize how maybe uncomfortable or unsafe it can 263 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,440 feel in life until you're in a moment like that and then you're 264 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:34,480 like, God, this, this feels really good. 265 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,640 It's a bit like me, like when I take my ADHD medication, it's 266 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:39,920 like when I take that medication and then all of a sudden I'm 267 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,640 like, oh, this is how other people live. 268 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:43,440 This is how other people see the world. 269 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,800 OK, I've been living life on fucking hard mode. 270 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:49,520 Like I think that a lot of you guys can kind of relate to that 271 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:53,160 too. And I have been, it's been no 272 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:56,600 secret to anyone, obviously this past year has been really 273 00:13:56,680 --> 00:14:00,840 fucking hard. It has been hard. 274 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,440 There is no other fucking word for it. 275 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:06,280 But I've been pushing and pushing. 276 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,400 And I know that Scarlett has been pushing and pushing. 277 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:14,280 And I think that I now, I mean, I'm still going through therapy 278 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:18,160 and trying to really understand the way that my brain works 279 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:22,920 because I don't know if anybody else gets this, but I think a 280 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:28,120 big problem with mental health is how you get so frustrated 281 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:31,880 with yourself and you get so confused. 282 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:33,960 You're like, what is it? That's like, why? 283 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:37,200 I mean, I know that there's so many different things, but it's 284 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,880 like, you know, in certain moments you're like, why is my 285 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,480 brain just doing this? You know, And I think it's 286 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:45,040 really easy to catastrophize things and, and feel like it's 287 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:46,920 the end of the world and whatever it is. 288 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:50,000 And I think that everyone, myself included, just needs to 289 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:54,160 actually chill the fuck out and we can just get on and live 290 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:58,000 every day as it comes. But I was saying this earlier. 291 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:02,080 Our brains and bodies are not really designed or evolved 292 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:05,480 enough to live in the world which we as humans have fucking 293 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,640 created for ourselves. This is not normal. 294 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:13,240 The way in which people stare at laptops and screens all day. 295 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:17,840 Lack of movement, lack of actual true connection and 296 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:22,160 communication with people. And that's what we want to 297 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:23,640 bring. It's like that true connection 298 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:27,400 and everything's a fucking everything's on a dating app, 299 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:30,760 like everything you know. And to just get out there and 300 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:35,080 actually meet people that are aligned to you is a great thing. 301 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:39,200 And I honestly enjoy it so much to me, every single one of you 302 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,760 and everyone always says the nicest things to me. 303 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,760 And I'm like, stop, go on. I love it. 304 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:46,240 But no, it's it really is so lovely. 305 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,520 Yeah. So this this goes out to 306 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:52,280 literally all of you who have said hello to me and spoken to 307 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:53,600 me. I really, really, really 308 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,200 appreciate it because you also always say sorry. 309 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,400 I'm like, don't say sorry. It's all good. 310 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:58,560 But yeah, we're we're hitting the big town. 311 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:02,280 We're hitting the Big Apple. I think I need to get this is 312 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:03,320 the thing. I'm so unorganized. 313 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,080 I don't even have like my New York fits. 314 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:07,320 Like, how am I going to look cool in New York? 315 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:10,920 I need to look cool in New York. I also think that I should do 316 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,760 like, you know, like the Mafia outfit. 317 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:18,720 I think I should also do that 100% and start recreating some 318 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,280 scenes. I also want to recreate Home 319 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,720 Alone 2. I want to find my own pigeon 320 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,320 lady. Might invite her to the event, 321 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:25,880 who knows. I think that would be a really 322 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,560 good cameo, actually. Pigeon Lady. 323 00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:29,920 I hope she's still alive. She fucking better be. 324 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:33,080 Yeah, going into the actual topic today. 325 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,280 Actually, before I do that, I just wanted to interrupt this 326 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:40,160 episode with a paid ad. Buy better help This time of 327 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:43,000 year can feel a bit heavy. 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Right, going into the actual 351 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,640 topic of today that I wanted to speak about. 352 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:52,880 I know that I said in the latest episode that I recorded which 353 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:56,480 was why we have to fucking come out and how ridiculous that is. 354 00:17:56,560 --> 00:18:02,120 I want to talk about why it's so hard to accept yourself as a 355 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:05,680 queer woman, even when and everyone else is fine with it. 356 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,960 I think I've seen I've seen this happen and I've heard this 357 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,320 happen too, that people say to me that they're finding it 358 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:17,320 really hard to accept themselves or even like bridge the subject 359 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,840 of talking about the fact that they find it hard to accept 360 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:24,600 themselves and they're in a situation where they're at kind 361 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,200 of no immediate threat. Like their family's fine with 362 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:30,560 it, parents open arms, the friends are all cool with it. 363 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,480 I think there's like a confusion around then. 364 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:38,600 OK, why is it that I am struggling with this so bad? 365 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:44,800 And I I technically can't really speak from experience on this 366 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:48,560 because I did have a few bad reactions. 367 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,240 So that's kind of what ate me up inside. 368 00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:55,280 But I think had I been more self accepting, it wouldn't have 369 00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:59,360 eaten me up so badly. Maybe I would have actually have 370 00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:01,920 kind of pushed through that. So I think it goes for both if 371 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,520 you have accepting more so if you do have accepting people 372 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,320 around you, because I think that it's more of an obvious like 373 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,960 this is a real internalized homophobia thing. 374 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,960 But also if you do have people that don't accept you, but you 375 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,280 still can't accept yourself. I mean, the same thing goes for 376 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:19,360 you guys. But I think it all comes down to 377 00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:25,440 the fact that the world has told us who we are and who to be 378 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:30,200 before we've even had a chance to know ourselves. 379 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:34,680 So even if your friends and your family now say they're 380 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:39,040 supportive, you've spent years absorbing the message that our 381 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,920 desire, like your desire should look a certain way and have male 382 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,480 validation. And there's always like those 383 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:49,200 heterosexual milestones as well. It's like the boyfriend, the 384 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:52,120 wedding, the babies and and those scripts, I think just like 385 00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:55,080 live in our nervous systems naturally. 386 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:59,720 I think when you're being placed this idea over and over and over 387 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,680 again, it's a bit like, this is a really bad analogy. 388 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:04,960 Bear with me. It's a bit like if your friend 389 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,560 is like. This restaurant has the fucking 390 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,560 best mashed potatoes ever. I cannot wait to take you to 391 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:12,080 this restaurant. You are going to love it. 392 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,320 Every single day she's going, God, this Mashed potato, babe, I 393 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,080 cannot wait for you to try it. I actually can't wait for you to 394 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:18,360 try it. It's been 15 years. 395 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,560 Every day she said, I can't wait for you to try it. 396 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,240 You get to the restaurant, you try the Mashed potato and you're 397 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,520 like, oh, I should have liked this. 398 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:30,160 It tastes like shit. And then you're sat there and 399 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,640 you're feeling awkward because everyone around you is enjoying 400 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:36,000 that Mashed potato when your friend has been going on about 401 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,880 it for so long and telling you that you should like this. 402 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:42,080 So when you don't, you're like, God, this is fucking awkward. 403 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,160 And I feel now completely out of the loop. 404 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:49,600 Like I feel wrong because everyone told me that I was 405 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:53,040 going to like this and she loves it and everyone else around me 406 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:55,160 is loving it. And then you see someone in the 407 00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,000 corner and they've also gone this Mashed potato is actually 408 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,440 fucking shit. And you're like, oh, but imagine 409 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:02,920 you lived in a life where you never had even one person 410 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:04,120 telling you that Mashed potato shit. 411 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:08,080 Like you, you haven't had the representation that you really 412 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,800 needed when you were growing up. You had no one to really point 413 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,920 to or maybe even someone even in your like personal life, you 414 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,400 didn't have anyone. Your your parents weren't 415 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,760 friends with gay people. So you're like, OK, well, that's 416 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:20,080 great. That's a sign, isn't it? 417 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,840 You know, like you don't, you don't want to mix yourself in 418 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:26,160 with that kind of person, which is why I also think that if you 419 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,720 do have kids and if you're listening as a straight person, 420 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,240 it's really important to have gay people like around your 421 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:33,760 kids. I mean, obviously if you can't 422 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,080 find one that you like, then I don't know, babe, but most 423 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,760 likely you're going to find lesbian or gay person, bisexual, 424 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,760 whatever trans person that like you are going to love. 425 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:45,680 And I think loads of straight people before we're really 426 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:48,680 scared of having like the gay people like around our kids that 427 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,800 we can't be doing that. And it's like, fucking grow up. 428 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:55,160 Fucking grow up. Like get a fucking grip. 429 00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:59,320 If you think that people are that easily manipulated into 430 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:03,560 changing their sexuality and you think it's that easy to change 431 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:06,120 your sexuality, you're probably fucking gay. 432 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:09,960 Because no real straight person like would be around a gay 433 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:11,800 person enough that it would fucking rub off. 434 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:14,440 And the same goes for kids. Yes, we have developmental 435 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,160 brains. Or what's the worst that can 436 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:17,680 happen? They might see that actually 437 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:21,800 it's acceptable to be gay and if they're not gay themselves and 438 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,680 they'll treat other people with respect. 439 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:27,440 Fuck Jesus Christ. But yeah, that is something that 440 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:31,080 obviously that lies, that lies in the back of our heads and 441 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:32,920 it's there and it's always going on. 442 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:37,280 So I think that that will like naturally build like a like a 443 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,920 wrong feeling in your body when it comes to trying to accept 444 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:45,240 yourself like fully. And I don't just mean not 445 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,040 accepting yourself to the point when you're in the closet, I 446 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,240 mean even once you're out and you've told people that you're 447 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:51,240 gay and everyone knows you're gay, you've got a girlfriend, 448 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,760 whatever it is. Like this is also for you too, I 449 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:56,080 think as well. It's not internalized 450 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,080 homophobia. I fucking can we also just 451 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:00,600 change the word homophobia? It's not a homophobia, just a 452 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:05,000 cunt. Like, what are we like homo 453 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:09,600 avoidance, maybe homo, what could we call it? 454 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,680 I think just maybe like homo hate, homo hate, because that is 455 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:15,800 literally what it is. It's just hatred. 456 00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:18,280 There's it's not a phobia, not fucking. 457 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:19,920 What do you think is going to happen? 458 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:23,600 Like what the fuck? So I have a phobia of cruises 459 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,440 like me a cruiser phobe. That's fine. 460 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:28,600 I don't whatever. Don't get me started on cruises 461 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:34,000 Any yeah, I think it's not about hate it. 462 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:37,320 So when you have internalized homophobia, it's different, 463 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:38,760 obviously. I think when it's to do with 464 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:43,240 yourself, it's not so much about hating gay people, it's more I 465 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:46,760 don't want to disappoint people or I don't want to be seen 466 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,280 differently or I don't want my life to be harder and why can't 467 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:52,560 I just be normal? And what the fuck is normal 468 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:54,080 anyway? And why would we want it? 469 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:57,080 It doesn't look that fun. And straight people age like 470 00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,600 milk. Or that's just, they just all 471 00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,600 look old now, OK, I'm in my 30s now. 472 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:04,960 It's a dire, dire time for the straights. 473 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:06,440 They're awesome, yes, don't get me wrong. 474 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,080 I've got some straight friends and they're super hot. 475 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,160 They look amazing. They look younger than me, OK, 476 00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:14,840 but in general, it's like milk. But I do think that wanting to 477 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:18,920 be quite UN quote normal never going to fix your problem, and 478 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,000 it's never going to make you quite UN quote normal. 479 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,600 We are all normal. We're exactly who we're supposed 480 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:25,240 to be. We're all Born This Way. 481 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:31,400 I think as well, like within fully accepting your sexuality 482 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:36,720 means that maybe you might grieve the version of the life 483 00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,760 that you thought you should want. 484 00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,520 And it's like a fantasy thing, right? 485 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:45,360 And people fantasize about maybe how their life was going to look 486 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,200 even if they didn't want it. You know, they would probably 487 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,760 say, oh, when I get married to a man and when I do this, when I 488 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,320 do that, The thing is short coral, you can do all of those 489 00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:56,560 things just with a woman and actually be happy. 490 00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:03,960 I think as well that lesbian love in particular can be really 491 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,800 intense. And we obviously know why it can 492 00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:08,520 be intense, but that could be a whole other episode. 493 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:13,480 It can be really intense and that can scare you if you've 494 00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:18,560 lacked safety, you know? And women can read you. 495 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,480 Like a lot of women, I'm not going to speak on behalf of all 496 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,880 them, but like a lot of women can read you. 497 00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:24,600 They can feel you, they can see you. 498 00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:28,240 They have been there. We've all got that, like that 499 00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:33,240 shared thing that we all have, and for someone who had to 500 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:38,720 harden to get through life might also find that quite terrifying 501 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:40,680 and want to run the fuck away from it. 502 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,880 Because avoidance is real. It's real. 503 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:48,120 Avoiding something will never make the problem go away, It 504 00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:50,720 will just make it worse and it will make it stronger. 505 00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:54,640 If you are telling something that it is powerful enough to 506 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:59,200 avoid, you're making it stronger if you can truly accept yourself 507 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,480 and if you can just hear this and even if there is just one 508 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:04,440 person that is listening to this today that is in this situation. 509 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:09,800 I'm sorry that you feel this way because I have been there of not 510 00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:13,720 accepting myself. Even after I was out, I had a 511 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:20,240 girlfriend, I still was like, this really feels a lot and I 512 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:25,000 wish I could change. And now I don't feel that way 513 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:29,160 anymore. And the reason for that being is 514 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:34,320 the fact that one, I found my people, I found more gay friends 515 00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:37,240 and that really helped to kind of normalize that and ease that 516 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:38,600 for me. Even growing up with an older 517 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,600 sister, it's very different when it's your sister. 518 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:44,160 And I also just thought, I'm getting on in my life now and 519 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:48,400 this is a life that I want to enjoy and this is who I am. 520 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:52,280 I can't change that. But what I can change is how I 521 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:55,080 view it. And over time, I just started 522 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,280 saying more and more positive things about being gay. 523 00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,520 I became more and more open with other people. 524 00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:02,360 And seeing the reception that I got from other people really 525 00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:05,680 helped, you know, like that acceptance and the interesting 526 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:11,000 conversations, loving women and like having a space. 527 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,080 And sometimes it just takes a bit of time. 528 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:18,320 But also, you're just going to be fucking miserable if you 529 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:20,720 never do. And that is someone that I don't 530 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:23,320 want to be. I also do think that this 531 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:26,560 podcast has helped me accept myself even more. 532 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:28,760 I would say I was pretty accepting of myself when we 533 00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:30,640 started, definitely. And that was why I wanted to be 534 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,800 the representation because we didn't have it. 535 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:37,160 But definitely even more now, like I'm more vindicated and I'm 536 00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:42,240 like, fuck yeah, no, this is, this is absolutely fucking fine. 537 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:45,280 And anyone that has an issue with it can get wrecked. 538 00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:48,040 Like fuck out of here, fuck out of here. 539 00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:51,120 I think I also wanted to talk about something that I know 540 00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:54,040 lesbians really love talking about, and it's emotional 541 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:58,240 intelligence and maybe more so emotional intelligence within 542 00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:01,920 situation ships. Lesbians love a situation ship. 543 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,080 It's fantastic and I don't really know why. 544 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,760 I don't know if it's more common to have situation ships. 545 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,920 Maybe not because lesbians do also love to fucking U-Haul, but 546 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:14,320 I think that also because lesbians come with maybe a bit 547 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:18,000 more baggage, maybe been through more and also baggage with the 548 00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:22,880 ex or things like that. Because lesbians some some of 549 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:25,320 you do. But like usually the the 550 00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:30,000 relationship turns into kind of like a breast, a breast, a best 551 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,800 friendship too. And that person is very like 552 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:36,520 intertwined in their life, you know, so going on to like start 553 00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:38,080 other relationships. I think that people would be 554 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,320 like, OK, they kind of get themselves into situation ships, 555 00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,760 which is basically where you are not technically in like a 556 00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:46,600 relationship, but you really like someone and you've given 557 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,600 them your time. Some of you will probably have 558 00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,640 like a very negative view on situation ships. 559 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:53,720 And I think that situation ship can either turn into like a full 560 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:57,920 blown relationship where there is that like label of girlfriend 561 00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:02,000 and girlfriend and you know, really being serious with it, or 562 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:06,120 they use that situation ship as a piece of time that they spent 563 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,680 with somebody and it didn't make it to that point. 564 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:12,920 And I think that there can be a beauty within a situation ship. 565 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:16,840 I think especially I definitely think in a way it's like 566 00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:20,640 healthier than the usual alternative, which is EU Haul, 567 00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,640 which is like straight away, like I love you, you move 568 00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,280 everything in, you've got a cat in Week 2. 569 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:32,880 I think that it might give people the time to actually 570 00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:34,800 really understand that other person. 571 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,000 But this is where emotional intelligence comes in. 572 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,600 Because if you don't have emotional intelligence and 573 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:41,840 you're not able to have those conversations, then yeah, the 574 00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:45,360 situation ship will feel like you're on fucking fire and you 575 00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,440 want to jump out of the fucking BT Tower. 576 00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:52,000 Like it is, it is a lot and it's a lot to take on board. 577 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:57,040 But like I think regardless, intensity somehow happens 578 00:29:57,040 --> 00:30:00,600 because of that like unbound connection that happens between 579 00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:04,680 queer women. But I would always say, and I 580 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:07,640 think especially with like a situation ship, it's like with 581 00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:10,520 emotional intelligence, this is not only about understanding the 582 00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:13,320 other person, but it's also about understanding yourself. 583 00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:16,040 Because if you don't understand yourself within that moment or 584 00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:21,880 your situation that you are in, then you're not going to be able 585 00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:24,920 to communicate effectively. Because how can you possibly 586 00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:26,880 communicate the way that you feel when you actually don't 587 00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:30,440 really know exactly what it is that you feel or why you feel 588 00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:31,720 that way? You're not able to really 589 00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:33,520 explain that. And I think that the least that 590 00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:36,720 someone deserves when they are spending their time and energy 591 00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:40,160 into you is to be able to understand yourself, to tell 592 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:44,840 them what is going on. And emotional intelligence, it 593 00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:48,520 often means listening to what someone actually does and not 594 00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:53,920 what they might do one day. So if they are inconsistent, 595 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:57,920 that is the message. You know, you can already see, 596 00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:01,400 OK, this person is acting quite inconsistent if they avoid 597 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,200 emotional conversations. That's your answer to. 598 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:07,080 Don't get me wrong, people can definitely grow and change and 599 00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:10,160 when they feel safer they can open up a little bit more. 600 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:15,800 But a lot of us see those red flags and we're like in the 601 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:17,920 right light, that actually looks green. 602 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:20,600 And I think I'm going to go for that one actually. 603 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:25,760 And I think that is because we're getting that dopamine here 604 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:28,560 as well. Like if we're feeling like we're 605 00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:32,240 we're chasing or some someone is not really being that open. 606 00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:34,680 And when they kind of crack a little bit, it's like, oh, like 607 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,920 it's a little like nugget of like information of like, I 608 00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:41,960 think that our brains eat that. Then we start seeking it within 609 00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:44,920 that person, which then builds an obsession with that person. 610 00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,160 It's really, really fucking. It's a lot. 611 00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:51,600 It is a lot. But I think if you are able to 612 00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:54,440 have a situation ship where you are able to really explain your 613 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:58,600 situation that you are in as to why you cannot commit fully 614 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:00,160 within that moment and vice versa. 615 00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:05,080 If they can do that to you, obviously every relationship is 616 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:11,120 different, but at least if they can do that and they can honor 617 00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:14,840 and respect the other person's feelings and reassure them that 618 00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:17,880 it's not about them, it's about everything else that's going on. 619 00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:20,400 And also be honest with yourself too. 620 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:24,360 If you're the one that is in this that is caused this 621 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:25,840 situation, the other one wants it. 622 00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,680 The other woman, she's like, yes, I want you, I'm here for 623 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:31,200 you, blah, blah, blah blah. I want to be your girlfriend. 624 00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:32,760 But take your time kind of thing. 625 00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:37,680 And you're there thinking. I just don't really think that I 626 00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:40,120 want to commit fully because I don't really think that she's 627 00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,040 the one for me and I could probably find better. 628 00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:48,040 If you are that person, really look into that and like really 629 00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:51,280 think about it and think about what you are doing to somebody 630 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:54,040 else because this happens more often than it fucking doesn't 631 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:57,920 happen. And you need to see, are you 632 00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:00,440 just scared of being alone? What is going on? 633 00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:04,880 It's not fair the way that that would eat me up inside if I was 634 00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:07,880 that person, Like I would feel so guilty, like I couldn't do 635 00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:09,560 that. Like I couldn't, you know, And 636 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:11,840 if you're, if you're telling them that you love them and you 637 00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:16,240 don't, Oh my God, this is where emotional intelligence comes in 638 00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,200 because you'll say, well, I'm a people pleaser. 639 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:20,960 That's why I said it. It's like, no, no, you're just, 640 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:24,880 you're just, I think that some people sometimes just want to 641 00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:27,800 say what they think the other person will want to hear, not 642 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:31,680 what they actually feel. And I think it all comes down to 643 00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:35,880 also another part of it is like rejection, rejection being left 644 00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:39,880 alone, not being validated by somebody else, not having that. 645 00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:43,200 So I think whenever you're having, this is what I'm saying 646 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:47,120 about emotional intelligence, when you're having like a real 647 00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:50,280 conversation with somebody that you're seeing, you need to 648 00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:53,680 remove all of that. You need to remove. 649 00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:57,040 And I know it's hard, but like, how would I feel if this person 650 00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:59,920 rejected me for saying this or how would I feel? 651 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:04,280 What is it that I feel? Is it that I feel like I'm 652 00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:05,960 lonely and that's why I'm grabbing onto this? 653 00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:10,880 Is it because I feel like I'm being validated by them and I 654 00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:13,360 just don't want to lose that? Is that what's going on? 655 00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:15,960 You know, and you obviously don't need to sit there and say 656 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:17,600 I actually just wanted to be validated by you. 657 00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:18,920 To be fair, I actually don't even like you. 658 00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:22,360 Obviously, like we don't have to go that fucking far, but I think 659 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:27,760 that if you are more honest, like in those areas of being 660 00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:31,400 like, you know, I'm really trying to figure out my head and 661 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:37,239 all of these things, that is also OK, you know, but fuck me, 662 00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:40,400 you don't have to. You're only going to hurt 663 00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:42,800 yourself also in the long run, but you're really hurting the 664 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:45,760 other person. And that's just, that's not OK. 665 00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:48,159 And maybe you need to look into why you need that validation, if 666 00:34:48,159 --> 00:34:51,480 that's what you're doing it for or why you feel so lonely, you 667 00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:56,679 know, and what you need fixing within you Because trust me, no 668 00:34:56,679 --> 00:34:59,560 one, I mean, definitely you can have beautiful people in your 669 00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:03,160 life that do they, they do help you heal like on your journey, 670 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:06,400 they can. But ultimately, like you need to 671 00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:08,600 heal for yourself. You need to heal that. 672 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:12,560 And by doing that, you need to start being honest with yourself 673 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:18,120 1st and then you'll start to find your answers all within 674 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:21,600 that. And if you're on an equally, if 675 00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,600 you're on the other side and this person isn't really showing 676 00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:27,880 a lot of interest in you and they're like ghosting you and 677 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,720 then they call you and then you're like, hi, you need to see 678 00:35:30,720 --> 00:35:32,280 as well. I know that we're talking about 679 00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:34,480 the dopamine and shit, but you need to see what it is within 680 00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:41,040 you that wants that. Is it because you feel so 681 00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:43,840 rejected within those moments that they ghost you that then it 682 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:46,360 feels so good when they pick up because you're now putting 683 00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:49,920 yourself worth on this person? That's probably the answer. 684 00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,480 It could be one of them anyway, but it's definitely within 685 00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:56,080 there. You need to then look and be 686 00:35:56,080 --> 00:36:00,800 like, I need someone who they don't have to, by the way, you 687 00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:02,400 know, and then I find someone who's obsessed with you. 688 00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,840 Yes, fucking love that, that that's great. 689 00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:07,080 But also that can be unhealthy too. 690 00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:08,880 If it's, you know, it could be done in the wrong way. 691 00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:12,320 They could become extremely possessive and toxic and 692 00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:16,640 jealous. You find someone who wants to 693 00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:21,280 give you their energy and wants to put that effort into seeing 694 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:26,240 you and thinks about you, doesn't think oh they've 695 00:36:26,240 --> 00:36:27,800 messaged I'm just not going to reply. 696 00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:29,760 What the fuck? You know? 697 00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:33,280 And it's either because they're not interested in you and that's 698 00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:35,680 why they're ghosting you, or they're in a situation where 699 00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:38,440 they can't accept themselves. If that is a case, fucking run 700 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:42,880 away. Or thirdly, they are playing a 701 00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:45,480 game to make you more interested in them. 702 00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:48,000 That's also another reason why people ghost. 703 00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:52,840 But it's not OK. And either way, if you cut that 704 00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:56,120 the fuck out and you go OK, you go see me mate, fuck off, I'm 705 00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:58,880 not going to do this. They're either going to just 706 00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:02,760 ghost that and just you'll never see them ever again, or they'll 707 00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:06,080 shit themselves and be like no no no no no no no. 708 00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:09,480 Either way, you've got actually nothing to lose because what 709 00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:11,080 what literally what have you got to lose? 710 00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:12,840 That that situation is cooked like you. 711 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:15,760 You just can't have that repetitive cycle. 712 00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:19,480 And the more that we enforce those behaviours in people and 713 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,800 we go along with it, they're just getting fucking and worse 714 00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:23,920 and they're taking over. But yeah, I think that that's 715 00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:27,480 why you understand yourself. You move on from there. 716 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,720 I obviously always and I understand that people always 717 00:37:29,720 --> 00:37:31,560 make mistakes. That is inevitable. 718 00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:35,880 We are humans, we make mistakes. Again, I look for the intention 719 00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:38,640 behind the mistake, whatever that might be. 720 00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:41,480 And sometimes though that can be unhealthy. 721 00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:43,720 You can only do that to like a limit because if you give 722 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:47,560 excuses for everyone all the time, then that's also fucked 723 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:49,440 because then you have no boundaries and people just think 724 00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:52,120 that they can walk all over you. But there are instances we 725 00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:54,160 really upset about something. But if somebody is like really 726 00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:56,640 apologizing to you and like owning the fact that they like 727 00:37:56,920 --> 00:38:01,200 fucked up and you can understand why that happened, that's also 728 00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:03,440 OK. But that's also why it's good to 729 00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:06,240 heal before getting into these things too. 730 00:38:06,240 --> 00:38:10,000 Because when you're not healed, you could just run riot and you 731 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:11,560 do stupid things. You do things that you wouldn't 732 00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:13,880 normally do or, you know, you, you think in ways you wouldn't 733 00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:15,520 normally think. And that's not good. 734 00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:18,160 And it kind of changes the brain chemistry for a little bit when 735 00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:20,200 we're feeling really overwhelmed by everything. 736 00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:26,160 And you want to be at least close to the best version of 737 00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:29,160 yourself when you're meeting someone and giving them what 738 00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,080 they deserve. If they are the right person for 739 00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:32,960 you, if they are a person that you're interested in, you're 740 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:35,440 pursuing abso fucking lutely yes. 741 00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:41,000 If you guys have any tips on like spotting bad emotional 742 00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:44,560 intelligence that aren't the kind of obvious, I would really 743 00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:47,480 really love to hear it. I know that this happens quite a 744 00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:49,960 lot but I'm hoping. I mean now that I'm in my 30s I 745 00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:52,880 feel like people communicate. Got a lot better now. 746 00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:57,240 It's crazy. It's like another world. 747 00:38:57,720 --> 00:39:01,120 It's an absolute other world. And kudos to the fucking 748 00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:02,720 lesbians. We all know what attachment 749 00:39:02,720 --> 00:39:05,600 types are, we all know about emotional intelligence, but the 750 00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:11,440 real strength is in actually doing it and being brave enough 751 00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:14,760 to be commutative. It's all good. 752 00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:17,520 We're not kids anymore. We are gay and we're heart and 753 00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:21,080 that's the main thing. Lesbians. 754 00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:23,720 That is all for today. I've got to get myself ready for 755 00:39:23,720 --> 00:39:26,280 New York. I've got I still have not found 756 00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:29,400 clothes and I'm going in two days. 757 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:32,920 That's great. We're also visiting a friend 758 00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:35,920 who's in hospital at the moment, which we're sending her all of 759 00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:39,720 the good vibes, all of the good luck and Wellness. 760 00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:42,880 See, I have to go before I have absolutely nothing to wear in 761 00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:44,440 New York. Might just go naked. 762 00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:46,920 If I do, it's great PR, it's fine. 763 00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:49,960 Everyone will be screaming, crying, running out of the room, 764 00:39:50,720 --> 00:39:53,000 whatever. Which I mean, just fucking 765 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:57,960 accept me how I am, lesbians, I love you so much and I will 766 00:39:57,960 --> 00:39:59,840 speak to you next week. Bye.