1 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,640 Good morning, afternoon and evening lesbians. 2 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,160 How are we today? Welcome to the Lesbian Supper 3 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:28,120 Club podcast. You are joined by your Co host 4 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:32,080 Scarlett today sat on the sofa with the dog next to me. 5 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:34,720 So glory days for me. I've got nothing to complain 6 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:37,680 about today Actually I've had a well as in two days 7 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:40,560 circumstances. I've had a pretty nice 8 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:43,240 successful productive day. I've actually had a pretty 9 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:47,960 productive week since I decided last week that I was going to 10 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:52,800 open my mail. That wasn't great because I had 11 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:56,320 been avoiding that because I hadn't been around and I'd been 12 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:57,960 back and forth. And then when I got back, it 13 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,280 would be like, you know, 10 to 20 letters. 14 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,480 And I was just like, well, obviously I don't need to deal 15 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:04,200 with that. Like someone else will deal with 16 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,960 that for me at some point. And obviously no one else is 17 00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:10,520 going to deal with that for me because it's my fucking mail. 18 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:12,280 And it was actually really dragging me down. 19 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,680 And I know that sounds extreme, but it was. 20 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:18,240 And then good friend Rachel was like, look, we need to do this. 21 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:21,080 And I was like, I really don't want to do this, but I did do 22 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,560 it. And it really helped me clear my 23 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,160 mind a bit. And I feel like I've cleared the 24 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,880 path to have more successful days ahead. 25 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:31,040 So open your mail. If you don't open your mouth, 26 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,120 open your mail. What I want to talk about today, 27 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:35,520 First of all, I want to talk about New York because I haven't 28 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,480 spoken to you guys since I've been to New York. 29 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,640 And firstly, I just want to say New York is fucking incredible. 30 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,720 I've made it no secret that like, America just generally 31 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,680 probably isn't my favorite place in the world right now. 32 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:52,800 And I find America as a concept sometimes quite dystopian just 33 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:57,680 because I find it so crazy that it's such like a hugely 34 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:01,280 populated and geographically spread place. 35 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:05,080 And then you just have one president controlling like the 36 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,120 whole area. And I know that obviously 37 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:10,080 there's lots of layers to the politics within that and how 38 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:13,480 it's divided up, but like, ultimately it falls down to one 39 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:17,000 person, which like, for me is insane because it is just so 40 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,640 huge and different. But I went to New York and I 41 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:23,120 can't lie, I loved it. And it's given me a lot to think 42 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,760 about because I love London. Like, I really love London and I 43 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,680 love where I live in London. Like I live in West London 44 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,320 around Notting Hill and I just, I love it. 45 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:35,560 Like I love the vibe here. I love that everything's on my 46 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:38,160 doorstep. I love that it's architecturally 47 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,200 beautiful. There's great bars, there's 48 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,680 great restaurants, all my friends are here, there's parks, 49 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:47,200 there's good coffee shops. Like there's so much amazing 50 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,760 stuff where I live. But when I got to New York, like 51 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,840 I went for the podcast and for our events. 52 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,520 And if you don't know, we are bringing lesbian supper club to 53 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:57,920 New York, but I'll get into that. 54 00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:00,480 I know I'd like New York because I knew it would be like a 55 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:04,080 version of London. But honestly, when I got there, 56 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:06,880 I was like, fucking how? Like this is actually set. 57 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:09,560 Like it just, I don't know, just the vibe there. 58 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:13,440 And it just felt like whatever London has, you kind of have it 59 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,440 better in New York. And I know that that wouldn't go 60 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,680 for like everything, but the restaurants that I saw and it 61 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:22,360 just felt like everything was like London, but just bigger and 62 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:26,280 like kind of better. And New Yorkers I really liked 63 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,760 as well. And I went over to Brooklyn and 64 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,280 that was really cool. And like West Village was really 65 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:35,440 fucking cool. Tribeca was cool, Soho was cool. 66 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:39,280 Like I had amazing food. The bagels were incredible. 67 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:42,040 When you kind of lift your head up and you look upwards, you 68 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,680 just see this. I don't know, it's just like an 69 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:48,640 amazing energy. So New York is a big win for me, 70 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:52,080 Big winner, and I can't wait to come back more. 71 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:55,760 And leading into the events, we've secured 2 incredible 72 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:59,000 places in New York to bring Lesbian Supper Club out to New 73 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,600 York. One of which is the Mulberry and 74 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:06,120 the other is a place in Brooklyn, The Simple Cafe, which 75 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:10,360 is owned by a really incredible French Algerian lesbian who's 76 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:13,480 also an incredible chef. And I can't wait to just come 77 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:17,720 out and kind of deliver 2 very different nights and see what 78 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:21,079 New York crossover with Lesbian Supper Club looks like. 79 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,840 And it's, I think it's going to be pretty cool. 80 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,920 I think it's going to be a lot of fun. 81 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:31,040 And I'm so excited to just see how Lesbian Supper Club kind of 82 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,720 fits outside of London. Because I know that there's so 83 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:36,880 many of you guys that have followed the podcast for so long 84 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,360 and followed the events for so long. 85 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:40,560 And you've been asking. And I know it's not just New 86 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,160 York. And believe me, we've we're 87 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:46,360 really, really now laying the foundations as to how we step up 88 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,960 and expand and where we're going next. 89 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:53,240 And there is a lot of positive conversations in the pipeline, 90 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:55,120 not only surrounding the podcast. 91 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,200 We are finalizing some really amazing things where the podcast 92 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,640 is concerned. And we're having some really 93 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,280 exciting, incredible conversations where the events 94 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:05,280 are concerned. And there's also lots of other 95 00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:09,160 things that sit alongside that as well, which I'm just really 96 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,000 excited to put out there to the world. 97 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,520 Because I think dealing with what we're dealing with 98 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,440 politically around the world right now and being silenced and 99 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,200 marginalised groups being silenced, just generally being 100 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:23,320 able to kind of spread our wings wider in this time just really 101 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,880 does. It means a lot to me that I feel 102 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:28,920 like I'm in a space that I can do that and bring that to this 103 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,240 community. But it also means a lot to me 104 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:34,960 how much you guys like you come and you show up and you support 105 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:38,000 and you feedback and you're always there and you're always 106 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,200 bringing good energy and you're always commenting on this 107 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:43,320 podcast or you're following the page and you're engaging with 108 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,200 us. And that's what enables us to go 109 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:49,440 out and be Lesbian Supper Club outside of London and to speak 110 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:51,960 about the things that we speak about and to bring these events 111 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:57,040 further and wider than we ever thought possible because we've 112 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,920 got such an incredible community. 113 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,960 And that's down to every single one of you. 114 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,960 So I do just want to say again, like, thank you. 115 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:08,720 Because we do, me and Freya do put in a lot of fucking blood, 116 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:11,840 sweat and tears into this whole brand. 117 00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:14,480 Like I am tired a lot of the time. 118 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,000 And I'm not complaining. But you know, this is like our 119 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,480 baby and I care about it so much because I care about this 120 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,720 community so much. And I stress myself out everyday 121 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:25,520 thinking that I'm like dropping the ball or I'm not doing 122 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,360 enough, I'm not delivering enough, or I'm missing speaking 123 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:30,440 on something, or fuck, we've missed this. 124 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:33,240 And are we showing up in the right way or we need to be 125 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:34,880 showing up here? And it's a lot. 126 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,600 It is a lot. But I think like it comes down 127 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,440 to all of us. We're just trying to do our bit 128 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,440 in a really big landscape of the world. 129 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:45,120 And I am just grateful that we're able to do it and we're 130 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,440 able to kind of have this experience with everyone. 131 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:51,360 So yes, thank you to everyone listening and thank you to 132 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,520 everyone that supports. What else have I been up to? 133 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:56,680 Yeah, that's basically it. It's like New York. 134 00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:59,840 The events over here have been incredible as usual. 135 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:03,720 We've actually got a karaoke night tomorrow, so by the time 136 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,720 this goes out, it would have happened because I'm recording 137 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,000 this on Wednesday and the karaoke night is tomorrow. 138 00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:10,360 That's going to be fun. It's at this place called My 139 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,160 Aggie. It's a new place that's opened 140 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:16,200 in central London and it's very Lesbian Supper Club coded like 141 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:18,560 the vibe. And I'm really like think it's 142 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:21,480 just gonna bring again, like another layer, something 143 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:25,160 different to what queer events look like or what Lesbian Supper 144 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:27,240 Club does. And how we kind of spread our 145 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,960 wings and diversify ourselves and become something for 146 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:33,880 everyone, whilst also presenting ourselves in our very like raw, 147 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:38,360 authentic way, which is we're a group of women, non binary folk 148 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:42,320 who are cool and we're successful and we show up for 149 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:44,960 each other and we're all intelligent and we don't need 150 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,720 men basically. And that's what I love about 151 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:50,760 this community as well as I feel like we've built such like a 152 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,440 strong narrative between ourselves. 153 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:55,680 But I'm going to stop rambling on the events and the podcast, 154 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:58,160 but I do like to kind of give you guys always like a little 155 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:01,640 life update and just an update on where we're at to keep you 156 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:06,160 informed because it is hard to kind of use social sometimes to 157 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,480 give insight and updates as to where we're going and where 158 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:10,760 we're headed and what we're doing. 159 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:13,840 But what I wanted to come on and talk about today is something 160 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,280 that I've touched on it before in other episodes. 161 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:19,000 But I want to actually really dig deep into this because I've 162 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:22,040 been thinking about it a lot, which is the whole am IA man 163 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:25,440 hating lesbian thing or being called a man hating lesbian. 164 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:28,920 And I've mentioned previously, of course, I'm not a man hating 165 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:32,919 lesbian, but it's really weird because, and again, without 166 00:08:32,919 --> 00:08:35,200 making this podcast too political, but I think 167 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,799 everything in this world is political. 168 00:08:36,799 --> 00:08:39,280 Everything we say, everything we do, how we show up in the world 169 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:42,280 is, is political. And I do believe that whether 170 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:45,720 for good or bad or indifferent, I don't think any of us can walk 171 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:50,200 through the world freely without politics or a political agenda 172 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:54,800 slash landscape or current climate affecting us or kind of 173 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:58,240 guiding us on the daily. I do truly believe that. 174 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:02,520 And I have noticed over the last, I'd say primarily six 175 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:07,360 months actually, since the world has become sadly just the 176 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,080 epitome of what I can only explain as a shit show. 177 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:15,600 I myself have had more degrading and difficult and just 178 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:19,280 unacceptable conversations and experiences with men in the last 179 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:23,920 six months than I reckon I've had overall in the last 8 to 10 180 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:26,240 years. And that is genuinely no 181 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,760 exaggeration. And I've been thinking a lot 182 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:32,280 recently about this, the whole man hating lesbian term. 183 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:36,600 And actually I just want to say I don't think any lesbians are 184 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:40,120 man hating lesbians really. I think men hate us and 185 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,880 therefore we turn into man hating lesbians. 186 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:46,680 Now let me explain that again. Preface this whole thing by 187 00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:51,040 saying I speak with and work with and have friendships with 188 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:57,280 and family members that I talk to regularly who are men who I 189 00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:02,520 love to pieces and I know love me wholly and support me and 190 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,920 accept who I am and would do anything for me. 191 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,960 And a good people and a good man. 192 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:13,920 I've got absolutely no issue with kind of spreading love to 193 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:17,200 those people. I have been working with and 194 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:21,360 engaging with men both inside and outside of this podcast more 195 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,280 so than ever recently. And they've been some of my best 196 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:26,400 conversations and biggest advocates. 197 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:31,240 And then in my personal life, I have very good male friends and 198 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:34,680 guy friends that I actually truly, genuinely love spending 199 00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:37,400 time with. But teamed into that has also 200 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:42,600 been, as I say, a rise of more deeply rooted misogynistic, 201 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:48,160 sexist, just fucking semi homophobic conversations than I 202 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,240 have had in, yeah, probably the last decade. 203 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:57,320 And I do believe it's because what we consume and what is put 204 00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:01,480 around us now in the world is gradually or is able to 205 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:05,360 gradually turn the tide on how we'd usually present ourselves 206 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:08,640 without us even realizing it. And I want to break that down. 207 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:12,200 And I'm not making excuses for these guys, but I do think with 208 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:15,680 the uprise of some political figures and how they use social 209 00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:19,880 media to get into the minds of people is extremely clever. 210 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,680 And I think it works effectively. 211 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:26,840 Very, very, very well. And sadly, the outcome of that 212 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:30,600 is that marginalized groups and communities like ourselves have 213 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,160 to deal with the backlash of that. 214 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:36,600 So let me give you a couple of examples of why I'm a man hating 215 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:42,120 lesbian because men hate US. One of which is that I was on 216 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:46,520 public transport with a friend a few weeks back and this friend 217 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:50,280 basically fell asleep on my shoulder and this friend was 218 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:53,080 ill. And I'm always kind of looking 219 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,200 around me on public transport anyway, when it's kind of later 220 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,600 in the evening just because, well, I want to say I'm hyper 221 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,600 vigilant. And I, I am hyper vigilant 222 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,000 because that's how they've made us be, right? 223 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:06,120 And I'm looking around, keeping my eyes peeled, and this guy 224 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:08,000 gets on. He's like an older guy. 225 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,880 I want to say he's in his 50s, but he could have been older. 226 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:14,200 And I see him like, look us up and down and bet by the way, 227 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:17,200 this person was literally just leaning on my fucking shoulder. 228 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,120 That is literally what was happening. 229 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:22,080 And it's almost like I could read his mind and he's staring 230 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,480 at me and I'm staring at him and I'm thinking, OK fucker, I'm 231 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,880 looking at you and I'm not going to break eye contact. 232 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:31,280 So you are the need to break eye contact or we just going to be 233 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,560 looking at each other for this whole trip. 234 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,560 Because one thing about me is like, I'm not going to be 235 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:39,840 intimidated by this. And he finally looks away. 236 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:42,920 I've just got this like weird suspicion when it comes to his 237 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,560 phone again. Like my gut was just going off. 238 00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:48,200 And luckily, because we were on the tube and it was dark, I 239 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,840 could see his phone in the reflection of the, like, window 240 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,520 behind him on the tube. So I was kind of like every now 241 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,320 and then having a look and he went on Twitter, which is now 242 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,000 what? XI didn't use it. 243 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,840 He went on that media platform anyway and was scrolling along. 244 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:04,360 So I was kind of like, OK, fine. He, you know, he's doing what he 245 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,840 wants to do. And then the next thing I look 246 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:10,560 over and I see he's brought his camera and he's pointing it 247 00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:12,640 directly at my feet and he's recording. 248 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:15,760 And I'm thinking, OK, well I can't really do anything right 249 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,800 now. But then he starts to lift his 250 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:20,840 phone up to start recording me. And my friend and I just looked 251 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,120 over at him and said, what the fuck are you doing? 252 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,200 And straight away he shit himself because obviously he 253 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,840 didn't know that I could see. And he was like, I'm not doing 254 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,080 anything. I was like, listen, dumb fuck, 255 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:34,160 your phone screen is literally reflecting in the window behind 256 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:35,800 you. I can see what you're doing. 257 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,200 Why are you recording me? I'm not recording you. 258 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:41,360 I was like, are you stupid? Like I know that you're 259 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,560 recording me because I've literally just told you. 260 00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:45,880 I've witnessed you do it. I'm asking you why? 261 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,720 And he was like, well, it's not illegal to record people. 262 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:51,680 I was like, again, that's not what I'm saying, is it? 263 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:55,880 I'm asking you why not telling you it's illegal, although I'm 264 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,600 pretty sure there is some pretty strict regulations around it, 265 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:01,080 which I actually need to look into for next time because no 266 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,320 doubt there fucking will be. And we're going back and forth 267 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,680 and I'm like, are you like, literally, are you OK? 268 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:08,080 What, What is your problem? Like we're all just sat on the 269 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:09,600 tube here. It's late at night, What's the 270 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,360 issue? And he looks up to me and goes, 271 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,280 man should be laid with woman, woman shouldn't be laid with 272 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:17,480 women. And I was like, Oh my, here we 273 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,480 go. Here we go. 274 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:23,200 I was like, dude, Duff, like literally what are you talking 275 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:24,760 about? That could have been a guy laid 276 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:25,920 up. It could have been a guy laid in 277 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,840 my shoulder. I could have been a guy, a girl 278 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,920 laid on a guy's shoulder. Like it was so innocent. 279 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,680 I can't even explain to you. And this is again where I'm 280 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:38,000 like, you literally hate me for watching my friend lay on my 281 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,280 shoulder. For what? 282 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:43,240 What are you watching as a man of you know, some life 283 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:47,720 experience that you were getting on a public space on public 284 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:52,120 transport and you were recording innocent people, one of whom is 285 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:55,880 literally asleep. Like what the fuck is wrong with 286 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:57,840 you? I can't fathom. 287 00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,280 Anyway, we were going back and forth and I could feel myself 288 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,160 getting more and more worked up and I was like, you need to 289 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:04,400 delete that right now. And he was going back and forth 290 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,800 and he wouldn't. And this older chap actually who 291 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:10,440 was sat next to him and opposite me was like, well, my wife's 292 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:13,040 asleep on my shoulder. So why aren't you recording us? 293 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,160 Which kudos to that guy, like thank you. 294 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,600 And he was just like, it's wrong. 295 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,720 It's wrong, it's wrong, bro. What do you mean? 296 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,440 Like if we were, it still doesn't make it right. 297 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,040 But if this was someone that I was seeing or someone that I was 298 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,600 with, we're making out on the tube and he's offended by it 299 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:31,360 still. I would be having an argument 300 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,120 with him, but it would just be a slightly different one. 301 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:37,000 But what is happening in the world where this guy thinks that 302 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,480 he can get on a train and just record people? 303 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,160 So we're going back and forth and then eventually this like 304 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,920 young lad gets up and was like, bruv, you need to get off at the 305 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:49,240 next stop. And only when he said that did 306 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:52,320 this guy get up and and leave because I at this point, like I 307 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,200 was losing my mind a bit. I can't lie. 308 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:58,720 So that is scenario one, why I actually hate them because that 309 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,120 guy gave me a reason to hate him. 310 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:01,920 Then do you see this? That he could have come on, sat 311 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,520 down, I could have had a chat with him, but no, no, he's got 312 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:06,760 to come on and think that he's got divine right to pull out his 313 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:12,000 phone and start recording me. So reason number one reason #2 314 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:15,520 is when they approached in our own spaces. 315 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:18,480 So I know this used to happen in Soho a lot, and thankfully it 316 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:21,720 never happens at LSE. You know, Lisas Portobello, 317 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,680 which is where we host one of our nights. 318 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,920 We've got security there. Not that we really need it, but 319 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,840 I'm just so glad that we do have it and we, we never have a 320 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,320 problem. You know, you get the odd like 321 00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:37,240 local person who is probably on some form of substance come by, 322 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,400 but it's not homophobic. It's not charged in any other 323 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,680 way than they're just having the time off their lives on one 324 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:44,640 thing or another. And then we have a separate 325 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,240 place which is another pub around the corner. 326 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:50,280 And what's amazing about that is like it's completely closed off. 327 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:53,280 But again, we had it like a few months ago where we'd left the 328 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,760 pub and these group of young Irish lads have got winds that 329 00:16:56,760 --> 00:17:00,680 it was a it was a queer party. And as a group of us are walking 330 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:04,119 back, they start basically saying like dirty dykes and all 331 00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:06,720 of that stuff. And like, we're not the type. 332 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,160 They keep walking the group, so to speak. 333 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:12,839 So again, they had the the wrath of all of our tempers. 334 00:17:12,839 --> 00:17:16,280 And we're very much a group of girls who like maybe sometimes 335 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:20,560 to our own detriment, we'll stand there and fight as in give 336 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:23,079 it back. But again, I can't walk away 337 00:17:23,079 --> 00:17:25,920 from injustice like that. And they were just saying like, 338 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,280 you're fucking disgusting. You're this and you're that. 339 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:31,440 And like also then trying to take the piss and OK, these were 340 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,120 a bunch of like 18 year old lads. 341 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,360 Do I care? No, I don't. 342 00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:35,800 Like you're old enough to know better. 343 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,880 We'll sit there and just absolutely go in. 344 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:41,560 And again, it's like you're a group of people that are coming 345 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:45,160 to another group of people and just throwing shit at us For 346 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:46,400 what? Literally for what? 347 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:47,680 Like why are you interested in me? 348 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:49,280 Why do you care? Get on with your life. 349 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:52,560 Like, if you think we're so disgraceful and disgusting, why 350 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:53,680 would you want to engage with us? 351 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:57,320 And again, it's this like obsession with men where they 352 00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,240 just think that they have rights. 353 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,800 And well, The thing is, is they do have rights. 354 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,640 Because again, like I've mentioned this before, they've 355 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,920 been told their whole fucking life that they can just 356 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,120 sometimes behave in these ways and get away with it. 357 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:11,520 And sadly, statistically, it shows that they do get away with 358 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:14,040 it a lot of the time. And then the third and final one 359 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:22,240 for me is guys who basically cannot fathom the fact that two 360 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:28,320 women or just single lesbians or queer women could exist very, 361 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:32,600 very happily in the world with good financial security and 362 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:35,640 stability. A really good group of friends. 363 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:39,480 Happiness, be hot, be successful in their job. 364 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,240 Have a shit load of animals. Volunteer. 365 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,200 Have a fucking massive group of friends. 366 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:48,160 Go out every weekend, can cook, can fix their own fucking car, 367 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:51,680 can ride motorbikes, can decorate their own house, can, I 368 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:55,040 don't know, fucking go to the gym and lift heavier than them. 369 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,840 We can do all of those things by ourselves. 370 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:00,840 We don't need you. And that's not to say that men 371 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,080 and women don't need to exist in the world like whatever, that's 372 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:06,360 a whole other separate debate. But in this instance right now 373 00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:09,200 or in this community, like we don't need you. 374 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,880 Of course, if you want to get nuanced about or what about when 375 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:15,080 you go to the doctor, Yes. But what I'm saying is that in 376 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:19,320 the way in which society works, where we are told generally 377 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:23,720 still women does this, men does that, here are your binaries, 378 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,640 here are your generals. Yes, OK, we could argue in some 379 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,720 way, shape or form, sometimes it gets better. 380 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,800 The cup is tipping in, in some ways, etcetera, etcetera. 381 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,880 The rise of women's football, for example. 382 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:38,160 But let's just speak like, broadly on general terms here 383 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:42,560 for argument's sake, that lesbians can and do exist in the 384 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,600 world happily without male involvement. 385 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:50,400 And there is something really that nags them about that. 386 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:55,160 And I've had a lot of conversations recently with men 387 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:59,400 who it's not even necessarily now about my sexuality. 388 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:06,400 I see them almost like crumble within when I say to them, oh, 389 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:10,760 yeah, I do this. And like basically me and Freya 390 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,600 do it on our own with Liv layered on top and. 391 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:15,640 Yeah, no, we do it all on our own. 392 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:20,120 And they're like, yeah, but no, no, no, like we do that. 393 00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:22,400 No, I, I do that. And then they start trying to 394 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,000 talk to me about like commercial stuff. 395 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,520 And I'm like, yeah, no, that's what I used to do for a job. 396 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,920 I know. Although they start talking to 397 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:32,160 me about finance and I'm like, yeah, no, I know. 398 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:35,560 Or yeah, I've got an accountant, like thank you. 399 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:39,440 And they, every time they try to mansplain something to me, it 400 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,560 just doesn't work. And you kind of see them start 401 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:46,120 to, to crumble. And look, I can have like 402 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,320 conversations with guys around business. 403 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:52,560 I love talking to, to people about business and, and business 404 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:55,160 ideas and strategy. And you know, what do you do? 405 00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,600 Oh great, like I do this and coming in and collabing. 406 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:01,440 And again, there's a guy that I spoke to recently who I actually 407 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:04,680 really love as a person. And me and him was speaking for 408 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,120 ages because he used to work in the alcohol industry. 409 00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:09,520 And so we were just having general chit chat. 410 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,920 And he's a person who comes and did it and approaches it with 411 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:17,400 open and is like not emasculated by the fact that I don't need 412 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,400 him. But 95% of the time that's 413 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,400 actually not the case. And they come at it and then 414 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:26,480 they, you see them start to unravel when they can't almost 415 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,280 like Filiga. And then then they kind of start 416 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:33,640 to make like really kind of asshole E type jokes about 417 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,560 sometimes then coming for the way that you look, which is 418 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:40,080 like, OK, bro, like your hairline's on your neck or do 419 00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,120 you? I don't want to be that person, 420 00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,800 but do you know what I mean? It's like, why when you can't 421 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,840 get the better of me and something that you usually like 422 00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:50,520 be basing your whole existence on because you think you're 423 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:54,640 better than you can't get your like way in that conversation 424 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:57,160 and try and talk down to me. So then you're going to make it 425 00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,280 about appearances. And then when they can't make it 426 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:04,120 about anything like that, like they, they can't get to you in 427 00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:08,480 any of those ways, they hit you with the well, you've just not 428 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:13,600 had the right Dick yet. Like, come on, we're not like 429 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,040 bro, I do. And this is my new thing I've 430 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,360 got to say. And it's so bad when you say bro 431 00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:22,240 to them, Oh, they don't like it. So this is a new thing for me. 432 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:25,280 And it's like, well, but that's not the case though, is it? 433 00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:28,080 Like clearly that's not the problem here. 434 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:33,640 Like the very matter of fact is I am just not attracted to you 435 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:37,640 and I can like you as a person and think that you could be a 436 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,600 great individual, but I'm just not attracted to you. 437 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:44,520 And that's got nothing to do with me not having the right 438 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,520 version of what you're saying that you can offer. 439 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:52,600 I literally am not attracted to you in any way, shape or form. 440 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:57,720 And you feel the type of way that because we as a collective 441 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:02,080 or as a group, AKA lesbians, don't have that attraction to 442 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,920 you and you can't fathom that's just because we actually just 443 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,120 don't like you. And not because we've had bad 444 00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:11,440 experiences with men or, you know, haven't found the right 445 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:12,960 guy. No, no, no, no. 446 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,120 We literally just don't want you. 447 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,560 And because we don't want you, and you know that we don't want 448 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:21,720 you and don't desire you, you also realise that we then 449 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,440 probably don't need you. Because sadly, the two do 450 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:29,080 historically go hand in hand. Where it's almost like the woman 451 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:32,240 is kind of taught to seek after the man. 452 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,320 And then the man will come in and sweep you off your feet and 453 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:39,960 provide XY and Z and all you have to do is love him and care 454 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,240 for him and be there on his hand and foot. 455 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:46,480 Whereas lesbians are sat there going well I ain't ever going to 456 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,840 do that. So if I'm not going to lick a 457 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:52,200 man's arse, I'm going to need to step outside and actually do all 458 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:55,080 the shit for myself. And that's just what we do. 459 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:59,200 And because we do do that as a group just generally and like, 460 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:01,680 you know, at the events or speaking more to this community, 461 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:08,320 like I meet regularly now, so many inspiring, incredible women 462 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:12,880 who have just worked their fucking arse off to get to the 463 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:16,240 top and to get where they are and to be self-sufficient and to 464 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:20,240 not rely on any guy or need any man to have helped them with 465 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:24,600 their career or financially or with the home or, you know, in 466 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:28,240 any way, shape or form. And it's like such an it is like 467 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:31,880 almost liberation. And again, I need to say like, 468 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:35,720 circle this back and say this is not me saying men don't need to 469 00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:38,000 exist. Of course it isn't like is that 470 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,000 would be like saying that human shouldn't exist. 471 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,680 Like, like I say, some of the best collaborations and 472 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:46,480 conversations I have are with men, but these are a type of man 473 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,800 who, like respect that we can be equal. 474 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,400 And that's what it's about. It's like we can be equal. 475 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:58,160 Whereas a lot of the time there is still that kind of historical 476 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,800 societal binary where men and women are concerned that whether 477 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:05,000 they acknowledge it or not, they think that they've got an upper 478 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,800 hand. And when they meet a lesbian and 479 00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:10,520 that's not the case, they just can't fucking handle it. 480 00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,200 And then we end up having to suffer the consequences, which 481 00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:16,120 is them either then saying widely inappropriate shit, 482 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,680 ignoring what we say entirely and just pretending that pretend 483 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:23,960 that we're like a farce or just speaking shit or B result to 484 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,960 kind of like taking the piss and trying to make us into a joke, 485 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,000 which obviously none of which work. 486 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:32,040 And they if you're anything like me, they just end up making a 487 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,400 fucking fool of themselves. But yeah, back to the kind of 488 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:37,040 original appointment of this is like, this is what I've been 489 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,240 thinking about. Am IA man hating lesbian or do 490 00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:41,360 men hate us? And actually, I think we're men 491 00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:44,000 hating lesbians or man hating lesbians. 492 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:47,200 Sorry, because they've given us reason to like, I don't walk 493 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:51,280 down the street thinking you man, or, you know, get on a call 494 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,960 with a with anyone or any type of business and think, well, 495 00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:55,360 there's a guy in the room. I don't want to speak. 496 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:56,960 Of course, I'm never thinking that. 497 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,880 A lot of or actually not a lot of the time. 498 00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:02,240 All of the time. My anger and my quote UN quote 499 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:06,520 man hating lesbian tendencies are off the back of something 500 00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:10,280 they've fucking done. Like tell me that they would 501 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:15,080 turn me or like, tell me that lesbians can't have good sex or 502 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:19,520 tell me that I need them business wise or financially or, 503 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,040 you know, oh, they love to say about the baby thing as well, 504 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,080 which is we'll save that for another day. 505 00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:28,240 And it's like, that's that's why I'm pissed off. 506 00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:31,600 Because the difference, again, I think between lesbians and 507 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:34,720 straight women is that straight women are still like, you know, 508 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,880 kind of when you're back when, when you're bound into that, 509 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:41,000 it's like that's your life. And I, and I, I get it. 510 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,680 It's like it's easier to fall into those roles and a lot of 511 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:46,040 people like those roles as well. And I actually really respect 512 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:47,280 that. And I think even in lesbian 513 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:50,320 relationships, you know, we come up with, with roles, it looks 514 00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,600 slightly different because in a lot of scenarios, of course we 515 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,440 wouldn't be calling it quote UN quote gender roles, but we have 516 00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:58,360 that as well, which I, I do absolutely understand. 517 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:02,160 But I think they can't see how it just works without them. 518 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,640 And then that breeds like them to dislike us. 519 00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,560 And there is like, I feel like a real anger from them sometimes 520 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,400 when I talk to them and like a real fucking frustration and 521 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:15,240 like a real just disdain for me. I can feel it. 522 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,720 And then off the back of that I'm then pissed off because I'm 523 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,480 annoyed that again, they think they're having an original 524 00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:24,120 conversation. And I'm going to say it bro, 525 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:26,600 I've had this conversation probably 100 plus times. 526 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:29,320 Like I've got a fucking script at this point. 527 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,480 None of you are unique with what you're saying. 528 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:34,800 You're not coming at it from a nuanced angle where I'm like, Oh 529 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,560 my God, you've just opened my world up. 530 00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:41,680 Had only I have known this 13 years ago, I would never have 531 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,520 become a lesbian. News fucking flash, you are 532 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:48,440 literally repeating the same fucking script from the dude 533 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:50,360 that I had the same conversation with last week. 534 00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,160 And that's why I'm annoyed and that's why I get frustrated 535 00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,440 because that's why I am all of these ways and that's why you 536 00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:58,440 could probably class me as a man hating lesbian. 537 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,440 I'm not until you give me reason to. 538 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:04,080 And then on top of that, let's take it out of the day today and 539 00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,120 take it up level. A lot of the reason why the 540 00:28:06,120 --> 00:28:07,880 world is fucked is because of men. 541 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,680 Fact, Like a literal fucking fact. 542 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:14,960 They run the shop, you know, they run a lot of like political 543 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:20,000 systems, big businesses, pharmaceuticals, oil, like a lot 544 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:24,720 of the huge like crux of where problems are in the world is 545 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,360 generally male dominated or male LED. 546 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:30,120 Again, I'm not stupid enough to not think that. 547 00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:33,240 There's also some really incredible men that have stood 548 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:37,440 up and have done incredible things for change and that 549 00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:40,840 inspire me. Long pause. 550 00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:43,760 Me trying to figure out who David Attenborough, for example, 551 00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:47,120 incredible, Martin Luther King, incredible. 552 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:52,560 Like there's historically been so many amazing and continues to 553 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:57,080 be so many amazing men and advocates for the right things 554 00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:59,520 in this world. And also just incredible, 555 00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:03,760 amazing straight men who I have actually really engaging and 556 00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:08,360 honest conversations with when it comes to sexuality, gender. 557 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:11,560 And they may walk into it not knowing, but they always open 558 00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:14,120 the conversation with grace. And I'm happy to have those 559 00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:16,600 conversations. Sadly, it just doesn't happen a 560 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:19,400 lot of the time. And that's where I get pissed 561 00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:21,920 off and that's where I turn to a man hating lesbian. 562 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:25,200 And as I said at the start of this is like I'm feeling it more 563 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,600 recently because I do think, and I don't know if it's the 564 00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:29,160 experience of anyone listening as well. 565 00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,440 And I'd actually love to hear like please comment and let me 566 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:34,600 know where sometimes I gaslight myself and I'm like, is it in my 567 00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:37,480 head or has it got worse since the world has felt like it 568 00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:40,120 started to rollback? And for me, it generally does 569 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:43,400 feel like it has gotten worse since the world has sadly 570 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:46,080 started to rollback. And I'd be interested to know if 571 00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:51,600 any of you guys have kind of had similar experiences since there 572 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:55,360 has been a shift over the last, you know, realistically 18 573 00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:58,960 months, but I'd say more intensely the last six. 574 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:03,120 And yeah, that's kind of my food for thought on today around am 575 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:06,880 IA man hating lesbian or actually do men hate us? 576 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:12,320 And I would love to hear your kind of comments and insight and 577 00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:14,840 what you think about that because this is just my take. 578 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:18,520 And as usual, I'm not trying to pretend that it's my way or the 579 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:22,200 highway or that I know best or that my take on this is, is 580 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,800 correct. It's just something that's I've 581 00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,440 been having conversations with myself about it the last couple 582 00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:32,680 of weeks and working out why I get to that point and why I am 583 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,280 so quick to jump. And I think that I'm just tired. 584 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:39,480 And I'm kind of happy to be labeled a man hating lesbian in 585 00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:41,120 a lot of ways. Because it's like, if you're 586 00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:44,320 that silly that you've got to just put that label on us just 587 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:47,800 because we don't take shit, then I'm happy to be there. 588 00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:50,560 But I also think it's really sad because I don't then think it 589 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:54,280 leaves a lot of room for like really positive conversation and 590 00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:58,560 also really engaging, organic and nice conversations that I 591 00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:03,160 have with straight men. But moving on now to our Horror 592 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:06,360 Story of today. So this is less of a Horror 593 00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:09,400 Story and more I would say of a, well, it is horror because 594 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:12,240 heartbreak is horror, but more of a, you know, this is actually 595 00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:14,400 really sad. And let me see if I can help 596 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:18,080 rather than a let's laugh at how disgraceful we all are as a 597 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:19,960 collective. So this person wrote in and said 598 00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:21,720 hi. I'm currently going through the 599 00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:24,000 breakup of my 11 year relationship. 600 00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:26,840 Ouch. Me and my ex met when we were 21 601 00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:28,640 and we've had an amazing time together. 602 00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,400 We ran a business, have travelled a town, had pets 603 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:33,840 together, the full shebang. This sounds quite familiar 604 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:35,640 girls, doesn't it? But something changed in the 605 00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:38,240 last couple of years. I lost the sexual spark and then 606 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,640 she lost the emotional spark and we've just been unable to please 607 00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,800 each other ever since. Two weeks ago we had the big 608 00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:47,240 horrible chat. We spoke openly about how we 609 00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,800 both weren't happy in different ways and how it doesn't feel 610 00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:51,520 like there's anything that can be done. 611 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:54,960 We both really love each other and want the other to be happy. 612 00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:57,800 And it went well. It was civil, respectful, and 613 00:31:57,800 --> 00:31:59,200 loving. I couldn't have wished for a 614 00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:01,960 nicer breakup, which is actually quite nice to hear for this 615 00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:04,400 community because we all know that doesn't happen often. 616 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:08,240 Since then, my ex in brackets, I hate calling her this, seems to 617 00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:10,560 be thriving. I however, am really fucking 618 00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:12,360 struggling. I know this is for the best but 619 00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:14,160 I just feel like my heart has been ripped out. 620 00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:17,040 I'm just in deep mourning for the life we had and the plans we 621 00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:19,120 had made. It's so so hard. 622 00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:22,240 And then to top off, fucking Chapel Roan releases a lesbian 623 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:24,640 breakup anthem a week after we break up. 624 00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,120 I want to throw up every time the subway comes on. 625 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:29,120 Sorry it's not funny but we just. 626 00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:31,400 I can relate. Not now, but I would have been 627 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:33,160 able to relate. But I can't stop playing it and 628 00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:36,440 torturing myself basically. Does it get better and if so 629 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:38,240 when and how do I make it quicker? 630 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:41,600 I hate this and I'm considering romantic retirement for the rest 631 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:44,280 of my days because I surely cannot believe in love again 632 00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:45,760 after this. It's fucking rank. 633 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:49,800 First of all, you will be OK. I can say that with every single 634 00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:52,960 fibre of my being an insurance. It may take a while. 635 00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,320 You may be listening to this now thinking, well I wrote that in a 636 00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:57,320 few weeks ago and I still feel shit. 637 00:32:57,560 --> 00:32:59,560 Great. You may, you may for another two 638 00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:03,040 months, three months, five months, even 8 months a year. 639 00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:05,240 But it will be OK. You will come through the other 640 00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:07,000 side. The tide will always change. 641 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:10,320 It's like my new favorite quote. The tide will always change and 642 00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:12,320 that goes for good and bad in life. 643 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:14,760 And the first thing I want to say when I talk about this as 644 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:17,640 well, actually, before we go into the lesbian breakup issues, 645 00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:20,400 life will always have ups and downs. 646 00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,960 There will always be good, there will always be bad, there'll 647 00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:26,120 always be happy days, sad days. Someone's always going to die, 648 00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:27,560 someone's always going to be born. 649 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:29,440 You're going to fall in love, you're going to go through 650 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,160 heartbreak, you're going to get the job that you want and then 651 00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:34,680 you may get sacked. This is a part of life and we 652 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:38,680 can't control those things and we cannot absolve ourselves of 653 00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:42,160 going through these things because they are just the very 654 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:47,520 real reality realities and harsh realities of life, both good and 655 00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:49,920 bad. And so I think for me, when I 656 00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:53,640 went through everything that I went through primarily last year 657 00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:57,440 a little bit before and actually a good chunk of this year was 658 00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,640 that it wasn't nothing for me now is actually about finding 659 00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:02,840 happiness. I know happiness will come and I 660 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:06,440 know happiness will go as I know sadness will come and sadness 661 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,320 will go. What I look for now or what I've 662 00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:11,920 tried to really, really work on for myself is peace. 663 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:14,800 Because if you can find peace and you can find peace within 664 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:18,679 yourself, that's a lot harder to break than happiness, because 665 00:34:18,679 --> 00:34:22,760 happiness is usually governed by external circumstances, as is 666 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:25,159 sadness. Peace is something that you can 667 00:34:25,159 --> 00:34:29,000 build within yourself that if you get to know yourself really 668 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,080 well, work through the things within you that trigger you and 669 00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:34,560 the things that you find difficult about day-to-day or 670 00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:38,080 big events, and you're able to create safe spaces within 671 00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,520 yourself to help with those emotions. 672 00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:44,520 When the tide changes, because the tide will always change, you 673 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,480 will be less affected by those things. 674 00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:49,320 And that doesn't mean that you won't feel hurt and you won't 675 00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:52,800 feel emotion again and that you wouldn't be really fucking sad 676 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,679 again or really happy again. What it does mean is that you 677 00:34:55,679 --> 00:34:59,200 are able to come to yourself in both moments of happiness and 678 00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,760 moments of difficulty. And I think that's a super 679 00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:04,560 difficult thing to master and it's something that I'm still 680 00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:06,880 hugely working on. But it's something that I 681 00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:09,840 believe that I have been able to build a lot more than what I had 682 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:14,880 had previously, which is now why when things happen and things do 683 00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:18,680 happen, things happen almost on a weekly, I'm less affected and 684 00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:22,240 it feels less catastrophic and chaotic because I know how to 685 00:35:22,240 --> 00:35:25,760 walk back to myself and come to myself and find peace. 686 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:29,560 And so I just kind of wanted to start off the advice to this 687 00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:33,240 person on that, which is, yes, of course, you will fall in love 688 00:35:33,240 --> 00:35:35,040 again. And you know what, you'll 689 00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:38,720 probably go through heartbreak again because that is the very 690 00:35:38,720 --> 00:35:41,760 fact of life. But it sounds to me that you 691 00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:43,800 have absolutely done the right thing. 692 00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:49,400 I think relationships do change, grow and evolve over time, no 693 00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:53,120 matter how you started off, how incredible it has been, the very 694 00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:55,480 fact again, of life. And people think that I'm really 695 00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:58,640 pessimistic say this, but, and I'm not trying to be, I just 696 00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:03,040 think it's real, is that most things do end and we put such 697 00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:06,960 negativity on ending, as if having something and living 698 00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:09,760 through something isn't just really lovely and beautiful in 699 00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:13,000 its own right. Of course, breakups are hard and 700 00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:17,120 sad, but I think we put this expectation on ourselves and 701 00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:21,160 then almost also feel like failures when things come to an 702 00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,520 end. And I think that's such a sad 703 00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:25,560 way of looking at things. And it's definitely a way that I 704 00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:26,880 look at things as well sometimes. 705 00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:29,560 And I have to kind of talk to myself or remind myself, which 706 00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:34,720 is like, you can have an amazing time with someone for years of 707 00:36:34,720 --> 00:36:38,240 your life and you can have plans and you could have so many 708 00:36:38,240 --> 00:36:42,320 beautiful experiences together and you can love them with every 709 00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:46,040 fibre of your being. And then one day it just shifts 710 00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:48,160 and you don't always need a reason. 711 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,680 And that doesn't always need to be a big shebang. 712 00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,680 And that doesn't need to be a huge or well, you've got a job 713 00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:57,440 elsewhere or we both, or you don't want children and I do, or 714 00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:00,920 you want marriage and I don't. Sometimes you can just wake up 715 00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:04,800 in the morning one day and realize you may be different. 716 00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:08,080 You may change your feelings just may not be the same. 717 00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:11,040 That's OK. That doesn't always need to be a 718 00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:12,920 reason. And I think as well, we put so 719 00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:14,920 much on, but everything wasn't that bad. 720 00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:16,720 Cool. That doesn't mean that that you 721 00:37:16,720 --> 00:37:19,200 have to stay in something, you know, as this person that's 722 00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:22,120 written and then is saying like it seems like there's a lot of 723 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,040 love there. You just kind of lost the 724 00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,360 romantic spark. That's OK. 725 00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:29,440 You're allowed to have been able to have ticked every other box 726 00:37:29,720 --> 00:37:32,640 and just a couple of boxes weren't being ticked and that 727 00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:35,600 was affecting you both. That is a reason enough to walk 728 00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,520 away. Yes, of course there are 729 00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:41,080 scenarios whereby you can work through things and if you both 730 00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:44,840 fill in your gut that it's right to stay and work through it, by 731 00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:47,760 all means go and do that. I think if we're all really 732 00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:51,600 honest with ourselves, you know, deep down when it's something 733 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:55,120 that's not right for you anymore, whether it be a job, a 734 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:58,920 friendship, a relationship, holding on to, I don't know, a 735 00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:02,280 fucking car, whether you should be going to McDonald's 3 or 4 736 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:04,640 times a week. Sometimes it's like a knowing 737 00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:08,400 and it calls on you and when it does, you can ignore it for as 738 00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:10,560 long as you like until you listen to it. 739 00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:15,680 You will stay in a cycle. And so to this person, yes of 740 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,040 course you will absolutely come through the other side. 741 00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:22,080 There's just no doubt about it. You will be OK and you will love 742 00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:25,800 again and your life will fucking go on and you will look back and 743 00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,920 think I love that person still. You'll always love that person. 744 00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:32,000 You cannot share such a huge portion of your life with 745 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,880 someone and never love them again unless they don't do you 746 00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,440 really, really dirty. And I do again truly believe 747 00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:40,360 that we hold people in our hearts for a lifetime if they've 748 00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:44,720 like had an impact on us. AB this person is part of your 749 00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:48,480 makeup and your being because you've lived with them for 11 750 00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:50,920 years. You've shared everyday with them 751 00:38:51,240 --> 00:38:54,800 amazing experiences. They are part of who you are and 752 00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:57,040 that will always just stand facts. 753 00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:00,400 But you will move on and you will get on with your life and 754 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:03,760 one day you'll sit back and go. Now I understand why that needed 755 00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:07,320 to happen, and that may take a really long time, and I'm not 756 00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:10,880 saying it wouldn't be really hard to get there, but just 757 00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:14,160 believe that you will get there. It's inevitable. 758 00:39:14,240 --> 00:39:19,080 You simply cannot and will not sit in this space because things 759 00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:23,760 around you change every day and things inside of you change 760 00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:27,920 every single day, whether it be conscious or subconscious. 761 00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:30,680 And I think we can all do things to help ourselves. 762 00:39:30,720 --> 00:39:33,720 So yes, of course, don't fucking lay in bed all day every day 763 00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:37,680 crying over the subway like we need to make active steps to get 764 00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:40,840 up and push forward and learn from these things. 765 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:44,080 But you simply will never stay stagnant in the same place with 766 00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:47,000 the same emotion because life moves around you even if you're 767 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:49,840 not moving through it. So that's my first advice is 768 00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:54,080 that yes you, you will be OK, you will be sad and then one day 769 00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:56,600 you will be OK. Believe me, you will wake up 1 770 00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:59,080 morning and you won't even realise until you've done it for 771 00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:00,960 a few mornings because this is what happened to me. 772 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:04,480 And you will suddenly just go, oh, I actually feel all right, 773 00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:07,960 like, and you can't work out how it happens or when it happens or 774 00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:11,800 why, but it just does happen. So believe that AB when you talk 775 00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:15,840 about her and how she's reacting in, in XY and Z, this is going 776 00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:18,280 to be a bit painful, but it's none of your business. 777 00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:22,000 Like firstly, there could be 1000 reasons why she's acting 778 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,440 that way. Some people shut down and go 779 00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:26,600 into fight or flight and just ignore. 780 00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:31,880 She might feel temporary relief. She may be putting on an act to 781 00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,720 try and make you feel better or make you feel worse. 782 00:40:34,720 --> 00:40:37,520 It sounds like from the kind of breakup that you had that I 783 00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:41,120 would imagine it's the former, which is she just wants to be 784 00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:44,320 happy and be OK. It could be that she's had some 785 00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,160 really great news since the breakup. 786 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:49,200 It could be a whole host of things. 787 00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:52,280 But realistically, it doesn't have anything to do with you. 788 00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:55,880 And I'm not saying that in a way of being like leave her alone 789 00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:57,160 doesn't have anything to do with you. 790 00:40:57,320 --> 00:40:59,600 It's not about that for yourself. 791 00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:02,920 Make it nothing to do with you because whilst you're focused on 792 00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:06,400 how she's reacting, how she's responding, what she's doing, 793 00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:10,520 you're not looking at yourself. So how can you expect to heal 794 00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:14,320 and move forward and become better and learn and walk 795 00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:17,040 through this if you're constantly looking at her? 796 00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:21,080 It's like if you're looking, you know, up at the sky when you're 797 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:23,440 walking down the street, you're probably going to run into 798 00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:26,040 something or hit something because you're not looking out 799 00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:27,920 for you. You need to look out for 800 00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:29,240 yourself. So don't. 801 00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:30,800 This is just advice for everyone. 802 00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:33,080 Generally when you go for a break up, it is natural. 803 00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:35,280 Of course it's natural to stalk their fucking social media and 804 00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:36,600 things like that. We all do it. 805 00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:38,640 I'm not going to sit here and say that I've not done it or 806 00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:40,680 I've not done it on crashes and things like that. 807 00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:44,560 Of course we're all human. Like let's not put unnecessary 808 00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:47,480 or unlikely expectations on ourselves that we're not going 809 00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:49,320 to fulfil. But if you're walking through 810 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:52,840 your day-to-day, basing your navigation through the world or 811 00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:55,800 your emotions or how you're reacting to things on how other 812 00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,920 people are doing it, you will never, ever be happy. 813 00:41:59,240 --> 00:42:03,200 Like I can truly say it from my chest that I am now in a place 814 00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:06,440 in my life where I'm not perfect, and it's not a perfect 815 00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:09,160 place at all. But going back to the initial 816 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:13,320 conversation around this advice part about finding peace is 817 00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:16,520 like, I'm not looking at what other people are doing and 818 00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,680 worrying about it and not in like AI don't care about other 819 00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:21,920 people or care about my friends or care about the people around 820 00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:23,680 me. I care if people are messaging 821 00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:26,560 me and approaching me about things, of course, but I'm not 822 00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,040 going out of my way to look at what someone else is doing on 823 00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:31,600 something called. If someone I think doesn't like 824 00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:35,520 me is looking at my Instagram stories or checking them out, 825 00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:38,480 why would I do that? There's such a waste of my time 826 00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:40,600 and waste of my energy. I've definitely done that in the 827 00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:42,080 past. I wouldn't say I've always, 828 00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:44,720 always, I've been the type of person that's like done that as 829 00:42:44,720 --> 00:42:46,160 a regular thing because I haven't. 830 00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:50,200 But I can genuinely say now I don't do that because why would 831 00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:52,360 I don't want to live my life like that? 832 00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:54,960 And I think when we go through breakups, we need to stop 833 00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:58,600 focusing on the other person. It's not worked out for whatever 834 00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:01,000 reason. And there could be 1000 reasons 835 00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:02,480 to each of you listening to this. 836 00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:06,240 Everyone situation will be slightly different, but how do 837 00:43:06,240 --> 00:43:09,240 you expect to heal and move on and become better if you're 838 00:43:09,240 --> 00:43:10,880 still looking across at what they're doing? 839 00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:14,160 And yeah, that may seem harsh and I'm not trying to make it 840 00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:16,320 seem harsh. I just think like sometimes a 841 00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:18,640 bit of tough love that you could sit down with your friends and 842 00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:19,760 go. She's posted this. 843 00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:22,320 What do you think that means? Why does it does it matter at 844 00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:23,640 this point? You're not together. 845 00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:24,920 What difference is it going to make? 846 00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:27,120 Focus on yourself. And I can promise you the moment 847 00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,440 you start doing that, you will feel different. 848 00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:32,400 And it's hard, it's hard to train your brain outside of 849 00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:35,280 those patterns. But if you can do it, it's like 850 00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:37,720 when you start doing it, it does again. 851 00:43:37,720 --> 00:43:41,520 That becomes a new habit and you will probably realize that you 852 00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:45,640 take steps forward a lot faster than what you do when you sit in 853 00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:50,200 a space of wondering why, wondering how, and still kind of 854 00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:52,080 looking over your shoulder at the other person. 855 00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:54,960 So that is my advice on 11 year lesbian breakup. 856 00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:58,240 So I am really sorry. Obviously it's awful and I don't 857 00:43:58,240 --> 00:44:00,560 wish it on my worst enemy, but it is a part of life. 858 00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:02,720 None of us are alone in it. It just happens. 859 00:44:02,720 --> 00:44:05,800 It happens all day, every day. And I always like to say that to 860 00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:07,800 myself, like none of us are special. 861 00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:10,520 This is just a part of life that happens to all of us and it's 862 00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:12,800 sad as it is. We've all all been through it 863 00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:17,320 and we all do 9 times, well actually 99999 times out of 10 864 00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:19,840 come out the other side and we learn something from it and 865 00:44:19,840 --> 00:44:22,600 we're better people for it. So that is all I have today for 866 00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:25,920 you lesbians. I hope you've enjoyed my man 867 00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:27,920 hating lesbian rant. I really want to know what you 868 00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:31,320 think and my semi kind of rant slash. 869 00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:33,400 I hope somewhat useful advice there. 870 00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:36,560 To that person that wrote in please do keep submitting your 871 00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:38,920 lesbian horror stories we need more of them. 872 00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:41,400 I can't wait to keep you guys updated on everything that's 873 00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:44,280 happening and we will see you next week. 874 00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,640 Love you so much lesbians. Speak soon. 875 00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:47,680 Goodbye.