I literally probably hadn't even finished saying hello and her
tongue was down my throat. If you did watch the first one,
you'll know that intros are clearly not our thing so we
won't put everyone through the pain again.
Actually, I feel like we can probably spin this podcast over
into like a magazine at some point.
Actually is TA? I really want to talk about this
because I love to hate on that and I feel like everyone else.
We kind of put this out on TikTok, didn't we?
We? We've done a very passive
aggressive video of us leaving the cinema.
Being like that took the piss. But I also love Cate Blanchett
so fucking much. I was going to.
I could never diss her. We don't speak I'll of mummy.
Cate Blanchett. Let me just start off OK.
This is not a Cate Blanchett slander at all.
But what I do feel like they did with Tar is that months leading
up to prior to this movie, I was getting myself more and more
excited. Oh yeah, they didn't give us
much. Of course they didn't, but it's
all they gave us. No, but it is quite literally
all they gave. It was all the segments of the
lesbian inning. Hmm, the lesbian happenings in
the film that they drip fed us throughout the months leading
up? Spoiler fucking alert.
That was literally that was all that was in the film.
Yeah, that was all that was in the film.
Bit of a habitat touch through the car.
Pathetic. That was pathetic, absolutely.
Pathetic and also just like a suggestive look.
Oh, and the kiss with the wife. But it was kind of so
emotionally fucked up that I didn't.
That didn't count enough. That was.
Also, apparently Kate actually ad libbed that.
Of course she did. So she, of course she did.
Big bloody lesbian Kate. Yeah, she had left it.
So that kiss wasn't even in the script.
So they weren't even going to give us a kiss in.
And this isn't me. And I've had a few people saying
that, oh, you shouldn't, you know, it's not all about
sexualizing lesbians, et cetera, et cetera.
I completely get that. But if it was in a scenario with
a straight person like a man and a woman in there, there would
have there would have been a lot more.
That would have that's the thing, like don't call it
representation when it's also not like I actually think the
film itself was incredible. It like.
Incredible. It was a it was a brilliant
film. Yeah.
And for what it actually clearly was meant to be, it was great.
But I didn't like the whole marketing using sad little
people like us. Yeah, exploiting us.
I spent my Sunday evening going to the cinema, which I wouldn't
usually do. Actually spend that at home with
my. Daughter spent extra on a VIPC.
Yeah, we've spent an extra £2.50 in view for you.
Bit disappointed. Yeah, let us know what you think
because. I feel like.
That we have spoken to people about they they definitely
agreed, but. There is a whole thing though,
with queer baiting because they do know that it gets the
audience going involved. Well, when Kate's involved, it's
always queer baiting. I mean, she doesn't even need to
play a queer character. She just oods lesbian.
She could be with a man and then every time that a woman, what's
in you see her face light up, right?
So it's not about that, but it's about using lesbian moments to
reel us in and make us believe that that's what the film is
going to be about. And actually, it had nothing to
do with that. And so then your expectations in
a way is like, oh, that was like that was nothing that I was
expecting, but there we are. Well, talking about reeling in,
you guys have actually asked us quite a few times how we met and
it's a it's an interesting one actually, isn't it?
In in classic gay culture, of course, it was never truly easy,
nice, and actually romantic. Like you said, it's not
typically romantic to you, maybe like when you just said it, but
I think it was kind of oddly like I.
Because I'm a sensitive person. Or think about the other people
involved in the situation. Obviously I'm not, so we it was
one of those things with Scarlett is that when I kind of
see someone that is dead, my type, I'm like a dog with a
bone. Can I actually jump in here
first though? Because I saw you before you saw
me. You did, yeah.
So this girl, I love her now we're all friends, kept posting
Freya on her stories, but obviously this girl was clever
and she was right. She didn't tag Freya for a very,
very long time because she knows what I and the rest of the
lesbian community are like, and I was just very interested in
this person. Can I say at this point I had
like no lesbian? Friends yeah, she wasn't on the
scene scene. So it was fresh.
Me quite literally at that time I was just coming out of a
relationship, my one of my really good friends.
I was like, oh, they may be a match.
So I'd sent her to my friend to be like, I don't know if this
girl is with the girls social media who I saw her on or if
they're just friends, but like we need to find out who she is
because I feel like she'll be a good match for you one day.
This girl obviously went out with Freya, you know, probably
had a few drink like the like the best of us do and probably
got a little bit confident, a bit cocky and thought, oh fuck
it, I'll tag her. Of course, me within 10 minutes
I'm on that profile. I'm I'm I'm two years deep.
I know her dogs names. I know every member of her
family a new biscuits name. I I probably knew more about you
than you knew about yourself already and I just followed.
Didn't didn't do anything else, just followed.
Obviously behind the scenes has done a lot else, but to you I
just followed. Well I couldn't believe it
because like honestly, I'd seen Scarlett's account but at the
time I was in a relationship and it was actually shown to me by
my ex as well. So part of me was like, and I
saw it and I was like trying to like.
Oh yeah, because both of our exes have mutuals, but I'm just
a standard. Your name with my eyes, like as
soon as I saw your profile I was like, it's like one of those.
Remember what was that programme where it's like all technical
Black Mirror, Black Mirror? You, you want that camera in
your eye? Oh, you're like fuck fuck fuck.
I literally was panicking because you showed it to me for
like 2 seconds. I was like, who's this girl?
And then, which is terrible, terrible, so bad, so naughty.
But it's just the way that I was.
Also, I was like 22, I think when I was with her by this
point, as soon as she followed, I was like, OK, I need to meet
this girl. But how can I slide in the DMS
without it looking really obvious that like, you know, I'm
not messaging you being like, hey, you're hot.
Like I wanted to. Be able to be fair.
I'd appreciate that if anyone else wants to slide into my DMS,
that's actually a good way of doing it.
Same with me, right? But like I was so nervous when I
came to talking to you because I was like, there's no way this
girl will ever even respond to me.
So I. Remember, I also feel like we
were all in the era of trying to have really cool chat up lines
and now we're all in the area era or we definitely are.
And I feel like our friends are of just saying it how it is,
saying it how it is, and I'm much preferring that.
I do also think it's not just era, it's getting older.
True. Like I'm now 4 1/2 years old
rather than I. Wouldn't start talking about
age, but true. But I am so, yeah.
So as soon as that came up I knocked things off with my ex
and then I and then I slid in your DMS about car delivery and
that you shared or whatever it was.
Anyway, we spent I think it was like 6 weeks talking to one
another. Yeah.
So anyone watching this who had a little conspiracy at the time
that there was crossover? That wasn't.
There was not crossover, and actually even if there was, I
wouldn't have really given a shit.
But just that, a principle that wasn't.
That wasn't. But yeah, so then we were
speaking for those six weeks, and then I knew that you were
coming over to Windsor to come and meet me.
When people say, oh, that, when they say, oh, you're shitting
yourself because you're so worried.
No, I was terrified. Did you like shit yourself a few
times? Before I had a really bad belly,
OK, I was. I was.
I was in a bad way, emotionally, physically, babe, you don't.
Have to fucking tell me I lived it.
OK, but I I lived it, darling. But I was working.
I don't need. Convincing and I knew that I was
seeing you the next time you said you know what, fuck it, are
you free this evening? And I was like fuck, but I'm not
going to like let her slip away. So yes, I'll literally do
anything for you. So I got home and I got ready
and I literally made myself like a bomb, like a old mole rat.
Just I just completely. God.
I didn't know what to do. I was like, what do I do?
I shaved my arms. I shaved everything I didn't.
I was like, let me be seamless. Let me be the most perfect
person she ever gonna meet another.
And I stood in that bathroom. Seamless doesn't mean perfect.
Can we just say that because you're saying that as if like
having hair would not be perfect.
No, that's very true, but. I mean, for you it made.
You because I was so panicked. I was like, let me just like I
was so close to just shaving off all my hair.
I was panicking so much. I was doing some crazy shit, OK.
And then I, I did my makeup like 3 times and I knew you.
I'm actually like, I'm shaking thinking about it because it
fucking terrified me. And then I was like, I was
looking at myself being like Freya, you're chilled like
whenever you go on a date, like you're like, you're fine.
Like that's the one thing that I would say about me that like
when I'm on a date, I'm absolutely fine.
So I was like, you're nervous now, but it'll be cool when she
arrives. Was I fucking?
Wrong. Yeah.
So on that note, she'd messaged me because where she was
staying, the garage was actually behind the house, which isn't an
official Rd. So she was like, drive up this
road, I will come out, meet you, I'll get you in the car.
I'll get in the car and you can drive round the like back of the
house. I'll show you how to get round
to get into the garage. So OK, great.
So I pull up outside of the house message to be like I'm
here. She walks out like at this point
call us a cucumber. Really like you were holding it
together well anyway. I had my hand on my bum.
She's got a nappy on. She opens the door and I
literally probably hadn't even finished saying hello and her
tongue was down my throat where she some reason in her mind just
threw herself at me. Like literally just threw
herself on me. And I went with it for about 3
seconds and then I was like actually, no, this is a bit
uncomfortable. So then we kind.
Of like, let me say it from my perspective.
So I got into the car, I went go kiss her on the cheek, go kiss
her on the cheek. And then your face kind of
slightly turned and because it's that awkward thing of when
you've been speaking. So somebody packed.
So I could have 100% just packed, right?
But I didn't want to give you a cat bum lip as your first to go
at me, right? I don't want to be.
So I had to, I had, I had to show you, I'll show you what I
was working with. I think it was nothing actually
at that point. So I it was such a mistake.
And as I was doing it, I was like, oh, I'm I've given myself
the biggest fucking ick ever. I can't.
She's been giving me a nick every fucking day.
Ever since. And I couldn't believe that I'd
done that. So I was in disbelief.
Sat in that car like, oh, it was bad.
It was so. We we got over that and she
showed me round to the garage and we went into the house and I
was kind of like sat on the stairs.
The stairs kind of end where the kitchen begins.
So I was kind of like sat perched on the stairs and she
was in the kitchen. I don't know what you were
doing. Probably frantically cleaning
now I've no. You.
I was getting A and you asked do you like?
Do you want a bit? And I was like yes please.
And she gets a beer out the fridge and goes to give it to
me, but goes to give it to me in such haste, drops it was pretty
much throwing it at me and the beer just shattered at my feet
and went everywhere. And because I'm an asshole, I
was like, oh, you're going to have to clean that up now.
And I just sat there and just watched her clean it.
Up. Actually, that's nasty with the
better reflection on it. You're the cun.
I shouldn't have done that. You were the cun, not me.
I admit I shouldn't have done that.
I was. To be fair, I remember you
saying you were kind of like do you need help?
Not like do you need help. It was do you need help?
So I was sweating, like quite literally sweating on the floor
thinking what the fuck is going on.
Look, can we also just say as well?
How I was giving you early insight into what you were going
to get right, and I've stayed true to it.
I'm a fool, OK? I'm a fool.
I could have helped you clean that up.
Sure, let's help me clean up. Let you in and oh, let's not go
into cleaning, let's not go into role division.
Joking. I'm going to have an argument.
Joking. I could have led you in under a
false sense of security, OK? And then we would have been
arguing for the next 4 1/2 years quite intensely, because you
would have been expecting me to be someone I'm not.
Very true. And do you know what?
That was very reflective of me. Do you want to know something
that would break your heart, though?
Is that that day I was sitting in Waitrose for so long trying
to pick out like the right beer because I started to like really
panic because I thought I don't want to buy something like
Heineken because she might be like, no, I don't.
I don't know. It's.
Now we drink Stella. I love Stella.
Now you know the real. Fucking love Stella, man.
Yeah, but I love Stella. I looked at you online and I
thought this is not a stellar girl.
So I stood there for ages trying to pick it out, only for me to
just go and drop it on the floor as soon as I tried to give it to
you. So.
And then in classic lesbian style, we went to one bar, got
really drunk, got back in phrase at the time, Fiat 500, what a
fucking experience that was. Finger in the Fiat.
Had sex in the Fiat so loudly that a man in one of probably
the most richest streets in the UK walked out of his house to
come and tap on the window to ask us to quieten down.
That was not great. And do you know in the film
where where the windows are steamy?
They were genuinely steamy. Because then I could horny as
well. I didn't give a shit.
No knew that me now I would probably recoil and cry and make
you drive us into a brick wall. I was in like first date stance
and I was like, yeah, do you know what if some middle-aged 50
year old bald man with a beer belly wants to watch me carry
on? All right.
You enjoying this, Jeffrey? Do you like it?
Do you like what you're seeing? Afraid not that.
No, darling, I don't. Think it should be amazing.
I'm there with my feet on the horn.
Don't make references to Jeffrey fucking Epstein.
Oh it. Wasn't for Jeffrey Epstein, that
was just the first thing they came into my fucking head.
The random Jeff? Yeah.
It was just a random. Jeff, it couldn't have been
fucking Steve, could It couldn't have been Steve, people.
Used my dad's name. Why would I use?
Steve, you wouldn't use Steve. That is fair, actually.
Fucking idiot. Yeah, went there, I had sex in
the car and got caught then and. Bread, by the way, you look like
you're at like, what is it? You know when they do, You know
when they do the church service and they just give you a round,
a bit of bread. It's like mousy portions, so I'm
going to put it down because I'm making myself feel sick.
No, now you've got a mouth of bread.
No, it's not full because it's such a pathetic bite.
That's why it's gone. Not talk about the Jodie coma
bite. Very quickly, actually.
What? Whenever she eats it's like a
big like bite. Of love.
I love when piles just don't give a fuck.
They just like eat, and they're not trying to act pretty about
it. Eat a burger on the first date
and also I'll never even look at you because I'll be too busy
eating my food. I'll never.
Look, yeah, we had this conversation the other day where
me and Freya have. So obviously we've been together
4 1/2 years. We have so many photographic
memories of each other and our faces at different times.
Like I know what Freya looks like when she cries, when she's
asleep, when she's happy, when she's laughing, when she's
angry. I do not know what this bitch
looks like when she eats because we are both so greedy that
whenever we sit down to eat, there's utter silence.
Probably the only time there ever is we eat like literal
animals. Eat like we've never.
Eaten and we only look up and lock eyes again when we've both
finished our last mouthful so we genuinely don't know what each
other looks like when. We halfway through them.
Like you like it? Yeah.
Yeah, but I'm still facing downwards.
I'm in my like, I'm in my zone, yeah.
Yeah, genuinely, I don't know what you look like.
No I don't, Just finishing the first date, then how we met.
Then we ended up in the weirdest karaoke type bar thing ever
where Freya got on the piano, sold me with a song and swing my
Dick. I was that basic bitch.
And I was like oh she can sing and play piano yay.
Not that she hadn't already gotten in my pants, so I don't
know what point she was proving. But I wanted to.
I wanted. To it worked for longevity
clearly and in classic lesbian style U-Haul.
That was basically it. I don't think we've basically
really spent longer than probably a week apart since,
other than COVID, which you made my life hell about, but we'll
save that for another day. Yeah, I did.
No, but actually it was a SEAL deal for you.
From the first day, you had a massive.
Oh yeah, I in my mind was like. This is fine.
Oh it oh, it was for me too. But I my perception, I wanted
you, but I didn't know if you wanted me again.
So like the whole of like the the whole.
Yeah, Day 2 I had a massive panic attack, which I won't go
into as to why, because again, we'll save it for another day
because that's a whole story. So lesbian A panic attack on day
2. But Freya gave me Valium for my
panic attack because it was so bad and I'd never had Valium in
my life. So then I started having the
time of my life. So I don't know if it was your
singing, your bad chat up lines, your average sex, or the Valium
that brought me back. No hate like lesbian love.
I find that so.
Far. I'm getting that, Leanna.
I'm getting that tattooed on me, tell Annabelle.
On the bum. No, somewhere you will never
find. So guys, we've asked you to give
in some of your horror stories of lesbian dating again, which,
oh, I'm obsessed with. Like actually obsessed.
You guys have sent in some of the best stories I've ever
heard. Obviously we have to pick one
per episode. You will get your chance.
But this one really really stuck out to me because I was entirely
horrified, but I now can't remember because I played it
ages ago. It was traumatising enough that
we've actually put it to the back of our brain.
But yeah, these stories that you guys are sending in are like, if
I ever needed a reason to keep doing this, this would.
That would be it. Like everything else could be
going wrong and the sadistic nosy bitch in me would continue
doing this podcast to live vicariously through all of your
sadness, heartbreak and trauma. And I don't apologise.
So this is from an anonymous reader says I was talking to a
girl for like over a year and a half.
She lived halfway across the world and it was during COVID so
we didn't meet for a long time. This is very lesbian already, we
told each other. We love long distance.
We do because we have. To put ourselves through more
pain than society already puts. Us also, I just feel like
there's just less. Lesbians.
Yeah, except for Yeah, Well, it never works.
We know it never works. Leanna's in the corner with the
thumbs down because her long distance relationship.
It was long enough for it to not work though, so it's.
Like 2 hours, four hours. But then I I to be fair I had a
long distance relationship that was like 10 hours away so that
also didn't work like. Playing this was There we go.
We told each other we love each other, planned our wedding.
Classic. I know before even meeting,
planning a wedding, even down to the details of what food to have
there picked out, baby names, etcetera.
Anyway, after a year and a half I flew out to finally meet her
6000 kilometres away. Spent two days together, she was
out of the gym one morning and she also what like your two
days? Why are you going to the gym in
the morning? Like grow up so having enough?
Sex you don't need to don't. Even need it.
Just wear that strap on and go ham.
Do you know what I mean? My ABS have never.
Both of our ABS have never been better as to when we first met
and we were just strapping all the time.
Yep, and I keep telling you that that's the reason why I want to
continue having sex in this relationship, but it turns out
that maybe you just open a back fit.
She was out of the gym all morning and she left a book on
the table and out of curiosity I opened it.
Turns out was a diary in which she had been writing about her
soul mate, who wasn't me. The fuck?
This diary basically explained how she'd fallen in love with a
man. A man.
I'm sorry, that does make it worse.
It does make it worse. I'd rather.
It was another girl. Me too.
Percent. All during the time that I knew
her and bought a fucking house with him.
All while she was planning her life with me and telling me she
loved me. Bro when I tell you that I was
the calmest I'd ever felt when I confronted that I was so dumb
but so relieved. Literally could not write it.
That is like that is traumatic that for me.
But do you know what's sad about this is I know so many people
listening to the podcasts will probably say that happened to me
or I've got a similar story. It's probably the same girl.
Because if there's so many ways you can break this down, right?
But that girl's clearly living a lie.
As in the girl that's bought a house with a guy is writing in
her diary about the the Disney Princess love story that she's
having with a man. You don't have an intense online
emotional relationship with a woman for no reason.
And invite her over it have her. Come, you know she's either
bisexual, she's lesbian or she's pansexual.
She's some you know, but for her to basically lie about this part
of her life is more is actually one of the most concerning
things because she's living a lie.
Was it not be like me and you being together?
You know, I would 100% class myself as a lesbian, but it
would be like me now having an emotional online relationship
with a man. I bet.
Well, clearly you're not a lesbian.
And that's. Fine, yeah, and that's fine.
But she's very sad that people. Like what?
She's living this double life. So I think that's why that girl
is saying that she was the calmest she's ever felt because
that is closure. But then also it's like you've
shit on me from a height and you're a piece of shit.
But also good luck to you living the rest of your life living a
lie. And that's not me saying that I
think it's easy being out or that people should be forced to
come out or anything like that. But also don't implicate someone
else's feelings if you can't deal with your own.
But this is keep another. Person but this is this is very,
very common like there is a lot of times and and actually I can
hold up my hand and say that I was that person in the other
seat. So when I was younger, I was
very much in the closet and I would really, really to hurt the
people that I were, that I was with and the person that I was
with purely because I was too terrified to come out because it
is a fear, it's a real fear. And so I do believe that people
in that scenario, they don't really care who they who they
hurt. Because they want their thing,
and they don't want. To they can't see it.
I couldn't see it. I was kind of aware of it, but I
was like, I was so busy trying to protect myself that like
there was no way. Do you know what?
But like, I would be really annoyed about that flight.
Couldn't have been cheap. So pay for my flight.
I'd have been invoicing that bitch.
Yeah, like that's what I would have held Rover about.
It would have been invoice. And it would have also been
emotional damage. I'd have been like do you know I
want monthly repayments for the next 4 fucking years at this
price And if you don't do it, no we don't out people that's
wrong. But I would tell her husband or
her the boyfriend because that's not technically outing her being
naughty. It's still a.
It's still but. She's still cheated.
Yeah, right. So that's how I'd get my
payback. I would cash.
I'd cash the fuck in. I'd cash in.
Yeah, it's mad. It's absolutely mad.
You always think though there's, there's always like, there's
always a reason. But then.
She clearly wasn't going to the gym then when she she's probably
checking in on the boyfriend or the husband or not.
Sure. I didn't think about that.
I would, yeah. She wasn't pressing.
Wait, she. Was see, I was going to say then
that would like this whole situation wouldn't have got past
me, but it would have because I've been cheated on and I
believed that I believed that it wasn't happening.
Also, it's like you want to believe it.
I also think this is again why she says that she was so calm
because her gut knew your gut. It wasn't a surprise.
Like every time I found out I was being cheated on, deep down
it really wasn't a surprise because you know.
I mean, man, I feel for her regardless.
I feel for her. But I feel.
She's in a good place right now. She's told me how good of a
place she's in. Sometimes it's it's character
building. Well, I'm glad that she's in
that place, but I'm sorry that it happened.
And, and just FYI everyone, can you stop fucking planning your
weddings and your baby names of people that you've met online
and never met in person? Like you're not that you're not.
I know that you're all thinking, oh, we're the only people to
have done this or Oh my God, no one else could possibly have
felt like this and been doing this and we are unique and we
are special. You're not trust me.
You are lesbianing 101. And I am now old enough to say
that we're going to be like, if you're anything like your
friends or anything like us and our friends, like, you're going
to have this shit absolutely ripped out of.
You put that ring back in a box, take your knee back up, babe.
Yeah, take that Argos ring back, take it away, right and.
Rethink your decision. You can spend that £200 in
Sheba. Yeah.
On multiple little girls. Not little.
I haven't seen that. But like multiple ladies, I said
little. Let me I need to explain why I
said little because this baby giants and also because the
ceilings are so fucking low in she bath.
You like me in the end and anything above 5/9 and 1/2 which
you and Beth won't ever be able to relate to you literally touch
the fucking ceiling of that club or bar or whatever you want to
call it. But clunge dungeon I think is
the most appropriate word for sheba.
Yeah, just put your put your fucking baby carriers away.
Put your Argos rings away, get downstairs into the devil's den
that is Sheba and enjoy that and.
Pop your pussy. And pop your puss until you find
your wife. It's actually the lesbian war
bunker. There you go.
Lesbian war bunker. Exactly.
And you will probably find Beth McCarthy there every week.
Oh, she even goes on the Wednesday as well.
Doesn't even need to be a weekend.
See the pink puss for yourself on Karaoke Wednesday at Sheba.
What would be my ideal lesbian bar, right?
Or club or whatever it would be, there would be 3 levels.
OK, so the top level, well the level that you walk in on would
be bougie and it would be like really good fucking food, really
good drinks. Like dress code has to be not
wanky, but like, you can't dress decent, right?
Yeah, yeah, because it's my ideal lesbian barley and
everyone. Is gay.
No, no, because it gets worse and then you go down one floor
once you've had like 3 or 4 drinks and it starts to get a
little bit. There's dancy bits.
The bar's still there. Some people are still, you know,
just eyeing up other girls at the bar.
Some girls are crying texting their ex in the corner, but
there's like a merge. Not texting corner.
Yeah, it's like in a in a quiet booty.
Yeah, and it's not too hectic, but it's like good that you can
sit and people watch and the girls will always bring the
drama. And then you go to the third
floor. Titties everywhere.
Like not naked but just titties. And then when you say not naked
but just titties. Because I don't mind, like
everyone's tops can be off. I don't actually need the
trousers, like, but everyone, because we always all take our
tops off, right? We always get drunk and pull our
tops up. We always do it.
I don't know why we do it. We do.
It's fucking weird. Yeah, we do.
I don't know why. I actually put it over my head.
And yeah, I put it over my head and then run around the club
next week. Alex, please come.
She's got the most ohh we don't. Fucking ask you.
You do it voluntary. FaceTime and the next thing I've
looked away, the next thing I know, it's this just in the.
Eye I know why we do it though. It's to slightly show off the
nipple bar is if again, we're the only lesbians in the world
with a nipple bar, but we're we're still a minority.
And yeah, then you get to 3rd floor and it is titty bar.
It's it's a titty bar. Hooters.
Yes. Hooters, no.
Lesbian Hooters, No. Why not?
No, because Hooters. Is T-shirt competitions.
Yeah, but like, yeah, but like not no, no misogyny there.
And I feel like Hooters gives a bit of that, Yes, the L word,
that kind of just the manic. First of all is the planet.
First of all, is the planet 2nd floor?
We don't have any other fucking references.
It's so depressing. You will will make the
reference. Do we have any other not
existing London lesbian bars? But what I do need is that we
need lesbian bars to no longer be underground like we are in
the 1940s. No, I've got it.
OK, The top 1 is the planet Elwood.
Second one is Coyote. Ugly bar, no men's.
That's the second floor page. 2. Because I love the vibe.
That's what I'd go for. Just no guys.
And then third floor, the third down, it's not floor, we're
going down. Food but and just call it fries.
No, guys. No, it gets nastier as it goes
down. Why do you say I have to say it
like that? It gets I.
Need a nasty reference. It will be like, no, I'm going
to. It's going to get too rogue.
What did he say? Kitten Kittens.
Oh, killing kittens? Isn't that like a club?
And. No, that was a Netflix series,
wasn't it? That's how to kill a cat or
something like that. That's right.
And that woman tried to make us go.
Remember, we were at the oh, when we were at and we sat there
opposite to her and she was like killing kittens.
Do you want to come? And I was.
Like, oh, when we were with Chloe, Do you know what I.
Say. Yeah, so I just don't.
So then it's a lesbian only sex party and.
Yes, yes, and it's. Only red.
Yes, only red. Alas, super hot there was.
I'm all for it. There was many simplistic ways
that we could have described our bar, but we've done it in a
complex way. The Lesbian Supper Club, the
Lesbian Supper Club floor one, the Lesbian Supper Club for two,
and the Lesbian Supper Club floor 3.
I'll just call it like clip with like an exclamation mark, no?
Clip. Lesbian.
No, we're quite open. Other than that, Alex.
Alex turns up in a wig. You can, you can.
Do you know what? You actually can.
Wasn't there a whole debate on TikTok recently where straight
men wanted to identify as lesbians?
That's pathetic. It's actually pathetic.
Then you just throw up. But they don't think that.
They don't think that. They think they can change us.
They think that they're going to walk in with a room full of
women and they're all going to turn around about.
Also, do just watch anything. You should talk about lesbian
porn. Oh yeah, can we actually get you
both? Here I don't remember that.
I must have been too drunk. They were so Leanna and Beth
were making out at my birthday party, which was a.
Lot. Oh, I did try.
And yeah, I tried to record it. I.
Didn't I was sat next to them basically like stroking both of
their heads. I don't know why I did that
anyway, these men were I just wanted to be involved.
These men were staring at these girls like they're in a zoo,
right? And for me, I get it right?
Because they're both hot and they're making out OK, cool.
Like I want but. It's still just fucking rude.
Rude, but it's not only. I would want to look, but I
wouldn't. But it's more than that.
It's spectating. It's them gathering together.
It's them pointing. It's them small.
It's them also thinking they're getting a live porn show, not
that 2 girls that are generally attracted to each other could
just want to be making out. Yeah, and that's the thing
again. But they were thinking, if we
don't watch them, then why are they doing?
It exactly. They think it's for them, so
they think it's for. So if you're a straight girl
that goes out and get to the girls in front of men, stop
fucking doing it. You make the rest of our lives
really hard. Feeding into it.
But that's the thing, I I just looked at these men and I was
like, fuck me. There's there's Yeah.
No, don't fuck me. Don't That's what they're after,
darling. That's not the wise.
Words to use. No, it's yeah.
So it's, it's horrendous. I think it's really
demoralising. I think it's one of those things
where, again, if that's why queer spaces are so.
Important. Important because it's also a
lot less. Queer spaces that let you in as
well. Because we've spoken about this
so much with lots of different people and it's happening a lot
and actually think it's happening more and more as time
goes on. Which is weird because it should
be the other way. Why do gay bars stop keep
refusing entry to quite clearly queer people?
And I don't mean queer presenting because there is no
way of looking queer. So sometimes if you are old
school and I don't look like a classic enough lesbian for you,
and you initially say OK, you're not coming in.
And then I proceed to tell you that I have 4 1/2 years worth of
content with my girlfriend and you won't let me in.
That's problematic. Not that we should have to prove
it anyway, because actually straight people by nature
probably wouldn't really want to go to a gay bar, and you could
quite easily sniff out the groups of men that are going
there for one specific reason. But if our, for example, like
our group of girls are going to a gay bar, we're going there
because we're gay. Like come on.
And we won't never refuse entry. And we aren't the only ones as
well. No.
And this really needs to be sorted out, because it's
actually very, very distressing for.
Because it is purely safety. It's not about us trying to take
over, it's about us wanting to have fun, have a fucking good
time and feel safe whilst doing it.
I don't want to be in a space, yeah, where I'm constantly
having to look over my shoulder because I do it all the fucking
time. My peripheral vision is amazing
now. Amazing, because I'm constantly
aware. That's also because you've been
playing in Call of Duty on your phone, like intensely for the
last I can't talk, I'm ready to go.
Our relationship has got to the point where she's Call of Duty
to the left of me and she rings up our friends now and gets them
to shrine down the app so they can play together.
And I sit there and utter silence.
I've turned off all of my notifications so if anyone's
calling me now I'm not actually looking at the screen waiting
for the phone call to end anymore.
I'm on Grand Theft Auto. OK so I'm going to give you 5
celebrity names and I want you to list them in most like to
fuck. Least like to fuck.
OK, so that was Cate Blanchett, Gillian Anderson, Aubrey Plaza
Fletcher and Angelina Jolie. I'd be doing myself a disservice
if I didn't always put Angelina at the top because she's always
going to be there and. You know that she's probably I
would put bets on she's the most wild.
I would never walk again and I'd be absolutely fine with that.
OK, because I know that she's bringing out some crazy fucking.
Yeah, it might not even be through like multiple WAG
orgasms. She may actually get out a knife
and cut your leg off no problem. Again, that would be fine.
She'd be like, she put out, she'd bring out like a 15 inch
dildo and be like, do you do anal?
I'd be like yeah like try it you can try it.
I'm screaming it's an exit, not an entrance while she's yeah
anyway I've got number. Okay, so I really Kate Blanchett
is so. So hot.
She is technically married to a man in real life though.
Yeah, but Aubrey. Good to prove a Aubrey.
Yeah, Aubrey Plaza is so hot and so weird and I.
Love. And again, you know that she's a
bit of a sadistic bit. I know that she loves really
make me laugh and for me, I know that Cate Blanchett made me
laugh, but Aubrey would be so fucking weird.
I know that I'd like come into the bedroom.
She'd be like dressed up like an alien or like, I know that she'd
be probably doing like a weird like.
You you're into like alien play. No, no, but I know that she'd be
doing some like exorcist weird like crab walk or.
Something so you're into that. Well, no, but I, I, I'd be into
it if it was Aubrey. Sorry.
So you're into exorcist play, but when I come home, 10
tequila's deep and I'm acting like the fucking exorcist in the
bathroom chucking up, you have a problem with that?
But if Aubrey Plaza does it, she don't if.
She's doing a crab walk backwards with a trap on on.
I would find that fucking hilarious.
So Aubrey Plaza is number 2. So fuckable.
Angelina Aubrey Plaza Then obviously it's going to be ah.
Gillian Anderson could probably ruin my life as well though,
because she's also like super like sex.
Like she knows everything like grapefruit.
Hey, this is her. Yeah, she'd be a great.
She would know what to do with my.
Grapefruit and should be a banana.
Although I don't she's. Fucking stiff Aubrey would be a
pear. Aubrey would be a pear.
Because she's like, got length. Mean.
She's a bit of an odd shape, bit of an odd one.
She's a bit odd but then also she's got my she's got my boggly
eyes so me and her could look at each other in the eyes without
you could also look like sisters.
Perfect. Is that what you're into?
Perfect, perfect. And then so Gillian Anderson
would really show me like. But then The thing is as well, I
like to kind of like show her a good time.
I would want to make Gillian squirt.
Sorry, Gillian next time. Who else is there?
You've gone, Ange. Or repulsive.
Gillian Anderson, Gillian Cate Blanchett.
I would like to make sure like a pig and I would I would want.
To Fletcher last. I'm sorry, Fletcher, like I do
love Fletcher, but she's going last because.
I think as well you like an older girl, I.
Do I like an older woman? Fletcher, I'm younger than you.
That's funny. No, but Fletcher is obviously
very hot, right? And she's a singer that's also
really sexy. But like, you can't fuck a
voice. I mean, I'm gonna go with who
did I say? Cate Blanchett and then
Fletcher. But Fletcher, it doesn't mean
that. Fletcher, you're still very,
very, very much on the card out. Of my league it's fine she is
still very, very attractive and very beautiful.
Hot. OK, she can't be my.
Fair order. I like your justification for
everyone. I I I'm not sure I agree with
the ordering, but I agree with the why.
What would your order? No, because I want you to give
me 5 now so the five can be different.
So I'm now gonna give you 5 okay?
Fuckable to least fuckable. Miley Cyrus, Renee Rapp, Megan
Fox, Zendaya and Jodie Comer. This is going to be very
controversial, and it's even controversial for me.
I put Renee first only because she is.
She is my obsession of the moment.
OK. And it probably won't last, but
I'm in crushing era, Renee. Wrap her legs around your.
Neck. Yeah, Renee.
Wrap fucking strangle me so Renee Megan because I know she's
just actually fruitier in real life than Jodie Megan because I
know that she would be nuts and I love that Jodie would have to
go forth because I would make her do Villanelle and all the
accents and stuff and that would be fucking Hawks when she talks,
when she talks Russian, literally.
Do you know what The thing is? I haven't watched Euphoria
Euphoria and I feel like Zendaya in Euphoria.
She's obviously fucking beautiful, but I've not watched
her in action enough to create an obsession with her, to be
quite honest. Whereas I have watched Miley
Cyrus's, I've watched her since Hannah Montana.
So there's been a lot of obsession progression.
So Miley. And then it would have to be be
Zendaya. But again, that's a very, very,
very, very unfair list because the rankings impossible.
Miley in that flowers video is like next level, next level like
as in Miley and as I say video, I want to be that sprinkler.
I want to make her that sprinkler that she's.
Running you're apologising to Renee, to Fletcher.
I'm like, no, I'm not ashamed, but Renee should be fucking
thanking me for listening her because I would be taking that
as a very, very, very high compliment.
So yeah, give us more stories, give us more topics, give us
controversy. Episode 3 is an open.
Dance floor unlike Sheba which is always cramped.
So that was it for today. We hope you enjoyed.
If you did enjoy, please like and subscribe so we can continue
to exist as I think really the only real lesbian supper club
podcast ever.