Hello lesbians, Oh my God is the most wonderful time.
Because Charlie's. Throne, this is this is fucking
huge. I'm sorry I I can't even get
into this episode yet without talking about the absolute
goldmine. Never been seen before, never
been done, never been explored. Explored by many, I'm sure, but
not by me. And that's what makes me feel so
sad. But I'm going to take it as a
good thing. Let's not turn this into a
negative. Frayer, Charlie Cerrone and
Angelina Jolie have been reported to be seeing women, not
each other. Which honestly good because.
I don't think I could. Physically recover.
From ever having that image in my head, from knowing that it
exists, even though it's beautiful, I still want a chance
with either one of them. So what I'm saying is now that
obviously having their moment where they can explore.
I know that Angelina's been there before.
I think this is new. For Charlie's that's that's.
Fine, they can explore, they can go around.
They can see what's good. They can see what isn't.
Good. And then they can give me a call
because I am waiting. I've been waiting.
I'm so ready. I've actually never been more
ready than anything, actually. I've been training for this
moment my entire life and now it is coming to fruition.
I'm really excited and I think that this is honestly what we
needed. I knew, I knew it.
I knew they both couldn't be that hot and be straight.
I'm sorry, I knew. It they're like hot, but they're
also like. Majorly into humanitarian work.
That is a lesbian. So happy about this.
Very glad. It is a great day to be gay.
It is always a great day to be gay.
Also on the news. Of the gays.
Oh wait, hold on. Who do we think would?
Be a really good match though for both Charlize and Angelina
because I feel like both of them need shorter girlfriends.
I feel like both of them need shorter girlfriends, preferably
with blonde hair and from London.
I don't know. I don't know who said that.
I don't know. I think I can see both of them
with shorter women. I can see Charlize with someone
slightly I think a femme, but I think a very like pretty femme.
I think she wants a Princess. I think Charlie's wants to be
daddy and I can see that for her.
With Angelina, I can see her leaning a bit more towards like
a little bit mask, definitely wearing a suit kind of vibe.
Definitely wearing some worker trousers I don't think either.
Of them would date famous. People However, I think with
with Angie, it's been rumoured that she's dating Alice Winica,
which is a French screenwriter and director.
She is 1 lucky, lucky woman. And Angie, if you're into the
long brunette hair with the bangs, I will do that for you.
It is OK. I will do that for you.
Oh God. It's just she's just won the
she's won the lottery. Alice has won the fucking
lottery. Hats off to you.
You've done it, babe. You've absolutely cracked it.
I know that Angelina before was dating that beautiful model
Natris, which I can't remember the name of, but she was
amazing. But she was more on the mask
side. I don't know.
I just have this feeling that yeah, Charlie's wants to be
Daddy Angelina, I think, I don't know.
I think she needs to be taken care of like.
In a very nurturing way and I can.
Do that I can 100% nurture the absolute shit out of Angelina.
Moving along from this, there's also, I know I'm late to this,
but Kyle Richards coming out finally on Rural Housewives of
Beverly Hills. We've been saying this for so
long, but what makes it so funny is that me and Scarlett have
been saying that Carl Richards is gay and queer since we first
started watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, which was like
6 years ago. So that we've been known.
And I think that this is also a lesson, though, to let people
come out on their own terms because now she has, we don't
know what she was going through with Mauricio when the women
were cornering her, asking her about Morgan.
And it could have been, you know, maybe quite a potentially
dangerous situation for her to have gotten into or maybe
something to do with their divorce.
You have no idea that you cannot just bombard people.
But I think that this is where it's really bad and why I have
some, oh, I have a lot of respect for Carl anyway.
But you can see within these moments when these women are
making like these big accusations and they're going
for it, you know, that they've all got information stored up in
their brains from what these other women are up to because
she'll know all the dirt on them.
So they're paying with fire, pushing her to say something or
pushing her to come out basically, even though they
weren't necessarily doing it in a way where they were judging
her. They were just like, come on,
Dick on the table. Let's see what's going on.
Like, we don't care. It is what it is, you know, But
I think that within those moments, I reckon Kyle bites her
tongue so fucking hard. She's got Denmarks.
Like you must imagine the things that they want to say.
I mean, if if I was that I would be doing a Denise Richards, I'd
be going BBB. Like I would be going Bravo, get
me the fuck out. Like there's no way, because I
would never want him. Like I'm like a vault.
If you tell me something, I'm like a vault.
But there's nothing worse than when you know this thing about
someone and then they're coming for you publicly and you're sat
there like the information that I have that could take you down
right now, but I just won't do it because I would never like
lower myself to that. But fuck, like it must be hard.
Like I, I can see it in her eyes.
I could be completely wrong, but I can see it in her eyes.
And obviously now things have changed.
Obviously maybe not in the same situation.
And she said I could go Brad or I could go Angelina.
And I think that that is a really iconic way of putting it.
She's basically saying, I could go very pretty feminine man, or
I could go the hottest woman on earth.
You know, it's basically she's just on the mask to femme
spectrum there. Like, I don't know what she's
what she's trying to say, but no, she I think for Kyle, this
has been a long time coming. And I also think good for
fucking you. Like you said it in such a
nonchalant way after all of this, but obviously now you feel
like you're in a space where you can.
And it could be situational, it could just be her own self
acceptance, which is what I want to get into today anyway.
But she's finally now at that level where she can just own it
and it is what it is. Obviously we haven't seen the
whole episode yet because it hasn't come out.
But you can you can tell like I know that the women are going to
are going to be fine. But this is also the first time
that we would ever have anyone kind of openly queer within Real
Housewives franchise for well, at least for Beverly Hills.
I haven't seen the other ones because Beverly Hills.
I will die on the fact that Beverly Hills is the best one,
even though I haven't watched the other ones.
I just know it is. But I think that this is a
really, really good step in the right direction and I hope that
Bravo plays it well because I do also think that Bravo have just
like the angle and the edge for just like the male gay and not
female. I think obviously this is not
just Bravo. This is just fucking shows
networks everywhere. But if they can make this really
good and not problematic, because I think the only time
that they ever had anything like this was before was with that it
was Brandy and Denise. And Brandy was like, I fucked
Denise and Denise was like, no, you fucking didn't, She's crazy.
And Brandy said, well, I'm not crazy.
We fucked. Which also softer Brandy because
that's fucking hilarious. But it was like drama filled
again. So far it's been drama filled
because they're kind of almost like they were using it against
her as like ammo at the table. I think that this could be an
opportunity now to show a really, really positive
representation of queer women. And maybe if they show Kyle,
maybe if she is with Morgan or if she's going on like dates
with women and like a very respectful relationship.
And maybe you can see how she's exploring this entire new part
of her life, like, the kids have moved out, Mauricio's gone now
she gets to less it up 69 in the kitchen.
And that is the angle in which I think that they should take
care. I think that now is a better
time than ever to do this, especially under Trump.
Let's please try and get some gay shit pumping out there,
especially out over in the States.
There really isn't enough and we've been calling and crying
about it. I do hope that we're able to do
something more so within this space as well, because I do
think that mainstream media is so important for lesbian
representation. As much as we love doing the
lesbian podcast, the lesbian events, we have it all for our
beautiful community and our beautiful queer women.
But real representation is for not only for people to resonate
with it and say, OK, I can see a bit of me in that.
And I feel maybe a bit more comfortable with myself because
I can see that. But also for straight or quote
on quote, straight people who are watching this and with their
families and on bigger networks. And it's normalized because that
is when you really start to see a difference in the world.
Because we don't need to sell ice to Eskimos here.
We need to like really shock the fucking straights out of the
system. And we do have some straight
people listening, don't get me wrong, but it's obviously going
to be smaller. I think that if we can have that
suit, because you never know, like your, your kid could be
date if your fucking granddad could be gay, like you don't
know like anyone in your life. I mean, we all know one.
We all know at least one and there's always at least one in
the family. If you are in a big family right
now and you're listening to this and you're saying I'm not gay
and no one else is gay in my family, someone's lying.
It might be you. Someone's lying.
I don't know. It's just it it happens.
I mean, there's in my family, there's three sisters and two of
us are gay. So we've done pretty well with
the statistics there. Pretty sure my mom's gay, too.
But I'm not going to say it because she listens.
I'm joking. I'm joking, Gel.
I'm joking. We all have gay moms.
I think that, yeah, we we need to make something happen in this
space. If you guys have any ideas, you
think this is what we really want to see, please, because we
don't even have the hunting wives over here on Netflix.
And even that, by the sounds of things, isn't really like a good
representation of lesbians. Like it's not even really
lesbian, even though there's like lesbian things happening.
I don't fucking know. I honestly, and with the way
that the world is moving, I think if we can just, I think
sometimes it has to get so bad for it to get good and a new
kind of revolution needs to happen.
I'm happy to stand in the front line and wave my gay ass fucking
flag and do whatever it is to to make it happen.
And even if that's us like travelling to countries that
aren't necessarily LGBTQ plus friendly and creating spaces for
queer women out there too. I, I would honestly love to do
that. I know that doesn't sound like
the safest thing to do, but I want to be able to show that we
can't just hideaway. And just because you live in a
certain place, you know, obviously some are a lot worse
than others. But just because you do live in
a certain place doesn't mean that we should just abide by
maybe what might be the rhetoric or that there will be a lot of
people there that are accepting or that are gay, of course, that
are gay that are there. And it honestly breaks my heart
because we obviously don't choose where we are born, what
access we have to things. So if there's any ideas in that
space too, I would obviously more than happily do that.
I think that's why me and Scarlett really liked it when we
went out to Warsaw for Levi's with Pride.
Because, you know, Poland is not exactly the most accepting
country for LGBTQ plus rights. But being a part of a movement
there, that's the whole point about Pride.
You're there to to spread the word, spread the agenda.
We've also got some incredible things coming up.
We've got New York's shitty New York shitty this week.
So on the 3rd and the 4th we are hosting 2 events, which honestly
I'm, I'm shitting, I'm shitting myself.
I am dude, I am. I get so nervous for things like
this. Like I, I get nervous before
every event, even in London alone doing one, our first ever
global one, which is just like uncharted territory for us.
And also you New York lesbians look so fucking cool.
What the fuck? What the actual fuck?
I'm really, really excited for it, don't get me wrong.
And I can't wait to meet everyone and just like have a
good time. I think the main thing is with
our events, it's just that it's like that.
There is no pressure. It's that you come fully as
yourself and you connect and you're in this space full of
queer women and it is always just a different vibe.
And we hear it a lot, like people always say to us, they're
like, this is a completely different vibe to any other
queer event that I've ever been to, which is honestly just one
of the nicest things that people can say.
But I also see women just having a fucking laugh.
Like people are just always laughing.
I look around and there's women smiling and you know why?
It's because there's no men. There's no men there.
So the women are happy. And I do also think that there
is just this thing like when you are within your own community
like that and you feel so safe because you, I don't think
people realize how maybe uncomfortable or unsafe it can
feel in life until you're in a moment like that and then you're
like, God, this, this feels really good.
It's a bit like me, like when I take my ADHD medication, it's
like when I take that medication and then all of a sudden I'm
like, oh, this is how other people live.
This is how other people see the world.
OK, I've been living life on fucking hard mode.
Like I think that a lot of you guys can kind of relate to that
too. And I have been, it's been no
secret to anyone, obviously this past year has been really
fucking hard. It has been hard.
There is no other fucking word for it.
But I've been pushing and pushing.
And I know that Scarlett has been pushing and pushing.
And I think that I now, I mean, I'm still going through therapy
and trying to really understand the way that my brain works
because I don't know if anybody else gets this, but I think a
big problem with mental health is how you get so frustrated
with yourself and you get so confused.
You're like, what is it? That's like, why?
I mean, I know that there's so many different things, but it's
like, you know, in certain moments you're like, why is my
brain just doing this? You know, And I think it's
really easy to catastrophize things and, and feel like it's
the end of the world and whatever it is.
And I think that everyone, myself included, just needs to
actually chill the fuck out and we can just get on and live
every day as it comes. But I was saying this earlier.
Our brains and bodies are not really designed or evolved
enough to live in the world which we as humans have fucking
created for ourselves. This is not normal.
The way in which people stare at laptops and screens all day.
Lack of movement, lack of actual true connection and
communication with people. And that's what we want to
bring. It's like that true connection
and everything's a fucking everything's on a dating app,
like everything you know. And to just get out there and
actually meet people that are aligned to you is a great thing.
And I honestly enjoy it so much to me, every single one of you
and everyone always says the nicest things to me.
And I'm like, stop, go on. I love it.
But no, it's it really is so lovely.
Yeah. So this this goes out to
literally all of you who have said hello to me and spoken to
me. I really, really, really
appreciate it because you also always say sorry.
I'm like, don't say sorry. It's all good.
But yeah, we're we're hitting the big town.
We're hitting the Big Apple. I think I need to get this is
the thing. I'm so unorganized.
I don't even have like my New York fits.
Like, how am I going to look cool in New York?
I need to look cool in New York. I also think that I should do
like, you know, like the Mafia outfit.
I think I should also do that 100% and start recreating some
scenes. I also want to recreate Home
Alone 2. I want to find my own pigeon
lady. Might invite her to the event,
who knows. I think that would be a really
good cameo, actually. Pigeon Lady.
I hope she's still alive. She fucking better be.
Yeah, going into the actual topic today.
Actually, before I do that, I just wanted to interrupt this
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Better help. Right, going into the actual
topic of today that I wanted to speak about.
I know that I said in the latest episode that I recorded which
was why we have to fucking come out and how ridiculous that is.
I want to talk about why it's so hard to accept yourself as a
queer woman, even when and everyone else is fine with it.
I think I've seen I've seen this happen and I've heard this
happen too, that people say to me that they're finding it
really hard to accept themselves or even like bridge the subject
of talking about the fact that they find it hard to accept
themselves and they're in a situation where they're at kind
of no immediate threat. Like their family's fine with
it, parents open arms, the friends are all cool with it.
I think there's like a confusion around then.
OK, why is it that I am struggling with this so bad?
And I I technically can't really speak from experience on this
because I did have a few bad reactions.
So that's kind of what ate me up inside.
But I think had I been more self accepting, it wouldn't have
eaten me up so badly. Maybe I would have actually have
kind of pushed through that. So I think it goes for both if
you have accepting more so if you do have accepting people
around you, because I think that it's more of an obvious like
this is a real internalized homophobia thing.
But also if you do have people that don't accept you, but you
still can't accept yourself. I mean, the same thing goes for
you guys. But I think it all comes down to
the fact that the world has told us who we are and who to be
before we've even had a chance to know ourselves.
So even if your friends and your family now say they're
supportive, you've spent years absorbing the message that our
desire, like your desire should look a certain way and have male
validation. And there's always like those
heterosexual milestones as well. It's like the boyfriend, the
wedding, the babies and and those scripts, I think just like
live in our nervous systems naturally.
I think when you're being placed this idea over and over and over
again, it's a bit like, this is a really bad analogy.
Bear with me. It's a bit like if your friend
is like. This restaurant has the fucking
best mashed potatoes ever. I cannot wait to take you to
this restaurant. You are going to love it.
Every single day she's going, God, this Mashed potato, babe, I
cannot wait for you to try it. I actually can't wait for you to
try it. It's been 15 years.
Every day she said, I can't wait for you to try it.
You get to the restaurant, you try the Mashed potato and you're
like, oh, I should have liked this.
It tastes like shit. And then you're sat there and
you're feeling awkward because everyone around you is enjoying
that Mashed potato when your friend has been going on about
it for so long and telling you that you should like this.
So when you don't, you're like, God, this is fucking awkward.
And I feel now completely out of the loop.
Like I feel wrong because everyone told me that I was
going to like this and she loves it and everyone else around me
is loving it. And then you see someone in the
corner and they've also gone this Mashed potato is actually
fucking shit. And you're like, oh, but imagine
you lived in a life where you never had even one person
telling you that Mashed potato shit.
Like you, you haven't had the representation that you really
needed when you were growing up. You had no one to really point
to or maybe even someone even in your like personal life, you
didn't have anyone. Your your parents weren't
friends with gay people. So you're like, OK, well, that's
great. That's a sign, isn't it?
You know, like you don't, you don't want to mix yourself in
with that kind of person, which is why I also think that if you
do have kids and if you're listening as a straight person,
it's really important to have gay people like around your
kids. I mean, obviously if you can't
find one that you like, then I don't know, babe, but most
likely you're going to find lesbian or gay person, bisexual,
whatever trans person that like you are going to love.
And I think loads of straight people before we're really
scared of having like the gay people like around our kids that
we can't be doing that. And it's like, fucking grow up.
Fucking grow up. Like get a fucking grip.
If you think that people are that easily manipulated into
changing their sexuality and you think it's that easy to change
your sexuality, you're probably fucking gay.
Because no real straight person like would be around a gay
person enough that it would fucking rub off.
And the same goes for kids. Yes, we have developmental
brains. Or what's the worst that can
happen? They might see that actually
it's acceptable to be gay and if they're not gay themselves and
they'll treat other people with respect.
Fuck Jesus Christ. But yeah, that is something that
obviously that lies, that lies in the back of our heads and
it's there and it's always going on.
So I think that that will like naturally build like a like a
wrong feeling in your body when it comes to trying to accept
yourself like fully. And I don't just mean not
accepting yourself to the point when you're in the closet, I
mean even once you're out and you've told people that you're
gay and everyone knows you're gay, you've got a girlfriend,
whatever it is. Like this is also for you too, I
think as well. It's not internalized
homophobia. I fucking can we also just
change the word homophobia? It's not a homophobia, just a
cunt. Like, what are we like homo
avoidance, maybe homo, what could we call it?
I think just maybe like homo hate, homo hate, because that is
literally what it is. It's just hatred.
There's it's not a phobia, not fucking.
What do you think is going to happen?
Like what the fuck? So I have a phobia of cruises
like me a cruiser phobe. That's fine.
I don't whatever. Don't get me started on cruises
Any yeah, I think it's not about hate it.
So when you have internalized homophobia, it's different,
obviously. I think when it's to do with
yourself, it's not so much about hating gay people, it's more I
don't want to disappoint people or I don't want to be seen
differently or I don't want my life to be harder and why can't
I just be normal? And what the fuck is normal
anyway? And why would we want it?
It doesn't look that fun. And straight people age like
milk. Or that's just, they just all
look old now, OK, I'm in my 30s now.
It's a dire, dire time for the straights.
They're awesome, yes, don't get me wrong.
I've got some straight friends and they're super hot.
They look amazing. They look younger than me, OK,
but in general, it's like milk. But I do think that wanting to
be quite UN quote normal never going to fix your problem, and
it's never going to make you quite UN quote normal.
We are all normal. We're exactly who we're supposed
to be. We're all Born This Way.
I think as well, like within fully accepting your sexuality
means that maybe you might grieve the version of the life
that you thought you should want.
And it's like a fantasy thing, right?
And people fantasize about maybe how their life was going to look
even if they didn't want it. You know, they would probably
say, oh, when I get married to a man and when I do this, when I
do that, The thing is short coral, you can do all of those
things just with a woman and actually be happy.
I think as well that lesbian love in particular can be really
intense. And we obviously know why it can
be intense, but that could be a whole other episode.
It can be really intense and that can scare you if you've
lacked safety, you know? And women can read you.
Like a lot of women, I'm not going to speak on behalf of all
them, but like a lot of women can read you.
They can feel you, they can see you.
They have been there. We've all got that, like that
shared thing that we all have, and for someone who had to
harden to get through life might also find that quite terrifying
and want to run the fuck away from it.
Because avoidance is real. It's real.
Avoiding something will never make the problem go away, It
will just make it worse and it will make it stronger.
If you are telling something that it is powerful enough to
avoid, you're making it stronger if you can truly accept yourself
and if you can just hear this and even if there is just one
person that is listening to this today that is in this situation.
I'm sorry that you feel this way because I have been there of not
accepting myself. Even after I was out, I had a
girlfriend, I still was like, this really feels a lot and I
wish I could change. And now I don't feel that way
anymore. And the reason for that being is
the fact that one, I found my people, I found more gay friends
and that really helped to kind of normalize that and ease that
for me. Even growing up with an older
sister, it's very different when it's your sister.
And I also just thought, I'm getting on in my life now and
this is a life that I want to enjoy and this is who I am.
I can't change that. But what I can change is how I
view it. And over time, I just started
saying more and more positive things about being gay.
I became more and more open with other people.
And seeing the reception that I got from other people really
helped, you know, like that acceptance and the interesting
conversations, loving women and like having a space.
And sometimes it just takes a bit of time.
But also, you're just going to be fucking miserable if you
never do. And that is someone that I don't
want to be. I also do think that this
podcast has helped me accept myself even more.
I would say I was pretty accepting of myself when we
started, definitely. And that was why I wanted to be
the representation because we didn't have it.
But definitely even more now, like I'm more vindicated and I'm
like, fuck yeah, no, this is, this is absolutely fucking fine.
And anyone that has an issue with it can get wrecked.
Like fuck out of here, fuck out of here.
I think I also wanted to talk about something that I know
lesbians really love talking about, and it's emotional
intelligence and maybe more so emotional intelligence within
situation ships. Lesbians love a situation ship.
It's fantastic and I don't really know why.
I don't know if it's more common to have situation ships.
Maybe not because lesbians do also love to fucking U-Haul, but
I think that also because lesbians come with maybe a bit
more baggage, maybe been through more and also baggage with the
ex or things like that. Because lesbians some some of
you do. But like usually the the
relationship turns into kind of like a breast, a breast, a best
friendship too. And that person is very like
intertwined in their life, you know, so going on to like start
other relationships. I think that people would be
like, OK, they kind of get themselves into situation ships,
which is basically where you are not technically in like a
relationship, but you really like someone and you've given
them your time. Some of you will probably have
like a very negative view on situation ships.
And I think that situation ship can either turn into like a full
blown relationship where there is that like label of girlfriend
and girlfriend and you know, really being serious with it, or
they use that situation ship as a piece of time that they spent
with somebody and it didn't make it to that point.
And I think that there can be a beauty within a situation ship.
I think especially I definitely think in a way it's like
healthier than the usual alternative, which is EU Haul,
which is like straight away, like I love you, you move
everything in, you've got a cat in Week 2.
I think that it might give people the time to actually
really understand that other person.
But this is where emotional intelligence comes in.
Because if you don't have emotional intelligence and
you're not able to have those conversations, then yeah, the
situation ship will feel like you're on fucking fire and you
want to jump out of the fucking BT Tower.
Like it is, it is a lot and it's a lot to take on board.
But like I think regardless, intensity somehow happens
because of that like unbound connection that happens between
queer women. But I would always say, and I
think especially with like a situation ship, it's like with
emotional intelligence, this is not only about understanding the
other person, but it's also about understanding yourself.
Because if you don't understand yourself within that moment or
your situation that you are in, then you're not going to be able
to communicate effectively. Because how can you possibly
communicate the way that you feel when you actually don't
really know exactly what it is that you feel or why you feel
that way? You're not able to really
explain that. And I think that the least that
someone deserves when they are spending their time and energy
into you is to be able to understand yourself, to tell
them what is going on. And emotional intelligence, it
often means listening to what someone actually does and not
what they might do one day. So if they are inconsistent,
that is the message. You know, you can already see,
OK, this person is acting quite inconsistent if they avoid
emotional conversations. That's your answer to.
Don't get me wrong, people can definitely grow and change and
when they feel safer they can open up a little bit more.
But a lot of us see those red flags and we're like in the
right light, that actually looks green.
And I think I'm going to go for that one actually.
And I think that is because we're getting that dopamine here
as well. Like if we're feeling like we're
we're chasing or some someone is not really being that open.
And when they kind of crack a little bit, it's like, oh, like
it's a little like nugget of like information of like, I
think that our brains eat that. Then we start seeking it within
that person, which then builds an obsession with that person.
It's really, really fucking. It's a lot.
It is a lot. But I think if you are able to
have a situation ship where you are able to really explain your
situation that you are in as to why you cannot commit fully
within that moment and vice versa.
If they can do that to you, obviously every relationship is
different, but at least if they can do that and they can honor
and respect the other person's feelings and reassure them that
it's not about them, it's about everything else that's going on.
And also be honest with yourself too.
If you're the one that is in this that is caused this
situation, the other one wants it.
The other woman, she's like, yes, I want you, I'm here for
you, blah, blah, blah blah. I want to be your girlfriend.
But take your time kind of thing.
And you're there thinking. I just don't really think that I
want to commit fully because I don't really think that she's
the one for me and I could probably find better.
If you are that person, really look into that and like really
think about it and think about what you are doing to somebody
else because this happens more often than it fucking doesn't
happen. And you need to see, are you
just scared of being alone? What is going on?
It's not fair the way that that would eat me up inside if I was
that person, Like I would feel so guilty, like I couldn't do
that. Like I couldn't, you know, And
if you're, if you're telling them that you love them and you
don't, Oh my God, this is where emotional intelligence comes in
because you'll say, well, I'm a people pleaser.
That's why I said it. It's like, no, no, you're just,
you're just, I think that some people sometimes just want to
say what they think the other person will want to hear, not
what they actually feel. And I think it all comes down to
also another part of it is like rejection, rejection being left
alone, not being validated by somebody else, not having that.
So I think whenever you're having, this is what I'm saying
about emotional intelligence, when you're having like a real
conversation with somebody that you're seeing, you need to
remove all of that. You need to remove.
And I know it's hard, but like, how would I feel if this person
rejected me for saying this or how would I feel?
What is it that I feel? Is it that I feel like I'm
lonely and that's why I'm grabbing onto this?
Is it because I feel like I'm being validated by them and I
just don't want to lose that? Is that what's going on?
You know, and you obviously don't need to sit there and say
I actually just wanted to be validated by you.
To be fair, I actually don't even like you.
Obviously, like we don't have to go that fucking far, but I think
that if you are more honest, like in those areas of being
like, you know, I'm really trying to figure out my head and
all of these things, that is also OK, you know, but fuck me,
you don't have to. You're only going to hurt
yourself also in the long run, but you're really hurting the
other person. And that's just, that's not OK.
And maybe you need to look into why you need that validation, if
that's what you're doing it for or why you feel so lonely, you
know, and what you need fixing within you Because trust me, no
one, I mean, definitely you can have beautiful people in your
life that do they, they do help you heal like on your journey,
they can. But ultimately, like you need to
heal for yourself. You need to heal that.
And by doing that, you need to start being honest with yourself
1st and then you'll start to find your answers all within
that. And if you're on an equally, if
you're on the other side and this person isn't really showing
a lot of interest in you and they're like ghosting you and
then they call you and then you're like, hi, you need to see
as well. I know that we're talking about
the dopamine and shit, but you need to see what it is within
you that wants that. Is it because you feel so
rejected within those moments that they ghost you that then it
feels so good when they pick up because you're now putting
yourself worth on this person? That's probably the answer.
It could be one of them anyway, but it's definitely within
there. You need to then look and be
like, I need someone who they don't have to, by the way, you
know, and then I find someone who's obsessed with you.
Yes, fucking love that, that that's great.
But also that can be unhealthy too.
If it's, you know, it could be done in the wrong way.
They could become extremely possessive and toxic and
jealous. You find someone who wants to
give you their energy and wants to put that effort into seeing
you and thinks about you, doesn't think oh they've
messaged I'm just not going to reply.
What the fuck? You know?
And it's either because they're not interested in you and that's
why they're ghosting you, or they're in a situation where
they can't accept themselves. If that is a case, fucking run
away. Or thirdly, they are playing a
game to make you more interested in them.
That's also another reason why people ghost.
But it's not OK. And either way, if you cut that
the fuck out and you go OK, you go see me mate, fuck off, I'm
not going to do this. They're either going to just
ghost that and just you'll never see them ever again, or they'll
shit themselves and be like no no no no no no no.
Either way, you've got actually nothing to lose because what
what literally what have you got to lose?
That that situation is cooked like you.
You just can't have that repetitive cycle.
And the more that we enforce those behaviours in people and
we go along with it, they're just getting fucking and worse
and they're taking over. But yeah, I think that that's
why you understand yourself. You move on from there.
I obviously always and I understand that people always
make mistakes. That is inevitable.
We are humans, we make mistakes. Again, I look for the intention
behind the mistake, whatever that might be.
And sometimes though that can be unhealthy.
You can only do that to like a limit because if you give
excuses for everyone all the time, then that's also fucked
because then you have no boundaries and people just think
that they can walk all over you. But there are instances we
really upset about something. But if somebody is like really
apologizing to you and like owning the fact that they like
fucked up and you can understand why that happened, that's also
OK. But that's also why it's good to
heal before getting into these things too.
Because when you're not healed, you could just run riot and you
do stupid things. You do things that you wouldn't
normally do or, you know, you, you think in ways you wouldn't
normally think. And that's not good.
And it kind of changes the brain chemistry for a little bit when
we're feeling really overwhelmed by everything.
And you want to be at least close to the best version of
yourself when you're meeting someone and giving them what
they deserve. If they are the right person for
you, if they are a person that you're interested in, you're
pursuing abso fucking lutely yes.
If you guys have any tips on like spotting bad emotional
intelligence that aren't the kind of obvious, I would really
really love to hear it. I know that this happens quite a
lot but I'm hoping. I mean now that I'm in my 30s I
feel like people communicate. Got a lot better now.
It's crazy. It's like another world.
It's an absolute other world. And kudos to the fucking
lesbians. We all know what attachment
types are, we all know about emotional intelligence, but the
real strength is in actually doing it and being brave enough
to be commutative. It's all good.
We're not kids anymore. We are gay and we're heart and
that's the main thing. Lesbians.
That is all for today. I've got to get myself ready for
New York. I've got I still have not found
clothes and I'm going in two days.
That's great. We're also visiting a friend
who's in hospital at the moment, which we're sending her all of
the good vibes, all of the good luck and Wellness.
See, I have to go before I have absolutely nothing to wear in
New York. Might just go naked.
If I do, it's great PR, it's fine.
Everyone will be screaming, crying, running out of the room,
whatever. Which I mean, just fucking
accept me how I am, lesbians, I love you so much and I will
speak to you next week. Bye.