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Hello everyone, welcome to this 
week's episode of the Lesbian 

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Supper Club podcast. 
You are joined today by 

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Scarlett. 
I'm a little bit ashamed to say 

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that actually because I do 
acknowledge I've not been 

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visible for the last three 
months. 

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So sorry about me. 
Have not really got much excuse 

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for that other than I've just 
prioritised other things, 

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rightfully or wrongly. 
So been busy. 

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I've been really ill suffering 
with a neurological condition. 

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So that's partially why I 
haven't been around because I 

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have been in severe pain 24 
hours a day, which is now under 

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control. 
Thank you, Saint Mary's 

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Hospital, but I am back today 
and I'm back today bringing you 

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a guest and conversation which 
I'm really excited to kind of 

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dissect and go over. 
And I think it will be a 

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conversation that you will all 
probably be able to relate to in

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one way or another, find super 
useful and hopefully super 

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insightful. 
So I want to introduce to you 

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today Jazz. 
Hello Jazz, how are you doing? 

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I'm good, thanks for having me. 
Thank you for coming on. 

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We gave Jazz I think less than 
24 hours notice to appear today,

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which is very on brand. 
So thank you for taking the 

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time. 
We're really excited to have 

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you. 
I'm. 

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Excited to be here. 
This is a really cozy sofa. 

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Yeah, it is right. 
It's first time for me as well. 

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By the way, guys want to say as 
well, we are now officially 

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recording in the Spotify 
studios. 

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We've done it, we've made it. 
Thank you Spotify. 

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So life is going to be a lot 
easier for us. 

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Life's going to be a lot more 
interesting for you because 

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we're going to be around a lot 
more. 

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We are going to be a lot more 
visual and a lot more visible 

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and a lot more consistent 
because we've finally got there.

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We've locked it down and we're 
ready to go. 

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So yes, first person in the 
podcast studio other than Shura 

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last year on a consistent basis.
So please do introduce yourself,

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give us a little bit of insight 
into who is jazz, what do you 

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do, and let us know whatever you
want us to know. 

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OK, I'm Jazz. 
I am 24. 

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I came out last year in January 
now, so yeah, it's gone by 

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really, really fast. 
I am on a show called Made in 

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Chelsea and I also run. 
Yeah, I'm going to ask you to 

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drop the routine at the end 
actually, because I think that's

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going to be a big a big topic. 
I will for sure. 

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So I kind of do little bits and 
bobs here and there when I'm not

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filming, but essentially a film 
six months out of the year. 

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OK, so yeah. 
And how long have you been on 

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Made in Chelsea? 
Done it for I think over 2 years

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now 2 1/2. 
Years. 

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OK, so talk to me a little bit 
about that initially. 

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How did Made in Chelsea come 
about for you? 

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What is that journey like on a 
day-to-day and what has that 

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journey been like over the last 
two years for you? 

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So after uni, my SO, I've always
wanted to be a professional 

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tennis player. 
I played at an Academy growing 

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up, amazing. 
And then I played at uni and 

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straight out of uni my mom was 
like, right, you got to get a 

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job straight away. 
Tennis didn't work out. 

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I really wanted to become a 
tennis coach, but my mom 

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essentially was like, you have 
to crack down and get a job 

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ASAP. 
And so I was like, fuck, I don't

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know what I want to do. 
Like I want a tennis coach. 

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I've I want to explore a little 
bit, but essentially my mum is 

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an Alma mum. 
She's very strict. 

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She wants me to get a nine to 
five and whatever, but I wasn't 

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sure. 
So me and Chelsea approached me 

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and I was like, technically 
that's a job. 

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Like, I think it's a pretty, 
pretty bloody hard one as well, 

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actually. 
But I was like. 

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Brain surgeon, There's nothing 
to that as far as I'm concerned.

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I was like, on paper, 
technically all I wanted to do 

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was just tell my mum that I've 
got a job so that I can figure 

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it out essentially. 
So I was like, I'll just join 

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Made in Chelsea for for the plot
while I figure out what I want 

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to do because technically it's 
paid and whatever. 

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So I did that and I said Mum, 
I've got a job and she. 

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Not that job actually jazz, but.
Yeah, literally she was like, 

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this is not what I meant, but I 
was like, I'll just do it for a 

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little bit while I figure out 
what I want to do. 

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And I'm still here, so. 
So overall, it's been a positive

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experience for you. 
Definitely, yeah. 

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Overall, yes, obviously it's 
hard at times. 

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Yeah, it's challenging. 
It is not for the weak, I'll 

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tell you that. 
But I do have fun. 

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And would you say overtime of 
being on the show in terms of 

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having that public element of 
the show? 

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And it is a reality TV show 
ultimately. 

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So the whole purpose of it is to
have storylines filmed and put 

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out there which are interesting 
in game viewership. 

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Like this is the world and which
we all operate in. 

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This is media, this is TV. 
But obviously that comes at a 

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cost. 
And do you feel over time that 

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that has got easier for you or 
is it something that you still 

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very much have to grapple with 
every day? 

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And what does that look like to 
you and how does that feel for 

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you? 
Appreciate that's a big 

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question, but I think it's an 
important one. 

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I think over time it's 
definitely become a lot more 

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challenging because I think for 
the average Made in Chelsea 

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viewer, it takes them a while to
warm up to someone or for 

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someone to kind of, how do I 
describe this? 

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It's like survival of the 
fittest on that show. 

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So you kind of it takes time to 
kind of establish yourself. 

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At the beginning I didn't feel a
difference per SE, but now it's 

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definitely something that's a 
lot more challenging so. 

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Your presence has become bigger 
on the show and therefore your 

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people, your viewership and the 
people that know you and comment

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on you has has grown and grown 
because you have shown up more 

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in that way. 
So you've become more of a kind 

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of main character, so to speak. 
So it's got a little bit more 

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intense and difficult over time.
Definitely for sure. 

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But I think my way of handling 
it has gotten better slowly, 

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yeah, because you just get used 
to it at the end of the day. 

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And I think it is really nice 
that my best friends are also on

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the show, so we kind of navigate
this you. 

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Experience it together and 
you've got that kind of support 

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network, yeah, directly around 
you, which is I think super 

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important. 
I was thinking about this 

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earlier because I do think when 
you show up publicly, and I will

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hold my hands up to this as 
well. 

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I think anyone who knows me 
knows that I'm pretty strong, 

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convicted individual in my 
beliefs, sense of self, what I 

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think about things, etcetera, 
etcetera. 

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But even me, I would be lying if
I sat here and said it's not. 

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It's something that I don't 
think about. 

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If I think about posting 
something online, how it's going

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to be perceived? 
What are people going to say? 

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Am I going to be judged? 
What does that do about how I 

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feel about myself? 
How does that affect me? 

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And I was thinking earlier, 
again, what you say about kind 

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of community. 
I think The thing is the same 

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for me is that what keeps me 
grounded and keeps me on a 

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sanity track actually with this 
stuff and with the noise that 

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surrounds us in this world is I 
look at the people around me and

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I look at the people around me. 
And I've got some really 

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incredible people around me. 
And I look at them and they are 

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beautiful people both inside and
out. 

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They're successful people. 
They're intelligent people both 

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academically and emotionally. 
And they are my friends. 

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And I trust that I look at the 
people around me and it grounds 

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me back into the person who I 
that I am and how I feel about 

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myself and hopefully how I put 
myself out there in the world. 

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That even on days that I can't 
trust myself or look at myself 

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in a positive light, I can look 
at the people around me and at 

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least trust that they wouldn't 
be around me if I didn't 

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represent those values that I 
see in them. 

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And it does look like you have 
some really beautiful people 

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around you as well. 
And I think we have to sometimes

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take a step back and realise 
that that is a reflection of us 

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and how we show up in the world 
I love. 

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That yeah, I really do love 
that. 

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And I think having those people 
around you and close to you is 

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so important, especially when 
your job is challenging at 

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times. 
For sure. 

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And also family as well. 
My family have been and my 

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friends as well from before 
that. 

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So obviously I've got my friends
on the show, but even the 

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friends that I've known since I 
was little, they do a really, 

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really good job at supporting 
me. 

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And also, you know, taking me 
back to Earth when I when I need

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it, which. 100% and again that 
you say friends from childhood, 

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people don't maintain long term 
childhood friendships if they're

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not good people with good 
values. 

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MMM and it's the same for me. 
I still have friends that I 

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don't speak to all the time, 
they're all over the world. 

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But we're still extremely close.
And again, I think it's a 

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reflection on you. 
Clearly not a perfect person. 

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None of us are perfect. 
Probably look back at some 

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things and think if I had a 
magic timeline or I had a magic 

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ball, I would have done that 
slightly differently. 

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I would have said that 
differently. 

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Maybe I let myself down a bit 
there. 

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But no one is perfect. 
And the fact that you hold on to

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long term relationships in that 
way shows that ultimately the 

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values that you hold and the way
that you show up is generally a 

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very respectful, positive, good 
way, good light in people's 

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life. 
I want to kind of carry this on 

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in terms of, so you've been on 
Made in Chelsea for just over 2 

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years. 
I think it's fair to say that 

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you've said that your character 
in the show has grown. 

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And I think it would probably be
fair to say that the gay story 

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is probably what grew that 
character and your presence on 

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the show. 
You came out publicly last year.

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So I want to talk about that 
experience and I know it is 

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something that you've spoken 
about generally. 

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But I think in the context of 
what we are discussing here in 

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terms of having an online social
presence and the pressure that 

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comes with that, having to then 
work through very difficult 

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feelings, I would imagine 
internally knowing you've got a 

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light shone on you. 
How was the process of coming 

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out and how has the last year 
been for you? 

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I actually came out on the show 
and before then I was deeply 

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closeted. 
I don't know how obvious it was.

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Some people say that they could 
see it from the day that I 

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stepped on Made in Chelsea and 
other people were completely 

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shocked. 
So I actually haven't checked 

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out your walk. 
I need to do that because if. 

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You've got the gay walk. 
I'll know. 

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People definitely picked up on 
something and also my love life 

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with guys on the show, excited 
storylines with guys on the show

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before I publicly came out and 
that was just in shambles. 

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So OK, did you just like blow up
your boyfriend's? 

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Yeah, a few of them. 
I just. 

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Yeah, there wasn't really much. 
Best friend vibes, Yeah, 

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definitely siblings or dating 
kind of thing, which actually 

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lesbians do as well. 
That's a whole other like kettle

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of fish. 
We do it in a slightly different

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way, which is weird, but yeah, 
OK, fine. 

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And then it was, I think for me,
and not many people understand 

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this still about me, is that 
weirdly, I find talking to the 

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cameras and filming very 
therapeutic. 

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So I would say stuff in scenes 
that I would never ever say if 

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the cameras weren't there. 
And so I came out on the show 

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and it genuinely helped me. 
It spoke it into existence. 

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And I feel like if it wasn't for
the show, I wouldn't have ever 

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come out, I think. 
Interesting. 

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And I still to this day choose 
to talk about stuff that I 

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wouldn't have ever chosen to 
speak about if it wasn't for the

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show. 
And I guess that's a blessing 

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and a curse. 
Yeah, depending on the 

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situation. 
Do you think that's because 

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actually we've spoke generally 
so far and I've probably come in

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with a slightly negative 
association to the media world 

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is that do you think you are 
able to show up with that level 

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00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:05,400
of conviction and honesty on the
show outside of maybe your 

227
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day-to-day life without the 
cameras on you? 

228
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:11,760
Because I'm sure as much as we 
sit here and say people present 

229
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:15,040
negative situations and opinions
and sometimes spread hate in 

230
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:19,360
awful messages, that I'm sure 
you've had so many people reach 

231
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:22,960
out to you and say that you've 
had such a positive impact on 

232
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them and help them in their 
journey in one way or another. 

233
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:29,400
And so do you think that 
actually maybe you are able to 

234
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open yourself up in that way 
because you know that you're 

235
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telling a bigger story for 
people actually just beyond 

236
00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:38,280
yourself? 
1000% especially now, I think 

237
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:42,800
with coming out, I didn't really
know what to expect, but I knew 

238
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:46,880
that if I did speak this into 
existence, I'm not only speaking

239
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,920
to my friends, but I'm speaking 
to my family. 

240
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:52,800
I'm speaking to a wider audience
who, you know, I really hoped 

241
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,760
that I could help other people 
as well because I know that 

242
00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,600
they, there's so many people 
that were in that position. 

243
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:03,240
And from the feedback and all of
this, I don't really pay 

244
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,840
attention to the negative stuff,
especially when it comes to 

245
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,640
coming out and becoming who I 
am. 

246
00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:13,520
I know that me doing that on the
show, it runs a risk of having 

247
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,600
people not like it or having 
people not understand it, but. 

248
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,200
I think we can laugh at those 
types of. 

249
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,960
People, though, like people. 
Come at you with like homophobia

250
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:23,400
and. 
Things. 

251
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:26,000
Oh my goodness. 
Yeah, though that type of stuff 

252
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,800
doesn't touch me either because 
I'm just like, ultimately you're

253
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,480
a degenerate. 
I've just got nothing else. 

254
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,520
It's like we're not the we're 
just not the same. 

255
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:39,760
Like you're an unevolved, simple
person with lack of intellectual

256
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,720
capability, and you don't 
represent me. 

257
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:46,160
So actually, I don't want you to
understand me and I don't want 

258
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:48,680
to understand you because the 
day I understand Someone Like 

259
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:50,520
You, I'm like you and I don't 
want to be like you. 

260
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,880
I think the ones that hurt a 
little bit more are the ones 

261
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:59,880
that come on a personal level of
maybe who you are and picking up

262
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:04,640
on things that feel maybe come 
with slight injustice around 

263
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:08,920
potentially people watching one 
thing and it being presented in 

264
00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,720
a certain way. 
But maybe that isn't your whole 

265
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:16,760
reality and you're having to 
deal with the the backlash that 

266
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:22,480
comes with that. 
So how is that because without 

267
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:26,120
going, I think too into the 
detail because I don't want to 

268
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:31,760
become another ingredient in the
in the pots, but I think it's 

269
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:36,240
important that you have a space 
to speak your truth on what is 

270
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:41,560
going on right now and and how 
that unfolds and feels and looks

271
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,960
like for you. 
That aspect of it is really 

272
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:49,360
difficult because I obviously 
know what I sign up for, you 

273
00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:53,200
know, read the contracts. 
You, you don't get control over 

274
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:56,520
how you are edited. 
But obviously I am aware that 

275
00:14:56,520 --> 00:15:01,240
everything that I say that I do 
is me and there is no script or 

276
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,960
anything like that. 
But I think what I struggle with

277
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:11,840
is there's not a lot of context 
to scenes on the show. 

278
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:15,720
You know, they air kind of like 
a two to three minute 

279
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:19,480
conversation that was in reality
up to three hours. 

280
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:23,080
So people base their opinions 
off of what they think they know

281
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:26,040
is the truth, which is 
frustrating. 

282
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:29,720
But also I can't complain about 
that because I know that's how 

283
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,280
the show operates. 
I know that's how it works and 

284
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:37,280
it's edited in a way to create 
the most entertainment ever with

285
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:40,800
like certain looks that I do. 
And I know that I've I've had to

286
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:44,760
make a TikTok video because I I 
do a weird look that never is 

287
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,640
received well which but I just 
smirk in really awkward 

288
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,720
situations. 
I don't know if you're the same.

289
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,440
I've got an upside down smile. 
I don't really know how that 

290
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:53,880
works. 
I don't even know how I do it 

291
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:55,440
because when I look in the 
mirror and try and do it, it 

292
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:57,080
doesn't happen. 
Then people are like, Oh my God,

293
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,120
you smile upside down and I'm 
like, that's it. 

294
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,840
Because I, I, I can't frown 
anymore because of Botox, right?

295
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,200
So now it's gone to my lips. 
OK. 

296
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,160
So yeah, I get it in a slightly 
different way. 

297
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:09,040
I understand. 
So that, you know, the editors 

298
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:12,040
probably have a field day when 
they've when they're editing a 

299
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:13,880
scene with me because I make so 
many faces. 

300
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:19,000
Yeah, inappropriate times. 
And that's something that I 

301
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,440
don't know if I'll ever grow out
of. 

302
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:25,280
But yeah, it's been difficult, 
especially when people build 

303
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:29,400
such a parasocial relationship 
with you and they think that 

304
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:33,600
they know all of the facts and 
they see something on the screen

305
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:35,320
and they're like, that's exactly
how it went. 

306
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:39,160
So I'm going to form my opinion 
on on that exact moment. 

307
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:43,800
And of course, anyone can form 
their own opinion, but I think 

308
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:48,840
it is hard when, yes, it's a 
reality TV show, but there's a 

309
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,960
lot of context that 
unfortunately gets removed. 

310
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:56,240
Well, there's 24 hours a day 
right in a day and Made in 

311
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:59,840
Chelsea is not filming those 24 
hours a day, seven days a week, 

312
00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:03,840
365 days a year. 
It is a marginalised part of 

313
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,160
your everyday life. 
And as you say, whilst it is 

314
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:09,920
reflective of reality, it is not
the whole picture. 

315
00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:15,359
And you, I would imagine then 
are dealing with with situations

316
00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:19,079
that unfold on the show and then
also tied to your private life, 

317
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:23,720
you're dealing with the the 
opinions that are formed on 

318
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,000
that. 
And people are potentially 

319
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:28,600
forming opinions about you and 
about your life based on very 

320
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:34,120
small actually snippets of 
bigger pictures. 

321
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:39,840
And I suppose you've come out 
publicly, you've had a public 

322
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,680
relationship which people as 
well. 

323
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,800
I want to actually take the time
to, to talk about this just 

324
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:49,320
really quickly because people I 
know will be saying you choose 

325
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:52,040
to put yourself out there. 
So expect this. 

326
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:56,200
And whilst I agree to a certain 
degree that actually, yes, we 

327
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,080
all do choose to put ourselves 
out there. 

328
00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,960
We are operating within an 
industry that absolutely opens 

329
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:04,560
ourselves up to that. 
And at any point, we could all 

330
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,920
just remove ourselves, delete 
social media and go and live in 

331
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:12,120
a cave somewhere. 
However, I don't think the two 

332
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:15,960
things can come together of 
would you put yourself out 

333
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,360
there? 
So I'm entitled to send you 

334
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:20,560
abuse. 
I'm entitled to not even form an

335
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,240
opinion. 
Everyone's entitled to an 

336
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,920
opinion, but I'm I'm entitled to
attack you and the person that 

337
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:27,200
you are and pretend that I know 
everything about you in your 

338
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,240
life. 
Those two things don't come 

339
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,600
together. 
You should be able to show up in

340
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,480
a show and display parts of your
life which as we've touched 

341
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:38,040
upon, has actually probably been
very beautiful, very healing for

342
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:41,200
you and actually very healing 
for the people that watch you 

343
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:44,320
and you, I'm sure you've made a 
massive positive impact on 

344
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,920
people's lives. 
That doesn't mean that you then 

345
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:53,160
have to accept threats and hate 
and like really disgraceful 

346
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:58,200
comments to an absolute like 
barbaric level just because 

347
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,720
you're on ATV show, because that
basically is victim blaming 101.

348
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:03,880
It's like someone saying that 
someone done something 

349
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:05,720
inappropriate to me and the 
other person saying, well, why 

350
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,800
have you sat next to them? 
That's not the same sentiment of

351
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:12,600
what we're talking about here. 
You came out publicly, you've 

352
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,520
had a public relationship and 
then you've also had a public 

353
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:20,480
breakup. 
And I don't watch the show and I

354
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:24,560
don't watch a lot of things on 
social media either. 

355
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,920
And I don't see a lot of the 
things that go on. 

356
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:31,920
But I am, I am aware that you 
have obviously been living in a 

357
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:35,880
bit of this media circus at the 
moment surrounding all of that. 

358
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:40,760
And I kind of just want to get 
your perspective on and your 

359
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:45,360
understanding and your your 
story of how that's been and 

360
00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:48,800
what that's looked like. 
And if there's anything that you

361
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:53,560
kind of want to say on the last 
year and what that situation and

362
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:57,360
that storyline has unfolded for 
you and kind of meant for you? 

363
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:01,680
It started off so beautifully, 
like I came out and I met 

364
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:05,240
someone. 
I couldn't wait to show everyone

365
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:10,160
my journey so far. 
And I think I made the decision 

366
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:15,680
to bring on my partner at the 
time to kind of bring her into 

367
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:18,960
my world and bring her on the 
show and, and it was amazing 

368
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:23,040
until. 
I made the mistake of doing that

369
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:27,720
because it was something that 
was so pure and it was it. 

370
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:32,360
Our relationship played out at 
times on on TV relationship 

371
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:35,480
issues and stuff like that, and 
that is something that I do 

372
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:39,120
regret doing. 
I think it's normal for couples 

373
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:42,680
to go through turmoil and stuff,
but when it was something that 

374
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:46,400
was so fresh to me, I was still 
figuring out how to handle my 

375
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,800
first gay relationship that 
shouldn't have been done for 

376
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,760
other people's entertainment. 
So I do regret doing that. 

377
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:59,000
But I think ultimately towards 
the end of my relationship, we 

378
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,600
were struggling and it wasn't 
perfect by any means, but 

379
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:07,080
because of my previous 
experience filming about it, I 

380
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:10,480
chose not to film about it 
anymore. 

381
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,120
I was like, I'm going to tackle 
this behind closed doors. 

382
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:17,360
I'm going to try and figure out 
what was going on without 

383
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:21,320
letting anyone know production 
wise and without filming about 

384
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:24,320
it. 
And so ultimately my 

385
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:27,760
relationship ended. 
I think there is a slight bit 

386
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:31,600
where we were filming and I just
broke down because I was like, I

387
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,280
need to figure out who I am 
completely over what I'm doing 

388
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:36,800
completely. 
And I was shoved in the scene 

389
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,640
where I think they knew that I 
was struggling behind closed 

390
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:42,960
doors of my relationship and I 
refused to film much about it. 

391
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:46,400
There was a lot going. 
On Sometimes it's so difficult 

392
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,120
because saying nothing is saying
everything, right? 

393
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:53,360
And this is the hard thing. 
It's like I'm a deep believer in

394
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,840
things in life are always going 
to go the way that they're going

395
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:59,240
to go. 
So irrespective if you had 

396
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:02,720
brought your partner onto the 
show or hadn't, sadly, it 

397
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,680
probably would have ended 
because if two people aren't 

398
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,280
going to work together or don't 
work together, I do believe 

399
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:11,920
external circumstances can can 
absolutely have an impact and 

400
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,840
don't help. 
But either people are meant for 

401
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:17,640
each other or they're not. 
And actually they can be meant 

402
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:20,360
for each other for a certain 
period of time and they're not 

403
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:22,560
be meant for each other anymore.
Doesn't mean it was always 

404
00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:25,080
wrong. 
It just means that you grow and 

405
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:27,600
sometimes you grow with 
sometimes someone and sometimes 

406
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,320
you grow apart. 
And I think we in life put such 

407
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:36,360
a really intense perception on 
everything, having to work 

408
00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:40,040
forever and last forever in 
order for it to be a success. 

409
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:42,760
And that's such a terrible way 
to look at things because I'm 

410
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:47,560
sure that relationship, although
sadly ended, taught you a lot, 

411
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,200
helped you grow into the person 
that you are, made you think 

412
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:52,880
about the things you do want in 
the next person that you meet. 

413
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,600
And also maybe the things that 
you don't want doesn't mean that

414
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,120
that person is bad or wrong. 
Whether it you were bad or 

415
00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:01,680
wrong, it was just a moment in 
time that no longer fit you 

416
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,880
anymore. 
I agree though, I think it's a 

417
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:08,560
difficult balance because as I 
opened up with that response 

418
00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:12,080
there, not saying anything is 
saying everything. 

419
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:16,920
Because if you hide it or keep 
it entirely private, people will

420
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:19,240
comment and say you're hiding it
for a reason. 

421
00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:21,920
Something must be wrong, it must
be toxic. 

422
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,760
Why aren't you coming out and be
in public if you had nothing to 

423
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:26,560
hide, et cetera, et cetera, et 
cetera. 

424
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:30,400
You come out and you speak 
openly about things that 

425
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:35,360
literally every single person in
their life will go through. 

426
00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:39,120
We all argue with people, we all
have disagreements with people. 

427
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,200
We all rub each other up the 
wrong way. 

428
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,520
We all sometimes shout, we 
react. 

429
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:47,360
And yet because you're doing it 
publicly, people then comment as

430
00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:50,360
if they've never done this 
themselves and then are so quick

431
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,040
to be like, there's something 
wrong with you. 

432
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:53,760
And it's like, oh, so you've 
literally never had a 

433
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:55,120
relationship. 
You've never had an argument 

434
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:58,160
with someone or disagreement, 
but because you're in a public 

435
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:02,600
space it's so heightened. 
Yeah, I I get put on this 

436
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:07,160
pedestal a lot and I think for 
me, in my head, I'm like if 

437
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:10,760
anyone had a camera in front of 
them documenting their. 

438
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,760
Respectfully, I would never do 
it like fair play to you because

439
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:18,040
I show up in this way, but I 
know I control the narrative and

440
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,960
not because I need to control 
the narrative because I'm scared

441
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:24,320
of the outcome, but I do 
understand that it is it is a 

442
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,160
reality show. 
And at the end of the day, 

443
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,520
they're they're going to do 
things that that make it a 

444
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:29,880
success. 
And that's completely fair 

445
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:31,160
enough. 
And that is what you signed up 

446
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:33,880
for, but it's not always 
helpful. 

447
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,400
No, definitely not always 
helpful for sure. 

448
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,720
And I think after that whole 
breakup, we had a break from 

449
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,920
filming and it was like over the
Christmas period. 

450
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,760
And so we had a good six weeks 
in between. 

451
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:49,880
And that was when, you know, I 
was dealing with a lot, 

452
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:53,000
processing a lot, going through 
a whole breakup, trying to 

453
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:57,280
figure out what the last year of
my life was and then go back to 

454
00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:01,680
filming with a fresh start. 
And there was a lot that went on

455
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:05,160
behind closed doors that I chose
not to speak about out of 

456
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,440
respect for certain people and, 
and whatever. 

457
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:12,440
But yeah, then I guess people 
draw their own conclusions based

458
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:16,680
off of what goes on after, which
is fair enough. 

459
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:21,040
But there is no truth behind any
kind of like overlap or anything

460
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:23,880
like that. 
Yeah. 

461
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,880
Yeah. 
And I think that's important, 

462
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:30,040
what you just said there as 
well, is that you've chosen to 

463
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:34,360
respect certain elements of what
went on at that time in order to

464
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:39,600
respect the people involved and 
also not feed into it as well. 

465
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,360
Because you do have to bring 
yourself up on a higher level 

466
00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:45,880
because sometimes reacting is 
just feeding the beast, right? 

467
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:49,880
But the hit that you take with 
that is then having to allow 

468
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:53,520
some narratives that are false 
to run concurrently with what 

469
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:57,920
you know is the truth. 
But I think the one liberating 

470
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:01,560
thing that you can take from 
that is that just because other 

471
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,680
people do things, it doesn't 
mean that you have to do it. 

472
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:08,760
And as we said kind of at the 
beginning of this conversation, 

473
00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:12,480
you know what went on, You know 
what you experienced, you know 

474
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,440
what went on, you know how you 
dealt with it, maybe good, bad, 

475
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:19,080
indifferent, you know, and you 
have to wake up with that and 

476
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:20,280
you know the person that you 
are. 

477
00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:22,800
And again, the people around you
that were involved that are 

478
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:25,520
close to you and know who you 
are, they also know that. 

479
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:31,120
And so beyond that we paralyze 
ourselves thinking about, and I 

480
00:26:31,120 --> 00:26:34,160
do, I paralyze and punish myself
all the time thinking about 

481
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:38,480
stupid things, sometimes even 
from 10 years ago that I still 

482
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,440
will be like I wish I'd never 
done that. 

483
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:46,640
Why did I say that? 
But it's also just such a non 

484
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,960
conducive way of thinking 
because at the end of the day, 

485
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:52,120
it's done. 
And I'm sure mistakes were made 

486
00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:55,160
along the line, not even in the 
last year beforehand. 

487
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:58,600
It's a part of life. 
None of us are perfect, but 

488
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:02,720
being able to like for me as 
well, I know that whilst I've 

489
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:05,920
never would claim to be perfect 
and there's definitely things 

490
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:10,920
that I would look back on and do
very very differently, I can 

491
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:14,640
stay very very strong in the 
fact of knowing I have never 

492
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,840
woken up or gone out of my way 
in this world to cause harm to 

493
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:20,120
another person. 
And that doesn't mean that I 

494
00:27:20,120 --> 00:27:21,720
haven't caused harm to other 
people. 

495
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:26,480
Absolutely it happens. 
But I know I've never walked 

496
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:29,680
through this life and done 
something knowing that it will 

497
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:34,320
negatively impact another person
and taking any form of enjoyment

498
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:37,600
out of it or actually tried to 
build on it for my own personal 

499
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,160
gain. 
And I'm sure you could probably 

500
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:43,640
think the same about yourself. 
Completely, definitely. 

501
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:49,080
And I feel like there was. 
Obviously, I'm still very much 

502
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:54,560
trying to figure out this world 
that you're living in and and 

503
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,560
dealing with. 
Is that the gay world or the 

504
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:57,480
media world? 
Or both? 

505
00:27:57,880 --> 00:27:59,320
Both. 
Yeah, but gay world, 

506
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:01,160
essentially. 
For gay world, you're reborn, 

507
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,280
right you like I know that 
you'll probably hate the saying,

508
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,640
but we call it baby gay for a 
reason because. 

509
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:08,600
Like constantly called a baby 
gay. 

510
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,040
It doesn't help as well that 
you're like 5 foot 2, which 

511
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,760
feeds into that like baby 
narrative. 

512
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,920
But it's true because it's like,
OK, let's turn it on the other. 

513
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,640
Like on the other side. 
It's like me waking up tomorrow 

514
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:23,120
and realise that I fancied a 
man. 

515
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:25,240
First of all, I'd. 
Want to die? 

516
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,160
God forbid. 
Yeah, please, please. 

517
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:35,080
Just like, no, I've been gay for
basically as long as I've been 

518
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:38,960
in romantic relationships. 
And so I only know that I only 

519
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,720
know being a lesbian. 
I only know my queerness. 

520
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:46,320
I would have to learn what the 
dynamic of being in a 

521
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:48,560
heterosexual relationship would 
be. 

522
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:56,320
And I am sure that two straight 
couples and a partner, I would 

523
00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:01,480
probably be acting in a very 
nuanced way of what the norm 

524
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:05,440
looks like there. 
And you've got that on the flip 

525
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:09,800
side. 
And alongside that, this 

526
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:13,440
community is formed on 
community. 

527
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:15,800
Like there is so much strength 
in this community because we've 

528
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:19,080
had to have so much strength. 
And so there is so much nuance 

529
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:25,440
built into that and like micro 
microaggressions and micro 

530
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:29,040
sayings and and labels. 
And because it all ties into a 

531
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:32,680
sense of community, but then 
also trying to navigate that and

532
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:35,040
work out who you are must be 
held. 

533
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:37,600
Yes, it has been held 
definitely. 

534
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:42,280
I would say especially the last 
three to four months because I 

535
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:47,920
think for me I still haven't 
mastered the whole blurry line 

536
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:52,480
friendship situation, OK. 
And I've never really gone 

537
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:55,880
through a situation like that up
until recently with. 

538
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,520
Again, it's just part of like 
there's a set of boxes that 

539
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,840
you've got a tick to be in the 
club and you're ticking them and

540
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:03,920
that's how you've got to look at
it. 

541
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:05,840
Sorry, it's not funny because 
it's hell. 

542
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,160
I've spoken about it before. 
I was in love with my best 

543
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,200
friend for four years. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

544
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,360
When I was. 
We're friends now, which is, 

545
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:16,080
again, classic. 
It was love. 

546
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:18,320
I was a baby. 
I was actually a baby. 

547
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:22,600
I was 14 to 18. 
So it was very much infatuation,

548
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,800
puppy love, the discovery of who
I was alongside being in love 

549
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:28,440
with this person or infatuated 
with this person. 

550
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:31,440
It's difficult. 
It's really difficult when the 

551
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:35,320
lines get blurred because if 
this feelings are not 

552
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:40,200
reciprocated, or rather what I 
find often is that it's not the 

553
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:43,280
feelings aren't reciprocated. 
Some people can't meet you where

554
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:46,080
you're at and they'll tell 
whatever story needs to be told 

555
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,960
to both themselves and you in 
order to not meet you there. 

556
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:53,640
And the hardship of that is 
knowing that irrespective of 

557
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:57,160
you, whether you think it's 
right, wrong, could be love 

558
00:30:57,160 --> 00:31:01,320
forever or you just wanted to 
explore it, you have to leave 

559
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,600
people where they're at. 
I agree. 

560
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:05,720
And it's not easy. 
No. 

561
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:09,040
No. 
Definitely not easy, but I think

562
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:16,200
also to caveat of that, it's 
like how I don't think a lot of 

563
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:20,840
people really understand it if 
they're not, if they haven't 

564
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:25,320
experienced it or if they're not
part of this world that we're 

565
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:27,600
in. 
And I don't really expect anyone

566
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:31,800
to understand it, but I made the
choice to, again, because I'm a 

567
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:33,720
weirdo. 
I find it very therapeutic 

568
00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:35,840
speaking it into existence on 
the show. 

569
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:40,880
And it's it is my therapy, 
speaking to my friends and and I

570
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:42,520
know. 
I have to pay for a therapist. 

571
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:43,520
Sorry. 
Yeah, exactly. 

572
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:46,440
Well, you're going to have. 
Your salary cut for Made in 

573
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,760
Chelsea because they're going to
be like, actually we're giving 

574
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,840
you a service here, so we're 
taking 20% off. 

575
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,120
I know. 
They should have a therapist on 

576
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,480
set for you I think, to kind of 
come in. 

577
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:01,040
They have now. 
They've heard a big lesson from 

578
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:03,280
you over the last 6. 
Yeah, they do. 

579
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:06,560
They've got a psych now and. 
HR Yeah, OK. 

580
00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:10,240
For sure. 
So I think currently that I 

581
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:12,880
mean, what I said about 
navigating female friendships in

582
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:16,720
a very queer environment, it's 
been challenging and it's been 

583
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:21,080
covered on the show. 
And I think the reception, I 

584
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:25,200
don't think a lot of people 
understand it because there's 

585
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:27,480
again the. 
Gays will understand it, but I 

586
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:29,240
would imagine the Made in 
Chelsea audience is 

587
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:32,000
predominantly straight people 
and they're not going to 

588
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:35,040
understand it. 
No, they they don't and they've 

589
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:38,440
formed their pretty strong 
opinions on that situation 

590
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:42,760
anyway, which is fine. 
And I think it didn't help that 

591
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:46,920
this situation that I was in, 
there was a boy involved, a very

592
00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:50,360
charming man. 
It was also, it was like this 

593
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:52,240
weird. 
I mean, it's still ongoing. 

594
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,680
So the triangle. 
Yeah, weird little triangle. 

595
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:57,920
And obviously course. 
There's always a man to come in 

596
00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:01,520
and fuck it up as well. 
That's why I initially decided 

597
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:02,320
to leave us. 
Alone. 

598
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:03,560
Do you know what I mean? 
Yeah, Yeah. 

599
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:10,720
That's why I initially spoke 
about it because I was, we were 

600
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:17,640
navigating this rare bond or 
whatever it was. 

601
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:20,760
We were figuring it out. 
And then this guy kind of came 

602
00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:24,360
on the scene. 
And so unfortunately I can't 

603
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:28,600
shut up about how I feel. 
And if I don't say anything, 

604
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:31,800
you'll see it on my face. 
So I think, and then again, I 

605
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:37,080
kind of utilize the cameras as a
way to get my feelings across. 

606
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:42,600
But yeah, the audience, they 
don't really understand where I 

607
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:46,200
was coming from with this. 
But then again, I've had so many

608
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:50,080
messages from people in the 
queer well-being, like I'm going

609
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:52,000
through the exact same thing 
with a friend. 

610
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:56,280
Like, you know, thank you so 
much because I can really 

611
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:58,000
resonate. 
And that's those are the 

612
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,240
comments that I care. 
About exactly. 

613
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,960
And that's what matters is that 
you're never going to get 100% 

614
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:05,560
agreement from everyone ever, 
and if you did you'd be dead 

615
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:08,960
because you'd be trying to fight
and prove a point to people. 

616
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:10,440
You'd just be generally 
exhausted. 

617
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:13,280
We are all different, we all 
have different experiences and 

618
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:15,120
ways that we walk through the 
world and we're going to 

619
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:18,440
disagree on things. 
When you are out there publicly 

620
00:34:18,639 --> 00:34:22,159
to a predominantly straight 
audience, they are going to 

621
00:34:22,159 --> 00:34:25,880
favour to normative storylines 
and they will make you the 

622
00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:27,960
villain, not because it's about 
you. 

623
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:31,560
People will always choose the 
familiar of what reflects them. 

624
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:36,520
They understand this third party
coming in and them having, I 

625
00:34:36,679 --> 00:34:38,600
honestly don't know what's going
on, but it's me making an 

626
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,880
assumption, them blossoming into
a beautiful romantic 

627
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:44,480
relationship because they can 
see themselves reflected in 

628
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:47,080
that. 
If they can't understand you and

629
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:49,199
you're experiencing queerness 
because they're not queer and 

630
00:34:49,199 --> 00:34:52,360
they also don't want to, people 
decide to just not educate 

631
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,320
themselves as well. 
And it is a decision to be a 

632
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:56,760
bigoted asshole. 
It's a decision that people 

633
00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:58,600
make. 
I'm sorry, I just don't care 

634
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,800
where you're from, what your 
religion is, you can choose to 

635
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:06,560
not be that person. 
It will always make you look 

636
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:12,440
like that person that you're not
because people can't sometimes 

637
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:16,640
raise their head above water, 
touch some grass and understand 

638
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:20,920
that it's a lot more than just 
straight down the line, black 

639
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:26,200
and white. 
And but as you say, this 

640
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:29,680
community and this is where I 
hate when people say, oh, 

641
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:31,960
gayness is just the same as 
being straight. 

642
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:35,680
We want to be accepted the same 
as straight people are, but we 

643
00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:37,600
aren't the same. 
And that's OK. 

644
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:39,600
Our relationships actually 
aren't the same. 

645
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:42,120
And I, I don't think how queer 
people walk through the life, 

646
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,800
walk through their life, sorry, 
generally is the same in any 

647
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:47,920
way, shape or form. 
That's OK. 

648
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:51,520
But yeah, when you're on a show 
and it's predominantly straight 

649
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:53,640
audience and storylines like 
that are going to come up, 

650
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,240
you'll I don't think you'll ever
be in favour. 

651
00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:58,880
And I think that's something 
that you're going to have to get

652
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:02,920
used to pretty quickly. 
But like you've said there, it's

653
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:06,000
still worth it because look at 
how many people have reached out

654
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:09,680
and can relate to you and you've
had a positive impact and I'm 

655
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:13,800
sure probably will now help many
people navigate the same 

656
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:15,880
situation. 
And it's the same for me with 

657
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:18,920
this podcast. 
Like there's days that I bat, I 

658
00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:21,840
bat with myself on it nearly 
every single day, nearly every 

659
00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:24,840
single day. 
And it's always nice because on 

660
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:27,920
really hard days, I will get 
messages from people being like,

661
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,680
I've listened to this episode 
today and it might be an episode

662
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:32,560
from a year ago that I've 
forgotten about. 

663
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:36,360
And it's, and it sounds extreme,
but I do understand where these 

664
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:39,040
people are coming from saying 
it's generally changed my life 

665
00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:42,080
or I've never felt so seen. 
I've never heard someone say it 

666
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:44,640
in that way. 
That's what keeps me going and 

667
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:47,720
that's kind of what feeds me. 
And I think the same for you, 

668
00:36:47,720 --> 00:36:50,520
Like you should keep showing up,
being the person that you are, 

669
00:36:50,720 --> 00:36:53,880
not wholly accepted, being 
attacked, and actually just have

670
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:58,760
that part of your journey. 
Because for the 10% margin of 

671
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:01,480
people behaving like that, 
you're going to get 19% of 

672
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:06,760
people being amazing and finding
your presence very, very 

673
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:08,360
valuable. 
Completely. 

674
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:13,360
And I think now when I look at 
comments and people are forming 

675
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:17,160
their opinion based off of that 
being old jazz, this jazz that 

676
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,960
in comparison to the people that
messaged me being like, thank 

677
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:24,040
you so much for doing that. 
It's really helped me. 

678
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:28,800
So it's I can definitely grasp a
big difference on people having 

679
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:32,240
an opinion on me based off of, 
you know, that they're not 

680
00:37:32,240 --> 00:37:36,520
liking my character in this 
storyline and that they they 

681
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:38,400
don't want me to ruin whatever's
going on. 

682
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:42,640
And then versus the people who 
messaged me being like, you have

683
00:37:42,720 --> 00:37:44,120
severely helped me get through 
this. 

684
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:47,160
Thank you so much. 
Like you know, it's worth it in 

685
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:49,160
my opinion. 
And it's a completely different 

686
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:52,280
weight of reaction as well. 
You're waiting someone's 

687
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:56,240
pathetic immature backlash 
comment because they're not 

688
00:37:56,240 --> 00:37:59,440
healed in a way and they're 
literally sending you a 2 minute

689
00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:02,120
a 32nd message. 
They're not thinking about you 

690
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:04,880
after because they're off to 
troll some other poor fucker. 

691
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:07,000
You're one in a million if these
people are. 

692
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,240
These type of people don't 
understand it. 

693
00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:12,200
I've never gone online in my 
life and commented anything bad 

694
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:14,000
ever. 
Don't understand it? 

695
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:16,160
Think you're strange? 
Don't want to again, Don't want 

696
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:18,240
to relate to you? 
Go to therapy. 

697
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:20,880
Your karma is the person that 
you have to look at in the 

698
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:22,960
mirror every single day. 
Good luck to you. 

699
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:27,720
That weight is nowhere near the 
same as someone saying you've 

700
00:38:27,720 --> 00:38:29,440
had such a positive impact on my
life. 

701
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:32,200
So even if 10 people are saying 
shit things and one person's 

702
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,920
saying an amazing thing, the 
weight of that one person is so 

703
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:37,200
much more than these people. 
Yeah, completely. 

704
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:42,280
And that's why I, I will 
continue to to represent. 

705
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:46,480
I think it has been very, very 
difficult being in that 

706
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:51,440
environment, being a gay woman 
for sure, but as challenging as 

707
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:55,640
it is, and at times it feels 
very alone on set, talking about

708
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:58,080
certain things. 
Especially as a series goes on, 

709
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:01,880
it gets more intense. 
For sure about and it's certain 

710
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:04,680
things that you're experiencing 
for the first time as well. 

711
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:09,400
Yeah. 
Like if I think back on my first

712
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:16,920
coming out years and that was 
filmed, not because I've 

713
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:22,480
necessarily done anything 
horrific, but like you don't 

714
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:25,880
have something to pin yourself 
against. 

715
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:28,720
So you're having to do it for 
the first time that you're 

716
00:39:28,720 --> 00:39:32,880
literally wading in complete 
darkness and exposing yourself 

717
00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:37,400
publicly, which is terrifying. 
But I think you need to take a 

718
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:40,720
moment that you are actually 
doing something. 

719
00:39:40,720 --> 00:39:42,280
And I'm just sat here thinking 
this now. 

720
00:39:42,720 --> 00:39:44,320
It hasn't really been done 
before. 

721
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:46,120
And if it has, it's usually gay 
men. 

722
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:49,360
And it's different, and I say 
this a lot to people. 

723
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:51,560
Being a gay woman and being a 
gay man is very different 

724
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:55,320
because gay men are still men. 
They still have the benefits of 

725
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:56,560
walking through the world as a 
man. 

726
00:39:56,760 --> 00:39:59,520
Doesn't mean that sometimes the 
hate that they get is not 

727
00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:04,120
absolutely horrific and actually
in some ways a lot more 

728
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:08,200
physically damaging, aggressive.
As such, when you're a gay 

729
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,840
woman, you have to deal with the
fact that you're a woman and you

730
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:13,520
never understood and you're 
always belittled and you're 

731
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:16,240
called stupid and all the things
that come with being a woman, 

732
00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:18,360
and then you have gayness 
slayered on top. 

733
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:20,360
And it's a whole other kettle of
fish. 

734
00:40:20,720 --> 00:40:23,560
And you're probably one of the 
first people to be doing this in

735
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:27,680
a public reality TV settings. 
Think like people need to cut 

736
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,880
you some slack. 
And you probably, if you're 

737
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:33,040
anything like me, would need to 
cut yourself some slack as well 

738
00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:35,640
because you've got no Bible to 
go off of. 

739
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:37,320
You are the Bible. 
Yeah. 

740
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:40,560
Other than this podcast. 
And don't go off this Bible. 

741
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,400
You know this is a bad Bible. 
Yeah, no, it's been, it's been 

742
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:44,520
rough. 
But do you know what I hate? 

743
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:49,040
I don't know if you've had a 
similar experience, but I've got

744
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:53,560
this best friend called Jules 
and she is in a straight 

745
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:55,800
relationship. 
She's literally going to marry 

746
00:40:55,800 --> 00:41:01,440
the guy. 
We are like very, very close and

747
00:41:01,720 --> 00:41:05,800
people tend to say, well Jazz is
like that with her friend. 

748
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:09,440
So like, that's just the way 
Jazz is, or that's just the way 

749
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:14,760
that person is comparing my 
friendships with people that I 

750
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:17,560
am genuinely just friends with, 
with no confusion and there's no

751
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:22,240
blurry lines and whatever. 
So I think, again, this is from 

752
00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:24,960
people who obviously can't 
resonate and don't really 

753
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:28,640
understand, but I think that's 
something that is extremely 

754
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:34,880
challenging when they kind of 
undermine this weird situation 

755
00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:38,000
that I'm in because they see me 
with other people and they're 

756
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,640
like, that's just how jazz is. 
I don't know if that's a common.

757
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:43,360
No IA 100% get what you're 
saying and it it comes from 

758
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:47,840
sadly toxic societal norms that 
have been instilled in society 

759
00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:49,920
historically. 
Which is one of two things where

760
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:54,360
lesbians are concerned is that 
you fancy all your mates, which 

761
00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:58,480
is weird. 
Or if you don't fancy them, like

762
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:02,160
what you're saying about Jules 
is that well then if you're 

763
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:05,000
displaying so much affection, 
but they don't, they basically 

764
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:06,920
don't want to accept lesbianism.
That's what that says. 

765
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:09,280
It's it's homophobia just in it 
with a different lens. 

766
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:12,800
Because what that narrative is 
saying is that you can't accept 

767
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:16,400
that I can have a deep emotional
loving friendship platonically 

768
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:20,680
with someone and also have a 
completely different emotional 

769
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:24,440
relationship with someone else 
because I couldn't be diverse in

770
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:26,840
my feelings. 
Because they see it as black or 

771
00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:29,000
white. 
It's either you're all with each

772
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:33,440
other, it's all fake. 
And that again, is just rooted 

773
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:36,960
in the societal way in which 
queerness and also lesbianism is

774
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:40,160
is just displayed. 
And it's like one of the many 

775
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:43,640
battles that we have to fight. 
It's like I always this is a 

776
00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:46,840
really awful thing to say and I 
don't actually find it funny in 

777
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:49,640
a lot of ways, but it is a quick
way to shot people down because 

778
00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:52,680
I don't like coming after 
people's appearances ever. 

779
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:56,880
But it's a good joke, and I do 
like it, which is when people, 

780
00:42:57,320 --> 00:43:01,120
like women in bars have like, 
tried to say previously that, 

781
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:03,440
like, lesbians would like that 
you tell them you're gay and 

782
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:04,960
then they think that you want to
sleep with them. 

783
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:07,000
And it's like, I might be gay, 
but you're still ugly. 

784
00:43:07,240 --> 00:43:09,320
Yeah. 
Like and they might not be ugly 

785
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:11,240
and even if they are it 
shouldn't matter. 

786
00:43:11,240 --> 00:43:13,960
But what I'm saying is is like, 
I why? 

787
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:15,800
What? 
So you, every man you meet, you 

788
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:19,000
want to sleep with or you can't 
have a male best friend and have

789
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:21,600
a boyfriend. 
They can't seem to apply those 

790
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:25,400
rules to us because they see us 
as so different because the 

791
00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:29,920
world has made us so different. 
And yeah, very frustrating. 

792
00:43:30,240 --> 00:43:33,280
But again, this is where 
community is so important in 

793
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:36,560
this world. 
And I don't understand, like 

794
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:39,280
Republican lesbians. 
Sorry to bring politics into it 

795
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:43,400
because like, they're not your 
friends in that way, like you. 

796
00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:47,160
How can you hate on a community 
that is kind of your savior? 

797
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:49,800
You can have straight friends 
and and heterosexual people 

798
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,440
around you and they can love and
support you and give you 

799
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:54,680
everything, as I'm sure Jules 
does. 

800
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:56,960
I've seen a snippet of that 
friendship and it looks 

801
00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:59,960
beautiful, but at the end of the
day, there's going to be some 

802
00:43:59,960 --> 00:44:02,680
things that she can't advise you
on because she's never going to 

803
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:04,360
experience. 
And that's not on her. 

804
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:08,240
She can help, but to a certain 
degree, if you've not lived it, 

805
00:44:08,240 --> 00:44:11,400
you don't know. 
And this is where like community

806
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:16,520
is so important. 
And I hope that you through 

807
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:19,520
this, like I'm sure you will 
build community, you will build 

808
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:23,720
people around you that will give
you that and hopefully liberate 

809
00:44:23,720 --> 00:44:28,040
you in that way. 
Honestly, it was, it wasn't up 

810
00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:32,360
until recently that I kind of 
embrace like genuinely, I mean, 

811
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:36,000
last year I really wanted that 
sense of community and I didn't 

812
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:39,800
have that. 
I didn't get the opportunity to 

813
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:41,960
have that important sense of 
community. 

814
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:44,680
Within, well, you came out and 
met someone and bunkered down, 

815
00:44:44,720 --> 00:44:47,600
which again, it's a classic. 
Like, we've all been there. 

816
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:50,080
Don't worry. 
You're actually just making 

817
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:52,600
yourself like, valid in being 
very gay. 

818
00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:54,720
Do you know what? 
Because you're not leaving 

819
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:57,720
anything up for assumption. 
You're ticking all the boxes. 

820
00:44:57,720 --> 00:45:01,520
Great. 
But I think recently I have 

821
00:45:01,520 --> 00:45:05,640
definitely found that sense of 
community and and made more 

822
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:09,440
friends and it honestly is so 
incredible to have. 

823
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:14,520
And I wish that I stood strong 
on that more last year and 

824
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:18,160
really trying to find those 
queer connections because with 

825
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:22,440
everything that I experienced 
with filming and what was going 

826
00:45:22,440 --> 00:45:25,360
on there, I genuinely had. 
I don't know if I can shout her 

827
00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:25,960
out. 
Anna. 

828
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:28,360
Anna. 
Stordy yeah, Anna's been on the 

829
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:29,600
podcast. 
Shout out to Anna. 

830
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:32,360
She's been incredible. 
To quit a job and become a 

831
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:34,640
therapist. 
Respectfully, she does. 

832
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,880
She does throughout that whole 
experience. 

833
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:40,720
Obviously no one on the show 
could really resonate with what 

834
00:45:40,720 --> 00:45:43,880
I was going through and and how 
to deal with it, but Anna 

835
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:48,600
honestly was the best individual
ever and she was so helpful and 

836
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:53,880
she really validated how I was 
feeling, which if I didn't have 

837
00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:55,880
that after. 
Yeah. 

838
00:45:56,240 --> 00:46:00,520
After airing now and having the 
response being that like, if I 

839
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:05,000
didn't have Anna and that I 
would have been screwed, yeah. 

840
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:05,600
Screwed. 
Yeah. 

841
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:08,880
It is so important to have 
people who really do understand 

842
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:12,600
because it makes you feel seen 
and understood and not crazy. 

843
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:16,160
Actually, yeah as well. 
And I don't think that we can 

844
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:19,960
speak enough to people like when
we're going through things, you 

845
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:22,320
have to talk to people about it 
because otherwise you drive 

846
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,920
yourself insane. 
If you're anything like me, you 

847
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,600
just go on the same loop. 
Yes, same loop. 

848
00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:31,800
And it is, it's, it's real hell.
I actually want to talk just 

849
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:35,880
quickly then about the public 
element of, again, 

850
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,800
relationships. 
And you've obviously experienced

851
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:41,520
something publicly, which I'm no
doubt came with. 

852
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:45,400
It's good and bad. 
Has that left you a bit scarred 

853
00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:49,120
because there's been 
relationships of scarring 

854
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:52,000
generally. 
Then you've got the public 

855
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:55,200
element of, as we've just spoken
about there, generally, 

856
00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:58,640
generally heterosexual audience,
et cetera, et cetera, all of 

857
00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:01,560
that. 
And then we're sadly living in a

858
00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:06,920
world full of people who I don't
really understand wine. 

859
00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:08,240
Again, it's going to sound 
ironic. 

860
00:47:08,240 --> 00:47:11,880
So I sit here on a podcast that 
I literally own and put myself 

861
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:15,600
out there publicly, are 
desperate for fame and 

862
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:20,640
attention. 
And is that something that is 

863
00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:27,000
playing on your mind in terms of
living publicly and having maybe

864
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:33,080
people that will potentially 
exploit that? 

865
00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:36,200
As in with dating, sorry. 
Yes. 

866
00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:39,080
Is that something you consider 
now because you've had a public 

867
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:41,080
relationship comes with its good
and bad? 

868
00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:45,800
I'm not speaking about that. 
You would get that anyway, but 

869
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:50,840
obviously people do a lot of 
people like when people have 

870
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:54,400
public profiles. 
I don't understand it because I 

871
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:56,280
actually really don't like this 
word in so many ways. 

872
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:59,280
Like me, an influencer event is 
like a kid on a first day of 

873
00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:00,720
school. 
Like I just can't do it. 

874
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:02,880
I sit there on my own. 
If someone comes and speaks to 

875
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:08,680
me, it just, it's not my bag I'd
rather go into, but I'd rather 

876
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:10,560
go into Westminster to be honest
and just fight with a 

877
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:12,280
politician. 
Like that's where I get my 

878
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:14,600
crack. 
But I understand the world of 

879
00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:17,800
what you have to navigate in and
what I'm saying is it's not 

880
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:20,440
something I ever understood, but
I know people do it and I'm 

881
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:22,920
quite naive to it sometimes 
because I don't behave in that 

882
00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:24,640
way. 
Is that something you're 

883
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:26,720
experiencing? 
Because the lesbian community 

884
00:48:26,720 --> 00:48:29,720
loves a bit of clown as well. 
They love it. 

885
00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:36,480
Yeah, I definitely would say I'm
selective anyway, but I don't 

886
00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:39,960
think that I could do the whole 
public relationship thing again.

887
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:43,000
But maybe it's just because I'm 
scarred at the moment because of

888
00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:47,760
everything that happened 
afterwards and all of that. 

889
00:48:47,760 --> 00:48:52,120
But in terms of dating, I think 
right now a bit, I'm a bit, I'm 

890
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:54,440
a bit terrified to date, to be 
honest. 

891
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:58,120
So I haven't really given it 
much thought, but I definitely 

892
00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:05,320
wouldn't date someone. 
I haven't actually thought about

893
00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:06,600
it. 
I don't know. 

894
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:14,280
I think it's pretty obvious, for
me anyway, that I can read 

895
00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:17,200
through people pretty well. 
So I kind of know people's 

896
00:49:17,200 --> 00:49:19,480
intentions. 
Or if they're genuine on the 

897
00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:21,520
energy. 
For sure, I'm a big energy 

898
00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:22,480
person. 
Me too. 

899
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:26,120
So I think I'd be able to know 
pretty quickly what people's 

900
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:28,880
intentions are, but I definitely
wouldn't. 

901
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:35,080
Go out there as much as you did.
Yeah, like my whole yeah. 

902
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:37,360
Yeah, I think it's interesting 
what you say there is. 

903
00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:39,320
I wouldn't do that again. 
And I actually think, again, 

904
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:41,640
you're probably doing yourself a
bit of disservice because 

905
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:46,360
ultimately this is your life you
live publicly and until you step

906
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:50,600
away from Made in Chelsea, if 
ever, or cut yourself off, this 

907
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:52,120
is the reality that you're 
dealing with. 

908
00:49:52,120 --> 00:49:54,120
And this is the reality that 
you're going to deal with for 

909
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:56,840
the foreseeable future. 
And you still need to be able to

910
00:49:56,840 --> 00:50:00,440
have a balance of living your 
life freely and openly and 

911
00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:03,760
celebrating and showing the 
person that you are with. 

912
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:10,240
Maybe just managed with how 
often, in what way and how much.

913
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:14,320
And again, learning curve, we 
can all look back and think oh 

914
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:17,360
shit if I knew I wouldn't have 
done that. 

915
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:20,280
Doesn't mean it's wrong, just 
didn't suit you and you've 

916
00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:23,720
worked that out now with the 
next relationship when that 

917
00:50:23,720 --> 00:50:26,200
happens. 
Healing journey and all of that 

918
00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:30,600
took me a while. 
Brilliant though. 

919
00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:35,240
Best thing you'll ever do is to 
sit at yourself, sit on your own

920
00:50:35,240 --> 00:50:38,920
and really look at yourself and 
work out where what you want 

921
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:41,360
going forward from realizing 
what you don't want from your 

922
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:44,000
past. 
I don't think it's fair to say 

923
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:46,880
to yourself, I'm not going to do
that and I'm going to not hide, 

924
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:49,120
but that I'm going to have to go
completely the opposite 

925
00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:52,000
direction to avoid what's 
happened in the past. 

926
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:54,400
I think everything's about 
striking a balance and you 

927
00:50:54,400 --> 00:50:57,520
should be able to celebrate the 
person you're with and openly 

928
00:50:57,520 --> 00:51:01,000
show love and celebrate that in 
a public way. 

929
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:06,720
Just maybe giving yourself 
ultimate access, not 24 hours a 

930
00:51:06,720 --> 00:51:09,880
day, but to what people 
perceive, perceive as ultimate 

931
00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:13,160
access is just not for you. 
And that's fine. 

932
00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:16,960
And it's just something in 
between and that's absolutely 

933
00:51:16,960 --> 00:51:20,040
fine. 
And I'm sure that you, when you 

934
00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:23,600
meet someone and you select that
person, you'll know that they're

935
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:26,200
right by the type of 
conversation you have with them 

936
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:29,160
surrounding exactly this. 
And they're either going to meet

937
00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:30,960
you where you're at and 
understand and be on the same 

938
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:33,240
page, or they're not. 
And actually, it's a really good

939
00:51:33,240 --> 00:51:35,440
way of dissecting if someone's 
right for you or not. 

940
00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:38,840
Because if they come at it with 
no, I want to be out there, I 

941
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:41,000
want to do this, I want to do 
that, You're not for me. 

942
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:44,240
If they say I don't want you to 
speak about me ever and keep me 

943
00:51:44,240 --> 00:51:46,160
a secret. 
Also not going to work for you 

944
00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:48,960
because your life is public. 
So it's about meeting someone 

945
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:50,520
who can meet you where you're 
at. 

946
00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:54,000
You treat them with respect, 
they treat you with respect and 

947
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:55,560
you kind of manage it in that 
way. 

948
00:51:55,560 --> 00:51:57,920
And it's not to say that issues 
won't come up, they will. 

949
00:51:57,920 --> 00:52:00,720
When people see people happy, 
they want to tear them down. 

950
00:52:01,640 --> 00:52:05,240
But it's how you are with 
someone that responds to that. 

951
00:52:05,280 --> 00:52:06,720
I think it's the most important 
thing I. 

952
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:09,600
Agree. 
Well, I don't think I'll be. 

953
00:52:10,720 --> 00:52:12,400
I'm coming for Anna Stordy's 
title. 

954
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:16,080
Yeah, honestly, this has been 
like a therapy session. 

955
00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:17,600
Thank you. 
Made in Chelsea. 

956
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:19,720
I'm currently I've just left my 
job. 

957
00:52:19,720 --> 00:52:24,280
So but I think it is important 
because it everything's 

958
00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:26,920
happening for the first time in 
a public setting. 

959
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:30,280
And so you've got to work 
through all of these things 

960
00:52:30,360 --> 00:52:33,440
constantly. 
But I think you are clearly 

961
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:36,840
doing amazingly. 
I I, as I say, I don't follow 

962
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:40,000
these things, but from what I've
seen, I think you show up 

963
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:42,000
incredibly well. 
You show up with strength, you 

964
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:44,120
show up with integrity. 
You show up as the person that 

965
00:52:44,120 --> 00:52:46,000
you are. 
Doesn't mean that I'm sure 

966
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:48,360
you're always a perfect person. 
Absolutely not. 

967
00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:52,520
But you show up with truth and 
you show up with genuinity. 

968
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:54,880
And that's actually more than 
what a lot of people can say in 

969
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:59,080
this life. 
So I think keep that and ride 

970
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:02,320
that and just remember, you know
who you are and the people that 

971
00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:06,160
you care about know who you are.
I just got really weird deja vu 

972
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:09,640
and I don't know why, but here, 
yeah, me saying that to you, 

973
00:53:09,640 --> 00:53:13,160
maybe I'm going to be saying the
same thing to you next year. 

974
00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:16,440
Yeah, yeah. 
Literally you've got you leave 

975
00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:18,320
here and just go and do the same
thing over but. 

976
00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:21,000
Thank you. 
That's honestly, I really, 

977
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:24,760
really appreciate that. 
I think you are a very wise 

978
00:53:24,760 --> 00:53:27,160
lady. 
You are. 

979
00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:29,240
Depends who you ask. 
Depends who you ask. 

980
00:53:29,560 --> 00:53:33,760
Liv. 
Oh, to be fair, Liv does say it,

981
00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:36,920
but then I also partially pay 
Liv, so like, do you know what I

982
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:38,800
mean? 
Not probably the best. 

983
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:40,320
Go and ask a few of my other 
friends. 

984
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:45,440
Ask Nat. 
Yeah, well, thank you for coming

985
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:49,640
on and speaking today because I 
do think that whilst most people

986
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:53,040
watching this or listening to 
this won't be in the situations 

987
00:53:53,240 --> 00:53:56,960
within the public lens that 
we've spoken about at length, I 

988
00:53:56,960 --> 00:54:00,640
think it's actually useful to 
give that insight to people and 

989
00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:04,480
allow them to look at it through
your lens. 

990
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:08,480
However, I also think the topics
that we've discussed today, like

991
00:54:08,480 --> 00:54:12,440
you say, the coming out, the 
first relationship, the first 

992
00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:15,600
breakup, that's a whole other 
different episode, maybe 

993
00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:17,320
actually for another, another 
time. 

994
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:20,080
Because the feelings and 
emotions, the friendship, 

995
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:23,160
falling in love is again, all 
topics that Lesbian Supper Club 

996
00:54:23,160 --> 00:54:25,720
have touched upon before and 
discussed actually in great 

997
00:54:25,720 --> 00:54:28,920
detail. 
And it helps people to not feel 

998
00:54:28,920 --> 00:54:30,400
alone. 
And ultimately that's what this 

999
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:32,760
podcast is about. 
It's a community podcast. 

1000
00:54:33,040 --> 00:54:36,400
The events are a community space
for people to have conversations

1001
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:38,960
such as these. 
So I really thank you and 

1002
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:41,960
appreciate you for coming on and
showing that vulnerability, 

1003
00:54:42,200 --> 00:54:45,760
particularly whilst the 
whirlwind is happening because I

1004
00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:49,240
know that's not easy either. 
I would usually wait two months 

1005
00:54:49,240 --> 00:54:51,760
for it to at the end and I can 
gain perspective before I come 

1006
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:53,960
and talk on it. 
So I really respect the fact 

1007
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:57,360
that you've stepped into this 
today whilst it's happening and 

1008
00:54:57,360 --> 00:55:01,400
held yourself the way that you 
have and I hope been able to put

1009
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:05,800
across your perspective and your
truth per SE. 

1010
00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:10,160
I do also just want to finish 
off by off the back of that, I 

1011
00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:13,400
speak on this podcast a lot 
about mental health, 

1012
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:18,160
predominantly since I went 
through my own probably 

1013
00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:20,600
actually, I say my journey, my 
journey started when I was 

1014
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:23,000
pretty much 10 and mental 
health, which I think a lot of 

1015
00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:27,440
people could probably resonate 
with, but definitely was very 

1016
00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:29,680
enlightened to me over recent 
years. 

1017
00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:33,920
And it's something that again, 
I've chosen to take all of the 

1018
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:36,960
lessons and all of the absolute 
suffering from that and bring it

1019
00:55:36,960 --> 00:55:39,240
to this podcast to try and help 
other people. 

1020
00:55:39,760 --> 00:55:44,320
And I do just want to take a 
moment to highlight overall the 

1021
00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:48,720
discussion that we've been 
having today, that whilst yes, 

1022
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:56,160
people show up publicly and 
decide to display parts of their

1023
00:55:56,160 --> 00:55:59,760
life publicly, please can we all
just remember that we are 

1024
00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:03,280
actually all just humans with 
feelings and with family and 

1025
00:56:03,280 --> 00:56:06,440
with friends and lives. 
That we all just want to live 

1026
00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:09,760
and live in peace and have 
happiness the same as everyone 

1027
00:56:09,760 --> 00:56:11,520
else. 
And it doesn't mean that we're 

1028
00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:14,520
not going to make mistakes that 
people are allowed to give 

1029
00:56:14,520 --> 00:56:17,160
constructive criticism on. 
And it doesn't mean that we're 

1030
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:18,800
going to be perfect a lot of the
time. 

1031
00:56:19,240 --> 00:56:23,160
But I do think if you are 
listening to this podcast as 

1032
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:29,000
someone who does or has gone 
online publicly and been vicious

1033
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:33,160
to another person or spread 
hate, lies, manipulation. 

1034
00:56:34,320 --> 00:56:38,280
Please do remember that whilst 
we show up as strong because it 

1035
00:56:38,280 --> 00:56:42,640
is our job and we have to have a
level of decorum when it comes 

1036
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:46,480
to this and almost make it 
unemotive in a lot of ways. 

1037
00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:49,920
We are also people that have to 
layer our heads down on the 

1038
00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:52,520
pillows at night with the 
thoughts that exist. 

1039
00:56:52,600 --> 00:56:56,920
And I don't want to sit here and
say that it doesn't affect us 

1040
00:56:57,080 --> 00:56:59,840
because I know that people like 
to say that narrative of I just 

1041
00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:02,000
ignore it, it doesn't affect me.
I don't want to give these 

1042
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:05,720
people the the insight because 
then they do it more. 

1043
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:08,920
I think that's a lie. 
I think that we actually, it 

1044
00:57:08,920 --> 00:57:11,080
does play over in our minds and 
it does affect us. 

1045
00:57:11,080 --> 00:57:13,880
We can definitely grow 
resilience to it and we do. 

1046
00:57:14,200 --> 00:57:17,280
And you're not controlling our 
lives everyday, but it does have

1047
00:57:17,280 --> 00:57:19,360
an impact. 
And I just think if you are 

1048
00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:23,480
someone doing that, please do 
take a good look at yourself in 

1049
00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:25,720
the mirror and question why 
you're doing that and why you 

1050
00:57:25,720 --> 00:57:29,400
feel the need to do that. 
And I think we'd all be a lot 

1051
00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:34,560
happier if we decided to turn 
that into nice conversations and

1052
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:37,640
building ourselves up rather 
than taking energy to tear the 

1053
00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:40,680
people down. 
And that's how I want to wrap up

1054
00:57:40,680 --> 00:57:43,240
today's episode of Lesbian 
Summer Club podcast. 

1055
00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:45,920
Thank you, Jazz again, so much 
for coming on. 

1056
00:57:46,440 --> 00:57:48,320
We're very happy to have you in 
the community. 

1057
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:54,920
I in a selfish perspective out 
off the mikes like the stories 

1058
00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:57,160
that you can bring with a glass 
of wine. 

1059
00:57:57,360 --> 00:57:59,120
So that's great. 
Thank you. 

1060
00:57:59,560 --> 00:58:05,040
And yeah, I think you're going 
to go on to no doubt, continue 

1061
00:58:05,040 --> 00:58:09,360
to have amazing experiences both
online, offline, in the media, 

1062
00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:13,000
and I can't wait to kind of 
watch this journey evolve and 

1063
00:58:13,000 --> 00:58:16,720
grow for you and see where 
everything goes this year, next 

1064
00:58:16,720 --> 00:58:19,920
year and beyond. 
Thank you, Scarlett, so kind. 

1065
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:23,480
And thank you everyone for 
tuning in to today's episode of 

1066
00:58:23,480 --> 00:58:26,720
the Lesbian Supper Club podcast.
Please make sure to follow us on

1067
00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:28,800
socials. 
We're going to be in the Spotify

1068
00:58:28,800 --> 00:58:30,840
studios going forward now. 
It's going to be visual. 

1069
00:58:30,840 --> 00:58:33,280
It's going to be better. 
We've got so many exciting 

1070
00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:35,880
things coming up and I can't 
wait to continue to have more 

1071
00:58:35,880 --> 00:58:39,320
conversations such as these. 
So thank you again, everyone for

1072
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:41,480
listening. 
We love you and we love this 

1073
00:58:41,480 --> 00:58:43,200
community. 
Goodbye everyone.